♪ Foodtopia ♪
In closing, with the amount of produce,
carbohydrates, and protein in this town alone,
we will be able to keep our humans nourished for months,
That, coupled with Frank's knowledge of the town layout,
will make this one of our most successful fuel missions ever,
No, we can't do this!
- Oh, good one, Frank, - No, seriously, we can't do this!
Oh, doubling down on the joke,
You know, that's bold comedy, and it paid off,
Trish, you're the empath! "Em" us a path! Preferably to peace!
Frank, I thought you'd be on board,
considering how you've been speaking of your old town,
Rice, you've been keeping the minutes, can you read back,,,?
Quote, "Those dipshits exiled the only smart food they had,
- What a bunch of dipshits," End quote, - Okay,
I was a little bitter they exiled me, but they don't deserve to die, right?
Thought I'd get a couple nods there, Nothing?
Okay, what if we just picked a different town to invade?
That area there, that looks like a more fun place to,,, massacre?
We already did, And it was,
We started this council so everyone could have a say,
Why don't we put it to a vote?
Perfect, great, And let us really vote with our consciences this time,
All in favor of killing every food in Frank's home town
to nourish our humans and maintain the status quo,
Aye!
Mm-hm, All opposed?
- The ayes have it, - Aw,
The mission will commence in two days,
Frank, Sorry, not sorry, as it were,
Frank, I sense that your soul is troubled,
I'm going to recommend a book to you,
Written by Chicken Soup, from Okra's Book Club,
I know this is hard, but I'm sure you'll come around,
Barry!
Barry! Barry!
- I don't know who I am anymore, - No time!
New Foodland is planning on invading Foodtopia in two days,
What? How did that happen? How did they even know where it is?
I know! That's a good question that I didn't think you would ask,
and so I don't,,, have a great answer for, What were you talking about before?
You're having an identity crisis? Let's go back to that,
You told them, didn't you? What the fuck, dude?
Okay, I fucking told them, by accident! I was venting!
I thought it was just a harmless vent, You know how I vent!
So in other words, you fucked up big time,
Go on, admit it, Go on and say that,
Barry, is this really the time for that? We have a lot of stuff to do,
We got to get Sammy and Jack
and haul ass back to Foodtopia to warn them,
Oh, will you fraught oafs relax?
I got great news,
and I got even better news,
Which one do you want first?
- I guess the better news? - Don't care, hurry up,
deliver information,
I'm not going back to Foodtopia, and neither are you,
What are you talking about?
You fraught oafs, I'm premiering my movie tomorrow,
Who cares about your movie right now, Sammy?
Everyone does, Frank, And, you know,
once New Foodland sees my four hour epic about the triumph of the food spirit,
they will not invade Foodtopia, or harm any food ever again,
Sammy, bless your sweet, leavened heart,
that is the most naive thing I've ever heard, We need to go!
Jeez, listen, you're brutes, you're mouth breathers,
You think only war and violence creates change?
Art, my friends,
that's what changes us on a cellular level, you will see,
- We won't see because we're going! - Sammy, you are wasting your time!
Oh, no, you're wasting your time, bub, Yeah, you know what? Go! Get!
Run away like the little weenies that you are
and miss the biggest night of my life,
But I'm staying,
I'm staying 'cause it's the braver choice,
And that, my friend, is sharing my art,
Hey, those are for premiere attendees only!
Fuck you, we're taking it!
We need to lift his fleshy eye doors,
No, no, no, That'll frighten him,
He'll wake everyone up,
He always screams when I randomly force him awake,
He likes when I do this,
- Frank, you're here! - Shh! Shush! Shush,
Oh, I wish I had known,
I would have requested a bath and worn my formals,
I was beginning to think you forgot about me,
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Great, Fine, Don't worry about it, Good news?
- We're busting out of here, pal! - What? No, What,,, What? Why?
I'll explain more on the road, but Foodtopia's in trouble,
We have to move now, So pack your stuff, Do you have stuff?
Whatever, If you got it, pack it,
Actually, now that I think about it, don't!
Just leave your stuff, Let's go!
Frank, hold on, You,,, You wake me up in the middle of the night
with "Special Breezes" and tell me that I'm leaving?
I can't leave, They killed the last guy that tried to escape!
I don't know if you heard me, but we need to go save Foodtopia!
Those foods hated me, They all wanted to kill me,
They whispered it to me all the time,
Foodtopians didn't care about me, Why should I care about them?
You know, I don't think any food from that town actually cared about me,
I'm,,, I'm talking about you, Frank, That last part was about you,
- Jack, c'mon, I care about you, - Do you?
This is the first time you've visited me, and it's only because you need something,
That is not, uh, entirely true,
I can't believe I'm getting pushback, I thought you'd be on board with this!
"Oh, don't need to check up on my dragon until I need his dragon body
to be a dragon somewhere that calls for important dragon work,"
I got news for you, I'm not your dragon anymore,
I'm a horse,
Well, then giddy up or whatever gets you going,
Come on, we don't have time for this! Barry, get inside and pilot him out,
Frank, he,,, he doesn't want to go,
I'm where I belong, with my people,
It turns out my people are people,
These are your people? These are food eaters! They're murderers!
They accept me, they don't lie to me,
and they certainly don't tie me to trees and force feed me scalp meat,
You had no intention of integrating me into your food world, did you?
Yeah, no shit, you're a human! How could you be food?
With an open heart and a little imagination!
You were just using me this whole time,
I don't think you ever really loved me,
Well, I regret loving you, I regret us,
No, you don't, I'm the best thing that ever happened to you,
All right, let's take it down a notch, guys,
this is starting to feel pretty petty,
I'm the one with the regrets, not you, I regret everything more than you!
Remember when I bent myself into a U-shape
- to gently teeter-totter on your balls? - Yeah?
- Regret! - All right, okay,
Well, remember when you shoved your gloved finger in my pee hole?
Yeah, I pretended to like it, but I didn't actually like it,
I just knew that you liked it,
Okay, we get it, we get it, You both engaged in horrific acts,
Let's move on to the next part of the fight here,
- I'm out of here, - Well, then I guess this is goodbye,
Oh, it is goodbye,
Until I see you on the battlefield, where I'll have no choice but to kill you!
Well, then I suppose I'll have no choice but to eat you,
I'd like to see you try, You don't have the fucking stomach,
Oh, wow, Diving right in, okay, well, this is good!
This is how the healing begins, Remember to chew, Breathe when you can,
Uh, do you want any condiments or to cook those?
They're salted with my tears,
Au revoir, Dijon,
The fuck took you so long? Why do you look so wistful?
No reason, I'm not wistful,
Well, we should probably get going,
It's going to take fucking forever without Jack,
All we have is this dumb gift bag,
So how are you feeling?
I don't know if inhaling 37 uncooked franks,,, err, hot dogs,
- was the best introduction back into food, - No, it was, At least symbolically,
I'm proud of you, You stood up to a food that had a very unhealthy hold over you,
Saddle up, now,
Barry and the other sausage have deserted us,
A crime punishable by death,
Copy that,
Don't worry, Jack, Dijon will make me make it extra painful for them,
What makes a film?
Is it the catharsis of pathos?
Is it a charming lead?
The interplay of light, emulsions, and cellulose? No,
The answer is bravery,
But, Sammy, how is it brave to make a film? Hm,
It's a good question, if, grammatically, a little pedestrian,
The answer? To illuminate this film, I went inside myself,
I wrestled with my demons, I cuddled with my fears, spooned with my doubts,
I did a reach around on my soul,
And when I came back out, I was ready to use all of my experiences
to chip away and sculpt the marble slab that has now become,,,
A Revolution's Revolution: The Revolutionary Tale of the Revolution,
- Mama? - Shh, shh!
It wasn't the loud noises that I remember the most,
It was the quiet, The quiet within the loud,
- What are you doing? What is it? - It's Dijon,
Of course she knows,
- How do you know it's Dijon? - I feel it in my cartilage,
How foolish I was to underestimate her,
It won't be long before she finds us, has her way with us,
She'll probably snap your neck instantly, But me?
She'll take her time with me, surely savor the kill,
You're kind of saying it like you'd enjoy it?
- Maybe part of me will, Frank, - Stop scaring me! We need a plan,
Frank, she's the greatest food warrior of all time,
No one can stop her, she can't be bested, 'cause she's perfect,
Focus up, horn dog, I got something,
Wild berries! We know you're out here, ever watchful over your woods!
Know! A humey approaches! Attack!
Heggenah yub jub!
Whoa! Doux-doux, bijou!
God, this is so hot, right?
That we're just, like, watching,
I guess,
Here we go,
Heggenah yub jub! Heggenah yub jub!
Heggenah yub jub!
Time to make jam!
Do not improvise!
What the fuck,
Die, die, die!
Heggenah,,, yub jub,,,
So this is love,
Stop being so enamored with the food that's trying to kill us!
Now let's go!
We were their nourishment,
A tasty treat,
The gods we worshipped were our destroyers,
I was afraid to fight,
But we didn't have time to be afraid,,,
and that's what scared me most,
Your body will serve as an aid in a distraction plan, dead cheese,
And for that, we thank you,
Follow these tracks Dijon, you flawless angel,
All right, let's keep moving, It's all on foot from here,
Aw, fuck!
Run! Zig-zags, do zig-zags!
Oh, no,,,
- Get in! - No, I'll throw up in there,
Oh, it smells so bad,,, What are these?
Pumpkin fetuses,
Hee-haw!
Well, looks like we're stuck together again,
Yeah, this is so gross, If we just had Jack,
we wouldn't be in this fucking pumpkin's birth canal right now,
Can you believe that guy?
I don't know, I thought you were a little harsh with him,
- What? - You didn't think anything he said
had some truth to it? Like you using him or his feelings?
- Uh, no, - I was with him in New Foodland, Frank,
I saw how hurt he was and how much he'd ask about you,
It's clear that he cares about you way more than you care about him,
And I think you've known that for a while,
Is it that hard for you to admit that you didn't treat him right?
Whatever, you don't know what you're talking about,
I know exactly what I'm talking about,
Back in the package, you treated me like a little brother,
And I was in a way, I looked up to you,
Then after I was chosen and we were separated,
I had to grow up fast without you holding my hand,
I did that, but you never noticed,
We fought side-by-side during the revolution,
and you still treated me like a little brother,
You don't listen to me, man,
And-and after all I've done!
And look where we are right now, I just saved your life again!
Dijon may be trying to kill me, but at least she treats me like an equal,
What more do I need to do to earn your respect?
- Barry, I,,, - Shut up! Shut your mouth,
You're seriously going to say all that and not even let me respond?
She found us,
What? Oh, God, we're so fucked!
She's going to catch us, and we'll be punished by the council
in some weird, intellectual way I don't understand,
Like, we'll have to,,,
I can't even think of something! That's how much smarter they are than me!
They put me at a loss for metaphors! Ugh, I'm freaking out, I'm freaking out!
Help me roll this thing towards those dead foods,
Now!
- We need ingredients, - To make what?
A daring escape,
Now go grab that dead Vinegar!
Here's its scalp,
Once all of Vinegar's bodily fluids are in Soda's body,
you need to screw his scalp back on before he fizzes over,
This has been such a traumatic day,
- Now! - Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew!
Au revoir, Barry, I've got you now,
And I've got you, Frank! This is for what you did to Jack!
Come on, have I really been that bad to the guy?
Did it work? Are we safe?
For now,
The fighting was necessary,
but was the death?
Why can't war exist without death?
Who makes these rules of life?
Can they be changed?
I swear, I never do this,
If we're not eaten, are we not food?
And if the sun is a star, then what are stars, exactly?
No, no, stop it!
Well, you know, I have so many people to thank, and so much to say,
beginning with delving further into every bit of subtle symbolism in the movie
that you might have missed,
Now, for instance, the young juice box in the red,
that was meant to represent,,,
Hello? We're not at the Q&A portion yet,
- Give me the mic, - Hey, no!
- Give the mic,,, to me! - It's my moment!
New Foodland, I've just received word that Frank and Barry,
who we so graciously welcomed into our beautiful community,
have deserted us to warn their old town about our impending fuel mission,
What? I-I can't believe they did that,
I'm in total shock, you know? I mean, they certainly didn't tell me,
We have to assume Foodtopia will be expecting us,
Without the element of surprise, we need to roll out with our full arsenal,
War is upon us,
But my film! Remember the theme of food unity?
You were all so moved,
I mean, don't you feel differently now?
No, not at all, Hated it, Fell asleep,
It was a movie, It's fine,
But you did offer us a foundation for the geographical layout of Foodtopia
that will surely help our offensive,
- Thank you, - Are you saying my movie
didn't make things better? It made things worse?
Well, that depends on whose perspective you're viewing it from,
From ours, your movie definitely made things better,
From your friends in Foodtopia, yes, it made things much, much worse,
Oy vey, what have I done?
You still taking me to the afterparty?
Attention foods, Don't forget to grab weaponry,
Remember your training,
This is not a drill,
You're a strong, capable, and born killers,
Seatbelts,
I'm sorry, Jack, I tried to get revenge on Frank,
but the greasy B-word slipped through my fingers,
But maybe it's for the best,
If anyone should kill him, it's you,
Yay,