Rita!
Oh!
What's all this? Just brought you a little something,
Thank you,
Mm-hmm,
You okay?
Silly question, How could you be?
No, I'm,,, hanging in there,
Thank you for thinking of me,
Of course, I thought of you,
It's what we do,
Oh, look! I've kept your Uber waiting,
You probably wanna go and wash LAX off of you,
And then, speaking of wash,
I was just about to get in the bath anyway, so,,,
- Oh? - Yeah,
Okay,
But I love you for checking on me,
And,,, I'll call you later,
Mm-hmm,
It's me again!
What happened? W-was something wrong?
I let that Uber go,
Is that what you normally wear to take a bath?
Um,,,
Weren't we supposed to meet tomorrow?
- Can't I be worried about you? - Uh,,,
Don't you wanna rest?
You came straight from the airport,
- I know, - I should've called, but,,,
I got worried when you skipped the meeting,
Theresa covered for me,
It's not a shift at Applebee's,
You were supposed to lead a meeting in my absence,
As your sponsor, it reflects poorly on me
when you don't honor your commitments,
My father died,
In times of trauma like this,
you have to lean in, not out,
Yeah, well, you've been gone for a month,
and a lot of shit has gone down in that time,
Either way, I'm back now,
and we have a lot to talk about,
Sumatra, Dark roast,
Mm, Thank you,
I know I should've gone to the meeting,
but I had two new patients
and another one I had to talk off the ledge
at 2:00 in the morning, It was a lot, so,,,
Anyway, Let me see the pictures!
Aw!
Aw,,,
He looks like you,
I said the same thing to my daughter,
but it only made her mad,
Mad 'cause she lost her waistline
carrying a nine-pound butterball!
- Mm! - Who is the spitting image of me,
I'd be mad, too,
She must not be getting any sleep, right?
Mm, None,
- Mm, - She's a warrior,
Much better than I was at that age,
I always wondered
what kind of a mother she would be,
And now, I know,
Hm,
- I didn't mean to,,, - No, I know,
I know,
- You're not drinking your coffee, - Oh,
I'm reaching an age where I can't do coffee
- past a certain hour, - Oh, you should've said something!
- I have green tea, - I'm fine, really,
You never told me about the funeral,
It was like,,,
any funeral, Terrible,
I got to spend a lot of time with Shelly,
- Who's Shelly? - Oh,
my father's live-in girlfriend,
who I didn't know existed until she answered his phone,
when I called looking for him the day he died,
- You didn't know he had a girlfriend? - No,
Oh! And they've been together
for two years apparently,
She moved into the house six months ago,
I-I mean she's fine, I guess,
Just thought my dad had a type,
But,,,
Shelly is different, Mm,
She goes out, in public,
with chipped toenail polish,
- I've done that once or twice, - On purpose?
No, you're right, Not on purpose,
Yeah,
Well, he's a prick for not telling you
he had a girlfriend all that time,
Well, there are a lot of things I didn't tell him,
We kept a lot of things from each other,
Yeah, but to have her up in your mother's house
and not say anything? That would fuck me up,
No, he had secrets,
Doesn't make him a prick,
You're right, I,,,
I shouldn't have said that, I'm sorry,
I just know it would hurt my feelings,
- All of that, - I don't know,
- I guess, - You guess?
Don't you look at feelings for a living?
- Other people's! - Oh,
No,,,
- You know, if I looked at my own,,, - What happens?
Unhealthy things,
You know,,,
The whole time I lived in that house,
the house where now Shelly gets to vomit chintz all over the place?
It was never about my feelings,
It was always about protecting his feelings,
You know, when he felt ashamed of me
or he felt that I had let him down,
I tried harder!
You know I was valedictorian in high school?
I got the Dean's Award at Stanford,
Do you know how hard that is?
- No, not really, - It is a,,,
huge,,, fucking,,, deal,
And then I thought, "Oh!
"I'll apply to Wharton, get my MBA,
He'll respect that," And I got in!
And I moved to Philly, right?
And I was sitting in the middle of an accounting class
when I thought, "What the fuck am I doing all of this for?"
Avoided that question at the bottom of a bottle,
- Beginning of the slide, - Yeah, beginning of the slide,
But why was I supposed to wait for him to come around,
for him to stop treating me like I was a bad person,
even though he was the one who coerced me
to give up my baby when I was 15,
If you need to take that,,,
Uh, no, No, I-I'm fine,
Shit gets rough
between fathers and daughters,
Mine was always there, not there,
There, not there,
- That's what I learned to expect from men, - Hm,
But who knows what would've happened if he'd stuck around?
Maybe,
he was protecting you
from the worst of him,
Don't try to shrink me now,
But since we're talking about
what fathers protected us from,,,
- No, Rita, - Maybe your father
was just invested in your future?
His future,
Isn't that the same thing?
But then you got pregnant,
- and that got in the way,,, - Ah, of course!
Because, God forbid, anyone ever get pregnant as a teenager?
End of the world, welfare queen,
hang it up, better pretend
- this never happened, life over? - You gotta admit
- your choices would've been limited, - Okay,
so if your daughter were 15 instead of 30 like she is now,
you would've taken her child away from her?
And she would've never known him, and neither would you,
and you would've been okay with that? And would she?
I don't know,
Yeah, you don't know,
So maybe you shouldn't have an opinion
about shit you don't know,
Oh, I didn't realize that was a rule,
And since when do we wait to throw out the life preserver
until the drowning person asks for it?
Drowning? Hardly,
I would be drowning if I was dealing with
everything you are,
With your patients, your father, Shelly,
A big-ass house, all alone,
I am not drowning!
I am furious!
Day in and day out,
I feel like all these people are looking to me
to tell them what to do about this moment we are in!
I don't know what to tell them!
I don't know what to tell myself!
Is that why you picked up the phone
for your patient at 2:00 in the morning?
What?
You said you took a call
from some patient at 2:00 in the morning,
No, it,,, It's complicated,
I just never heard of you taking a call at that hour,
- I don't know how to explain it to you, - Try,
He's this,,,
20-something kid,
So brilliant,
So sensitive,
He's got his whole life ahead of him,
And he's stuck,
taking care of other people,
But there's no one to take care of him,
He has no mother,
no real family, He doesn't have anyone,
- Hm, - What?
What's that look?
"He has no mother"?
- N,,, I meant no parents, - But you said "no mother",
And you called him a kid,
- I see where you're going with this, - You just said
you were angry at your father
- for taking your son away, - Rita, come on,,,
Everything has meaning, right?
You know it's not your job to rescue him,
I know I shouldn't have answered the phone,
That wouldn't be an issue
if you did it for every patient,
I know how not to project, alright?
I am always monitoring transference,
- Does he bring up the fantasy? - What fantasy?
About motherhood,
About having a son,
When you close your eyes,
you picture something,
You must,
What do you picture?
I'm at his wedding,
Some place,,,
in,,, the sunlight, Santa Fe,
I always wanted to wear turquoise jewelry
while I was young, and it's still ironic,
The ceremony, it's just,,, perfect,
And after our,,,
mother-son dance,,,
he says,
"Thank you for raising me,"
And I say, "I did the best I could," And,,,
he says,,,
I'm not just his mother,
I'm his best friend,
It's nice to be friends with your kids,
Once they're grown up,
Before that, they're the enemy,
Well, maybe for you,
But,,,
me and my kid, we're friends,
And he introduces me to amazing authors
I would never know anything about,
Like Bolaño?
How did you know?
- It's an example, - Hm,,,
I mean, if you wanna give your layperson's opinion
on how I handle my patients, have at it,
I'm not telling you how to do your job,
Speaking of work,
I have session prep for Monday,
so maybe we should,
- you know,,, - Oh, You,,, keep checking your phone,
It's like you're a million miles away,
No, sorry!
Haven't had to use my manners much these days,
Not a lot of non-patient visitors coming by,
Is Adam one of those visitors?
- Why would you ask that? - I saw his name on your screen,
Is that "the" Adam?
I mean, I still stay in contact with Adam,
sure, but nothing that warrants
- the face you're making, - I didn't mean
anything by it,
From what you told me, I bet he's sometimes
a nice place to land,
Are you seeing him again?
I see where you're going with this,
I'm not going anywhere,
Well, you've made it very clear how you feel about him,
- People, places, and things, - Places, and things,
Yeah, you have to avoid people, places, and things
that kept you in your addiction,
- He's one of your people, - So, I'm supposed to write off Adam
just because he happened to come into my life
as I was heading towards rock bottom?
I'm not telling you to write off anybody,
But we could talk about it, if you,,,
What if I just need to get laid?
There are plenty of ways to get laid,
I don't have anyone!
I am a goddamn orphan now!
Senior year of college,
I caught the first thing smoking from Palo Alto,
but it was not enough time
to say goodbye to my mom!
A massive stroke,
There was no hope,
And now, my father? Just,,,
I am the last one in my family,
I don't,,,
have,,, anyone,
Do you know what it is like
to be in this house
at 2:00 in the morning,
by myself,
in the silence?
It is unbearable,
Nothing but shadows,
darkness,
regrets,
So if you were treating you right now,
what would you say to you?
Observe my,,,
attachments,
Probably,,,
try and locate those
in the context of a childhood,,,
trauma,
Get specific with my patient about the behavior or,,,
Something like that,
Rita, is this a tactic?
I'm just a high school guidance counselor,
I don't know how to do all that,
So what's the point of making me think about all of this?
Seems like you were thinking about it
way before I showed up here,
I really don't have anyone,
- You have me, - No,
but you serve a specific purpose,
You're not my "friend,"
Okay, So since I "served my specific purpose,"
- I'll go, - No! Don't walk out like that!
That's not what I meant,
I just flew six hours,
in a middle seat, and came here instead of going home,
- What do you think that means? - What, you think I'm not grateful for you?
You know, when I first heard you speak at a meeting,
you talked about how you didn't wanna be there,
After 20-some-odd years, you hated that
you still had to come every week,
- That is not exactly what I said, - But that was your point!
You didn't love that you had to be at meetings every week,
but you hated your life before sobriety just a little bit more,
So you showed up,
And I thought,,,
"This woman, she gets me,
- She sees me," - And you know what I thought?
"That girl over there, she needs to see herself,"
You talked about ending a relationship
that wasn't good for you,
You had a lot of great nights with him,
So many nights, you couldn't even remember in the morning,
So many nights with Adam started out fine,
and ended up in random strangers' apartments
with your car scraped,
and that is why I asked you to lead the meeting,
Those nights were ages ago,
I'm not accusing you,
I am here to make sure you are working the steps,
And despite what you may think, I am your friend,
I just never lost sight
of what brought us into each other's lives,
Well, I'm happy for you and your life
where you don't have to deal with what I have to deal with,
We are all dealing with it,
We are all one bad decision away from disaster,
I am sorry I missed the meeting, okay?!
Maybe I'm not over never reconciling things
with my father,
Why can't Adam just make me feel better?
Because that better feeling only lasts a minute,
Or an hour, or a day,
if you're lucky,
I had my own Adam once!
This man was born to drink,
Gin blended in with his sweat, and I swear,
I could hear symphonies,
And he smoked Camels,
Camels, I didn't care,
I even put up with him every time he talked about Nietzsche,
I didn't even know who the hell Nietzsche was,
Still don't, Didn't matter,
And then I woke up,,,
in jail,
No idea how I got there,
But I learned, apparently, my Adam
got into a fight in front of
some stupid hookah bar we were at,
and I jumped in to defend him,
And I got locked up,
not him,
When they let me out,
I went to a payphone to call him collect,
He didn't accept the charges,
It's not like that, Rita,
I have this under control,
Okay,
I ain't going anywhere,
Look at me,
I'm here,
Alright, we've been doing the work
close to a decade,
I'm committed,
I am, too,
Oh,,, Uh,,,
You said the door was gonna be unlocked, I didn't mean to,,,
It's fine, Um, we were just,,,
- wrapping up, - Oh, you're with a patient?
- I-I'm sorry, - No, not a patient,
This is my friend,
Rita,
Rita?
Like, "the" Rita?
Wow! Um, I'm Adam!
And this is "the" Adam,
Yes,
I've heard so much about you,
Same here, same here,
It-it's so nice to finally meet you, I mean,
Brooke thinks the world of you,
So,,,
Okay, I'm just gonna go
wash my hands and,,,
Adam, wait, Uh, before you go,
What you said about Brooke
thinking the world of me, I want you to know,,,
that the feeling's mutual,
And we think the world of each other,
And I'm always gonna look out for her,
Always,
I don't doubt that,
She's worth looking out for,
See?
- He's not the enemy, - Mm,,,
You know what can happen when he comes around?
Yes, that's why I shaved my legs,
I do hope you enjoy yourself,
But please, be careful,
So, uh,,,
- Coast clear? - She just left,
Now I see why you wanted to take a rain check,
I wasn't expecting her tonight,
She just popped by
and things got heavy between us,
- Yeah, how so? - You know,
just my creeping sense
of existential dread,
I haven't seen her for a few weeks,
so it just all came out,
- I think I hit her with too much, Just,,, - Mm,
Well, you can hit me with whatever you want,
Well, there's a lot of stuff swirling around in my mind,
Stuff I would like to just forget about for a while,
How's your memory now?
What's your name again?
Hey,