(plane buzzing)
(birds chirping)
(calm melody)
(door knocking)
(door creaking)
- Hello,
- Hi,
- You're early,
- No, no, I'm not,
- What time is it?
- Seven,
- Did we say seven?
- Yeah,
It's okay, it's okay, can I come in?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course, - Thanks,
- Hi,
- It's good to see you,
- It's good to see you, too,
- You look dressed up,
- Oh, I didn't know where we were going,
so I figured
better to be,,, - Going?
- For dinner,
- I made dinner 'cause I thought we were staying
which of course we're not and I'm gonna go get dressed,
- No, no, no, it's fine, it's fine,
- It's no big deal, I'm gonna get changed and I'll just--
- No, actually, now that you said something,
I would love to stay in,
- Yeah?
- [Beth] Yeah,
- Okay, great,
- It looks nice in here, you did something different,
the lights are nice,
- Oh, yeah, nothing else really,
I did try this new technique called cleaning,
- Cleaning, I'm not familiar,
Well, it looks good, yeah,
What should I do with this?
- I'll take it and I'll put it away,
You sure you thought we were going out tonight?
The food might take a while,
do you want me to open this now?
- [Beth] No, I can wait,
- Okay,
I'll just put this away,
- [Beth] So, we having spaghetti?
- How did you guess that?
- 'Cause you only know how to make two things
and one of them is scrabbled eggs
and the other one is spaghetti,
This doesn't go in the refrigerator,
just a reminder, red wine,
- Red wine does not go in the fridge,
testing you and you passed,
- Yes,
Winner,
That is a lot of alcohol in there, you got enough?
- Yes, I'm gonna go get ready now,
- No, it's fine, you don't have to do that,
- You expect me to stand around dressed like a frat boy
and you're walking around in your gown,
(Beth laughing)
- Gown, I overdressed, you look fine,
- Oh, it's just that, you know,
you look great,
- Thanks,
I change my mind, I am gonna have some,
- I read recently
that you are supposed to do that more often,
- Do what?
- Like compliment,
- You just found that out, just now, in adulthood?
- Yeah, I don't read very much,
- Do you want some?
- No, no, I hate wine, you know that,
- I mean, I know that,
I just figured you start cleaning now,
you're a brand new man, turned over a new leaf,
So, you're a reader now?
- Yeah, no, not really,
I just read like magazines at the doctor's office
and stuff like that,
- What were you at the doctor's office for?
- No, I don't know,
I just haven't really been feeling well lately,
I haven't been sleeping a whole lot,
what about you, have you been working?
- Yeah, yeah,
I've been picking up more shifts
what about you?
- Same thing,
Yeah, I'm just trying to keep myself occupied,
- Yeah,
- I'm gonna get myself a drink,
Jump shot,
I'm gonna get that later,
- No, you should just leave it,
It really classes up the place,
it goes with the art deco theme,
- That's true and it gives me an excuse not to clean up
which I love,
- Yeah, I know,
You could start with the bottle cap
and then just move on to like tackier stuff,
- Tackier stuff?
Like one of those big plastic hand chairs?
I'd get one of those,
I would look good sitting in one of those,
That's the epitome of tacky,
- That's good, you should have a show,
Yeah, - My own show, yeah,
Decorating with Garbage,
- No way, man,
- What?
- No way, it's gotta be like way bigger,
like the big announcer comes in like, "Trash your house,"
- Trash your house,
Yeah, oh, yeah, I'll drink to that, all right,
God, you gotta be,,,
I'm gonna go take that shower now, okay?
- Okay,
- Yeah, I'm fine,
- Oh, man,
- I'm gonna go find my dignity somewhere,
- What am I supposed to do?
- You can pick out a movie for us to watch after dinner,
I have new ones up there,
- I'm supposed to pick out a movie?
- Yes,
- I never get to pick out a movie,
- Well, you can now,
- Where's Drew?
What have you done with him?
- Drew is gonna go drink his sweatshirt,
so I will be back in a little amount of time,
It's not a big deal,
(shower water running)
(door grinding)
- Looking good,
- I do my best,
Did you pick out a movie?
- I read your magazine,
- What?
- One from the doctor's office,
The Psychology of a Successful Evening
for 16 year old girls,
- I actually have no idea what you're talking about,
I don't know whose magazine that is,
- Oh, sure, no, certainly not,
- I just wanted tonight to go smoothly,
I wanna make sure that we can be friends,
- That's silly,
- Why?
- Because we're already friends,
you don't have to like impress me for us to be friends,
- Impress you, what do you mean?
- You know what I mean,
- You haven't felt like the past few weeks
have been totally weird?
- No, they've been totally weird,
but it's not because we're not friends,
- Well, why is it then?
- Because you're not there,
- Well, see, that's exactly what I'm talking about,
I'm not there,
We haven't seen each other since we broke up
and we haven't even talked on the phone
until I called you yesterday
to see if you wanted to come out tonight,
- Isn't that kind of normal?
We both need space,
- For what?
- To get over it and move on,
- And you're getting over it?
- [Beth] I think I'm doing an okay job, yeah,
- Then what are we doing here?
- [Beth] You said you wanted to be friends,
- I do wanna be friends,
I'm sorry, I do,
(somber melody)
- What?
- Nothing, I just,,,
Your dress,
I thought we weren't trying to impress each other,
- I changed my mind,
- Going out?
I guess we're going out,
(indistinct chatter)
- Yeah,
Do you really think I didn't know about that?
- No,
I mean, all guys do it, I just thought that,
only I thought you didn't know about the sock thing,
- I mean, I didn't know it at first,
It took me a little while to figure it out,
I found one that felt like cardboard
and I put two and two together,
- [Drew] That's good old Sally,
She's been there for the long haul,
- What?
(lamp buzzing)
So, how does it work exactly?
- Still?
- Like what's your process with said sock?
Do you have it there the whole time?
Does it come in at the end?
- I don't know, it could go either way,
Normally, she comes in at the end, but,,,
I meant to say it not she, it--
- You did mean that,
Is that because of the like cardboard factor?
- Exactly,
- Got it,
Interesting,
- Embarrassing is more like it,
- Why is that embarrassing?
Lots of people do that, I do stuff like that,
- What are you doing with a sock?
- [Beth] I'm serious,
- I'm not saying you're not serious,
I don't know, I can't imagine,,,
I'm sorry, I'm not saying you're uptight or anything,
it's just that--
- You are, you think I don't know how to be sexy,
- No, I think that going to town on a sock
does not make me feel sexy
and you're not the most adventurous person,
- Hey!
what about that time I wore that schoolgirl outfit for you?
- [Drew] Yes, one time, you never wore it again after that,
- [Beth] Because you said it was more about
the cotton panties than anything,
- I also said that the plaid skirt was totally sexy,
but you are right,
- You didn't,
- I did, but I did also say the thing
about the cotton panties, you're right,
- And what did I do?
I went out and bought like a ton of them,
literally dozens in every different color the next day
because you said you liked them,
- You know I do remember you saying something
about them being more comfortable,
- Yes, they are
and I'd rather not have to spend a million dollars
at Victoria's secret and brave the bins with the masses
and just buy a pack of five for six bucks at Target, yeah,
- But you bought my favorite ones at Victoria's Secret,
- Which ones?
- The black, the lacy ones with the stripes,
(Drew growling)
Those are so sexy,
What?
(Drew pursing)
You're doing that on purpose,
- [Beth] I didn't,
- You totally did - [Beth] I swear I didn't
do it on purpose, - Did that on purpose,
Right,
You just happen to have them on tonight,
- [Beth] Total fluke,
- I think you're lying
'cause I haven't seen those in a decade at least,
- Yeah, well,
You're wrong, it was just a coincidence,
- [Drew] Really?
These are your coincidence underwear,
you just happen to be wearing them tonight of all nights,
that's your story?
- [Beth] Yep,
- [Drew] All right,
- Am I supposed to go first?
Okay, I'll go first,
(Drew snoring)
Okay, okay, okay,
I,,,
masturbate,
- Yeah, and?
- That's it,
Your turn,
- What?
What do you mean?
That's it,
Saying I masturbate is like saying I eat cereal,
it's a daily occurrence,
- I don't eat cereal every day,
- But do you masturbate every day?
- I mean, sometimes,
I don't have like some kind of ridiculous streak going on,
but yeah, I have spreads where I masturbate every day,
What about you?
- Now, that I'm thinking about it,
I guess if we're counting consecutive days played,
I've probably long since past Cal Ripken's iron man record,
- Is that a long time?
- Yeah, it's like in the thousands,
Like 5,000,
- 5,000 days in a row,
That's like 14 years,
What can I say?
I discovered myself as a young man and I never went back,
- How do you even fit it in every day?
- For guys, it is like eating cereal, it really is,
Sometimes you have it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner,
- Had three times a day, multiple times a day?
- My personal best is five times in a day,
Why are you making that face?
- Five times a day?
- Yeah, it was awesome at the time,
I stayed home from school, Ferris Bueller style,
and it was just when our parents got internet,
so I was just introduced to online pornography
for the first time, - Oh god,
- The problem was that we had that dial-up connection,
so the jpegs were like,
I finished several times
before the picture was even done that day,
True statement,
- [Beth] That is a problem,
- I don't know if it's a problem,
So, now it's your turn,
- You have to elaborate,
Stop stalling and give me an answer,
- I'm not stalling,
- You are too,
- I'm not stalling,
- [Drew] You are dramatically avoiding the question,
- I am not avoiding the question,
I'm perfectly fine discussing this stuff,
- Lay it on me,
- I'm super open,
I sometimes
take my pocket rocket to work with me,
- Your what?
- Pocket rocket,
- What's a pocket rocket?
- Seriously,
- Yeah,
- It's like one of the,,,
It's like one of the little like,
the little vibrators,
I have like a little remote control,
- What?
- Yeah,
- It's got a remote control on it,
- Yeah,
Some of 'em come with, they're like shaped like butterflies
and have like straps so you can wear 'em under your,
yeah, yeah,
- [Drew] You did that?
- No, I don't have those, I have a regular one,
Like a civilized person, - Right,
- I don't have a butterfly that straps
to my vagina, - Like a normal pocket rocket,
That's an intense name,
Did you use it like multiple times a day at work, is that--
- No, I freaked out when you said multiple times a day,
- That's true, I don't know,
- I didn't even know that was a thing,
- I didn't know pocket rockets were a thing,
- No, I just like,
we have one of those like single person bathrooms,
- Oh, yeah,
- And it locks and it has a fan,
- You're a dirty girl,
In a good way, it's in a good way, that's totally fine,
Pocket rocket, lesson learned,
Wow, you look really embarrassed right now,
are you actually embarrassed?
- [Beth] No,
- You're not?
Good,
- [Beth] No,
- [Drew] You don't have anything to feel embarrassed about,
- Right,
- 'Cause I fucked a couch once,
- What?
- I guess if we're putting it all out there,
I should admit that I fucked a couch,
- What does that even mean, what does that entail?
- I heard that if you put a particular solution
into a Ziploc baggy
and place that baggy inside of a crevasse
and fornicate with said crevasse,
then it is something else and I tried it,
- And was it something else?
- It was definitely else,
- It's just something, it was something else,
- It was definitely something,
- When?
Wait, first of all, okay, wait a minute,
What possessed you to come up with that idea?
- I found it on the--
- that particular recipe recipe for madness,
- I didn't come up with it,
I found that shit on the internet,
We have come a long way,
- By searching for what?
You googled, you typed into Google?
- Innovative masturbation techniques,
- You really searched that,
you were out of ideas?
- Wouldn't you if you were looking
for innovative masturbation techniques,
wouldn't you google quote innovative masturbation ideas?
- No, I'd ask a friend, phone a friend,
- You think any friend would be like,
"Yeah, dude, you definitely gotta try fucking a couch
"one of these days, it's primo,"
- Girls talk about that stuff,
- [Drew] They talk about fucking couches?
- No,
How would,,,
- I felt like I wasn't alone in the universe
for a second there,
- How would we fuck couches?
I don't think we have the necessary equipment accoutrement,
- You're probably right,
I never looked back, though,
- That is bizarre,
- Thank you for making me feel very self-conscious,
- Well, I'm sorry and you're welcome,
- I had a very interesting adolescence,
- Okay,
So, tell me,
Why the obsession with the most basic of underwear?
- I don't know,
Cotton feels nice to the touch
and it hugs the hips in all the right places,
I don't know, I like simple,
I think that all those little stringy things are just weird,
They're just up in the butt,
That's a string in your butt, it just creeps me out,
- [Beth] So, you prefer fabric to skin?
- Yes,
Unless we're talking about like flat out nakedness,
then get naked every time, that's fine, I'd prefer that,
What about you?
What is your fascination with my gray boxer briefs?
- I think that gray's a good color on you,
on you in particular,
It's not like I like gray boxer briefs
on every man in the world,
Just you,
But I do think that boxer briefs hug in the right places,
- They most definitely hug,
- You're wearing 'em right now, aren't you?
Yeah, you are,
- I can neither confirm
nor deny - [Beth] Yeah, I know you are,
that I'm currently wearing, - Show me,
Let me at 'em, show me,
- Really, right now?
- Yeah, yeah,
Yeah,
- There you go,
- I didn't even see that,
the damn console's in the way, - You should've been
paying attention, - I showed you my ass
in traffic, you better pull your pants down, mister,
- I don't know if you've ever said anything
so awesome to me in all the years that I've known you
and for being awesome I will show you,
God, there's never any room when you, oh, shit,
(Beth laughing)
- There's yogurt in my crotch,
- Yeah,
- There's frozen yogurt ice cream in my crotch,
It's surprisingly still cold after all this time,
- You're ready to go,
We'll get you a Ziploc bag and you are ready to go,
- You brought that full circle, didn't you?
- Yeah, - Are you proud of yourself?
- Yeah, a little bit,
- It's all over my crotch,
This is the worst,
- Oh, that is the worst,
- Did you at least see the boxer briefs?
- [Beth] No,
- [Drew] Well, now they're purple,
they're really gray and purple,
- [Beth] Purple's good on you, too,
you can wear gray and purple, it matches,
- Probably go home so I can wash this off,
God, that was fucking hot,
- Hope you don't mind, my dress was a little,
You know,
- No, I don't know,
- [Beth] That was a lot of information we shared in the car,
I'm feeling kinda weird about it,
- [Drew] Are you?
- [Beth] Yeah,
- [Drew] I don't think it's weird,
- [Beth] Just a little,
- I just find it very difficult
to look at you in the eyes right now,
- It was nice, though,
- Yeah?
- Yeah,
I like talking about stuff like that,
I feel like we just kinda couldn't before,
We should've talked about that earlier,
Now, there's kinda nothing to lose,
so it's like I'll just tell you about my habits,
- Really, it's easier now, it wasn't easy before?
- I don't know,
It's different when you have to look
someone in the eye every day,
Could blame it on the wine if I wanted,
- You could,
I don't think it's the wine, though,
- [Beth] No, it's not the wine,
- Nope 'cause I shared way too much information as well,
Oh, I'm happy about it, don't get me wrong,
That was fun,
That was a lot of fun,
We could try again,
- No, we couldn't,
- Just like that,
Was our relationship bad?
- No, what, no,
- Why not, we were good together,
- We were great together until we weren't great together,
- I think we can work through that,
- Has something changed?
- I mean, not really,
- So, what you really is I could work through that,
- No, that is not what I'm saying,
Beth,
We could always talk it through, you know,
- And then what?
You promise me you're gonna change,
- Maybe,
- No, thank you,
- So, you're telling me that the thing
that broke us up in the first place,
you're thinking that I'm incapable of changing,
I am now showing you,
telling you that I'm capable of changing
and you're just not interested,
- [Beth] That's right,
- That's so confusing,
- No, it isn't,
What would happen in this scenario?
Two options, one, you pretend to be something you're not
and then end up resenting me for it,
Yes, you would,
Or you change into somebody different
and I don't know that person,
- So, do you want me to change or not change
or maybe you want me to change
into something very, very specific,
I don't fucking know, Jesus Christ, Beth, what do you want?
- I don't wanna be fighting with you,
- You're right, I'm sorry,
I didn't mean to snap at you
- I know,
- I guess I just don't wanna talk about this right now,
I think I need some real food, I'm gonna make dinner,
- I do not want any, I'm not hungry,
- You're not hungry?
- [Beth] No,
- [Drew] 'Cause the human body
needs more than just wine and ice cream,
- Says who?
- Everybody,
- No way,
I'll just have some bread or something later,
- Yeah, I don't think I have any bread,
- Of course you don't,
Do you have any crackers, chips?
- Yeah, yeah, in the pantry,
- Cool, I will have some of those,
- Okay, if you change your mind, let me know,
I'm gonna make dinner
because my crotch got most of my ice cream,
- I can't believe you stole that magazine
from the doctor's office,
- [Drew] Well, they were out of Highlights,
- [Beth] I'm gonna finish that article,
- [Drew] Why, so you can impress me?
How far did you get into it?
- Right into the part where they talk about
doing things you used to do as a couple,
What are you doing?
- Nothing, just looking at you,
- Are you enjoying the view?
What are you doing?
- Nothing, I'm just looking at you,
- Okay,
(soft gentle melody)
I finished that article,
- Yeah, what you think?
- [Beth] Good points and bad points,
- Such as?
You finished that whole bottle?
- Yeah,
- Impressive,
- Wasn't like it was that fast,
- A couple of hours,
- Like I said not that fast
plus technically bottle's not finished
until I drink this class,
Cheers,
- I have no idea how you drink that stuff,
- It's good for you, it's good for your heart,
and it shows class,
- So much class,
- [Beth] It just gives you a dignified presence,
- So dignified,
I was gonna ask you if you wanted a funnel, but--
- Oh, very funny, that's very funny,
- I am a very funny person,
- I'm laughing,
What are you making for dinner, gourmet chef?
- This is called scramble eggs,
- Scramble?
- Yep,
It's a French use of
young poultry,
- And, fromage?
- And fromage, yes,
- I think I'd like those crackers now,
- Then you can get them out of the pantry,
- You don't have one of those,
- Au contraire, mon frere,
Bam!
- This is your pantry,
- Yep,
I broke it,
so I might as well get some sort of use out of it,
- [Beth] How, how did you possibly
break the dishwasher? - [Drew] I have no idea,
I killed it somehow,
- [Beth] Ooh,
- [Drew] Change your mind on the crackers?
- Noms, yeah,
Why would I have crackers when there's chips and salsa?
- Because there's no salsa,
There's ketchup in there, though,
- Gross,
- It's not gross, it's made out of tomatoes,
- Is it?
- It says it right there, they're the same thing,
- Okay,
- It's like liquid salsa,
- [Beth] I'm gonna give you a preview,
you know what this ketchup chip tortilla magic
might taste like,
- You know, I'm gonna be all right with the eggs,
- [Beth] Just try it, it's just like salsa,
- [Drew] Nope,
- Tomatoes,
- [Beth] I'm gonna pass,
- But for sure?
- [Drew] Yep, - It's delicious,
- Nope,
(Beth mimicking airplane)
It's a hard pass,
Stop doing that
I'm not a baby, - It's an airplane,
- I'm not a baby, - Airplane and you are a baby
'cause you won't eat this,
You're a wimpy baby,
- It's not gonna work,
Oh, payback is such a bitch,
Here, just wash it down with some wine when you're done,
You're so sexy right now,
- [Beth] Who's pretty as this?
- You're so sexy,
- You have two seconds to shut the fuck up
and back away from me,
- I can't move, you've cornered me
with your chips and ketchup, your ketchips,
- Good payback,
- Are you ready for some gourmet eggs and cheese now?
What's wrong?
Does it still have a terrible aftertaste?
You're gonna wash it down with some cheesy eggs,
- I'm mad at you, I can't talk to you right now,
- Cheesy eggs,
Queso y eggs,
My Spanish is terrible,
- Huevos,
- Huevos rancheros,
Unfortunately, my Spanish is not as good as my cooking
which is amazing, so you're welcome,
- You know, I can't wait,
You should make like breakfast nachos,
- Do you want me to add the cheese before or after?
You can ask the chef,
Do you like the cheese in there or on top?
A sprinkling--
- On top,
- A smattering of cheese,
I can get some nacho cheese, - A dice roll of cheese,
- I have varying kinds of cheeses,
This is a Mexican four cheese
and I have Kraft singles in there
that I made grilled cheeseses with,
I'm sure I have nacho cheese in there,
Queso from Vito,
I have all sorts of interesting cheese in there,
The next time you talk about my gourmet eggs, think twice,
(pan sizzling)
Are you sure you don't want any?
- [Beth] I'm fine,
- They're good,
- I'm fine,
(dance music)
- What do you wanna talk about?
- [Beth] I don't know, whatever you wanna talk about,
("Midnight" by Marc Hampson)
What are you doing?
- Come dance with me,
- Seriously?
- Seriously,
♪ It's dark, let's go outside ♪
♪ We'll brave the rain ♪
♪ Besides it's always dark here on the floor ♪
♪ And it's getting wetter all the time ♪
♪ Teardrops from the sky mask your wet cheeks ♪
♪ Hiding homegrown pain you keep inside ♪
♪ And it's getting harder all the time ♪
♪ I miss those stories we used to tell so long ago ♪
♪ The one about one sweet boy♪
♪ going on about one sweet girl ♪
♪ As they roll around on the floor ♪
♪ And sing to each other ♪
♪ Just like lovers under the covers, but only more ♪
♪ Ba-da-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ♪
- I actually realized something,
- Yeah?
You remember the first time we heard that song?
- Yeah, I think my hand still hurt from working on the car,
- I was so mad, I was so mad
that nothing you said could calm me down
and then that song came on,
- Guess it was just one of those things,
♪ Night brings in the tide all tied around the neck ♪
- I loved you,
♪ We'll swim through madness drinking wine ♪
♪ It's running low, we're losing time ♪
♪ Dance with me before a goodbye ♪
♪ 'Cause midnight's coming all the time ♪
♪ I miss those stories we used to tell so long ago ♪
- Shouldn't have done that,
♪ The one about one sweet boy going on-- ♪
- [Beth] Shouldn't have done that,
- But you did,
- [Beth] But I shouldn't have,
- But you did,
- [Beth] It was a mistake,
- How can you say that?
- Because it was,
Our relationship isn't like that anymore, Drew,
- Do you still love me?
- You know that I do,
- Then how can you say that it was a mistake?
Two people kissing when they're in love is not a mistake,
- It is if they're trying to move on,
- Well, maybe that's the problem then
because I don't think that two people who are in love
should move on,
- Hey,
- You all right?
- I've been better,
- Me too,
- Yeah, now I feel a lot better,
- Okay, let's talk about it,
- About what?
- About how you feel about everything,
- You know how I feel about everything,
- So, tell me again, please,
- I think that I felt my heart break
about a dozen times tonight
and I don't really wanna go back
and relive all of those moments
getting the same answers from you
'cause I don't think I can take it,
so if there's something that you wanna say to me,
then you should just say it, okay?
Because I'm really sick
and I'm fucking tired of these mind games,
What the fuck - [Beth] I'm sorry,
- could you possibly be laughing at?
- You're so stupid,
- [Drew] What?
- I showed up in like the shortest dress I own
and drank an entire bottle of wine and I'm teasing you
and we're like back and forth like it's fucking kindergarten
and I'm wearing your clothes,
I'm practically throwing myself at you,
- I'm sorry if I'm a little distracted,
I'm probably focused on the fact
that you said that there was no future with me
and that kissing me was a terrible mistake,
- I have to say that,
I have to say that, we broke up, we broke up,
I can't just walk in here and say how I really feel
or else we'll be back together five minutes after I get here
and then nothing will have been solved,
- What's wrong with getting back together?
- I don't want to be your girlfriend, Drew,
I wanna be your wife,
God!
- You know, I wanna spend the rest of my life with you,
Doesn't that count for anything?
- Towards what?
Would you like me to add that to your score?
What are we keeping score on?
What's the prize?
Of course it means something,
but if you can do that, why can't we just get married?
- You know why,
It will ruin everything,
- [Beth] It'll ruin everything?
- Yes, come on,
You've seen my parents,
- Yeah, but we're better than them,
- Don't you think they thought that at some point?
That they thought that their relationship was just like ours
and now they fucking hate each other,
- We aren't them,
We're not your parents,
We're different,
And you can't let what happened to them
dictate what you do with your whole life,
- You had what happened with your mom dictate yours,
- That's different,
- How, come on,
- Just, can we not?
- What do you want me to say?
It's not like I am going to just abandon you, okay?
I'm not your dad,
- I know that,
- I'm not gonna leave,
- [Beth] I know that, but what do you wanna do?
You just wanna--
- I wanna be together and I wanna just let the chips
fall where they may, - It just isn't enough for me,
- Why isn't it enough for you?
You want a piece of paper that has some text on it
that says that we can put rings on our fingers,
- It protects us,
- [Drew] It's just a piece of paper,
- It isn't,
- That's all it is,
- It isn't,
It's protection,
It's protection for you and for me and if we had children
and I want something bigger than, fuck!
- Shit,
- Thank you,
- Is that too tight?
- I'm fine,
- How's your blood pressure?
- Shitty,
- Let me see,
Your color's fine,
- [Beth] Do I look like Casper?
- No, you're fine,
Is this gonna be okay?
- Yeah, yeah, it's gonna be fine,
What are you thinking about?
- Nothing,
Fuck it,
Marry me, Beth,
- What?
- [Drew] Marry me,
What?
I thought that was what you wanted,
- It's what I want, it's not past tense,
- [Drew] So, what's the problem?
- It's not what you want,
- [Drew] I want you,
If we're gonna be together, one of us has to concede
and I'm willing to do that,
- I can't let you,
- [Drew] You just assume I'm not gonna be happy,
- I know you won't be happy,
- [Drew] We'd be together,
- God, why is it so hard?
- You know I've been totally miserable without you, right?
- Do you think I haven't been?
- [Drew] So, why don't we just cut the bullshit, okay,
and get married?
- Because you don't want to,
- I just asked you,
- [Beth] You thought you had to, it's not the same,
- The end result is the same,
- No, it's not, I didn't say yes,
- Well, what would it take for you to say yes?
- When you ask me to marry you, I want you to meant it,
I want it to be your idea,
I don't want you to do it out of guilt because I cut myself
and I'm sitting on your toilet bleeding,
What do we do?
We love each other, what are we supposed to do?
- I don't know,
But if we love each other,
I think being together is a good place to start,
- Would it be different?
- How would it be different?
- [Beth] Would we have to start over?
- I don't think so,
I mean, we did a pretty good job
of picking up where we left off tonight,
We could probably do with less arguing, though,
- We have argued a lot tonight, haven't we?
- I think we argued more tonight
than we have in the past few years,
- That's weird,
- I think it's a sign,
- Of?
- That we can't be friends,
I think that with us,
me and you, I think it's all or nothing,
- I'm gonna get some more wine,
(electrical buzzing)
I found some wine,
- Where'd you find it?
- In the fridge,
It's white, it goes in the fridge,
- What are you doing?
- Seducing you,
- You don't have to do that,
- I know,
I want to,
- Does this mean we're getting back together?
Beth,
- Stop talking,
- Come on, Beth,
- I want you,
Do you want me?
Doesn't it turn you on seeing me in your favorite underwear?
- I wanna know if this means something,
- It means I'm horny,
- Just like that,
- Yeah, just like that,
Now, are you going to do something about it
or do I need to get the pocket rocket?
- [Drew] Wow, you are really blunt right now,
- Do you wanna fuck or not?
- [Drew] Where is all of this coming from?
- Don't talk,
Just enjoy,
What's wrong?
- I just can't do it like this,
- Like what?
- Like this,
I don't want this to be empty,
- It wouldn't be empty,
- So, what then?
We get back together long enough to sleep together
and then you're gone?
- No,
No,
I wanted to see if our relationship
still existed on this level, if we still had chemistry,
- The best way to find that out
was asking me if I wanna fuck,
- Come on, you said I wasn't adventurous,
I was trying to try something for you,
- I know,
I want you for you,
- Our relationship got to a point
where it didn't feel like we were connecting anymore,
We didn't do anything as a couple, we didn't have sex,
We were just taking each other for granted,
- I know,
- Well, I know that there's still something there because
my heart still flutters every time that you touch me
and I though that maybe if we took it all the way there,
that some of that other stuff would just disappear,
- Disappear?
- I thought that maybe
loving each other would be enough
and that maybe it wouldn't matter if we were married or not,
(storm rumbling)
- You know what I was thinking about the other day?
I was watching Pulp Fiction
and it was that scene in the beginning of the movie
when Jules and Vincent are in the car and--
- [Beth] The Royale with cheese scene?
- Exactly, that's what I was thinking about,
- What?
- How they say in France that they call it
a Royale with cheese
because they don't have our measurement system there,
they have the metric system,
But what about Canada?
Canada also uses the metric system
and they don't call it a Royale with cheese,
they call it a Quarter Pounder with cheese,
- [Beth] No, they don't,
- Yes, they do,
Yes, they do, I looked it up on the internet,
That's crazy, right?
- Well, it's not crazy,
I mean, I guess people just think that
since Canada's like America's hat,
that they just adopt our nomenclature,
- Yeah, but they didn't adopt our system of measurement,
so why should they forced to call something by a name
that they ultimately don't understand?
- [Beth] I think it must be some sort of government plot
to keep the little man down,
I think you might have a real case on your hands here, Drew,
- Have I told you lately how funny you are?
- [Beth] Not lately,
- You're so funny,
- [Beth] It's just a hamburger,
I can't believe you're getting all deep about it,
- I have to think about these things
because when I think about these things,
it keeps my mind sharp,
- In your old age?
Well, with your Pulp Fiction facts
and your magazine education,
I think you might be well on your way
to becoming an intellectual powerhouse, grandpa,
- It worked, didn't it?
- [Beth] You talk about the most random things
after we have sex,
- I'm just trying to make smalltalk,
Would you rather me roll over and go to sleep?
- [Beth] No,
- [Drew] What do you normally think about?
- Just whatever pops in the old noggin,
Earlier, I was thinking about
when we were on that picnic together,
- Oh my god,
Oh my god, that picnic, - [Beth] Do you remember that?
- Of course I remember that picnic,
that's probably the cheesiest thing
I've ever done in my entire life,
- No, I thought it was sweet,
- Sweet? - [Beth] Yeah,
- Yes, it may have been sweet back in the 1950s
when it was still cool to carve your name into a tree,
now it's just like corny,
- No,
You think they're still there?
- Yeah,
I told you our love would last forever, didn't I?
- [Beth] Yes, you did and that was corny,
- I think we can be together,
- [Beth] How about we talk about it in the morning?
- [Drew] I am willing to get married,
- [Beth] When we get married,
I want it to be because you really want to
and now I have to decide if should that day not come,
if I can accept just being your girlfriend,
If that's enough,
- [Drew] Do you think there is an alternative?
- I don't know,
- I think that maybe there is,
I think that if we keep getting together
and talking about how we could be back together
and we don't get back together,
then eventually one of us is just gonna get
fed up and move on,
You'll probably meet a really nice smart handsome guy
who will do and say all the right things,
you'll marry him because
you think that he means it,
- And what about you?
- I'll meet a girl and think she's real nice,
And then things will be good for a while,
but something wouldn't quite be right
and I wouldn't be able to put my finger on it at first,
but over time, I'll be able to figure it out,
She's not you,
Goodnight,
(door creaking)
(slow melody)
(birds chirping)
("Midnight" by Marc Hampson)
♪ It's dark, let's go outside ♪
♪ We'll brave the rain ♪
♪ Besides it's always dark here on the floor ♪
♪ And it's getting wetter all the time ♪
♪ Teardrops from the sky mask your wet cheeks ♪
♪ Hiding homegrown pain you keep inside ♪
♪ And it's getting harder all the time ♪
♪ I miss those stories we used to tell so long ago ♪
♪ Just like lovers under the covers but only more ♪
♪ Ba-da-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ♪
♪ Dance with me before goodbye ♪
♪ 'Cause midnight's coming all the time ♪
♪ Dance with me before goodbye ♪
♪ 'Cause midnight's coming all the time ♪
♪ Dance with me before goodbye ♪
♪ 'Cause midnight's coming all the time ♪
♪ Dance with me before goodbye ♪
♪ 'Cause midnight's coming all the time ♪