Shit, Oh, fuck!
There's something out there,
There's,,, It killed them,
It killed them all,
Shit,
Okay, Okay,
And I got a fucking knife,
This motherfucker messed with the wrong reporter!
Oh, shit!
Stay right there,
Oh, shit,
It's just a pumpkin, It's just a pumpkin,
At Cedar Creek's Pioneer Village,
one can experience the joys of a simpler time
through historical reenactments
and seasonal amusements
demonstrated by these simple folks,
Yet, even an enchanting place like this
can be touched by immense misfortune,
UP24 News is here to document the harrowing recovery
of this quaint community,
Uh, wait, I'm-I'm sorry, Can we cut?
- Cut? - Yeah, I-I thought we agreed
to keep this focused on our Pumpkin Fest,
So, uh, let's, uh, let's take it from the top,
Take it from the top,
Bill, please don't cut me off again, Thank you,
Tonight's Pumpkin Fest is a comeback
from the ashes of catastrophe
for a town on the literal wrong side of the tracks,
tracks that then dissolved in a chemical spill,
along with people's lives,
Joining us is general manager, Bill Brown,
and head of grounds, Kevin Turner,
to comment on the disaster,
Gentlemen,
No, no, no, we said we're not commenting
on the disaster, Look,,,
we're really tired of talking about the derailment, okay?
So, let's keep it light,
Just for context,
the CLIONYX train derailment and chemical spill
took place miles from this very spot,
a tragedy that has affected some of your employees,
They promised me they weren't
gonna turn this into a pity party,
and that's exactly what they're doing,
Hm?
Come on, Bill, What-What's wrong with him?
We got a super fun show,
♪ Cedar Creek, where spirits roam ♪
♪ Within these woods, we keep our bones ♪
♪ Through mist, we beckon thee back home ♪
♪ To join us in ♪
♪ Eternity ♪
Yeah, baby,
We're back in business,
Okay, moonlight in three, two, one,
Ah, look! A fair lady,
And that stupid oaf accompanying her,
Oh, my God, Shane is improvising again,
I must woo this gentlewoman,
- You there! - Oh!
Prepare to be wooed!
He's gotta stop hamming it up,
It's like a pork parade out there,
Does this rube still not understand, like,
the basic construct of consent?
Like, what if I, like, faint? Do you think he'll stop then?
Why does Maddie keep saying "like"?
I mean, I didn't write a single "like",
It is the 1700s,
Damn, it's like watching Renaissance Baywatch,
- Well, yes, it was my horse,,, - But Cody,,,
God, he's the whole show,
Yeah, if you like Muppets,
Alas, shall Miss Wyndlelyn calm the spirits with her mirthful tune?
Okay, Uh, romance in three, two, one,
Trevor, what are you doing? You can't be back here,
You're a tripping hazard, Get up, let's go,
Just give me a minute,
What? Why? Come on,
- Oh, - What?
I think your baby bro might be pitching a tent,
Wha,,,
Okay, gross,
I'm not doing anything, I'm just,,,
- being normal, - Oh, hey!
Let's do this,
You're freakin' Al Pacino out there,
Ah, thank you, home skillet,
I wouldn't be touching that hand if I were you, home skillet,
- No? - Okay, go,
Or I will spill the beans to Maddie
about your creepy little obsession,
- It's not creepy, - Nah, it's natural,
You ever heard anyone say, "The heart wants what the heart wants"?
- Oh yeah, you think that's true? - I think it's true,
- Really? Hm, - You don't?
- I don't know, - Hello?
Get a room,
Okay, focus,
The press is here, and they are going to love you,
- This is our chance to get discovered, - Mm-hmm,
I mean, first, Cedar Creek, then New York, New York,
- Yeah, maybe, - I'm hungry,
When is Clint getting here with his corn wagon?
Hmm?
Oh, uh,,, no,
No, I'm not really a part of this whole, like,
Halloween play thing,
not when I got a business to run,
We sell corn, all kinds of it,
Roasted corn, sweet corn, popcorn,
corn chips, corn nuts, corn pudding,
You name it, we got it,
We tried to sell creamed corn, but, um,,,
some people got sick,
Like, very sick, Not good,
From the toxic waste affecting the crops?
No, just from bad cream,
Dude, just wait,,, you wait 'til you see this corn truck roll up, man,
It's gonna blow your mind,
Should be here, really, any minute now,
Uh,,, anyway, you wanna buy some weed?
Oh, that's tight,
Is that better?
Yeah, I like it too,
Okay, one more,
Following a year of lockdowns and evacuations
due to the CLIONYX toxic train derailment,
tonight's Pumpkin Fest celebrates a new beginning
for a community that is trying to do their best
to come back from this atrocity,
I'm totally getting shit-canned,
Watch your damn mouth, boy,
You know something? This is all your fault,
You don't know how to treat a lady,
You gotta, you gotta oil her up,
- And you never, ever go over 30, - Over 30,
That's right! I taught you something,
That is the corn wagon rule,
Fuck my life,
Will you watch your goddamn mouth?!
I don't know where you get your mouth like that,
I'm sorry you had to hear that, honey,
Foul mouth! Foul!
He doesn't understand he's dealing with a princess over here,
He's only smoked pot occasionally
for a few weeks,
♪ Yo, first I chop, chop, chop ♪
♪ It up and roll up ♪
♪ Or I might be up at the crib and light a bowl up ♪
♪ Hold up, swole up, you wanna get up out my stash ♪
♪ 'Cause you ain't gettin' high unless you givin' me some cash ♪
♪ Light up the cannabis and I'm sky high ♪
♪ So high, I might try to fly ♪
- ♪ Ride with me, baby,,, ♪ - ♪ For the buzz, baby, I'm the guy ♪
♪ The green is gettin' me mellow as the,,, ♪
♪ I wanna get stoned, I wanna get high ♪
- What's up, bird? - ♪ I'm gonna be smokin' ♪
♪ I'm gonna be smokin' ♪
♪ I wanna get stoned, I wanna get high ♪
♪ I'm gonna be smokin',,, ♪
Whoa, What are you doing back there, bud?
Come on, let's give this a shot, Alright,
Alright,
Come on, come on, Come on, come on, come on, come on,
Oh, yeah!
Yeah, yeah, that's it!
Hey! She's alive!
The return of the Pumpkin Fest play
must be a relief after such a devastating year,
Can you please tell our viewers how the accident
personally affected you?
Kira, you lost both your parents that day?
Changing the subject, again,
You were gonna ask Cody about Broadway,
Broadway, He cuts me off one more time,,,
Okay, Bill,
Your manager tells me
that your dreams of Broadway are coming true,
Oh, hopefully, one day,
Actually, um, no, it's off-Broadway,
- Which one is it? - What? No,
We wanna go to Juilliard, and then Broadway,
I mean, maybe off-Broadway, if we have to,
Bill also told me something about a
big break you've been cast in,
- I'm actually not supposed to say, - What?
Um, 'cause it-it's a new musical, it hasn't been announced,
I auditioned on a whim,
I got a great part,
- What?! - Well, look at that,
What-What do you mean? What great part?
I was gonna tell you, I just, you know, wanted to wait,
So, you're-you're leaving? When?
Three weeks,
- What are you talking about? - Kira,,,
You know we were supposed to get out of this shithole town together,
"Shithole"? She said "shithole",
Uh, her statements do not reflect the views,,,
- Kira! - ,,,of Cedar Creek Village,
Kira, don't do, don't do that!
- What? Don't do what? - Don't rip up your work,
You know, I did this all for you,
- Okay, and-and thank you, I,,, - You're welcome,
I used your monologue in my audition, they loved it,
You,,, This was because of you,
Oh, great, That makes it so much better,
Kira,,,
- What's going on with these people, man? - Wow,
- I'm sorry, You know, let me just,,, - Hey,
- ,,,take over this interview for a second, - Yeah, yeah, of course,
Sit down, have a seat, What's your name again?
- Shane, Are you-you focused on me? - Shane,
- You're recording? Okay, - Yeah, Oh, we got you, Shane,
- So,,, - Please,
,,,I could've gone to Broadway, as well,
♪ I'm gonna be smokin', I'm gonna be smokin' ♪
♪ I wanna get stoned, I wanna get high ♪
♪ I'm gonna be smokin',,, ♪
Bill,,, I have pink eye,
No,
No, that's not gonna work,
- Clint! - Ahh!
I'm hungry,
When's the corn ready?
For fuck's sake, Trevor,,, You scared the crap outta me,
Where's, uh,,, where's Bill?
- I don't know, - Well, I-I'll be ready when I'm ready,
Hit the road, Jack,
Go,
Creepy kid,
You know, if you enjoyed me in this,
you should see me in the Christmas show,
I'll be leading in it,
Thank you, Hope you have a good night, okay?
I hope you enjoyed the show, That was me in the, in the show,
You recognize me?
No?
Ew, Mommy, look at that,
Scram, we're not open,
Oh, sorry, I didn't see you there,
Uh, okay,
- Show's over, Clint, - Ahh!
So, don't bother, You're fired,
Now, get this hunk of junk outta here
before you disappoint more of my guests,
My corn career's over,
- You're fired, man! - Ah! Ah,
You'll never sell corn in this town again, Clint,
Ha ha,
Dude, don't worry about it, man, He's fired me twice,
He'll hire you back,
- Ah, - Screw you, Bill!
Geez, It's not even my fault,
This thing wouldn't even start,
On the bright side, you don't have to work tonight, so,,,
fuck it,
- Let's have some fun, - Oh, sweet,
You gotta be careful with those, They're super strong,
Hallelujah,
Yo, dude, what the fuck?
What's wrong with your pumpkin?
Does it have herpes or some shit?
It's farm fresh,
Hey, since you're kinda fired,
you mind if I carve it for the contest?
Oh, fuck it,
Alright, give me some of those brownies,
Are, are you okay?
- Yeah, - Don't worry, your play was great,
Thanks, I guess I'm just sad it's over,
Did I promise you your fave or what?
And,,,
Come on, I don't need them for some bogus staff party,
You sure?
Yeah, I'm fine, I'm not a baby anymore,
Okay, I just need to take care of you, okay?
And hey,,, how 'bout next year,
I won't make you hang out with your bogus sis?
Promise?
Okay, What about,,,
Ooh, Now, you're a pirate,
Ooh, fake blood,
You could be a dead pirate,
Watch this,
- What do you think? - Ooh,
Mm, neh, Let's see what Cody thinks,
Hey, I got a cool idea,
How about you carve my pumpkin in the contest?
Wicked,
But it's gonna be tough to beat Clint's freak pumpkin,
Freak pumpkin?
Yes, we've seen tragedy,
But to overcome,
you need camaraderie,
My apartment was in the evacuation zone,
Chaos,,, all around,
Yes, but definitely not here tonight,
- Right, Arthur? - Cut,
That was getting juicy, man,
The fuck is wrong with these people?
That's the spirit, "Bee" positive,
You look great, but we gotta lose that mustache,
- Oh, - It reminds me of my father,
- Oof, - Alright,
Get up there and win this thing, Go on,
Hey,,, I'll be cheering for ya,,,
in here,
Carvers, let's see some hustle, okay?
Looking at you, Scuba, 'Cause you know what?
Bill, he reached real deep this year,
That's right, You know what we're playing for?
Fifty bucks!
Let's wake up, you hunk of corn!
Okay, let's get this over with, How's the teeth?
- Mm, Okay, - Em,
- Alright, - Yeah? Good?
- Straighten your tie, - Alright,
Let's do this, Let's get outta here,
How in the sweet mother of Jesus
did we get ourselves roped into this ridiculous
backwoods pumpkin contest?
You gave Trevor your pumpkin?
Aw, that's nice of you,
Yeah, I thought I'd let him have some fun
before his whole world's shattered again,
Muppet's lurking,
- You want me to break his legs? - God, no, I just,,,
- I want him to stay, - Mm,
And how am I supposed to take care of Trevor by myself?
What if something horrible happened again?
Oh, what are the odds of that?
Can we please talk?
Yeah, I'm gonna go,
Knives up, Let's cut some pumpkins,
Ready,,, set,,,
go!
What?
Have you seen my knife anywhere, man?
What the hell, dude? I'm tripping balls, man!
Oh, God! What the hell, dude?
- Holy shit, - These special effects are
fucking amazing!
It's an ambush!
God!
Oh, God! Oh, God!
Trevor!
Run! Go!
Fuck that!
What the fuck?! What the fuck?! What the fuck?!
Get down! Stay low!
- Get down! - Trevor, get down!
Oh! Oh, shit!
Everyone, get down! Get down!
Take cover! Take cover!
- You gotta go, you gotta take him! - Go! Run! Come on!
Go! Go!
Oh, my God!
Get inside! Everybody in!
- Move it! Come on, boys! - Oh, my God!
Let's go, Kevin! Move, move!
No, Bill! Bill!
Hey, hey, we're good, we're good, we're good,
Look at me, look at me, look at me,
- Breathe, - What's that?
Breathe, okay? Look at me, Breathe,
Kev?
Hey, Kevin? Say something,
Kev?
Oh, God,
Okay, Alright, Ei-Either I'm crazy, that's A,
or B, a pumpkin just, just came to life!
They're already alive, They're, like, living things,
They're,,, Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know,
My bad, that's my bad, You know what else?
It's fucking killing people!
Okay, Hey, hey, hey, hey,
You're okay, buddy,
You're okay, Hey, it's okay,
- It's okay, - Where's the rest of our platoon?
Just relax, Relax,
- Breathe, - Where are his pills?
- The lockers, - Shit,
Does anyone have a paper bag?
It's a massacre,
Everyone's dead,
They're all fucking dead, I'm gonna die!
- You don't know that! - Kevin,
Look for yourself, genius! It's carnage out there!
Could you kindly shut your mouth?
Hey! You can lie to yourself all you want, honey,
You know, you're not the director of my feelings right now, okay?
Hey,
Anybody see Kev-in?
Hey, um, I think it's gone,
The park is, like, 33 acres,
The likelihood it's truly gone is low,
But not impossible,
Shh, Listen,
What is it doing?
Hell if I know, Hell if I know anything anymore,
Pumpkin has, like, a,,, blossom,
With, like, an inner stigma,
It means she's female,
Oh, thank you, Helpful, What, does it have, like,
big pumpkin tits?
Shh,
Listen to that,
It's a taunt,
Like the French battalion at Heartbreak Ridge,
And whatever it's doing, it's bad, right?
It's truly fucking bad! Incredibly fucking bad!
Shane, do you ever stop hamming it up?!
Oh, shit, I think it heard me,
We should be quiet,
Quiet? Why would I be fucking quiet?
It's a fucking vegetable,
She's actually a fruit,
That's one fucked up fruit,
But, I mean, well, why,,, how can it hear us?
How can it hear? How can it throw knives?
Well, it could be like an alien species or,,,
secret military weapon,
But the most obvious explanation,
it's a mutation from the CLIONYX spill,
You think this was CLIONYX?
Yeah, I mean, I, like, saw the spill with my own eyes,
Wait,
What do you mean you saw it?
Well, my parents moved us here to, like, like, run the cleanup,
and I saw everything,
There was toxic waste, like, like, everywhere,
Wow, And your parents just came in and saved the day,
That right? Let me thank 'em next time I see 'em,
You know? Oh, and you,
Your big night turn out just the way ya hoped?
Your idea of clean family fun?
Wait, you think this is my fault?
No, how could Bill have possibly known this would happen?
This is just another one of Bill's genius ideas,
Like, when he wanted to pass over
the performing arts graduate,,,
,,,to let the charity case direct the Halloween play,
- Charity case? - Yeah,
Don't talk to my girl like that,
Yeah, what you gonna do about it, off-off-Broadway?
- Hm? - Hey, Shane, you're fired,
Well, fuck you!
Well, fuck you, And fuck you,
And fuck you and your flute, And fuck you,
- Shh! - And fuck you, Barbara!
- Where is he? - Oh, yeah,
Fuck you!
Ow!
Enough!
We are not the enemy here!
We've all suffered and we're all hurt!
The things we've seen tonight will never leave us,
But we'll find our way out of this,
Just like I found my way out of Korea,
So, we must persevere against a real enemy,
I should know, You're looking at a man
who killed many, many, many of his enemies,
Um, h-how many?
What I'm seeing out there is a,,,
scared animal
protecting itself,
It's not a fucking raccoon, Arthur!
But it's behaving like an animal,
But if we don't cross it, it won't cross us,
Wait, like-like, how many people did you kill?
Animals don't hold grudges,
They don't have power trips,,, or egos,
So, we stay together, we stay calm,
Our platoon called it,,, "warrior mind frame",
But I call it,,,
No, no!
Oh, my god! Oh, my god!
Arthur! Arthur! He's fine, right?!
Great, so I'll just, I'll just sweep him to death,
It's a she,
- Yeah, - Okay,
Okay, protocol in a disaster is to, like, follow evacuation procedure,
Yeah, we all remember that,
I really thought Arthur was onto something there,
Well, like, he was about one thing, not fighting each other,
Yeah and not slapping the shit out of each other,
Yeah, or screaming "Fuck you" at each other,
- Guys! - Okay, Rule of thumb,
any crazed shit said
or done tonight, don't take personally,
Sounds like a deal,
- Starting after the pumpkin attack, - Obviously,
- Okay, who's got their car? - I've got my truck,
So, we just need to get our asses to the parking lot,
Fuckin'-A!
- Shit, - What?
My keys are in my locker,
What? I'm not gonna bring my keys with me on stage,
I'm playing a 17th century character,
- Would Kevin Costner do that? - Okay, okay, okay,
So, who else drove in?
Uh-uh, I rode in with Kevin on his Vespa,
My mom drives me here every day,
Okay, if evacuation procedure isn't an option,
we need assistance to come to us,
Emergency response from the village is, like,
26 minutes and 40 seconds,
Does anyone have a cellular phone?
What the fuck? We're not millionaires,
The nearest phone's in the office,
If somebody makes a run for it, they can call the cops,
Okay, that's a good idea,
I would go, but I got a bum knee,
Okay, so who's gonna run for it?
Fuck me,
I'll go see what it is,
Uh, I think it's the reporter,
- Oh, - He's alive!
He'll call for backup, for sure, He's the news!
What the hell? Is he filming himself?
Hey, he-he's got a knife, I-I think he might kill it,
We're gonna be fine, He's gonna kill it,
Oh, shit!
Oh, shit,
No, no, no, no, no!
What's happening? What's happening? What's happening?
- What's happening? - Nothing, Uh,,, he's gonna be fine,
Oh, God!
He's definitely gone now, Trevor,
He's definitely gone,
Shane, shut the fuck up,
Oh, for fuck's sake!
What happened?
Nothing good, buddy, Nothing good,
Okay, the power's out, That means the phones are down,
Shit, there goes running for the phone,
No, no, no,
No, no, no, fuck,
I'm gonna die, I can't fucking die like this,
Okay, new plan,
Okay, what is it?
We're gonna have to come up with it,
Fuck,
Fuckin' Muppet,
Okay, It's right there, it's right there,
It's right there,
It can't get in,
Stop, Don't do it,
No, stop,
Oh, it can't get in, It's fine, it can't get in,
It's fucking digging!
How does this thing keep getting smarter?
Hey, Crisis Barbie, Now what?
Crisis management is standard unless there's, like, a unique situation,
I think this is a unique situation,
So, now we need to, like, like, improvise,
Yes, Yeah, I have tons of improv training,
Your resume said puppet improv,
- Yes, puppet improv, - What the fuck is puppet improv?
- You didn't watch puppet improv, Barb? - Shut up!
Fuck you!
- What are we doing? - Okay, improv,
It just means we have to be ready for anything,
Can anyone hear me?
Kev, God, you're alive,
I,,, I thought I'd lost you,,,
that we lost you,
Yeah, B, I'm okay,
I'm bleeding, but I'm still here,
Listen, Kev, we got a situation here,
It's stalking us,
It's listening to us, Over,
- That thing can hear? - It's listening right now,
Fuck,
Oh,
Is the walkie I dropped still outside?
Affirmative,
Switch to channel two and stay quiet,
Hey, over here!
Come and get meee,
Yeah, over here, That's right,
Be a good gourd,
It's on the move, Over,
Oh, Kev, that was brilliant,
We gotta get outta here, Over,
Any ideas?
Hey, how many walkies are on the charger?
Five,
And those resistance bands you had earlier,
still got 'em?
Affirmative,
Hey, Kevin Costner? I think we're back to you
running to your locker for your keys that you left in there,
Yeah, he's right,
Don't agree with him just 'cause you're mad at me,
- Why is she mad at you? - No, I'm not,
It'll be fine, okay? I have a plan,
If we all work together, we can get out of here,
Okay, Bill, uh, go get that barrel and bring it over here,
- Yeah, - Thanks,
And, Maddie, could you get the map?
Everyone, stay away from the walls and keep quiet,
- Uh,,, what are you doing? - Directing,
We need a decoy, something to distract it,
We have to get from the tool shed
to Cody's truck in the parking lot,
But with the keys locked up in the staff building,
we'll need Kevin to create a distraction
from the security office using the five walkies as bait
so Cody can run for his keys,
So, we need to split up, and then, we all have to move,
Okay, Kevin, you ready?
Action,
Ow, Ow,
Okay, Okay,
Yeah, over here,
That's right, Be a good gourd,
Come and get me,
Come and get me, you autumn asshole!
Okay, it's taking the bait,
This is gonna work, Standing by for your cue,
We got this, Kevin,
I-I-I don't want you to do this alone,
I'm going with him,
No, No, you're not,
You're not in charge of me,
Hey, she's just looking out for you,
I can look out for myself,
No, you can't,
You can't even microwave a pizza pocket,
You're not Mom, so stop acting like it,
I am not,
Yeah, you are, You suck at it,
You know what, I wish you could take care of yourself
- so I could go live my life, - Great,
Then it will just be me and Cody,
Uh, okay, yeah,
If-If you guys could just save the family bullshit
for another time, that'd be great,
Thank you,
Hey,,, I hate to agree with puppet boy,,,
but it's game time,
Come on,
Okay,
Hold, hold,
Hold,
Hold, Hold,
Hold,
Now! Go, go, go!
Target acquired, Over,
Yes, Yes! Stay on channel two, Over,
Ow, ow, ow, ow!
Come on,
Over here,
Over here, you delicious pie filling,
No, now I'm over here, Now I'm over here,
Oh, oh, okay, Alright,
Now, to the truck, Go!
Go, go!
- Get out of my way! - Go, Shane!
Run, guys, run! You guys can do this,
Come on, let's go, Faster!
Come on, let's go!
Come on, Come on!
Come on, come on, come on, Where are you?
Come on,
Where'd you go?
Shit,
Shit, Come on,
Oh, buddy, Oh, my God, you scared me,
It's okay, Okay, okay, okay, okay,
- No, wait, Wait, Kira,,, - What? Come on!
- What?! - Trevor's gone!
No, no, no, no, no,
You're moving to New York?
Uh, I mean,,, Hey,
Hey, No, no, Trevor,
Trevor, what the hell?
- He's not responding, - Okay, Get the keys, I'll get his pills,
Come here, it's okay, it's okay, Just breathe,
Anybody have eyes on Kira and Trevor?
We lost them, Over,
Yeah, they're with, they're with me at the lockers,
We're good, Stick to the plan,
Yeah! Now, I'm over here,
I'm over here,
Yeah, No, this way, dumb-dumb,
You want more of this? I bet you do,
I beat you,
Come here, Come and get me!
Okay, okay, okay,
Guys, it's moving away,
Oh, fuck!
Kev, we're gonna go get some help,
And when we do, I'm coming back for you,
and I don't care who knows it,
Wait, like, why would he care who knows it?
Employee favoritism,
I got 'em, I got 'em, Here you go,
Okay, breathe, Breathe,
Do you need another?
You're a good man, B,
Promise me you're gonna hold on,
I promise,
Shit,
Fuck! Fuck!
Shit,
Over here, you toxic bitch!
You're on the wrong channel, Kev,
Run, guys, It's coming for you!
Fuck!
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
Fuck, shit, fuck! Fuck, shit, fuck!
Fuck, shit, fuck!
Oh, shit,
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,
Oh, fuck!
Oh, I got the keys,
Fuck!
No!
- No, no, no! - No!
Oh, I messed up,
I messed up, and it's coming for me,
Stick to the plan,
I'll hold it off as long as I can,
- Okay, do you see them?! - No, I can't see anything,
Okay, okay, okay,
- Okay, - Do you see them now?
No, I can't see anything,
- Shit! - What do we do?
I don't know, I,,,
Okay, um, uh, guys?
Uh, we dropped the keys in the vent, and-and it's too dark,
And we can't see them, And,,,
Are there any pitches?
There are no bad ideas,
Hey, get to the truck,
- What? - Just stick to the game plan,
- Barb,,, - I got an idea, Just go, Just go!
- Barbara, - Just go,
I'm starting to hate improvising,
Fuck, Oh, fuck, Oh, fuck,
Oh! Oh, fuck,
Okay, fuck!
Just do it, Just get this done, just get this done,
just get this done, just get this done,
just get this done, just get this,,,
Fuck!
Okay, Okay, you're okay, Just-Just fucking pumpkins
putting people's heads on stakes, Fuck!
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit,
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit,,,
Fuck!
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
Oh, my God! Fuck!
Fuck!
Kev to B,
B to Kev, Stay with me,
I'm done for,
Save yourself,
And always remember what I told you
at that Bryan Adams concert,
I meant it,
No way I'm leaving you,
You're getting outta here with me,
Hey,,, you're in charge,
What? Bill?
Right now, we're breaking, like, every rule of crisis management,
Okay, well, what happens when we break the rules?
Like, more casualties,
- Fuck, - Hey, Back to back,
Come on, come on!
Come on!
Hey, it's okay, Just breathe,
Did you know he was moving to New York?
No, I, I just, I just found out,
I was gonna tell you after tonight,
Okay, head between your knees,
Please, Thank you,
Breathe, It's okay, Just breathe,
- Move, move, move, move! - Okay, it's Barb,
Move, move,
- I see them! - Oh!
That's good, Okay, Okay, Okay, here we go,
I almost got them,
What are you doing here?
I'm here 'cause everything I do,
I do it for you,
Please forgive me, I'm not leaving you,
I love you, B,
Oh, that's nice,
Did you know they were together-together?
I,,, I thought they were just really into Bryan Adams,
Yeah, You kill it! Kill it!
No, no, no! We got this!
You got this, B!
You fuck it up, Kevin!
Crush that bitch, B!
Kevin, oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Die, pumpkin!
No, no! Kevin!
Kevin?
Guys?
Are you there?
- Are they dead? Fuck, - Just stay aware,
Just stay aware, okay?
Oh, my God, We're gonna fucking die,
- I got 'em, Let's go! Let's go! - Okay, Get him, Get him up,
It's okay, It's okay,
- Oh, shit, - Is that it?
We're gonna make it, We're gonna make it,
♪ We're gonna make it after all ♪
Fuck! She's here! Get outta my way! Fuck!
Fuck, she's here! Get outta my way! Fuck!
Get the fuck outta my way!
Let me just do it!
My puppet hand!
Ah, fuck! Ah, fuck! Oh! Oh! Oh, no!
- What do we do?! - I don't know!
Oh, no, stop!
In here!
It's okay, You're okay,
Hey,,, it's gonna be okay, okay?
Is it in here?
It's just Giblet,,, turkey,
What do we do? We just wait for help to come?
I,,,
Hey,
I-I don't need them, Seriously,
Hey, no one is judging you,
Okay, you've been through a lot, and we all need help sometimes,
Y-You don't,
Hey, pal, your sister needed a lotta help
after your parents died,
More than I could give her,
I meet folks in real bad situations,
but the strongest people I know
accept help when they truly need it,
Who knew you were more than an actress
with a flute fetish,
Yeah, I get it, The flute's not cool,
I think it's cool,
Thank you,
My brother gave it to me, He taught me how to play,
He was the best,
Clint's Corn Wagon,
- What? - Clint's Corn Wagon,
He leaves his screwdriver key inside,
I don't think that was Giblet,
Maddie, hand me your flute,
Okay, bad news, It's in the pig pen,
Well, good news, The pig pen is due north,
so our evacuation route is clear,
Okay, well, looks like it's now or never,
- Alright, - Okay,
Guys, Okay, Go, Go, go, go,
- Ready? - Yeah,
My flute,
- Where's the key? - You start it with this,
Wait, seriously?
- It's running! - Maddie, run!
Maddie!
No, Maddie!
Maddie, get it!
No, no, no, no, no!
Fuck! Why won't this work?!
- No, Maddie! - Oh, my God, Oh, my God!
- Go, go, go! - Fuck, it's not starting! It's not start,,,
It started! We gotta go,
- Maddie, No, no, no! - No, no!
- We have to go back! - No, no, no! Come on, come on,
- No! Maddie! We have to go back! - She's gone,
She's gone, I'm so sorry, Come on,
- No! - Come on,
Just come sit right here,
He'll be okay, We're all gonna be okay,
Probably,
Oh, my God, Oh, my God,
Shit! Fuck!
- Hey, what is it? - It's Clint,
- Is he alive? - Huh?
Huh, Mom? Oh, did I miss the party?
- Fuck, - Shit,
Wes wasn't lying about those brownies,
Yeah, he's fine, he's just stoned,
Lucky bastard,
I'm spinning, I might puke,
Please don't do that,
Where's a good place to puke?
No, there's no good place to puke, Clint,
Are you sure?
It's cool, I swallowed it, I learned that in college,
Uh, could I get a cheeseburger, fries, and a root beer float?
Turn that off,
In a second,
Are you guys, are you guys watching a horror movie?
,,,God!
Oh, God!
God!
- Shit, - What shit? No, please, no more shit,
- Kira, you need to see this, - No thank,,,
You need to see this,
Do you notice anything?
Who the pumpkin's targeting?
It dodged Cody and the cameraman and went straight for Claire,
That's weird,
Think about it,
Who did it go after on stage, and at the barn,
and at Cody's truck?
Oh, my God, it's going after the carvers,
Oh, my God, I put him in that stupid contest,
It was your pumpkin that killed everyone!
Did Wes put you up to this? Good gag, dickhead,
Can I have these? They're open,
Hey, what is it?
Something's on the ceiling,
- It's coming after Trevor, - Shit,
Is that, is that, is that my engine?
She's gonna blow!
Trevor, get over here, Come here, Come here, Come on,
- Hey, dude, - No, you don't understand,
You have to follow the Corn Wagon rules,
Clint, it's not your wagon, It's the killer pumpkin,
Look, this isn't funny anymore, dickwads,
Here, just, just move,
- No! - Move!
What the fuck is this?!
♪ I wanna get stoned, I wanna,,, ♪
Clint, we have to go for help,
No, we have to stay under 30
and get her home before she dies,
Clint, it isn't a joke!
Kira, move, I am not letting this stoner get us killed,
- This is too stressful, - Clint, get out of the seat now!
You have unresolved issues,
I swear to God, if you don't get outta that seat,
I'm gonna fucking cut your arm off!
Just get outta the seat!
I don't like this,
Oh, my God!
- What the fuck is that? - Clint, watch the road!
Oh, my God, Trevor!
Wake up, wake up, wake up, Please,
Please wake up, Trevor, please,
Hi, Hi,
Okay, where does it hurt?
Yeah, my elbow a bit,
- Your elbow? Okay, - Yeah, my elbow,
Okay, we're gonna stop this bleeding,
The blood, where is it coming from?
I,,, No, it's-it's-it's fake, It's fake blood,
- It's fake blood, - It's fake,
Okay, it's fake, Okay, Okay, get up,
Okay, All of it?
Yeah,
Are you okay?
I'm good,
- Barb! - Watch him,
- Okay, okay, - Ow!
Barb?
Barb, Barb!
Is it bad?
Uh,,,
uh, no,
You're gonna be fine,
You're not a good actor, but you are a great writer,
You got a lot left to do,
Don't let anyone or anything stop you,
Especially not some freak-ass pumpkin,
I won't,
Every play,,,
I'll be watching with your mom and dad,
Best seats in the house,
Is she, is she okay?
It's alright,,, Kira?
It's after me, isn't it?
What? No, no, it's not,
Yeah, it is,
Don't lie, I know it's after me, I heard you and Barb talking,
It's going after the carvers, right?
Okay, yes, it is,
But I'm not gonna let anything happen to you, okay?
- We're not gonna let anything happen, - No,
No more dying,
You guys, it's coming, Oh, God,
Wha,,,
- Shit, Oh, shit, - It's out there,
Okay, Oh, what do we do?
What do we do? What do we do? What do we do?
I don't know,
What do we do? What do we do?
- Wh-What if we are dead? - What?
You thought I was dead,
What if we pretend to be dead?
Trust me, it'll work,
Uh, no, yeah, that could work,
- Okay, - Slow your breathing,
- Okay, - And relax your jaw,
and let your eyes glaze over, okay?
Okay,
It worked,
Oh, my God, Are you, are you okay?
Yeah, You?
Are you okay?
Hey, good thinking,
Oh, fuck, Oh, fuck,
Fuckers! What'd you do to my wagon?
- Oh, fuck, I don't have insurance, - Oh, my God,
Oh, my back, Oh!
Oh, oh, Oh, guys,
Something's wrong with Barb,
Oh, hey,
No way,
Trippy,
What even are you?
Oh, no, No, y-y-you don't understand,
We love pumpkins,
Yeah,
This is, this is how we celebrate pumpkins,
And we make pumpkin pie too,
Oh, no, I shouldn't have told you that,
Please don't kill me,
I'll be your bitch,
Nice pumpkin,
Alright,
I'm gonna make a run for that barn for help,
No,
We're not splitting up,
I'll be fine without you,
Kira,,,
maybe I'm not fine without you,
I see that now,
I'm sorry,
Then do me one last favor and,,, take care of him,
'Kay,
Hey,,, listen to me,
I didn't mean what I said earlier,
I have a life,
And you are the most important thing in it,
Come here,
I gotta go, but,,,
take care of each other, okay?
She'll be okay, bud, She's tough,
Oh, you've been trespassing on the wrong property, miss,
No, no, no, Don't, don't shoot, Please,
There was an attack at-at Cedar Creek,
a-a-and we have to call for help,
Where do I know you from?
Oh, you're, you're Earl Craven, right?
- Clint's dad? - Yeah,
I work with Clint at the village,
Clint, Is Clint out there?
- No, no, he's not, - Clint, are you hiding out there?
- Shh, - Oh, you dumbass,
I know what I'm about to tell you sounds
ridiculous and impossible,
but,,, there's kind of a killer pumpkin on the loose,
Oh, Alright,
Now that's,,, Oh, Clint, Clint, that's a good one!
It's not a prank,
Please, please, We have to call for help, it's not a joke,
Come on out, Come on, you're busted,
Hey! Hey, Clint,
Your kooky friend here, she almost got herself shot,
Oh, my God, Clint, you're alive?
Are-Are you, are you okay? What-What happened?
Hey, Clint, come on,
Halloween's for kids, Grow up, boy!
- Oh, my God! - Oh, geez!
What the,,, That's my boy,
Clint!
My boy! Hold on there, boy,
Oh, boy, Oh, come on now,
Ah! No! No!
- Please, no! Oh! - Oh, my God!
No!
Oh, my God, Okay,
Oh, my God! Wait,
- What are you guys doing here? - We heard gunshots,
- And screaming, - And you decided to run towards it?
Oh, my God! Get down,
Guys?
Holy shit,
Okay, okay,
Trevor! Trevor!
Don't move! Okay,
Let him go,
Run!
Okay,
I don't care how many there are, We have to kill them all,
- How? - I don't know,
Oh, my God,
Now!
Come on,
Oh, my God,
This is so gross,
Trevor!
Oh, I see she's been propagating,
It's when plants, like, reproduce,
Maddie!
- We thought you were dead, - Yeah,
How did you get away?
I improvised,
Maddie!
Uh, what was all that blood on the wall?
It was iron fluoride and potassium thiocyanate,
A herbicide and a pesticide,
Badass,
- It's over, - Yeah,
It's over,
Come here,
- Candy really does help in any disaster, - Oh, thank you,
You know, with all the messed-up stuff
that happened last night,
I'm not really in a good place for a relationship right now,
Okay, That's, like, really healthy to recognize, kid,
Good job,
I'm worried about him, Maybe I should stay,
Don't worry about him,
If I can get him through last night,
I'm pretty sure I can get him through high school,
Hey, congratulations,
- Thanks, - I'm sorry I didn't say it before,
But it's a really big deal, and you deserve it,
You dropped this,
I'm actually pretty sure I threw it at you,
And I think it's probably time for a new muse,
You think?
Like a killer pumpkin or something,
Oh, shit,
Yeah, I can't compete with that,
God, your hair stinks,
♪ Yo, first I chop, chop, chop it up and roll up ♪
♪ Or I might be up at the crib and light a bowl up ♪
♪ Hold up, swole up, you wanna get up out my stash ♪
♪ 'Cause you ain't gettin' high unless you givin' me some cash ♪
♪ Light up the cannabis and I'm sky high, so high, I might try to fly ♪
♪ Ride with me, baby, for the buzz, baby, I'm the guy ♪
♪ The green is gettin' me mellow as the sea is ♪
♪ I'm twistin' up the strongest 'til I'm faded as bleach is ♪
♪ My crew got the Mary Jane steamin' up the whip ♪
♪ Get a whiff, get a sniff, they tryin' to get a grip,,, ♪
♪ I'ma put it on my lip ♪
♪ It's a good day to inhale the purple haze from the bong ♪
♪ Whatever we smokin', we hit it long ♪
♪ Still got enough to go and zip it ♪
♪ I wanna get stoned, I wanna get high ♪
♪ I'm gonna be smokin', I'm gonna be smokin' ♪
♪ I wanna get stoned, I wanna get high ♪
♪ I'm gonna be smokin', yo, I ain't jokin' ♪
♪ I wanna get stoned, I wanna get high ♪
♪ I'm gonna be smokin', I'm gonna be smokin' ♪
♪ I wanna get stoned, I wanna get high ♪
♪ I'm gonna be smokin', yo, I ain't jokin' ♪
♪ The day I started smokin' it, I feel like I woke up ♪
♪ Every day since I felt it, I've been hittin' my folks up ♪
♪ Who tryna get the fire, yeah, who tryna smoke up ♪
♪ Remember the days I came up from the bottom ♪
♪ My mother said the blaze would keep my brain rotten ♪
♪ The daily dose is a must, you know I'ma blaze ♪
♪ 'Cause you can bet on the fact I'ma be smokin' for days ♪
♪ I wanna get stoned, I wanna get high ♪
♪ I'm gonna be smokin', I'm gonna be smokin' ♪
♪ I wanna get stoned, I wanna get high ♪
♪ I'm gonna be smokin', yo, I ain't jokin' ♪
♪ I wanna get stoned, I wanna get high ♪
♪ I'm gonna be smokin', I'm gonna be smokin' ♪
♪ I wanna get stoned, I wanna get high ♪
♪ I'm gonna be smokin', yo, I ain't jokin', jokin' ♪
♪ Smoke it up ♪
He's only smoked pot occasionally,,,
♪ Smoke it up ♪
Weed, grass, pot,
♪ Smoke it up ♪
He's only smoked pot occasionally,,,
♪ Smoke it up ♪
Weed, grass, pot,