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- How was your,,, - Fine,
Given any more thought to Karen\'s phone call?
- Who? - Karen, Your,,, The woman who,,,
I was just kidding, Paul,
I didn\'t forget the name of my fucking birth mother,
Jesus,
- Hey, Have you ever heard of RISD? - The art school?
Yeah, They have this summer program that I kind of want to go to,
Do you want to tell me about it?
There are, Like, 200 kids there, All different kinds of artists,
And you live in dorms and take classes,
And then once a week you have these crits,
And I heard from this girl who went there last year
that on Thursday, Before crit, The whole school, Like, Stays up all night
and everybody comes out into the hall, And plays music,
And it sounds awesome,
Sounds great,
I applied online,
- Really? When? - A few days ago,
I sent them some of the pictures I showed you,
You liked the one of the Statue of Liberty, Right?
Yeah, Very much,
You didn\'t think it was, Like, Too cliche?
No, No, No, I thought it was really interesting,
"Interesting" is what somebody says when they think something is a load of shit,
I thought it was a very striking image,
Two boats passing in front of her,
One old, One modern,
Her placement in the picture made me think of her place in history,
Whatever, As long as you didn\'t hate it,
- So you completed the application? - Yeah,
Even got Ms, U to write me a letter of recommendation,
- Do you want to see the brochure? - Sure,
- What do you think? - It looks incredible,
I showed that brochure to Marisa last night, Do you want to know what she said?
- What? - "I\'m not going to pay for that shit,"
Is that what she really said?
No,
So what did she actually say?
"We can\'t afford it,"
She didn\'t even look at the book, She wouldn\'t even look,
Is there some kind of financial aid that you can apply for?
- No, - Have you asked?
It\'s for rich kids, Paul,
It\'s, Like, Six grand for three weeks,
Well, Maybe there are some options available through the school,
Have you talked to your guidance counselor?
Ms, U?
I told her I had it covered,
Why?
- You\'ve met her, Right? - We\'ve talked on the phone,
You should meet her, She would like you, You\'re, Like, Totally her type,
I met her last boyfriend, He was a total douche,
But he was all, Like, Dark and depressed like you,
Are you trying to find out if I\'m depressed, Jesse?
Well, You\'re a shrink, If you\'re depressed, You can deal,
I\'m just trying to get you a little pussy,
- Jesse, - Vagina, I meant vagina,
Look, This is the woman who kept you from getting expelled during the Adderall incident,
Yeah, She\'s a good egg, Ms, U,
She\'s, Like, The only one that has my back,
Well, And you,
I\'m a little confused as to why you should talk about her so crudely,
Whatever, Dude, If you want to give up on yourself, Be my guest,
Can we go back to the RISD application?
You said that you had the finances under control,
Yeah,
Tell me about the plan,
$200 for a blowjob,
For $250, I\'ll take it up the ass, But you provide the lube,
I\'m kidding,
- I\'m gonna sell my Adderall, - But,,,
I\'m still kidding,
I\'m gonna call Karen,
Your birth mother? Or is that a joke, Too?
No, She\'s rich, Paul, She lives in Westchester,
And she owes me, I mean, She, Like, Really, Really owes me,
- And have you called her back yet? - No,
Have you spoken about her phone call to your parents?
Why would l? It isn\'t their business,
It isn\'t?
The woman called me, I am her son,
Yeah, But you\'re also their son, Aren\'t you?
Look, I don\'t envy you, Jesse, The amount of stress you must be under,
But I want to help you sort out what you\'re feeling,
Right now I think you\'re worried about
how to tell Marisa and Roberto about Karen\'s call,
I also think you\'re worried about calling Karen back,
So why don\'t we tackle the first anxiety before moving on to the next?
I think I should call Karen back first,
- Why? - Because I need money for RISD,
And how do you imagine that\'s gonna play out?
You\'ll call Karen, Ask her for $6,000, And she\'ll say what?
Just talk it through with me, Jesse,
Just imagine the possibilities,
- I get your fucking point, Okay? - And what is my point?
You don\'t think she\'s going to give me the money,
I didn\'t say that, I don\'t know what she\'ll do,
No, That\'s right, You don\'t, You don\'t know anything about her,
But you feel as if you do,
You know what? I\'m gonna go,
- Why? - Because this is a waste of my time,
And how do you think we could better serve your time, Jesse?
You could act like a normal fucking shrink, For starters,
- I don\'t know what that means, - Ask me normal shrink questions,
- Such as? - I don\'t know,
Ask me about my freaking week or something,
Okay, I will,
Will you stay?
So how was your week, Jesse?
Fine,
Anything out of the ordinary happen?
Yes,
What?
We got prank-called,
"We"?
Yeah, Somebody\'s been calling our home phone,
And when Marisa picks up, They hang up,
At first I thought it was Karen calling the house
because she couldn\'t leave another message on my cell phone,
- Why not? - The mailbox is full,
I let that happen sometimes,
Why?
So people think I\'m really popular,
How did you feel about Karen calling you at home?
It wasn\'t Karen,
It was Nate,
Come on, Man, You remember Nate,
Starting point guard on the Dalton basketball team,
Straight as an arrow except for when he\'s sucking my dick?
God, Like my life isn\'t fucked up enough as it is,
Now I have a stalker,
Do you feel like he\'s stalking you?
He called my landline, How did he even get that number?
The phone book, Possibly?
Who does that?
Well, I know when I was young, We used the phone book quite a lot actually,
Well, Sure, You grew up in pre-Industrialized Ireland,
It was either that or tipping cows over for fun,
I haven\'t heard you mention Nate in a while, When was the last time you saw him?
A couple of months ago, He was getting on my nerves,
How?
He was just, Like, Asking me all these questions,
He wanted to see where I lived,
- And that annoyed you? - Yeah, It annoyed me,
I told him we were homeless right now,
But as soon as we found a place, We would have him over for tea,
I seem to remember that you told Josh and Raif
something similar when you met them,
Something about being homeless because your father was in the army
- and your mother was a drug addict, - No,
He\'s not in the army, He\'s in the Marines,
And she\'s not a drug addict,
She just has a little drug habit
which causes her to snort all the money he sends us up her nose,
And then every once in a while we get evicted and have to, Like, Live in this shelter
until she can track him down again in Iraq and he sends us more money,
It works every time,
It turns Nate on like a Hoover,
Is this perhaps part of the reason why you\'re so annoyed by Nate\'s phone calls?
Are you worried that he\'ll find out you\'ve been lying to him?
I don\'t give a shit, I was tired of him anyway,
If he does find out the truth, Are you afraid that he\'ll be no longer attracted to you?
No,
Or that you won\'t be attracted to him?
You said at first that you thought the call was coming from Karen,
- Yeah, So? - How did that make you feel?
Well, It wasn\'t Karen,
I know, But if it had been Karen and Marisa had,,,
It wasn\'t,
Do you think any part of you might have been relieved
if Karen just called Marisa directly?
Wow, You\'re, Like, Kind of obsessed with this,
Whose are these?
My son\'s,
What\'s his name?
What, I can\'t know his name?
I told you, I don\'t talk about my children in therapy,
I saw him in the hallway,
- He seemed kind of sad, - Could you put those back, Please?
What would you do if I hurled these through the window right now?
And why would you do that, Jesse?
Are you angry with me for protecting my son\'s privacy?
- What would you do? - I don\'t know what I would do,
Look, Do you want to know what Marisa would do if I broke a window at home?
- What? - Nothing,
She would just, Like, Pick up the glass and say nothing,
I could bring two guys home and fuck them in front of her on the living room floor,
And she would just step over us and offer them some tea,
- Would she offer you some tea? - Probably not,
- Why not? - Because I\'m a degenerate,
Bet you\'re regretting you took me on pro bono right about now,
I didn\'t take you on pro bono,
- Who\'s paying you? - Your parents,
What?
Why?
Because therapy costs money, Jesse,
- But I thought Ms, U found you, - She did,
I mean, After Adderall-gate she said
if I didn\'t want to get expelled, I had to see a therapist,
And I thought she called you and asked you to see me,
- That\'s right, - For free,
No, Your mother sends me a check every month,
Why did you think that therapy was free?
I don\'t know,
I just did,
They can\'t afford this,
They must consider it important,
- I should have known, - Known what?
Of course she\'d rather pay a therapist than talk to me herself,
Do you think if I stopped coming here, She would pay for RISD?
I don\'t know, You could ask her,
I once showed her these pictures that I\'d taken for a school project,
I was "developmentally challenged,"
so they let me do this, Like, Pictorial family tree thing
instead of writing a report, I was, Like, 12,
She hated them,
She, Like, Made me promise never to show my father,
And what were the pictures of?
Normal things, The house where we had this reunion,
Other members of my family, The beach,
Sounds like there was something in those photographs
that maybe frightened her,
Yeah, Me,
What do you mean?
Look, Jesse,,,
Look, I know you want me to, Like, Love Marisa
or, Like, Develop an Oedipal crush on her or whatever you people consider normal,
But it\'s just not going to happen that way, Okay?
I\'ve read all about this stuff,
- What stuff? - Maternal instincts,
Biological imprints,
When real parents see their kid, They get, Like, This hormone surge, Oxycontin,
- Oxytocin, Yeah, - Yeah, That\'s it,
And it makes them, Like, Feel good, They get, Like, Addicted to their baby,
But,,,
When Marisa looks at me, All she sees are two strangers fucking,
I mean, It\'s fine, I don\'t feel anything when I look at her either,
But, You know, What\'s hard though is, Like, All the lying,
Like pretending that she loves me, Pretending that I love her,
Pretending my whole life hasn\'t just been one giant,,,
Finish the thought, Jesse,
Mistake,
And who made the mistake?
Was it Marisa?
Karen?
Was it you?
God, Look at you,
You\'ve got, Like, A total hard-on right now, Don\'t you?
You\'ve got yourself, Like, All aroused by some idea
and you can\'t wait to come all over me with it,
I\'m sorry, I don\'t know why I said that,
Do you think I have Tourette\'s?
No, I don\'t,
Should we maybe talk about why I think I have Tourette\'s?
Why don\'t we go back to talking about Nate
and how he\'s, Like, Borderline obsessed with me?
Do you think I should get a restraining order?
- No, I don\'t, - Well, What do you think I should do?
I think you should talk to him,
I think you should tell him why his phone calls upset you,
Do you know why his phone calls upset you?
- He\'s stalking me, - No, He\'s not,
He\'s calling your house because he can\'t reach you on your cell phone
and he just wants to talk to you,
- Why? - I don\'t know, Jesse,
But my guess would be that he\'s interested in knowing more about you,
And I think that really scares you,
This story that you told Nate, The one about being homeless,
Have you ever asked yourself where that comes from?
I made it up,
But why somebody who\'s homeless?
You tell it so often, It\'s become like an alter ego,
You step in a phone booth, You become a different Jesse,
And every time that you enter a new intimate relationship,
You start to play this part,
And so you remain protected,
Because the person having sex with Josh and Raif or Nate
isn\'t really you,
The real Jesse can\'t be hurt because he isn\'t even there,
And now suddenly you\'re on the verge of finding out the truth
about where you really come from,
That must be unsettling,
Are you planning to call Karen back this week?
- Because if you do,,, - Relax, Paul,
If I want to get to RISD, I\'ll just sell my Adderall or something,
But you knew that the RISD summer program was too expensive for your family to afford,
Why did you apply?
I really wanted to go!
Okay, I think that\'s true,
And I also think it was a test
that you knew Marisa would fail, Because she had to,
She doesn\'t have the money,
And when she did fail, You could get angry at her,
Which would perhaps make it easier
to justify calling Karen back without telling your parents,
You don\'t have a fucking idea what you\'re talking about,
Okay, Tell me what I\'m missing then,
I\'ll call Marisa right now, You\'ll see,
What will I see? What is she going to say?
- She\'ll probably be relieved, - Relieved?
Yes, Somebody\'s finally coming along to take me off her hands,
- And what does that mean? What will she do? - I don\'t know,
- Turn up the music, Clean the fridge? - Probably,
- Step over you and make tea? - Probably!
So in other words she\'s not gonna react at all,
She\'ll ignore the situation completely, Is that what you\'re afraid of?
Are you this harsh on your own kid?
- I told you, I don\'t discuss,,, - Your children in therapy, Right,
Well, Maybe you should,
Jesse,
Because he\'s headed for a world of pain,
Jesse,
It takes one to know one,
Jesse,