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Where did you come from?
You just wandered in here, didn't you?
There is a process, you know,
I understand why you're here,
You're curious, aren't you?
About him,
Ebenezer Scrooge
in the middle of 21st century Oklahoma,
It's his first time about
since that last Christmas, you know,
I'll grant you,
I'm a bit curious how this goes myself,
You know the story, do you?
Are you certain?
You know what comes after the happy ending?
Well, sometimes an ending is just
a place for an all-new beginning,
But for that,
you need an all-new book,
My book,
My name is Simon Onyx,
Assistant Undersecretary for Undead Affairs,
And trust me, someday that will mean
a great deal more to you,
But for now, I'm simply here to prepare you
for what's about to come,
Something we call the second chance,
The untold twist
in the life of Ebenezer Scrooge,
For those with short memories,
Jacob, Ebenezer, away with the books, away, away!
'Tis Christmas Eve,
Jacob, go downstairs
and help bring the food in for the party,
Ebenezer, go help clear the tables
for the warehouse,
The guests will be here at any minute,
And remember you two,
there are more important joys in life than money,
A valuable lesson, though too soon forgotten,
Isn't it wonderful?
Can't you just imagine us living here someday?
Here?
Well, maybe not here per se,
but someplace like it,
I can imagine the costs,
I mean, the taxes alone make it less wonderful,
It's not always about money, Ebenezer,
There's happiness and love,
But without money, you can't have one
or hold on to the other,
That's horrible,
That's life, Belle, money is key,
It's not the life I dream of, I want something better,
So do I,
I've got to go,
And with that, his first true love was gone,
Forever,
To be replaced by something very different,
But you know that story, don't you?
Everyone knows that story,
The spirits, the redemption,
Ebenezer Scrooge,,,
you will be haunted by three spirits,
The second chance,
But very few know what happened next,
You there, young man,
What day is it?
Yes, what day is it?
Why, it's Christmas Day,
Christmas Day,
The spirits did it all in one night,
This,,,
is a letter I want you to take to my doctor,
instructing him to do whatever your boy needs,
No matter what the cost, he's to bill me,
I don't know what to say, sir,
Why not say thank you?
Thank you, thank you,
It's a Christmas miracle, indeed,
God bless you, Mr, Scrooge,
And God bless us, everyone,
And so, Ebenezer Scrooge had his happy ending,
- Merry Christmas, - Merry Christmas,
He'd awoken Christmas morning after all,
And strangely, even to himself, a changed man,
So glad you could finally join us for dinner,
Uncle Ebenezer,
Yes, thank you so much for coming,
Thank you very much for keeping the invitation open,
though I really don't think I deserved it,
Oh, nonsense, you're family,
You'll always be welcome here,
She's very much how I remember your mother, Fred,
Consider yourself very lucky,
Oh, I do, dear uncle, I truly do,
Well then, thank you again,
Madam,
- Merry Christmas, - Merry Christmas,
Whatever do you suppose finally changed his mind?
It's Christmas, Perhaps he was due a miracle,
Ah, yes, perhaps that was it,
He was due a miracle,
It's said the more things change,
the more they remain the same,
And there were those who were counting on that,
Huh, seems to be some profits
in this goodwill season, after all,
Really, Ebenezer?
Not even a day?
Not even a day yet, but almost,
One perhaps overdone with goodness,
Scrooge wondered,
considering the strange unsteadiness he suddenly felt,
Maybe this joy business
was best practiced in moderation,
That must be it,
Oh well, a good night's rest
and tomorrow would bring a bright new day,
He had no idea,
Wait,
You're not the Ghost of Christmas Future,
Who are you?
And what am I doing back here?
I did everything they asked of me,
We had a deal,
Not with I,
No, I was good, I promise you,
It's too late for you,
Your time has expired,
No, no, it's not too late, it's never too late,
Just give me another chance,
That's not for me to decide,
Why do you doubt your senses?
Who suffers by his own will,
Himself always,
I've come to bring you home, dear brother,
Our contract is over,
I release you with a full heart
for the love of whom you once were,
God bless us, Everyone,
Spirits, please,
Show me no more,
Mistress Abigail Prescott, I presume?
Um, no, sir,
No,
Obviously not,
I hope,
Well, an unexpected arrival,
Not originally on the docket,
But I think you should see him, sir,
Where is this place?
Not where you're supposed to be,
Well, I seem to be winding up there quite often lately,
Where am I not supposed to be now,
if you don't mind?
Ebenezer Scrooge, I see,
You're one of the special circumstances,
Won't you have a seat?
You seem to have the advantage over me, sir,
You know me, but I don't know you,
My name is Simon Onyx,
Assistant Undersecretary for Undead Affairs,
Undead Affairs?
You mean to tell me that I'm not dead, I'm alive?
Well, it's a bit of a gray area at the moment,
A gray area?
What do you mean by that, a gray area?
It means that you're not supposed to be here,
Not yet, anyway,
Well, that doesn't tell me anything,
Of course I'm here, wherever here may be,
And I expect,,,
no, no,
I demand to know where I am and what I'm doing here,
I understand your conundrum, Mr, Scrooge,
However, you are in absolutely no position to demand anything,
And I owe you nothing,
Not now, and especially not here,
Bring me my book,
- Your book, sir? - Yes, my book,
You must admit, you lived a wretched life,
- I changed, - Oh, please, spare me,
I changed, I promised the spirits,
Your promise was too little and too late,
No, Ebenezer Scrooge, your greed filled you,
and in the end, your greed killed you,
Tell me, do you still taste its bitterness upon your tongue?
Well, what of me, then?
To be neither dead nor alive?
Neither here nor there?
Oh, hardly anything quite so meaningless,
After all, I did say you were a special circumstance,
You did say that, didn't you?
"Special circumstances," what does that mean?
That means that since you were offered
a second chance at redemption,
but were denied through no actions of your own--
You mean I'm to be sent back?
In a way, exactly,
But with certain different parameters,
What parameters?
Oh, nothing too unusual, really,
Especially not for here,
You will still get a chance at redemption
by helping others to find their own,
Like Jacob?
Exactly, like Mr, Marley,
I'll have you know I was very good
at negotiating in my lifetime,
And look at where it's gotten you,
Also, like Mr, Marley,,,
due to your multiple mitigating factors,
you will spend seven years waiting to begin,
Seven years?
Seven years for what?
Consider it an opportunity for self-improvement,
You do have a great deal to improve,
No, I won't go,
I will not be detained for seven whole years, sir!
What are you doing?
See you soon, Ebenezer Scrooge,
Next,
- How much longer? - He won't be late,
No, sir,
I would assume a man as successful as Mr, Scrooge
would make it a habit to be punctual, wouldn't he?
That, and the fact that he's no choice in it, anyway,
Right on time, Welcome, Ebenezer,
Jacob?
Tiny Tim?
Not quite as tiny as you remember me, sir,
Huh, and who are you?
I'm Fan,
Fan,
Well, if you're both here,,,
- where am I? - Dead,
- Dead? - As a doornail,
- For how long? - Seven years now,
The same as I had been on that night,
You can't be real,
I'm still trapped in these wretched dreams,
I must remember to discard the last of the kidney pudding,
This isn't a dream, and we aren't manifestations
of your dinner gone bad,
What exactly do you remember,
dreams or otherwise?
I was visited by three spirits,
And Jacob, you were there,
Mm-hmm,
What else do you remember, Ebenezer?
I journeyed with the spirits,
They showed me the errors of my ways,
and I vowed to repent,
Unfortunately, a vow made too late,
I was too lost to be redeemed?
Was I judged so utterly unworthy?
Oddly enough, you weren't,
Otherwise, this is not the place you'd be,
No, sir, sadly,
you were murdered before your final journey,
Murdered?
Murdered and not redeemed?
Well, I guess I should be very grateful
I'm not in the other place where the heat is equal
to the lighting in this room,
I told you we should have at least dimmed the lamps,
It's not that bright,
It is when you're in a box for seven years,
Is that the last thing you remember?
Nothing of who murdered you, perhaps?
No, no, nothing,
This must be some mistake,
We don't make mistakes, I assure you,
Simon Onyx,
Assistant Undersecretary for Undead Affairs,
Finally in the correct place, I see,
You!
It's funny,
In better lighting, you don't look a thing like him,
A thing like who?
Yes, a thing like who?
Old Scratch,
It appears to be one of your common names,
but I fail to see the resemblance,
Perhaps a bit around the cheekbones?
Well, now that you're here,
you seem to be in charge of something,
I'll have you know that
as the Assistant Undersecretary for Undead Affairs,
you will find that I'm in charge of practically everything,
Except for the actual secretary, of course,
Oh, shut up,
What is your name, anyway?
Uh, Tim Cratchit, sir,
Right,
Neither of you have yet to instruct
Mr, Scrooge on the conditions?
Well, he did just get here, right before you came in,
Fine,
You two, sign this,
Here,
And here,
Initial there,
- How old are you again? - Fourteen, sir,
Eh, you're exempt,
Would you like me to sign?
I haven't been fourteen in a little while, you know,
He is now your responsibility,
- The three of you-- - Four, sir,
Fine, four of you
are now bound contractually by the terms
of the Redemption Advancement Compact,
per your request, which is noted,
Contractually bound by what?
By a standard RAC Revision 3 form,
Now, if you will all excuse me,
I have pressing matters to attend to,
Good day,
Well, that's always a pleasure, isn't it?
What does he mean, contractually bound?
And what about my conditions?
It means that the four of us
are now dependent upon each other,
for better or worse,
Dependent on each other for what?
Redemption,
Your second chance
will have to be here now, Ebenezer,
The same as ours,
All tied to whether or not we succeed
and are finally permitted to rest,
Or not,
And after fourteen years now,
I'm tired,
So, don't muck it up,
Simon,
I need to speak to you,
About?
Why doesn't he remember me?
He's forgotten a lot of things over the years,
Being human, for one,
This isn't one of your blasted games!
I'm his sister!
When father banished him
to that boarding school as a boy,
I got him home again,
I tried to make things different for him, even then,
I know,
He remembers Jacob and Tim,
Why not me?
Human beings are complex things,
Mixed mash of emotions, irrationality,
impulses, habits, influences,
It's a long list,
Which makes us human,
Quite,
In your brother's case,
Misters Marley and Cratchit are recent influences,
Part of who he'd become,
Part of who must be changed,
You, on the other hand, were part of who he was,
before he chose the path which led him here,
Part of who he needs to rediscover,
if he is to even be redeemed,
So, I can't even tell him?
No,
For it to be real, he must discover it from within,
But I knew he'd need me,
I stayed here all this time,
Waiting,
I never said this, and I will deny it vociferously,
But,,,
I'm sorry,
So what city is this, then?
Obviously, we're not in London anymore,
but it does bear a strange resemblance to it,
No, not London,
Nor any other earthly town or village,
This is Purgatory, Ebenezer,
or at least our place in it,
Purgatory, you say?
A lot less bleak than I thought it might be,
Dare I even say it's pleasant?
Except for him, of course,
Don't make light,
He's failed his redemption,
and is so bound here now, awaiting,,,
- his next stop, - His next stop?
- Hell, - Hell?
Well, last I saw you, Jacob,
you were bound in chains similar to these poor souls,
Indeed I was,
And I still am, as are we all,
I see no chains on you, Jacob,
nor do I see any shackles on neither Tiny Tim nor Fan,
- I have none, - But you do,
We all do, I'm afraid to say,
to varying degrees,
Have you not felt burdened since you first arrived?
Heavy as if there's a great weight
on your shoulders?
I merely took it as being cramped up for so long,
or rigor mortis,
Frankly, I'm surprised you're still upright,
This is our next stop,
So is this what the dearly departed do?
They shop?
I am in Hell,
I recognize that man,
The clerk, Iggy?
No,
The man with the green robes,
That's the Ghost of Christmas Present,
He's dead and alive?
Father Christmas? Oh no, sir,
He's an immortal, or practically so, anyway,
His is the ability to transverse many plains,
So he comes and goes as he pleases?
I'd imagine he knows as many or more
on this side than the other,
Oh, my dearest Mr, Iggy,
I do trust the season is finding you well and prospering,
Always, my friend, and I trust it finds you busy,
And parched,
Just a bit,
just a bit to fight off the cold and ease my rheumatism,
Hopefully, this will help with both,
I will be needing just a bit more help than that,
if you please,
The winters are getting colder,
And I'm getting older, you know,
Aren't we all?
To the joy of Christmas,
May it never get old,
Before I forget,
Just a little Christmas present for you and your missus,
Oh, thank you, Mr, Iggy,
And a Merry Christmas to you, sir,
Merry Christmas,
Maybe I should have spoken to him,
Why?
Maybe he could have shed some light on that night,
I'm sure more will come to you in time,
Hopefully,
There are so many things that are unclear,
- You, for instance, - Me?
Yes, you,
I recognize Jacob,
and Tiny Tim, although a few years older,
and not so tiny anymore,
But you,
I feel I should know you, but I don't,
In time, Ebenezer,
All things will become clear to you again,
And trust me,
now you have all the time in the world,,,
,,,And beyond,
Ah,
Were you able to fill my rather special order?
It wasn't easy, but I did,
Anything for a lovely lady,
Your effort is greatly appreciated,
Madame, sir,
- They'll function properly? - Of course they will,
I could have found any old garden variety mirrors,
I assure you, these are not,
Observe,
Oh, splendid,
I apologize for ever doubting you,
- Is this all they do? - Certainly not,
That wouldn't be much of a trick by itself,
now would it?
Here,
What's this?
The instructions,
That's for you,
Ah, and I've got yours as well,
You've got something for me?
What's this?
No, thank you, mine is fine,
Trust me, it isn't,
Instructions,
Thank you very much,
Ebenezer, would you please sit down?
The view, it never changes,
Same old thing, each and every day,
Yes, well, welcome to Purgatory,
or at least your little corner of it,
Just be glad there aren't vultures
picking at your kidneys all day,
I guess I should be thankful
to learn of the little things,
Among other lessons, but you're getting there,
Ebenezer, sit,
- How do you do that? - Do what?
Bark, and cause me to yield that way,
on occasion,
Let's just say I've had some practice,
Now, would you please sit down?
Have some tea with me and maybe you'll begin to figure it out,
I'm still not quite used to that either, you know,
I never imagined that being dead would be so unsettling,
Oh, that's not tea, It's syrup,
Oh, my mistake, I'm sorry,
You never were the sweet one,
Try it now,
Better,
Now that tastes like tea,
Obviously, I'm sweet enough,
Like horseradish,
Oh, well, hello to you,
my crickety cadaver friend,
You rattle any good chains lately?
Don't tempt me,
I'm already overwhelmed and out of sorts today
and it's still early,
Overwhelmed by what?
By the evil men can do
and the times they choose to do it,
Seems like nothing changed, eh, Jacob?
It seems it takes both of you to save an angel,
Angel?
- How am I to do that? - Calm down, Saint Scrooge,
We're not girding you in holy armor to slay a dragon,
Just,,, almost,
Be clear,
What do you need Ebenezer and I to do?
Oh,
Mama, we're about out of milk,
Do you want me to pick some up before I go to work?
Do you have any money?
Yes, ma'am, I can afford a gallon of milk just fine,
Do you need anything else?
Well, I'm fine, but, uh--
I think Winton could use some cookies,
Oh, Winton, huh?
He's a growin' boy,
Okay, Mama,
but I think he can get by until tomorrow,
I'll pick some up then,
Are you going to be okay while I'm gone?
Of course I am,
I'm not completely falling apart, you know,
You treat me like I'm an old woman sometimes,
Well, I should know better,
Yes, you should,
- Mama, Mama! - There you are,
I was wondering if you were going to come tell me goodbye,
- Sure, I was, - Now, you be a good boy
for your mama today, all right?
- You take care of your grandma, - I will,
That young lady is who you have to save,
So her name is Angel,,,
but what are we to save her from?
A monster, a man named Big Ed Rangle,
Big Ed Rangle?
And pray tell, what does the "Big" stand for?
Don't worry,
I have to worry when it's my neck on the line,
especially going back to the mortal realm,
And Fan's, of course,
Look, I've already been murdered once back there,
It wasn't very pleasant,
You don't have to worry, Mr, Scrooge, you have us,
Fourteen years in purgatory,
dragging chains, most of them,
You want to compare unpleasantness?
Please forgive us,
As I said earlier,
we've been very overwhelmed today,
I understand,
Well, I don't,
But then again, why should that matter?
Eccentricity must go post and parcel
with being a spirit around here,
Why are we there? What are we to do?
Things are fluid, Fan, in life and death,
Decisions, actions, choices,
even chance, are the only constants,
And once those are set for a moment,
the future is plotted,
Everything is still in play,
But there's more and more of a chance
that something will set Angel's future
on a horrible and sad path,
- How so? - It's unsure,
but the time draws near, very near,
This isn't simply a matter
of saving someone's Christmas spirit, Ebenezer,
This is a matter of saving her life,
and perhaps her soul,
How much time do we have?
And where do we to start?
You've less than 24 hours,
- Not even a day? - No,
By her tomorrow, everything that's to come to be, will,
and destiny's decision shall be made,
You best get going,
We'll continue to do what we can from this end,
Come along then, we don't have much time to waste,
Not much time to waste, nor much to go on, it seems,
More spirited riddles and portents of doom,
And a chance for redemption, Ebenezer,
Never forget,
Believe me, that's constantly on my mind,
Before you go off this first time,
there's something I want to show you,
Well, I'm not sure I really am up for a pep talk,
And I'm not sure I want to spend an eternity in chains either,
so here we are,
You know, I was going to ask you about those,
They're always there, whether we show them or not,
So, even though they're unseen?
They're never unfelt,
This is the way a lifetime of mistakes
and misdeeds bears upon a soul, Ebenezer,
But they can be changed,
Mistakes can always be changed,
unlike some things,,,
which never will,
Remember when we first opened our own counting house?
We were so sure of ourselves,
We almost starved,
We had to stretch everything,
even down to the last lumps of coal,
which we had to break up just to keep warm,
If we hadn't landed our first account,
Oh, yes,
Mr, Fezziwig,
Your old boss,
If it weren't for his faith,
we'd have been forced to close before we even began,
I remember,
Faith, Ebenezer,
Never forget,
Begging your pardon, sir,
but Miss Fan needs to speak with you,
Duty calls,
- First mission nerves, sir? - Not really,
Don't worry, you have us and these,
- What's this? - Instructions,
Instructions?
Instructions for?
Your walking stick, with the mirrors,
We best be going, Miss Fan is waiting for us,
We can't keep the woman waiting now, can we?
Wait, before you go,,,
I have something to ask you,
Now, it's not that I'm not happy to see you, lad,
but why are you here?
Now, I don't remember much,
But I do remember arranging for a doctor,
Aye, sir, I'm very grateful for that,
That's why I no longer need my crutch,
Yes, I see that,
but why are you here?
What you did for my family that Christmas,
it changed our lives,
I saw hope in my parents' eyes I'd never seen before,
But after you passed--
After I was murdered?
Right, yes, sir, after you were murdered,,,
things changed,
Um, it was as if everything you had
was suddenly gone,
Gone? Everything gone?
It was like someone had blown out a candle,
We-- we best be going, sir,
Give me a minute,
Wherever you are, sir,,,
wherever you may be,,,
we will meet,
Welcome to Oklahoma,
Well, it isn't Cardiff, that's for sure,
You have no idea,
Whoa, partner, excuse me there,
Um, no harm done, um, partner?
Last minute shopping,
I never know what to buy folks,
so I end up running around like a chicken with my head cut off,
- You know what I mean? - Uh, no, I'm afraid I do not,
I apologize there, ma'am,
I swear I wasn't meaning to be rude,
I'd tip my hat if I could,
It's quite all right, you have your hands full,
Just a tad, ma'am,
Anyways, I apologize,
Y'all have a Merry Christmas--
Uh, wait, wait, wait, before you go, sir,
Have you heard of an establishment called the,,,
Boar's Den?
The Boar's Den?
That can be a rough place,
are you sure you want to go there?
Well, I'm afraid
we'll eventually have to wind up there,
Well, it's about a quarter of a mile right up the road,
Turn left on the county road a ways,
you won't miss it,
Thank you, Merry Christmas,
If you want to go there, you be careful,
This stupid stick is,,,
bent,
What's wrong with this pool table anyway?
This table ain't letting me make any shots,
Well, maybe it's not the table,
It is the table!
And these sticks,
This one's bent,
It's a bunch of junk in here,
Is there a problem out there?
No problem,
Just someone who can't shoot pool,
What'd you say, boy?
Just sit down over there and finish your beer,
All right,
It's 'cause it's Christmas,
I hate to whip a man at Christmas,
You hate to whip a man at Christmas, do you?
Yeah, well,
you're a real tough guy, aren't you?
There was one person in this world
I was ever afraid of,,,
and it ain't you,
Where's your Christmas spirit now?
You came into the wrong place, buddy,
This just isn't a good idea,
Of course it is, we have a deadline,
No pun intended,
Jacob, would you please tell him this isn't a good idea?
It's a stupid idea,
You haven't even heard it yet,
What idea?
My perfectly sound idea to deal with this
in the most meaningful way possible,
These things take finesse, Ebenezer,
We can't just dictate terms,
Humbug,
Just like in business, there's gains and losses,
profits and penalties,
All we have to do is enforce the penalties,
Change cannot be forced, sir,
it must be accepted willingly,
It's free will,
Marley, when you showed up rattling your chains
and set those spirits upon me, was that your free will?
Not mine, yours, Ebenezer,
What is it you're planning to do?
I'm going in there to speak to this big-head fellow
and explain to him that he has to do right
by this young lady or else,
Sounds like a marvelous plan,
Let me know how it turns out,
Next time, it's really gonna hurt,
- Bad, - Old man,
Merry Christmas, you Ebenezer wannabe,
What kind of guy wears a ponytail?
He's an Ebenezer--
I thought it was George Washington,
I take it all went well with the big-head?
No, not really,
I thought that being dead was good for something,
That was really painful,
It's a matter of location,
Being dead where you're dead means you're fairly safe,
Being dead here, though, it's a lot different,
- You're telling me this now? - I've--
We've tried to tell you a lot of things, Ebenezer,
it's just sometimes you don't listen,
I see,
Ebenezer, this isn't your counting shop any longer,
Here, you're basically an apprentice,
You mentioned something about finesse?
Among other things,
Let's go,
Do you think that was wise, sir?
What?
Agreeing with Mr, Scrooge's plan?
Seemed rather reckless to me,
It did to me, too,
Reckless and foolish,
Then why let him do it?
Because it was his plan,
And none of us would convince him not to do it,
I guess I just don't understand,
Look, lad, Ebenezer and I
were friends and partners for many years,
Practically our whole lives,
I know him as well as I know myself,
When he gets something in his head,
there's no talking him out of it,
Even if it's something bad?
The only way Ebenezer Scrooge ever learned any lesson
was by having to learn it,
Why do you think it took three spirits that night?
And you knew he'd be all right?
I had faith,
Are you sure this is the place?
Yes, this is the address we were given,
Have you figured out what you're going to say yet?
Well, of course I have,
Generally,
I suppose,
No,
I'll just wing it,
Well, I suppose
that will be your cue,
Salvation Army?
Oh, no, ma'am, we have no military affiliation,
What we mean to say is that we aren't here
collecting for charity,
Charity? Oh, no, ma'am, not at all,
You needn't worry about that,
I wasn't worried about you collectin',
We don't have much to collect,
I was more wondering if you were dropping off,
Not-- not that we would have accepted anything anyway,
We're-- we're doing fine and--
and there's plenty of others who ain't,
So, what can I help you folks with?
Um, we're looking for Angel,
Would by chance she be home?
She's at work,
What are you looking for her about?
We really are here to help, I promise,
You're showbiz folks, aren't you?
That explains the costumes,
Well, I-- I suppose we are, uh--
We specialize in Christmas miracles,
Oh, my,
Well, that is one thing we sure could use around here,
Come in, come in,
Wipe your feet,
Well, this should be interesting,
Would you like some coffee or anything?
Oh, no, thank you, we're fine,
I'm sorry,
It's not often that anyone comes to visit,
so, I really don't have much to offer,
Don't apologize,
We're grateful that you invited us in
and are speaking with us,
You have a lovely home, by the way,
It used to be, a long time ago,
when my-- my husband was still here,
He kept the place up,
Things just got harder and harder after he passed,
I'm sorry,
This time of year when, um,
when Angel was still little,
we had a big tree in that corner
with lights and candles and presents all under it,
and-- and music,
I think that's where she gets that from,
There was always music,
How long has it been just the two of you?
Three of us,
Angel's little boy, Winton,
he's down for a nap now,
And me and Angel,
Her, uh, her daddy passed away when she was ten,
and, uh,,,
well, her husband got himself killed
working on a rig while she was pregnant,
Well, he was supposed to be down for his nap,
Who are they?
I'm Fan and this is Ebenezer,
Ebenezer? That's funny, like his clothes,
Winton Richard,
You mind your manners
- and apologize, - Yes, ma'am,
I'm sorry, Mr, Ebenezer, but they are kind of funny,
He's not wrong,
Oh, and he is off,
And I'm sorry,
So, um, where were we?
How do you get by?
Oh, well, we manage,
I get my little bit from Social Security and,,,
and Angel, she does what she can,
I worry about her, though,
Why do you worry about her?
Other than what I believe parents naturally do,
Oh, you don't have, uh, children of your own?
Uh, no, I do not,
I was never blessed in that way, I suppose,
Nor do I guess any child
was ever cursed that way either,
Well, you always worry,
But, uh,,,
she works down at, uh,
the thrift store to get by in the daytime,
and, uh,,,
while she sings down at that bar at night,
That place scares me,
Why does it scare you?
It's not somewhere a mother wants her kids hanging around,
Especially not her daughter,
I know she is a good girl,
and she is a real good singer,
Well, she has won contests,
and she even sang on the radio once,
I have faith in my daughter,
I know she can do better, and one day she will,
She tells me that, uh,
well, it takes time to be discovered,
and you just gotta do what you have to do until then,
But, uh,,,
she and Winton, well,,,
they're all I have, and,,,
well, I'm not gonna be here much longer,
I'm sorry, I--
I just get so worried sometimes,
Well,,,
we're here to make sure
you don't have to worry longer,
I promise,
Mr, Scrooge,
You seem to be almost,,,
,,,Human?
How can people just ignore those in need like that,
pretend they don't exist?
Unfortunately, it's a lot easier than you may think,
Well, I think it's an absolutely horrible thing,
I know you do, but then again,
you tend to think with your heart and your head,
Not many other people think that way,
Believe me, I ignored far too many
far too easily in the past,
And the past is the key part to that sentence, Ebenezer,
Yes, it is,
Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas to you as well,
Hey, back off, mack, Social distancing,
I am-- I'm terribly sorry,
you look like someone I thought I'd known,
Of course I do, I'm, uh, Santa Claus!
Father Christmas! Ho, ho, ho!
Uh, not the one I know,
but a very good resemblance, mind you,
Um, tell me,
the donations, where do they go?
They don't lie in some administrator's pockets,
now, do they?
Uh, no, sir, they go straight
to Mrs, Keeler's 21st Street mission,
They're a little out there, a little preachy at times,
but she does all that she can do,
Oh, thank you, sir,
Merry Christmas!
[indistinct],
What was that all about?
What was what all about?
Don't all what me, I saw you drop a crown into that bucket,
Yes, indeed I did, and?
And you heard what he said
about how far it had to go, and how many,
Well, that's why I gave him the whole crown,
Was I being too generous?
Uh, would you like me to go and ask for it back?
You certainly shall not!
Sometimes, Ebenezer, I don't understand you,
I think you've changed, and then,,,
My dear Fan,
what is the one true talent I possessed
throughout my whole wretched life?
- Money, - Exactly,
The one thing I knew above all others,
Now, you saw me drop one shiny, bright crown
into that man's donation box, hmm?
One bright, shiny crown,
about 180 years old,
So it's not just worth a crown any longer?
I highly doubt it,
Probably about 2 or 300 colonial dollars,
I misjudged you,
and spoke harshly without reason,
Can you forgive me?
Come along, we must hurry,
Can I help you with anything?
Yes, ma'am,
My son is picking me up for Christmas dinner,
and I haven't seen him in such a long time,
- Well, that sounds very nice, - Yes, I think so, too,
I got a grandson, you know, and he just turned seven,
I've got a little boy, he just turned nine,
They grow up awful fast,
and you just don't get enough time to spend with them,
I know,
So, are you looking at this train set?
I sure am,
I remember getting his daddy one for Christmas,
We used to play with it all Christmas morning,
till his mama called us up for dinner,
- The best Christmas ever, - I can just imagine that it was,
Would you like me to wrap this up for you?
Yes, ma'am,
How much you want for it?
It looks like
it's 19 dollars and 50 cents,
$19, Okay,
14,
15,
16,
17,
I'm sorry, ma'am,
I'm afraid I'm a little short,
Sorry to bother you,
Sir, Sir,
- Yes, ma'am? - I'm so sorry,
I don't know what's wrong with me,
but I completely misread
the price tag for this train set,
It's actually $15,
if you'd still like to buy it for your grandson's Christmas,
Really? Thank you, ma'am,
There you go, sir,
I hope you both enjoy this Christmas morning
as much as the last,
Thank you, and have a merry Christmas,
Have a very merry Christmas,
What's that all about?
Well, I sold that old train set to that gentleman,
I saw that, For $15,
It was marked 20,
Well, it was donated for free,
just like everything else in here,
That's supposed to be sold to help out the less fortunate,
Exactly,
That poor old man was the less fortunate,
He had $17 to his name,
and he wanted to buy something nice
for his grandson for Christmas,
So you could have gotten 17 for it
instead of 15?
No, I couldn't have,
I'm not going to take his last penny,
For heaven's sakes, Max, it's Christmas,
Exactly,
This is our best time of the year,
Not if you the whole store,
Well, isn't that what we're supposed to be doing?
This is Helping Hands Thrift Shop,
Aren't we supposed to be helping people?
We're not helping handouts,
There's expenses, overhead, salary,
So, how much does go to helping, Max?
Huh? How much?
- A percentage, - Well, how much of a percentage?
A reasonable one,
Sound familiar?
Uh, he's got to make a profit,
And costs and expenses involved,
See? That guy knows how to run a business,
Um, maybe not so much about fashion,
but he knows business,
Oh, well, I--
Maybe I should fire you and hire that guy instead,
Hey, old timer, you want a job?
You know what?
I quit,
Oh, miss? Miss?
- Miss, mind holding up, please? - Well, why should I?
You are Angel Lynn, are you not?
Maybe, Who wants to know, and why?
We're here to help you,
My name is Ebenezer, and this is Fan,
We truly are here to help if we can,
Look, I'm sorry,
It's just not been a wonderful day,
We've noticed,
That was a very kind thing you did back there,
Well, I thought that it was,
And look where it got me,
I'm not sure it can get much worse than that,
Oh, it can always get worse,
But then again, it'll always get better,
If you choose to let it,
Well, that sounds real nice,
But right now,
I just don't have any choices left,
Oh, you mustn't think that,
You'll always have choices,
But sometimes it takes extraordinary ones
to bring out the correct ones,
Uh, we went to see your mother,
You spoke with my mother?
You went to my house?
We're here to help you and your family,
Look, whoever you two are,
it's just not a good day for this,
And I don't know you from Adam [indistinct],
So I'd really appreciate it if you would just leave,
Well, we're here to save you,
Save me? You know what?
You two and Max can all just go to,,,
She may very well get her wish,
This isn't going very well, is it?
I'm afraid it's going pretty much the way
it's supposed to be going, all things considered,
We have to think this through,
I suggest we take a moment,
settle ourselves,
and we discuss this,
You think Mr, Scrooge meant to do that?
I'm sure he meant to,
Unfortunately, I'm also sure
that he had no idea it would turn out that way,
So, he miscalculated?
He mucked it up,
Where did this rain come from?
So,,,
is that house done now?
Um, it's not very polite to eavesdrop,
So I've been told,
Clearly one of my brother's projects,
I wasn't aware Mr, Scrooge had a brother,
He doesn't,
Who are you?
I appear to be out of cards,
Suffice it to say,,,
I'm just another player in grand scheme,
Nothing more,
Looks like you gentlemen have your work
cut out for you,
I'll let you get on with it then,
Good day,
What do you make of that, sir?
I don't know,
Yet,
If only,
Alex Matthews,
What?
They can't cancel, not now,
We're days away,
No, I do understand, but,,,
♪ 'Cause here with you ♪
♪ Is where I will stay ♪
♪ The thought of losing you ♪
♪ Just tears my soul away ♪
Did you hear what I just heard?
No, not you, The singing,
Listen, I think I may have it taken care of,
I gotta go, I'll call you back,
♪ And I'll be here ♪
♪ With tears in my eyes ♪
♪ Could this be ♪
♪ Love in disguise? ♪
Excuse me, miss,
That was fantastic,
I just stepped inside
to get out of the cold for a bit,
And to sing,
I heard you, I was in the wings,
Like the Phantom of the Opera?
Oh, well, except I hopefully don't need the mask,
Look, it's just been one of those days
and it's still being one
and I don't care if you haunt the theater
or ring cathedral bells, I'm just not interested,
You're very good,
Call me,
Hmm,
This place will do,
Um, Ebenezer, hold on a moment,
Uh, this may not be exactly what you expect,
It's tea,
I mean, granted, things have changed all around,
but it's tea,
It's-- it's as solid as the-- the British Empire,
Uh, well, about that, Um,,,
♪ Hail Britannia, Britannia rule the waves ♪
♪ I'll show you that things have never really changed ♪
I see that, Fine then, Shall we?
Good afternoon, madam,
May I please have two teas?
Um, iced or hot?
Iced tea?
Uh, no,
Two hot proper teas,
one with two sugars, please,
Let me rescind that order, if you don't mind,
May I please have two hot proper teas,
one with three sugars,,,
and the other simply tasting of tea,
May I ask you also
for that little square sweet cake?
- Please cut it in half, - Okay,
Tea and cake?
Have you seen the time?
When you're in Rome, you do as the Romans do,
And even if we're not in Rome, we're doing what we want to do,
And besides, I'm famished,
There you go, That'll be $5,74,
$5,74 American?
Um, yeah, that would be preferable,
Right,
$5,74 American,
Thank you,
Yeah, I should be out on a motor ride today, man,
My bike is just,,,
Well,,,
To what do I owe this unexpected pleasure?
I need to talk to you about something,
Well, you know, my door is always open to you, sweetheart,
Come on in, sit down,
Here you go, Angel baby,
I was wondering if I could maybe pick up another set,
or maybe even some waitressing hours,
I'll bus tables, I just-- I need something,
Time's getting rough, huh?
Just a little bit, and it's Christmas,
Well,,,
I bet you're a girl,,,
of many talents besides singing,
I'm sure we could find something worthwhile extra
for you to do around here,
You know, make a few extra bucks,
Why don't you come see me after your set?
Park your little butt in that chair,
and we're gonna talk about this a little more,
All right, baby, there you go,
Oh, God, I love to watch you walk away all day,
Oh,
This is the correct one, is it not?
You didn't do anything to it, did you?
Yes, that is your cup, Bitter,
- What was that? - Hmm? Oh, nothing,
- I asked if you were better, - Quite,
Not only am I feeling better,
but I also have something I want to tell you
all about a new idea,
I am certainly anxious to hear it,
It is bitter,
♪ I don't know how I got here ♪
♪ I don't know where I'm at ♪
♪ Am I staying for reasons that are not my own? ♪
♪ I'm hoping I'm smarter than that ♪
♪ Is it wrong that I'm looking for something ♪
♪ That wasn't supposed to be mine? ♪
♪ Believing is meant for believers ♪
♪ I'm hoping I'm not out of time ♪
♪ If you see me crying without any tears ♪
♪ It's 'cause I wasted them all on a dream ♪
♪ But the last thing I want is to live with regret ♪
♪ Before writing my one final scene ♪
♪ I'm aware that I should be much stronger ♪
♪ But sometimes it's hard to stay true ♪
♪ When you're fighting for people ♪
♪ You love more than life ♪
♪ You do what you have to do ♪
Thank you all so much,
It's been so much fun
hanging out with you all tonight,
- I love you, - Well, I love you, too,
Without any of you, I wouldn't get to do all of this,
On, now, come on, we are not going to go
and ruin our relationship like that,
Anyways, anyways, we also will be back tomorrow night,
Take care till then,
And for the rest of y'all, have a very merry Christmas,
Thank you,
It's tea, Why does it have to be so, so--
Mucked completely up,
It's not just bad now, Ebenezer, It's worse,
- What's worse? - Everything,
Whatever you did, things have sped up,
What do you mean?
You no longer have hours,
maybe not even minutes,
Whatever changes are happening, get to the Boar's Den,
- Now! - We have to get there then,
We have no time, We have no time,
Psst, You got plenty of time,
I used to drive a cab in New York,
Come on, get in,
Angel,
can I talk to you for a minute?
Well, I was just about to head home,
I'm really tired, Mr, Rangle, We had a good show,
Yeah, well, uh, you can head home after,
Come on in for a minute,
That a girl, That's my girl,
Nice night out here tonight, don't you think?
Yeah, it is,
Should be out on my bike tonight, man,
Oh,
- You know, - Not too much traffic out there,
This could be a problem,
Don't worry, I'll handle them,
You go on to handle Big Ed,
How are you going to handle them?
Remember what happened the last time?
That was you,
I have much more experience
dealing with this time and these types,
Now go,
I need to go out with Marley for a ride soon,
The garage's too much, I'm working on,,,
- Howdy, boys, - How you doing?
I'm good,
Um, can you help a girl out, please?
I seem to have locked my purse in my car,
and I just don't know what to do,
That happens all the time, ma'am,
Luckily, you found the right man,
Yeah, because he knows the guy who can handle stuff like that,
and that would be me,
Come on,
Please pardon the interruption,
Or actually don't, It was quite purposeful,
Now's your chance, Go meet Fan outside,
Who in blue blazes do you think you are
coming to my place of business?
And,,,
I know who you are,
You're the guy they threw out of here today,
Quite right, Where are my manners today?
My name is Ebenezer Scrooge,
Yeah, well,
I think you know what my manners are,
Indeed I do, sir,
That's what I came to speak to you about today,
Yeah,
But not in the presence of a woman,
Yeah, well, there's no women here anymore,
You know, you've got a lot of guts
for a Yankee, you know that?
A lot of brain in your fancy little head,
And I plan on finding out,
I'm not a Yankee,
I'm from Edinburgh,
Don't you understand? He's gonna kill your friend,
Oh, it won't be the first time,
You don't have to worry, I promise,
My friend is much more capable than you'd imagine,
I'm certain they'll just have a nice chat
about the error of your boss's ways,
My boss?
Oh, my God, I'm-- I'm so sorry about earlier,
I-- I really am,
And I don't know what I'm gonna do,
Not that,
Your mother has faith in her daughter,
And I know your little boy loves his mom so much,
You have so much and deserve so much more,
Oh, here now,
Remember I told you we were here to help?
I do, Thank you,
Oh, don't thank me quite yet, We're not through,
There's someone I want you to meet,
- Ladies, - Mr, Matthews,
I'm so glad you could make it tonight,
This is the young lady I told you about,
Angel Lynn,
I know, I caught your act, You were amazing,
The Phantom of the Opera, Thank you, I appreciate that,
You know, normally I don't come out blind like this,
Honestly, I would never come out blind like this,
But when you called--
- I could be very persuasive, - Apparently so,
Whatever made me do it, I'm glad I did,
Sorry,
Here, this is my card,
I manage several local artists,
and I'd like to talk to you about managing you,
That is, if you're not with anyone else,
As a matter of fact,
she is recently open to new management,
With the proper person, of course,
And I'd like to think it might be me, then,
Remember what we said about choices?
Not really,
Make this one an extraordinary one,
How did you do this?
Believe it or not, I finally read the instructions,
I really hated to do this to you, you know,
but you left me little choice,
What kind of trick are you trying to pull here?
Oh, I assure you, sir, it's no trick,
Those shackles are as real as real can be,
And it is my understanding that people like you
tend to wear them forever,
Oh, I do understand they're very uncomfortable,
rather binding and terribly hard to get used to,
I have a friend who's been wearing them
for the better part of 14 years now,
You dirty piece of,,,
Oh, I understand he was quite disagreeable as well,
Look, what do you want?
The girl, is it?
That's who you want, Angel, is that it?
You don't understand,
That girl is not yours in any way,
shape or form, neither to give nor take,
you miserable cretin, you,
Of course she is, I have her under contract,
I'm her manager, so what I say goes,
That's how it works,
That, sir, is how slavery works,
Well, it's show business,
Same thing,
Where did you get that? How,
- How did you get that? - Yada, yada, yada,
The first part, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera,
This contract is not worth the paper it's written on,
The paper it was written on, anyway,
Morally, ethically, and especially legally,
This little pile of ash is now null and void,
You know, I am gonna skin you alive
when I get out of here,
Nobody does this to Big Ed,
Nobody!
You simply will not listen, will you?
Will not or cannot see?
See what? What am I supposed to see?
You tell me,
You're a monster and you lost your humanity
and you're on your way to losing your soul as well,
Don't you care about that?
Wouldn't you rather trade
redemption for certain damnation?
Redemption? Damnation?
What, are you gonna start preaching to me now?
Cause I ain't buying it,
Fine,
I tried,
I can see when bigger guns are required,
and it's more than I can do to get through your thick skull,
What are you talking about?
I'm referring to, my dear Big Ed,,,
Now, do you mind if I simply call you Ed?
It sounds so silly to me when I say Big Ed,
and there's nothing silly about this situation,
I'm referring to, Ed,
Or shall I say, Edward R,,,
to the one person who might yet get through to you,
Oh, no, no, no,
No, it can't be, No, it can't be,
It can't be,
MeMaw?
She's been watching you, Ed,
and she's very disappointed,
MeMaw, MeMaw, I didn't--
What--
Edward R,,,
What am I gonna do with you?
You were raised better than that,
I-- I didn't--
I can take it from here, young man,
No, don't go, Don't go!
No, no, no, no, no, no, don't go, Don't--
You've been very, very naughty,
You need a time out,
No, no! No! No! No!
I'm gonna punish you until you see stars,
You are never gonna see the light of day
until you know how to act like a gentleman,
You were bad to that young girl and now you're gonna pay,
You knew better than that, Edward R,
You knew better than that,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry!
I take it all went well with Big Ed,
I suppose, It depends,
Let's say I definitely had faith in the process,
And, um, the outcome,
That's all anyone could ask for,
Indeed,
But what about on your end?
I would say that Angel has been given
an opportunity to make an extraordinary choice,
Will she, though?
Let's say that I definitely have faith as well,
♪ ,,,Like you wanted me ♪
♪ Saying boy come on, ♪
♪ I just had to try ♪
That's a good sign,
I'll drink to that, If we ever get any service,
So, Can I get y'all something?
Could you bring us two decent pints, please?
Pints of what, darlin'?
In your dreams!
I'll have what she's having,
I guess I'll just take a large sherry then,
You found her, darling,
That's my name,
Oh, God save us,
♪ Follow along with your hips, feet ♪
♪ Heartbeats on the floor and dress in your hair ♪
♪ Girl it ain't fair whatever you do ♪
♪ Just don't stop ♪
Isn't this a much better way to spend your Christmas Eve?
Where do you think you're going?
Well, into the theater, of course,
Not that way you're not,
What way would you have us go in then, please?
Around the back with the other performers,
- You should know that, - It's his first time,
I just wanted him to see what it was all about,
Well, then buy tickets
and put those moth eaten costumes in a trunk,
Who's supposed to be performing anyway?
Old Man Winter?
Well, then, can you please lead us in the proper direction?
Okay, fine, Follow me, this way,
You know, people tell me I should be an actor,
To be or not to be,
that is the question,
- What do you think? - Humbug,
No more eggnog on break for you, Ray,
Ladies and gentlemen, good evening
and of course, Merry Christmas Eve,
It's our pleasure to present to you the Wonders of Christmas,
A collection of music and stories
from the most joyous time of year,
Tonight, as a very special gift,
I'm proud to introduce a young lady
that just recently joined us,
I know you'll love her as much as we do,,,
Miss Angel,
♪ I've forgotten what the meaning was ♪
♪ Lost so much no longer care ♪
♪ So uncertain if I'd ever come around ♪
♪ Living life so unaware ♪
♪ You showed me how I was missing out ♪
♪ On the things that mattered most to me ♪
♪ Letting go of all the weighing down of doubts ♪
♪ The magic of Christmas is what I needed to see ♪
♪ Christmas ♪
♪ What does it mean to you? ♪
♪ Families gathered round the Christmas tree ♪
♪ Children opening presents, laughing merrily ♪
♪ Couples that end up below the mistletoe ♪
♪ Dreaming of a white Christmas and seeing it start to snow ♪
♪ Christmas ♪
♪ What does it mean to me? ♪
♪ Never thinking I would see you again ♪
♪ Thought my happy endings had come to an end ♪
♪ But like an angel who was just given wings ♪
♪ A new light is shining and everybody sings ♪
♪ It's been so long since we felt alive ♪
♪ Something missing all these years ♪
♪ Dreams forgotten and were pushed aside ♪
♪ But now are becoming so clear ♪
♪ A new day is dawning around the bend ♪
♪ The future is starting anew ♪
♪ It's time to step in the light again ♪
♪ This feeling of Christmas ♪
♪ Is inside all of you ♪
♪ Christmas ♪
♪ What does it mean to us? ♪
♪ Spending time sitting round the fire ♪
♪ Roasting chestnuts, hearing caroling choirs ♪
♪ A time for giving some holiday cheer ♪
♪ And starting the countdown to a brand new year ♪
♪ Christmas ♪
♪ What does it mean to me? ♪
♪ Cherishing moments, grateful each day ♪
♪ Through good times and bad times, come what may ♪
♪ Remembering our loved ones and the ones that we've lost ♪
♪ The spirit of giving ♪
♪ No matter what the cost ♪
♪ Christmas ♪
♪ How I missed you, Christmas ♪
You know, it's really good to be home, I suppose,
All things being considered,
Of course, I wouldn't want to remain here in perpetuity,
What you mean to say is you're comfortable,
Quite, As comfortable as one can be in this,,,
parlor in purgatory,
Remember, vultures,
You know, I worry about you sometimes,
By the way,
what are you constantly writing about over there?
Or dare I ask?
Well, obviously you dare, because you did,
However, it's nothing you need to know about,
At least not right now,
Well, that's not curious now, is it?
I hear congratulations are in order,
You're one step closer to your redemption, Mr, Scrooge,
I had my doubts about this one,
I'm glad you proved me wrong,
Oh, ye of little faith,
What happened with Angel?
I gather we acted in time,
You did,
And her life, as well as her family's,
are much the better for it,
Would you like to see?
Turkey's done cooking,
It's a big bird,
It sure is,
It'll be nice to have company over for a change,
And the house looks beautiful, Mama,
Just like when you were little, Do you remember?
I do,
I'm surprised because I thought I'd forgotten all about it,
Never forget,
For a long time, you and those memories were,,,
all I had left,
Well, hello, Santa Claus,
I've definitely been called worse,
Come on in,
Welcome, Alex,
I am so glad you could join us,
Of course, Thank you for having me,
Mama's under the mistletoe,
So, who's hungry?
All right, who wants to carve the turkey?
Alex, do you want to do the honors?
Come along, sir, We still have some work to do,
No rest for the wicked, eh, Marley?
As you'll no doubt find out,
Oh, and by the way,
even Big Ed was redeemed in the end,
You only get half credit for that, though,
For using unorthodox methods,
sicking someone's grandmom on them, Really?
Timothy Cratchit!
Quite frankly, I thought that was very original,
I'd have to agree,
So would I,
You,
You're the gentleman who bought that train set,
I had to be certain,
She's a fine young lady,
And he is a fine young man,
Well, of course he is,
That's my grandson,
Well, seeing as how everything turned out,
and since Tim isn't here,
don't you think someone ought to say it?
Say what?
You know,
Really?
Okay, I will,
God bless us, everyone,
Humbug,
Mr, Scrooge,
Where would you be now?
That will be all,
Hmm,
Something certainly smells better than the one I'm used to,
Your sense of timing leaves a bit to be desired,
But you were expecting me, right?
Of course,
Just not now,
Yeah, I actually get that a lot,
New outfit,
Not exactly the regulation uniform, now, is it?
What do you think?
Pretty snazzy, ain't it?
Look, custom made just for me,
I'm sure it's very snazzy,
However, it is not what death wears,
And it is certainly not how he speaks,
Yeah, you know,
I've been meaning to talk to you about that,
Don't do that,
Capiche?
Don't do that, capiche?
Very well,
Would you mind explaining all of all of this, then?
I just need to change, you know?
Some fresh air, some new scenery,
I mean, this whole bag with the robe
and the bones and the scythe?
It's really starting to take a toll on me,
I mean, it's like this: being the Grim Reaper,
it's just that, it's grim,
it's not popular, no one's ever glad to see me,
It's all dark and depressing,
You're death,
Isn't that somewhat the majority of the job description?
You've been doing this for your whole life--
death-- forever,
Exactly,
And that's just too long,
So I found this nice little side gig where I can go out,
have a few drinks, tell some stories,
sing some songs, even mingle a little bit,
Have a little fun,
You've gone mad, haven't you?
It's not really surprising, I suppose,
You really need to loosen that collar a little bit,
I think it's affecting your brain,
No, I'm not going mad,
I'm just gonna do it my way,
What about your actual responsibilities?
Collecting souls, harvesting the dead,
I got it taken care of, Don't worry about it,
I'm the Assistant Undersecretary for Undead Affairs,
It's my job to worry about it,
What you need to do is learn to relax,
You know what?
Stop by the show tonight,
Take a load off,
Have a drink,
It's on me,
How can you even do this?
I'm in the hottest show at the Strip,
And I'm a star,
That's how I do,
Listen, I gotta run,
Just because Death's taking a holiday
doesn't mean he can sit still,
Oh, and by the way, the 7 o'clock shows
are the dinner shows,
so if you're gonna order the prime rib, that's on you,
Mrs, Dilbert,
Where exactly is The Strip?
Dinner with my brother?
Eh, not exactly,
Just happened to drop in while he was having his,
Oh,
I bet that went over well, didn't it?
Not really, but,,,
But you knew it wouldn't, yet you did it anyway,
That's what I like about you,
Well, I try,
Of course you do,
Which is also why I know that [indistinct],
If I can count on you,
Absolutely you can,
No doubt about it, Can I, then?
Whatever I can do,
Hey, how about a ticket to my show?
VIP pass,
Even includes dinner,
Prime rib?
I'm a vegan,