رسانه اینترنتی مای موویز MyMoviz جامعترین سایت فیلم و سریال
-["Lovely Day" by Bill Withers playing] -♪ When I wake up in the morning, love ♪
♪ And the sunlight hurts my eyes ♪
♪ And something without warning, love ♪
♪ Bears heavy on my mind… ♪
[man] Mabel, You ain't gonna believe this,
Yeah, yeah,
You won't believe this, Look here, Look at what Brown's doing,
What he doin'?
He gettin' ready to burn down the whole damn neighborhood,
Go out there and tell him that's too much damn lighter fluid,
What's wrong with Brown?
I ain't finna go out there,
He's getting ready to start a chemical fire,
You think I wanna be in a chemical fire?
That happened to me in 1972 when I was on that oil rig,
Burned up all my gonads,
Joe, if he burn down the damn house, where you gonna live?
Under that big-ass dress with the rest of them critters, [chuckles]
You know, I don't know why the hell I let you live in my house,
'Cause you can't afford to stay here by your damn self,
You wanna bet? You know what I'mma do?
I'mma take you upstairs and put you in one of them trunks in the attic
and let your ass dry rot and get your check
till them white folk figure out what the hell happened to you,
You right, I'mma go on out there,
Joe, you better get on outta here, do what I tell you to do up in my house,
Hell, I gotta be up in here cooking
like I'm damn Aunt Jemima or somebody for this boy
-Brown? -Huh?
-The hell you doin'? -I'm makin' a fire,
See, I'm gonna make this big for my great-grandson's graduation barbecue,
If you gonna make smoked ribs, you got to make a big fire,
You 'bout to kill your damn… You 'bout to kill your damn self,
No, Joe, If you make it like--
This how you make holy meat, You ever made holy meat?
If you gonna do that, you got to have a fire like a fiery furnace,
-That's what you gotta do, -Brown, you gettin' ready to k--
Lucky you didn't mess up my damn--
Are you puttin' gasoline? You lost your damn mind,
This how you make it,
If you ain't gonna come and help, just go in the house,
Okay, Great, great, I'mma help you,
-You got a match? -Yes, Here's a match,
-Thank you, -Do me a favor,
-What? -Praise the Lord,
-Don't light it until I get inside,
-Okay, okay, -Here you go,
-Give me that, Joe, -Okay,
This how you make meat, You gotta have your smoke wet,
Taste it on your finger like that, Joe,
-[Joe] Mabel! -It just need a little more,
I just wanna ask you something,
I know you want barbecue ribs, barbecue pork and beans,
barbecue all that stuff for this boy's graduation party,
but do you have any room for a roasted nigga?
-What? -He about to--
-[explosion] -[Brown screams]
The hell?
[screaming]
What I tell ya? He on fire,
He on-- [chuckles] He on fire, [chuckles] He on fire,
-[screaming] -Hey, hey, boy, hey,
This motherfucker is actually on fire,
[screaming]
He on fire,
[Joe] The hell wrong with you?
-[Brown] I'm burning! -Hold on, Hold on, I'm comin',
[faucet runs]
Okay, I'mma put him out,
[Brown screaming]
The hell?
I told your dumb ass not to get over that flame with that lighter fluid,
-Brown? Brown? Oh hell, Brown? -[Brown shouting] Help me! [screaming]
-Oh hell! -[Brown screaming]
-[Brown] Help, I'm burning! -Gonna burn up my tree,
[Joe] You worried about a tree?
-One of y'all put me out! Joe! -[grunts]
-Catch his ass, -Get him,
I got a light though,
-Yo, trip him, trip him, -I got it,
[screaming] Joe! [grunts]
Help!
[spitting]
You gonna buy me another damn tree,
[Brown] Mabel, nobody gonna buy no tree, I'm burnin' over here,
I hope you don't keloid, Brown, It's all right,
I just planted this tree,
-Shit! I gotta pay the water bill, -[Brown] Help,
Hush your mouth, hell,
[Brown] Help,
Help!
Get him up,
[man] Can you believe we're graduating?
[scoffs] Yes, I can, man, That was a lot of hard work,
Well, you aced it,
And so did you,
I did okay, but you were the valedictorian,
[chuckles] Hey, that's right,
-[clicks tongue] Ah! -[both laughing]
Let's get to your great-grandma's house, All right, let's go,
Hey, look, what is the rush, man? Look, we…
Dinner's not till seven, We will get there, It will be great,
I don't know what the rush is, but I know what the delay is,
-You don't wanna tell them, -No, I don't,
I don't wanna pressure you into this, but it's 2021,
We graduate in two days, They should know,
I know, dude, I know, It's just that like…
Look, my family is different, okay?
Look at my family,
My father is West Indian, my mother is from Ireland,
and I grew up in the Netherlands, until my dad passed,
And because my mom had passed years earlier,
I moved to Ireland to live with my great-aunt Agnes
until I came here to go to a historically Black college,
Now who's the one with the family with the different opinions?
-Yeah, -It's Davi for the win,
-You win, You win on that, You're right, -[chuckling] Thank you,
I do look forward to meeting them someday,
Well, yeah, Well, let's not rush that,
Mmm, So… so I can confront my family,
but you can't confront your great-aunt Agnes? Is that what I got?
No, that's a completely different story because I feel like your mom
is really open-minded, so she will be okay with this,
-I know it, -Ah,
Okay, yeah, but my dad will not be,
Well, to hell with your dad,
Davi, why do you hate my dad so much?
You really have to ask? After all he did to you and your mom?
See, you know, that's why I'm not telling you nothin' else,
You don't forget nothing,
Look… [sighs] …he will be there tonight,
So please, whatever you do, do not get into it with him,
Okay? Good?
-[woman] It's hot out here today, -[Brown] I know, Cora, I was hotter,
[Cora] You was hotter?
[Joe] You ain't gonna believe what happened,
Brown tried to go all rotisserie on us and shit,
-Uncle Joe, -[Joe] What? Hell,
Cora, I don't wanna go to hell,
Hell, no, I don't wanna go,
Cora, I was lighting that fire to make the barbecue for my… my famous chicken,
and boom, it got me, girl,
-[Cora] What? -[Brown] I feel bad for them chickens,
-I feel bad, -Chickens? What are you talkin' about?
[Joe] Set hisself on fire,
He gonna be a jigga now, He ain't finna eat no more chicken,
-[Brown] Yes-- -He put gasoline on--
-What? -[Joe] He put everything on the grill--
Thought I was makin' it big, Joe, I was makin' it big,
-Wait a minute now-- -Well, your ass got burned big, big-time,
Are you all right?
Oh, yes, Thank you so much for asking, baby,
I'm good, but my knee been bothering me a little bit,
I gotta go to a doctor and get it looked at,
Uncle Joe, I'm talking to Mr, Brown, Are you okay?
Ah, Cora, yes, I'm… Well, yes and no, I'm not fine, It's like I went to hell,
-You went-- -Yes, I went to hell, and Madea was there,
And I said, "This definitely not the right place for me,"
-Ooh, -Here,
Now you wanna bring him some damn water,
-Yeah, -Joe, shut the hell up,
I done burnt up already,
Hey, Cora, How you doin', baby?
-Hey, Madea, Can you take this bag? -Ooh, girl, I like that green dress,
I'm not gonna take nothing, I like the dress though, [chuckles]
Aw, Madea, you can take this bag,
What the hell I look like to you, a bellman?
Yeah, well, you look like two or three bellmans if you ask me,
-She look like bells-men, -[Cora] Would y'all--
She… she look like horsepower,
Say somethin' else, Joe, Just shut up, Shut up while you livin',
Shut up while you got your nuts,
Please, please shut up, I'll put 'em in that nutcracker,
-Oh, Lord, -Oh, Joe,
Madea, now look, I went to the store to get everything we needed,
You could just hold this bag, I had to drive way across town,
I know you had to drive way across town, Cora,
Every time I go to the store, something done burned down
or boarded up 'cause people protesting all over,
I don't understand
why they didn't burn up the whole neighborhood,
We don't need that store, We need to burn everything
in the neighborhood down, Burn it all down,
Joe, what kind of sense it make to burn up
your own damn neighborhood 'cause you upset about something?
What the hell kind of sense it make what these police doin' to Black people?
-Burn it all down, -Oh, I'mma… I'm finna punch him,
Well, I'm just glad they didn't burn down the church 'cause it's in the same block,
You know that's right, Cora, Thank God that church did not burn down,
-Hallelujer, -Yes,
-Hallelujer, -Yes!
Hallelujer, thank God that church didn't burn down,
Madea, I'm so glad you standin' up for the church,
That's beautiful,
-I don't care nothin' about that church, -What?
It's just right next door to my favorite liquor store,
So, you more concerned about the liquor store than the church?
That's wrong, Madea,
Nothing's wrong, Here's what you don't understand,
-Jesus, the Lord God Almighty… -Uh-huh,
He can turn water into wine,
-He did, -Yes, he did,
I got to go to the liquor store to get mine,
Won't somebody praise Him? [laughs]
What? You need to stop that foolishness,
Come on, Madea, we gotta get started on this dinner,
That's all right, Cora, We'll go to Red Lobster tonight,
and we come back here tomorrow for the barbecue,
Yeah, oh, I like Red Lobster, yeah, That's where me and B go all the time,
Oh, B? Who is B?
Don't worry about it, Don't worry about it,
-[chuckles] -[flies buzzing]
-Give me that bag, Let's go in the house, -Is it me, or is Mabel drawing bugs?
Would you stop that? I need y'all to go get the stuff out the car,
Go on, get the stuff out the car,
-[grunts] -[Cora] We can get started on this,
[Brown, Joe] All right,
Hurry up and get the stuff out--
Mr, Brown, what is goin' on with the back of your clothes?
All your behind is out,
Cora, I thought I felt a breeze,
It must've been when I burnt, Cora, Can you see anything?
I see everything,
-[Brown] Can you see anything, Cora? -Yes, You need to cover yourself up,
You got all kinda hair back… You need to shave that,
-Cora, can you see? -[Cora] Look like a baboon back there,
-Cora, you see? -[Cora] Lord have mercy,
[Cora] Yes, I see it, It looks terrible,
I don't know how the hell she get chairs in that damn car,
-At church-- -Get the groceries,
-[Brown] I'll get the bags, -Take 'em all around to the backyard,
Okay, Joe, you didn't… Why you didn't tell me my butt was out?
I… I been trying not to look at that ugly mother…
Okay,
Well, come to think of it, I have done a couple mothers,
Hey, what you keep bending over…
I'm trying to get the stuff, Joe,
You 'bout to make me throw the damn up, I'm about to throw the damn up,
Well, just get the chairs and put all the chairs up,
You move the chair, I can't look at you,
-You ain't got-- -Hush, hush, hush,
-What? -Hush, hush, hush, hush,
Ooh, smells Cajun back here,
-Hey, -What y'all cooking? Hey!
-[laughing] -Hey there, baby, How you doin'?
Uh, hello,
uh, baby, my name is Joe, I'm a Capricorn,
-Uh, I'm Mr, Brown, and I'm a… a… -Asshole,
-Leo, -[Joe] Oh, he's a Leo,
-How you doin', Mr, Brown and Mr, Joe? -[Joe] Depend on--
Wait, you know my name?
Of course,
Yes, this is Sylvia,
Oh, that's right, baby, I'm so sorry, I remember, Coachella or…
-No, -[Joe] Oh no, No, no, Super Bowl?
All-Star Weekend, [chuckles] You sexy as hell, What's your name?
-Okay, I'm sick to the stomach, -[Brown] Joe,
I wish… I was a mirror
so I can see myself inside of you, [chuckles]
-Is he serious? -I wish you would stop that,
-Joe, -Huh?
-That's your grandniece, -What is happening?
[Brown] That's kin to you,
[Joe] My grandniece? What the hell is a grandniece?
I'm from Alabama, After daughter, it don't damn matter,
-When you get to cousin, you good, -Oh Lord,
That's just terr… Joe, that's ridiculous,
-Y'all go in the house, -I'm not here for this incest,
-Good to see you, -Good to see you too,
Go on, Ooh, go in there, [grunts]
Damn, look at you walking like…
Damn, Brown! Hell! Shit!
What?
Shit,
-[indistinct chattering] -Hey!
Hey, look at her,
Look at this, Hey, babe, how you been?
-Hi! -Good to see you,
Sit down, Sylvia,
-Oh, thank you, -Sit down,
You look so good, Both of y'all look good,
-[Sylvia] Thank you, -Did y'all ride together?
Yes, I told her I was fine, but she insisted on picking me up,
You know I didn't want you on the road in that old car alone,
-That's sweet, -Thanks,
-That is so sweet, -[Sylvia] I got you,
There's nothing like a good girlfriend…
That's right,
[Cora] …to look out for you,
-That's so sweet, -Thank you for letting me stay here,
[Madea] Oh, you're so welcome,
You can come here anytime you want, day or night,
Long as you don't stay too long, You leavin' right after graduation, right?
Ma--
-Yeah, -Okay, good, Just right after, right?
-As soon as it's over, y'all going home, -[Cora] Madea!
Oh, is Ellie here?
Oh, well, she called and said that she was on her way,
but she's gettin' off work, She just got off duty,
[sighs] Okay, I worry about my sister being a cop with all that's goin' on,
Me too, sweetheart, I worry about her,
-Know what I worry about? -[Cora] What?
-I worry about her comin' up in here, -Why?
With all these damn warrants I got, every time I see her, I be worried,
I be like, "Baby don't come up in here,"
"I wanna hug you, but don't frisk me,"
I know that's your daughter, but Lord have mercy, Cora, Mm-mm,
[chuckles]
-Well, she just be looking out for you, -No, no, I… I got too many warrants,
Sylvia's a lawyer, She can help you out with that,
[Cora] Yeah,
Last time Brown tried to help me, I went down to court,
they told me that I had to, uh… uh, pay a…
What they call… what they call… Oh, a fine,
-I gotta pay a fine, -[Laura] Oh,
I'm like, "You want me to pay a fine to get a driving license
so I can get insurance?"
"After I done bought my damn car?"
Hell, no, I'm not finna to pay a fine, my… No, We not do… we don't pay no fines,
They gotta catch me first,
You getting too old for that, Madea,
Sometimes you gotta get some thrills in your life, Do crazy stuff,
I don't wanna die old and… That's what's keeping me young,
-Running from the police, -What?
-Yes, -Is that the trick?
-Yes, That keep your heart strong, -[Cora] Don't listen to her,
-You be like this all the time, -[Cora] Don't listen,
-You been teaching me wrong, -Don't you listen to that,
-I need some warrants and tennis shoes, -That's right, That's right,
No, but I called Tim, and he said he's on his way as well,
-[squeals] -Yes, my grandbaby,
My baby is graduating, Oh my God, Can you believe that?
Oh, he said he wants to tell us an announcement
in front of the whole family while he here so…
-What you think it is? -I have no idea, but…
Whatever it is, you know it's good news, We all know Tim's a great kid,
-His mama did a good job, -Yes, you did,
In spite of that daddy,
Ooh, baby, don't talk about him,
Speaking of that, how you doin' after that divorce?
-Lord have mercy, -Yes, 'cause we know it was bad,
-I'm fine, -That's good,
-You sure? -I'm really good, I am,
No, 'cause after that divorce, you was just looking… [voice drops] …bad,
-Madea! -What?
-She was just looking… [voice drops] …bad, -[Cora] Yeah, 'cause we know it was bad,
I'm good, I really am,
Sylvia, she represented me,
and without her I don't know where or what I would be right now,
Well, I just wish I could've gotten you more,
What'd I tell you? I told you she wasn't gonna be able to do right by you,
What do you mean?
How she gonna do right by her when she going through the court system?
If you go through the court, they tell you what to do,
How the hell a judge gonna make a decision on what you could and can't do?
Hell no to the judge, I ain't going with the judge,
You should've come to me, I'd have got you half of everything,
I'd have got you half of the sofa-- Ask somebody,
In 2004, I took a chainsaw to some shit,
-You better ask somebody, -I know that's right,
There's the legal way, then there's the Madea way,
That's right, That's right,
Right, exactly, Don't follow her tr-- Don't do that, Don't do that,
Oh, sorry, But you look like this divorce is not affecting you at all, sweetie,
-I'm so happy for you, -Unbothered,
-That's right, You look so good, -[Madea] No,
-But she do look good, -No,
-[Cora] What? -You look good, but some… Mm-mm,
Uh-uh what?
Baby, after somebody had a divorce, and they go through a bad, rough time,
and they start looking this good, they usually done found somethin' else,
When you're trying to get over something, they slip under a man with legs wide open,
-Madea! -Cora, I can say what I wanna say,
All that money I spent helping that girl pay for that boy to go through college,
"All that money"?
Yes, I spent…
What? How much was…
-I got to go… I got to add it up, -[Cora] Please add it up,
It was $37,95, is what I sent to you to help put that boy through school,
What's she gonna do with $37?
Ain't about where it come from, It's what you had to do to get it,
-I see, -So y'all come on,
Listen, we get some stuff ready for tomorrow,
You sit here, baby, You look so pretty, Y'all get them 'matoes ready,
-Help your mama, -[Cora] I'm slicing them,
[Madea] Go on, get that ready,
-You're right, -[Cora] I'm gonna slice these tomatoes,
[Tim] Hey,
-Hey, -[squeals]
Mama,
Oh, my baby, My baby!
-Look at them, -[Cora] How you doin'?
-[Tim] Hey, -It's so good to see you,
Look at my baby,
-Good to see y'all, -Come in,
-[chuckling] -Hi,
-Hey, -Hi, Mama, [laughing]
[laughing] They look good,
That's my baby, The graduate,
[Madea] Let them take a picture, Go take a picture,
[all laughing]
Uh! Valedictorian,
-[Cora] Yes! -[laughing]
Hi, I'm so glad that you're here, Sylvia,
And thank you for all that you did for her,
Will you stop it? Y'all do not have to keep thanking me,
I do, though,
Tim, boy, I am so proud of you,
I mean, all that money we spent puttin' you through school,
-You better do something with yourself, -I do, I will, I promise,
You better, [laughing]
I believe you now,
You remember my friend Davi?
-"Davi"? His name Davi? -[Tim] Yes,
I been calling that baby Davey, I… I'm so sorry,
[all laughing]
-Good to see you, Laura, -It's good to see you too,
[Joe] I got a question,
-[Cora] What is it? -Why all these Negroes in this house?
-Is this a homicide? -[Cora] No--
Y'all need to go home,
Uncle Joe, watch your mouth, Did y'all finish everything outside?
I did the best I could, I couldn't look at Brown's ass no more,
so I sent him home,
Brown went home to wash the soot off his ass,
-Uh, I think it was soot, -No, Joe, I don't know if that was soot,
I've known Brown a long time, They call him Brown for a reason,
-Oh my Lord, -[all laughing]
Oh Lord,
Hey, Uncle Joe,
I know damn well you ain't come in here in that uniform,
[Cora] My baby can wear her uniform if she wants,
She's an officer, and I'm so proud of you, baby,
Thank you, Mama,
You're welcome, sweetheart,
You the reason everybody getting to the end of the damn street
and backing up and turning around, That's 'cause of you,
That's what they do here,
They'll back up in a minute when they see a police car,
Tear up damn light poles, everything to get away, You better ask me, I know,
[Joe] You need to take that uniform off
and move that police car before you have everybody in this neighborhood
trying to kill somebody 'cause you in the neighborhood, Get outta here,
I am not moving, Uncle Joe,
If my weed man can't get here to give me my weed, we gonna have a problem,
Freddy coming over? Tell him to get me about four--
-[whispers] I'll tell you later, -So you need to move that police car,
You know, I… I can actually arrest you,
And I'll protest all over your ass, I'll protest all over your ass,
[Ellie] What for?
Violation of my civil right on January 6th on the US Capitol,
That I can smoke weed
if the weed is right,
-[Cora] What? -Tell your weed man to come see me,
What you gonna do?
-Bring him on over, -Don't be threatening my weed man,
-I'll show you what-- -Threatening my weed man,
But, Uncle Joe, you would be in the wrong, Weed is illegal here,
I got a subscription,
Uh, I… I think you mean prescription, right?
-Right, Right, -Who… who the hell is that?
-That's Tim, -The educated one who we're celebrating,
Don't correct him, He's stupid,
I know what I said, Don't correct me 'cause you went to college,
I know what I'm saying, I got a subscription,
Valedictorian,
Well, valedict your ass out of here before you get kicked in it,
[Cora] What is wrong with you?
Now, you move that damn car right now,
I am not, And tell your weed man, come see me,
You know what I'm gonna do? If I count my joint, and I'm running low,
and I run out 'cause you here in your uniform, we… we…
-We gonna have a problem, -[Ellie] You know what?
-I'mma go change… -[Cora] Okay,
…before I have to arrest somebody,
I'm so sorry,
-So that's my Uncle Joe, -[Laura] Yes, that's Uncle Joe,
Come on, watch… watch this, Uncle Joe?
[Joe] What?
[Tim] How you doin'?
Uh, fair to middlin', Nuts don't work, but they still trying,
They'll crank out a little now and then to make her happy,
Okay… Uh, I didn't need to know that,
What the hell you ask me for if you didn't want to know?
-Fair enough, -Okay,
-This is my friend Davi, -[Davi] Hello, sir,
Get your hand away, You ain't heard of COVID-1920,
I tried to tell you, [chuckles]
-[Davi clears throat] -[Tim sighs]
Why… why you… why you talk so funny?
I'm from Europe,
Oh, you're from Europe? That why your pants so tight?
What? Son, I can see your camel toe,
[chuckles]
-This is what our generation's wearing, -What your generation is wearin', I see,
Your generation is turning nuts into nutmeg, Just powder,
Back in the day, we had nuts, We had balls, We had sacks,
Now everybody just got powder, Y'all ain't got no balls,
Y'all, everybody woke, Y'all need to go back to sleep,
All right, Would you leave my roommate alone, please?
Oh, your… Oh, he's your roommate?
-Yeah, Yeah, -We share a dorm room on campus,
[Joe] Your uncle Peaches shared a dorm room on camper too,
It was about, uh, 40 years he shared that dorm room with that dude on camper,
He liked them tight britches, He had a camel toe too,
Joe, leave them damn children alone,
Y'all get up and bring them bags upstairs for your mama,
Don't be talking to that fool,
Go on upstairs, Get the bag right there,
-[Tim] Okay, -Bring it upstairs,
Don't… don't hurt yourself,
Don't break your fingernail,
Don't strain your camel toe,
The hell is wrong with them?
[woman] Hootie-hoo!
[Madea] Oh, that Bam,
Oh yeah, Hey, everybody,
-Hey! Good to see you, Bam, -[Ellie] Hi,
Good to see you too, I wanna sit down, I'm sore,
-Sit down right here, -Oh, thank you for coming today, Aunt Bam,
Thank you for the invite, We gonna be out here?
-I'm gonna sit here then, -Yeah, rest yourself,
Oh yes!
Oh, I knew she was gonna be here,
-Hey, Syl, Look at you, girl, -Hey, Miss Bam,
-Still pretty, Yeah, you still pretty… -Yeah,
[all laughing]
Still nasty too, [chuckling]
-And you wear it so well, -Yes, Thank you,
All of y'all was pretty,
-Even your mama was pretty, -Yes, she was, but she was a ho,
-[Bam] She was, -Just saying, It ain't my business,
Uh, somebody here invited a man,
[Cora, Laura] Ooh,
Ooh, that new man you're seeing?
No, Too new to invite him,
I'm not talking about me, I'm talking about Laura,
-You seein' somebody, baby? -No, she's talkin' about Richard,
What? [splutters] Madea, just calm down,
Uh-uh, You back with him?
Oh, absolutely not,
-But he is Tim's father, -That's right,
And Tim wanted him there, so I said, "Yes,"
No, ma'am, Did anybody think to ask me?
-This is my damn house, -Madea--
You gonna let that man come up in here?
That boy left you broke and had nothing, And I was having to take care of you,
I gave you $37 to help put that boy through school,
You let him come in my house when he ain't do nothing for you?
-Madea, you-- -He better keep his ass away from me,
Y'all better keep his ass away from me, That's all I'm saying,
[Laura] I'm sorry,
Oh yes, Ooh,
Wait, I thought you was tired,
[chuckles] Shut up, [chuckles]
-Tim? -[Tim] Huh?
So,
who is this right here, Tim? Looking like a snack,
-Bam, -Aunt Bam,
Ellie, leave me alone, You know I like 'em fine and little,
-Hi, I'm Davi, -You Da-- Oh,
And… and he French,
-What? -[Bam] Davi,
-[Tim chuckles] -[chuckles] I'm Irish and Dutch,
[splutters] Dutch? Well, you can be my lucky charm anytime,
-[Cora] Bam, -And I'll be your double Dutch,
-[Joe] Who the hell left the gate open? -[laughing]
Joe!
That's the corniest shit I ever heard, I thought I had some corny lines,
You better watch her, She… she…
Oh, never mind, Y'all ain't gotta be careful,
[chuckles] Never mind, Never mind,
-[Cora] Uncle Joe, -All right, now, Come on,
Close the damn door! Got the air conditioner, everything,
Boy comin' out the damn house, Close the door!
Joe, shut up, You don't pay no bill no way,
Y'all go ahead,
-We gotta get ready for dinner, All right? -Okay,
Well, all right then, see y'all,
Bam, where you goin'?
I am going in here to my future,
[Laura] Oh, well…
[Cora] To your future?
Baby, let her go, She high as hell,
-I ain't got no time for y'all, -[Cora] What?
I don't know what y'all sittin' here looking at me for,
[Bam] Tim?
-Who that? -[Bam] Oh, Tim?
-Oh Lord, -[Tim] Auntie?
-Oh, -Hey,
-Hey, Tim, -Hey,
Hey, Tim, Congratulations, baby, That's for you,
Thank you,
-Oh, ain't no money in it, -[Tim chuckles]
He opened it like there was some money in it, didn't he?
-I was ready, -[Joe, Bam chuckle]
But if I could, I would've folded myself up in there for you as your gift,
Bam, you couldn't fold yourself up in a pickup truck,
You may wanna ask your daddy how I folds up,
Oh yeah, He would know, My daddy was a pimp, [chuckles]
[chuckles]
[Joe] What you batting your eyes and fixing your hair for?
You bark… Bam, you barking up the wrong trees,
Tapping you out, Be quiet,
Hush, haterer,
So, guys, you think I could fit right here?
-Well… -I think I can,
-I wanna see this, -I think I can,
I may be able to, I'll put that right here,
Okay,
-[Bam] Look at that, -[Tim] Yeah,
[Bam] I got down there,
[chuckles] Squoze right on in there, didn't I?
Just like an apple trying to get through the eye of a needle,
[groans] Listen, don't… don't sit like this,
Manspread,
Spread, Manspread… Spread it out, Air it out,
-Air this out, -[Tim exhales]
-[chuckles] Oh, -The hell?
If I was just five years older…
What you talkin' about?
That's when my double social security kick in,
Huh,
-Mm-hmm, -Mmm,
From when I worked at the post office, licking stamps,
Oh hell,
Then at Party Central, I was blowin' balloons,
-Mmm, -[Bam] Sure was,
I was just lickin' and blowin' and blowin' and lickin'
for about ten years,
-And I'm good at it too, -Okay,
I don't know why I'm getting turned on, I think I wanna send some mail out,
Okay,
Let me just save you a whole bunch of time, okay?
They share a apartment,
Oh, you're roommates?
-Yes, -You're just roommates,
-[Joe] Bam? -Huh?
Remember Peaches and Harold shared an apartment for 40 years?
-Oh, -[Joe] Uh-huh,
Remember that time I was telling you, you wanted to buy that Beetle Bug car?
Oh, yes,
And I said, "Don't get it 'cause the motor is in the back,"
That's where all the power come from,
-In the back… side of it, -[Tim groans]
[Joe] Right,
-Okay, -[Joe] Uh-huh,
-Well… -[Joe] Yeah,
-I'mma go on to the "back" yard, -Yeah,
-Yes, Well, I'mma go on and go, -[Tim] Thank you for the card,
-Okay, -We know,
-Joe? -Yeah?
[Bam] Good luck,
I… I ain't got nothing to say to them,
-Hell y'all looking at? -Uh…
-Just… -Yeah, [chuckles]
-Okay, -Okay,
Great, Uh, I'll give you a lesson in life,
In the morning, the sun will rise,
and if it don't,
you have died,
[grunts]
There you go, All I got, Ah, shit,
And there's my family,
Yeah,
[woman 1 in Irish accent] Now, Mummy, don't embarrass us,
-[woman 2 in Irish accent] Me? -[woman 1] I mean it,
[woman 2] I won't,
Just knock at the door,
-[sighs] -[farts]
Sorry, sorry,
[knocking on the door]
Whoo! [clears throat]
Wakanda forever! [chuckles]
[grunts]
-Who she think she is? -[Joe] Right,
-[grunts] Hi, -Hi,
I'm Cathy Brown, This is my mother, Agnes,
-Oh, [chuckles nervously] Hello, -Hello, everybody, Hello, [chuckles]
Whoa, Wait a minute now, Where you think you're going?
-[Joe] The hell? -They just walked in, I don't know,
[Agnes] How do you do?
Cora, who you let in my house? What the hell?
[Cora] H… how…
-Mabel… -Y'all with the census?
-No, -[Agnes laughs]
"The census?" [laughing]
Wow, you're a big woman,
-[Cora splutters] What? -Mummy!
I'm just saying, She's a big woman, and I mean big, like, wow!
[chuckles] Is the air thin up there? [chuckles]
Oh, ha ha, Hell! Who is this? Somebody tell me who is this?
[Cora] How can we help you?
-We're here to surprise-- -Oh,
-Davi! -Cousin Cathy!
Oh, hi,
[Davi] Aunt Agnes,
-[Agnes chuckles] -What are you doing here?
We came for your graduation,
Of course, We had to, For your grandfather's sake,
[splutters] Great, What a surprise,
Surprise,
-[Davi] Great, [splutters] -Oh!
[Madea] Oh hell, I didn't mean to drop her, break her damn bones,
[Agnes] I'm fine, [chuckles]
-Madea? -What? She was heavy, Shit,
How did you know I was here?
That's why I was asking so many questions,
Really? You didn't suspect a thing?
Oh!
And we came all the way from Dublin,
-Well, she… -[Davi chuckles]
In a hairy plane,
-[Davi] Yes, -[Cora] Hairy plane?
-What's a hairy plane? -I don't know,
You must be Tim,
-Yes, -Hello,
-Yeah, Nice to meet you, -Davi's told us so much about you,
-Likewise, -Yes, I have,
-And this is his family, -[chuckles]
How do you do?
[chuckles]
[crickets chirping]
Why do you all look like you have your knickers in a bunch,
What? I know damn well what she said, Joe,
Joe, I heard her, What'd she say?
-Wait one damn minute, -What… what… what…
What… what did you just damn say?
-She called us a bunch of niggers, -Did I say something wrong?
What'd you mean, if you don't know if you said something wrong?
Yeah, you said something wrong up in this bitch!
No, she said "knickers,"
-I heard her say we're a bunch of n-words, -Oh no, no, no, no,
That's not what she said,
Don't tell me I didn't hear what I heard,
She said, "Y'all a bunch of niggers,"
-No, no, no, "Knickers," "Knickers," -Yes,
C-K, "Knickers,"
Don't be calling us no niggers up in this nigga,
Hold on, it's "knickers," It's underwear,
Yes, yes, It's "knickers," These are knickers,
-[all exclaiming] -Ooh!
[Joe] And she just damn flashed me,
Actually, that almost turned me on a little bit,
-[Bam] What'd it look like? -[Joe] It looked like a knicker,
She don't shave,
Black is black, Completely black,
Black, Bad cop,
I'm sorry, I didn't get a chance to tidy myself up,
It does look like a busted mattress, But I'm sorry,
Well, say that, Hell, say panties or something,
Baby, them ain't no panties, Them some big-ass drawers,
It's just… look, it's just a language gap, That's all,
That language gap almost got you capped, You better be careful here,
-You better not say that again, -Well, you know, I--
She won't, Right, Mummy?
[Madea] She better not, Cathy B… whatever your name is,
I won't, I'm sorry,
Well, now all that's cleared up, Um--
Is it, Cora? Is it clear?
Is it really cleared up, Cora?
Yes, it's cleared up, Madea, It's clear, Uncle Joe, It was a mistake,
I'm still offended by being called a nigger up in my house full of niggas,
[Cora] It's okay, Uncle Joe,
Well, we were about to take the boys to dinner down at Red Lobster,
We would love for you to come,
[Joe] Cora, hold on,
Now you want me to sit at a table with white folk from Europeo?
And I gotta sit there with a police officer from the popo?
You just hold on one cotton-pickin' minute,
No, no!
-She said "cotton-pickin'," -Excuse me,
[Madea] Now she say "cotton-pickin'"?
We came here to celebrate our nephew's graduation,
[sniffles] Tomorrow he's going to be a proud boy,
Now she called him a proud boy,
Now she called him a damn proud boy,
Oh, hell no!
-[Cora] Calm down, Your pressure! -I gotta get out of here,
I'm gonna represent, I'm gonna put on all my Black shit,
Every Black shit I've got, I'm puttin' on,
If it's more convenient, we can stay at a hotel,
-No, Madea? -What?
-They talking about-- -All right, all right, That's fine,
Y'all came all the way from, uh, Iran, You may as well come down to Red Lobster,
Ireland,
She gon' be correcting me too after what I said?
I know what I said, I said Iran,
I said the same damn thing you said, You don't know where you're from?
-Okay, do you wanna ride with us? -Sure,
Great, Okay, Leaving,
[Madea] Try to correct me when I know I'm saying Iran right,
-[Laura] We'll meet you there, -[Tim] Okay,
-[Bam] All right, I got shotgun, -[Ellie] You can ride with me, Aunt Bam,
Why do I feel like I've just been invited to the Last Supper?
I'm coming,
["Beautiful" by MC Lyte playing]
-[laughing] -[Agnes] Oh my God,
[Brown] What, uh, Agnes? Agnes?
Yes, Agnes Brown,
Oh! Shut up! I'm a Brown too,
-Really? -Yes,
No, you're more Black,
Mummy, he is Mr, Brown,
Oh, yes, [laughs] Of course, Maybe we're related,
[both laughing]
Shut up! Look at you, looking like you looking,
Well, it looks like your great-aunt Agnes and Mr, Brown are hitting it off,
Looks that way,
Mr, Brown, it's good to see you gettin' along,
Well, yeah, Cora, I speak all kinds of languages,
I speak, uh, high brew, low brew, Hebrew, cold brew,
I speak 'em all, Cora, [laughs]
She's speaking English, Mr, Brown,
Half the time I don't know what she saying,
I just look at her and laugh, She be saying stuff I don't even know,
Watch this, Cora,
[both laughing]
-I don't understand a word he's saying, -I know,
Is… is he speaking English?
Yes, but you have to listen very closely,
I am, Cathy, My ears can't hear that fast,
-Cora, my sugar level is low, -Let me check my--
My sugar gets low sometimes
when I get excited or get anxious about something,
Hand me Madea's purse, I'mma check to see if she got some sugar,
-She usually-- -I did not pass you that purse,
You did, I'mma see if she got some candy,
Give me something, Cora, Hurry, I'm fading down, I'm going low-low,
-Here, get a few, Hurry up, -Okay, Give me some,
-Before she come back from the restroom, -Hurry up,
Okay, all right, Mmm, Oh yeah,
-Get you a chocolate, -Right before dinner?
Yeah, yeah, It'll… it'll help cleanse your Pil… your Pilates,
No, I don't do yoga,
He means cleanse your palate,
-Oh, -[Brown] Yeah,
-I need a feckin' dictionary, -No, no, your diction is just fine,
Just go on and take it, Take it, right, Just eat it, Mmm,
-Hurry up, -[Agnes] Thank you,
Yeah, Ooh, Cora, this is crunchy,
-Mmm, Mmm, [crunching] Mmm, -You like that?
-What's that in the middle? -Huh?
-In the middle, What's that? -Deez nuts,
-Did you get a nut? -Not yet,
[both laughing]
-That's enough, -[Cathy] What did he say?
I don't know, Something about his nuts,
Apparently, they eat chocolate before dinner,
-Do you want some? -No, that'll ruin my figure,
Seriously, Cathy, [chuckling] It's a bit late for that now,
[Brown laughs]
[Madea] Oh Lord, The line to the bathroom so long,
Hey, there, Look at Agnes over there, How y'all doing, babe?
Ooh, Lord, Long lines at bathroom,
-Everything come out all right? -Always do, Cora, Hell,
Me, I've been eating here a long time, You remember I was working at The Field,
I was on The Field, all the time, I'd come here,
Oh, I used to play rugby, Did you play?
No, baby, I didn't rug nobody, No, I was a--
A big Black linebacker for the Bears,
I'm about to play stab a Black bastard for the Saints,
Say one more damn thing,
No, baby, I worked at a club called The Field, It was for strippers,
Right, Sure was,
Back in the day, I didn't make it rain,
but I sure made it drizzle, I could get that change,
They didn't throw no dollars, They'd throw the rolled-up nickels
and hit me with them quarters and stuff, It hurt, but I got that money,
-I paid my bills, -[Brown] Yes,
Madea, now you want to come to this place and have a nice dinner,
and you gonna sit at the table and talk about strippin',
-Hos got to eat too, -[Cora] What?
This Red Lobster full of hos, You don't believe me? I'mma tell you,
♪ Broke boy don't deserve no coochie ♪
[crowd] I know that's right! [cheering]
Full of hos, Full of hos, Whole damn place,
Did you hear all them hos? That's a hollaback, Cardi B, baby,
We're at this nice restaurant now, Don't do that, Madea,
It's okay, Mummy's no spring chicken,
Oh no, I've been around the block before,
[Brown] You was a doorknob?
On a bike with no saddle,
[Brown] Get out!
Hoo! That ain't a spring chicken, That's an old crow,
[laughs]
[caws]
[laughs]
Yes, Joe,
[Joe chuckles]
I don't know what all y'all lookin' at, I'mma represent,
If I gotta come up here and sit down here at this table
with a copper and with somebody using the n-word, nigga,
then I'mma come up here and represent all the Black Lives Matter,
We all gonna protest, We all gonna burn our shit down,
Really?
Well, you might wanna get real full, You know what's about to happen?
You about to lose your job,
♪ You about to, you about to You about to, remix ♪
-Here we go, Uncle Joe, -♪ You about to lose your job ♪
-You with him too? -I like that, Joe,
Defund this shit, Get rid of the police,
The same way that we're saying "defund the police,"
there are criminals saying the same thing,
That's why crime has gotten so much worse, Think about it,
I don't know the answers, but somebody needs to have some conversation
'cause you'll never figure nothing out
as long as everybody screamin' and yellin' at each other,
My tax dollar, my tax dollar--
Joe, let me ask you something, babe, When's the last time you paid a tax?
You don't pay no damn tax,
Can we just let this go, please?
Well, uh, do you want there to be lawlessness then?
Hey, babe, you think that scare me?
Bring it, Look, I know lawlessness, I spent my whole life in lawlessness,
-Look who I live with, That's my sister, -[Brown] Yes,
-Braless and lawless, Yep, -[Brown] Lawless and braless,
Them titties ain't never been captivated,
They been running free all the time,
You want me to feel sorry for y'all? No, I ain't finna feel sorry for y'all,
Well, now you're doing the very thing that you don't want us to do,
You don't want them to judge all Black people as criminals,
but you wanna judge all police as killers?
-Madea, say something to stop this, -I got it, I got it,
Set of his keys are in here, Look,
[click, car alarm honking]
Oh, call the police, That my car alarm, That my car alarm,
-See? See? See? -[Cora] You want the police now?
Oh, never mind, It went off, Okay, what was I saying?
Not a damn thing, You see? You see? You see?
-You mad at the police till you need 'em, -[Cora] That's true,
You say, "I don't take a stand," till somebody break your damn house,
steal your shit, they're the first thing you call,
-[Cora] Ooh, here come the food, -There the food, baby,
[clapping]
-Ooh, that look good, -[Bam] Lay it on me,
-[Madea] That look good, -[Cora] Look at her,
-[Brown] This is hot, -[Laura] Oh, we got that surf and turf,
[indistinct chattering]
Hey, Hey, don't you tell her I opened the door and let you in,
[Madea] That was a good meal,
-Yeah, that was good, -Sorry I'm late,
-Good to see you, -[Richard] Nice to see you,
-You too, -What's up, son?
-I am full, -[Cora] I mean it,
[Richard] My graduation boy,
Yo, I'm sorry I'm late, All right? I had to miss dinner, I got caught up,
-It's all good, -I thought I would come here,
Hey, Dad, you remember my friend Davi?
What's up, Davi? Huh?
You ain't gonna even shake his hand?
-Hi, Richard, -What's up, Laura?
Um, this is Agnes and Cathy, Davi's family from Ireland,
-They came for the graduation, -How do you do?
[Richard] Okay, okay, Nice to meet you, Yeah,
Bam, he up in my… I know Joe let his ass in here,
-It's okay, Mabel, just calm down, -No, I know Joe did it,
He ain't stealin' nothin', You ain't got nothin' to steal,
What the hell do you mean? All the collector's items I have in here,
I done collected this stuff from all over the world of Georgia,
-Right, At the flea market, [laughing] -[Madea] He better not say nothing to me,
Is that Madea over there?
-Yeah, it is, -[Joe] Oh, don't go…
Don't go over there, baby,
-Gonna say hey to her, -Oh, you don't listen, do you?
-Oh, here he come, -He don't listen,
Hey, Bam, how you doin'?
-Talk to somebody else, Go on, -Hey, Madea,
-Bam, I'mma tell you one time, -What?
-Duck, -Oh!
-[Richard] Come on, Madea, I said hey, -Bam, that ain't no damn duck,
[Richard] Hey, Madea?
[clicks tongue] Madea, I know you hear me,
-M… Madea-- -[gun fires]
Mabel!
[screaming]
What you doing?
-Oh, Oh, Oh, -[Laura] We knew it,
Oh, Kamala, I did it, Oh, Kamala, I did it,
You did it, Joe,
Down my leather pants, All down my leather pants,
[laughs] Well, Joe, it's a good thing you got on them boots, [laughs]
Baby, you almost scared the sugar out of me,
Y'all act like that boy did not just walk in here and assault me,
He assaulted me,
We better get the feck out of here,
I think you're right,
He just assaulted me, He just put his hand, it just swole up,
No, I was not tryin' to assault you, Madea, I was just sayin' hi,
"Hi" is two letters, an H and I,
No, Mabel, high is what I was when I got here,
but I ain't high now,
Madea, I'm sorry, okay? I'm…
My bad,
It was lovely meeting you, We have to go back to the hotel,
And, Davi, if you want to live, get your arse into that car now,
We'll see you at the graduation,
Please, please stay,
It's, uh…
Aunt Agnes, I'm going to stay here,
Well, I'm telling you now, If you don't turn up to that graduation,
I'll fecking kill you meself,
-No, no, no, Please, Uh, she's sorry, -Yeah,
It won't happen again,
Well, I…
It's okay, Aunt Agnes, It's okay,
-Yeah, Come on, Relax, Have a seat, -Yeah, Have a seat,
-Okay, -Don't slide off the plastic,
Get comfortable, Look at these smiling faces,
[Madea] Cora, you better come get this bastard before I gut him like a fish,
Hell, I don't want him here, and he's still here,
Get his ass outta here,
-You 'bout to scare our guests again, -[Madea] I don't give a… if I scare 'em,
Get him outta here, He shouldn't be here,
We got guests in the house,
Richard, I told you not to come, Get on out,
You just spoke to him earlier like he's supposed to be here,
I'm sorry, baby, I didn't mean to scare you, but I don't give a damn,
-[Bam] Mabel, -[Madea] What?
That's a shame,
It's all right, Don't worry about it,
Laura, I want to thank you and your family
for the care you took with Davi,
Ah, he's very special,
Yes, You know I worried about him coming over to America on his own,
-I didn't know what to expect, -Well, he is doin' great,
Yes, You'll have to come and visit in Ireland,
What? Oh, I like that, Yeah, I heard it's beautiful there,
It is, So, you, Tim, and all the family come and visit Davi on the farm,
The farm?
Yes, he's goin' home to take over the family farm,
Oh, I didn't… I didn't know that,
Yes, that was the deal, He went to school here,
and then he comes home and takes over the family farm,
He's a good boy,
Uh, yeah, he is,
Um… So, does he know this?
That he's a good boy?
[chuckles] Uh, no, I mean about the family farm,
[chuckles] Oh, yes, We talk about it every day,
Cool, I see,
-[gasps] Oh, lookit, that is one big cock, -[Laura chuckles]
You know, they've said that a few times about me, [chuckles]
I'm glad you notice a king when you see one,
[chuckles] Yeah, [chuckles]
[exhales] It's hot, Is it hot in here, or is it me?
I feel… I'm sweating bullets,
Maybe I'm going through the change again, This'll be the third time,
-Oh, -Could be the long flight, [clears throat]
-Yeah, -Maybe I need fresh air,
Yes, Yes, then let's…
-We'll go to the yard, -Yes,
Why we sittin' here like this?
-[Cora] Madea, -They finna run an intervention?
-Tim want to talk to us, -That's why the chairs like this?
-Yes, -I guess he gotta tell us something,
[Laura] Ooh, all right, uh… [chuckles]
I don't think your Aunt Agnes is feeling too well,
I'm fine, I'm fine, I just… I just need some fresh air,
-[Madea] Come on, sit down, -Come on over here, fresh, Sit by me,
Oh, uh, thank you very much, sir,
[Brown laughing]
-Fresh air, Maybe I get you sunglasses, -Sit by me, girl,
Tim, remember when your great-grandmother shot that gun,
and your father jumped out of the way like a coward?
-Now that was funny, -There weren't nothin' funny about that,
-Yes, it was, and I'm not your son, -Hey, what are you doin'?
-[Davi chuckles] -[Tim] Stop it,
Look at him, he's a coward, He's a loser,
-Watch your mouth, -Richard, what are you doing?
Stop this, okay?
-Who do you think you're talking to? -I'm talking to you, little boy,
-I'm old enough to be your father, -What the hell goin' on?
Davi, Davi, stop,
-You act like you-- -This is about your son,
I told you not come in here with that mess, Now just stop,
You act like you don't hear this boy talking like that,
-What are they arguing about? -I don't know,
He's sorry, okay? Can we all just sit down and… and talk?
I just… I need to tell you guys something,
-I think that's a good idea, -Okay,
Yeah, we better do that because y'all gotta get him outta here,
Whatever you wanna tell us, you better tell us quick to get him outta here,
So whatever you have to say, baby, say it, 'cause he got to go,
-I'm runnin' out of patience, -I came… I came here for my son,
-I ain't come here for all this, -[Bam] Hey, Tim,
There's a lot of us that don't want your Black ass here,
-You understand? -[Cora] Madea!
He comin' up in here with all that damn attitude,
Baby, say what you gotta say before I have to hurt your daddy,
I'm not like your mama, who gonna be all kind,
-Shut up, Say what you gotta say, son, -Okay,
Are there gonna be guns again? Because Mummy can't take anymore,
-I would love to say no, but-- -[Madea] I can't make no promises,
-I stay locks and loaded, -[Bam] Probably,
He's sorry,
You ain't gotta apologize for me,
You mad at her too 'cause of how she got you in the divorce helpin' my sister?
-She didn't get me, -Please,
-You better tell 'em, -Can you stop?
-Can you? -Yeah, yeah, yeah,
You right, We talked about this, I will try, I will try,
[Madea] What the hell?
-Wait, Mabel, -I'm trackin' with you, Bam,
-Right, right, -We talked about this, What's goin' on?
Are they not divorced?
-Wait, now Irish is catchin' up with us, -I need subscripts,
I… I'm not fully caught up 'cause I don't know what, mm, is goin' on,
Okay, look, can we all just please listen to Tim?
Please, this is about Tim, okay?
Can you all just chill?
All right, great,
Tim, baby, you got the floor, okay?
Maybe only ten seconds, but please go,
I've done this before, [slurring speech] My name is Agnes, and I am an alcoholic,
-[Madea] That ain't what this is, -Okay, sorry,
I'm sorry, Whatever you got to say, say it,
Okay, um…
Uh…
Okay, uh…
You got this,
Uh, family, um, this is really hard for me to say,
and I've been struggling with how to tell you this,
So, uh…
I'm…
I'm just gonna say it,
Uh, I'm…
I'm… I'm gay,
[sighs] So…
That's it? That's all you wanna say? Well, baby, we knew that,
-[Bam] Right, -We already knew that,
Wait, You guys don't wanna talk about me being gay?
We been talking about that for years, We all knew that,
We all talked about it, We were waitin' on you to say somethin',
We don't rush nobody, You come out when you want to, That's fine,
-You all right, We know that, -Mom, really?
[Madea] We knew when you was a little boy,
We knew,
Yeah, baby, when somebody love you, it don't matter if you gay or not,
They gonna love you anyway, And we love you,
-Your family loves you, okay? -I'm so proud of you,
[Madea] You ain't good at being down low,
-Oh man, -[chuckles]
-That's embarrassing, -No, don't be embarrassed, Proud of you,
-I love you, guys, -[Madea] I love you too,
But back to my question,
Why the hell was y'all two talking? What y'all talking about?
-Tim, -Richard, don't,
Told you I didn't wanna come here, But for you, I came,
-[Sylvia] Richard, -I came for you, No, I came for you,
Damn this family,
-Damn the family? -[clamoring]
I… I… I told you this wouldn't work,
We're supposed to be celebrating Tim tonight, okay? Can we focus on him?
Now Sylvia, she wants to beat around the bush,
-I'm gonna be straight up and tell y'all, -What are you doing?
-We gettin' married, -What?
[Brown] Shut up!
He getting married to your best friend?
I am so glad that you are not refunded,
[Madea] Refunded?
[Bam] Yes,
'Cause it's so good to have a policeman right in your family
for such a time as this,
-It sure is, Thank you, -[Brown] True,
Just… just take a second,
Laura, you gonna say something?
Hell, no! You… Are you kidding me?
Look, you need to get out now,
Now,
Ellie, sweetie…
-[Ellie] Yeah-- -Sweet baby sis,
It's all right, It's fine, I'm happy for you two,
[Madea] Stop that lyin',
Walk over there, punch that girl in her throat and knock them teeth out,
Then I'mma go and grab her and knock her ass down,
I got him, You just do what you need to do,
-[Cora] Madea! -We all got your back,
[Madea] Put them stilettos down her throat,
Madea, please, All right? Everybody just chill out,
Nobody's thinkin' and carin' about this,
-This weekend is about my baby, -[Cora] That's right,
-I have waited for this a long time, -Yeah,
Graduating valedictorian, This is Black boy joy at its finest,
If we could please act like family for two seconds,
-Fake it till we make it? -That's right,
That's fine, but they're not our family,
[Madea] That's right, not our family, Got to go,
Got to,
My son want me here, I ain't goin' nowhere,
[Madea grunts]
[shotgun cocking]
-[Brown shouts] -[clamoring]
-Madea! What are you doin'? -What you say about stayin'?
I guess we be goin',
I'll see you at graduation, son, I'm proud of you,
All right, Let's go, Babe, let's go,
[Bam] She's so pretty, [laughs]
Cora, I got to pee,
-Don't do that, -Don't want me to say it out loud?
-No, -Cora, I gotta pee,
-What you-- -Cora, I got to pee,
-Would you go on? -I'mma go pee,
-What the hell? -Don't be long,
And if you are long, bring it back, [laughing]
What a wonderful family, I really like them,
They're so funny,
[laughing]
-Aunt Bam, -[Davi] You seem a bit off,
I just like dark humor,
[Cora] Oh, what…
Wait a minute, I… Somethin' is wrong with Mr, Brown,
I think it's sugar, I need to check his sugar,
You have candy, I need to give him some more candy, Where's your purse?
-Cora, you been in my purse? -Yes,
-You gave them candy out of my purse? -Yes,
-[Madea] How many you give 'em? -[Cora] They had four or five of 'em,
Oh, hell, no, Cora, that's weed you gave 'em,
-[splutters] What? Weed! -Yes, they high as hell,
My great-aunt is high?
Eh, I love you, I love you,
Davi, I love you,
I love him, I love him,
I love you too, I feel like I'm 16, I love you,
Let me go check on Mr, Brown,
[screams] Cora!
Oh, hell, Brown,
Oh, hell, no, Hold on,
-They call me the Brown Panther! -[Agnes] Jump!
-Watch me fly! -[Cora] Mr, Brown!
Agnes, catch me, baby,
I'mma fly, Can I fly? I can fly, Cora!
[screams] Watch me fly!
-Cora, I'mma fly, -[laughs] Burn yourself up,
-Now you jump off a roof, [laughs] -[Brown screaming]
Hey, I need to get some of what you've been out there gettin', Brown,
-Somebody, help him down, -[screaming]
-[all scream] -[body thuds on ground]
-[Brown grunts] -Now that looked like it feckin' hurt,
-I missed, -[Brown coughs]
-Sorry, Brown, -Should've got a video,
Can you believe they got high?
I mean, come on, You never know what you're gonna find in a Madea purse,
Mm-hmm, Ain't that the truth?
You okay, though?
Yeah, um, I'm fine, I'm fine,
No,
What?
You… [chuckles]
You were so happy, but after dinner you got sad,
[sighs] No, it's okay,
I mean, it… it's been a day, you know?
There's a lot going on and…
Now Davi's family is talking about he needs to go back to Europe and…
And that makes you sad?
Well, I mean…
I know how much Davi loves Tim,
Yeah, Mm-hmm,
Yeah,
I'm glad they came out,
[chuckles] Did they, though?
Well, where were you? [chuckling]
Oh, I was there,
-I was there, -Uh-huh,
But did Davi come out?
-[laughs] -Or just my baby, I'm just saying,
-Yes, you… Actually, you are right, -Mm-hmm,
Maybe he didn't want his family to know
that he was… You know, he wasn't expecting them,
Maybe,
I just want them to be happy,
So, how about, uh, Sylvia and Richard?
Mm, Mm-mmm, Mm-mmm, I don't wanna think about him or her,
[inhales] I just want to focus on my baby's graduation, [groans]
-That's it, -[knocking on door]
Come in,
-Hey there, -[chuckles] Hey,
I was getting ready to go to bed, but I wanted to come check on you,
I know this been a rough day,
-[Laura] Yeah, I'm good, -You good?
-Mm-hmm, Yeah, -Yeah,
I don't wanna talk about it, I'm good,
-You don't wanna talk about it? -Mm-mmm,
Okay, well, my house, my rules, so we're gonna talk about it,
Oh, okay,
That man ran off with your best friend, I don't understand, That's horrible,
Just terrible that they would just leave you like that,
Well, they didn't steal or run off or any of that,
I just… I mean… I just wish they'd told me about it, That's it,
[chuckles] Let me tell you two things, I want you to remember this here,
You always know, God always send you a sign,
People look for a oak tree, and God dropped a little acorn,
You got to pay attention to the acorn, That's number one, okay?
And number two, if you don't remember nothing else I tell you, remember this,
I learned this a long time ago,
Never let your girlfriend and your man hang out too often,
So you think this all happened before my divorce?
Sometimes I think that the mall is open, but ain't nobody shoppin',
I sti… I don't…
-O… o… okay, -[Ellie] What?
Okay, Nothing, [chuckles] You like your mama,
Think about it, baby,
You and this girl talk every day while she helping with your divorce,
When did they find time to start dating, fall in love,
and do all this if it wasn't before then?
That's what I'm saying,
-[Madea] See, I knew it, -Yeah, Mm-hmm,
And baby, it hurts, My girlfriend stole my man,
I mean, we were so close,
I mean, she just… Ooh, she walked out with him,
It was bad, Real bad, I don't wanna talk about it,
-I think she wants to talk about it, -Uh, Madea?
[Madea] Hmm?
Would you like to talk about--
-I said I don't want to talk about it, -Okay,
It was December 1st, 1955,
[women laughing]
Bye, Laverne and Shirley,
[classical music playing]
Archie?
I'll never forget it, There I was in Montgomery, Alabama,
Archie, where are you?
And my girlfriend Rose, we was roommates,
Archie?
And she left me,
Archie, where are you?
Archie?
He had moved out, Took everything out of the damn house,
Why are all your clothes gone from the dresser? Oh no,
Whatever am I going to do? Archie?
I was like, what is going on?
Archie? Are you in the kitchen?
Archie, where are you?
I started looking all around, I can't find nothing,
I'm looking for my man, He was gone,
Oh no, Oh God,
I knew he was messing around with somebody, I didn't know who it was,
So terribly sad,
He wasn't gonna just walk out on me,
He did it, Then Bill Clinton did it later on, I wasn't finna have that,
Operator, give me 1-2 Montgomery 0-6,
Hi, is this the NAACP office?
Is my girlfriend Rose there? I'm so terribly upset,
I can't find Archie anywhere, and I'm in this terrible dilemma,
Wait,
Oh no,
I think her things are gone too,
Do you think they left together?
[suspenseful music playing]
So then I went to her job, She work over there at the N… [splutters] …CP,
Rose?
Where's Rose?
Excuse me, I'm looking for Rose,
Everybody gonna act like they don't know?
Somebody better tell me where the hell Rose is at up in here,
Where's Rose? Where is Rose?
[workers exclaiming]
Where she at? Don't nobody know where Rose at?
Y'all don't know where Rose at? Don't nobody know where Rose at?
Where's Rose at? Where's Rose at?
Where's she at up in this…
Where Rose? Where Rose? Where Rose? Where Rose? Where Rose?
Is Rose in here? I don't see Rose, Where's Rose?
Somebody gon' tell me where Rose is at? Where is Rose at?
[sobbing]
I'd been driving all around looking for her everywhere,
Then I look up on the bus, and there she is,
What the hell? I know she ain't on this bus,
I saw her on the bus, and I pulled in front of that bus in my car,
And the bus driver say…
[as Southern man] "Ma'am, you can't do that, This Montgomery, Alabama,"
And I was like, "I don't care,"
I know damn well you hear me on this bus, Rosa,
I got out, and I stabbed them tires with everything I had in me,
Rosa, I don't… Get off the bus, Rosa,
Rosa, don't sit there like… Bus driver get back,
You better open this door,
Get off the bus, Rosa, I'mma get you, Rosa,
You see me, Rosa,
Get Rosa off the damn bus, Rosa,
That's all right, I'm picketing, I'm taking a picture,
I'm taking a picture of all this sh… I see you, Rosa,
This is Madea, It is 19…
That's Rosa, Rosa Parks, Y'all know her, I'm gonna post this in…
It's 1955, but I'mma post it as soon as I know what year the…
I'mma post it one day, but I'm taking it on my iPhone,
I mean my aPhone ‘cause they didn't have iPhone back then,
‘cause it was A before I, but…
That's Rosa Parks, and that's Archie back there,
That's my man, Archie,
She stole him from me, and I started the Civil Rights Movement 'cause of this,
I was like, "Rosa, get off the bus, I just wanna talk to you,"
So she stayed on the bus, The man got mad, White people got mad,
Next thing I know, Martin Luther King was there,
Uh, Jesse Jackson, Millie Jackson,
Uh, J… J… Little Janet was there,
La Toya, Reba, All them Jacksons were there marching
and protesting down there in 1955,
-What Rosa are you talkin' about? -Rosa Parks,
-The Rosa Parks? -[Madea] No, no, her name is Rose,
Ain't no the Rose, She became Rosa Parks after all of that,
You know why Rosa didn't get off that bus?
People think she was trying to help Black people, That is not what happened,
Only reason Rosa didn't get off, she didn't wanna get her ass whooped,
'cause she stole my man,
-Okay, -[both chuckle]
[Madea] And now look,
Look, Rosa Parks is a whole entire Civil Rights hero,
She’s a shero,
And you know why she’s a shero?
Because I would not let her get off that bus,
Next thing you know, y'all can sit anywhere you want,
Thank me, You're welcome, Praise Him,
-Oh, -Thank you,
-Mm-hmm, -Madea praise,
That’s right, Thank you, I'm just saying that all that bad that was,
me… me mad at her and wantin' to fight her, right?
But look at the good that came out of it,
Look at what has happened for Negroes because of what I did, You understand?
-Cause and effect, -[Madea] I did that, Right,
So, when we get to the graduation, I want you to have some cause and effect,
Grab Sylvia and punch her dead in her damn face at that graduation,
Come on, come on, Where's your thug? Get your inner thug out,
If did that to Rose, then you do it too, That was back in the day, baby,
I was young and sexy, I was 20 years old,
Okay, So if you were about 20 back then,
if I do the math and I carry the one, you'd be about 95 by now,
[chuckles] Black don't crack, Unless you're using it, [chuckles]
I took this back in 19 and 55, There it is, I took that picture,
Okay,
Ha ha, Proof is in the pudding,
[indistinct chattering]
[upbeat Irish music playing]
Yes, ma'am,
Oh,
[groans]
Hmm, Get them dishes clean,
-Well, hello, -Hello, Cora,
-How are you? Good to see you, -Hello, Laura,
How you doin'? How you feelin'?
[sighs] Terribly embarrassed,
Uh, why? You didn't do anything to feel embarrassed, It wasn't your fault,
-We're so sorry, -Yeah,
Could… could I speak to Madea alone, please?
Sure, sure, Madea,
-We can take this outside, -Thank you,
Yeah, come on, sit down, honey,
-Can I help? -Uh, sure, Take this,
-Okay, Thanks, -Come right over this way, Right this way,
Good to see you, baby,
-How you doin', hon? -Hello, Madea,
Ma… Madea, I'm very embarrassed about last night,
Honey, ain't nothing to be embarrassed about, Okay?
I was a foolish old woman,
Don't worry, We all been foolish old women for somebody,
-[laughs] We have, -It's all right,
-Yes, Oh, and thank you, -Mm-hmm,
You know, when you get old, you get stiff and achy,
Truth be told, that's why I use it,
-Yes, -Mm-hmm,
-I woke this morning with no pains, -Mm-hmm,
[chuckles] Yeah, I was singing and dancing,
[chuckles] Yep, I wake up like that too,
My nipples were like two bullets,
[both laughing]
I haven't felt that alive in years,
Oh, you want some more, don't you?
Oh, like an addict,
Ok… [chuckles] Okay, I'mma give it to you,
but you gotta be careful with this stuff, Let me tell you, the key is this,
you eat a little bit something before then take a little now, a little later,
-You got to microdose it, understand? -Yes, thank you,
Go on, take a little bit, I'm just gonna give you one,
-Thank you very much, -Just one,
Mm-hmm, Yeah, Mm-hmm, Mmm,
Oh, that is gorgeous,
Yep, You know, I make this myself,
-Do you? -Yes, I got the recipe,
I'll give it to you, but you gotta be careful
because if you do too much, you'll get five to ten, [chuckles] Be careful,
-Thank you very much, you know, -You welcome,
I think you and I are gonna become very good friends,
I believe that, I believe that, I like you, Agnes Brown, [chuckles]
♪ Yeah, you fucking With some wet ass pussy ♪
What? What was that? What'd she say?
♪ Bring a bucket and a mop For this wet ass pussy ♪
A bucket and a mop?
Honey, if it's that wet, you need a gynecologist,
[chuckles]
♪ I don't wanna spit, I wanna gulp ♪
♪ I wanna gag, I wanna choke ♪
♪ I want you to touch That li'l dangly thing ♪
♪ That swing in the back of my throat ♪
Damn, that's violent,
Maybe she's trying to get a strep infection,
My mother told me, if you do that, you'll never be able to yodel,
♪ Yeah, you fucking with some… ♪
Ooh, these young people so ratchet with these nasty songs,
-Where's that coming from? -I don't know,
I don't know what the world is coming to,
-Young people these days, -Young people listen to this,
[Madea] You ain't gonna believe we heard,
-What? -♪ I don't wanna spit, I wanna gulp… ♪
-[Madea] What you looking for? -Mabel,
Looking for my phone,
-♪ Swing in the back of my throat ♪ -[Bam] There it is,
Excuse me, Hey, Lil Black,
Say what?
When? Tonight? Yeah,
I guess she just has some wet ass--
Uh-uh, Don't, Don't, No, No, No,
["Before I Let Go" by Maze featuring Frankie Beverly playing]
-[Tim] So, uh, what do you think? -[Davi] It's great,
No, it's not, I mean…
[chuckling] You are such a perfectionist,
-[chuckles] Yeah, -Are you nervous?
-Yes, very, -Don't be, You're gonna kill it,
Ah, thank you, man, You always on my side,
-Oh, look at them hugging, -[Bam] Oh, ain't that cute?
Look at you,
-Look at you two, I see y'all, -[chuckles]
[humming "Bridal Chorus"]
[holding high note]
[Brown] Uh, Bam, Bam! Bam!
You do know that's wedding music you playin', right?
That's why I'm singin' it for 'em,
I think they gonna tell us they're getting married next,
Uh, congratulations,
You know, when they call your name at the graduation,
I'mma sing… [high-pitched] ♪ This is your granddaddy ♪
Brown, you gonna lose all your nuts singin' that high, Hush!
-Way up high, -[Tim] You can do that,
-I'm high, I always sing up there, -[Davi] You got support,
Look, look at this, Look, look, look, look,
-[Brown] Oh Lord, -[Bam] Uh-uh,
[Ellie] Make sure we cover… Yeah, cover that up,
-What the what? -[Bam] Yeah, uh-huh,
[Ellie] Y'all look real good, Okay,
[Brown] I like that color on her,
[Ellie] What are they doin' here?
Oh, I wanted my dad to come, He said he had to bring her, so…
Tim,
It… it's… it's fine,
No, it's not fine, What…
Does this not make you mad?
What are… what's really going on?
I'm fine,
You know what?
Wait till Madea sees him,
That's what I told him, I said,
"If I'm gonna make this damn coleslaw, you ain't gonna be stealing my recipe,"
There she is, All hell about to break loose now,
What the hell?
I know damn well he not back up in here,
-Madea, I asked him to come, -What the hell you invite him up here for?
What the hell you mean, you asked him to come?
-Please, Do it for me? -Boy, I don't know you like that,
I never liked you, I know we kin, but that don't mean we close,
-Madea? -[Madea] What?
I think you need some more of your chocolate,
I done had too many, That's the problem,
Oh, and… and here she come,
Laura, can I talk to you?
Hell, no, you can't talk to her, She ain't got nothing to say to you,
-Can we talk in private, please? -No, you marrying her man in public,
What the hell you want to run to privacy now for?
Let's talk in the open
where all the people can see what you're trying to say,
Laura, I just wanna say that I'm sorry,
I didn't mean to fall in love with him, It…
It just kinda happened,
-Look at my face, -[Brown] Oh,
I don't give a damn,
[Agnes] Madea!
Bye, girl, Bye, girl, Bye,
And it's been killing me because I didn't know how to tell you,
C'mon, baby, You gonna hook up with him, You could've hooked up with me here,
I got what he got but bigger,
Joe, shut up,
But you do know I love you, right?
Take that thing you came with and bounce out, I can't take no more,
[chuckling] Tell her, Mabel!
Tim, do you want us to leave?
No, I want you to leave,
-I'm talking to my son, -I'm talking to you,
-Tim, -You are a sorry piece of--
-[Tim] Davi! -Shit,
-It's okay, -No, I'm sick of this clown,
-Clown? -Richard,
[groans]
-Davi, why are you behaving this way? -[Davi] I'm sick of him,
Uh-oh, gettin' ready to go down,
Who you… who you talkin' to?
I'm talking to the man that had the audacity
to walk out on his family and leave her in tears,
-Baby, -You don't know me, man,
It'll be my pleasure to beat the hell out of you,
Davi, stop it!
-Yes, Stop that now! -I'm sick of him!
What? Boy!
[all screaming]
-[Laura] Stop it! -[Richard, Davi grunting]
Oh hell! Oh hell!
-Oh yeah, -[Laura] Stop!
[Cora] Oh my God!
[screaming]
[all shouting]
You knocked that girl down, What's wrong with you?
-[Bam] Get Laura, Get Laura, -Uh-oh,
He hit my baby, Whoa, what the devil!
Hold on, here!
[Laura panting]
-Baby, you all right? -[Joe] Baby?
-[Brown] Baby? -That what he said?
Are you okay?
No, I think he was checking on Timmy, 'Cause, Timmy, ain't you his baby?
Okay, what he calling her baby for?
You wanna tell them?
-Davi, not now, It's not the time, -They told their secret, Let's tell ours,
Tell us what? What's going on?
Please,
We've been seeing each other for the past two years,
-You-- -Oh, you got to be lying,
Wait, What?
-Did you know about this? -No,
Davi, what?
Wait, seeing each other? What does that mean?
I'll tell you what it mean, They been fuckin',
-[Brown] Joe! -[Ellie] Uncle Joe!
Oh, boy, you can't be mad at your mama
'cause she gettin' that Similac with vitamin… [voice drops] …D, [chuckles]
Oh, I see you, Laura, I see you,
Yeah, Now… now I know why you not mad about them,
[Joe] Right,
[Bam] ♪ Lean with it Rock that baby with it ♪
-[Joe] Hey! Hey! [laughs] -♪ Lean with it, rock that baby with it ♪
[Tim] Mama, is that true?
Yes, baby, It's true,
Mabel, I'm so confused,
I don't know… I don't know what to do,
I thought the two boys was the lovers,
Aunt Agnes, I'm s… sorry, I will explain,
-[Agnes] No, No, you won't explain, -Aunt Agnes…
So you and my mother?
We were gonna tell you,
[scoffs] He was gonna tell me, [scoffs]
This is wrong, He's… he's my age, He's three years older than me,
[Bam] Wait a minute, [chuckles]
You mad, ain't you, baby?
"We the same age,"
"He just three years older than me,"
[chuckles] You trying to trick me, ain't you?
That means y'all not the same age, [chuckles]
No, that ain't what he's…
He trying to trick me, I'm… I'm high, but I ain't that high,
Are you telling me you seeing this li'l baby?
You talkin' to me?
Richard, you judging me?
Hell, yeah,
I mean, you're seeing this child,
-What? You couldn't find a real man? -Richard,
Apparently, she couldn't get one when she ran up on your ass,
Damn, this is funny,
[Laura] You standing there with my best friend,
but you think this is funny,
You wanna know what I find funny?
Is how Sylvia helped me with my divorce,
but you the one who got away with everything,
-There it is, -[Bam] Tell him, Laura,
-Tell it, Laura, -I got your back, baby, Tell it,
You wanna know what else I find funny?
How I'm gonna go down to her law firm and tell them what she did,
And that this is ineffective council,
And then I'mma haul your ass down to the court
and get everything I got coming to me,
Then we gonna see who get the last "ha ha,"
Yeah, I'm seein' him,
And let me tell you, this 26-year-old
is more of a man than you've ever been,
And probably more of a man than you ever can be,
This man sees me,
This man hear me,
And this man reminded me that I'm alive and I can stand on my own
before you tried to gut me,
So maybe you can take some lessons from this little 26-year-old
with your little triflin' ass,
-She went off on him, didn't she? -[Bam] Yeah,
-She went off, -[Brown] That's terrible,
I guess she told you, stuck-ass,
That boy…
-That boy is-- -Is gonna be her husband,
[Brown] Oh,
Oh, What?
-Oh, -Wait a minute now,
What happened?
-Baby, -Ooh,
[Bam] Oh crap!
This is no time for Black Lives Matter,
Don't do that romantic shit,
Player, don't do the romantic… He on one knee,
Davi, please,
Say you'll marry me,
Say yes,
And go!
What the feck is going on?
-I think it's beautiful, -She's old enough to be his mother,
Nobody ever won a race in a second-hand car,
But he loves her,
What would you know about love? You couldn't get yourself a feckin' man,
Arse,
-[Davi] Say yes, -I gotta go,
No, [chuckles]
That's embarrassing as hell,
[Brown chuckles]
Baby, I think that's a no,
[sighs] I see,
I'm sorry,
-[Bam] She said, "I'm sorry," -[Brown] She said, "I'm…"
You could've said something,
[Bam] She said, "I'm sorry,"
[Brown] Yes,
-That's like the Runaway Bride, -What the hell was that? Poor baby,
[Bam] Mabel, leave him alone,
[Joe] She didn't have to do you like that, man,
I'm sorry, You down there on one knee, I'm sorry,
-That's embarrassing, -She could've said something,
-Somethin' to him, Damn, I'm sorry, -She didn't want to,
-I'm sorry, -That's none of your business, Eat,
What the hell y'all watching them for? Eat something, Hell,
All up in my family business,
Well, can you pass me a beer?
-[Ellie] Laura? -I don't wanna talk about it,
-Baby-- -Look, I love him,
Why didn't you say anything?
[sighs] There's just too much going on,
What? You gotta figure out what you wanna do,
I didn't mean to hurt him, I didn't mean to hurt him,
Well, then the only person who can fix this is you,
So fix it,
Come on, baby,
I didn't ask y'all to bring y'all children here,
This is a party for adults, half adults,
-Not all adults, -[flies buzzing]
Flies,
I should have changed me drawers,
[chuckles]
Ooh, Agnes, You funny child, [chuckles]
I need more "chocolate,"
-Do you? -This stuff isn't kickin' in,
I'm thinkin' about giving you one,
but I want you to understand this, and hear me good,
This chocolate, you gotta be careful with it,
I remember one time I had too much, and it snuck up on me all at once,
Next thing I know, I found myself in Mexico chained to a mule named Arriba,
-Oh! -Yes, honey,
I was selling tequila from between my breasts there,
Didn't know what happened, So I'mma give you one,
but you gotta be responsible for what happens to yourself,
-Just the one, -Okay,
I don't know if I should, Maybe I shouldn't, [munching]
-You know you should, -What is he thinkin' of, Davi?
He has to come back to Ireland, His granddad needs him,
What?
That was the deal back then,
When Davi's parents passed away, Lord rest them,
Oh, yeah, Oh, rest them,
-I'll never forget his last words, -Mmm, What was it?
"Oh feck, it's a bus!"
[both laughing]
-Yeah, But… -Well, it'll kill him,
When they passed, the deal was that Davi's granddad would run the farm
until such time as Davi was old enough
and the time was right for him to take over,
And the time is right now,
-Oh, -And he knows it,
Oh, that's sweet, That's so sweet,
But what if his heart wants something else now, baby?
Feck his heart,
Sometimes I'm sorry I had six children,
Listen, baby, these children have their own lives to live, honey,
-You got to let them live their life, -I know, but they owe us,
You can't tell me that your Cora doesn't owe you something,
[scoffs] Hell, yeah, she owe me,
All them years I had to spend on that pole trying to take care of her,
Do you know how many splinters I had to get removed from my inner thighs?
Splinters?
They didn't have brass poles back then, Hos got it so easy right now,
Back in the day, all we had was telephone poles,
And they didn't shellac em',
You had to get on and ride that thing and spin around and get that money,
And I did, I paid for it, Today my inside look like hell,
[chuckles]
But I paid, I… I took…
Listen, I had to do what I had to do, but I did it,
He has to come back and run that farm,
Let me ask you something, What if that ain't his dream?
Feck his dream, He has to run that farm,
How you gonna feel if that boy's sittin' there runnin' the farm,
milking all them bulls, and he don't wanna be there,
-Cows, -Say what?
Cows, Milking cows,
Not milking a bull, Milking cows,
Oh, Well, whatever the hell it is,
What will it matter if he did what you and his granddaddy want
if his happiness is over here in America with that girl?
You know how hard it is to run a farm?
How hard it is to get a bull to mate with a cow?
I had to French kiss a bull once,
-[grunts] -[Madea] Hmm,
He wanted more, but I wasn't having it, Well, not at that time,
And all the cow shit to be cleaned up, We sacrificed for him to be here,
Listen to me, Children gonna live their own lives
whether we want 'em to or not,
So either you can stand there and be against 'em
or stand there with 'em while they make their mistakes
or see if they gon' make a mistake and help them, You understand?
-Madea, thank you for the chat, -What?
-You're welcome, -But I'm determined,
Davi is coming back to Ireland with me,
Ain't nothin' I can do, I'mma give you a couple more candies,
and we gon' see who gonna go somewhere with somebody,
Here, just take that bag, baby, Enjoy yourself,
We'll see who leavin',
Y'all come on in this house, It's too hot out!
-I gotta get this girdle off, -I don't know if I should,
Get these children outta my yard, I don't know these children,
And if you ain't bring no plates, don't take no damn plates!
[basketball bouncing]
I'm in love with her,
Yeah, when were y'all gonna tell me that?
I knew we had our graduation, and you wanted to come out to them,
So I wanted to give you all the space you needed,
Mmm,
But it doesn't matter now, She don't wanna marry me,
Aw, [scoffs] It's just low-down, man,
You know her, and you know me, You know we're good for each other,
How can you say that, Davi? Huh? You've been lying to me this whole time,
-I never lied to you, -I don't know who you are,
So, all the weekends you were gone, you were with her?
-Yes, -O… okay,
So that sounds like you lied to me, You didn't tell me,
She didn't want me to, but I wanted to,
Oh, so you blame it all on her?
No, I'm just telling you,
[scoffs] You know what, man? I don't have anything else to say to you,
You can go,
Tim,
Why are you still standing here, dude?
-I-- -Get up out of here,
I'm your friend, and I love you,
You love my whole family,
You go ahead and be mad, You deserve that,
I just…
I wanted to be there for you, I didn't want to let you down,
-Mmm, -I'm sorry,
I'm your friend, and I wouldn't do anything to hurt you,
[scoffs] Really?
I love your mother, I'm sorry, but I do,
I'm outta here,
How you even say you wouldn't ever hurt me
and you love my mother in the same sentence?
What's wrong with you, man?
-[gate slamming] -[scoffs]
♪ Every time I try to get a little high ♪
[knocking on door]
Yeah, hold on,
I'm just doin' some sewing,
I can't stand it, Have no damn company at my house,
Ok…
Come on in,
Hey!
Hi,
I'm so glad you came to see me, I was just sittin' here doin' nothin',
waitin' for somebody to come talk to me, Come on in, Sit down,
[clears throat]
-Hmm, How you doin', baby? -I'm good,
Good, good,
Well, looks like I messed up
my son's graduation celebration once again,
You sure the hell did, You messed that shit up,
[chuckling] No, I'm playin', girl, You ain't messed nothing up,
All the sacrifices you made for that boy, hell,
He'll be all right, He'll be fine,
You sure about that?
[Madea] Yes, honey,
You don't remember the sacrifices you made? That's what a good parent do,
From the time your baby born, you sacrificin',
From kindergarten, you sacrificin',
First grade all the way up through college, you been sacrificing,
So after givin' them children all that time,
it's time you take care of yourself and have you some damn fun,
He gonna be fine,
[chuckles softly]
You talkin' about Davi?
Yes, I am, I knew something was going on with you,
the way you coming up in here, bouncing, talking about, "Hi," [babbling]
I know you was making you happy or something,
[chuckles]
Well, it's not about him,
You know? I mean, he's fun,
But I'm just now starting to learn how to love and be happy with myself,
Then you on the right track, That's exactly how it start,
When you learn how to be happy with your damn self,
Yeah, I just… I can't marry him, I mean, he's way too young,
Honey, I been talking to that boy, and he seem very mature,
You understand? Like he done been through some things,
Sometimes trauma will grow you up faster than a 50-year-old,
-How'd you meet him? -Oh, well…
[Madea] Look at you smiling, [chuckles]
Oh, there's a good story right there,
Oh, it's really simple, Easy, I don't know where I…
I went to visit Tim in college, and my son always late,
So he was late, so I had to wait in the dorm, right?
So obviously, Davi's there, and we just started talking,
And I don't know, it was like…
it was magical for some rea…
Like, odd, Didn't know it at the time, but like, we just kept talking and--
Next thing, he was tapping that ass? He tapping that ass?
Tapping that ass, speaking that Iranian… [gibbering]
-Was he tapping? [laughing] -[squeals]
-It's just… -I'm just clownin' you, girl,
I can't have that conversation with my grandmother,
That's fine, That's fine, I can teach you a few things,
-[laughs] -[Madea] But listen to me,
I should've known when I first looked at him look at you,
That boy love you,
He does, I know,
But his great-aunt Agnes said he's supposed to go to Ireland
and run a farm,
Like, a farm, He didn't tell me that,
-I didn't know you know that, -Yeah, well, I know now,
Agnes on that shit, just so you know,
[scoffs] The shit I don't want her to be on is being mad at me,
Yeah, Yeah, I get it, Sounds like you need to have a conversation,
Talk to him about going to Iran and everything,
Ireland, Uh-huh,
-That's what I said, Ire-land, Ire-land, -Yep, You said it,
Yeah, but, you know, talk to him about it,
Maybe you can go over there with him,
What?
Baby, sometime you just gotta take a chance on love, Love is worth it,
You really think I should do that?
[Madea] What's keeping you here? Your child is graduating,
You sacrificed for him, Hell,
And that damn raggedy car, raggedy house of yours,
that ain't worth keeping,
You ain't got no man, Your job is piss-poor,
-Why not just go on over there with him? -Yeah, my job is pretty bad,
I don't know, but that farm might be worse,
[scoffs]
Last time a Black woman was on a farm, it didn't turn out too well, so…
But just think about it, Especially in Iran,
-Yeah, I have my freedom papers this time, -Mm-hmm,
My question, though, was that something you would do, Madea?
I mean, should I really do that?
What do you mean, baby? That's love,
Love is worth it, Hell, yeah,
I wouldn't do it at this age, but when I was your age,
I took some chances, and that's why I live my life,
now I ain't got no regrets, I got out there, and I did the damn thing,
Have fun, Just don't do nothin' that's gonna ruin your life,
But at least take some chances on love,
That's love, baby, That don't come around all the time,
Yeah, I hear you,
I'm just…
Oh, I'm just scared, [exhales deeply] I'm 12 years older than him, you know?
I don't think it's age you worried about, I think it's the heartbreak you done had,
Let me tell you about heartbreak,
It'll spit you out, make you not wanna love nobody,
It'll make you not wanna trust nobody ever,
That's what I tell women when they get heart broke,
If you get your heart broke, please have the courage to try it again,
If that person break your heart, have the courage to try it again,
Next person break your heart, have the courage to try it again,
I'm gonna tell you, you keep getting your heart broke,
pretty soon you gonna run up on a heart surgeon
who know how to fix all them breaks you done been through,
That's why you can't just stop, baby,
Love is worth fighting for, Do you hear me?
Yeah,
So I get it, Get your heart broke, don't wanna trust nobody else,
Buildin' all them walls, Let me tell you something about a wall,
It'll keep everything out, Stop building walls and build some fences
so you can look over and see if that's who you wanna see or not, Do you hear me?
You're so wise,
Thank you, I know,
It's the weed,
I'mma tell you this now, speaking of wisdom,
when you get married, make sure you say "I do" to more than one person,
"I do" to one person ain't gonna work, You gotta say "I do" to several people,
You understand?
No, I do not,
That's why so many people are getting divorced these days,
They just say "I do" to one person,
Okay, I… I'mma take back what I said about you being wise
'cause I feel like you're going off the rails,
If you was high, you'd be with me, But let me break it down for you,
When you marry somebody, ten years later, that person gonna be somebody else,
Ten years after that, somebody else, People evolve, They change,
That's why so many people renew their vows,
'cause the person they say "I do" to ain't the same person they with now,
Do you hear what I'm telling you?
Take a chance on love, You gon' be all right,
That boy too young to know, but you old enough to understand,
You old enough to know what I'm sayin', So, baby, y'all take your time, you hear?
Now, if you don't mind, I was sewin',
I was, uh, net… net… I was net…
Needle netting, and I'd like to get back to it,
-Would you mind just…? -Yes,
-Thank you, I love you, -I love you too,
You've been here a long time, It's been over a day,
-Almost time to go, [laughs] -All right, I figured my time was up,
-Yeah, but I love you, -I love you,
-Talk to that boy, you hear me? -I will,
-[Madea] Okay, Talk to him, -All right, Enjoy your weed,
Eh… Oh… How you know?
You think I didn't smell that?
I got a prescription 'cause it ain't legal in Georgia yet,
Don't be telling your sister, Damn cop,
[sighs]
This park close at nine o'clock, son,
Nine o'clock, They trying to gentle-fy the whole neighborhood,
Yeah, Gentrified?
Yeah, that's when they try to make everything gentle,
Like gentrified?
That's what I said, gentle,
They gon' make it gentle, It used to be rough,
That's why I go out and shoot in the air,
I don't want nobody to move here to make it gentle,
-I like it rough, like it used to be, -Got it,
They come in here and raise the property taxes and everything,
Take over your damn house,
Put basketball courts in, change the neighborhood,
Build pretty house all around, I ain't selling shit,
Gentrification,
Whatever it is, I ain't selling, I'mma hold on to what I paid for,
-Got you, -Mm-hmm,
Uh, Madea, is my mom still up?
Why?
I gotta talk to her,
No, your mama done had a rough day, Go on home,
-What about me? -What about you? Don't go upsetting her,
I'm not, I just wanna talk to her,
You go home, get ready for your graduation,
Learn your speech, you understand? Don't worry about this,
Parents are not perfect, Parents make all kind of mistakes,
Your mom, your dad, Children think,
"My mom should've been better, My dad should've been better,"
They did the best they could,
Just growing up, raising children, nobody tell them how to do nothing,
Sometime people just doin' the best they can, you understand?
-Yes, ma'am, -You had no idea they was together?
No, I mean, like, he… he talks about her a lot,
but I… I… I just never put it together,
He talks about your mama a lot?
Yeah,
-And… and… -I mean…
You didn't think something's goin' on? Let me understand,
Two children in college talkin' about your mama,
a man, and you don't think something's goin' on?
[scoffs]
And, baby, you goin' to law school?
-[scoffs] -Listen to me, Do me a favor,
Don't try no cases right now, Don't do no criminal cases,
Get some slip and falls, Something you can handle,
-I'm just gonna go talk to her, -No, I said it,
You ain't gonna talk to her, You gon' go home and rest for tomorrow,
Make all of us proud with your big ol' speech,
I… I'm gonna go stay at a friend's house, I… I can't even look at Davi right now,
So come on, come on, Go on home, Come on, come on,
Leave that basketball,
I don't want people saying we stole it from the gentri-people,
Gentri-people trying to steal everything,
-Open the gate for a lady, -[Tim] Yes, ma'am,
-[Madea] Pull it this way, -[Tim] This way?
[Madea] I can't get out of there, Pull it this way,
This ain't going through there,
Go on home now,
[Tim] Okay,
[crowd cheering]
[announcer] Derick Reed,
[crowd cheering]
[announcer] Tory Edwards,
The graduation's taking a long time, You like my dress?
Oh, Miss Madea, you look very nice,
Thank you, Thank you so much, I try, I got this from Aretha Franklin,
-It's beautiful, -What?
She willed it to me, Aretha knew fashion, baby,
-Wow, -She willed it after she died,
Yes, indeed, How's your mama doin'?
She still has her knickers-- Her panties in a bunch,
-Okay, panties, baby, Panties, -She'll be fine,
How you doin', Agnes?
I'm fine,
Don't look like you enjoying yourself, twisted up in the mouth,
No, no, no, [splutters] It's not true, The sooner this is over, the better,
We can all get on that plane,
-Including Davi, -[camera clicks]
Mmm, Mmm,
I think it got chilly over here in the hot sun,
-I'm sorry you didn't have a good time, -Oh, I did, I did have a good time,
I just… I…
I wasn't expecting this,
-[Cora] Wait a minute, that's my baby, -This?
[Madea] Incoming,
Davi O'Malley!
-Yes! -[crowd cheering]
-Proud of him, -Well-done, Davi,
[shouting indistinctly]
Go, Davi!
Okay, He know,
-[Ellie] He isn't even looking at him, -I know, I ruined his graduation too,
No, you didn't,
You ain't ruined nothing, That boy be all right,
He better be glad, All that money we done spent putting him through sc…
I spent $37,49 putting that boy through school,
Timothy Marshall!
[crowd cheering]
[Richard] You did it! You did it!
That's my baby! That's my baby boy!
[cheering, whooping]
Yes!
Go, Tim! [laughs]
[Madea] Y'all get the picture? Smile,
-He ain't smile? Did he get the diploma? -Yes,
Great, I'm getting ready to go and whoop her ass,
[Cora] Madea, would you just stay seated?
Don't do that at the graduation,
-[Cora] Yes! -Don't do that,
-That's right! -You already ruined two dinners,
-Oh my God, -You got to act up everywhere you go,
-You know what you ruined? -[Brown] What?
My appetite with that ugly ass suit, Please be quiet,
Will you stop? He has to say his speech,
I'm tired of you talking to me like a child,
-I don't meant to ta-- -I'mma take you to the cane,
I don't mean to talk to you like a kid, Madea,
but this is a big day for him!
-[Bam] The way she actin', -[Madea] Shut up,
[announcer] Now, we are pleased to present the valedictorian of our graduating class,
Timothy Marshall,
[crowd cheering]
-Yeah! Valedictorian! -That's my son! That's my son!
-That's my son! -He about to say his speech,
-[Richard] That's mine,
"That's your son," He done talking about that's his son,
Well, it ain't your son,
You ain't did a thing for him, Talk about your son, Hush! Hush!
[sighs]
-[Madea] He ain't saying his speech? -[Cora] He ripped it up,
[Bam] What he gon' say now?
Maybe he got it memorized, He got it memorized,
Maybe so,
[sighs] I was gonna get up here and talk about life
and all of the great things that await us,
About jobs, about hope,
But these last two days, you guys,
I was lied to by my best friend,
Well, I shouldn't say lied to, Deceived by him and my mother,
-[Cora] Oh, -[Richard] Yep,
[Madea] Ooh,
-You see, I didn't know they were dating, -Oh my gosh,
-Put all our business-- -He putting all this in the street,
He don't have to say all that,
-[Madea] Are you recording it? -Yeah, [splutters]
I spent all of last night mad,
Mad at them, Mad that I didn't know,
But then I… I… I realized that I, too,
am harboring a secret,
At… at… at least I thought it was a secret,
My whole family already knew,
Yeah, we knew, We knew,
You see, I'm gay,
and I was really worried about what they would think,
I didn't care what I thought,
When I came out to them, they showed me so much love,
and it… it just made me realize how fortunate I am to have them,
And so, as we start this bright future of ours,
I just want to take the time to thank my mother, who always loved me,
stood by me, worked, did whatever she could to help put me through school,
-And to my dad, thank you, -[Madea] He ain't done nothing for you,
-[sighs] Madea, -What?
Agree,
Even though they were divorced and he didn't have much,
he still tried to be there for me,
And to my best friend Davi,
who never once judged me
but was always a friend,
Even though he was sneaking around with my mother,
[Madea] Damn,
-[Cora] Why does he keep saying that? -I mean…
-[Bam] 'Cause he was, -[Madea] He was whoring around,
He talk too damn much, What goes on in the house stay in the house,
[Cora] Amen!
I thought about what kind of guy he is,
He's mature, He's a good man,
And I thought to myself, how lucky am I
that the two people I love the most in this world
found each other because of me,
Would I rather have known?
-Yes, -[chuckles]
[Tim] But I'm okay with it,
And I wanna apologize to them for how I acted,
A future isn't a future without a past,
And I'm just so thankful that I have a family,
For my great-grandmother, Madea,
My grandma, Cora, Mr, Brown, Aunt Ellie, Aunt Bam,
And of course, Uncle Joe,
[Madea] Baby, Joe ain't here, He was too high to come,
And I just wanna let the world know that
I love them, and I'm so thankful to be born to them,
And as we start this future,
I start mine standing on the shoulders of regular, hardworking people
who didn't have much,
They are giants to me,
And I love them with my whole heart,
Thank you,
-[crowd cheering] -["Pomp and Circumstance" playing]
Beautiful,
-Tim, Tim, Tim! -[mouthing] Thank you, Jesus,
[mouthing] Yes,
[students cheering]
Hallelujah!
-That was all right, That was beautiful, -That was beautiful,
-Yes, it was, -[Madea] Yeah,
-[Davi] Hey, -Hey, Come with me,
I thought I was the one with the big secret,
Oh, [scoffs] We didn't wanna hurt you, baby,
Do you love him?
Yes, I do,
Do you love her?
Yes, I do,
You should've told me,
I… I know, I'm sorry,
We're sorry, I'm sorry,
Look, trust me, We were gonna tell you,
Don't… don't be sorry, I…
I know what it's like to have a secret,
and I feel so good now that my family knows,
And I… I don't want you to hide it,
I'm so proud of you, baby, I stay proud of you, Come here,
-I love you, -[Laura] I love you,
[Tim, Laura exhale]
-I'm not calling you Dad, -I wouldn't want you to,
And… and if you hurt her…
-Hey, -I wouldn't do that,
But it doesn't matter now, She won't marry me,
What?
Mom, you… you just said you loved him, What's the problem?
[scoffs] He has to go back to Ireland,
His great-aunt made that very clear to me,
What?
Is that why you said no?
Well, I don't want us to be a rift in your family,
-Don't you-- -Oh, Davi, son, congratulations,
You did the family and the whole country of Ireland proud,
Thank you, Aunt Agnes, I need to speak with you,
There's nothing left to be said, son, I'm delighted to be here,
And I'm delighted you were here,
Well, there we go,
Mummy, will you let Davi speak, please,
-Thanks, Cathy, I-- -Go on, say what you want to say,
-I knew I was-- -Wait, hold on a second,
I forgot your card,
-Here's your graduation present, Open it, -What…
What's this?
-It's your ticket to Ireland, Canceled, -What?
-But-- -But nothing,
Davi, you know how much I want you to come home,
and you know how much I respect family tradition,
But a wise woman told me,
"Children have to live their own lives, They have to make their own decisions,"
And she said something about being a Black whore's…
Anyway, that's irrelevant,
The thing is,
your life is here, son,
And I think your happiness is here too,
-[chuckles] -And that's all I want for you,
[Brown] Oh, that's good, That's, like…
That's so good,
-[sniffles] -[sighs]
[chuckles] So you don't mind if we get married?
I don't think that's a question for Aunt Agnes,
I think that's a question for the beautiful lady right here,
What you got to say?
Laura…
Don't you get down on your knee again,
She already said no,
Yeah, you done embarrassed yourself once,
-Would you two hush? -But Cora--
-You wasting time, -He can propose and marry my daughter,
I'm keeping him from embarrassing himself,
Yeah, I'mma take a picture, Hush, Go ahead, baby,
-Do it, Do it -Just ask,
-[Cora] I'mma see if she gon' say yes, -Laura,
[breathes deeply] Will you marry me?
[Brown] Shh,
Yes,
-Yes! -Yes!
[Cora] Yes, we'll marry you, Yes, we'll marry you,
I want you to tie that knot, And y'all will go to holy mattresmony,
-What are you gonna tell his grandpa? -Nothing,
Nothing?
His granddad is in jail,
He was found in a hotel room naked with a drunk sheep,
-Shut… -[Cora, Brown] What?
-A sheep? -[Agnes] Hmm,
-That's nasty, -Yeah,
He brought the sheep in hisself?
-No, no, It was a… it was a… a blind date, -Oh,
I done seen that movie and the sequel,
-[Agnes chuckles] -[Cora] Ooh!
I love you, Aunt Agnes,
-I know, son, and I love you, -[Bam] Congratulations,
Now, we have a plane to catch, Cathy, come on,
That is so nice,
God bless y'all, I'm so proud of y'all, Whoo!
-Laura, -Where's Madea?
Over there asleep,
I wanna say goodbye, Cathy, come on,
Wait here,
Oh, baby, I'm so proud of you,
Man, let me do y'all wedding,
Mmm, Yeah, Jay, thank you, Jay,
Madea,
Oh, you… you scared me, I fell asleep on that indica, Mmm,
-Is it over? -Yes,
Oh, okay, Okay,
-We have to get to the plane, -Mmm,
I'm letting Davi stay,
I knew you would, That is the right thing to do,
I knew you'd do the right thing,
[chuckles] Madea, thanks very much,
You were a wonderful hostess, and thank you for the talks--
I'm a wonderful ho-stess?
Ho-stess,
Oh, that's hos, plural, Okay, yes, I get it,
Thank you so much for the talks, and thank you for the recipe,
Oh, you welcome, Don't go to jail,
You get five to ten if you make too much, [chuckles]
When you gonna come across the pond? Come and visit us,
-Hmm, -It'd be nice to show you around,
-I'll show you everywhere, -Hmm,
Maybe Mrs, Brown and Madea do Europe,
-Ooh, I love that, -[chuckles]
I can't wait to show you my beloved Ireland,
Oh, you had me till you started talking about Iran, Baby, I can't go to Iran,
-Ireland, -I know, too much sand in that Iran-land,
Fuck's sake,
-Whatever, -Mmm,
-Right, Well, I better go, -Yeah, Yeah,
-Thanks for everything, -You travel safe, Fly,
-Bye, -Bye,
Listen, Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart,
I appreciate it,
-Thank you, -I'm high as hell, or I'd walk you out,
-I'm going now, -Okay, I gotta find the steps,
That's why I falled asleep up here, I'm high as hell,
-Okay, -I love you,
I love you too,
-Bye, -Bye, Agnes,
-I just wanted to say goodbye, -You did, baby,
-Oh, did I? -Twice, Okay, All right,
You all up in my space, [chuckles] Bye,
Mabel, did you… What you dreaming up here about?
-Baby, I had that good-good, -[Brown] Really?
♪ Grainin' on that wood Grainin', grainin' on that wood… ♪
[crowd cheering]
♪ Lift every voice ♪
♪ And sing ♪
[strong percussive beat begins]
[crowd] Yeah!
♪ Till earth and ♪
♪ Heaven ring ♪
♪ Ring with the ♪
♪ Harmonies ♪
[man] Oh yeah, oh yeah,
♪ Of liberty ♪
♪ Let our rejoicing rise ♪
♪ High as the listening skies ♪
♪ Let it resound Loud as the rolling sea ♪
[fireworks explode]
What you think is better?
[man] I mean, I think we could use
another "Drunk in Love" swag sort of run-through,
Yep, I agree, I agree,
[man] And get all departments, people who haven't seen the show,
like seen it from the top, are super unclear of what the vibe is,
What she walk in front of me for? I'm talking,
You just gonna walk in front of me?
Yeah, I'm with you,
Let's get all departments so we can feel each other energy,
Okay, What time is it?
-[woman] Six-thirty, -Okay, And what time we gotta leave?
[woman] At eight,
That's enough time, We can try to get most of it too,
Okay, Fine,
Okay, well, let's do it, Let's go,
["Drunk in Love" playing]
[crowd cheering]
♪ I been drinkin', I been drinkin' ♪
♪ I get filthy When that liquor get into me ♪
♪ I been thinkin', I been thinkin' ♪
♪ Can't keep my fingers off it, baby ♪
-♪ I want you, na-na ♪ -[band begins to play]
♪ Can't keep my fingers off you, baby ♪
♪ I want you, na-na ♪
♪ Drunk in love ♪
♪ Cigars on ice, cigars on ice ♪
♪ Feel like an animal With these cameras all in my grill ♪
♪ Flashing lights, flashing lights ♪
♪ You got me faded, faded, faded ♪
♪ Baby, I want you, na-na ♪
♪ Can't keep my eyes off my fatty ♪
♪ Baby, I want you, na-na ♪
♪ Drunk in love ♪
[Madea] God, we thank you right now for your blessin'
of bein' able to do what we love with all of these,
uh… beautiful people,
Uh, not all of 'em, Couple… couple of them beau…
Uh, but we want to thank you for, um, this moment in time
to let them know that if they miss a beat,
they gonna get beat, So amen and praise…
Thank y'all for Mache… Machella,
[crowd applauding]
We want to make sure that y'all goin' through all the steps
'cause there's about five or nine of y'all missing in between 11 and 12,
but it's a little janky right now, but y'all gonna get it,
And I want y'all to know that everything y'all doing, I really appreciate…
Ooh, I can't breathe like this, but I appreciate y'all what y'all doin',
But… but this is beautiful, Beautiful, We just beautiful people,
I love the beauty of the beautiful people, of all of us just bein' together,
[crowd whooping, applauding]
It's so good, It's so good, Stop clappin', hell, Stop clappin', hell,
[sighs] That's why y'all… You won't stop clappin'
when I say stop, That's why you can't learn the steps,
If I say one, two, three, four, five, y'all going one, two, four, five,
You got to go one, two, three, four, five,
[sighs] Learn somethin', Learn somethin', children,
I'm trying to teach y'all so y'all be ready for the future,
One, two, three, four, five,
Gotta try, One, two, three, four, five,
Let me see it, One, two, three, four, five,
Okay, I think y'all ready,
So all we're gonna do is feel each other's energy,
We just gonna do it, okay?
We just gonna do it, We gonna feel each other energy, and we gonna do it,
All right? Okay,
[grunts, coughs] [in warbly voice] My voice just went out,
Okay,
[crowd cheering]
[marching band playing "Swag Surfing"]
♪ Man, I got that swag ♪
♪ My hat matches my bag ♪
♪ You know I'm popping tags ♪
♪ 'Cause, man, I got that swag ♪
♪ Man, I got that swag ♪
♪ My hat matches my bag ♪
♪ You know I'm popping tags ♪
♪ 'Cause, man, I got that swag ♪
♪ Surfboard ♪
♪ Na-na ♪
♪ Workin' on that wood, baby Grainin' on that wood ♪
♪ Drinkin' on that Grainin' on that big body ♪
♪ Swervin' on that Surfin' on that good-good ♪
[horns blasting]
We got to get the energy right, We gotta do it right,
'Cause the oohs and ahs, and we gotta make sure
that it's all coming together,
Yeah, I don't feel it, I don't feel it,
I don't understand, You want me to keep givin' notes, but y'all not replying,
If you reply my notes,
if you put my replyplication to the notes, then we do it,
Don't make no sense to give notes if you not gonna reply to my notes,
Y'all gotta reply to the notes,
[marching band playing "Up"]
♪ Up, up, up, up, up, up ♪
♪ Once upon a time, man I heard that I was ugly ♪
♪ Came from a chick who… ♪
[Madea ad-libbing lyrics]
[Madea] What did she say?
♪ Act right ♪
♪ Broke boys don't deserve no… I know that's right ♪
♪ If it's up, then it's up Then it's up, then it's stuck ♪
[song ends]
[crowd cheers wildly]
[crowd] Madea! Madea! Madea! Madea!
[Madea] We rehearsed for four hours before we went on stage,
Then we rehearsed for four more hours after we was done with the show
to see all the things we did wrong,
Thank you,