Most people can see what's right in front of them,
I've always been able to see a little further,
You're looking at her curves,
but I'm seeing the angles of her serves,
the when, where and how of all her volleys and smashes,,,
The spin of every forehand and backhand,,,
The precise trajectory of each drop shot and lob,
You think she's beautiful and you're not wrong,
Lois kuzenkova has the most elegantly relentless
style of play the game's ever seen,
But she's defending her title in two weeks,
1,700 miles from here,
against lourdes, a rival she's never been able to defeat,
I know exactly what she needs to do to win,
Which sounds even more ridiculous when you realize
I'm about to go sling some burgers,
Beek, you're going to be late for work,
Mom, I,,, I'm 22 years old,
I know how to have an on-time departure,
Honey, can you tell Sammy dinner's at 7:00?
- Yeah, Love you, - Love you, too,
- I'm going to work, - Can you pick up some 2% milk?
No, Sammy, I can't, I'm gonna be late,
Great, thank you, 2% and seven triple a batteries,
- Any brand, - Actually, that reminds me,
I,,, I had a dream about the number seven last night,
I wonder what the seven dreams are about,
I,,, I,,, seven, it has a,,, it has positive
and it has negative connotations,
There's,,, there's seven wonders of the world,
then there's, uh, seven
- deadly sins,,, - Oh, yeah, there are?
There's, uh, seven days, seventh heaven,
- Seven days of rest, - Seven dwarfs,
- Seven colors in the rainbow,,, - Yeah,
There's seven continents, seven seas,,,
- Tell me more, - But if you, uh,,,
You smash a mirror, you get seven years of bad luck,
Level complete,
Is,,, is beek fucked in the head?
Doctors say beek's
on the spectrum of fucked in the head,
I heard beek was stalking that tennis star, bjorn borg,
Ok, guys, I'm,,, I'm standing right here
and I'm not stalking bjorn borg,
Yeah, beek, where's the milk?
Mm-hmmm, Stalking Lois kuzenkova, by the way,
Oh, damn, she's a hottie,
Beek, show them how you do that subbie eyes thing,
- You mean subitize? - Counting things, Show 'em,
Guys, watch him subutize, Ok, beek, quick:
How many red barrels on the screen?
Uh,,, 43,
Wrong, bitch,
- Oh, fuck, 43, - Yeah,
That's a notification
- to get me some cap'n crunch, - No, now I'm late,
Oh, uh-huh, make sure it's a family size,
- I'm really hungry, - Shut up,
Don't stop to stalk Lois kuzenkova,
- Yeah, hello? - Hey, is this beek?
Yeah, yeah, I'm,,, I'm gonna,,, I'm gonna
be there in seven minutes,
Oh, you're seven minutes away,
You were going to be right on time,
Look, my cousin needed a job so I gave him yours,
Better yet, can you just quit so I don't have
to pay you unemployment?
Just kidding, Actually, why don't you, uh,
take the time to get a girlfriend?
You've never had one of those, have you?
All right, buddy, I'll see you around, man,
He canned your ass, That's cold, man,
Yeah,
$678, but that's including my last work check,
It's,,, it's not enough,
New York is not the city where you want to be broke,
But, hey,,, you make this pay and you'll make your nut,
It's got a fat wad riding on it,
Ok, folks, it's showtime!
Put your money on the rail betting beek's gonna fail!
Doing 10 breaks,
Two to one payoffs for every call beek misses,
Six bottom left, 13 upper left,
Net, All for show, follow for dough,
14, upper right,
Purple bottom right to upper right,
Book him, danno,
One, eight, five, 13 top corner,
Lot of green in between,
Seven side, seven side pocket,
Ah!
Hey, beek!
Your aunt Marie just called, she said your mom died,
Wait, I mean, your mom just called,
she said your aunt Marie died,
Is that better?
When aunt Marie died, I didn't just lose an aunt,,,
I lost a mentor,
She was a mathematician who broke barriers,
becoming one of the few women to work on,
NASA's Apollo mission,
Growing up, aunt Marie was called things
like math nerd, numbers geek and whore,
Uh, "and who,,,"
"Math nerd, numbers geek
and who doesn't know how insults can sting
when you're 10 or 11,
Um, a love of math, it runs in my family,
Numbers, theories, percentages, equations, inches,
Sammy's nine inches of hard,,,
Sam, uh,,,
Sammy wrote that on my card,
Thank you, Sammy,
Aunt Marie would say life is vuca, an acronym
for volatile, uncertain, complex and ambiguous,
She didn't want a life of vuca, and I don't either,
Aunt Marie died and left me money,
Bless you,
-83 percent of sneezes
are followed by another sneeze, so,,,
Bingo,
I'm sorry,,, I'm sorry for rambling,
It,,, it's is my first eulogy, and I'm,,, I'm hoping
my next one is a,,, a lot better,
Sorry, uncle Ted, I, uh,,,
I didn't mean to look right at you,
Um, uh,,, This is vuca,
Thi,,, this is vuca, Fuck,
Fuck,
Thank you,
Hold the applause,
Ok, how come aunt Marie didn't leave me any fat bank?
Honey, fat bank sounds a little slangy,
Oh, it does?
Son, you'll get your turn when you turn 21,
Aunt Marie was worried you'd make a poor decision,
you know, like driving off to New York and getting killed,
- Dad, - You know, these days,
police can identify a dead body by their teeth,
- Oh,,, - Sammy,,,
Beek, you really need to rethink this trip,
You'll just humiliate yourself, People will laugh,
- This is crazy, - Your father's right,
honey, you're making a huge mistake,
Yeah, like dying and stuff,
Oh, well, this has been an amazing send-off,
You don't know the first thing about this Lois kuzenkova woman,
I've seen her on TV, Her eyes look dead,
You know, you are so right, dad,
There's no emotion, She sounds like Siri on heroin,
It'll be fine, It's just a 1,679 mile drive,
I have my route planned, coordinated and,,,
I'm anxious for this part of my life to get started, so,
Wow, beek, did you find that on a fortune cookie?
Sammy?
- That was dad, - What?
- I,,, I don't know, - Nothing,
Oh, yeah? That's what love means in tennis, beek: Nothing,
I love you, I'll call you from the road,
If we don't pick up, leave a message where you broke down,
Sammy?
- Sammy, - That was,,,
Hey, according to my calculations,
you're just going to fuck this up,
We love you, beek,
Don't die,
- Go inside, - Ok, Yeah, yeah,
♪ All my friends were punks and we were,,, ♪
♪ Still am ♪
♪ 1-877-kars4kids ♪
♪ k-a-r-s kars4kids ♪
Gravitational objects are orders
of magnitudes smaller than subatomic particles
but the same principles of mathematics apply,
In which case, the conclusion we can draw
is one kilometer of space,,,
Oh, no, no, Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
Damn it,
- Shit, Ugh, - Hey!
Hey! Hey! Goddammit,
You making faces at my dog?
- Huh? - Huh!
Is that all you can say, huh? Huh! Huh! Huh!
- What? - Shut up,
- Guess what, dip turd? - What?
I'm gonna kick your fucking car,
- Oh! - Ha!
You're a queen namby-bitch!
Shut up! Huh! Huh! Shut the fu,,,
Look at my dog, asshole! Look at my dog! You shut,,,
Goddamnit!
Fucking, shut up!
Oh,
"Welcome to hartsville,"
"The town with hart in our name?"
Need a town with tow truck in its name,
- You're early, - No reason to yell,
But you're 45 minutes early,
Well, I got to check the soda machine,
Bert said the new pvc came in,
- But you were painting, - Dad, I'm fine,
Casey, I'm only stuck here
to make sure you don't get stuck here,
- Ok, dad, I love you, - Love you,
You can't order fried food, booker,
Think about your heart,
I didn't fight in Korea just to come home
to get guff about food I'm eating,
Ok, you think about it,
- Uh, hi, - Whoa, what up, chippy?
Oh, yes, my tooth,
Yeah, that left tooth left the chat,
That's nice, but it's the, uh, right tooth, actually,
"Thowwy, thir,"
Ooh!
So, um, the sign over at jg's towing
told me to come to jg's diner and,,,
- Wow! Seven, - What?
Uh, sorry, I've just been seeing a lot of sevens lately,
Sorry, I'm frazzled, Uh, my car broke down,
Actually, it was kicked down
and I ended up chipping my tooth,
- Yikes, Wow, - Yeah, that bad?
No, no, It act,,, it,,, no, it looks good, It's fine,
You said yikes, And wow,
I,,, I saw two friends walking outside,,,
- Named yikes and wow? - Mm-hmmm,
Hmm,
No, but, like, seriously,
it does look like you gargled firecrackers,
- Jane! - Can you stop?
I'm sorry, Stop it,
Welcome to jg's diner, young man,
Your name's, uh, beekman,
Well, it's beek for short,
Wait, it was you whose car broke down at the rest stop?
- How did you know? - We heard it over the cb,
They said you're meeting your tennis star
girlfriend in new York,
Well, so do you know a car mechanic, or,,,?
Actually, I do, Um, my dad,
You're looking at him, I'm a mechanic, A good cook,
Decent plumber, And if you need someone
to sing at your wedding,,, You could do a lot worse,
Pretty ballsy going to New York with a smile looking like yours,
Yeah, no shit,
Looks like you have a little doggy door for your tongue,
Jane,
They're at the rest area, hooking it up right now,
While you're waiting, my brother's a dentist,
You wanna to see if he has time for you?
- For sure, - Gladys!
- What the hell are you doing? - Not smoking,
Dr, Martin has an opening at 3:00 P,M,
There you go, While my brother's
fixing the tooth, I'll fix the car,
I'll have you back on that road by five o'clock,
Sounds good to me,
Now,,,
How are you today, sport glamour?
I'm doing well,
Mm, I'm just so done with this shit,
I'm just so fucking done,
Let's see what we got here, Could you open there?
You don't need all this shit,
You know, they say dentists have a high suicide rate,
but I'd have to see the data on that because, uh,,, not for me,
I studied way too hard to throw it all away on a lung full
of carbon monoxide in a 450-square foot garage,
I mean, we're on our feet all day
but so are teachers and traffic cops
and they don't have such a high suicide rate,
You have no signs of periodontal disease,
so somebody's been doing their flossing, Good job,
Another reason they say our suicide rate's high
is because our clients are never happy to see us,
but I don't know, nobody's ever happy to see circus clowns,
either, and you don't see clowns blowing their brains out
with a ,357 Magnum, You got a little bit
of plaque right there on your lateral incisor,
Gladys, give me a scaler,
I need a scaler,
Just,,, yeah,
Jesus, She's deaf, Here we go,
Sometimes I,,,
I do better if I just,,, Feel my way around,
Try not to move,
That's when accidents happen, There we go,
Another reason they say our suicide rate's high is because
we wanted to be doctors, but I'm huffing laughing gas
and laughing all the way to the bank,
Or the morgue, whatever, Do you catch my drift?
Mm-hmm,
You know, I think shotguns are,,,
Shotguns are messy, you know,
but since you brought it up, sleeping pills, right?
Tylenol pm, just take 100 of those,
wash it down with some vodka, That's bravery,
You got a little bit of plaque right there on your left,,,
Give me this thing again, I'll just take it,
I like being a dentist, Really do,
We get a lot,,, Put your hands over your ears,
There ya go,
- Oh, - Yeah,
You see this tooth drill? It spins at 250,000 rpm,
This could slice my head clean off,
Not today,
Brenda tillerson, she dates a radiologist,
I just want to take his dumb doctor face,
put it on a curb and stomp it for 10 hours,
Brenda's a local gal with massive tits,
Are you dating Lois kuzenkova?
Friend zone,
I can't understand a fuckin' thing you're saying right now,
Oh,
Beek, Interesting name, beek,
The beek shall inherit the earth,
Is that you, beek? Are you gonna inherit the earth?
Or are you one of these lazy bastards sitting around,
getting high, reading field & slacker magazine?
Never gonna own a home & garden?
Yeah?
Do you take drugs? No? You drink?
I don't drink,
Good, Drinkin' makes me sad,,, Dentist sad,
You got a little extra here, You don't really need this,
You can take your hands off your ears, Gladys!
She's got tinnitus,
She's as useless as Anne frank's drum kit,
We used to date, but then it got weird,
Casey's my niece,
If anything happens to her,
that gun I was gonna eat is not gonna get eaten by me,
Beek!
It's just a moth,
My bad, I overreacted, Good reflexes,
Ok, My brother is going to have a proposition for you,
A proposition?
Hey, Dan, what'd you say happened to this thing?
Steel toe, right through the radiator,
Gotta call denson, Could take about a week,
Ok, boss,
- No, I said water pump, - Ow!
And that's the long and short of it,
Casey just needs a little nudge in that direction,
So,,, what do you think?
So either I wait seven days for the radiator
or Casey comes with me to New York
while you repair the car,
You pay for gas, hotels, food, everything,
and I get to pick whatever vehicle I want from the shop?
- What's the catch? - Well,,,
My Casey's a very, very talented artist,
I swear, it's like an angel is holding her hand,
you know, how she guides the brush over canvas,
She needs to get out there,
be with people that think like her, but,,,
Yes?
She doesn't know about this plan,
So she doesn't want to go to New York?
Of course she does, She just doesn't know she does,
- What did you tell her? - That she needs to watch you
like a hawk 'cause you're a deadbeat
who tried to use a stolen credit card,
- What? - I told her
you're a deadbeat who tried to use the,,,
No, no, I heard what you were saying,
I just,,, I can't believe you said it,
I'll tell you what,
One day when you have a daughter,
I'll let you do anything to me if it helps her,
Because you will love her more than anything in the world,
and you'll understand,
Casey thinks she's doing me a favor,
But she's doing herself a favor,
Pick any car you want
and you'll be on the road to New York,
So you said I could take any vehicle that I want,
Is this her?
Lois kuzenkova,
She's pretty,
She's a very good tennis player,
Why are we driving a tow truck?
Well,,,
If we break down we can tow ourselves to the mechanic,
No, seriously, Why did my dad say it's ok?
He thinks you're shady and irresponsible
and narcissistic,
Why would he let your drive his tow truck?
He thinks I'm narcissistic?
Well, I mean, I threw that one in, but,,,
Ok, Firstly, I picked the truck,
And secondly, why do you think I'm a narcissist?
Because you're taking advantage of a bunch of people
to get yourself to New York,
I mean, you might not be a full blown narcissist
but you must have a touch of it,
Well, that's just like saying
I have a touch of yelling racial slurs,
But you are shady,
So, please try to keep shoplifting to a minimum, ok?
I have never shoplifted in my life,
- Have you? - Ok, once when I was 12,
Oh, ok, So, she's,,, she's not perfect, What was it,
a,,, a hair scrunchie from forever 21?
I was at this office building
and I drank out of the water fountain
so when I tried to find someone
to see if I owed any money for the water,
- You're joking, - I don't like dishonesty,
So I don't really know anything about tennis,
A tennis court is 23,77 by 8,23 meters
or 2,106 square feet,
It has a net that is 3,6 feet at the post,
Ok, Um, the closest I ever get to playing tennis
is when I park my dad's car in the garage,
- What? - Yeah, you know,
He has one of those hanging tennis balls that hangs
from the ceiling and it tells you when you've
pulled in far enough,
Oh, yeah, I need one of those tennis balls
for this truck, It's a beast,
Why did you pick this tow truck?
Ok, yeah,
This tow truck, it gives me access
that most fans won't have,
Wait, Fans? Fans?
You have never met Lois kuzenkova,
Oh! You are driving all this way to sneak in
and find her and say what? "Hi, I'm crazy, I know math,
Will you marry me?" What the fuck? This is,,,
This is pathetic,
Pathetic is a little strong,
What would you call it?
Be,,, offbeat,
Offbeat,
The way Van gogh slicing his ear off
with a butter knife was offbeat?
Ok, Just say something normal,
Ok, What's your favorite painting?
- Starry night, - I like that one too,
You know Van gogh painted it in a French insane asylum?
He saw this idealized version of a village
outside of his window and he put it on canvas,
- And then he cut his ear off, - Yeah, there is that,
You artist types can be crazier than anybody else,
You're an idealist and you want to change the world
but you don't go about it practically like I do,
I look at starry night and I see
2,5 by 3 feet of pure beauty,
You look at it and wanna rename it "7 square feet of paint,"
Actually, 2,5 by 3 feet would be 7,5 square feet
- just to be precise, - I can't,,, you're a pessimist,
Hmm,
You see human emotion as a drawback
and I see it as limitless possibilities,
That's not true, I,,, I'm an optimist,
I think Van gogh's head is half full of ears,
You're always trying
to invent a world that comes down to science,
Mm-hmm, Like this woman,
She just walked into the diner,
And now she's within four walls and her behavior
is contained within the laws of math,
So what do we know about her?
She's married with three kids,
a dog, a cat and a goldfish,
Robbie brought home a cat,
and of course fighting with the dog
and tried to eat the goldfish,
But other than that, we're great,
How? How did you do that?
I saw her get out of her car,
She has one of those family decals on the back,
Ok,
Got one of these things,
Guess I gotta make this adjustment,
- Hm, - It's perfect,
- Oh, shit, I forgot to pay, - Oh, no, I got it,
What do you mean?
I mean, I,,, I got it, I paid for it,
- How? - With my credit card,
I don't have a credit card,
What?
I'm sorry, I lied to you, I'm not broke,
I,,, I actually have a lot of money,
Your da,,, your dad wanted me to pretend that I was broke
so that you would come to New York with me,
Are you fucking kidding me?
Oh, man, check out those two in the parking lot,
- She looks pissed off, - Yeah,
I heard them talking, They're going to New York City,
God, I wouldn't mind having some of that,
Why would you say that in front of me?
Come on, baby, you know you're hot,
but that chick has a way better body than yours,
Oh, goddammit,
How about that punch?
Is her punch better than mine, too?
Oh, you broke my tooth!
Why are they driving a tow truck?
You lied to me, You both lied to me,
Sorry, I have seven credit cards
and my aunt gave me money, I'm sorry,
I'm not a child, I'm not 14 years old,
I'm old, I mean, I'm not old, but I'm not a little girl,
And you two are treating me like property,
Just whisking me off to parts unknown,
Ok, I don't think parts unknown
is the best way to describe New York City,,,
Can you stop parsing my words? I know what I'm saying,
You lied to me so I would do what was best for you
and what was best for my father instead of, you know,
maybe considering what was best for me,
Ok, I'm sorry,
I have no right to direct your life and neither does your dad,
But,,, but he is your dad and he thinks
you're gonna be making a big mistake
if you don't take your painting seriously,
Hey,
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Whoa, whoa, whoa, What?
You know what, I'm done, No more painting,
I am never gonna apply to one of those stupid art schools
with all those trustafarians and their fucking
hipster beards, everyone saying, "lit,"
Casey, I'm sorry,
Well, I can't stand liars, My mother was a liar,
She lied about where she was going,
She lied about coming back, And now my father's a liar
and that makes three too many liars in my life,
- You are the third, - Right,
Ok, well, your dad didn't lie for his own gain
and neither did I, I mean, I did gain a little,,,
A little? A lot, More like, um, let's see,
this tow truck that gets you past the velvet ropes,
Uh, money, gas, let's see,
hotels and an on-time departure,
Well, that's not true,
I was delayed seven hours
and the sevens have been just haunting this entire trip,
Oh, my god, you know, for a guy who wants
the world to run according to his precise equations,
you are so superstitious about this seven bullshit,
- What? Casey, - Pardon me? I can't hear you,
This can makes this loud whooshing noise,
It's actually its best quality,
- I'm trying to say I'm sorry, - Ok, henceforth
this will be my side of the cab and that's your side,
This is juvenile,
Keep your insults to that side of the truck,
You know, it even says it on the can: "Silly,"
I'm sorry, I can't hear anything coming from your quadrant,
Okay, well, maybe I'll get my own quadrant,
Bye,
Mm, is that a text from your girlfriend?
Juvenile,
Oh, sorry, did you say juvenile?
- Yeah, I did, - Oh, that's funny
'cause I thought you were talking about your silly string,
'Cause a couple of minutes ago you sprayed silly string
all over the car and it was juvenile,
You know, you really take the cake,
- No, you take the cake,,, - No, you're the cake taker,
And yeah, I said juvenile because maybe I sprayed
a little silly string but you wasted at least
15 minutes on this dumb blind thing,
And you know, time adds up like feathers on a scale,
Before you know it, you'll have munched all of your schedule,
You'll never even meet Lois, And then the world will spin on
and you'll do your shame walk home
and everyone will point and laugh
and you never even got to do the fun part of the shame,
so it will all be for naught, Wow, that sucks,
Though she is very attractive,
if I was interested in the superficial qualities,
I'm sure Lois would
tick a few boxes, but that's not why I'm going,
That would be dumb,
Ok, guess we can rule that out,
I want to help her see the court differently,
I want to raise her percentage shots
and if I'm right, I'll be proven right
in front of the whole world,
So my phone has a calculator
and I was crunching some numbers,
and I think I found some prime numbers
that explain your obsession with Lois,
Five, three, one, eight, zero, zero, eight,
but read it upside down for better accuracy,
"Boobies,"
Ah, sheesh,
- Yup, her main attraction, - Yeah, Nope,
- Yeah, - Wrong,
I'm exhausted, I take nappy,
Are you pulling over?
Yeah, I saw something, Or I thought I did,
Where are you going?
Oh, I'm glad I didn't run over this,
What?
- The tarantula, - Oh, gross,
Wow,
You know, they're from the family thersaphade,
It's cute, but I hate it,
It's probably molting, That's why they travel,
Oh, look at it's eye,
Oh, they're looking right at,,,
Beek, stop, Stop, Let's go,,,
- I'm just kidding, kidding, - I'm serious,
It's minding its own business, Let's go,
Come on, I don't,,, come,
Beek,
Oh, my,,,
- Holy shit, let's go, - What?
Beek, come on, Let's go, Let's go, seriously,
Holy shit, There's another one, Get it, Get it,
It's moving, get it, get it, I'm not gonna touch it,
- What am I supposed,,,?
Please, just get it off the car, Ew,,,
No! The wind will blow it off!
The wind'll blow it, For sure,
Holy shit, drive!
Beek, I hate them! I hate them, drive faster!
Oh, my god, Ok, I'm not stopping, I'm going,
I'm driving through! I'm driving through,
I hate them, I hate them, Drive faster,
Why are you going this way? Oh, my god, What?
- Oh, my god, - Holy shit, holy shit,
Don't stop,
Oh, my god,
Beek, there has to be more, Get them all off,
- What are you talking about? - Get them off, I'm serious,
- Fine, I don't see any honestly, - There's one on the hood!
Talking about the antenna? That's,,,
- It's fine, - Well, double check,
I am not getting in that car,
- I double checked, - There's gonna be more,
I swear there are no more spiders, ok?
Oh, my god, that was so crazy,
You don't think any of them got into the truck, do you?
No, there's no way any spiders got into the truck,
No possible way, I mean, it's just like,,,
They don't have keys,
Most spiders don't have thumbs,
But did you know that spiders can have
anywhere between zero and a dozen eyes?
Did you know that driving 1,700 miles to meet
a tennis star you've never met before is batshit crazy?
No, I didn't know that,
Did you know that sociopaths don't yawn
after seeing somebody else yawn?
- They don't? - Nope,
Well, our hotel is about seven minutes away,
Stay there for the night,
And tomorrow we're about seven hours
from New York City and our road trip is over,
I'd say all in all, this whole trip was pretty cool,
Cool place, Not too creepy,
Yeah, it's pretty nice,
- They were sweet in the office, - Yeah,
Two rooms is cool,
If anything happens, just pound on the wall,
I mean, depending on the situation,
Um, you know, what if someone comes in and says,
"I'm gonna steal all your money but don't pound on the wall?"
Seems, uh,,, seems unlikely,
Have you always wanted to be a painter?
Forever, but a good one,
Your dad says that your paintings look
like an angel is helping you hold the brush,
He said that? That's sweet,
You know, Voltaire said,
"originality is nothing but judicious imitation,"
Voltaire is saying copy others, but be good at it?
Yeah, I mean, and I guess,,,
I mean, I'm influenced by people,
Everyone is to some extent,
But sometimes I wonder if I'm imitating too much,
not being judicious,
I think because you worry about it,
you don't have to worry about it,
That's how it usually goes,
Hey, what makes you think Lois
is gonna listen to your theories?
Well, she is a professional tennis player,
but she didn't get to where she is
without a superhuman effort,,,
And a readiness to try things
that may only improve her game by three or four percent,
I'm offering better,
Hey, if,,, if Lois wins and you two start dating,
don't you think that'd be difficult?
You know, like, walking around
with a beautiful thoroughbred horse,
without being able to communicate,
- I'm sorry, what? - I'm Russian fluent,
Oh, I mean, I'm sorry, I,,, I really,,, I didn't know,
I guess that's great, Um, you guys can just proceed
to get married at 0900
and carry on to have your kids, abacus and bar scanner,
Oh, yeah, And maybe we can hang out with your kids,
uh, rainbow and super hippie,
Blastoff!
♪ Sweetheart ♪
♪ don't wait too long ♪
♪ to marry me ♪
♪ would you marry now? ♪
♪ Climbing out of my dreams ♪
That was kind of weird, last night,
Those boys just coming out of nowhere
to jump into the pool, Yeah?
Yeah, They were like the double zero
on a roulette wheel,
All your calculations go out the window
if you land on double zero,
The house wins, You don't,
That can't be factored into equations,
I mean, it's like predicting what a drunk person will do,
Or a baby,
And the biggest double zero of 'em all: Love,
♪ Once I had a love and it was divine ♪
What is this song?
♪ It seemed like the real thing but I was so blind ♪
♪ mucho mistrust, love's gone behind ♪
♪ doo, doo, doo ♪
What is it called?
I don't know,
It's so familiar,
♪ There's no peace of mind ♪
♪ if I fear I'm losing you ♪
♪ it's just no good you teasing like you do ♪
"Heart of glass,"
- "Heart of glass," "Heart of,,," - That's it! Yes!
"Heart of glass,"
♪ Once I had a love and it was a gas ♪
♪ soon turned out, had a heart of glass ♪
♪ seemed like the real thing, only to find ♪
♪ mucho mistrust, love's gone behind ♪
♪ lost inside, adorable illusion ♪
♪ and I cannot hide ♪
♪ I'm the one you're using, please don't push me aside,,, ♪
Get it out!
Get it! Get it,
Free at last,
♪ Yeah, riding high on love's true bluish light ♪
♪ oooh-ah-ah ♪
Wtbw, New York City,
Uh, yeah, I'm not so sure about this hotel,
I made the reservation without seeing it first,
Let's give it a chance, Maybe it's not so bad inside,
Ouch,
This looks like a crime scene waiting to happen,
Yeah, they should just replace the carpet with blackboard,
What do you mean?
Be easier to sketch body outlines,
Ew, Beek,
Fuck you pounding at, motherfucker?
Trying to get some sleep and you fucking
making noise in there? You fucking keep that up,
I'll fucking,,, I,,, rip your motherfucking head off!
You're a motherfucking travesty!
You son of a fucking bitch,
I hope you,,, fuck, when,,, when you,,, motherfucker!
This is hard for me! Fucking making me,,, mother!
I'm fucking tired,
Fuck, No, you shut you,,, you shut the fuck up!
You motherfucker! I'll fucking kill you!
You fuck! You,,, You fucking fuck,
Fuck!
Fuck you, man, and fuck the world, man!
I'll fucking kill you, you bastard motherfucker!
Fuck!
I'm ready! How do I look?
You look fine,
I'm going to the at,
I am finally going to the at!
This is what I came here to do, I downloaded the schematics
of the at to get a general sense of the whole layout,
I'm,,, Casey, bringing the tow truck to New York,
it was,,,
Bellissima!
First thing that's gonna happen, they're gonna let me in through
the gate, which will lead me to these three ramps,
The north ramp will take me all the way
to the commercial vehicle intake which is right next
to the press terminal, and then my first meeting
with Lois will be at her scheduled 3:30 presser,
And even if that doesn't work, I,,,
There are three other events within 1,000 yards
of the terminal and so I,,, I'm good,
I mean, I'm better than good, I'm great!
- Good luck, - I don't need luck,
I need smart and meticulous planning which is what I've got,
Thank you, Casey,
This isn't creepy, I swear,
I'm going now,
- Help you? - Yes, yes,
I'm here to pick up a car
with the tow truck and take it somewhere else,
- Need to see your license, - Yes, yes, of course,
I'm very excited,
Excited, me, too, After we scan your license,
we'll hold you in the c,N,T, Call area,,,
C,n,t, Call area!
Scan picks, dhs,
atf certificate checks over on vaca,
Atf certificate check, Make sure you got it,
Then the d,I,T, Card,
- You got your d,I,T, Card? - C-pac,
arena tags, then put your call order
and hook to documents in the X-ray,
Fourth copy needs to be notarized,
Do not lock stamp until we give you the rubber glove,
Ok, Eddie just told me, He wants an undercarriage check
on all tows and double duallies,
- No fucking around, - I know, ok?
I gotta get this asshole's call order and his c-pac card!
His arena tags aren't even on the visor like I, uh, asked,
Ok, listen, clip your arena tags on the pit box,
Then we'll do your sincher-winch documents
while we do the under check,
Ok? Your tires are reverse bolted, you fucking jackass,
Reverse bolted?
Yeah, uh, was that a rule?
He doesn't have the,,, it's reverse bolted, The wheels are
- reverse-bolted, - Back it up,
- You got to back it up, - Back this up,
No, no, no, no,,,
Isn't this this guy,,, he looks,,, he looks like Tom Hanks,
- Look at him, Turn your,,, - You think so?
Turn your face over there, Look, look, Look at him,
Remember bosom buddies?
Remember, he dressed up like a broad! 'Member?
I like that show! I used to watch that show,
I like that, Hey, can we call you Tom?
- Hey, Tom, - That was before his time,
I want my money for the Da Vinci code back,
You're a funny guy, Tom, You're kind of stupid, though,
You came here to fucking play games, huh?
You even know how to drive a tru,,,
Are you a tow truck driver, Hanks?
Are you mentally ill? What, you're trying
to get in here? What are you doing?
No, I,,, I didn't know there was anything wrong with the wheels,
- Do we look stupid? - No,
- Does he look stupid? - No,
- Do I look stupid? - No,
- So you're calling me stupid? - He's trying to piss him off,
- Come on, I'm a nice guy, - He isn't,
You're heating my wick now, I'm a nice man,
He's a very nice,,, Not a nice man,
I'm a nice man, I got a vague distaste for him,
I don't know why, A very vague distaste,
You Forrest Gump motherfucking fuckface,
- You better go, - And I love everyone,
- I love everybody,,, - He does,
- He loves,,, - I love him, I love everyone,
I don't like you, Back it up!
I'm,,, I'm going, I'm going now, I'm,,, I'm going, sorry,
- Leave, Leave, please, - I'm so sorry,
Reversed bolts,
- you're trying to come in here? - So sorry!
I'm so stupid,
You're not stupid,
Why else would I drive across
the country to see a complete stranger
who happens to be a tennis superstar?
Ok, your plan didn't work,
so either wallow in self-pity
or come up with a new plan,
I'll have a couple more seconds of self-pity,
How did I get shut down so hard?
So your plan didn't work, That's hard,
You're gonna have to work a little harder,
I don't know about you, but I'm not afraid of hard work,
You mean, you,,, you want to help me? I thought
you were pissed off at me for dragging you to New York,
Yeah, I was,
But I was mad at the lies,
Growing up, I,,, I had a dog named Bob,
- Bob? - Yeah, Bob,
He was a pug,
Um, he was kind of my mom's dog but I helped raise him,
And, um,,,
When I was 13 my mother left us,
We never heard from her again, Um,,,
So anyway, one day I came home from school,
And, um, I found out that my,,,
My dad had given Bob away,
He said Bob was at some farm, but,,,
I knew that that was a lie, that he had put Bob down,
I was so furious
and I wanted to prove my dad was a liar,
So I hopped on my bike
and,,, and I,,, I biked out to the country,,,
And I was looking for the farm,
And then I found it, just one county over,
And, um, sure enough, there was Bob,
He was really happy to see me, But, um,,,
I could tell that he also was happy living on that farm,
And then I found out why,
Um,,,
My mom was living there, too,
Um,,,
I found out later that she got remarried
and she called my dad asking for some of the things
that she had left behind, which included our dog,
She didn't even ask about my sister and I,
Um, she didn't care, So my dad lied to protect us,
But I think he was also ashamed
that a woman like my mother could break his heart,
Anyway, I never got another dog and,,,
I haven't really left my dad's side since then,
So,,, All I'm asking is no more lies,
Ok, we need to do something about all of this,
Yeah, you, your look,
You got to,,, you got to dress better, beek, I mean,
if you want people to take you seriously,
You look like,,, you look like beige in a box,
- Beige in a box, - You look like
elevator music dressed you,
We need to do a shopping spree,
I'm an artist and you're my blank canvas,
And I think it starts with a makeover,
Let's do it,
Catch up, beek! Come on!
Ok! I'm coming,
How much did we just spend on all this?
Yeah, yeah, whatever, At least
you won't look like beige in a box anymore,
Wanna race?
♪ You don't have to be lonely ♪
♪ find someone to talk to ♪
Ok, we belong here, Just remember we belong here,
Oh, look, the hipster parade got lost uptown
with its grand marshal, timothee chalamet,,, not!
You want us to park a tow truck?
This is tennis week, people,
And you didn't even have the courtesy
of giving us the keys,
Ok, this is not going well, Ok, I need to breathe,
Jesus h,,, do not make me say his full name,
- Sorry, - I am, too,
Enjoy your stay, sir, Ugh,
Ok, fuck him,
We belong here, We belong here, We do,
You look great, Let's go,
Uh, 2,200 square feet,
Six exits, two to the south,
Two staircases, Wow, this place is nice,
We belong here, follow my lead,
and answer all my questions in Russian,
- Why? - Do you want to meet Lois?
- Da, - Hi, can I help you?
Sorry, bono, we just got to New York,
Oh, by the way, lorne Michaels called and he wants you
to do Saturday night live on the 5th,
Yeah? Ok, I'll tell him,
Have a great show tonight and tell Elton I say hi,
Ok, bye-bye, Um, hi, We have a reservation,
It's under,,, is it under your name or sokolov?
- Hayden, - Beek Hayden,
Beek Hayden? Found it,
A deluxe suite, two beds?
Yeah, oh, and can you leave an extra key?
One of your guests, Lois kuzenkova, will be staying
with us tonight, She hates her room,
Is something wrong with 1509?
Ants,
Holy shit,
Ok, wow, Wow,
Who are you, again?
It's like one second we know nothing about Lois,
and the next second, we have her atm code,
- her social security number,,, - I told you,
I know how to listen to people, Learned it from the diner,
- Professional, - I guess,
Hi, can I be connected to 1509, please?
Yes, hello? Hello, this is
cletus spitsnoggle, I'm calling from the concierge desk,
Yes, yes, oh,
Uh, we,,, we actually just received a call
from bell Bella asking
if we could move your reservation up to 10:55,
Oh, you don't have a reservation at bell Bella,
where was your reservation tonight?
Oh, oh! Chao-lor! Very good,
Ok, Ok, You too, Ta-ta, tootle-loo,
Chao-lor, 11:15,
Confidence, it's all about confidence,
Confidence begets more confidence,
Wait, I,,, I think she just pulled up,
Why don't you take care of these jackets?
Wow,
- You can do this, - If they even let me in,
Beek, you got this, You're a boss,
I got this,
♪ Treated like game night, trying to get paid ♪
♪ baddie on facetime, pretty ass face ♪
♪ pick up the gas then I wanna go race ♪
♪ buy me a pill and I feel like a fool ♪
♪ ready for you, are you ready though? ♪
♪ Heard my good friend on the radio ♪
♪ all my, all my meeting, we up top ♪
♪ everything she see I want, she just caught ♪
♪ money ride, perk got me silly ♪
♪ Audi in the city, speed until we silly ♪
So sorry,
♪ All these legs beam me ♪
♪ ate too many drugs now I'm spinning like a cd ♪
Whoa, How's it going?
I just, uh, wanted to go to Lois' table to say hi and stuff,
Oh, oh, you just want to go to Lois' table,
- Yeah, - Oh, shit,
Well, that's not gon' happen, Yeah, yeah, 'cause you going to,
Lois' table fuck with my whole train of thought right now,
- Well, I,,, I was just,,, - I don't got time
for the novels and shit, Yeah, I mean, you seem like the kinda
dude that knows what's what if I'm judging from your fucking
sartorial attire and all that type of shit, y'know what
I mean? So, let me tell you my end, Basically I'm saying,
back your ass up, or I'm gon' rip off your head,
and punch you in the fucking heart,
You know what I'm saying? Like wah!
Wah! Wah!
Or maybe the clap, Like strip club ass,
It's gon' to be amazing, It's gon' fucking sound
like donkeys kicking,
Hey, bubba, you ready to go? I'm done chatting with Lois,
- She's the bee's knees, man, - Oh, shit, yeah, We can roll,
Oh, shit, Quick, this my man, lucky,
- Actually, it's beek, - Actually, it's lucky,
'Cause he lucky his heart ain't get all punched up and shit,
Hey, nice to meet you, lucky,
- Uh, hi, You play hockey, - I know, Too bad you don't play,
Because if you and I were on the same team,
we could be quick and lucky,
Quick and luck,,,
Well, I,,, I don't believe in luck, actually,
All right, all right, man, We don't wanna hear all that shit,
Look, you're free to take your little ass to Lois' table now,
Watch out for her dad, though, He's scarier than me,
Thank you,
A wise man knows not to sit down without an invitation,
I'm not usually this assertive, but I think I have something
important to say to you,
- Is this versace? - Oh, I don't know,
- Casey picked it, - Who's Casey?
Oh, no one, Well, not no one,
she's, uh,,, she's actually,,, She,,,
The mad dog doesn't mind taking the long way around,
And you're the mad dog?
I did actually drive, uh, 1,700 miles in a tow truck
to get here, so either I am mad
or there is something that I have that you need to hear,
I can improve Lois' score by 10%, Minimum, at least,
And if she finds herself in the finals
with lourdes, I can guarantee a win,
Like, like, guarantee-guarantee,
Tell me why I should give a fuck what you say,
11,000 years ago, there were glaciers
where we're sitting right now, They began to recede
and a series of equations
were set in place which turned 302 square miles
and 8,3 million people into one
of the largest city centers in the world,
And Manhattan was right in the middle of it,
like a,,, like a giant lava lamp,
Lava lamps are essentially glass jars
with blobs of paraffin floating in them,
and NASA actually used lava lamps to feed random numbers
to supercomputers in order to predict for random events,
But I can do all of that in my head,
Leave me the address
where you got this blouse as you leave,
There's an 85% chance
that your waiter is gonna spill your vodka,
I'm supposed to be impressed that you predicted a waiter
will spill some vodka on a Saturday night?
Solid break, 11 side pocket, Seven bottom corner,
Five top left,
Goddamnit!
Listen, this is beek,
He'd like to drop by practice tomorrow,
He thinks he can help you with your game,
- Thank you, - For what?
For whatever happens next,
Yes! Yes!
Oh,
Casey! Casey!
Beek, what happened to your head?
Oh, nothing, I'm just,,, I have this thing for minor abrasions,
- it'll fix right, right up, - What?
But seriously, thank you, Thank you for everything,
I couldn't have done it without you,
- It was a great night, - So, you met Lois?
Oh, I did way more than meet Lois,
That sounded like we had sex, We did not have sex,
That sucks,
But seriously, Oh, it was amazing,
These words just kept spilling out of my mouth
because I was finally talking to people
who actually know what I'm talking about,
Not like with you when I'm like,
boring you to death, Um, anyways,
Tomorrow, my life is going to change,
She's got the fury to win,
Wanting the win,,,
And having the win,,,
Are two very different things,
Yeah, well, she's won many grand slams,
Been world number one off and on for what, 10 years?
I mean, what more can you want?
Are you joking?
Look, I know she wants to beat lourdes,
and I wanted that, too,
But losing to lourdes, that's not gonna
ruin her legacy, is it?
I mean, sometimes there are players that just do things
to get under your skin, and sometimes
it's ok to be the best in the world, most of the time,
You know something?
I'm really starting to think
that you are the wrong man for this job,
- You are joking? - Joking,
A man walks into a fortune teller's,
and he says to her, "do you see jail in my future?"
And she says no,
So the man robs her, That is a joke,
What is not a joke is winning!
The only important thing is winning,
Look, Petrov, I want her to win as well,,,
But I've also got to be realistic,
Hi,
So, your first opponent is Sarah nytrink,
She's a decent player with a good slice backhand,
but you're gonna win,
In fact, let's make it a sweep,
It'll send a message that it's your tournament,
And this right here is the dead zone,
Your percentage in this area is 67%
from right court returns and 71 from the left,
You hit the ball with a precision
unlike any other player, What we need to do
is match those numbers and raise them to 75%,
You'll be unstoppable,
Right now, I'm the only one seeing what I'm seeing,
It's all in my head,
But if it stays there, it's useless,
I need someone like you to help me realize these things,
Because what are the keys to winning without the winner?
You are done,
Petrov!
Please, Don't make this messy,
♪ Cross the rivers and the mountains ♪
♪ I wanna feel the morning falling down ♪
♪ all the way down ♪
♪ like the sun's beating ray ♪
♪ like the dead of all, I feel the same ♪
♪ all the way down ♪
♪ let the London break the sky and ground ♪
♪ I fall onto my knees, I'm going down ♪
♪ I'm all the way down ♪
♪ Let me shine the golden sun ♪
♪ see the silver rays are bright as one ♪
♪ all the way down ♪
♪ come and answer to my call ♪
♪ let us share the crown ethereal ♪
♪ all the way down ♪
Hi, so nice to see you,
Oh, my god, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
- Can I help you? - Uh, no, I was just,,,
I was measuring something,
- Pardon? - Um, is this pace university?
I'm pretty sure,
Yeah, that would,,, that would be it,
- New student? - Uh, no,
- Mostly impressionist, - Pardon?
- You said do I do nudes? - No, no, new student?
Oh, my god, Holy shit, is this really happening?
I'm so sorry, I'm blushing, I'm,,, I'm really sorry,
You're fine, you're fine,
I'm just,,, I'm not from here, I'm a waitress,
My,,, I thought you were going to hug me and then I dropped this,
and then you asked me if I was nude,,,
You didn't, You didn't ask me if I was nude, I thought,,,
I thought,,, my dad's an asshole, I mean, he's not,
He's wonderful, but,,, ok,
I'm gonna let you guys,,, bye,
Hey, Casey, Sorry I'm late,
- Wow, - I know, right?
- Manhattan, - Yep,
22,7 square miles, 21 Bridges and 15 tunnels,
Through every window is a story,
Well, actually it looks to be about 85% capacity,
So, not quite, How are you?
I've just been sleeping at the stadium,
Lois is a beast,
She sees everything that I see in my head perfectly,
- That's great, - But I should thank you,
Otherwise, I would have been sleeping in the tow truck,
Instead, you're sleeping with Lois,
Well, no, no, not exactly,
It's,,, I mean, you know, there are sparks,
but sparks are ubiquitous,
- Sparks? - How's your application to pace?
Uh, I tried,
Tried?
Well, I found it ok, which was good,
and I liked the campus, which is also good,
but then I walk halfway up the front steps
and I just,,, I end up doing this weird bag hug
and all my stuff drops on the ground, it makes
this insanely loud noise, which really pisses me off,
And then I think I see, like, all these people pointing
and laughing at me, which I mean, I don't know if they
actually were, I guess I would have to check the security
footage when I go back there,
which I'm definitely not gonna go back,
Casey, I'm sorry that happened to you, but,,,
You have to go back,
The world needs to see your art, What can I do?
Can I help you some way? Is there anything I could do?
- You would help? - Yeah, maybe,
Maybe tomorrow at, like, 3:00 or something like that,
I could come by and then I could be the awkward person
holding the bags and dropping things everywhere,
- You would do that for me? - Of course,
Actually been meaning to ask you something,
Something you said on the drive really stuck with me,
You said that you like to dance to unwind,
And I was thinking,,,
Maybe you could teach me some moves?
- Yeah, - Ok,
Uh, yeah, Ok, All right, Come on,
- I'm gonna put on some music, - Ok,
- Follow you? - Yeah,
Follow me and don't use your science brain,
This is not about science, It's about something else,
You gotta feel it, Like, you gotta feel it in your body,
- Ok, I'll feel it, - Ok, So we're going to start,
And it's just like a step,
Step,
You got to really, like,,, Your chest has to
bounce with it, yes,
And then do a little uh, uh,
Yes, Uh, uh, Now you move your head,
- Really? I'm doing,,, - And you're at the club,
Yeah, No, You got to really whip your head,
Like,,, like that, It's perfect, And then we'll just turn,
- So, ready? - Just turning?
Yes, turn, stop, Look back at me,
- Oh, wait, so I look,,, - You look a little stupid,
Let me actually teach you how to dance,
Come here, ok, You gotta, like,
put your arm, Yeah,
And then just actually move side to side,
- Like this, - This is easy,
We hear the music, It's still fun, And then you go with it,
- That's it? - That's not it,
You have to feel the other person and you keep swaying,
And then you start to just,,, Hold them a little closer,
And,,,
- I got it, - We're feeling it,
I got it, I was feeling it, And if I'm feeling it now,
I'm,,, I'll be feeling it tomorrow with Lois,
Which I should get back to her, by the way,
But thank you so much, Very educational,
I'll see you at 3:00,
Hello and welcome to the 87th
annual American tennis tournament,
- I'm Logan McKinnon, - And I'm Kate beckwith
broadcasting to you live from New York City,
All week long, we will be bringing you a cornucopia
of competition, a jackpot of jitters,
a bounty of ball that is tennis,
as the greatest players in the world all vie to have
their names written in the sky and on the lips of tennis fans,
Time,
Her serve was just clocked at 107 miles per hour,
What a great start for Lois kuzenkova,
She looks crisp,
She's really giving Georgia hempstead
all she can handle,
Well, the big news coming out of camp kuzenkova
is the firing of legendary coach, Jeremy jushjaad,
mid-tournament, which is almost unheard of,
Right, because Lois' father, Petrov kuzenkova,
has replaced Jeremy with a mystery man
named beekman Hayden,
Well, that's what everybody's been asking is,
who is this mystery man that's always in Lois' box?
Uh, no pun intended,
He is a good-looking man,
There's vodka in that baby bottle, There's got to be,
Why do you say that, Logan? Because he's Russian?
100%, I'm Irish, We like to drink, too,
Kuzenkova wins three games to two,
Sheldon Walker, Ms, Stephen can see you now,
Well, right now, Logan, Lois kuzenkova is just
pounding away at her opponent, Georgia hempstead,
Lois is earning her nickname,
the Android of destruction,
What's the difference between an Irish wedding
and an Irish funeral?
One less drunk,
40-love,
- Casey Martin? Are you,,, - Oh, she said she drank too much
coffee and had to go take a giant shit,
Happens to everyone, All right, Uh, you're welcome to come in,
Lois has Georgia on the ropes,
Lois wins the match,
She now advances on to the quarterfinals,
Well, Lois kuzenkova is on the court now,
she addresses the ball,
Hello, ball, Old joke, Had to say it,
Very good, very good,
I'm very impressed with how she places the ball
strategically in the no man zone,
These are actual shots taken by Lois kuzenkova
during the last five matches,
As you can see, 85% of her forehand shots
actually land within six inches of her big toe,
That's precision, and I hear she gets it
from her new coach or the new mystery man,
Her game certainly has vastly improved
since they've been together,
There's this Irish guy walking down the street
and he sees two men in a fist fight, and he calls
over to them and says, "hey, is that a private fight?
Or can anybody join in?"
Love,
♪ Please don't quit ♪
Oh, my god, Oh, my god, I'm so sorry,
- Can I help you? - Get the fuck away from me,
- Get away from me, - Oh, I'm so,,,
You're obviously not from here,
Why don't you just fuck off? Go back to where you came from,
I'm sorry,
So, how was the interview?
Fine,
Fine?
Can you tell me a little about it?
Oh, it's,,, it's nothing,
It was fine, I,,, I just called to say hey,
All right,
Any time you feel like it, you just come on over
and give me a call, ok? No rush, I love you, honey,
- You know that, - Bye,
Do you think your idea will work?
I know it will help her win,
Then,,, If you run with the wolves,
you howl like the wolves,
Come, Go and howl like the wolf,
- I'll howl, - Howl, Howl!
Oh, Lois! Lois, great win,
That was a great job,
I did the moonshot the third set,
Yeah, the moonshot was perfect,
The numbers were amazing, You had 24% from the left side
and 43% from the right box,
And you were in the dead zone for, what, 57% of the time,
I mean, who does that? So anyway, this is the idea that
I've sort of been stewing over, obsessing over,
Lourdes, her weakness is her strength,
- She plays human, - What does this mean?
Playing human means, uh, playing erratically without
rational thought or logic or any of these things,
She has a slight wobble in her play that
can throw off someone like you,
Hmm, Yeah, continue,
You play like a machine, like a beautiful,
well-oiled instrument, and she plays like a human,
Um, and oddly enough, that helps her predict
the next perfect thing that you might do,
Are you saying that I am predictable?
Well, no, no, no, no, no, no,
No, Um, yes, Yes, In a way, uh, sort of,
Hmm,
Anyways, we need to convince her that there's
something going on with you making you
perform slightly more erratically,
Uh, yes, And, um, and
the thing that we are going to do is we are going
to make her think that something is different about you,
Your personality, your demeanor, like,
uh,,, like, I don't know, you're playing drunk,
I don't think this is a good idea, beek,
No, no, that,,, that was an example of something that might
- affect your game play, - Continue,
Anyway, Um, yes, the, um,,,
She'll notice that something is different about you
and then she'll be rattled, Won't know what to do,
at which point you will transform back into the machine
- that you are and pounce, - How do we do this rattle?
We make her think that you've landed on double zeros,
- Double zeros? - Love,
After days of battling it out for the big prize,
only the best of the best remain
as the clock is ticking down to the final rounds
of the American tennis tournament, But the biggest
news from the tournament may be the off-court fireworks between,
Lois and her new coach slash main squeeze, beek Hayden,
Speculation continues as to how the lovebirds met,
but one thing is certain,,,
Hello and welcome to the 87th annual American
- tennis tournament, - I'm Kate beckwith,
And I'm Logan McKinnon,
Buckle up, And if you're Irish, drink up,
As the top players in the world
seek to have their names up in the sky and on the lips
of every tennis fan across the globe,
That is right, Logan,
And speaking of fans, there are 14,053
of them that have gathered here inside this
gorgeous venue on this gorgeous day to watch these
amazing athletes bang it out with each other,
Oh, beekman,
How's our girl doing?
Hey, quick, uh, she's,,, She's great,
You know, there's photos of you two everywhere?
I'm serious, Everywhere, it's disgust,,, I'm kidding,
It's cool, I'm not jealous,
But I am waiting for you to stumble,
'Cause I just have loved this woman for years,
I just want you to know that I would never,
ever hit on Lois behind your back,
Ok? Not that type of guy,
And plus, you two are just on the same wavelength,
So cool she's happy with you,
Here she comes, A player like no other,
She plays with happy wild abandon, like happy
puppies and floating butterflies,
She is a metaphor and a dream, a cautionary tale,
She is life, she is joy,
She is laughter and hardship and pride and wide-eyed
wonder, versus Lois kuzenkova,
who is gears and dials and fan belt and spark plugs,
I can feel the crowd's excitement,
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the final match,
Best of three tiebreak sets,
To the right of the chairs, lourdes,
To the left of the chairs, Lois kuzenkova,
Lourdes has won the toss and elected to serve,
Time,
Ah!
Petrov doesn't like, as you can see,
maybe that's someone who looks like beek?
No way, dude,
That is my bro laying pipeage on Lois kuzenkova,
- Dude? - Pipeage?
Uncle Ted said that,
That serve just clocked at 107 miles per hour,
which is fast, but usually something Lois can return,
She looks off her game,
I'm surprised Lois is not her usual icy self,
That's a net shot, Ooh, she looks really rattled out there,
I wonder if her new romance with that mystery man
beek Hayden has her head spinning,
Good, Good,
What is good? I don't see good, What do you see that is good?
Hey, beek, How,,, how,,, how high is the net?
Three feet,
In my opinion, the hockey goal is a little bit higher,
We've never seen her looking like this, Almost drunk,
You know, Kate, it's like the drunkometer,
You know what that is, don't you?
It measures your level of inebriation,
It goes sober, buzzed, drunk, hammered, Irish,
Um,,,
Most Irish Americans,,, In fact, the majority
of Irish Americans are hardworking and industrious,
Um, Irish and American people are industrious
and they work hard and I like them,
But back to tennis,
Well, Kate, this match, as you can see, is almost over,
Lois is on the ropes, What a disappointment,
Uh, the Irish are great,
Love-15,
Lourdes has love, Beek,
There are eight billion people on this planet and counting,
Do you just want to be one of the billions that is in love?
Or do you want to have the greatest player on the planet?
You promised me you could help her,
If Lois doesn't win, I will smother you with a pillow
as you sleep, but I will kiss your forehead as you die,
Lo-Lois is a winner, Don't you worry,
Good,
Wow, what the heck is happening out there?
There's been a noticeable change in kuzenkova's demeanor,
It's almost like Lois was lulling lourdes into
a false sense of security, Lourdes is light,
Lois was without emotion and life kicked her ass,
Then she played like she was in love and life
carried on, like life always does,
But suddenly, the double zeros have disappeared,
They're getting banquetty, buffetty,
Where will the double zeros land?
And there is no such word as banquetty,
Logan, this is the greatest comeback
in att history,
We're in match point, Will Lois save her legacy
or will she crumble under pressure?
She gives the ball an up stroke and hits a high line,
It's a moonshot, a high moonshot,
which can give your opponent too much time to think,
too much time to plan and to check your math,
But in the end, it's not math,
It's what's truly in your heart,
And with time to think you either make the mistake
of your life or find your life, And suddenly,
you know where to run,
She did it! Lois kuzenkova wins,
The luck of the Irish,
I am so sick of all these Irish clichés,
I'm going to finish this drink and go punch somebody,
Come on, Kate, let's get out of here and get a pint,
Whoo!
♪ I'm proud of my name ♪
Whoo!
♪ Everybody knows I'll be the king just for one day ♪
Beek!
Casey, Casey?
- Excuse me? - Hello,
Yeah, Can I help you? I'm,,,
- Hi, yes,,, - I'm sorry, Who are you?
You can, Um,,,
I'm an idiot, uh, named beek,
Beek?
I know you, I saw you on TV at that tennis tournament,
You are the mystery man,
Uh, yeah, uh,,,
The only mystery here is how I didn't realize that the thing
that I've been running from has actually been in my life
for 13 days, eight hours and 32 minutes,
I'm here,,, I,,, I want to fill out an application,
uh, for a friend of mine, She's a really talented painter,
Oh, it actually doesn't work like that,
There's a process that ends in a personal interview,
which is why we call it a personal interview,
Oh, sure I could,,, I could show you any,,,
- The person has to be here, - Show you this,,, this,,,
Here I go, it's not that hard,
Oh,
Uh, hi,
What the hell?
I found a door to another universe, but,,,
When I went through it,
everything was cold and calculated and dead,
It was like the undercarriage of life, it was,,, it was
steel and dirt and mud, rocks,
And I didn't know that there was an alternative
that was possible, but now that I do,
I can't really go back to looking at it the same way,
I,,, it's just night and day,
Light and dark, and I,,, I don't know anything,
Uh, I'm scared to death, I can't breathe, I think my heart's
breaking, and it's everything I feared, But I'm alive
and I've landed on the double zeroes,
The house wins,
And if I'm lucky,,, You're the house,
I'm in love with you, Casey,
I couldn't see it until now, but,,,
All those sevens were leading me to you,
Um, well, I just came to get an application, so,
The school's great, by the way,
Um, it was really great to see you,
Good luck,
Oh, ouch, I bet you just shit yourself, am I right?
That was beautiful, by the way,
I mean, light, love, it was great,
Can you keep your clothes on or should I get a camera?
Well, yeah, of course,
Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to make a toast,
And say thank you to Casey for having us
- to your first exhibition, - Thank you, Petrov,
Thank you,
Beek, thank you for,,,
Continuing to help Lois win,
For,,, bringing the smile on her face,
The way you smiled when you were a child,
Are you crying?
- Maybe, - A toast!
To vodka in moderation,
Oh, god, she's drunk again,
As Nietzsche says, "a woman that knows the why
will endure the how,"
- Bravo, - Interesting,
- Let's move along here, - Hey, let's dance!
Let's dance,
I thought this was gonna be
about connecting objects,
the ball to the racket, to the court,
I didn't realize I'd also be connecting people,
Wow, they are really feeling it,
- I think they are, - Yeah, Congratulations,
Thank you, Thank you,
And here's the connection that means the most,
The one that's been right in front of me
all along,
♪ You don't have to be tired ♪
♪ why you still going out every night? ♪
♪ Can't pin me down 'cause I'm moving around ♪
♪ can't pin me down 'cause I'm moving around ♪
♪ and around and around and a,,, ♪
♪ In dreams I'm incomplete, I was seeking, I redeemed ♪
♪ round about ♪
♪ dipped in and out ♪
♪ brave the waves, get taken down ♪
♪ shows in water ♪
♪ it's new water ♪
♪ what's the difference? It's the experience ♪
♪ It's neither here nor there, then where? ♪
♪ Can't pin me down 'cause I'm moving around ♪
♪ can't pin me down 'cause I'm moving around ♪
♪ and around and around and around and a,,, ♪
♪ Feeling down ♪
♪ laying out or drying out ♪
♪ it shows in water ♪
♪ it's new water ♪
♪ what's the difference? It's the experience ♪
♪ It's neither here nor there, then where? ♪
♪ I hear voices lacking true direction ♪
♪ from outside ♪
♪ which way and lead me to the pasture ♪
♪ lay down beside but faith is hard to come by ♪
♪ you don't get much for blood and tears ♪
♪ but trust in me, my only one ♪
♪ I can't undo what's been done to you ♪
♪ rescue me, rescue ♪
♪ rescue me, ah, rescue ♪
♪ I hear voices lacking true direction from outside ♪
♪ which way and lead me down to sleep lay down beside ♪
♪ I will tell you what you're looking for ♪
♪ if I thought you wouldn't ask for more ♪
♪ you talk of him a little too much ♪
♪ I can't believe anyone so ♪
♪ out of touch ♪
♪ Rescue me, ah, rescue ♪
♪ rescue me, ah, rescue ♪
♪ Rescue me, ah, rescue ♪
♪ rescue me, ah, rescue ♪
♪ rescue me, ah,,, ♪