رسانه اینترنتی مای موویز MyMoviz جامعترین سایت فیلم و سریال
The San Racine Valley, in Southern California,
About a 50-minute hike from the streets of Hollywood,
A community made possible by a system of cooperation
between its residents, its police,,,
and its criminals,
And it's where dreams come to die,
The following docu-drama is based on the tape recorded journal entries
of Raymond Balfi,
and how the valley was turned upside down
once he went after a dream of his own,
Our story begins on a day like any other,
A representative of the criminal element arrives
at the RV of Tiny Slotnik for a standard day of collections,
And to discuss a recent drop in sales,
And whether or not it is linked to the rise of a competing faction
let by a mysterious insurgent,
only known as,,, Arnie,
The product is too good,
The product has made many people rich,
But now the system's breaking down,
Because the staff have become lazy assholes,
The other problem is,,,
When the staff starts using the product,
Which makes me wonder about your friend here,
'Cause this motherfucker,,,
,,,has got to be the worst drug dealer I've ever seen,
Is he retarded, or an idiot? Tell him what I said,,,
- No, He's just naturally the way he is, - So?
What happened with the money we expect every week?
Busy, I guess, You know, you get busy,
and you don't have all the time to,,,
- To do,,, What? - I'm writing a screenplay,
- I'm writing a movie screenplay, - He writes screenplays,
You know, like, for the movies,
Seriously?
Anything I would know? Anything with Meryl Streep?
Everybody out here thinks
they're an artist or a writer,
But unless it has Meryl Streep,,,
You know who else was great?
Oh,
- Barbara Streisand, - Barbara Streisand,
Oh, that voice,
Yeah,
Do you understand?
- Do you understand? - Si!
Okay, just checking,
That was an emissary to Mr, Aquanikkio,
Who?
God damn it, Ray!
How many times do I have to tell you his name?
Rudy Aquanikkio! Get your head out of your ass,
Hey, Tiny, I finished my screenplay script,
Wanna hear my plea?
- Do you wanna hear my plea? - "Pitch!"
It's called a "pitch,"
And, no, I don't,
This is what you're supposed to focus on,
Now, get your act together or you'll get us both killed,
Our story continues on a day like any other,
A select group of policemen standby a nearby crime scene,,,
,,,earning their second income,
An income provided by the criminal element,
Soon they will respond to a call
about a crime that they know has already been committed,
Is it about a woman?
What?
The call, Is it about a woman?
- No, - Is it drugs?
Is the call about drugs?
No,
Don't worry about it, she'll call, And maybe she'll bring drugs,
It should be unlocked,
♪ I'm the king of the night Rockin' on down the road
♪ You can live your fantasy
♪ Rock that body To the early light
♪ King of the night Rockin' on down the road
♪ You can live your fantasy
♪ Rock that body To the early light ♪
Did you find something?
Step in the blood, It helps contaminate the scene,
You wanted the higher pay rate, that's what you gotta do, Okay?
Goddamn, look at that,
It's like Rudy's gone full cartel,
The rooms are clear,
Hey, Perry, come on, look at this,
I'm fine over here,
All right, look, we got a lot of sweeping to do,
We look for tire tracks, footprints,
whatever,,,
Duque!
Everybody goes through this, okay? You'll be fine,
Don't worry about it,
It's pretty easy, I think we got everything,
I called for backup 20 minutes ago,
Man, I hope I never have to call 911,
Here, I, uh, thought you might like this,,,
It's your drug screen,
I'm tight with the boys in the lab, and they thought, uh,
I should be the one to give it to you,
I can't read that shit right now,
Says you're clean,
- See? I told you, - No drugs,
It also says you're pregnant,
Congratulations,
I hope she calls,
Hey, Doctor!
- Delgado, - I just wanna let you know that, uh,
the baby is shitting something awful tonight,
Could be the colic, He'll be crying,,, a lot,
Maybe you could give me something to, you know,,,
help me sleep,
- Supply's low, Sorry, - Bullshit,
It's Monday, A Monday which lands after the grace period,
- I dropped it off,,, - On the tenth, you dropped it off
- Grace period ends on the tenth, - After 2:00 p,m,
Banks close, Banks charge,
So, why don't you pay the standard late fee to, you know,
help me sleep,
Shit,
Yo, You hear about Maureen?
She done a softball team,
The bench,,, everyone,
The umpire might've gotten some too,
That,,, that team actually got their ass kicked,
But, nobody struck out that night, I tell ya,
Wow, thank you, doctor,
Say, what's with all the,,,
And the movie is called,,,
The Dog's Meow,
And it's about a dog who wears a cat suit,
so he can go undercover as a cat,
And then go back and tells the dogs what they do,
But then, after a while, he starts to like the cats,
And the the cats and the dogs become friends,
and then they end up sleeping and living together,
Ray Balfi, in his earliest tape recorded journal entries,
he swore that he would never go back to jail,
And instead, would devote himself to the arts,
So, he decided to break in,
By tackling what he believed to be the lowest and easiest medium to break into,
The art of screenwriting,
To improve as a writer,
Ray made an effort to invite more diversity into his life,
So, he joined a variety of workshops,
Ray felt encouraged as he was often invited back,
I hope you enjoy my cool characters,
Boogie, the dog,
Groovy, the senior citizen dog,
And Pussy Maureen,
I hope you like cartoons as much as I do,
Sincerely,,,
97, 98, 99, 100,
Anything you do a hundred times, is bound to pay off,
Something good is gonna come from this,
Today, I will get the script copies made, One hundred of them,
The studios will pay, like, $10 million for a good screenplay script,
So I have to protect it at all times,
I should see that $10 million in about four, six weeks,
I bet Delgado sold the stuff I gave him last night,
Won't have to put up with much more of this,
Wow, $10 million,
I will be able to afford a better place soon,
Yeah,
I spent a lot of time thinking about my life,
That money might help me get away from here, but,,,
to be truly happy,
I gotta take something with me,
♪ Momma always told me not to
♪ Look to the sky
♪ 'Cause the eyes Will fill and well up
♪ With the rain
♪ Reading all the pages With headlines
♪ Now facing down
♪ Happy eyes rain to the floor From all the pain ♪
Excuse me,
Wonder what my baby's thinking,
Excuse me,
- Is baby thinking about me? - Sir!
Hey, baby can wait?
Welcome to CopyCopy, Home for all your copying and shipping needs,
It's where we love to copy,
I'd like a hundred copies made of this,
Sent to these locations,
What else you got in your satchel?
Just the scripts,
Bullshit,
You know, we gladly give discounts,
- Look at me, - Hm?
Come on,
I was hoping I could copy it myself,
It's my movie screenplay,
It's a cartoon,
I was hoping I could copy it myself,
I'm gonna be a millionaire,
I am very disappointed in you, Raymond,
Imagine how I felt when I check up on you
and I find you've been dealing on the side?
Don't worry how I know,
Parole officer just knows these things,
- I'm gonna stop, I'm working,,, - Ah, hell,
I guess Rudy's got a hold on you too, huh?
- Rudy Aqua,,, - Yeah,
Damn bastard,
Cops are either too afraid to fight him,
or they're on the take themselves,
He's going down, though,
I'm gonna overlook this, Ray,
But promise me, you'll keep this low-key,
Small dollars, small sales,
You understand me?
Do you understand me?
Yes, sir,
Good,
Come, walk me out,
Say, Ray, You know what I do when I'm,,,
dealing with these knuckleheads out on the street?
- No, - Keep a set of one-liners,
In case somebody gets in my face,
Like, if someone starts bitching at me, I tell 'em,
"Well, Looks like you're up the shitty creek, buddy,"
But this is my favorite,
I tell 'em, "You see this ring?
It's ruby-red, diamond studded,
Shines from a mile away,"
"But you just let me know if you ever want a closer look,"
And,,, and then, they get all,,,
fucked up, like, they don't know what to do,
Oh, shit,
Aw, jeez,
Hey, Smitty, I finished my movie screenplay,
Mm-hm,
- I'm gonna be a millionaire, - That's wonderful, Ray,
I read this article on the guy that wrote Howard the Duck,
- I heard he made a ton of money on,,, - Hey, listen,
I gotta go,
Ray,,,
I don't get a chance to say this often,
But I almost consider you like a son,
Make me proud!
Like I was saying, I finished my movie,,,
Oh, and Ray, next time?
Hide the satchels,
That's how I knew,
Any mail for me?
I'm waiting for the studio to write me back,
It's my screenplay,
What do you mean, you're quitting? Is this about that screenplay?
Ray, how do you think I got to L,A,?
I moved here right after I saw Goodfellas,
The movie?
No, the barbershop quartet,,, Of course, the fucking movie,
- I had a killer script, - Well, what happened?
Hollywood bullshit politics, you know,
It's a shame too, 'cause it was a beautiful story
about an ugly chick who screws her way to the top of her sorority,
- It sounds pretty cool, - Yeah,
But everything works out for a reason,
I mean, look at me now,
God damn it, motherfuck,,, Stupid dogs, Ugh,
My script's cool too,
It's about a dog that goes undercover,,,
Ray, you know how many writers end up shaving foam off of coffee cups
'cause they're too stupid to realize their scripts suck?
You could end up at a coffee-house, Ray, Or worse,
Do you know Mr, Telleger?
Hm, Let me introduce you,
Hey, Mr, Telleger,
I'm not buying,
I just want you to meet Ray,
- He's a screenwriter, - So?
Maybe you could give him some advice?
I can't, I'm working on a project,
Oh, yeah? Could you tell us what it is?
I'm developing a font to convey sarcasm,
Don't people use quotation marks for that?
- Fuck the quotation marks! - Okay, Catch you later, Tel,
Come on,
- He's a writer, too? - He was one of the busiest,
And then, one year, he decided to do a pet project,
called Darling Ricochet, Did shit,
And before he could quit, the town already fired him,
The key to self-acceptance is finding your center,
I'm at peace and totally connected with my surroundings,
God damn it, motherfucking shit!
My script doesn't suck,
Look, you don't wanna help me, Ray? Fine,
I can do this myself,
I got it made out here,
Wanna know why? 'Cause I'm handicapped,
Best thing that ever happened to me,
Nobody messes with a handicapped guy, It's code,
My script's gonna make millions of dollars,
Just do your job, Ray,
You're lucky I don't tell the big boss about you,
What do you mean? Rudy Okonukio?
♪ Brooklyn niggas hold it down Bronx niggas hold it down
♪ Queens niggas hold it down
♪ Uptown niggas hold it down
♪ Half a brick on a block Let it float around
♪ Give me couple of weeks We gonna rule the town
♪ Now they got the shit taped off Numbers scraped off
He's here,,, but he's not,
♪ I was breaking fools Fuck being broke I was making moves ♪
Shawnathan!
You look fantastic,
Ah, you too,
So, I asked for The Man, they bring me the boss,
It's like saying, "You're the second in command,"
- Or like a,,, - Like a vice president,
Exactly! Please, have a seat,
So, tell me, what cross shall we bear for you today?
Well, Rudy, things are going,,, well,
We have a few films in motion,
Of course, the product is moving well,
- But The Man and I have a few concerns, - Tell me,
What are these,,, these sacks?
The satchels,
Whatever,
Safe and hermetic transportation of product,
With separate compartments for cash and weapons,
They can be couriered by bicycle, foot,
And they make great identifiers for the cops who know the one golden rule,,,
You don't fuck with the satchels,
All right, but this here is a camera case,
That's a bowling ball bag,
And of course, we have the ever-present,,, Spiderman backpack,
Yeah, but look, put a piece of duct tape on it with an "X",
- No, we put a "O", - An "X",
We put a "O" on the damn bag,
- Look, yesterday we said fucking "O",,, No, - "X", Fucking "X",
- Do you see? - Fuck you,
Got it all under control,
"Rudy, I don't think
we're going to be doing that today,"
Who the fuck does he think he is?
Fuck, Fuck!
Like most meetings with Shawnathan, this one ended
with Rudy yelling "Fuck" and swinging a bat,
It was bad enough that he was grilled over the satchels,
But then he fell under heavy criticism
over his handling of the "Arnie" situation,
What's this guy, "Arnie"? That's his name, right?
Dude's a myth,
Why have you been cleaning house, then?
Going around, chopping up all your dealers looking for him,
Just keep fucking up, Rudy,
'Cause when you go down, we'll gladly deal with him,
Say hi to Charlotte,
Charlotte, Once one of Rudy's preeminent party girls,
But she had left him to work in the hills
- with Shawnathan and The Man, - What?
Rudy would often call to lure her back with lame offers, like,,,
second-rate web channel entertainment reporter jobs,
She would graciously thank him and end the conversation with,,,
Ah, I wish I could hold you,
- Fuck! Fuck! - Whoa, whoa!
But like most savage beasts,
Rudy was tamed by the power of music,
Or rather by performing music,
- Yeah, Rudy, play a song! - Yeah, come on, Rudy,
His cohort Brandon would often hand him a guitar
to get him to calm down,
Rudy was often encouraged to sing his break-out single,
Go, or Do You Really Have to Leave, in parentheses,
which played on heavy rotation on NPR
from March 1998 until the end of March 1998,
♪ Do you really have To leave so soon?
♪ I was just about To paint the moon
♪ Like sunshine
♪ Just so you'd believe
♪ The sun shines
♪ All night long For you and me
♪ Do you really have,,, ♪
Thanks, You were right, The guitar helped,
A new car? $5,000,
A new house? $50,000,
A comfortable bed, shopping, a chance to go around the world,
To cool places like Orange County,
TJ, Orlando,
Every dream will come true,
Once the studios buy my script, I'll have everything I need,
A little for myself, and the rest for,,,
- Maureen? - Ray?
- What are you doing, silly? - Taking out the trash,
Well, where have you been?
I've been,,, busy,
Oh, yeah, Monday was the other day, wasn't it?
Well, would you actually try to sell the product this time?
That way you can afford to see me,
Okay, I will,
Just wait till you see what I've done with the place,
I had to hide all my personal stuff though,
'Cause some jerk stole my picture,
My prom picture,
Well, I gotta go, but come see me,
Bye,
I don't need much, Something good is definitely gonna come from this,
I'll be able to afford a better place soon,
And all I have to do is stay out of trouble,
Ray Balfi, would you come with us, please?
Hello, Duque,
Back at the police station, Detective Duque sulks
- over his pregnant girlfriend having left him, - Are you okay?
Duque had spent the prior night fighting with Tammy,
She was leaving him to raise the child on her own,
Duque had longed for the love of a child,
His decision to work for Rudy Aquanikkio was the last straw,
Bye,
Wait,
Perry, you ever get this messed up over a woman?
Man, you know me, I got 99 bitches, and not a problem one,
What you got is 99 corndogs, That's what you got,
- Whatever, I'm taking a nap, - Hm,
- We got that thing, - Take Duque,
What do you say, Duque?
Feel like doing your civic duty?
We got a real loser downstairs in interrogation,
Sit down,
All right, Let's see what we,,, Mr, Raymond Balfi,
I am concerned detective,,,
And this is concerned detective,,,
What do you do for a living, there, uh, Ray?
County labor pool,
What do you do on the side?
I'm in the industry,
Does your industry job include selling product for Tiny Slotnik?
To uh, uh,,,
veterans, poor minorities, kids,
- I don't sell to kids, - But you do sell to someone, right?
Then tell me about Arnie,
- Who? - Arnie,
Come on, Balfi, He's the biggest name on the street right now,
Is he tall, short, Latino, Black, white, what?
I know Tiny,
And this guy, Rudy Aqua,,,
Rudy Aqua, Aqua,,, Whatever, okay?
We don't care about him, Tell me everything you know about Arnie,
- Can I go? - Oh, you're not going anywhere,
- I didn't do anything, - Yeah, we're gonna hold you for 72 hours,
You can't hold me, I didn't do anything,
Why would I let a piece of shit like you back out on the street
- to sell product to kids? - Because I didn't do anything,
I don't sell to fucking,,,
Whoa! Whoa, whoa,
Feel that one, Ray? Huh? Did you feel that?
You better tell me what I wanna know about Arnie right now,
My partner here, he's getting sort of pissed,
Looks like you're up shitty creek,
Oh! Whoa! Ray, Ray,
Ah, come on,
That's it, that's it, That's enough, Ah, shit,
I'm very disappointed in you, Ray,
Fuck, Fucking,,,
Fuck,
- Rudy, this is a bad idea, - Shut up,
And let me see,
What happened?
We got word on some dude shakin' down the dealers,
We found him, There was a chase,
We ended up in the canyon,
Big shootout,
He got shot in the neck,
Is it that Arnie bitch?
Didn't get a chance to,,, to ask, but,,,
he had satchels with him,
Smitty needs to know,
Son of a bitch needs to know,
That's my Frankie boy in there,
Rudy, this is Steve,
You open this gate,
Open it now or I swear I will scream up and down this block,
Rudy?
Charlotte?
What are you doing?
Just,,, waiting out here for some hospitality
and maybe a smile from a beautiful woman,
Maybe you could give me both,
Do you promise to stay calm?
For you? Yes,
I'm going to buzz you in,
but Urkel and the Crocodile Dundee motherfucker have to stay outside,
Hey! What the hell room is this?
The room,,,
is a room,
Up against the wall, please,
I hope you don't mind, Mr, Aquanikkio,
Turn,
Excuse me, I'll give that to him,
Hey, buddy,
Can you fix me a drink?
I'll be all right,
Rudy's here,
Charlotte let him in, I didn't,
I told him not to come, but he doesn't listen to me,
He doesn't listen to anyone,
You know, I told you not to trust that idiot,
But you don't listen to me either, you just,,,
sit here listening to your fucking Kenny G
and wearing your gay boy sandals and you never fucking,,,
Um,,,
Just,,, just forget about what I said,
I am under a lot of pressure and,,, and you know me, I,,,
I speak before I think,
Just go back, Go,,, go back and rewind,
♪ I couldn't stand the pain
♪ From the cold of missing you And years of pouring rain ♪
Say, baby,
what do you call this?
California Zinfandel,
I like it,
So, are you any better off just because you're in here?
I have an important position,
Lots of responsibilities,
So you lick stamps,
Check his playlists,
Beats working for you,
You're nothing but furniture,
How'd you like to come back and be the queen?
Instead of the throne,
Rule in hell,
I'm talking about no more tricks,
I'll get you that entertainment reporter job,
The one that Shawnathan didn't tell you about,
Give him a break, The guy's ambitious,
I know that he wants to take my place,
And I know that he wants to take The Man's place,
Laugh out very loud, He's not quite there yet,
Is that why you haven't fucked him yet?
How do you know I haven't?
What about The Man?
You know that I would kill for you?
Kill? Not die?
Laugh out very loud,
We're not quite there yet,
Oh, hey, buddy,
we were just chatting about you,
Say, what's wrong with your eye?
The Man will see you now,
Later, I'm sure,
♪ And you can stay anyway
♪ And we can go,,, ♪
You're drunk, You're high,
And it's winter in your nose,
- So nice of you to drop by, - Thought I'd deliver this personally,
Thought I'd see where all my hard work has been going,
There's been a lot of sacrifice for this operation,
Lots of people going down,
Going down for you,
You know what people say about guys like you?
With houses like these up in the hills,
They say, "What kind of an asshole lives in a house
against a mountain held up by two sticks,"
Guys like you live so high up that you don't even know
how things work down on the ground,
But maybe one day the ground shifts
and all this will come crumbling down,
All the way to Franklin Avenue,
Rudy,
Even though you may dress like a pimp,
you're still very much a whore,
Learn to live below the line, Rudy,
It's all about to go down now,
It's one thing to go to the other side of the hill, Rudy,
It's another to stand on top
of the hill and beat your chest,
People disappear around this guy all the time,
No sign, no trace,
He provided some bankroll,
Trustfund punk, We put all this together,
Yeah, and he can take it away just like that,
I've been in this valley too long,
Who am I if I can't get out of the 818?
Who are you?
You got all the money you need,
You get fucked anytime you want,
We got the most efficient system in these streets,
Our product is in every party in this town,
You wanna mess all that up by getting us killed,
You think I'm fucking around with you?
I do believe,,,
it's time for you to catch up,
It is of the utmost importance that we control the influences that enter this house,
Do we now understand this? Charlotte, darling,,,
go through these,
See what you can do with this,
Shawnathan, check it out,
Look, pal, okay? I'm trying to apologize to you,
All right, here, I got something for you,
That ain't gonna work, Here,
There you go,
Coupon, 10% off your dry cleaning,
But use it soon,
Strength in the community, right?
One together,
Asshole,
See you later,
I'm not sure that I love you,
Not enough to raise this baby,
I know you're mad, This is about Rudy,
- Have you ever heard,,, - Duque agreed to sit quietly and be lectured,
Tammy began recalling an incident involving Rudy
and her good friend Sheeky,
An incident that Duque was hoping to forget,
Sheeky was a popular socialite,
and a skilled dancer and percussionist,
Rudy presented some hot moves and asked her to dance,
She said yes,
They danced,
They talked,
Everything seemed to be going well
right up until the moment that Rudy asked Sheeky for a blowjob,
Rudy then offered her $100,
Sheeky then told him that if his cock came anywhere near her mouth,
she would snap her teeth together like a pitbull
and spit it to the floor for him to cry over,
Rudy then came back with,
"Look, it's not like I'm offering you 20,,,"
Later on, they slipped something into her drink,
She woke up with all of her teeth gone,
yanked from her mouth as she slept,
And under her pillow, there was $20,
With his imagination being his most powerful weapon,
the question now echoed,
"What was Rudy capable of next?"
Rudy was once a baby,
He was once full of promise, Don't you get it?
Tammy went on about the importance of nurture over everything
and how they could very easily raise a Rudy of their own
if they weren't careful,
So, Duque would have to change and do something extraordinary
to earn the right to raise this baby,
If not, then he would have to find someone else to pee in a cup for him,
I will not bring another monster into this world,
We would like to thank you
for your submission of The Dog's Meow,
about a dog who goes undercover as a cat and ends up liking the cats,
Although we found the story to be engaging and cute at times,
it is unfortunately not what we're looking for,
One studio did not like it,
But I bet every movie is rejected at least once,
I bet I get rejected at least five more times,
Something good can still happen,
Welcome to Scotty Wolfman's Community Center,
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr, Todd Glassman,
Come on, everybody, stand up,
This is why you came here tonight,
- Everybody, look, - You came to see Todd Glassman,
♪ I am a centaur You my one night feeling
♪ I'm jumping and I'm kicking Like Milli and Vanilli
♪ Got boobs on my pee-pee Go pee-pee-di-bap
No one's getting up there now,
♪ One night shacked up
- Why? - Because Einstein, that's Glassman,
♪ He's a centaur He's a centaur
- Who? - Todd Glassman,
Used to be Mr, Jim from that TV show,
"Don't be late for Mr, Jim's,"
He was that teacher that used to help all the students out with their problems,
♪ I'm a centaur, baby
♪ From the waist up He's a human
♪ From the waist down He's a horse ♪
Thank you, You're beautiful,
You're beautiful, All of you, thanks for coming tonight,
Uh, autograph's $5 from me, 250,,,
His fans are legal now, So he comes here and he hooks up,
Oh, look at this, look at this,
- Oh, you're beautiful, - Hey, stop it,
- Hey, no, no, - To the VIP, everybody,
He's in the industry?
Ray, don't,
- Don't what? - Okay, This is you,
Todd Glassman,
You,
Glassman,
You,
Glassman,
I need a beer,
Let's hear it for the lovely, intelligent Stephanie,
♪ I dreamt of a garden
♪ With a stone that had my name
♪ Telling me it won't be long
Hey,
You're Tom Telleger,
Do I owe you money?
- No, - Do you owe me money?
Stop staring,
You're a writer,
I'm an alcoholic,
I beg for change,
And every now and then, I vomit without warning,
And sometimes I write,
I'm a writer, too,
Garo,
Scotch, neat,
That's neat again,
Yeah, yeah, I'm just,,, I'm just waiting to hear back from the studio,
One of them is gonna buy my script,
Garo, get him one too,
♪ I want to play in LA ♪
Putz,
Don't shoot it, sip it like a man,
Stuff's expensive,
- Mm, - Yeah,
That's it,
So, what's your name?
I'm Ray Balfi,
And you wrote a screenplay,
Yeah, it's,,, it's a cartoon,
Quite smart,
- Really? - You get the kids, you trap their parents,
Marketing, Why else would we be doing this shit?
Well, well, well,
How you doing, Tell?
Hold on one second,
Damn, you're still here,
Ladies, this gorgeous hunk of man meat here,
This is Tom Telleger,
He was too good to write for television,
Shit television,
And he forgot to bargain for the residuals for all the movies he made,
- All that money, - Stupid,
That's got to hurt,
And now he sits here, He's angry, he's bitter,
Jealous of anyone who's had any success,
We have a word for that, don't we, ladies? Huh?
We call that a hater,
Hater, hater,
Hey, back off,
- Hater, - That's the man that wrote The Darling Ricochet,
Well, this is cute, What did we do? Interrupt a tinder date, Tell?
Or is this the rarest of things on the planet since unicorns? Is this,,,
Is this an actual fan of yours?
Darling, my blue balls,
- That movie was pig vomit, - You're a dick,
Did I tell you he was beautiful or what, girls?
Vesuvius with halitosis,
Hey, Tell, guess what?
I'm going to head out to my condo in Palmdale,
I'm gonna T-bone these two broads,
You're going to stay here and make small talk with,,,
with your fan
and marinate in the words of the immortal Dalai Lama who said,,,
"It suck to be you,"
Ladies, we're outta here,
Hey, hey, hey, hey, You all right?
Hey,
You saw Darling Ricochet?
Yeah,
It's one of my favorite movies,
Hey, I'm sorry about that guy, he's a total jerk,
Yeah,
He is a jerk,
What we could use is a good asshole whisperer,
That,,, that's from Darling Ricochet,
Uh, right,
Awesome,
Hey, um, I was wondering
since you're a writer and you know,
I'm a writer, I was wondering if maybe you can help me
- get my screenplay,,, - You didn't see it,
Darling Ricochet,
You never saw it,
Not all of it,
But, hey, like I was saying, you have a lot of experience,
I could trust you, I,,, I would really love you to read my screenplay,
Hey, get that shit away from me,
All right?
I just thought,,,
Sorry,
Thanks for the drink,
The Dog's Meow continued to be rejected,
Ray's journal entries remained hopeful
and he excused the studios for their stupidity,
And said that it was probably because he wasn't political,
To add to his frustration,
he was informed that his parole officer
and confidant, Smitty, had gone missing,
And was replaced with the ever caring, ever capable
Gavin Addison,
You are going to kick 15% up to me
every week,
You're about to do the right thing,
I can tell,
Ray knew of only one thing that would help him feel better,
I can,,,
No, no,
I must have had a better month than I thought,
♪ I'm not quite known
♪ As lucky with the ladies
♪ But I know what I feel
♪ Is something true
♪ Give me one more chance
♪ To tell you that I love you
♪ And I hope that you feel
♪ It too ♪
Yeah, Let's go,
You bitch,
Bitch,
♪ Babies, I want babies
♪ What more can I say
♪ I want a baby for my birthday
♪ And another one in May
♪ Read, feed, treat them well
♪ Teach them wrong from right
♪ I wanna wake up When they cry out loud
♪ And rock 'em all through The night ♪
That was good,
High five,
You got a problem?
Dude, you got a problem?
Rudy A,, motherfucker,
Aquanikkio, motherfucker,
Rudy A,, bitch,
Whoo!
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Damn it! Ray, get in here already,
I brought you flowers,
You've got to be kidding me,
I made some extra money this month,
You mean you actually sold drugs this month?
I made enough for tomorrow too,
Oh, well, what shall we press today?
Three-four-three,
I don't think you're ready for 343,
I'm gonna put these flowers down over here,
And when I get back to this spot right here,
I want you to press number 343,
Three-four-three it is,
I don't care what you gotta do to see me,
as long as you make it,
It's not about your body today,
I always feel,,,
Shh, shh, Try not to speak, honey,
That should shut you up,
Don't blast off on me, baby, you got work to do,
So, who else have you been making love to?
Nobody to spend your cash on, I know that,
'Cause I'm your little Smurfette,
Your Betty Rubble,
What else you want me to be?
Black? Latina?
Or maybe you like it when I talk in stereotypical Asian girl voice,
Huh?
No, you want me,
You want me to just be Maureen,
Quick, do me in that sweet, special, sexy way that you do,
Take me, Ray,
Take me,
Take me, Ray,
♪ I'm your madame You're my prostitute
Listen to this next part, I sound like Fergie,
♪ And if you're not sure What to do ♪
How come you never wanna cuddle afterwards?
Did you put a ring on my finger?
What about the clitoris?
What about it?
Ever want me to go down there for you?
Well, darling, surprise me
one of these days,
You never go down there for me,
Hey, you don't pay for it or ask,
Well, how about, like, an even trade or something?
You said you would listen to my demo,
I heard you did a whole softball team,
What the fuck is wrong with you?
We're friends, We can talk,
Yeah, talk about the weather,
I pay you to do whatever I want,
What you paid me for, we've already done,
Paid you for a full half hour and I got,,,
26 minutes left,
Listen, you want to get in my business, you bring cash,
You want to get in my business,
then you've got to bring something extra,
So you got some truth serum, Sugar Ray?
All the craziness lately, all the bodies and the death,
All so we can just lay here and enjoy this product,
Not me,
Oh, that's right,
Good boy,
It's all terrible, do you know another kid on this block's dad went missing?
They say that it's 'cause of that Arnie guy
everyone's talking about,
At least they still have their mother,
How do you know they got their mom?
- My mom was nice to me, - Ray,
Like when the doctors told her I was dyslexic,
She would talk backwards to me,
What,,,
Okay, My point is that we are so lucky
to be able to lay here and enjoy this the way we can,
People are dying for us,
So, let's,,,
pay this product the respect it deserves,
Let's get fucked up,
Not me,
You have the conn, Mr, Sulu,
Softball team was from some
accounting firm or law firm,
Froman, Stapp and Garcia,
Each time one of them finished, I could hear them laughing and high fiving
outside of the car,
Why is it always about the conquest with you guys?
That's why so many of you are no good at it,
But you know,
even with what I went through that day,
I remember a time when I had to do much worse,
And nobody paid me a dime for it,
Don't you realize what it took for me just to get here?
It's a role, darling,
Just like in the movies,
Do you know Rudy Aquanikkio?
Yes,
Does he come see you?
You work for him, don't you?
You better talk fast 'cause this shit is really kicking in,
I wrote a movie screenplay,
It's really good,
And nobody wants it just yet but,,,
I sent out 100 copies and everything you do
100 times, it's bound to pay off,
Well, you and I aren't quite up to that number, but you let me know,
Hey, little Raymond,
How you doing, buddy?
I've been thinking about you,
I went all over looking for something for you
'cause you've been such a good boy,
Here,
What do you think?
I even cut two holes in it for eyes so you can see,
You like it?
There,
There, that's better,
So, now the world doesn't
have to see how fucking ugly you are,
Go out to the shed and get me some duct tape,
Just in case you decide to talk,
What the hell's taking so long?
Can't you find it?
I'm gonna come over there,
and if I find that duct tape,
I'm gonna fuck you up so bad
they're gonna have to put your whole body in a bag!
Motherfucker!
Another Saturday night,
And we're under a tree,
Again!
Say, how can there be more than one fruit in a tree?
Yes, may I help you?
We want to start a dance!
At the gymnasium,
What do you say, can we do that?
Sounds swell,
Just fill out these forms,
Yeah,
Ray,
Tiny?
Dude, I need you,
Meet me at my spot,
What's wrong?
Did you hear about those body parts
they found in the canyon?
No,
Coyotes ripped some guy apart,
Coyotes never attack grown men,
Species adapt, I guess,
Did something happen to you?
Why wouldn't something happen to me?
I mean, I'm handicapped,
Hello?
Tiny?
That's what you wear? I wanted something more presentable,
I was told it wasn't that kind of business,
And your name is Tina?
Maureen,
You don't have a sexier handle than that?
Oh, like Joy? Peaches?
Joy, Peaches,
Delilah, Dakota,
- Honey, Baby, Mookie, Tweaker, - Aurora, Diamond,
Sweetie, Sugar, Ginger, What the fuck, Maureen?
You got a stupid name, No makeup, no titties,
But there is something about you,
She's the one with the place over on Burnett,
Oh, yeah,
What's your secret over there?
Um, I don't know,
I guess I have an artistic approach to it,
It's more of a ritual,
I mean, if a guy just wanted a simple blowjob,
I'd just send him to you,
I mean, to your place, Here,
Tell me about this guy Arnie,
Never met him,
Maybe he's one of your Johns,
It's not my style to kiss and tell,
It's kinda like client-hoe confidentiality,
I'll tell you what,
Next time a guy screams "I am Arnie" during a climax,
I will be sure to let you know,
Damn, this bitch doesn't give a fuck about anything,
I'm an artist too, I call this my Christmas Room,
No kidding,
There's joy year 'round and there are always gifts,
I wasn't gonna open this today, but,,,
This is from someone who owed me, and didn't deliver,
You know, at some point,
I will find someone that you do give a fuck about,
Maybe I'll bust the John's head open
while he's on top of you,
You'd have trouble getting business after that, wouldn't you?
Just a whore, Wherever you are,
I can always reach you, baby,
Don't worry,
I've got more,
And although an intriguing concept,
we feel it's lacking in story and character development,
Talented in parts, but would benefit from further development,
But could do with a second rewrite,
Or third, Or fourth,
Kind of interesting, but, uh, no,
Next time, please use proper structure,
Next time, use proper structure,
We appreciate the effort, mate,
Uh, unfortunately, it's not what we're looking for,,,
Not quite what we're looking for,
It's not what anyone's looking for,
We encourage the submission of compelling stories,
Unfortunately, this is not one of them,
You write like a kid,
I mean, seriously, what the fuck?
Do you even know what a screenplay is?
Yeah, you know what, I just wasted two of my fucking hours
that I'm never gonna get back,
You suck,
Maybe if you weren't such a fuck-up,
maybe if you hadn't watched your father beat your mother
so many times,
The jails, the hospitals,
Then, maybe you wouldn't have been such a fuck-up,
But, then again, you would've been a fuck-up anyway,
Buh-bye,
Ninety-seven, 98, 99,
Maureen,
Ray? Ray, what are you doing here?
I wanna see you,
But I don't wanna see you,
Is there someone in there?
No! Go away, Ray!
I don't feel right,
- I,,, I don't have product, - Go!
I just need to see you, Please,
Who cares, just get the hell away!
I'd never liked you, You're stupid, you're boozy,
You don't even know how to fuck!
Get the fuck away, you're nothing!
I never want to see you again, Get the fuck out!
Hey!
Got a letter,
Coming December 24th,
the animation event of the year, The Dog's Meow,
The story of a dog who goes undercover as a cat,
With the cast of your favorite stars,
Annie Bluke, Michelle Hasselkesser,
Todd Glassman, Chilly Stevens, DJ Mess,
Are you team woof,,,
,,,or team meow?
Come join the fun, The Dog's Meow,
Special screening this December 24th,
Two o'clock in the morning, Three goddamn hours,
Right! Right!
Because you can't take a fucking decongestant,
So what the fuck else were you gonna do, huh?
Not collect rent from these deadbeats?
Oh, so now, maybe you're thinking,
I should've stayed in the movie business!
Ha!
Maybe you like trapping me in this house
so I don't leave you for some hot ass,
Do not piss me off, mister,
Do you have any idea how long it took me
to get this fucking baby to calm down?
Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry,
Your breath smells surprisingly fresh, dear,
Did you switch to menthol?
Ha-ha,
Oh, by the way, congratulations on that last film you produced,
I heard it made thousands,
What the fuck!
No, how am I gonna get it back to sleep!
Hey,
Hey, Can I help you?
Is this AZ Studios?
You read well!
Where is everyone?
I don't know, What time's your appointment?
I don't have an appoint,,,
I know you don't have an appointment, You know why?
'Cause it's four o'clock in the fucking morning,
Everything all right, Cameron?
Everything's cool,
Just haven't sprayed for assholes this morning,
You talk pretty big, don't you?
Ooh!
What's your name, dickhead?
My name is Ray Balfi, the writer of The Dog's Meow,
You listen to me, Mr, Dickhead,
You're about to write your last will and testament,
'cause I'm about to mess your ass up,
I'll kill you, I'll rip your fucking head off,
But I won't kill you fast, Nah,
Cameron Merriweather likes to play with his food,
And when I'm through with you,
I'll drop your body at the feet of the mother
that never bothered to raise you,
And your head, I'll keep that for myself,
And every night before I go to bed,
I'll dance in front of your face
wearing nothing but a smile and a glass cock ring,
Mm-hm,
In other words, don't bring
the ghetto out of me,
You hear me?
Don't you ever bring the ghetto out of Cameron Merriweather,
You hear me, dickhead?
Don't you ever,
ever bring the ghetto out of Cameron Merriweather,
You hear me?
Don't you ever,
ever bring the ghetto out of Cameron Merriweather,
You hear me, dickhead?
Don't you ever,
The movie that you wrote is premiering December 24th!
Get the fuck out of here!
That's amazing!
I'm done today,
I found out that,,,
Garo,
You get Wi-Fi here, don't you?
Uh,,, think so,
I mean, I'm not really a computer guy,
The Dog's Meow, Is this you?
Says here it was written by a guy named Kurt Buckwell,
It's mine!
What the fuck?
Somebody stole my script!
Same story, Same characters, Same everything!
Then who's Kurt Buckwell?
I don't know,
Okay, Hear me out on this one,
Sometimes when someone comes up with a very creative idea,
there's usually about a thousand other people on the planet
that think of the exact same thing,
No, no, no, Look, No, no, Look, look,
See? It says, "By Ray Balfi,"
Ray, Look at your title page,
Where does it say, "By Ray Balfi?"
Please tell me you protected this,
You mean with plastic?
Ray,
Kurt Buckwell, That's a pseudonym, A fake name,
How do you know?
It just sounds like something
that a writer would pull out of his ass,
AZ Studios, They're an upstart,
Word is that they're going under if they don't have a hit project soon,
I mean, look at him, What does he do?
"Oh, I have loads of money,
so, why don't I just start a studio?
I don't have to do any of the fucking work,"
I mean, he took credit for Slippers and Socks,
Agent Elf,
He took credit for The Duke of City County,
Well, Slippers and Socks was okay,,,
He took credit for The Fuzzy Amigos,
Oh, that one,,,
Fuzzy Amigos was brilliant!
Now, he's going to take credit for this,
Man thinks that nothing ever runs out,
And maybe his money never will,
But let's see what happens to him when he runs out of credibility,
Okay,
The light will be bright green on this one, And he'll make it too!
Because he's a fucking idiot, he's stupid,
And he'll just take this script, and be like,
- "Oh, my God, I'm gonna make it and it's gonna be a success," - Shawn, Shawn,
Shawnathan!
This script is terrible!
Exactly,
And when this city kicks him out of here,
then I'll be free to take everything and everyone I know
and make my own,
What about me?
What?
You think I'd let you go back to some gangster twat like Rudy,
I wish I could hold you,
You can,
Here's to Fuzzy Amigos 2,
I didn't even think anyone wanted to even hear my story,
Yes,
Okay,
Tell me,
Boogie the Dog
hears the other dogs talk about a plan to attack the cats,
The cats are too fast, They're too smart,
So they came up with a plan where one of the dogs would go undercover in a cat costume,
He'd see where they go and what they do,
Ray, he wants the other dogs to like him, So he says that he'll do it,
So he puts on the cat costume,
then he teaches himself
how to scratch furniture and lick himself
the way that cats do,
He meets Pussy Maureen,
She tells him that maybe he only thought that he hated the cats,
So he gets both sides to all become friends with one another,
And Ray and Pussy Maureen cuddle in the same doggie bed,
The end,
Hey, Ray, If that's what your story is about,
then here's to you,
And who stole it?
In this town, everyone is a suspect,
You'd have to go to every single person
that ever read, looked at, even touched your script,
But who are you gonna sue?
You can't prove you wrote it,
Fucking idiot,
Are you ever gonna write again?
I got no more stories to tell,
You're wrong,
There are always stories to tell,
Mm,
Hey,
Yo! I'm home,
Bitch!
Fuck this shit!
Huh? Yeah, you're fucking lazy,
You better fucking look for it,
♪ Macaroni, macaroni
♪ There's so much macaroni That I like to eat
♪ It's cheesy and it's cheesy And it can't be beat
♪ I open up my pantry,,,
I love you,,,
♪ Oh, there's so much macaroni
♪ I love macaroni time
♪ I've got macaroni on my mind
♪ There's never been a better Place that I can find
♪ Like macaroni time ♪
What's going on in here?
You say it's a cartoon,
Yes, by your grace, we have created a cartoon,
Like The Flintstones,
but with animals,
Well, The Flintstones had animals,
Yes, but these are modern animals,
Oh, I see,
They are dogs and cats, and they sing and dance,
I was gonna say it should have music,
Well, because you've guided us so well through the years,
every dog and every cat has a song,
Huh, Charlotte, what do you think?
This will be the project to propel us all,
Do you really think so?
You especially,
- So goddamn handsome, - Agreed,
I love having the both of you here with me,
It's like we're family,
Agreed,
♪ Embers to ashes inside Is how
♪ We fly through the night
♪ Hoping to light The lonely sky
♪ Trying to reach the stars
♪ That shine till tomorrow
♪ Only to burn And then we die
♪ No more,,, ♪
Hey, Hey,
Hang in there, okay?
Everything is gonna be all right,
We're gonna find the monster that did this,
We're gonna work day and night,
Till guys like this, are,,, Are put away,
We need to make this world a better place,
So everyone feels safe,
I promise, You're gonna be able to play with your friends,,,
Hold her there,
- Hang out,,, - Kid's mom is here,
- Mommy! - Hang out and, and,,,
Where the fuck do you get off acting like a fucking crusader?
You let the powers that be do their business, That's how you avoid a war,
- But there's already a war, - Then pick a fucking side!
Where you goin'?
Got another idiot downstairs,
No ID, But he was nice enough to give us this,
You were Mr, Jims, right?
I've done many roles since then too, thank you very much,
Says here on your resume that you specialize in playing the,,, the wacky neighbor?
The concerned dad,
Douche types,
Yeah, you see, I don't believe the first two,
As for the latter, I'm sure you're pretty convincing,
Well, here, For instance,
They found a piece-of-meat hipster the other day over on Hayworth,
Turns out, he's trying to deal in another man's district,
Which then turns out, the stuff that he has,
we trace back to a little girl in Encino
who then very quickly tells us about you,
So the hipster's my fault, right?
No, We were just looking for the next link, Or are there no more?
This is just one big chain of assholes with you at the end?
Bravo! And the award for best dramatic,,,
Really, is this what you guys do with my tax dollars?
Trust me, they're put to good use,
- And you know that little girl in Encino? - No,
Oh, yeah, Turns out she's underaged,
She told us all about you and about your place,
Do you guys have any idea how many chicks I get?
Oh, please, Tell us,
I can't keep track of the bitches in my house,
Yeah, Yeah,
Question is, was she underage at the time she was at my house?
Are you fucking high right now?
Yes,
- Potts,,, - Yeah,
See what you can do with this piece of shit,
Do you want my goddamn autograph, huh?
You like little girls?
I would never do something like that,
Whoa, whoa, Back up, Kojak,
Maybe she saw me getting out of the pool, Sometimes, I swim nude, I don't know,
Maybe,,, maybe she saw something I posted,
It's nothing, really,,,
What's the matter, huh?
You know, this is just a bullshit shakedown,
That girl never said I touched her, you know that,
- You're just doing this to make a name for yourselves, - And why would we do that, huh?
Because everybody wants to fuck Mr, Jims!
I'm,,, I'm gonna,,, I'm gonna cut down on partying,
I,,, I'm gonna start checking IDs, ask for references, I,,,
Shut up, will you?
I'm laying off that Arnie shit, No more,
Whoa,
Whoa, whoa, whoa, What did you say?
I think he cuts it,,, Like, different, Something,,, I don't know, It's,,,
You said Arnie, You met him?
Some guy gave me a great deal on some really amazing shit,
Probably because of my celebrity status,
But was his name Arnie?
I don't know! I don't know it,
They,,, they said Arnie is taking over,
I didn't give a damn what his name was,
Listen, can I go?
Mary, where did everybody go?
They got a lead on that shooter,
So they just left,
Yep, Right after they saw the security footage,
This is outside the accounting firm of Froman, Stapp and Garcia,
He's got history,
Name's Balfi,
Punch up everything you find on this guy,
So do you have any tattoos or piercings?
You know what they say?
You can only get a hall pass from Mr, Jim's,
- Actually me,,, - Hey, Hamlet, come with me,
- Wait! I thought we were done, - Come here,
Whoa! Whoa! Slow down, Kojak, No, no, no,
Well, we did this, Double jeopardy,
Double jeopardy!
No, this is bullshit,
No, you said I could go,
Is this the guy? Is this Arnie?
No,
The dealer, the one who gave you the stuff,
No, that's definitely not him,
That's him,
- Excuse me, Gavin Addison? - Yes,
Detective Steven Duque, We've met,
Oh! Yeah, sure,
So you're going on a trip?
Yeah, just a few days,
Kind of in a hurry, sir, So if you don't mind,
It'll be quick,
There's someone in your caseload that may be directly connected
to the recent shootings,
Ray Balfi,
Balfi,,,
Don't recall that name,
You say he's one of mine?
He used to belong to Smitty, then he got transferred to you,
Damn Smitty,
Always pawning his work off,
There's a possibility that this Ray Balfi
might also be responsible
for most of the homicides in the last several months,
I'm thinking him for the Arnie guy that we've been hearing about,
No, that's a joke,
There's no way he could be Arnie,
I thought you said you didn't know him,
I don't know him,
- I'm just saying,,, - Put it down,
Put it down,
Step out of the car slowly,
It looks like you're going on a trip,
Take,,, take it easy,
Come on, man,
You think I'm stupid enough to shoot an officer in a station parking lot?
You think anyone would care if you did?
No,
Don't you take money like everyone else?
That's right,
I do,
Don't worry, Rudy didn't send me,
Oh, so it's shakedown time, right?
You're going to get in the car,
you're going to leave with the money,
One less shitty PO, that's fine with me,
But I want some answers,
Why should I help you?
Because I got a bad actor that can finger you as a dealer,
So start talking,
We've been robbing the local dealers on the street,
- The small timers, - You and Balfi?
- Me and Smitty, - Smitty?
It's like this,
We intimidate them long enough, they start working for us,
So Balfi's Arnie?
Will you get off that Balfi shit?
I'm telling you, the guy's an idiot,
We watched him dry his bike in the rain,
You may be smarter than you think,
I give him points for tying his shoe,
That don't make him Keyser Soze,
The way I see it is Smitty stumbled upon Ray's plan along with you,
and then paid for it,
You took on Ray's case to cover for him and split the money,
That's not possible,
- Why? - Because Smitty was Arnie,
I worked for him,
Rudy figured his dealers were working side deals with Arnie,
He was right,
He started sending some of his thugs out to do,
you know, research,
They leaned on Tiny Slotnik for information,
which led to Smitty,
And so Smitty hid the stash
in Balfi's apartment right after he got put in jail,
But then he felt IA around the corner too,
so he had to rush back,
Come on, you bastard!
Four or five?
He transferred half the satchels to me and took off,
He got made by Rudy's boys on the street,
They caught up to him in the woods,
That's when he got shot,
Once I heard what they did to Tiny,
I knew I had to leave too,
It was just a matter of time before they caught up to me,
The bodies, the coyotes, Smitty?
You got your answers now?
Yeah,
And so you don't want anything else?
You're about to do the wrong thing,
I can tell,
♪ If you suck my
♪ Then I'll eat your
♪ If you eat my
♪ Then I'm gonna suck your
♪ If you suck my
♪ Then I'll eat
Yeah,
- Hey, - Hey,
Some boy scout just came by named Duque,
Duque,
Yeah, yeah, He just warned me about some crazy dude shooting up the valley,
Someone named Balfi,
Yeah, What about that?
How about you get your lazy ass out there and go find him, all right?
You think you earn your paycheck by sitting around here?
Hey, hey,
Don't worry, okay?
I've got three uniforms over at Balfi's place right now,
Man, splash some water on your fucking face
and get the fuck out there, okay?
And don't forget your partner,
What about Duque?
Man just told me he's not a cop anymore,
I'm quitting the force,
The gangs, the guns, the drugs, everything,
You said you wanted me to contribute to the world,
And the best way for me to contribute is to be the best father I can be,
It was not known exactly when Tammy made up her mind,
It could have been years ago,
How lovely,
Or it could have been the moment
when Duque held up a wad of cash,
Bragging of how he got it off of a crooked parole officer,
Who did you do that for?
Either way, she decided to get out of it
the best way she knew how,
I love you,
No matter what you say or do, that's not going to change,
What?
The baby's not yours,
What?
Tammy?
Tammy, Tammy!
Man, he got me out here like I'm some little nigga,
I'm a boss nigga, Shit,
Is that motherfuckin' Wildabeast?
Yo! Wildabeast,
What the hell,
God, haven't see the dude in a whole damn day,
He got a chick up in there or somethin'? Oh, shit,
The surviving security footage from December 24th showed
that Ray had stormed Rudy's compound just before 10:00 a,m,
I'm Ray Balfi,
The writer of The Dog,,,
- He's down at the plant, - I'm Ray Balfi,
The writer of The Dog's Meow,
Oh, man,
I don't know what that shit means but it sounds cold,
Motherfucker, I don't know who the hell you are, but,,,
Oh, shit,
Hey, man, you want some baby aspirin?
Oh, shit,
Whoa, whoa, whoa! We can't go in there blasting,
The tanks!
Ray would only have a short window of time to reconcile
his issue with the gangsters,
The Dog's Meow would be premiering later that afternoon,
Ray fortified himself with product,
This room's going to fill up with fire if you keep shooting that gun,
The gangsters tried reasoning with him,
and they implored Ray
to follow the proper gun safety procedures,
Did you hear what the fuck I said?
Where's Waldo-looking-ass motherfucker!
You're gonna make this motherfucking whole place burn down, bitch,
Think about it, man,
Where is everybody?
We still have to dance, We still have to dance!
We're last, now stick your asses in the air or we'll die!
We can't die,
- Fuck him up, - Get him good,
All felt lost for Ray,
You tapping out? You tapping out?
But then the product finally kicked in,
The local artists wrote songs and painted murals
to commemorate this event,
To honor their fallen heroes,
And for Rudy,,,
It was rumored that he fought valiantly,
♪ The heathen of the street
♪ There's a house made For the beast
♪ And his legions will make you Feel at home
♪ Is it something that's on Your mind?
♪ Is it something you want To tell me?
♪ The way you look me
♪ Someway you look me In the eye
♪ Tell me he treats you well ♪
Fuck you!
The press would eventually call this
"The Christmas Factory Massacre,"
They're shooting?
- Oh, my God, they're,,, - Fucking shooting!
Saints to ashes,
Charlotte, I thought I'd lost you forever,
You think I'd go anywhere without you?
We have to go,
No, wait,
♪ Do you really have to Leave so soon?
♪ I was just about to Paint the moon
♪ Like sunshine
♪ Just so you'd believe The sun shines
♪ All night long for You and me
♪ Do you really have to say
♪ Those tacky things About me?
♪ I was really saying Tactfully I'd set you free
♪ Like sunshine
♪ So you can light the world Like sunshine
♪ For every boy and girl Like you and me
♪ Was it something
♪ Was it something I said?
♪ Or just those voices in your head
♪ Again
Wilson, Kim, Rodriguez,
What the hell?
Maybe they went back,
Or,,, maybe we're the only two assholes standing around
this shit house waiting for nothing to happen,
Back at Ray's building,
Detective Potts and Perry coordinate their ambush,
Maybe we should calm down,
Yeah,
So who you like in the playoffs?
Well, uh, which team has the more white guys?
Neither,
Oh, well, there's always next year,
Whoever this is, let me know your 20,
What the hell is going on?
Goddamn!
Let me see what the hell's going on,
Fuck!
I need a nap,
Kim?
Rodriguez?
Wilson!
Perry?
Perry, is that you?
Perry?
♪ That's where I want them to be
♪ Here in my hideaway
♪ No one can take them From me
♪ Now that I'm here to stay
♪ That's where I want them to be
♪ Want them to be
♪ That's where I want them to be
♪ For you, my love
♪ Put it all away For ever and ever
Why is it so dead around here?
♪ And we can live a life Together and forever
♪ Just as long As we're in love ♪
It's Duque,
Sit tight, I know where Balfi is,
Potts?
Perry?
Wilson?
Kim?
Rodriguez?
You know, I came by once,
You weren't here,
Where are you going?
To my premier,
To your what?
Look, I came by to tell you that I was leaving town,
♪ That's where I want them to be
♪ Here in my hideaway ♪
Oh, wow, this is your mom?
Poor thing,
Raising little Ray must have been a full time job, huh?
- She looks like she's been,,, - Why are you leaving?
I just want to get out of here,
I,,, I want to get high,
I want to find a shitty job somewhere,
I want to make my music,
I don't deserve this anymore,
- And Rudy, - Rudy?
Yeah, Rudy, He's a fucking crazy man,
Scared the hell out of me,
I thought you didn't see him,
What's the matter with you? Of course I've seen him,
You can't work unless you meet the man,
When were you in my apartment?
I wasn't in your apartment,
I told you that, I just stopped by,
- When? - I don't remember,
Look, everybody just needs to get out of here,
We should start on a new country or on an island or something,
Do you want me to end up looking like your mom?
You know, she may not have the chance to do the right thing anymore,
But I do,
You know, she reminds me a lot of me,
My mother wasn't a whore,
Fuck you!
Do you know what a guy once paid me?
Two thousand dollars,
Have you ever made that much?
Let me tell you why I did it, Ray,
because if someone offers you $2,000,
you fuck that person,
Like you wouldn't do the same thing?
You fucking hypocrite,
Isn't that how it works?
You buy a couple dinners,
Maybe a gift,
Just adds up to a dollar value, you idiot!
So,,,
Ray, baby, let's face it,
adjusting for inflation,
your mother,,,
Don't!
Probably held out for a lot less,
When did you see Rudy?
When did you give him my script?
Come here,
No, no, Someone!
No, No,
No!
Please,,,
Stop,,,
Balfi,
Damn it,
I was doing MacBeth before this, Joe!
Now this,
It's not worth my time,
What are you looking at?
Welcome to the cinematic event of our young millennium,
The story of a dog who goes undercover as a cat,
to report to other dogs, what cats do,
But then the dogs and cats become friends and end up
sleeping and living together,
All with some superb animation, pretty songs,
and of course, it's all from the amazing minds
at AZ Studios,
The Dog's Meow,
But one moment, ladies and gentlemen,
distinguished members of the industry,
distinguished members of the media,
I would be remiss if I did not say
that this film is down to the artistry,
the vision, the leadership, of just one man,
Sir, it would mean so much if you spoke to the people,
It would be an inspiration, sir,
Please, Just a few words,
Welcome to our lovely extravaganza,
We've had a difficult year,
Cutbacks, many people laid off from their jobs,
And,,, we lost our award winning Kohaku koi pond,
But now,,,
with the success of this movie,,,
I could get that koi pond back,
Roll it!
The Dog's Meow, everyone,
I can't wait to see you burn in hell,
Move your cankles,
We are all proud dogs, but we are bored
and we have nothing to howl about,
Nothing to bark about,
- So we've designed a plan, - To take over the cats,
Yeah, but who's going to be stupid enough to,,,
- Hey, - Hey,
- It's Boogie, - What's a Boogie?
- It's a dog! - You stay right there,
♪ I sing, woof, you sing, meow And we both sing
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah
♪ I sing, woof, you sing, meow And we both sing
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah
♪ I sing, woof, you sing, meow And we both sing ♪
♪ I dream of scratching And licking myself
♪ And hair balls ♪
I'm gonna miss you too, Pussy Maureen,
But now I have to bring all the world's dogs and cats together,
so that we can stop the scourge of environmental crime,
So long,
What the fuck?
What a fucking piece of shit,
It's not even a modest piece,,,
Sir, maybe you should go home,
Go on, we'll catch up with you later,
Sucked!
This is my idea!
Hey, he's got a gun,
He's got a gun,
This is my idea!
Right now, you need to be in the car,
Why are you here talking with me? What the,,,
Well, well, well,
If it isn't Mr, Dickhead,
Oh!
Get the gun, Get him,
I'd rather you stay,
You saved the neighborhood,
Now all the dogs and cats are friends,
And in a bizarre bit of entertainment news,
the Internet has been flooded with requests for The Dog's Meow
after a connection was discovered between
the film's creation and last winter's holiday
shooting rampage involving Raymond Carter Balfi,
Balfi sought revenge, alleging that the screenplay
was, in his words, "Stolen from him,"
A commercial and critical failure,
the movie found renewed interest when AZ Studios released
excerpts from Balfi's audio journal,
which chronicled his descent into madness,
A docudrama based on these events is in the works,
according to an AZ Studio spokesperson,
Charlotte, darling,,,
clear the day for an emergency production meeting,
Shawnathan has you for a two,
Shawnathan?
I can clear your two,
Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter,com/kaboomskull
♪ If it ain't rough It ain't me
♪ So don't hate me
♪ 'Cause lately I've been talkin'
♪ 'Bout how I'm motherfuckin' Ready MX is
♪ Demon with his own venom
♪ He'll get rappers and shoving Fucking microphones in 'em
♪ Bitch niggas just tryna hate So they gots to get it
♪ But be down You just get bap, bap
- ♪ Fuckin' shots are with it - ♪ Come on
♪ I beat the shit out of money 'Cause yo, that's all I knew
♪ Look at me go Against the grain
♪ 'Cause that's all I do
♪ I say no more except That ass'll be beat
♪ Bet y'all niggas Feel the pressure
♪ Passing me on the street
♪ Got that bugged out Smoked out
♪ And drugged out flow
♪ But yo, empty every slug out Yo' ass hit the floor, and yo
♪ I can go like I'm gone Word is bond
♪ When I pull up, damn it's on Come on
♪ Niggas only know Half the script
♪ I'm in the strip With the twice
♪ But the chimps got grip And I,,,
♪ I make moves to get me Where I'm goin'
♪ To get me where I'm goin'
♪ I make moves to get me Where I'm goin'
♪ To get me where I'm goin'
♪ I make moves to get me Where I'm goin'
♪ To get me where I'm goin'
♪ Goin'
♪ Keep holdin' on like Simply Red
♪ If a motherfucker try it Then a motherfucker dead
♪ Raw head with the face Skeleton scoop
♪ Like the pelican
♪ Niggas is soft Like gelatin
♪ Irrelevant How many rhymes you got?
♪ You ain't got what I got
♪ X marks the spot
♪ I get high on your girl When you was up North
♪ You remember me
♪ Runnin' up on that ass With duck sauce
♪ I'm tryna hit the streets And get heart
♪ With your dick hard
♪ Fuck around Get your shit split apart
♪ I make moves to get me Where I'm goin'
♪ To get me where I'm goin'
♪ I make moves to get me Where I'm goin'
♪ To get me where I'm goin'
♪ I make moves to get me Where I'm goin'
♪ She said, uh Are you experienced?
♪ I said Yeah, as a matter of fact
♪ I can be very magical
♪ Watch me pull a rabbit Out your hat
♪ You know what I've been Seein' blood
♪ Creepin' and runnin' Through the grass
♪ And we been huntin' For love
♪ And that's why I want you back ♪