You're late,
Yeah, whatever,
Do you wanna come inside and study?
What?
You know, study,
Study for what?
Do you wanna come inside and fuck?
Hell, yeah,
This isn't what it looks like, man, I promise
We,,, we were just studying,
Wait, no! No!
No,
Bon appétit,
Looks delicious,
- Ashley, I'm serious,,, - Mm-hmm,
- It looks really good, - How far is it?
It's like um, an hour or so,
Is that it?
Yeah, we probably could have made it by now
if somebody didn't have to go to the bathroom,
Hmm,
Uh, okay,
Well, I have been thinking that,,,
Ooh, let me guess,
- We've been dating for a couple years,,, - Because I'm the handsomest,,,
- And I'm not getting any younger,,, - And most talentedest,,,
- And our parents keep asking us about it,,, - And funniest man
- that you've ever met,,, - And I think that we should talk about
- our future, - You wanna try anal,
Are you listening to me?
- Yes, Yes, of course, - So,,, Yeah, so what did I say?
You wanna take our relationship to the next step,
Yeah,
- And you wanna try butt stuff, - Mm, no,
- And I couldn't agree more, - No, that is not what I said,
- We start with a finger, - It's not what I said,
- But did you? - Nope, you know,
I can't believe I'm saying this, okay?
- Saying what? - Me of all people,
Okay,
What do you wanna talk about?
Like, marriage and stuff,
And stuff?
Yeah,
Like, do you think you wanna have kids?
I can't help you
if you don't tell me what's wrong,
Did you pee?
What's wrong with you?
What are you looking at?
- Nothing, - What are you looking at?
- Nothing! - You hear me?
I'm not looking at anything,
What are you trying to do?
Take him into the bathroom?
Um, no, what? No,
Yeah, I looks like you're trying
to take my kid into the bathroom,
- No, - That's my kid,
You know, I'm his dad,
I'm a good dad,
You don't,,, you don't think I'm a good dad?
I,,, I don't know anything about you,,,
how you are as a dad,
This is my son,
We're here to have a good time
and you're ruinin' it,
I'm just,,, I just,,, I'm trying to go the bathroom,
You seem like a wonderful dad,
- Welcome to my childhood home, - I can't get a signal,
Uh, yeah, so this is a dead zone,
- which means we're kind of like in the middle of a forest,,, - Well,,,
And it's hard for the cell tower,,,
How am I supposed to do any work?
You're not, that's the whole point of the vacation,
Right, Sorry,
What were you saying?
Yes,
Welcome to my childhood home,
Hmm, How long has it been?
Oh, man,
Probably as long as my dick,
As long as your dick?
Yeah,
That's gross,
What? That's a very,,,
it's a like an average amount of time,,,
For a man of my height,
Okay, Uh, can we just go inside now?
Yes,
I will grab the bags,
Really?
I am a gentleman,
- False, - Not false,
Sure,
Look, look, look, if I,,,
if I wasn't a gentleman would I stand like this?
Uh,,, no, I guess not,
You see, this is how English gentlemen stood,
Mm-hmm, you're a perfect gentleman,
- Ashley, look, - Yeah,
I'm wearing a monocle, too,
Mm-hmm, it's very impressive,
- Oh, look I have a monocle, - Wow!
I'll just be here waiting for you, my lady,
Okay, Good bye,
Yeah,
Jesus,
Baby Jesus?
Hello?
Oh!
- What are you doing? - Oh,
Uh, I thought I heard something,
Like what?
Why don't you uh, freshen up?
What about you?
I am going to cook us some dinner,
Really?
I'm a gentleman, remember?
Right, I forgot,
Okay,
You're just gonna stay there?
Yeah, I just gonna uh, check one more thing,
- Okay, - Yeah,
Sam, I,,,
Mm,,,
I have some um, news,
News, I have some news for you,
No,
Uh, I'm,,, uh,,,
Sam, I need to tell you something,
What is it?
Um, well, uh,,,
Oh, is it,,, Is this okay to eat?
Do I look like someone that would feed you
something that's not okay to eat?
Yes, Yes, you do,
What? I can't make you dinner?
No, that's not what I said,
Then go on, eat up,
Um,,,
I,,, I really appreciate you cooking and all,
I know, it's not like you, but I can't eat this,
Come on, up, up, up, up, up, up,
Uh, no, no, no, no, no,
There's nothing wrong with it,
- Mm, I,,, mm,,, - Okay,
I'm not so sure about that, though,
Look,
See?
Now, what did you want to,,,
Are you,,,
I think it went down the wrong tube,
But what did you wanted to,,,
Why don't drink some water?
It's okay, I'm fine, I don't,,,
I don't usually,,,
You don't seem,,, you don't seem fine,
- It's o,,, - Okay,
O,,, okay,
Why don't you,,, why don't we do,,,
why don't you drink some water, okay?
Okay? Uh,,,
Sam?
Sam, do you need to drink some water?
Here,
Are you okay? Do you need water?
No?
No,
Uh, I,,, I mean, yes!
Yes, yes, yes,
No,
Oh, you're not proposing to me?
Uh,,,
I,,, I,,, I,,, I'm not,
This wasn't part of some elaborate ruse
to bring me up here and propose to me?
No,
Well, you can still ask,
Really?
Are you gonna propose or not?
Ashley, I,,,
That was,,, that was insane,
That was insane,
I don't know, tastes fine to me,
Are you mad?
What do you think?
No,
Yes,
You're so smart,
I'm dumb,
No,
I'm a dumb, dumb dummy,
Yeah, Yes, you are,
How can I make it up to you?
By sleeping on the couch?
But I ha,,, I have that couch phobia,
- I'm afraid of couches, - Mm-hmm,
Yeah, you're not funny,
Yeah,
Then why are you laughing?
I am not laughing,
I'll make it up to you, I promise,
And?
And you are the prettiest
person I've ever met in my life,
and you're so talented, and I don't deserve you,
It's better,
And we can talk about everything,,, tomorrow,
I promise,
Okay,
We can talk about tryin' butt stuff,
Not until we're married,
What?
Then we can try butt stuff,
Are you serious?
Yeah,
Only, we have to be married and you gotta go first,
In what way?
In the I-put-a-dildo-up-your-butt way,
Oh, I'll think about it,
Yeah,
Yeah, you do that,
Ashley?
Sam,
What are you doing?
Did you leave the door open?
Mm-mm,
I'm going back to sleep, okay?
Okay,
Good morning,
Will you stop doing that?
Doing what?
Where were you?
I just went for a run,
You didn't invite me?
You hate jogging,
What?
- I mean I wouldn't have gone, but,,, - Oh,
It's always nice to be invited,
Oh, I'm,,, I am sorry,
You wanna go and get breakfast?
Yeah,
Okay, cool, I'm gonna go and hop in the shower,
Okay,
So, I think I'm ready to be one of those couples
- that jogs together, - Mm-hmm, okay,
You know, those couples that everybody hates?
Ashley?
She's in the shower,
Sam,
Yeah,
Can we just talk about everything?
Please,
Uh, of course,
What um,,, what do you,,,
what do you wanna talk about?
Like kids, and marriage, and stuff,
Oh, that's really nice,
Why won't you just answer my question?
It's not that hard, It's kind of like a yes
- Sam? - or no or,,,
Nolan,
I thought that was you,
I didn't even recognize you,
- How you doin'? - Good, man, Good,
It's been a while,
Sam?
Yeah, It's good to see you,
Hi, I'm Ashley,
Oh, look at you,
She's a pretty one,
Uh, yeah, this is my girlfriend,
How do you two know each other?
We used to work together,
And socialize, We're friends,
Really good, probably best friends,
Oh,
- Isn't that right, Sam? - Yeah,
- Are you ready? - Hold on,
- We gotta go, - Give me a minute!
- Now, I gotta go, - Hmm,
- Yeah? - Yeah,
God, it's good to see you!
I hope I get to run into you again sometime soon,
Both of you,
Yeah, it was nice to meet you,
Oh my God, she's hot,
He seemed nice,
Yeah,
Best friend,
Oh, yeah,
So weird, I feel like I never,,,
I feel like you've never mentioned him before,
I just have,,, That's,,,
- You haven't, - Really weird,
He's such a good friend,
Huh,
I could have sworn I had mentioned him,
Nope, not once,
- Really? - Yeah,
Wow!
Weird,
Oh my God, she is so cute,
It's okay, babe, Ready?
She's getting so big,
- Oh, you're a natural with kids, - Oh, thanks,
Sam, there you are,
Here I am,
Funny runnin' into you again,
Yeah, funny,
You wanna hold my daughter?
- No, - Why not?
It's just I,,, I wouldn't know how to hold it,
Just like a sack of groceries,
How's that?
You scoop from the bottom like a sack of groceries,
I'm okay,
What? You don't hate babies?
Of,,, no, No, of course not,
That's a,,, that's crazy,,, that's a crazy thing to say,
- I'll hold the baby, - No, if you don't wanna hold the baby,
you don't have to,
No, I wanna hold the baby,
No, you clearly don't want to and it's fine,
- I do wanna hold the baby, so just give me the baby, - Is everything okay here?
Hey, guys, this is my wife Lauren,
Ashley, Uh, nice to meet you,
Hi, same,
You ready to go?
Yeah, We're just uh, wrapping up,
Hey, what are you guys doin' for dinner?
- Uh, I don't think we have any plans, - Ashley,,,
That's great, we can all hang out!
We can't tonight, Remember?
Oh, that's too bad,
Yeah, that sucks,
Rain check?
Yes, for sure,
It was great seeing you guys,
Yeah,
- Ashley, - Yeah,
I forgot my wallet in the car,
so will you come up and pay for the groceries?
Okay, we can go,
Bye-bye, Bye,
That's my best friend Sam,
- What was that? - Did you see how cute that baby was?
What are the chances that he would be there
- when we were there? - And her little nose and little cheeks,
Is he,,, do you think Nolan is following us?
Oh, you are being paranoid,
- No, I'm,,, - Y,,, yes,
- Okay, I'm not being paranoid,,, - Yes, you are, okay?
- Because it's,,, - It's a small town, okay?
Almost as small and cute as that little baby,
Baby, Baby,
Surprise,
My plans changed, can you believe it?
No,
- Hi, - Ashley, look who's here,
Oh, where is,,, where's Lauren?
She couldn't make it, but I hope you like wine,
What were your plans?
Excuse me?
Well, it's just in the store
she said you couldn't get together with us,
Well, our plans changed,
- What were they? - Sam,
Thank you, This is very nice,
Well, if you must know, we were planning on
leaving our daughter with the babysitter
and seeing a movie,
Oh! What was the movie?
A scary one,
- What was it called? - I don't remember,
- What changed? - Babysitter canceled,
We would love to have you over for dinner,
She seems like a great girl you got there, Sam,
I sure wish I had one like her,
What about your wife?
What about her?
You aren't married, are you?
No, We're not,
Sam, you gotta lock down a girl like that,
Somebody might just come along and take her,
Thanks, for the advice,
My pleasure,
Let's talk about something else,
- Like what? - I don't know,
I don't know,
But leave Ashley out of it,
What do you mean?
You want us to get married, I get it,
Maybe get a job, move to the suburbs,
join a bowling league with Rich and Tom,
swing by the grocery store after droppin' off the kids
to get the arugula, because Jan's coming over
and she's gonna cook her famous tuna casserole,
I get it,
Let's talk about something else,
Okay,
So,
when are you two gonna get hitched?
Um, we're still talking about that,
- What's wrong? - Nothing's wrong,
Don't you love each other?
Of course,
Well, I think when two people,
like yourselves, love each other very much,
they oughta get married,
We're just taking our time,
On behalf of me and Ashley,
I'd like to say thank you for bringing this up,
You're welcome,
Again, after we talked about it
in front of the house,
How about I make a fire?
Yeah, uh, fire sounds great,
Ashley, didn't you, um,
say you wanted to go to bed early tonight?
We can always go to bed after a fire,
You should've probably said that
before she realized fire might be in the cards,
Great,
Let's make a fire,
I can't wait,
How long has it been?
- Since when? - Since we've done this,
A long time, that's for sure,
Yeah, almost as long as my dick,
- That's a good one, Sam, - Oh, don't encourage him, Nolan,
No, go on, let's,,, tell us another joke,
I'd rather not,
I've got one,
A joke?
Um, why are they always building fences
around graveyards?
Uh, I don't know, Why?
Because people are dying to get in,
Oh,
- You get it? - No, I got it,
It's a graveyard and people are dying to get in,
'cause they get buried in the graveyard,
- Yeah, how,,, - I got it,
How long has it been since you guys last um,
saw each other?
I guess it's been about 10 years,
Why so long?
Did something happen?
No,
Why don't you tell her?
I don't want to,
Tell me what?
Somethin' happened here 10 years ago,
Something terrible,
No!
My sister died,
No!
She was murdered,
No!
Oh dear, I'm,,,
I'm so sorry that I brought that up,
I'm so sorry,
Okay, why don't we call it a night?
Already?
- It's getting late, - Okay,
But I have a surprise,
A surprise?
It's out in my truck,
What?
You have a surprise in your truck?
It will just be a minute,
I guess we'll see what it is,
Okay,
I cannot believe you laughed at his joke,
It was pretty funny,
Ashley,
What? You were being a dick,
What does it have to do with how stupid
- that joke was? - I don't,,,
I hadn't heard it before,
- I heard it when I was like five, - Just leave it,,,
okay, just leave it alone, okay?
- Let's just,,, let's go see what the surprise is, okay? - Okay,
Hmm, come on,
- Boo-hoo-hoo, My sister's dead, - Oh!
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Surprise!
- Oh, - Come, sit,
Oh, that's okay,
Don't you wanna know what you're gonna get for Christmas?
- What is all this? - Yeah,
I play the Santa the local toy drive every year,
- Oh, that,,, that,,, that's cute, - Isn't it?
- Don't worry, your turn's next, - Oh,
Um, no,,,
Now, what do you want for Christmas, little girl?
Uh, I don't really wanna do this,
Oh, I've learned how to deal with unruly kids like you,
No, okay?
Where are you going?
- Come on, we're gonna go inside, - Okay, yeah,
I was just playin' around,
Jeez, that was weird,
- What are you doing? - What do you mean?
That was totally inappropriate,
It was?
Then, I apologize,
For flirting with my girlfriend?
That's not what happened,
Then what happened?
I get excited sometimes,
You know, it's been a long time since I've seen you,
Yeah,
Let's keep it that way,
Sam, come on,
If what I did was so uncool, then I'm sorry,
Can you forgive me?
No,
I was makin' the moves on your girlfriend,
I'm gonna steal her right from under your nose,
'cause I'm better than you in every way,
I'm gonna fuck her on Christmas morning,
right at the foot of the tree, while you watch and cry,
Is that what you wanna hear?
Fuck you!
What?
Sam!
- Sam! - Is everything okay?
No, everything is not okay,
Are you fuckin' serious?
What do you want?
- I wanna say goodnight, - Goodnight!
- Sam, please, - Don't come in here,
- I thought we were friends, - Stay back,
Stay away from me!
Sam!
What the fuck?
Well, open the door and check on him,
You hit my nose with the door,
I,,, I told you to stay back,
Do you wanna know why my plans changed tonight?
Do you?
Because Lauren and I got into a fight,
Bullshit,
It's really bad, Sam,
Are you happy now?
You're lying,
I am not,
You've been following us since we got here,
What are you talking about?
Stop fucking with me!
- I thought we were friends! - Yeah, we were friends!
We wer!
But we haven't even talked in like 10 years!
You ever wonder why I don't respond
to any of your text messages?
Goodnight, Santa,
How could you do that?
He is trying to steal you from me,
- I thought he was your friend, - False,
Not false,
Ashley, he's trying to take you from me,
- He's always trying,,, - Sam, that's not even true, I,,,
- Don't you see it? - What are you talking about?
Don't you?
I love you,
Ashley,
Ashley, come on,
I'm the good guy here,
I'm not the bad guy,
I'm the good guy, he's the bad guy,
he's not the good guy,
I'm the good guy, he's the bad guy,
I'm the good guy,
How did I become the bad guy?
Hello?
Ashley?
I know you're out there,
I heard you!
Sam?
Sam,
Hello?
Who's there?
Nolan?
Nolan, is that you?
Yeah, Yeah, come out here,
Show yourself!
What the fuck?
Sam,
What are you doing?
Do you see him? Do you see him?
See who?
He was just,,, he was just there,
Who was just there?
Nolan,
No, this,,, this is too crazy,
No, this is too fucking crazy,
This motherfucker,
I know you're out there
and I can stay out here all night,
You're not gonna win!
Actually, I'm gonna go inside,
I'm gonna go back inside,
But I got plans,
What?
Good morning,
Hi,
I made us a little breakfast,
I hope it's not fish,
That was,,, that was,,, that was funny,
- That was a good one, - Thanks,
Oh yeah, you're so funny,
Sit down, sit, Sit, sit, sit,
- Okay, - Yeah,
Hmm, thank you,
Go on,
Are you feeling okay?
Couldn't be better,
Hmm,
But eat, Eat, eat, eat, eat,
You don't want it to get cold,
- Okay, Sam, what's going on? - What do you mean?
Uh, you're acting really weird,
I am?
Yes,
Yes, you are,
Well, I did think that we could talk,
Um, what about?
Marriage and stuff,
Hmm, Um,,,
And stuff?
Like,,, kids,
What do you think?
Mm,,,
I think it's really good,
Really good,
Mm-hmm,
Mm,
Hey, mom, it's Ash,
Just calling to let you know that we made it okay,
Um, I,,, I don't really have very good cell service up here,
I actually have no cell service up here,
So uh, if you wanna call me back
you can reach me at this number,
the uh, the house number
or the landline or the land number,,,
no, the,,, the house line uh,,, uh, whatever,
I would really uh,,, I'd love to hear from you,
So yeah uh, call me back,
Love you,
Bye,
Hm,
Hi, Samuel, your mom here,
Why aren't you picking up the phone?
Again, it's your mother,
Sam,
Hello?
Samuel?
- Did you ask him? - I know, I'll ask, hold on,
Your father says he can't wait
to spend time with you and Ashley this week,
When are you gonna marry that girl?
We'd like to be grandparent someday,
Sam?
Samuel?
Hello?
We'll be back on Sunday,
- Did you tell him? - I told him!
It's your mother,
- Hey! - What? What?
- Sam, right? - Yeah,
You're Nolan's wife, right?
Uh, yeah, Lauren,
Lauren, Lauren, right,
Wow! Wow!
Wow!
How,,, ho,,, I mean how are you?
Not bad,
Oh, okay, 'cause we missed you last night,
Uh, maybe we can do it again sometime,
- Lauren, is everything okay? - With what?
I mean you can tell me anything,
No,
No, nothing's wrong,
Are you,,, are you okay?
I am great and I feel even better
now that I know you're okay,
That's great,
Uh, it was really good running into you again,
I'm just gonna,,,
Okay, Yeah,
Enjoy that store, Laura,
A lot of gems in there!
Thank you for letting me explain,
Especially, after how I acted last night,
You know what? It's nothing,
- Really, just,,, - It's not nothing,
Don't worry about it,
- You're bein' really cool about the whole thing, - Thank you,
Hey!
There you are,
Uh, what's um,,, what's goin' on here?
We are decorating the tree,
Ah! I see,
So I know that last night ended badly,
but Nolan wanted to come over and apologize,
Yeah, man, I'm really sorry,
Friends?
Okay,
Yeah,
So do you wanna help us out?
- Yeah, come on, put an ornament on the tree, - So throw one on,
No, thank you,
Come on, put one on the tree,
I'm really okay,
Dude, it's your tree,
you should put this ornament on it,,,
- Okay, - No,
Why don't one of you go and grab some wood?
- Sure, - That would be amazing,
- Yeah, - We need that,
- I'll get the wood, - Yeah,
It's no problem, I can do it,
No, I said I get the wood, so I'll get the wood,
- I'm just offering to get,,, - Yeah,
And I'm declining the offer to get the wood,
I think you should just let him get the wood,
I'll get the wood,
You're gettin' the wood,
Sam's gettin' the wood,
Okay,
Yeah, Sam,,, Sam, go get the wood,
- Go get the wood, Sam, - I'll get the wood,
- Okay, perfect, - You really seemed upset for a second,
Jeez Louise,
You're so funny,
Oh my gosh,
- That was scary, - Yeah, Yeah,
- Okay, he'll be fine, - Yeah,
He'll be fine,
You come to my house,
tell me you're gonna get my wood,
Sam's getting the wood,
Shit,
Why,,, why is Sam getting the wood?
Oh, I feel so good,
- I feel so good, - Ah, yes!
I can't stop, Ashley,
Oh, my god,
You two have a good time while I was away?
Uh, yeah,
Uh, I put the star on top of the tree,
Oh, I'm sure you did,
I,,, I did,
What about you?
Did you have fun?
What do you mean, Sam?
Did you have a good time?
We've been waiting for you,
- Oh, you have? - Yeah, we were,
Oh!
This is not him,
Okay, what are you talking about?
The Nolan I knew was an asshole,
Mm,,,
Okay, um,,,
Things change, you know that,
Do I know that?
Do I know that, Nolan?
Yeah, because the Sam that I knew
wasn't a dick and look at him now,
- That's not helpful in this situation, - A small little dick,
Don't talk about my dick,
I'll say whatever I want about your dick,
That's um,,,
I need to talk to you outside,
What do you need to talk to me about?
Alone, I need to talk to you outside,
Are you okay?
Can we please go outside and talk?
Okay, Yeah,
- Okay, - Yeah,
Okay, okay, can you just hold this please?
Where are you goin'?
Fuck,
What an idiot,
Hey, hey, just let me put on my jacket,
What are we doing out here, Sam?
What is that?
So,,,
I have to ask you something
before he takes you away,
No, no, no, no, Stop bringing him up,
He's not doing anything, You are doing everything,
- I mean, he's the one that's following us,,, - No,
- Around but,,, - You have to stop with that,
- Okay, okay, okay, - Stop it!
- Just,,, just,,, - Stop!
Let me finish, Can I finish?
Sure,
So uh,,,
No,
No, no, no, no,
No,
- No what? - No, I don't,,,
I don't wanna marry you, okay?
- What? - I love you,
but this weekend has been an absolute,,,
Fucking disaster, okay?
No,
No, it's not the right time,
I don't know what you're doing,
I don't know what you're thinking,
- But you know, maybe it'll never uh,,, - No!
- Feel like the right time, - No, you know what?
- I don't wanna do this with you right now, okay? - Ashley,
I'm gonna go inside
and I'm gonna make dinner, okay?
You didn't ever let me like, get through the,,,
No, I don't want you to finish,
- Let me go, - Well, what about the tree?
It's done, okay,
Huh?
I can tell you something, No,
- Oh, Nolan, - We need to leave,
You'll be safe with me, away from,,, Sam,
You alright?
No,
Look, about last night and a minute ago,
I'm sorry, I haven't felt myself,
Everything is not alright, Nolan,
Yeah, I'm,,,
I'm sorry, okay? I've,,,
I've been upset and,,,
What?
I don't think I ever forgave you for what happened
after my sister died,
I,,,
I'm listening to you talk about how you're upset?
I mean,,,
You were my best friend, man,
Every summer when you would come into town,
that was the best part of my year,
hanging out with you,
And then my sister dies and I never hear from you,
You leave and never come back,
And now all of a sudden, you're here
and I'm excited to hang out with you,
but you keep hurting my feelings,
So yeah, I'm upset,
But I know that I haven't been the best friend to you either,
so I'm sorry,
Yeah, you ruined my fuckin' life,
What? No, I didn't,
That's crazy, I did no such thing,
You did,
You did such a thing,
I maybe took my anger out on you,
but it's over now, okay?
It's fine,
Nolan, stay away from Ashley,
I don't think she's gonna go for that, man,
I think she might wanna invite me
to be a part of the wedding,
Stay away from her,
- Come on, now, Sam, - Don't Sam me,
That's your name,
You're such a fucking liar,
No, I'm not, I am honest to my core,
I always tell the truth,
This is all just some game to you, isn't it?
What kind of game would that be?
I love games, This sucks,
You know,
Know what?
You know, don't you?
Maybe, but I'm not sure what we're talking about,
- Stay away from me, - Why?
Stay away from me and Ashley,
Dude,
Would you put that down, please?
Oh, but I really like it,
Sam, put that down you might hurt yourself, okay?
That's very sharp,
- Is this dangerous? - Yes,
Oh, then you should probably stay away from it,
No, you should stay away from it,
You can put it down,
and I can pick it up and sheathe it,
Oh, I feel so good to hold it, though,
Sam, would you put the fuckin' machete down?
Stay the fuck away from me and Ashely,
What are you talking about? Would you put that down?
- Stay back, - Put that down!
Put the fucking thing down, Sam!
- Stay away from us, - Right now, before you hurt yourself!
Put that thing down!
Sam, I'm gonna disarm you,
I'm gonna disarm you in five seconds if you don't
put that fucking thing down, right now,
Put the fucking thing down, Sam!
Put it down! Put it down!
Thank you, thank you, put it down,
- Oh, it's up, it's up, it's up, oh yeah, - Put that thing down!
Put it down!
- Oh yeah, Oh, it's up, it's up, it's up, - Put that fuckin' thing down!
- Oh, it's up, Oh, look, oh, look! - Put it down!
Put it down, thank you very much!
Thank you very much and put it down now!
Put that fucking thing down, Sam!
Put that fucking thing down!
Put it down, thank,,,
Oh!
Why did you do that?
Why did you do that, you fucking dick?
You fucking dick,
Why do that, you fucking dick?
Oh fuck,
Oh fuck!
Oh my God, Oh!
Nolan,
Are you okay?
Sam,
Are you okay?
Yeah,
It was a mistake,
What was a mistake?
I want us to have a future together, Ashley, but uh,,,
but I fucked up,
No, no, Sam,
Okay, I need to tell you something, okay?
I,,,
I'm pregnant,
I'm gonna be a father?
Yeah,
Yes,
Yeah,
But I don't want to be a father!
Hey,,,
- Everything's gonna be okay, okay? - No, it won't,
- We're gonna figure it out, yes, - No, we won't,
Yes, it will, Yes, it will,
No, it won't!
Sam, what happened?
I never told you what happened,
What do you mean?
I,,, like, what really happened,
It was me,
I need to,,, I need to tell you something,
I'm pregnant,
It was always me,
It's yours,
Didn't you see this coming?
What are you talking about?
Where's Nolan?
Nolan is gone,
Sam, you're scaring me,
I'm scaring you?
Are you scared?!
Are you scared?
Because you will be!
Nolan?
What the fuck? Um,,,
Jesus, fuck!
- Baby Jesus, - What?
Can you hear him?
Hear who?
That baby, His sister's baby,
- My baby, - What are you talking about?
I've just been hearing him all weekend,
- it won't stop crying, - I don't hear anything,
Ashley, will you make him stop crying?
I don't hear anything,
- But he won't stop crying, - I don't hear anything,
Where are you going?
I'm going to use the phone, okay?
Who you gonna call?
Ghostbusters?
You didn't laugh at my joke,
- Why didn't you laugh at my joke? - Sam, it's gonna be okay, okay?
- Just gonna go inside and I'm gonna use the phone, - Isn't that why you love me,
- because I make you laugh? - I'm gonna use the phone, okay?
Who you gonna call?
The,,, the Ghostbusters,
That's not funny,
- I'm going to call the police, okay? - Why?
Because Nolan needs our help,
- You're gonna help him? - He's dying, okay?
He's not dying, he's dead,
And if you call the police,
I'm gonna get into a lot of trouble,
We can get past this,
Just stop, okay?
- Stop, - Okay,
Ashley,
Ashley!
Ashley, I just wanna talk,
Ashley!
What the fuck?
No, no,
Oh no,
I think there's something wrong with the phone,
Ashely?
Ashely?!
I just,,, I just really feel like you're making a big deal
about nothing here,
We can talk through this!
Remember, I'm a good communicator!
Like the time I said I didn't like your friends,
remember we got through that?!
If we can get through that, we can get through anything!
Ashely!
It,,, it's yours,
I'm gonna keep it,
Nolan, Ashley has been acting really weird,
I'm a little worried about her,
Have you seen her?
Yeah, probably not,
Ashley, you're not thinking rationally,
The person from the adoption agency is coming over next week
to see if our apartment is good enough for a dog!
That's happening next week!
Well, just come out and we'll talk about this, okay,
so we can get the dog,
And your birthday is comin' up!
You want to spend that alone?
And I've already talked to your sister about a fun party,
So just come out,
We can do all the things you like,
We can go to that bar that you really like,
Ashley, are you in here?
It's cold in here,
Ashley,
Oh, Ashely,
Ashley, are you sure you don't wanna adopt a dog?
Ashely, come outside!
Ashley!
Ashley, please!
Ashley,
Ashley, open the door,
- Ashley, open the door! - Fuck,
Ashley!
Ashley, please!
Ashley! Ashley! Ashley!
Where's the keys?
Ashley!
What the fuck! Fuck,
Ashley,
you're so important to me,
You're the best thing I have in my life,
I just wanna make you happy,
No,
And I know you wanna get married
and you wanna have kids,
but Ashely,,,
That's not me, okay?
That's not,,, that's not what I want,
and I know that now,
and maybe I knew that before, but,,,
I didn't,,,
I didn't tell you to get pregnant,
And I thought we could get married, but,,,
I didn't,,, I didn't want this,
You wanna know the truth?
I wanted to marry you, but,,,
Only after I found out I was pregnant,
Yeah, I was,,,
I was settling for you,
Mm-hmm,
You would be a terrible father,
Ashley!
Fuck! Fuck!
Okay, Okay, Okay,
You know what? Okay,
- Oh, fuck! - Ashley!
I have the keys,
Let's go, I have the keys,
Nolan?
No,
Hello?
Sam!
Sam, you fucking dick!
You get out here! This isn't cool,
You've been a real big asshole!
And I don't want to be your friend anymore,
Where did he go?
Nolan?
Oh fuck, the keys,
I really tried, I tried, Ashley,
No,
I really tried to being so good,
We can have an adult conversation,
No,
Is this what you want?
Well, you can't have it,
Uh, Sam, Sam, Sam,
Sam, you know, we can,,, we can must go back
to the way things were, okay?
I can,,, I can forget that everything happened,
I can forget that everything happened,
No, no, no, no, I'll get rid of it, okay?
I will,
I'll get rid of it, okay!?
I will,
Please,
I don't want it anymore,
Please,
I love you, I love you,
That's nice,
Oh,
Ashley, Ashley, Ashley, Ashley,
Oh, oh, look, look, look, look,
Oh, look,
Will you marry me?
Yeah,
Okay,