-What are you doing? -I reorganized the fridge, [CHUCKLES]
See? Uh, bottom shelf, meats and dairy,
Middle shelf, fruits and vegetables,
And top shelf, expired products,
-Why are you doing this? -Because I am bored out of my mind,
I've already been to the bank, post office and dry cleaners,
Dude, you just described seven days worth of stuff,
Gotta spread it out a little, you know, Haven't you ever been unemployed?
I am not unemployed, I'm on sabbatical,
Hey, don't get religious on me, okay?
A guy in your position needs to be a little better at relaxing, you know,
Why do you think we have the comfortable chairs, huh? Here, sit down,
[SIGHS]
Ready? Watch,
Aw!
And then… Aw, yeah! Huh?
-So, what? We just sit? -Oh, no, no,
We're not gonna just sit, Watch,
[DIALING]
Shh,
[LINE RINGS]
CHANDLER [OVER PHONE]: Hello, Chandler Bing,
[IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] Hello, Mr, Bing,
I love you,
CHANDLER: All right, whoever this is, stop calling me,
It's been six months! It's not funny!
But I love you,
CHANDLER: Leave me alone! For the love of God, leave me alone!
[IN NORMAL VOICE] And that's Wednesday, Ah!
Hey, you guys, Guess what?
[RINGING]
The British are coming?
Oh, you and your ways,
[RINGS]
Since it's Christmas, I'm gonna be one of those people collecting donations,
Yeah, I already have my bell, and later on I get my bucket,
Oh,
Yeah, yeah, I'll be spreading joy to the people,
Last year I spread a little joy, but not enough,
So this year, I'm gonna do the whole city, [CHUCKLES]
I knew a girl in high school who did that, She was very popular,
[CHUCKLES]
Uh, so, Pheebs, where are you doing your bell ringing?
They gave me a great spot right by Macy's,
They never give such a good corner to a rookie,
but I'm the only one who can say "Merry Christmas" in 25 languages,
[LAUGHS]
I lied,
Oh, my God, Okay, you guys, here's Danny,
Just watch this,
See? Still pretending he's not interested,
Okay, he's coming over, Pretend we've forgotten who he is,
-Hey, guys, -PHOEBE, CHANDLER, MONICA: Hey, Danny,
Oh, Danny! Hey!
Oh, uh…
Danny, you know Rachel, She's nice, She's not bad to look at, right?
-Thanks, Mon, -Of course,
-Do you wanna go out on a date with her? -Monica,
[DANNY CLEARS THROAT]
Absolutely, Is Friday okay?
[MOUTHING] Oh, my God,
Friday is perfect, She can't wait,
On the date, I will be able to talk to her directly, right?
See you Friday,
Okay, what the hell was that? You know what? Don't answer me,
I have a date with Danny, Ha!
How could I not get the part?
The play was about a 29-year-old Italian actor from Queens,
Well, Talia Shire suddenly became available,
She's a woman!
What can I say? She nailed it,
Uh, okay, Is there anything else?
Well, you're just gonna say no again, but
gay porn?
Happy holidays!
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
And Merry Christmas,
Oh, thank you, sir, Here's some joy,
-Hey, -How's it going?
Well, it's going okay,
-Oh, good, Here, let me help you out, -Oh, thanks,
-Yeah, -Wow, Ha, ha,
Is that a new suede jacket? It looks really expensive,
Yeah, I guess,
Just get your nails done?
Yes, Phoebe, but this is all I have, okay?
Okay, thanks, Happy holidays,
-Here's your joy, -Thank you,
Thank you, Happy holidays and… Wait,
-You can't take the money out, -I'm making change for the bus,
Can't you leave the dollar? This money's for the poor,
I'm poor, I gotta take the bus,
Okay, Seasons greetings and everything, But still…
Bite me, blondie!
Oh!
Oh, I'm gonna give him something besides joy, Just…
That part was perfect for me, I can't believe I didn't get it,
I'm sorry, man,
You know what you should do?
You should make something happen for yourself,
You know, like write a play,
Write a movie, huh? What about those Good Will Hunting guys?
Come on, Ross, Be realistic, you know? If I did write something
what are the chances I could get those guys to star in it?
-Wait a second, I could star in it! -Or that,
I can't write, you know, I mean, I'm an actor,
I don't have the discipline that it takes, you know, I can't do it,
I'll help you,
Yeah, I'll make up a schedule and make sure you stick to it,
Plus it'll give me something to do,
-Really? You'd do that for me? Thanks, -Yeah,
We'll start off slow, The only thing you have to do tonight
is come up with the name of your main character,
-Done, -And it can't be Joey,
-It's not, -Or Joseph,
Oh,
Hi, What's up?
I just saw Danny getting on the subway with a girl,
and he had his arm around her,
Oh, honey, I'm sorry,
Well, you should be, This is all your fault,
You meddled in our relationship,
You had no relationship,
No, but I was doing my thing, and everything
was going according to the plan!
Oh, God, Stop with the plan,
Unh, So what if you saw him with a girl?
Who cares? That doesn't mean anything,
You'll go out on a date with Danny and be so charming he'll forget all about
that stupid subway girl,
She was kind of stupid,
You're right, All right, I'm just gonna go on the date,
That is the new plan,
Hurry, hurry!
MONICA: Mm,
-Hey, how do you spell "suspicious"? -Why?
Because I think this character is gonna be suspicious about stuff,
Yes!
Chandler Bing, seven, Chandler Bing, zero,
You're driving me crazy with that,
-Okay, I'll stop, -No, don't stop,
Move the bowl further away, Ross could make that shot,
Well, you suck, But at least you suck at a man's game now,
-You wanna play? -I can't be playing games,
Ross will be home soon, I have to write five pages to stick to his schedule,
Well, so play for the next 30 minutes, then you can write until he gets home,
All right,
But, listen, what do you say we, uh
crank it up a notch?
I'm intrigued,
All right, All we need is a little lighter fluid,
Okay, but be careful, I wanna get our security deposit back,
Yeah, I think we said goodbye to that when we invented hammer darts,
[LAUGHS]
Do you remember which part of the wall is not spackle?
Uh, yeah, right here,
Thank you, Happy holiday,
No, that's trash, young lady, No, you can't…
Hey, Stop that young lady! She donated trash!
Hey,
The charity's on fire!
Help! Good, thank you, I need that,
Whoo!
What is this? It's 9:00 in the morning,
All right, "A room,
A man enters, He looks suspicious,"
That's it?
Joey, you were supposed to have five pages done by now
including an exciting incident,
What is all this? "The Official Rulebook of Fireball,"
Yeah, that's the game we played,
Yeah, it's great, You take a tennis ball, a bowl and lighter fl…
Oh, oh,
This is helping your career, huh? You wanted to be an actor,
Not the creator of Crazy Lawsuit Game,
You're right, you're right, I'll get back to work,
And shame on you, You should know better, Joey needs to work,
-Now come on, -Hey,
No, uh-uh, You can have this back when the five pages are done, huh?
[YELLS]
-I had a really nice time tonight, -So did I,
I'm really glad Monica asked us out,
I'd love to ask you in but my sister's visiting,
-I think she's asleep on the couch, -Your sister?
Your sister's asleep on the couch?
Ah, I saw you with her on the subway and now she's asleep on the couch,
Oh, God!
-Oh, I thought I heard you, -Oh, hey, great, you're up,
Rachel, my sister Krista, Krista, Rachel,
-Hi, -Nice to meet you,
Wish you told me we were having company, I'd have fixed myself,
-Like it would help, -You are so bad,
-You are, -You are,
-You are, You are, -You are, You are!
-You are so dead, -Ha,
-I'm gonna get you, Come here, -Aah!
-Come here, Come here! -Ha-ha-ha!
[DANNY LAUGHING]
Um, it's very nice to meet you,
Nobody, Nobody respects the bucket,
You wouldn't believe what people put in here,
Look, Okay, does this look like
-a garbage can to you? -No,
-Does it look like an ashtray? -No,
Does it look like a urinal?
Ew!
So, Pheebs, you gonna go back out there?
Yeah, but I'm not gonna take any more crap,
Okay? No more Mrs, Nice Bucket,
Yeah, good for you, You're tough, You lived on the street,
Yeah, I'm gonna go back to being Street Phoebe,
Yeah, Oh, but you know what? I can't go totally back
because Street Phoebe really wouldn't be friends with you guys,
[DOOR OPENS]
-Hey, -MONICA: Hey,
-Um, can I ask you guys something? -MONICA, ROSS: Sure,
Um, I don't have any brothers so I don't know, but did you guys wrestle?
-Oh, yeah, -All the time,
In fact, I was undefeated,
Well, you weighed 200 pounds,
Still, I was quick as a cat,
Well, I met Danny's sister yesterday,
-Uh, that was the girl on the subway, -MONICA: Oh, you're kidding,
And they were very, you know
wrestle-y,
But I guess that's normal?
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
We don't wrestle now,
Not since I got too strong for you, Ha, ha,
-Too strong for me? -Yeah,
You wanna go right now?
Because I'll take you right now, buddy, You wanna go?
Oh, fine,
Ready?
Wrestle!
[BOTH GRUNTING]
Okay, you know what, um?
Actually, that's great, That helps a lot, Thanks,
Guys, come on, let's go, The puck drops in 20 minutes, Come on,
-Joey's not going, -I didn't finish my five pages,
Why can't you finish them tomorrow?
Because tomorrow he's redoing yesterday's pages,
Yesterday's pages did not reflect my best work,
Why don't you cut him a little slack?
Maybe if he relaxes, he'll get some work done,
I think he's been relaxing enough, thanks to you,
and Fireball,
If you think Fireball's relaxing, you obviously have never played,
The only reason you're doing this to Joey is you're bored,
It's not his fault that you're unemployed,
I am not unemployed, I'm on sabbatical,
Look, look, Guys, don't fight,
And the reason I'm doing this is because I am Joey's friend,
And if you were a good friend, you'd be doing the same thing,
So being a good friend means acting like a jerk?
If it does, then you're an amazing friend of mine,
Hey, guys, How about we settle this over a friendly game of Fireball, huh?
-I'll go unhook the smoke detectors, -How about we settle this right now?
[GASPS]
There, Now no one's going to the game, Ha-ha-ha,
-I paid for those tickets, -No, you didn't,
-You said you would, but you never did, -Oh, yeah,
[GIBBERS]
So we finally get to the top of the mountain, [CLEARS THROAT]
and airhead here forgets the camera,
You know, that same thing happened to me one time,
When did that happen to you?
Don't you remember? We were jogging in the park, we saw that pretty bird,
And I wanted to take a picture but I didn't have my camera,
Okay, First of all, chasing the churro guy is not jogging,
Oh, this is so good, You have got to try it,
Hmm, Mm,
That is good,
-Oh, damn, I got it on my pants, -Here, I'll get it,
DANNY: Mm,
We better take these off or that stain will set,
I wanna wear these pants on our date tonight,
Oh, great,
Okay, bye, Oh, my God,
-That was unbelievable, -Okay, see? I told you,
Yeah, wow, Sorry, Rach,
I don't believe they're brother and sister,
They're brother and sister?
[BELL RINGING]
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
Wait a minute, Open your hand, Let me take a look,
Quarter, dime, Lint? Not interested in that,
What's this? A Canadian coin? Get out of here!
Gosh,
Whoa, No drinks near the bucket,
Set it down over there and then you can make a contribution,
And you can leave the "hurt bunny" look over there too,
Hi, Bob, I thought I told you to get out of here!
Uh, Phoebe, we've been getting complaints,
And we're gonna move you to a less high-profile spot,
What?
-Uh, Ginger's gonna take over this corner, -That chick can't handle my corner,
Look, either you leave or we remove you,
Fine,
All right, I'll give you one pointer, Look out for that bitch,
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
[CLEARS THROAT]
Oh, hey, Rach, I thought we said 7,
Yeah, uh, you know what? Uh, let's skip it,
What? Uh, why?
Um… Look,
You and your sister seem to have, um, a very special bond…
Oh, great, That "special bond" again,
Why do women have such a problem with the fact that I'm close with my sister?
-Okay, look, I don't know, but… -Do you have brothers?
No, I have two sisters, but one of them actually has a very masculine energy,
-Are you close with them? -No, no, They're not very nice people,
Okay, come here, Listen,
I really like you, okay? I think this could go somewhere,
So what if I'm close to my family? You gonna let that stand in the way of us?
Well, I… I don't know…
See, when you put it that way, you know…
Danny, hurry up, The bath's getting cold,
-What? -Yeah, okay, I'll see you later,
Oh, hey, There's some kids playing in the street,
You wanna go down there, give them a project, ruin their day?
Hey, if they have a ball, maybe you could stick razor blades in it,
and teach them a new game: "Gonna-Need-Stitches Ball,"
Hey, guys, I was at the library all morning
and I already finished my five pages for today,
Great, Now we can go to the Ranger game last night,
No, dude, Ross tore up the tickets,
[MOUTHING]
I guess when you don't have so many
distractions, it's easier for you to focus, huh?
Yeah, or also when you don't have somebody
breathing down your neck all the livelong day!
Well, that's fine, but the important thing is
I finished it, And I think it's really good,
But you know what would help me, is if I
could hear it, Would you guys read it for me?
-Yeah, all right, -All right,
Okay, "It's a typical New York City apartment,
Two guys are hanging out," Ross?
-"Hey, man," -"What is up?"
"About yesterday, I was really wrong, I am sorry,"
"No, it was me, I'm sorry, I overreacted,"
"Maybe it was both of us, But we had our best friend's inter…
But we had our best friend's interest at heart,"
"Could I be more sorry?"
"I don't know, I am one sorry
polontologist,"
All right, Joey, we get it,
-I'm sorry, -I'm sorry too,
Oh, no, no, no, Keep reading, The good part's coming up, Keep going,
"I am sorry, Chandler,"
"I am sorry, Ross,"
[CLEARS THROAT] "A handsome man enters,"
"Hey, How's it going, guys?
I don't know what you two are talking about,
but I'd just like to say thanks to both of you,
You, You wouldn't let me give up on myself,
And you, Well, you co-created Fireball,
The End," Yeah,
This took you all day?
No, no, this only took five minutes,
I spent the rest of the day coming up with New Ultimate Fireball, Ha, ha!
Okay, "It's a typical New York apartment,
Two girls are just hanging out," Go,
-"Hi, how are you doing, Kelly?" -"I'm doing just fine,
God, Tiffany, you smell so great,"
"It's my new perfume,
Why don't you come closer where you can really appreciate it?"
-Oh, you know, Joey, you are sick, -This is disgusting,
I'm not reading this,
What? Wait, wait, wait, The handsome man was about to enter!