ANNOUNCER: Previously on Friends:
Don't come out here,
-I ran into Richard, -Which Richard?
My ex-boyfriend,
This is the worst thing that could happen,
You decided to tell him about the Richard thing,
Oh, no,
-You can't see him, -You can't tell me what to do,
That's funny, I think I just did,
-I have found my identical hand twin, -What's that?
A guy with my identical hands, I'm gonna be a millionaire!
[CHEERING]
You thought I wanted to have sex with you?
No,
Last night was embarrassing for you too,
I just don't embarrass that easily,
-I think the check-in is that way, -Ah,
[LAUGHING]
Hello,
Ah, kids love me,
Hey! Hi, You guys are here!
Yay! What'd you do? Did you go to a costume party?
Let me guess, Um, Pancho Villa,
And you're Bob Saget,
Pancho Villa?
What are you talking about, Pheebs? I don't…
[RACHEL GASPS]
Oh, my God! You drew on me?
Hey, you wet my pants!
Whoa, what kind of party was this?
I've been walking around like this? You have so crossed a line,
Rach, wait, The men's room is that way,
[SLOT MACHINE BEEPING]
-Oh! -What?
It's the third time she's won on a machine I was playing,
Oh, I bet she's one of those people,
Mole people?
What? No, a lurker,
Oh, What's that?
When you're playing a machine and it hasn't paid out
a lurker waits for you to give up and then…
Kills you?
No, they swoop in and steal your jackpot,
-Oh, -Mm-hm,
-How do you know about this? -My nana used to do it,
That's how she paid for my dance… Karate lessons,
Dance karate?
Yes, it's a deadly, but beautiful sport,
-It won't come off, -What?
It won't come off,
Oh, my God, Rach, are you sure?
I took it off, and then I drew it back on,
Hey! You made it!
Who's your friend? He's hot,
Thanks, man,
Listen, I talked to Chandler, and I'm sorry about the movie,
Don't be sorry,
I don't need it anymore, I found my identical hand twin,
Your what?
My identical hand twin, The person whose hands are like mine,
This is a gold mine,
What?
That won't make you any money,
Well, fine,
None of you will live with me in my hand-shaped mansion,
Except, uh, you, You can live in the thumb,
All right, baby, come on!
Yes! Yes!
-I am on fire! -See you later,
What are you doing?
What's it look like? Going home,
Why?
Chandler,
Chandler, wait,
Sorry, I was just playing for one second,
If you don't want me to see Richard again, I won't,
He means nothing to me,
Oh, come on, I was there,
I know he's the love of your life,
Not anymore,
Really?
Really,
All right?
Let's forget about going home and celebrate our anniversary,
Okay, this is empty,
I wanted to make a dramatic scene, but I hate packing,
Where's the other guy?
Which guy?
Tall, dark hair, hand looks exactly like this?
I don't know about the hands, but he went to the restroom,
Okay,
-How you doing? -Very busy,
Right, Okay,
Yes, hello, I have a question,
Um, I used your pen to draw on my friend's face,
A beard and a mustache,
[LAUGHS]
Thank you,
No, she didn't think so,
I know, It's like… Anyway…
Makeup didn't cover it, We've tried everything, and nothing's worked,
What do we do?
Yeah, Uh-huh,
Yeah, Oh, okay,
Okay, thank you,
Yeah, it's not coming off,
What? What else did he say?
Um, he said he thought I was funny,
Okay, look, Let's just go downstairs
we'll have some fun, and you will forget all about it,
There's no way I am leaving looking like this!
Come on, Rach, It's not that bad,
Ross, I am a human doodle!
Just because some idiot drew on your face doesn't mean you can't have fun,
Besides, no one will even look at you,
This is Vegas, Hello? There are tons of other freaks here,
There are tons of freaks here, No other, No,
Come on, No one will notice, I swear,
There was some staring and pointing,
I need a drink,
They really overcharge you for that stuff,
But who cares, because it's all on me,
That is one big drink,
RACHEL: Macadamia nut?
Um, wow! That's some pricey nut,
Really like those macadamia nuts, huh?
Nope,
Get out of here, you lurker!
Go on, get!
-Hey, Pheebs, -You made up,
I couldn't be mad at him for too long,
She couldn't live without the "Chand love,"
Aw,
Get a room,
-We have one, -I know, Use it,
Oh, yeah,
That's right, Take good care of those babies,
-Excuse me? -It's me, Joey,
Do I know you?
Joey?
Oh, yeah,
Yeah, the hand guy,
So, what are we gonna do about this hand twin thing?
Nothing,
Look, you and I have been given a gift,
We have to do something with it, Like hand modeling, Or magic,
And you know NASA's gonna want to talk to us,
-I have to get back to work, -Whoa, whoa, whoa,
We can have our own show,
We can clap our hands together, People will love it!
Huh?
And I wrote a song for us,
♪ This hand is your hand ♪
♪ This hand is my hand ♪
♪ Oh, wait, that's your hand ♪
♪ No, wait, it's my hand ♪
-That's okay, -But you haven't even heard the chorus!
Oh, my God,
I look like my great-aunt, Muriel,
All right, you know what?
We don't have to go downstairs,
We can bring Vegas up to us,
All right, come on,
We'll play some blackjack, Here we go,
-Thirteen, -Hit me,
Ooh, 23,
Which is what we play to at this casino!
You win $10!
-I bet 20, -Right,
[CHEERING]
A new pair of shoes for the Chan-Chan man!
Yes!
I've never seen a roll like this!
That's right, baby!
What do I want now?
Eight? Uh, six,
Pick a number! That is your only job,
-Eight, -Thank you,
If you get this, we buy everybody a steak dinner,
-Eight it is, -Yes!
We're not buying steak dinners, are we?
-No, -Okay, good,
-What do I want now? -Try a hard eight,
-What? -Two fours,
Eight!
Don't you let her go, You're a lucky guy,
Thank you, Mr, Drunken Gambler,
You get this, and, uh, we get the biggest suite in the place,
[CHEERING]
We get the biggest suite in the place,
The biggest suite in the place!
Come on!
I love you! I can't remember why we fought,
Because I had lunch with Rich…
Me neither!
-What now? -Uh, another hard eight,
Hard eight? Let's call it easy eight!
I'll tell you what, You roll another hard eight,
and we get married here, tonight,
[CHEERING]
Shut up!
It just got interesting!
What did you say?
You roll another eight, we get married tonight,
-You serious? -Yes, I love you,
I've never loved anybody as much as I love you,
So if an eight comes up, we take it as a sign and we do it,
What do you say?
-Okay, -Okay,
Hard eight,
That's a four, And where's the other one?
-Under the table, -Nobody move!
You look that way, I look this way,
Here it is, here it is,
MONICA: That could be 4 or 5,
It's your call,
It's a four,
I think so too,
Oh, well, lost again,
That's it, You and me, Outside!
I wouldn't want you to lose a chunk of that pretty blond hair!
Oh!
Be cool,
Okay, your lurking days are over,
-What? -Everyone you lurk, I'll lurk first,
You move on, I'll be one step ahead of you
every single time,
And then I'll be on your ass every hour of every day
till Monday
because that's when I go home,
-When do you leave? -Also Monday,
What time? Maybe we can share a cab,
RACHEL: Hit me,
Hit me,
We need more cards,
Yeah, and we also need more, um, drinks, Hold on a second,
Hello, Vegas?
We would like more alcohol,
You know what else? We would like some more beers,
Oh, I forgot to dial,
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
That must be our alcohol and beers,
-Hey, -It's Joey! I love Joey!
RACHEL: Oh, I love Joey!
Joey lives with a duck,
Look, I need some help, okay?
Someone has to convince my hand twin to cooperate,
I'll do it, Whatever you need me to do, I'm your man,
Whoa, Whoa, Whoa,
Are you okay?
Yeah, Fine, Thanks,
Hey, Rach?
How you doing?
I'm doing good, baby, How you doing?
Don't let her drink anymore,
Here's that macadamia nut,
-No, something else, -Oops,
So, what do you wanna do now?
I wanna get out of the room,
I really miss downstairs,
Okay, you know what? There is only one way I am leaving this hotel room,
Well, hello!
I'm Ross,
-Good luck to you, -Sir, you've got a little something…
-Hello, -Hello,
[MEOWS]
[MACHINE DINGS]
I won! I won! I finally won!
I won! That was my quarter!
Take a hike, toots,
Excuse me, sir,
This lady played my quarter, This is my money,
Is that true, miss?
-Sells drugs to kids, -What?
She sells drugs to kids,
It was my quarter,
Was it her quarter?
How about we talk about this over dinner?
-Okay, lady, you're out of here, -No, you can't arrest me!
I won't go back to that hellhole!
I'm just taking you outside,
Oh, okay,
I need something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue,
Here's something blue and new,
You are so efficient, I love you,
-Let's go, -No, wait!
We need something old,
I have a condom in my wallet that I've had since I was 12,
That'll work,
I don't think so,
Now something borrowed,
-Here, just take this, -That's stealing,
We'll bring it back, Put it under your dress,
Aw,
Okay, One thing at a time,
[SIGHS]
-Are you gonna play? -No, I don't really have any money,
Not yet, anyway,
Can't sit here if you don't play,
Hello, My name is Regina Phalange,
I'm a businesswoman in town on business,
Would you like to see my card?
What did I do with my Filofax?
I must've left it in Conference Room B,
-Fourteen, -Hit me,
Oh, my God, May I just say that you gentlemen have the exact same hands?
They're identical,
I've never seen that in the business world,
Stop it,
Miss Phalange, may I ask you a question as an impartial person at this table?
Please stop it,
Wouldn't you pay good money to see identical hands
showcased in some type of an entertainment venue?
If you leave now, I will chop off my hand and give it to you!
Didn't I just throw you out?
No, you threw out Phoebe,
I'm Regina Phalange, Phalange,
Come on, lady,
Please take him too,
Me? Oh, come on, man,
Come on, buddy,
Don't let him do this, Come on!
I'm your hand twin!
Hello, One marriage, please,
We want to get married,
There's a service in progress, Have a seat,
[IN UNISON] All right,
[HUMMING "POMP AND CIRCUMSTANCE"]
What are you doing?
The "Wedding March," Does that freak you out?
No, it's the graduation song,
["WEDDING MARCH" PLAYING]
Okay,
This is it, We're gonna get married,
You sure you wanna do this?
Hello, Mrs, Ross!
Well, hello, Mr, Rachel!
Wait, Okay,