The caterer sent me this list of 12 appetizers, I have to narrow it to six,
Food? Oh, give me,
So did Monica tell you we're trying to get The Swing Kings to play the wedding?
Since when are you into swing music?
Since forever, I used to go all over town listening to bands,
-Chandler, -Gap commercial,
-So did you book them? Did you call? -I will,
-You want me to call? -No, I'll do it, You stick to your job,
-What is your job? -Staying out of the way,
This is impossible, Why don't you just pick all 15?
-There were only 12, -Oh, yeah, I added three,
What are "peanut-butter fingers"?
Well, hello,
She's cute,
Should we go try to talk to her?
Sure, The great thing about being engaged, I'm
not nervous to talk to pretty girls anymore,
Could you guys help me?
[CHANDLER GIGGLES]
Yeah, let me get that for you,
-It's really heavy, -I got it,
Oh!
So hi, I'm Ross, and this is my friend, Chandler,
I'm Kristen,
Kristen, Hi, Are you new to the area?
Because if you are, I'd love to show you around sometime,
I actually just moved from four blocks over,
Oh,
But this block is like a whole other world,
Actually, it does have a very interesting history,
This street is the first street in the city to have an underground sewer system,
Before that, sewage and waste
would just flow right down the street, Yeah,
Sometimes ankle-deep,
Smooth,
Excuse me?
[CHANDLER GIGGLES]
You're gonna be starving after moving,
What do you say I take you to dinner tonight?
-I'd like that, -Yeah? Great,
Let me take this up,
-After you, -Oh, no, After you,
Oh, my God!
Am I crazy, or does this totally go?
RACHEL: Oh, my God! You look so beautiful!
Thank you, Rachel, But look at Monica!
This is it, Yeah, this is the one,
I can't believe I found it,
Wow, you look so beautiful, If I knew you, I'd cry,
I'm Monica Geller, Ball like a baby,
I'm Megan Bailey,
-Have you found your dress yet? -No, These dresses are all so amazing,
-but I couldn't afford one, -No, I can't afford this either,
I'm here to figure out the one I want, then
I'll get it at Kleinman's, this discount place,
Day after tomorrow, they're having a huge sale,
-Thanks for the tip, -When are you getting married?
-I'm not, I just like to try these on, -I do the same thing,
I'm just kidding, I'm getting married July 25th,
I'm just kidding too, Ha, ha,
I'm getting married in December,
-When are you getting married? -May 15th,
Ooh, It's close, So who's your photographer?
-Jeffrey, -We met with him,
-Did he show you nude wedding photos? -Best Man? Wow!
I know, I almost called off my wedding, [CHUCKLES]
-Oh, who's your band? -My fiancé wants The Swing Kings,
You're lucky, My fiancé wants the heavy metal band, Carcass,
Is that spelled with a "C" or a "K"?
Oh, my God, it doesn't matter, they're both great!
Oh, you know what? Don't buy that here,
Now that you know what you want, go to Kleinman's, Get it half off,
This place is so over-priced,
I own this store,
So does this come in another color, or…
Hi, You moving in or moving out?
-Moving in, -Can I give you a hand?
Okay, but be careful, The guy who was helping
before had to leave because he hurt his back,
-Boyfriend? -No,
I'm Joey,
Kristen,
Wow, What a beautiful name,
What is it again?
-Kristen, -Ah, that's it, Okay,
-You live around here? -Yeah, Yeah, right down there,
Let me give you a tip,
Don't take a nap on this stoop, You could wake up without shoes,
-I'll remember that, -Okay,
Listen, would you like to have dinner with me tonight?
I have plans tonight, How about tomorrow?
Sounds great, Well, where does this go?
You look strong, I'll take that, you grab one of the boxes,
Okay, Yeah,
Yeah, I'll get this one,
WOMAN 1: What's taking so long?
[ALL GRUMBLING]
WOMAN 2 Come on,
So this is Brooklyn?
All right, listen up, There's usually only one dress in each size,
So when they open those doors, fan out,
This is what you're looking for, Memorize it,
When you locate the dress blow on these, all right?
Three sharp blasts, When you hear it, come running,
Okay, got it,
WOMAN 1: Here he comes!
RACHEL: Oh, they're pushing! -Don't be a baby!
-WOMAN 1: Out of the way! -WOMAN 2: Let's go!
Hey, Rachel! Come on!
[CHATTERING]
No, No, not it, Not it, Not it, Ugh,
Don't crowd me,
This is it! This is the dress! Oh, my God, It's perfect,
I'm sorry, this one's taken! Whoa!
-Megan! -Monica!
-You came! -Yeah!
-This is my dress! -No!
-Yes, it is, You saw me wearing it, -And now you'll see me buying it,
You freak!
You wouldn't even know about this place without me,
-Look, you don't want to fight me, -Maybe I do, I'm pretty feisty!
[WHISTLES]
-I'm coming! I'm coming! -Hey!
[WHISTLES BLOWING]
Okay! Hey,
[WHISTLES BLOWING]
Oh, what do I do?!
[WHISTLES BLOWING]
What are you doing? Did you find the dress?
No, You gotta get me out of here, These shoppers are crazy,
-We've gotta get Monica, -You gotta hold my hand!
Oh, my God,
[WHISTLE BLOWING]
Excuse me! Excuse me!
Go! Go! Go!
-Hey, -Go!
[WHISTLE BLOWING]
So, Ross, how was your date the other night?
Did you tell her about the magical ride
that starts with the flush of every toilet?
Laugh all you want, but she left me a message saying she'd like to go out again,
-Oh, -In fact, I'll go call her right now,
And I'll make sure and tell her my friend Chandler says…
[GIGGLES]
-Hey, Chandler, -Hey,
Sorry I didn't stop by last night, but I had a date,
Joe, when it's 1:00 in the morning and you don't come by? That's okay,
Check it out, It was with this really hot girl
who just moved in right across the street,
-Really? Right across the street? -Yeah,
-When did you meet her? -Two days ago,
Excellent!
-You know, Ross met somebody too, -Oh, yeah?
-Hey, -How'd it go?
Great, We're going out again Saturday,
But I found out she's also seeing some other guy,
Really?
Joe, what would you do if you were in Ross' situation?
Well, I sort of am, I'm dating this girl who's also seeing another guy,
But I'm not too worried about it,
You shouldn't be, Believe me, I wouldn't want to be the guy who's up against you,
I mean, that doofus is going to lose,
So this is nice,
I wish I didn't have to go, Believe me,
But I have to,
By the way, what's the name of the girl you're dating?
ROSS & JOEY: Kristen Leigh, -Bye,
Well, obviously, only one of us can keep dating her,
Obviously, So how do we decide?
Well now, let's look at this objectively,
I think I should date her,
Uh-huh, Uh-huh,
Or I'm the one who dates her,
That's interesting, But check this out, I date her,
Yeah, I like that, But just to go in another direction…
Okay, This can go on for a while,
-We should order some food then, -No, Joey,
Look, why don't we just let her decide, okay?
We'll each go out with her one more time,
And we'll see who she likes best,
That sounds fair,
Maybe I'll take her to that new French restaurant down the street,
Wait a second,
We have to set a spending limit on the date,
I don't have the money to take her to a fancy place like that,
Well, sorry, That's what I do on dates,
All right, Well, I guess I'll just have to do what I do on dates,
-So let's decide on a spending limit, -Yeah,
Uh… [JOEY MUMBLING]
And a slice…
Six dollars?
-I was thinking more like a hundred, -Okay,
Can I borrow 94 dollars?
Uh,
I know, Can you hand me a tissue?
[WHISTLES]
You're out of Diet Coke,
[PHONE RINGS]
Hello?
What? You what?
You listen here, missy!
What?
That was Megan, She booked The Swing Kings on the day of our wedding,
and said she'd only give them back for the dress!
[PHOEBE GASPS]
Does that mean Carcass is available?
What am I gonna do? That's the dress! That is "the" dress!
Chandler wants the band, What do I do?
-Figure out a way to talk him out of it, -How?
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
RACHEL: You're out of toilet paper!
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
-Hey, -What's up?
I wanted to wish you good luck on your date,
-Thanks, -What time are you meeting?
We have 8:00 reservations at Grand Merci Bistro,
That's in 20 minutes, You'd better get dressed,
-I am dressed, -Oh, well, good,
For me,
What's this? Did you give yourself a facial?
I have an oily T-zone,
Okay, dude,
-Hey, you sent Kristen flowers? -That's right,
You spent 100 dollars, That's the limit, You're screwed!
Actually, I sent the flowers before the actual date, so technically
technically, I didn't break any rules, Thanks for stopping by though,
That's how it's gonna be? I can break the rules too,
-What are you gonna do? -I don't know,
-I'm not surprised, -You won't get away with this,
-You don't have much choice, -We'll see!
-Bye-bye, -Yeah, bye-bye,
Hey! So just a light layer?
Yeah, just here and there,
Joey got meat sauce on the banister again,
Swing music is so out,
Phoebe, he's gotta be in the room for that to work,
What are you guys talking about?
We're talking about The Swing Kings,
and whether they're the right way to go,
I went to a wedding where they had swing music,
and two months later the couple divorced,
I'm not saying there's any connection here,
but they did tell me that's why they got divorced,
But I love swing music!
But The Swing Kings?
They suck so much that people actually die
at their concerts, They just stop living,
When Monica and I went to see them, we had fun,
And there's another reason,
-Well, what is the other reason? -I don't want to say,
Well, you have to, because maybe it's stupid,
It's just while Monica and I were dancing to them
it was the first time I knew that
you were the woman that I wanted to dance all my dances with,
Oh, crap,
Our table will be ready in just a few minutes,
Oh, great,
-Is your back feeling better? -Yeah, it's fine,
I guess, [CLEARS THROAT] the more muscles you have
the more they can spasm out of control,
-Kristen? -Joey!
-JOEY: Hi, -KRISTEN: Hi,
-What are you doing here? -I like this place,
And technically, technically, I'm not breaking any rules, so…
Well, Ross, this is Joey, Joey, Ross,
-Hi, -Hi, It's nice to meet you,
I used to have a friend named Joey,
I don't anymore,
Our table will be ready in a couple minutes,
Sure! I would love to wait with you guys! Thanks!
So Joey, you look familiar,
Are you on TV or something?
Joey doesn't like to talk about it,
but he's one of the stars of Days of Our Lives,
That's right, That's right, Don't you play a woman?
A woman in a man's body,
Much better,
So, Ross, it's funny, because you look familiar to me too,
Have you ever been married?
Yes, I have,
In fact, just the other day
Kris and I talked about how I've been married and have a son,
-Yeah, little Eric, -That's right, Wait, No, Ben,
So you've just been married the one time then?
-Well, um… -You've been married twice?
Yes, And… …another time after that,
Boy, I'm getting hungry,
[CLEARS THROAT] Hey, Joey, have you ever been so hungry on a date
that when the girl goes to the bathroom, you eat some of her food?
You said the waiter ate my crab cake,
[CHUCKLES]
So, Ross, now why did that first marriage break up? Hm?
Was it because the woman was straight or because she was a lesbian?
-Do you two know each other? -ROSS, JOEY: No,
But he seems like a guy who'd marry a woman
on the verge of being a lesbian and then push her over the edge,
Wait a minute! Were you on a poster for gonorrhea?
Have you ever slept in the same bed with a monkey?
Hey, you leave Marcel out of this!
Fine! You ever gotten stuck in a pair of your own leather pants?
Hey, hey! Have you ever locked yourself in a TV cabinet, VD-boy?
Monkey-lover!
Where do you think we lost her?
Probably around "gonorrhea,"
-Hi, honey, I'm home! -MONICA: Don't come in here!
Why, do you have another boyfriend in there?
MONICA: No, We only mess around at his place,
It's funny, I started it, but now it's scaring
me, so could you come out here, please?
MONICA: No, I'm wearing a wedding dress,
You got a wedding dress? That's great,
MONICA: Yeah, but I'm not keeping it, -Then why can't I see it?
MONICA: Oh, I guess you can,
But I have to return it, so you can't like it,
Okay, I promise, I'll hate it,
Wow, You look hideous,
Really?
Yeah, That's like the most ugliest dress I've ever seen,
Why do you have to return it?
Because it doesn't really fit,
Oh, by the way, I booked The Swing Kings,
Oh, that's great, Great, Thanks,
But that dress, I mean, it's like, ugh, terrible,
-It makes me want to rip it right off you, -Okay,
But you can't rip it,
-Well, maybe a little, -Okay,
Hey, guys, you want to look at the song list for the wedding?
Guys?
CHANDLER: I thought you'd be gone all day,
All right, what's going on?
I'm sorry, I should probably leave you girls alone,
Laugh all you want, but in 10 minutes we'll have younger-looking skin,
-Yeah, -Right there,
You know, she could use a little…
[JOEY WHISTLES]
-Oh, nice shot! Yeah! -Oh! Oh! Oh!