[Aldo] Now I'll tell you a story of exploits and loves,
Of joy, cunning and honor,
A story of times gone by, of
swords, and of trained knights at arms,
Of bold aims and vain conquests,
Of servants, handmaids and dreamy ladies,
And this paladin, with a mocking destiny,
was known by all by the name of Rinaldo,
An ancient story, of honor and
destiny, of a forgotten yet close time,
I tell you the story of a bold paladin,
[softly] In the audience, You don't have to come here,
[he babbles]
[he clears his throat]
And of Angelica, with whom he was in love, he said in one
breath, "You can't stay here, you have to go to the audience!",
And I'll tell you again,
Since he was in love with
Angelica, he said, in one breath…
[softly] “I will always love you,
” "I will Always Love You,"
Life as a child is a walk, but when
you become an adult it's a race,
A race in which the only thing that
matters is being the best, arriving first,
As we have taught you in this university,
wherever you work,
whatever the cost, be number one,
- And we will be, Roberto, - Yes, we will be,
We will be number one,
[Roberto] Number one, yes,
And in fact, being number one in the headquarters of my
city, of the most important real estate agency in the
country, is the dream, the goal I have aimed for in recent years,
And here I am…
I keep dreaming about it,
Come on!
[Roberto] For now, I'm number zero, because here at work it's different,
University exams are one thing, that you can
study them first, and another thing is the customers,
The agency will be happy to manage the sale,
- Well, - But when will you vacate the apartment?
- I took all my things, - Oh,
The abominable furniture you see, It's from my bitch ex-wife,
Not everything is kept, however,
The disgusting monkey goes to the beach
house, the tiger goes to the mountain house,,,
- And the chair goes to the Casamonicas, - [laugh]
- It's really terrible, - Yes, it's true,
No!
This is the ugliest statue I have seen,
- I mean, this is the whole house,,, - This is Pallino,
He also has a shitty name,
It's the statue of my dog, Pallino,
We've been best friends since I was a boy,
Ah, Pallino,
No, Pallino, it's a nice name, I understood Mariolino,
Mariolino is my father, anyway,
But it's not so much the name or the subject, it is the creation of the statue that…
I made this statue,
Maybe it's better for me to leave,
And say hello to Pallino,
It's the tomb,
[sighs]
- [man] Coffee? - Yes,
Cane?
But yes, let's make this joint, that fits,
Then I understood it right away, These red eyes, the hat…
So, first of all, I meant brown sugar,
secondly, I have conjunctivitis, and
thirdly I am an agent of the Guardia di Finanza,
To say that I, to her, understand her,
- So I'll ask you an unusual question, - Tell me,
What is the neighborhood like?
Are there foreigners? Black kids?
No,
We don't let them in here, Here it is 100% Italian,
Sin,
[Roberto] In short, I always say and do the wrong thing at the wrong time,
Hi, welcome to Casa Casa,
I am Roberto, I am an agent of this real estate agency,
- Make photocopies of the entire file, - I don't make photocopies,,,
I only do them because the copier is here,
to save time, but I am an agent like them,
In any case, you'll be happy around here, that is, in our agency,
How good I felt,
This is a peaceful and quiet place,
When it's ready, can you bring it over there? Thank you,
Without sugar, who are on a diet,
[machine noise]
Silent, usually,
But then we are all friends, so we exchange
favors, it's a nice thing between colleagues,
Riccardo, bring me the customer list,
My name is Roberto, not Riccardo,
I'm happy that today, at least, there is someone to talk to,
[in English] Excuse me?
Perfect,
[Roberto] Ah, I forgot, our boss, Elisabetta,
She leaves her office only to repeat…
Guys, come on, sell, sell, sell!
[not audible]
[Roberto] She doesn't talk to us, she gives us orders,
The only one he compares himself with is the man of records,
Ludovico, the same one who now speaks to me only to tell me,,,
Yet at university you were good,
[Roberto] In conclusion, the story I'm about to
tell you doesn't have the classic paladin as its
protagonist, but simply someone who people don't understand,
I put this between How to understand people,
and How to understand people before speaking,
Buy yourself a book that helps you understand books
that help you understand how to understand people,
- And buy yourself a bookcase, - I need a book on how to understand you,
Tell me the truth,
But do you continue to bring books here to me because you are ashamed to bring them to your home?
- No, it's not that I'm ashamed, it's that,,, - [mumbles]
Don't get involved too, Giovanni,
Even today I didn't close a single contract,
You are lucky, because you work with objects, not with people,
But what do you mean?
Which with a computer is much simpler, because you have
the instruction booklet and you know where to put your hands,
It has arrived!
Whereas with people you have no idea, You have to guess, so randomly,
However, we are all in the same boat,
Take me, My wife left me because she says I don't understand her,
My daughter is with my wife because she says I don't
understand her, she even told me: "You know nothing about me,"
Okay, but it's the classic phrase that is said, especially at that age,
How old is your daughter?
My daughter?
What can it have…
- When was she born? Do the calculation, - Do I have to do it? She's your daughter,
And it changes every year,
It is normal that it changes every year,
Okay,
Enzo, the two usual sandwiches, and put it on our account,
Guys, with these there are 15 sandwiches you have to pay me,
Okay, let's make it 16, I'll take one away from me, Come on, 16,
[Aldo] Get to the box office, that maybe someone enters without paying,
[Roberto] If anyone comes in, it's because we pay for it,
I told you, With two puppeteers, the show is more beautiful,
Grandpa, don't look at me,
The problem isn't that the puppeteer is missing, but the audience,
There's still a few minutes to go,
But then, I say, this one, for example, we might as well throw it away,
It's no longer needed anyway, when do we use it?
But no, leave it there, it can be useful,
And this damp stain? Every day it's bigger,
What should we do?
Humidity, It will be done like this,
And you can't see it anymore,
But don't you understand that it's lucky to have me?
- [verses of intolerance] - Expert seller,
A place like this, in five minutes, I'll sell it to you for double the price,
- You always tell me the same thing, - I know, but it's because you don't think,
[in Sicilian] This theater is like me,
Here it is,
Some ailments,
but with still something to say,
Okay,
Sometimes I wonder, why when you were
little, you did everything to come in here,
- Because I was too small, - And now you're too big,
[Aldo] Oh yes,
[door opening]
I told you someone was coming,
Greetings,
[Aldo] In exactly one minute, the show begins,
[Sara] Actually, I'm here for more,
My name is Sara Badalamenti and I am an anthropology researcher,
I'm doing work on puppet traditions in Sicily,
Oh,
It was needed,
Doctor, if you want, I can show you around the theater,
Let's hope,
No, I'll make him do it,
I've been coming here since I was little anyway,
Thank you,
I think it's perfect for my research,
I find this theater, and your desire to carry it forward, very interesting,
That's what I always tell my grandfather,
"Let's keep this place going, that interests me,"
We like it,
Could I come back some other time?
But of course, we can only be pleased that a beautiful girl is coming,
That is, beautiful girl from the anthropological point of view of the term,
Yes, of course, anthropological,
My nephew,
[washing machine noise]
[wakes up]
[mobile phone] Your destination is on the left,
Cabbage!
Hello, Casa Casa agency, I am…
But she's the Englishman from the other day,
That is, [incorrect English] you are
the Englishman from the other day,
- [Roberto splutters] - Yes, it's me,
But do you speak Italian?
[in English accent] Definitely better than you speaking English,
Why did he only speak English in the agency?
I had to invent something
to free you from those embarrassing justifications,
The concept is clear,
It's okay, I do my job, in
Italian, and I evaluate the house,
Among other things, from what I see, you kept all
the items, so I assume you want to rent it furnished,
Yes, I won't need it anyway for a few years,
I don't think he cared much, it was all full of dust,
They were my Uncle Paul's ashes,
I'll pick it up right away,
He took care of it,
- Now I'll take it apart, and I'll take them from him immediately, - Let it be,
Then I continue my work, and I evaluate the house,
Or at least, before I break it all,
[Roberto's embarrassing verses]
Aren't you wondering why I asked about you?
Because, behind those justifications, you will
have seen that a great real estate agent is hiding,
[laughs]
No,
Meditate, Roberto,
Meditate,
Like you do every evening, with your videos, before sleeping, in
your 35 square meter home, in via Svizzera 12, on the third floor,
Just as I know that, before arriving here,
you got lost three times, despite the navigator,
Come, have a seat,
Who told you all these things?
You, every day,
See, this is your card,
Your every interaction with the web, is recorded by this algorithm,
Every video of yours viewed, every purchase,
every reaction you have on social media,
Thanks to this tool, I have won electoral
campaigns, I have influenced public opinion,
I have always managed to anticipate every move,
Also the fact that, soon, they will come and get me,
I worked for important people, famous, smart, Okay?
I helped them, and now I want to
help an incompetent and useless inept,
Tea,
This is already helping my self-esteem,
Wait, I'm about to pay you a compliment,
When I first saw you, you reminded me of me,
I too was the last wheel of the wagon,
A piece of rubbish, a piece of shit, like you,
Are these compliments?
There I realized that there was something I didn't know how to do,
Compliments, for example,
I didn't know how to be in tune with everyone, I didn't know how to understand them,
Knowing things they would never tell anyone,
[police sirens]
There, I told you they would come for me,
Hmm?
Look, Roberto, I was about to destroy this PC,
But instead, I decided that I won't destroy it,
When you get it, you can go out the back, no one will see you,
How can you be so sure I'll take it?
Because, Roberto, I know everything about you,
[TV] The news offered no resistance…
- Giovanni, I have to tell you something, - Wait,
[TV] He seemed calm as he reached them,
and spontaneously handed himself over,
This criminal hacker, using a common PC, he
managed a huge, continuously updated
database, where tastes, habits and any other
information that we provide on the web are catalogued,
With this arrest, the police concluded the investigation,
- And now let's move on to the football,,, - Can you imagine?
There's no need to imagine it,
Look here,
- Giovanni Mandalà, - Present,
Yes, I see you, I say, look at this,
For example, yesterday you ordered eight hamburgers delivered,
so I guess you had guests,
- No, I was hungry, - Very good,
And, you're looking to buy a bookcase,
But what do you need the library for?
To give it to you, so I can get the books out of here, finally,
Right, you're right,
"A necklace with a shark tooth,"
Plastic, do you realize?
It said: "Original shark tooth, from,,,"
"From the Australian coast,"
Do you even know the scams I get?
He knows everything, and now you will get advertising for the burger and the bookstore,
And we have this power now,
- What's your surname Enzo? - Massaro,
Look here, Enzo, the sandwich maker, buys…
[Giovanni] "The luminous finger of E,T,, Indiana Jones' whip,
Rocky Balboa's glove,"
They are all memorabilia from cult films,
Have you come to pay the bill? I hope,
No, actually we will come in the week for that,
Today we would like two glasses of water, It's free anyway, right?
- Two glasses? - Thank you, Enzo,
Thank you,
Nothing, I was telling you, I participated in this auction and won,
- It's spectacular, look at that, Masterpiece, - Is it really original from Jaws?
Yes, a unique piece in the world, I don't know of any others, I only have it,
[Roberto] An heirloom,
Sorry, but Jaws, the movie?
Yes, of course, Spielberg's,
Unfortunately my thirst has passed,
so keep the glasses of water as if they were yours,
- HI, - HI,
How much do you want for this tooth?
No, Enzo, what's your joke? It is not for sale,
Let's do this, I'll give you everything,
[together] No,
It is not for sale,
Guys, 300 euros and I won't prolong,
However, this idea of ​​leaving the PC with me was a great idea,
It helped me, because I investigated my daughter and discovered…
On his birthday,
No, she's obsessed with Japanese culture,
It's a useful thing, I can use it to try to win her over,
I had an idea, tell me if you like it, I also pretend to be passionate about Japan,
But without attracting attention, always on tiptoe,
Without anyone noticing,
And in fact I didn't notice,
You were really good at being so non-direct and delicate,
Bravo,
- I spent Enzo's money well, - Damn, you got yourself a kimono!
However, in my opinion we went too far, 300 euros for a false tooth,
Although, that cuckold of my dentist, for one capsule…
But what does this have to do with anything? This is what we have to do,
Dentists?
No, we must exaggerate, we can't stop at a false tooth,
Professor Salvatore Lo Iacono,
[Roberto] The only way I can get back on track at work
is to accomplish a feat where even the best have failed,
Professor Lo Iacono?
He's a client I've been following for months, and if I didn't succeed,,,
Maybe I'll succeed,
Riccardo, can you bring me photocopies of my file?
[Roberto] Convincing this Lo Iacono to sell seems impossible,
But we must exploit its weakness, sailing boats,
It's because I have the constraint of work, but I would live on a sailboat,
I'll make you a confession that I've never told anyone,
Every evening, I take my tablet and spend the night
watching documentaries on great ocean sailing voyages,
This guy spends his time watching sailing documentaries,
I know,
How do you know?
- No, I say, I know how you feel, - Oh,
And I envy you,
because if I sold this house,
you could live 100 years in the middle of the sea,
Have you already regretted it?
Taken,
Don't do this for some luck,
Do you remember our professor's words?
One seeks luck,
[door closing]
Today Riccardo is different,
For sure, Riccardo is another, because my name is Roberto,
Richard,
Did you like it? The Japanese uniform is called kabuki,
Eh, but ka buki the eardrums, Giovanni, Give me five minutes, please,
Suca,
No, in Japanese it means understood,
Oh, I understand,
However, in Sicily, it could be misunderstood, right?
- Suca, in the sense… - Okay,
Are you studying any new clients?
No, he's not a customer, she's a girl I like,
Today he comes to the theater,
so I wanted to study a little so as not to arrive unprepared,
It won't be too much, a little too much,
use personal information to play with feelings?
Pretend I didn't tell you anything,
[Roberto sighs]
But what do we know about her? Do you have things in common?
Nothing, we have nothing in common,
I saw the music playlist and he only listens to trap music,
Trapeze artist?
But what a trapeze artist!
Trap music is about crime, with auto-tune,
Young things, You're old inside, of course,
Thank you,
Then she is passionate about scuba diving,
You barely wash yourself,
Thanks for this too,
Then he always watches skateboard races, spend hours watching tutorials,
- You don't move from the sofa, - Perfect,
Then according to a job site, is looking for a job with children,
You see? There's nothing,
[Roberto sighs]
So, I don't know anything about women,
But?
No, without it though, the sentence is over, I don't know how to help you with women,
Thanks for the support,
But is she cute?
Very,
You don't have this in common either,
John? Suca,
- Japanese? - No, in Sicilian,
[Roberto] Eh!
Sorry for the delay,
but, you know, in this city with traffic, the cars popping up everywhere,
For me, as a skater, it's not easy,
We skaters, what a life we ​​lead!
I was telling Sara that no one comes to the theater anymore,
The hope of seeing this theater full of life,
like once upon a time,
- And we will succeed, grandfather, - Oh, yes,
We will succeed, I'll lend you a hand whenever I can,
Except when I'm diving,
If there's one thing I do, It's diving,
but in my free time I come here and give you a hand,
It's getting late, I have to go, but I wrote everything down, Mr, Aldo,
I'll accompany you,
- That theater is truly a magical place, - Yes,
It makes me a child again,
By the way, I love children,
- Really? - Yes, I worked there,
What were you doing?
The work that is done, the animator,
Balloons, birthday parties…
- Do you know that I see you? - Eh, but I have this thing a little,
[music from your cell phone]
Trap music?
Yes, it's the reminder,
I have to go to work,
And do you go skateboarding?
Sure, I have it here, I skate,
Be careful,
But others must be careful, because
I skate too fast, I need to calm down,
- HI, - HI, I'll put it…
I get on it,
[starts the car]
Go, then,
Women first,
You're off to a good start, Roberto,
You go too, Sara, that there is traffic, more than anything else,
- HI, - HI,
Today is a special day,
The property in which Faraci was interested, our
biggest customer, thanks to Casa Casa, is now yours,
[applause]
[Elizabeth] Unfortunately, Mr, Faraci, He won't be
able to be here today, but he sent us a video message,
[TV] I would like to be there with you, but
commitments force me to make a quick video,
I am very happy with the purchase of the property,
another small step towards the realization of the big project
of which my engineer, who is there to talk to Elisabetta,
will lay the first foundations today,
Thank you,
[Elisabetta] Do you remember Professor Lo Iacono's apartment?
We sincerely thank those who unexpectedly
I would say, he succeeded in getting this
apartment which seemed impossible to acquire,
We have to say thanks to Ludovico,
We celebrate at the place near the cathedral,
I have already booked the place,
Now, go back to your desks,
Come on, get to work! Sell, sell, sell!
Dear engineer, do we want to look at this project?
I'm the idiot I should have expected it from you,
Friends at university, until I wrote you the thesis,
I understand how you make a career, You steal other people's ideas,
Answers,
You're right, but ultimately, I just followed the professor's mantra,
"Wherever you work, be number one no matter what,"
My motorbike! Hooligan! Criminal!
What did I tell you, dad? The ramen is delicious,
Look, something exquisite, the most beautiful
thing you have introduced me to, thank you,
I would eat kilos of them, it has become my favorite dish,
And eating it kneeling on the tatami, isn't that comfortable?
An incredible thing, look,
How many do these Japanese invent?
Very comfortable,
Listen, love, I would spend hours talking to you, you
know, when someone is happy, Time flies, but I have to work,
Let's do this, I finish these, before they cool
down, and then we'll talk to you later, ok, love?
- HI, - HI,
- [fake laughter] - HI,
This crap!
Do you want to put a nice sandwich with panelle?
- What happened? - Quick, we have to break his legs,
Don't worry, I've already moved forward, my knees are fucked up,
How do the Japanese stay in this position?
Whose legs should we break?
To Ludovico,
He steals my clients, and I steal them from him,
I arrive,
You see, Mr, Gatti, the grounds of this home are immaculate,
[Giovanni] Lino Gatti goes to the prehistoric
museum every day, but he doesn't work there,
Then from the purchases he makes, it is clear that he is passionate about paleontology,
Damn, nice! Who knows what it means,
It is even said that it dates back to the Mesozoic, so
the only caution I ask you, is to walk on cobblestones,
To protect the land,
I'll take it,
And this is the terrace, Do you see it? Do you see him when he walks?
Do you feel how flat the floor is? Here everything is very flat,
If you put a level on it, you notice how flat this floor is,
The research done is: "Flat Earth, the truth about
the moon landing, one hundred names of reptilians",
Conspiracy theorist, conspiracy theorist, flat earther, What do you want to find there?
A psychoanalyst,
And from here you can see that it's very flat,
And this fact should not be underestimated, because it is flat just like the Earth,
So when she walks, wastes much less energy,
And from here he can see the Sun turning, because he turns,
And then at night he sees the Moon, Among other things, we have never been to the Moon,
I say this because there are rumors, but it's all a conspiracy,
- Shall we take the house? - The world falls apart,
- Dish, - Certain,
I wanted to apologize for the delay, but I came by train,
The train is no longer like it used to be, It's not like he arrives on time,
[Roberto] What can you tell me about him?
[Giovanni] On social media, he follows Mussolini's groups, the nostalgic ones,
Buy memorabilia from the fascist era,
- But hadn't Fascism passed? - It seems present to me,
You still haven't seen the pearl of this house: the balcony,
I don't know about her, but this place gives me security,
- You could sleep,,, - [together] With the doors open,
So, does he take the house? Very good,
Ah, sorry, it's habit,
What's Roberto crazy about?
Sold,
- Did you sell this too? - Yes,
You sold 34 properties in one week,
Exact,
Sorry, but the word sold has a certain effect on me,
How come I've never seen you?
Because I was behind the copy machine,
Oh,
And show up more,
I'm sorry if I broke your record, yet at university you were good,
It was very difficult to book, They make delicious aperitifs here,
In fact, I think I've already been there,
I know,
I mean, you don't know how many times I've gone diving here, Actually, down there,
Whoever you say, I practically grew up underwater,
Like the Little Mermaid,
Yes, kind of,
We should do a dive together,
It's just that now my wetsuit has holes in it and it's leaking water,
- Like the Titanic, then, - Yes, exactly,
Incredible that there are still people who get away with it,
♪ I returned to my country ♪
♪ Unpretentious, unpretentious ♪
Actually, I didn't know,
- I'm going to the bathroom for a moment, - Okay,
♪ I'm looking for love, not for demands ♪
♪ In my country, in my country ♪
♪ People gossip And my arms are tense ♪
♪ I sing this mazurka for you ♪
John, listen to me, take the PC and search for Franco Canello,
But do you really know my brother?
Of course, we went to school together,
On purpose, I wanted to ask you a small favor,
Don't you know trap music?
♪ Burglary of apartments But I keep my teeth gold ♪
♪ I steal your car But in love I am cautious ♪
♪ I'm cautious ♪
♪ Apartments, I'm cautious ♪
[inaudible voices]
Next week is a holiday, so I was
wondering if you'd like to come,
We could see each other, but also without a party,
Yes, to be alone, the two of us,
Alone,
- Are you here too? - Yes, and you too,
You read the article on noncelodicono,org,
about the UFO landing, for tonight,
I missed this,
But do you realize that the first
intelligent life forms they will see are us?
Eh,
If they are looking for intelligent life forms, Maybe it's better that you don't find yourself,
Boy, does he get it! Let's hide,
- You're too strong! - Yes,
We were saying, for a few…
- [cell phone ringtone] - Excuse me,
Ready?
HI, No, yes,
Now?
Ok, fine, I'm coming, HI,
The work, I have to go to work,
- At this time? - When the boss calls, call,
Rob?
Sorry, but I couldn't go to sleep without
you giving me your opinion on this,
About what?
I'll give you an example,
Do you prefer an example with cars or with sex?
With cars, better with cars,
When you're in the car and having sex, you have to be very
careful, you have to know how to move, choose the right
moment, and above all, you must not get caught up in the emotion,
Here you are…
you with Faraci, tomorrow, you will have to do the same thing,
I don't understand, what should I do with Faraci?
Tomorrow Faraci's men will arrive to meet the sales manager,
- Ludovico, - No,
From tomorrow, you will take his place,
- And I have to meet Faraci's men? - I need number one,
Sorry, but number one it has a certain effect on me,
"Password: win, and we will win!"
Let's hope so,
We will win,
No? All right, bye,
Roberto, I wanted to tell you, if you need
to make photocopies, Let me know, please,
Of course, thanks,
Ah, obviously I'm here for anything too,
- Thank you, - But thanks to you, Roberto,
My name is not Ri…
Ah, Roberto, right,
Oh, and voilà, there you have it, A nice coffee on me,
There's already sugar,
I can't take it because I'm on a diet,
Yes, I knew it,
Damn, the teeth,
Congratulations,
SALES MANAGER
Please, gentlemen, this is Roby, Roberto is our smartest agent,
They are Faraci's lawyer and engineer,
Good work,
[door closing]
Shall we start with the presentation?
My men will tell you the rest,
I would like to be there with you,
but my commitments in France force me to make a quick video,
Many greetings from Paris, And thank you,
In conclusion,
the project includes a shopping center in the center,
six thousand square meters of space,
All car parks will be equipped with security cameras,
because in this city there is someone who drops motorcycles and then runs away,
This thing is true, I've heard it said,
The acquisition of the Lo Iacono property, it's just the beginning,
We have little time to acquire the other
properties, pursuant to article 1,470 of the Civil Code,
Only when we acquire all the other properties will we be
able to proceed with the demolition, according to articles
ten, twenty-two and twenty-three of the consolidated building law,
- Of course, don't worry, - But have we already met?
No, it's just that I have a common face,
Certainly not the face of a thug or a criminal,
[mobile phone] ♪ Burglary apartments But I keep my teeth gold ♪
♪ I steal your car But in love I am cautious ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ I'll snatch your bag and come back,,, ♪
It's my cousin's cell phone, he lent it to me,
Yes, he is a hooligan and a delinquent,
Be careful, we need to see what kind of criminal he is,
This is to be able to hit the right article,
because, for crimes, you have to be very precise,
Enough,
Please know that I will be able to acquire all the properties in the project,
And it is exactly as our friend Commendatore
Faraci says, "I am destined to build dreams",
Also because articles ten, twenty-two, and
twenty-three of the building code impose very specific times on us,
Until we meet again,
It's your biggest chance, to be
able to take my place next year,
These are all the properties to be acquired for the project,
Okay,
- Don't fail with Faraci, - No,
It wouldn't be nice to see you behind the copier again, would it?
It can't happen,
Come on! Can you not eat for a minute?
We have to work, come on, I tell you the names and you write them down,
I'm starving, between you and my daughter I'm becoming like this,
You can see it, in fact,
So, look to see if Viola Ferrante is there,
- And we have it, - Found it,
Girolamo Baita,
- Found, - Aldo…
Impossible,
I can't find this,
Aldo Lipari,
My grandfather,
Meaning what?
I have to acquire my grandfather's theater,
But if I haven't managed to convince
him in so many years, how can I do it now?
I can't go back to making coffee and photocopies,
Oh sure,
This, technically, in Japan it is called harakiri,
[with a Sicilian accent] Ah, you scoundrel, move your
weapons towards other warriors, because this place must…
Sell ​​it,
I knew you were coming to rehearsals,
You're convinced, huh?
Finally, two puppeteers, and the show is more beautiful,
I'm not here for this, I'm here to be an audience,
since he's never there, at least I do it,
Simply, grandfather, I am now number one in the agency,
and considering that this theater is falling to pieces, we,,,
It's true, Roberto is right, This theater is falling apart,
Do you see it? We all tell you, only you don't listen to us,
But the Institute of Anthropology for which I work, at my
request, will finance a renovation project of the theater,
We will be able to have the schools come, We will have the money and the audience!
- Really? - Yes!
Well done!
Were you moved?
Yes, they are tears of joy,
How cute you are, But the surprises aren't over,
Ta-da!
Ah, it's a wetsuit,
Yes, it's a smooth neoprene wetsuit, my
cousin who knows about it recommended it to me,
Good thing Weschus is made of neoprene,
- Smooth, you told me? - Yes, it is,
Because if it's not smooth, I, don't joke,
Me, if it's not smooth smooth,,,
- No, it's gentle on the skin, - Thank goodness, otherwise it'll burn me,
You can dive again!
Look, today is a day full of surprises, I can't wait,
I would try it now,
To say,
AND…
I want to point out that it hasn't been three hours since I ate,
- So, in theory,,, - HI!
Are you Roberto?
My cousin Sara told me a lot about you,
- It's really nice to meet you, - Pleasure,
Look, I know you're an expert,
- Yes, - [cousin] So you take care of it,
So, I'm going to help others,
- Go calmly, - HI,
- This is my field, - Let's go?
No,
Why?
Eh, why? Because that would be a shame,
I make money with the mask, but you,
with these eyes, this hair, these teeth,
But even if I didn't have hair or teeth,
[Sara laughs]
Since we've known each other, it always seems to me that you're grasping at straws,
Perhaps more than the sub, I had to be a climber,
It's amazing because, usually, I like
confident guys, and then here comes you,
So, do you like me?
Will be? Can you come for a moment?
Will you stop teasing him?
He'll realize you've never been scuba diving,
- That's why you have to help me, - What if I don't want to help you anymore?
How much longer does this story have to last?
You don't listen to trap music, and you don't even know what a skateboard looks like,
That's me,
He has the same tastes as me,
It's so graceful, delicate, It seems tailor-made for me,
He is my Sfera Ebbasta, and I am his Angelina,
Who?
I'm a trapper and his girlfriend,
I don't tolerate trap music,
Meanwhile, that very graceful and delicate boy is twice your age,
It's clear that I have to tell him the truth, it's just that,,,
What if I told him now?
On the dinghy, when he sees that you don't even know how to put on fins,
- You have to help me, - Get by yourself,
- Sara Badalamenti? - [together] Yes?
- The other Sara Badalamenti? - [together] Yes,
You chose the wrong Sara Badalamenti,
- Roberto Lipari? - Yes,
So, shall we go?
No,
No? Why?
Because it's true that I make money without a mask,
but you too, without a mask, gain,
With these eyes, this hair, these teeth,
- But even if I were without teeth or hair, - Certain,
[they laugh nervously]
With the mask we couldn't do this,
♪ Burglary of apartments But I keep my teeth gold ♪
♪ I steal your car… ♪
I know this one by heart, you listen to it,
No, I like trap music better when I'm not listening to it,
But I can't miss your face while you listen to it,
How many hours would you spend talking about skateboarding?
Few,
How few?
- In the sense that I always talk about it, - Oh, me too,
What's the point of talking about it? Of a sport, then?
Sure, I agree,
Then I have to go to the Museum of Anthropology for a university project,
- I'll take you, - All right,
Then it's right, It's not like you can
always talk, you can do other things too,
[music]
[they laugh]
[broken glass]
But what do I have to tell him again? Broken things are always there in museums,
In fact, it's strange that you didn't even have one, an amphora, nothing,
Broken is old,
The Colosseum is beautiful because it is broken,
I, for example, would expose this,
Damn, that seems like an exaggerated figure to me,
No, it's increasing,
Ah!
I got it from her,
He made a big statement because he wants to negotiate,
I work in marketing, I wallow in this world, I
speak the same language as her, and I have read her,
She's a smart guy, an affable, empathetic,
A cuckold! He didn't take even a cent from me,
And thank goodness negotiations are your forte!
In my job, I can convince
anyone to do anything,
Did you convince me like this too?
What is it?
No, I was just thinking about that skateboard
book that we never bought again, it's left here,
- I didn't take it because I have it, - So then can I make photocopies?
- I'll bring them to you, - It's just that I care,
What does it cost me between dives?
Yes, we didn't do that anymore either,
Next week concert and immersion,
[Roberto] You know how to make me happy,
And with this touch of Japanese, I made this office unique in the world for you,
But how did you know I wanted a booth?
But then what is the use of the PC?
You don't have to use the PC on me, I already told you,
Hold your hands, until I find a solution
for the theater, the office is on loan,
Permit,
This office suits you, huh?
Thank you,
Handsome! This gives you a tone, an oriental touch,
- [Roberto] Eh-mh, - How's business going?
[verses of nervousness]
- After the last house I sold… - [Elizabeth sighs]
Um,
Assigned, contractually assigned,
- The usual things, acquisitions, sales… - [Roberto splutters]
Economic transitions,
Anyway, let's change the subject, now what I have sold, I have sold,
[groan]
Shall we go out to dinner tonight? A business dinner, you and me,
I'll come pick you up in my car,
I come on foot,
I'll come pick you up in my car,
- Good, The sensei of love we have, - But which sensei? What love?
Before he didn't even say hello to you, now I'm inviting you to dinner,
I didn't do anything to have all this, I only sold houses,
But why don't you take advantage of it?
In what sense?
Since you can't convince your grandfather to give up the theater,
why don't you try to convince her to give up Faraci at dinner tonight?
[accordion]
[applause]
[Canello] We'll be back with smooth sailing soon and,,,
Attention!
Roberto has just arrived,
- Do you know him? - It's just that he does a lot of evenings,
- Oh, - Unfortunately,
Great friend of my brother, since they were
little, let's give them a big round of applause,
- Thank you, - [Canello] See you soon,
You know…
in my life I have met many men with the ability to close deals,
But you are special,
I've eaten here before, at another graduation,
I wanted to ask you something special, in fact,
Something special for a seller, that an agent would never ask,
- I understand, - What did you understand?
- Where are you going? - Then I'll explain,
Come here, look who's on the video call, my brother!
But fuck you!
- Wait, that's my boss, - Ah, the employee who goes with the boss,
- No, you don't understand, - You're the one who didn't understand,
- But I… - [Sara starts the car]
["Freedom" by Peppe Lana plays]
Can you tell me the progress of the Faraci project?
Certain, And, I'm trying to understand,
the fact of, what's the name of the speech,,,
How many properties have you managed to acquire?
Nobody,
Not even grandfather's theater?
Meet Agent Lipari, who took over my business,
to avoid having his grandfather's theater demolished,
It didn't happen that way,
Listen, Lipari, by tomorrow morning at 8:00,
I want that signed contract on my desk,
And don't come back without a contract,
No, I'm not coming back at all,
I'm not coming back anymore,
I'm not selling the theater, In fact, keep everything,
Keep your rankings, your races, your goals,
that every time you reach one, another one pops up,
Keep everything except the coffee machine and the copier,
Well, maybe change those because they make too much noise,
Nobody quits without my permission,
You're fired,
[Roberto] I thought it was better before,
Everyone knew what I was like, I couldn't
disappoint anyone, no one expected anything from me,
Look now, I lost my job, I lost Sara, who then
tried to talk to her, but she doesn't want to know,
I know, but remember,
Behind an angry woman, there is always a
man who doesn't understand what he did,
I remember it very well, because it was
written in How to Understand Women in 1,000 volumes,
- Okay, I gave him a peek, - You did well,
[Roberto snorts]
But honestly, what did this PC bring me?
- Definitely terrible news for me, - Meaning what?
My daughter is not in love with Japan, but of a Japanese,
Roberto, if I take it, I do it black like hosomaki, believe me,
But it's not normal for an algorithm to know more about your daughter than you do,
What an algorithm knows about you, more than I know,
Maybe it's better not to know,
Well, maybe it's better not to know,
But what was it? Wait, don't tell me,
An underwater probe to prove that the Earth is flat,
- You really pissed me off, - And one thing is for sure, those are round,
[cell phone rings]
Like the face I would make on you, round,
- Grandpa, tell me, - [Giovanni] Damn you!
But what happened?
[with Sicilian accent] And what do I know, I'm a painter, not a plumber,
For me, the pipes were too old and failed,
But we are painters, not plumbers,
It was after this show that I taught you how to operate puppets,
You can't remember, you were little,
Instead I remembered it, Late, but I remembered,
[door opening]
No, I'll go,
What are you doing here?
Listen to me, Roberto, we have always fought against each other,
but nothing came to either of them,
I have Faraci, but I don't have the theatre,
You, on the other hand, have the theater,
Or at least, what's left of it,
But you lost your job,
- I'd like to patch it up, - I think it's not enough to absorb everything,
Listen to me,
Give me the theater, we'll sell it to Faraci and split the percentage,
And you know how much I'm talking about,
Let's say, in memory of our friendship,
The fact is that I, our friendship,
I don't remember it,
Think about it, Roberto,
Think about it,
[Enzo] This is the original tooth from Jaws by Steven Spielberg,
No, what are you doing, touching? Don't touch it, This is a relic,
Roberto, is everything ok? Shall I make you the usual sandwich?
No, thanks, Enzo, really, Thanks for the beer, but that's okay,
Are you down in the dumps?
Yes, in fact one beer is not enough,
To relax, I would need a joint,
Sugar, Brown sugar, I meant,
But this one goes away without paying?
No, we have an agreement, They gave me the tooth from Jaws,
and this wonderful Karate Kid memorabilia,
[door opening]
Good morning,
I'm here to sell theater,
It seems like the wisest choice to me, I'll have a contract prepared immediately,
But on only one condition,
Why did you do it?
[Aldo clears his throat]
It's my fault,
It's not your fault, a pipe broke, What do you have to do with it?
Center,
That damp stain said it all,
And I ignored her,
I had to sell when you told me to,
No, you shouldn't have sold, neither before nor now,
It's the right thing, trust me,
I did it…
as long as they summarize you,
But I don't care about the agency anymore,
Tell me you haven't signed yet,
[doorbell]
HI,
As for the other evening, it was the boss who…
I talked to your grandfather, I went to the theater,
But did they really buy the theater in those conditions?
Yes, his name is Faraci, is a client of the agency,
Now he's tearing it down and building a shopping center,
and I have no idea what to do,
But sorry, in your job, you weren't
able to convince anyone to do anything?
Convince this Faraci to give up the theater,
I wasn't able to do anything,
A PC did everything,
The same one that made us fall in love,
What do you mean?
And so, I'm not a fan of trap, I don't know how to
skate, I'm not a diver, I'm not a children's entertainer,
- I know what you're thinking, - You were an idiot,
I know this too,
You were an idiot for using that information,
And this too, I know,
But you were even more of an idiot because you didn't
realize that it was the information of another Sara Badalamenti,
My cousin,
Yes, I fully agree,
I'm such an idiot,
We're two idiots,
I too have faked passions that
I don't have, and without a PC,
I should have been honest with you, from the beginning,
I should have listened to my cousin,
Wait,
- Great, Sara! - Great,
I did it for you, Roberto, It's my proof of love,
- Yes, We have to explain it to him, - Not today,
All right,
- I love you! - Even less,
John,
Hi, I'm Sara,
- I know you, - No, you don't know her,
I don't know you,
That's not the point, you have to tell me if the PC can be recovered,
Do you dive?
Ah, so you know about…
Yes, but listen to me,
We have to save the theater, tell me if you can recover your PC,
No, what do you want to recover? It's full of water,
Yes, but look at it, you didn't even look at it,
But you can see, it's full of water, there is nothing to do,
Then leave me alone, I'm in a very delicate moment,
I rebuilt my daughter's paths, purchases, reservations, are
always together, always glued together, where she goes, he goes,
This, this here,
In Japanese, do you know what "this" means?
Who knows all the positions of the Kama Sutra,
We are ruined,
Except that the Kama Sutra is Indian,
And then how did you do all this, without the PC?
Robert…
this is Allen's real PC, and it works perfectly,
Yes!
[they laugh and rejoice]
[he screams in fear]
Sorry, just a curiosity,
But what are we celebrating, exactly?
[plays: "Eine Kleine Nachtmusik" by Mozart]
- I have to compensate for our trap phase, - That's right, it fits,
- It's important, - Well yes,
- [doorbell] - The coffee has arrived, are you going?
- I? - I set up the shop and you pay for the coffee,
All right, Anyway, I feel a nice atmosphere,
For me, if we work on it all night, we find an idea,
- And so you are the cousin, - Yes,
But whose, exactly?
Operation Faraci,
We know that our Faraci will be the
honorary guest of this charity
dinner, to which they are also invited,
But we saw that, for that date, they
bought tickets to the Maldives online,
[Roberto] So, it's the perfect opportunity, for me and Sara, to pretend to be this couple,
Let's remember the names of the couple,
- Carlo Rapetti, - And Simona Mandorla,
- What is it? - It's just that almond reminds me of Japan,
Sorry, he's stronger than me,
I can't do it,
Do we have to do this all the time?
- Take a seat, - [together] Thank you,
[Roberto] Once past the members' entrance, we will
meet Faraci, who we know has a collection of wines,
In fact, I'll pretend to be a wine expert,
But you don't know anything about wines,
I know, but it's all organized, It's not that I'm a suicide bomber,
Can we avoid naming Japanese things?
- Sorry, but you can understand me, - Certain,
Okay, but you really need it right now, because I'm going
to put one of these on, and then there will be you on the
other end, suggesting everything I need to know about wines,
I understand it's a charity dinner, but you could have had a better wine,
I'm not saying a '95 Nero d'Avola, or a '98
Chardonnay, but not even this colored water,
Even a 1991 Chardonnay wouldn't be bad, eh,
[Roberto] And when the fish is hooked…
Look, fish reminds me of salmon, salmon reminds me of sushi,
sushi reminds me of Japan, Japan is the one with my daughter,
[Roberto snorting] Ok,
When Faraci considers me his greatest friend,,,
- To our friendship, - To friendship,
[Roberto] With an excuse, Sara and I, we will take Faraci to the flooded theater,
Thanks to the trust acquired, we will tell him that
that flooding is not accidental, but is due to an aquifer,
So what?
You can't build on an aquifer,
He will realize that he has bought a useless property, but
luckily he has the owner in front of him, who is also his friend,
So on that occasion he will want to return it, and the theater is safe,
There's just one problem,
The theater is in very poor condition, but the water has dried up,
Right, and that's why you come into play, Giovanni,
[Roberto] You will arrive at the theater with buckets, you will
fill them, you will empty them, and you will flood as much as you can,
So, between the theater in very poor
condition and the water, it will look like an aquifer,
Don't stop for any reason, As soon as you're done, let us know everything,
And don't waste time, because remember that we only have tonight as a chance,
From tomorrow Faraci leaves again, and so if
dinner is over and you still haven't made
contact, Sara will call you, and you answer us,
[cell phone rings]
One minute,
Come on, Giovanni, answer,
[in Sicilian] This son of a geisha,
I'll go for a moment, I'll be right back,
Giovanni doesn't answer,
This wine sucks, you just can't drink it,
- What do we do? - Call him back,
- I've been calling him for half an hour, - When will I see him again at this?
- Let's move on to plan B, - Do we have a plan B?
No, I'm making this up now,
No, it's too risky, let's postpone everything,
You make something up, you hold it back, and I'll see you at the theater in half an hour,
But I…
Sorry, Maurizio, Roberto had to go,
An emergency,
- Something serious? - A problem with grandfather's theater,
[Aldo] The paladin,
[Aldo speaks in Sicilian]
Grampa?
Eh,
But what are you doing here?
The last show,
It is one of the properties we acquired, Huh?
No one had told me about this aquifer,
Lawyer, I don't care about the Civil Code,
I demand an explanation from Casa Casa, now!
I understand,
We have to decide instead of this Faraci,
We have to handle him like a puppet, right?
- In a way, yes, - Eh,
But do you remember when you were little,
How much did you like the story of Rinaldo and Angelica?
You came running to the theater, you pushed aside the curtain, entered the room,
and you watched the show with enchanted eyes,
Once, you always came running to the theater,
you pulled back the curtain,
you entered the room,
you didn't sit down, but you came straight back here, like now,
[Aldo] How sad you were,
when you saw that I was the one operating the puppets,
And I told you, that it wasn't me who was maneuvering Rinaldo,
And that Rinaldo would fight even without me,
Even when he fell in love with Angelica,
it wasn't my threads that decided it,
Indeed, at the beginning, I even tried to hold him back,
But he always had the head of Angelica
- So you remember it? - Yes,
Then you believed me,
Today, however, you no longer believe me,
But why do you say that?
Oh, why,
We never decided on puppets,
And now, we have to start with this Faraci,
The aquifer is a plan for good, it is to save the theater,
Oh, Robertino…
It's up to you to pull the strings, you like it,
[Aldo laughs]
Yes,
I know, I know you,
And you tried it on me too,
When you wanted to convince me to sell at all costs,
What are you doing?
The show with two puppeteers is better,
- Ah! - [Aldo laughs]
[Roberto] Oh, Rinaldo, how long!
[Aldo] And where have you been all this time?
Eh, I was lost, because I was being manipulated by a puppeteer
who had convinced me that I had to be number one at any cost,
And so I lied to everyone,
Even to those I loved,
And instead of becoming number one, I became nobody,
And this can happen to any paladin,
But to us, we have been
given the ability to choose,
And if we don't know how to use this ability,
there will always be another, to decide for us,
So it's true,
This theater may be old and
damaged, but it still has something to say,
[applause]
- We've seen it all, - There is no aquifer,
Article 640 of the Penal Code, "Whoever
deceives, misleading anyone, is liable to
punishment or imprisonment from six months to three years",
So, everything is clear,
There is the aquifer,
Even if you don't see much now, because
everything has dried out a bit, due to global warming,
Don't you read the newspapers? The Planet is dying!
But what are you saying? There is no aquifer,
The theater flooded because I broke the pipe,
One hundred, two hundred, three hundred, four hundred,
From the looks of it, you seem to have done a good job,
It wasn't easy to break that pipe, it seemed indestructible,
After all, we are painters, not the plumbers,
[Roberto] I believe that when you say and do the wrong thing at the
wrong time, it's because you're no longer holding the threads of your life,
[TV] Today's in-depth analysis, concerns the case of hacker George Allen,
An anonymous source provided the hacker's personal PC to the police,
The computer, not present at the time of the
arrest, was found in front of the police station,
[Roberto] Once, one person told me: "I know everything about
you", but I am sure that the choices I have made, he didn't
expect them either, because everything about a person you never know,
Surprising paths can be taken, but you can also always be predictable,
I would like to be there with you, but
commitments force me to make a quick video,
Thank you,
[Roberto] The important thing is that it is you who decides,
And it's not a banality, because in a world where
they tell us what to buy, who to hate, who to love,
we risk giving the threads of our life into the hands of someone else,
We are getting out of the habit of choosing and it's
really a shame, because just when you start to choose, life,,,
it becomes a spectacle,
[laughter and indistinct voices]
[Roberto] And then, Commendatore Faraci, what did he decide?
[Aldo] To each of us, I was given
the ability to choose, and I chose,
I came here to see a
disaster, and I saw a masterpiece,
And on the other hand, I was destined to build dreams,
[Roberto] And that time, without
having to read the information in
advance, I got all the moves right,
And here, dear viewers, this story ends,
made up of threads, businesses and loves,
And now you will ask yourself why I told
you, the reasons for these facts, of this babe,
So listen to him, an idiot, which now moves the
puppets' strings, but before, it moved those of the people,
Do like Angelica and Rinaldo, two puppets who don't let themselves
be bossed around, but have chosen who to fight for and who to love,
[applause]
["Dieci ore" by Mario Biondi plays]