Could you let her through, please?
- Ma'am, cameras are not allowed, - I'm with him, Anurag sir!
Hey, brother, she's with me,
Hey, Anurag!
How are you, man?
Nice going,
You have your own paparazzi these days,
I should learn from you,
Take a note of that, Jalal,
Sir, a film school is making a documentary, Best Of Indian Cinema,
The first episode is about me,
Mind blowing,
I told them they won't be able to top that,
After me, everyone is shit,
True,
Hey, Anurag…
Let's do a film together,
I feel we should work together,
This camera is shooting everything…
But, genuinely, let's do a film together, I mean it, really,
Seriously, man,
Sir, it's been 17 years since I offered you Allwyn Kalicharan!
Grant Hotel,
I've moved on,
It was a different time, I was a superstar,
And actors at their peak are insecure,
Your film wasn't going into production, I couldn't take the risk,
Can't do anything now, You aren't hero material anymore
I'm making films for Netflix,
you're playing a grandfather in The Heart Searches,
It's The Heart Beats,
Only a beating heart will search,
Excuse me? Can you please stop this?
Hello? I'm speaking to you, Stop this,
So, Anil sir, you've had such a long career,
So many films, so many years, thousands of interviews,
You keep calling yourself a "shameless actor,"
What does that mean? Care to elaborate?
Of course, I'm shameless!
I've always been shameless, Totally shameless!
I remember Mashaal,
Mashaal, Anurag,
Dilip Kumar, Yash Chopra, My first day, my first shot,
Yusuf sir said his lines to me,
I was in character so I didn't look at him,
Three or four takes later, he asked us to cut it,
He told Yash ji, "Please, tell him to look at me when I say my lines,"
Yash ji said, "Action,"
I didn't look at him again,
I don't know what happened, but he suddenly leapt at me,
He held my face and said,
"Kid, look at me,"
"Make eye contact with me when I say my lines,"
But I refused,
I refused because…
Because I was in the character,
He was impressed!
He told Yash ji, "Mark my words, this boy is going to be a star!"
And I won my first Filmfare Award for the Best Supporting Actor for Mashaal!
Today if I'm sitting here…
in front of you all,
it's because of my shamelessness,
That's really sweet,
I think we can open it up to the audience?
- Yes, of course, - Let's take some questions,
Okay, the gentleman in the blue shirt at the back,
Give him the mic, please,
Yes, you have a question?
My question is for Anurag sir,
Sir, what advice do you have for young filmmakers like us?
And how can we make it big into the industry like you?
You can't,
Anurag, that's not fair,
Poor guy,
Tell him something,
What should I say? How old are you?
- Twenty-one, - Twenty-one,
These millennials, privileged kids,
they come to their first film festival and go, "Papa, I want to be a director,"
"Papa, that girl isn't giving me any attention,"
Papa goes, "Here, take this camera, go play filmmaking,"
That's not how it works, You don't succeed overnight,
Until and unless your surname is Kapoor,
Work hard,
Struggle, like we did,
In our industry, who is more important, an actor or a director?
That's a very interesting question, I always wonder myself, also,
- Anil sir? - Story,
Story,
A film won't work without a story,
But to answer to your question,
actor and director, both are equally important,
But I don't think Anurag quite agrees with that, right?
I think he has something to say,
What can I say to him?
When a film is made, it's made through a camera,
The camera has only one viewfinder,
- Yes, but,,, - An actor's medium is the stage,
But in my opinion, people come to the theater to watch the actor,
Your medium is the stage, You can sing, dance, or do a cabaret,
That, I agree,
The film is made by the director, It is the director's vision,,,
With the director's face on the poster, the film won't run even for two days,
- That only happens in India, - Really?
People watch films only for celebrities in India,
There are film industries outside India, too,
I agree,
Really?
Go to Europe, Venice, Cannes, Berlin,
People queue up for the director, including the actors,
Anurag, here is a suggestion,
Why don't you settle down in Europe?
Go and show your skills there,
Who knows him?
The box office of all his films put together
is less than the box office of his brother's flop film,
Sir, in 2020, you've turned into Mr, India again,
You've disappeared from the screens,
Invisible and irrelevant,
And are you relevant?
Were you ever relevant?
Your shoes are Karan Johar's second-hand shoes
Got it?
Everybody knows you, Anurag Kashyap,
These are original Balenciagas, I bought them, They aren't second-hand,
Look at mine!
- Guys… - Result of my hard work,
- Mine are more expensive, - …move on, Gentlemen, I think,,,
Who has seen his films? He's a parody of himself,
Biggest fraud in the industry,
- Everyone watched them, - No one has,
- Gangs of… - Wasseypur!
Listen to that,
Have you watched porn? Everyone watches porn! Right or wrong?
Remove the cuss words from his films,
and even the citizens of Wasseypur won't watch them,
Sir, what about you?
He wants to be a hero at this age,
"My Name Is Lakhan" is a thing of the past,
"My Name is Lakhan…" Now you're Anil uncle,
- He's one to talk, - Okay…
He wants to be a hero at this grand old age,
KASHYAP IN CONTROVERSY AGAIN
WATER TURNS INTO LAVA
ATTACK ON A SENIOR CITIZEN
WATER TURNS INTO ACID
KASHYAP HAS GONE INSANE
SATTAR NEWS
Welcome to the Sattar News' Time Machine,
The story began in 2007
when Anurag Kashyap offered his dream project Allwyn Kalicharan…
TIME MACHINE 2007 - 2019
…to famous Bollywood star Anil Kapoor for the lead part,
However, when Anil Kapoor rejected the offer,
the project got shelved,
Kashyap never forgot this rejection and has harbored ill feelings ever since,
All the anger and hurt
snowballed into an avalanche in the form of a glass of water,
which Kashyap threw at Kapoor's face,
Friends have also distanced themselves, Taapsee Pannu shames Kashyap on Twitter,
EXCLUSIVE CONVERSATION
IIFA bans Kashyap!
Disgraceful, He should be boycotted,
Anil Kapoor in an exclusive conversation with one of our reporters,
Why are you giving Anurag so much importance?
The film industry has started taking sides,
People refuse to work with him,
When did people ever want to work with him?
He's a big filmmaker, sir…
He was one, but not anymore,
Breaking news on Bollywood Watergate,
Producers and financiers have backed out,
KASHYAP'S 3 UPCOMING FILMS SHELVED KASHYAP DEMONETIZED
- According to our sources… - It's all over the news! What's going on?
The film is progressing well!
Who called you?
Nawazuddin? He called you?
I just confirmed his dates with his manager!
Let me talk to him,
Kashyap is demonetized,
When bad luck strikes, everything goes wrong…
- Hello? - Hi,
Hello, Nawaz?
- This is Anurag speaking, - Yes…
Why am I getting messages from the media that you've canceled our shoot dates?
Your producer was quoting peanuts and I'm tired of doing dark films,
You should've told me!
Why the fuck does the media know about it? It's on the news!
- Anurag,,, - I made your career, Nawaz!
Listen, brother,,,
Black Friday, Gangs of Wasseypur, Haraamkhor,
Lunchbox, Monsoon Shootout, Raman Raghav, Sacred Games,
But listen to me…
"Father, grandfather, brother, your Faizal will avenge everyone!"
Sometimes I feel like a dumbfuck,
- Hello? - I'm done talking to you!
Fucking Nawazuddin Siddiqui hung up on Anurag Kashyap?
Sir?
Sir, I think you should do something,
I'm thinking about it,
I have an idea,
DADASAHEB PHALKE CHITRANAGARI
I'll FUCK YOU UP
Sir, I'm a big fan of yours,
- I'm a big fan of myself, too, - Thank you, sir,
And cut!
Great shot, sir! Superb!
Anurag sir, I'm Rohini,
- Hi, Anurag, - Sorry, I'm the assistant director here,
Why are you saying sorry? It could be worse,
Yes, sir, but actually, shooting is not allowed here,
I can't shoot on a studio floor?
Not on our set,
I'm here to meet the birthday boy,
I'll let him know,
But while you wait, please turn off the camera,
But isn't the shooting over?
Sir, please understand, I'll tell him,
- Okay, tell him I'm waiting, - Sure,
Camera off,
He saw me, He'll come now, Let's go,
Sir, cake,
- Did he send it for me? - No, It's leftover,
- Thank you, - Welcome,
O Anil Kapoor, come to see me
I always…
There he is,
…knew
Happy birthday, sir,
Sorry, I came uninvited,
You've blocked me on your phone,
I've something important to discuss,
Isn't your documentary over yet?
Are you still his assistant or have you graduated to girlfriend?
He's Nostradamus now,
Let's go,
Hello, sir,
I need to speak with you in private,
I want to narrate a script to you,
Hello, sir,
It's a killer story, You'll love it,
Should I be polite or brash?
Well, Jalal, it seems…
people can see Mr, India again now,
You must have seen that I'm doing an Air Force film now,
I'm doing Karan's Takht right after,
And then I'm doing a Hollywood film with Tom,
Cruise?
That's already done,
Hanks?
That was Irrfan,
- Then, which Tom? - What's his name?
- My buddy from UK… Mad Max, - Hardy, Tom Hardy,
Yes, Tom Hardy,
I don't have dates for the next two years,
Sir, please, just hear it out,
If you don't like it, block me from the sets,
If you want me to say, "Okay, narrate the story, I'll consider it,"
I'll still say that I don't have the time,
A week later, you'll WhatsApp me,
though you know that I have blocked you,
I have, haven't I?
Did you try? You're blocked, aren't you?
Then you'll come to my set and wait around like a fucker,
I'll still tell you the same thing, I don't have the time, Okay?
Now, off you go,
Sir, it is an insane story,
Nobody has ever written a story like this,
My kids are waiting for me,
Jalal, go and get the car ready,
Sorry,
Sonam is also in the film,
- Sonam? - Yes,
- In your film? - Yes,
And I'm playing her father, yeah?
The story is about the father,
A hostage thriller,
There's an actor who is a celebrity,
He's done TV shows, Hollywood films,
He has three kids, a wife, and a dog,
His career is over, but he still thinks he's at the top of his game,
And?
His daughter, the only star in the family now,
gets kidnapped one fine day,
And a director, this mad director who makes dark films,
whose brother is the only one with a hit film,
he kidnaps her,
- You? - Correct,
- And then? - I don't know,
- You don't know? - That's what I am here to figure out,
What do you mean?
I mean, the film has started,
the camera is on,
The hero of the film, the father, is you, I'm the villain,
And can you guess who has been kidnapped?
Sonam,
That's the right answer, sir!
You don't get to make movies,
so you're making a reality show,
You're trying to prank me with a candid camera,
This sounds like a stoner's idea,
This is not a reality show,
Look, Anurag,
I don't have time for your stupid ideas,
I have a birthday dinner to go to, My family is waiting for me,
Here's a suggestion,
Take this shitty idea to, what's his name…
Take it to Nawazuddin,
He'll do your film,
Why don't you make a call?
To whom?
Sonam,
You want me to call Sonam?
For this shitty idea of yours?
She's busier than I am,
Try calling her once,
I've already abused you,
I can do it again because you made Wasseypur,
You're not an ordinary fucker,
you're the Chris Hemsworth of fuckers, you are right at the top!
Thinks he can make a film with Sonam,
Why do you have Sonam's phone?
Sir…
You are not listening to me,
I have Sonam, too,
Why would Sonam give you her phone?
Sonam didn't give me her phone, Papa,
You don't listen, do you? I took the phone from Sonam,
What kind of nonsense is this? What are you up to?
Give me the phone, Give me Sonam's phone,
This is not nonsense, Papa,
This is the most dangerous hostage thriller in the world of cinema,
It's happening and happening now,
You don't have to act at all, Sonam Kapoor is missing,
You have to find her before sunrise,
Everything is real here,
Your search for her is real, You'll get hurt for real,
You'll bleed for real,
You will cry for real,
You will laugh for…
You won't laugh,
You won't have any body doubles,
no retakes, no mistakes,
The first realistic film with a superstar, not directed by Shyam Benegal,
We're going to make this film,
Are you in?
Don't put this in my face, Just go and sit there!
Sit there!
Alisha, where is Sonam?
What do you mean you don't know?
Why didn't you go to work today?
Yes, everything is fine,
No, I'll speak with her,
You take care,
I will speak to her, Bye,
Sonam's manager has an upset stomach, right?
Food poisoning?
All of a sudden?
What the fuck, Anurag?
How are you doing this?
How do you know about her upset stomach?
There are three rules,
First rule, you cannot call the police,
Second rule, you cannot involve any outsiders,
Third rule,
this camera will continue shooting even if the God of Death walks into the frame,
Give me the phone, Tell me where she is,
Why don't you look for Sonam?
You have ten hours, Only ten hours!
The sun will rise by then, and I'll have to go for a swim,
And the fourth rule,
All calls on speakerphone,
I need to hear who you're talking to,
A monologue won't make sense to the audience,
Hello? Sonam Kapoor's phone,
Hello? Hi, is Sonam there?
Sonam Kapoor is unavailable,
Is she on the way to the show? We're waiting for her, It's urgent,
I'm sorry, Sonam Kapoor is not going to be anywhere, anytime soon,
I'm really sorry,
Look, Anurag, I'm trying to be polite,
Don't provoke the devil in me,
It's the right time to bring him out,
The Rakhwala, Lakhan, Munna, Nayak in you,
bring them all out,
You have only ten hours,
Time is running out,
Tik-tok, tik-tok…
You fuck-face, tell me where is she,
Sir, the camera is on, We're live,
If you hold my collar here, someone will do it to Sonam there,
If you hit me, beat me, kick me around, anything at all,
Sonam will go through the same,
Anything can happen to her,
You are running out of time, Just ten hours,
Go save her,
Hey, Sabir!
Who let him inside?
Call the commissioner,
Not the income tax commissioner, call the police commissioner!
That's a great idea,
He's not answering the phone,
You're doing his film, right?
His film?
Yes, the kidnapping one,
What the fuck are you saying, Jalal?
It's a superb idea, Thrillers are his thing,
- Next year, July? - But he is busy for two years,
I'll always be busy for you,
Go home and handle Sunita,
I'll get rid of him,
Sabir, are there any police stations here?
- Dindoshi, - Dindoshi,
Get out of my way! Dindoshi!
Anurag Basu!
Who's the inspector? Its urgent,
One second, sir, Go tell sir that Anil Kapoor has come,
Sir, this way,
Please, come, Move aside,
Move aside, everyone,
Sir, can I please have a selfie? It will be great,
- Quickly, - I watched Woh 7 Din seven times,
Mr, Madhur Bhandarkar is also here!
Please come, sir,
Sir!
Please go in, I'll get it, Yogita, inside,
Hello, sir, Have a seat,
Why don't you head to the waiting room?
I'll join you there,
Can we get a photo with him?
Please, if you don't mind, this is my family,
- Sure, - Thank you,
- Thank you very much, - Can we get one more?
Please, head, I'll join you,
Please wait, I will call,
Please, come, How can I help you?
Inspector,
This man in the helmet,
his name is Anurag Kashyap,
He says that he has kidnapped my daughter,
One minute, Your daughter, Sonam Kapoor?
Yes,
And that if I don't find her by morning,
he might harm her,
Did you kidnap his daughter?
- I'm talking to you, - Yes, sir,
Come and take a seat, please,
We're making a film,,,
Why is the camera here?
- We are shooting for a film, - No, we're not,
We've been trying to do this film since 2003,
We finally got a chance to do it, This is a rehearsal,
This is not a rehearsal,
- Do you have any proof? - Yes, I do,
He has my daughter's phone, Ask him where he got it from,
- Do you have the phone? - Sonam Kapoor gave it to me,,,
Why would Sonam give it to you?
Why don't you ask Sonam about it?
How will I ask her if you have her phone?
I narrated the scene to her,
She gave me her phone for the rehearsal,
- Phone? Why would she… - Why don't you ask her?
How can I, when the phone is with you?
Inspector,
he barged into my vanity van,
and threatened me that if I don't do his shitty film,
he'll kill Sonam,
- Please, will you stop the camera? - Move away,
Just move from there,
Sir, what he is telling you is actually the story of my film,
Why are you telling them the story?
I'm not doing your film!
Why would I do this fucker's film?
This is Anurag Kashyap!
Not Anurag Basu or Madhur Bhandarkar!
He isn't Vishal Bhardwaj either!
No one knows this guy!
His face is in the newspapers
only because he abuses everyone!
Inspector, I want my wife and her phone back,
Wait a second, Is your wife missing, too?
My daughter,
- But you said your wife, - Slip of the tongue, maybe!
Arrest him and ask him where my daughter is,
My kids are waiting for me at home,
I'm begging you!
Wow!
Brilliant!
- That was an amazing performance, - Brilliant!
Every actor on one side…
and Anil sir on the other,
It's a superhit,
Anurag sir, mark my words, this film will be huge,
- I know, - What brilliant acting!
- This is not acting, - You might need the riot police,
Inspector, I'm not acting,
- I told him, - What?
Anurag had told us that you would come here to rehearse,
He narrated the plot of the film,
It's not a rehearsal, Inspector, listen, this is not a rehearsal,
He really gets into the skin of the character,
- Acting? - Even after the film is over,
This is not acting!
It really doesn't feel like acting, from any angle,
- This is what we call method acting, - What?
Someone named Stanislavski from Russia invented method acting,
Ask him, He's won four Filmfare Awards,
- Move! - He's still in character,
Thank you so much,
Yes, what's up?
What are you talking about?
Why the fuck should I do his film?
Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed?
Get your house checked by a Vaastu expert,
Who said that?
When?
- You tweeted about the film? - Yes,
Motherfucker!
Who the fuck are you trying to fool?
Who are you trying to fool? Did you kidnap Sonam?
You aren't getting the point,
I said no police, which means no police,
Try it again and you'll see what happens to Sonam,
An eye for an eye, a nose for a nose, blood for blood,
Show me the proof!
So you want proof,
Where is this place?
That's what you need to figure out,
How do I know this is happening now?
This could be from the sets of one of her films,
I think you don't watch Sonam's films,
Master, please show him what you can do,
You are still here? All well?
All well, Jhakaas,
What are you watching?
Auditions for my daughter's role,
Okay, No wonder she resembles Sonam,
Okay, see you later then,
Take care,
- Good night, - Good night,
And cut,
You're crazy,
How would I have survived the industry if I wasn't crazy?
You haven't seen how crazy I can get,
So tell me,
are you doing the film or not?
Yes,
Sabir!
Yes, sir,
Michael and you can head home,
Go celebrate my birthday with your family,
Get a cake on the way, okay?
I'll drive myself,
- Happy birthday, sir, - Thank you,
I hope you remember the rules,
The camera will be on at all times, No police, No outsiders,
And all calls on speakerphone,
- Yeah, Harsh, - Where are you, AK?
Heading home, son,
Hurry up! Mom's getting really pissed! We're all starving,
Stuck in traffic,
You were supposed to leave early,
I know, but… Listen, do you know where Sonam is?
No clue,
Okay, Listen, I forgot Sonam's driver's name,
What is his name?
Kumar, Why?
Yeah, Can you send me his number, please?
Doesn't Michael have it?
Michael wasn't feeling well, I sent him home,
- So you are driving yourself? - Yeah, I'm driving myself,
AK, you suck at driving,
Yeah, I know, Just send me Kumar's number, please,
But why?
Just send me or ask him to call me up,
So ask Sonam for it,
Sonam is not picking up the phone,
But why do you want his number?
Because she's asked me to go for a family event,
and I want to confirm the dates!
Okay, Sorry, calm down,
Do you want him to call you?
Yes, Kumar?
- Kumar… - Yes, sir,
Where are you guys?
At Crescent Hotel,
What are you doing there?
I'm waiting for Sonam ma'am,
She'd come here for an event, She's still inside,
Is she still inside?
- Yes, sir, - Okay,
Okay, sir,
Security check, please,
Come on, Hurry up!
Jhakaas!
- Hi! - Hi!
Has Sonam come on yet, or is she backstage?
I just wanted to give her a surprise,
- She never showed up, - What do you mean?
- She never showed up, sir, - She never showed up?
No, She came, did her rehearsal, and went back,
She wasn't in for the show, She checked out,
She did her rehearsal, but…
Yeah, Some asshole picked up her phone and said she's not there,
She's not coming,
That's very much unlike her,
If I can be of any help, you know?
With all due respect, sir, we wanted Sonam, not her father,
Please, I'm really busy right now,
Excuse me, which event company do you work for?
I really have to go, Excuse me,
- Hello! - Listen…
Good evening, sir, Welcome to the Crescent,
Good evening, My daughter Sonam was here
and she left some time back,
Can I please check the CCTV footage?
If you don't mind, can I have a look?
I'm really sorry, but without a police request, I can't…
There's no need to involve the police,
I'll just have a quick look, I'll fast forward it,
Sorry, but it isn't allowed,
- And could you please request… - It's okay, You're doing very well,
Anurag, please,
Sonam is my daughter,
- Yes, sir, - I'm her father,
If you don't believe me, you can ask anyone,
No, sir,,,
I'll show you some Insta pictures of me and Sonam,
- Mr, Kapoor? - Yeah,
Hello, Welcome to the Crescent, Mumbai, I'm the manager,
How may I help you?
Yes, please,
Mathur? Where are you from?
- Look, it's my birthday today, - Happy birthday,
- You know Sonam, don't you? - Of course,
The thing is that we have a bet,
Okay,
For my birthday party…
- She reached late to my birthday party, - Okay,
I know she left late from here, but I need the proof,
I need to check the CCTV footage to know exactly when she left,
I'm really sorry, We, at Crescent, have a strict privacy policy…
regarding the privacy of our guests,
But she's my daughter,
Both of us know that, but the camera doesn't,
Forget the father, we can't share it with anybody,
- It's my birthday,,, - Happy birthday,
How old are you now?
Shall I order a cake? A drink or two?
But I can't share the CCTV footage,
- I'm sorry, - What kind of manager are you?
Do something, please,
There is a way,
Okay, tell me,
- But, sir,,, - Don't worry, just tell me,
Sir…
Say, "Jhakaas!"
Jhakaas!
- Done? - Yeah,
"The best place for your Christmas dinner,"
"Great ambience, great staff, super cocktails, great food,"
"Only at Crescent, Mumbai,"
"Hashtag, jhakaasXmas,"
Is there any other entrance?
No, this is the only one,
- Where do you guys enter and exit from? - There's a staff exit,
Then show me the staff exit's footage for the last four hours,
Slow,
Rewind,
Pause this,
Now zoom in,
Sir…
This is a kidnapping,
Who are you calling?
I have to inform my manager,
What a shot, Anurag,
Isn't it amazing? Mind-blowing,
- Doesn't this look like a real kidnapping? - Yeah,
This is actually a rehearsal,
This is a rehearsal for the film we're making,
Do you even watch movies or just CCTV footage?
The blood that you see here is fake,
Look, This is fake, too,
Here, take your phone,
I should call Sonam and tell her she's done some amazing work,
Sonam, I just saw the shot,
Yeah, terrific performance, Sonam,
No, genuinely, Terrific!
Okay, taxi? Okay,
Show me the taxi's shot,
Show me the closeup of the taxi,
Yes, Zoom in,
Show me the driver,
Get closer, Closer,
Closer,
Sonam, what a face!
What casting Chhabra has done!
Our film is a hit, boss,
The driver's face is perfect, too,
We should cast him, shouldn't we?
Right?
And don't tell anyone about this rehearsal, okay?
And keep this,
- No, sir, - Today is my birthday, I insist,
Thank you,
- Mathur, you're still here? - Yes, sir,
- Thank you for the help, - You're welcome,
- I'll never forget you, - Yes,
Mathur,
Hello, baby,
Don't "Baby" me! Where the hell are you?
We are celebrating your birthday, and you are having dinner at the hotel!
What is going on, Anil? We've been waiting for hours!
- And why are you doing a film… - Hello? Hello, baby?
All calls on speakerphone,
Okay, fine,
Who is this taxi driver?
That's the film, Figure it out,
Now, look, who's this? Your son-in-law is calling,
- Should I talk to him as Sonam? - Fuck!
I'll cut the call,
Sorry, Boney, got late,
I'm really sorry,
You're always punctual, What happened today?
Sorry, I was at a rehearsal,
I'm doing Anurag's film,
Didn't do Kalicharan and you're doing this,
- Marc, have you met my brother? - No, I haven't, Hello, Boney,
- He's my trainer, - Nice to meet you,
His body is because of you?
Where's everybody?
How are you feeling on a scale of one to ten for training?
Zero, No training tonight, I'm tired,
So where is everyone?
Everybody was here,
There was Arjun, Karan, Rhea, Janhvi, Khushi,
They waited for you to come,
And finally they left,
Now it's only Sonam, I'm going to call her up,
And Sonu is waiting for you upstairs,
She is waiting for you with a very special gift,
Please go up,
Special gift,
Go upstairs,
- We will take your leave now, - No, sit,
Have dinner and go, You are family,
Babes,
Babes, I have come,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, babes, Now come out,
Everybody's waiting, let's cut the cake, Come fast,
Hey, I'm seeing two AKs!
Happy birthday, big boy,
The man I wanna see, Kashyap,
How've you been, man? It's good to see you,
You know what? I need to tell you something,
My family, they fucking hate you,
But I fucking love you,
Okay, You're the guy,
Hi, I'm Harsh,
- Hi, - My friends call me… Harsh,
Come on, let's have dinner,
Dad, this is a gift from me and the girls,
It is a special edition Rolex, and Sonam asked me to give it to you,
Why do you keep on getting me these expensive gifts?
It's nothing,
Thank you, son! Thanks so much,
AK, I'm coming to you, man,
You guys are making a movie?
Listen, the point is that you and I will make a great team,
Out, out,
- Boney, it's okay, - No!
See, we are treating you as family,
- I told you, he's going to get upset, - Put it off!
- He'll get angry, - Put it off!
- Put it off! Your film will be shelved, - Sir?
Why are you asking him?
He's not the boss, I'm the boss out here,
Put it down,
That's better,
Sorry,
Dad, let me know if you wanna toss water on Anurag's face,
My phone is ready,
- What's wrong with you, Harsh? - Sorry,
What's happening, Anurag? Jalal said you were making Taken,
- No, I'm not making Taken, - Then?
It's about a film director,
Like Guru Dutt? Kaagaz Ke Phool?
Not like Kaagaz Ke Phool, It's an original film,
Like the film with Angelina Jolie and Banderas?
Not Original Sin, original film, My own idea,
Oh, wow, lovely,
- How is everyone at home? - All good,
Aaliyah said your parents are in town but that you never go home,
Yeah, just busy with work,
Dad, why are you texting me? I'm right here,
What text did your dad send?
"Help me find Sonam,"
What happened to Sonam?
Nothing, we're just rehearsing,
I'm doing his arty film,
So we have to rehearse all the time, while sleeping, eating, drinking,
Was this a rehearsal, too?
- Show me, - You punching him,
Yes, it was a rehearsal,
- At the police station? - It was a police station setup,
Yes, we were just rehearsing, Can we rehearse now?
- Sure, let's do it, - We still have a couple of scenes,
No need to rehearse so much,
Let's go,
All this rehearsing, and you still don't have a hit, Anurag,
Anil?
We'll be back soon, You all finish,
We're here for your birthday,
Why did you text Harsh?
I am asking you a question, Why did you text Harsh?
You think I was kidding?
When I said no outsiders, I meant no outsiders,
Now tell me, where is Sonam?
Fucking asshole,
You shouldn't be in this industry but in a mental asylum,
This industry is a mental asylum,
- Shoot me, - I will shoot, Anurag,
I won't hesitate to shoot,
So shoot me, You'll still have to find Sonam,
Does this antique even work?
Yes, it does, Anurag, This antique does work,
Tell me, where is Sonam?
Do I look like I give a fuck?
Cinema is my only religion, I will live and die for it,
Fuck you and your cinema!
Just shoot me,
This video will go viral and make millions on YouTube,
Aaliyah will be taken care of forever, and I will become a legend,
So, shoot me, You still won't find Sonam,
Dad! Let me in,
Let me in!
Make him leave,
We're just rehearsing,
Just give us two minutes,
I want to talk to Anurag about the rehearsals,
Just two minutes,
Not two minutes, Make him leave,
Or I'll call Sonam's hotline,
I hope you remember Master
and what he was holding,
Look, Anurag,
you don't know him,
He's like Sherlock Holmes,
I don't care if he's Sherlock Holmes or Byomkesh Bakshi,
You should, He can do anything,
He is fucking mad,
I can do anything, too, I am mad, too,
He's my son, I know him,
He better leave in two minutes, The video is live,
And Master has a weapon in his hand,
Sonam will scream, Choose between your son and daughter,
There is no time, The clock is ticking,
Come in,
- I just need to talk to Kashyap, - Come, talk to him,
Anurag! It's the man I've been looking for,
I know what the two of you are doing,
You're making a movie,
Sonam has been kidnapped in this movie,
and you're thinking I… can help you find her, right?
You're abso-fucking-lutely right!
I can be his assistant in this movie,
The tech geek, Interior, Day, House,
Harsh sits on his computer, He's banging on keys,
He's plotting locations, He's going to take Anil to Sonam,
What do you think? Ideas?
You're running out of time,
Fuck!
Fantastic, Anurag! I love that!
You should have done Kalicharan!
This winter, think fucking neon!
Anurag Kashyap's in the house!
I love that added drama of time,
Gets the viewers' hearts pumping,
Like, "There's 60 seconds left,"
Electronic music picks up,
"If I don't help Dad with the fucking coordinates,
Sonam will… die,"
Forty-five seconds left, man, when the car we're travelling in
- is hit by the bad guys, Kashyap, - Fuck,
It rolls over one, two, three, four fucking times, it lands upside down!
There's 30 seconds left,
Everybody is fucking bugging out, man,
The satellite has locked on to the location,
It's flashing on the computer screen,
Good, Harsh,
Good!
All I need to do is press "enter,"
Harsh, you're doing well,
But… there is a twist,
Because Anurag-fucking-Kashyap doesn't make straight fucking films, man!
This is some gray fucking shit! It's deep gray, man!
The fucking computer is stuck under the back seat!
There's 20 seconds left, AK, There's 20 seconds fucking left,
Michael Bay meets Anurag-fucking-Kashyap, Tony Montana, He's got a gun!
There's a hundred of him, on cocaine! He's firing fucking bullets,
One shatters into my knee bone, man, The fucking pain! Fuck!
It races through my fucking body, It's unbearable!
But I'm a dedicated son and brother, man,
So I fucking leap! Like a cheetah!
I fucking get two hands on the fucking screen, man,
The fucking button is there,
It's begging to be fucking pressed,
Will I press the fucking button, man?
Do it,
No!
I mean, go, Harsh!
- Motwane fucked me with Bhavesh, - He will fucking…
- Kashyap, you're gonna bring me back! - Go!
Redemption!
Bhavesh Joshi 2, directed by Anurag-fucking-Kashyap!
We are working,
Let us focus on our scene, Harsh,
Sonam's finger is gone,
Fucking asshole!
What did you do?
What the fuck did you do?
Motherfucker, get up!
Fuck,
Motherfucker!
Asshole!
You call yourself a legend?
You think you're a legend?
Sir, they're calling you for dinner,
What are you looking at? Go and get us two drinks!
Tell me where Sonam is!
Get up!
Why are you laughing?
An iconic hero can't find his own daughter,
Your era is over,
You're no hero,
What are you trying to say?
That I'm a fool?
And you're a great, genius filmmaker?
Dumbfuck,
You are not even good enough to be Martin Scorsese's fucking toenail!
What do you want? Consider it given,
You win,
Tell me,
Come on,
Talk, motherfucker, talk!
- Yogita, - Yeah?
Yogita, come here,
Sir…
you have to talk,
I'm just behind the camera,
You are the hero of the film,
This is your big comeback,
The Hero Returns,
You have to prove to the world
that "forever young" Anil Kapoor still has his mojo
and can find Sonam Kapoor before sunrise,
Come on, sir, Action,
Get lost, motherfucker!
Happy birthday to you!
What happened to your face?
- Did Boney leave? - Yeah, he left,
Dad, you don't wanna cut the cake?
AK! Where you going?
Just seven hours to go, Once again, the hero is needed,
Hey, man, do you know him?
Yes, motherfucker, it's my left testicle, I massage it daily,
At least look at it!
Oh, sorry, sir, I called him a motherfucker, not you,
Who is he?
A taxi driver, can't you see?
Sir, there are 30,000 taxis in this city,
And two drivers alternating shifts for each,
And Ola and Uber have fucked us in the ass!
Just answer my questions, please!
Do you know him?
There are millions of drivers in Mumbai,
If I recognized every one of them, I would be heading the taxi union,
But, sir, my family didn't even have a place to get a night's honest sleep,
I'll give you Anees Bazmee's number, Go recite your lines to him,
Just answer my question, Do you know him?
I'm a huge fan of Anees Bazmee,
Please, give me his number, I'll try my luck in movies,
I write in my spare time, I can narrate my script to you,
Sir!
Do check out Bandra Talao,
All the drivers there know each other,
Bazmee's number, sir!
- Hello? - Yes, Anand, I was just going to call you,
I'm sorry, I was going to call you and your call came,
AK, Sonam's driver is saying she's at the Crescent,
The Crescent says she's not there, I know you were there looking for her,
Where is she? Something is really off!
Off is Sonam's phone, I'm on,
I just spoke to her, son,
Is she okay?
She's absolutely fine, son,
You know, her battery went dead, so…
You know, as usual, she forgot her charger,
She called me up from someone else's phone just now,
- She just called me, - From whose phone?
That's not the point,
Then what's the point?
The point is that she's given a surprise party for me,
So I'm just going there, son,
But where are you going?
It's a surprise, son, How can I tell you? It's a top secret,
She told me not to tell you, son,
AK, if it's a secret, how do you know where to go?
Nothing you're saying is making any sense, I'm really worried,
Call me when you're with her, Otherwise, I'm going to the cops,
Hello? AK?
Fuck!
Brother, do you know him?
Uncle, you?
No,
Do you recognize him?
Have you seen him?
Do you recognize him?
A selfie, please?
Do you know him?
Do you know him? Come, look here,
Come closer and look, Can you even see from back there?
Come closer, Do you know him?
Brothers, do you recognize him?
Are there any other taxi stands here?
Any big taxi stand around?
Do you recognize him?
Do you know him?
- Anil sir, this guy… - Yes,
I have definitely seen him,
Believe me, I swear,
- These taxi drivers have a group, - Okay,
I swear to God, all these taxi drivers know each other,
- Okay, Thank you, - What else is up, brother?
- Tell me, sir, - Do you know him?
Have you seen him around?
Do you know him?
There's Uncle Rahim's taxi down the road, he can tell you,
That's Uncle Rahim's taxi,
- Where? - A little further!
Uncle Rahim?
Do you know him?
- Do you know him? - Yes,
Who is he?
Can you take me to him? Please,
Where does he stay? Please, take me… Uncle Rahim,
I'm ready to give you whatever you want,
Money?
You name it,
Do you want to meet Javed or not?
Now please tell me where he lives,
What's happening here?
Christmas celebrations,
- Does Javed celebrate Christmas? - Yes,
But how do I find him here?
Please, make way,
- Sir, I'm shooting, - Give me the camera,
…the biggest superstar of India, Anil Kapoor!
Let's hear it for him!
Javed!
Yogita, take the camera, Take the camera,
Let us pass, please,
Anil sir!
Merry Christmas!
Let me go! Move!
Move aside, please!
Give way!
Javed!
Javed, stop! Javed!
Javed!
Shit!
Javed, listen to me, Javed!
Stop, Javed!
Javed!
Javed, listen to me, Javed! Stop, Javed!
Javed, stop!
Javed!
Listen to me, Javed!
Javed!
Javed! Where is my daughter?
I didn't do anything!
Javed!
Don't hit me! I haven't done anything!
Where is my daughter, Javed?
I don't know anything!
Javed, stop!
Anurag sir!
Javed!
Javed, stop!
Shit!
Javed!
Javed, look, listen to me,
Why are you following me?
I'll get you a new taxi,
Can you bring him closer to me, please?
- Bring him closer please, - Don't you move!
This is not my fault,
- Sir! - Javed,
Javed,
Get away from me!
Javed, stop!
Tell me!
Where's Sonam?
Leave me!
Tell me where Sonam is,
Wait, Javed!
Javed, stop!
Oh, fuck!
Anil sir?
Are you okay?
Are you all right?
Sir…
Are you okay?
Are you all right?
Are you okay?
Do I look okay to you?
Has staying with that asshole turned you completely blind?
What's okay?
Is my face okay?
My arms, my legs…
Are my clothes okay?
Fucking Anil Kapoor…
is lying in the street outside the Grant Road station,
Balls to Anil Kapoor! Motherfucker!
Fucking failure,
I'm a failure,
You know, in 1986, I gave 13 superhit films back-to-back,
Sonam was one year old,
Her birthday…
Do you know what I was doing on her birthday?
I was shooting,
Double shift,
What kind of father does that?
And this director of yours, Anurag…
I was the one who took him to Shankar, the director of Nayak,
I told him, "This boy is talented, give him work, let him write dialogues,"
I gave the first clap for his first film,
I gave him his first installment for his first house,
And what does he do?
He kidnaps my daughter,
Shame on such a father…
because of whom his daughter got kidnapped,
I miss her,
Listen,
Do you know where my Sonam is?
What do you want? I'll give you whatever it is,
Do you want my car?
You want a house, right? I'll give it to you,
Just tell me what you want,
Anil Kapoor will give it to you,
You want to be a filmmaker, right?
I'll produce your film,
Sonam will act in your film, I'll play her father's role,
Promise,
But… please, just tell me where my daughter is,
I beg you, tell me where my daughter is,
Please, tell me where my daughter…
What happened?
Sir, he,,,
- What happened? - He got hit by a car,
Did you get the shot?
Yeah, it was superb,
This is so fucking real, man,
This is so real,
That's so Daniel Day-Lewis,
There is blood!
Oscar, sir! Come on, get up!
Yeah,
No violence,
Mic, mic,
Jhakaas!
Absolutely jhakaas!
Applause for them!
- Merry Christmas, - Merry Christmas,
Hello,
As an actor, I have entertained you,
I have danced, sung, made you laugh, made you cry,
I don't know if you like my acting or not,
Love you!
Thank you,
Today, at least someone's telling me that they love me,
Look, I'm sorry for ruining your Christmas party,
It's a happy day for you all,
But for me, this is a very sad day of my life,
But…
no one can help me, except you,
Amongst you…
is a friend of yours…
who lives around here,
He's a taxi driver, His name is Javed,
If you can tell me where he is…
He lives around here,
If you could take me to his house, I'll be forever grateful,
I beg of you, please tell me where Javed is,
I beg of you, please, tell me where Javed is,
Dance!
Play a song! Play it,
Here,
Play it,
- This one? - Yes,
- Javed? - Yeah?
Have a long-distance customer for you, Open!
Why are you calling me?
My taxi has broken down… Motherfucker!
Anil sir!
Tell me! Where is Sonam?
I'm sorry! I made a mistake!
- I'll tell you! - Tell me!
I'll take you there, Anil sir,
I swear! I will take you there,
Let's go,
Move!
And cut!
Why were you running?
This guy told me to run,
Who were the other men with you?
I don't know,
They said I'd get money, I just did what they told me to,
They told me to look into the CCTV camera and to drive them,
And drop Sonam at someone's house,
Which house?
Right from here,
You're going the wrong way,
Who asked you to drop Sonam at someone's house?
What do you mean, "wrong way"? Where are we going?
- It's wrong,,, - We're going to Versova,
Versova? Why are we going to Versova, dumbfuck?
Who asked you to drop her at Versova?
- You told me to, - When did I say that? Why are you lying?
I'm not lying, You asked me to do this
when I visited your office asking for a role,
Are you an actor?
Yes, Anil sir, I'm an actor,
Do you think you're the only actor in India?
Why the fuck are you laughing?
What the fuck is going on?
Why the fuck are you asking her?
Because she knows the plan, she knows the script!
Who asked you to drop Sonam at Versova?
- You did, You have forgotten, - Fuck that,
Where is Sonam?
I can't tell you where Sonam is, but she is not in Versova,
I can tell you that much,
When did I tell you?
- Show me, Did you note down the address? - I remember the address,
Why are you lying?
I am not lying,
I will fuck you up, do you understand?
Quiet,
Anand is calling,
Yeah, Anand, tell me,
- What's happening? Where are you? - Outside the police station,
What? But why?
Everything is okay, I'm gonna meet her in ten minutes,
Just tell me now, where are you going to meet her?
- I will also come there, - I'll meet her in ten minutes,
I'm just gonna meet her in ten minutes,
If you want, I'll make her speak to you, okay?
AK, what the fuck is going on?
Fuck! Fuck knows what the fuck is going on!
It's the wrong way, You're wasting time, Sonam is not there,
Shut up!
- Where do we go? Tell me, - Versova,
We crossed Versova, Where is it?
- Yari Road, - Left?
Yari Road? Yari Road was not in the script,
- It was not in the script, - I am doing what you asked me,
When did I tell you this? What did I tell you?
Sir…
- Where are you taking us? - Don't hit me,
- I'll fuck you up! - Please don't hit me,
- Anil sir also hit me, - Where now?
Keep going straight,
- It's the wrong way, - I did what you told me,
I am telling you, Sonam is not here,
- Javed, which way? - Keep going straight,
Left from the mutton shop,
- Fucker, what are you doing? - Don't hit me,
- Should I turn left? - Left, sir,
- This building, - This is the wrong place,
This is wrong, It's not in the script,
It's not in the script, Javed, what are you doing?
- Javed! - Sir, fourth floor, 402,
He's fooling you, sir!
Where are you going?
This is not in the script, This is not the right place,
It's your script, You must know!
Exactly! This is my house! My parents live here!
They've already received threats, Why would I bring you here?
- Get down, - The film is about Anil Kapoor, not me,
Just get down!
But what is he doing?
Javed!
What are you doing with my bag?
FaceTime your guy,
I want to see Sonam,
Sonam is not here, I've told you already,
Pick up, Master!
If it's not your house, is it a DVD rental place?
Come on,
I don't know what's going on,
- What's going on? - I don't know,
- How's that possible? You know the script, - Elevator's broken, Which floor?
- Fourth floor, - Come on,
I don't know!
Why is the door open?
Shrilal?
Shrilal!
Why are you going upstairs?
That's where my DVD library is,
What's going on?
Where is Sonam?
I don't know,
- What's going on? - Where is Sonam?
- I don't know, - I don't know where Sonam is,
What's going on?
We just saw her here on FaceTime!
But she's not here! What's going on?
- I don't know! - Why are you asking her?
Did she write the script?
I wrote it, but she was with me, She knew all about it,
Where is Sonam? Sonam…
My parents are sleeping there!
Where are your parents?
Where is Sonam?
Hello, Shrilal, Answer the phone, man,
Where are Mom and Dad?
They are not in their room,
Yes, I'm at home, Where are Mom and Dad?
Forget it, it's pointless, I'll figure it out,
What's going on?
What the fuck is going on?
- Hey! - What's going on?
- Sir! - Where are Mom and Dad?
- I don't know! - Where are they?
- What the fuck is going,,, - Please, I don't know!
Fucking Tarantino, enough with your movie!
Now tell me, where is Sonam?
Otherwise, I will put an end to you before the end of the film!
I don't even know where my parents are!
Fuck your parents!
I just want my Sonam,
Tell me, where is Sonam?
Or I will fucking kill you! I'm gonna fucking kill you,
I really don't know,
I knew what was happening till things were going as per my script,
But someone hijacked my script,
Cut the drama,
It's not drama, Someone hijacked my script,
I don't know where Sonam is,
I don't know where my parents are, They weren't even part of the script,
Who are you calling?
I will find Sonam, I will find everyone,
- Hello? - Hello, Versova Police Station,
Versova Police Station, I am calling from Yari Road,
- Who's speaking? - My name is Anurag Kashyap,
I'm a filmmaker,
- I want to report a kidnapping, - Kashyap?
The one who made Dabangg?
No, sir, my brother made that one,
His name is Abhinav Kashyap, I'm Anurag Kashyap,
We are making a film right now and…
Hello?
What's your complaint?
What do you want to report?
Yes, hold on for a minute,
Hello?
Mr, Kashyap?
Who are these two?
That's my mom and dad,
Where did Javed take Sonam in your original script?
To Byculla,
- At United Mills, - Byculla? Let's go,
We are in the wrong lane, It's a one-way,
I know that, dumbfuck!
- Move! - Get out of my way!
Move!
Check Google Maps, What does it say?
Check faster!
One hour, seven minutes, We won't reach on time,
Stop whining, asshole,
This is all a part of your plan,
to purposely delay me so that I lose my daughter,
Your ending was always decided, Why do you want to make this film?
All you want to prove is that you're a bigger AK than Anil Kapoor!
This is fun to you, right?
You still think this is scripted?
Yes, I do!
Because I don't trust you!
You can fucking stoop to any level, Anurag!
AK, I'm sitting with the cops now, I warned you,
Do whatever you think is right,
You do what you want,
Take a left,
- Who is this? - Who is this?
Who are you?
I am asking you, who are you?
Who is this?
Come on,
There is no one here,
I can see that, I'm not blind, motherfucker!
Where the fuck are they?
They were supposed to be here, Who are you?
Who the fuck are you?
I want to talk to her, Where are they?
- Tell me, where the fuck are they? - Sonam was right here,
- This is where Sonam was, - It's your film, everything's yours!
Find her! FaceTime her!
I don't have my bag,
Where is the bag?
What the fuck is going on? Who are you?
Who are you? Who sent you here?
Who the fuck is he?
Cut the camera and talk to me! Who is he?
What the fuck is going on?
What is it?
Camera keeps rolling, Rule number three,
Fuck the rule! It's my rule, I can change it,
What's going on?
Who the fuck are you?
Fuck the rule, Yogita, Please,
If you know what's going on, please,
Where are my parents?
- Anurag! - I know you've fucking done it,
I want to know where the fuck is everyone,
Just come here! Anurag, don't waste time,
I know your fucking plan,
Check where Sonam is,
Fuck, man,
What is this?
What the fuck is this?
I'm not doing this,
- It's someone else, - Try again,
Someone else is doing this,
- Just try again, - Who is doing this?
This was not in my script,
It wasn't supposed to be like this,
This was not in the script,
None of this was in the script,
I don't know what's happening, Someone…
You can read the script,
This was the script, This was the plan,
You can read it for yourself,
I don't know what the fuck is going on,
Will you tell me what's going on?
Stop fucking shooting!
"Anurag forcefully enters Anil Kapoor's makeup van,"
"Anurag knows the story won't go anywhere
until Anil Kapoor believes that Anurag has kidnapped Sonam,"
"Anurag has to make sure Anil Kapoor calls Sonam,"
"And at one point, he will have to cut Sonam's finger,"
- What the fuck! - It was not cut,
It's a film, We used prosthetic makeup, Why would I cut her finger?
"Anurag keeps reminding Anil of the time he has left,"
"Anil Kapoor has to find Javed,"
You knew everything,
Bandra, taxi stand, Javed, the house, You knew everything,
My house is not in the script,
- Please, keep reading, - Everything is written here,
"Javed drops them outside Anurag's house and runs away,"
"And at home, Anurag is out of breath, he collapses with an asthma attack,"
- This is not,,, - It's all there,
The script has been changed, She changed it,
- This script was in your bag! - Only she has access to my bag,
You're lying,
Why would I lie?
You made me run circles around the city, all the way to Versova,
just so I don't reach here on time,
Versova was not in my plan,
My parents were not in my plan,
According to my script, you should've found Sonam here,
We would reach here, and the climax was supposed to be between us,
What's written in the climax?
Read it, asshole!
"Anurag takes Anil Kapoor to United Mills,"
"There, he finds a masked cameraman,"
"Anurag asks him who he is,"
"Then he sees another cameraman,"
"Anurag claims that someone has hijacked his script,"
"Sonam is not there, Anil Kapoor breaks down,"
"He falls to his knees and begs Anurag to return his daughter,"
"Instead of returning Sonam, Anurag takes a gun out of his bag…"
Read it,
"Anurag says to Anil,
'You're just an actor, Anil Kapoor, Nothing more,'
'You've been showing off your swag for 40 years,'
'Tonight, Anurag Kashyap stripped you off of your fake acting,'
'Today, you've bled real blood and cried real tears,'
'For the first time in your life, you haven't acted but actually lived a role,'
'You… you should be thanking me,'
'My director's work here is done,'
'Now you'll always wonder why you hadn't done Allwyn Kalicharan,'
'If you had, you could have saved Sonam,'
'You have two choices now,'"
Keep reading,
"Either kill yourself, because you couldn't save Sonam,
or shoot me,"
Why would I write this rubbish?
Why would I provoke you to shoot me?
I have a daughter, too,
My parents were also kidnapped, Why would I write this?
Well, you did say… you can die for cinema,
- But it's all her doing, - Sit,
Sit, motherfucker! Sit!
I haven't written this,
I beg of you,
I am 47 years old,
Everybody I love has left me, None of my films work at the box office,
I'm dealing with a midlife crisis,
I just want to be a good father, that's all,
Midlife crisis?
Have I not failed?
You think I haven't had a midlife crisis?
You have one daughter, I have three children, Anurag,
I've been running around like a dog all night,
I danced on stage like a monkey,
Can you dance for your daughter?
Dance, asshole!
Dance for your daughter today!
Just because I've been married to one woman my whole life
I have to pay for your failed marriages?
Motherfucker! Tell me where Sonam is!
- I don't know, - Tell me, Kashyap!
- I really don't know! - Where is she?
Fuck,
Fuck!
Help me,
Help me!
Yeah,
Welcome to Sattar News Live show,
BREAKING NEWS ANURAG KASHYAP KIDNAPS SONAM KAPOOR
As you can see, this is the building
where controversial film director Anurag Kashyap lives,
Due to the depression of not being able to make a successful film…
THREE ACCOMPLICES OF KASHYAP ARRESTED
…Anurag Kashyap kidnapped Sonam Kapoor and his own parents last night
and hid them in the compound of his own building,
He was using Sonam Kapoor to blackmail Anil Kapoor
to work in his next film,
- Sonam ma'am! - Please, Sonam ma'am!
Who is behind this?
Sonam?
Dad,
He planned everything,
He told us what to do, and when to do it,
He said this would be a cinema movement,
And after this, no one would forget us, No one would forget this film,
We would go to Cannes,
I didn't know he was insane,
I love it when a plan comes together,
And cut!
He wants to be a hero at this age,
"My Name Is Lakhan" is a thing of the past,
"My Name is Lakhan…" Now you're Anil uncle,
Fuck!
In 2020, you've turned into Mr, India again,
You've disappeared from the screens,
Invisible and irrelevant,
Who's there?
Who is it? Just come in!
Sir…
Anurag sir left his phone here,
Can I please take it?
- Come in, - Thank you, sir,
Listen, what's your name?
Yogita,
Do you want to be Anurag's minion forever or achieve something in life?
Do you want to become a director?
Sir,
Sir, I think you should do something,
I'm thinking about it,
I have an idea,
You don't have to act at all, Sonam Kapoor is missing,
You have to find her before sunrise,
I acted just like a character from one of your films,
Nawazuddin Siddiqui has never been this real,
I bled real blood, performed for the real public,
The complete package of entertainment,
And since you see the world only through your camera lens,
you couldn't see that my entire family was my supporting cast,
Sorry, Dad,
Justice!
Javed, stop!
This is wrong, It's not in the script,
Javed, what are you doing? Javed!
It's open,
The film is about Anil Kapoor, not me,
Just get down!
But what is he doing?
Javed!
But she's not here! What's going on?
Why are you asking her?
The script has been changed, She changed it,
This script was in your bag!
- Tell me, Kashyap! - I don't know!
Where is she?
Anil Kapoor has been a star for 40 years,
And will remain one till his last breath,
And FYFI…
For your fucking information…
I have won six Filmfare Awards, not four,
Off, off, off you go!
Off, off, take a hike!
Off, out, take a hike!
Off, off…
Off, off
Off, out, take a hike!
A gamechanger star My swag is killer
People call me rock star That's my style!
A gamechanger star My swag is killer
People call me rock star That's my style!
Did you get what I said?
This star shines in the dark
The world is wondering Why am I forever young?
Who is successful? Who is living in hell?
Year was 1956 Day was December 24
My karma is my buddy Since the day I was born
My pop said, fear not! Everyone has to die one day…
Police investigation reveals the truth,
To save himself from Kashyap, Anil Kapoor had to shoot him,
Kashyap has now been arrested,
He might be sentenced for eight to fifteen years,
In every film
I said jhakaas!
I tore my enemies apart
Anil Kapoor's next film, Once Upon A Time In Bollywood,
is ready for release,
This film stars Anil, Sonam, and Harshvardhan Kapoor,
And is directed by debutant director, Yogita,
Anil Kapoor calls this film his most honest performance yet,
Take a chill pill
Absolutely jhakaas!
Acting is a God's gift to me
One day's minister Saved the nation
I'm strong, I can give hell Goons get trouble, love to all others
I'm a free bird, I walk with a swag Don't mess, I don't brag!
I love challenges Not a worry in the world
Loved ones are welcome Nasty foes, here I come!
Life smooth as butter Don't you smoke, bugger!
Public goes, "What a film!"
Bro, you are first class!
My name is Lakhan Let me show you some action
I'm lover of lovers Friendships last forever
You are a softie at heart Your father calls me smart
One, two, three, four Do you want more?
A gamechanger star My swag is killer
People call me rock star That's my style!
A gamechanger star My swag is killer
People call me rock star That's my style!
Best Film Director for my first film!
Oh, my God!
Anil sir!
You acted in my film, you produced it,
You saved Sonam, You saved me!
Thank you, Thank you so much,
And the Best Actor, Male, of the year goes to…
They say…
when you act, you leave a little bit of your soul behind,
But over here, I think it was a bit more,
You bled for real, you hurt for real,
And you cried for real,
Only you could have done this,
My incredible father,
Mr, Anil Kapoor,
I wanna thank…
the entire film fraternity,
I wanna thank…
No!
…Yogita, who made this film,
And of course…
Grab him!
…my entire family who've stood by me through thick and thin!
No!
Thank you,
Come on!
Move it!
- No, - Move it!
Grab him!
"…Kashyap will avenge everyone,"
Kashyap,
- Father… - "Father…"
- Grandfather… - "Grandfather…"
- Brother… - "Brother…"
Your Kashyap will avenge everyone,
"Your Kashyap will avenge everyone,"
- Father… - "Father…"
- Grandfather… - "Grandfather…"
Brother…
Your Kashyap will avenge everyone,
"Your Kashyap will avenge everyone,"
Father,
grandfather,
brother,
your Kashyap will avenge everyone!