This summer, my grandfather taught me about cookies,,,
dirty sneakers,,,
and my sister's teeth,
That might seem silly to you,,,
but these things are important,
They're what make life,,,
,,,like paradiso,
You're too old to live alone,
We're not even through the funeral,
- It is insulting enough,,, - Leave your sister alone,
- Who's insulted? - Mom's insulted,
I'm not moving to Arizona!
- Bagels taste like,,, - Dad, Marco,
You may love the desert,
Who loves the desert?
What am I, a lizard, huh?
Where's your husband?
Ex-husband,
He had a conference,
Oh, now you talk to us, Marcolino,
when we talk about your father?
You're raising a robot,
He's not a robot,
We are arriving at our destination,
Two hours late,
Church is three miles away,
Don't tip this moron,
Mom, can I stay? I'm almost at level 43,
We'll be back in a half an hour, Kiss?
No, you get off of that machine
and respect your grandmother,
Dad, he does not need to see death,
This is life!
Give me that thing before your fingers bleed,
- Mom! - Dad,
My fingers are fine!
Jesus Christ!
Hey, Google, Stop,
Dinner,
- Five? - Two and table?
Deal,
Yes,
Put it away,
But Dad texted me, and I can never get him to do FaceTime,
so I have to text him back,
No iPad at the table,
What if we put him here,
so that way he can have dinner with us,
just like in the city?
He was never really a big eater,
Eat,
Two peas in a pod, these two,
He's like a carbon copy,
My goal for the summer is to finish my SAT prep prep class,
raise $1,000 for endangered snow leopards,
They're so cute,
And grow my braids three inches longer,
Thank you, Sara,
Marco, you're up,
Can I do mine from here?
It's public speaking,
From the front, please,
My goal for the summer is to get to level 100 in "Atomic Rick,"
- Impossible! - No way!
I'm at level 45 already,
Your dad created the game, It doesn't count, city boy!
It does, too, island boy!
You live here now, so technically,
you're an island boy too,
Technically, Manhattan is also an island,
New York is really an urban archipelago,
Ladies, gentlemen, let's let Marco finish, please,
My dad has me for a week in August,
and he said that if I get to level 100,
he'll fly out to New York and take me to AppCon,
- AppCon? - That's the biggest
video game convention in the world!
Only 55 more levels to go,
Marco, I heard you were coming
to the JCC camp this summer,
Yeah, my mom won't sign me up for coding camp,
so it's JCC for me,
It's not only for Jewish people,
I know, Fred, All walks of life,
We're going to Hershey, Dorney, Luna, Seaside,
and Great Adventure this summer,
So much mirth to be had,
- So many germs, - And Broadway, too!
Ugh, So many songs,
- I'll bring my iPad, - You can't, Camp's tech-free,
It's what?
Did you know that camp is tech-free?
- I told you that, - You definitely did not!
Please lower your voice,
You definitely did not,
Now I only have nights to play,
Put on your seat belt,
I want you to spend some time
getting to know your new friends this summer,
They are not my friends,
They don't like me, because I'm from Manhattan,
We're from here, We lived in Manhattan,
You're from here, I was born on,,,
On the Verrazano Bridge,
On the way home from Sunday dinner,
Right after church and baked ziti,
How about Fred?
Mom, stop trying to make Fred happen,
He only speaks in vocabulary words, and it's weird,
Anna, hi!
Hi, Helen,
- How are you, Fred? - A bit enervated by the heat,
"Enervated," Define it,
Remember our last day of sixth grade?
I put on my red "Baywatch" bathing suit
and we poured on that baby oil,
At Cathy Kleinau's pool,
It was my first summer with boobs,
Hmm,
- Oh, - How you doing?
How's Dad?
Well, he hasn't burned the house down yet,
Mind your own business! Go back in your house!
Oh, you always watch everybody, Watch, Watch, Watch,
Lucia, the witness,
- I saved your life, - She called 911,
Oh, big deal, Nove uno uno,
Oh, you enjoyed the show?
What? It's cheaper than cable,
God, What the heck is going on?
- Dad! - Whoa,
Oh, my God!
Dad, what happened?
Eh, Gino and Walter come over, I fry the peppers,
Then we watch Italy and Spain,
Italy's winning, and the peppers burned down the kitchen,
Fires everywhere,
Thank you to God I saved the one thing I cannot live without,
Mom's wedding ring?
Eh?
No, My bocce balls,
Best on the island six years in a row with those balls,
The balls of a champion,
- Are you okay? - Aren't you upset?
You just burned your house down,
A little fire in the kitchen, Everybody's so dramatic,
You got no kitchen, no bath, and no living room,
- You're lucky you're alive, - Oh, my God,
Mom's house,
Bricks and sticks,
Your mother's not there,
She's here,
- Guess you're moving to Arizona, - You watch your mouth,
I sleep with the bums in Times Square
before I live with your hippie aunt,
Hey, Cheech, you can come and stay with me and Donna,
I mean, she gets up at 6:00 a,m, to do the treadmill,
but other than that, it's really very peaceful,
No, He'll come live with me and Marco,
- Huh? - What?
Where's he going to sleep?
I need my own space,
Well, we don't have a big house,
I have things to do this summer,
You're going to camp in a week,
So? It's not sleep-away,
It'll be like a slumber party, with a friend,
He's not my friend,
You're right,
I'm your grandfather,
There's a difference,
It'll be fun,
This is not fun,
Time for sleep,
Do you snore?
I don't know,
I'm asleep when it happens,
I snore,
The doctor says that snoring
is caused by obesity, alcohol use, or pregnancy,
- Are you pregnant? - We're getting my nose checked,
I think I have a deviated septum,
What does that mean?
"Close your septum and go to bed,"
His whole mouth floats in a cup at night, and fizzes,
It's,,, It's creepy,
Please, be patient with him, The man is in mourning,
- Buongiorno! - It doesn't sound like he's in mourning,
- You're up early, - Early? Ha!
I won two bocce games already, It's 9:00,
But your wife just,,, died,
Well, I'm still here,
No, it just seems a little quick to be,,,
Rolling a ball in the grass?
It's not grass, It's hard sand,
And don't make fun of my game, Marcolino,
Did your father not tell you to mind your own business?
Okay, I got to go to work, Can't be late,
Wait, you're going to work?
I missed three days for the funeral,
I'll try to come home early, okay?
Kiss goodbye?
Don't leave me with him,
It'll be fun,
- It will not be fun, - Where's your espresso pot?
The cups for the Keurig are in the box,
And lunch is in the fridge,
Two hours of screen time, max,
No more than two hours,
- And if you leave the house,,, - No nuts, I'm allergic,
What? I feed you peanut butter since you was a baby,
He thinks he's allergic,
He's not, I had him tested,
But some of the kids at school are, so he thinks he is too,
But I do want him to eat healthy,
No dextrose, sucrose, or fructose,
No dairy, Only soy,
- I'm lactose-intolerant, - No meat,
- Oh, it's not Monday, - We do meat-free Mondays,
- Nothing carbonated, - It hurts my stomach,
- No wheat and no gluten, - We're gluten-free,
- Bye, Mom, - Bye, baby,
You're a science experiment,
I'll be on my Xbox,
Don't you want to go outside?
It's buggy,
Mosquitoes carry West Nile,
Keep my sneakers clean,
Don't you want to play with your friends?
Yeah, on here,
I have one in France, one in Denmark,
four in Thailand, and three in South Africa,
I'm international,
Like Pitbull,
Who?
You don't have neighborhood friends,
kids you play with?
Ring the doorbell,
come outside in the street?
Play, go to the park?
Kickball, Wiffle ball,
stoopball?
"Hey, Marco,
Come inside for dinner, It's getting late,"
Why would we play in the street?
I'll be in my room,
How you make the coffee?
Just ask Google,
Okay, Google, how does he make coffee?
Okay, I've got a recipe called,,,
- Who's that? - ,,,coffee from 1912 Pike,
What happened to the Wi-Fi?
How you make this coffee?
Oh, what did you do?
I was on a group raid,
If we won, I could've gotten a legendary loot crate,
Do you know what could've been inside of that crate?
A flame orb, or an atom orb, or a lightning orb!
I would've been at level 100 before my birthday,
I would've been the Duke of Digitown Eylandt
three weeks before AppCon!
Okay, take a deep breath, please,
You gave him my bed,
You didn't even ask,
We can have a conversation with Nonno
about space and privacy,
I don't want to have a conversation,
I just want to go to AppCon,
So I will be in my fort,
And so will my router,
Okay,
They talk to a robot in the kitchen,,,
and it talks back,
And Marco, the moth,
brushes the teeth with a power tool,
There is this thing called gluten,
You're lucky you're not alive for the gluten,
I don't know what it is, but they're so afraid of it,
Anna, she spends every night watching a show
with dragons and naked people,
They drink milk from a soy,
What's the matter with a cow?
There's no cream soda in the whole house, anywhere,
And I don't have my own TV,
Huh?
You're right,
I do have my own TV,
Oh!
Mwah,
You got a fort,
I got a fort,
Looks a bit more like a fire hazard,
Well, I'm glad you decided to move all your stuff in,
I can go there or here,
I have as many choices as a light switch,
What is all this stuff?
"Stuff"? This is my legacy,
This is all I have left to leave you,
Well, where are you going?
Well, you know, when,,,
it comes,
What is "it"?
Do you teach him nothing?
Well, how did your legacy get here?
I asked the boy Dominick to help me move,
I give him a six-pack of Peroni,
He's cheap,
Whoa, look at Nonna in that swimsuit,
You see my bocce trophies?
They give you a trophy for hanging out with your friends?
Life is nothing without friends,
I'll be in my fort,
And I'll be in mine!
Do you know your son never leaves the house?
Every day, every minute,
he's talking to robots or glued to the TV or, uh, that,,,
machine,
It's a tablet,
Well, he spends more time with his tablet than Moses,
He was supposed to start camp on Monday,
but then I talked to Rich this morning
and he doesn't want to pay for camp,
He wants Marco to go to some video,,,
tech code camp this summer,
Ah, no codes,
No camp!
He needs to go out and play,
To scrape his knees, to get dirt in his mouth,
to fight with his friends,
Break a window, Steal a car!
Okay, well, this camp will be outside,
How much is this camp?
- It's $4,000, - $4,000?
I can buy two cars with $4,000,
I watch him for free, no charge,
And I teach him a few things,
No, It'll be way too much work for you
to babysit him all summer,
Babysit? The kid is 15,
He's 11,
I fought for Mussolini when I was 10,
I'll babysit him,
Okay,
Babysit? The man is 90 years old!
He's 76,
If I'm not going to camp,
then I'm just going to stay here in my fort,
I just got to level 50,
I unlocked the atomic hoverboard,
You don't even want to go to camp,
I'll babysit him if I get four hours of screen time,
Marco, I don't want you on your iPad all summer,
But you said it helps develop brain function
and decision-making skills,
At two hours a day, max,
Come on, Marco, I need your help,
He can't be trusted alone,
Three hours is as low as I'll go,
- Do we have a deal? - Two and a half,
Two and three-quarters,
You're as shrewd as your father,
Right now, in New York City,
it's mostly sunny,
with a high of 87 and a low of 74,
Get up, It's 7:00,
Your coffee's on the table,
It's time for bocce,
I don't drink coffee,
I'm not getting on this thing,
Mom would not let me ride this,
Well, then, we both have secrets from Mommy,
Get on,
And what's your secret?
It wouldn't be a secret if I told you,
I'll get on if you tell me,
I don't do deals,
Well, I don't do motorcycles,
What are you doing?
Get on,
Oh, please, I'm the best player in the tri-state area,
You don't even know what states are in the tri-state area,
New York, New Jersey, and the other one,
You're an idiot,
Cheech!
Come on, we just got started,
- Where are we? - A park,
Marcolino, you remember the guys?
These are my friends, Gino,
- How you doing, kid? - and Gary,,,
Ciao, Marcolino,
Walter,,,
and that's Larry, Sal, Pat, and the guy over there,
How's your new roommate, kid?
He's holding me hostage,
And that's Gus,
I never met Gus,
He comes here to sleep,
He's in a pastrami-induced coma,
I guess I'll be with Gus,
Okay,
He's friendly, huh?
Maybe he's out of battery,
Did you plug him in last night?
My grandkids are like that too,
It's a whole generation of zombies eating pizza bagels,
All right, all right, are we going to play, or what?
Marco, you watch and you'll learn something, okay?
Oldest game in the world, right here,
First, I roll the pallina,
Then I try to get as close as I can with my ball,
Yeah, He tries,
Oh, yeah, You the man,
- Short! - That's not short,
What's wrong, Marcolino?
I need my herbal bug spray!
That's the most running he's done his whole life,
Aah!
No more bug,
Shh,
Marco,
Come here, I want you to see my sister's teeth,
Are they in a glass?
Look at this,
We call this "my sister's teeth,"
when three of the other team's balls surround the pallino,
The little ball,
Why is it called "my sister's teeth"?
Because his sister had three ugly teeth,
all smashed together, right in the front,
She was not a pretty woman, But I married her,
- That's an impossible shot, - Not happening,
You watch,
Okay, here we go,
Take notes,
Oh!
One point for closest ball, plus two points for a kiss,
Score a kiss, you get a kiss!
Come here,
- I'm gonna kiss you! - Oh, no!
Mwah!
Why do they call it a kiss?
Oh, when you get that close?
All you can do is kiss,
Did Gary really marry your sister?
I never had a sister,
Really?
We make things up,
- So you enjoyed yourself? - Well, bocce was kind of boring,
Boring?
You take out my heart, run over with your car?
I don't have a car,
Anyways, that's when the bug chased me, but we killed it,
Gus killed it, Don't be a liar like your father,
- Dad, - My father's not a liar,
Marco, Nonno was just joking,
No, I wasn't, It's not my opinion,
It's a fact, The man is a liar,
Why are you always talking bad about my dad?
Always? I say one thing,
You talk about him all the time, and it's never good,
Marco, please lower your voice when you're talking to your grandfather,
Why you say please? Why you asking him?
You tell him, You the parent, He's the kid,
That's it, The deal's off,
I'm not babysitting him anymore,
Ha! You babysit me?
- I babysit you, - No, I was babysitting you,
- Why? I'm 75, - You're 76!
- I am? - I wanted you to look out for one another,
No! You said to babysit him!
- Now, who's the liar? - Don't call your mother a liar,
Don't tell me what to do,
You're all smiles at bocce, but then you're vile at home,
Vile? That's a little much,
Marco, one more word, and I'm taking your iPad away
- for two days, - I have 37 more levels left!
- Dad gave me that iPad, - That's it, No Xbox, either,
But he took me on a big, red motorcycle
- with no seat belt, - No, I didn't,
- You're a speed demon, - You're a rat,
You're in violation of about seven child safety codes,
Marco, do you want me to cancel your birthday party?
- Go ahead! - That's it!
No Xbox and no iPad for three days!
Ugh!
I prefer gluten,
I don't want him on a Vespa,
Ugh, it was six blocks,
You used to ride with me all the time when you was a kid,
all over Brooklyn,
Was he even wearing a helmet?
I give him your helmet to wear,
Okay, and no more talking about Richie,
If Marco brings him up, say nice things only,
I have no nice things to say about him,
Okay, one, He has good skin,
Like something in a magazine,
Currently in Staten Island, it's 75 and cloudy,
Where did she put it?
Aw, Mommy take away your pacifier?
Put on your pretty sneakers,
We're late for bocce,
Absolutely not,
Okay,
I guess I take my new Moses tablet with me,
You have it?
Hm, I have the ex-husband box, too,
What do you want?
Today, you play,
And I'll be less vile,
You ever throw a bocce ball, kid?
No, He only throws hissy fits if you take away his robots,
It's a joke,
Laugh a little,
Hey, be careful, Marco!
Once you throw your first bocce ball, you'll be hooked!
Women love a good bocce toss, kid,
You may not care now,
but you will,
Do I throw it or roll it?
You roll,
It's not baseball,
Whoa,
Hey, Superman, relax,
He throws like this nun I used to know,
So much power,
That ball's dead now,
Why?
Because you hit the back of the court,
But don't I get like an extra life or something?
What? You get one life,
Watch this,
Nice, Nice,
- Nice, Cheech, - Wait, you can use the sides?
So it's not like bowling?
- Bowling? - Bowling?
Bowling is for barflies, soccer moms,
and people who like wearing other people's shoes,
Skeevatz,
In bowling, the pins stand still,
But in bocce, the target can move,
So if the target can move,
you can score all the points even on the last roll?
Bocce still boring?
A deal is a deal,
I thought you didn't make deals,
I make little ones,
Thanks,
It's believed that the Ancient Egyptians,
as early as 5,000 B,C,,
polished rocks and rolled them to targets,
began to create the basic rules of the game,
Bocce then made its way to Greece around 600 B,C,,
the Greeks later bringing it to Rome,
where people of all classes played it,
Bocce's popularity then spread throughout Europe,
In the 1500s,
Shakespeare referred to bocce in several plays,
and European settlers brought bocce to the New World,
George Washington built a court at Mount Vernon in the 1780s,
but it was the flood of Italian immigrants to America
in the early 20th century
that gave bocce its biggest boost in the U,S,
To this day, the essence of bocce remains the same:
get close to the pallino, compete,
and enjoy time together with family and friends,
I can't believe you gave him his iPad back,
I said three days,
Anna, today he forgot all about his X-ray box,
I take him to bocce, Now, he's asking me how to play,
I have to keep my word, or he won't trust me,
Trust you? He doesn't have to trust you,
You have to trust him,
You're his mother, not his friend,
Anna Maria, what's wrong?
Bella Anna,
He's seeing somebody,
- Marco? - Richie,
Eh, so?
He should date and find love,
And you should date and find love,
Well, I'm not ready, and you don't even like Richie,
Eh, even terrible humans deserve love,
It's all over Facebook,
Ew! "Faccia-book,"
And the whole world knows,
Why you not ready?
I'm not like you, I mourn,
Hey,
I mourn,
And then, I live,
Oh!
I got a man for you!
What? Who?
Gino's son, Little Gino,
Ginolino,
You want me to go out with a guy named Ginolino?
I don't think so,
See? That's your problem, Anna Maria,
You think too much,
Come here, Mwah,
You smell like smoke,
Walter,
He never stops,
Yes!
Superman,
You're just like your mother,
You think too much,
- You still throw too hard, - But it's far away!
Just toss,
That's not a toss, That's a drop,
Hey, Cheech, you coming tonight up to Casa?
The restaurant?
They got bocce courts,
We play there on Thursday nights,
No, not tonight, my friend,
Marco and I have something special to do for Anna,
We do?
Yeah,
You think you can take one night
to do something for someone else?
So this is the first iPad?
Yes, We had one machine for movies,
one separate machine for making phone calls,
and another one for typing, another one for calculating,
and one for music,
How did you fit all that in your pocket?
There we go,
Wow,
We're ready,
My God,
She's so beautiful,
Marcolino, can you believe that's your grandmother?
Look at her,
She brings me life,
Nonno, what's your favorite song?
Nonna and I had the same one,
"Home with You,"
♪ I don't know What it is tonight ♪
♪ Maybe your smile Maybe your eyes ♪
♪ But finally I feel home ♪
You think I don't mourn her?
I miss her three times, Each breath,
♪ All I know is that I believe ♪
Where did you meet Nonna?
The first time I come here, Marcolino,
I fell in love with the smell,
Ciao, Cheech, Come stai?
Ciao, Margie,
This is my grandson, Marcolino,
- Aw, - Hey, we going to have
five or six rainbow cookies,
We have an allergy-free version, too, if you'd like,
No nuts, no wheat, no artificial flavors,
no gluten, and soy paste,
Three of those ones for me, please,
and three of the regular ones for Nonno,
The real ones,
I never forget, Marco,
when I come to New York from Bari,
I was so scared,
New city, new country,
a new life,
But on the third day,
I have a rainbow cookie,
And it was delizioso,
And then I knew everything was going to be okay,
Did Nonna used to work at the bakery?
No, Why?
I thought you brought me here
because this is where you guys met,
No,
I was hungry,
Now,,,
you take a little bite,
I can't, My throat might close,
You have two EpiPens with you,
Here,
I'll try one of yours,
Hmm?
Mm,
Yum,
Tastes just like,,,
What does that mean?
Cibo per I cani?
Means "heaven,"
Tastes just like heaven,
Now,,,
- you try, - I can't,
This girl last year at my school had to be rushed to the hospital
because of level-four diet sensitivities,
Let's go,
Now, if your throat closes or you have the sensitivity dying,
we go right in,
Hmm,
Maybe we should go inside first,
Eat the cookie,
Ah, you see?
Life is delizioso,
You just have to bite it,
Oh, look,
- What? - The sky,
It didn't fall,
You ate a real cookie, and the sky didn't fall,
Thank you, Cheech,
You can only call me Cheech on the bocce court,
- Where you been? - Marco just had his first rainbow cookie,
And my throat is wide open!
Let's play some ball, gentlemen,
No more Marcolino,
- He's Marco now, - Yeah!
♪ Your voice has always Called to me ♪
♪ I see you in my dreams ♪
Coffee's ready,
♪ Italiano, Italiano ♪
- Goo-goo, Goo-goo, - Google, Google,
♪ Italiano ♪
Do something for me, Goo-goo,
♪ Italiano, Italiano ♪
♪ Italiano, Italiano Italiano, Italiano ♪
♪ Italiano, Italiano ♪
- Okay, Google, - Okay, Goo-goo,
♪ Italiano in your country ♪
♪ Italiano, Italiano ♪
♪ Italiano, Italiano Italiano, Italiano ♪
♪ Italiano, Italiano,,, ♪
Ah?
You're trying too hard,
Just let it be,
Go one more time,
Oh,
What are you doing?
Take a deep breath and clear your brain,
Young people now have too much happening in front of them,
Now, breathe,
How you feel?
Nauseous,
This thing smells like cigarettes,
- Do you smoke? - No, Stop talking,
Bocce's like life,
It's not about thinking,
You have to feel it,
Feel the ball,
I,,,
I feel the ball,
No, You're touching it,
You have to feel it,
Feel,,,
how solid,
Feel how smooth,
Feel how heavy,
Now, look at the pallina,
The object of bocce is to get close,
So get close,
Yes!
- Yes! You did it! - I did it, I did it!
I did it, I did it, I did it!
I did it! I did it!
Whoa!
I did it! I got a kiss!
I did it!
Get up!
It's my birthday!
Your coffee's on the table,
What is that?
That's a real cake,
We heard about you,
Me and gluten? We go way back,
- Hmm, - Oh, my God,
- So glad we came, - Me too,
You know, he hasn't made that many friends, and,,,
I wanted him to have one friend here
who isn't collecting Social Security,
Wise guy,
Larry, we're going to have cake now,
We're having a man-to-man conversation,
So, you got a girlfriend, kid?
I'm 11,
I was married at 11,
Divorced at 12,
Time for cake,
Oh, look at that cake,
My diabetes can take the day off,
Oh,
Get up,
♪ Buon compleanno a te ♪
♪ Buon compleanno a Marco ♪
♪ Buon compleanno a te ♪
Okay,
- Here we go, - This is for you, Marco,
From the guys,
My own set?
We all chipped in,
- Hey, you still owe me money, - All right,
Remember, it's not just a game,
It's a continuous line of men and women who came before you,
And I'm a part of that line, and I must extend it forward,
- Grazie, Nonno, - Prego, Marco!
- Two points, - Two points!
Hello? Marco?
- Who's that? - Dad?
- Oh, Jesus, - Smooth Skin is here,
- Hey, buddy! - You came!
Yeah,
You invited me,
But you came!
I have to be in Atlanta,
so I thought I'd fly through New York,
Is this for me?
That depends,
- What level are you at? - Level 89,
I fell a little behind this last week,
but I'll be at level 100 by AppCon for sure,
Okay, well, this should help,
Plus, I got us VIP passes, so you can get in anywhere,
But you got to get to level 100,
Oh, my God, Mom, look!
It's the new Eyebridge!
The VR/AR headset? That just came out,
It's a highly coveted new piece of tech,
Wow,
Whoa,
Marco, did you know your dad is Atomic Rick?
We're actually beta testing Rick for the Eyebridge,
You'll have to try it out for me,
- Seriously? - I got to open this,
Come on, Fred,
Hey! What about your bocce set?
This is nice,
Big birthday parties on Staten Island,
What you always wanted,
You know, just once,
I wish you could give the kid something
without dangling a carrot in his face,
You keep him on this hamster wheel,
He has to learn to work for things,
What are you doing here, Rich?
I'm sorry about your mother,
Yeah, well, you missed the funeral by, like, six weeks,
I'm here now, am I not?
I don't want to miss these moments,
- How often does he turn 13? - He's 12,
- Right, - I know you saw that big picture of him holding
a "12" balloon on Facebook, because you're on Facebook,
and so is your new girlfriend apparently,
- Annie,,, - Don't call me Annie,
We should talk somewhere in private,
You know, Marco's on Facebook,
- No, he's not, - Well, I'm on it,
and he's standing next to me sometimes when I'm on it,
and he sees things, because he's 12,
He understands the world,
He's not not going to understand that you're very publicly
dating one of the Real Housewives of Brazil,
She's an executive at Amazon,
I don't care if she's Mark-Zucking-Zuckerberg,
Who?
Hey, hey, everybody, Hello, How you doing?
Ugh, What now?
I'm Gino, Little Gino, Are you Anna?
Gino Stravecchio?
Anna Amici?
We were in fifth grade together back in Brooklyn,
I'm sorry, what are you doing here?
He's here for you,
Why?
This is Ginolino,
I thought you might like him, He has a very good job,
- Yeah, he's got his own condo, - Pop,
And his own car, Never leases,
Are you guys kidding me right now?
No, he's got a real nice condo,
Is this not a good time?
No, stay, It's just getting good,
Dad, can you help us?
Love to, buddy,
Uh,,, I didn't know if I should bring flowers or fruit,
so I brought both,
Oh, my God, I am Atomic Rick!
I'm actually blasting the blasterbots,
Marco, can I try?
Not yet,
I'm in the Moat of Many Mangled Men,
They are mangled!
He didn't even say goodbye to his friends,
My friends,
I work so hard with him,
and his father come along with his plastic
and his wires and his no pores,
Oh, I find my hat on the couch, crushed,
It's a betrayal, Anna,
I'm Giulio Cesare with daggers in my back,
Anna!
Why you no listen to me?
He's getting married,
Marco?
Richie,
Oh, oh, My baby,
Mwah,
The day I met him, I knew it wouldn't work,
But I wanted it to work,
I wanted it to work,
Come,
♪ I don't know What it is tonight ♪
♪ Maybe your smile Maybe your eyes ♪
♪ But finally I feel home with you ♪
♪ And I don't know If I sound naive ♪
♪ All I know is that I believe ♪
♪ That finally I feel home with you ♪
Good morning, sunshine,
Today, it'll be mostly sunny,
with a high of 87 and a low of 74,
It is 10:52 a,m,
Hey, give me my TV antenna,
It is 1:51 p,m,
It is 2:28 p,m,
It is 3:27 p,m,
It is 5:24 p,m,
- Hey! - You're not going to waste your summer like this,
This is my legacy? A boy in binoculars?
You look like a drunk astronaut!
- Wait, wait, what are you doing? - Saving the world,
- Wait, Nonno, stop, - You didn't even say goodbye to my friends yesterday,
- Do you have no feelings? - Nonno, please!
No, don't touch that!
That's our Assistant!
You're too young for a secretary,
What? Nonno, please, No, you don't understand,
I just need to beat the game first,
- AppCon's in two weeks, - It's summer,
The sun is shining, It's golden, It's beaming,
Do you know what a blessing it is you get to see the sun shine?
Eskimos go for weeks without sunlight,
- I'm not an,,, - Those kids live inside ice,
They're Popsicles,
I'm calling my dad!
You have a cell phone?
It's for emergencies,
- No! - This is an emergency,
- Give it back! Nonno, please! - No!
- I need it back! Please! - Uh-uh!
Nonno!
Wait, Nonno, give me the key,
- Give me the key, Nonno, - You want the key?
- No! Yes! - I make a deal,
You love a good deal, no?
Sit,
Sit down,
Ugh!
I bought you a new set of bocce balls,
Use them,
I give you all this junk back
if your team beats my team in bocce,
But if I win,,,
you spend the rest of your summer
with no electric toys,
What am I, Amish?
You need a team,
But I don't,,,
I don't have a team,
You better get one,
Who? Gino? Gary? Larry?
No, Those are my friends,
You need to get your own friends,
Why are you doing this to me?
Why are you torturing me?
Why can't you just leave me alone
and let me do what I want to do?
You love life so much,,,
,,,and you've been ruining mine since the day you moved in!
You're just a sad, annoying, old man,
and I hate you,
I'm late for bocce,
I'll be back in two hours to feed and water you,
- He took all my stuff, - There's nothing I can do about it,
- Work it out with him, - But you're his landlord!
- I'm his daughter, - He stole all my things!
He's a thief,
I also heard he took your phone,
I told you you couldn't have a cell phone until you were 13,
So where did my 12-year-old son get a cell phone from?
I got it in the mail,
From whom? Last time I checked,
Apple doesn't just send phones to people in the mail,
I want the truth,
Dad sent it to me,
When?
When you took my iPad away,
I took the iPad away for all of a day,
How did you even text him without an iPad?
I made a phone call,
You picked up the phone?
It was very strange,
Marco, you went behind my back,
We don't do that,
I need all my stuff back,
Too bad, Figure it out,
Do what I did when I was a kid: go play hopscotch,
What is hopscotch?!
Marco, what are you doing here?
You have an Xbox, right?
Yeah, but it's No-Tech Tuesdays,
But we have Scrabble,
What's that?
How's the Eyebridge?
My grandfather took it away,
- What? Why? - I don't know,
He said that I don't have feelings,
but I do have feelings, I'm not a robot,
Who said you were a robot?
My aunt, the hippie,
They think we don't hear anything,
- but we hear everything, - I know,
My parents fight all the time,
I hear every word,
and I know what all the words mean,
- Do you think that we could,,,? - Be friends?
Sure, we could be friends,
Fred!
I have to go to the JCC,
Tonight's youth group,
Want to come?
I have lots of friends there,
Do your friends want to join a bocce team?
Where have you been?
- At the JCC, - Why?
Because I've got a team, You're on,
Hmm,
Training begins today, my friends,
We're not your friends,
For every hour we play with you,
we get an hour on your headset when you get it back,
Epstein gets double because he's the under-12 bowling champion,
I'm going to crush it,
A deal is a deal,
Today, we will learn the rules and the ropes
of the world's oldest game,
Now, our opposition will arrive at the bocce court
with decades upon decades of experience on their side,
If you want the VR headset,
we need to cram years of work into about a week,
That does not seem possible,
I have to be home by 8:00,
- The building closes at 7:00, - It's a security protocol,
You must remember that this is not just a game,
This is a continuous line of men and women who come before us,
and we're a part of that line,
and we must extend it forward,
I'm expecting all of you to bring forth focus,,,
intensity,,,
and hard work,
Are you guys listening?
Yes, You're yelling,
This guy is so loud,
Anna? Where's Marco?
Out with his friends,
I did that,
- I was, like, whoosh, - I was, like, whoosh,
Good morning, everyone out there,
Looks like it's going to be a beautiful summer day,
Temperature's coming in right around 78, so not too hot,
but watch out and put on some sunscreen out there,
Time for a quick traffic report, Looks like,,,
Nonno!
Who's there?
Get up, Put your teeth in,
Get ready to get your 20th-century butt kicked,
Oh, look who it is,
Mr, Eat Your Own Cake Alone,
I'm Not Even Gonna Say Goodbye At My Own Birthday Party,
Animale,
Who are these kids?
This my bocce team,
These are my friends,
- Yeah, we are, - Mm-hmm,
You could bring 2,000 people,
That don't make them your friends,
Takes years to make friends,
- They're mercenaries, - How much did he pay you?
You got a lot of different, uh, types in your crew,
Diversity, Not new,
That's how our generation rolls,
Our strength is in our interconnected
yet disparate networks,
Huh?
We're his friends, Pops,
Let's bury them,
Yeah,
You want to practice?
We can go smoke and eat bagels,
We don't need practice,
This is our house now,
Our house,
This is Epstein's house now,
You smoke?
Secret's out,
You're going down, You and your black lungs,
And then I want my Eyebridge,
I'm sorry,
What?
Oh, it's on,
Two teams of four to start,
We play to 12,
Best of three,
Team Cheech, green,
Team Marco, red,
All right, let's flip for it!
Let's go!
- Call it, - Tails,
- Heads, - Aw, man,
These kids are funny,
You got this, Cheech,
All right, all right, Good shot,
Good,
Nice,
Come on, Marco,
It's okay,
We have three more balls,
Do you really think you're going to beat us?
Epstein, come on,
This kid shoots like a rocket ship,
Two points for us,
Come on, Cheech,
- Ha-ha! - Yeah!
- That's how it's done, - Nice!
Round one to the dinosaurs,
That's what I'm talking about,
Ugh!
Anybody know how to use an Xbox?
'Cause they ain't getting it back!
Okay, okay, Don't let it go to your head,
- You got this, May, - You can do it,
Ugh,
Come on, come on,
come on, come on, come on,
Ugh!
- Seven? - How'd they get seven already?
We're never getting that headset back,
Epstein!
They're crushing us,
Epstein, you're rolling it too hard,
There's no pins down there,
so there's nothing to knock down,
Can you roll it softer? Still focused, but softer,
Remember that time when we went bumper-bowling
for Sara's birthday party?
Yeah,
But you hit a strike,
but you hit it off the side first, like a pinball,
Just do that,
You're right,
The ball is still in play if you hit it off the sides first,
Let's go, Cut the chit-chat,
Don't worry, I got this,
Epstein, Epstein, Epstein,
You got this, Epstein, You can do it,
Yeah, Epstein!
- Yes! - Whoo!
Awesome,
See? I told you this was Epstein's house,
We're catching up, Pops,
No way,
- Look at that, - Yes!
- Eh,,, - Ah,
Yes!
Come on, Sal, Close it out,
Ha! My sister's teeth,
Oh, no,
You remember my sister's teeth, kid?
Ha-ha!
Yeah, Marco!
- You got this! - Yeah! Whoo-hoo!
- Yes! - Whoo!
- We're going to win! Yeah! - Go, Marco!
Never going to happen, kid,
You're never going to make that shot,
Go back to your fort,
Focus, Marco, Focus,
- What are you doing? - Come on, Let's go,
Quiet, Everyone, quiet,
Take a deep breath and clear your brain,
Now, breathe,
Cheech, buddy, what's the matter?
Hey, get him some water, Watch it,
- Don't let him hit his head, - Whoa, he's falling,
Cheech!
Call 911! Cheech! Somebody call an ambulance!
- Hey, get him some water, - Somebody call it in, Cheech,
Cheech!
Marco!
Marco,
I thought you'd want to bring some clean ones for him in the morning,
Thank you,
Theresa, I don't care what you're doing,
This is not just my responsibility,
I was just there for the funeral,
He is in the hospital, I cannot do this alone,
I can't get on a plane every time there's something wrong,
I'm your Google Assistant,
I can help you find answers, get things done, and have fun,
Veggie patty?
Marco, you have been in your room for two days,
I have to go to the hospital and you need to eat,
I'm not hungry,
Marco, we don't lock doors in this house,
Open it now,
It's Fred, Sara, and David,
And Adam,
What do you want?
We're here for moral support,
Moral what?
We're your friends,
I don't need friends,
Now, go away,
But everyone's asking for you,
I said, go away!
Fine! But you still owe us 87,5 hours,
This isn't over!
What do you want?
- It's Gino, - And Larry,
- And Gary, - Go away!
Hey, we're going to the hospital,
- You want to come? - No!
And we brought you something,
I don't care what you brought!
I don't want a veggie patty, I don't want moral support,
and I don't want to go to the hospital!
I just want to stay here in my room!
Ah, let's go,
I mean, free parking ends in an hour,
Why does everyone leave me, Mom?
Oh, sweetheart,
Loving people's not good,
It hurts when they leave,
No, Marco,
It hurts when they leave
because loving people is so, so good,
I told him that I hated him,
Do you?
No,
He's my friend,
Friends are the key to life, my love,
They're whom we live for,
Sometimes they can just destroy us,
But sometimes,,,
they can bring us back to life,
Hey, Marco,
Fred, you have a guest,
Well, well, well,
Looks like you came to your senses,
I just came to keep my promise,
You have can have this back in 87,5 hours,
Keep it,
I don't want it back,
But I need your help,
Now you want our help?
I just wanted to say that I'm sorry,
I was wrong,
I do need friends,
Friends are the key to life and, you, Frederick?
You're my friend,
You came to me in my darkest hour,
and I slammed my door in your face,
You didn't even open it,
I would've slammed it,
It was locked!
Well, if it wasn't locked,
I would've opened it and slammed it,
I would've unlocked the door and slammed it in your face,
I let you win at Scrabble,
Can you forgive me?
Yes,
Even though you've been a to me all year,
Thanks,
Oh! Mm,
You're saturated,
Stop using big words, That's my thing,
Can you guys all come over to my house?
For what?
Marco, are you coming to the hospital?
- Coming down, - Be right there,
We're almost done,
Buddy, I've been texting you, AppCon starts at 2:00,
I'm sorry, I have a previous commitment,
What do you mean?
You've been waiting all summer for this,
Rich, my father's in the hospital,
The tickets were expensive, Anna,
Did you hear what she just said?
Marco, don't talk to your father like that,
- Why not? - Because he's your father,
You texted me her picture,
You said that she was just your friend,
You texted him her picture?
I wanted to ease you into it so it wasn't such a shock,
- You lied! - I'm not a liar,
You said you were going to L,A, for work,
that you'd be back in a week,
That was two years ago,
I never stopped texting you,
I have to go,
My friend is sick,
My dad's really not doing well,
How's he doing?
He's been asking for Marco,
Ciao, Nonno,
Oh,
Ciao, Marco,
Bocce prince of Staten Island,
Who won the game?
You did, Nonno,
I brought you your hat,
I want you to keep it, Marco,
It's safe with you, my friend,
I thought I was your grandson, not your friend,
God made you my grandson,
Bocce made you my friend,
Mm,
Is this it?
"It"?
When you leave your legacy,
When you go to,,,
That's not what that means, Marco,
Heaven, in Italian,
is "paradiso,"
I like that word,
Paradiso?
We made you something,
Who, "we"?
Me and my friends,
Oh,
I don't want to be a robot,
You're going to be okay,
What is this?
You said Nonna gives you life,
♪ I don't know What it is tonight ♪
♪ Maybe your smile Maybe your eyes ♪
♪ But finally I feel home ♪
♪ With you ♪
♪ And I don't know If I sound naive ♪
♪ All I know Is that I believe ♪
♪ That finally I feel home ♪
♪ With you ♪
♪ I may never find ♪
♪ All the answers ♪
♪ I may never have ♪
♪ A clue ♪
♪ And I don't know What tomorrow brings ♪
♪ Maybe a kiss ♪
♪ Maybe a ring ♪
♪ But finally I feel home ♪
♪ With you ♪
This summer, my Nonno taught me about cookies,
dirty sneakers,
and my sister's teeth,
That might seem silly to you,
but these things are important,
They're what make life like paradiso,
Nonno taught me that there's more to life
than just what's on the screen,
that life is happening all around us,
and we just have to get up and live it,
I think he knew that we wouldn't ever really be without our iPads
or cell phones or video games,,,
but he tried to show me that there are great traditions
that we need to carry on,
And this is one of them,
Today, we play in honor of Cheech!
Ladies and gentlemen, Cheech's grandson Marco,
Okay, are we ready?
- Let's do this, - We're ready,
We're gonna crush it!
There are teams from all over the island,
Right, but there's only one that we really need to beat,
Couple of guys to shoot,
couple of guys to point,
That's the name of the game,
Oh, yeah?
- Here they come, - Gentlemen,,,
I just want to say thank you for everything
you've done for me and my family,
We love you,
Nonno's looking down on us today,
It's going to be such a shame when he watches you guys lose,
Oh!
- You're going down! - You're not too big
to get knocked down a peg, little boy,
We are going to wipe the floor
with your sorry middle-school asses,
All right, let's have some fun out there today,
We love you, Frederick!
I'm taking two now,
- Hi, - Hi,
♪ I don't know What it is tonight ♪
♪ Maybe your smile Maybe your eyes ♪
♪ But finally I feel home ♪
♪ With you ♪
♪ And I don't know If I sound naive ♪
♪ All I know Is that I believe ♪
♪ That finally I feel home ♪
♪ With you ♪
♪ I may never find ♪
♪ All the answers ♪
♪ I may never have ♪
♪ A clue ♪
♪ And I don't know What tomorrow brings ♪
♪ Maybe a kiss Maybe a ring ♪
♪ But finally I feel home ♪
♪ With you ♪
♪ And I don't know What tomorrow brings ♪
♪ But I can hear The wedding bells ring ♪
♪ And finally I feel home ♪
♪ I finally feel at home ♪
♪ I finally found a home ♪
♪ With you! ♪