رسانه اینترنتی مای موویز MyMoviz جامعترین سایت فیلم و سریال
Everyone is speeding,
Will you go out?
I will once it stops raining,
What the fuck is he doing?
I would kill everyone in a BMW, Those in old ones, I would kill twice,
An asshole has a BMW and has to drive so freaking fast,
The older the car, the stronger they step on the damn gas,
He bought a new one on credit and needs to show off,
Money is power,
What?
Nothing,
What the fuck was that supposed to mean?
Nothing,
These small delivery trucks are no better,
They drive so fucking fast as if all the fish were about to defrost,
And a truck… from Lithuania,
That I can agree with,
You know, these small banks in villages give credits for the cars in such a way
that there is 500 PLN to pay each month,
Now, the army of the imbeciles burn the tires each Saturday,
It's dangerous to go out,
In the past one knew
that a guy in a Wartburg,
wearing a hat,
from Radom
could do anything, But at least, he didn't want to kill you,
I've been fishing in Sweden for 15 years,
That's the kind of freak I am, Whatever,
I can afford it, I have no wife, no kids,
In these 15 years, I've never seen any car accidents there,
Here, I see them every day,
Every single day, That's just…
one fucking mess,
Are we from a different planet? Sweden is just five hours away,
When I come back, it's like I crashed on fucking Mars,
Roads and houses look alike, Just on the roads some fucking aliens,
Lights are blinking, tires screeching,
And candles on the side of the road,
because if someone crashed, they are freaking saints,
One big cemetery, damn it,
Do you know, why they drive like that?
They don't read books,
They don't have imagination, It's non-existent,
The world will end not due to war, but because no one reads,
Damn assholes can't imagine what they are doing,
When you read a book, you imagine it, right?
Maybe,
You "maybe" imagine?
Maybe I imagine something,
So how do you imagine for example Swedes in "The Deluge",
Same as in the film,
Big, Black,
This dude, who made the film, had read the book first,
First, he had to imagine them, to show them to you in the film,
Big,
Black,
Whatever,
Have you read "The Deluge"?
I don't know,
But if you read,
you saw in your imagination, what you were reading,
Don't tell me, if you read a book, you don't see what you're reading about,
Leave me the fuck alone,
I apologize,
I just wanted to say that those idiots are driving like this because…
they have no imagination of what they…
of what they can…
of what the fuck they can…
What?
It wasn't my fault,
That chick was slow on the left lane,
-What book have you read lately? -What?
Why do you care?
Don't take that tone with me,
Listen to me, My pettifogger is on his way, I'm in a hurry,
Give me whatever there is to sign,
I don't plead guilty, Let's finish this circus,
Let's meet in court in a year, Or maybe not,
Address me by my rank, please,
You can even be a fucking general, I'm waiting for my lawyer,
If our computer breaks down, we still use the typewriter,
Congratulations,
Let me just find the paper,
You are an intelligent man,
You have a wife and three kids,
Okay, then,
-You don't read books, -How do you know?
So you don't have imagination,
But…
if you just read an email
that someone crushed the car with your wife and kids…
Why do you drive like this?
-Everyone drives like this, -Not me,
Congrats! You might be the next pope,
I doubt that,
What the fuck is the big deal?
The kid has a neck brace, the mother is fine,
What the fuck are you crying about?
I was texting my grandma, It's Grandma's Day today,
The chick was slow, she must’ve been checking her nails,
I couldn't stand this,
-There is 60km/h speed limit, -Who drives that?
Would you drive 60? Don't bullshit me, Would you?
You think, it will never happen to you,
Do you know the sound of breaking bones?
No and I'm not going to,
I have to pee,
Wait until I find a parking spot,
Here is a speed limit, Switch on the warning lights and pull over,
-Pull over, -Okay, I will,
What the fuck, you broke my foot!
I'm so sorry, It was an accident,
You won't be able to step on the gas,
Call the emergency!
What…?!
What the fuck are you doing?
You are like the wheel of fortune, You keep going round and round,
One day, someone will cross paths with you,
Help!
There's no point in screaming, No one is coming,
Would you like a drink?
Maybe now we can get on first-name basis?
You won't frame me with this! You already took my blood sample,
My lawyer is on his way,
You won't get away with this, you fucking fascist,
What the fuck?!
Stay the fuck down! You'll get burnt!
Why the fuck she pulled over, it a straight road,
What did he say?
That it's not his fault,
No, no, no, You listen to me,
I don't know, what you're thinking,
If I don't see Zosia in 15 minutes, the hell with you,
-I'm calling your probation officer, -Basia, we'll be right back,
My mom warned me not to let you have her,
Don't you dare kidnap her, You'll be back behind bars,
I'll just buy the milk you wanted and we'll be right back,
-Of course, you can't do anything right, -Somehow I built a house for people,
What? Did you take her to work with you?
You have ten minutes, I want to see my baby,
Our baby, damn it,
Hey, why are you crying?
Look, what is that?
Daddy can do this…
Look,
That's my girl,
Dear customers, please bring your items to the check out now,
EX
-Watch it, man! -I'm so sorry,
Damn it,
Where is she?
I'm sorry about the phone, I didn't mean to…
What are you talking about?
Screw the phone,
Did you lose something, man?
Hey!
Mister!
Zosia!
Where is she?
Zosia!
Sorry, I'm so sorry,
-Hey, mister! -I'm sorry,
I'm really sorry,
I'll call the police if you don't calm down,
I've lost my baby, sir,
-Let's go, -Could you help me?
You're disturbing the peace,
Are you deaf? My child has been stolen!
What child? Are you on drugs, or what?
-Leave the shop, -Whatever,
Fuck,
Zosia,
Hey, you!
Be quiet,
I recommend our special offer on barbecue sets,
Excuse me,
-Could you let me first? -Hold on a second,
I'll let you first, Although I don't have to,
Go ahead,
Come to the check-outs, We have a situation,
-To the exit, please, -Hey, it's my child!
-Are you nuts? -Give me Zosia back!
-Calm down, mister! -Zosia? What Zosia?
Wouldn't you recognize your own baby? Give her back!
Could you hurry, my husband is waiting for me,
-She's kidnapped my child! -He is insane,
Where is your papoose, anything? How did you bring her here?
And you? Where do you have anything?
Thief… doesn't want to work, He knows only how to steal,
-Fuck you, -Do you have the child's documents?
-Exactly, show documents, -You shut up, Your ID, please,
What the fuck are you talking about? My child in my ID?
Will you check her as well?
-Don't cry, Kacper, -This is clearly a boy,
Put her on the counter, take off the rompers and we'll see,
-Fuck off, you faggot! -My daughter…
Hey, what the hell…?
Could you let me go first?
I let one lady ahead, Now it's my turn,
Don't you worry, He won't hurt you,
Don't be scared, What example are you giving to your child?
Okay, okay, Let go,
Is everything okay?
-What shouldn't be okay? It's him, -Okay, I'm sorry,
You should've started with that,
You piece of shit,
Store manager asked to the check-outs,
Let me through,
-But you haven't paid, -I don't need this,
-Let me through! -Hold on a second!
I'll get my dudes!
Police are on their way,
Shut the fuck up,
Hello, there,
Yes…
Yes, we're going home,
Daddy is here, Everything is fine,
Holy shit,
You couldn't park in a better spot?
Damn you…
For his first communion I bought for Piotrek
a tractor with combustion engine, He'll go nuts, when he sees it,
Where will he use it?
At our place, for now, Until you build your house,
He's too small, He can get hurt,
Honey, he'll be fine,
It has a speed control and emergency brake,
I'm crazy, now I know, I take that after you,
He'll get it if he has a diploma with honors,
That won't be a problem,
-Unless I stop helping him with homework, -You won't do that,
Hello, Mom,
-Sit down, -No kiss?
You look as if you dropped from the side of a mountain,
That would mean, I'm dead,
I was 100 meters above the ground when you called,
-We have a problem, -The gardener screwed up the lawn?
We're being audited by the tax office,
Honey, we expected this to happen, Let them audit,
There are some improprieties,
-What is that supposed to mean? -VAT arrears, Big arrears,
-They've accumulated for years, -Accumulated?
The tax money disappeared,
-Someone stole it? -No, Someone couldn't book it,
Judyta?
This idiot! I knew it was a mistake to hire her,
When she realized, what she had done, she left,
-Hold on, -What do you mean 'hold on'?
You gave her job because she had huge knockers,
-What do you mean by that? -He knows, what I mean,
So just how big are the improprieties?
-Over one million including interest, -Oh dear,
That's impossible, We're a decent company,
I've been building this business for forty years,
Now because of one idiot, they're going to ruin it?
-When are they coming? -Today,
What? That's impossible,
Postpone it, We can still meddle in the papers,
I've postponed it twice,
-Tell them, someone is sick, -We've all been sick already,
-Tell them, I died, -Well, then try your best, Now,
Hold on, we didn't steal anything,
They don't care,
Is there anything we can do?
I've been dealing with this for over two weeks,
I did everything there was to do, I assure you,
Why didn't you say anything?
Because for what I did I could go to prison,
Mom,
Okay, then,
You don't know anything, You're ignorant about accounting,
The papers are ready,
If they are thorough, they will find what they're looking for,
I thought, I'm set for life, Now, it turns out…
that we'll go bankrupt or end up in prison,
Sweetheart,
What's wrong?
Mom?
Alicja, please tell everyone to take the rest of the day off,
They won't get away with this,
I'll burn it all,
They won't get shit,
-Dad, stop it, -What?
-They'll be here any minute now, -Let them come,
I won't give them anything, I have my rights!
Well, not really,
It's their fault Mom had a heart attack,
Do you remember Uncle Marian? Huh?
They ruined his company,
-He won in court, -After eight years,
-And he committed suicide, -He was mentally ill,
Anyone would go crazy if they took away everything,
Tell her to stop,
-I'm not doing anything, -You're defending these fascists,
-I'm not! -Honey…
We could weasel out of it, Even with the penalty,
No!
A million zlotys in cash will ruin the company,
We won't pay off the loans, we'll lay off staff,
Then they'll get to the money in the management board,
They'll take away our house, your land, your unfinished house, cars…
No more private school for Piotrek,
Dad, stop scaring us,
I'm not!
I'm telling the truth, Who cares that it's not our fault?
But maybe it is…
When Mom leaves the hospital, she will go to prison,
For what?
Are you going to let this happen?
No,
What are you talking about?
I won't let these bastards ruin my company,
What about the people that are working here,
have you thought about it?
-So what? Will you kill them? -Yes,
We'll make it look like an accident,
If it gets out, I will admit to everything,
They'll send someone else,
Until then, Mom will be out of hospital,
If she makes it,
Shut your mouth! You're not family!
I'm sorry,
I'm just a bit anxious because my wife is dying,
I'm about to lose everything I own,
How do you want to kill them? Poison them?
-Have you lost your mind? -They are not people,
What kind of people go through someone else's papers?
Going and sniffing around, would you do that?
I'll be right back,
Stick with us, Everything will be fine,
Judyta didn't leave the job, I fired her,
I'm glad, I did that,
Apparently, she wasn't a good accountant,
-But…? -Your husband fancied her too much,
Family is most important for me,
And? Did you propose yesterday?
There wasn't a right moment, Tomorrow is Saturday,
You just started working here and you want to get married?
So what?
It would be a pity to lose such a pretty inspector,
Let's take the stairs,
OUT OF ORDER
I don't take elevators,
-It's just a few levels, -I hate elevators,
I'm claustrophobic, I lose it in closed spaces,
How are you planning to get there?
Will you take my hand?
-Have you slept with Judyta? -What?
Your father told me, Confess!
I won't confess anything,
Dad, what did you tell her?
Good afternoon, tax office control,
We know,
Welcome,
I'm sorry, My wife is pregnant,
We need to talk to your chief accountant, Please, indicate their place of work,
-She is in hospital, -Is that so? You all are really sickly,
I've been trying to reach you for two weeks, but everyone is sick,
How dare you?
Dad…
Mom had a heart attack,
-But she left the papers, right? -Of course, Plenty of them,
Could you take inspectors to the room with the documents?
You take them, I'm pregnant,
Everything is ready, Follow me,
Hold on, You need to sign that you're aware of criminal liability,
Perjury is punishable by up to eight years imprisonment,
-What are you doing? -You're right, I'm not family,
My husband was screwing our accountant,
-He wasn't, I fired her, -Oh, so he didn't manage to do it,
Quiet!
It's hospital,
Hello?
I understand,
Thank you for letting me know,
She won't make it,
Sons of bitches,
They avoided control like the plague, but the papers are prepared well,
Do we go easy on them or not?
Their former accountant told on them, I think, it's about the revenge,
You would like her, A blondie with huge knockers,
Would you like coffee? Cookie?
You shouldn't have bothered, We had coffee in the office,
I would like some,
Help yourselves,
-Is everything alright? -You will find out in two weeks,
When you get the post-control protocol,
-Never ask for anything, -I'm sorry,
Fine, Let's see how their coffee is,
They're drinking, Give them more,
No, They'll know something is off,
Coffee is fine, Papers too,
This Barbie must’ve been hurt if she told on herself,
-Dad, -Have you heard anything?
No, you keep talking,
They're eavesdropping,
I haven't seen anything like that!
Me neither…
-It's a scam for at least… -One million,
They found it,
Thank you for the professionally prepared documents,
We’d like to talk to the accountant after she leaves hospital,
Would you like to add something?
I would like to, but I won't,
Goodbye,
-They shat their pants, -Sure thing,
Jesus Christ, what was that?
We're stuck between floors, It's nothing,
Call for help,
-No signal, -Turn it on, I can't be here,
How am I supposed…
Oh, thank God,
Can you take this thing down?
I can,
But I won't, I removed the bolts,
This elevator hasn't been serviced, It's been out of order for years,
Why didn't you take the stairs?
-The stairs were closed, -You don't say…
Have you ever seen closed stairs?
No, I haven't,
OUT OF ORDER
Oh my god,
My mom is dying because of you,
It's not our fault!
You want to ruin our life,
Because this idiot couldn't book well and saved one million in VAT,
Now should we go down because of her?
-Oh fuck, -They just confessed,
They will kill us now,
I'm sorry,
We haven't found anything, Your papers are fine,
Yeah, sure,
But in two weeks, I'll find out, I'm broke,
I heard everything,
No, I swear,
Let us out! I can't be in closed spaces,
Neither can I,
I love mountains,
You won't go to prison, I won't say anything,
I won't go, It will look like an unfortunate accident,
-It won't kill us, It's too low, -Shut the hell up!
Let's see, shall we?
Did he fall?
I need some leverage, Something strong to present,
Then look at your dick,
I have seen mine,
-Make him take off his pants, -Kiss my ass,
No, no, She will kiss you,
I will take photos,
You show the report - I show the photos,
Yeah, yeah… sure,
Oh fuck,
-Take off your pants, -Don't give up!
It's an official order!
Please, stop it,
Fuck,
I don't feel anything, It's a normal, physical reaction,
Put it in your mouth,
I hold him by his balls, That's not enough?
Dad!
Just for a moment, For him to take the photo,
-It will break any minute now, -That's good,
It will break with me, Tie the rope to something heavy,
Your wife refuses to cooperate,
Then convince her,
Judyta?
I took the stairs, Elevator doesn't work,
I can't fucking believe it,
I just…
I wanted to say, I'm sorry,
Put it in your mouth, or we will all die,
There you go,
Thank you, madame,
You bit me!
I'm sorry, It's not my fault,
You, the bitten one,
Tie yourselves together, As tight as you can, Quickly!
Now? Now it hurts me, I can't,
Now, damn it, Right away!
For extraordinary courage,
civic attitude and heroic rescue action,
Thank you so much,
-Congratulations, -Thank you,
Thank you,
This is just too much,
The guy was vice minister of agriculture, now he'll be a director of art gallery,
In the Ministry of Agriculture I was just a director,
This is your new boss sent from the Ministry,
No, sir, Nobody sent me, I was appointed,
'Sent' as if I came in a folder,
Folder? No…
You've been sent with an e-mail,
I'd better be going, Goodbye,
What are you hanging here?
I'll go get the hooks,
Turn off the water, would ya? It's not free, you know,
Could you leave?
What are you crying about, girl?
Since when are we on first name terms, Ms, Zosia?
I apologize, m-am, So, why are you crying, girl?
I lost my virginity with him, Now, I will lose my job,
The new guy? He's cute,
We met at my cousin’s party,
He turned up out of nowhere, with his white smile,
I don't know, who invited him,
But my world stopped,
He could have had anyone there, But he wanted me,
It hurt,
But I was in love, I knew, he was the one,
He said, he would call the next day,
I waited one week with the phone, I slept and peed with the phone,
Finally, I understood, it was not going to happen,
Now, he came here, Where I've been working for years,
He will fire me, I will not agree on his agricultural views on art!
What an asshole!
You know, how many times I've thought about him?
-How old were you? -Every day!
-I was seventeen, -Come here,
We'll show this piece of shit his place,
-We? -Wait here,
Take this, Pour it in his coffee,
-What's that? -Laxative for my cows,
Once it hits him, the prick will end up in Sweden
No, no, Zofia,
-Take this, show him you have balls, -That won't change anything,
It will wipe him out, It'll change everything,
Too big for your britches,
Excuse me?
Men are assholes and liars,
What can such a young bitch know about life?
Zofia!
I'll have to notify the director about your behavior,
The same one, who deflowered you?
-I'm here, -Good,
Our director wants to take down Mia Stella's exhibition,
Is that so?
Maybe you don't know, we'd have to pay huge compensation,
We can take it,
Next one will be cheap but mass exhibition,
Rafał, what's wrong with this one? They're exhibited all around the world,
I'm on first name terms only with women I slept with,
So Miss, please, take down, what you hung there,
Mia Stella,
-She's one of the most important artists… -Artists…
Maybe I will take a picture of my cock, and entitle it, for example,
"Summer Day After Reading Proust", And I'll be famous,
Excuse me, Maybe someone would feel like coffee…?
No!
Please, I've been dreaming about coffee since morning,
Thank you, Zofia,
He wanted coffee,
‘He’ who? God?
Bitch!
That coffee is too strong,
Zofia makes coffee that would knock down an elephant,
Let me decide what's too strong or too weak,
Your exhibition is weak,
What is strong enough to replace it?
Who would come to see pseudo-art by angry women?
The director knows many angry women, as I understand,
On the contrary, The ones I met are satisfied,
I don't think so,
Besides those, who have no shagging,
-Coffee? -Would love to,
Could you pour us some?
Of course,
I'm so sorry,
What is your notice period?
You'll have to check with HR,
What are you planning to exhibit instead of Mia Stella?
Folk art,
And specifically?
Jackson Pollock?
-Is he still in there? -Yeah…
Are you okay?
I got you a tracksuit and deodorant,
There is a shower here, if you'd like,
Come on,
Can I take this bag?
That's a very expensive suit,
It never happened to me before,
You recreated a famous performance by Mia Stella in 1999,
The patterns on the floor,
I always knew, modern art was crap,
You don't recognize me, do you?
Should I?
I'd say yes,
Remind me, please, I don't know,
Ola's party,
Ola Kowalska's,
Kowalska,
Doesn't ring any bells,
I lost my virginity with you that day,
Listen, believe me…
Stop, you don't have to, It was long time ago,
Yes,
Oh my God, it's you,
Yeah, It's me,
I gave you my number,
-I thought, you would call, -What a coincidence!
Listen, I wanted to call you,
But I put the note with your number to my pocket and…
and my mother washed my pants the next day, together with the note,
I've waited for you all my life,
Come here,
You won't take down the exhibition?
No,
Hello, dear,
Do you know this asshole fired me after thirty years?
For what?
I'm the main suspect about this damn coffee,
I won't forgive that damn asshole!
Where are you taking this?
The director's orders,
Let me get the coffee,
No, no coffee, Tea,
-What are you doing? -I ordered tea,
What is this?
Folk art, Came in this morning,
So you lied when you said you wouldn't take that down,
Well, it's not that simple,
-I hate you all! -Us all?
You are everything I despise,
Yesterday you loved me,
Then I despise myself, too,
We can work this out,
You're a herd of disgusting, coarse pigs!
-All you care about is money, -Hold on,
I was an official in the previous government as well,
What did you do then?
I was responsible for green spaces in the city,
So fuck off! Go mow the lawns!
Don't tell me what to mow,
You don't know life, You talk only to your vibrator,
My vibrator knows more about grass and art than you,
About grass in particular,
-I recognize you by your lips, -By my lips?
Bent down, Means you're a pig,
With complexes, with no sex and no knowledge of literature,
My lips are straight, And I have no complexes,
-But you’re stupidly coarse, -You're stupidly stupid,
How could anyone vote for those bastards?
Yahoos with huge bellies, Pimples,
If you had any idea about art, you wouldn’t vote for them,
Vote for the Models' Party, That would be awesome!
A woman with a mustache who is 200 kilos will always vote for an abortion ban,
Wait a second,
How is abortion connected to folk art?
Here everything is interconnected,
Are you planning to act like a fool?
I could've loved you my whole life, If only you had called…
For assholes like you, a woman is just a used condom,
Hold on, I've been married for three years,
But we're getting divorced,
You're keeping Mia Stella's exhibition,
or I'm telling your wife, you screwed me three times,
I don't think, she will be shocked,
You think, someone could love you?
Yes, You,
Ha! You just destroyed a TV for 15 thousand with a Jesus,
-You're fired, -What? Have I done this?
You provoked me,
Please, stop filming,
Can't we put Mia Stella on one side, and this folk thing on the other?
How do you imagine orgasms in front of Jesus?
Orgasms?
I thought, these are just random sounds,
You imagined my orgasms just fine,
Yours?
Mia always asks the organizers for audio,
I knew, I heard it somewhere before,
Leave Jesus alone!
I'm so fucking fed up with you!
-Fed up! -Leave her alone!
Fed up!
Fed up…
Don't take it out,
You will bleed out,
Is help coming soon?
Do you promise…
…not to take the exhibition down?
You want the truth?
Yes,
Honey, what's wrong?
Nothing,
I need a moment,
One moment,
It will work this time!
I can't,
-But why? -I'm sorry,
Police, Open up,
Yes?
Step away, please,
You're illegally occupying the apartment owned by this couple,
What do you mean 'illegally'?
You signed an agreement, but you don't pay rent,
You paid for three months, then nothing,
That's not true,
We've got mortgage to pay, do you get that?
We're paying now for two flats,
We can't pay the mortgage, They will throw us out,
She changed the locks, we can't get in,
You'd better start packing,
No,
Do you want us to carry you out?
-I have a child, -What child?
A small one,
My wife is stressed and can't get pregnant,
and you're making babies here?!
It's not on me, she's infertile,
-Let go off my wife, man, -We're not on first name terms,
I know, we're not, I don't even know your name,
Let go, or I'll use direct coercion,
My wife hasn't done anything,
-You need to leave the premises, -This is my flat,
Did you not hear me?
Okay, everybody, calm down,
We have to solve this situation,
You need to settle this in court,
Court? Are you fucking nuts…?
-Help! -Calm down,
They set up a case for an assault on a police officer,
I could get up to five years,
Let's sell this flat,
Who would buy a flat with a tenant?
The buyer will throw her out,
Or we move in there,
We're from gas-works, We're checking meters and installation,
Do you use gas?
Can we come in?
-No, -We have to check the installation,
Everything works fine, There you go,
What do you say, we cut a deal and you help this lady move out?
No, we don't get our hands dirty, Goodbye,
Police, What's going on in here?
Go to court with this, I'm telling you,
Kiss my ass, I live here,
-Then why did you call? -Don't take that tone with me,
I called you,
-They want to kill me, -We want to,
But we're humane, Unlike you…
There is a criminal case against you, right?
Do you have a place to live?
Or do you live in the hostel for villagers?
I guess, you don't know, what personal property is,
This is my home, Do you get that?
-Honey, they can't help us, -Of course not, Police don't help,
-Should I handcuff him? -Why?
We're at our home, Why are you here?
It won't take long,
I love you,
I love you too, Very much,
No…
Go away, It's my bed,
Go and rock him to sleep,
You go and rock him,
Get down, the whole building can see you,
-So what? -You're fucking crazy!
-I dance, when I'm nervous, -I get that,
-But do you have to be naked? -Yes,
Very funny,
You could at least make money on it,
What for?
Well, to pay the rent, for one, Get down,
Listen,
Can we talk?
Talk,
It doesn't make sense,
I won't move out, I'll disturb you,
-Will you beat me? -No,
Your wife hit me,
I'm sorry for that,
-So how will you disturb me? -Well…
I will be here,
Why don't you want to pay or move out?
-I like it here, -Don't you see, it's wrong?
I will be here, so you won't like it so much,
Where should I go?
-Wherever you want, -I don't want anywhere,
I don't know, how to talk to you, damn it,
I don't know, where to go,
-Then stay and pay, -I don't have money,
I can't pay for two flats,
Does he have a father?
How long can you stay like this?
Feed him,
There's nothing,
-Then go and buy, -I'm not leaving here,
I'm not leaving either,
Get dressed, would you?
Do you ever get dressed?
What are you so stressed about?
Yes, darling, everything is fine,
I don't know, when she cracks,
We didn't consider that she's mental…
She's fucked up, But once it's out, you can't get rid of her,
She won't cave,
I sleep in her bed, she doesn't care,
I have to go, Bye,
It doesn't work like that,
You don't want to fuck?
It's better with feelings,
Do you think that if you sleep with me, I will let you stay?
Yes,
And?
What?
-No, not today, -Today,
I'm on my period,
So what?
Hey!
Cetaceans are mammals that lead an exclusively aquatic life,
Wanna watch a film about whales?
Whales or sex, Do you have other suggestions?
No,
Whales it is, then,
Do you know the name of your sickness?
I'm not stupid,
-I said, you're sick, -I graduated high school,
You can have a PhD, for what I care, You're simply fucked up,
Why would you say that?
You're standing naked in front of a stranger
and you offer him sex or a wildlife film,
Why are you stressed now?
Do you have any money?
300 PLN social benefit,
Then how did you pay at the beginning for this flat?
-My brother sent money, -And then he stopped?
He's still sending, Some,
-So why don't you pay? -I need it for food and phone,
-Why do you need a phone? -To call my brother,
-Where does he live? -In Ireland,
Tell him, things changed and you need him to take you there,
-He won't come back, -Why?
He was ashamed of me and ran away,
Give me the phone,
I won't hurt you, Just give me the phone,
Yes?
Hello, My name is Jabłoński, Poland,
I mean, Jabłoński is the name, I'm calling from Poland about your sister,
Yeah?
You see… The thing is: she rented a flat
and she hasn't been paying,
I don't have a job, If I land a job, I'll send something,
Well, you see…
I was sending her money, for fuck's sake, but she was whoring around,
If she doesn't pay you, take her for yourself,
I'll sleep on the couch,
You have a hard-on,
-I can't help it, -It's nice,
Not nice, I have a wife…
…and I'm lying beside a naked, beautiful woman,
Am I beautiful?
Very beautiful,
You can't lie and you're poor,
Look, how colorful! See?
What does a tyrannosaurus say?
-That's right, -Piotrek?
Piotrek!
She had a job, but she got fired, She was often late,
When her boss screamed at her, she stripped naked…
She gets 300 PLN social money, plus money from her brother,
But she's fit for work and independent existence,
So you want to adopt her?
Don't make jokes,
Did you sleep with her?
No,
She's pretty, She's shapely,
You sleep in one bed with her,
That's wrong, I have to hound her, not sleep with her,
Next to her, I mean, I feel sorry…
Am I supposed to beat her?
She may be sick, but she cares for the child,
I don't believe you, You screwed her,
You want to, don't you?
-If I didn't, I wouldn't be normal, -Then why?
Because it would hurt you,
I'm sorry,
Whales are pregnant for about a year,
They give birth to one cub, which weighs two to three tons,
Similarly to people, whale mothers are always close to their cubs
to keep an eye on them all the time and protect them,
When the cub sucks its mother…
Can I come in?
Of course,
-Where is she? -Somewhere there,
-I know, what we'll do, -Quiet,
I got her a place in a house for single mothers,
At the nuns',
I'll be here tomorrow with Sister Superior,
She won't agree,
It's your job to convince her,
Maybe you move in here,
We could sleep in her bed, She might cave,
-It's our bed, -In ours, then,
Have you lost your mind?
-Did your dick hurt your head? -She does that when she's stressed,
Awesome! I do that when I'm happy and relaxed!
When?
Hey, come here for a second,
-Wow, she's good, -Just leave it,
-Have you slept with my husband? -Yes,
-Many times? -Stop it!
A few times,
-Was it good for you? -Yes,
She is fucking crazy,
Sweetheart!
I understand, I'm uglier, fatter than her,
I shout at you,
I don't want to have sex, I keep thinking about a baby,
And I know it won't work,
If these ten years mean something to you…
-Of course! -…get your shit together
and choose,
What should I choose?
I'll be here with Sister Superior, At ten sharp,
Think about it,
I have to tell you something,
We've found a place for you,
With good care, At the nuns', For free,
-No, -I knew you would say that, But think--
-No! -Wait,
-You can't! -What do you mean "can't"?
You can't leave me,
I'm not leaving you, I'll visit you,
You loved me!
I made love to you, I don't know what I loved, Anyway--
-You can't-- -Let go of me!
You said you sleep with women you love!
I lied!
I don't love you!
Go ahead… Dance it out!
Go get crazy!
I'll pack the baby's things because you're moving out,
This way, There you go,
Once again, Thank you…
-Are there any witnesses? -None,
It's my fault,
But she was sick…
She committed suicide because she knew, I wouldn't leave my family,
We've been getting reports, she dances naked…
We had someone coming here,
Do we know who the father is?
Yes,
I am,
Just drop it, No one ever wins with moles,
Bullshit, I'll win,
Look what's going on at Janusz's place,
They're renewing their vows,
That's stupid,
Why stupid? If he loves her…
Yeah?
But she doesn't love him, They're calling the priest for help,
How do you know?
My brother sent this, No mole can survive this,
I'll get that,
You son of a bitch!
Let's call the police!
He's from the police,
This is an assault, In your own house!
Next time he will kill someone,
Listen… I'm sorry,
I apologize… to you both,
Save it for your buddies at the police station,
Wait…
Can I beat the shit out of you now?
Yes, you can,
Let's have a drink,
-He's not coming to my house, -Let it go!
You kids go play,
If there is any…
… any damage or something cracked,
I'll pay,
Come on, If you’d really packed a good punch, then maybe…
I'm sorry,
My wife wants to leave me,
She's been fucking her boss,
I just found out,
By accident,
I forgave her,
We had this party to renew our marriage,
You fucked it up,
Was her boss at this party?
No, she doesn't work there anymore,
I thought, you could have hit him, instead of me,
I know,
I'm sorry,
I fixed it,
They bought a new Skoda,
-Good for them, -Sure,
Romek!
Are you moving out?
Oh fuck,
I can't believe it,
Are you smoking again?
She could've waited two more days,
Maybe she couldn't…
For sure…
She has 365 days for sulking, but she chose the New Year's Eve,
What fireworks do we have?
We don't have any,
-Will you buy some? -No, I won't,
You know, how animals are scared of explosions,
Each year, 200 dogs have a heart attack,
We don't have a dog, The neighbors either, Everyone does fireworks,
-We have guinea pigs, -They aren't afraid,
How do you know? Have you talked to them?
Anyway, it doesn't matter, I hate fireworks,
A bunch of idiots, happy because they aged one year,
-Maybe just some small… -Did you understand me?
No fireworks,
LEGAL FIREWORKS
-Uncle! -Hello, you little one!
Listen,
I got us such great fireworks, the neighbors will remember them forever,
-Everything I didn't sell, High five! -Awesome!
I'd rather say no,
Dad…
-Sweetie, what about the animals? -Well, as always,
-What does it mean? -They will run away,
-I won't agree, -Okay, loosen up, No fireworks,
Hello, brother,
Are we allowed to sing?
If you sing, then I'll run away,
My woman divided by a wall My wife, making sweet eyes
A mother, a whore, a saint I'd rather have another wife instead
Wow!
Our parents used to sing it when they got drunk,
This one doesn't care about animals,
Do you want to light the fuse?
I need a diaper change,
Okay, Mom,
Your whore left, Now you will wallow in my pee,
Don't say that about Mom!
What kind of country is this? No snow, even for New Year's Eve,
I would leave you too! But not the kid,
She'll come back!
She won't get used to it,
Then, suddenly, this white smoke was coming out of the ground,
They all started running in panic,
The priest jumped into his car and off he went!
Tell him what happened then,
He came and knocked him out,
Seriously?
He apologized,
You should've called me,
We made up, Everything is fine,
-His wife dumped him, -Today,
Brave woman, She flew off with her lover to Martinique,
Hold on…
How do you know all this?
We talked a bit,
What about? About your bad husbands?
This is so cool! Can I go out?
I have ten times better in the car,
Okay, fine,
But not too much,
Choose whatever you want,
Krzysiu!
Not the ones with a dragon,
Why are you here?
To visit my family,
Tell the truth,
Remember, I ripped your tights once…
-You didn't want to undress then, -Same now,
Did I suggest anything?
-It was long time ago, -Not that long,
-Okay, We had sex once… -Not once,
Again, and again…
-I wasn't married then, -Of course, all was good,
My brother is a good guy,
Yes, A good man,
Good people aren't good in bed,
Let's start with the smaller ones,
Dad!
You should light them in a bottle!
-Go and get some bottles! -We've got plenty of those in this house,
The guy has a PhD but is a complete idiot!
What the fuck?
Were you trying to burn my house?
No, Janusz, I'm sorry,
No big deal, You have to lift it!
If there is any damage, I'll fix it,
I don't know, how to do it, My brother brought it here,
The one, who fucked your wife?
How did you know?
Our wives inspired each other, while we were earning money,
They were whining about who is brave enough to leave,
And mine left!
Great! Are we insured against burning the neighbor’s house down?
Are we insured against convincing the neighbor’s wife to leave him?
Or shagging my twin brother?
That's not true,
No?
Then who ripped your tights?
Not you, that’s for sure!
Hey, you weren't married then,
We were engaged, damn it! I introduced you two,
Well, yeah,
We never argue, do we?
We have sex once in a blue moon if you're not tired,
Fuck!
I provide for three people and I'm supposed to be relaxed?!
From now on, every day after work
I will fuck you on a chandelier and finish with a backflip!
It's too late, I'm leaving you,
No, sweetheart, Are you drunk?
Stop you guys…
You're just a whore,
Well?
Hit me back, you faggot!
Don't you worry,
I'll talk to her, Everything will be fine,
She won't leave you, you'll see,
Did something happen? Is Mom angry?
No, sweetie, Everything is fine,
Wow,
-These are better than yours, -Mom…
Are they better or not?
No,
All he has is better, He even has a wife,
Don't say anything,
Wait in the basement, Don't come out,
Dad! It's for observing!
Did you hear your father? Go away!
-Go to the basement! -But--
Listen to your dad!
Fucking shit,