You never know people,
The people closest to you will surprise you the most,
I thought it'd be impossible to explain the concept
of a "situationship" to my dad,
I told him that basically,
you hook up with each other, eat together,
Netflix and chill and that's it,
You don't share your emotions or real feelings,
And my dad was like,
"Son, I have done all that with your mother,"
"It's called arranged marriage,"
I was like, okay!
You never know people,
I have a childhood friend,
We were at boarding school together, We shared dreams,
And today, guys, he's sitting in the audience with you,
And since I've been on the stage,
he's been on his phone,
Bro, you had one fucking job!
Sit here and laugh loudly,
so that I'd win this open mic,
Go, Imaad!
By the way, Neil is neither in a relationship or situationship,
And I wonder why,
I mean, he's a gym trainer,
5'5" tall, He lives with his parents,
What could be wrong?
There's my other childhood friend,
Ahana, She's also my flatmate,
We aren't in a situation-ship, We're in a space-ship,
We give each other a lot of space,
She stays in her room, I in mine,
I have my girlfriends and she has Rohan,
Look at them, guys, They're so adorable, so cute!
Stop,
They've been dating for two years,
Three!
Three years, I'm worried they'll soon get married,
But you know, Ahana,
I'm not ready for you to leave this space-ship,
So, Rohan, tell you what, Move in with us after marriage,
- Yeah, - Done!
And, guys, I hear Rohan cooks very well,
He's well-organized,
And it's time we get a full-time house help,
Shut up, Imaad!
Jokes apart, we'll call him Junior,
And it has nothing to do with the pictures you sent Ahana last night,
Imaad!
All we've got to say is this
We'll live the way we want to live
There's nothing
that can bring us down
We'll take the path our hearts have found
People go, people stay
Let it happen anyway
These days are new and nights are young
Let new songs be sung
Let it happen anyway
We have all the happiness we'll ever need
We're masters of our destiny
What can stop us now?
People go, people stay
Let it happen anyway
These days are new and nights are young
Let new songs be sung
If you feel
Your lover drift away
Just follow
What your heart will say
People go, people stay
Let it happen anyway
These days are new and nights are young
Let new tales be told, new songs be sung
People go, people stay Let it happen anyway
These days are new and nights are young
Happy New Year!
Let new tales be told, new songs be sung
Good morning,
Hey, you've left? Why didn't you wake me up?
You looked so peaceful, I didn't have the heart,
How sweet! Call me later?
Sure, Bye,
See you,
I need to be on my own for some time,
- Tell me the truth, - There's no one else,
Then what happened? I don't understand!
Ahana, I told you, I need some clarity in my life,
- I don't know what I'm doing, - What are you doing?
I must focus on my career,
I need some space, That's all,
Are you an astronaut? Need space for your career?
You work in your dad's firm,
Please, Rohan, I know you wanna hook up with other girls,
I just,,, I'm done, I can't…
- Can't do what? What, Rohan? - I just can't,
- Huh? - Nothing,
Nothing ever happens, Maybe that's the problem!
Is this about sex? We can work on it,
That's another story,
I spoke about marriage, It freaked you out,
- There's no rush, - I'm not freaking out,
I just need a break,
For how long? A month? Three months?
I don't know!
What do I tell my parents?
- I don't know, - What do you know?
Is the house on fire?
What?
- Why was Rohan rushing out? - Shut up!
What's happened now?
He wants a break,
- From when? - From now,
Don't worry, he'll be back,
And if he doesn't, there's always arranged marriage,
How was your date?
Cute, Journalist,
Cute? Seeing her again?
You've got issues, bro,
Don't tell Neil,
He doesn't like Rohan, When we get back, it'll be awkward,
Okay,
Morning, Neil,
- Baby, your breakfast is ready, - Thanks, Mama,
And your parcel came yesterday,
Thank you,
- How was Mass? - It was fine,
Protein got over?
Didn't you just order some?
Neil, 8,000?
- Who asked you to check the bill? - Someone has to,
Every day 12 egg whites, salmon, Isn't that enough protein for you?
So I paid for it, I can pay for everything else too if you want,
Can we please have our breakfast in peace?
All I want is for you to save your money,
And 20 pairs of shoes? Why do you have it?
I need proper sneakers,
Your generation doesn't know the difference between need and want,
T-shirts and shorts!
Only I know how hard I work to run this house,
"I don't know what I've done to upset you,"
"Have I done anything at all?"
"This isn't the first time we've argued, or the last,"
"So can you please just tell me why you want a break?"
"Just don't say you're bored of me, Or you're looking for someone new,"
"I don't understand what you want,"
"What are you looking for?"
"What we have is precious, Rohan,"
"I don't know when we stopped communicating,"
"Please call me, I'll be waiting,"
Hold my hand because I'm taking you with me to Lalaland,
I'm Lala, but of course you know that,
And today I've brought you all to sunny, gorgeous Maldives!
To celebrate you guys!
All one million of you,
So let's dance, shake a hip,
Run on the sand, take a dip in the pool,
'Cause life is la-la-la!
At the beautiful Maldives sea villa,
Why does she deserve a free vacation?
She has a million followers, bro,
Wear a bikini and the boys will follow,
Just shut up, man,
She's an influencer,
Who's influenced by this inflatable horsey?
It works, dude, People don't know it's all sponsored,
- Hotels, trips, right? - Exactly,
- She's a marketing genius, - What?
Looks like the next Neil Pereira rom-com is coming in a theatre near you,
C'mon, guys, grow up, She's my client,
Client? You went to the Maldives with her?
Yeah, so?
To carry her bags?
To train her,
- To train her! - Train her,
- Why didn't you post any selfies with her? - She's just a client, yeah?
Do I need to post every minute of my life?
- This is a little shady, - Very shady,
Okay, fine,
- Fine? What's that? - Fine?
- Fine, - Fine what?
Fine what?
- It's more than that, - I knew it!
Since when?
It's been a few months,
You've hid it for months?
- She doesn't want people to know, - So are we just "people"?
Bro, her followers must think she's single, Attainable,
- We're not her followers, - You're still not?
- No! - We're your friends,
So behave like friends, Just give me some privacy,
- Imaad, he wants privacy, - Privacy,
- We'll give him privacy, - You piece of shit!
You want privacy? When are we gonna meet her?
You want privacy, do you?
Sorry,
Seriously, bro, this AI shit could end careers,
Yours maybe, Mine hasn't started,
It'll happen, man, You'll be fine,
You're the man, You're good,
Good doesn't cut it anymore, bro,
These days you need to have your own brand and celebrity clients,
So? You have a celeb, Lala,
Lala today, Lolo tomorrow, then Bebo, Then Saifu!
But seriously, man, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing with my life,
I want to open my own gym, That'll be a game changer,
So do it!
You should've told me earlier,
I have some rupees saved, I can open two branches this week, What say?
Man, I have no idea what I'm doing either,
Tell you what, Let's try till we're thirty,
And if nothing works out, Ahana will support us both,
I'm sure she's already planning for it,
Ahana's sorted, man,
What is she doing with Rohan?
Rohan wants a break,
- What? - I didn't say a word, You know nothing,
Rohan wants a break from Ahana?
- Guts, - I know,
Guts,
- Bottoms up! - Bottoms up!
PLEASE CALL ME, I'M WAITING,
Why has Rohan posted a photo of a cake at dawn?
What?
- Bro, that's a cupcake, - Same thing,
How's it the same thing?
- A cupcake is part of the cake family, - So?
A cupcake has its own identity,
Its own personality, You'd call a pastry a cake?
- You nuts? - A pastry is a pastry,
- You're mad, - You are,
If I post a photo of an Alsatian, I can't call it a dog?
- South Bombay elitist! - You call Messi by name,
- Navi Mumbai is… - Your dad's house…
Shut up! Just shut up!
I want a break, or I want to break up?
Ahana, is the Adrena-Fit proposal deck ready?
- I've mailed it to you, - Great, Thank you,
You planned the whole strategy and she'll take the credit,
He uploaded a photo of a cake this morning,
- What? - Yeah, cupcake, And a heart,
Cupcake?
Let's check,
Stacy Gomes, Mrinalini Jaisinghani, Trisha Mariwala, Anoushka Gupta,
- Kylie Jenner… - Kylie Jenner,
Dude, all boys follow Kylie,
- Who's the dream girl? - Ayush's sister,
- Butter Cupcakes? - Open that,
This is where the cupcake was from,
"Tanyabuttercupfly,"
Tanya Mehra,
Just a girl with a sweet tooth and a sweet life, Sparkle emoji,
Always remember to sprinkle laughter,
spontaneity and kindness onto every single cupcake,
#baketheworldabetterplace,
Let me see,
- Let's check her stories, - She'll see my name,
We'll make a fake account, Give,
"I want a break" basically means, "I want to hook up with someone else,"
You said you were never in a relationship,
- Then how so sure? - I know, right?
Maybe I should be a therapist,
But I can't pull off your cardigan look,
You come to this session to talk about you,
Not about Ahana or my cardigan,
Aren't we stuck in a loop?
I think you've built a wall around yourself,
And you won't let anyone in,
But you deserve a healthy, loving relationship,
What I really deserve is for dad to stop sending me to these sessions,
You know, Imaad, the thing about shame is
the more you hide it, the more it grows,
- But when we've talked about it,,, - It's been 14 years,
Let's both forget it,
Where did you buy your cardigan?
- You're sure this will work? - Trust me, bro,
It'll strengthen the glutes, build endurance,
- and it'll also protect the knees, - That's good,
That's it, Squat, hold that, stabilize,
Pelvis tucked in, Chest up, bam!
- Shoulders drop, yeah, - Perfect,
- Let's go for one last, Just on one leg, - All right,
This will strengthen your glutes,
- It'll build endurance, - One, two,
One more,
Protect the knees from injury, Drop your shoulders,
Lengthen the spine,
Breathe, Smile,
- Why can't I look like Malaika? - Why do you need to?
Take care of yourself and that makes you beautiful, right?
C'mon, nine, ten,
C'mon, Anita, let's go,
Eleven,
I might not know Uganda's capital,
but I know what Malaika Arora wore to the gym yesterday,
Even our attention span is getting shorter,
We used to watch five-day test matches,
And now if a video isn't interesting in the first five seconds,
we go, "This guy is a drag!"
I think the only people who can perform in less than five seconds
are Indian men in bed,
Too close to home, ma'am!
Are you guys together?
Sorry, sir,
We come across someone's profile who has a life we aspire to have,
we instantly follow them,
We feel insecure and depressed looking at the profile,
but we are willingly following it,
How stupid is that?
If you want a daily reminder that you're a disappointment,
just call your dad,
He's still wishing his son will change the world one day,
I read a survey that an average person checks their phone 224 times a day, Wow!
If you're repeating an activity 224 times a day,
it's not an activity, it's an addiction,
And we have become addicted to other peoples' lives,
Enough! We've got blinders on and our brains in a straitjacket,
I don't want to know what you're doing, thinking or eating,
I have better things to do,
Like finding out what Malaika Arora wore to the gym today,
That's my time, thank you so much,
Also, we have a very special guest tonight, and a dear friend,
Please give it up for Sapan Verma!
Hello! Give it up for Imaad, everybody, C'mon, once more!
We need some commercial material,
Something meme-worthy that goes viral,
Tap into tier two, tier three space, man, Take it to the next level,
That's my next level? Become a meme or a virus?
Of course! Anyway, listen to me,
There's a high-profile wedding next week,
- You're hosting it, - And you're gonna dance,
- Bye, Melbun, - That means we're on, right?
- Did you see the new Vir Das special? - Yes,
It was okay,
Okay?
I loved it, The way he worked the audience,
When's your special?
- It'll happen, Takes time, - Set a cutoff date,
When I was your age, I was a self,,,
I know! You had your own car and kids,
Even walked on the moon,
I can look after myself, Dad, Don't worry,
I know,
All I'm saying is, be smart,
The house and money your mother left you won't last forever,
- Hmm? - Hmm,
Imaad bhaiya!
Hey!
- Hello! - Hello! Hi!
- Bedtime? - Yes,
- Give your brother a kiss, Come on, - Come on,
Drive the knee up,
Close, That's it, Good, Come down,
Yeah, and all the way up, and maintain that line,
Kettlebell close,
Engage the core, C'mon, Lala, focus!
- Man! - What's up?
That old man keeps staring through that window,
- What old man? - Nothing,
Don't open it, He just stands right there and stares,
File a complaint,
- And say what exactly? - That he keeps staring,
Half the country would be in jail then,
Unbelievable!
You're cute,
Finish your set, c'mon,
And very professional,
Ahana and Imaad want to meet you,
What's your scene tomorrow?
I'm taking my parents out for dinner tomorrow,
Some other time?
Yeah, sounds good,
Come, let's get some squats in, Come on, Let's go!
Zeeshan?
- Hi, Simran, - Hi,
- Please come in, - Thanks,
Oh, wow!
- You know, I wasn't expecting this, - Is that a compliment or an insult?
No, no, it's really nice, It's got character,
Some things look brand new, others look like they've been here forever,
So I think we should just jump right into it,
Might be a bit awkward at first, but, you know…
I usually don't allow a camera on the first date,
I told you I wanted to photograph you,
I thought that was an excuse,
No, I'm a photographer,
It's for a project of mine, It's called "The people of Tinder,"
Nice, So you want to interview me?
Kinda,
Con artist,
That's me,
So you want to meet the person behind the profile?
Thanks, I guess,
I want to understand who you are when you're alone,
But I'm not alone,
Yeah, I know, Just ignore me, Do your thing,
Tough! Your presence is really affecting your art,
You interested or should I go?
Are you breaking up with me?
How old are you?
Twenty-five,
- What do you do? - I'm a stand-up comic,
You know the problem with political jokes?
They get elected sometimes,
Why comedy?
Dad, is that you?
When did you first realize you were funny?
I think it was when I was really sad,
What's with this ring?
It belonged to my mother,
You ever been in love?
What? Come on, never had your heart broken?
Once,
How old were you?
- Nine, - Nine?
We don't get to choose that shit,
"So, have you ever been in love?"
Yes, I have,
Bye, Zeeshan,
It's Imaad,
- What? - Zeeshan's for Tinder, My name is Imaad,
Wow!
Bye,
The easiest way to change one's perspective is to move to a new city,
Life is a collection of moments,
Choose your lens wisely,
C'mon, Ashish, let's go, brother, No stopping,
Squat deeper, Engage the core,
Less of shoulders, C'mon, engage the core, Keep going, No stopping, Use,,,
- Take it easy, - Dude,
- Yeezy 350s? - Yeah, bro,
Been trying to cop these babies for months,
- All right! 30 seconds up, C'mon, - Bro,
You're gonna kill me, bro,
That's why I tell you to come to the gym,
You'll feel more motivated seeing other people,
Too crowded, man, Not my scene,
Wait till I open my own studio, It'll be perfect for you,
- You're opening your own studio? - Yeah,
Only ten clients at a time, Tailor-made services for each,
Calisthenics, CrossFit, power lifting, yoga, you name it,
Superb, bro, Sign me up, baby,
All right, Let's get this,
Squat, That's it!
I did a market survey,
The fitness industry is booming, You have to do it,
- I'm preparing a budget, - You need a business plan,
If only ten clients come at a time, how will you make money?
Your gym should be so exclusive so that you can charge more,
Investors must believe this idea is scalable,
Yeah,
You know what I think? There should be two studios in Mumbai,
- One in Bangalore, one in Delhi, - Dude, that is the dream,
And you can launch an app, You can have a nutritionist,
You can have specialized meals, athleisure, diet plans,
You can have kickboxing, Zumba,
- Shit, - Everything,
What?
MBA, bitches!
If I found someone like you, I'd be sorted,
Why "like" me? You've got me,
What about your job?
I'll quit,
That place is a dead end,
You'll run everything, You set up the studio,
I'll handle expansion and management,
- You're hired, Let's do this, - Seriously?
You're hired!
What about the money?
We'll make a killer pitch, flirt with some investors,
Guys,
I'm in,
How much money do you need?
How?
Mum left me some money, and I have to invest it smartly,
This is how,
- Bro, you're serious? - Yeah,
Imaad, we humbly accept your offer,
But, guys, it'll take time to break even, so you must be sure,
Look, guys, If I have to invest, I want to invest in you two,
I trust you guys,
Fuck! Guys, is this actually happening?
It is,
Shit!
- To the Jungle Gym, - The Jungle Gym?
- The Jungle Gym, - I love it,
To the Jungle Gym!
So, friends, let us convert our friendship into a relationship!
To the Jungle Gym!
I wanna see you dance
- Sir, your bill, - Give it here,
- You always pay, - Chill, man,
Is this what boys like?
- Let it go! Why you looking at her? - I've made a fake account,
What?
Or else she'll know I'm following her stories,
Just ask Rohan, Why are you playing detective?
She needs to block Rohan, And drink,
Fine,
- Cheers, - Cheers,
Isn't that Lala?
Isn't it?
- Yes, - Yes, It's her,
I'll be back,
- Who's she with? - Who's she with?
- Jinx, - Jinx,
- Where do you want to do it? - We can do it at any…
- Hi, - Hi,
Kartik, Neil,
Neil's my trainer,
Oh, so you're responsible for the way she looks?
Stop,
- I need a drink, Do you want something? - I'm good,
- How about you? Drink? - Cheers,
So? Weren't you going to dinner with your parents?
Yes, I was, Then they went to bed,
Kartik is launching his own gin brand,
I could be the face of his online campaign,
It's a big deal for me, Neil,
Yeah, You know what, I want a crate of that gin,
I'm trying,
- Bro, - Sorry,
- Have a good night, Cheers, - You too, Cheers,
- Ahana, hi! - Aisha, hi,
- Congratulations! - Thank you!
I saw the photos, Maldives must've been amazing,
Oh my God, babe, he proposed to me in a car,
Like in a parking lot,
I was like, "Press pause, please, We're doing this on a beach,"
- Parking lot? How dare he? - Right? Imagine!
Didn't he consider all your followers?
- He should've, - Classic,
- Hi, Imaad, - Hi,
Always a pleasure,
So you're coming, right? You're in? Counting you in, You too, babe,
- 100%, - Yes, 100%,
Neil, I'm getting married!
I need another drink,
Let's drink up,
Don't get me wrong This is my kinda song
You had better sing along It's been really really long
Come on, come to me, my love
I wanna see you dance
Rohan, I really need to talk to you,
I swear I won't talk about the break,
Rohan, just tell me the truth,
What the fuck? Why can't you just call me back?
I know you're seeing Cupcake, It's disgusting,
Like, I just knew that this was going to happen,
Rohan, you coward, Just pick up!
Am I not good enough for you? What's wrong with me?
This is a stupid game, and you're going to call me back,
I love you and it's going to be fine, okay? I promise,
…is not answering,
- Thank you, guys, so much, - Thank you so much,
Hope to see you again soon,
After you, madame,
She seems so happy, passing off my work as her own,
How can she be so shameless, bro?
- Bye, - Yes,
- Sure, - Buh-bye,
I'm done with this job,
At least he's sorry,
No?
He's sorry because he really is with Tanya,
Ahana,
Call me later,
Rohan, you coward, Just pick up!
Ahana, I made you some coffee,
What's wrong? Why so down?
Aren't you late for office?
I took the day off,
Check this out,
Cute,
- Yeah? - Yeah, It's nice,
Wanna see more? Come over today,
You're going to hers, Imaad? You wanna see more?
Work on our million-dollar idea,
Dad wants to see the business plan, okay?
And stalking Cupcake needs to stop,
This is disgusting,
- Your coffee is a fail, - Divorce!
So now you're asking your friends for money?
I'm not asking, Dad,
Imaad is investing, It'll be his business too,
If he's financing your life, he'll rub it in your face,
- You want to be his servant? - You're talking about my best friend,
Never do business with friends,
Not everyone has the same experience,
What do you know about business? You spent your life doing others' accounts,
- Neil, - What? It's true,
What are you doing? This is too fast,
You need cardio, Anita,
Cardio, Not cardiac,
Sorry, one sec, Keep running,
Yo, Harsh,
- Bro, I'm in Alibaug this weekend, - Okay,
There's a session with Malaika Arora, I need you to take it,
Sure, bro, that'll be great, Yeah, That'll be great, Thanks, man,
You got this, Make me proud,
- All right, cheers, - Cheers,
Oh my God!
- You killed me today, Neil, - No, you killed it,
- Hot, - Awesome,
All right, I'll see you soon,
- Bye, - Bye,
- You want a picture? - No, it's all right,
- C'mon, let's get one, - It's okay, You sure?
- Yeah, c'mon, - Wow, okay, Thanks,
- Hold on to this, - Yeah, sure,
What's your handle?
@neilpereira96,
If you had asked me to, I wouldn't have posted it,
- But I like this picture, - It's great,
- Bye, see you soon, - See you,
- Malaika… - Yeah?
- Thanks for killing me, - Yeah,
Fuck!
He's taking photos of me,
Who? The old uncle?
And he's tagged me too,
It's through this window, It must be him,
"Paresh Phadnis,"
What a creep!
- Fucker! - Neil, I've reported it,
Neil, where are you going?
See who's there,
- Where's Paresh Phadnis? - Who are you?
Come here, You asshole,
Did you post this photo?
Yes, I did, What's the problem?
You're stalking a girl, Posting photos of her, tagging her,
It's harassment, Isn't that a problem?
- Piss off, - Neil,
If she doesn't want to be seen, then she shouldn't show off,
Show off what?
Look at her clothes, You can see everything,
If she can post her pictures, why can't I?
- Paresh! - Neil!
It's her body not yours,
If she wants to post pictures of herself, she can, Not you,
- Get it? - Neil, there's a kid, Let's go,
I better not catch you peeping again,
I can't believe you did that,
I can't believe people do whatever on social media and think it's okay,
Are you okay?
Hold it like a pen, Like a pen,
- Like that? - Yeah, and swirl,
Swirl, And?
- No, - What's so funny?
I came to Mumbai for two weeks,
and here I am, a year later, sitting with a 25-year-old kid,
I'm not a kid,
Then stop acting like one, Pour me some wine, please,
- Okay, - Okay,
Okay,
That's Adil,
We were together for six years,
- Cancer? - Yeah,
I'm sorry,
Yeah, it's messed up,
It is,
This shoot was Adil's idea,
Now I understand, he was showing me a way,
you know, to say goodbye,
I'll need some more,
- Yeah, - Thank you,
We're fortunate to be artists,
Our art helps to make sense of our lives,
- I'm a stand-up comic, - So?
Humor is your way to express yourself,
To show people your perspective,
You're an artist,
I'm an artist,
What happened to your mother?
Leukemia,
How old were you?
Nine,
Yeah, we don't get to choose that shit, do we?
Ahana!
Knock!
You took another day off? What's going on?
Relax, Mom,
Where were you? With the photographer?
The photographer's name is Simran,
Oh, this one has a name, Had fun?
None of your business, You had lunch?
None of your business,
Now get out,
- Get up! - Imaad!
Yes!
He hasn't even called?
What a bastard, man,
- From now on, you train with me, - Please, life is painful as it is,
You'll have fun, I promise,
Imaad will join us, right?
No, thank you,
Imaad needs to focus on his modelling career,
For his new photographer girlfriend,
He's in love,
- Who are you conning now? - Go flex some muscles, Bob the Builder,
Defensive, All right,
Imaad loves the photographer,
You were better depressed,
You're canceled,
He's met her twice,
- Twice? - Twice,
- Bro, that's long term, - We just talked, That's it,
You talk too?
All night long!
- Go to hell! - Aww, he's blushing!
Imaad, man, it's love, It happens, You can't control it,
- Get lost, idiot, - Correct,
I'm outta here, I have a meeting, With Melbun,
- Bye, - Bye,
Bye,
She's pretty cool actually,
And? Is there anything romantic there?
We kissed, twice,
It's not a big deal, No need to tell your diary,
You're taking it slow, That's good,
I mean, we're friends,
I think she also thinks we're friends,
Interesting, You're thinking about what she's thinking,
Looking good,
You should have a larger share, Ahana smaller,
She's the CEO and you can always replace her,
It's Ahana's plan, Dad, I replace her?
She was always the smarter one,
Do you trust them?
I only have two friends,
Everyone gets an equal share,
Okay,
Starting my own business is a big opportunity,
I can finally put my MBA to good use,
- Also a big risk, but all the best, Ahana, - Thank you, sir,
- You have a two-month notice period, - Yes, of course,
- I'll miss you, Ahana, - Don't be silly! You never needed me,
- Thank you, sir, - Bye, Ahana, Thank you,
You know, you know What's in that head of yours
You also know you can't just be so sure
So I'll ask you
Well, I'll ask you
You know, you know, you know You want escape
You know you're trying not to hesitate
Let me ask you
Let me ask you right now
Are you a cool kid? Are you a cute kid?
Do you fit in? And do they like it?
Tell me what can you do to make it okay
To make it look Like you don't wanna be like them
Cool kid? Are you a cute kid?
Do you fit in? And do they like it?
Tell me what can you do to make it okay
To make it look Like you don't wanna be like them
You can hate or you can not
In the end you still wanna be At the same spot
That's anyway got no meaning
The only thing that joins them is What they're dealing
Trust me you're better off You're gonna get nothing
Gеt nothing
I wait one second and I buy me timе
Looking everywhere Checking are you looking fine
There's no pressure Oh yeah, yeah, sure
I'd love to believe that's how I feel
Sitting in the corner Waiting for your white line
Thinking all about it Do you really feel fine?
There's no pressure Oh yeah, yeah, sure
I'd love to believe that's just how I feel
That's just how I feel
How I feel That's just how I feel
That's just, that's just how I
Are you a cool kid? Are you a cute kid?
Do you fit in? And do they like it?
Tell me what can you do to make it okay
To make it look Like you don't wanna be like them
Cool kid? Are you a cute kid?
Do you fit in? And do they like it?
Tell me what can you do to make it okay
To make it look Like you don't wanna be like them
No!
Happy birthday,
Wow, Neil! You got her a Gucci?
Nice, isn't it?
It's super nice,
Wow, Neil, You've outdone yourself,
I wanted the black one,
- Yes? - Yeah,
Also, tell me when you guys are ready for dinner,
Yeah, it's all ready, so…
- Where are the others? - I wanted to keep it intimate,
- This intimate? - Yes,
Sweet of you to include us,
Of course, darling,
Catch!
- Raunak, - Huh?
- Candids, - Yes,
Okay, guys, let's pretend to have some fun! Come,
- Oh my God, - Okay,
You'll give this to me?
- Birthday present, - Okay,
Really?
- Say Dior! - Dior,
Raunak does most of my shoots,
By the way, you two are quite cute,
Why aren't you dating?
She's out of my league,
but I was hoping if you had other friends here,
I could've been introduced to them,
- My influencer gang? - Yeah,
Please,
They were just using me to bump up their followers,
- Oh, no, - Yeah, so they were canceled for tonight,
Neil's following has also shot up,
Is he using you too?
No, Not him,
- But that's how most people are, - Imaad, stop it,
The moment you become famous, people just stop acting normal,
And what's normal, according to you?
Excuse me?
Happy birthday to you
- Raunak, - Smile,
- You wanna get the plates? - Come,
- Tissues as well, - Yeah,
- Nice, - Raunak,
- Delete that last picture, - This one?
- Okay, - Nice,
Imaad Ali!
Thank you, guys, thank you,
There are three things in life I can't wrap my head around,
The possibility of life on Mars, The size of Jupiter,
And the existence of
influencers,
I hope there are no influencers here,
Perfect, let's do this!
What sort of a profession is this? What will their kids say at school?
Back in the day, "Ma'am, my dad's the CEO of a multinational company,"
And now, twenty years later,
"Ma'am, my dad makes dance reels and sells soap on Instagram,"
"Use promo code Foam20 to get 20% off,"
I have a friend who's dating a real big influencer,
Which is… I'm happy for him,
But I think she's so out of his league that it looks like a paid partnership,
She doesn't scream in bed, she gives him a shoutout,
She doesn't say, "Say my name,"
She goes, "Like, share and subscribe,"
She doesn't want him to find the G-spot,
She wants him to press the bell icon,
I mean people have used the Internet to cause revolutions,
And this madam is all,
"Hey, guys, I'm off to the Maldives to chill at my exotic beachside villa,"
"But keep enjoying the petty pleasures of your middle-class life,"
"And keep dreaming of those vacations you can't afford, Toodles!"
"Toodles!" I love it,
Don't get me wrong, My problem is not that she went to Maldives,
It's that she came back,
My friend, her so-called boyfriend, used to be her gym trainer,
Which is funny
because now they're both working out, but their relationship is not,
- It's a joke, - Yeah,
He seems less like a boyfriend, more like an unpaid intern,
The thing is, she doesn't publicly acknowledge their relationship,
Because apparently, she needs to look single and attainable,
I told my friend, "It's okay, Let the relationship be a secret,"
"She gets to keep her followers, and you get to keep your self-respect,"
But I'm very happy for him,
Actually, I'm genuinely very happy for him,
He may not find love or respect,
but at least he gets a 20% discount on soap,
So, give it up for our next performance!
We have our own Backstreet Boys from Bandra,
Magik with a K,
My clothes are ruined,
Yo! How was it?
Give me a smoke,
Don't tell me you're offended,
That stuff was personal,
I told you these things in private,
- Did I take your name? - That's not the point,
Is this what you think of me?
- Dude, it was a joke, - It wasn't funny,
It was insulting,
You were humiliating me, bro, In front of everyone,
It wasn't an insult but an exaggeration, A humorous take,
On my life?
Say whatever you want about me or my relationships,
but say it to my face,
Relationship? I didn't know you were in a relationship,
What do you mean? What do,,, What do you mean?
Maybe you can't see it, but Lala isn't serious about you, bro,
- Oh my God! - But again that's just my opinion,
So you also have an opinion about what Lala thinks?
Bro, you…
You behaved like an asshole at her house,
and I didn't say anything,
- I'm sorry, - I let it go,
I'm sorry if that's how you felt but I had no such intention, Okay?
As for today's show, I'm a comedian, I say what I see,
- So it's like that? - Yes,
There's such a thing as confidence,
If you can't take a joke, why are you here? Stay in the gym,
Stop it, guys! What are you doing, Neil?
What did you say?
Just because you're investing in the gym
doesn't mean you can say whatever you want,
We're not your servants,
- What's the connection? - There is one,
I lack confidence?
Bro, whatever I've done, I did on my own,
Don't live off my father like him,
- Neil, - Entitled prick!
You say what you see? Can't you see the things you do?
- That's enough, Stop it, - Talk about your Tinder mania!
He can't handle the slightest bit of intimacy,
You're emotionally stunted, bro!
You're a sex addict, Get it?
Joke about that! That could be hilarious,
Who knows? Maybe it'll get you a special on Netflix,
Bro, we should pitch this to Netflix, This shit is killer,
She doesn't say, "Say my name," She goes, "Like, share and subscribe,"
She doesn't,,,
Give me a towel,
It's cold,
You said he wasn't home,
I lied,
- Neil, - Just grow up, man!
How long will you not talk to each other? We're starting a business,
If we don't pay the deposit, we'll lose the space,
I have no problem with the business, Please rent the place,
So talk to him then, Yes?
He told me to return your money,
- He wants to pitch it to a client, - Dude, he hit me!
And I'm supposed to talk to him?
I've quit my job, Imaad!
Go, tell him that,
Here you are,
This is Ashley,
He'll fill your position,
So excited,
You can start the handover,
Come,
It was knee-length, Now it's ankle-length, Now it's a balloon on your toes,
Don't wear it,
- Knock, dude! - What is this?
- Got a pool in your bathroom now? - Shut up,
You get back from work and you put on a bikini,
It's for Rohan, yeah?
I'm doing it for myself,
I saw his comment,
I'm just having fun,
You want to have fun?
"Loves to travel?" No, "Wanderlust?"
Dude, I'm not Tinderella type,
Chill! Don't go to his on the first date, Meet in a bar or a restaurant,
But your first dates always come here,
Lucky for them I'm a gentleman,
Okay,
No,
Yes, Nice,
Zeeshan looks quite interesting,
What a nice guy!
Look! Zeeshan with a puppy,
Zeeshan with a baby, You rented it?
Done? Strike left now,
What are you doing on Tinder?
I thought you liked Simran,
Yes,
I know you like Simran,
Delete it,
Cute,
"Ram Singh, I'm going to be the mother of your child!"
I would never have assumed you liked such films,
When did I say I liked it?
You didn't have to, You were laughing the loudest,
This whole act of you being a serious artist,
I think I get it,
"You're the only one who really knows me,"
Did you talk to Neil?
No,
Do you think you avoid intimacy?
I was using Tinder just for fun, I didn't overthink it,
You thought I am avoiding intimacy?
I just wanted the popcorn,
Let me stay in your arms
Just for a little longer
How I wish
The tide of this drunken moment
Pulls me in and I lose myself
In your arms
This is the five-year projection, With worst and best-case scenarios,
You memorized the entire presentation?
It lacks vision, It feels very limited,
It needs to be more commercial, Scale it up, please,
If we scale it up, the space won't be premium anymore,
Exactly,
Based on per square foot value, our model is better and we can expand over time,
So you weren't wasting time at the gym then?
No, I was recruiting talent,
Okay,
What will their kids say at school?
Back in the day, we went, "Ma'am, my dad's a multinational company CEO,"
Twenty years later, "Ma'am, my dad makes dance reels and sells soap on Instagram,"
"Use promo code Foam20 to get 20% off,"
I have a friend
who's dating an influencer,
I thought she's so out of his league that it's a paid partnership,
She doesn't scream in bed, she gives him a shoutout,
She doesn't…
Anyway…
Remember when the Internet was new?
We thought, wow, it's an encyclopedia,
The world is at our fingertips,
This will change humanity,
Now every twenty minutes, all night long, we watch videos,
Where's the punchline, bro?
- Okay… - How about an actual joke, man?
Guys, please welcome back our host, Rebecca, for the evening, Thank you,
Imaad,
Hey, guys! Give it up for Imaad,
Imaad,
Imaad!
- Why didn't you finish the set? - I'm not doing this one anymore,
Not doing it? This set killed that night,
People specifically called to watch this set,
I'll write another one, Better than this,
- Bandra? - Yes, get in,
- Imaad, I've pitched this to Netflix, - Melbun, forget this set,
This is insane, If you won't listen to me, I can't manage you anymore,
Strange fellow, Doesn't even react,
- Let's go, - Take him away,
Curl back your shoulders, Relax,
- I'll have abs by this evening? - By this afternoon,
- Listen, - Yeah?
We're still discussing your gym,
Take your time,
- I'll see you, - Good work, lad,
No cheating! Eat clean,
I'll try,
Yo, Harsh,
- Where are you? - Pali Hill,
Head to Juhu,
There's a session with Malaika, I can't go,
Done, great,
And, Neil, stop posting photos with her,
She's not your client, It's tacky, bro,
Ahana, tell me something,
What's a pretty, smart corporate consultant like you doing on Tinder?
Exactly what a cute, polite investment banker like you is doing,
- Enjoy your drink, - Thanks,
You think I'm cute?
I thought flattery might stop your line of questioning,
Okay,
Can I have your hand?
Yeah, Just to the right,
Perfect,
You're an event planner, You have your own company,
Your dog's called Jackie, very imaginative,
You run marathons at 5:00 a,m, because apparently you hate having a good time,
Yeah, I'm hating this,
You're a good listener,
I'm a better kisser,
Lala, I was thinking
I should have one of those bouldering walls on the side,
You know, I haven't seen anything like that here,
Feel like it could work,
Mumbai just doesn't have any space,
Did you actually read the pdf I sent you?
Of course! There's no space for a wallpaper, yeah?
No, but…
Who are you texting?
Nobody,
You go out on a lot of dates?
You?
Not really, In fact, I recently downloaded Tinder,
Actually, I just broke up a couple months back,
What happened?
Honestly, I don't know, Nothing ever happened,
You know?
- Nothing ever happened? - No, I mean,,,
- Did you do anything to reignite it? - No, it's not that…
Or as you bankers might say, to reposition towards an upward trajectory,
Can I get the dessert menu, please?
I just let you marinate Now I love the taste
Come here, come here Come here, baby
It's the way that I'm attached Got me good and got me fast
You a real catch Can you, can you, can you blame me?
Dreamin' bout you like a creep
What the hell you want from me?
What the hell you want from me now?
Morning, lad,
Any update on our gym proposal?
Did you use the shower yesterday?
Yes,
I had a session with Malaika Arora, I had to freshen up,
Have you done this before?
- No, Never, I mean… - There's a sign here,
Staff not allowed, A strict policy,
I'm your personal trainer, man,
Neil, the society has asked me to fire you,
I talked them out of it this time,
Please don't cross the line, bro,
Come on,
Home early today?
What is it?
- Can't you knock? - What happened?
Must something happen?
Give me some privacy,
- And please knock! - Okay,
Baby, flip your hair back, Amazing!
Now show me that sexy jawline,
You look like a Victoria's Secret model,
Dude, that's hot, That's really hot,
Lift that bottle up, Fuck, you're killing me,
- You're killing me! - Stop it,
Look over there and do it,
You look like a fucking mermaid,
Take a sip from the bottle, Hold it closer,
Give me a second, please,
- Wanna check this out till then? - Sure,
Gorgeous,
Hi,
- What are you doing here? - You weren't taking my calls,
And I saw on your story that you were here,
I'm working,
- What happened? - Nothing, I just wanted to talk,
Now?
What's he doing here?
I'm promoting his gin, Remember?
Lala, we're losing light,
Coming,
You carry on, We'll talk later,
- I have booze to sell, - Yeah,
I'm so sorry, guys,
It's okay,
- Let's go, - Let's go,
Look over there,
Have you spoken to Ashish?
Yeah, they're looking into their finances,
We found such a nice space, We're gonna lose it,
And the money's lying in the account,
You guys are being so stupid,
- You know what he did, right? - But you pushed him too!
It's happened, It's done,
So you won't speak forever?
I quit my job for you guys,
I know,
So, drop this shit, or explain to my parents why I'm unemployed,
- I'll talk to Imaad, - What? Say that again,
I said I'll talk to Imaad, We're meeting on your birthday anyway,
Thank you, Bye,
Fight over,
Bye,
I'll sleep on the couch, Mom and Dad can stay in my room,
Ultimately, I always end up on the couch,
You're going to Simran's?
- Yes, - Live-in relationship,
It's just three days,
That's how it goes, bro, First three days, then three months,
Then straight to thirty years,
I'm proud of you!
Where are we now? How did we get here?
These deep blue nights In endless hues
I lose myself in things you do
I'm lost, I wonder where I am
I lose myself in things you do
Can someone tell me where I am?
Let yourself go
I lose myself in things you do
I really like you,
I like you too,
The magic that is me and you
I'm lost, I wonder where I am
I lose myself in things you do
Can someone tell me where I am?
It's so hot!
Thank God, we've reached,
Sweetie, please turn the air conditioner on,
Mom, we've just reached, Can you give me one minute?
Yeah, but this humidity is just intolerable,
Of course, Ma, I called you here to torture you,
The real one or the fake one?
She's a lovely girl,
- You two an item? - Who says item, bro?
I'm not your bro, I'm your dad,
- Yeah, "item," - Is she your girlfriend?
I don't know,
Good enough,
I'm happy, Imaad,
Therapy is really helping,
I was afraid you'd never trust people again,
- Because of me, - Dad, please,
- I should've protected you, Imaad, - Dad, go easy on the rum,
- Done with the Zoom call? - Yes,
I made butter chicken and kebabs,
Is Meher a vegetarian?
- Hello, - Happy birthday,
You know it's tomorrow,
So I'll call again tomorrow,
So, what's your scene?
Chill, Dinner at Izumi,
Izumi?
That was our spot,
Who you going with?
Why? Why do you want to know?
No, I just…
A toast to all of you!
You've been together since boarding school and now business partners,
Always be together like this, Be happy,
To your friendship, To the Jungle Gym!
- To the Jungle Gym! - And to my free workouts,
Cheers,
Wish you all lots of happiness, lots of success,
Aunty, I'll check,
- Thank you, - No worries,
- It's damn good, - The butter chicken is amazing,
- We need to figure how to get it here, - So learn it,
- Teach Imaad how to make it, - Wow! Who sent this?
Red roses, Ahana,
It says, "From Rohan,"
Sweet of him,
Why's he sending you red roses now?
He broke up with you, no?
He freaked out,
He thought we'd be engaged soon, but he wasn't ready for marriage,
And this new girl is just a rebound,
But you're intelligent,
Why take on the pressure of marriage?
There's so much more to life,
Marriage isn't some joyride,
Meaning?
Aren't you happy with Papa?
No, it's not that,
I'm just bored,
So basically, you've dated all these people?
Yes, of course, I'm a con artist, remember?
They're beautiful,
Thanks,
But there's an emptiness to them too,
Yeah,
It's the digital age,
We may feel we're more connected,
but we've never been lonelier,
Ahana's calling,
I'll call her back,
You're still on Tinder?
I was going to delete it,
You were seeing other people,
I'm sorry, Obviously it's wrong,
I don't think I can do this,
I want to be with someone who wants to be with me,
I don't want to wonder what's real, what's not,
- I'm not 25, - But I want to be with you,
You don't know what you want,
Listen, this is just stupid, okay?
- It means nothing, - Why do it then?
You need to leave,
Ahana,
Where were you? We're getting late,
Aisha's sangeet,
You must come too, Richie uncle would like that,
I won't get an off,
Nothing's happening with your gym anyway,
It's happening,
You're looking handsome,
When are y'all leaving?
- Our train leaves the day after, - You're taking the train again?
Why aren't you flying? There isn't much difference in the price,
There is a difference,
We're going in an AC compartment, It's fine,
For you maybe, You asked Mama?
- I don't have a problem, thank you, - Thank you,
Can't you spend a little more? How long must you live like this?
Why?
What do we lack?
Everything, Dad,
You have nothing, You don't have a life,
You drive the same old car, live in the same crappy house,
When was the last time you took Mama out for dinner?
I'll be late, I have the keys,
The number you have dialed is currently busy,
Please try again,,,
Hey, Lala, where are you?
Do I pick you up or not?
Just let me know, okay?
Fuck,
Wow, from where did you steal that saree?
Heaven,
- What's up, bro? - Same shit, bro,
Very fake, Start again,
Shots,
- You look nice, - Thanks,
Here you go,
Yeah,
- Cheers, - Cheers,
Going to the bathroom, Please try not to kill each other, Okay?
So?
Come over to the bar,
The one at the back,
Yeah, Okay, I'll see you there,
Simran?
No, Tinder date,
You brought a random Tinder date to Aisha's sangeet?
Yeah, so?
So, nothing, I'm just surprised you're still on Tinder,
Why? I'm a sex addict, right?
- Imaad? Hi! - Hey!
- You finally made it, - Of course,
Come, I'll make you meet my friends,
Are you ignoring me?
I'm giving you space,
Where's Buttercup Butterfly?
Not here,
Where are your bodyguards, Jai and Veeru?
Stay clear of Neil,
Why? Will he hit me with a dumbbell?
You should've been a psychic,
So, what have you been up to?
What do you care?
Listen,
I'm sorry,
I handled things badly,
You did,
Let's get a drink?
Let's get many,
- Remember this song? - Obviously,
Let's dance?
So many lovers have made sacrifices
So many have perished
This game is notorious
Flaunting false dreams
Love makes you dance On shards of broken glass
It torments you all night
Not a moment of peace
Love makes you dance On shards of broken glass
People with their masks
Locked in cages
Make some excuse
To escape imprisonment
Don't look at me
Your eyes show I no longer know who I am…
Hi, my cuties,
Lala's back and so is the sake,
Hey,
So many lovers have made sacrifices
So many have perished
This game is notorious
Flaunting false dreams
Love makes you dance On shards of broken glass
I swear, it's tormenting
Not a moment of peace
How to stay awake at night?
How to escape the self?
I have read You get love in exchange for love
My friends ask How long will I keep losing?
The chasm widens
Can't get close to anyone
Love makes you dance On shards of broken glass
It torments you all night
Not a moment of peace
Countless lovers have made sacrifices
So many have perished
This game is notorious
Flaunting false dreams
Love makes you dance On shards of broken glass
It torments you all night
Not a moment of peace
Love makes you dance On shards of broken glass
Love makes you drunk Punishes both
Couldn't share, got in a fix
Bottled the reason, the pain Can't bite the feeding hand
We had something special Now we're far apart
Now to live more, promise less
Change myself And the me I was with you
This chess game has new colors
I learned as I watched my love walk away
So many lovers have made sacrifices
So many have perished
So many lovers have made sacrifices
So many have perished
This game is notorious
Flaunting false dreams
I swear, it's tormenting
Not a moment of peace
Lala,
Neil?
- What the hell? - Yeah, what the hell, man?
You were to come with me to the party last night, You just ghosted me,
I didn't ghost you,
I saw your post,
I was going to talk to you, It just kinda happened,
It just happened and you are putting up posts about it? With hearts on them,
You kissed him, Lala,
Will you say something?
Let's talk now,
What's there to talk about?
I get it, He's Kartik Seth, His family owns distilleries all over India,
And he's great for your profile, right? Isn't that it?
We aren't a couple, Neil,
Look at me, No, listen, look at me,
What are we then?
Why did you ask me to stay over all the time?
You took me to Maldives with you,
Why invite my friends to your birthday party?
What was all that?
I asked you stay over because I get bored alone,
I took you to the Maldives because you're my trainer,
I met your friends because you kept asking me to,
I really like you, Neil, but… I mean…
But Kartik has bought you,
You don't get to judge me, You hardly know me,
Explain your fake morality to someone else!
If you were in my place, you'd do the exact same thing,
Fuck!
Rohan?
The number you have dialed is currently busy,
The customer you are trying to speak to is busy at the moment, Please call back,,,
You've blocked me,
Congratulations, You were right,
She was always honest with me,
I couldn't even do that much for her,
It's done,
It's over,
What do you want?
I want to talk to her,
I want to tell her
that I'm not okay,
I have a problem,
- What's up? - Yo,
What happened with Lala?
- Nothing, - Nothing?
She's complained about you,
She wants another trainer,
So something must've happened,
Look, Harsh,
Lala and me, it's a bit complicated,
This won't fly here,
- Dude, it's not my fault, - Don't want to know,
You're out,
Look,
This could turn into a big issue for the gym,
I'm sorry, bro,
"My name is Laxami Lalvani, AKA Lala,"
"And it's my job to influence you,"
"Tell you how to look, What to eat, Where to go,"
"Your job is to keep looking at me, And wishing you had my life,"
"But there's a problem, It's all fake,"
"The clothes I wear aren't mine,"
"I don't pay for the hotels I visit,"
"I have over a million followers because I buy them,"
"Look at that beautiful nose,"
"Of course, it's photoshopped,"
"I apply filters to my face,"
"Not the beauty products I sell you,"
"Because you're the consumers,"
"I'm just an ad,"
"A walking, talking billboard,"
"I don't love you,"
"I thank you because I make money off you,"
"I flirt with you so that you follow me, fantasize about me,"
"Fantasizing is all you can do because I am a fantasy,"
"You aren't rich enough to make me your reality,"
We're done with Ahana's farewell, When are you quitting, Meher?
When Ahana offers me a job,
Go easy, bro,
Rohan and I got a room after the sangeet,
What?
And before I woke up, he vanished,
Isn't it his birthday today?
Show,
"Brunch with baby,"
"Birthday week,"
Let it go, Ahana,
Seriously, he's an asshole,
Where are you going? Ahana!
Ahana, Hey,
Come in, I guess,
Look, who's here, Look,
Ahana,
- Hi! - What's up?
- How are you? What's up? - Good,
- Hey, Ahana, How are you? - Hi! Good,
Where you coming from, babe?
- Work, - Sure,
Work,
Cute,
Happy birthday, Rohan,
Thank you,
To what do I owe this surprise?
You surprised me too, at their sangeet,
I thought I'd return the favor,
Hi, I'm Tanya,
Ahana,
Can I get you something to drink?
Champagne would be great,
Sure,
- Got a new house help? - Why are you doing this?
Let me think,
You slept with me and then you blocked me,
And then you went for waffles with "baby," Maybe that's why, Rohan,
Why can't I speak?
- Imaad, - Hey, Aisha, What's up?
- You could've called, - You blocked me,
- Ahana, can we speak tomorrow, please? - Why did you hook up with me?
You don't know,
Maybe your friends know…
No, I just wanted closure, Okay?
- Things ended so abruptly, - Abruptly?
You ended it, you piece of shit,
But we didn't get a chance to say a proper goodbye,
Because you lied! You said you wanted a break,
Is this your way of saying goodbye?
Is that why you were texting me, Rohan?
I just want us to be friends, Okay?
Is that how you talk to your friends?
"Hi, baby, you look so hot,"
Rohan?
I was complimenting you, okay?
- If you got offended, not my problem, - I wasn't offended,
You flirted with me, and I flirted back and we hooked up,
I'm sorry, I feel like shit about it,
You feel like shit?
I feel like shit since we broke up, But do you care?
Sure, I care, but you seemed happy,
- When? - I saw your posts,
You even went on a date,
You have moved on, Just admit it,
It wasn't a date, I was just pretending,
Seeing your super happy life and your perfect girlfriend everyday,
I'm fed up, Rohan,
Then stop looking, Why are you looking?
I don't know, I can't stop,
I just wanted your attention, Rohan,
Wow,
I'm so stupid,
To think my self-worth depended on an asshole like you,
Ask him where he was on the sangeet night,
Ahana, what the hell?
Ahana!
It's okay,
Let's go home,
No,
Fuck!
That was a bitch move, Ahana,
Imaad,
Is that how you talk?
What you gonna do?
Imaad, leave it, please, Stop it, guys,
- Stay out of it, - Stay out?
- What are you doing, Rohan? - No touching!
- Stay out of it, - Imaad, what are you doing?
Guys, stop it! What are you doing?
Imaad, stop it!
Rohan, get off him!
Rohan, stop it, You're hurting him,
- Are you okay? - Yeah,
You broke my nose, Now see what I do to you,
That was a bitch move, Neil,
Let's get out of here,
You're something, Good timing,
He deserved a few birthday bumps,
You should've given one more from me,
Neil,
Have you seen Lala's page?
What happened?
Look at her page, She's getting bullied,
Look at the comments,
She's photoshopped her images, Apparently, she's done her lips,
- Shit! - Obviously she's been hacked,
Who'd do such a thing?
- Now they're all trolling her, - Look at this,
"Lightened skin, social climber, sellout,"
This is horrible, dude,
- I know, - "Nose job,"
"A Nagpur call center accent,"
Neil, call her,
She should file a complaint, This is messed up,
Neil?
What is it?
I hacked her account,
What?
- I put up that first post, - Why?
She complained about me to Harsh,
I was fired from the gym,
You guys broke up?
She cheated on me,
I didn't have what she was looking for, so she found someone else,
She put up a story, kissing that guy while I was,,,
Neil, I'm sorry that you were hurt,
but that doesn't mean you take revenge,
I can't believe you would do this, Neil,
What you are and have…
maybe she couldn't see it,
And neither can you,
That's the problem,
Yeah,
"Lala, I hacked into your account yesterday,"
"I put up that post in your name,"
"I violated your privacy,"
"I wanted to humiliate you,"
"I just wanted to shame you,"
"But what happened since
"has left me ashamed of myself,"
"I don't have an explanation for my actions,"
"Except that I wasn't happy with myself,"
"All I saw were my shortcomings,"
"I was so caught up with what I don't have,
"that I never saw or appreciated the things I have,"
"I had forgotten to be grateful,"
"I don't expect to be forgiven, Lala, I crossed a line,"
"And I'm ready to face the consequences,"
"But I want you and everyone else to know
"that the things I wrote show my reality,"
"Not yours,"
"I'm truly sorry to have hurt you, Lala,"
"Neil Pereira,"
Dating apps should've made life easier, but meeting someone is even tougher,
The thing is, now we reject people at a superficial level,
"I don't want to date somebody named Jignesh,"
She's an investment banker? No, she'll keep repeating,
"Mutual fund investments are subject to market risks,"
"Please read the offer document carefully before committing,"
In this world of easy judgements and shallow connections,
I finally managed to find someone,
Somebody I could trust, maybe fall in love with,
Thank you,
And in classic Imaad style, I completely screwed it up,
For the first time it felt good, I was comfortable with someone,
Then a voice from my heart said,
"Man, it's been a while since I enjoyed an Arijit Singh song,"
Seriously, the person I've had the longest and most consistent relationship with
is my therapist,
My therapist asked me,
"Imaad, when was the last time you had an intimate relationship?"
I was like, "Last night,"
"It was very intimate,"
And she was like,
"Imaad, this is my therapy clinic, not Koffee with Karan,"
"I'm talking about emotional intimacy,"
And for the first time in my life, even as a comedian, I had no comeback,
Emotional intimacy,
I feel like if I open up to people,
they'll judge me and leave,
So, before they can leave me, I leave them,
I still lose out in the end, But you see, my ego is on a high,
I'm used to being alone since I was a kid,
I was nine when my mother passed away,
My dad decided he would not spend the rest of his life alone,
So every evening, he'd chill with a Mr, Johnnie Walker, or with an Old Monk,
This was his version of therapy, Cheap and effective,
Sometimes his business partners would come over for drinks,
One night dad indulged in too much therapy,
so he went to bed,
His business partner came to me, and he offered me chocolates,
Now, for a ten-year-old, to get chocolates is like winning the lottery,
He asked me where the washroom was,
I took him there,
And suddenly he pulled me in with him,
Before I could even process what was happening to me,
it happened again,
Then again,
And another night,
And more chocolates,
The wrappers started piling up,
I know what you guys are thinking,
Imaad must really like chocolates,
He'd do anything for them,
When my dad saw the chocolates, he said, "Son, these are expensive chocolates,"
I said, "Yeah, Dad, You have no idea,"
What could I have said?
Your business partner is mixing business with pleasure?
What's going on, guys? Don't be awkward, you can laugh,
If you don't, you'll spoil my show,
And I can't even eat chocolates to cheer myself up,
Intimacy,
Into-me-see,
For the past fifteen years, I've had only one aim,
That no one should know my truth,
No one should see it,
I snuck my way through life till here,
I did whatever I had to, I lied,
Spoiled relationships,
Cracked stupid jokes,
To avoid the truth,
I never even told my friends about it,
I thought it was my fault,
That night…
What could a ten-year-old have done?
He could've shouted,
Tried to stop it, Could've run away,
And since that day,
all I've done is run,
But not anymore,
I've spent 15 years of my life with this shame,
I'm done,
Tonight I'm taking control of my life back in my hands,
And there could be no better place to share,
'Cause if I regret telling you this, I can always say,
"It was a joke,"
It's 31st of December,
We're a bit older,
And a lot wiser,
Wise to the fact that, like any drug addict
the problem wasn't chasing the high,
it was running away from reality,
We got so lost in our screens,
we forgot to look within ourselves,
Since today is a day for new beginnings,
let's reboot,
Resolution one,
Put your phone down,
And look up,
Look life in the eye,
Because life is meant for living,
Without filters, without lenses,
Resolution two,
Take it easy, keep it real,
Recognize that it doesn't take much to be happy,
Only when you truly connect with yourself
can people truly connect with you,
We're free of all our woes That's all we know
We'll heed our hearts We'll follow them where they go
Resolution three,
Stop the comparisons,
No one is like you, and you don't need to be like anyone else,
Where did we lose ourselves?
You are unique,
The only person better than you today is you tomorrow,
Resolution four, Be grateful,
Say "Thank you," Loud and clear, Every day,
Why think of things That make us feel so low?
We're free of all our woes That's all we really know
And resolution five,
Find your tribe,
Because who needs followers when you have friends?
Where did we lose ourselves?