Do you have a washroom?
Yes, check over there,
Occupied,
How long?
Long,
Fuck,
Please continue,
There's blood in my stool,
Unbelievable,
Did you even hear what I just said?
I'm dying,
You'll be fine,
Why do you hate me?
So, me and you sitting inside a restaurant,
Huge four men are trimming tree,
Couple people around us,
All of a sudden hundred,
strange cameras,
horses, donkeys, straw,
manure around,
What the heck is going on?
Can I top up your coffee?
Yeah, sure,
Please,
Thank you,
Are you ready to order?
Yeah, scrambled eggs,
Toast with that?
Yeah, brown toast,
And for yourself?
I'm okay, thank you,
Okay, can I have this,
Here you go,
Hi everyone,
It's great to be here,
I'm single right now,
but I've actually been texting with a guy recently
and he texted me the other day
that he's getting a new library card,
So things are getting pretty hot and heavy,
Looking forward to that,
I have depression and in addition to meds and working out
I also like to do self-help things
and I recently started listening to an audio book version
of Eckhart Tolle's "The Power of Now",
Are there any Tolle heads out there?
Okay,
And I'm enjoying it,
but I'm having a bit of a hard time grasping the concepts,
This wasn't helped by the fact that
I was listening to it on shuffle,
for three hours,
I was going through a bit of a rough patch the other day,
and I was talking to my mom about it
and she thought maybe it was due to lack of vitamin D,
So she looked at me very seriously in my eyes and said,
"Honey, every day you've got to get that D,"
She was talking about vitamin D,
but I imagined it as in D as in dick,
So I've been trying,
It's been kind of hard,
Hello,
No one is available to take your call,
Please leave a message after the tone,
Hi mom, it's me,
I just got back from LA,
It was so fun,
I had the best time,
I don't know, I just feel so at home when I'm there,
I don't know what it is,
Something about the air, the sun and the surf,
I don't know,
I hope you're having a good trip,
I honestly don't even know what time it is there,
but I just got home,
I had a show it went really, really awesome,
It was so cool,
There was a lot of people there, which was so awesome,
I even tried that new bit that I was telling you about,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, mom,
I'm doing okay, I'm just, it's hard,
I hope,,,
I'm good, I'm doing good,
Everything's okay,
Talk to you soon,
Bye,
Tyler come help me,
In a bit,
Now,
Nope,
Get away from me,
I'll do it all myself like I always do,
I said I would do it,
just later,
There,
Hi, Pizza Heaven,
How may I take your order?
Hi, I'd like to order a pizza for delivery,
What's your phone number?
Phone number is
204-218-0639
Okay, what's your address?
Address is Jack,,,
14, Jack Hawthorne Bay,
Could you spell that for me please?
So that's Jack is spelled Jack
and then Hawthorne is H as in hotel,
A as in alpha, w as in whiskey, T as in tango,
H as in hotel, O as in Oscar, R as in Romeo,
What's up man, 1475,
Card?
Yes sir,
Thanks man,
How's your day going?
Pretty good,
Just hanging in there, how about you?
Yeah, it's working out,
Two seconds,
Okay, all yours,
Have a good one,
Nice day,
Babe,
Hey,
Look what I got,
Nice,
Where'd you get it?
The store,
It's 20% off, aye,
Sweet,
Where do you think this should go?
No, not there,
No?
No,
Above the bed?
That's better,
This place is moldy,
You get a picture of me?
Yeah,
Did he post it?
Yeah, it's good,
I think this place has bed bugs,
My ex, Eric, do you remember him?
Yeah,
When he was in high school,
his best friend got kicked out of his parents' place,
and he had these two large suitcases
and they smelled really bad,
And he brought them to Eric's place when he moved in,
So then Eric and his parents got bedbugs from this guy
that they were just trying to help,
Good, fuck that Eric guy,
Do you love me?
No,
Do you love me?
No,
That's harsh,
Will you come to my funeral when I die?
Yeah,
Would you come if it was far away?
Like how far?
Far, you have to come by plane,
More coffee?
Something is very wrong with me,
Shut up,
Shut up, fuck shut up,
You shut up,
Gigi, stop crying,
Oh my God, shut up,
Shut up!
Gigi, stop crying,
Gigi, please stop crying,
Shut up!
Gigi, stop crying,
Hi, everybody,
It's really great to be here,
I'm doing well,
I'm almost 30 and I had to set my alarm
to wake up at 11:45 today,
So I'm doing really good, things are okay,
I work as a server and I was at work the other day,
and I went up to a table to take their order
and this man just put his hand right in my face,
Although I didn't appreciate the gesture,
it did let me know that he wasn't ready to order,
It also let me know that I could go fuck myself,
which I did
just right afterwards,
Something else that I did at work the other day
when I was serving,
I'm always kind of surprised
at the stuff that will come out of my mouth,
and I just very confidently went up to a table,
I put my hands on my hips and I said,
"Are you guys ready to rock?"
That was my way of asking if they were ready to order,
And they were,
and then they ordered,
Yeah, you guys have been a blast,
I've had a blast,
Thanks,
Hi, everyone,
It is so good to be here tonight,
Fuck, it's so great to be here tonight,
I recently read an article,
well I read the title of it,
and it said that your thirties or your new twenties,
So I've decided that I'm gonna start taking guitar lessons,
My parents, they couldn't be more proud
that their almost 30 year old daughter
is burning smoke on the water,
So I feel like I'm regressing back
to a boy in grade seven,
Maybe next I'll light a barn on fire,
Tyler, come here,
Look what I got you,
Great,
Can you try it on please?
Cool,
How do they fit?
Yeah, they fit,
Let me see,
Okay,
Great,
The shoes too, please,
Great,
Walk around,
How do they fit?
Yeah, they're good,
Yeah, they're not too small?
Where's your toe?
- Right there, - Is that your toe?
Lift up your big toe,
Wiggle all your toes,
Do you have room?
Yeah,
Are your toes cramped?
No,
They wide enough?
- Yeah, - They're good,
Yeah,
Do you have anything to say?
Thanks,
Flowers,
Who got you these?
I did,
I got you something too,
Sorry about last night,
There's no tag on them,
They're designer,
If you don't want 'em I'll take 'em back,
Go ahead,
♪ I called the earth ♪
♪ And I lost, and I lost it all ♪
♪ I called the earth ♪
♪ And I lost, and I lost it all ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Be my sweetheart tonight ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Be my sweetheart tonight ♪
♪ I called the earth ♪
♪ And I lost and I lost it all ♪
♪ I called the earth ♪
♪ And I lost and I lost it all ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Be my sweetheart tonight ♪
Okay, let's get you up,
Good job,
Let's keep going,
Eat your soup,
Just kidding,
One more,
Okay, let's get you sitting up,
Good,
You have a nice place here,
You should paint the ceilings gold,
That's what they do in France, you know,
My family went to France once,
It's beautiful there,
They didn't take me,
I can count to 10 in French,
You're not gonna eat?
I'm not hungry,
I think I have tapeworm,
I'm keeping it,
Fuck, I knew it,
Hey, can I try?
Can I try?
The fuck dude?
Go get it,
The fuck you looking at?
Just go already, man,
My grandfather had this business associate
back in the day and he came into the shop,
His name was Saul Cohen,
He was from New York and he said,
"Arnold, I brought you a salami wrapped in tin foil,
"It's from New York,
"I brought this for you, it's a salami,"
And my dad's sitting there and he's thinking,
who is this guy?
You put this in your luggage
and you bring this all the way from New York?
Salami wrapped in tin foil?
We have salami in Winnipeg,
And anyways, my grandfather
he gets Saul to hook up my dad with a job,
And so they're in the warehouse,
it's this warehouse filled with a bunch of junk,
absolute garbage,
but he's a businessman,
He could sell a water to a well,
he's that kind of guy,
And so he says, okay Yale, this is how you do business,
And he picks up the phone, they're in the factory,
nobody's there, he says they got a bunch of garbage,
And he's talking on the phone and he says,
"We got a bunch of shit here,
"You better come on down,
"Everything's on sale,"
And then he puts down the phone
and nobody's there in the warehouse,
and he says, "No, it's already sold, it's already sold,"
And then he picks up the phone,
you better hurry here 'cause everything's going quick,
And then he hangs up the phone and then he says,
"That's how you do business Yale,"
And yeah, now he's a millionaire,
You think that plane's going to Las Vegas?
I like Vegas,
I've never been,
They have the Eiffel Tower there,
the Statue of Liberty,
but no World Trade Center,
Do you think that's 'cause of 9/11
Yeah,
Hey,
Can I talk to you for a minute?
I forgive you,
For what?
I found this,
What's that?
You think I don't know what you're doing?
You're feeding me poison,
You're making me sick?
So you and your boyfriend can run off together?
You want me gone?
Bye,
Tree,
Okay, let's try something else,
Apple,
Egg,
Okay, I'll see you tomorrow,
Bye,
♪ After all ♪
♪ Half my childhood was spent ♪
♪ Waiting on some woman ♪
Hey,
Why aren't you wearing the clothes I bought you?
You're stupid,
I'm not wearing them,
Where were you?
I was out with some buddies,
What buddies?
My buddy Mitch,
What were you and Mitch doing?
He's gonna train me,
I'm going to his cabin next month,
Gonna eat fish and get buff,
Come here,
No,
Come dance with me,
♪ How do I come back to you ♪
♪ The pains, the mess I once called my home ♪
♪ I'll close my eyes ♪
♪ And stay in the cold ♪
♪ 'cause you ♪
♪ You are high ♪
This is gay,
Bye,
Hi, everyone,
It is so good to be here tonight,
Fuck, it's so great to be here tonight,
I recently read an article,
well I read the title of it,
and it said that your thirties or your new twenties,
So I've decided that I'm gonna start taking guitar lessons,
My parents, they couldn't be more proud
that their almost 30 year old daughter
is burning smoke on the water,
So I feel like I'm regressing back to a boy in grade seven,
Maybe next I'll light a barn on fire
What's wrong?
♪ I called the earth ♪
♪ And I lost and I lost it all ♪
♪ I called the earth ♪
♪ And I lost and I lost it all ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Be my sweetheart tonight ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Be my sweetheart tonight ♪
♪ I called the earth ♪
♪ And I lost and I lost it all ♪
♪ I called the earth ♪
♪ And I lost and I lost it all ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Be my sweetheart ♪
♪ I must have just missed you ♪
♪ For the most passing tent ♪
♪ Between the hollow ♪
♪ I look on the day that's on ♪
♪ I was thinking tomorrow ♪
♪ Tomorrow ♪
♪ I was thinking tomorrow ♪
♪ I will go up ahead ♪
♪ To face time ahead ♪
♪ And move on ♪