♪ MTV ♪
♪ Am I living? ♪
♪ Oh what a funny thing to say ♪
♪ But there's alive and then there's living ♪
♪ Am I living for today? ♪
♪ Hmm ♪
♪ But your momma always said look up into the sky ♪
♪ Find the Sun on a cloudy day ♪
♪ On a cloudy day ♪
♪ But your momma always said look up into the sky ♪
♪ Find the Sun on a cloudy day ♪
♪ On a cloudy day ♪
♪ But your momma always said look up into the sky ♪
♪ Find the Sun on a cloudy day ♪
♪ On a cloudy day ♪
Calm down,
I'm not the one who can't hold down a job,
I haven't asked you for money in forever,
What the hell do you think room and board is?
Okay, let's take the temperature down
just a little bit,
- Tell her, - Janet,
- Tell her, - Tell me what?
- We sold the house, - Janet,
Your mother and I are moving to Paris
to kick off our retirement,
It's a year of croissants and brie,
But we don't know that it'll only be for a year,
Yeah, we do not, We do not know that,
So essentially, you'll be on your own,
That's fine,
I can be on my own,
Well, we would love to see that,
- We would, - And look,
we will always be there for you if you need us,
But see, the point is, Missy Moo, we won't,
That's not the point,
Just to clarify, you will or will not be there for me?
Not,
Oh,
Let's get this job,
Okay,
Here's the thing, Eliza,
You are going to get this job, Probably,
You know? 'Cause you're very charming,
Thank you,
We're also going to lose the job, because you're gonna
want to say what's in your head,
and we have to watch what we say and do,
Oh, shit!
Hi, Hello,
Uh, Eliza, right?
Yes, Hey, Nice to meet you,
We had said 11:00, right?
We said 11:16, actually,
11:16?
So I'm Kyle, and you are in very good hands,
'cause I did extremely well in personnel intake
at business school,
"At business school,"
Way to fit that in in the first ten seconds, Kyle,
Are you lost?
Because you wandered into my work,
I am definitely lost, 'cause I'm with you,
Okay, maybe I can draw you a map,,,
- Could you? - Of our house,
Could you? Could you highlight the exits
so I can get out of this house?
As you wish, Buttercup!
Kyle, Kyle, We agreed we'd mute
when talking to others,
I swear, if one more person forgets to mute,
I am going to shoot myself in the leg,
- Why the leg? - I got kids, man,
Can't just go around shooting myself in the face, can I?
The leg is more deadly than the face,
Femoral artery,
Runs right down the upper thighs,
It's a great way to drop a man,
He sees you going for that area,
his instinct will be to protect the balls,
leaving the thighs vulnerable,
What he should do is protect the thighs
and give up the balls,
Question,
This is my interview, right?
Yes, but business doesn't stop for an interview,
We gotta move at the speed of money,
Oh, Mona thought she heard her name,
He said "money," not "Mona,"
Mona is our cat's name,
It's her middle name, actually,
We just call her Mona, Mmhmm,
Except when she claws at the curtains,
- Yeah, - Then it's,,,
both: Elizabeth Mona Morningsted,
All: Think your actions through, please,
But she's a good kitty,
We got her after we found out that I'm infertile,
I guess I have a lot of semen,
but there's no actual sperms in there,
All milk, no cereal,
Do you have a lot of work to do today?
Yeah, I got some stuff I could be doing,
Okay, Eliza, a lot of short-term jobs here,
Yes, thank you,
Oh, You went to the same college as Neal,
What?
That's very cool to meet a fellow alumna,
What are the odds?
Those were good years of my life,
Yeah,
We probably ran across each other
so many times, and we didn't even know it,
That's wild,
You have to remember Professor Clowning, right?
He was my favorite, Super funny,
You'll be happy to know that he finally decided
to go through with that surgery
getting that growth removed from his nose,
Wasn't it crazy how he just used to
pile up the other professors in his car with him,
be, like, 20 of them in that car?
Okay, maybe you two can reminisce some other time,
Um,,,
Oh, here's something,
It looks like you stayed at Mitchell and Edward
for the better part of the year,
Mm, Mm-hmm, yes,
What kind of company was this?
It's two names,
Okay, Well, what kind of business were they in?
You know, I think Mitchell was a lawyer,
Were you a paralegal?
What? No, No,
I couldn't, I don't,
You're kind of, like, not answering his questions,
Wouldn't you say that's true, Boss?
Eliza, if I were to ask Mitchell or Edward
what it was you did, what would they say?
Oh, well, they would say, you know,
probably that my main responsibility
was as a surrogate,
Surrogate, Like,,,
Like, a baby in you?
- Yes, - Okay, Interesting,
I don't have any follow-up questions at this moment,
I mean, the ones I have, I'm not allowed to ask,
Is there anything on here that would
qualify you for this job? I'm certain,
Could you just real quick remind me
what it is this company does?
Seriously?
Wenner Platforms is the third-largest outsourcing
company for in-website help chats,
Really? You haven't heard of us?
Of course, Right,
I,,,
Yeah, I think that's probably it,
Oh, That's it?
Thank you very much,
We'll get back to you,
I'm not gonna spend the rest of my days
cleaning up after your crap,
Okay, excuse me; I have to go offline for just an emergency,
Okay,
You're a dirty bastard!
Don't talk like that!
You know I love you! Go fuck yourself, buddy!
You're a fucking horrible person!
I will knock you the fuck out, you little motherfucker!
I am in a meeting!
I'm sorry, There was a brief garbage fire,
and I was just violently coughing, but I'm okay,
Kyle, thanks for muting, dude,
Oh, no problem, Yeah,
Can I get my wife committed to an asylum for a few days
just to give me a break,
Is that something people do?
You know, Boss, if you're serious about this,
you can get yourself committed,
And I can walk you through how to get
insurance to pay for it,
No,
It wouldn't be accurate,
I mean, she's the batshit one,
I mean, doctors would know instantly,
Would you consider an option
where you put it in the dishwasher?
Although I'm the first to say that hand-washing dishes
is wonderfully satisfying,
He makes his own soaps that he washes the dishes with,
I reduce solid soaps to liquid soaps,
No way! That wasn't even my dish!
No, see?
The cream cheese has poppy seeds on it,
Wasn't my bagel, okay?
Mark, what would you do?
- The dishes, - Do the dishes,
This is not about dishes, It's about power!
I do the dishes, she wins,
I'm surprised you can't see that,
Kyle, nobody here is gonna put themselves in the middle
of your marriage,
Why don't you take the dirty dish
and put it with her stuff?
Yes,
This woman gets it,
Kyle, I think she's kidding,
I'm not, You should go do it,
Ask yourself this:
will putting the dish with her stuff escalate unnecessarily,,,
- Yes, - Into a bigger fight?
Or will it calm things down so you two can talk through it?
- No, no, - Yes,
Eliza?
Okay,
Play this out in my head,
So you could wash the dish,
Do it Neal's way, which I don't know,
it just kind of feels wrong,
Feels very wrong, Be right back,
See?
Now I finally have someone here
who understands relationships and seems
to care about my marriage,
Is that so hard? Is that really so hard?
What you eating there, Mark?
Made it a couple nights ago, Coq au vin,
- Did someone say coq au vin? - Uh-oh,
Mark, you just pressed Winston's starter button,
Coq au vin happens to be my signature dish,
Mark, I got a tip for you,
Next time you prepare it,
soak the chicken in the red wine
for a full 24 hours before you cook it,
It's a game-changer,
I use Riesling,
Oh, what?
- What's it supposed to be? - Red,
Always red,
Riesling lifts out the other flavors,
Heightens them,
You dig?
I do not dig,
Your loss, brother, It's my loss, brother?
Oh, I'm your brother now, Mark, am I?
Really? I'm your brother now?
I'm not your brother, 'cause you're somebody who
goes out there and breaks rules like some kind of
goddamn vigilante, and that's no brother of mine,
I don't even talk to my real brother,
And for reasons much less severe than this,
You stole a neighbor's flower?
Dr, Martin gave it to me,
- Why? - Because he's nice to me,
He doesn't need a reason to be nice,
He's senile,
You clean that dish?
I took care of it,
Hey, How'd it go?
It was okay,
Well, you'll find something,
No, they offered me the job,
- They offered it to you? - Yeah,
They said you have the job?
That's what they said,
They said those words?
Yeah,
Janet,
- What? - Come here,
Jesus, what?
Come here!
What the fuck is it?
Eliza got the new job,
Congratulations,
She never had trouble getting the job,
It was keeping the job that was the Rubik's Cube,
You know what? Call me crazy,
I think you're gonna do great on your own,
Why would that be crazy?
I left some money for you with your sister, all right?
And it's not much, but it'll be there for you if you need it,
Shouldn't you be leaving money with me for her
since I'm the older one?
Mm-hmm, Mm-hmm,
But, you know, she's good with money and budgets,
You're the creative one,
Although she's very creative too,
What's wrong?
Why does something have to be wrong?
Because you called me three times in a row,
Pick up the first time and that won't happen,
Okay, Liza, I cannot talk, I am at work,
But this is an emergency,
Just give me one sec,
Okay,
Our childhood is over,
Okay,
How dare he?
It's just his opinion, dear,
Get some sleep,
If you want to make coq au vin with a Riesling,
okay, I guess,
But you do not get to call it coq au vin at that point,
It's white wine chicken,
Please, Winston, Okay?
Hi, Good morning,
Good morning,
- Good morning, - Good morning,
- Good,,, - Hey, guys,
I have a crazy idea,
I know it's my first day,
But how about we only say "good morning," like,
once a month,
you know, and then we can spare ourselves
from this whole thing every day,
'cause that's just, like,,,
Yeah?
And then, you know, we'd have lots of free time,
What is she talking about?
Good morning,
All: Good morning,
Good morning,
In my underwear drawer, Kyle?
You think it's funny?
Oh! What the hell?
If one of those shards of glass
end back up in my underwear drawer,
I'm gonna take it and cut off your dick,
Ooh,
That might be difficult
given your newfound allergy to dick,
Your dick, Kyle,
Your dick,
I'm having an affair, and I'm loving it,
No, you're not,
We both work from home,
How is that even possible?
- I take walks, - With who?
Our neighbor,
Dr, Martin?
He's 78,
Have fun,
He has longer balls than you,
That's not even a thing,
Guys don't care how long their balls are,
They're huge,
His scrotum is huge,
It's not like it's a sign of virility or anything,
It's just,,, it sounds more like a disease,
Yeah, if the disease is having your own slack line,
It stretches with age,
It's not a fair comparison,
- He has a bigger scrotum, - Stop,
Stop it,
I'm sorry about all that, guys,
It's just my wife,
She's going through a tough time with her career,
and she's also the worst person who ever lived,
The dish thing was a bad idea,
The boys literally told you what to do, honey,
Yeah, it was hard to see at the time,
Eliza, I'm beginning to question your judgment,
Let's call this strike one,
Oh,
Wow, You're wasting no time,
They asked us for a short escrow,
And I said, "Yes, please,"
You were fired, weren't you?
Were you terminated?
- Uh-uh, - Are you gonna be spending
9:00 to 5:00 at Panda Express again
and pretending to go to work like you did last time?
What happened?
It's not my fault, okay?
My boss just entangled me in his marriage,
Did you sleep with him?
No judgment, No!
He just has a bad marriage and needs my help,
No judgment?
If he needs your help, then you make sure
that his marriage is the best marriage that exists
on the planet, because now his marriage
is your biggest problem,
Now, what's your problem?
I said, what's your problem?
Mom,
His marriage, That's your problem,
And what do we have here?
Oh! What is this?
Two perfectly cooked plates of coq au vin for lunch,
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
Everybody, take a look at it,
That's a feast for the eyes right there,
- Awfully dark, - That's because it's been
properly soaked in a Bordeaux, Mark,
Man, business-class meal right in your own home,
This is really the best coq au vin I've ever tasted,
You hear that, Mark? I'm the best she's ever had,
I was just talking about the chicken,
You hear that, Mark?
I'm the best chicken she's ever had,
So what does everybody here do?
Same as you,
Answer help chats,
So we're all in a meeting forever?
Well, right, if I'm not watching,
you'll just wank all day,
Well, that's unlikely,
I mean, Mark might do that,
- I,,, - Not Margie,
You don't think that I,,, myself?
Sometimes she has to, 'cause I can't always get her there,
Not due to a lack of trying,
But sometimes the trying is what doesn't get me there,
- Yeah, - 'Cause you always say,
"I'm trying, I'm trying,"
Sorry, I have, like, a full life with, like, women in it,
I've known all kinds of women, No, I was just-
- Along with a lack of semen, I also have
a lot of blood flow issues,
Sometimes when I get an erection
my fingertips get very cold,
Yeah, No, I was just trying to
save you all from an endless meeting, but,,,
I'm sorry, did you say endless meeting?
Wow, This is where we work,
- Yeah, Sure, But,,, - This is our office,
And I'm sorry, with all due respect, you're stuck in 2018,
Who don't you go back in your time machine and go to a land
where everybody went to the physical office?
Enjoy Meghan Markle's wedding,
Spoiler alert: she thinks being a princess sucks,
Oh,
Just got an email from Mr, Donahue,
He is gonna join us for our video conference later,
- Oh, I miss him, - Oh, okay,
- Something up? - Nah, it's just an update
on the sale of our company,
- The what? - Oh, haven't I mentioned it?
Yeah, we've been bought by a Mexican technology company
with an active investment arm,
Yeah, I'm sure I told you guys about that,
Our jobs, are they in danger?
Why would they be?
My sister-in-law lost her job
when Exxon-Mobil bought The Gap,
Not sure that happened, Margie,
No, it really did,
We even loaned her a lot of money,
Winston, she got us again,
God, I don't want to stereotype,
because lord knows I hate when that's being done to me,
- Uh-oh, Uh-oh, - But if we're being bought
by a German company, half of us would go, absolutely,
But the Mexicans?
In terms of efficiency, they have a different,,,
Wait for it,,, Nope,
Oh, no,
Nope,
Culture,
Huh,
Just try and give us some warning, okay?
I've got bills, and to find a job
that pays as much as this one
is gonna take me at least a week,
Huh-duh, duh-dee-ba-duh,
You know what? It's your choice
to be unskilled workers,
You know, really, you should appreciate what you got, okay?
Because there's not a lot of jobs
like this in which absolutely anybody can do,
How about a "Babe" break?
- Oh, yeah, - A what?
All right, let's do it,
- Oh, good! - Where are we now?
Farmer Hogget can't get Babe to eat,
Okay, shh-shh, Okay, here we go,
♪ If I had words to make a day for you ♪
♪ I'd sing you one morning golden and true ♪
All: ♪ I would make this day ♪
♪ Last for all time ♪
♪ Then fill the night ♪
♪ Deep in moonshine ♪
Man, it's like serotonin, you know?
Oh, I'm so glad Babe's eating,
So glad,
Your head is very heavy,
♪ I'd give you a morning golden and true ♪
Ah!
- Whoo! - Presto!
- Paris! - Paris!
Mmm, that's not good,
I think that went bad, No,
I wouldn't drink it,
I feel like I've brought up, like,
our official insemination a couple times,
- Mm-hmm, - And we've kind of
maybe glossed that over,
Oh, I don't want to spend the money on that,
I'll say it again,
Maybe your friend Bill,
Bill?
Mm-hmm,
I'd like to find a guy who's exactly like me,
except with a full-functioning reproductive system,
I know, but we don't talk to your brother anymore,
Yeah, after 8 1/2 years of radio silence,
I feel like I gotta take my brother out to a dinner
first or something,
I can't,
I can't deal with the family stuff,
No, I know,
We also haven't fully discussed the methodology
by which we would procure the genetic material
from Bill if it was Bill,
Well, we would sleep together,
Okay, can we just work like a normal working work?
You,,, you okay over there, Kyle?
Fine,
You got to pee, Boss?
Why don't you go and do that then?
I can't,
Why can't you pee, sweetie?
I have that,
Eventually it feels like I'm hanging on to so little
that I don't want to let anything go,
Look, Ally and I had a fight,
and I said I'm not coming out until she apologies,
which she hasn't,
So she can't see me leave this room,
That's so stupid, Just go pee,
Just go talk to your wife,
I mean, you see that, don't you?
Like, how incredibly obvious it is?
No, Neal, I see nothing,
Eliza?
You leave the room, she wins,
God, you get it!
Yes! No, dear,
that is not exactly practical advice now, is it?
I hear you, Margie, but this feels like, if Kyle gives in,
Ally will just pull the same shit next week,
Right, Right, That is my concern as well,
Can you crawl out under her view?
- Like a coward? - Yeah, like a coward,
I can try,
Nothing cowardly about crawling on your belly,
If you were a snake, you'd think walking was cowardly,
- It's a no-go, - Maybe a window?
Use the toilet, Kyle,
Use a window, Kyle,
Hello? Is this the meeting?
Did I get the right place?
Oh, fuck,
It's me, Mr, Donahue,
- Hey, Mr, Donahue, - Have you guys all met Ernie?
Huh? Say hi, Ernie,
Hi, Ernie,
Ah, there we go,
That's Ernie for, "Hi, there,"
Did everybody say hi?
I didn't know if anyone was on mute,
- What can we do for you? - Oh, right,
As you have no doubt all heard by now,
our little gem of a company has been acquired
by Quintana Sistemas de Información,
Based in Quintanas, Mexico,
I had to look up where that is,
It's kind of the New Mexico of Mexico,
Cool, cool, cool, Anything else?
Ernie, you need to go out?
You do, don't you?
I can feel the tremors from his bladder when he has to go out,
What? Okay, Okay,
Hold your horses there,
Okay,
There you go, You just do your business,
Look at it all coming out,
Wow,
Good, strong stream, Good, strong stream,
- Oh,,, - Fuck,
You're gonna be like a deflated beach ball,
Oh, I'm proud of you, Fuck,
- Okay, Now it's just drips, - Fuck,
You did it again, Come on, Ernie, Here we go,
After he pees, he likes to stare at the wall,
There's one wall that he just loves,
Where was I?
Yes, so the Sistemas folks are gonna
be arriving here next month,
I thought we should throw them a welcoming party,
Good chance for everyone to meet,
And I hope that each one of you will be in attendance,
Do you think you could just email us the rest?
I'm sorry, we're very,,, we're very busy,
Okay, well, the last thing on my agenda,
I want to do a presentation for everyone
so they know what to expect in the new merger,
I think do it in person, you know, get everyone together,
Kyle, if you were to have it at your place,
there would be an extra $15 to cover whatever
electricity is used, water,
If that sounds good to you, then I say snap it up,
There you go,
It was great to see everyone,
Bye,
And I will end the call on my end,,,
- Goodbye, - Now,
Goodbye,
Oh, it's right there,
Okay, I'm looking for End,
It's the bottom left,
Oh, I see Leave Meeting,
Okay, Yep,
And Leave Meeting in three, two, one,
Nope,
Do I say it?
Leave meeting,
I'll tell you what, I'm gonna unplug it at the wall,
Oh, God, Oh, God,
You okay, Boss?
I just need a minute,
Oh, dear God,
Did you not just hear me say use the toilet?
Can't stop now,
Ahh,
The window was the winning idea, Eliza,
Good work,
I didn't know you had that much ambition,
Coming after my job,
Kyle, Open up,
You have your apology ready?
Dr, Martin is here,
Tell him I'm working, and if he needs help
starting his heart, he should call 911,
Kyle, I'd appreciate a minute of your time,
Oh, hey, guys, What a pleasant surprise,
What is in here? What's going on?
My wife said you defecated on your own shrubbery
from high up,
- That's ridiculous, - I told him that,
I told him that,
Look, what you're saying is absurd,
Why would anyone do that when they have a toilet available?
She says you tried to aim a turd right on her,
That's not even possible,
Like, the anus can't throw,
No, Hey, please, the window is stuck,
It hasn't opened in years,
You're gonna throw out your back,
- Oh,,, - Oh, are you okay?
Oh, sir, sir, I got it, I got it,
I got it, Let me get it, Let me get it,
- Oh, no, Kyle, - Oh, God, what?
- God, Kyle! - Oh, just tell me why,
I don't smell anything,
What paths have you chosen as a man?
You still owe me an apology,
I am so sorry, Dr, Martin,
I just don't understand how something like this happens,
I just don't understand our marriage right now,
All we do is fight all the time,
I don't know what to do with this guy,
Oh, honey, it's gonna be okay,
Marriage is a long and winding path,
Sometimes it's all muddy for a while,
Fuck you,
Woods are unpredictable,
Sometimes you go in the woods and poop,
And maybe that's what happened today,
Oh,
Nice, Uh,,,
Eliza, the window was an atrocious idea,
Really, just awful,
Strike two,
I feel like we're forgetting something,
- You're not, There's,,, - All right, don't,,,
What are you throwing?
She doesn't know what's in that bag,
All right, give me a hug, I feel,,,
I have mixed emotions about this,
You all right? You okay?
- No, - I want to check in,
If you want to go to Jamba Juice get in the car first,
Oh, nightstand,
- Do you need help? - No, I got it,
Well, it's your place, so,,,
Here's the thing, I give my boss the kind of relationship
advice he wants to hear, and then when things go wrong,
he punishes me,
I think I have, like, two strikes against me already,
But the second one I can't argue with,
I think my running shoes are older than you are,
I thought we might,,,
Give me that,
We gonna do this, We gonna do this,
Long run?
I'll allow it,
Hmm,
Hey,
Hi, You have legs,
Yeah, you do too,
- Shall we? - Yeah, yeah, we should,
What? Oh, nothing, nothing,
- What? - Nothing, Nothing,
Nothing, Nothing,
I just,,, I thought you were gonna ask me out,
What's up, winners?
- Hey! - Hi, Come on in,
Fashionably late, Hey,
Come on in,
Okay,
I think that should do it,
Okay, yeah,
Sorry for the delay, but this presentation
was prepared by Mr, Donahue and myself
just to walk everyone through what to expect
when Wenner Platforms transforms
into Wenner Platforms, A division of,,,
So that's our new company name?
Wenner Platforms, A division of?
It is,
Maybe the next slide, Kyle,
Shut up, Mark,
Okay, That's the full name,
Quintana Sistemas de Información,
So that is all the información you need,
Okay, Wow,
Any questions?
This is what the dilemma is,
Like, you're saying, "Hey, dog",
how are we gonna combine these companies, bro?"
Well, I'll answer it, bro,
Vertical integration,
Put companies on top of each other,
Make a big building,
Practical integration, email,,,
Uh-oh,
Does that mean that we all have to get new email addresses?
Been looking at this all day,
- Yeah, I mean,,, - Can smell the cinnamon,
Perhaps, you know,,,
Tennessee, that is for everyone,
- Yeah, I'll share it, - That's an absurd amount,
I really just want the fruit,
- Then have an apple, - Ally!
Ally! Ally!
What does she,,,
Ally! Ally!
Hey, Mrs, Martin, How are you?
How could you?
- Mrs, Martin? - Oh, don't,
Why would you do that?
Mrs, Martin, can we talk about this
another time, please? No,
Now,
When two people are in a relationship,
and one of them is in a wheelchair,
the other person is allowed to have his needs satisfied,
I satisfy his needs,
How?
How did you even find out?
He told me,
Well, why are you not yelling at him?
I did, But an 80-year-old man
doesn't exactly have a lot of defenses
against a young seductress,
You know, someday you'll care about your marriage,
and then you'll know what it means to respect the ring,
I do not have time for this,
Ally, Open the door,
- What have you done, Ally? - He loves my art!
Oh, he's the one? Open the door and face her,
- No, - Yes,
- No, No, - Open,
- No, No, - Open the door,
- No, - Open the door,
No,
No, No,
Strong! Fuck,
Ow, Ow! My rib!
Go do your meeting, Kyle,
No, No,
- Open the door, - No,
- I need to get the mail, - The mail?
- Yes, - I'll get the mail,
I'll get the mail, but I promise not to,,,
I'll get the mail, I'll get the mail,
No, I'll get the mail, No, I'll get the mail,
You can't look me in the eye, but you can take a scrotum
that's three quarters of a century old
and stick it in your mouth?
Hey!
Wait till NextDoor hears about this,
Oh, yeah, Oh, yeah, Ha,
Uh,,, so let's see,
Where were we?
Email, Ooh,
And payroll,
- Maybe we should stop, - Yeah,
- Yeah? - What a good idea,
Why don't we take a little break, huh?
I'd like to,,, I'd like to stop,
Dude, I'm sorry, man, Like, oof,
Maybe you'd like to listen to a certain piece of music
that makes you feel a certain way,
I have an acoustic playlist that I love,
Um,,, it's got Sam Smith and,,,
And Indigo Girls,
Let me,,,
- Uh, I need,,, - Let me just help you,
Great,
What do we do?
I don't see you two together,
Oh,,, we're not,
But thank you so much for sensing
how much I wanted your input,
- Sure, - Yeah,
It's just, when a surrogate carries a baby,,,
- Uh-huh, - Stray DNA seeps out
of the baby and goes straight up to the mother's brain,
I mean, damages can't be known for years,
I'm just being results-oriented here,
You could have an affair of your own,
Oh, Okay,
Well, I didn't expect you to go in that direction,
Like, that would really balance out the seesaw,
Balance out the seesaw,
Seesaw of revenge,
I don't think it's revenge,
I think it's more justice, you know?
The scales of vengeance,
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Good work, Good work, Eliza,
So I don't think I should ask you out,
- Oh, - I mean, you know,
mixing work and dating,
especially in today's climate, is kind of dangerous,
Will you give me a ride to the company party next week?
- Sure, - Great,
It's a date, I didn't say it was a date,
Yeah, I know, I,,, I said that,
No, It's not a date,
No, totally not a date,
Excuse me, everybody,
Sorry to bother you, okay?
Wanted to invite you to a special gathering
for Margie's birthday,
Oh! Dope, Phenomenal,
- Okay, - Nice,
Yeah, we're gonna do it Tuesday night,
- Tuesday is the company party, - Exactly,
We're gonna do this party inside that party,
What does that mean?
We'll have a table set aside,
We'll do gifts for her there,
We'll stick a candle in the dessert,
She's gonna love it,
Okay, but can we agree to cap the gift?
I don't want to be the a-hole who spent the most,
I just don't think I understand
what you're planning, She's coming back,
Don't say another word about it, okay?
Shut,,, Mark, shut up,
Oh, you know what?
While I have everyone, my birthday's coming up,
and I was thinking in three Saturdays from this Saturday
if everyone wanted to come over,
Are you pointing at me?
I just want to do something special for my birthday,
and I,,,
Yo!
The door is right there,
That's not obvious,
Mailman finds it,
I think he's got it memorized,
You know, it is so weird to walk into a room
I'm extremely familiar with from this angle only,
Um, uh, our folks, Don't-
- Should I get this for you? - No,
Leave it, Just leave it,
They moved to Paris, and they're calling to gloat,
I think you should take it,
Why?
Out of respect for your parents?
I don't follow,
No, Neal,
No,
Bonjour, sweetie,
Je FaceTime-ing de Paris,
Did you find an apartment?
Better,
We found a foot on the ground,
That's the literal translation for pied-a-terre,
- Wow, - "Pied" is "foot,"
"Terre" is "ground,"
- Honey, she doesn't care, - I find it interesting,
So do you still have the job?
Yeah, Why wouldn't I?
Okay,
We're just gonna pretend that the last
28 years never happened, That's okay,
See what I'm up against?
Did Ro give you the number?
- What number? - Our old lawyer,
She can help you with that surrogacy money,
- Janet, stop, - Who gets pregnant for free?
She made a decision,
Well, I want you to call her,
She might be dead now, but still, give her a call,
Okay? Bye-bye, Bonjour,
You know what? I actually have to go too, so,,,
Are you eating well?
Yeah,
Hey, good for you not accepting the money,
You were a crappy surrogate, That's integrity,
- Okay, - Guess what the first
French stethoscope was,
A wooden flute,
This whole country is a song,
Ah! Augh, dang it,
- You okay? - Yeah, yeah,
I think my leg's messing with me,
Hey, look what's over here,
It's an invisible cane over here,
And I think that's gonna help me walk,
We can keep walking, Come on, now,
Keep up, now, Come on,
Wait a second, My other leg's messing with me,
- Oh, both legs, - Both of them are messed up,
And look over here,
It's an invisible walker,
My luck has changed, Look at that,
- Oh, my God, - I'll take that,
Put it right here,
Ooh, I'm way too young to be feeling like this, you know,
Oh, oh, oh, ooh, wait a second,
My wrists are hurting me, They're hurting me really bad,
Can you please just take this invisible walker from me?
You want me to take it?
Yeah, There you go,
Yeah, There it is,
Okay, All right,
You look good walking with that walker,
Oh,
Ma'am, I can't move if I don't have my walker,
so could you please help me?
Just lift me up a little?
- Yeah, I got you, - Just help me, please,
Yeah, you get it,
All right, All right,
You know, you are way smarter than your parents
give you credit for, you know?
Hey,
I can't believe my father is retiring,
When he started Frames & More
before I was born, it was just a single store,
He never even dreamed it would be two stores,
And now look at us, Two stores!
Hello, everyone, Hello,
Oh, so good to see everyone,
Good evening, and hola evening,
Excuse me,
You obviously heard me giving a toast,
So good to see you all here,
and I'm glad that no one got caught
in that accident on Route 15,
From what I saw, it was pretty rough stuff,
and I hope no children were badly hurt,
Okay, It gives me great pleasure
to introduce our new owner,
He is a man from another culture, the Mexican culture,
which they've been in the news a lot lately,
as you know, viz-a-viz the border,
Wherever you stand politically, I think we can all agree
that the separating of families,
however well-intentioned, was clearly ineffective,
And for that, on behalf of our country,
I hereby formally apologize,
And now please welcome Senor X Fernandez!
Thank you,
I had no idea any of that was going on,
The only American news I watch is tennis,
Oh,
My name is Sergio Fernandez,
I buy good companies,
and I make them fantastic companies,
My father lets me buy one company every two years,
I pick it,
I buy it,
I turn it around,
Let's see what I can do, Three companies so far,
First and third, big successes, Big,
Middle one was difficult, because
I started to build a house, right,
and a lot of little details,
A lot of tiny decisions to make,
In the middle of it, my contractor went bankrupt,
It's a crazy story,
The house came out great, two swimming pools,
Wonderful, In Montecito, Gorgeous,
It sounds like it's stunning,
I know, and I couldn't enjoy it for a while,
because the company,,,
and a lot of people lost their jobs,
It was a family owned company, not unlike,,, and,,,
But you know what? You live and learn,
And I'll never touch textiles again,
Anyway, look, that's done,
My vision for this company is big,
I ask you, how big is your vision?
Triple it!
You folks make so many sales a year, like, X sales,
Well, imagine 3X sales!
There's nothing we can't do!
We work hard,
We work harder,
Till we are as hard as a rock,
Tonight we celebrate our new strength,
Tonight is champagne, Tonight is caviar,
Tonight is coke off each other's tits,
Questions,
Sir, Are we gonna have new emails?
We are,
Yes,
Are we gonna have access to the old emails?
'Cause, you know, I reference those with clients,
That's wonderful, That's a follow-up,
and we thank you for that,
That's a question for IT, Okay,
But if that functionality is available, you will have it,
Yes,
Yellow dress, Oh, thank you,
I've had it since college,
With the email address, will we be able
to forward from our old email address
to our new email address or,,,
Attention, everybody,
This is not just a simple work function,
It's also a birthday party,
All: Happy birthday!
What are you,,, what are you,,, what are you doing?
I wanted to have a little surprise for you,
Party inside a party, Are you surprised?
Yes, dear, I am very surprised,
- Good, - Thank you,
I didn't get her anything,
All that matters is that you're here,
Got you that,
Winston, we said no gifts this year,
I'm sorry, My passion for you, it's,,,
- Come here for a second, - I had to,
She's meeting me here,
She's gorgeous,
- Yes, - Oh, it's magnificent,
You said I'm up or down for anything or anyone,
Yeah, I needed results, so,,,
Why up or down?
Well, I forgot which way was more fun,
- Thank you, - I guess they both work,
I hope you like it,
Oh, Oh,
Oh, my God,
Hopefully, this spices things up for you guys,
- Wow, - I have a cousin
in the nightgown business,
and this is a typical lattice,
Do you mind displaying it on your body?
- On my body? - Yeah,
You don't have to,,, You don't have to,
Absolutely, Don't worry,
I'm happily married, so just,,,
It looks so breathable,
And red is Bill's favorite color,
That's wonderful,
Bill's the man she hopes will contribute semen to our quest
for a child, because I have a lot of semen,
but it doesn't,,, We know,
- Retain much sperm, - We know,
- Wow, What's next? - I just need you for a second,
Thanks so much, Just-just,,, just give us,,,
Give us a second, Real quick,
What,,, wait, What are you doing?
- I'm going shopping, - No,
Hi,
Sorry to interrupt,
We're your neighbors from next door,
And this is my friend Neal,
We met at Princeton, where he was
the valedictorian and an incredible poet
and perhaps has something beautiful to share
on the topic of retirement,
Yeah,
So happy you're retiring,
You know, I hope you find a new passion,
Painting, You know?
Go to a rec center,
Look at me, Look at my hands,
Like a bird,
Ohh,
Oh, my gosh, a massage?
Yes, Yes, yes, I certainly will,
Thank you,
Chuck brings his table right to your bouse,
Really? He'll bring it to my house?
- Yes, - That's so nice,
Chuck just goes up and down,
You'll feel relaxed,
You'll escape your reality,
Oh, my,,, and how do you know Chuck?
I'm Chuck,
Right? Oh, my gosh,
Yeah, That's my masseuse name,
- Thank you, Kyle, - You're welcome,
Thank you very much,
I'd be happy to give you a massage
if you want a massage,
Happy birthday,
- Oh, Eliza, Really? - Thank you,
I did feel like I had to,
This paper's so pretty, Thank you,
I know you the like the color, so,,,
You didn't have to get me anything,
This is,,,
- Oh, tea kettle, - Oh, my gosh, a tea kettle,
Eliza!
That's perfect for you,
That is very thoughtful, Eliza,
Thank you,
Yep, I thought it out, and I realized
that's what you need most, right?
Yeah, You did not have to
get me a thing, truly,
Ding-dong, Final gift, Best for last,
Happy birthday, Margie, Oh,
- Here you go, - Oh!
What a lovely pot, Mark,
Open it,
Okay,
Uh-oh, It's coq au vin,
- Yeah, - Yeah,
It's my recipe right there,
Pretty rude, actually,
to bring dinner to a dinner party,
That's rude, Mark,
We talked so much about it,
I just wanted to show you my recipe, and,,,
- It smells great, - Wow,
- Happy birthday, - That is very thoughtful,
Absolutely,
You should eat it,
I certainly couldn't,
No,
Give it a taste,
- Dear,,, - Hmm?
Please try it, Margie,
It'll never be as good as it is right now,
Hmm,
I'll just,,, you know, I'll just,,,
I'll just try a little bit, a little taste of it,
Yeah,
Margie, you don't have to eat that,
I know, Well, it's a gift,
and I feel bad,
I'll just take a single bite, Okay,
Mmm, Mmm,
That is very nice,
It is very nice, Mark,
- Very nice, Mark, - Oh, man,
So whose would you say is better?
Between Mark and Winston? Thank you,
They are,,, they are both excellent,
Both excellent, God,
Feel like 50 bucks,
Winston,
Hey, this is silly, okay?
This is silly, Why don't you just try a bite, okay?
You can have two great dishes,
Come on, Just try it, Try it, Winnie,
Give it a whirl, Try it,
- Try a bite of what? - The coq au vin,
- Oh, I would love to, - Okay,
It's my favorite dish,
I'd love to try some coq au vin,
Okay, and where should I point the fork?
'Cause it's not into this big dish of dog shit,
This chicken has no evidence of red wine's involvement
at all, so I can't even possibly
imagine how that's coq au vin, so someone please tell me,
where's the coq au vin? 'Cause I'd love to try some,
Oh, is it hiding under here?
Is it hiding under this wet, undercooked, rubbery chicken
that's clearly overly salted and under-peppered,
by the way, Mark?
It's not,,, it's not under there,
So has anybody seen any coq au vin?
'Cause I'd love to try it,
I don't see any evidence of red wine in here,
Let's just get down,,, Should we just get down
to the depths of it? Yeah, no,
even at the bottom of the dish I don't see an ounce
of coq au vin, so I'm sorry,
it's not in there, all right?
So I don't know what this game is that you're playing, Mark,
Oh, you just keep taking bites calmly
like none of this is happening?
Keep playing the game, Mark,
I just want to apologize for everything,
Enjoy the party without me,
And happy birthday, baby, I love you,
We'll talk about it at home, I don't want-
- I'll go wait in the car!
I'm not cut out for this!
Beat it,
♪ I wear tight clothing, high-heeled shoes ♪
♪ It doesn't mean that I'm a prostitute no, no ♪
♪ I like rap music, wear hip-hop clothes ♪
♪ That doesn't mean that I'm out sellin' dope, no, no, no ♪
♪ Oh my, forgive me for having straight hair, no ♪
♪ It doesn't mean there's another blood in my heir ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ I might date another race or color ♪
- Hi, - Oh,
Oh,
♪ My strong Black brothers ♪
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry, - No, you're good,
- Oh, hi, - Hi,
- I'm sorry,
Pardon me,
♪ Can't explain the way you drive me crazy ♪
♪ Never fail ♪
- Mitchell and Edward, - Yeah,
Those are the two that you were a surrogate for, right?
Mm-hmm,
It may be important,
It's okay,
There might be, like, a breach of contract issue,
They make surrogates sign this thing that says that you're
not gonna drink or smoke while you're pregnant, obviously,
and I wouldn't do that,
But you're also supposed to, like,
take vitamins and go on all these walks
and go to bed by a certain time,
And I didn't always do that,
So, like, you know, if there's a problem,
guess who they go after?
So,,, so there's a problem?
We should dance,
- Oh, - It's a party,
Do it, I'm not-
- Let's do it,
You're a very good dancer,
Oh, thank you,
Took fencing lessons, so some of the same skills apply,
Oh, good, so you can protect us?
Yeah, Well, if we get attacked by a fencer,
then yeah, Can you defend against this?
Oh, wow,
I'm so sorry,
I thought you were gonna block that,
Yeah, Well, that's not part of the skill set,
You know, if we get any closer, they might start to talk,
I don't think they're gonna be talking about us,
I said, are you ready to rock?
- Yeah, baby, - Yes!
Yes!
It tickles, It tickles,
- Oh, my goodness, - Hey, look at me,
Tom Selleck,
♪ Is this really love or just a game? ♪
Yee-haw!
I can feel my body rock every time you call my name ♪
Okay,
I'm so sorry, I don't know who this guy is,
I,,,
Oh,
Do you,,,
Uh,,,
What?
♪ Tell it to my heart ♪
♪ Tell me I'm the only one ♪
Yeah?
♪ Is this really love or just a game? ♪
Oh, my gosh,
♪ Tell it to my heart ♪
♪ I can feel my body rock ♪
♪ Every time you call ♪
Thank you,
Yes, Oh, my God,
- You ready? - Yes, Ready,
There you go, Thank you,
- After you, - Oh my gosh, so gentlemanly,
Thank you,
Hi,
Uh, look, I just,,, I just want you to know
this isn't going anywhere,
Yeah, that's okay,
Look, I don't have the bandwidth for anything
emotional right now,
Fine with me,
I guess what I really wanted to say is,
just don't fall in love with me,
- Not a problem, - Just let me finish,
My wife, she cheated on me with an octogenarian,
Oh,
Both: I'm sorry,
It's okay, I mean, I'm coping,
But maybe she's truly happy with someone
older and more feeble,
Maybe that makes her feel strong,
But what I do know is that I look ridiculous,
You want to put this on?
I got you something,
Oh?
It's just a few notions about how I feel about us,
I hope it's not too soon,
Steven,
"Steven, I want you to know that I'm sorry about making
"such a fuss about your store not attracting the right kind
"of clientele for the area,
"Frames & More has been nothing but a great neighbor,
"I wish you the very best in your retirement,
Truly yours, Jonas Jewelers,"
- I meant every word, - Mm,
For when you replace the tea kettle,
Yeah,
And therefore, I deduced the diamonds
must be in some crevice of the countess's body,
Ridiculous!
I have been searched,
Yes, but thoroughly?
I have brought in a specialist,
Good evening, madame,
- Good evening, sir, - Good evening, sir,
Hi,
We should go somewhere,
Yeah, You sure Kyle's gonna be all right?
Yeah, He's a grown man,
You've read and reread that dating profile many times,
so if he missed something, that's kind of a choice,
He met that girl on a dating app?
- Yeah, - And you knew?
- Yeah, - Why didn't you stop him?
Why would I do that? He didn't want me to do that,
Were you helping him?
Yeah, a little,
You might have put the nail in the coffin
of their marriage,
Well, the builder of the coffin
is not the killer of the person,
Coffin builder actually serves a very essential service,
Yeah, but the coffin builder is not the hero,
Like, he's the weird guy with the long face
and the creepy music,
Nobody ever says, "Oh, thank goodness
for the coffin builder,"
Nobody's looking forward to that,
That's just a casting issue,
Like, imagine Ryan Reynolds in that role,
Mm-hmm,
That's cash money,
The stuff you do has consequences,
The stuff?
Yeah, with Kyle,
And you egged Margie into trying the coq au vin
in front of Winston,
Margie wanted the coq au vin,
Did you see the look on her face?
She was waiting for permission,
You stole a sweet, old man's tea kettle,
What makes him sweet?
'Cause he's old?
Have you talked to an old person?
Eliza,
Okay,
I know that tone,
And I know that look,
- Where are you going? - You're boring,
- You're reckless, - You're a bystander,
Well, you're an agitator,
I'm an alligator?
That's a compliment,
Alligator is a very powerful animal,
- Where are the diamonds? - I don't know,
You cand find them, can you? Oh, God, you're the queen,
I am the queen, Tell me again,
You're not the queen, I know the queen,
She's old,
Do you want these diamonds or not?
I've got to find the diamonds,
Well, I don't want you to find the diamonds,
- Okay, but,,, - You know what I'll give you?
- What's that? - I'll give you maybe a ruby,
- Oh, no, - Maybe a ruby,
- Oh, no, - That's all you fuckin',,,
That's all you fuckin' get, Oh, it's my job,
I gotta do my job, Do your job then,
It's not working,
And that's why it's not working,
Good thing I don't know,
Try harder,
Oh, please,
Nope, That's not it,
Still not finding them,
Meet me in the thunderstorm when the air is warm ♪
♪ But it pours down all the same ♪
♪ In the middle of a summer night ♪
♪ Where the old streetlight will color us in flame ♪
♪ One big fat drop of rain taps my shoulder blade ♪
♪ And you tell me the show begins ♪
♪ Oh we're gonna stay out ♪
♪ Oh we're gonna go back in the house ♪
♪ How the air is sweetened by a storm ♪
♪ How the air between us ♪
Hi,
Okay,
Oh, fuck,
No, Fuck,
Hey, Buddy, can you get up?
Wake up,
Seriously, can you please just get the fuck out?
Hey, dude, I really need you to go,
I work from home,
I'm about to get on a video conference, so,,,
I'm up,
Okay, guy, come on,
You gotta go, Let's go,
Okay, Never mind,
You just stay here,
Please don't move,
Uh,,,
Wow, What a night,
I woke up with pictures of people in my phone
that I don't even know,
And it's not even an iPhone anymore,
Thank you all for coming to my birthday celebration,
Winston is out at the grocery store shopping,
I am not,
I'm specifically not there,
Please go to the grocery store,
So, Kyle, how was she?
Oh, yeah, Fine,
Well, you two seemed to be hitting it off,
You know, somewhat,
Come on, dude, Spill,
Look, this isn't a locker room,
I'm not here to tell you who grabbed who,
how long it was grabbed, or what historical character
did the grabbing,
No, they're called private parts for a reason,
Done with conversation,
Okay,
Uh, you get home okay, Eliza?
I did,
I'm gonna throw up,
Whoa,
Wow,
Oh, I'm never gonna drink again,
♪ Brick by brick ♪
♪ You're pulling from it ♪
♪ Till it's almost all too hard to stand ♪
♪ Bit by bit you're losing ground on it ♪
♪ But you hold the shovel in your hand ♪
♪ Because you hung your hopes on just one thing ♪
♪ And now you're on your knees ♪
♪ Just scrabbling ♪
♪ And all amongst the guts and bones and skin ♪
♪ And the same jokes told on you again ♪
♪ There's a change of tense your heart unclenches ♪
♪ Yeah you were never really all that nearly ♪
♪ And it won't feel like you won ♪
♪ 'Cause it's you holding that gun ♪
♪ We work so hard to hide our feelings ♪
♪ Hide our failings, save our faces ♪
♪ Try to do right, try to be liked ♪
♪ But we're faking every night ♪
♪ You said take or leave it so I left for good ♪
♪ And now you're stuck with piles of damp firewood ♪
Thank you,
It's for the cat,
It's not for you,
It's for the cat,
The cat still loves you,
I know the difference,
I wouldn't eat out of a cat bowl,
I was saying it to be nice,
♪ And it won't feel like you won ♪
I miss the army,
No, electricity is optional,
No, electricity is not optional,
Have you heard of cave people?
Oh, my God,
Okay, just, like, act professionally
and you'll have electricity and a job, like a normal adult,
Did Mom tell you to say that?
Did she?
Dad? No,
- Was it Dad? - Might have been Dad,
Who literally gave you money to make sure I never forget
that I'm the fuckup?
Liza,
Hmm?
Look, I believe in reprogramming our brains,
What? I do it for myself,
You take a decision you've made that was impulsive and, like,
not at all good, and you, like, imagine being in that moment
and making a different decision,
Follow it through to a better outcome,
Hold this in your hand,
Close your eyes,
It'll create a sense memory and help
activate the new brain pathways that we're about to build,
Let's go to an early memory, a bad decision,
when these pathways were first formed,
I can't think of anything,
When you mailed in a resignation letter for Dad,
Why does no one in our family let me forget that?
When you almost drowned trying to save a penguin,
- Oh, that one, - When you,,,
Do the penguin, Do the penguin one,
Okay,
You were six, right? Yeah,
Imagine you're there again, okay, as a six-year-old,
What do you see? I see her looking at me,
- Where are you? - I'm climbing the railing,
Is that a good idea?
Yeah, 'cause I'm little, and I need to see better,
Okay, then what happens?
She tilts her head, and I tilt my head,
and we're, like, communicating,
Are you really, or did you both just
tilt your heads, Liza?
Because tilted heads doesn't mean anything,
I feel you don't get how penguins think,
Okay, Liza, stop fighting it,
Close your eyes,
Then what happens?
She looks up and takes a step and slips,
And then what happens?
And she falls in the water, and I think she's drowning,
And then?
And then I jump in after her,
'cause I have to save her, Okay,
Wait, wait, wait, Now back up,
You're there, You see the penguin fall in,
Now, Liza, instead of jumping in, stop and think,
- No, there's no time, - Okay, you stop and think,
You think, "The penguin can swim, and I can't swim,"
The penguin will be okay," No,
"Yeah, And I might not,"
You think,,, But-
- "No, No, The best course of action
is not to follow my instincts," But the penguin-
- No, Fuck the penguin,
Fuck the penguin,
Hello?
Hey,
Eliza, you are right on time,
You look rested,
- Wow, - Shh!
Hey, No negative energy,
So we both wanted you to hear this,
We wanted to see you,,,
Also,,,
I can't hear you,
We just wanted to make sure,,,
This is for me?
Oh, Hello,
Look whose beautiful eyes are open,
- Oh, are they open? - They're open,
Let me see,
Come here and see those beautiful,,,
Oh, they're,,, too late, closed,
I haven't seen her eyes yet,
She falls asleep immediately,
You know what they look like, We should let her sleep,
No, no, no, no, We're gonna stay on a schedule,
We said we would,
We just wanted to thank you,
For what?
Wh,,, for everything I just said,
For making us a family,
I honestly never thought we'd get here,
- Yeah, - Really?
Mm-hmm,
Ohh,
It's her birthday,
We each have one,
I wasn't expecting a gift,
Well, what were you expecting?
It's just, at the end, I wasn't
really doing a lot of walking, and I couldn't
keep my vitamins down,
And I did a lot of things on the do-not-do list,
Actually, I had McDonald's,
All the time,
I thought the baby might come out looking like a hamburger,
I did have a few sips of wine,
Oh, well,
- A little bit, - Yeah, sips,
I had a lot of sips of wine,
Okay, stop,
It's okay, And when you sent me
to that wellness spa,
I actually just went to Vegas,
It was really hard at the end, Well,,,
You know, I hated being pregnant, and I,,,
I acted out, and I'm really sorry,
Hmm,
Hey, if we were to do this all over again,
whatever you did, I would want you to do it
precisely the same way, because she is perfect,
Really?
She is,
Eliza, meet Jennifer Eliza Michaels,
What?
Yeah,
Oh, I'm sorry,
I,,,
Okay,
What is this?
There is just so much wrong here,
And then you do this,
After we part, I wanted you to remember
that we weren't always awful,
Winston, can you be a dear and get me some more
chamomile tea, please?
Winston,
Dear,
The chamomile?
Whatever point you're trying to make,,,
Excuse me,
Hey, what's that white on Margie's screen?
What are you talking about?
Is that smoke?
Oh, maybe that's just steam from the kettle?
That's some awfully dark steam,
- Oh! - Oh, no,
- Oh, my God, - Stay calm,
It will probably shut itself off,
These things are made to turn themselves off,
- Shit, - Margie?
Hey, Margie!
Stop yelling,
They can't hear us, Call the house,
Right, Right, She's not in my contacts,
- You don't have her number? - We all just log on,
I mean, does anybody have it?
The only number we need is 911,
- 911, - Hi,
Yes, there's a fire,
It's not at my house, It's at my coworker's,
and I see her on our video conference,
Ma'am, ma'am, do you have an address for me?
Her address,
What,,, does anyone have her address?
No,,, nobody? I don't know it,
You should be writing these things down!
- I'll start doing that! - What's her last name?
What's her last name?
Really?
- Relk, - Roark?
Rock, Relk,
- Revel, - Reep?
Ripe? Revolver,
We just going in Google and typing in R
and seeing what comes up afterward?
Ma'am, we're gonna need a name,
Okay, they're gonna need an address or a name,
She's kind of being a dick about it,
I'm calling HR,
One,
Two, I don't know,
I think it's by a Starbucks, maybe,
They have the cups a lot,
Repeat options,
Or maybe she just had lots of Starbucks cups
that she, like, saves, You know how people do that?
She could be hoarding the cups,
Representative,
Look, how many Margie and Winstons can there be?
Tell them they were thinking of adding a pool,
So look for a backyard that's big enough to have a pool,
Hey, hey, hey, hey,
It's starting to go out on its own,
- Whew, - ♪ I got this feelin' ♪
- Don't, Don't, - Whoa, Whoa,
Don't, Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't!
Oh!
They could get trapped in there
and totally die from the smoke,
No one's gonna tell me I'm wrong?
Okay, I gotta go over there,
What? Where?
I don't know where,
You're just gonna look everywhere?
It's stupid to just run around the neighborhood,
Make a grid, Search it methodically,
Even then, you're probably not gonna find the girl's body,
Okay, someone from HR will get back to me,
Just stay put,
I can't just do nothing,
What do you think you can really do?
Eliza, you cannot go,
You are not a fireman,
It will be a liability to the company,
No, Eliza, you go, and that's strike three,
Eliza!
Come on,
Oh, what the hell?
- Oh! - Fire truck! Fire truck!
- Fire truck! Fire truck!
- Fire truck! - Yeah!
Signal, Signal, Signal, Signal,
Okay, I can't believe this,
You're okay,
Hey, we were so worried, Oh, my gosh,
Looks like the fire's contained to the office,
My curtains, I,,,
We'll steal the neighbor's curtains,
Okay,
What on Earth could have caused this?
We'll never know,
Hey, guys, HR just got back to me,
You would not believe how close we all live to each other,
- Sir, - Oh, shit,
A real fire,
I think I saw kitty litter,
Should I go and look for a cat?
- Yes, - Yeah,
Cursory glance couldn't hurt, but the cat
can die before a human even stubs his toe,
- Copy that, - Yeah,
You're totally burning your house, dude,
You want to let it simmer on a low heat,
This is too much,
No, a house like this you want to get,
like, a nice char the around the edges,
just like that,
Cocky hot piece of shit,
Appreciate that,
Hey, would you,,,
Would you ever consider impregnating my wife?
Winston, sweetie, Kyle was offering
for us to stay at his house; isn't that so nice?
- No, we should not, - Yeah,
Yeah, Why would we do that?
- Because,,, - He's a crazy person,
Not clinically, no,
So I mean, I said yes,
Look how sad he is, He's gonna do it,
- He's a broken man, - We're gonna do it,
Oh, my God, Actually, you all can come over,
You know, we can watch "Babe," You know, it's been a while,
The original "Babe" or the German "Babe"?
No, thank you,
Do you know how the fire got started?
Cheap electric kettle,
Why is everyone looking at her?
Oh, she didn't give you that kettle, did she?
- Yeah, - Wow,
Yes,
Sorry,
Sorry for being me,
I'm gonna go,
Thanks so much for the opportunity,
I no longer work at Wenner Platforms, A division of
Quintana Sistemas de Información, anymore,
You can think of that, and it'll make you feel better,
Hey,
You're not fired,
Yeah, okay, well, three strikes, right?
So,,,
You get 1,000,
Really?
I get 1,000,
Yes,
Wait, is that,,,
Hey, Let's go inside,
Come on,
Okay,
Hey, Kyle, you have any popcorn?
Oh, I don't know,
Hmm,
That's some very large popcorn,
Yeah, well, it's all I could find, so,,,
Thanks for the ride on your scooter,
It was very impressive,
Well, you know, it actually takes
no skill to ride a scooter,
Like, none whatsoever,
Sorry about the hairy ass running across your screen
the other day,
Trying to make sure that never happens again,
You know, if this is, like, weird for you
and you don't want me to be here, that's fine,
You can just tell me, and, I mean,
I won't quit, 'cause I really need this,
but I can, you know,,,
Wait, what, you think I don't want you to work here anymore?
I don't know,
You know, my whole life, I've had this voice on my shoulder
telling me to make sensible decisions,
and, you know, it's loud,
It hurts me ear,
You know, shoulder to ear is very short,
And you, you're, like, the woman that comes in and flicks
my little shoulder man away,
And I'm starting to hear my own thoughts,
And I can deal with a hairy butt in your face,
but I was just hoping that it'd be mine,
Well, go on then,
Kiss the girl, Okay,
No,
My voice does not sound like Boris Johnson,
It's not Boris Johnson,
It's more of a humble chimney sweep,
Okay, I know I need one remote
to start the other remote,
Oh, dear, what did I do?
Maybe try Netflix,
Oh, no, it was Ally's account,
She logged out, Scorched earth on that one,
Check Amazon,
Oh, what, and make Bezos richer?
No, he should pay me to watch his crap,
- Very thoughtful, - Thank you, dear,
- Egg? - Oh, yeah,
Put it in my pocket,
Egg?
Absolutely,
And now, "Babe,"
Oh, okay, All right,
All right,
This is a tale about an unprejudiced heart
and how it changed our valley forever,
There was a time not so long ago
when pigs were afforded no respect, except by other pigs,
They lived their whole lives in a cruel and sunless world,