You know if your plan
is to ultimately burn something down,
you should never show it too much love,
Yeah,
Never built a real fire before,
You'll get it,
How much have you had to drink?
Nowhere near enough, my friend,
To murky pasts,
Ah, should she be getting that close?
Well, guess we'll find out, huh?
Are you,,,
Shit,
Hey, are you okay?
Babe, are you okay?
Would you even give a shit if I died out there?
Hey, you're bleeding, Let me help you,
Leave me alone,
I'm gonna show it to my boyfriend, real up close,
One injury's enough, you guys,
She won't let me help her,
Let him help you,
I don't need it,
Yeah, you do,
It's pretty ironic coming from you, Jaq,
Good one, Dash,
Come on, baby, let's get you cleaned up,
Yeah, I guess I'll just grab the board,
500 grand?
Where's our discount, our fucking loyalty card
up in this bitch?
You want a loyalty card?
You fuck off and get medical ID card,
This meth's so good it turned me Chinese,
Do you hear the way your daughter's talking to me, Mr, Wu?
Oh, don't you play coy with me,
I know you're over there plotting
some Kung Fu master shit right now,
Best crystal in town,
No one better cook,
350,
And you can tell Mr, Wu to throw in
some of those Samurai Gray roll-ups you got over there,
This cat, not a fucking peep ever,
You know why?
He deaf as a door post,
You dumb motherfucker,
DEA freeze!
Nobody move,
Anybody who moves gets a lead breakfast,
You two fuck off,
Put your arms down, This isn't CrossFit class,
Do you know who I am?
Crowe,
Man of few words but profound meaning,
I like that sitting style that waitresses do at the Hooters,
It creates an air of informality,
The customers think that the waitress is their friend,
But it's all just an elaborate act,
She doesn't give a shit about them,
All she cares about is that nice, juicy tip
that's coming at the end of the night
and she knows full well the customers only care
about nice, juicy tits that are going to be
in their faces for the duration of their visit,
This is how exploitation works, you see,
In case you haven't gotten it yet,
I'm the waitress, you're the customers,
I want you to have a good night,
Indulge in whatever turns you on,
However, the only reason
I'm being in any way hospitable right now
is simply because I'm sure as shit
walking out the door with that tip
by the end of my shift,
I see we're doing this in broad daylight now,
What are you afraid of, Lemon,
the long arm of the law?
Will you do me a favor, when those guys are around,
don't call me Lemon,
As long as you're on my payroll,
I can call you whatever the fuck I want, Leaman,
Oh oh,
Don't get frustrated,
The mystery's the best part,
Savor it,
I need a hammer,
Don't cry,
You guys hear that?
Oh my god, signal, Yes!
Welcome to paradise,
Hey, guys, we have some gear that needs checking,
What could be more important than that?
Uh, the Dow Jones, the NASDAQ, the S&P 500?
How much real money can you be making right now, honestly?
Look, I have to know what the markets are doing
to know where the opportunities lie,
Numbers and pixels, just a made up version of the world,
What you found today is real,
Are you saying that there could be $10 million
hidden in this tiny little box?
Because if so, I will pry this thing open
with my bare hands right now,
I'm just saying we don't always know
what we're looking for until we finally find it,
Wow, you have like 20 missed calls
and a bunch of messages,
All right, say switch it off,
I don't give a shit,
Wait, you did move your shifts for this week right?
You know I hate my job but-
- You hate every job,
'Cause I'm a minimum wage bitch,
You need a job, Everyone needs a job,
Oh yeah I do?
Well, he doesn't,
Look at him, at the beck and call of his computer
gambling just to feel alive,
It's a damn sight better
than scraping barnacles off boats,
Oh, is it, really?
Or is slowly selling your soul to the devil
easier for you to stomach?
Guys!
How about we go someplace
where there definitely is no signal?
I'd love that,
This better be worth it,
It's tradition,
Wow,
So you guys brought me to meet the Grim Reaper,
Santa Muerte, she's a deity,
The Catholic Church used to condemn anybody
who worshiped her so people came here in secret,
This whole island it's hers,
Every time we come, we pay our respects
and she watches over us,
The colors used here to burn
represent her different robes,
White for purity and blue for wisdom,
red for love,
And the black?
Smugglers protected their treasure
with the Black Lady,
And if you ever see
the Black Lady around here, you run,
You'll never crack that,
Challenge accepted,
Ooh,
Ooh, ah,
I'd do this for the rest of my life if I could,
Why don't we steal the sailboat?
I mean, how would they ever find it?
It's not as easy as it sounds, bro,
It's not easy but I know how you could get away with it,
The real question is are you ready to spend
the rest of your life as a pirate?
Maybe,
But people can change,
Can life change though?
Oh, there goes our peace and quiet,
Weekend warriors, you gotta love 'em,
No,
Ah,
It's a sample,
It's your treasure,
What is it?
I guess you really are a pirate now,
Uh, next time, though, you find a map,
One of us,
ROSIE, DASH, JAQ: One of us!
No one answered my question by the way,
Can life actually change though?
You're dunk,
- Seriously, answer it, - Come on,
Fine, No,
I think all we can hope to change is ourselves,
Life is completely out of our control,
You know,,,
Monkey,
Oh,
Monkey, monkey, monkey see, monkey do,
Look, I know that I'm probably not the kinda guy
you go for-
- That's, don't-
- But I would give it all up,
The money, the opportunities, the lifestyle
to be that guy,
I'm not somebody who can be loved,
I can become that person,
You just, you gotta let me try,
No, it's not about you being wrong for me,
It's about me being very, very wrong for anybody else,
So that's it?
The old it's not you, it's me thing,
Shit,
Try it, See what happens,
Heads up, Jaquer!
Heads up!
- Get her out! - Stop, no!
I'm done with boys,
We got her ass,
Do you wanna talk about it?
You know what the danger of believing in something is?
Your faith eventually gets tested,
Baby,
We're gonna fix it, you know,
We're gonna get you a new life,
We're gonna scrape by, we're gonna save up,
You've gotta tell us what's going on,
What are we talking about?
I saw the Black Lady,
She's down there protecting something,
I thought that the only time you see the Black Lady is,
or whatever she's called,
is when someone's using her to protect a treasure, right?
The only treasure around here,
if you can call it that, is drugs,
It's something bad, real bad,
I mean, you saw the shrine,
Well, if there's drugs down there,
we should definitely go down and destroy them,
- No, - That's what she would want,
Yeah, it's the moral thing to do,
Come on, guys, let's fuck up a bad guy's day,
Whoa, hold on there, chief, okay?
If there are drugs down there,
I say we take them and we sell them,
That is a terrible idea, Dash,
I think it's a great idea,
Why?
I mean, by your logic having money is fine,
it's just the chasing after money
- that fucks people up, right? - Yep,
Thank you, see,
You telling me you wannabe Scar Faces
know how to move narcotics,
how to keep shit on the down-low, hm?
You also think I'm gonna let an ounce of smack or coke
on this boat with a recovering addict onboard?
I don't think so,
Recovered addict,
You know what? Shame on you, Jaq,
We got enough air?
Maybe,
Who's going with me?
Are you kidding me?
I'm not going back down there,
It's empty, They headed to the island an hour ago,
You gonna bring those keen eyes down below
where they'd be useful?
I'll do it,
I'll go down with you,
Works for me,
Looks like a worthy sacrifice has been found,
Let's do it,
I don't like them down there with her,
If this is what we think it is,
she's the least of our worries,
They're coming up,
What is floating up?
- Oh my god, - Hey, Jaq,
You wanna do the honors?
Holy shit,
- Oh my god! - Worth everything!
Oh my god,
Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!
Here,
Hold on,
Oh my god, oh my god,
Catch it,
- Hey! - Here, keep going!
Yeah!
Guys!
- Nice catch, - Oh!
Oh!
Ah!
Oh,
Get it,
Go, grab from it!
Okay,
Woo!
That's it,
What, is that like a million dollars?
It's more like 10 million, right?
Try 50,
Don't tug at my dick on this one, Jaquer,
There's no way this is 50 mil,
No, there's like 500,000 per pack,
There's a hundred packs,
You do the math,
Holy shit!
It's $50 million,
This is 50 fucking million dollars, Monkey,
But that's more than 10 million apiece, right?
Wait we stole $50 million?
We rescued $50 million,
We're gonna be okay,
It's gonna be okay,
Come here, come here,
Oh!
Throw it back in,
What?
What are you talking about?
You think you're rich? Think again,
Take a look at these notes,
Pristine, sequential, high-value currency,
I hate to tell you this but whoever owes this cash
is thumbing their nose at whoever they're paying off,
They've made it as hard to find as possible
and even harder to handle,
This is $50 million of pure fuck you money,
No, bullshit, Jaquer, bullshit,
'Cause you know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna take my 20 million plus
and I'm gonna stash her underneath my mattress,
Yeah, Nice and simple,
Now, I've got the bank under my bed
and I'm the fucking teller,
And you know what the teller says
at the bank of Daniel Schrader
each time he goes to make a withdrawal?
Go and spend that money the best way you know how,
Spend that soggy, devil-woman money
as you damn well please,
She's not a soggy devil woman,
You're right! She's our guardian angel,
Yes!
Is that right, Dash?
You're gonna buy a flashy car?
Yeah, cars, plural,
You gonna buy a big house too?
Huh, well, I have to have somewhere to stash it,
don't I, Jaquer?
She's right,
I mean, no car dealership, no real estate agent,
no bank manager is gonna let you slide
this kinda big money across the table
without treating it as highly suspicious,
Just one zero number flags up and you've got to explain
why you've got $20 million stashed under your bed,
where you got it, how you got it,
And no one's gonna believe you simply,
you've been running a really long paper route
for the few decades,
We can't have the money?
Wait,
Wait, you guys are always talking about opportunity,
This, right here, this is opportunity,
Okay, there's a part of me that's saying
let's take the cash and hire the best damn lawyers around
and come what may,
Yes, yes!
Okay, he's thinking, okay,
Yes, and where are you going?
Oh, way to ruin our dreams, Mom,
Fucking shit,
What'd you call me?
Oh, I'm sorry, that was out of line,
My mom's not a bitch,
How far are you all willing to go
to turn $50 million of dirty drug money
into something you can actually cash in, hm?
How serious are you?
Deadly fucking serious, Why?
You?
I'm certainly listening,
Rosie?
What, like commit a crime serious?
I know how to get that money cleaned,
I don't want any questions about how I know,
I don't want any questions about why I know,
All I need from you is a willingness to take a few risks,
break a few laws,
potentially piss off the crazy motherfucker
this likely belongs to,
'Cause we're leaving right now,
And you decide whether or not
we try to turn this into bank
or we throw it back in where we found it,
But leaving right now, Jaq, there's no wind,
Unless you're gonna blow a force nine out your ass,
we're pretty much sitting ducks for the time being,
We're not playing by the rules anymore
and we're not letting anything hold us back,
First thing I'm doing is investing,
make this money work for me
rather than the other way around,
Yes, I love that,
I just can't imagine being rich,
Oh well, baby, just gotta open your mind,
This evens us all out, right?
Eliminates any differences?
Well, I guess that depends
if you see people as products of their potential
or products of their past,
What in anybody's past could be bigger
than finding $50 million?
Please tell me,
Baby girl,
Yeah,
Need you to relax,
Okay,
- Don't force it, - Okay,
- Okay? - Okay,
Breathe with me,
Just see what you wanna see,
What do you see?
Oh wow,
- Oh I see it, - You see it?
Oh, I see it,
You see it?
We are happy and rich,
- Yes, - Oh, we're so freakin' happy!
Yes!
Muah!
Woo!
That's what I'm talking about!
Yeah, baby,
Yeah,
JAQ, DASH, ROSIE: Cheers!
Yeah!
They say the devil never dresses down
because pride is the deadliest of the seven sins,
Looking good, Zalman,
It's Mr, Varek to you,
I think you'll find the devil never dresses down
because he knows lust lingers for eternity
and envy is everywhere,
Once a sinner, always a sinner,
Step into my office,
There should be a strict policy
against you guys buying these things fully loaded,
It's a waste of taxpayers' dollars,
Am I right?
We've got word of a transfer down in the Gulf,
Los Perros del Diablo left it
and we have reason to believe it's been collected,
We just want you saying on the record
that it wasn't you,
I haven't touched it,
Glad to hear it,
Certainly make sure you put that on the record,
Leaman, why don't you go sniff around that limo
make sure our fashionable friend here
is keeping his nose nice and clean,
Okay,
There is a problem?
Apart from the fact the money's not there
or the bullshit theatrics from Los Perros?
I want my money in full,
Anybody that stands in my path is dead already,
They just don't know yet,
Maybe you'll warn them,
Hey, John,
Get the fuck away from my car unless you got a warrant,
Don't worry, Zalman,
Not gonna bust ya on some bullshit charge,
I'm gonna take apart what you did
to this world piece by piece,
Then why the fuck are you working with that bitch?
Huh,
This ain't good,
Okay, seriously, Dash,
we could just dump the cash overboard
to throw 'em off our tail,
Oh my god, are you seriously giving up already?
Something tells me that your average, respectable drug lord
isn't gonna forgive his cash being stolen
even if it's for paid in full,
No, I'm not giving up,
I'm just saying we have options,
Like fighting,
Oh, I appreciate that your imagination's come back, baby,
I do,
That's even more stupid
than him wanting to throw the cash overboard,
Rosie's right,
Drink up, Lemon, we've got a long day ahead of us,
Tell me you got me out of bed early
to run around after a measly 50 mil?
So you missed your spin class, Boo fucking hoo,
You can't see wood from the trees here?
This should be an easy win,
Is that the case?
Because we don't have a single lead,
Don't you worry about that,
I've got some friends working on it,
Hm, No,
I get it, You don't like working under me,
I figure that's on the account of me being
a particularly unlikable motherfucker
so that's fine,
But me being a particularly unlikable motherfucker
is something I pride myself on,
So how about this?
You help me get this money
and I help bump you up the system,
Senior Agent,
All right,
It's either an injector or a filter,
Can you fix it?
Dude, I'm usually under these things not inside them,
Get below deck,
What about you?
Don't worry about me, Go,
False alarm,
If a piece of shit wreck like that
can catch us, anything can,
I'm not gonna lie, we're dead in the water here,
Well, I guess we're gonna need a faster boat,
What about that one?
Somehow, I don't think we're gonna be able
to catch up with that,
Hey, Dash,
Yeah,
Can you handle one of those?
I mean,,,
I can,
Okay, so a fat, fake tan slob like that
never misses his lunch
and they're not coming in at this time,
It's going out,
He's probably gonna wanna fuck his bimbo
while he's out there so, assuming the Viagra kicks in,
I'll give him an extra two minutes,
We could just about make it,
Hey, Jaq,
We need to talk,
Bas, we need to move,
Okay,
That's it, Eddie, give her a good tug,
That's it, Keep pulling,
Work those glutes,
Ah, you have fun today, baby?
Mm-hm,
Come on, Eddie,
Hi,
You like that, Eddie?
Oh, she's a very pretty woman, sir,
Yeah, yeah, she dressed like an idiot for a boat
but I gotta tell ya, on land, she's built
like the Mona Lisa, right?
Whatever you say, sir,
Unbelievable,
Hey, here are the keys,
Don't scratch it today and maybe you'll get a tip this time,
How's that, huh?
- Okay, okay? - Okay, okay,
- Huh, huh, yeah, like that? - Sounds good, okay,
Okay, nightie night, kid,
I love this kid,
I just wish you'd say it, you know,
Say what?
That I'm good enough for a one-night stand
and that's it,
You had fun the other night, right?
Yeah,
So what's the problem?
As shocking as it may seem,
some guys care about more than just casual sex,
You're so fucking sensitive,
That's a good thing,
- Is it? - Yeah,
I'll be with you guys in a minute,
Look, you keep saying
that we're fundamentally incompatible,
but the more I see, the more I think you're wrong,
- Here, - Oh uh,
Hey,
Hey, you can't do that, man,
I can't fucking deal with this right now,
Get the front,
Yes!
Oh, that's badass,
Oh, here we go,
Ah, god,
All right,
Hey, what'd you do with the yacht?
Oh, don't worry, brother, she's still floating,
Works for me,
Comin' over, I'm comin' over,
Yeah,
All right,
Um, guys,
Ho ho ho,
What is up with boat owners and guns, dude?
Put that down now,
Baby, I don't even know how to use this thing, Come on,
Now you do,
Oh fuck, yeah I do,
Yeah I do!
Woo!
Holy shit!
Oh, man, I fucking love this boat already,
Yes!
Okay,
Okay, okay,
Oh wow,
- Hey, get the line, - Okay, you're fine,
All right, I'll get you back later,
- You know how that is, - You better,
All right, clear?
Yeah!
Get moving,
- Woo! - Yeah!
It's been two hours,
They sure these guys are headed north?
Just had it confirmed,
And get this,
We got a name on the boat they took,
Fair Warning,
That's fucking irony, man,
Right?
They have to tuck in here
and all we need from that video
to prove that a firearm was involved
once we've seized everything,
got them in cuffs, and made the money disappear,
we turn them over to ATF for suspected gun smuggling,
This is almost too easy,
What am I missing?
That putting 'em behind bars isn't exactly making amends,
As long as they're out of my hair, I couldn't give a damn,
If you want your precious retribution,
hand them over to Zalman with his cut,
Take a look,
You think?
Seems a little casual,
It does,
How 'bout that,
Go!
- Turn, turn! - What?
Get us out of here,
Oh my god!
What's going on?
I'll call a helicopter,
No,
We don't have any friends in the sky,
Let them enjoy the ride,
It's between them and us now,
Just head north, follow the shoreline,
You wanna tell me what's going on?
Fuck!
I'm still working on getting the names
but that's what I've got so far,
Dock worker took it with his cell phone,
It's gone viral already,
Can't say I'm too surprised,
I fucking love this boat already,
Yes!
Okay,
I've got something to show you,
Turns out we're not dealing with an amateur,
Keep a lookout for a vehicle, something big,
We have to make the transfer fast,
You can do this, okay?
You back up the truck,
I backed up the truck,
Truck's over there, I need it over here by the boat,
I don't get it,
Okay, you win, it's really easy,
Do the math,
Great,
But just move it over to the right,
Okay,
Hey, slow it down!
You're gonna hurt somebody,
Slow it down,
- Hey, get outta here! - What is going on?
Get outta here,
Hey!
Oh my god!
Hey get outta here, get outta here!
Oh, my god,
Oh!
Oh my god, that's my truck,
They took our truck!
What the hell just happened?
Woo, ha ha ha hoo!
Holy shit!
You guys, hold on, hold on tight,
We're going for a ride, baby,
Hoo we're rich,
Hoo hoo hoo!
Guys, hang on, hang on,
Hold on tight, hold on tight,
Do not lose that money,
Woo!
I fucking love this truck!
You guys, we did it,
Oh, we did it,
We did it,
Oh, we fucking did it,
4-4-30-20
Anything?
Nothin' yet,
We're still gathering evidence,
You know, maybe I'm wrong, but this seems personal to you,
All right, what's the protocol then?
Like you said, it's personal,
Come on,
My god, I love this truck,
It's got my air, it's got my cruise control,
Ah, I'm sitting in what feels
like a goddamn La-Z-Boy right now,
The truck's stolen, dude,
I wanna get back the money that we dropped,
And since I can't keep this truck,
I wanna get one of my own,
Dash,
I'm gonna name my truck Buck,
Okay, Dash, listen,
I'm gonna get the full care package,
no expense spared,
Ah, 'cause nothing's too good for Buck,
Dash,
What?
We're not going back, okay?
Jaquer, it's millions of dollars!
I don't mean to be out of line right now
but, I mean, do you even have a plan?
We don't need a plan, We need a strategy and right now,
So keep it cool, lay low,
and find the shadiest salvage yard in town, okay?
You'll get another truck,,, named Buck!
Fine,
Guys,
What?
Stop,
Fine,
You make me nervous,
- Stop, - Shush!
Hey, man, we were hoping maybe you could help us
make this truck disappear,
Yeah, he's nice,
Yeah, let's go,
What's in the packages?
We're taking Bibles up to Sacramento,
It's a crusade,
No title?
No,
But it's an $80,000 truck,
You desperados maybe have
more better luck on Craigslist,
Are you prepared to do that with yourself?
Mm-hm,
Good luck putting yourself back together,
Just you, Come with me,
Hey, uh, Jaq, pick something nice, yeah?
You know, this air con is all con and no air,
Uh, Jaq, that was our exit,
No, it wasn't,
But we're still heading north,
"In strategy, the longest way around
is often the shortest way home,"
Is that James Joyce, the novelist?
No, Liddell Hart, the military strategist,
We are indeed from different worlds,
"You think you're escaping and run into yourself,
Sometimes the longest way around is the shortest way home,"
Different worlds, yeah,
Eventually, everything joins up,
The question is, are you escaping
or running into yourself?
Hey, guys, if we're taking the long way
back to LA, does this make it an official road trip?
Yeah?
- Yeah? - Yes, Dash,
- This is a road trip, - Road trip?
- Yes, - Okay!
Woo, road trip!
No,
You make this mistake, I checkmate you in just two moves,
Even though I'm a step behind,
you cannot defeat me,
War is about starting with the right moves
not about hoping that the tide turns
at the last minute and you get lucky,
Okay, so now you play,
Ah, just when you thought it couldn't get any better,
I should arrest you hooligans for loitering,
You could try, but we're not kids anymore,
Yeah, some of you are fathers
and should start acting like it,
Now, tell me where to look for your fucking daughter,
Oh, you know, if I knew, I'd never tell you,
But if I knew, I'd be there already,
Put an APB out,
Hey,
You don't need to do this,
She's your fucking daughter too,
Don't remind me,
All right, baby, you can't eat
your own body weight in crap, okay?
I can and I will,
Keep the change,
Hey, we still gotta get gas,
There's no time,
Here take us into the back roads,
It's gonna add hours,
Oh no, I forgot to pee,
Oh god,
Listen, my mom is with the DEA
and my dad is one of the biggest crime lords
this side of the border,
I'm pretty sure what we stole is theirs
and I know they'll stop at nothing to get it back
so I don't wanna hear are we there yet
or can we stop for a pee break
'cause right now we have two gangs hunting us down
and I don't know which one is worse,
Gotta pee,
Told you I was weird,
Good,
Got 'em, Headin' north on the 126,
Copy that,
Just like you thought,
I see the doubt in your eyes, Leaman,
Don't fall into the trap thinking
you can just walk away,
You're just as much a part of it as the rest of us,
That why you're suddenly calling me by my real name?
What was that?
Jaq, we need gas bad,
You coulda give us a heads up, Jaq,
I'm telling you,
it's the curse,
We betrayed the Santa Muerte,
Oh my god,
Are you gonna blame her too
when you blow through all of our money
in your orgy of self-destruction?
Why are you being so protective over money
you don't even have yet?
I just want my 10 mil, that's all,
You're not getting 10 mil, You're getting five,
Oh!
The cleaning rate is 50% at least,
Okay, I am one bombshell away from walking away
from you guys,
Is there any other big news that you need to tell us, Jaq?
Look, I'm gonna pull over for the night,
You guys need to just chill out, okay?
Oh well, I'm feeling pretty exposed right now,
Well, sometimes it's empowering to feel vulnerable,
Well, not when you're carrying
around $50 million it ain't,
Nice to know your priorities,
Just not in the same way you're willing
to wanna self-destruct,
Well, maybe that's what we have to do
to start to rebuild,
You are who you are,
Shh,
Do you hear that?
Yeah, I do,
Yeah, me too,
- You too? - Jaq?
What do you mean? You too?
Wait, are you,,,
Are you guys serious?
You're just gonna leave?
Oh, you know what?
Yeah, knock your socks off,
I'll just stay here and watch our money,
Come on, man,
Gimme the keys,
No,
Uh, Jaq, give me the keys,
What do you think I'm gonna leave?
Thank you,
I trust you,
Laughing now,
What's the next one?
You guys all right?
Yeah, we just pulled up for the night
and we were wondering
if we could come get warm with you guys,
- Here you go, - Come get warm,
Come on,
Come,
Welcome,
Thank you,
So do you live in that van?
That van?
Yeah, you could say something like that,
And you two in that van?
Well, it turns out
that three is not a crowd actually,
Now, don't you kids go thinking
you invented that,
We were in fucking orgies before you were potential stains
on the wall,
Oh, come on now, Molly,
It's true,
Yes, it is,
Well, I think I wanna live in a van too,
Everybody thinks to escape reality,
you have to be rich,
Bullshit,
You gotta get dirt poor first
and then you grow out from there,
Wow,
Couldn't have said it better myself,
Here you go,
Oh, thank you,
Really?
That's funny, because when I said the exact same thing,
you acted like I was crazy,
Hm,
Thanks for the beer,
Enjoy,
Jaq,
Oh, let her brood, honey,
If I can go five years cooped up in a van
with this asshole, you can survive one night without her,
Well, she's right, you know,
Hit is, maestro,
I got you,
Got you,
- Beat it, nerd, - Oh!
Jaq, You can't do that,
You scared the shit outta me,
Off the hood,
Betsy needs some love,
Did you find a 7-Eleven down there?
Oh no, just free love and payment in kind,
Oh,
Well, proud to be penniless
until opportunity knocks,
All right,
All right, girl,
Talk to me,
Why do you keep such a big part of your life
from me, Jaq?
People just don't fit well with it,
So what does that mean about the future?
I mean, now that we actually have one,
What does it mean?
You built a box
so tight around yourself
only you can fit in,
That's what you do,
Sometimes that's just how it goes,
That's how it goes,
Still a night owl I see,
Crowe?
Is that sweet voice Crowe?
It is! It is my sweet Crowe
and Leaman, right?
Hey, Lance, I wanna play in your toy box,
You do?
Oh, I've been waiting my whole life
for you to ask me that,
I wasn't asking,
Even better,
And, Leaman, relax, calm down,
You need to meditate,
Ohm,
Geez,
Nice little setup you got here,
Word on the street is you collect cars now,
You gone soft on me?
Well, as you can see,
I'm still very much open for business,
And, yeah, I may have acquired a modest collection
to help me pass the time,
Think fast!
Ha!
I think I might have
an addictive personality,
Nothing quite hides any new evil
like a beautiful exterior,
Nice to see you packing even a little heat,
Mm,
Are these registered?
Registered, inspected, and fully street legal,
- I'm talking about the guns, - Hey, fellas,
take a look around, do me a favor,
I've forgotten what I've gotten hidden where,
And you?
My conscience is clear,
How 'bout yours?
So how come you come knocking on my door?
Zalman's guns not big enough?
Just didn't wanna give him the satisfaction
of being the only reason to win this battle,
Nothing fights quite like family,
How 'bout you come back and make one you deserve?
Where is the arsenal?
Huh?
Somewhere,
Uh, fellas, I swear
I remember an AMG-2
in, in, in, the Merc,
Yeah,
Merry Christmas,
Eris,
When it's you, just you,
come make it you and me,
Hey, hey, it's not a toy, It's a gun,
You understand? It's a gun,
I tell ya something, it's like working with kids,
Woo,
What's the matter?
You're acting out of character,
What would Dash think?
Well, ain't you heard?
I ain't got no character anymore,
Maybe you're refusing to accept your character
'cause then you'd have to accept who you really are,
Well, maybe you're refusing to accept
your own character because it means accepting
you're not right for Jaq,
Great, I finally find a nice spot to pee and you're here,
Sorry, I'll go,
You really like him but you wish you didn't,
Here, give a decrepit old lady a hand,
Oh, oh,
Oh, you feel that?
Spiritual,
No,
That's a problem,
Keep trying to open myself up
and it just pushes me further inside my head,
Maybe that's where you need to go,
The place that reminds you just how toxic you are,
that you can't be put right?
Some of us contain an energy
that just wants to set the world on fire,
Sometimes it flickers, sometimes it rages,
and sometimes it flares up and ignites
all that's around,
And burns those who get too close,
Oh, it ain't pretty,
Yeah, that's progress, that's life,
You're not toxic, You're incendiary,
And you don't need to be put right,
You need the right purpose,
You never learned not to touch?
You know, most people think she's like that, a classic,
But what she really is is a machine like that,
She's spits flames,
She's somebody who's spent her whole life
looking for saints but all she ever found were sinners,
You're just a speed bump for her, man,
You're just a speed bump, man,
Dash,
Hm?
Ooh, did we get robbed?
Come on,
No, it's all here,
What is that?
- Oh, - Ah,
You're a slowpoke,
I'm going,
Ooh,
There you go, I want an apple,
Rosie,
You got an apple?
- That's it, - Nice,
Yes,
All right,
I'm sorry, buddy,
Nope, that's okay,
If you're gonna throw it at me,
Nice, nice,
I wanna drive next,
You drive like an asshole,
Look, I need to play a part,
I mean, besides we're headed back to LA,
It'll help us blend in,
Oh shit,
All right, baby, act cool, There's a cop behind us,
You missed him,
- Couldn't you have known, - Keep going,
You got this, Just play it cool, guys,
Dispatch, be advised
I am currently following a 10-29D,
White Suburban headed north on 138,
Please advise,
No one else gets near them, They're mine,
Shit!
Go faster, Rosie,
Up ahead,
Oh shit, what the fuck is that?
It's my fucking mom,
Faster, Rosie!
I think he's still close,
Take that dirt road, down there,
Go, turn!
Don't kill us,
Watch it, watch it, One, two, three,
Monkey, drive straight!
Why is she driving, why is she driving?
So you wanna play in the dirt,
Wait go right up here, right up here,
Make a right,
Go, go, go, go!
Lose him!
Come on, Rosie, you can do this,
Hit them,
Faster, baby, faster, You got this,
Whoa,
Watch it, look out,
Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on,
Oh God,
Whoa!
Baby, hit it, hit it!
Don't lose them,
Cut them off!
Go after them,
Shit, punch it!
Hold on, guys,
Shoot to kill,
Don't tip the car, babe,
Push the gas pedal! Push it!
Oh, oh shit! Okay,
Woo woo!
Honey, I think you lost them,
Keep going, no, keep going, keep going, keep going,
Hit it, hit it!
Oh my, oh shit!
Oh! Oh ho ho,
When I say, hit those breaks as hard as you can,
Now!
Hold onto this, no, no, no,
You guys got it?
I raised a fucking psychopath,
Well, we are certainly back in LA,
Oh, I guess this is the finish line, right?
Guys, this isn't the case of walking into a laundromat
with $50 million and walking out with clean cash,
We need to walk the walk,
We need to look legit,
I mean, I can do this on my own
but it would be a hell of a lot easier as a team,
Wait a second, did you just ask for help, Jaq?
Holy shit, Jaquer, he's right,
You did,
I mean what's next, writing poetry and painting your nails?
Leave her alone, She's growing,
And she shot a lotta people today,
Mm,
What's wrong with my nails?
Absolutely nothing,
They're perfect,
Where are they?
You can wave your credentials around all you like,
You know I can't let you in without a warrant,
Eris, how you been?
You know how it is, right?
Always hated the paperwork,
- Yeah, - But here
at the beginning of the year
we can see January through-
- Burning the midnight oil as always, Mortem,
I like that kind of work ethic,
You good for a quick appraisal meeting?
Give us a minute please,
Be my guest,
You expecting the IRS or something?
Well, they were the only ones with the balls
to take down Capone,
You need to cancel whatever Jacqueline
may have tried to set up with you,
Jacqueline as in your daughter?
She's a fraud,
I'm protecting you,
Word is she's on the up-and-up,
She's just going through a phase,
She wants to be like her father,
It's pathetic,
Do I detect a little jealousy?
Fuck no, Just a mother's disappointment, right?
Nothing's set up,
Just make sure it stays that way
or this glass cell becomes a concrete one,
You've been coming to me with your dirty laundry
for nearly two decades,
And you know you can't clean shit for me
if your hands are too grubby,
Eris, you sat right there, you looked me in the eye
and promised immunity,
We shook hands,
Does a deal mean nothing to you anymore?
Stay away from Jacqueline and I'll bring you the deal
that'll mean a lot more to both of us,
50 million US dollars invested
in this business relationship,
Until then, you watch your lip
and you call me DEA Agent Crowe,
Crowe,
I'm out,
And I had such a high hopes for you,
You kicked me out of the loop,
I can't work like that and you know it,
Well then, you're out of luck,
You know we're in a checkmate, right?
And you know going up against me
brings as much heat back at you,
Yeah, turns out I didn't want that promotion
as much as I thought I did,
We don't all have
what it takes, Lemon,
And don't think you can just change back
into an innocent man either,
So fuck off and enjoy purgatory,
You sure earned it,
We're all set, Midnight,
Well, what do we do till then?
Well, we're gonna make the most
out of this baller ass room is what we're gonna do,
So that means you're gonna play with everything,
Look at this place,
Kinda be rude not to,
What we're gonna do is we're gonna get into character,
Oh, there's a mini fridge,
Oh wow,
50% is what we're after,
To get it, we need to put out an image
that we're just in town on regular business,
They'll be keeping a close eye on us
and most likely have people here in the hotel right now,
Go take a tour around, interact, live it up a little,
Make it feel like we're not hiding up here
like a bunch of cowards,
But most of all, please stop acting
like you fell off a hay wagon from fucking Missouri!
What about him?
What's he doing?
Every crime lord needs a trusted bodyguard by her side,
Okay,
Oh, I get it,
Come on,
Hi, can I have a glass of water please?
Hi, baby,
How you doing?
You spotted any spies yet?
I think I have,
Yeah,
I'm pretty sure grandma over there,
I think she knows Kung Fu,
And the old man,
he's definitely buried some hookers in his day,
I know why I'm so compelled to blow through all this money
in one night
and why the thought of that scares you so much,
Why is that?
Because I can't begin to picture a new life
where I'm rich,
And you can't bear to picture another day where you're poor,
This is just another drug to someone like me, isn't it?
No, it's the same in all of us,
We just have different ways of coping with the addiction,
It's go time,
You should know I'm not usually available
on such short notice,
Our usual associates let us down,
I appreciating you reaching out,
New business always interests me
no matter how small it may be,
Good,
I always believe in a trial period
before we really get down to business,
And yet, here you are, let down by a supplier,
Do you need some water?
I don't want any water unless you're gonna use it
to clean my fucking money,
How come you're not in business with your father?
I do business differently than my father,
Your mother?
I do everything differently than my mother,
You're a bit of a ghost,
Some people tell me you've been operating overseas,
Of course, you could have planted those seeds yourself,
You could actually be in a much weaker position,
And all this could be a charade,
It is a charade,
I could stand here and put on this act all night long
and I had to do it to get you in this room,
If you want the truth,
I'll give it to you straight,
We have the better part of $50 million
right here in these cases,
We found it and we took it
but we can't do anything with it
because it's as dirty as money can be,
Now, we came to you hoping that you can take
our $50 million and give us 25 clean,
Not so we can deal guns or buy drugs
or buy a bigger yacht,
But because I wanna give my friends
a second shot at life
and this is the only way I know how,
Now, I know you might be saying this is risky
and maybe this was all a big mistake but,,,
"Mistakes are portals for discovery,"
and I think it's time to leap in,
James Joyce,
A highly unorthodox approach,
Do you know what it is I do?
What I really do?
I clean people not money,
I'm a priest,
And every bill I take is a confession,
They come to me with paranoia and leave with pride,
Humility becomes arrogance,
Fear becomes courage,
And they don't know that's what they're doing
because their religion itself revolves around illusion
and all their friends are followers,
But you,,,
I can't clean,
So I guess you get a discount,
Now, are you doing this because you found empathy
in what I said
or are you doing it
just to piss off my mother?
This is what I like to call a win-win situation,
So that was it,
It all seems a little too easy now,
We coulda at least brought some glitter cannons,
some party, celebrate, right?
Is it wrong I'm feeling far too much responsibility?
Ms, Varek, there's somebody who needs to speak with you,
Follow them,
If I'm not back in five minutes, leave without me,
We're not leaving you,
Going our separate ways was always part of the plan,
Jaq,
I just didn't think it was gonna happen so soon,
Jaq!
Jaq,
Oh my god,
Gotcha,
Is she here too?
You know, some people are so angry
they're best left to chase their own tail,
My little girl all grown up,
You know Jaq, I'd say you look like a million dollars
but I'd be selling you short,
This isn't me,
It wasn't me either,
But look where I am now,
I never set out to harm anyone,
I just followed the path of least resistance,
Then it became all about protecting the people I love,
You know I've never believed that,
Good,
I'd like to think I raised you
never to take anything anyone says at face value,
Raised me,
Is that what you call leaving a child to fend for itself?
I think one day you'll understand,
I only set you free,
To allow you to flourish
into what you were destined to become,
So are we done here?
I don't know, You tell me,
I want to offer you a deal,
You know, you can take that money,
you can take it and run,
Consider it an inheritance,
And you go your own way
and I will never bother you again,
But I can't say the same for your mother,
Or you hand it back to me,
become my protege,
I'll protect you from her as long as you need
until you become so powerful
it's her who needs protecting from you,
So you can either let this fight against the person
you wish you were
or use it to fuel the person you need to be,
I don't want you to walk away,
I don't want you as my mentor,
I want you in my corner
during the bad times ready to wrap your arms around me,
I want what I've always wanted,
I want my father,
It's Jaq,
She said to meet her at the dealership down the street,
Pop the trunk,
I think there's a way we can do this and stick together,
Here,
Oh shit,
Okay, who is feeling submissive,
Run!
Freeze!
Oh!
Split up, split,
This way, go, go,
Jaq, I've got this,
It's fake,
What?
Use yours then,
Also fake,
It's all fake,
What the fuck are you talking about?
Why would you give us fake guns?
Now's not the time, Get rid of it,
- Put it down, - Oh!
Jaq,
Over here,
This way, come on,
Let's go,
All right,
Hurry up,
Come on,
Go,
Down to the right,
Oh shit,
Always sucks to fall at the last hurdle,
Mom,
You know I don't like you calling me that,
This is your mother?
Why are you even here?
Just admit it, you only want me around
so you can fuck with Dad,
I guess the jig is up,
But here's the thing,
I don't see him protecting you right now,
Either you hand the money over
or what's going to transpire is your motley crew here
will be sadly killed during this pursuit,
Oh my god,
There goes one,
I can't take it,
Wow, you finally let someone in,
We don't do that, Jacqueline,
I loved him and you killed him,
No, you killed him by bringing him into this mess
and you know it,
Drop your weapons!
All of you!
Don't! Don't!
It's over, Crowe,
No dice, Lemon,
I've got as much shit on you as you have on me,
That what you think?
I'll bring you the deal that'll mean
a lot more to both of us,
50 million US dollars
invested in this business relationship,
Until then, you watch your lip,
And you call me DEA Agent Crowe,
Cuff her,
Never piss off a partner in crime,
Looks like you kids got lucky at the tables tonight,
Lady luck smiles at you like that,
you better smile back, right?
Then get the fuck outta Dodge
before that smile
turns into a frown,
Go,
Go, Let's go,
Tomorrow those kids are gonna start dealing
with their guilt until they find the redemption
that they need,
One day, you're not gonna be able to ignore it anymore,
That's when you're gonna have to stare your sins
right in the eye,
That's when you'll know
I did my job,
Take her away,
Here,
Baby, she gave us a shot at a new life,
Baby, she gave us a future,
But you heard what she said,
Don't ever look back,
You think it's because she doesn't want us
to linger on the person she was
or because she doesn't want us to see
the person she's going to become,
I love you,
I love you too, baby,
"So life asked death,
'Why do people love me but hate you?'
And death replied, 'Because you're a beautiful lie,
And I'm the painful truth,'"
How painful is it?
Like I've been searching for peace all my life
and all I found is a reason to start a war,
Please take a seat,
You ready to make a deal?