And so it began,
Thirty thousand years ago,
man discovered his best friend,
Ooh!
Dogs were man's best friend
and only animal companion for the next 15,000 years,
And then,
Cats are in the house, y'all! Whoop, whoop!
The next 15,000 years, cats and dogs fought each other,
Hissing and barking and breaking things along the way,
With the emergence of technology, harmless skirmishes grew into diabolical plots
as cats and dogs fried to eliminate each other as human companions,
Eventually, humans grew tired,
So dogs and cats had to do something
if they wanted to stay the number one and number two animals in the human household,
Actually, fish are number one,
Fish don't count,
Anyway, cat and dog leaders worked together to stop these plots
and formed an organization called the furry animals rivalry termination,
Or fart!
- Ah, it's not really a thing, - It's totally a thing!
The purpose of the furry animals rivalry,,,
Ahem, Fart,
Was to monitor potential plots, feline or canine,
and stop them before they interfered with the human world,
The good news is when we opened up wide and let loose fart,
the most silent and deadly organization of all time,
we were able to stop those plots and many others,
The last decade has been the most peaceful one between the two species in centuries,
Ha, I wouldn't say centuries,
Ah,,,
Home sweet home,
That's me, Roger, As in Roger federer,
the best tennis player of all time,
That's Max, My human, He used to practice outdoors, on the court,
I would fetch tennis balls for him, but now, well,,,
He does, That
hey! That's me, Gwen, You know, as in Stefani,
And let me introduce you to my fabulous person, the one, the only Zoe!
Mm, she's under there somewhere,
Driving me crazy!
Yeah, she's not really a morning person,
- Morning, honey, - Morning, mom,
- Did you sleep well? - Yeah, I guess,
This will put some pep in your step, Hmm,
Kale juice, spinach juice, celery juice, Yeah
(ood?
- Mm-hm, - Drink up,
So close, honey,
State championships are just around the corner,
I think we can win it all this year,
Mm, mm,
Yeah, for sure,
Mm-hm,
And they think drinking out of a toilet is gross,
Listen, I got an alert this morning about your workout,
I noticed your foot work was a little slow today,
- I get alerts when you miss your target numbers, - What else do you get updates on?
Your heart rate, How much time you spend in the bathroom,
- Your heart rate when you're in the bathroom, - Boundaries, mom!
Just saying, So you want some more?
I know you like it, Hmm,
I
- Morning, Zoe-Zoe, - Good morning,
- Um, let me make you breakfast, - It's okay, I got it,
I'll heat up burritos,
You're probably thinking, "Gwen, you're nothing but a pampered, sheltered house cat,"
And you'd be right,
No way, You can heat those up?
No wonder mine are always so crunchy,
But one day, we're gonna go outside and have great adventures together,
Don't worry, I'll protect her,
I'm like a ninja,
I'm okay!
How was the gig last night? Uh
it fell through,
But I stayed in the coffee shop and a new song came to me,
Like a gift from above,
- That's great, dad, Let's hear it, - Yeah, Yeah, It's like, uh,,,
J run, run, run I gotta get away j
j run, run, run something, something, something j&
j run, run, run j&
yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah,
See, the thing is, I wrote the lyrics out on a napkin and then I forgot,
and then I blew my nose and then I put in my pocket,
And then it was just a mushy, snotty, gooey nothing,
Okay, It will come back to you, Yeah
yeah
don't forget, dad, a million people bought your first album,
Twenty years ago,
Eddie vedder says you're the grungiest guy in grunge,
Eddie vedder,
Ah! Hot! You got asbestos fingers?
Hot, Hot, Hot, How do you do that?
Mm that tastes so much better!
Dad, don't give up, promise?
I promise,
Bye, Gwen, Have a good day,
- Bye, Love you, - Bye, Love you,
J obstacles are only rocks for the calm and it's a race against the clock j
j and you've got the perfect timin' j
j bring the thunder so we all can catch the lightning &
&' the only thing that cuts diamond is diamond & - hold that door!
J I've been waiting all my life just for this one night,,, &
thank you,
I'm sorry, Did you say something?
Whatever, dude, You do you,
J I've got the heart of a champion and I will,,, I
As you may have guessed, we are not your average pets,
We're two of the baddest, most kick-butt fart agents you've ever seen,
Actually, we're just risk assessment analysts,
- Please say the password, - Beethoven,
Incorrect,
- Uh, rin tin tin, - Wrong,
- Air bud, - Not even close,
- Snoopy”? - Negative,
- Old yeller? - Incorrect,
- Scooby-doo? - Uh, Garfield,
- You got it, sister, - Seriously?
I put in a request,
How was the night shift, old ed?
Well, back's a little stiff, I've been meaning to order one of those standing desks,
I meant with the monitoring,
Well, mostly I've been just watching these bubbles float across the screen,
Hey, ed, that's a screen saver,
Oh, you and your fancy high-tech gadgets,
In my day, we had to trust our instincts and communicate,
And we were out there on the streets
oh, I wish they'd send us out in the field, I'm dying to see some action,
- We're just monitors, - Pfft,
Yeah, And how boring is that?
It's like I always say, "boring is good,"
Not,
Ah, roast beef,
I'm not gonna even ask,
- Catch you kids on the flippity-flop, - Stellar effort, ed,
Monitors 44871 and 44872, logging in for zone 867,
The fart system is functioning flawlessly, And the worldwide threat level remains at low,
Copy that, chief, Great news,
Yeah, If you like rotting away at a desk,
Uploading your links now, Carry on, monitors, Hq out,
Really”? What is it with dogs and trees?
Very complex, Your kind would never grasp it,
Ah, Yes, Yes, you're absolutely right,
How could we possibly understand such a sophisticated ritual?
Hold the phone,
I got a canine near the animal hospital,
Oh, I bet he's planning something,
- Just a stray, - Looks suspicious to me,
Could be a serious plot against feline patients,
Not the diaper, Not the diaper!
And,,, the diaper,
Oh, I'm gonna be sick,
Let me guess, too complex for my kind to grasp?
Nope, That's just disgusting,
Nothing exciting ever happens anymore, You guys had all the fun,
Take it from someone who knows,
there was nothing fun about those major plots back in the day,
A lot of good agents, both dog and cat, got injured or worse,
- Wait, you saw some action? - Enough to know it wasn't for me,
At least you were out there, Hey, you ever give anyone the old,,,?
What the feline is that?
Initiate reboot protocol,
Initiating,
Probably a power failure,
In case you're wondering, this is not a power failure,
But "failure" is the perfect word to describe
what's just happened to your elaborate monitoring system,
I shut down all communications from your headquarters
to every other station in your network,
Just try and control your fart now!
Told you that was a thing,
What's going on? Who's doing this?
I am the most nefarious villain the world has ever seen!
- Is that it? Is he done? - This is not good,
Honestly, I thought the laugh was kind of weak, I'm thinking needy with self-esteem issues,
Probably a chihuahua or smaller,
I'm still here,
I accidentally hit the mute button,
Just know that as you sit there helplessly in your secret bunkers all over the planet,
my brilliant plan is already sending the world of dogs and cats into chaos,
Chaos? What kind of chaos?
- This is madness, You won't get away with it, - I already have,
We've gotta do something, You canines designed this system,
Tell me you butt-sniffers have a backup plan,
Uh
Oh, dear god, We're doomed,
- That's it, honey! - Let's go, Max,
That's it, kiddo, Follow through,
Force him to use your backhand,
Forehand, Max, Forehand,
Nice swing,
Good,
Power shot power shot,
As the boys gun for the championship,
Led by local phenom, Max Harper,
Max will try to complete an undefeated regular season
against central high tomorrow,
as a tune-up before the state championship,
Follow through, Pull over your shoulder,
Susan, You know how I feel about you coaching during practice, I'm the coach,
I've got the hat,
You ordered that hat off the Internet,
I'm gonna have to ask for the whistle too,
I'm keeping the hat,
Hey, honey,
The biggest problem with fart, besides the obvious,
is that it was designed by dogs,
We never would have needed fart if you cats weren't always plotting and scheming
and trying to disrupt nature's intentions,
"Nature's intentions"?
Three words, hair ball, Man's best friend, period,
That's four words, Cat nap!
Where were we?
Whoa, what is it?
What are you doing? That thing may be about to blow,
What did you do that for?
- Sorry, Couldn't help myself, - Hello? Hello?
Pick up the phone, Is anyone there? “Wait,
- It's talking, - What's the matter with you?
Answer this phone, you nincompoops,
- That sounds like the chief, - It is the chief
whoa, how about that? It's a phone, High-tech, No buttons,
We've been hacked,
Someone has shut down our online systems,
This old landline is the only way we cah communicate,
- Who do you think is responsible? - We have no idea,
But a crime like this has Mr, tinkles and kitty galore written all over it,
Knew it, Always the cats,
Watch who you're accusing, mister!
Or what?
Stop it, you two!
It appears they've done something that increases the hatred
between cats and dogs everywhere,
- It's clearly affecting both of you already, - Not me, He started it
- did not, - Did too!
Enough! Hit the big red button,
Open it and eat one now, Each of you,
They've been specially modified with lavender, valerian root and passion flower,
Hmm,
- What do they do? - They're still in their beta phase,
But if they work properly, you should notice your disdain for one another begin to wear off,
So you want us to be your test monkeys? After you,
No, After you,
No, no, no, Doggies first,
Oh, no, please, After you,
Rock, paper, scissors for it? You're on,
One, two, three,
- What is that? - Is that a rock?
Just do it!
I owe you an apology,
Apology accepted,
Your coat is so soft,
And your breath smells like freshly mowed grass,
We haven't studied any long-term effects yet,
But they should keep you guys from killing each other
while you solve this case,
Did you say, "we solve the case"?
Yes! We may not know who is behind this plot, but we do know where,
Before our computers went down, they were able to pinpoint the origin of the hack,
[T came from your zone,
Of where you're sitting right now!
Yes! We're on it, chief,
Wait a second, We're not field agents, we're just monitors,
Who are you sending to take the lead on this? Who's in charge?
Bottom line, this starts and ends with you two,
You'll need to put together a support team from within your building,
We cannot trust outsiders,
From within this building?
But there are only a few other cats and dogs that live here and none of them have any training,
Well, it's up to you two to get them ready,
If we don't stop this now, it could lead to an all-out war
between cats and dogs,
The fate of canines and felines everywhere is in your paws!
Hq out,
I thought we were doing okay, dad, I mean, with your song royalties,
Well, we are okay, Zoe, and we're gonna be okay,
Just things have been a little slow lately, that's all,
I can help, I can get a job at the mall or babysit,
No, no, no, This is not your responsibility,
The only thing is we may have to find a smaller place,
Or a bigger car with an actual back seat,
You mean, move? Again?
Just to save on rent, But same neighborhood, same school,,,
And pets, right?
I just started looking, Zoe, We'll do the best we can,
Hey, We're gonna be fine, Okay?
Listen, I gotta go see about a job,
What kind of job”? A studio musician? Live performance?
Um, not exactly,
There's pasta in the fridge,
I know, I cooked something, Movie at 7?
Movie at 7_
Oh, hey, hey, Don't forget your guitar,
- Love you, Bye, - Love you too, Bye,
Solving this caper, we're gonna need a crew, Qualified, dependable specialists,
A computer expert, one getaway driver, and a master of disguise,
Are we robbing a casino?
This is my first assignment, okay? Give me this,
The chief said we can only use pets from within this building,
We've got old ed, but besides him, not a lot of options,
- There's Clyde in 6d, - He wears a diaper!
He could track someone's scent from a mile away,
Doggy diaper, Enough said,
Um
- Well, how about Zelda on the fourth floor? - Nope, Cross her path, seven years' bad luck,
Um, isn't that a broken mirror? You wanna take that chance?
Lexie in the penthouse?
What animal allows a human to dress her? No self-respect,
Anastasia, Leopold, Maximus?
Worms, fleas, explosive diarrhea, And that's just Anastasia,
Okay, So that just leaves,,,
- Duke, - Icooks like we found our muscle,
Scared to death of that guy, by the way, Does he even speak?
No one knows, So that's our crew?
You, me, old ed and Duke?
That's right, The greatest team the world has ever seen,
Cat nap!
Oh, brother, Now let's do this!
Pablo! Pablo!
Pablo!
Yes! Thank you, Yes, Thank you,
Yes
thirty-four cans will be a new world record,
Go, Pablo! You can do it,
Go, Pablo, Go!
You can do it!
Yeah! Take to the skies, boss, Take to the skies!
Ow!
Getting closer, boss,
So, Zeek,
The head honcho around here is a parrot who can almost fly?
Maybe we should nominate a fish who can almost swim,
I'm a cockatoo, You're new to our organization,
Pets with out-of-the-ordinary pedigree, or poop for short,
So I'll let you slide this one time,
The owner clips my wings to keep me from flying off my perch,
Tell me, wise guy, you plan on going to a loving family soon?
Maybe a kid to play with, great food,
reverse osmosis water, “Aren't we all?
Shelly, how long you been here?
Ah, Fifteen months, sacre bleu,
- Zeek, how about you? - Six hundred and twelve days,
Me, I've been here six years,
And never once taken home as a pet,
In fairness, you guys live up to a hundred years,
Who wants to make that kind of commitment?
Listen, 10 legs,
Do you know how many puppies and kittens have found homes during that time?
Millions!
I don't understand, I thought humans loved all pets,
Not as much as cats and dogs,
Which is why they're all at the front of the store, not us,
We're stuck back here in the aisles of chew toys and mice,
You have no idea what that's like
any puppies or kittens? No, Just a bunch of weird stuff,
Funny-looking reptiles and dopey birds,
Dopey birds, Dopey birds,,,
The secondary pets never stood a chance,
Especially after they started their worldwide peacekeeping organization,
But as I stood on my stoop year after year,
eyeballing the store computer,
I came up with the idea of using online piracy
to hack into their fart system!
Ooh! Diabolicall
and my techno-nerd sidekick, Zeek, developed a frequency
that makes cats and dogs even more vicious to each other
the signal is being sent now all over the world via Wi-Fi and cell towers,
That little phone controls the fate of cats and dogs everywhere!
As we speak, cats and dogs everywhere are at each other's throats,
creating mayhem and chaos!
Soon they will be rejected too,
abandoned by their humans, and they will feel what it is like to be unwanted,
To be unloved!
Not now, Roger,
Sorry I'm late,
Roger, Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy, huh?
So
Are you ready for the big match tomorrow?
- I guess, - You guess?
You've already beat this kid twice, You shouldn't even break a sweat,
Uh, hey, after the match,
some of the boys on the team wanna go hit the go-kart track,
- I thought maybe I could too, - Oh,
Sweetie, you know you've got a full schedule,
Ice bath, massage, film session, practice,
Right, It's just,,,
Forget I said anything,
Okay,
J I should've stopped when I had the chance j
I now I'm in a ho man's land j
"no man's land,"
J I never, never, never want to believe it j;
j I never, never, never thought I could leave this &
j run, run j
do you like that? Yeah?
- Hey, Zoe-Zoe, - Hi, dad,
- Please tell me you're not selling used cars, - Customer-service representative,
Man, I didn't realize how mean people could be,
Try spending a day at my middle school, Yeah
I know that you own this house,
We just live here with you,
Oh, You've been playing? Working on something?
- No, Just messing around, - Oh,
Cool, Oh, thank you,
So
I found a smaller apartment, much easier on the wallet,
But we need to move right away so we're not paying double rent,
They take pets, right?
Listen, I spoke with your aunt Lois and she's happy to take Gwen,
and we can visit her as often as we want,
She lives two hours away,
Zoe, it's not permanent, you know, It,,,
I don't know,
- Can we sneak her in for sleepovers? - Absolutely,
Right?
Okay, now, listen up,
Whoever's behind this plot is somewhere in our zone,
It's up to us to find him or her, cat or dog,
Well, I've been doing this a long time, and it's always the cats stirring up trouble,
I say let them clean up their own mess this time,
Easy there, gramps,
It's just as likely that dogs are behind this, just to make us cats look bad,
Gramps?
Yeah, That's what I said, Or do you need some hearing aids?
Now, you listen, sassy pants,
I might be old, but these paws still know how to fight,
Would you stop”? There's no time for this,
Gwen mapped out our zone,
We know our tech is down, right? So we gotta go old-school,
Tomorrow, I say we hit the streets,
- It's up to us now, - Nope, We're analysts,
We stay right here, in our building, and we monitor the action,
We don't participate in it, Boring is good, remember?
Well, someone out there knows something,
And I am fully confident this crew can find out,
this brand-new, how-do-you-do, out-of-the-blue, cat-and-dog crew,
Is she okay?
She's just enthusiastic,
OMG,
OMG!
0, m, to the g,
This is really happening, I am outside!
Yes, Seattle, Outside, and it's wet,
It's so much more than I ever thought it would be, It's so big,
We're only 20 feet away from the front door of the building, There's actually a lot more,
Oh, look at all this space,
So much space,
Too much space, Where are all the walls? Danger! Danger in every direction!
Gwen, keep it together, We've got a mission to do,
- Let's just,,, - Animal control, five o'clock!
Our eye in the sky,
And it's heading right at you,
Scramble, Hide,
Outside bad, Outside bad!
Whose idea was this?
No, wait, check that,
False alarm on the animal control truck,
My bad, Just the ice cream vendor,
You think you can get me a drumstick? I just love those things,
Before cameras and monitors and gadgets, we got our information from combing the streets,
Like in a cop movie, Just gotta find us a snitch, A pigeon, a weasel, a blabbermouth?
A cheese eater? Oh, I think I see one, Cover me,
Okay, ankle biter, who's behind the plot?
Oh, boy,
I'm onto you, cupcake, And don't think I'm fooled by the whole toy-group routine,
Okay, a crafty one,
Guess I need to dispense with my good cop,
Spill the beans, purse pooch, or you start losing digits!
Fingers or toe?
You think it was too much?
Hey, sarge, fart agent 44871, What's the word on the street?
Little small for an agent,
I'm actually just a monitor, Long story,
A lot of domestic calls,
Mostly cats and dogs mixing it up, destroying property, You got any leads?
We narrowed it down to this zone,
but the perp took out our comms, so we're hitting the streets,
Shaggy dog in the park,
One of our informants, always has the 411,
Tell her buck sent you,
Hey, hey, keep it off the hydrants, buddy,
Hey, shampoodle, leash it up, Hey, buddy, where's that collar?
Consider this a warning,
Okay, executing covert approach,
Gotta be cool, not too obvious,
Whoops! Coming on too strong, okay, back it up, Reset, Acting normal,
Okay? Not feeling normal, What do normal dogs do?
They sniff trash cans,
Commence sniffing,
Ooh, Rotting chili dogs,
Better get in on this,
Hey, shaggy, I hear you've got a poop scoop around here,
I keep my eyes open,
Uh, well, you see anything lately?
Couple of weeks ago, I heard whispers that someone was looking to hire a job,
A hush-hush kind of a job,
- So who was it? - I don't know,
They were right next to me, and this may come as a bit of a surprise,
- I didn't see their faces, - Heh, Imagine that,
Bottom line, if you need something done around this town, you go to the cats,
- The cats? - The alley cats,
But they don't come out till the sun goes down,
When the world lays eyes on me, they will cower in terror,
They didn't think I was worth loving, so now they will fear me instead!
Oh, no, no, no,
Hey, boss, it ain't working for you,
Really? I thought hats were scary,
Uh, not that one,
Okay, Okay,
Prepare to be scared beyond your imagination!
No! You don't look scared!
Of a wizard parrot?
I'm a wizard cockatoo!
Oh, well, now I'm scared,
We are getting reports of global unrest developing in the pet world
as canines and felines are suddenly quarreling at unprecedented levels,
Take a look at these videos sent in from our local viewers,
Wow,
Glad we're not involved in any of that mess, right, Gwen?
You have no idea,
001493
yeah, A 2 P,M, showing, okay?
I can confirm you? All right, thank you,
Okay, I look forward to it, Bye-bye,
How'd it go, champ?
0-3, 6-3,
Wow, He put up quite a fight today,
Still, a win's a win,
Yeah um,
Actually, I lost,
- You lost? - That's right,
Okay, Uh,,,
We can just train a little harder next time,
We've been taking Sunday mornings off from practice, Maybe that was a mistake,
I don't know, mom, it's,,, Maybe I wasn't feeling it today,
- No fever, - Good news is, the team actually won,
The other guys pulled it for me, so we're still undefeated:
Oh, Well, that's a silver lining, I guess,
Well, it's not uncommon to see behavioral changes coincide with mating seasons
or even weather patterns,
But we've never seen anything like this,
Now we're speaking with the manager of the paw street market,
who's already seeing this conflict impacting his business,
People are skipping the puppies and kittens
and taking home reptiles, snakes and birds, all much easier to care for
well, what about the fish?
Fish don't count,
Okay, come clean about your field-agent days, What happened out there?
Look, it was a long time ago, I made a mistake,
And ever since, I've been behind a desk where I belong,
What kind of mistake?
There was a moment,
There's always a moment, and I hesitated,
My partner, my mentor, got hurt, I've never gotten over it,
But listen, we can't forget that a pet's number one job is to be there for their humans,
- Okay, okay, you're right, - My boy Max just hasn't been himself lately,
I've been trying to help, but he doesn't have time for me anymore,
Well, my girl Zoe's been going through some tough stuff too,
We might have to move,
Max sure could use someone to talk to, preferably someone who could talk back,
Zoe doesn't have a friend that understands her, either,
She just spends most of her time on her phone,
Oh, yeah, the phones, Max turns into a zombie when he stares at his,
Yeah, Zoe falls asleep with hers on the pillow right next to her,
You know, Max used to take me to play fetch at the park every night,
Have humans forgotten that their stress goes down when they engage with their pets?
- These kids don't even engage with each other, - Max needs a friend like Zoe,
Zoe really needs a friend like Max,
Meanwhile, a deranged villain is trying
to eliminate cats and dogs as human pets forever,
And the only lead we have depends on a shifty collection of vile street cats
who would trade their grandmothers for a dead mouse,
- Why don't you let me talk to them? - Are you sure you're ready?
Are you kidding? I was born ready,
- Shh, - Sorry, It's a dog thing, We like to sing along,
Actually, I changed my mind,
- I don't wanna do this, - Rock, paper, scissors?
Loser has to face them? You're on,
One, two, three,
I'm paper, You're rock, I win,
- No, I'm scissors, I win, - That's not scissors, How can that be scissors?
That's totally scissors,
If you're gonna throw out scissors, you've gotta grow out those nails,
Oh,
Remember, you wanted some action, This is what you've always wanted,
Prepare yourself for some disgusting, frothing mongrels, munching on dead mice,
Filth upon filth,
- Psst, - Oh!
Over here,
Elon musk?
I'm looking for the alley cats,
Then it's your lucky day,
You're an alley cat?
Why don't you step into my office?
You mean, come into the light?
I thought you guys usually slept outside, drank out of puddles, ate dead mice,
We did, until some rich doofus started parking his Tesla in our alley
and leaving the windows down,
Well, I was told by a shaggy dog that you might have information
about a job that was done around here,
Uh, keep-it-on-the-down-low kind of job?
Of course I do,
I'm the one who did it,
- You? - That's right,
And I was paid handsomely for it,
With money?
No, What would a cat do with money?
I got this shiny ball of tin foil, duh,
Ooh, ooh, ooh,
Fine ooh,
- Who hired you? - Don't know,
They communicated electronically, sending text messages about a covert mission,
So, what was the mission?
I snuck into the headquarters of a wireless phone company,
got some codes off their computers,
What kind of codes”?
Wi-Fi and cellular access codes ha-ha,
Seems like a lot of trouble just to get some free Internet,
Ooh, Ha-ha,
It's just so shiny,
Oh, it's an epidemic!
Humans are returning their cats and dogs by the millions!
Tell me you've made some progress,
Well, we've gathered some intel, but no idea how the pieces fit yet,
Well, let's start with this, What do we know?
Well, we know some maniac out there has found a way to ramp up aggression
between cats and dogs,
And we know he shut down our entire system designed to prevent such plots,
And we know someone hired the alley cats to steal access codes for Wi-Fi and cell towers,
One thing has never made sense to me,
This plot is devastating to both cats and dogs,
What kind of lunatic would devise a plot that hurts all of us?
Huh, Hard to read the mind of a lunatic, especially a cat lunatic,
Or a dog lunatic,
Maybe we need to think outside the box,
What if it's neither cat or dog lunatic?
Who stands to gain from humans walking away from cats and dogs?
Other pets,
So we possibly have a rogue secondary pet who's bent on pushing cats and dogs aside
as mankind's favorite,
Good working theory, agents,
"Agents," he said agents,
But how could he possibly be reaching virtually every cat and dog on the planet?
Through the food, water?
Wait, That's it,
Wi-Fi cell towers,
He doesn't care about receiving Internet, He cares about sending frequencies,
- You mean like heat frequencies? - That only affect cats and dogs,
I knew technology was evil,
Now get to work figuring out who's behind it,
We are clearly dealing with a ferociously frightening criminal,
J oh, work it looking, looking good j
j yes, I'm hot j
I knew I would j
j this is fire, baby j
j burn it up, burn it up you're good j
j so good j
j lookin' good, lookin' good j
oh, none of these looks are befitting
the most nefarious villain the world has ever seen!
No one is afraid of a cockatoo in a hat! I need a totally new look,
A costume that sends shivers up the spine,
Sir, it is ready, the costume you have been waiting for,
Yes! My robotic mechanical dog suit!
Finally, the world will cower when faced with my slobbering beastliness,
Reveal it to me,
Feast your eyes on my greatest invention,
It looks so real
you wanna take her for a ride?
Yes, Zip me up inside,
Time for a test drive,
Now that I'm outside
I must test the full capabilities of this machine, Let's see what does this one do?
Okay,
What about this one? And this one?
This one?
I just threw up,
But I swallowed it,
Some other time, Roger,
You know, you're just in a little slump, It happens to everyone,
We just have to decide how to get you out of it,
Maybe a new racket might help, Huh?
Something with a bit more power?
Wow, thanks, mom,
We could re-watch the Australian final between federer and nadal,
That always fires you up, right?
Hey, rog, did you like your breakfast'? That's a good boy,
You know, we could also watch the video footage of my over-40s club match
against Sheila Smithers
when I took her down in straight sets,
She was pregnant, “Who knew?
With triplets, Yeah
ha-ha, Listen, Max,
You know I'm so very proud of you, right? No matter what,
I know, mom,
- I'll figure it out, - Okay, Eat up, champ,
Let me help you with those, sweetie,
After I
after I take a break,
Dad, we can't move all of this stuff to a smaller apartment,
We need to make choices,
- You're right, - Okay, Um,,,
- Trash or treasure? - Treasure, That's my high-school flannel,
All right,
Treasure, It's my college flannel,
Treasure, It's my unemployed-starving-artist flannel,
I think we should treasure the whole box, We should treasure every moment, actually,
Label it, "treasure,"
What else? “What about these records?
No, No, no, no, We can't throw those out,
Are you kidding me? Neil young, live rust, that's like a rock 'n" roll holy relic,
- Psst, Psst, - What else we got here? Weezer, green album,
reissue, yes, but,,,
(Set over here,
Ah! You don't have to blind me,
Oh, here's a London band, sort of little-known, I don't know, the rolling stones,
Okay, what's the shape of this album? Octagon, What's that say?
Stop, that's what it means,
Gotta keep these, Speaking of which, where's your record collection?
- Here, - Are you crazy? They're both home,
I think I have a fix, Meet me in the hall,
Oh, and Zoe's phone, hide it, “What?
Just do it, We're gonna give our humans the friends that we can't be right now,
Hi, Hey, I left my phone upstairs, Mind if we go back up so I can grab it?
Fine, Thanks,
I think I forgot mine too,
Thirsty?
Just gotta hydrate, My mom likes me to get at least 64 ounces before lunch,
What the, 7?
- Hello? Somebody? Can you hear us? Hello! - Hey! Hey!
Hello!
Come on,
I'm sure it's just a minute or two,
What are the chances? We both forgot our phones today,
I know, Great,
I don't even care if I miss my tennis lesson this morning,
Really?
I thought you, like, ate, drank, and breathed tennis with every inch of your soul,
Yeah
well, I thought I did too,
I mean, I even named my dog Roger, after federer,
I don't know, Recently, it's been feeling more like a job than a hobby, you know,
- Dude, a bit of unsolicited advice? - Hit me,
Chill, chill, and chill,
- Really? Even that last one? - Especially that last one,
So where were you off to this morning? Guitar lessons?
Um, no, We're moving tomorrow, and we're packing boxes,
I just needed a break,
You're moving, like, out of town?
No
We're just downsizing, I guess,
Same school, new building, doesn't allow pets,
You have a cat, right?
Gwen, as in Stefani,
Music's kind of our thing,
Wasn't your dad a musician?
He is a musician,
- How long do we leave them in there? - Until they realize they're actually friends,
What? I told you we like to sing along,
Notice anything weird about that ice cream truck?
Uh, the terrible driving?
Yeah, and it never actually stops,
It's like it's always there, just watching us,
I'll go check it out and, uh, maybe grab a drumstick,
Something's not right,
I've got a bad feeling,
\whoal
- ed! - Let go!
Ed, no!
That was too easy, Your smartest agent just walked into my trap,
Ed!
Ed! Ed!
- Good luck finding me now, birdbrains! - He's been watching us this whole time,
Just playing with us,
We're in over our head with this guy, He's in complete command,
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
(Sas!
No, wait, brakes!
(Sas,
Brakes! Brakes!
Oh, no, a roundabout,
These things always confuse me,
Maybe I should take over,
- Okay, okay, - Let me help,
Get back to the pedals, lizard brain!
- Anything? - It's pitch black,
- Wait, I got a flash on my,,, phone, - It's a great effort, but I think it's time to come,,,
\whoal
down,
- Ow, - Here, look,
You okay?
Yeah, yeah, no, I'm fine, fine,
Um, zucchini Kale bite?
"No gluten, no dairy, no soy, no grains, no sugar,"
And no taste,
Uh-oh, “What's uh-oh?
- Gosh, maybe you're a little too hydrated? - You can never be too hydrated,
Unless you're stuck in an elevator,
- You have to hold it, - I don't think I can,
Now we have a real emergency,
We lost him,
Wait, Maybe not,
Just have to follow the sound,
- Okay, you gotta distract me, - Okay, Um,,,
- What do you have planned in the summer? - I'm supposed to go to tennis camp,
But, you know, recently, it,,, What are you doing?
I'm going whitewater rafting with my dad,
I love being out on the water, in the water,,, anything water-related, really,
- You're not helping, - Sorry,
Ooh, Ice cream truck, six o'clock,
Fd
Ha, I knew you'd find me, Nice instincts on the howling, by the way,
- Gotta get you untied, - There's no time,
- But,,, - And, Roger,,,
There will be a moment,
There's always a moment that you'll need to make a split-second decision,
Don't hesitate, Whoever kidnapped me went inside the pet store,
Now, get in there and stop that lowlife,
Okay, so why are you moving?
My dad hasn't come out with a new song in a while,
He doesn't think he has anything to say to the younger audience,
And I had this crazy idea,
Like, maybe I could write him one, And revive his career,
Truthfully, we're not moving,
We were evicted,
- I'm sorry, I didn't,,, - No, it's fine, I mean,,,
I'm here about to pee my pants and I'm babbling about my stupid tennis stuff,,,
It's not stupid,
I'm glad you did,
I feel like people assume things about others, You know?
For sure, It's like no one actually really talks anymore,
It's probably the longest I've gone without being on my phone,
It's kind of nice isn't it?
Actually having a conversation,
Yeah
oh, god, Okay, you gotta distract me,
- Let's hear it, - Hear what?
The song, The one you're writing for your dad,
Absolutely not,
Do you have something more important planned while we're stuck here in this elevator?
No, but it's just,,,
Dude, a bit of unsolicited advice,
you made me realize I was overdoing my talents,
I think you're maybe underdoing yours,
This is stupid,
Come on, You've got this,
J run, run, run j&
j run, run, run j&
Ah, like clockwork, Lured them right into my trap,
Zeek, clear the store,
I'm really sorry, everyone, We gotta leave, Depart the premises,
Right now, everybody, please,
- Pete? - Let's go,
- Where's my son? - I'm sorry, I'm sure he's outside,
What's going on? Is there a fire?
It's a diversion, Be careful, It might be a trap,
Okay, let's go,
Come on, you two,
Right behind you,
Now, remember, could be any type of horrible animal,
Rat, python,,,
Or a parrot,
Aren't you a cockatoo?
Name's Pablo,
But you might know me better
as the most nefarious villain the world has ever seen,
You?
Yes
perhaps you'll remember me,
After all, I watched you, Roger,
get adopted from this very store,
Not ringing any bells,
Really? I was in the cage right across from you,
- Nope, - I told you knock-knock jokes on occasion,
- Still nothing, - I was right in the cage,
But why?
Why wouldn't 17 after all you've done to us,
What we've done?
And now it's time to pay,
Zeek, release our comrades,
Freedom!
All right, let's go,
Let's go,
Okay, big guy, you're our enforcer, Time to start enforcing,
J a lovely, fluffy tarantula went up the water spout &
j; Out came the rain and,,, j
get that thing away from me! I'm allergic to spiders!
Hey, our enforcer speaks,
Yeah, Bone-chilling,
With that settled, it's time to plan your big trip,
Trip?
Hey, someone in there?
Yes, we're stuck,
Please help us, Please
okay, just give me a minute,
Finally,
Quite the adventure, huh? Yeah
I'm so glad we finally got to know each other,
Yeah, me too,
Thanks,
Thank you,
Uh
- I guess he fixed it, - Yep,
Uh
I better go take Roger out,
- Yeah, you dog people have to do that, don't you? - Mm-hm_
- Can I come? - Yeah, Yeah, of course,
Ooh! Sorry about that,
Roger! Rog!
I'm home!
That's strange, Where could he be?
- Do you think your mom took him? - No, she's gone all day,
Rog!
Does he do this a lot? Never I
what?
Oh,,, Roger has a GPS on his collar, we can find him,
- Okay, he's not that far, Come on, - I gotta drop off my guitar,
- Stairs, - Stairs,
In case you got any ideas about escaping,
I think you'll enjoy island life,
Island? What island?
Aldabra island, Indian ocean,
Sunshine, Sandy beaches, Crystal blue waters,
Mm sounds kind of nice,
And no humans,
Uh-oh hold on, Hold on,
I don't get it, We've done nothing to you,
Oh, but you have,
While you cats and dogs were keeping the peace with your worldwide fart system,
the rest of us pets sat day after day,
month after month,
and in my case, year after year,
waiting for human owners that never came,
That's what this is about?
That's exactly what this is about,
It says he's in here,
- Hey, what's going on? - Waiting for the all-clear,
Can't let you in, Could be a fire in there,
I need to go inside, My dog is in there,
No can do,
You said it yourself, you've never been a pet, So you don't know what that bond is like,
I don't believe in that anymore,
And maybe you'll stop believing too,
After yearning to be a pet day after day and year after year,
on an island where the only humans are skeletal remains
of long-dead explorers,
Close up the crates,
So we can bid a fond farewell
to the failed cats and dogs of zone 867,
Hey, I said don't go in there, you rebels,
Eh, They'll be fine,
We've got company,
That's Max,
And Zoe,
They tracked my GPS collar, Max must've noticed I was gone,
He still does care about me,
Stop him, girls,
- Rog! - Roger,
Roger!
Humans are gonna save us,
Mm,
(Get rid of the humans,
Oh, I'll do better than that,
I did some late-night research
that revealed frequencies impacting the human brain,
Ow!
Jeez what is that?
Ow!
Mom,
- Stop it, - You're hurting them,
Close up the crates,
Well, my work here is done,
So I'm gonna make like a bulldog and flee,
Flee get it? Flea?
Anyway, you all have a nice trip,
Zeek, bring me my iron-dog suit,
What now?
No one hurts my human,
Oh, my head, Ah,
My head, Just need a minute,
I'm with you, partner,
If my Zoe is in trouble, I'd run through a brick wall for her,
Why couldn't you have locked us in a paper sack?
Didn't want you to get a paper cut,
Nobody hurts my friends' humans,
- Thanks, big guy, - Yeah, I got your back, kid,
This is so annoying,
You really care about them that much?
We would do anything for them,
That's what pets do,
Just like they would do anything for us,
Ow,
Hello,
Yeah, Okay,
Uh, what is this thing I'm feeling?
It's so strange,
It's called affection, It's what people do for the pets they love,
You're a cool bird,
I'm
I'm enjoying it,
Enough of this,
Want me to turn up the frequency
and get that clingy, foolish putz off you?
No, turn it off, Let them go,
I'm a changed bird,
I've seen the light at the end of the cage,
What?
- What? - By the way,
animals talking, our little secret, okay?
I got you, superbird,
Superbird?
I didn't study code every night for two years
to watch you go soft on me,
That was not the plan,
Yeah, well, you didn't make the plan,
I did,
I have a new purpose now,
Everyone should feel the love of a human,
You're not going anywhere,
What are you doing? It's over,
So hand me the phone and get ready for your new family,
I don't want a family,
And I don't wanna be trapped in a tiny space being force-fed crickets,
Okay, what do you want?
I want it all,
Reptiles once ruled the planet unopposed,
We were here millions of years before dogs, before cats, before anyone,
Not before fish,
Fish don't count,
It's time my reptilian brothers and I
once again take our place at the top of the food chain,
The top”? That would mean that,,,
Exactly,
Zeek, I order you to stop,
Bird frequency, anyone?
I gotta do something,
I gotta get to that phone,
No you won't make it,
There's always a moment,
And this is that moment,
Cover me, partner,
Did you just call me partner?
I'm going for that phone,
Now, that's a field agent,
Okay, girls, ready to rumble?
But first, cat nap,
Jk, jk,
Tapping out,
Told you I was a ninja,
Want some more of this, cream puft?
No, not again,
That's what I thought, 160 pounds of pure wuss,,,
It's all mine now,
No parachute!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Your shots better be up-to-date,
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Whoa, okay, okay,,,
How about that? I can fly,
If you know what's good for you, you'll bring me that phone,
What are you doing?
Cats and dogs and humans, back to normal,
No!
All pain frequencies erased,
Just disabled your GPS microchip,
Your owners won't know what happened,
Are you okay?
Yeah, Are you?
Yeah
What was that?
“Wait,
Roger's GPS collar, it's gone, Disappeared,
So he's not inside?
Stupid phone, Probably didn't work in the first place,
Did I tell you not to go in there?
Should we head back to the house? Yeah
just ignore me,
There you are,
- I saw the coolest bird, - Oh, a bird?
Dude, it's an emergency, off your phone,
All right, everyone, sorry about that,
Do with me what you want,
This is not over,
Oh, I think 1t is,
Case closed, lizard,
What? No!
I think it's finally time I retire,
There's always a moment, Right, old buddy?
Wait, Your old partner, your mentor, that was ed?
I always knew he was a field agent,
Just had to make sure he knew,
Tell me something, ed, did you get captured on purpose?
Just wanted a drumstick,
So, what about him?
Like I said, we'll talk to headquarters, see if they can help him find a home,
And him?
If you don't mind, I may have a home for him too,
Speaking of, we gotta get home before Max and Zoe,
How are we gonna do that?
Oh, I got you, I can help you there,
Paws at 10 and 2,
Uh-oh hit the brakes,
Brakes! Brakes, brakes?
I'm here,
- I think I need a full 20 hours of sleep tonight, - I could go for a long cat nap myself,
Roger, what are you doing in here?
Gwen?
That's a good boy, Roger,
- How did he get in here? - I don't know,
Hey,
Dad, uh, this is Max from upstairs,
- Hello, - Sir,
Hey,
So
Anything exciting happen today?
Um, actually, dad, can you sit down? There's something I wanna show you,
Oh, Okay,
I've been working on your song, And this is what I came up with,
J run, run, run j&
j run, run, run j&
yeah
turns out, everyone found exactly what they were looking for,
J didn't follow the plan j
j I should've stopped when I had the chance j
like a well-deserved rest,
Like new-found confidence,
Zone 867, all clear and looking good,
Like refocused priorities,
Just chill,
Come on, Max, You got this,
I it's ime we disconhect I
j run, run, run our minds are losing it &
j run, run, run j&
That was amazing,
That's my boy,
Wow,
State champion!
I just had to do it on my own terms,
All I had to do was chill, chill,,,
And chill, Chill,
Like just letting go,
- I believe that's yours, - Thank you,
Good job,
J I never, never, never want to believe it j;
j I never, never, never thought I could leave this &
j run, run, run j&
I it's ime we disconhect I
j run, run, run j&
j our minds are losing it j
j run, run, run say goodbye to it all
like a renewed career,
J now [ Ain't looking back j
Like home sweet home,
- Or even like a new family, - Looking good, superbird,
Pretty bird,
You're a pretty bird,
Pretty boy, Pretty mom,
Pretty dog,
So unusual,
A dog who eats crickets,
Let me out of this thing!
Not even funny,
So things are back to normal,
Well, sort of,
Oh, we're still agents, we just go about it a little differently,
Yeah, like, we still go outside,
but for reasons other than taking on world-conquering villains,
And as for technology, sure, there's a time and a place for it in our lives,
But we have to make a time and a place for other things too,
J run, run, run j&
j say goodbye to it all &
outside good, Outside good, Outside great,
Any action today?
No, I haven't seen anything,
Pretty boring,
Like I always say, boring is good,
Like you always say?
Hey, my phone,,,
Roger!
Gwen!
Good boy,
Ready?
J I can feel it in my bones j
j I can feel you get weak, girl &
j you can hear it in my toes j
j and you can feel it in the speakers, yeah j
j and I can see the way you flex &
j every drop of water safer j
j and if I tell you what's next j
j I'll blow up out of your antenna j
j and I know and I know and I know and I know we good enough j
j and we go and we go and we go we go, we're movin' up &
- &' we still got the funk j - &' hey, it never left us &
j we still got the funk, come on we still got the funk j
j hey, hey j
j' I could show you the ropes and I could show you the paper &
j' I could take you down roads and take you back home later j
js damn, I like the way you flex and [I really like your flavor &
j if I tell you what's next you better wait till later I
j and I know and I know and I know and I know we good enough j
j and we go and we go and we go we go, we're movin' up &
- &' we still got the funk j - &' hey, it never left us &
j we still got the funk & come on &
- &' we still got the funk j - &' hey, hey j
j we still got the funk &
j we still got the funk the funk &
j we still got the funk &
- &' we still got the funk j - &' hey, it never left us &
j we still got the funk come on j
- &' we still got the funk j - & hey j
- &' we still got the funk j - &' hey, it never left us &
j we still got the funk come on j
- &' we still got the funk j - & hey j
- &' we still got the funk j - &' hey, it never left us &
j we still got the funk come on j
j we still got the funk &
- &' hey, hey & - &' we still got the funk j&