Flansburgh, Flansburgh, Flansburgh, Flansburgh!
Flansburgh, Flansburgh, Flansburgh!
Flansburgh, Flansburgh, Flansburgh, Flansburgh, Flansburgh!
Roman Colosseum!
We've waited 2,000 years for this!
Welcome to the future of rock and roll!
Hey, let's hear it for those opening acts,
give it up for Green Day,
Radiohead and Mr, Bruce Springsteen,
Oh, hey, I tell you what?
If they stick with it,
they might have a career in this business,
Hey, I've been playing for six damned hours,
I've been playing 11 encores!
I've got to go home, buenas noches, motherfuckers!
Flansburgh, Flansburgh, Flansburgh!
The Flansburgh is ready,
40 or 40?
40,
We're waiting,
- Can I have some of this? - Yeah,
- Bruce, me first, you promised, - Give me some of that,
- Oh, yeah, - Back taxes, my friend,
and, oh, that stock you just bought, timber!
Imagination,
Formation after taxation,
We need to talk, Cholesterol, 600 and rising, not good, Bruce,
Guess what we're having for dinner? Asparagus,
Asparagus, asparagus, asparagus,
asparagus, asparagus!
Oh,
Did you hear about Kurt Thompson?
- Ah, Brazil, right? - Front page,
Millions of acres of the Amazon will be protected
from development, ad infinitum, all because of him,
- Hmm, Wow! - What a powerhouse,
Yes, he is,
Come, I've got a job for you,
We've got to get these in some sort of workable order,
- Any other paralegals around? - They all left to go out,
Half price jello shots,
You can go if you can find somebody else,
Nah, I'm not in the mood
to watch single people be single, I'm better off here,
Vintage Bruce, you set the bar high, my friend,
- Really? - I've never seen anybody take the mundane
and perform it with such panache,
no task is too trivial, it's inspiring,
Thank you, George,
No, thank you, Bruce,
Hey, Charles, how about that Thompson?
♪ That light ♪
♪ It's circled around your face ♪
♪ Is gone and now replaced ♪
♪ With a darker time ♪
♪ I heard you singing ♪
♪ Heard you sing, you sang ♪
♪ Is that unsaid listen to that ♪
♪ I feel a rushing out for the national grid ♪
♪ She takes her partners they're not even close ♪
♪ And you know you ain't even part of those ♪
♪ Nights of glory days in shame ♪
♪ You got your warning And remember your name ♪
♪ And nights of glory days in shame ♪
♪ You got your warning And remember your name ♪
♪ And in the morning you put on your clothes ♪
♪ Look in the mirror ♪
♪ I won't, I won't, I won't I won't to be the one ♪
♪ I know, I know I know, I know ♪
Did you just chug a beer?
I took a slight pause,
It wasn't an official chug,
- Tough day at work? - Meh, I'm just thirsty,
Oh, Gwen's book,
Oh, it's bleak and hopeful just like her,
I think I've seen more of the bleak,
Oh, no, those days are over,
The reviews started coming in, they're fantastic,
Hmm, so excited,
Are we really out of beer?
Bruce,
Oh, it's great, it's great, you know,
tell her congratulations, pretty awesome,
Did you see the list?
Tough to miss,
You know, considering I just got home from work,
can you give me like a few minutes, before I start thinking about,,,
It's just, it's just stuff I've been asking you about
- for a while, that's all, - All right, all right,
- I will, uh, I'll get on it, - Are you coming up?
- Basement, - It'd be nice if we went to sleep
at the same time every once in a while,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I just, uh,,,
- I got to unwind a little bit, - All right, all right, not too late,
you're getting those bags under your eyes again,
Yeah,
- Hey, Liz, - Hmm,
Ah,,,
I can't not do it anymore,
- I had a feeling this was coming, - Really?
Yeah, you're down there every night, it's pretty obvious,
- Are you cool with that? - Is this about my sister?
- No, - You're not jealous?
Of course not, as a matter of fact,
she used to be jealous of me, when she had no clue what she was,,,
- No, she wasn't, - Yes, she was,
- Do you remember that,,, - No, no, can I, could I, could just sleep on it?
Go ahead,
- Goodnight, - Goodnight,
Yeah,
♪ One, two, three, four ♪
All right,
Give me an easy cord for a rusty guitar player,
How about E minor, first one I learned,
All right, let's let them roll, one, two, three, four,
♪ I took the time ♪
♪ I riffed the rhyme again ♪
♪ The place is clean ♪
♪ And I popped the wine ♪
Ooh, yeah,
The place is clean,
I popped,,,
the wine,
All right, second verse,
One, two, three,
♪ The bed is mine ♪
♪ I,,, ♪
Oh, shit!
Stay asleep, stay asleep, stay asleep,
All right,
♪ Wipe the dust off the ♪
♪ Old lampshade ♪
♪ The kids are gone ♪
♪ They're off to school ♪
Ooh!
The pool,,,
is,,, open,
Morning,
It cannot interfere with anything around here,
It won't,
I promise,
Go ahead,
- Thank you! - You want eggs?
I would love some,
♪ Me, me, me, me ♪
♪ Me, me, me, me, me ♪
♪ Loves you, you, you ♪
Yeah?
- Tyler, - Yeah?
It's Bruce, You working?
- Some dumb wedding, - When you getting off?
- When I'm done, - When are you done?
- Later, - Well, when it's later,
you want to come to New York for a while?
♪ Me, me, me, me ♪
- Why? - I told you you'd be the first person
- I'd call when I was ready, - The Incoherents?
I'm ready,
Bruce,,,
if you're messing with me,
I will murder you, I, I will take my drumstick,
shove it through your eye and into your brain,
When can you get here?
♪ Me, me, me, me, me ♪
- I'm leaving now, - Call your brother,
♪ Me, me, me, me, me ♪
- Tyler! - Late,
Where are you going?
We're rehearsing in 30 minutes,
Tyler!
Do you even look at the labels?
- I like to get in and out, - Look at this chicken you're buying,
you know what kind of chemicals they pump in those animals?
- Yeah, flavor, - Hey, suit yourself,
When your children start growing a third ear
in the middle of their forehead, don't say I didn't warn you,
What are you, a vegan Nazi all of a sudden?
Chrissie is helping me relieve all the negative energy in my body,
No meat, no dairy, no toxins,
- no stress, - No fun,
The city planning shit is killing me,
getting a zoning law change is like amending the constitution,
- I needed a life change, - Well, how about another?
I mean, Tyler said you think about it every day,
Of course I think about it every day,
doesn't mean I should jump back in,
Was that you talking or was it Chrissie?
Hey, Chrissie would never suppress
my desire to express myself,
she's Michelle to my Barack,
I think you might be Michelle,
- Even better, - Well, what's the holdup then?
You remember our first gig at CBGB's,,,
and I realized I was standing on DD's spot?
I was a nervous wreck, I don't need that in my life anymore,
All right, all right, don't worry about that yet,
If we're feeling good and the vibe is right, maybe we'll go play a show,
Besides it's only the bass, it's not that tough,
Yeah, you're a fingers and strings guy, piece of cake,
Hey, go tell that to Flea,
Even if I say yes, there's no way Jimmy's going to do it,
- the guy can hold a grudge, - How come you guys were never
as pissed off at me as him?
I came to grips with the fact that the long hard slog
that is rock and roll was not for you,
I let it go, he didn't,
You can't help it, if you're soft, it's genetics,
You got about a gallon of high fructose corn syrup in there, by the way,
♪ The Bohos have become bohomeowners, yeah ♪
♪ Weren't these people just as penniless as you ♪
♪ Like three minutes ago ♪
Damn, Stew,
Why couldn't I ever write anything as gorgeous as that?
You been slinging too many drinks, dude,
You got to get out from behind the motherfucking bar,
Yeah, maybe,
- All right, - Yo, man, I got to pay you for this,
Come on, you just did,
I got to get back behind the motherfucking bar now,
- Later, Jimmy, - Later, Stew,
Have a good show, okay?
Artifacts,
No, we don't do bachelorette parties,
No food, just booze and music, ma'am, the essentials,
All right, then, Yeah, good luck,
Bartender,
- Oh, fuck! - Can I have a Long Island iced tea, please?
- Mojito for me, - Planter's punch, pomegranate juice,
freshly-squeezed,
I like what you've done with the place,
I can see you're putting a lot of distance
between you and your past,
I was until you walked in,
One Long Island iced tea,
Mojito,
One Planter's punch with pomegranate juice,
That is not freshly-squeezed,
So how are your fingers feeling, nimble?
For those two, maybe, not you,
I know I choked, Jimmy, I panicked, okay, I fucked up,
but I thought I wanted a more secure life,
You know how many bands I played in after you broke us up?
21, 20-fucking-1!
I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
But think of all the great bands from our era,
that reunited, Soundgarden, Replacements, Pavement,
Pixies, Archers of Loaf,
- Love the loaf, - Don't deny yourself this, Jimmy,
don't deny our fans this,
Fans, what fans?
No one gives a shit about The Incoherents,
Oh, come on,
I bet you, "Irrational Devotion" is blaring out
of somebody's cassette player as we speak,
Look, guys, no one's thought about us since 1995,
- when you quit, - We really going to let a bunch of dweebs from Brooklyn
with skinny jeans and synthesizers and cute little beards
- have all the glory? - Hey!
No offense,
It's time for rock and roll made by men,
- Middle-aged men, - So what?
We're supposed to be driving across Minnesota
in the back of a rickety old van with no heat
in the middle of winter and eating stale corn dogs for nutrition,
just to play a gig in front of 12 people,
Look, I did that for years
and let me give you some news from the front, buddy,
it blows,
Keith, what's the best gig we ever played?
Sin-é Café, the night Jeff Buckley played with us,
I never heard you sing like that,
Tramps, When the air-conditioning broke,
That's the guitar you used,
2,000 degrees and they wouldn't let us off the stage,
they chanted your name, Jimmy,
Who was better than us that night?
I quit the wedding band,
- No shit, - Fuck the Macarena,
What about you, Keith, you quit, too?
And jeopardize my pension?
Hell no,
Five years from being invested,
Pussy,
Come on, man,
Get it off the wall,
♪ These men I chose ♪
♪ Those hazel eyes ♪
♪ Baby, I'm kneeling ♪
♪ I've been crowned ♪
♪ Clear the stalls around me ♪
♪ Help me to my feet ♪
♪ Where's the earth below Where's the earth below? ♪
♪ Did you know this? ♪
♪ Revival ♪
♪ See the sky above,,, ♪
So, are you in or are The Incoherents now a power trio?
And you're going to play lead? You realize
that entails you learn more than one chord, right?
All right, be nice, I'm trying to break out of a rock and roll purgatory,
Let's get some things straight first,
This is not and never will be
about your excuse to get out of the house,
if it is, I'm out,
You will not start acting like a dictator again,
A dictator?
The Hamiltons used to call you Stalin,
All right, that's a little harsh, he killed like 20 million people,
If any one of us don't like a word,
a riff or a chord change, it is gone,
If I'm talking to a pretty, blonde journalist
from Sweden after a gig, you do not walk up to her
and tell her that my guitar was puking mud,
I apologized for that,
And if you ever bail on us again!
Jimmy,,,
I won't,
You want to go check out the competition?
I bet you these guys have no idea Generation X paved the way for them,
You mean, Bad Brains, don't you?
No, not the band, Generation X,
Oh, no, like we gave a shit about the baby boomers?
Look how psyched they are up there,
Last gig I ever played was at Pianos,
three people showed up including my ex,
who said she was moving to Montana and I wasn't invited,
We were supposed to bring in a minimum of ten people,
so we were banned from ever playing there again,
- I took that as a sign, - I heard that,
So did everybody, my reputation never recovered,
- That has to change, - It will, it will,
- I'm going in! - Are you nuts?
Oh,
- Who you going with? - Katie,
Katie, Katie with the torpedoes Katie?
No, Katie with the weapons of mass destruction Katie,
Katie who wiped me off the map Katie, you?
- Uh, Carrie, - Nice,
Yeah, I didn't leave her apartment for three and a half days,
- just boned and ordered in, - Yeah, that's the bomb shits
- right there, Mexican? - No, Indian, something about the spices
give my junk this extra kick, Hey, we should do a double date with the girls sometime,
Yeah, maybe they be into doing little swapsies,
Swap room? Yeah, I like that,
Now we're talking,
Okay, I need bodies Sunday,
John, Paul, Mr, Hyman's coming in to work on that brief,
Hmm, no can do, George, Paul and I have, um, a previous engagement,
Not anymore, Bruce?
I kind of have this thing planned with some old friends of mine,
Vintage Bruce,
I need you, pal,
All right, George, I'll make it work,
Uh, Grace here will be playing golf at Bethpage,
it takes months to get a tee time there,
so she's getting a pass,
Excuse me,
- Mark, yeah, we're all good for Sunday, - You golf?
Never, but you know how crazy George is about it,
anytime I need an out, that's what I say I'm doing,
I'm actually going to a gallery opening,
Hmm, crafty,
Keep away from those two dumbasses and stick with me, Bruce,
I'll look out for you when I'm partner,
All right, gang,
Let's do this!
It's work, man, my hands are tied,
Bruce, this better not be a trap,
Relax, Jimmy, I'm definitely going to be there this week,
All right, got to go,
Do I really have to go to this? I have nothing to say to these people,
Well, I promised Polly we'd all be there, we don't have to stay long,
Hey, just send me the signal, I'll come save you,
All right, ear tug or pick my teeth?
Ear tug,
Whatever you do, you don't let your man define you,
I did that for 15 years and now where am I?
I'm a single mom, semi wrinkled,
hoping some loser swipes right on Tinder,
so maybe I can get laid every once in a while,
Oh,
You know what I'm calling this season?
Season of short game,
You know what they say, drive for show, putt for dough,
What if the whole golf course was a bunker? You'd be making a ton of money,
There are worst places to be than the beach,
And meanwhile,
he's in Hawaii surfing with some 24-year old,
That gym butt is not going to last forever,
I mean, you can't fight gravity, right? I mean, look at us,
Those big tight tits are going to sag eventually,
Myrtle Beach, the whole week,
no wife, no kids, just me out on the course schmoozing,
whole thing on the company dime,
I've been living the dream, guys,
Bruce, you want me to get you a toothpick?
Oh, no, it's,,, I got a little burger,
Oh, that's my wife, I'll be right back,
Hey, Bruce, foursome, think about it,
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll talk,
What took you so long?, I was about to start manhandling,
Listen, I've been thinking about it, I want to get back into graphic design,
I need to go back to work, and plus we could use the extra money, right?
- You're still interested in that? - Yeah,
I haven't seen you graphic design anything in forever,
What are you talking about? I do the Christmas card every year,
I use the full range of my skills for that,
- No, that's not that complicated, - All right, you do it,
- All right, I take that back, - Listen, this is important to me
and now that you have the band, I need equal time to get my career off the ground, deal?
Deal, can we split now?
Oh, God, yes,
- All right, let's get the kids, - Yeah,
You ever get nervous being down here by yourself, Mrs, Graham?
- No, I'm not fragile like you, - How are the bands that rehearse here?
Terrible, if I wanted to listen to yelling and screaming,
I would've lived with my parents the rest of my life,
I like opera, I like classical, I like to be soothed,
- You're late, - You're early,
It's called focus, kid,
Here it is, 30 an hour,
get out by midnight or you're locked in till morning,
That's a nice rug, Persian?
Target, Some junkie singer relieved himself mid screech,
couldn't get the stain out,
You ever smell the excrement of a heroin addict?
Twice,
Good luck, Maybe some day I can say, "I knew you when?"
This is the best we could do, huh? Fucking rat trap,
How about we spend a little money on an upgrade, guys?
Mm-mm, I'm a public servant, minimal disposable income,
Smell that air,
stale, dank, sweaty,
It's perfect,
♪ My city was pretty ♪
♪ When it was gritty the rubble was no trouble ♪
♪ Grime and crime of the time ♪
♪ All trash, no cash ♪
♪ Fell into potholes stepped over half-dead souls ♪
♪ Made beauty out of crumbling liars ♪
♪ You forgot about the gunshots ♪
♪ Putting holes in the uptown bus ♪
♪ It was strictly downtown for us ♪
♪ The nights turned into the days ♪
♪ Getting lost in the concrete maze ♪
♪ If it were only always this good ♪
♪ Our playground couldn't last forever ♪
♪ Just like the toxins in the river ♪
That looks great, I love it,
Shit!
We need to start this thing off with some pizzazz,
We should've busted out the gange,
Shit, Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit,
- Hey, Liz, is he going to make it? - I don't know,
he barely slept last night,
This is how he was before the Wetland show,
when the New York Times came to review us,
- I know how that went, - Shit, shit, shit!
Hey, baby, got to relax,
- Okay, - Got to breathe,
I will, I will,
Hey, can we, can we change the set list?
I want to start with "Pigs" instead,
Whoa, whoa, whoa, don't mess with me like that,
I spent all day thinking "Arrive" was the first song,
"Pigs" has more energy, it'll grab the audience,
- Dude, there's six people here, - Four,
Hey, welcome back, Jimmy,
- it's about time, - Jeremy, yes, it is,
I hope these guys are better than that last band you had,
- Anyway, you're up, - Thanks, man,
- We'll be right there, - I think "Pigs" is the way to go,
Hey, I'm good,
"Pigs," "Arrive," "Free Bird," makes no difference,
All right, "Pigs" has less notes, I can do it,
Yes, you can!
- All right, let's rock, - Let's go,
Hello, New York City,
We've waited a long time for this,
- The Incoherents are back, here we go, - Woo!
Thank you, thank you, thank you, we've waited a long time, here we go,
we're The Incoherents, here we go, ready?
♪ Basement of chugs ♪
♪ Those hazel eyes ♪
♪ Baby, I'm kneeling ♪
♪ I've been crowned ♪
♪ Clear the stars around me ♪
♪ Help me to my feet ♪
- You're playing the wrong song! - You're playing the wrong song!
You said "Pigs," you're playing "Arrive!"
Oh, fuck!
- Revenge is a bitch, yo! - You're a bitch, yo!
I hope he fucks you better than he plays, honey,
Hey, children, pipe down out there!
All right, all right, right, right, Take two, just give us take two,
- Just take two, hold on a sec, - Get off the stage!
- Hey! - All right, come on, come on, come on, come on, here we go,
- We got this, - Let's just do it,
- let's just do it again, - We got this,
♪ The slop in the trough ♪
♪ Splashes the ground ♪
♪ Scraps for the bugs ♪
♪ Beetles and hounds ♪
♪ Big bellies of pigs ♪
♪ Can never be full ♪
♪ Devour, devour ♪
♪ Keep chasing the bull ♪
♪ Dogs herd the sheep ♪
♪ Sheep get in line ♪
♪ Pay some respect ♪
♪ Bow to the swine ♪
♪ Big bellies of pigs ♪
♪ Can never be full ♪
♪ Devour, devour ♪
♪ Keep chasing the bull ♪
♪ There's grist in the mill ♪
♪ Fields full of crops ♪
♪ Open up the gates ♪
♪ Too bad, it's locked ♪
♪ Ox pull the tail ♪
♪ Working up a thirst ♪
♪ Wait their turn ♪
♪ Pigs drink first ♪
♪ Big bellies of pigs ♪
♪ Can never be full ♪
♪ Devour, devour ♪
♪ Keep chasing the bull ♪
Yeah!
New York City, we are Sex In Hi-Def,
This song goes out to those dinosaurs of rock and roll,
that just left the stage,
You guys might want to turn down your hearing aids,
♪ I don't miss you ♪
♪ I don't feel you ♪
♪ Even when I'm far away ♪
♪ You don't believe me ♪
♪ I don't believe you ♪
♪ When you say you feel the same ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Then it's back to work ♪
♪ But I never could forget to say ♪
♪ I'll take it all away and make it right ♪
♪ Wonder if you feel it too ♪
Be honest, how embarrassed were you?
Not at all!
Oh, bullshit,
What? I swear, look, no one there knew I was your wife,
For all they knew I was some random cougar
out hunting for fresh meat,
You know, if I knocked you up in college,
we would have kids as old as that band, Sex In Hi-Def,
No, there had to be a better way to put that,
Jimmy was right, nobody cares,
Oh, what a poor little legion,
you couldn't get your standing ovation,
- Stop! - So sad!
Well, why did you get back into this?
What, so people would ask for your autograph?
- No, - So why?
- To play, - So play,
Don't worry about expectations, just enjoy it,
Now, come to bed, your groupie awaits,
Ow, ow, watch my back, watch my back,
I thought you liked that,
No, I just, I got a lot of pressure on my spine,
I didn't get to the chiropractor this week,
You still going?
My insurance only covers 50% of that,
It's the only thing that helps,
That adds up after a while,
Oh, would you rather I be in constant pain?
All right, I tell you what, I'll get on my back, all right?
- Okay, - All right, there will be a lot less pressure on your spine,
Okay,
- You get on top of me, - Okay,
And then you can just, you know, put it in,
All right, I'm not going to just put it in,
- Are you more comfortable? - Mm, yeah, mm, yeah, Mm,
Mm, Shh,
How about a nice,,,
,,,deep,
passionate,
- Mm, - Oh, yes,
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
What?
Did you have garlic today?
- For lunch, - I can still taste it,
I brushed my teeth like twice since then,
Can you use mouthwash or something?
You know garlic is my kryptonite,
God, I'm trying here, Bruce,
How long has it been?
Like your breath is always the freshest,
Oh, I'm sorry,
You know how I am after a bad gig,
Too in my head, I can't, I can't lose myself in the moment,
♪ Together ♪
Your groupie awaits,
It wasn't all bad,
It wasn't good,
Not exactly the rock star moment I was dreaming of,
At least Liz is still into it, that's something,
I'm sure your night turned out just fine,
You know, maybe it was the venue,
you know, those really aren't our people,
Yeah, right, the venue,
Is there like a refresher course we can take
- on how to do this again? - What do you mean, like Continuing Rock ed?
We need help,
That one gig at Under Acme, it was transcendent,
it was raucous, polished at the same time,
I was dope on the skins that night,
Yeah, until Jimmy got involved
in the company of second-rate hacks,
what was the name of that one band I caught you with?
Uh, Maelstrom, Blue Horizon,
- Candy Store? - Nah-uh,
Let's see, uh, Creature Feature, Johnny and the Toiletries,
No, come on!
All right, Black Stool?
Uh, Grundle Butter,
Keep going!
- Uh, Chalkboard Nails, - That's the one!
- The name was fitting, - Yeah,
Our one and only gig, the world was spared,
Yeah, the pickings were slim in those days,
that's when I went to London with Pike,
Unfortunately the booze overwhelmed the talent,
so it was off to Berlin with this Kraftwerk
meets Ramones mash up, Eat Bleep I dub shit,
- Eat Behind, - That's the one!
The crowds went bonkers over those guys,
Anyway, one night, the Sashimies opened up for them,
The Japanese chicks?
I fell in love with the guitar player
and I moved to Tokyo,
They were dynamite!
I could've made them into the Go-Go's of Japan,
That's kind of my life,
So what happened?
I was caught in the sack with the bass player,
I was going to make her the wifey
and I don't know the fuck why,
I'm a sucker for the,
That's how I was booted out of the country,
ruined the band, ruined my career and here I am,
I think I just might be doomed,
Jules, raucous and polished,
Transcendent,
Dope,
Makes perfect sense,
- Who's got a drink? - There's some wheat grass in my backpack,
I guess rock and roll does really forget,
All right, come on, let's strap them on, let's see what you got,
♪ The wind whipped the sand into our faces ♪
♪ They left red marks on our cheeks ♪
♪ You always loved those winter strolls ♪
♪ Up and down the beach ♪
♪ The cold was more than I could handle ♪
♪ You wore it much better than me ♪
♪ I miss those frozen fingertips ♪
♪ When can we take that walk again ♪
♪ When can we become more than a trend ♪
You're working with those jokers down there?
- Sure am, - You always did like those lost causes, didn't you?
Well, it's more fun starting at the bottom,
That way it's more sweet when you get to the top,
Mm,
that's good shit, Beam?
Makers,
God bless bourbon,
Would you like to watch, Mrs, Graham?
Not a fucking chance,
Always a pleasure, Jules,
Sucker,
- About those new demos you sent me,,, - Yeah,
,,,stop watching the Disney Channel when you're writing lyrics
- I was just experimenting, - Yeah, but we're not trying to win over 4th graders,
Gentlemen, I think we can all agree
that that last gig wasn't exactly live album material,
Having said that, you don't take all this time off,
right out of the gate expect to play stadiums,
Bruce, I don't care what you have to do,
smoke a joint, pop some Valium, do some jumping jacks,
but you have got to loosen up!
The audience can smell that shit,
Front man has to own the stage,
if you can't, we're fucked!
- Got it, - Jimmy,
- Yeah, - When's the last time you had carnal relations with a woman?
Uh, fairly recently,
You played that thing like a nun at Sunday school,
I want to hear your loins screaming out of that guitar,
let the ladies know you're open for business,
- Mr, Bass Player, - Go easy on me,
When everybody else is on the chorus,
it's time to move on from the verse,
Chrissie and I locked eyes on each other
and I lost my train of thought,
We have a really intense connection,
When you're on stage, you only love your band,
no one else, Tyler!
Well done,
- Word, - But we don't need a drum fill every down moment,
Oh, there's a lot pent up in here, I got to get it out,
- Cut it in half, less is more, - No, it's not,
I got us a gig at the Barn, nail that one, a couple more,
we'll talk about getting ourselves some gigs out of town
and the Vantasy is always at your service, of course,
- What's that? - My ride, it's great for lugging gear,
All right, let me hear "Here Comes the Bitter,"
from the top with chutzpah!
Tyler, count it off,
One, two, three, four,
So, George, I think doc review is going to to be
- finished up in about a week, - Mm-hmm,
- And then we can proceed,,, - Good morning,
Bruce?
I didn't know you played golf,
Oh, I've got me lessons, I start tonight,
That is just fantastic,
- Bruce, we should play sometime, - We should,
Bruce, do you know what the magic hour is?
It's the last stretch of sun before it sets,
the light at its most spectacular,
A couple of weeks ago, I'm in the middle of the fairway on the 18th hole,
about 170 yards out,
I need to lay up in one, to put in position for birdie
and make par for the round,
Grace, what iron would you use that distance?
Um, the five?
I grabbed the six, stepped to the ball
and thwack!
It lands five feet from the cup,
Walking to the green after that shot
and soaking in the radiant sky before me,
you know what I did?
I wept, overwhelmed by God's beauty,
this game He created, Heaven on Earth,
- The magic hour, - I want to share a moment like that with you both,
I was going to ask you to stay late tonight,
but you've got some more important work to do,
- Grace, I'll still need you, - I'm here for you, George,
Did you make the birdie?
What do you think, Bruce?
Ooh, that was close,
Bruce, you'd better not blow my cover,
Look, what are you really doing?
I'll be there next time, I promise,
All right, it's just, we're going to be better tonight, that's all,
Oh, honey, I,,, I'm on a roll with the business plan,
I don't want to stop, and plus we have the book party tomorrow night,
- Oh, wish me luck, - Just do what The Jules said, you won't need it,
Bye,
- Hey, - Hey,
- What's in there? - My guitar,
You're going to walk into a club with a golf bag on your shoulder?
- Yeah, - Not with me you're not,
- Christopher, - James,
Are you trying to get a gig here? Isn't this place a step down for you?
Jimmy, I have a gig here,
I like playing these little places,
it's like, you know, helps you connect with the people,
So you're still stuck playing "Little Princes," huh?
Well, first of all, it's "Two Princes"
and it was played on the radio five million times
and we sold like ten million copies of it,
You should play your hit song once in a while,
Oh, I forgot, you don't have a hit song,
You know, you should've played rhythm guitar with us when you had the chance, man,
I play lead guitar,
Is that Chris Baron from the Spin Doctors?
What song are we opening up with tonight?
- "Here Comes the Bitter," - Perfect!
♪ Here comes the bitter ♪
♪ Another creeping winter ♪
♪ Surrounds the buildings of youth ♪
♪ We trudge through the muck ♪
♪ The smell of a garbage truck ♪
♪ Wafting up chapped noses ♪
♪ Off to the train ♪
♪ Full of people in vain ♪
♪ Trying to reach their destination ♪
♪ On the one-track lane ♪
♪ The reminders are vain ♪
♪ They might not be good enough ♪
♪ Enter the room like a push of a broom ♪
♪ Shuffle along ♪
♪ Lay it all bare for the two people who care ♪
Stripped down, completely naked,
By the end of the night, he's still just holding a cup,
Thanks so much for coming, I got to go, I really appreciate it,
I'll let you know about the next show, all right?
- Okay, - Thank you, thank you,
Jimmy, Jimmy!
I'm out, I got to go, I got to get out of here,
Hold on,
Quiet, everyone!
I've got something I want to say,
He doesn't remember,,,
but on this day in 1990,,,
I met this guy over here,,,
Bruce Flansburgh,
He played guitar,,, sort of,
And I played guitar,
Sort of,
And together,,, with the, uh, rhythm section,
known as the Hamilton brothers,
All right, all right, yeah,
We started a band,
Now, a few years later,,,
just as we started hitting our stride,,,
Bruce quit on us,
Quitter, quitter!
Ho, ho, ho!
I know, I know, I know, I know,
Look, I thought the same thing,
Well, recently, Bruce realized the error of his ways,
And somehow, somehow
he convinced us to reunite,
Yeah!
And tonight, for the first time in many, many years,,,
we played one hell of a rock and roll show!
And Goddamn did it feel good!
Yeah!
So, so,,,
that said,,,
I'd like to, uh, propose a toast,,,
to my old friend,
Reformed quitter,
Suburban Dad,
And lead singer of the musical force
known as The Incoherents!
Yeah!
Happy anniversary, man,
Happy anniversary, Jimmy,
Bruce!
Bruce, Bruce, Bruce, Bruce!
Bruce, Bruce, Bruce, Bruce, Bruce!
Bruce, Bruce, Bruce, Bruce,,,,
Liz, Liz, wake up,
- What, what is it, the raccoons? - Wake up, wake up, wake up!
No, no,
Everything's great, we killed it,
Oh, that's so good,
Oh, that's,,, So, I'm sorry I missed it,
I don't think I can sleep, I'm all jacked up,
Oh, I can't, you tell me all about it in the morning,
Wait, wait, wait, wait, Wait a sec, wait a sec,
And I had roasted garlic for dinner,
Mm, yeah,
What are you going to to say, motherfuckers?
Woo!
For you,
- Good morning, - Oh, hi,
How you feeling?
Oh, I'm feeling good,
Oh, thank you very,,,
Muah! That's the way to start the morning,
You're Jimmy Anthony,
and you have the same clothes on as last night,
How do you know that?
I saw The Incoherents gig, great show,
The new song sounded as good as the old stuff,
- You have a minute to talk? - Uh, yeah, sure, A real fan?
- Yeah, - Yeah,
So how do you know the old stuff?
I have the Irrational Devotion album,
Your guitar's been blaring through my speakers for years,
- How'd you get it? - My record store had it when I was a teenager,
- Where? - Boston,
- Newbury Comics, - The one and only,
Can I ask you why you bought it?
I liked the name,
And it was only 50 cents marked down from 99,
- Sorry, - Right, you could've left that part out,
Hey, that was the best bargain of my life,
I wore that tape out in high school,
I voted for "Arrive" to be our prom theme song,
What won?
♪ Who let the dogs out, who ♪
Ouch,
Ah, the wrestling team stuffed the ballot box,
I boycotted and saw Guided by Voices
at the Middle East instead,
- GBV, nice, - Mm-hmm,
- A woman after my own heart, - Hmm,
Weren't you the little hipster?
Well, I book bands there now,
- At Middle East? - Mm-hmm,
- Cool, - There's a 9:00 p,m, slot
that opened up in a couple of weeks, you want the gig?
Uh, yeah, definitely,
The band after you has a big local following,
- so it should be packed, - We like packed,
I also want to interview you guys for my blog,
- Boston Rock Chick Picks, - Anybody read it?
- Sorry, - Mm, 4,700 hits a week and growing,
- Whoa! - Mm-hmm,
Well, don't count on The Incoherents
to increase your traffic is all I'm saying,
An indie rock phoenix from the ashes of New York City
rises to play again?
That's a good story,
Listen, I got to run,
but I'll see you in Boston,
That's the weekend Gwen's taking me to Chicago,
I thought it was the weekend after,
Oh, this is what happens when you don't listen
when I tell you something,
Can't you take the kids with you?
Can you take them with you?
All right, how about I pay to change the tickets
- and you can go the next weekend? - Huh-uh, it's Gwen's book tour
and plus our friend from Northwestern
is helping with my business proposal,
it's the only time she can do it,
If you had just been there last night,
you would change your mind, that's how good we were,
Honey, we can't afford to pay a babysitter
every time you have a gig,
it's like paying $80 to hear my husband play,
Well, this is an important show, we can start building a fan base in Boston,
Jimmy says this blog is seen by like 30,000 people,
they'll be reading all about us,
So just tell her to book you for another weekend,
It takes months to get a Saturday night slot at that club,
Look, we agreed equal time, remember?
It's my turn,
Are you almost ready? I don't want to be late,
She looked at the door,
the door she was always powerless to open,
the brass knob, a radioactive element never to be touched,
But this was a different day,
a different year, a different life,
She grabbed the knob with the grip of a vice,
adrenaline coursing through every tendon and muscle in her hand,
She twisted and pulled, ultraviolet light devoured the room,
her senses soared, she stepped across the threshold,
She was free,
The prose was so provocative, spare, but rich,
it had traces of Hemingway or McCarthy in there,
- Hemingway, - Joni works with a lot of young male writers
who emulate that style, but infuse it with way too much masculine bluster,
The world has more than enough of that these days,
It's quite a breakthrough for you, bravo,
Well, I couldn't have done it without my big sister here,
she was an amazing sounding board,
Whatever I can do to nurture my sister's art,
It felt very personal,
Yes, always write what you know, very good advice,
For years, I held my characters at such a distance
but now I feel closer to them than ever,
I partially based the character of Lawrence on Bruce,
- Oh, the office drone, - A man with a great sense of responsibility, Bruce?
Did you see yourself in Lawrence?
Uh, you know, I really haven't any time to,,,
- Bruce isn't a reader, - Gwen knows I'm a really huge fan though,
He writes rock songs,
Oh, it's a different medium, but no less potent,
Liz,,,
when did you realize Gwen had this kind of talent?
I mean, even as kids her mind was so creative, so unique, I,,,
I always told her, it's only a matter of time
before the world finds out what I've always known,
Oh, take away this crisis,
I pine for catharsis,
Come to me, sweet Isis,
Don't care what the price is,
It's a lot of is',
Why would you invite a bunch of terrorists to your house?
Not that Isis, the mythical goddess woman,
We'll ride to the mountaintops,
there we will plant our crops,
You can't plant crops on a mountaintop, I have to veto these,
I'm writing in the voice of a character,
Who the fuck wants to be that guy?
You know who you should write about, Jimmy,
- Don't even think about it, - Pushing 50, divorced, serving drunks until 4:00 a,m,
- It's at least a double album, - Hey,
Okay, gents, we need to confirm on the Middle East,
We'll be opening up with "Sheila Divine," a Boston favorite,
- Oh, yeah, - They're already sold out,
And my boy, Eddie Roth, is going to be throwing us the after-party,
Eddie!
Best soirée in Beantown, nobody goes home alone,
Jimmy, there's hope for you yet,
I don't think I can do it,
- What? - No fucking way, Bruce,
You know how long I've been waiting to play
a Saturday night show in that town, that's not a wedding?
Liz is supposed to go away that weekend,
So talk to her, she'll understand,
I know Liz, she's no Yoko,
Yoko gets a bad rap,
Look, this Debbie woman could have picked anybody
to play at this show, but she chose us,
I don't want to let her down,
250-plus people waiting to be dazzled, Bruce,
Come on, what do you say?
A paralegal seminar?
Yeah, apparently they're going to be teaching me some new techniques,
that'll keep me on the cutting edge of paralegals,
- Is that even a thing? - I guess I'm going to find out,
Did you at least tell them I have plans?
Of course, they gave me no wiggle room,
Oh, how can this be happening?
What could they possibly teach you, you don't already know?
You said a million times a blind monkey could do your job,
My profession is in danger, Liz, you know, between outsourcing and technology,
there's less and less of a need for us,
Well, look, the most skilled are going to survive,
I got to stay relevant,
Keep eating, guys, come on, we got to get to school,
Honesty is the foundation of any relationship,
when you violate that, the whole equilibrium gets thrown off,
Mom always said the girls would lead you around
by their short and curlies, just like your Dad,
He was a gentleman, Mom never appreciated him,
No backbone, that's why she left him for my pops,
Well, at least my father's not a Neanderthal who can't hold down a job,
Can you guys shut up for a second?
I can't piss with all that chatter,
Ah!
Jules, you lied to your wives, right?
No, never,
What caused problems then?
I never looked at marriage as a permanent thing,
it's just something to do,
Jimmy, you definitely kept stuff from your ex,
A ton, but I left other people out of it,
now we're your accomplices,
This was the only way I could make this happen,
Now we're on the road, headed to a gig, kicking it in the Vantasy,
"Lies whispered sweetly in my ear,
Lies, how do I get out of here?"
The Stones,
- Mick was right, - This has got to be the worst high conversation
I've ever had, Let's go,
You want me to drive?
I'm choosing the tunes, guys,
♪ The route's already known you'll be my pilot ♪
♪ And I'll be smiling dressed in violet ♪
♪ Where's the earth below where's the earth below? ♪
♪ Did you move it? ♪
♪ Revival, revival ♪
♪ See the sky above see the sky above ♪
♪ Did you paint it? ♪
♪ Arrival, arrival ♪
Thank you, Boston!
Once more, once more!
Hey, you guys, you guys want to hear one more, one more?
Come on, let's do it, let's do it, let's go, okay,
- Let's play one more, - What do you want to play?
We played everything we rehearsed,
- So what? Let's wing it, - Something easy, like "Devolution,"
Jimmy, "Devolution" is just three chords, right?
- I'm done, - What do you mean you're done? They're loving us,
I'm going to sleep with them,
- Come on, we got plenty of time! - Trust me, Bruce,
End on a high note, you'll thank me later, wrap it up, guys,
Hey, guys, I'd love to play one more, but our guitar player is not in the mood,
Oh, come on! Boo!
- You suck! - Whatever, man,
Hey, listen, Boston, thank you so much,
we'll see you soon, enjoy Sheila Divine, thank you,
- One song? - Thank you,
All I'm saying is you made me look like an ass before,
Give the people what they want,
We're not prepared to be playing songs
we haven't rehearsed, I've done that in bands before
- and it always bombed, - A three-chord song,
- That's three too many, - Who's being suburban now?
You know, Jack White never knows what he's going to play next on stage,
You're not Jack White, you're Bruce Flansburgh,
What do you want from me, man? I've been waiting for fucking ever for a moment like that,
why couldn't you just let me have it?
See, right there, "Let me have it,"
- it's not all about you, - I meant us, us,
I don't trust you yet, I don't want to be embarrassed,
Oh, right, your beloved reputation, I forgot,
You ruined it once before, that's enough!
Well, Jimmy, if the other 21 bands were so bad,
maybe you were the problem,
Boys, meet the girls, Girls, meet the boys,
Hey,
- Hey, - Great show,
- Thanks, - Ah, Courtney, tell them what you said
- about how I play the drums? - Like a beast!
Like a beast!
She's making me one,
Hey, everybody,
Look, who it is, it's the Zimmer Twins!
Jimmy, how are you, son?
- A shot of whiskey for you, Jim? - Um,,,
It's mandatory upon entry, son,
Yeah, thanks, Eddie, but I'm good,
Oh, you're good?
Hey, everybody, he's good,
lead guitarist says he doesn't want whiskey,
What the fuck is wrong with this picture, huh?
Ooh, how about you, lead singer?
A little holy water for the cause?
Oh, cleanse my soul, Father,
- Bless you, my son, - Cleanse my soul,
Knock it down you, there's a good boy,
Woo! what else you got? Oh, I got a lot,
- I'm all mouths and ears, - I got everything back here,
Singer and guitar player at odds, that's never happened before,
Yeah, testosterone's a bitch, ain't it?
When am I going to get that interview?
- How about now? - Great,
Someplace else,
Yeah,
We were right on the verge, more and more people were coming to our shows,
other bands were asking us to tour with them,
labels were sending their reps to our gigs,
- But Bruce? - He shrank,
All he could think about were those bands that got deals,
that were dropped after one album,
That and you know, the old rocker at the club,
who's broke and strung out, hanging on to a dream,
even though he knew that there was no chance,
- That would scare me, - You know what the worst thing a musician can have is?
- Hmm? - A back-up plan, Bruce had one,
He made a decision that fucked the rest of us,
- Then why agree to this? - Because,,,
he's the person that I write the best songs with,
I tried to live my life without it, but I just, I can't,
I guess you could say that The Incoherents are an incurable addiction,
I have similar issues,
This is the 63rd night in a row I've gone to see a band,
Okay, that's just inhumane,
It's for the blog, I review a show every night,
- that's my catch, - I don't know how you do it,
I mean, I've seen enough crummy bands to last a lifetime,
I played in a few myself, too,
I'm still hoping to get my socks knocked off,
Come on, you really think that you're going to find
- the next Beatles at the Cavern Club? - I might,
I don't know, I feel like those days are long gone,
it's a, it's a myth,
Cynicism will get you nowhere,
it's no myth and you know it,
Should we start the interview?
I thought that was the interview,
No, that's me and you having a conversation,
Oh, shit!
- I'm fine, - Dude,
- Oops, - I can't take you anywhere, She's good,
♪ I'll see her in the land of shame maybe ♪
♪ Who's groping to make the claim, jump out, yeah ♪
♪ As I fade into black then fade into being ♪
♪ My woman from So Cal, yo ♪
♪ I can't rely trouble below ♪
♪ Below ♪
♪ I might roll into me and you ♪
♪ I might roll in ♪
- Hello, - Liz?
- Uh, this is George Watts, - Oh, hi, George,
I want your husband to come play golf today with me,
but he's not answering his cell,
My regular partner had to cancel,
his hernia is in overdrive,
Well, he's at the seminar, George, remember?
What seminar?
The para,,,
Hello, Liz?
The, uh, parachuting seminar, George,
he's, uh, thinking of learning how to skydive,
I thought he might have mentioned it to you,
Skydiving, is he trying to get himself killed?
He might be,
Well, I'd love to get him on the link soon,
with those lessons you bought him, he must be Tiger Woods by now,
without the adultery, of course,
The golf lessons, right,
By all means, I'm sure he'd love it,
And tell him to stop jumping out of planes,
- that's for idiots, - I certainly will,
Four?
Wow, you look like garbage, you paralegals really know how to whoop it up,
- Yeah, it was a lot wilder,,, - Yeah, I swear to God, Bruce, if you keep lying to me,
I'm going to scream at the top of my fucking lungs!
- What are you talking about? - Bruce!
- Can I explain? - No, no, let me explain,
I cook the food, I, I pay the bills,
I clean the house, I take care of the kids
and about a million other things that you take for granted,
and all I want is one fucking measly weekend
to get my career going, but you won't have it,
because my sister beat you to the spotlight!
- Does that sound about right? - This was an important gig, okay?
- It doesn't come around very,,, - You lied to me!
What did you want, did you want the truth? Okay, here's the truth,
Hey, Liz, uh, my gig is a lot more important
than your three patient pulls on a computer
about a business you have no idea is going to take off!
- Oh, my God! - That one went over really well,
Thank you for your vote of confidence,
Like I got one from you,
- What? I let you do this! - You let me?
Ah, you know what? I know I don't read books
and I only play rock songs, but I don't need your permission!
Is that what this is about, my sister's book party?
What a fucking child you are!
You were slobbering all over her
like she was God's gift to literature,
Oh, it was her night!
You never talked about music like that,
My God!
Do you know how many of your gigs I fucking sat through?
- Okay, I'm,,, - What did you tell me?
What did you tell me when I told you I wanted to quit the band?
No, no, you cannot put that on me,
we both wanted to have kids, we wanted to have a house,
we both agreed it would be hard,,,
You told me it wasn't a sure thing,
And it wasn't, I still didn't tell you to quit!
But when Gwen wanted to quit writing, what did you tell her?
- Don't, - Because you thought she had a better shot!
- Yeah, - Yeah, yeah,
Well, now I think my shot is better than yours,
You know what, Bruce, if, uh,
if the road is where you want to be,
maybe you should stay there,
♪ Say you want to know me ♪
♪ Well, I'm not that sure ♪
Uh-oh, you look beat,
Is this what I have to look forward to when I get older?
I think it's just me,
Hmm, must be all those, uh, golf lessons,
Yeah, yeah, something like that,
Hey, are you going to invite me to a show soon?
- I'll let you know, - Mom's the word,
Bruce, you look like shit,
Jesus Christ, Bruce, your wife throw you out?
Bruce, a quick question, when you're chipping,
what is it, you use a 3 wood, right?
- That's right, 3 wood, - Oh, you don't use a wood to chip,
you use a pitching wedge,
- Some of us do, - I knew it!
- Uh-huh, - You don't golf, This whole thing is a front,
- Keep it down, - Listen, you and Grace have been bailing
- with all this bullshit, - It's a woman, right?
Makes perfect sense, it's well-documented, that married people don't have sex,
Listen, you got a side dish, it doesn't make you a bad person,
Your secret's safe with us, but we're going to need a little quid pro quo,
Fine, fine, anything,
Katie and Carrie want to take us out to a happy hour,
but George has stuck us with these site checks,
Which, frankly feels a little bit like paralegal work,
Fork them over,
- Is that her? - Ooh,
It's a him,
It's a dude?
Devil's three-way,
- What's up, Tyler? - Remember Courtney from Boston?
- She fell off the bar stool? - Yeah, yeah,
Her cousin, Jerry Evans, is a promoter for Governors Ball,
The Jerry Evans from Vicious Circle Records?
Exactly, Jerry wants another local act on the bill,
so five bands are auditioning for the slot
at Maxwell's, Friday night,
Courtney starts talking us up, saying that we're the shit,
so guess who the sixth band is?
- This Friday? - We're on at midnight,
We got to rehearse, we got to rehearse,
- Jules already booked the space, - Fuck, fuck, I'm shaking!
We are taking this thing down, Bruce, late,
Oh, come on, Liz, Liz,
- Can I see the kids? - No!
- Why not? - Because I told them you're on
a business trip and it'll confuse them,
Well, how long did you say I'd be gone for?
A couple of weeks, maybe longer,
- Where are you staying? - A hostel, it's cheap,
You always did like those European chicks
that don't shave their pits,
- I filed incorporation papers today, by the way, - Oh, you did?
- Yeah, - That's great, congrats,
I have to start supporting myself,
You ever heard of Governors Ball?
- No, - It's only the biggest music festival in the city,
everybody who is anybody has ever played there,
and we might too,
How'd that happen?
We have people looking out for us who believe,
I never said I didn't,
We're going to be playing in front of thousands of people,
might even get on the whole festival circuit,
there's a lot of money in that,
That's great for you guys,
- That's all you have to say? - What do you want me to say?
- How about you're happy for me? - I hope it works out for you, Bruce,
Okay, yeah, tell the kids I'll call them tomorrow,
Yeah, gotcha,
Hey, sourpuss, you owe me money,
- I'll get you on the way out, - I'm not going to be here, Bob,
- Bruce, - Whatever,
Come on, pay up,
So how long you guys going to keep playing make believe?
Not that I have any problem taking your money,
This is far from fantasy, Mrs, Graham,
Oh, please, spare me, maestro,
What, do you think the Earth will stop spinning
if we don't hear one of your three-chord masterpieces?
There is a whole audience out there waiting to discover us,
Who, you got any names, maybe some descriptions?
You'll see,
What is wrong with you men?
Always thinking you need to leave a mark
like a dog pissing on a wall,
The happiest day of my life was when I realized
we're all insignificant pieces of dust,
floating aimlessly, waiting for a comfortable landing spot,
mine's the beach,,,
needlepoint, Ludwig van on the headphones,
a cigarette in my mouth,
and a water bottle full of screwdriver,
This is your spot!
Enjoy it,
Thank you,
I'm just letting you guys know we are walking out of Maxwell's
- on the bill of Governors Ball, - That's the spirit,
We've got a one in six chance, not the best odds,
- Don't be a party-pooper, man, - I'm just being realistic,
Here's an idea, Jimmy, be positive,
instead of focusing on all the things you don't think we can do,
I guess I'm just channeling you from 20 years ago,
Oh, jeez, when does the statute of limitations run that out on being a crime?
- When you can play a solo, so never! - Don't fucking touch me!
Goddamn, you always are a pain in the ass!
Now listen up, gents, the lineup on Friday is as follows,
we got Blue Iguana, Pen Pal, Fiona Silver, The Emanons
and our old dickhead buddy, Sex In Hi-Def,
- Turds, - Obviously younger, they're prettier,
and undoubtedly they have a much wider fan base,
so Jimmy was right, this is going to be an uphill battle,
So my suggestion is this, nothing mid-tempo,
everything hard, fast, relentless,
leave it all on the field,
Now, give me "Cosmopolitan Sheen,"
Take it from the top, count it off, T Baby!
- Let it swing! - One, two, three,
Oh, hey, George,
I need you to strap it on tonight, could be a long one,
- What? - Strategy meeting on the Hyman case,
we need to come at it from an entirely different angle,
Oh, uh, George, I had those golf lessons again, remember?
No get-out-of-jail-free card tonight, Bruce,
Flatiron conference room at 5:30,
Let's do this,
♪ I don't miss you ♪
♪ I don't feel you ♪
♪ Even when I'm far away ♪
♪ You don't believe me ♪
♪ I don't believe you ♪
♪ When you say you feel the same ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
I hated this fucking song the first time I heard it,
No cigarettes at a rock and roll show,
- A cruel world we live in, - At least my clothes still smell nice,
Now do something about that kale smoothie breath,
When did our singer say he was getting here?
He didn't,
♪ I'll take it all the way and make it right ♪
♪ And I don't miss you ♪
♪ And I don't feel you ♪
♪ Even when I'm far away ♪
I need to smoke,
♪ It'll never be the same as it was before, yeah ♪
♪ Wonder if you feel it too ♪
♪ Then it's back to work ♪
Why isn't this making any sense?
George, it's 11 o'clock and there's no deadline on this,
maybe it's best if we just call it a night,
- start fresh on Monday, - No can do, Grace,
I don't want this lingering over my head the whole weekend,
We'll order some food for thought,
Let's take a break, everybody,
- All right, what do you guys want to eat? - Nothing green,
- Something healthy, - Anything,
No, no, no, let's be,,,
Are you a child?
I'm coming,
George,
George!
I'm leaving,
Excuse me?
George, I sing and play guitar in a rock and roll band,
In about an hour, I've got a gig and it could potentially change the course of my life
and erase years of regret, No, I've been sitting here for five and a half hours
and I've had no impact on anything going on, so I'm going to go,
- Sorry, everybody, - Bruce, nobody leaves until I say,
I have to, George, it's the magic hour,
You don't really play golf, do you?
I hate golf, George,
The guy's got balls, brass ones,
Monster sack,
Here's a flier for the show, in case anyone wants to come,
Bye!
Did anybody know about this?
♪ I can see the smoking gun ♪
♪ I can hear the screaming come ♪
♪ I can feel the ringing hum ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ I can see ♪
Excuse me,
- Don't let me down again, man, - Finally a singer I can relate to,
Hey, thanks,
♪ Did it get you high? ♪
So where is Courtney?
She and Tyler are getting reacquainted,
♪ Did it get you high? ♪
♪ I can see the smoking gun ♪
♪ Did it get you high Did it get you high? ♪
♪ I can see the smoking,,, ♪
Yeah,
Yeah, the promoter of Governors Ball,
Jerry Evans was here to see us,
Yeah, I love you, too, Mom,
- She's good, - Thank you, Maxwell's,
Stick around for the, uh, Intangibles?
Inconceivables?
The Incontinence?
I have no idea, but I do know this is Fiona Silver,
Hope to see you at Governors Ball!
No respect,
We're up next,
Maybe after, we can get back to that interview?
Yeah, I think I can, uh, squeeze you in,
Nervous?
- Jimmy! - Not anymore,
Wait for me, Where the fuck have you been, man?
Ladies and gentlemen,
up next is the last band to vie for a spot
on stage at Governors Ball, The Incoherents,
Incoherents, 60 seconds to show time, 60 seconds,
All right, okay,
Hey, Incoherents, I'm pretty sure your bass player's going to have a heart attack,
Hey, Keith, what's wrong?
- I forgot my picks, - So use one of mine,
I can't, man, they're too thin, there's not enough fatness
in the sound, the down-strokes sound like shit!
- Play with your fingers, - I can't, I'm not funky like that,
Hey, Keith, get it together,
If I have to go back to playing Electric Slide,
I will rip your fucking heart out!
Okay, Inconsiderates, it's show time,
Hey, dude, can my bass player
borrow one of your bass player's picks?
Sorry, man, he doesn't use one, he's funky like that,
Thanks a lot,
Yeah, here we are now, entertain us,
We will,
We got to start, Keith, come on, We look like idiots up here!
- Come on! - Keith!
Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me,
- Chrissie? - Oh! Sorry,
- I love you, - I love you even more,
Time to get this party started,
Let's go, we got to start, come on,
- We ready? - Yeah,
Keith, let's go,
Hey, everybody,
From what I understand, the band before us couldn't get our name quite right,
We are not The Intangibles, we are not The Inconceivables
and we sure as hell ain't the Incontinence,
We are the Incoherents, here we go,
♪ My city was pretty ♪
♪ When it was gritty a little rubble was no trouble ♪
♪ Grime and crime of the time ♪
♪ All trash, no cash ♪
♪ Fell into potholes stepped over half-dead souls ♪
♪ Made beauty out of crumbling liars ♪
♪ And forgot about the gunshots ♪
♪ Putting holes in the uptown bus ♪
♪ It was strictly downtown for us ♪
♪ The nights turned into the days ♪
♪ Getting lost in the concrete maze ♪
♪ If it were only always this good ♪
♪ When the chaos burned like wood ♪
♪ Our playground couldn't last forever ♪
♪ Just like the toxins in the river ♪
♪ All that's bad is all we had ♪
♪ Replaced by pretend fads ♪
♪ A big box strip maxi mall ♪
♪ Rome wasn't supposed to fall ♪
♪ Say hello to the older class ♪
♪ Limousines and champagne glass ♪
♪ In a city scrubbed bright and clean ♪
♪ The cosmopolitan sheen ♪
♪ If it were only always this good ♪
♪ When the chaos burned like wood ♪
♪ Our playground couldn't last forever ♪
♪ Just like the toxins in the river ♪
♪ No more needles in the parks ♪
♪ We're all undercover narcs ♪
♪ Builders, pillars turned into pawns ♪
♪ Look around here they're all gone ♪
♪ Gone ♪
♪ It's not what it used to be ♪
♪ Some days we'd rather flee ♪
♪ Where else are we going to go ♪
♪ It's the only place that we know ♪
Thank you!
- Bruce! - Yeah,
Oh, my God, what a set, that was great!
- Thanks, man, - I haven't seen you guys, since you opened
- for Bongos, - Oh my God, that was a long time ago,
- And your drummer's still a fucking animal, - He is, I know, he is,
- Great set, man, - Hey, good to see you,
- Great to see you, too, - Thanks for coming,
- All right, bye-bye, - Take it easy, Thanks,
You guys were so awesome!
We tried, we been trying,
This guy, he gave me this card for you guys,
Jerry Evans wants to talk to you guys,
♪ We getting popping we do this every day ♪
♪ So sick of counting my blessings ♪
♪ So let me count off this prayer ♪
♪ I'm talking all of my people ♪
♪ I'm talking all of my friends ♪
♪ I'm talking all of the haters ♪
♪ Just trying to take it away ♪
♪ Based down Eastern Island And they know me, found a way ♪
♪ Spend my days in Cali now they know me in LA ♪
♪ I'm talking all the way to Englewood, San Francisco Bay ♪
♪ Grown up to Miami rolling weed upon the way ♪
♪ And then I fly out to Jamaica ♪
♪ Mr, Hard down on the beat, say ♪
♪ Wind your, wind your feet up ♪
They're here, call me back,
Jerry, these are The Incoherents,
You guys opened for Sabado
at the Knitting Factory around '94, I think,
Yeah, that's right,
I knew it!
When I was A&R of Vicious Circle,
you were totally on our radar screen
and then you disappeared, what happened?
Uh, we took a hiatus,
You shouldn't have,
Come, sit,
Anyway, you haven't missed a beat,
I mean, really great, your songs are great,
the band, it's tight
and you have a presence on stage, total package up there,
They're pros, Jerry, they're total pros,
Yeah, Courtney has great taste, she's never wrong,
So, uh, will we be playing Governors Ball?
You will not,
Sex In Hi-Def will,
Oh, come on,
Those fucking guys?
They're young, the girls want to have their babies,
and unlike you guys, they seem to have fans,
It's a no-brainer, I just, I added you as a favor to Courtney,
You thought they were the best?
What's your name?
It's Bruce, Bruce Flansburgh,
All right, let me ask you a question, Bruce Flansburgh,
you guys on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram?
- No, - I know, I checked,
Meanwhile, Sex in Hi-Def has already posted a picture
from tonight and got 1,000 likes and counting,
And those likes and Retweets, they turn into ticket sales,
You guys on the other hand,,,
you're ghosts, I mean, there is no evidence
that The Incoherents even exist,
What about what we just did on stage?
Okay, and who outside of this room knows that, hmm?
Wake up, boys, rock and roll is not the cultural force
it used to be, it's a niche now,
And the kind of music you play is a niche within a niche,
Nobody sells records anymore,
and 100,000 spins on Spotify?
I mean, that might buy you a sandwich,
Jules, come on, you got to get these guys out of the 20th century,
Hey, I'm a dinosaur, Jerry, all this is new to me,
All right, adapt or die,
We'll fix it,
Hey, listen, go play a show in Bushwick
on a Monday night for four people and then post about it,
you know, start from there,
Ah, I got to go to this party in Tribeca for Bono
with a bunch of industry stooges,
They're all pretending they care about saving Africa,
No shortcuts, guys,
Ooh!
Hey, where are you?
Ah, I'm on my way,
Mm-hmm,
He knows I love Africa, come on!
Tell that Irishman he'd better keep the bar open,
'cause I need a Manhattan like you won't fucking believe,
Sex In Hi-Def?
The name itself should've disqualified them,
I got to go back to practicing "I Will Survive,"
fucking fuck!
Di,,, Disco was never as bad as they said it was,
Come on, let's go and drown our sorrows, boys,
Bruce, where are we going? Your pick!
Hey, Bruce,
- I'm into it, - I'll give you some guitar lessons sometime,
- Yeah? - Because your voice is nice,
- Hey, nice set, dude, - Thanks,
- Congrats on the Ball, - Thanks,
Hey, man, I'll follow you on Instagram,
Fuck you, Instagram,
I'm not awake,
Oh, come on, did you not hear me?
All right!
I'm coming!
You know, Jimmy, I'm really enjoying
wallowing in self-pity right now,
so it'd be great if you weren't here,
Those were closed for a reason,
Ugh!
All right, if you play our album, I'm going to throw that thing
out the fucking window,
Just shut up, man,
Is this thing on yet?
Just press record, you dope,
Where is the dope anyway?
Up my ass!
Tyler, why is everything always up your ass?
Shh, let me start, let me start, please,
The front man, Bruce!
Settle down, settle down!
All right, it is now Saturday morning at 3:11 a,m,
on September 26th, 1991, and we are on beer,,, 20?
- 40, - 4,000!
Celebrating the first gig
of the greatest rock band ever created, The Incoherents!
- Greatest rock band created, - Seven people lucky enough to witness this?
- Actually it was like nine, - Ten, that fat dude
counts for two,
Four, four of them were girls,
Hey, what's up with that chick, Liz?
- We're hanging out, - No, you're not, you're with us,
Wait, she went home without you?
You idiot! what do you think
the point of even doing this is for?
I'm going to see her again, tonight is a band night,
You have no idea what you're doing,
- I got the tall one's number, - No way, man!
- I was going to hit on her, - Lay off the cake stands, my man,
maybe you'll get to second base someday,
You don't even know where first is,
- Hey! - Shh, all right, introduce yourselves,
All right, all right, let me step up to the mic here, okay,
Hey, everybody, I'm Keith Hamilton and I play the bass,
I'm a geography major, which is why I know where the basses are,
and I've been there at least three times,
- Oh, yeah, at least two times, - No, once,
Okay, okay,
Tyler Hamilton, drums,
the only instrument that fucking matters!
- Not! - The only man in this band,,,
,,,that matters,
- Definitely not! - Come and get it,
- ladies! - Wa-wah,
- Some things never change, - The guy's got balls, man,
He always did,
I'm Jimmy Anthony, lead guitar,
This is a message for Jimmy Page,
Jimmy, it's Jimmy,
when you're ready for those guitar lessons,
- you know where to find me, - oh!
How embarrassing,
Listen up, front man's talking to you,
I am Bruce Flansburgh,
That is the worst name for a singer ever,
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, - The worst, the worst,
The worst, the worst,
I'm here with an important message, The Incoherents
are coming for you, we are the future of rock and roll,
we will destroy everything in our path!
We're going to dominate the planet!
- Yeah! - And once we get to the top,
I'm going to break up with these untalented assholes,
You could all reach over for tickets,
Loser!
What an asshole,
- You like that? - That was unbelievable,
I can't believe you kept it, I totally forgot we did that,
- We were young, man, - Gosh,
Feels like yesterday,
Hey,
- Thanks, man, - You got it,
Want to hear it again?
- Yeah, - Then get dressed, we're going for breakfast,
♪ Stop thinking it's okay ♪
♪ Things are going to change ♪
♪ You can't go on like this again ♪
♪ You can't avoid the day ♪
♪ You're the star that lights ♪
♪ Our way ♪
♪ I heard you singing ♪
♪ Heard you sing you sang ♪
♪ To us ♪
♪ You sang hallelujah ♪
♪ How'd we lose us in ♪
♪ Ourselves ♪
♪ Stop drinking, it's a waste ♪
♪ Things have lost their taste ♪
♪ The light that circled around your face ♪
♪ Is gone and now replaced ♪
♪ With a darker time ♪
♪ Again ♪
♪ I heard you singing ♪
♪ Heard you sing you sang ♪
♪ To us ♪
♪ You sing hallelujah,,, ♪
I decided what I want to call my business,,,
- Liz Harvey Design, - Your maiden name?
Flansburgh doesn't really cut it on the mantle,
plus I need to forge my own identity,
I've been reading Gwen's book,
It's great,
I can see why all this is happening for her,
I wish my character was a little less,
Dark?
Yeah,
I like him though,
You know, Bruce, statistics say the majority of people
who get married in their 20s end up getting divorced,
The odds are against us, is that what you want?
No,
No, of course not,
You?
- We have a lot of work to do, - I know,
I can't fix the past,
You didn't break it,
I saw your show,
- You were there? - I was in the back, you couldn't see me,
God, I loved it, how can you think I don't love your music?
I used to sing "Star" to put the kids to sleep,
You were there?
You guys deserved that gig,
- Damn right, we did, - You over it?
Nope,
I'm working on it,
That's good,
The world deserves to hear more of the band I named,
You didn't name the band,
- Yes, I did, - I came up with that,
Actually, no, don't you remember in college,
I was studying that, that French art movement,
Les Arts Incohérents, or whatever,
The people who made art, but didn't know what they were doing,
I had that name since the 8th grade,
No, you didn't, you're thinking of The Innocents,
you loved it, 'cause it could be The Innocence
or The Innocents,
- That's my name, - It's,,,
I waited for years to call a band that name,
- I cannot believe you, - All right, I'll give in to you,
- Thank you, - You're welcome,
Wow, you made us actually sound important,
This is the article your legions of fans have been waiting for,
Legions, where are they again?
They're out there, they just don't know it yet,
Did you Tweet about the gig tonight?
I did, hopefully our seven followers will show up,
Now, link the article to another Tweet,
get some synergy going,
Okay, I'm new at all this
social networking stuff, so bear with me,
So we're booked for the 16th, right?
Just confirmed with Jules, you are playing with Inventory and Rollo,
And I'm taking you to dinner before,
I already made reservations,
- Jimmy, two beers, man, - Yeah, I'll be right there,
- I'll call you tomorrow, okay? - You'd better,
♪ I'm an insignificant piece of dust ♪
♪ Floating aimlessly ♪
♪ For a comfortable landing spot ♪
The Incoherents aren't unknown,
though not un-young band from New York City,
A mainstay of the downtown scene in the early '90s,
they mysteriously disbanded after one self-released album, "Irrational Devotion,"
an LP brimming with wit and wisdom,
that bridges the gap between classic and punk rock,
Let's do it,
Suddenly they have re-emerged, looking to find their way
through a greatly changed musical landscape,
This four-man unit with their salt-and-pepper hair
and creased eye lines, stands in great contrast
to the fresh-faced exuberants that are normally on stage at your local rock club,
I recently sat down with the band to talk about the past,
the future and the merits of corn dogs,
Here's what they had to say,
Hey, everybody!
We're the Incoherents,
- Tyler, start sound, - Woo!
♪ I did the time ♪
♪ I wrote the rhyme again ♪
♪ The pool is open let's take a dive ♪
♪ The place is clean and I popped the wine ♪
♪ The bed is made ♪
♪ All the bills are paid ♪
♪ Wipe the dust off the old lampshade ♪
♪ The kids are gone ♪
♪ They're off to school ♪
♪ I just want to drown in a sweaty pool ♪
♪ And at the moment we're most alive ♪
♪ The pool is open let's take a dive ♪
♪ In that moment we're most alive ♪
♪ The pool is open let's take a dive ♪
♪ The wind whipped the sand into our faces ♪
♪ They left red marks on our cheeks ♪
♪ You always loved those winter strolls ♪
♪ Up and down the beach ♪
♪ The cold was more than I could handle ♪
♪ You wore it much better than me ♪
♪ I miss those frozen fingertips ♪
♪ When can we take that walk again ♪
♪ When can we become more than a trend ♪
♪ You've got soul like I've never seen ♪
♪ And I've got a heart living in the sea ♪
♪ Days under the sunshine pass before me ♪
♪ Though I never go outside ♪
♪ The light is always too blinding ♪
♪ It's so much easier in the house ♪
♪ Looking for some justification ♪
♪ To face the world beyond my dorm ♪
♪ I'm just waiting for your invitation ♪
♪ When can we take that walk again ♪
♪ When can we become more than a trend ♪
♪ You've got a soul like I've never seen ♪
♪ And I've got a heart living in the sea ♪
♪ I've got a heart living in the sea ♪
♪ And I've got a heart living in the sea ♪
♪ I don't miss you ♪
♪ I don't feel you ♪
♪ Even when I'm far away ♪
♪ You don't believe me ♪
♪ I don't believe you ♪
♪ When you say you're here to stay ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪