Dear God, thanks for my cell phone,
It's my best friend,
I can film anything,
I know how you feel,
Hi, Cheese,
I can film anyone,
God, let her see me,
Jana, the most beautiful thing in the world,
Hi sweetie,
There's a leak in my kitchen,
Okay,
Nobody sees me,
- Fuck you too, - Shit,
Nobody recycles,
That's me as a kid, but I was never skinny
and we never had a horse,
This is what my mom calls a snack,
Here are the rents, Ma,
Go wash your hands,
Thank you, God, for my room,
And for this lamp,
The only light in all this darkness,
Nobody comes in here,
Nobody,
The food is getting cold,
Jana
Okay,
I stab myself eight times a day,
sometimes 12, if I eat too much,
What are you, deaf?
Jesus Christ son of God thank you for this bounty we are about to receive,
Amen,
Oh, and please help my son to be a man,
Please, Just, just look at him,
Ma, I'm right here,
If your father was still alive today,
He would have grabbed this coward by the balls,,,
and thrown him to the trash where he belongs,
Shut up you two! Respect my husband's building,,,
or I am going to call the police, Understand?
Carmen, Tony is leaving,
How dare you?
Fucking Tony,
I got you, Jana,
I got you,
The Mangu was slamming, Mama,
You're eating well, aren't you?
That's how you raised me,
I signed the checks,
Put them in right away and don't forget the receipt,
The devil is everywhere,
What?
Why are you staring at me?
I'm looking at you,
What do you see?
You're so handsome,
Pick it up, pick it up,
Good morning,
Fuck you too,
No one listens, recycle here,
Ah, it's Thimble Dick,
This place is like my balls:
necessary, but rarely does anyone visit,
I've gotten used to the smells of this place,
the coffee, the bacon, the dying pussy,
No, she's beautiful,
Maybe,
Three eggs over medium, sausage,
Medium sausage,
Do you have, er, turkey sausage?
Waiter?
Waiter, you promised me wheat toast,
Huh, my god,
Pick it up,
But that's,,,
Manners,
She didn't even thank me,
It doesn't matter,
Is this my life?
I figured it was you,
You have a very distinctive walk,
- Yeah? - Yeah,
It's like a dying mouse,
But, anyways, the pipe is still leaking,
If you want to check it out or,,,
There's no way I can look at it till tomorrow,
Can you do it today?
Sure, I'll be down in a minute,
Thanks,
Hey,
It's just me,
Does't matter,
Well, you know where it is,
I'm gonna go get a smoothie,
it's so hot, Do you want anything?
You,
Sure, Wait, What did you just say?
Thank you, no,
You're so formal,
Hey, how are you?
How are you?
My God, this is where she loves,
You're my first and my last,
What?
Smack your pussy?
Like that?
Lower?
I'm doing it good?
What?
Really?
I'm close, Close,
You scared the shit out of me,
Tell no one what you saw here,
When are you leaving?
Uh, there's a leak,
Looks like the pipes were kicked,
Hurry up,
Funny,
I went to fucking Iraq for you,
Three tours,
I took a fucking bullet for you,
for your freedom,
So you can what?
Sit around here and eat donuts, watch porno,
How did you-
Tell Jana I stopped by,
Did you fix it?
I need a part,
And that cost money,
If you lost some weight,
you wouldn't need those things,
Flan?
- Hector, - Whoa!!
When's the baby due?
I need a air gap body with a cover nickel,
- How long? - Eight and three-quarters,
- How wide? - About two inches,
That's me,
The cheap one, right?
No, the best you got,
He's, uh,,,
I think he's around 30s, uh, he's wide,
uh, really, really tall, and bald,
And I really hope you can find him,
I don't want this to happen to anybody again,
I'm, I'm trying really hard,
Come on, let me take you for some food,
- We can talk about this, - No, no,
- Yo, stop, It's over, - We've been through worse
than this! Come on, let's just go talk,
It's over, It's been over, Enough, Tony,
Fuck,
Did you fix it?
- Huh? - Leave him alone,
I'm just asking if he fixed it, that's all,,,
You don't live here, so don't worry about it,
- I have the part you need, - Thanks, I'll be up in a,,,
I asked you a question, Why won't you answer me, huh?
Please, I don't need this shit,
I have dance rehearsal tonight, Hello!
With your fucking hula hoop, like you're fucking 12?
- Hey! - Hey, what?
Mind your own fucking business, Get the fuck in there, man,
I don't know what his fucking problem is,
You know, you think I don't have feelings, huh?
That you can say whatever the fuck you want to say?
And the wind is just going to blow it
- before I fucking hear it? - Come on, let's go upstairs,
- We'll talk about it upstairs, - No, We're not going upstairs,
Oh, my God, This is proof that I hate me,
Don't say that, Don't say that, come on,
It's true, Three fucking years of you fucking hitting me
and fucking me like I don't manner,
And on top of that, you want to be cheating on me,
Like-like- like you're a fucking whore,
just sharing your dick with everybody on the block
- like it's a fucking toy, - My head is fucking killing me,
You don't get it, My head is,,,
- That's what you always do, - I can't sleep,
I keep reliving it in my dreams,
Fucking limbs flying off of Mikey's body,
Gasoline, I can't stop smelling
the fucking gasoline in my head, Jana,
What you do, you go fuck every hoe you see because of Iraq?
Hmm? North Korea releases missiles
and you wanna go fuck somebody in the ass?
God damn it, it's the fucking truth,
It's not the truth, It's not the truth,
Do something, Gilbert, you fucking asshole,
- Go back on your meds or s,,, - No, no, no, no!
They make me fucking sick, I already told you that,
I can't do this anymore, I rather be dead
- than to fuck with you, - Don't say that,
Stupid ass,
Do you want some candy or whatever?
No, I'm allergic to sugar,
My God,
I would die if I couldn't eat sweets,
Sucks,
Listen, Sorry about Tony,
Ah, yeah,
So you're a dancer?
How do you know that?
I hear you dancing in your room, you know,
Tango, it's cool,
Well, I'm trying to be,
It's a place called Ricolettis,
You should swing by, take a few lessons,
Yeah,
Tony is a tear drinker,
What?
A tear drinker,
What is that?
He enjoys seeing you cry,
He drinks your tears for nourishment,
And that's what he'll always be,
Listen, maybe, I don't know,
He, he has his own issues,
Yeah, yeah,
So I found some brownies in the pipes,
I cleaned it out, You should be good,
but any more trouble, you let me know,
Yeah, Um, thanks, Goodnight,
More coffee or water,,, coffee or water?
Hey, sweetie,
Jana, you're sunlight,
Come with me,
My God,
I don't know,
Maybe you transfer at the next stop,
Somewhere else,
Push,
That's fine,
Sick!
She's right,
I see you,
Two hours looking for you,
You hear me? Two hours looking for you,
Okay,
I'm sorry it leaked again,
He won't give me my keys back,
Once he starts, he just doesn't stop,
That's was a good pipe, You need a new pipe,
You've met Lenin?
No,
Lenin,
Are you hungry?
Want a turkey sandwich?
It's happening,
You mean like sex?
What?
Like a turkey sandwich, when you think I'm the turkey
and you're the bread,
I'm the turkey and you're the bread
and I'm on top of you or you on top of me?
And what? The tomatoes are my tits?
Sorry, I'm not good at this,
Do you want a turkey sandwich like food?
My mom cooked,
I mean, I'd invite you up, but she hates you,
Hmm, Of course,
It always smells so good of there, yeah,
Tony is always like, "Oh, I bet that bitch can cook,"
Nice,
Um,
Take this up, get you a pipe,
I owe you a sandwich,
What?
Smells good, Mama,
Salt,
Pepper,
Salt-N-Pepa, you know that's a band, Mama,
Did you ever hear "Push it, push it real good"?
No, that's a song?
What's this?
No, Ma, you can't do this,
I want them out,
Jana is a good person,
You can't just evict her like some dog on the street,
- You can't do that, - They are animals,
You have to go to court, Ma, You have to show cause,
You can't just throw her out like that,
I can do want I want and they're going out,
Well, no, no, Rodolfo would that do it that way,
- You mean, your father? - No, I mean Rodolfo,
You mean your father?
He was never my father,
Thank you, Thank you,
Thank you very much, Ah, this is lovely,
Thank you everybody for coming to our little party here,
It's been really lovely,
And thanks to my wife Carmen for putting it all together,
Yes,
But, above all, I want to thank the one
who taught me everything that I know about this,
my father, Gonzales,
And, of course, to our son, Gilbert,
who will carry on the tradition,
Say something, No, don't say anything,
Thank you very much, everybody,
But one more thing, tonight, we are also lucky
because we have a friend of ours here
who is going to sing a beautiful song for us
this evening
and her name is the fabulous Esmeralda,
Wow!
Thank you everybody,
We thank you,
Carmen thanks you, I thank you,
Thanks for coming, Thank you, everybody,
You cheated on Mama left and right,
What are you talking about?
What am I talking about? The Polaroids?
Huh, taking pictures of Esmeralda,
- Shut the fuck up, - Every fucking time, man,
- Shut the fuck up, - You cheated on her,,,
- That's show biz, - You cheated on me because
you were supposed to be a dad, to be there for me,
You were little fuck, You were always in the way,
Always in the way,
Trying to love you, trying to connect with you,
Is that what I was in the way of?
- I wanted to get rid of you, - Oh really?
Well, that's a beautiful sentiment,
- You were in the way, - Get out of my head, Rodolfo,
Coming,
- Hey, - Hi,
I don't know, Just in case,
Wow,
It's so cool,
Now I could kick your ass,
Please don't,
I'm kidding,
"Fight Back: A Woman's Guide to Self-Defense,"
The lady at the store said it's really good book,
This feels good,
What?
Not being yelled at,
Unable to take deep breaths,
I love it here,
Isn't this where they find the bodies on Law And Order,
Come on, what's wrong with you?
Beautiful,
I know,
To hear the birds sing,
No, you, you're beautiful,
Your smile's like flan,
My smile is like flan,
Just bright and full of flavor,
I'm not good at this,
- What are you good at? - Nothing,
Uh, taking pictures,
Did you see City Lights?
- Is that a movie? - Yeah,
In City Lights,
the woman was blind but then she could see,
And she's connecting with-with Chaplin
and taking deep breaths, Just beautiful,
Do you see me?
Uh?
No, we're just talking here,
I - no I-I-I mean,
I fix things and watch porn,
You invited me to be here,
I can't tell you how many times over the last year,
I opened your kitchen pipes
only to find the vomit of chocolate brownies,
Same thing every time,
So?
So I get it, you know?
All right,
Uh, I wanted to show you,,, Is this yours?
Um, where'd you find that?
Uh, I found it on my bed,
Uh, sorry, um,
I- I-I dropped it,
What were you doing in my bed?
Three back surgeries,
I cramped up, I'm sorry,
No, it's okay, It just solves a mystery,
Sorry, um, yeah,
It's-uh-
Stupid, stupid, stupid,
Seventy-five, motherfucker,,, you said 75,
She said 50,
- Bullshit, - I know it,
I'm gonna give you 75
still there,
Next time, I'll-I'll make sure
to take your dentures out,
She was watching birds up at Inwood Park,
Get a life,
I flipped her over,
Wait, is that the one?
Yeah, Yeah, Gave me shit two weeks ago
for spitting near her fucking birds,
I bitch slapped you real good,
Pushed her face in the fucking dirt and I fucked her, nice,
I told her, "You stay here, count to 100,"
Nice phone,
Get some help over here,
Are you an angel?
How are you, Mr, Gonzalez?
Do you have my phone?
I'm sure it's with your belongings,
But you do understand you had a cerebrovascular accident,
You went into shock and you're very nearly suffered a stroke,
How old are you?
33,
Uh, it says here you're 39,
39,
Look, no jokes,
Okay, You are diabetic,
You're chronically obese,
You have high blood pressure, high cholesterol,
and an enlarged prostate,
and you almost had a stroke at 39,
Got it?
Mostly,
Can I just get my phone?
Sure,
Gilberto!
Uh, Jana,
From every sacred place within me, I love you,
Six ounces on the dot,
Can you please not take pictures of us?
Sir,
Where do you want it, sweetheart?
Sorry,
I pierced her face with a fucking turd knife,
fucked her nice,
I told her, "You stay there, Count to 100,"
- You took this? - Yes,
- Did you tamper with it? - No,
- Has anyone else seen it? - Just you,
Zayas,
Get this to forensics, Have special Victims Unit call me,
Got it,
Holy shit,
What are you doing here? Get out,
- Jana, come here, - I want you to get out,
- Give me my keys, - Look, I got this for you,
- Come on, take them, - No, I don't want that,
- I want you to get the keys, - Jana,
Let me have my keys, I just want my keys,
Come here, I need you, okay,
I need you,
Take the flowers, Just take them, come on,
This is not the first time you've giving me flowers,
Come on, Just take the flowers,
This is not the first time you're giving me f-
- Yes, Yes it is, - No, it's not,
Baby,
Look inside,
Look at-
Look inside the flowers, Come on,
Why are you doing this? Why are you doing this?
I know, I fucked up,
I'm fucked up, I know,
I know, I'm fucked up,
I'm gonna get back on my meds,
I'm gonna turn this around, okay,
I am, cause with you I can do it,
I can smell something beside gasoline in my dreams,
- No you hit me, You break your- - You hit me too,
You hit me too, You hit me too, Okay,
Sick fucked up people, That's who we are,
- I'm not sick, You are sick, - They always say is the
world we are going to be sick, Look, you can leave me,
You're gonna wind up with some other fucker just like me,
- Okay, - I want you out of my life,
Baby, I love you, Okay,
I love you, I love you too much,
I love you so much,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry for everything that I've done,
Come on,
I don't want anyone else but you,
Come on baby, it feels so good,
- It doesn't feel good anymore, - Yes,
No, it doesn't, It doesn't feel good anymore,
- It doesn't feel good anymore, - Yes, you know it does,
No it doesn't, I need you to stop,
- I need you to stop Tony, - Tell me you love me,
Tell me you love me, Come on, Tell me you love me,
I love you but you're not gonna change,
You're not gonna change, Stop,
Tony, please, Tony, stop,
Can you just stop? You are hurting me,
What are you- you're hurting me,
Jana, come on, Come on,
Could you get off? Could you get off?
- Could you get off? - Baby come on,
- What's the matter with you? - Why won't you-,
What are you doing? Get off,
God damn it,
- God fucking damn it, - Get off,
What the fuck is wrong with you?
No, what the fuck is wrong with you? Get the fuck out,
- That's my Hula-hoop! - God damn it,
Why cant you just listen to me?
- That's my,,, - Why cant you listen to me?
- I know what's best for you, - That's my hula-hoop!
Get out, Get out,
- You want me to leave? - Get out, Get out,
- Get out, - You want me to go?
- I'm gone, - Get out,
- Give me my fucking clothes, - No,
- Give me my fucking clothes, - No, Fuck you,
Get out, Leave my keys,
You're never gonna have anybody like me,
Leave my keys, I don't care leave my keys,
You are a fucking tear drinker, You are a fucking tear drinker,
You are a tear drink,,, get out,
You are never gonna have anybody like me,
In just a moment, New York District Attorney Murray,
will introduce the star witness who helped
to apprehend James J, Hoffman,
the alleged Van Cortland Park rapist,
Today we announce the indictment
of James J, Hoffman, 43,
A career criminal with the history of preying upon elderly
women in Tennessee, West Virginia, and now New York,
This indictment is a classic example of what happens
when tireless police work and the brave actions of a citizen,
Mr, Gilberto González, combined forces to put
a dangerous criminal behind bars,
Mr, Gonzalez selflessly obtained evidence that put us
on the right track to cracking this case,
Mr, Gonzalez, would you like to say a few words?
Thank you,
I'm so happy I'm sweating champagne,
I wanna thank District Attorney Murray,
and everybody here,
I did what anyone would do in the same situation,
And I love you, Ma,
Holy shit,
With all due respect to Mr, González,,,
That's my son on TV, That's my son on TV,
Let me get a packet of Max,
- , one Max, - Okay,
- How much? - Nine seventy five,
- What! - I said, nine seventy five,
That's just fucking perfect, Blah, blah, blah, blah,
You can't speak fucking proper English,
motherfucker,
My name is not Haji, my name is Omar, you asshole,
I don't give a fuck what your name is, man,
Get out of my fucking store, dumb-ass,
I ain't getting the fuck out, fuck you,
I should have killed more of you
motherfuckers when I had the chance,
Come to this fucking country
and speak fucking English, English, motherfucker, English,
- Puñeta, Fuck you, man, - My English is amazing, okay,
I'm a fucking doctor, okay,
Get out, Get the fuck out, you dumb-ass,
Fuck, Fuck,,
I'm so happy, I'm sweating champagne,
I almost had a stroke doing this,
This must be what pussy feels like,
I want to thank
District Attorney Murray,
Hey bravo sweetie, if you're around,
please come anytime,
Damn kitchen pipe again, Sorry to bother you, XO, Jana,
I got to go, Jana's pipe is broken,
Of course it is, I made dinner for my hero,
Pasteles,
I'll eat them later,
She's going to take you for a fool, Giro,
A whore like that only brings bad luck,
Don't call her that,
I'm sorry, ma,
Maybe Jana just wants me to fix her pipe,
or maybe she wants to see me, ma,
Maybe Jana wants to see me,
If your father were here,
She makes me feel good, ma,
She makes me feel good,
It's okay, it's okay,
Gilbert?
- Gilbert? - What?
The leak's coming from the roof,
Oh, God,
Where's the leak?
Here,
You were right about the brownies,
but you like me anyway, and that's cool,
That's really cool, Gilbert,
Uh,
so, uh, the day you found my insulin pen on your bed, I-
I was humping your pillow and I'm sorry,
Well, why don't you hump me instead?
You are so beautiful, you're so beautiful,
Shh,
Do you wanna follow me? Eh?
Watch me!
Oh God, oh God,
You like it?
It's better than the pillow,
That was like-
You're all right,
You're amazing,
I think we actually knocked your father's
picture off the wall,
What is wrong?
All my mom ever wanted was for me to be a man like my father,
He used to call me a faggot because I didn't want
to bring girls over to meet him,
Like I was supposed to say, Yeah, come on over and just
don't look at him when he spanks my mom
and pulls her hair,
And then later, they would come into my bedroom
where I would be pretending to be asleep and he would throw
hard candy on my bed and walk out,
I'm so sorry,
I know right, Hard candies sucks,
I mean, at least like some chocolate or something,
You know what I mean,
It's funny,
It's really hard to be a man,
I know you spend all your time trying to kill a ghost,
I can't get that fucker out of my head,
Well, Gilbert, you're going to have to forgive him,
What do you need to forgive?
Myself,
And Lennon because he pees all over the damn place,
Listen, um,,,
I have to tell you something,
Tell me later, come on, let's have fun,
Okay,
I spent my life loving my son, so he'd become a man,
I- I fed him like a prince,
I stayed with his father after he slapped me,
Fuck,
Come on!
- Be careful-be careful, - Cover your mouth,
Cover your mouth,
Rodolfo!
Mama come and rest,
All my life, a fucking coward,
Not anymore,
Mommy, the food's here,
I bought us a banquet, Mommy,
Salad,,,
I didn't know if you wanted green or yellow plantains, so I got both,
Chicken and rice,
We are going to eat well, Ma,
Ma,
I am going to take care of you,
You have always taken care of me,
But now,,,
I am going to take care of you,
I swear to God,
There are no forks,
I asked them three times,
Okay, look, I am going to go down now,,,
and I will get the forks and then we will eat,
Gilbert?
How's your mom doing?
- Not good, - Give it time,
She reminds me of my mom actually,
Bend but don't break,
Like you,
I saw what you did getting that rapist arrested,
We'll get this Tony, fuck,
Okay?
You got insurance?
Yes,
My dad was always on top of that,
That's good,
He's the one who put in the cameras?
Cameras?
Your dad put in those cameras?
No,
I did,
I'm sorry, I didn't catch that,
You said your dad put in those cameras?
Let's go get some eggs and bacon, I'm starving,
Yeah,
I'm gonna buy you a new pair of shoes,
You can't dance tango in these shoes,
I can't dance tango in any shoes,
Bullshit,
- Jana, - What?
I'm sick- I'm sick in the head,
I throw brownies, remember?
I've done horrible things to you,
We have something in common,
- Don't-stop, - I stole you,
- No, you see me, - No, I stole you,
- It's all my fault, - No-no-no-no,
Leave him alone,
Come on, you That's what you got,
- No, leave him alone, - Motherfucker!
What are you doing? Leave him alone-
Stop, stop, stop,
Somebody help please! I need help!
Help me!
Hey-hey, wake up,
You have the right to remain silent,
Why does that always work?
- Where's Jana? - She's outside,
Your mom is too, I'm here to book you,
- What? - Yeah,
- Tony tried to kill me, - That's what they all say,
He hit Jana,
and then he came after me,
I'm just messing with you, hero,
What are you doing? You trying to stare me down?
I was-I'm too tired,
Gilbert, next time you break a privacy law,
I'm gonna fucking nail you,
He's fine, He'll be answering his fan mail soon enough,
He wants to see you,
Thank you,
Yeah, Hello? Hi, nurse,
I'm calling from room 608, Mr, González,
Yeah, Do you think you could come and remove this tray?
Okay, Thank you,
Hey,
Are you okay?
Detective Mara said that you are coming out soon,
- A couple of days, - You barely ate your food,
Food sucks,
Tear drinker,
You know every time that I throw up
it's because I feel like I'm nothing,
How many pictures of that do you have?
You want a picture?
Take a picture of that,
Huh?
I don't get it,
Sorry for the building, dad,
Say hi to Chaplin for me if you get a chance,
And don't worry, if I ever have a kid
I'll take her to see city lights,
Que en paz descansa,
Fucking Mets,
Hey!
Hey it's me, I hope you listen to this,
I have Lennon,
I came back to the old building
and people had been feeding him,
I just want to give him back to you,
And I-
I-
I just wanna-I just wanna give it back to you,
Let me know my-my number is on the phone, bye,
Lennon look,
Wow!
You dance wonderfully,
- Lennon? - Thank you for bringing him,
He just took a shit next to the giant turtle,
Shits all over the place,
Jana,
listen to me-listen,
Now I really-I just got something to say,
I couldn't believe that you could love me-
that anyone could love me,
So I took pictures,
So I can have something to hold on to,
I couldn't trust any of it,
I'm so fucking stupid, I'm so very-very sorry,
Gilbert
I finally have the strength to stand on my own,
I'm dancing, I'm taking deep breaths,
Take deep breaths with me,
I see you now,
You can see now?
Yeah, I can see now,
Somebody put that there, I don't know,
Oh, God,