♪ Foodtopia ♪
Oh, God! Oh! Oh!
I mean, a good amount of time has passed, Maybe they've cooled off a bit?
I don't think so,
Judging by this, they still want to kill us,
Goddamnit, What is this world coming to?
There's food on food violence, there's civil war,
Honestly, better that Brenda's not around to see what's become of this place,
What the fuck? Where is everyone?
Oof, Down to the scraps,
What kind of foods can we expect to find in this town, Jack?
Do you think there are enough cold cuts to make a decent charcuterie?
I know this is a long shot, but I've been craving a baked Alaska,
- Anyone in season? - Hey, hey! Everyone, give Jack a break,
Can't you see this is a super effed up situation for him?
He has unfinished business,
Just take what you want in town, and leave the hot dogs for him,
I'll definitely leave the little one that was up his butt,
Huh?
- Whoo! - Whoo! Yeah!
- Hey, you Jack? - Yeah, You're,,, You're,,,
Maverick, What'd you hear?
You hear that I'm reckless?
That I'm dangerous?
- Huh, - Well, that's right, human,
I am dangerous, And I'm going to work you like you've never been worked before,
I'm going to take you to the limit of your potential,
and then I'm going to shatter it,
Nah, I'm just messing with you,
But we're going to have some fun up there!
Dijon, Maverick? Really?
We need pilots with edge, Maverick is elite, the best of the best,
His human, Sebastian, was weak,
and Maverick piloted him to be one of our best warriors,
He's also the reason Sebastian went mad and tried to run away,
Everyone knows Maverick's never been the same since he lost his wingman,
- Let's barrel roll these meat bags! - My wingman! Let's do this!
Let's fly!
Yeah! Whoo-hoo!
I love you, Mav,
I love you, Goose,
We're going to do this forever,
Eject,
Eject! Eject!
- Eject, Eject, - It's not working, Mav!
- It's not working! - Eject,
Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck!
Goose! Goose! Goose, hang in there, Come on, man!
Come on, Goose, Stick with me, pal, stick with me! Goose!
All right, Jack, Time to buzz the tower,
Let's do this!
Yee-haw!
Double sciatica, Bone spurs, Heart murmur, Rupturing spleen,
Depression, Multiple system failures, Multiple system failures,
Health notifications off,
Hey, I know he's a little unhinged,
but Maverick's your best chance of catching Frank and getting your revenge,
You still want that, right?
Oh, what difference does it make?
I won't have any control over it,
You're a machine, Jack, You're not human!
Maybe they all died from the lawlessness,
or they realized they shouldn't have exiled us
and they all buried themselves in a hole or something, or,,,
I don't know, man, Those are pretty wild theories,
That's not what the soil's telling me,
Stop pretending like you can talk to the soil,
Heave! Heave!
- Look! They're working together! - Heave! Heave!
- Yeah! - Watch out!
We did it, everyone! Remember this!
It will go down as a momentous accomplishment in our history!
Nothing can ruin it!
So, hi, you're all looking fabulous, Rutabaga, Sinead O'Potato, Julius,
hi, good to see you, you look well, Melon Gibson, looking very calm and lucid,
I see the town really got its act together after the, uh,,,
Exile? Yeah, You know, that's how we first realized how well we all work together,
And it was super fun planning your assassination, Isn't that right, gang?
- Yeah! - There was no leader,
All of us had a say,
We were all in on it, Pitching different ways to kill you, it was beautiful,
Well, I'm glad I could inspire you, indirectly, to do that,
Wait, so,,, wait, So, no leader?
Rather than duplicate our blunders by decreeing a leader,
We chose to designate the spirit of a food as our ethos,
The spirit of a food, what kind of New Age bullshit is that?
Easy, easy, where are you taking us?
On your knees,
Oh, no, I think they're going to sacrifice us to their new spirit!
Brenda,,,
She embodies equality, bravery, compassion,
- And she was never a bossy dick about it, - She brought out the best in us,
where you only brought out the worst in us,
You made us so fucking angry,
I deserve that,
Everything you've accomplished here in her memory, it's,,, it's amazing,
Yes, it is, I suppose you've come back to ruin it,
Oh, no, of course not, We would never,,, Actually, we have some pretty shitty news,
There's no way to soft pedal this,
There's a giant, impeccably trained army of foods and humey kaijus
set to attack Foodtopia,
And they're hungry, for all of you specifically,
Chances are none of you will survive, unless,,,
You could soft pedal it a little more than that,
We don't believe you,
Nobody trust y'all's asses and you shouldn't have even come back here,
Sorry to do this to you, Bar,
They're definitely going to kill us this time,
No, killing you would be un-Brenda of us, We show mercy now,
Every food deserves a second chance, Or, in my case, unlimited chances,
Front to front, Feels so much more humiliating this way,
What if they're telling the truth?
Let's put some extra carrot sticks on the lookout,
We need to cover our asses,
Not to make everything about me and my past trauma,
but it kind of felt like you were looking right at me when you said that last part,
How much time do you think we have?
- None, - Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck!
I have an idea,
That's convenient, You're tied up already,
Yup, You got us, We totally surrender,,, Frank, now!
Ah!
Another rock! Get another rock!
- Bonsoir, Barry, - Dijon, You look incredible, as always,
I see that war becomes you,
Come on! That's it,
Hustle, guys, On the hop! All right, game point!
Hey, we are not going to lose this, Jack, do you hear me?
Because if we do, I'm going to make you eat that entire hill of red ants,
- Do I make myself clear? - Crystal, Mav!
You fucked us!
Time to suck ants, Jack, Lips first!
I'm sorry, fellas, You were right, My movie didn't stop the war,
Yeah, we know,
Even though it got a standing ovation,
you know, I don't know if you heard about that, it went tremendous,
but it didn't change anything!
You know, in retrospect,
I was almost certainly projecting a level of importance and influence onto my art
that, frankly, just society didn't have any interest in whatsoever,
You know what I mean? I mean, you know what?
Art is bullshit, when you get right,,,
Just trickery and manipulation, smoke and mirrors, it's just narcissism!
Doesn't serve anybody but the pretentious asshole artist,
Your heart was in the right delusional place, Sammy,
Huh?
Frank, can you read that for me?
- "Cat," Cat? - That's right, Cat,
You know why you're able to read that?
If I had to choose, I'd rather foods live than know how to read,
- Nice one, - Yeah, good response, Frank,
But reading is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg lettuce,
isn't it, Frank?
Those missions keep our town's foods alive and enlightened,
How do you not get that?
You trade lives for lives,
How do you not get that?
- Suck it, Trish! - Good luck finding a comeback
- to that one, Trishie! - When you started the revolution,
were you thinking of all the foods that would be sacrificed? No,
You were thinking of the better food world you'd create,
We are doing the same thing here, It's for the greater good,
- Okay, Frank, say something back now, - Well, to that, I would like to say,,,
Uh,,, You suck!
- No, Say something different, No, Redo, - No, we lost that one,
Never meet your heroes,
- My scouts are on the move, - Approaching the gate,
There's no one here, Where's all the food?
They know we are coming, They know we are coming!
Retreat!
May our heavy circles break your dumb balls, you fuckers,
Controls are fucked! All they can do is crawl!
My knee has exploded!
Please, whoever's watching this, if we die here, tell our brother Jamie,,,!
You said they were disorganized, You said they were dipshits,
Uh,,, that's 'cause I lied, And Foodtopia is more organized than ever,
That was just the first of many traps they have waiting for your little army,
Boy, are there a lot of traps, So many traps!
- He's lying about lying, - Or aren't I?
Okay, we have ways of making them talk,
Ooh, I hope it's bribery, Do you guys think it'll be bribery?
Oh, no!
Jill! Wait, what are you doing? Wait!
If Foodtopia is as prepared as you say,
we can't just smash through the front gate,
We'll need another way in, won't we?
Well, you're shit out of luck, because the gate's the only way,
Is it? According to Mr, Bagel Jr,'s film, you were sneaking in and out of town
to visit Jack,
Well, I had to add it in! That romance was a big part of your life story, Frank,
Look, you know, it was all very tasteful, unspoken looks, you know,
dancing in the rain under a spotlight, lying naked in a treehouse near the fire,
I never knew how you snuck in and out, So, you know, in the film,
you were able to just touch your heart and then you appeared next to him,
- That is so stupid, - Shut up, Barry!
What do you know about filmmaking?
Sammy may not know where the secret entrance is,
but I sense the two of you do,
Come on, what's in the box? What's in the box?
What's in the box?!
Jill has the upper hand!
Wiener schnitzel, I hated making it as a girl,
But, Mama, I hate cooking schnitzel,
There's so many steps,
Well, now I'm glad there are,
More to torture you with,
This is my wet hand, this is my dry hand,
The fuck does that mean?
Hey, Frank, where's the secret entrance?
Oh, it's on the intersection of Fuck and You!
All right, that stung, slightly,
but I have a feeling it will all come out in the egg wash,
Oh, no, eggs!
You like that, Frank? How does it feel to taste your own kind?
- It's bad! I don't like it! - Now you know how Jack felt,
Barry, Same question,
- Barry! Barry! - Oh, stop it, this is sick!
You're not going to dunk them again, are,,,? Oh, wow, you're dunking them again!
Now, let's get a nice even coating,
There we are,
Oh, the oil must be ready,
Oh, God, Oh, no,,,
Oh, no! Oh, God, Oh, no,
- Where's the secret entrance? - Okay, okay, okay!
It's behind the dumpster of the Big Kahuna Burger,
Another lie,
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! - Don't you hurt him!
Oh, God! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
- Frank! No! - Ouch,,,
Is this what honor looks like to you?
Singeing the nubs of two defenseless hot dogs?
Or are you just following orders?
Oh, it hurts more now,,,
Me again?! Why?! Come on!
Oh, that's permanent damage, I'm going to need a beef graft,
- Pick up the baster, Dijon, - No, I control her! You do not control me!
Dijon! Wait!
I cannot speak for Frank, or the pretentious bagel,
but Barry is a warrior who deserves to die on the battlefield,
We're doing this so our foods don't die on the battlefield,
It is us versus them, When the time comes, whose side will you choose?
That sounded intense, What happened in there? Is Frank,,,?
No,
I only got halfway through prep, but Dijon didn't let me finish the dish,
Jill, what the hell are we doing? Torturing food, getting tortured by food,
What kind of lives are these?
We need to get out of here, We can escape together,
- What? How? - Look, I don't know that part yet,
But picture it, me and you, living out in the woods,
No set bedtimes, jeans, and long hair,
And maybe, if we're lucky, one day creating our own pack of humans,
We're meant to be free, Jill, I saw wild horses on the way here today,
while us humans were locked in a horse trailer, It's not right,
I'm sure if Winnie could talk, she'd tell you she wanted to be free too,
Winnie had a good life, And so do I! Dijon treats me well, she listens to me,
You're just all messed up because your food was Frank the bully,
He might as well have gotten his popular friends
to cut off your ponytail while you were asleep at summer camp
and glue it onto your butt to make a horsetail
- because you were so obsessed with horses! - I never had a ponytail,
I need Dijon, okay?
Without her, I'm just pathetic, old Jill,
No one fears her, It's fine to pick on her, and put hay in her food,
and make her drink lemonade out of a trough,
'cause Jill's not a great warrior,
It's not the food in your pants that makes you who you are, Jill,
You don't need Dijon, and I don't need Frank,
He never cared about me,
Not the way you do, We just need each other,
Freedom isn't an option, Jack,
My knee has exploded!
- Jack, ice pack, - Make that a double!
Frank and Barry aren't going to talk,
they're of no use to us,
Motion to kill the traitors swiftly and feed them to Mr, Benson, All in favor?
- Aye! - Unanimous,
Are you guys okay?
Frank, you want me to blow some cold air right on your nub?
Yes, please,
You showed a lot of grit back there, Frank, Foodtopia will never find out,
But you really put your body on the line for them,
Some good that did,
They created the Foodtopia that Brenda always dreamed of,
All it took was me being gone,
And now that I'm back, it's all going to be destroyed,
Oh, please, Frank, don't beat yourself up anymore,
You're already pretty mutilated, you know? It's redundant,
None of this would have happened if I'd just listened to you,
I tried to carry the weight of Brenda's legacy alone, but I wasn't alone,
I had someone with me the whole time that was stronger, smarter,
- Jeez, what am I, chopped liver? - I was just afraid to admit it,
because if you were the brawn and the brains, then who would need me?
I would need you,
Always have and always will,
We're not two friends who have been stuck together,
We're family, And families stick together,
FDFL?
Fancy Dogs for life,
And one fancy bagel,
- You came back to save us! - You came back to save us first,
We heard you shrieking from all the torture, and you didn't break,
Maybe you're not such a rat bastard after all,
Plus, letting them kill you felt very un-Brenda to us,
All rise! We need to move, now!
All right, I'll be your eyes, Just do exactly as I say,
Hit it!
Straight! Straight! Straight!
Straight! Straight! Straight! Straight!
Straight! Straight! You know, it's pretty much straight the whole way,
They're taking our humans!
I'll see you on the battlefield,
So fucking hot,