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My name is Jesse Cruz,
but my official designation is CZ-01,
Wolf, regarding the new state amendment, CZ-517,
how do you think the local infected population
will appeal to it?
You know, Marissa, I'm not sure, yeah,
In fives minutes,
turn to channel three,
It appears the leaders of the CZ community
realize there need to be a formal order,
otherwise chaos will ensue,
Two years ago, a biological outbreak
struck my town of South Grove, California,
I'm craving something tasty tonight,
The infected went crazy,
The hunt has begun, my son,
Attacking anything that moved,
In the past week,
random street attacks have plummeted,
In this new era of coexisting,
it appears our leaders just may have found a solution,
Mom, mom, mom,
No, what are you doing? What are you doing? It stopped,
This is Sheriff Munoz's earlier press conference
just hours ago, reminding law abiding citizens
to stay indoors and safe,
I'm very proud of the CZ-517,
I'll be out with my zombie-in-arms
making sure that all kills are clean and legal,
Stay inside your preordained residential properties
or inside one of the government safety buildings,
You'll be safe there,
Good thing the studio's a government safety building,
We registered it, right?
Yes,
Yes we did, Yes, we did,
It was quickly and viciously discovered
that the only thing that could calm them down was blood,
He registered it right? - Oh, I did register it,
And for many of them, only human blood,
This one's gonna be easy,
Fresh human blood,
You have 30 seconds,
Hunters wait every Saturday night
for the clock to strike 10:00 for a local ordinance,
You have 15 seconds,
Ten,
nine,
eight,
seven,
six,
five, - Move!
[Marissa] Four,
three,
We call them the hunting hours,
a two hour free-for-all
on the streets of Southern California,
♪ What's up bussin'? ♪
♪ Because I got baggy pants and all my black asos ♪
And it's all my fault,
Buenos noches!
No bueno!
♪ Take two steps to the right and you say "What's up?" ♪
♪ Stumble out to the left 'cause you feeling drunk ♪
♪ Take it down to the floor with your elbows up ♪
Hey, Canard,
I left you something fresh inside,
Yes, yes, Good night,
Papi!
Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned,
and well, this will be my last confession,
Our sins are judged and forgiven by the higher power,
I don't think the Lord will judge me
very lightly on this one,
That's for the Lord to decide, isn't it?
Yeah,
Why have you brought alcohol into my confessional?
It's part of the story,
Continue,
I live just outside of the town,
I was coming home from work at Cholo's Cervesa,
It was my sister's birthday
and I was running late, so I decided to take a shortcut,
Hey, stopped that car, Carnales,
I want the money now,
Hold on a second, Hold on!
Hey, hey, hey!
What's going on? Is everything all right?
No, it's not, Who are you?
He lives here,
Jesse (speaking Spanish),
I can't, mom,
Yeah, I know, but it,
it's just, I got robbed today, it's 'cause I took a shortcut
and then I went through Alvers,
It was the wrong neighborhood
and the wrong day to take a shortcut,
How much do they owe you? - What'd you say?
How much do they owe you? - $650,
I got some landscaping work,
Oh, - Can you take care of that?
I'll cover you guys, Deal?
Yeah, yes sir, Of course,
Fine, It's your money,
Free country, right?
Come over and I'll cut you a check,
Be at my place first thing in the morning,
I'll show you what you do,
Okay, Thank you, sir,
What's your problem, man?
What's your problem? Why you kick them out of here?
Hey, Jesse! - Hey baby sis!
Happy birthday!
Yo, where you been? - I got held up,
Whatever,
Monstro's having a party, Let's go,
What, no, It's my sister's birthday,
How am I gonna leave my sister?
And plus, I gotta do something for the Sheriff,
Lame,
Not even for your sister's birthday?
Come on, let's go,
So once you get this all cleared out,
then I'll be able to think about laying a foundation,
Understand?
Yes sir,
Well, I'll be back at the end of the day,
I expect you to have this finished,
I will, And thank you, sir,
I really do appreciate you helping me out with this,
and I'm gonna pay you back,
Let's do a good job,
A hard day's work is more important than people think,
Will do,
All righty,
Oh, make sure you get the tree in,
Okay
Man, where to start?
The Sheriff was a good man,
The work was pretty simple,
He was clearing space to build a guest house,
The last thing he needed me to do
was clear the big apple tree in the middle of the yard,
About a foot down, I hit a box,
If only she hadn't shown up,
Yo loser, You done yet?
Not quite,
I still gotta clean all this stuff up,
I heard you got jumped by Monstro's crew,
Yeah,
Can you get my money back?
Nah man, you're the fool that went through their turf,
Why do you even like those guys?
Why do you hang out with them?
He's my cousin, that's a powerful thing,
Plus, he's cool,
I guess,
What is this?
Hey Dana, what are you doing?
Don't touch, That's the sheriff's!
Ah, Dana!
God, please forgive me,
I'm gonna commit this sin, but she stressed out my life,
And I also
I thought
you
were
the one!
I wish I can say the story ended there,
Where's Dana? - I dumped her,
I'm glad, 'cause she's a bad apple,
You did a real good job, Jesse,
Alright, I think we're done out here,
Why don't you guys get in out of the heat?
Let's go mom, Thanks Sheriff,
Thank you,
I didn't know what it was,
but I knew it was something,
and I had an obsession to find out,
♪ Inez Beats on the track ♪
Research on 137 Mayanton Avenue,
There is nothing on 137 Mayanton Avenue,
Ah!
Hey! You're Jesse Cruz, yanno?
Uh, yeah, Hey,
Where's my prima at, ese?
Uh, she uh, um,
Relax,
I'm just messing with you,
That'll be $5,00,
I got this,
She said I should pay you back a little,
You haven't seen her at all have you?
No,
She said she was heading out of town,
Have you seen her?
No, no yeah, that's,
that's what she had actually told me, too,
Thanks,
Hey! You didn't pay for that,
Oh yeah?
Yeah, You didn't pay for it,
Empty your drawer, right now,
Bria!
Thank you,
Have a nice day,
Marcos,
Anthony,
It's one store,
Don't make me tell you again,
You all right? - Yes, sir,
Gracias, Father,
My pleasure,
What's at 137 Mayanton?
Uh, sir?
You need to come with me,
Look, look, I didn't mean to, okay?
She wasn't human anymore,
and her eyes, they rolled to the back of her head
and she started bleeding,
and she's looked at me like that before,
She's told me I'm very handsome before,
but she was looking at me like really like she,
Just let me see it,
That's black magic, son,
That's behind God's back,
What is it? - It's Satan,
Well, at least related to the dark angel,
Let me tell you a story,
There was a physician that used
to own a mortuary up on a hill,
Well, one day, while wandering in the hills,
I'm gonna get you an ice cold sarsaparilla,
Yeah, only eight more hills that way
and I'm going to get you a girl!
His assistant dropped down dead,
Come on! Don't clown around!
I'll get you two sarsaparillas!
Come on, quit playing,
It's,
No!
Don't do this, because I'm not gonna
give you mouth-to-mouth,
Come on!
God!
He stayed by his body for days
waiting for an answer,
He was the best assistant I ever had,
I'm sending you this white privilege pigeon
so you'll know that I'm, I'm serious,
Please God, he was the cheapest worker I could find,
Who am I gonna find someone that will work
for a dollar a day?
Pigeon, if you go see God, will you tell him that
I never ask him for much, except for that time
I asked him to take care of my ex-old lady in a bad way,
But forgive me, if you talk to God, let him know that
I'm so sorry and to please bring my friend back,
He doesn't have a high school education
and he was the dumbest guy in the whole class,
but he had a heart of gold,
Will you tell him that? Can you remember that?
I'm serious!
God's this way!
You're the!
Where did he go?
What?
Before it was finally time to lay him to rest,
Amen,
Hey, how about anybody down there?
Can you hear me?
Who awakens my slumber?
Ah, the name's not important,
Listen, do you have the power to bring my friend back?
Well, yes, but he's dead,
He will be diseased,
and the only thing that'll sustain him is human flesh,
Well, the diseased part,
pew, you ought to smell his socks!
The human flesh part, I don't think it'll be a problem,
Bring it on,
Wait, wait, What's the catch?
The catch is he'll live forever,
That's a catch? Yeah, all right,
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Taxes are going up, so,
Okay, okay, Sounds good,
Bring it! - [Devil] Here,
Ah, it's hot!
It's supposed to be hot, it's from hell,
Oh, what's in here? - [Devil] Oh if only you knew,
Open this beneath his nose,
but anyone who breathes this in will live forever,
Yeah, What's the downside?
Living forever,
I got it for you,
Take a big breath, vato,
It worked!
But the price was blood, innocent,
Now, we'll live forever together, aye?
It said the box disappeared
and the doctor and his assistant were never seen again,
Hey, did you open that box?
No, no, no, Of course not,
Yeah, no,
Good,
Well, get this thing outta here,
and I want you to bury it,
bury it as deep as you can,
Yeah, Thank you, Father,
I know I shoulda listened, but it made me feel powerful,
I got it bro, See you tomorrow,
Okay bro, - All right,
Thanks, brother,
What you doing there, Jesse?
What's up Monstro? - What's good, Carnad?
Nothing much, just trying to get home,
That's what's up,
Damn Jesse, why you always tripping like that, bro?
Relax, Carnad,
We'll just playing, ese,
What's up homies? - What's up homie?
How you guys doing? Endo,
How you doing youngster?
Hey, you chillin' with Jesse?
I'm gonna get him back,
You gonna be ready to spit tonight?
You best be, Tiendes?
Tiendeo,
All right, Endo, Honestly bro,
Don't go soft on us again,
Come on,
We'll get you guys the usual,
Make 'em cold, G, Make em cold,
That's right,
I really didn't know what it would do,
but they were the type of fools
that just needed to get dealt with,
What's up guys? How's it goin'?
What up, homie? Bitch, how you doin'?
You know I got you, I got you,
♪ You know I'm down to ride ♪
♪ And I will ♪
♪ You always on my mind ♪
♪ To you, I'm too ♪
♪ Daddy can I hide? ♪
♪ That's what we do ♪
♪ Yeah, that's what we do ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ You say you down to ride ♪
♪ Well you gonna have to show me ♪
♪ I'm gonna take you real high ♪
♪ Getting faded off the OG ♪
♪ Keep the stack ♪
♪ What I'm saying's keep it low key ♪
♪ I got a lot of haters ♪
♪ And they acting like they know me ♪
♪ Baby, I'm gonna keep it solid ♪
♪ Never switching sides ♪
♪ For you, I'll keep it real ♪
♪ Staying always your side ♪
♪ I'mma always hold it down ♪
♪ Even when you not around ♪
♪ I got no time for these clowns ♪
♪ Is what I'm saying now ♪
♪ I see them lightning when they switching up, ♪
♪ I see through you if you fake the funk, ♪
♪ Nothing to prove my flow ♪
♪ My flow is smooth ♪
Hey fool, this song is boo!
Yo, what's up with that silly ass
white boy at our party, homes?
He tries, ese,
He's got no rhythm,
Hey white boy!
What you doing at our party, fool?
White boy?
Should I call you "brown boy?"
What the? - Shut up,
He's like a little brother, homie,
His name is Darb, Don't call him white boy,
He don't like that, - Darb?
What the hell type of name is Darb, dog?
He's dyslexic, bro, His real name's Brad,
but we've been calling him Darb since he was little,
Hey, white boy!
Shouldn't you be some white boy event, homie,
sippin' champagne, fool?
Hey idiot, I live next door,
Idiot?
Homie, - Hey, no, no!
That's enough!
This is my carnasca marada,
since they were chavalitos,
He even married a Latina,
He lives in the neighborhood,
He speaks more Spanish than you,
This fool?
He's more Mexican than you are, ese,
Nah homie,
No white privilege here, genius,
I say if anybody got the better end of the deal,
its you brown brothers,
You know, I didn't have carnitas until I was in my 20's,
That's a damn shame,
What the fuck?
Breakfast?
Yo, what's up bro? - [Server] What up man?
Hey bro, no over here,
and a quick question,
have you talked to Endo at all?
Nah man, but I heard he got sick though man,
Well,
And then the homie was saying that,
that he was performing in downtown,
Hey man, Well good for him bro,
He's was always getting all over himself,
Dude! Check that out, man!
When suddenly, the story broke,
Breaking news, a deadly epidemic
is spreading across Southern California,
and it appears to be a new form of bio-terrorism,
This is your official warning,
Do not drink this product,
We now have an important update
on what is being coined as "The Cholo Zombie Virus,"
Let's send it to Marissa Mes in the field,
I'm Marissa Mes reporting from South Grove Medical
as doctors work fervently to figure out
what this biohazard is
and just who or what the infected really are,
The beer had been completely distributed
to small liquor stores in Southern California,
The epicenter had been South Grove,
Over the next few months,
the epidemic spread until there was 10,000 infected,
and 99% self-inflicted,
Hi
Why do you guys have tacos la lingua?
Is that like cow tongue or human tongue?
It's the law,
And some people did it just to change,
Vampire blood?
Do you guys have french fries?
Some said it was the ultimate fashion
or cultural statement,
Do you have ketchup?
Blood,
Thank you,
Society had to figure out how to deal with them,
Hey, - Table,
This is, - What's going on, ladies?
We don't wanna wait on them,
It's her turn, - Why?
Because they're Cholo zombies?
Well, because they don't tip,
Oh yeah,
This looks so good!
It looks really good, - Oh yeah,
put salt all over it,
I'm gonna have my own, I have my own food over here,
I don't need any more of that,
Can I get you gentlemen anything else?
I don't think we see eye to eye,
They got really good brains here, man,
You guys got really good brains, right?
Get us some brain!
Some people did it for no other reason
than they couldn't afford healthcare,
Without a heartbeat, no pulse, but still alive,
they didn't need medicine,
And there was always plenty of one thing they needed
to survive, human meat,
Pretty quickly, society had to figure out
how to deal with them,
Hey, I don't know man,
This homie getting under my skin,
Hey, hey, white zombie!
Come on, get your chones in the car!
I'm sorry, Look what I made,
Yeah, yeah, you made that, Okay, fine,
Get in the car! Get in the car!
Hey, what's up Puff?
Hey, Puff, Come on fool,
Get in there! - I'll get it,
Yeah, he made it, Oh Jesus,
Come on, come on, Let's go!
We're not getting any younger here,
Oh!
Move the car!
Hey!
Do you wanna come to our pool party?
We're having a pool party!
Hey hey baby!
Give me some blood, man!
Come on! Pool party!
Hey, let's go! All right!
Party's here!
Are you ready to party, dog?
He's ready to party!
Hey, what's up guys?
This is the party I was talkin' about!
Hey!
Dinner is served,
Hey man, they're the only ones that showed up,
It wouldn't be fair,
Yeah, and besides, I mean look,
if we take these guys out,
I can guarantee you we're not gonna have
any visitors anytime soon,
Yeah, but if they're brothers, the family could spare one,
So what you're saying is, as long as we don't kill him?
Yeah, That we could eat them,
What the?
I'm really hungry, Do you mind?
I don't mind,
Go for it! It's good!
You want some?
Listen to me, man,
You can't keep putting,
keep putting money into football and baseball,
Those are not zombie sports, man,
What we need is a good soccer team,
Now, soccer, That's good,
That's good for zombies man,
You know? - That's a good sport,
But what about a hot dog eating sport?
Hot dog eating sport?
What are you talking about man?
No, no, a zombie sport,
I'm talking about a professional town,
A good zombie sport is roller derby,
Roller derby? - Roller derby,
Wrestling, - What?
Wrestle Mania,
You can't have no Wrestle Mania, man,
You pull on the arm one time, it falls off,
What is that?
How about death ball?
What about synchronized swimming?
Hey, come on, come on, come on!
You're either in or you're out,
We playing cards or what are we doing here?
Man, I don't got no failure homie,
Take it out in trade, homes,
Rings included,
You ever hear of deodorant, vato?
I use Tommy spray, homie,
But you gotta use it for it to work,
Whatever,
Yeah, but it's a solid way to stay single,
You gotta respect that,
All right, - All right, come on, come on,
Gimme some good cards this time,
Que pasa?
Don't look at me, little puppet,
Come on bro, Put that away,
You know it freaks the homie out,
Don't look at me,
You are a real Cholo zombie,
You're a real,
Oh dang it, I messed it up again,
Ah! You're a real Cholo zombie,
I got makeup on my shirt!
Ma, I'm gonna need another white shirt!
In our weekly Cholo zombie report,
crime statistics against the Cholo zombies
has increased dramatically,
In order to combat these crimes,
the governor has signed a bill protecting the Cholo zombies
from any type of discrimination whatsoever,
Folks, there will be zombies next
to us in all walks of our lives,
the airport, schools, at the market,
Businesses will be required
to carry special products for the Cholo zombies,,,
Be warned,
They don't eat like us,
Because of these new requirements,
there'll be new industries established
and we must learn to accept it,
This is Wolf Cooper, WTF Channel 11, signing out,
They can't eat me until 10:00 PM, right?
You're sure?
Okay,
All right, bye,
Like I said, Vita Cholo is made specifically
for the needs of Cholo zombies,
Become a gold sponsor and become a millionaire,
How much do you weigh, ese?
What do you say?
Would you lovely businessmen,
business zombies,
be interested in investing today?
Do you eat a lot of spicy food?
Just one, one of these pills
will give you energy for the entire weekend,
Yeah, but does it work?
Yeah, that's the risk, Carnad,
There's only one way to find out,
I guess even zombies gotta work, man,
I gotta do some overtime,
I get it man,
What you're going through, man,
Everybody judges you,
You know, I know,
I know you got Gatorades and and all that, man,
but you know what?
I love being a good Cholo, man,
especially a zombie Cholo, and you know,
I'mma tell you why, because I got a job,
I get to kick it with you guys,
I get to, you know, chill with other homies, you know?
So don't feel bad homie 'cause you're locked up, man,
'cause I was there one time, and you know what?
Maybe when you get out,
I'll get you a job here with me, man,
You know, you sweep or mop or something, man,
You know, don't trip, I got you, man,
when you get out, you know, so, so cheers, homie,
You can be a zombie, too,
Hey homie! What's up?
It's time to party, homie!
Hey, you started the party without us, homie!
What's up with that?
Oh lookie! You turned into a homie,
Oh, she's so cute, Look at her,
Hey homie, can you say "Cholo cervesa?"
Dude, there's a huge snake on you,
Oh man, I thought it was a, - [Speaker] Hey, Wato,
He's looking froggy,
Hey, Wato, - [Speaker 2] Hey
that's Toto,
I mean, Toto?
Where are you going?
We have conducted numerous tests
and we've discovered that shooting a CZ
doesn't incapacitate them in the least,
We are indeed making steps to treat all people equally,
Graduating from the police academy today,
the first ever Cholo zombie in the department's history,
I'm here with community liaison, Mr, Vin Monstro,
Do you have any comment for us?
I'm hungry,
Hungry for justice!
What does work?
Figured you'd ask that,
That's why I tried to burn one,
Zombies don't melt,
You gotta cut off their head!
But regardless, the infection grew,
Hi!
Hey, we're all out already,
Every single one,
Oh no, I don't wanna be one,
Oh, Marissa Mes, right?
From the TV show?
News reporter,
Is your manager here by any chance?
I'd love to get his take on
everything that's happening right now,
Yeah, he's actually not around right now,
Do you know anything? I mean, beer, right,
it just doesn't turn people into zombies,
Yeah, No, I don't, sorry,
If you think of anything, call me,
Here's my number,
I'll put you on TV,
Yeah, Thank you,
We are live inside CZ Bio,
a part of a new cottage industry of bioengineering,
Yes, yes, Thank you,
Here at CZ Bio, we strive for something greater
for the future from our infected patients here,
And a billion dollar industry?
Yes, yes, That is true, yes,
What we believe is that their ZNA has a third chromosome,
the Z chromosome, which, with its anti-aging properties,
it has applications for military,
beauty, and medical fields,
Now, currently, a pint of CZ blood
is going for $5,000 on the open market,
Yes, yes, That is also true,
but what we don't know is the effects
of zombie-to-human blood transfusion,
so, with the uninfected as ourselves,
we must be extra cautious around open blood,
Let's go see what our research team is doing,
Let's see, - Right this way,
Over here, our dentist team is researching
the various effects of blood-based hygiene products
to slow down the deterioration
of the zombification process,
I am Marissa Mes, signing out,
Ricky!
Officer Jones from narcotics, He'll be helping us out,
Officer Jones, where the weed at?
Rasta man,
I'll tell you once you brush your teeth,
Better yet, you need a mint,
That's enough,
Get to work, - Nice to meet you, huevo,
Likewise,
Mayor, - Sheriff,
So you're the living legend,
I'm living,
These are difficult times,
and the attorneys here for the Cholo zombies,
they have a long wait list,
It seems that most of the people
you try to arrest end up dead,
First of all, I'm not arresting people,
I'm arresting zombies, and they're already dead,
So many of them come up separated,
if you know what I mean,
Well, they're murder suspects, Mayor,
I do what I need to do,
Do you have the proof?
Well, that might be pretty difficult
since there's no DNA to reference,
Hmm,
Tell him,
These are difficult times,
Now any day now, the Supreme Court is gonna overturn
all the murder charges involving the Cholo zombies,
Can't we all just get along?
Sounds like a new revenue stream for you, Mayor,
Well,
Hey, I just make sure that I schedule
my meetings with them after lunch,
What's up zombie vatos?
You know, you ate a guy for having a warrant,
You think you guys can control yourselves?
Endo, do your thing,
Hunger pains homie,
Oh man!
That smells like a dead rat, homie,
Horrible, Press play on that,
I ain't gonna press play, You press play, man,
♪ I'm a Cholo, I'm a Cholo, yeah ♪
♪ I just want to dance, it's my Cholo dance ♪
♪ Take two steps to the right and you say "What's up?" ♪
♪ Stumble out to the left 'cause you feeling drunk ♪
♪ Take it down to the floor with your elbows up ♪
♪ Move side to side as you comin' up ♪
♪ Hey, I'm a Cholo, I'm a Cholo, I'm a Cholo, yeah ♪
♪ I'm a Cholo, I'm a Cholo, I'm a Cholo, yeah ♪
At first, no one knew what was happening,
People were going missing though,
and at a rate no one understood,
I just spoke with the mayor
about the family that disappeared off Fifth Street,
It seems that some of you were seen in the area
the night they disappeared,
I crave human flesh
just as you do,
but until our hearing, that stops tonight,
Come, come,
Now, for the good news,
If you cannot
suppress the desire to feed,
then feed on a transient,
Yo, follow me, I'll give you five bucks,
Maybe two!
Now feed!
Go feed!
Feed!
It only took three months
before the government was on board,
Suddenly, the streets were cleaner,
the crime went down,
and there was an un-imposed curfew across the town,
Oh my God!
Luis, look! Hey Lou!
Huge fan, man! A huge fan!
No jokes if you don't pay that back up,
Hey, what do you think you're doing?
It's a repossession,
You didn't make your car payments,
You can't do this! I don't have time for this,
I gotta go to work!
Zoom in, - Oh, perfect Lou,
Thanks man,
You're the best man! You're the best!
Oh my God!
But as they say, - [Speaker] Awesome!
The show must go on, and so it did,
Officer, I do not understand
the words coming out of this zombie's mouth,
He killed and ate an elderly couple on their evening walk,
Get me a confession,
That's right, I did it,
So why'd he do it? - He said he was hungry, ese,
Officer!
I am an attorney,
I'm here to represent these Cholo zombies,
Man, you really should have went to a better law school,
Look, Darb doesn't even belong here,
He is not a real Cholo zombie,
I am a real zombie, - He's just pretending,
He puts that makeup on himself,
I'm a real zombie,
Look at his teeth,
He hasn't brushed in a while,
I'm a real Cholo zombie!
Alright, Cholo zombie,
I got these eyeballs from another zombie,
Eat up!
Do it, ese,
Hey, I am a Cholo zombie!
Cholo Pizza, Can I help you, ese?
Hey, we're out of mushrooms,
Use to sliced earlobes, homes,
That's what I do,
Well, you want the chicas or you want the hombres?
Half toes, half pineapple? You got it sir,
Give us about 30 minutes,
All right,
I got you fool,
About time,
No frontal lobe?
No medulla?
Sorry,
So how you liking zombie life?
It's awesome!
He's trying to win student president
on a "Brains for All" campaign,
I have a dream that one day on the sunny slopes
of South Grove Middle, all children will go to a school
where they'll not be judged by the quality of their skin,
but by the content of their brains,
and so I say "Brains for All!"
Yeah!
Where'd you pull this off from?
Let's just say someone down at the
juvenile detention center owed me a favor,
Doesn't it smell stinky?
She's gonna be tasty!
Everyone, dig in,
I told you man,
Anybody want some vegan munchies?
I'm gonna say no, - Darb wants some,
No, I just ate, remember? I just ate fool, thanks,
You're never hungry,
Cholo zombies? What makes you all scared?
They don't have a heartbeat,
I mean, you and I both know that most men don't, right?
So what's the big deal?
And they've killed a few people?
So have I,
And they crave human meat? Who doesn't?
Let's welcome our next guest, Steve,
So Steve, tell me, you've turned recently,
what's your favorite part about being a zombie?
Well, first of all,
everything tastes better with hot sauce,
but you know what? Enough about me,
let's talk about you,
You ain't gonna get a man looking like that,
Ooh!
Am I right?
Ahh!
Oops, looks like there's a TV malfunction,
We'll be right back,
Come on, bro,
No, no,
No, I don't want any,
Yeah, take that to this bathroom, bro,
Get outta here,
Oh my gosh,
That's that Cholo right there,
Man, I'm glad I ate from the leg,
Make sure you courtesy flush that,
There it goes, Old bubble guts,
The thing mad at me, I didn't eat that leg,
You ate too much of that stuff, huh?
Oh man,
Oh my god, man, - Get out of here!
Get outta here!
Both of you?
Yeah, get in the shower with that,
You guys take a shower together,
That's disgusting,
You guys always think I'm joking,
That's why I tell you, man,
don't even know, don't even know vegans, bro,
They'll give you gas every single time,
I guarantee,
How do we know they're vegan?
Usually, they're like pale, pasty, white like a monk,
No offense,
They smell like fresh cut grass,
The best way to tell is when they go shopping,
they use reusable bags,
That's true, - You writing that down?
Yeah, Say it one more time,
I'm sorry,
Now boys, never ever tell a girl how to get a man,
He's right though,
everything does taste better with hot sauce,
Oh, there she is!
It's your hostess with the mostess, La LorettaVampz!
We are at our meet and greet, Our guest of the day,
El Monstro!
Yeah, yeah! I'm going, I'm going!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
Come on down and get a taste of this vato,
Ooh!
So you see, what we's got going on
is we have two situations here,
Yeah, yeah, Two,
What's the first one? - This,
Cut! Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut!
Oh! What?
Monstro, we told you not to eat the host,
Oh, uh, My bad!
It's ridiculous, we got a crowd of people out here today,
and you're, I don't know what to do with him,
Hey!
Monstro, what are you doing?
Brains!
I told you! I told you!
That looks good, huh? That looks good,
Yeah, looks good fool, Yeah,
Pull out here, This is the,
there's a whole, Monstro, this is, what is this?
Who's gonna host this thing now?
You can't just go eat everybody that we meet,
There's a, oh what?
What the? What?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, - No,
Green light,
Ah, well let me see,
Ah, well green is my favorite color,
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
Yes, yes, yes, yes!
Mr, Camera Man,
Yeah, yeah!
We wanna invite everybody down, yeah, yeah!
Come on down and meet me and Vamps
at our first annual meet and greet!
It's an event you won't wanna miss!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! - La Familia,
Pro vida, Vampz! Pro vida!
Pro vida! - We'll be seeing you soon,
Yeah, yeah!
[Jesse] After a while,
they had to get more clever with their hunting,
Hey wait,
You haven't been on a date in a long time, fool,
Let me make sure everything's lined up,
Wait, I haven't been on a date in a long time either,
Do I look good, fool?
All right, it's cool if I do
this whole third wheel thing right?
Relax, relax,
We're just going to the movies
and then we're gonna grab a bite,
Olive Garden, fool,
Where are we going fool?
Don't worry, It's a surprise,
Hey fool,
Every Saturday, we were on edge,
You never showed me my dream,
It's nice to meet you,
Nice to meet you, too,
Mom, but we're just going to the movies,
No, you're not, especially with this dude,
What's your problem?
Yeah, bro, What you got against me?
I got nothing against you, bro,
except the way you look,
Don't worry, She's with me,
and we're just going to the movies,
I think we're going to Olive Garden, too,
Thank you for the tea,
Thank you again,
Mom, you're just gonna let them leave dude?
It's almost 10 o'clock,
I should never have let them leave,
not on a hunting night,
Is that Monstro's truck?
Where's Anna?
Home!
That's my sister!
It's past hunting hour,
But she was tasty, though,
Finger licking good,
The state courthouse has chosen to rule
"not guilty" on CZ Jose Romo versus River Wild Elementary,
Hey Marissa, do you got the listical
for the top 10 pickup lines for a Cholo?
What, no, I'm working on the River Wild Report,
What? No, no, no, no,
That's way too depressing,
We don't need that,
Two children were murdered, Wolf,
Whatever, things happen,
Hey, you have a guest,
and we need to go live in an hour,
You still wanna do that interview?
And then they ate my sister, so that's why I'm here,
Okay, okay, - No, no, no,
Wait, wait, wait, Be careful with that,
So we know that it started with this box and Monstros
and his crew and your ex-girlfriend that you murdered
and buried under a tree,
Well, it just seemed like
it was the best thing to do at the time,
All right,
So what do we do now?
I mean, even if this is all true,
and listen, I'm not saying I believe you or anything,
but we are gonna need some proof,
Well, what if you dig up the tree and I have the box?
Yeah, an empty box and a dead corpse is not enough proof,
Oh, here we go,
Look at the event title,
Come meet the chosen one at the South Grove
Car Show, Performance by Endo?
Marissa, let's go,
We got an interview with the mayor in five minutes,
Come on,
I hate that guy,
Politics is the lifeblood of this country,
Come on, Let's go,
I hope the hell that's not true,
All right, I gotta go,
Go get your mom situated,
We'll meet at the car show,
We're gonna get to the bottom of this,
Yeah, okay,
Man,
Sheriff?
Oh man, No way!
Are you kidding me?
Jesse, - I'm glad to see you,
Yeah, I'm glad you could make it down here,
Did you have any trouble with the protestors?
No, they're too busy playing to the cameras,
Idiots,
They're trying to designate "zombie" as a special class,
I'm sorry about Anna,
I miss her,
Hey, come on now,
I wanna give you something that'll help keep your mom safer,
First, I need to tell you something,
What if someone knew how this started?
Well, I'd tell 'em to keep their mouth shut
unless they had a solution,
Okay, - See, a Cholo zombies smart,
Smarter than most of us,
Have you found anything that works?
What are you doing, Sheriff?
Come on,
Watch this,
I've tried everything you see in the zombie movies,
including shooting them in the head,
but Cholo zombies, they can live without a brain,
Does anything work?
Oh,
You gotta cut their heads off,
Body doesn't work without a head,
See, they all vary on the violence spectrum,
Some are cooperative, some are very violent,
but they all crave human meat,
Hello friends!
Dr, Blackmist here with all your zombie needs,
Let me ask you something,
Has the last time that your went (whistling)?
I promise you, if I can't get yours to work,
I'll chop it off somebody else and sew it on,
Are you telling your girlfriend things like,
"I swear this never happens,"
"This is the first time,"
"It must be cold?"
Well, if you're using BS excuses like that,
you don't need to,
'cause here at the clinic, at Dr, Blackmist's,
we are able to wake up the dead,
if you know what I'm talking about,
and I can't be too specific,
because there are children zombie out there,
but I have a testimonial,
My zombie friend here hadn't gotten any in over 200 years,
He came to the Blackmist Clinic,
and well, let him tell you in his own words,
Hello, Doctor, - Hello,
After I was treated,
I couldn't sleep on my stomach for two months,
Okay, fine, Thank you,
That was very believable,
What can you do, his sister's attractive,
Here at the Blackmist Clinic, we will help your problem,
and if it's too small to call,
I'll make it large and in charge,
Remember, Blackmist Clinic,
Nobody beats our meat!
♪ What's up, ese? ♪
♪ I see how fools be looking at me ♪
♪ when I'm walking down the street because I got baggy pants ♪
♪ and all my black asos ♪
♪ I'm a Cholo, I'm a Cholo ♪
♪ Haven't you heard? ♪
♪ I'm a Cholo ♪
♪ Don't judge a book by its cover, homes ♪
♪ I'm a Cholo, I'm a Cholo ♪
♪ I don't want no problems ♪
♪ I'm a Cholo, I'm a Cholo ♪
♪ I just want to dance ♪
♪ It's my Cholo dance ♪
♪ Take two steps to the right and you say "What's up?" ♪
♪ Stumble out to the left 'cause you feeling drunk ♪
♪ Take it down to the floor with your elbows up ♪
♪ Move side to side as you coming up ♪
♪ Take two steps to the right and you say "What's up?" ♪
♪ Stumble out to the left 'cause you feeling drunk ♪
♪ Take it down to the floor with your elbows up ♪
Hey local, come here,
♪ Move side to side as you comin' up ♪
Come here!
Hey, what'd he do to you?
They killed my sister, man,
♪ My white tee, my low song, my baggy jeans ♪
They killed my daughter too,
Look, I'm gonna give you this,
You'll need this,
Whoa, What's that?
It's an Astic ritual sword,
I have it,
Thanks, man, I need it,
Hey, dog, Ain't that assist?
Yeah, I feel sorry for him,
Shoulda given him the AK, homie,
Not me,
Nah, I tried to tell him,
♪ Do it til you work a sweat ♪
♪ Do it til there's nothin' left ♪
What's going on?
♪ Take two steps to the right and you say "What's up?" ♪
I don't know,
♪ Stumble out to the left 'cause you feelin' drunk ♪
Is that Monstro and his crew?
♪ Take it down to the floor with your elbows up ♪
♪ Move side to side as you comin' up ♪
♪ Take two steps to the right and you say "What's up?" ♪
Come on, let's go,
♪ Take it down to the floor with your elbows up ♪
♪ Move side to side as you comin' up ♪
You weren't supposed to see that,
♪ Hey, I'm a Cholo, I'm a Cholo, I'm a Cholo, yeah ♪
♪ I'm a Cholo, I'm a Cholo, I'm a Cholo, yeah ♪
What took you so long?
Step back,
Run now!
Yo, y'all fools,
That's straight zombie territory,
Not even I could walk in there and start snooping around,
We found some,
I know everything about zombies,
Hey, hey, what's going on here?
I found these two snooping around a car show,
Some brothers of mine wouldn't take it too kindly,
I'm sorry, Sheriff, but we found something,
All right, you two, go home,
Stay low,
When I come up with a plan, I'll let you know,
We'll figure out how to kill these preying, sucking scum,
Sheriff, why do you hate zombies so much?
Go on, get outta here,
Come on! Go!
Yeah, Why do you hate us?
I would give my life for you, Sheriff,
When I was a kid, I loved South Grove,
I lived with my mom and my stepdad, Manny,
It was sunny and the coolest place ever to grow up,
One day, that perfect picture was shattered,
I came home from school and walked in
and found my mom on the floor,
There was blood everywhere,
and she had a big piece of meat missing from her neck,
I heard a noise at the other side of the room,
and it was Manny eating a part of her,
blood all over his face,
You came home early,
And there was a box there,
It was pure evil,
Whatever was in that box, it had possessed him,
He brushed past me, gave me this strange smile,
I never saw him again,
I had thought he'd gone crazy,
but now I know he turned,
just the same as the rest of these things,
Go on, Get outta here!
Go!
Jesse, tomorrow at the dojo,
we need to be at the top of our game,
Yes, sir,
Hey, you ever thought he left to keep you safe
so that he wouldn't have to eat you?
That he loved you that much?
Hey, Jesse,
Do you remember how to kill zombies?
You cut their head off, right?
Hey!
I ain't got nothing!
No, anger,
That's your number one weakness,
That's good,
The wait for Saturday night was the worst part,
but we were ready,
Let's get ready to kill some zombies,
Let's do it,
There's one more person we need to see,
Trust me,
I gotta do this by myself,
♪ Harmony House Entertainment ♪
♪ You know what it is, baby let's go ♪
♪ Hey every story got a legend, I'm an ace ♪
♪ Bringing hoe up when I step up in the place ♪
♪ Eating good, got food on my plate ♪
♪ Don't hate, I never said a great zombie ♪
♪ Gut grippin', flesh blood dippin' ♪
♪ Bodies in the freezer, brains boilin' in the kitchen ♪
♪ If I had to eat you, all my seasons like chicken ♪
♪ Real zombie music, facts not fiction ♪
♪ Yeah, y'all walked in, but I'm the head zombie ♪
♪ Yeah, y'all walked in, but I'm the head zombies ♪
♪ El barna ♪
♪ Harmony House Entertainment ♪
♪ You know what it is baby, let's go ♪
♪ Hey, every story got a legend, I'm a ace ♪
♪ Bring hoe up when I step up in the place ♪
♪ Eating good, got food on my plate ♪
♪ Don't hate, I never said a great zombie ♪
♪ Gut gripping, fresh blood dippin' ♪
♪ Bodies in the freezer, brains boilin' in the kitchen ♪
♪ If I had to eat you, all my season like chicken ♪
♪ Real zombie music, facts not fiction ♪
♪ I'm gonna dip in on the ride ♪
It's more Jehovah Witnesses!
Oh, hey, Yeah, yeah,
I'm sorry, Come on in,
I've been expecting you, - Oh yeah?
I don't know anybody named Jehovah,
Yeah, yeah, No, they're around,
They try to sell cookies,
Hey doc, what happened to him?
Oh, this one right there? Don't worry about this one,
He's one of them victory outreach vatos,
You know, he reached out too far, lost a mano,
I guess you can say he's un-armed,
Hey and we got our new shipment of donors,
We do? What nationalities?
I don't know,
Well, I'll take a good smell like I taught you,
Okay,
That's it, Take it in,
Take it in, Take it in,
Huh?
Four days,
Four days, huh?
Good, good, good, good, good, little zombie,
I'll tell you what, you take it upstairs, room three,
Not next to my pizza, huh?
Okay,
Disgusting,
Ah, so many years and so many beers,
and we're still heres,
Jesus,
They let you outta Tijuana,
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Y'all walked in but I'm the head zombie ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Y'all walked in but I'm the head zombie ♪
♪ El burna ♪
♪ Harmony House Entertainment ♪
♪ Every story got a legend, I'm an ace ♪
♪ Bring your hoe when I step up in the place ♪
♪ Eating good, got food on my plate ♪
♪ Don't hate, I never said a great zombie ♪
♪ Gut grippin', fresh blood dippin' ♪
♪ Bodies in the freezer, brains boilin' in the kitchen ♪
♪ If I had to get eat you, I'mma season like chicken ♪
♪ Real zombie music, facts not fiction ♪
♪ I'm gonna get in on the ride ♪
♪ When I think it's time to take notice ♪
♪ I'll just get in on the side ♪
♪ Why don't they got the rigor mortis? ♪
♪ Said they got a shortage ♪
♪ Mother fuckin' quarters ♪
♪ Bout to have a few ♪
♪ Y'all walked in, but I'm the head zombie ♪
♪ All walked in, but I'm the head zombie ♪
♪ Y'all walked in, but I'm the head zombie ♪
Hey, what's going on here?
My electricity bill's gonna go through the roof!
This is no time to have a good time, babe,
But listen, I like the beat,
I like your music, but you gotta move on,
'cause I gotta do some,
My bad, my bad,
I gotta do some cutting up here,
Excuse me, - I like that too,
You know, - Excuse me,
Hey, Chicanos we like to stay quiet,
That's why I'm gonna stay home and not riot,
Ah, beat that,
The PS, really good,
but I'd rather get me a nice house in Hollywood,
Hey, All right,
So what we got here (speaking Spanish) Victoria's Secrets?
I tell you, you can't,
you can't be using all of that chemicals
and stuff like that,
You don't need it anymore,
It's not easy being a zombie doctor,
because sure, your patients can't die,
but it could happen,
You have to know exactly where to go,
There you go,
So Doc, how do you know about zombies and stuff?
How do I know about zombies?
Son, I was there at the very beginning of zombie land,
I remember when I first was interested in it,
you know, everybody talks about,
"Oh, you know, you guys live forever,
Isn't that cool?"
Well, it ain't cool at all,
You know, it's not what it's cut out to be,
I remember one time,
look out, watch this, I'm gonna hit her femoral,
Oh, they always bleed so hard,
Even the fragilitas,
Just outta curiosity,
did you ever like see a, maybe,
I don't know a box?
Here's a little bit, A box?
Yeah, - I know what you wanna know,
Lemme tell you something,
There was these skinny white guys
who called themselves the Wright brothers,
turns out they weren't brothers at all,
So I said, "Hey, would you take me up on your bird?
You know, I wanna fly around the corner,"
I was thinking about jumping into a volcano,
I wanted to know if I was really immortal, right?
So, hey, I was young,
I was only about 150 years old then,
and I jumped, boom,
and then I come floating back up and I'm not dead,
but all the hair, my whole body had burnt up,
you know, down there,
there wasn't an afro anymore, man,
It smelled terrible,
So I never did that again,
So what I did is, I decided to,
ah, there, ah, that's a good one,
Ah, Oh boy,
You said a box? - Yeah, oh, that box,
I'm gonna tell you something I never told anybody,
I buried the box,
Now, you're the only one that knows,
What you gonna do with that information?
Nothing I hope, 'cause if you do,
it's not gonna turn out right,
But I know where it's buried,
except I gotta get to know you before I trust you,
You know, I don't just go around
and squirt on people like that,
No, no,
I got to, you know, build a rapport,
Yeah,
Oh, this is a, this is a very messy case,
but overall I think she's gonna survive,
She's gonna survive,
Get it? All right,
Listen, I don't like the way you're staring at her,
No, the zombies are basically are made
from where a very secret formula,
You know, boy, speaking of secret formulas,
go gimme a Cholo beer,
Whew,
Dissecting bodies is not easy man,
It's not easy, especially when you got
some nice little piece of meat,
Here, try that, Oh, that stuff is good
with some corn tortillas and some cheese,
Ah, God,
Zombies would kill for that,
And if not, you can put some sauce in them,
Ah, see, there you go,
Let's just say you wanted to stop,
I don't know, the zombies or the virus,
how would you?
Who in the world would wanna do that?
Aren't you having fun?
But let's just say we did,
Let me tell you a secret,
The devil usually has a favorite zombie,
Find him or her and you stop the problem,
but you didn't hear it from me,
Hey, don't let my assistant see you with a nice cut of meat,
'cause he'll go crazy, He's jealous,
Thanks, doc,
Yeah, - What's this all about?
You're giving him the best cuts?
Ah, gentle, my pet,
Do you want your chella?
So we kill Monstro and that ends the infection?
Looks like it, yeah,
But we can't be everywhere at once,
so let's start where we know they hunt,
Tom, I know I've asked you before,
but what if someone knew how this started?
What do we do then?
Well, it doesn't make much difference now, does it?
Yeah, - You got the tents?
Yeah,
Let's go kill us some zombies,
Let's go,
Hey, I gotta go to work tonight,
Okay,
So after 10:00 PM, do not go outside,
or do not answer the door for anyone, for any reason,
Got it?
Got it, - Got it?
I'll see you guys later,
Okay,
Y'all good? - Yeah, we're all good,
Let's get to work,
After about a year,
the attacks started getting worse and personal,
Dad, Dad! - Dad, Dad!
Please don't, that's my kids,
Let me see,
You know that everything is legal,
But perhaps you will wanna make a trade,
Or maybe not,
I have to go to work for a while,
Officer Ross? - [Ross] Yes sir?
You take my kids,
Let's go in the house, kids,
Stay close to the fence,
We go!
This is the last Sunday they get!
Marissa, find out where they're gonna be this weekend,
Rapa, get the weapons together,
Jesse, this ends now,
Zombie killers, mount up!
Alright everybody, keep your hands on your shrivels!
Sheriff Tom, stay close to me!
Stay close to the Sheriff!
I hate zombies!
Monstro, you ugly bastard,
Tonight this ends for good,
So with Marissa gone and Monstro defeated,
it's time to finish the last can,
Son, have you told anyone you're coming here?
No, Father, Why?
♪ I'm a Cholo, I'm a Cholo, I'm a Cholo, yeah ♪
♪ Haven't you heard? ♪
♪ Don't judge a book by its cover, homes ♪
♪ Yeah, I'm a Cholo, I'm a Cholo, I'm a Cholo, yeah ♪
♪ I don't want no problems ♪
♪ I'm a Cholo, I'm a Cholo, yeah ♪
♪ I just wanna dance, this my Cholo dance ♪
♪ Take two steps to the right and you say "What's up?" ♪
♪ Stumble out to the left 'cause you feeling drunk ♪
♪ Take it down to the floor with your elbows up ♪
♪ Move side to side as you coming up ♪
♪ Take two steps to the right and you say "What's up?" ♪
Hey Darb, hey Darb, you want some?
I'm good, I'm good, Flo,
I got meat over here,
You sure? More for me,
All right, that I appreciate the thought,
No, I'm telling you, homegirl,
You gotta read the newspaper,
It's all about the signs, - Aye,
Yeah, I think I got my man
'cause he's a Sagittarius and I'm a Scorpio,
Bitch, the only sign you live by the free one, wet,
Sandra, hold my baby,
Oh, like that, huh?
♪ I just wanna have a good time, forget the fatties ♪
I'm glad you're okay,
Next time, you fight Regis,
Hey, I got like five of them,
It wasn't bad,
♪ When you come up right to left ♪
What the?
She does that,
♪ Yeah, show respect ♪
♪ Ain't nobody on the drip ♪
♪ Show me what you workin' with ♪
There was a Cholo zombie and his name was Nicholas,
Nicholas waited patiently for the hunting period
and then he attacked the man,
He repeated over and over,
"I think I can, I think I can,"
He finally won the struggle
and had a lovely dinner,
♪ Stumble out to the left 'cause you feelin' drunk ♪
♪ Take it down to the floor with your elbows up ♪
♪ Move side to side as you comin' up ♪
♪ I'm a Cholo, I'm a Cholo, I'm a Cholo, yeah ♪
Welcome to the hood where I chose to play,
Where you turn in zombies, so you better beware
with the bites and the attacks,
there's no coming back, with your heart and soul,
turnin' pitch black,
♪ Can I get a moment of your time? ♪
♪ Smoke a little, life's a game of chess ♪
♪ Drugs, guns, hooters got me on the run ♪
Hey boss, I'mma take lunch right now
♪ Let me shine a little light ♪
♪ Can I get a moment of your time? ♪
♪ Some a little uh, life's a game of chess ♪
♪ Drugs, guns, hooters got me on the run ♪
♪ Let me shine a little light ♪
♪ I grew up on the fifties ♪
♪ I love my whole city ♪
♪ Got the little ones with me ♪
♪ I ain't going back to prison, house with a yard ♪
♪ I get my own nun locks, I walk my own yard, ♪
♪ I'm figuroa filthy where I come from ♪
♪ Dog, everybody filthy ♪
♪ Get your hands dirty with them concrete burpees ♪
♪ Beer runs and licks ♪
♪ My heart was made dog ♪
♪ With every single brick ♪
♪ Legend in my own ♪
♪ I get my little shine on ♪
♪ Got a house loan ♪
♪ I see you haters smiling ♪
♪ Broke with a mouth full ♪
♪ Run with my juice's gun, with my juice's split ♪
♪ Top Ramen's on the hood with it ♪
♪ Can I get a moment of your time? ♪
♪ Smoke a little uh, life's a game of chess ♪
♪ Drugs, guns, hooters got me on the run ♪
♪ Let me shine a little night ♪
♪ Can I get a moment of your time? ♪
Hey, you want a manwich, cuz?
What's a manwich?
Well, you know,
some chicharones,
a little human flesh,
little bit of butt butter,
That's your manwich, homie,
Try it,
I'm, I'm full, bro,
Bro, take a bite,
I was just in the fridge, You saw me,
I didn't see you eat,
Yeah, I got something on here,
Try,
Try, - I'm full, bro, I'm full!
I'm full, man, I'm full,
I believe you,
He don't know what he's missing out,
♪ Smoke a little uh, life's a game of chess ♪
♪ Drugs, guns, hooters got me on the run ♪
♪ Let me shine a little light ♪
Hey, how you ladies doing today?
How can I help you?
She's getting ready for prom,
Look at her face,
I just wanna look like my sister,
Alright, I can take care of that,
Follow me,
♪ Yogi? ♪ The homie
♪ Night owl? ♪ The homie
She looks pretty young to be 51,
She's 15, idiot,
She's not a ninja, fool,
Ah, damnit,
I shoulda learned Spanish actually,
It's an event you won't wanna miss,
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
La familia!
Pro vida, vampz!
Pro vida! - Pro vida!
We'll be seeing you soon,
Yeah, yeah!