Okay, What is it about me? Do I not look fun enough?
Is there something repellent about me?
How was the party?
It couldn't have been worse, A woman literally passed through me,
So, what is it? Am I hideously unattractive?
No, you are not, You are very attractive,
I go through the exact same thing,
Every time I put on a little weight, I question everything,
Whoa, whoa,
I've put on a little weight?
-Did you want to… -Yeah, uh…
No, not weight, More like insulation,
Chandler, I'm unemployed, in dire need of a project,
Wanna work out? I can remake you,
Uh, I would, but that might get in the way of my lying-around time,
-Please? -Come on, let her do it!
[ALL CHATTERING]
All right, But if we put on spandex,
and my boobs are bigger than yours, I'm going home,
Your boobs are fine, Look, I never should have said anything,
Come here, Come here!
Ooh, can't make hands meet!
[ALL LAUGHING]
Okay! Let's do it,
What?
Nothing, Just never seen you in little stretchy pants before,
And we're changing,
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
-Unh! -Come on, give me five more!
-Ugh, Aah! -Five more!
Five more and I'll flash you,
One
two
two and a half,
Just show me one of them,
Ow, Ow, Ow, Ow, Ow, Ow, Ow, Ow, Ow, Ow,
[SIGHS]
Ow, Ow, Ow, Ow, Ow,
She's insane! The woman is insane,
It's before work, after work, and during work,
She's got me doing butt-clenches at my desk,
And now they won't bring me my mail anymore,
RACHEL: Hey, Pheebs, How'd it go with Scott?
Oh, um, it was nice, Took him to a romantic restaurant
ordered champagne, Nice,
-The guy still won't put out? -Nope, Zilch, Nothing, Uh-uh,
-Sorry, Pheebs, -Sorry, Pheebs,
Well, look, I don't mind taking it slow,
I like him a lot,
He's really interesting, and he's really sweet,
Why won't he give it up?
Maybe he, uh, drives his car on the other side of the road,
If you know what I mean,
No, What do you mean? He's not British,
-Maybe he's gay, -Oh!
Um, no, I don't think that's the problem,
We went, um, dancing the other night,
and just the way he held me so close and the way he was looking into my eyes
I just definitely felt something,
Yeah, but how much can you tell from a look?
No, I felt it on my hip, I could tell,
Yo, Bing! Racquetball in 20 minutes,
Joey, be a pal, Lift up my hand and smack her with it,
[CHUCKLES]
Ooh, Oh, Rachel! Don't look,
What?
Come on, guys, I don't care, I have a date tonight,
Whoa, whoa, whoa, You have a date?
Yeah, Monica's setting me up,
[CHUCKLES] Now, what about, uh, Ross and…
What? My whole insane jealousy thing?
Well, you know, as much fun as that was
I've decided to opt for sanity,
So you're okay about all this?
Oh, yeah, come on! I'm moving on,
He can press her up against that window as much as he wants,
For all I care, he can throw her through the damn thing,
-Hi, guys, -ALL: Hey,
Monica, I figured I'd come by tomorrow and pick up Fluffy's old cat toys, okay?
Only if you say his full name,
Can I come over tomorrow and pick up Fluffy Meowington's cat toys?
-All right, -You're getting a cat?
Actually, we're getting a cat, [CHUCKLES]
-Together? -Uh-huh,
-Both of you? Together? -ROSS: Yup,
It'll live with Ross half the time and me half the time,
Oh, well, isn't that just lovely?
Ha, ha, That's something the two of you will be able to enjoy,
for a really, really, really long time,
-Hopefully, -RACHEL: Oh, wow,
Whoa! Look at that, I gotta go! I got a date!
With a man, [CLEARS THROAT] Okay,
You guys have a really, uh, good night,
and you two have a, uh, really good cat, [CHUCKLES]
We're not supposed to take these when we leave,
I don't know if Monica told you,
but this the first date I've gone on since my divorce,
So if I seem a little nervous… …I am,
How long do cats live?
-I'm sorry? -Cats, How long do they live?
Figuring you don't throw them under a bus or something?
Um, maybe 15, 16 years,
Well, that's just great,
-Um, cheers, -Mm,
Right, Clink, [CHUCKLES]
Monica told you I was cuter than this, didn't she?
Oh, no, Michael, it's not you, Sorry, It's just…
It's this thing, It's probably not as bad as it sounds,
but this friend of mine is getting a cat with his girlfriend,
Oh, that does sound…
-Huh, -He just started going out with her,
[CLEARS THROAT] Is this guy, uh, an old boyfriend?
[LAUGHING]
Yeah, he wishes,
Oh, I'm sorry, Look at me,
Okay, Michael, let's talk about you,
-All right, -Okay, Okay?
So…
Did you ever get a pet with a girlfriend?
-So I figured it out, -What?
Why Scott doesn't want to sleep with me,
I'm not sexy enough,
[CHUCKLES] Phoebe, that's crazy,
When I first met you, you know what I said to Chandler?
-Mm-mm, -I said, "Excellent butt, great rack,"
Really? That's so sweet,
I mean, I'm officially offended, But that's so sweet,
Look, if you wanna know what the deal is, you're gonna have to ask him,
You're right, You're right,
Ugh, you are so yum!
[CHUCKLING]
I mean, it's a cat, you know? It's a cat,
Why can't they get one of those bugs? One of those fruit flies,
Those things that live for a day,
What are they called? What are they called?
-Fruit flies? -Yes!
-Thank you, -Would you like any dessert?
No! No dessert,
Just the check, Please,
Oh, no, You're not having fun, are you?
No, no, I am,
But only because I've been playing the movie Diner in my head,
Oh, look at me,
Look at me,
Oh, I'm on a date with a really great guy,
All I can think about is Ross,
and his cat… …and his Julie,
I just want to get over him, God, why can't I do that?
Oy,
Look, I've been through a divorce, Trust me, you're gonna be fine,
You can't see it because you haven't had closure…
Aah!
Closure!
That's what it is, That's what I need,
God, you're brilliant!
Why didn't I think of that? How do I get that?
Well, there's no one way really, it's just…
Whatever it takes so that you can finally say to him:
"I'm over you,"
Over you, That's what it is,
Closure,
Hello? Excuse me?
Excuse me, Hel… Whoo!
-Hang on, -Hello? Excuse me?
-What? -Hi, I'm sorry,
I need to borrow your phone for just one minute,
-I'm talking, -I see that,
It's one phone call, I'll be very quick, I'll even pay for it myself,
Okay, you're being a little weird about your phone,
All right, Fine,
I'll call you back,
Thank you,
[SCOFFS]
Okay,
Machine,
-Just waiting for the beep, -Good,
Ross! Hi, it's Rachel,
I'm just calling to say that, um
everything's fine,
And I'm really happy for you,
and your cat,
Who, by the way, I think you should name Michael,
And you see there, I'm thinking of names,
so obviously I am over you,
I am over you,
And that, my friend, is what they call "closure,"
No, no, no, no, no, no, No,
Monica, it's Sunday morning, I'm not running on a Sunday,
-Why not? -Because it's Sunday!
It's God's day,
Ha, hey, If you say stop, then we stop,
Ha, ha, okay,
-Stop, -No, come on! We can't stop!
We got three more pounds to go!
I am the energy train and you are on board!
[MIMICKING TRAIN WHISTLE]
Whoo,
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
-Hey, Rach, -Mm,
-Oh, And how was the date? -Ugh,
Um, I think there was a restaurant,
I know there was wine,
Wow, Well, uh…
Uh, actually, Julie's getting a cab,
I just need the cat toys, Did Monica say…
What? Why are you looking at me like that? [CHUCKLES]
[CLEARS THROAT] I'm sorry, I don't know, I…
I feel like I had a dream about you last night,
but I don't remember,
Okay,
[CHUCKLES] Oh, oh, oh,
-There they are, -[CLEARS THROAT]
Did we speak on the phone? Did you call me?
No, I stayed at Julie's last night,
-Huh, -Oh, I haven't even been home yet,
Do you mind if I check my messages?
Oh, yeah, go ahead,
Rach, I got a message from you!
-Who's Michael? -Oh, my God,
God, Ross, no! Hang up the phone, Give me the phone!
Give me the phone! Give me the phone!
Give me the…
You're over me?
Oh, God,
-Wha… You're, uh… -Oh, God,
-You're over me? -Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God,
Oh, my God, Oh… When… When were you
under me?
[GROANING]
ROSS: Rach,
Rachel, do you…
I mean, were you, uh…
RACHEL: Ugh, Okay, Okay, okay, -What?
Well, basically [CLEARS THROAT] lately, I've, uh…
[CLEARS THROAT] I've sort of had feelings for you,
You've had feelings for me?
Yeah, so? You had feelings for me first,
Whoa, huh,
You know about my… You know I had…
You know?
-Chandler told me, -When did he…
When did he… When did he?
-When you were in China, -China,
-Meeting Julie, -Julie,
Julie, That's… Oh, God,
Julie? Julie, right,
Okay, I need to lie down,
-No, I'm gonna stand, I'm gonna stand… -Okay,
…and I'm gonna walk, I'm walking and I am standing,
Okay, so you, uh… And now, what? Now… Now,
Now you're over me?
Are you over me?
[INTERCOM BUZZING]
That's… That's Julie, That's Julie, Julie,
-Hi, Julie, -JULIE: Honey, I've got a cab waiting,
I'll be right down!
Wait, so you're going?
Well, okay, I, uh… I have to, I can't deal with this right now,
I mean, I've, uh… [CHUCKLES] You know, I've got a cab,
I've got a girlfriend, I'm gonna go get a cat,
Okay, Okay,
Cat!
[SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
-Hey, Joey, -Hey, Pheebs,
How come you're watching a rabbi play electric guitar?
I can't find the remote,
Ugh, thank you, [CHUCKLES]
So, Scott asked me to come over for lunch and I did,
-And? -And we did,
-All right, Pheebs! Way to go! -Yay, me, Ha, ha,
So how did it happen?
I took your advice and asked him what was going on,
What did he say?
He said he understands how sex can be a very emotional thing for a woman,
And he was just afraid that I was going to get all, you know:
"Is he gonna call me the next day?" and "Where is this going?" and:
[BABBLING]
So he said he wanted to hold off until he was prepared to be serious,
-Wow, -Yeah,
So I said, "Okay, Relax, please," You know?
I mean, sex can be just about two people right there in the moment,
If he wants to see me again, he can call, If not, that's fine too,
So after a lot of talking, [CHUCKLES]
I convinced him, [CHUCKLES]
[CHUCKLES]
Let me get this straight,
He got you to beg to sleep with him,
He got you to say he never has to call you again,
And he got you thinking this is a great idea?
Uh-huh,
This man is my god,
-Hi, -I didn't get a cat,
Oh, that's, um, interesting,
No, No, it's not interesting, Okay? It's very, very not interesting,
It's actually a hundred percent the opposite of interesting,
I got it, Ross,
You had no right to tell me you had feelings for me,
-What? -I was doing great with Julie
before I found out about you,
I was doing great before I found out about you!
You think it's easy for me to see you with Julie?
You should've said something before I met her,
I didn't know then, And how come you never said anything to me?
There was never a good time,
You only had a year, And we only hung out every night!
Not… Not… Not… every night,
It's not like I didn't try, But things got in the way,
You know, like Italian guys,
or ex-fiancée, or… Or… Or… Italian guys,
There was one Italian guy, okay? And do you have a point?
The point is, I don't need this right now!
Okay? It's too late,
I'm with somebody else, I'm happy, This ship has sailed!
You're just gonna put away feelings or whatever it was you felt for me?
I've done it since ninth grade, I've gotten good at it,
All right, fine, You go ahead and do that, Ross,
I don't need your stupid ship!
-Good, -Good!
And you know what? Now I got closure!
[YELLS]
[SIGHS]
Try the bottom one,
Monica, it's 6:30 in the morning,
We're not working out, It's over,
No way! With one pound to go? Come on!
♪ We're workin', we're movin' we're in the zone, we're groovin' ♪
Okay, I don't mind the last pound,
In fact, I kind of like the last pound,
So don't make me do anything that I'll regret,
Ha, oh, what you gonna do, fat boy, huh? Ha, ha,
What? [CHUCKLES]
Nothing, Except tell you, uh, it's wonderful how much energy you have,
Well, thanks,
Especially considering how tough it's been for you to find work,
Well, you know, [CHUCKLES]
You know, I mean
you can't tell your parents you were fired, because they'd be disappointed,
Uh-huh,
It's not as if you have a boyfriend's shoulder to cry on,
-Well, no, But I… -I mean
if it were me, I'd have difficulty getting out of bed at all,
You know, I try to stay positive,
So you…
You feel like going for a run?
All right,
Because you don't have to, You could just take a nap right here,
Okay,
-Just for a little while, -Okay,