PREVIOUSLY ON WHISKEY ON THE ROCKS
[aide] The Russians have launched a potential attack against Sweden,
These are my orders, Hold the border,
How close to the sub do you have to be
-to detect radioactivity? -At least right next to it,
-Hurry up! -[RadacMeter crackles]
Nuclear weapons, Thorbjörn, I planned an attack for 0400 hours tomorrow,
[groans]
[Thorbjörn] I don't trust your unauthorized investigations one bit,
-I'm Yuri Andropov, -[snoring]
Comrade Brezhnev is sound asleep,
I see,
Unfortunately, Captain Peskov is drunk and completely out of his mind,
-What do you propose? -Castling,
I need a submarine captain to present to Sweden and the world press,
As far as I can tell, you wear the same size as your captain,
Uh, nuclear weapons?
-I said you can't go in there! -Move!
Let's calm down!
The question is simply whether there are nuclear weapons or not,
[signalman] The NATO ships stopped one klick from the Russian navy,
Order a low flyby of the area, We need to mark Swedish presence
to cool the situation between East and West,
THIS SERIES IS INSPIRED BY A TRUE STORY
SOME CHARACTERS AND LOCATIONS HAVE BEEN ALTERED
FOR REASONS OF NATIONAL SECURITY
QUITE A FEW, TO BE HONEST,,,
NAVAL BASE KARLSKRONA
Well, it was no doubt a wise call to order the fighters to perform a low flyby
of the territorial border last night,
The prime minister's order was to hold the border,
Is only the prime minister coming?
The secretary of state had some state visit,
Iceland's president, with the king and everything,
-At the Royal Dramatic Theater, -Is that so?
So that's considered more important than greeting our Russian visitors?
Right, here they are, It's called politics, Anders,
At least the prime minister is doing the right thing showing his presence here,
Maybe you should put that out, What about the minister of defense?
Some dog show in Oslo,
A dog show?
[Thorbjörn] Commander Anders Karlsson?
-That's me, Mr, Prime Minister, -It's a pleasure to meet you,
I just want to say that you're doing a hell of a job,
You have my full confidence going forth, Thank you,
Follow me, Mr, Prime Minister,
Have you seen the walking disaster?
I believe I know who you mean, Mr, Prime Minister,
I have not, and that worries me, However, it has come to my attention--
-[Barbara] Mr, Prime Minister! Excuse me, [Thorbjörn] Whatever is this?
Barbara Copeland, ABC News, May I ask you a question, please?
Okay, all right, but a shorter one,
The Swedish government has issued a number of demands to the Soviet Union,
-Is this why you're here? -[cameras click]
Well, uh, not a number, Many numbers,
We have a very, very good, känsla, This will be bra,
-Excuse me, we have to promenade now, -Yeah,
-Make way, If you could move,,, -Sir! Mr, Prime Minister,
-Just one more question, -Are you letting them all in?
We keep them in one place to control information going out,
-Mr, Prime Minister-- -Stop, stop, stop!
You'll soon be allowed in, Back up! Back up!
Great, Thank you, Thank you, all,
Four, three,,,
The Union of Soviet Socialist Republics would like,
on behalf of Comrade Secretary-General Brezhnev,
to apologize deeply and sincerely to the Swedish people,
Unfortunate circumstances brought one of the Soviet vessels,,,
[female interpreter] The Russian ambassador is saying here that
they apologize to the Swedish people, as the government demanded,,,
[Aleksandra],,,and a completely justified feeling of resentment, We take full,,,
[male interpreter] ,,,on behalf of Comrade Brezhnev to the Swedish people,
and that they take full responsibility for this incident,
-[slurps] -[Aleksandra] Finally, I would like
to once more offer my most sincere apologies,
Comrade Brezhnev conveys his wishes for the well-being
and prosperity of the Swedish people,
[Brezhnev] That Brezhnev fella,,,
from who she's conveying wishes,,,
he seems like an utter softie,
A real weakling,
I agree, Here, take this,
Oh,
Thank you,
And everything will be all right,
Thank you,
[Lagerkrantz] Attention!
SECRET MILITARY BUNKER
-At ease, -[boots clump]
The moment of truth is upon us,
This is it,
This is the real deal,
And that military incompetent muttonhead of a prime minister
doesn't realize the gravity or urgency of the situation,
In 24 hours, we carry out an offensive against the Russian sub,
Are your men ready?
Ready and steady, General,
They're ready and awaiting my orders,
-Awaiting my orders, -Hmm,
Splendid, Hammarberg, Splendid,
This is it, It's time for Operation Matryoshka,
You'll all be court-martialed!
Sons of bitches, we'll all be court-martialed! [echoes]
[distorted] I need a submarine captain to present to Sweden and the world press,
Comrade Lieutenant, Swedish warships!
-[Tarasenko] Hostile? -I don't know,
-I'll inform Captain Peskov, -Mm-hmm,
[Hammarberg] Attention, soldiers! Two minutes to go,
Prepare for battle!
-Ready for battle! -[all] Yes, Captain!
[Hammarberg] Ready for battle! [distorted]
Captain, the Swedes,
[pants]
Shit,
I'm dying!
[chuckles]
That'd probably be for the better,
[Aleksandra] As far as I can tell, you wear the same size as your captain,
[Bortnik] Comrade Lieutenant, I think they are attacking!
[Hammarberg] Attention, soldiers! One minute to go!
[all chant] Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!
-[Hammarberg] Thirty seconds! -[soldiers chant] Kill! Kill!
Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!
[Hammarberg] Twenty seconds!
-[chanting] Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! -[Hammarberg] Ten!
[all chant] Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!
[Hammarberg] Three, two, one,,,
[metallic clang]
-Go! -[yelling]
[soldier] Lowering port door!
-[soldier] Fire support! -[all] Fire support! Fire support!
[excited yells, chattering]
-Fire support! -[indistinct yelling]
[all] Fire support!
[blows whistle]
Abort! Cease fire!
[soldier] Cease fire!
Training exercise Matryoshka is halted, Training exercise Matryoshka is halted,
Soldiers, rest!
[panting]
Captain, Corporal Hultman requesting to ask a question,
Granted,
[pants] I have ticks, Captain,
Then remove them,
It really is a whole lot of ticks, Captain,
And they're in a very inconvenient place,
-No shit? -Yeah,
Shit, [sighs]
Comrade Lieutenant, the Swedes left,
They changed course,
It looks like they are practicing some kind of maneuver,
Good,
[relieved sigh]
What did the captain say?
That the adjutant is doing an excellent job,
and is a role model for the entire Soviet fleet,
Did he really say that?
Yes,
He also said,,,
He said he has a lot to think about,
He doesn't want anyone bothering him,
So it's best the crew doesn't bother him,
Now we'll talk about food instead here in Hajk, page 47 in Hajk Book 2,
It tells you how to make a submarine sandwich,
And here I have all the ingredients you need,
Bread, of course, I need lettuce, ham, cheese, mayo,
and here I have a pepperoni pepper,
It will be like a torpedo in the middle of the sub,
That sounds pretty tasty, doesn't it?
Nonsense,
It's,,, I think it sounds tasty,
[TV host] And then the cheese,
You can't have a submarine without a periscope, right?
[insistent knocking]
Maybe it's Björklund who's here to return the hammer,
Then put on some coffee,
-Not if it's Björklund, -[door opens]
[Hammarberg] Hello! Is there anybody home?
No, that's definitely not Björklund,
Good morning, My name is Captain Hammarberg,
I have a wounded soldier and request to use your home to treat him,
-Treat him, -Yes, I suppose that's all right,
-Would you like some coffee? -Negative,
But we need a flashlight, a magnifier, tweezers, and Salubrin,
Well, we've got a flashlight and the batteries are working,
-And tweezers,,, -That's--
Yes, we use them sometimes for gutting fish and,,,
But the last thing you said, we don't have that,
Alcohol,
[chuckles]
Why didn't you say so from the start?
The Swedish military spokesman said today this is the first time
Sweden, and perhaps the world, has had a situation like this,
[soldiers yelling]
[Barbara] Earlier this morning, a Swedish attack force performed
a military exercise in close proximity to the stranded Soviet submarine,
And we just received information that the incident has wreaked its first victim,
A Swedish soldier is apparently injured and is undergoing surgery,
-[Hultman screams] -[gasps]
[inhales through teeth] Ah, Ah,,,
Twenty-six,
Two, six,
[Harry] How about a drop?
Negative,
Keep your sack still, Hultman,
Number 27 is in a god-awful spot,
[inhales through teeth]
-[growls] -[Hultman groans]
For Sweden,
[screams]
[Henriksson] So, the site of the grounding is just 10 miles from Karlskrona,
between two lines of mines,
right in the middle of a military restricted area,
where foreign nationals are not allowed,
One can only imagine the precision
with which the submarine navigated all the way through the area,
only to finally make one paltry mistake,
Possibly due to a missing leading mark,
Uh, the theories are many at the moment,
We want to try to take it easy with that,
We're lying low with that, like a submarine,
Joking aside,,,
-Mr, Prime Minister, if you wouldn't mind, -Yes,
[Henriksson] Questions?
If you want, I can,,, ja, help you understood what I said,
What's this about?
-It's about the Commander-in-Chief, -Tell me,
I've been informed that he's carried out a secret exercise with a special unit,
Apparently, he's preparing an unsanctioned attack on the submarine,
Well, I'll be fucking damned!
It has also come to my attention, Mr, Prime Minister,
that he has called you,,,
a military incompetent muttonhead,
Did he really say that?
Well, Lagerkrantz, if it's war you want, I'll give you your goddamn war,
Where can I find a secure line?
[ringing tone]
Jörgensson speaking,
Hi there, It's Tobbe,
Well, damn, long time no see,
Right, indeed, Hey, listen, I have a problem,
Us sheep farmers always help each other, You know that, What's it about?
His name is Lagerkrantz,
Comrade Ambassador, Prime Minister Fälldin is on the phone,
Thank you, Comrade Akopova, I'll take the call in private,
Mr, Prime Minister, I hope you're on a secure line,
You bet I am, How did the TV broadcast go?
Entirely according to our plan,
Great work, Aleksandra,
That should cool tempers and buy us time to resolve the situation rationally,
So now we've gotten to inspect the submarine
and we've gotten an official apology,
So, all that really remains is the questioning of the captain,
Dare I hope he's sobered up?
No, That might take a few weeks,
But necessity is the mother of invention, right?
-Yes? -Do you play chess, Mr, Prime Minister?
On occasion, but not as well as a Russian, I imagine,
[Aleksandra] Then you know what castling is?
I've unofficially promoted the sub's KGB officer to captain,
He's been instructed to be fully candid during the questioning,
Given the circumstances, that may prove to be an excellent choice,
saving face of all parties, so to speak,
Indeed,
But Lieutenant Tarasenko will be defecting immediately after the questioning,
-[beeping] -Uh,,, wait, wait,
Wait, Hang on, Hang on,
Hello? What,,, what are you saying?
[Aleksandra] I thought you'd be pleased,
Lieutenant Tarasenko will be defecting immediately after the questioning,
Right, I understand, right,
I guess I shouldn't turn down a defecting KGB officer,
even though it may complicate matters,
How about this?
I'll inform Commander Karlsson,
and he can see to the operational side of it,
Then we'll drop him in Ullsten's lap,
I reckon he'll be moderately pleased,
Maybe we can discuss this further at the theater tonight,
No, I'm staying in Blekinge,
Ullsten will be representing the government,
Thorbjörn, when this is all over,
I look forward to further exploring your expertise on sheep breeding,
Likewise, Aleksandra, Likewise,
I'm sure we have a lot to learn from each other,
I bet we do, Goodbye, Mr, Prime Minister,
[Thorbjörn] Till next time,
[disconnect tone]
[Mrs, Vasilieva] Here's the report on all activity in Brezhnev's office this week,
[KGB officer] And as usual, this stays between us, Mrs, Vasilieva,
[cowboy movie blares on TV]
Sorry to interrupt, Mr, President,
Just about to sink my teeth into this juicy beauty,
Very sorry, Mr, President, but the Pentagon has just picked up
a conversation between the Swedish prime minister
and the Russian ambassador in Stockholm,
-And? -Seems they're having
an ongoing conversation that is encrypted,
But we have our best team trying to decipher it right now,
Encrypted messages with communists, That doesn't sound too good to my ears,
Sheep breeding, Does that mean anything to you, sir?
No, not a goddamn thing,
Could sheep be code for nukes?
Well, we have to do something, Let's double our fleet in the Baltic,
Affirmative, Mr, President,
Thank you, General,
THE KREMLIN MOSCOW
[Svetlana] Political Officer Tarasenko defected to Sweden, Did you sanction this?
The answer is yes,
But I neglected to mention several details to the ambassador,
Namely that both he and his family,,,
will be eliminated in the near future,
As I thought,
It seems he's being dropped in the foreign secretary's lap,
Already? Useful information,
If I assign an assistant to you, would you approach the foreign secretary
and help him understand the gravity of this situation?
Certainly,
Honey, I'm leaving,
I said I'm leaving for the theater,
[Evi] Yes, I heard you the first time,
Hi!
Thank you!
[engine starts]
Is that the guy we're killing?
Of course not, That's the Swedish foreign secretary,
We're only going to talk to him,
What are you doing? Put that down, Drive!
[engine starts]
It's the defector we're going to eliminate,
Comrade Admiral! NATO has sent reinforcements,
They have doubled their forces,
And we keep getting indications of increased traffic both below and above,
Are they approaching?
No, they are holding their distance,
Is everything ready for the operation?
Yes, Admiral! Everything is ready,
Hold our position,
[Peskov muffled] This is mutiny! [groans]
What? Mutiny on board?
You're right, It really is,
[muffled groan]
-Wish you all the best, Comrade Captain, -[Tarasenko clears throat]
Welcome to Sweden, Lieutenant Tarasenko,
Or would you prefer me to call you Captain?
After you,
THE ROYAL DRAMATIC THEATER STOCKHOLM
Could you drop me off round the back of the theater?
And if you could spare a cigarette, I'd be most grateful,
Thank you!
[chattering in distance]
[footsteps approaching]
[Svetlana] Mr, Foreign Secretary?
Excuse us for interrupting you even before the show has started,
Who are you?
Allow me to avoid introducing myself,
but I'm the most senior representative in Sweden for Chairman Brezhnev in Moscow,
Most people call us KGB,
What do you want?
It has come to our notice that our dear colleague is about to defect,
In a moment of temporary confusion, of course,
Uh,,, this is more than I,,,
Lieutenant Tarasenko,
He will become the foreign secretary's responsibility,
No point denying it,
This is unreasonable,
-Uh, unacceptable! -Calm down, Mr, Foreign Secretary,
All we ask is to hand him over to us,
We promise to take care of him the best way possible,
This is insane,
And if you're not helpful enough, we have other methods,
Drop it!
-Ah! -[Svetlana] You idiot! Idiot!
[Ola yells and moans]
[Jack] Don't move, Mr, Secretary, Whatever you do, don't move,
Stay still, Stay completely still,
The only reason you're still alive, Mr, Secretary, is I managed to kill him
before he managed to inject you properly,
Simple as that, Are you okay? Can you hear me?
Do you understand the words coming out of my mouth?
-Good, -Who are you?
We're representatives of the esteemed president of the United States,
In short, we're the CIA,
Don't worry about them,
Making people disappear, dead, alive, it's a CIA specialty,
Quick question, can we agree that we just saved your life?
-Huh? -I'm going to take that as a yes,
What would you say to a favor in return?
-Quid pro quo? -Like what?
There's a lieutenant onboard the submarine,
He's about to defect, Dimitry Tarasenko,
[breathes heavily] How come the whole world knows stuff like that before me?
I told you already, We're the CIA, We know stuff,
[breathes heavily] Oh, my God,
A defecting KGB officer will be extremely valuable to us,
So, how about a deal, Mr, Secretary?
We'll clean up the mess you caused here, In return, you deliver Tarasenko to us,
I didn't cause this mess,
Oh, I think you did,
-[Ola] No, -[Jack] Yeah,
[TV news jingle]
[news anchor] Tonight, the Russian captain of U137 has agreed to be questioned,
This was one of the Swedish government's demands
in return for releasing the submarine,
CITY HOTEL, KARLSKRONA
-[snoring] -[knocking]
[knocking continues]
-Mr, Prime Minister, -Come on in,
I'm sorry to wake you up in the middle of the night,
It's,,, it's all right,
The submarine's political officer has defected and is now in safe custody,
And he has just confirmed our fears during questioning,
-What? -Uranium-238,
It means that the submarine is armed with nuclear weapons,
Also, NATO has now doubled its fleet at the border,
where the Soviet fleet is already positioned,
And the captain has been given orders
to blow the submarine to pieces if anyone approaches,
He has already tried once,
What Lagerkrantz is up to, nobody knows at this point,
Also, both Reagan and Brezhnev seem keen to attack,,,
Attack! [distorted]
,,,which could lead to a full-blown nuclear war,
So how do we proceed, Mr, Prime Minister?