New York City,
Population: 100,
A land full of CEOs, VIPs and STIs,
And with that many people,
there's bound to be a few great stories,
Like this one,
Our story begins like all great stories,
with two straight men,
Oh, fuck, I am good,
Oh, yeah, Oh, yeah,
This is Craig Tiddle,
And this is Trevor Brock,
- They're twins, - Identical twins,
Fuck you! They are,
And how do I know all of this?
Because I'm God,
That's right, God,
He/him, The greatest storyteller of all time,
Check the sales of my book,
Number-one bestseller in the world,
They're highly successful alpha males,
Virile, Strong,
And oh-so-very manly,
Fuck yeah,
Wow, those twins really have it all,
Oh! Good morning!
Or do they?
Craig and Trevor don't know they're twins,
They were separated at birth and have never met,
But that all changes today,
Oh, Craig, I think you dropped your mug,
Keep it, old lady, I got a lot of mugs,
I got a lot of everything,
Wow, your life seems perfect,
Trust me, my smelly friend, it is,
I got a mansion in the Hamptons
I got a bungalow upstate
I got a penthouse just for fucking
And another where I masturbate
Pow
The money just keeps rolling in
The good times never stop
There's never been a man like me
And I'll always be on top
Package for Trevor Brock,
Fuck this tiny thing,
I already got the biggest package in town,
My cock is fucking massive
It always leaves the ladies sore
Seven inches long Curves to the left
Then it goes ten inches more
- Ooh! - I got girls and cash
Cars and booze
I'm the cream of the fucking crop
There's never been a man like me
And I'll always be on top
Thanks, doll,
Mm-mm,
Oop,
You have a good day,
Huh?
Whoa,
- You're welcome, - You're welcome,
I'm the best
So fucking blessed
Sexy, smart It's just not fair
I slay pussy everywhere
I get what I want
And what I got I flaunt
And though some people find it strange
No one's gonna make me change
Oh, my God,
Sorry, you just,,,
You really look like me,
I think you mean that you look like me,
- Craig Tiddle, - Trevor Brock,
- Whoa, - Whoa,
I think I got some lube on you,
Hey, no worries, I'll save that for later,
Say, where do you work?
GVPI, It's my first day at the new corporate headquarters,
Hot damn! Me, too,
You must be from the downtown office?
That I am, Take it you're from the uptown branch?
- My reputation precedes me, - Nope, Never heard of you,
Actually, I'm the one who's never heard of you, so,,,
Well, you should've heard of me,
because I'm the number-one salesman
this company's got,
Hate to break it to you, buddy,
but last time I checked, I was number one,
Craig Tiddle's always on top,
You might be on top of a sex offenders registry,
but I've always been the best salesman,
Fuck you, pal, I've had a record month,
While you were in bed milking your morning wood,
I've been pounding the pavement making sales,
If you think I can't make sales
and jerk off at the same time,
you got another thing coming because,,,
I always get the things I want
There's no way I can flop
There's never been a man like me
And I'll always be I'll always be
I'll always be on top
Global Vroomba Parts
No, we don't sell Vroombas
Just the parts Like the gears
And the wheels and those teeny tiny brushes
Listen to me, you piece of shit,
The sooner you make me money,
the sooner you can afford health insurance,
Health care is a luxury,
This is,,, gorgeous,
Beautiful, A beautiful space,
Craig Tiddle, Trevor Brock,
My two top salesmen,
Oh, um, actually, I'm Trevor,
Yeah, and I'm Craig,
Oh, okay, well,,,
You two motherfuckers look like y'all could be twins,
- Mm, I don't see it, - I think we actually
- look very dissimilar, - Yeah,
I guess it's just, uh, uh,
some shit that I really don't care about,
I'm your new boss, Gloria Masters,
Wow, a-a lady boss,
I guess it really is the year that it is,
- I'm crazy about that, - Yes, the year of the pussy,
Exactly, So, boss, we were wondering,
which one of us is top salesman
and which one is a dumb little baby?
Well, I'm glad you asked,
As you can see right here, I have installed a leaderboard
that tracks y'all's sales,
Plug 'er in, fellas,
- Yes! Yes! - Oh, no,
Trevor Brock, my prize pig,
But the rest of you motherfuckers?
Get to work,
Hey, tough titty, Tiddle,
Hey, but chin up, maybe you could be my assistant,
All my assistants suck my dick,
What in God's green hell?
Mark me down for 2,000 wheels, 2,000 gears
and 3,000 of those teeny tiny brushes,
That's a big sale,
Let this be a lesson to you,
Use people, like pawns on a checkerboard,
Son of a fucking bitch,
That's right, Back where I belong,
For now, I'll admit, you're good,
It's gonna be fun to crush you,
Right back at you,
- May the best man,,, - Win,
Win, I was gonna say that,
Craig Tiddle's fucking awesome
Trevor Brock is off the charts
They talk a lot about their dicks
And they sell fucking Vroomba parts
You won't ever take me down
I'll work until I drop
There's never been a man like me
And I'll always be on top
15,000 gears
- Money, money, money - Craig Tiddle
- Money, money, money - Number one
20,000 wheels
- Money, money, money - Trevor Brock
- Money, money, money - Is getting it done
30,000 gears
Craig Tiddle You're the best
40,000 wheels
Trevor Brock Sign my chest
I love fucking money!
- Who's it gonna be? - Who's it gonna be?
Who's it gonna be?
- Who's it gonna be? - Who's it gonna be?
100,000 teeny tiny brushes!
Look around
It's plain to see
There's never been a man like me
'Cause I'm the fucking
Top,,,
Whew,
Still at it, shrimp?
Work hard, stay hard,
Never been tied for first before,
I'm used to being the total top,
Oh, yeah, I'm gunning for your ass, little boy,
That's why I'm here late,
- Grinding, - Same,
Definitely not because I have nowhere to go
and no one to see,
Oh, I got a vast network of meaningful relationships,
for sure, but no time for those now,
I got to put in the hours so I can stay ahead of you, Craig,
- Trevor, - Huh?
You just called me Craig, You're Craig, I'm Trevor,
God, you're such an idiot, Trevor,
No, I'm Craig,
- You're Trevor, Trevor, - Damn it, we look alike,
We do not, You have long hair like a girl,
You have short hair like a lesbian girl,
This haircut is classic Trevor,
Fuck, Classic Cr,,, Fuck you!
No, fuck you,
- You don't get me, - You don't get me, either,
No one does,
I'm in this struggle all alone
I don't know what to do
I wish there was someone who knew
What I am going through
This feeling that I'm feeling
It feels so very bad
It's almost like my life's a lie
And actually I'm sad
No one understands what I've been through
No one knows what it's like to be
A man with my specific life
Saying these specific words
The only one who understands
Is me
Say, is this your family?
What? No, But I definitely have a real family,
And they're rich and smart and kind and real,
Oh, me, too, I got a birth mommy and a birth daddy,
same as everybody else,
Growing up with just a mom
It left a gaping hole
My single dad He did his best
But life She took her toll
With Pops I could have fished for fish
My fastball we'd perfect
With Mom I could have learned to bake
Or show women respect
No one understands what I've been through
No one knows what it's like to be
A man with my specific life
Saying these specific words
The only one who understands
Is me
If you think I've had it easy
Then you're wrong
The road's been fucking hard
And fucking long
Everything I ever got
I got all on my own
I rose up from the ashes
Of my single-parent home
'Cause I've always been a fighter
Since the day that I was born
On January 3rd, 1986
- At 5:08 a,m, - At 5:07 a,m,
Wait, what the fuck, dude?
Yeah, there are a lot of similarities happening here,
- What is that? - This?
Oh, the only thing I have
from the dad I never knew is,,,
Half of a locket,
This is the only thing I have from my mom,
I've never understood mine, It just says "our bo,"
I think it must be an ancient Indigenous saying,
Mine only says "toys,"
Huh, But what if,,,?
"Our two boys,"
Oh, my God, Does this mean,,,
Hold on, sorry, you thought that said "toys"?
Yeah, T-W-O-Y-S, toys,
No, there's not a "W" in toys,
Damn it all to fuck, Craig!
Who cares about letters right now?
You only have a dad, I only have a mom,
We were born on the same day, almost down to the minute,
We must be brothers,
Not just brothers, Trevor,
Twins,
Wow, we're twins,
We're fucking identical twins,
No one understands what I've been through
No one knows what it's like to be
A man who thought he was alone
But then found out he had a twin
Who works at the same fucking job
What a big coincidence
The only one who understands
Is we
Gears, Wheels,
Teeny tiny brush,,, Wow,
L, M, N, O,,,
P,
- Hey, - Hey,
This is crazy, right?
Totally crazy, I mean,,,
What are the odds of working with your long-lost twin?
I don't know, one in four, three in four?
- It's crazy, - Crazy, But wait,
I can't believe Mom and Dad split us up,
Like, is that abuse?
Did they abuse us?
We definitely experienced abuse-ment,
- Oh, my God, - I mean, don't get me wrong,
My life is awesome,
No, no, no, no, m-m-mine is awesome, too,
- I have an amazing job, - Amazing job,
I'm always dating some big-tit lady,
Stunning big-tit ladies,
I always get the things I want,
Except for a real family,
Single-parent homes are not real families,
That's true,
Hmm,
What do we do?
You know, if Mom and Dad got married again,
then we'd have a real family,
What if,,,
What if we tricked them into getting back together?
Keep talking until I understand,
We trick Mom and Dad into thinking
they need to get married again,
Oh, my God, yes,
I'll go talk to Dad now and trick him
into getting back together with Mom,
Well, uh, no offense,
- but you'd probably fuck it up, -Oh,
I should be the one to trick Dad,
But you've never met him,
Baby, I'm the number-one salesman,
I could trick anybody,
Okay, hold up, I'm the number-one salesman,
If anybody's gonna trick a parent
they've never met, it's gonna be me,
While you're tricking Dad, I'll trick Mom,
And I'll do it better,
All right, then, It's settled,
We're switching places to trick the parent we never knew
into getting married again,
- Fine, Fine, - Fine,
Which means we're going to need,,,
Disguises!
Wow, you look so good, King,
You, too, King,
I mean, obviously, I would've preferred a lace front,
but sometimes a shake and go can get the job done,
- Right, - So, what's Mom like?
At the very least, I hope she fulfills
every single expectation I have of her,
- That's reasonable, - Just, like, an awesome,
conventional, elegant mommy,
God, if she's, like, a kooky old eccentric lady,
I don't know what the fuck I'll do,
Yeah, um, let's, uh, let's change the subject entirely,
- Huh? - Tell me about Dad,
Oh, our dad?
- Yeah, our dad, - Um,,,
Is he a big, strong macho guy like me?
I hope he's a big macho guy like me!
Yeah, listen, I would obviously love to talk about that,
but look, oh, God, it's Mom's house, So I got to go right now,
Oh, God!
Okay, bye-bye,
Drive, you piece of shit!
Okay, Craig, you got this,
Shit! Fuck! Damn! No!
You're Trevor now, all right?
And Trevor is gonna knock on the door,
Hello?
Mom?
Why, Trevor,
what a nice surprise,
Mom!
That's right, it's me,
- Good old Mom, - Right,
And I'm,,, Trevor,
- Yes, you are, - So,,,
Mom, you're in a wheelchair now?
Well, Trevor, I've been in this wheelchair since January,
Yes, and I haven't been here since then, so,,,
January of 1979,
Cool, so I do know this,
Darling, what's the matter? You're not acting yourself,
And what's with that hair?
I don't remember it being this fake and shitty looking,
It's a wig, Dah!
I mean, um, I'm growing it out for a wig,
Yeah, Locks for Love,
- Oh, - I'm gonna give some bald,
barren women a second chance,
Well, I was just about to have some tea,
Won't you join me?
Mom, it's really good to see you,
Really actually good,
Well, it is really good to see you, too, dear,
always, my darling boy,
My only darling boy,
The only boy I ever had,
- Sure, yeah, - Yes,
The only boy that ever came
rocketing out of my vagina,
Okay,
I would've probably had another one
just like you, but I didn't,
- The more you,,, - I had a vasectomy,
One second after you was born,
- Wow, - I had a vasectomy,
They snipped it,
So, Mom,,,
It's been a minute, what have you been up to?
Oh, my gosh, Trevor!
Well, you know me,
I do,
And all the things I get up to,
Any specifics about it, though, would be appreciated,
Tell me it as if I didn't know,
- even though of course I do, - Ah, this morning,
Patricia and I watched a film from the Criterion Collection,
- You know Patricia, of course, - If you say so,
Mom, you seem so cultured,
Well, I'm glad you're finally recognizing that,
Yeah, me, too, it's time that someone fina,,,
Uh, that's sand,
Oh, my God,
I switched the tea and the sand again,
Again?
I'm going fast,
I make my own sand, you know,
- Do you? - Yes, I do,
Out of what?
Out of sand,
Here you go, darling,
- Thank you, - Oh, my gosh,
wait a minute, not so fast,
That'll be your reward,
Before you go, I need you to grab
something down for me, please?
- Yeah, fucking sure, Um,,, - Yes, yes,
It's that one right there,
- This one? - Nope, that one,
- So this one? - No, that one,
- Okay, then this one? - No, darling, that one,
- Here? - Darling?
Let's calm down, look at me,
- Do you see my finger? - I do,
- This is called pointing, - Yeah,
If you draw a little dotted line
from the tip of my finger and you go poop, boop, boop,
Yeah, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop right to here,
- This is the one? - No!
- Here? - Let me, okay, let me,,,
I need to calm down,
Could you describe it?
Darling, I'm not going to spoil you,
How about a single adjective of-of any of these?
Not over there, Look, this is like this,
- Here again, - Not that one,
- Is it this one? - Yeah!
Oh, motherfucker, Goddamn it,
I could think of words you could've used,
Ooh, well, that was quite an ordeal,
- Yeah, I'll say, - Oh, my God,
No, no, no, no, please,
That's Jerome, He's easily aroused,
Don't get him anywhere near me,
You have sex with this?
Darling, of course,
Look at him, how could I possibly resist?
- He? It's a he? - He's a they,
Oh, God, well, I-- Now that I know that you
fuck this little gay boot, I'd love to put it somewhere,
I think you should put him right down there
next to Patricia, she can handle it,
This is Patricia, who you saw the movie with?
Darling, of course, You know Patricia,
And I would ask you to unhand her!
Okay, Mommy, you know what?
I think maybe you need to get out of the house a little bit,
Darling, why would I leave the house?
I have everything I need right here,
Yeah, sure,
I lead a charmed life, Trevor,
Don't you understand?
My life's been quite the wild ride
Intrigue, thrills
Romance
I may have reached my twilight years
But it's all still song and dance
Seasons come
And seasons go
My years keep flying by
And now I sit here in my house
Trevor, I'm an independent woman,
I do what I want when I want with whom I want,
- I am very confused, - I'm afraid
you simply don't understand
what a gas it is when you get to be my age,
I'm 93
No, 94
That can't be right,
Just wait, there's more
My back is broke My tits, they sag
I have to pee into a bag
I have three toes My eyes are coins
A mouse named Pip lives in my loins
I smell like milk Well, more like cheese
My nipples wink I never sneeze
I cannot remember the year I was born
I sculpt all my friends out of clay
I've seen every movie And most of them thrice
For breakfast I only eat hay
Well, this has been fun, but I got to be
anywhere but here,
I keep all my ice cubes inside of my purse
I have a whole room full of geese
I only read backwards I never use spoons
My mother is also my niece
My organs are cotton I cry melted butter
I have no reflection I bathe in asbestos
The world is a riddle I might be the devil
My pussy fell off once in Greece, hey!
Who saw that coming?
I did,
Craig,
My favorite son,
My only son,
- What a surprise, - Yeah,
I thought I'd swing by,
Oh,
A hug,
Well, this is new,
Uh,,,
Don't forget to let go,
Otherwise, we're just wrasslin',
Wow,
Swanky digs, Dad,
- Oh, hush, - No, I mean it,
This place is so nice and clean and chic and,,,
God, I wish I'd grown up here,
What are talking about, Craig? You did grow up here,
And I wish I could grow up here again,
- Shame how time works, - Yeah,
It really sucks, Care for a mimosa?
Oh,
Don't judge, but I've already had one,,,
pitcher,
Come on,
Just kidding,
But I do drink every morning,
- Sure, - Cheers,
Mmm,
Craig, I'm glad you're here actually,
Same, Dad, What do you want to do first?
Play catch in the yard? Not talk about our feelings?
Funny you should mention feelings,
Uh,,,
Wow,
Okay,
I've been meaning to tell you for some time,
There's no easy way to say this, but,,,
- But,,, - But what?
I'm gay,
Wait, wait, uh, this is something that I,
Craig, didn't know about until just now?
That's correct,
Um, okay, great, then I can freely say,
what the fuck, Dad, you're gay?
Well, I was hoping for a little more enthusiasm,
but yes, Craig, I'm gay,
Queer as a three-dollar bill and just as thin,
- Well, let's not go c-- - Shh, Daddy's talking,
- Mm-hmm, - Honestly,
the signs have been there for ages,
I'm only now realizing it,
I am and have always been a normal homosexual man
who does all the normal things normal homosexual men do,
- Like what? - Well, I'll tell you,
I wake up, drink my coffee
Have brunch around 11:00
Walk my bichon frise
Then nap till half past 7:00
A night out at the symphony
Such elegance, what poise
Or maybe I'll just stay at home
With my two Sewer Boys
What?
The answer is perfectly clear
It's a gay old life being queer
I'm so sorry, did you say "Sewer Boys"?
Oh, come on, Craig, You know my Sewer Boys,
No!
No! No!
No! No! No!
Christ on a crutch, Craig,
Are you all right?
You sounded like Maria Callas on a rough matinee,
What the fuck are those things?
My Sewer Boys,
Pale little inbred creatures,
live underground,
Only communicate in clicks and whistles,
I-I'm very confused,
You do seem a bit off, dear,
And what's with your hair?
I don't remember it being this fake or shitty looking,
Oh, God, who cares about wigs right now?
Those things are disgusting,
They're not disgusting, they're gay culture,
Gay culture? Well, they don't seem gay,
They seem dangerous,
Well, I appreciate your concern, but,,,
There's nothing dangerous about vacationing in Spain
That is until you've thrown
Half of your savings down the drain
But money should be spent on things
Both lovely and refined
The Sewer Boys drink blood for fun
And also read my mind
Don't get in a tizzy My dear
It's a gay old life
Being queer
What do you mean, they read your mind?
Uh-oh, someone's hungry,
Oh, God,
Ah,
They'll do anything for a little deli meat,
No, I hate this,
What are you doing?
- Oh, - All right, it's your turn,
Oh, there's got to be a different way to feed them,
No!
All right, all right,
Hey, let's brainstorm some ideas together, Papa,
Maybe a bowl,
Have you thought about a fucking bowl?
Nope, this is how we've always done it,
Dinnertime with my Sewer Boys,
Backpack and Whisper,
Those are their names?
Watch your talons,
Talons,
- Want some ham? - No, I don't want any ham!
I feel like I'm in a fucking nightmare!
Oh, I understand, son,
Coming out can be just as hard on the family,
But it's a journey we'll go on together,
I'm not talking about coming out,
I'm talking about the fucking monsters,
Oh, shh! Don't say that in front of them,
You'll hurt their feelings,
Their feelings? They feel?
What are they? Explain them to me!
Well, it's a long story,
Very well,
Oh, yeah, Get a hat,
Many decades ago
I was down in the sewer
- Why? - Shh, Daddy's singing,
Rowing my boat through the slime and manure
How did you get a boat into the sewer?
You want to hear the story or not?
Collecting adventures and treasures galore
But I couldn't guess what fate had in store
I rounded a bend and what did I see?
Two creatures so bloody So foul, so carefree
They were taking a bath in the corpse of a swine
And that's when I knew
They had to be mine
I tried to entice them
But they were too quick
Tried to rip out my trachea
Bite off my dick
With a club I subdued them
And made to depart
And I stole the two creatures
Who'd stolen my heart
Jesus,
My boy There's no reason to jeer
It's a gay old life
Being
Queer,,,
I bathe in bleach
There's skiing up in Aspen
- I play the horn - And sailing of West Palm
One time I died
The snow is fine as powder
- I suck on corn - The waves are always calm
- I poison fruit - But no matter where I am
- I kissed a chair - There is no way
I can resist the urge to climb
- I juggle for exercise - Below the streets
- Never use alphabet - And smell
- And a tornado's my friend - That stinky mist
The answer is
Perfectly clear
It's a gay old life
Being queer
I have no pussy
Those foolish boys,
What, oh, what will they do?
Craig Tiddle's phone, Craig Tiddle speaking, Ah!
Why didn't you tell me Dad was a gay man
obsessed with Sewer Boys?
Because I was ashamed,
You don't know what it's like to feed Boar's Head ham
to those slimy little demons your whole life,
Why didn't you tell me Mom's pussy fell off?
You weren't there, It was really disturbing,
Well, I'm sure it was, but not knowing really--
No, Craig, It was awful,
It crawled away like a fucking cockroach,
Mom was screaming at me,
"Kill it! Kill it!"
I raised my flip-flop to deal the death blow,
and it stared me straight in the eyes,
It had eyes now,
"Dream of this," the pussy said to me,
"Dream of this every night,"
And I do, Craig,
I do,
Well, our parents are fucking freaks,
and there's nothing we can do about it,
What do you mean?
I mean that I thought our plan
was going to be easy, and it was not,
But I still want to be brothers, no homo,
Want to be brothers, no homo, too,
Well, then we have to do this,
But our parents are completely incompatible,
Mom has no pussy,
Dad is a gay,
I want this to work, okay? But it just feels,,,
impossible,
Anything's possible if you force it to be,
- But-- - Shh,
When I was picking colleges
My sights were set on Brown
But my scores were all so miserable
That they just turned me down
So I went and saw the chancellor
To make him think again
And when he still refused
I roofied him And then he let me in
You can't give up
When people tell you no
You can't give up
If you want it, make it so
Life's a game of poker
And I only play to win
So if someone says don't do a thing
Just do that thing again
Last year I found a condo
So high up in the sky
But the grandmother who lived there
She wouldn't let me buy
So I framed her ass for larceny
And now she rots in jail
Then I roofied a whole bar
And we all killed
A humpback whale
You can't give up
When people tell you no
You can't give up
If you want it, make it so
Life's a game of Boggle
And I only play to win
So if someone says don't do a thing
- Just do that thing - And do that thing
Again
The losers are all thinking
There's some secret to success
And they also think that "no" means "no"
But really "No" means "yes"
You can't give up
When people tell you no
You can't give up
If you want it, make it so
Life's a fucking hand job
And I only play to win
So stroke my fucking cock
Until I blast all on your chin
Then take that cum and lube me up
Until I come again
And if someone says don't do a thing
Just do that thing and do that thing
And do that thing
And do that thing,,,
Again
Do that thing again
Ah, Should I open another bottle?
I know it's our second,
but we're not Baptists,
Are you sure that thing's secure?
Hardly,
They've gotten out so many times,
animal control made me tag them,
Have you ever thought about putting them down?
Good grief, I'd sooner put down my wine,
Though I admit, they're a handful,
I haven't had a vacation in years,
and you know how I love jet lag,
Let's talk about what I want to talk about,
Like Mom, for example, If she's real or whatever,
How did you two meet?
Oh! It's a funny story,
We met in a graveyard,
I was trying to find a kidney,
They sell like hotcakes on the black market,
- You were graverobbing, - Why, Trevor,
you know that was my job before the war,
And after, Yahtzee,
We're doing a puzzle,
Puzzle,
There was your mother, up to her neck
in freshly-tilled dirt,
When I called out to her, she pulled a gun on me,
Thought I was a cop,
Graverobbing was illegal in those days,
It's still illegal,
Well, don't tell the police
or they'll make me return half my wardrobe,
All this talk about Dad, What is it, Father's Day?
You know, the more you yammer on about Dad,
it makes me think you miss him,
Like you want to see him again,
- See your mother? - Why not?
You said so yourself, you're fucking monster children,,,
Sewer Boys! Sewer Boys!
Whatever!
Your Sewer Boys take up so much of your time,
When's the last time you went out
and had a little fun?
A little daddy time?
The last time I went out,,,
I know the Nazis were still a thing,
God, whatever happened to them?
See, this is what I mean,
You should leave the house now and then,
Hit the town, look at a current globe,
see Dad,
I don't know about seeing your mother,
but,,, you're right,
A little company could be nice,
Well, how about you and me go to dinner?
Tomorrow night, 8:00 p,m,?
Tomorrow night?
Let's just have drinks here instead, eh?
Or, or,,, we could go somewhere better,
The kind of place where you could fall in love again,
A place like
La Chateaux,
The most romantic restaurant in all of New York?
Odd place to go with your son,
Well, I already made a reservation,
so enjoy your empty evening full of nothing
but the silence of your own thoughts,
And I loved that idea you had about dinner at La Chateaux,
Wait a minute, wasn't that your idea?
Yup, that's right, a dinner that's definitely your idea,
and definitely with me,
Bye, Mommy,
Well, we'll see,
I mean, uh, it was lovely of you to come over, though,
I hope you'll come back,,,
soon,
Come back soon,
The phone, it never rings
The door, it never knocks
I sit here with my bric-a-brac
Oh, my tchotchkes
And my clocks
I don't think it's a problem
That I hate to go outside
Though I worry
It'll take them weeks
To find my body
Once I've died
I'm lonely
I'm lonely, I'm lonely I'm lonely, I'm lonely
I'm lonely
So lonely
So fucking lonely all the time
I am a person
Who's lonely
My Sewer Boys They bring me joy
They have throughout the years
But I admit
They've scared away
My wife, my son
My peers
Could it be
I've hid behind
My sweet, delightful pets?
That they've mired me
In crippling debt
And been the cause of my death threats
I'm lonely
I'm lonely, I'm lonely I'm lonely
So lonely
So lonely and so all alone
I am a person
Was it wrong to throw away
The marriage that I had?
Was it wrong?
To split my children up
Is there a chance that was bad?
That was bad
Am I wrong to live my life
The way I do now?
- Should I try to change? - Yes
- Some way - Please
Somehow
Change
I have so much to share
Change
Does anybody care?
Please, God If you're listening
Just trust me I'm Christian now
Answer my motherfucking prayer
Oh, not now, Not now,
I'm lonely
I'm so lonely
So lonely
So lonely, I'm all alone
- I'm lonely - I'm lonely
So very lonely
You know I'm lonely
I am a person
- Who's - Who's
Lonely
- Lonely - Lonely
Lonely
- Lonely - Lonely
Mom called me confirming she's on for dinner tonight,
Oh, Dad has left me, like, 14 voice mails,
- The plan is working, King, - Hell yeah, King,
There's no way this can possibly go wrong,
Uh,,, Oh, uh-uh,
Tiddle, Brock, what the hell y'all two doing here?
We're keeping your company afloat,
- You're welcome, - I don't know
if estrogen makes you forgetful,
but we're your top two salesmen,
Uh, you're not my two top salesmen,
Check the board,
Okay, so we missed a day
and we fell down a slot or two, Big deal,
Bid deal? Y'all ain't been here in two fucking weeks,
- Two fucking weeks? - Two fucking weeks?
- 'Cause we got that wig, - That's it,
- That's where the time went, - Yeah,
Y'all fucked up, So guess what?
Because y'all haven't been making me no money,
y'all are dead to me,
- What? - You haven't been selling
any fucking wheels, any fucking gears,
and y'all damn sure ain't been selling
no teeny tiny fucking brushes,
Okay, I know we're not supposed to say this anymore
because it's not acceptable or whatever,
but you're being a bitch,
Yeah, and I would say that
the way you're acting right now
is actually very bitch-y,
Okay, well, I can show y'all two bitches a bitch,
They say boys'll be boys
Man, what a crock of shit
These men They hold all the cards
It makes me want to spit
They always fucking shit up
They're always making a mess
But I'mma tell you the secret to my success
Men are all stupid Weak little boys
They're not very smart They just make lots of noise
They got their nose up my ass
They want to be teacher's pet
And so I keep them on their toes
And make those fuckers sweat
- Girls - Girls
Sit on your throne
And just act like a queen
And these boys will be dying to kiss the ring
Train them to beg like the dogs that they are
And you'll find that it ain't no thing
To out-alpha the alpha
Mm-hmm
- Outfox the fox - Ah, yeah
Outfox the fox
Outsmart all these dummies
Out-fuck all these cocks
They'll cop a feel or smack yo ass
And then they'll suck their little thumbs
These boys all want a kiss from mommy
They're all scummy sacks of cum
So put your foot right on they throat
If they are standing in your way and just
Make those fuckers pay
Stackin' my dollars Making my coin
Got drip in the back of my truck
Bank vault apartment Swimming in cash
Scrooge McFucking McDuck
I always stay stunnin' My shit is brand-new
My tuna is ahi My beef is Wagyu
Y'all are just servants This is my palace
Built it brick by brick
So get in a line Drop on your knees
And suck my fucking dick
Then eat my ass Lick my pussy
And find my clit
Just keep on fucking I'm not done
I'll tell you when to quit
Hell, yeah, I'm raw
Bitch, I'm the star
And yes, I'm real, boy There's no HR
I'm the fucking dom Don't need a fucking man
And by now you know my plan
Out-alpha the alpha
Out-screw the cock
Yeah, out-screw these cocks
Outplay all these losers
Out-juice all these nuts
These baby boys can't keep the pace
They're all so fucking slow
They love acting like they run the place
But I'm the CEO
These men are fucking dinosaurs
About to be destroyed
- And I'm the asteroid - And I'm the asteroid
They've called me shrill They've called me slut
They've called me ice queen And what's more
They've called me crazy Called me loud
They've called me bitch and cunt and whore
Imagine, if you will
We murdered all the males
A woman-driven world
Where equity prevails
Sadly That's not how it is
But don't you get upset
I'll put those boys right in their place
Goddamn, that makes me wet
Trevor, Craig, you're fired,
Out-alpha the alpha
Outfox the fox
Outfox the fox, ah
Outsmart all these dummies
Outsmart all the dummies
Out-fuck all these cocks
Out-alpha the alpha
Ah
Bitch, that was fun,
Okay, now, back to the story,
You know, fuck that fucking job,
- Who needs that fucking job? - Shh!
- Ugh, - Rude,
- Oh! Look, look, look, - Oh, oh,
Excuse me, Excuse me, ma'am,
M-Ma'am?
Ugh, Ugh,
Well, this is ridiculous,
I don't see him anywhere,
I'm just going to go right back ho,,,
- Evelyn? - Harris?
What are you doing here?
I'm having a romantic dinner,,,
- ,,,with Trevor, - ,,,with Craig,
Oh, my God,
The twins,
The twins must have found one another,
switched places to meet the parent they never knew
and then tricked us into coming here and reuniting,
Those rascals,
Well, I'm flummoxed,
I'm dumbfounded,
Those were always two of your best qualities,
Oh, Harris,
My God, Evelyn, How long has it been?
260 years,
It's been 260 years since we last saw one another?
Oh, I thought you meant since the French and Indian War,
Oh, I have no idea how long it's been since we,,,
split up,
Yes, well, at any rate, it's been a long time,
Yes, Yes, it has,
Garcon?
- Garcon? - Yes, madame?
Um, my apologies, but, uh,
we're actually going to have to cancel our reservation,
Yes, there's been a mistake,
- Oh, ooh, - Oh, oh,
Ah, but I hear that this wine
will be of particular interest to you both,
It's a 1970 Domaine Leroy, like you had
- on your honeymoon, - Like we had on our honeymoon,
And it's in a bottle,
Well, it is a very nice wine,
And it is free, after all,
- It's not, Enjoy, - Mmm,
A toast,
to our clever, stubborn boys,
They are the one thing we got mostly right,
Mostly,
And,,, dissolve,
- Mmm, - God, I've missed this,
And I haven't even thought about the Sewer Boys once,
Those fucking things are still alive? Ugh,
God, how old are they now?
They're younger, actually,
They operate outside of linear time,
Sure, I'm familiar,
What went wrong between us, Evelyn,
all those many moons ago?
Oh, what goes wrong with any couple?
We were young and foolish,
- We drifted apart, - Hmm,
And you did start fucking men,
All the time, fucking men,
There are always little clues that a person might be gay,
Well, it hardly matters now, since my pussy fell off,
Yes, it hardly matters now,
I'm sorry, what?
Delicious,
Hmm,
Evelyn, is something the matter?
Oh, you're choking, Oh!
Yes,
Hmm?
Oh, Harris?
Yes?
You're still holding onto me,
- Oh, I'm sorry, - Oh, no, no, It's fine,
- It's,,, - Oh,
It's more than fine,
What are we even doing?
I'm not sure,
Aren't you gay?
I-I don't know, It's like I'm,,,
I'm attracted to both men and women,
Huh, Well, now I have heard everything,
But, uh, also, and correct me if I'm wrong,
but, uh, didn't you just say that your,,,
,,,pussy fell off?
Yes, Trevor had to kill it with a flip-flop in Greece,
But what he doesn't know is, I went back afterward,
scooped it up and put it into a plastic bag,
and now I always carry it with me
so that I feel like a woman,
Well, now I've heard everything,
Oh, my God,
Well, that was unexpected,
- Uh, oh, Oh, I'm sorry, - Oh,
These are yours, those are mine,
I'm so embarrassed, Yes,
Yes,
Oh, my God,
So,,,
we can be together,
Why, yes, Yes, we can,
I thought these feelings
All had died
But now you're here
And now I find
I've missed you very much
I've missed your hair Your eyes, your face
But now you're here
And now I yearn
For a tender lover's
Touch
- Wow, - Wow,
I feel the beat, beat, beat of your thumping heart
It's just my body telling you
I'm ready to start
Well, let's do it now because I'm ready to go
You know I like it rough
So don't you take it slow
Oh, oh, oh, oh
I'm desperate for your dick
Desperate for your pussy
Hungry for your dick
Give me Give me that pussy
I got the taste, taste taste of you on my tongue
I want to get real wild like when we were young
Well, let's do it now because I'm ready to go
Roll over here, baby 'Cause I'm fixing to blow
Oh, oh, oh, oh
I'm desperate for your snatch
I'm desperate for your cock
I want vagina
I'm talking about penis
I'm desperate
For your love
Desperate for your love
And stay out,
Oh, I had a cape, Ugh,
We did it, we did it
We did it
Harris, we're being mugged,
- We're gonna die, - No, no,
- No, darling, - Huh? What?
It-it's our boys,
Oh, my God!
- It's so good to see you, - Oh, yay,
To see you both together,
Now, why'd you switch places?
I guess we thought, since you gave us up,
- maybe it meant you,,, - Hated us,
Hated you? No,
We hardly even knew you,
We drew straws at the hospital and each took a kid,
I just can't get over it,
All of us, reunited,
It's just like we planned,
And now that you're back in love again,
you're gonna get married!
- What? - What?
Get married! And when you do,
do you think you'll change your last names?
Oh! Should we change our last names?
- No, wait, - We can all live together,
Then every day would be like Christmas,
- Yes, - Unless we're Jewish,
then every day would be like Easter,
Boys, boys, please, I mean, Craig, I just met you,
- I'm Trevor, - Exactly, And I'm gay,
Yeah, but you just had hot, awesome sex with Mom,
so now maybe you're straight,
It's clear that we were both just longing
for some physical touch,
We were fucking horny,
Right, exactly, but our marriage didn't work,
And I'm an independent woman,
I do not like when people live with,,,
me,
And I-I feel like maybe I haven't stressed this enough,
I do fuck men,
Not as often as I'd like, but whenever I get the chance,
Boys, listen now,
We love you, but,,,
we will never,,,
get married again,
This is stupid!
I hate you! And I hate both of you!
We lost everything
- because of you, - No,
Now we don't even have a family?
We can still be a family,
even if your mother and I aren't together,
No, not the kind we wanted,
You split us up when we were babies,
I mean, that's fucking psycho!
Boys, we didn't realize
that being lied to your entire lives
would upset you this much,
But at least we have each other now,
- No, no, no, no, - No, no, no, no, No, Dad,
- Yay! Yay! - No, No, Mommy,
- Yay, Yay, - No, Mommy,
- No, No, - Stop it, Stop it,
- Yay, - No,
Come on, Craig,
- Trevor, - Trevor,
Let's go,
- Yeah, - Ugh,
Don't, Don't leave like this,
Oh,,,
Which one is which?
We can still fix this,
We just need to get Mom and Dad to,,,
No, Trevor, just-- No,
- You don't mean that, - I do,
I-I mean no, and no means no this time,
I'm done, okay? This is done,
What are you saying?
I-I don't know what I'm saying,
I've never felt this way before,
Usually when I want something, I get it,
In fact, it almost feels like society and all its systems
were built so that a man who looks like me can succeed,
And so, now to want something and not get it,
it-it makes me feel,,, feel,,,
- Feel what, Craig? What? - Feelings!
Bad ones! And I want to make them go away!
- This is just like you, - Excuse me?
To give up, I bet you give up on your boner
before it's even fully hard,
Fuck you, I have never given up on a semi,
My doctors say I am medically horny,
I never lost anything until you showed up,
You ruined my life!
You ruined mine, okay?
I knew this wouldn't work!
It would still work if you weren't a fucking quitter,
We didn't quit, We failed!
Well, if that's how you feel about it,
then I guess there's nothing left to say,
I guess not,
Goodbye forever, Craig,
Goodbye to you, too,
For forever,
Wait, you,,,
You've lived next to me this entire time?
I guess so,
That's weird,
Yeah,
That is weird,
No one understands what I've been through
No one knows what it's like to be
I just lost my brother twin
Who also was my only friend
The only one who understands
Is,,,
Jesus, Craig,
You look like shit,
I'm fine, Can it,
Hey, that's my job,
Shut up,
No, you shut up,
You know what?
Actually, fuck off,
Get the fuck out of here!
Oh, hey, hey, Can I bum one of those?
Man, I already gave you a whole pack,
Aren't you supposed to be some sort of hung hotshot?
He was once,
But he got fired,
And I heard
that while his penis is large,
it's only slightly above average,
No, That's not true,
It's very large!
Come back!
- Harris, - Hmm?
I'm worried,
About us?
No, not about us,
We'll be friends, and sometimes we'll fuck,
Okay, yes, same page, precisely,
I was talking about the boys,
Oh, them,
What are we going to do?
I don't know,
Should we drown them in the bathtub
in the old-fashioned way?
They didn't drown them,
They kidnapped them,
Surprise!
Mom? Dad? What the fuck?
- And where's my beard? - Where's my beard?
Those beards were fucking awesome,
Yes,
- No, they were fake, - And shitty looking,
Exactly,
Boys, we see now that splitting you up at birth
was borderline abusive,
but parenting's hard,
Everyone makes mistakes, right?
That's it? That's why you kidnapped us?
Oh, can you even kidnap an adult?
- Yes, - Listen,
we didn't want to be kidnapped, all right?
- We wanted you to apologize, - Right,
We are apologizing,
We're sorry that you're mad at us,
and we'd rather that you not be,
You know what? We would love to not be mad at you,
if you would just do what we want and get married,
Oh, eat me, Not again,
You two really are stubborn,
You two are stubborn,
Uh-oh, dinnertime,
- Why won't you change for us? - Yes,
I don't even know what there is to change,
This, Dad, Change this,
Oh! Now you've upset them,
- Oh, - Oh, Careful,
They don't like sudden movements,
- Ugh, - Oh!
Oh!
Oh, they're out, They're out, Ew, ew, ew!
Motherfucker!
Shut up!
Backpack, Whisper, Dear God, no!
Sewer Boys,
My Sewer Boys,
They've returned to the slimy depths
from whence they came,
They've gone down the pipes,
- Oh, - Back into the sewers,
I have to go after them,
Go after them?
But he's, like, 40 years old, I bet,
What do we all think of this cape?
I know,
it's too drab, I'm gonna go with the Valentino,
Are you sure this is a good idea?
Sure as schadenfreude,
I'm going in,
A sometimes-gay man all alone in the sewers?
Seems dangerous,
It is,
but those Sewer Boys,
they're my whole life,
Au revoir,my dear,
Oh, oh,
Goddamn it,
I just got these pants,
Come on, Mom, let's get you home,
But Harris is all alone and,,,
Oh, fuck him,
And what do you care? Don't you have to go back
to shutting out the entire world?
I'm 93
No, 94
That's not so bad
I do want
More
I'm coming, Harris!
What the fuck?
Jesus Christ,
Ugh, We're not going in there, right?
No fucking way,
- I'm gonna go in, - Okay, then me, too,
Whee!
I must run
To my boys
I must go I must run to my boys
Dad!
My God, they came
Could it be that I was wrong?
Was I running from my family all along?
Harris is so brave
The boys each found their twin
These men have charged back in my life
And changed it from within
Up is down
Left is right
And even underground
My world feels bright
I'm sorry we fought
Oh, my God, dude, me, too
My life's so much better when I am with you
It's not what I wanted
And yet, could it be?
Do we have a family?
I must run
- Harris is so brave - You're so fucking awesome
- Dude, you're awesome, too - My life's so much better
- When I am with you - These men
- Have charged back - They're here
- In my life - I fear that I was wrong
I've been running from my family all along
Do we have a family?
I can't believe
We are together
Underneath the city
Where it smells like piss
As a unit
We are so much better
I never thought it would be like this
Also, it smells like piss
It smells like piss
We're all down here together in the sewer
And it smells like fucking piss
Backpack, Whisper,
Die, Sewer Boys, die,
Dear God!
No!
No! Oh,,,
Die, die, die!
- Oh! Oh, God, - Oh!
Okay, All right, all right, all right,
Mama's gonna need you to be brave, baby girl,
I know, I know,
but you got this,
All right,
Oh!
Ooh!
Oh, my God,
Eat my snatch, you government piece of shit,
Are you all right? Oh,,,
Jesus, Mom, your pussy saved the day,
Backpack, Whisper,
Oh,
Wait a minute, are those,,,
their parents?
They're so fake and shitty looking,
All right,
let's grab the little abortions
and get the fuck out of here,
No,
- Let them stay, - What?
But you love them,
I do,
but they deserve to be with their family,
And,,,
maybe when they're gone,,,
I'll finally have time to be with mine,
Aw,,,
- Does he mean us? - Yeah,
- I think he means us, - Oh, good, Okay,
Goodbye, Backpack,
- Bye, - Goodbye, Whisper,
Goodbye, Daddy,
Take care of yourselves,
Boys, I,,, I'm-I'm so sorry,
I was wrong,
And I was wrong,
We were wrong, too,
- Mm, - Big hug?
- Oh, yeah, - Big hug,
Family hug,
And so the twins
finally got the family
they never knew they wanted,
They even decided to move in together,
to a little shitbox on the Lower East Side,
No,
No, I don't want,,,
Whatever,
No, not me, I can't,
- Craig, what's wrong? - Trevor, what's wrong?
I was having a nightmare,
- A nightmare I was gay, - Me, too,
I was having a gay nightmare, and I was gay in it,
Oh, come here, I got you,
- You're not gay, - You're not gay either,
I've got you,
Oh,
- What is it? - I don't know,
I guess I just thought that if I got everything I ever wanted
- I'd somehow feel,,, - Complete?
Yeah, but I guess I still feel,,,
- Empty inside? - Yeah,
It's like I just wish there was,,,
Someone who has gone through
exactly what you've gone through
and know exactly how you feel?
Oh, my God,
I do have that person,
- That person is,,, - Me,
No, I was gonna say "you,"
But, Trevor, when you say "you,"
it means "me,"
I,,,
I love you, Craig,
I love you, too, Trevor,
Oh, yeah!
Aw, fuck!
Oh, yeah! Oh!
What the fuck?
- Oh, my God, - Oh, wow,
- That was so hot, - That was so hot,
And easy, Everything made sense and was comfortable,
Easy, easy,
- Anal's easy, - Anal is easy,
It takes no practice to learn,
I didn't douche, Did you douche?
I didn't, No, I don't know what douching is,
Yeah,
So, then after cumming,
we laid there cuddling all night,
- It was beautiful, - I feel so lucky
to have found the only person in the whole world
who is as smart, awesome,
big-dicked, and smart as me,
And as fate would have it,
the person most like me
is my identical twin, Crazy,
- Crazy, - It's crazy,
- Crazy,
- Babe, look at me, - Yeah?
- It's crazy, - I'm sorry, I just,,,
I find this so moving,
Okay, if anyone has any reason
this couple should not be wed,
speak now or forever hold your,,,
This is not what the Bible says,
What the fuck?
You do the math, This don't work,
Stop, stop, stop, you fucking assholes!
I command you,
- Why should we listen to you? - Yeah!
Because I am God!
Now listen and listen good,
you self-righteous,
judgmental flops,
Two twin brothers marrying each other,
it sounds like an abomination,
and yet, it's not,
Because love in all its forms,
is a divine thing given to you by me,
who, again, is God,
But, Father, they're fucking twins,
Is that Sister Tammy?
You shouldn't judge,
An apple a day keeps the doctor away,
but cum ain't apples,
- Gross! - Who is?
They are,
I don't do any of that nasty stuff,
I only have procreative sex with my wife,
- Yeah! - Lights off, eyes closed,
just as you intended, my Lord,
Don't put that shit on me, Steve,
Fucked up men, Yes, men,
took my words and changed the meaning,
I mean, you sticking your sloppy hard wiener
into your wife's wet hole?
That's disgusting, too,
Well, goddamn, if he ain't right about that,
When he explained it like that,
- I got it, - I never thought of it
- in that way, - I mean, it makes sense,
Look at these twins,
They're vile, Misogynists,
Pigs, Perverts,
- Depraved little sex pests,,, - Okay, we get it, God,
Yeah, relax, God,
But they love themselves,
in every sense of the word,
That's why I brought them together,
to teach you
that all love is love,
Damn, this story ended up good,
Oh, fuck it, I'm putting this one in the Bible,
Oh, Harris,
We share a love
That can't be ignored
A love sent to us
From our holy fucking Lord
This guy,
I have no pussy
And I'm straight and gay
People may judge us
But this is what we'll say
All love is love
Even when it's ugly
All love is love
Even when it's wrong
All love is love
Like a woman who fucks men made out of sand
All love is gross
But all love is love
You are my brother
My family, my kin
We share a bond
That comes from deep within
But our love has grown
Now it's ancient and divine
We'll fuck each other's assholes
Till we can't tell yours from mine
All love is love
Even when it's ugly
All love is love
Even when it's wrong
All love is love
Like a man who gets a blow job from a horse
- Wow, - All love is gross
But all love is love
- Oh! - Oh!
I now pronounce these twin brothers
legally married,
That's got to be a first, That's got to be a first,
God loves all of you
because God is all of you,
God is man and woman,
God is Black and white,
God is straight and gay,
What, hold on, what? You're gay?
Yeah, obviously,,,
,,,amongst other things, but my point is that,,,
No, totally, we hear you, God is gay,
All love is love All love is love
God is a faggot
And all love is love
That's not exactly my point,
All love is love All love is love
God is a faggot and all love is love
All love is love All love is love
God is a faggot and all love is love
Everybody!
Sing along!
Can't hear you,
You're a bigot!
- All love is love - That's what I said,
- All love is love - GOD: Even incest,
- All love is love - GOD: Love a fruit,
All love is love
- Hallelujah! - All love is love
- All love is love
All love is love
- All love is love - Oh
- All love is love - God is a faggot
- All love is love - Sing God is a faggot
- All love is love - Oh, God is a faggot
- All love is love - Yeah
All love is love
Yay, yeah!
Check out the New New Testament,
Coming this Christmas,
And all love
Is love
The end,
- Surprise! - Surprise!
Oh, I looked right into camera,
It doesn't really go in there,
- Spit it? - Yeah,
Yes, we can,
Uh, whatever, Y'all fucked up,
Kids, listen, we love you, but
we will never,,, get married,
Mom?
Let's go home and discuss it, eh?
Let's go home and get in the bed
and discuss it in my puss,
,,,if you do what we want and get married,
Oh, for fuck's sake,
Eat me,
Tiddles, Titties, Craig,
Trevor Brock, My two top salesmen,
I feel like it says "Titties," I keep forgetting,
Of all the humiliations I've had in show business,
and they are legion,
this may be the most humiliating moment,,,
,,,I've ever had,
Set,
My prize pig,
I wanna be a prize pig,
Hey, baby,
you could be a prize pig in my bed when I fuck you,
Okay,
Oh, my God,
I am the lady, the bitch, the boss, rich,,,
Don't put a gender on my title,
Yeah, and, lady, I'm Craig, so,,,
Lady? Yes, um, well,,,
I forgot what the fuck I was supposed to say,
Oh, this time, let's improvise,
Oh, God, no,
That's-that's bad,
'Cause then it's just a lot of potty talk,
- Mom! - Dad!
- Dad? - Mommy!
Cut!
I hope he's a big macho guy like me,
Um, yeah, listen, I would love to talk about that, obviously,
but this is actually Mom's house, so I got to go now,
Oh, God!
Okay, bye-bye,
Yeah, that's good, but I think
also maybe a little more open-handed, if possible,
- Okay, - Yeah, like that,
- That's good, Okay, good, - Yeah, Oh, God,
- Thank you, - Oh, God,
- Ugh, God,,, - Oh, God,
Open-handed pussy,
Hop on,
Yeah, get right under here,
- you'll feel much better, - Okay,
- Oh, Oh, - Oh!
Shh,
- I loved a girl some,,, - Shh,
Single-parent families are not homes, that's true,
Single-parent homes are not families, that's true,
Single-parent families are not homes, that's true, Fuck!
That's-that's my other autobiography title,
"Fresh bag of ham,"
No! No!
No!
Surprise, I'm in this movie,
I do want
More,,,
Sorry, Oh, my God, I'm so sorry,
And cut,
It's a gay old life
- Being queer - I have no pussy