Behold, the promised land!
Thy sayeth unto you, behold the promised land,
Crown heights,
Brooklyn,
Oh, Moshe! Moshe!
Shlomi, we talked about not using the computer on shabbat,
Sundown is at 7:41, Got four minutes and 12 seconds,
And it should only be for religious studies or business,
This is business,
"U,S, unemployment at danger levels,"
Dad, we're heading to the next great depression,
Where is shira?
Where do you think?
Kowalski at the plate,
Bottom of the ninth, two out, runner on third,
One second, I know, daddy,
But this is for business,
Someday I could run a baseball team,
It's very close to shabbat, shira,
Yes! We won! Whoo hoo!
Yes!
Mmm,
Do you want some more?
Give me your plate, Take a little bit, We have plenty,
Thank you,
Mia closed the store today,
Business is so bad,
I told you, dad,
By day, I'm Moshe Yehuda, the shy, hasidic Jew,
but by night,,,
I am,,,
Fernando caliente, the hot, hasidic bullfighter!
The bull's going fast!
I'll protect you,
Any questions?
- Yes, avi, - Rabbi Yehuda,
why do women wear scarves or wigs on their heads?
To cover their head is for respect,
The same way it is forbidden for a man to touch any woman
other than one's wife,
So, where's hashem?
Everywhere!
And how do we find him?
And what do we do on shabbat?
We,
Come on, come on, boy, Come come,
- Come on, kids, - Grandpa!
And take you bags, Take your bags,
Shabbat shalom,
- See you guys next Monday, - Bye, rabbi,
Shabbat shalom,
Hello, Moshe, How are things?
Ah, I could complain, but it wouldn't help,
Unfortunately, I've got something else for you
not to complain about,
If you can't pay the back rent on this unit,
I'll need a new tenant, I'm sorry, Moshe,
Borah, you've been more than fair and patient with me,
Moshe, to what do I owe the visit?
Ready to buy that couch we've haggled over since purim?
Last time we spoke, Yosef, you were so busy
that you were thinking of hiring someone
to help you in the storeroom,
Moshe, the job is yours,
I can't pay a lot, just above minimum wage,
Yosef, can you have a look at the label on this sofa?
You had to hire the helper and we can't afford it,
Mara, Moshe's in need, He has five children he has to feed,
What about the six children we have to feed?
Sha, I will not abandon my friend,
So, Moshe, when can you start?
Yosef, I have to turn down your kind offer,
But blessing to you and your family,
Bye,
Why do you even talk like that?
I can spell as good as you,
- Cannot! - Can too!
- Cannot! Cannot! - Can too! Can too!
Esther and rifka,
The two of you are giving me such a headache, Stop,
Look at this, ma,
"Since start of the recession, suicide is up 20%,"
This is what you want to share with your mother
before a dinner party,
Daddy!
- Sorry, ma, - Just trying to be,
Do me a favor, take this contraption
and be in the other room,
Come on hooligans,
Come on,
- Mommy, Esther's bothering me, - Come on, go, go, go, go,
Don't ask,
Raquel, you outdid yourself,
The chicken, the,
the roasted potatoes,
Thank you, rahamim,
Your kids are the best, Beautiful, handsome, brilliant,
Thank you, Marina,
I so look forward to being their aunt Marina,
Grandma,
Shira, can you take the kids out into the playroom?
Adult talk time, March!
Well, Mrs, Zlotkin, it's so nice for you to come here for dinner
and meet our loving mama,
Thank you,
You know, Mrs, Yehuda,
you have so much in common with my mother,
Like what?
Well,,,
Sewing, Uh,,,
You both have a talent for making creative garments,
What do you make?
I spent time at the
I make prayer shawls,
- yamakas, - Hmm,
I could get you a discount,
Hmm,
Well, I work for a fashion company,
My specialty is girdles,
lace panties, and bikini bras,
What?
Bikini bras,
Mama, ma, what is it?
I miss rahamim's beard,
Mama, I did not shave my beard because of Marina,
When we fell in love, he had a beard,
But nowadays, a Jewish woman
with progressive views,
pretty soon you'll wear loud clothes,
you stop uttering the sabbath,
you think about having sex,,, In a group!
May I say something?
Your rahamim, he's a fine man,
Maybe a little too old for my Marina,
But his success at the wall street stock market,
fantastic,
He's no Bill Gates,
but any woman would be happy to say
he's my son-in-law,
Or any woman would be proud to say he's my son,
beard or no beard,
- I'm dizzy! - Mama!
I'm dizzy,
This is crazy,
I'm a simple woman, I'm a plain woman,
I can't have controversy!
Hey, mama, we understand, I want you to have schnapps,
Here, come, come, here's some schnapps,
Here,
- A bissel, A bissel, - Want some more?
A bissel, A bissel,
Let's put our differences on the side, okay?
Now, I think that rahamim,
you wanted to talk to me and Raquel in private,
See you later,
Oh yeah, give her the bottle,
Um, rahamim, I'm sorry,
Mama's a little meshugenah right now but things will change,
But that's not what I want to discuss with you privately,
As my older brother, you've always been there for me,
Advised me, protected me,
When I got through business school with your help
and became a big success, I knew I'd be able to pay you back,
That is so nice of you, rahamim,
But the firm's hedge fund
that my clients and I have been investing in
has collapsed and half of my capital is gone with it,
That's terrible, terrible, rahamim,
But thank hashem you still have the other half,,,
The other half is gonna have to cover fines,
So I'm not gonna be able to afford the big wedding
at the Waldorf astoria grand ballroom
that Marina, the love of my life, is entitled to,
I'm hoping,,,
I can again turn to my older brother for some help,
Oy vey iz mir,
Oy vey iz mir, Oy vey iz mir,
Why didn't you talk about our problems?
How could I?
Look, hashem told me to get a job,
He didn't say I have to get it in our neighborhood,
What, you're gonna go to gentiles for a job?
Moshe,,, I've never seen you like this before,
Moshe?
- Moshe? - Hmm,
Good luck,
That'll be six dollars,
Yeah, those are fine,
Okay,
You know what? I'll take two more,
Would you like them wrapped?
Sure,
- Watch where you're going! - He's scared,
I'm looking for a job,
I'm sorry, the job was just taken,
Tough out there, huh?
Oy, yeah,
Thank you,
Good luck!
Congratulations, It'll be a nice place to work,
Now, we just need you to take a physical,
A physical? Why?
Everybody gets a physical around here,
You think carrying water up and down stairs is easy?
Just go right out that door, make a sharp left,
go to the back room,
Just take all your clothes off, put that hospital gown on,
Doctor will be here in a couple minutes, okay?
You know, you're very lucky to be in this boat,
You think you're just gonna be carrying water?
There's a lot of action here,
But we have to check you out!
Uh, Moshe,
What is it exactly that you have to check out?
Basic things, your blood pressure,
- Anything else? - Your lungs,
for respiratory problems,
- And that's it, - Yes,
Except for one important thing that undetected,
has led to employee lawsuits,
I have to check your testicles
for hernia,
Eight and one, side two forward,
One, we'll step forward,
Very good, Now we're gonna add embellishments,
So we're gonna do it like this, amagues and voleos,
Amague, Very good,
And voleos,
Make sure that your knees are staying close,
Forward, amague,
And voleos,
And we repeat one more time,
And,
Amague and voleos,
Back, Repeat one more time,
And,
And one, two,
three, four, amague,
Five and voleos,
And repeat again, One and step,
And amague, Voleos,
Back, Continue one more time,
And one, Side two,
Make sure that your knees are closed at all times,
And amague, Voleos,
Okay, I think you guys are doing good,
We're gonna continue next week, Thank you so much,
Thank you,
I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you,
You didn't, it's okay, Are you a dancer?
I do, Not that kind of dancing, What kind of dancing is that?
Argentine tango,
You've never seen it before?
Not even on TV?
I don't watch TV, I'm a hasidic Jew,
I teach, I study, I mean, it's very entertaining,
But I'm not allowed to do that kind of dancing,
Well, what kind of dance are you allowed to do then?
Like the hora,
The hora? Can you show me?
Please, I'd love to see,
Come in, show me,
Please,
Wow,
Wonderful, You are even more talented than I sensed,
You are an artist,
My name is Viviana Nieves, What's yours?
Moshe Yehuda,
Would you like to learn the tango, Mr, Yehuda?
I can't, I'm not allowed to touch a woman,
It's okay, I have an idea, Look in the mirror,
I'll do the steps and you can imitate them,
- Come, look in the mirror, - It's okay, I better,,,
Please, just try it, it's easy,
Okay, first of all, feet together, shoulders down,
chest up, knees bent,
Beautiful, Get your arms in a frame position,
We are gonna start with the right foot back,
And one,
two, three, four,
five, six,
Okay, we're gonna add a little bit more embellishment,
Side, move forward, good,
Wow, Whoo! Excellent,
- This is the tango, - The tango,
Wow, I've never seen anyone pick the steps up so quickly,
Incredible,
How much do I owe you?
Nothing, It's on the house, Thank you,
But I do offer an introductory,
One lesson a week for four weeks,
Thank you,,,
- Sorry, Excuse me, One second, - But maybe someone else,
Wait, Hello,
- I have to go, - What?!
How could you do this to me, No, I don't want to discuss it!
I hate you! I hate you!
Is,,, is everything all right?
My dancing partner, Jose Hernandez
is choosing another partner in the ballroom competition,
- Ana parda, - That's terrible,
But I'm sure that perhaps you can find someone who,,,
He was my lover, We were going to marry,
She was my best friend,
Oy vey iz mir,
I hate you! I hate you, Jose Hernandez,
I hate you, Ana parda!
I'm gonna enter this contest and be better,
That's the spirit,
With hashem's help, everything is possible,
Wait, you be my partner, You be my partner,
You have more natural danceability than my students,
I'll show you the routine,
It's impossible,
Well, couldn't hashem make an exception
in case of an emergency?
There is a huge cash prize we can split,
Please consider it,
I can't, I'm sorry,
I desperately need the prize money,
I'm sorry, I've gotta go, Sorry,
Your brother called,
Is a nervous wreck about the wedding,
- Baby! My little,,, - Mama! You gotta calm,,,
- Baby, - Mama, you gotta calm down,
Your blood pressure,
Mrs, Yehuda, look who's here,
Moshe's here, Everything gonna be all right, Moshe's here,
Everything's gonna be all right,
I will do my best,
Tell me the situation,
Let me explain! Please, mama,
Explain, Explain!
The company owner has been charged with insider trading,
- Oy vey iz mir! - He had me trade stock too,
The government wants to implicate me,
Oy vey iz mir!
Rahamim, be honest with me,
Did you knowingly make illegal deals?
- No! - No, No,
He's a good boy, He never stole a cookie!
But I feel guilty that maybe I should've suspected it,
No!
What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do?
A crook?!
I have to learn from the New York times
that my daughter is gonna marry a crook?!
Who is broke?!
Mother, please!
Don't you dare call my son a crook!
He's,,, he's,,, He's rich in spirit!
He's an opportunist!
You know what? Quiet!
You cry, it gives me a headache!
A pain in the tuchus!
Ah, she's a warmonger!
- She's a warmonger! - Ma, please,
I'm a warmonger? I am? What's a warmonger?
You're a lunatic!
Luna Luna Luna Luna lunatic!
I'm leaving, That's it!
And you, we'll talk later,
I can't believe this is happening,
Tango shalom!
Raquel? Raquel, wake up,
I had a dream,
What is it?
I have a solution to our finances,
Mmm, That's wonderful,
What is it?
The tango,
There's a televised dance contest in a month,
The gentile instructor,
she believes that her and I, we can make a lot of money,
dancing the tango,
- The tango? - Yeah,
A,,, a gentile dancing teacher
wants to tango with you? In a TV contest?
Yes,
A female, gentile dancing teacher?
From,,, from what I remember about the tango,
the dancers' bodies touch
in very provocative ways,
That is the case,
How do you plan on reconciling that with your morals?
I haven't figured that out yet,
Are you crazy?! Are you out of your mind?!
Dance the tango?! Dance the tango?!
With a female dancing teacher!
This is not my Moshe,
This is,,, this is,,, This is some imposter,
What happened to your beliefs, Moshe?
Our beliefs?
Our children's beliefs?
Raquel, love of my life,
I will do nothing to compromise our beliefs,
Have you prayed to hashem about this state of events?
- Yes, I have, - And?
What has hashem said to you?
You're in a spiritual crisis,
Moshe, you need help,
Aye, Tomorrow I'm gonna go speak to rabbi menahem,
That's a wise decision, Moshe,
Sorry to disturb you,
Moshe Yehuda is waiting in your office,
Please, excuse me,
Sit,
It's been a while since you came to see me,
Eh, your father would be proud
of all the knowledge you got from hasidic studies,
Thank you, rabbi menahem,
No?
Um, I'm having a bissel problem,
Moshe, to take me from a meeting,
it should be more than just a bissel problem,
I'm having financial difficulties,
and I failed to find work,
And have you prayed to hashem?
Yes, And hashem spoke to me,
Mazel tov!
We can do wonders when we do not doubt hashem,
This is what I say to myself,
So what's the problem?
What?!
He wants me to dance the tango in a contest,
Hashem told you to dance
in a tango contest?
Not in so many words, The point is, rabbi menahem,
he didn't tell me not to dance the tango,
I see,
Oy,
Moshe, life is a ladder
that gets you closer to hashem,
On one hand,
there is a time for bold acts,
On the other hand, there is a time for cautious acts,
On one hand,
you could find a quick way
to solve your financial woes,
But,,,
On the other hand,
you could choose and act
that could be a profanation
of your sacred faith
and cause an ostracizing
of your family,
Study the torah, Moshe,
All the answers are there,
Shalom,
Thank you, rabbi menahem, Shalom,
May I help you?
It was really nice of you
to give this man food and a blanket,
Would you like something to eat or a blanket?
No no, thank you, Thank you,
My name is Moshe Yehuda,
I'm a hasidic Jew,
Are you questioning your beliefs?
Yes,,, I mean, no no no, I,,,
I still have my beliefs,
But,,,
Through those beliefs, I can't find the answer to my dilemma,
Which is?
But I will have to touch a woman other than my wife,
I see,
Shakespeare wrote,,,
"The problem is not in the stars but in ourselves,"
Ask yourself this question, Moshe,
How can I achieve my goal
without sacrificing my sacred beliefs?
Well, I wanna thank you
for your advice and Shakespeare's advice,
I don't know if it's gonna help me,
But I appreciate the effort on your part,
Thank you,
Good luck, Moshe,
Thank you, uh,,,
My friends call me Anthony,
Thank you, Anthony, Bye,
Huh,
Excuse me, Excuse me,
Hello,
I would like to speak to your leader,
You're not of our faith,
And you don't even believe in prophet Muhammad,
But I believe in Abraham, like you do,
So,
- Maybe I speak to,,, - No no,
Mm-mm,
This guy wants to come in,
Take everybody inside,
Why are you here?
My name is Moshe Yehuda, I'm a hasidic rabbi,
I came here to ask for advice,
Okay, let's go talk,
Other people, even my own,
will not offer their help,
Let me ask you a question,
As a Muslim, are you allowed to dance with another woman?
We live in modern times,
Like there are many different christians
and many different Jews,
there are all kinds of muslims,
In my culture which, like your own,
touching a woman in dance is forbidden,
What if Allah told you to dance the tango?
He would never do such a thing,
It would be an evil inclination,
Oy,
But it could very well be
that Allah is testing this person
to see if he is observing his laws,
We have the same thing in our religion
when god told Abraham to kill his son Isaac,
I am sorry,
I cannot tell you to dance the tango,
I would advise
that you not even observe others doing the tango,
You need to look into your own religious beliefs
and come to your own conclusion,
You might find there is no need
to touch this woman in tango,
Well, that's not possible,
I must go,
My congregation is awaiting prayer,
Let there be peace between us,
I am in a spiritual crisis!
And I'm not close to solving it,
I'm running out of holy men!
Hey,
There's a hindu temple a few blocks from here,
Dude,
You're too late for the wedding, but not for the celebration,
I didn't come here for the wedding, I've got big problems,
Big problems can be such big fun,
Problems? Fun? Why?
'Cause they lead to solutions,
Put this on your head, take off your shoes, come inside,
So, tell me, what is this big problem of yours
that begs for a fun solution?
I'm having financial difficulties
that I can solve by dancing the tango,
- But I can't touch a woman, - Hmm,
And no fun solution,
What's so funny?
I bear my soul and you give me a balloon?
Read the torah, search my heart,
dance without touching,
And here is a balloon!
Ah!
I have a solution to my dilemma,
- Mm, - But I must have your blessing!
I found a way to enter the dance contest
without touching a woman!
By putting a balloon between me and her,
Moshe, that's the most ridiculous,
crazy idea I've ever heard,
And I'm embarrassed
to even have a discussion with you on this,
On the other hand,,,
If you're not touching the woman,,,
Would not be sinful,
On the other hand,
if you don't want to offend hashem,
you cannot even touch a hair,
You cannot even have eye contact with her,
And she should be dressing very modestly,
which, if I understand
the communication from that dance tango,
it's impossible,
But on the other hand,,,
When it comes to hashem,,,
Who's to say what's not possible?
Hmm,
On the other hand,,,
Thank you very much for your wise, spiritual decision,
Shalom,
I have the answer, We dance with a balloon between us,
Look, it's insane,
No one has ever tangoed with a balloon between them,
We'd be different, that's for sure,
There are other details that we must allow for,
I cannot have contact with your hair,
you must wear a very modest dress,
and we have to avoid eye contact,
Well, what if I dance with my eyes closed,
wear an ankle-long coat with a hood,
and shave my head?
I don't think hashem would require that,
Thank hashem for me,
Are you sure that rabbi menahem approved
dancing the tango with a balloon between you and this shiksah?
Not in so many words,
Uh,,, How do you plan to,,, to,,,
Ah!
The hot hasidic bullfighter,
Mrs, Hot hasidic bullfighter approves!
We're gonna rehearse eight hours a day
and we start tomorrow,
You up to the challenge, Moshe Yehuda?
What challenge?
And I wanna thank you for accepting me
as your friend and partner,
We come from such different cultures,
I grew up in Jerusalem, son of Romanian Jews
who fled the Nazis,
And you, and argentinian tango dancer,
I'm Jewish,
What?
I'm Jewish, I'm a Jew,
My real name,,,
Is Vivienne Bernstein,
It's just Viviana Nieves sounds better
for an Argentine tango dancer,
Are you religious?
If religion is going to temple and high holidays now and then,
What do you believe in?
I think people need to be kind to one another,
I like that, I like that very much,
Oh my god, look at the time, I've gotta go,
I'll see you tomorrow, okay? Bye,
I took the Liberty of inviting the person
who gave me the idea about the balloon,
I hope you don't mind,
Not at all,
Ravi prajna, meet Viviana Nieves,
It's a pleasure to meet you and thank you for your great idea,
What did you think of the early results of your inspiration?
Bloody marvelous,
Thank you for allowing me to be privy
to such a fun adventure that I know will be met with success,
Well, it looks like we've made some real progress,
So, we're ready for the big competition?
No, we're far from being ready,
Still have a lot more to do,
Confidence is like a golden sword one wields
in the quest of achievement,
I've only one more bit of advice to add
to the previous pontificating,
Wee!
Are you okay, Viviana?
Thank you, Moshe,
It's just this contest means so much to me,
My husband, Javier Nieves,
He's argentinian,
We met in his tango class,
Then I moved to Argentina with him,
And then he died,
Two years ago,
Perfect health, just sudden heart attack,
May he rest in peace,
And this is my daughter,
Dara,
She's seven,
She's so pretty,
Such intelligent eyes,
She has multiple sclerosis,
I'm so sorry,
That's why this is so important to me,
I was hoping to win enough money
to pay for this experimental treatment
that my insurance doesn't cover,
I think that hashem would like us to win,
I'm sorry I'm late,
You're late on top of tango dancing, what's with that?
What? What, this,,,
You shouldn't bring up private matters like that,
Private? It's all over cyberspace,
Mendel meyer posted this:
"Which religious hasidic rabbi isn't so religious or hasidic?
Rabbi Moshe Yehuda, that's who,"
Mendel meyer did this on the Internet?
It can't be! He's only seven!
Dad, seven is like ancient in Internet years,
The whole neighborhood knows,
What's the big deal? They were just dancing,
The grand rabbi approves,
Papa, did rabbi menahem approve
of you lying on top of a woman?
He didn't lie on top of her, you dummy,
She fell on top of him, Dummy,
Don't call me a dummy! I am not a dummy!
Someone tweeted "he jumped on her,"
This is ridiculous! Accidents happen!
You're all being judgmental narrow-minded gossips
like everyone else in this neighborhood,
So stop it, all of you!
Shira, I appreciate you defending me,
but not everyone in this neighborhood is a judgmental,
narrow-minded gossip, You shouldn't generalize,
All right, there'll be no more talk about this,
Everybody, go to your rooms, close your doors,
Your father and I are gonna talk in private,
Go go go! Go go go! Everybody go!
I wanna thank you, Raquel,
for being so calm in this troubling situation,
Are you crazy?!
- Are you out of your mind?! - It was an accident,
I don't wanna know about accidents,
I don't want explanations!
Tomorrow, you are going to rabbi menahem,
he will tell you how to behave, and you will do it!
Sleep on the couch! I don't want you on my bed tonight,
You know the song from iddler on the roof has a line: F
♪ posing questions that would make ♪
♪ a rabbi's eyes go crossed ♪
Look, Moshe, are my eyes crossing yet?
I'm sorry to bring disservice to you, rabbi,
Having known your father,
a good man, who raised you correctly,
and knowing you have no history of falsehoods,
I can only assume this was an accident,
- Yep, - But,,,
That leaves me with the fact
that your recklessness caused an accident,
And I'm sure
that was not pleasing to hashem,
You embarrassed a woman,
held her,
so she would not hit her on the floor,
Yeah,
Well, that leaves me with a question,
Does that action supersede
the recklessness
of your meshugenah enthusiasm?
Uh,,,
Yes,
If the grand rabbi menahem gave his approval for you
to continue on this strange journey, so be it,
After all, I'm a devout wife,
Who am I to argue with the grand rabbi,
So have your strange adventure, Moshe,
On the couch,
It's okay,
Stay with me, focus,
Focus,
Strong, Balance,
Sorry, I'm sorry,
Lead,
Straighter, Balance,
And keep them open, Keep your frame,
Don't stop,
I can't do this, They're watching,
The whole time they're watching, I can't do this,
It's okay, you're gonna get used to people watching you,
Not these kind of people,
I can't do this,
Maybe tomorrow you'll see things differently,
I can't do this!
Moshe, you can!
Moshe?
So I am going to get the most beautiful
I'm gonna get a latke,
My mother is a born baker,
I'm at a loss, hashem,
You want me to ask for help?
Please guide me through this!
Hashem?
Hashem? Hashem?
Hello, Moshe,
Hashem?
Remember me?
- Father Anthony, right? - That's right,
- May I join you? - Please,
What brings you to this neighborhood?
Where else would I go for good deli?
I love their,
- Want one? - No thank you,
How'd you make out with your problem?
I followed yours and Shakespeare's advice,
I found a way to achieve my goals
without sacrificing my sacred beliefs,
By dancing with a balloon,
Between me and a woman,
A balloon?
A marvelous idea,
But there's so many prying eyes,
waiting for me to fail,
I'm unable to perform,
And I think that god told me
to ask for help, which confuses me
because I was asking him for help,
When I was a young priest,
I had a spiritual problem,
questioning my faith and my commitment to the cloth,
Frankly, I was in a deep depression,
But with the right spiritual guidance
and the help of a very good Jewish shrink,,,
I learned that what had drawn me
to the priesthood, in the first place,
my desire to help people, it was a good quality,
It's like,,, it's like I had a,,, had a muscle in one arm
that worked really well,
But in the other arm, I had a muscle
that had atrophied,
I had to train that muscle to do its job,
And what job was that?
To be able to ask people for help,
Moshe,,, Moshe,,,
I'm so relieved you're here,
He's been like this all day,
I'm having such a problem with Marina,
She doesn't care if we have a low-class caterer,
She's crazy!
I don't know what to do,
I need you to help me find a way
to have a wedding she deserves,
A wedding that won't embarrass me,
- I need,,, - I can't help you,
I need your help,
Your older brother needs your help,
For once, I need your help!
And Rachel,,,
I need you to trust me,
Yosef, is Moshe not your dear friend?
Rahamim, what you're asking me to do could make big problems,
Convincing people Moshe walks in a storeroom is so out of reason?
Not at all,
Soooo?
How do we convince people
that a young, pretty, shiksah dancing partner
is just a young, pretty, shiksah dancing partner,
Mmm,
We got him,
Moshe, thank you for coming,
This is my sister Brenda,
I'm pleased to meet you, Brenda,
And this is dara, of course,
Hi, dara, Oh boy, you look as beautiful as your photos,
I am not gonna stand for this!
I am gonna take Moshe home right now! I am humiliated!
Do you see what he's doing?
- What's wrong? - We've got trouble,
Can you take dara in the back room and start on homework
and I'll join you in a second?
I love you, baby,
'Cause this is not my Moshe, I need to bring him home,
I am Moshe's wife,
Don't talk,
Just listen,
You're very beautiful,
And I don't know if I can trust you,
But I'm gonna trust Moshe,
And I'm letting him enter this dance contest with you,
But you can't list him as your partner, He must have an alias,
Now,,,
As you listen to what I'm telling you
you must act for those two bearded note-takers out there,
Like what I'm telling you is upsetting you,
And when Moshe and I leave,
you must act very upset,
Do you understand?
- Yes, - Good,
Come on,
Wait,
Your alias, what do I enter?
Fernando caliente,
I love it,
I don't know,
I don't know what he's up to,
You must be Mara's cousin from Kansas City,
Not very friendly,
Well, if he's unfriendly, he underestimates
how unfriendly we can be, Come on,
We've got work to do,
You two are great!
You're gonna impress a lot of people,
Thank you, We work very hard for this,
We need to get it to the point where we can impress
some really tough judges,
We have two weeks to get better,
Oy, Two weeks?
What's wrong?
- Our costumes, - Ah! I totally forgot!
Finding a designer now, going for fittings,
without drawing suspicion?
Oy is right,
Ready, lead, And,,,
- Good, very good, Much better, - Thank you,
One more, just the count, from the beginning,
Chest up, ready, From the very start,
And lead, lead, lead, Forward, you wanna go forward, Yes,
Chest strong,
What do you call that stitch you're making?
Good,
I need to shorten the pants,
I'll be here longer,
You go and I'll lock up,
Thank you,
You're welcome,
Focus,
You know, the costume you're making for Moshe,
is very inventive,
Thank you,
Your costume for Viviana,,,
Drop dead,
Drop dead?
- Okay, - And back, side,
Then we go around,
I'm sorry I called, uh,,,
Your son,,, a,,, a crook,
Amague,
I'm sorry I called you crazy,
Actually, you called me crazy,
Well, when I'm talking about money, I get a little, uh,,,
Sedrate,
And,,,
- We start the set? - Good job, Moshe,
You know, in Russia,,,
My father, he had a,,, a,,, a clothing business,
You know?
The government, they took it, they seized it,
And,,, it killed him,
I hated being poor,
I hated it,
When my husband got sick,,,
And then he died,
I still haven't found what I'm living for,
Okay, It's okay,
It's okay,
Here's to the feds dropping the charges
against my rahamim,
- Mozel tov, - Mozel tov,
Maybe you'll grow your beard again, rahamim,
Ahh!
Mama, don't push your luck,
I wanna thank Viviana
for everything that she's done for my Moshe,
Awww,
But I'm still jealous,
I never had a best friend before,
Who is that?
You!
And I wanna thank you all for helping Moshe
and his meshugenah decision to enter a tango contest,
And this is,,, This is to hashem,
To hashem,
Dad, they know you're in the contest tomorrow,
What?!
They know you're tangoing with Viviana tomorrow,
Everyone's chatting about it,
"Fernando caliente is rabbi Moshe Yehuda,"
Someone spotted them,
Mara and I were shop lookouts,
After that first day, nobody paid attention,
They had to find out somehow,
I don't know,
Shira?
Shira, what's wrong, shira?
She's okay,
Do you wanna talk about it, sweetheart?
No,
I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!
I really thought he loves me,
Who loved you?
David Cohen,
When I told him about the contest,
I swear, I was bragging about you,
I didn't think he'd go and blab about it to everyone,
How old is he?
He's 18, He's a freshman at yeshiva,
Do you love him?
Did by any chance you love him with more than just your heart?
No, except,,,
What?
I let him kiss me once on the cheek,
I see,
And now, I hope he flunks out of college
and becomes a bum on the street, I hate him! I hate him!
I don't think hashem would want his children to hate so much,
Hate should be reserved for poverty, for injustice,
And maybe one day Yankees play the mets,
Well, what about the contest?
It's gonna be so hard for you to dance
with all of those judgmental eyes watching you,
waiting for you to be unholy,
Hey, it's okay,
Moshe, you need to get your sleep,
You need your rest for the contest tomorrow,
It's going to be so hard to dance
in front of judgmentals,
expecting me to be unholy,
Hashem will see you through,
You think so?
Why not?
Azoy,
Ready to go, crane in place,
I want all of you to look at the camera,,,
All these cameras,
Standby, Good, Over there,
- Gotta go, - Hot on the set!
All camera's standby,
Camera one, go,
Ladies and gentlemen, we present our first annual,
Tango america contest,
I wanna welcome to this exciting event all those present here
and our international television audience,
We are live from soho dance studio New York City,
I hope my community's not watching this,
Now, we've assembled for this competition
some tremendous dancers,
these dancers are gonna be competing
for $250,000 for first prize,
$150,000 for second prize,
and $50,000 for third prize,
- Stop it! - You stop!
- Stop! - Stop it!
Meet our contestants,
The competition is starting,
Don't feed rivkah any more blintzes,
She's gonna get fat,
It's a smidge, a schmechel,
Jose Hernandez
and Ana parda,
Oy vey iz mir,
What "vey iz mir"?
That's Viviana's best friend and her ex-boyfriend,
Anti-semites,
What's an anti-semite look like?
That,
Look how superior he thinks they are,
He doesn't even know what we have in store for him
and his new miss right,
Pablo and Valeria churrasco,
And,
Anuel and Guadalupe inglesias, M
and,
Facundo Garcia and Eliana dominguez,
Oh my god,
They must've been late entries,
So?
In Argentina,
You said this competition was gonna be tough,
Yeah, but not this tough,
We don't stand a chance,
We'll see,
My stomach,
Ooh,
Oh wow,
- When are they coming up? - Soon, baby,
What are you doing?
I'm praying,
Mm, Good, We need it,
I heard on the street that Moshe is faltering,
He will sin,
Why?
Why are you hoping that he sins?
We should be praying that he doesn't sin,
Now, let us pray,
Ladies and gentlemen, Fernando caliente
and Viviana Nieves,
- Where's the balloon? - Tied to a chair,
Well, go get it! Hurry!
- Where are they? - I don't know,
If he touches her just once,,,
We're gonna kick him out of the community,
And his whole family,
Ta!
Oh,
- Come on, Moshe! You can do it! - Look!
- Wow, - Yes!
Oh, that's my Fernando,
She is beautiful,
I know,
It's a twirling rabbi,
My brother, the bullfighter, I
can't believe it,
Ladies and gentlemen, the time has come
to announce the winners of our contest,
I'm sorry it took so long for our judges
to make their decision,
But when you hear the results
I'm sure you'll understand why,
In third place and winners of $50,000,
Jose Hernandez and Ana parda,
At least they didn't come out first,
Now, for second place
and winners of $150,000
Manuel and Guadalupe inglesias,
Ahhh,
And now, are you ready
for our first place winners?
Well, ladies and gentlemen,
so, here it is,
Are we ready?
It's $250,000, Whoo!
Facundo Garcia and Eliana dominguez!
- Give them a hand, Fantastic, - Oh,
Two outstanding tango dancers,
Congratulations, Ah, come on, let's give them a hand, folks,
Congratulations,
Soak it in, folks, soak it in,
First place prize, $250,000
for facundo Garcia and Eliana dominguez,
Let's hear it for them,
Whoo!
Oh, okay, Uh,,,
Okay,
Wow,
Well, ladies and gentlemen, it appears
that I have to make one more announcement,
And it's probably the reason why our judges took so long
to make their decision,
Our producers and sponsors have decided,
For this event, and all future events,
there will be a fourth award,
And it will be given to dancers
who take tango into inventive directions, Wow,
That award will be $100,000,
And this year,
the award goes to,,,
Fernando caliente,,,
Moshe!
Sorry!
Yes!
Where are they?
There they are,
Come on, Come on, you guys, Come on, that's you!
Oh my goodness,
- Thank you, - Oh, you're welcome,
That's wonderful, I'm so happy for you guys,
Give 'em all a hand, That's fantastic,
- Fred Astaire, - No, Susan, Gene Kelly,
Hanna, like Fred Astaire,
- It's a gene Kelly situation! - Sorry! No! No!
Thank you,
Whooo!
You're a true inspiration,
I try,
This is the greatest wedding ever,
Who needs the Waldorf astoria grand ballroom anyway, huh?
Aww,
There you go, For you, my little sweetie pie,
- Aw, no crying, Come on, - Let's dance,
Thank you for having rahamim invite us to the wedding,
That was very compassionate, rabbi Yehuda,
Mozel tov, Moshe, It's a beautiful wedding,
And our children are enjoying your school, Right, mendel?
I've got ideas how to make it better,
I think we've got a new partner,
Did rahamim give you the letter and the present
- that I received? - Yes,
We were just about to studying it,
"Dear Moshe,,,"
On heading of your successful dancing
without sacrificing your beliefs,
And I thank your brother rahamim
for inviting me to his wedding celebration,
which, like the tango contest, I cannot attend
because of my religious beliefs,
I offer rahamim and his bride Marina
my best wishes,
And I include a gift that is symbolic
of the oneness of all people,,,
"And respect for their differences,"
Imam Ahmed,
A banana?
Peel the banana, Peel the banana,
Each peel represents,,,
A different religion!
But the important thing is,,,
- The banana! - The banana,
The banana,
I feel bad for Viviana,
She's such a good person,
She deserves some mozel,
I don't think we have to worry about Viviana's mozel,
Aww,
Look, Moshe,
That balloon,
It's dancing by itself,
No,
It's not dancing by itself,