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Ladies, thanks for your energy, See you next time,
See my chest? It's an H cup, Oh, shit,
- I don't think so, - I do,
So you think that,,,
Tarik,
He doesn't like me,
- I'm home, - Hey, honey,
- How was work, hun? - Good, I just put these bad boys to work,
Here, you can thank them,
You're all sweaty, Rico,
I wanted to get to you as fast as I could,
- Don't kiss him, I just gave him a bath, - That's no problem, Come here, sweetie,
You don't mind a little daddy sweat, do you?
Because Daddy works hard for his little warrior,
Honey, I'm taking a shower,
- Did you make dinner? - Yeah, rice and beans,
Yesterday's,
If we win this, we'll go out to dinner, At a fancy restaurant,
Did you buy another lottery ticket? You know I think it's nonsense,
Baby, the jackpot is 100 million,
Do you know when we'll win 100 million? Not in a 100 million years,
Honey, we've got a better use for our money,
Just let me dream,
You smell,
This is the smell of happiness,
It's time to draw the jackpot numbers,
- The first number is 62, - Rico, we've got the first one right,
Wow, call the paper,
- The second number is 20, - We have that one too,
- Really? I'll just order a Ferrari, - 33,
- And the third one too, - The fourth number is 46,
- We've got that one too, - That one too?
- 38, - And the fifth, Oh my god, Rico,
We've got the fifth? Is this the last?
- Which number do we need? - This is the last one, We only need 15,
- 15, come on, Come on, 15, - Come on,
And the last number is,,,
Fifteen,
- I love you, - I love you too, baby,
That will never change, right? Even now we're rich?
Of course not, Even if we've got all the money in the world,
- that will never change, - Really?
- Have I ever lied to you? - No, never,
And we promise to always be honest,
- And that we'll always be ourselves, - Promise,
Promise,
12 YEARS LATER
Good morning, baby,
Good morning,
- Good morning, Rico, - Good morning, Tyrese,
- Did you sleep well? - You know it,
Looking good, Rico, Look at him, Smooth, confident,
You're all that, Are you ready to fuck this day?
- Yes, - Show me how you're going to do it,
Faster, Come on,
RICO, CALL ME BACK NOW
Not now,
Good morning, Christien, Doing great,
Good morning, Mr, De Wit,
Good morning, Al Pacino,
Good morning, hero,
Dad,,,
Good morning,,,
Ken, come on, Just leave that wasabi shit,
Just use some ketchup, Or am I the chef?
- Hey, hun, - On my new Versace,
We'll just buy a new one, again,
Who wants to go shopping?
That one, that one, that one,
Here you go,
No, of course it's not too much,
- Look what I bought, - That's so cool, Another red one,
- Awesome, right? And this one can speak, - You know it, Get in, bitches,
5 STEPS TOWARDS BEING WEALTHY
I'm sorry neighbor, Ferraris always have priority,
Stupid asshole,
Boring cunt,
Jesus, Rico, Leave that poor man alone, Come on, we'll just get out,
Let Daddy have his tough moment,
Will you take the bags?
- Have a nice day, honey, - You too, honey,
Debbie?
I've been shopping,
- Nice driving, bro, - No stress, man,
- Make it shine like your head, - Of course, Sir,
Do you know what you should do?
Spend the weekend in Turkey and return with a full head of hair,
- It's on me, - That's very generous,
But it really isn't necessary,
Just go,
- Great, Menno, Don't forget that spot, - Tim, how's your girlfriend?
- Nicely aimed, Sir, - Thanks, Leroy,
Sir, your finance manager, Robèrt Jansen, He says it's urgent,
Not now, Jay, I'll call him back later,
I have a very important meeting,
Again, nothing, Luck is just never on my side,
Yeah, bro, Just wipe your tears with a 1,000 euro bill, Fucking hell,
- There are no 1,000 euro bills, - You don't say, Thanks, Hasan,
Royal flush, bitches, The loot is mine,
The winner buys a round, right? Done,
Shit, Let me savor my victory before you rob me blind,
No one is getting robbed blind, I'm paying all the drinks,
Nice,
And because you guys are so ugly, I have something for you,
For a little facelift, Here, this is for you,
A little something for you, Oh, and this is for you,
For you it's a bit more, Just have your nose or ear done too,
- Whatever you want, - Thanks, Rico,
- Aren't you going bankrupt, like this? - Bankrupte? Is that French?
No, it's just English, It means you're out of money,
Jesus, Hasan, You're so stupid,
Rico, you're a good guy,
I can't imagine there's anyone who doesn't like you,
- Maurice speaking, - Maurice, geezer, My bro,
Rico, how can I help you?
I was just thinking,
Didn't we just start off at the wrong foot? We're neighbors,
And although my pockets are much deeper than yours, we hardly know each other,
How about we do some grilling?
- What do you say? - I'm sorry, Rico, But,,,
- Unfortunately I can't tonight, - Who says it is tonight?
It's now, I just let some Peruvian mountain goat meat fly in,
They're blessed by a shaman,
I'm working, Rico,
Again? It's the perfect weather to enjoy yourself and take it easy,
You should do that more often, Enjoy yourself,
- Laziness is a sin, You know that, do you? - Just like jealousy, bro,
- Believe me, I'm not jealous of you, - Oh, listen, This is very important,
For me it doesn't need to be Dom Perignon, Normal champagne is fine too,
Just something you would drink,
You know, I've just always stayed the Samantha that I was,
- Have you decided on a color? - I'm not sure yet,
Should I do Orange Delight or Ocean Breeze?
- What would you do? - They both look great,
You can always be honest with Mrs, De Wit, Daisy,
I want you to be honest,
Okay, I'd do Ocean Breeze, Orange makes you a bit Donald Trumpy,
Okay, let's do Ocean Breeze,
And a bit less lip filler will make your lips look nicer,
And if you keep your eyebrows lighter, your eyes will shine more,
That's enough honesty,
- I'm sorry, - No worries,
I want you to be honest,
I don't want to be treated differently because I have money,
I used to be poor too,
But you know, we were just as happy back then,
And on the inside I'm still the same,
Sammie, girlfriend, I did change a bit up here,
Hi, Lilian,
I can see that,
Aren't they a bit,,,
- Unbalanced? - Is it noticeable?
- Is it really that bad? - If I'm brutally honest,,,
They look like a snowman on its side,
Now you have a little clementine and a large orange,
That surgeon is an idiot, He promised me Kardashian tits,
You've got one,
Just be happy you have one orange, Sue him, honey,
This is going to cost him a fortune,
- Speaking of fortune, how is Rico? - He just texted me,
"I'm going to pump up these bad boys," Whatever that means,
Yo, Jeff, Tarik, Are you busy pumping too?
24/7, man, You're on a roll, I see,
On a roll? This?
Bro, this guy is eating a burger in the gym, That's 300 calories, man,
- I can literally see you getting fatter, - This is called fuel,
A Lamborghini won't drive if you don't put gas in it,
Why are you wearing camouflage?
Oh, so that no one sees you when you finger yourself in the woods,
- Do you think that's funny? - No,
This is style, bro, Ever since you're rich, you've changed,
He goes to Dubai City and he's close to OB City,
At least I go places, GI Joey Fatone,
Just take another bite, Pablo Ice-cream Bar,
What's with the gloves?
You want your hands to be soft when you jerk off your boyfriend?
He got funny, Since when do you have a moustache?
It's like a Kurdish carpet, Did he come from the bazar?
- Good one, - I'm going to teach, You can't anymore,
- Don't forget to chew, - I'll give you something to chew on,
No, man,
No?
- It was good to see you again, - You too, bro,
We should work out together some time,
- Yeah? - If you can keep up,
- So you still got it? - Of course I got it,
- Can I have the bill? - Of course,
I put that vase on it too,
Here you go,
I'm sorry, your card got declined,
- Declined? - Declined,
- That can't be, - You can see that cross too, don't you?
Heavy,
Here, try this one,
I'm sorry, It got declined too,
I'll pay,
Jeff, that's nice of you, but I've got other cards,
Here, pick your choose, Mastercard, Visa, Gold?
Platinum, AmEx Black Card? Oh, and don't forget your tip,
- No, - What the fuck?
Robèrt?
- What the fuck? - Rico,
- Have a seat, - Declined, All of them,
- What's happening, Robbie? - I think that's clear,
What do you mean?
- Oh, you've been hacked by the Russians, - No,
- Belgians? - No,
A fat Korean 16-year-old? Elon Musk? Was it Elon Musk?
You're in the red, Rico,
- Red? - You're out of money,
- You spent too much, - Okay, wait,
I bought some expensive stuff, Very expensive,
But not a lot, It's wasn't that much, Right, Robbie?
- It was an excessive amount, - Let me tell you this,
No one, literally no one, can spend 100 million in just a few years' time,
Apparently you can,
Take a look, Rico,
You go on holiday eight times a year and you spend a quarter million each holiday,
I think that's a lot,
- We just love culture, - You even went to space,
The best sunrise ever, It's priceless,
Then you had an island made in the shape of your name, Rico,
Look me in the eye and say that isn't cool,
Very cool, but why did you want an entire coffee bar in your basement?
I need a good cappuccino to maintain my mood,
You had your son Gino escorted to school by ninjas, for an entire year,
- Kids bullied him, I had no choice, - A dad wants one million euros
because his son came home with a shuriken in his leg,
- He deserved one in between the eyes, - Do I need to go on?
No, it's clear,
Unfortunately the bank can't help you,
But what are we going to do? I mean, I can't go back to being poor,
Well, maybe there's one way to dodge the bullet,
- I have a financial guidance counsellor, - A financial what?
He'll make sure your finances get back on track,
He can be here any,,,
- Hey, Maurice, geezer, How are things? - Robèrt, good to see you,
- Maurice, this is your new client, - Geezer?
You?
This is a bad idea, This is a very bad idea,
- Why? - Robbie?
Are these for decoration or can I have one?
Go ahead, Rico,
That Rico is insane, I should know, I'm his neighbor,
That's exactly what I need, Someone that is close to him,
Close? I'm sorry, but I don't want to have anything to do with this monkey,
- I wish he left the neighborhood, - Come on, Maurice,
He's a bit impulsive, but he means well,
Robbie?
It's me, Hello,
Funny, Rico,
- I'm sorry, - Maurice, you need to help me,
No, Forget it,
I'm not helping this fat, stupid, walking dildo,
- I won't do it, I don't want to, - You don't want to?
Or are you not able to?
In chapter 5 of your own book you say you can help anyone financially,
Anyone, Those are your words,
Hey, my Ferrari is getting towed, - Let me go, idiot, I'll rough you up,
Assholes, No,
Neighbor, could you give me a lift?
Firstly, I'll need five years worth of administration,
I don't have it,
You do need to cooperate, otherwise we won't get anywhere,
You have to cooperate,
A good administration is an important first step on your way to wealth,
Then there's planning, balance, security and investment,
It's all in this book, Just read it yourself,
Asshole,
Jesus,
I nearly had a heart attack, What the fuck is that?
- I didn't know you had kids, - I don't, I just put it there,
- Are you like that? - Like what?
They have better dolls for that,
You know, one with a hole,
Come on, Rico, It prevents car theft,
Statistics show there's a 60 percent less chance your car gets stolen
- when there's a kid in the backseat, - A kid?
Chuckie, you mean,
Now I see,
You do look alike, The same lifeless, scummy eyes,
And a sad, pathetic face,
- What's their name? - They don't have a name,
Boring, Which makes them more like you,
Statistics show that naming things creates an empathetic bond,
Statistics, statistics,
Statistics don't lie, Statistics tell the truth,
The first thing you'll do now, is tell your family the truth,
What?
Tell them you've been totally irresponsible,
That you let them down, That you're an idiot who spends too much,
- That you're a dumb, lazy, egotistical,,, - I get it,
,,,childish dumb prick,
- You already said "dumb", - Yes,
Will you manage that? Or aren't you man enough?
Not man enough?
I'll show you what's man enough, Here, here,
- Rico, stop, No, before,,, - Here,
Before you get your wiener out,
it's good to know that statistically, 74 percent of the men
in your situation
aren't able to realize that they've failed,
Do you belong to that 74 percent?
What were those five steps again?
You have organization, planning, some other boring thing,
frenching calculators,,, What was that last one again?
I forgot, Help me,
Help me, Help me, Maurice, what was that last one?
Say hello to your wife, Rico,
Say hello to your own wife, Maurice,
Not man enough,,, You're not man enough,
Number fucker, I'll give you statistics in your eye,
Okay, you can do this,
Surprise,
Look, hun,
- What's this? - We're having a party,
- A party? Why? - It's our 20th anniversary, You know that,
I wouldn't forget,
Shouldn't we have celebrated it in private? Smaller?
Stop it, Rico, Since when do you keep things small?
- What's the price tag of all this? - Why do we care? I still love you, dummy,
It's priceless,
You know what? Champagne and caviar for everyone,
Lilian,
- Did you fall? - No, my idiot surgeon messed up the size,
Who was your surgeon? Picasso?
Who?
- Caviar? - Oh, lovely, Is it beluga?
Of course, The best of the best,
- Expensive? - Yes, it's terribly expensive,
The price of a small, cozy terraced house in a smalltown,
The price of the budget of an okay Dutch comedy film,
The boys sometimes say: Un-beluga-lly expensive,
And this champagne?
- Is it expensive as well? - That is so expensive,
Like drinking Kim Kardashian's sweat expensive,
You should be ashamed,
You always have such good taste,
You can actually taste how expensive it is,
Very expensive,
- The neighbors are having a party again, - They won't have parties any time soon,
- Why? - Oh, nothing,
What do you think?
Shall we have a party amongst ourselves?
FERTILE WINDOW
I've got lots of work to do,
- What are you doing? - I'm not crazy,
Crazy?
- You don't want to, - Of course I want to, But I don't want,,,
- What? - That you'll get pregnant,
- Who's talking about getting pregnant? - You, It's all you ever think about,
Come on, Come on, baby, I want it to be like before,
What's this? Oh, a condom,
The chance of getting pregnant is ,02 percent, That's almost nothing,
Hey, Debbie, How is this possible?
Well, that's weird,
That brand sucks,
74 percent of all couples separate after having a baby,
- Nonsense, - Take that back,
My statistics are always right, You know that,
You know what, Maurice? I also have some statistics for you, 37,
- 37? 37 what? - My age is 37, and my clock is ticking,
My eggs are dying by the day,
Before you know it, it's too late,
Good evening, everyone,
We came here this evening
to celebrate that Rico and I have been together for 20 years,
I don't want to exaggerate, but I mean it when I say
that I've been the happiest woman in the world, since I'm with him,
Honey, you're my winning lottery ticket,
You're the best husband, father and friend anyone could wish for,
Words cannot describe how much I love you,
So I'll keep it simple,
Let's do another 20 together,
Fuck,
Rico, it's one in the morning,
I need your help, Here,
This is all I have,
And?
How did Samantha take it?
She didn't, And you know why?
Because I haven't told her,
Asshole,
My wife just declared her eternal love to me, in front of a lot of people,
That's not the moment to say: "Thank you for loving me,
but we're broke and our lives are ruined,"
That's why you have to tell her,
I'm going to, Maurice, But I'm waiting for the right moment,
I have a knack for pinpointing the right time,
Then maybe you can feel that now is the right time to get the hell out?
Yes,
I'm going to tell her,
Now,
Poor? How do you mean poor?
The money is gone,
100 million? Gone?
You have to do something, You're making it right,
- But how? - Don't you have life insurance?
Honey, don't do anything crazy,
Crazy?
Do you know what's crazy? That I trusted you for all those years,
Baby, please, "I luv you," Remember?
I'm sorry, hun,
That's not enough,
- Honey, what is it? - You wanted to kill me,
Why? Why would I want that?
No, of course you wouldn't want that,
It was a nightmare, Forget it,
Jesus, you scared me to death,
I'm sorry, Just go to sleep, baby,
Just go to sleep,
Just have a good rest, We need to get up early for the auction,
Auction?
Congratulations, Sir,
For you, the tears of Queen Máxima that she cried when she married,
3,5 milligrams for 25,000 euros, I think it's a bargain,
Onto the next, Another unique item,
Justin Bieber's underwear, I was told that a pubic hair was found in the crotch area,
On the outside you can clearly see, how shall I describe it, protein rich stains,
- Honey, I have to tell you something, - An item is being auctioned,
But it's about the auction,
Let's go home, I'm not in the mood for this,
- No, I'm bidding, - On Justin Bieber's underwear?
That bitch is challenging me,
- Bitch, - No one is challenging you,
It's up for auction, I'm looking for an opening bid,
The first bid? Who will start?
- 10,000, - No,
10,000, 10,000 euros over there,
15,000, 15,000 euros,
I'm getting hot, Do I hear 20?
20,000,
Yes, go ahead,
- 25,000, - Anyone higher than 25,000 euros?
- 30,000, Bitch, - This is going to turn into a cat fight,
- 35,000, bitch, - Yes, that's what I thought,
35, yes,
No, stop,
40,000 euros from that corpulent man over there,
We'll take a break to use the bathroom, drink some coffee,
- Then we'll move on to Chinese porcelain, - I didn't know you were a Belieber,
- I'm wearing those underpants, - Honey, I don't think they'll fit,
Did you see how that bitch looked at me?
She thought I was a poor slob, I didn't think so, Bitch,
About the money,,, Honey, I have to tell you something,
What?
Honey, are you okay? Your eyes are a bit off,
I don't feel so well, Maybe it's because of the adrenaline,
Okay, Let me finish, After that there's enough time for feeling not well,
This might be a heavy blow, but I know that you're the strongest woman I know,
I'm just going to say it, Let's get it over with,
Honey, we're bankrupt, The money is gone,
Sammie,
Help, Hello,
Mr, De Wit? You can go see your wife,
- Sam, I nearly had a heart attack, - Don't worry, Everything will be fine,
- What's wrong then? - Nothing serious,
But she does have a nice surprise for you,
- Surprise? What surprise? - What, Mom? What?
Gino,,,
- You're getting a brother or a sister, - A brother or a sister? Do you mean,,,
I'm pregnant,
- Really, Mom? - Yes, honey,
That's wonderful,
- Oh, honey, Aren't you feeling well? - No, I'm just so happy,
I'm so fucking happy,
A second child, now,
I'll have another one just like you,
Oh, honey, Are you crying?
I'm just so happy,
I'm going to get some air,
A second child,,,
Why now?
Mr, De Wit? Could I speak with you?
- Another surprise? - Don't worry, Your wife is doing fine,
- For now, at least, - For now? Is she dying?
Mr, De Wit, everyone dies eventually,
But is she dying now?
No,
I'm sorry, but what are we doing?
Your wife has had extensive plastic surgery,
A bit too much, if you ask me, She's like a living Tupperware container,
I'm afraid all these procedures, combined with her age,
caused her to be extra fragile this pregnancy,
It's of the utmost importance that all stress is avoided,
Stress? What stress? You're stressed, Do I look stressed?
Honestly, yes, Or you just snorted some,
Did you snort cocaine?
No,
Would you want to?
What? No,
Pussy,
Just make sure your wife has a relaxed pregnancy,
So no fights, no traumas, no money problems,
That kind of minor stuff, Congratulations,
The big bad wolf has diarrhea, The big bad wolf has diarrhea, diarrhea, Are we ready?
From the AFAS Clubhouse I welcome you to Nouveau Riche with Maurice,
Many times people ask me:
Maurice, what's most important for a healthy relationship with a client?
My answer would be: trust and respect,
Maurice,
We don't trust and respect each other, But I need your help,
I need oxygen,
Oxygen,
Dear viewers, obviously this isn't one of my clients,
He's lying,
I am,
And cut,
Come on, Rico, Calm down, It can't be that bad,
Maurice, it's even worse,
Samantha is a walking money leak,
It flows out of her pockets everywhere she goes, I'm in big trouble,
I can see that,
Because you're fat,
Come on, no jokes,
And now Samantha is pregnant,
Oh shit,
And I can't upset her because of all that plastic in her body,
She can't have stress right now,
We're going to do things differently, This might sound a bit weird,
but maybe it's wise to not tell your wife yet,
Who are you and what have you done with Maurice?
We don't want to put her in danger,
I'll ask the bank not to cancel her card, Only her card,
You're going to make sure you spend as little as possible,
And you'll make a list of things to sell,
- Sell? - Your cars,
Motorbikes, Boats, Jet skis,
And tell your son,
- Gino? - Can he handle it?
Of course, He's very mature,
I don't want your mom to hear,
I knew it, I just knew it,
This had to happen,
I don't like it either, but it's not the end of the world,
But it does end this world,
But how will I live without a private go-kart track?
How?
Gino, man up, Don't tell your mom, She can't handle it because of the baby,
- She'll find out anyway, - Not if we don't tell her,
But then I'll have to lie,
Sometimes lying is the best option,
Yeah, but,,,
I've never lied to mom,
For everything there's a first,
You don't think I'm an asshole, right?
No,
Are you lying to me?
Yes,
See? It wasn't that hard,
This guy,,,
It's best to not talk to the neighbors, They got themselves into a nasty mess,
A mess?
They're completely broke, Only Rico can't tell Samantha yet,
Why not?
She can't have stress because she's pregnant again,
Are you alright?
No, of course I'm not, She's younger than me, but not that young,
Do you know what that means to me? To us?
Debbie, you're overreacting, Why to us?
Getting pregnant is something you do together,
If I could do it alone, I'd be a mother already,
- You're not being rational, - That's important to you, isn't it?
If it isn't rational, you think it's bullshit,
Reality check, Not everything is about facts and numbers,
So now you're jealous of the neighbors?
Yeah, I'm jealous of the neighbors,
They have everything I can only dream about and fantasize about,
I want what they have, With you,
Fun,
Fun, Maurice, Why don't we have fun?
Don't we have fun? A month ago we were in Germany for that accountancy convention,
We enjoyed ourselves to the max,
Yes, to the max,
I want excitement, I want to live, Laugh,
- Laugh? - Yes,
Don't I make you laugh?
Come on,
Did you forget about this?
Debbie?
Rico, you have to hit it here, Pace yourself and bam,
- He's going to miss, Watch, - He's not,
He hasn't hit a single ball,
- Time for another round, - Another round,
Not today, guys,
You're not buying us a round?
I've been a bit short on cash, lately, It's nothing personal,
Yeah,,,
You're not telling us you're finally broke, are you?
Broke,,, I'd rather call it financially challenged,
But seriously?
If you want to buy me a drink, I won't say no,
- Sorry? Yeah, I'm coming, - No, sure, man,
Don't worry, I'll get you a beer, Now you have to make your hands dirty,
Tony, not everyone is good at stealing bikes,
That's true,
How many times have you been inside? Fifteen times?
Seventeen, I hold the family record,
- Congratulations, - Thanks,
You know, taking other people's stuff is just my passion, you know,
Great,
But as a friend,,, You have to get off of that lazy butt,
So stealing isn't your passion,
But when was the last time you worked, Truly worked,
Come on,
Well?
What do you think, boys?
You? Teach here? Come on,
I used to be the best personal trainer, Wasn't I?
Then you were fit and athletic, Now you're fat and diabetic,
Bro,
At least I don't look like a banana with Down syndrome,
Boys, come on,
It's all love, you know, Just let me talk with Tarik,
Bro, are you sane? This fatty can't teach here,
- Tarik, just quit that childish bullshit, - Childish? He can't breathe,
So? Don't you see he needs our help?
He doesn't need our help, He needs diet gurus, fitness gurus,
Jesus, God, Mother Teresa,,, I don't know,
Ladies, you're in luck today,
I'm your new trainer, Rico,
Alright,
So you want to get fit,
Getting fit doesn't only have to do with your body, It's a state of mind,
- What the fuck are you talking about? - You wonder why I know so much,
I'm not going to talk, I'll just show you,
Come on and dance it out, ladies,
Don't only use your legs, but move from your womb,
Own it, bitches,
And now, twerk it,
Twerk it, Twerk, Twerk,
Twerk like you got three baby's without a daddy, and this brings food to the table,
Don't feel embarrassed,
We're running away from the tax authority, We're running, Don't take my money,
No,,,
No, tax authority,
This exclusive set contains a few 18K gold watches
and several 14K gold necklaces,
Hello? It's me again,
I'd like two of those exclusive sets,
The one that's on TV now,
Just give me everything,
Jesus, Rico, Are you crazy?
All that TV is bad for your eyes and the baby's eyes,
- I buy all my diamonds there, - They're fake, They're all fake,
They're real, I should know, because I have an entire safe of them,
Jesus, man,
Oh yeah, that's true,
- Bro, show me what you can do, - Okay, watch this,
- Empty, - Nice, Come on,
Look, Pick a card,
Yes, this one,
- Sure? - Yes,
Three, two, one, Bam, Look,
- Wow, this man is a magician, - I told you,
- Dude, that's not my card, - Liar,
- Tony, can I talk to you? - One sec, That's weird, man,
- I hate him, man, - Me too,
About those passion of yours,,, Taking other people's stuff,
- Do you have time tomorrow evening? - It depends, What have you got?
Oh, nothing, Just a little,,,
Robbery,
I'm sorry, I didn't get that last part,
- Robbery, - Rotary?
- Robbery, - Covid?
What? R-O-B-B-E-R-Y,
- Robbery, robbery, - Calm down,
How stupid can you be,
Listen, my safe is full of valuable stuff,
Steal it, sell it and you can keep 10 percent,
Fifteen,
- Ten, - Sure, but I'd like a shirt like that,
Because I have a date this weekend, with a chick,
Okay, fine,
This is the code, I'll make sure no one is home tomorrow evening,
Is this a triangle?
What? No, it,,,
It's clearly a seven,
Okay, Rico,,,
Everything will be fine, Just trust me,
What the fuck?
I told you it was a great movie,
All those overpaid influencers dying, This is sick,
- Wow, - Are we having a drink?
I was thinking about a bit of exercise,
You go on upstairs, And put some towels down, You know why,
- Rico? - Tony, how did it go?
- I'm not done yet, - What?
- Your handwriting is unintelligible, - No, you have to get out of there, now,
Out of there? Why?
Get off of me,
Careful, you're pregnant,
Do something, You're the man of the house,
Go downstairs and call the police, I'll finish this,
Finish?
Destroy him,
- That woman hits like a sledgehammer, - What?
- Are you okay? - Let me be honest with you,
I think it's fucking sexy,
- What? - What she did,
Shut up,
Just play along, please,
Here, you stupid thief,
You stupid thief who is making my life unnecessarily hard,
You take over,
Pain,
Here,
- Okay, done, Get out of here, - What? How?
- Climb down the window, Jump, - No,
- Try not to fall on your neck, - Listen,
Hey, Rico, You'd give me one of those good shirts,
Jackpot,
Honey, I called the police,
- Where did he go? - He ran,
Ran?
- How? - I hit him out of the window,
- The safe,,, It's completely empty, - Oh, The safe is empty,
All my jewels are gone,
When I get my hands on him, I'll kill him,
- Nothing to be done about it, - Nothing to be done?
All my babies are gone and you just say: "Nothing to be done,"
Honey, all these material things have gone to our heads,
I think we should just sell it all,
- That we should be more minimalistic, - Minimalistic?
Says the man who just spent half a mill on Maradona's left shoelace,
Dirty shoelace,
Take that back,
Maradona was a god, It's priceless,
I want to set a better example to our kids,
- Teach them they don't need all this, - Okay, Dalai Lama, Show me,
That's a fucking nice car,
A nice golden car,
Thanks, man, Here you go,
Yeah, man,
- Thanks, Rico, - Wow, nice ride,
I'll go straight through the Drive Thru, You like that too, don't you? Time to eat,
Here you go, Awesome,
Good luck, Rico,
Do you hear that?
That's the sound of your fréquence,
That's your frequency,
Full,
- Yeah, was it very full? - Too full,
And that lampshade, and that golden phone,,, I'd like to have that too,
- Thanks, - And this,
We're opening up your chakras,
I feel them opening,
Yes,,, Actually, I decide that,
- I'm sorry, - It's just a bit annoying,
- What are you doing? - Throwing up, but that's healthy,
Let's throw up together,
Out with that angry energy,
You will be empowered,
What does that mean?
I want that, that, and that,
- And that, - Yeah, that,
Goodbye, Al Pacino, Will you take good care of him?
- Can he have ketamine? - What? No,
We'll see about that, Coming, baby?
- Alpi,,, - Let's go to Ibiza,
Have you been? We're going to party,
You're cleansed,
Namaste,
Thanks, Fred, Namaste,
I feel so much lighter,
Don't be so gloomy,
You do what you have to do,
But it hurts so much,
- Here, - Hopefully you won't get a heart attack,
but I just spoke to the bank, You have to move out,
Move out? But Sam is having a baby,
Yeah, but the house is the bank's now, They want to put it up for auction,
I'm sorry, Rico,
Debbie,
- Samantha, - What are you doing here? How nice,
Stupid question, I know, You've got a bun in the oven too,
I'm happy for you and Maurice,
- Congratulations, - That's not it,
I'm here for a friend,
Shopping for baby clothes,
Me too, But I could use your help,
- Which one? - Dresses?
- Are you having a girl? - Yes, I'm so excited,
- Which shall I buy? Both? - Yes,
I thought so too,
Be careful, It's vulnerable,
Here, Dad, My PlayStations, Xboxes, VR glasses and all of my games,
You don't have to do that, Dad will fix this,
No, it's okay, I want to help,
Dad? When are we telling Mom?
We'd better not,
She can't handle the stress with the baby,
She'll be okay,
At first I was mad, but I realize I don't need all this stuff,
What do you want for this old vase?
Old vase?
It's original antique Ming dynasty Chinese porcelain,
It's in perfect condition,
How about 10 euros?
I'll take it,
Aren't you that soccer player?
No,
How is Rico taking it?
In the beginning, he took it hard, But now he's really sweet to me,
So you didn't agree on it together?
No, If it were up to Rico we wouldn't even have had Gino,
But I have some tricks up my sleeve,
- How about you? Do you have plans? - I'd love to be a mother, But Maurice,,,
What?
Busy, Not in the mood,
That's bullshit,
Don't wait until he's in the mood, His dick belongs to you too,
Listen to my advice,
When you're in the mood, just attack it like a cat attacks a mouse,
Meow?
Eat it with skin and hair,
Is anyone there? Debbie? Is that you?
Debbie, did you let that nasty neighbor cat in again?
FERTILE WINDOW
Those fucking statistics again? This is my dick too,
I know, but if we can do it in about three days,,,
Then you won't need this in about three days,
If I'm infertile now, I have the last laugh,
Rico, good you're here,
- Why aren't we doing this at your place? - Debbie isn't feeling well,
- What's with you? - I sprained something,
Did someone stand on your dick?
Rico, I'm sorry I have to tell you this, but financially things are still bad,
It's getting worse, even,
- Is this bad? - Very bad,
That's what those numbers in red indicate, and those red bars,
- I thought you'd sell your belongings, - That's what I did,
I'm losing everything,
Samantha is still spending too much, You have to tell her,
Rico,,, She'll understand,
You're enjoying this,
- I'm sorry, I don't follow, - You enjoy me being broke,
And that Samantha is going to leave me because we're losing everything,
- That's why I'm never going to tell her, - Rico, you don't understand,
I understand perfectly, It's clear, Very,
- Want? - No, I'm okay, Thanks,
Do you want to buy a watch?
It's a real one,
But no, I'm cool, I already have four,
What's wrong? Do you have debts with the mob?
Worse, With the bank,
Bro, you're fucked,
They're the biggest mob in the world, They even killed Tupac,
Yeah,,, Honestly, I fucked up myself,
I had all the money in the world, and now it's gone,
What's up with you people?
You're too focused on the material stuff,
Money, expensive clothes,,, That shit doesn't even make you happy,
The only thing that counts, is your family,
And the love between you and your wifey,
Your bitch, you know?
- Hey, baby, How are you doing? - Hey, loser, Are you smoking weed again?
You get your little dick home or you're sleeping in the yard tonight,
Are you calling me while I'm talking to this depressed fatty?
Are you asking me what I want for dinner? Just make five things, I'll choose later,
Wifey was acting tough,
Where was I?
You were talking about the love between you and your wife,
Yeah, bro,,,
There's nothing more important than these three things,
Love, respect and trust,
Yes, and I failed that deeply too,
I've been lying to my wife for months,
Bitch,
- She doesn't even know we're broke, - What's wrong with you?
Are you psycho in the brain?
You can fuck things up, make mistakes, You're a man, I am too,
But lying to your wife,,,
They'll never forgive you,
- You have to tell her, - You're right,
I had that advice before, but his intentions were bad,
With you I really have the feeling, you're a standup honest guy,
Honesty is the most important thing there is,
Fuck, My watch,
You dirty,,,
- Oh, hey, Maurice, - Hi, Samantha,
- Is Rico home? - No, he's not,
Can I help you?
What?
Gino?
- Where are you going? - Ask Mom,
- Why couldn't you tell her? - That's what I came to do now,
I came to tell her now, Gino,
- Sam, what is it? Where are you going? - What do you think?
Sam, please,
- You can't leave me like that, - How could you lie like that?
- To me? - But I did it for you,
I did it for the baby, The doctor said: "No stress and no trauma,"
Did you really think this would cause me trauma?
Doesn't it?
Unbelievable,
Of course I enjoy all this luxury,
But we were happy when we were broke, weren't we?
We never really needed this,
But you forgot about that, You even forgot who I really am,
Otherwise you wouldn't have lied to me,
Even worse, Then you wouldn't have forced Gino to lie to me,
Honey, I know, But,,, I'm really very sorry,
We promised each other we'd always be honest,
Remember?
Yes,
The Rico I know, would never do this to me,
The trust is gone,
You can't buy this back, Rico,
Never,
Sam,,,
Gino,,,
There's a crisis at the neighbor's,
I wanted to help them, This is what happens when your life is unorganized,
What are you doing?
I'm leaving, Maurice,
Leaving?
Debbie, why don't we,,,
Talk? I talked enough,
You just don't listen,
The only thing that interests you, is your own logic, Your words,
Because of your words, I threw my life away,
I'm not waiting till I'm dead in my grave,
Bye, Maurice,
Fuck,
Debbie?
Unbelievable,
Her hormones,
Deb, just listen to me,
I'm sorry, Rico,
No, it's okay,
It's my own fault, I should have told her,
Then I wouldn't have had to do it,
What?
- You? - Rico,,,
My intentions were good,
I did it for you guys, You would never have told her,
Die,
No, you die,
Okay, stop it,
Stop it now,
- I could use a drink, - Yeah, me too,
But you're paying,
I miss Sammie,
- I miss Debbie too, So bad, - Yeah, but you guys will be okay,
- At least you have your money, - No, Rico, It's over,
The chance of you and Samantha getting back together is 100,000 times bigger,
Maybe you're right, Look, I lied, But you,,,
You're such an emotionally blunted,,, What's the word?
Prick, An autistic robot,
- A calculator with a small dick, - At least you're not an honest guy,
- Do you know what your problem is? - Well?
- Your head, - What's wrong with my head?
You think too much, You need to start feeling,
Here,
- Do you ever talk about your feelings? - With Debbie?
When is the last time you told her you love her?
After our first time, But I was really very drunk then,
That's what I mean,
You need to tell her every day, Women need to hear that,
- Every day? - Every day, I luv you, Say it,
- Try it on me, - On you?
- Yeah, come on, You can do it, - Rico,,,
Come on, I luv you,
Well,,,
I luv you,
Come on, I luv you,
- I,,, lu,,, - Luv,
I luv,,,
- I luv you, - Almost there, Come on, I,,,
Come on,
- It's coming out, - Leave it, Rico, I can't,
Say it now, Otherwise you will die alone, in the dark,
Okay, I luv you, I luv you,
I luv you too,
Rico, - Yeah?
If you kiss me one more time, I'll burn you alive,
- Clear, - Good,
After all these emotions, we need to get shit-faced,
Frank?
Maurice's credit card, Alcohol galore, please,
Alcohol galore? I hope that ends well,
- Rico? Are you alive? - No, You?
All that booze, Such a bad idea,
I have a good idea,
- I'll just call Samantha, - What?
- Now? - What's the worst that can happen?
That she doesn't pick up?
Shall I call Debbie?
Maurice, this is my moment,
- Hello? Samantha? - You've reached Samantha,
- Honey, I love you, - I'm not in right now,
- I've been so stupid, - Leave a message,
Hello?
- Voicemail? - Shit, I'm going to call Gino,
Gino? Honey, where are you?
At Grandma's?
I hate her so much,
Honey, I'm coming, Don't worry,
I know Daddy isn't welcome there, Grandma said that many times,
But even though Grandma is Satan in the flesh, I'm still coming,
What are you doing?
That bitch lives on the other side of the country, Lend me your car,
Debbie took it, But I do have a bicycle,
- Move, fat-ass, - The Drive Thru is in the other direction,
- Fat clown, fuck you, - Die,
Samantha?
Come back to me,
- Don't stay at this nightmare, - Hey, fatty,
Pull your seat off of your bike, sit on the pipe and ride into a ravine,
She doesn't want to have anything to do with you,
Sammie?
You're the most important thing in my life,
Please, I'm a loser,
A stupid fat monkey, And a big fat liar,
Cunt,
Mom?
My room smells like a dead dog,
- Can't we just go home? - Honey,,,
This is our home now,
I miss Dad,
I get that,
But Gino, your dad has a lot to make up to me,
- He all meant it well, - He's not a bad person,
- But he was very stupid, - I'm sorry,
Rico?
Rico,
Awesome,
Rico?
What are you doing?
- Maybe you broke all of your bones, - Sammie, Gino,,,
I fucked up,
I know you're angry with me, I should have been honest,
- I was just scared,,, - Dad?
,,,that you'd get mad and that something would happen to the baby,
- From now on, I'll be honest, Always, - Rico?
Sammie, let me finish, I don't want us to break up,
Especially not now we're having another baby,
Money hasn't changed us, And it never will,
One thing always remained the same, And that's our love for each other,
- Dude, - My water broke,
Why didn't you say so?
Deb, I almost didn't recognize you,
- You look great, - Lilian, Thanks,
Wow, they're even,
That prick corrected them, free of charge, Otherwise I would have sued him,
- Plus I got a lip correction as well, - Oh, you don't say,
Not those lips, The money lips, baby,
Debbie? Isn't that your Maurice?
In asset management it's often about the numbers,
- I don't want anything to do with him, - I always talk about the road to wealth,
But there's nothing worth more than love,
It might sound cliche, but we don't show it,
He must have stolen this speech from a Valentine's Day card,
I don't show it either, And it cost me the only thing that's important in my life,
And that's my wife, Debbie,
She's the best that ever happened to me, but I took her for granted,
I ignored her desires and the things she valued,
I'm sorry I didn't tell her every day what she means to me,
Wow, Deb, You never told me Maurice was such a romantic,
My life revolved around the five steps to getting rich,
I wrote a book about it, And now I'm writing a new book,
Because my life revolves around something else now,
Around you, And around the five steps to win you back,
First there's love, respect, affection, trust,
And lasty, you have to listen,
Really listen,
I did some research and watched many romantic movies,
The biggest chance for your forgiveness
is when I show up all of a sudden with flowers,
Maurice?
Debbie,
- How did you know where I was? - Statistics show
that 82 percent of the women change their appearance after a breakup,
And the Find My app,
- Maurice, we want different things, - No, Debbie,,,
I love you,
I'm sorry, I didn't get that, What did you say?
- Could you repeat that? - Debbie,,,
I love you,
So much, And I don't want to lose you, I think we should try,
- What is this? - Steps,
Financially the most efficient way to have a child and raise it,
I looked it all up, For us,
You and your sheets,
Look at her smiling,
Yeah, Chloe, Is this your big brother Gino?
- My sweet little girl, Is she awake? - Yes,
- Wasn't one balloon enough? - We have something to celebrate,
These were free anyway,
Free?
I borrowed them from a patient, He doesn't mind,
He's in a coma,
- Dad,,, - You have a sister to take care of,
Are you ready?
I am, I'll start my paper round on Saturday,
Really? I'm proud of you,
- We all need to chip in, - Especially Dad,
He's got so much to make up, But first he's going on a diet,
You like that, don't you? Daddy having to pay,
You like that,
But where are we going to live?
The four of us?
With Grandma,
It's not for long,
Come on, guys,
I feel you, Chloe,
Honey,,, I know it's not ideal, but we have to for now,
I'd live in the sewers, as long as I'm with you,
Gino? Sammie? Dinner,
- I'm coming, - Not Rico,
The sewers don't sound that bad,
Just be happy you're here,
About being happy,,,
No, Rico, No,
You never know, Maybe our luck hasn't run out yet,
Why not? But first dinner,
And that fatty has to go on a diet,
Or maybe they'll feed him at the zoo,
- Congratulations, You're having triplets, - Wow, That's wonderful,
Great,
Three,,,
I'll,,, Three,,,
Look,
- That was it, - That much?
That much,
Namaste, I'm sorry,
Namaste,
I called the police, I called the police,
He's gone, I mean, where is he?
Maradona was a god,
I'm sorry,
- 35,000, bitch, - 35,000, bitch,
What will it be?
I'm having a,,,
That poor kid,
Who wants,,,
What are you doing?
Look at this fat caterpillar,
The only burpees you do are after dinner,
Here, for you,
- How are you going to fuck it? - Like this,
Are you okay?