- Dominoes, the greatest game ever invented mother fuckers,
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,
Wannabe domino players, fans, groupies,
and niggas sick and tired of losing
all the motherfucking time,
Welcome to my Masterclass,
I am the Pimpfesser Dr, DMF, AKA Big Dub,
Look, I'm here to explain this shit,
so sit down and shut the fuck up,
See dominoes was started by the Chinese,
Down in the Compton part of China,
Back in the war, - What war?
- Would you shut the fuck up?
I told you I'm on TV,
It don't matter what war,
Nigga we got so many, who cares?
- Yeah, shut the fuck up,
- Like I was saying before I was rudely interrupted,
My great- great- great- great- grandfather
learned the game from the Chinese,
He snatched the big six,
We wrote the whole damn game,
Then he smuggled it back to America,
Where it spread like mudbutt on ribs,
You dig?
Mother fuckers from all parts of the world took to it,
'Cause see, that's the magic of dominoes,
It brings people together,
Even the saltiest motherfucker will pull that stick
out of their ass when they sit down and throw them bones,
28 bones to be exact,
Yeah, yeah I know, real bones are white and so are dominoes,
but they wouldn't mean shit
if it wasn't for them black dots, you feel me?
Can I get a witness?
Black power, alright,
- Ah fuck you,
Big six is the highest number,
Match the numbers in your hand to seven
with the bones on the table,
If you can't play,
that's when you draw from the boneyard until you can,
Score in multiples of five,
and play until you have your last domino,
And when that's gone, you yell "Domino!"
Or as we say in the hood, "Domino motherfucker!"
To let them know you run shit,
And that's all there is to it,
Buy my app, if you're too slow
to figure the rest of this shit out,
Now, for real, shut the fuck up
while I watch the wildest, ratchetest domino tournament
ever played,
I know y'all ain't ready,
fuck out my face
relate bitch I'm way too paid
a bank feel like 50K
up I run it up
I can't get enough damn
let's go hit the cook now
can't get touched
just want to fuck me
through this knot
you be fucking with the cops
ain't fucking with the ops
fuck out my face
bitch I'm way to paid
feel like 50K
up I run it up hey
it up all up in your face
up to the scene
thing about to let it sing
that's on everything
- Another mother fucking day,
You have to get up to get down,
bring me down
don't come around
Aah, I hate that nasty ass shit,
Let's do this,
be weird as shit
favors I ain't owe you shit
much you be on bogus shit
OJ get promoted shit
what the fuck is it
strictly of the
It's all good, what's going on?
We got dominoes, we got food going man,
Now look at this shit man,
they crazier than a motherfucker,
to hear that shit
- What you gon' do?
- Tension on the compound, tension on the compound,
What you got to say about that baby?
- Chinese man say same thing,
All right, all right, all right, all right,
Alright,
- There you go, what you gon' do now?
- The rate is switching bitches
- Damn you be cheating Gerald, you ain't shit,
Let me see if these motherfuckers won,
- My daddy always said,
"If you can rock these bones, you can start a cult,"
I breaks champions over these tables every day,
That's the real juice of being a true dominologist,
- A domi what?
- Dominologist, I psychologically abuse
and dominate a man's soul and spirit across any table,
- Gerald, shut the fuck up, Okay?
We did it, - We did it,
This is love, this is what I call love,
- I know, - You understand me?
- We are gonna have so much fun in Cabo,
- Cabo!
- You know what?
I'm so happy that Andy's gonna be staying with your pops,
- Listen, I can't wait for Andy to meet my pop,
Trust me, it's gonna be great,
My father is a father, father, he gon' take care of him,
- I know, you're so lucky baby,
Because my father, he was shit,
And your pop seems so hype on the FaceTime,
And Compton
The art, and culture and museums,
- Why are you going to Cabo and I'm going to Compton?
Where's Compton?
- I heard that Compton's become so hentrified
in the last couple of months,
- Hentrified?
- Yeah, hentrified and like, all cleaned up,
- Yeah, I'm with you,
Cabo, - We on the way,
- Can I come to Cabo?
- We're on the way - Ooh
- Fiesta, fiesta,
- We can't get there quick enough,
I hope you got nine lives,
'cause I'm finna eat the cat from the back,
- Who are you?
How are you even my dad?
- Meow, blow me a kiss baby,
Oh, ooh ooh ooh, it's so strong,
Right where I like it,
- Come ride this tally whacker,
- Jeez,
- Stick it in my pocket,
- Love, love, - Cabo,
- Listen we finna get it in!
- We finna get it in!
- Hey, quit stalling nigga,
'cause you've been talking shit all morning
trying to avoid this ass whooping,
- Stalling? - Let's do it,
- Do you think I'm scared of you?
- Yeah,
- I ain't scared of nothing but dying,
- You've been dying for me all day,
- Let's run it, let's run it back then,
Let's run it back,
- Hold, hold, hold up,
Junior, why you calling me this time of the AM?
Yeah, yeah, I know about the boy and everything,
Listen I told you,
that girl was just having the jungle fever,
- Jungle fever?
- You were supposed to get rid of her,
Now you done married her, now I got this obligation,
You know, I got big shit popping around here this weekend,
I'm over here rehearsing for this domino tournament,
- You ain't gon' win shit, - That I'm gon' win,
Come on now, what?
Listen, you know white kids is a problem,
They bad luck, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll be there,
giving me orders like I work for the government,
- What's this shit?
- I'll be there in a minute,
Tell him to look for a elderly Denzel,
and a classic Ella Ryder,
Yeah, yeah, I'll be there in a minute,
Bye,
- Denzel, really?
- Watch them bones,
Rufus,
Hurry up and finish my ride so you can come on in here
and let me whoop that ass for you,
- Didn't I whoop your old last night in those dominoes?
- You was dreaming,
- Domino motherfucker,
- Domino,
- Hey little boy, your name Andy?
- Yeah,
- Come on over here, I've been waiting on you for hours,
Running up all my gas,
You know you're eating in my practice time
showing up late boy,
I got to get ready for this tournament,
- The World Domino Championship!
It's cracking y'all!
Bones are gonna break, and the world's gonna shake,
As the greatest dominoes master in the whole damn universe,
universe, universe
is crowned!
We're talking a grand prize of 10,000 big ones,
So bring your baby mama and the whole damn fam,
'Cause it's going down, down, down,
Where?
This luxurious Compton rent-a-space,
So act like you know, and be there or be a punk ass bitch,
West side,
Huh? You like that, huh?
Oh, that is fly stuff, man,
Fly stuff, This is gonna go viral,
- Yeah? - I know it,
Oh, sorry,
Can you just give me a second?
Yeah, sure, - Oh, thank you,
Hey Shauna,
did you see the graphics of the bouncing low riders?
No, I don't give a damn about low riders, Walter,
- Yeah, it's pretty fly stuff right?
Yeah, we're getting dozens of responses,
Where's the damn money?
- What, no?
That's why our credit's in the damn toilet,
- What do you mean our credits in the toilet?
In fact, it depends on how your defining toilet,
That's money for the kids,
- No,
I'm gonna take them,
- You can't take the boys away from me,
I'm leaving and they're coming with me,
- Oh my God, just,
I really got a good feeling about this, this is the big one,
That's it, it's the last straw,
- Just stick with me, honey, honey!
Everything okay?
- Ah yeah, yeah, yeah, if you could, just give me a sec,
Yeah,
- This is my kitchen,
Where I cook things I like,
I don't know what white folks like,
That's the living room,
That's where I play dominoes,
Hey, hey, don't touch that!
Still got a game going,
- I'm sorry, I didn't know,
Who's she?
- That's Ella May,
Sweetest most faithful woman to ever live,
- Ella, I wanna give you something,
I wanna give you this ring,
- Gerald, Where'd you get this ring from?
I know you didn't buy me no ring with no gambling money,
I don't want no gambling ring,
- I told you I ain't gambling no more,
I got this ring with my hard earned money,
and I want you to have it,
I ain't lying,
- Then I'll wear it, and cherish it forever!
- Shit, you better cherish that damn ring forever,
You with me for the long haul,
Till death, do us part,
- Okay,
- Goddam mosquito,
Where the waiter at? Goddamn,
Been waiting for our damn food for 30 minutes,
All they brought us is some damn wine,
I'm hungry!
That's your room on the left,
Wait a minute,
Slow your roll son,
Everything in here is important to me,
I don't want you to forget that,
- Neat, I definitely will, Granddad,
- And I'm not your granddad!
Do we look related?
My good for nothing, all the time, son
ditched you on me,
And that's what this is, social service,
So since we gotta be trapped in here together,
I got some rules and shit,
Don't touch nothing that ain't yours,
Wash your ass, keep my house clean,
and make yourself useful,
White privilege is a foreign term in Compton, boy,
If you didn't know, now you know,
And that's my room on the right,
- Whoa, that's a lot of pills,
- Hey, don't touch those,
They're for my heart,
I forget them sometimes,
So you see them lying around, leave them be,
- And you must be Ms, Jeffries,
- Mr, McDonough,
- Yes, Walter McDonough, so nice to meet you,
- Pleasure to meet you,
Please, let me show you around the venue,
Now, Pastor recently bought this place,
So it's still a work in progress,
Oh, don't mind the mess,
- As long as you don't mind my camera crew here!
You're so gorgeous!
You should be in the movies!
- Oh, I wish I was,
- I mean, this crib could use some renovations,
I mean, wasn't Jesus a carpenter?
- Yes, and a divine one,
- Oh, all right,
Well, hopefully he'll come back soon,
We could really use him, huh?
You know, I'm just, I'm like a chameleon,
I'm always rebuilding myself, rebranding,
After 34 years of award-winning service,
they just revoked my retirement fund, huh?
I guess you don't send a little old mimis around
with the lady showing her-
But, uh, you know,
so I had to dabble in a lot of different things,
And some of them were just right before their time,
You know, they say you miss a 100%
of the shots you don't take,
So I'm glad I took those swings,
It's just unfortunate that they ricocheted right back
and hit me in the nuts,
- Oh, this way to the pastor's office,
He should be in there now,
- Give you a hand there,
- Thank you, Mr, McDonough,
- There you go,
- Follow me,
- Goddamn, Ms, Jeffries,
Even the Devil knocked twice,
I was just spreading some--
God comes in a thief in the night,
Yeah, He do,
Okay, we brought a guest, a visitor,
- Pastor Steele, this is Mr, Walter McDonough,
He's the gentleman who's going to rent the venue
tomorrow afternoon,
His crew is loading in right now,
- Okay, you got my check, right?
- Yeah, yeah, I sure do,
It's right here,
Yeah, there you go,
- All right, all right,
Thank you, Jesus,
All right, Ms, Jeffries,
You go and run that money down to the bank,
You know, take care of,
and I'll put you on later, all right?
Be marching with you, okay?
Shit, for an old lady,
Ms, Jeffries got ass,
But anyway, you know, this was a Mexican restaurant,
And they was selling some nasty tacos,
That's why it shut down, but you know,
and then I decided to get ordained by the Lord
and we went into business together,
So we got a lot to do, man,
A lot to catch up on,
So I'm going to take y'all around
in the spirit of the Lord,
- Granp,,,
Mr, Edges, your food is ready,
- Hot damn Rufus, it's been your play
for the last five fucking minutes,
- Mr,--
- Not now, boy!
Can't you see I'm busy?
What, boy? You're breaking my concentration,
- Well, your food's ready,
My mom says the body needs three square meals a day
to be happy and healthy,
- You sure she stopped at three?
What I need is to play somebody
who ain't just sold their fridge
to get that China Brown,
What I need is somebody I can talk shit to,
- You can talk shit to me,
- Watch your fucking mouth in my house,
What you know about them bones?
- It's basic probability, really,
It all comes down to how many variations
of numbers you can play
based on the factors of the hand you've drawn,
And then you calculate the most efficient statistical one,
until you're down to a single tile,
- You mean you know how to play this shit?
- Well, I, uh, yeah,
- Hell, Andy!
Shit!
Hell!
Damn!
Shit!
Why didn't you say so?
Rufus,
Rufus!
Take your ass home!
No, no way down to the damn floor,
Go on home, you ain't no good here!
I'm gonna call your mama and tell you on your way,
- You know I ain't got no car,
You calling me an Uber?
- Uber?
The fuck is a Uber?
I got some Goobers,
You want some peanuts?
- Bye, Rufus,
- Let's see what you got,
Watch them,
That's all you got?
That a bitch!
Your mama do voodoo or something like that?
Damn!
Is white privilege in Compton?
- Domino?
- The fuck just happen?
What kind of Twilight Zone have I just slipped into?
Is this what a stroke feels like?
- Sorry, well, my mom says I don't make friends
because they're intimidated by my intellect,
And that I should be proud of my gifts,
I try to listen to her,
But it's hard to see your inner light, or much light at all,
when you're stuffed inside your locker,
- Yeah,
Well how the fuck did your little albino sausage fingers
learn to throw bones like that?
- Oh, from this app,
- App?
The fuck is a app?
- It's a way you can play people on the phone,
It was actually beating the AI system
that got me so proficient at it and the--
- Fuck, wait a goddamn minute!
You're telling me you ain't playing against people
just your damn phone?
- Well, there are other opponents on their phones, too,
- The fuck is the world coming to!
Dear God, Jesus, you oughta just come back and kill us all,
Oh, bring the rapture, Lord,
Look,
You can't play bones with a screen, boy,
Dominoes, real dominoes is all about the mental game
just as much as it is the numbers,
You hear me?
We got a lot of training to do--
- We?
I'm sorry, I just, I can't cheat for you,
My mom would--
- It ain't cheating actually,
Niggas do bones with a spotter,
You do wanna be a real nigga, don't you?
Ah, don't you answer that shit,
I see that shit eating grin on your face,
Look, I need a spotter,
You wanna be a real nigga,
Everybody wins,
So come on,
Let's practice,
What's you got in your hand?
- Double six,
- No, no, elephant ass, no,
It's called Big Six!
Look, I don't want you getting laughed off the table
with your Oxford English motherfucking speaking ass,
All right?
Lord, help me, he got a ways to go,
- You know, you sure talk a lot
but I'm beating you 75 to 25,
- Are you?
You think you're winning, huh?
What I see across from me
is a neglected little boy,
You know my son is
pumping your momma right now,
Putting an integrated baby in her with my DNA,
That's going to be stronger, faster,
and a million times more mocha latte lovelier than you,
And when that baby comes,
it ain't gonna take no time
forgetting your pasty, two tons of fun ass ever existed,
Domino,
See,
You don't win at bones unless you get in the folks head,
The game is all mental,
- I'm tired of this game,
Why don't you me about that scary devil guy
you were talking about?
- Never mentioned that guy's name in my house,
And if there is a God,
he'll give me my revenge
at this tournament I'm training for,
I want the whole world to see me whoop
that tweaking bully's ass!
- See, usually ladies,
I don't mingle amongst them gangster thug
sober motherfuckers,
Who in the fuck gonna gang bang if you're sober?
That's silly, I don't trust them,
See, if I want to win this tournament and get my crown,
I had to call in the baddest gangster bitches
security guards I know,
And it was you and you,
You gotta understand this is about me,
I am the greatest motherfucker that ever lived,
There's God,
And then,
there is me!
- You know the Lord laid his hand down
in this one right here,
You know, this is the room,
You know, this is the one for all my entrepreneurs,
You know, the big wigs,
- Yeah man, what a blessing, - So, but this is the lobby?
- Oh yeah, yeah, what a blessing, what a blessing,
- Well it just seemed like the pictures made it look bigger
in the pamphlet,
- Yeah, we do that,
- Namita, hold off one second,
Is this ceiling load-bearing?
- Uh, partially,
Hey, God bless you,
- Well, let's just hold off for a second,
Till I get this figured out,
I got a lot of run running on this
and I can't have any lawsuits
'cause I've technically maxed out my credit cards
and put a lien on my house,
But it's all good,
It's all good,
Whoa!
Oh, I gotta sit down,
Woo, who knew?
But yeah, it's good,
You know, I haven't seen my kids in a while,
Ever since my wife threw me out,
She said, and I quote,
"I'm an abject failure and a complete joke of man,"
But I think this tournament's
gonna turn everything around, right?
Yeah!
We can do this, right?
Namita, give me, give it up,
All right, yeah,
- My name is Namita Sodhi,
I am the event coordinator and general task master
for the WDC,
I'd like to say, for the record,
that I'm here to serve my client's personal needs
and tastes,
And that if I were running things,
my decisions would have been,
different,
But considering the I'm the only, even marginally,
competent person here,
I think things could have turned out a lot worse,
And by that, I mean we've yet to have anyone seriously,
injured,
Oh, shit,
This is fucking heavy,
Oh shit, shit, shit!
- And this is my prize back here,
'Cause the Lord said, "Let there be light!"
There it is,
- Oh, yeah,
Does that happen a lot?
- Oh, when you got Jesus on the main line,
anything is possible,
- Okay,
- And I call this my incubator,
These are the companies and the brands that I own,
It's not for you,
I got some big stuff for you,
I got the big room for you,
This is just collaborations of brands
I wanted to introduce you to, you know,
like I can partner with you,
- Well, it's nice,
It's not exactly what I envisioned
but what's that saying?
"A shoddy craftsman blames his tools,"
- I don't know what the fuck you talking about
but do you wanna partner with Mac Woo?
Macaroni and sushi?
Bomb,
- Oh, sure we're always looking for sponsors,
Yeah, I'm just really excited to get going here,
It's gonna be a great show,
- Me too,
And so when Ms, Jeffries' cash that check
and it go "cha-ching", then we can go,
Until then, you don't want me and the Lord on your ass,
- No, no I don't,
- Don't don't make me pray for you, boy,
- Okay,
Oh, come on! Namita!
Can you please do something about this light?
- Hey, Walter, it's cool,
I got this,
- I'm sorry,
We just got such a big show planned,
People are gonna be asking you what are you doing here?
They'll be all up in your grill,
But fact of the matter is, once we have our winner,
we'll be able to edit this together in a nice tight promo,
And sell it to a couple of investors
I got coming out on tournament day,
So, everything goes as planned,
we're gonna be in business,
You really think you can get this off
without a hitch?
- Well, you know what?
I've pretty much lost everything,
So what's the worst that could happen, huh?
- His dumbass got no idea,
- Follow me, ladies,
I'm trying to tell y'all
and then when we do what we gotta do,
What the fuck?
Do you know who the fuck that is?
- No, cuz,
- Well kick the motherfucker in the ass!
Get him!
This is my brother!
Ain't these some bad motherfuckers, aint they?
- You better tell them who I am!
- Okay, calm down, calm down, calm down,
We don't need to kill my brother,
Boy, y'all are some bad motherfuckers though,
Now y'all get back over there,
Take my keys, what we doing
- This ain't WWF motherfucker!
I'm gonna take your ass-
- Hold on, killas!
Calm down,
There's plenty of ass to kick,
It's cool, shit, hold up,
This is important to me,
Excuse me, she's calling me,
Ain't nothing more beautiful
than breaking a motherfucking domino,
When you break a motherfucker in dominoes
it's like breaking their motherfucking soul!
Let me show you motherfuckers something,
See this shit here?
Y'all do this shit?
- No,
- No, thanks,
You wanna start?
It's like 37 orgasms at one time,
Now, what we're gonna do,
is this right here,
Follow me,
Look at it!
Look around,
Don't touch nothing!
This right here, ladies,
my greatest prized possession!
Domino D,
This motherfucker was undefeated, never lost a game!
I tore his ass up just when he thought he had it made!
And the nigga passed out,
I went to his funeral,
Best funeral I ever been to,
Boy, I enjoyed it,
Gerald Edges,
I've been beating this motherfucker his whole life,
Even with his wife dying,
I just don't give a fuck,
I got his ring,
I love beating this motherfucker,
And when I beat this dude again,
my book will be complete!
- Domino OG, I hate to do it to you but I had to,
- Ah, man,
Man, Calvin, I'll catch you little later,
I'ma get you,
All right, my man,
- I'ma get you,
- What's up, buzzard?
- What's happening, man?
blood, what's happening, man?
What you been doing?
- Uh, nothing, nothing,
I ain't seen you in a good minute, bruh,
I had probably thought you were up and relocated
or something,
- Ah, shit, nah man, It just happened like that, man,
You know what I'm saying?
I've been in the wind, you feel me?
I had to get relocated a little bit, you what I'm saying?
I'm out to play my priorities, blood, you feel me?
Prison, nigga,
- Okay, right, right,
I understand every word you just said, man,
- Shit, I see you're still representing
for the Swetto, blood,
That's what's up,
- Oh, for sure, For sure,
I rep every day,
I wake up in the morning saying Sewoo-nothing but the blood!
I even do them when I go to bed,
- All right, what's up,
I'd be happy to be free, you know what I'm saying,
'Cause like with the Lord on my side,
I can go down a righteous path, you feel me?
And put all that shit behind me,
I'm tryna win this domino tournament, you feel me?
and get all the bread from that,
And get my own spot,
So right now, I'm at the point where
every time I think about beating the shit out of somebody,
I just rub my thumbs against my earlobes
and shit like this, right?
And I just be like "On bloods, nigga,
Don't break this nigga's chin on bloods,"
That shit be working every time though,
Not every time,
Sometimes I still fuck a nigga up but other than that nigga,
I'm basically out here living a zen life-
- Oh shit,
- Who the fuck threw the ball at me?
- I don't know, OG,
- Throw me a shot,
- Oh, hell no, shit!
- Oh, why don't you stay out of my business
and off of the tables, kiddo,
Because Dominica has been embarrassing
the whole family lately,
- Who's Dominica?
- My alter ego,
Get out of my room,
I'm a grown ass woman!
- Sure doesn't look like it,
- We just wanna know where you're going
- To practice for the domino tournament tomorrow,
What?
Is that allowed?
What do you think, Mom?
- So why don't you follow your mother's example for once?
Respect the men of the house, you know?
- How about you find your balls
or get my dad's out of your fucking mouth!
- Do I look okay, papa, huh?
- I don't know how to answer that,
Why do you have to be this way?
It's unnatural!
You know, after a long day's work, men come home,
They like to unwind over a game of bones,
We should have that right as men!
Women, they have their own sports even,
Like volleyball,
Ribbon dancing,
Basket weaving,
- Basket weaving, ha!
For real?
You guys can talk all the misogynist shit you want
but when I come back holding this trophy,
my seat at the table will be undeniable!
I'll be the best domino player to carry the Ines name,
- Andy!
Come on, boy, wake up!
It's time to go,
We got a tournament to win,
All right, boy, we got to get there early and register,
Then go over a few things,
- We're not taking the car?
- Why would we take a car when it's just a couple of blocks?
Gas is as high as a giraffe's coochie,
- Granddad, - You better hurry up,
- Wait up,
- Unless you got navigation on that phone,
And I ain't your damn granddad,
Hurry up boy!
I'm on a mission,
I'm gonna take this bitch down,
And this is gonna be it,
Me and Tenspeed,
I'm coming for you!
- Worst day of my fucking life, you feel me?
Worst,
- You know you're still white
even though you wear Nike's, right?
- Man, pay attention what I'm saying!
- My bad, nigga, my bad,
- What I'm saying is, before I even could do anything
she walked in on me with her sister, man,
Fucked up,
- Ah, man, what'd you say?
- Man, I said I was trying to get to know her family
a little better, you know what I'm saying?
Get a little relations with the relatives,
you know what I'm saying?
- Shit, nigga, did it work?
- No, it didn't work!
I can't take my advice from Shaggy songs, my nigga,
That only works for light skinned niggas
with their shirts off,
Hey, did you just see this Rastafari
with this check right here?
- You know how many Nike's and tattoos
that he can buy with that, nigga?
- That's 10 thou-wow!
- Oh we about to get it, nigga,
- What kind of ghetto ass operation is this,
not having a ramp for my wheelchair?
Y'all trying to kill the king
before I get a chance to sit in my throne?
So who do I need to make wild passionate
chittlin grease love to to get some water up in here?
Oh my god!
Just let his body completely shut down
and reboot itself stronger,
That's the way real black slaves did it,
And you're welcome for the history lesson,
- You poor thing,
Are you okay?
- Thank you,
I love you,
- Okay,
- I mean, I'm Andy,
- Have some water,
- Hi, I'm Andy,
- Get out of my fucking way, kid!
- Look, you can't be going around with my name in your mouth
acting softer than baby shit,
You got to take pride in yourself,
You wanna be a Edges?
You don't take nothing off of nobody, ever,
Shit,
- Ladies and gentlemen, Tenspeed is in the building,
- Ha, if it ain't the S,N,I,C!
You know what that means, little white fella?
- No,
- Well, let me tell you,
If it ain't the saddest nigga in Compton,
Gerald motherfucking Edges,
- Tenspeed,
I see that rehab went terribly bad,
- The judge must've been on drugs,
He shouldn't have been trying to stop me from doing cocaine,
I love cocaine, nigga,
That's not what this is about,
This is about if you think you finna come to Compton
and take my victory from me,
See, let me explain something to you about winning,
Only a loser would lose something so precious,
You're a loser, Gerald,
You can't fool a nigga like me,
You lost the most precious thing that God gave to man,
That you vowed that you could keep it
and you lost it!
When you get your ass played at dominoes,
you think about this,
It's 2020,
You run around here like it's 1974
with all that goddam chest hair on your goddam chest,
You look ridiculous!
You need to get a tattoo that says "Flammable",
I love this shit,
- Come on, Andy,
- Don't worry, Grandad,
No matter what it takes,
if it means bending the rules a little,
I'm gonna help you bury his second rate
Scooby Doo villain looking ass,
Because Edges stand up for themselves, right?
- You damn skippy, my little soda cracker,
- Look at all this sweet shit!
Hell, look at all these goddam brownies,
Trying to fuck up my blood pressure,
All this sweet shit,
Let me add a little,
a little flavor to this,
Tenspeed flavor,
Don't want to put too much,,,
Just balance my blood sugar,
- Name please,
- Slams, S-L-A-M-S,
- Oh, sorry, your birth name, sir?
- Oh, that's Rutherford Wrinkleton,
- Really?
- Yeah, it's on my parole bar, you know what I mean?
I just got out,
You know, I did like a quick 10,
I don't even know what's bracking these days,
What you like to do?
You like going to the binema?
- Sorry, what?
- The movies, you like going to the movies?
- Oh, mm-hmm,
- Okay, bull, bull,
So maybe after this, we can go catch like a
matinee or something?
- I'm more of a Netflix & chill girl, honestly,
- All right, Netflix is bull,
I could do that, what's that?
That's the new shit?
Okay, I'm with that,
My name right there though,
- Excuse me, miss!
I'm gonna need you to hold on a second,
I'm gonna need you to step over here for a second,
big fella,
Random search!
- I really don't think that's necessary,
- I rolled a dice and his number came up!
I want you to know I'm extremely proficient with a taser,
And I have a certificate,
I'm gonna need you to assume the position
I'm sure you're familiar,
Please spread them!
- Oh my god this is ridiculous!
- What's going on here!
Is this a weapon?
Are you moving suddenly?
Do not move suddenly, sir!
Calm down!
- I got this under control ma'am!
- It's a spork, blood,
I don't do forks no more, man,
They too sharp,
And spoons are too dull,
That's a hybrid utensil, blood,
- A spork,
All right, I'm gonna need to take this one to the back,
- Why?
Why?
Ma'am, let me do my job!
I have an online degree!
- No!
- All right, full cavity search,
- The fuck you say?
- Stand down!
Don't you know who this is?
This is legendary Bonesmith Big Slams,
From the D Block,
Come on, G,
I am so sorry, Mr, Slams,
- It's bull,
- It is not bull, it is not bull,
We're gonna treat you like the pampered prince you are,
We're gonna make sure you get all the L'Croix
and hand sanitizer your massive heart can handle,
All right?
And some cocoa butter so your elbows don't get ashy,
I know, 'cause I get ashy elbows,
Little known fact, white guys get ashy too!
Yeah, it's true, it's true,
All right, come on Namita, let's get him his name tag,
What are you doing?
Give me that,
What's wrong with you?
How would you like it?
Jeez-ah!
Put that away!
- Walter!
- Harold,
- How's it going?
- You must be Quinton?
- Yeah, it Quilton, actually,
- Quilton?
- Yeah, like a quilt,
- Oh, and your parents named you that?
- Family names,
- Very artistic!
You know what, Namita?
why don't get these guys the VIP pizza rolls,
that little area?
And give them triple pepperoni!
On the house,
Enjoy, Here we go, there it is,
Hey, and everyone, I want y'all to know
that black lives absolutely matter!
Probably more than ours!
Definitely more than ours!
I mean, haven't we screwed it up enough?
So, black lives matter at this tournament especially,
Big Slams is coming up fired up,
Man, I get mad about that,
Am I the only one that misses Obama?
Am I right here?
Jeez!
That guy had it going on,
And Michelle, can we talk about Michelle?
- This is the most beautiful shit I've ever seen,
I'ma get you,
- You good?
- Yeah, yeah, I'm good,
I'm just looking for somebody for registration,
you know what I'm saying?
This is the Domino Tournament, right?
- Absolutely, this is the Domino Tournament,
I'm a domino tournament,
- You know, I'm a child prodigy,
Look, I'm a long line of domino champion,
You know what I'm saying?
- You're a prodigy?
- Yeah, I ain't lost since I was three,
- I'm just here brother, I'm just here to help you,
Matter fact, since you're a prodigy,
I got something for you,
I wanna welcome you,
Take one of these bralettes, man,
Registration right there,
And make yourself at home,
This is what this is about,
- All right man, thank you, brother,
- A prodigy,
- Well, I appreciate that, man,
- Matter of fact, you take two, take two,
- Oh man, thank you, man,
I ain't know it was gonna be like this man,
- You know I got your back man,
- Oh man, thank you,
- Yes,
- What's up buddy, - Hi,
- I need to holler at you,
You got an appointment with one of Jesus' disciples,
Let's go,
- It's starting to pick up,
It's getting hot,
I'm excited,
Oh thank you,
- Do you love the Lord?
- Oh yes, I love the Lord, hallelujah,
Praise the Lord,
- You know, because the Lord says, don't be cruel,
'cause I will never be that cruel to you,
You know,
said it's my prerogative,
You know?
- Didn't Bobby--
- You're coming up in here with bounced checks,
playing with me,
You thinks this is a game?
- No, no, no,
It's not a game,
Listen, about that,
my wife, she must've put a block on my account,
but good news,
I've got the gate money,
You can take that,
You can have it,
- Gate money?
Oh, you're giving me permission
to have my own fucking money?
I will cut a mother fucking pie hole out of you,
- Hold on,
- You know what I mean, you scared of this?
- Yeah, yeah,
- Guess what, guess what?
I got three, 50 pound cockroaches,
The size of pit bulls right
You hear me?
- Cockroaches?
- Yeah, yeah,
- God, no,
- Hey, what?
Oh, you're gonna use the Lord's name in vain?
- No, - Huh?
- I didn't,
- In my fucking establishment?
Do you know I'm a man of God?
- Clearly,
- You got till 4:00 PM to come up with
my mother fucking scratch,
- Okay,
- Or I'ma have these these cockroaches
bite the shit out of you,
You hear me?
Oh Lord, forgive me,
- Cockroach, cockroaches?
- Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for coming out,
Oh, hi there,
So we're getting about to get started in a minute,
Oh look, we got some hotties coming in,
Just want y'all to know we're gonna get this show
on the road,
So just sit back,
Yeah, sit back,
Time to party,
All right, let's hear from DJ Dominoes,
- Oh yeah,
Y'all know what time it is,
It's your girl DJ Dominoes,
I'm here to drop knowledge and drop some dope sport beat,
- Not trying to hate, but I taught her everything she knows,
Facts,
- Let's take a look at our strongest contenders
as we enter the first round,
On table one, we have Tenspeed,
The highest ranked player according to Liberty Parks,
top 10 winners,
He's most famously here for his ability
to mind fuck opponents, hard and deep
with no lubrication, y'all,
- Somebody move all your asses,
- Then there's big slams on table two,
Who've been locked up for the last 14 years
and it has shit else to do but play bones
for 23 hours in his cell,
And on table three, got Camilla Ines,
Known for her lewd and downright nasty trash talk,
Oh, Ines is getting personal,
It looks like a family rivalry is a brew
as her cousin Fredrico, a big time champ himself
sits at table four,
On table five, we've got Pimpdaddy fresh,
a retired pimp whose fashion sense is a mix of mace,
bargain, late 2000s,
We don't really know,
But it doesn't seem like Pimpdaddy has his opponent yet
as we wonder where the great veteran Gerald Edges
has disappeared to?
Somebody find me a man,
Are you hanging out with aunt Jemimah?
What's you doing?
- All right,
So you have a flip phone, so texting is out,
Okay, this is three, five,
This is four, six,
And if you have any doubles,
it can be, oh, Lord, it's hot in here,
All right?
Get it?
- Yeah, I got it, I'm black and I see now,
and it ain't that damn difficult,
- Yeah, it's not like talking with girls
or anything like that, right?
- Hell you're talking about?
- Well, I was just wondering
if I help you with dominoes,
maybe you can help me learn about women?
- Oh, shucks,
Hormones raging, huh?
Okay, ain't nothing more beautiful in life
than finding the love of a good woman
'cause you'll never be able to find one
half as good as mine
'cause my Ella May was the greatest woman
that ever graced this green earth,
Having love is like pure magic,
There's no greater feeling,
Losing it is like a repeated kick in the ass
with a steel toed boot,
That damn Tenspeed got her ring,
That's the only memory of her I got left,
I don't wanna lose it for life,
Not while I'm still half alive,
He beat him in the losing in last tournament,
We got to win it back,
- All right, let's get it back,
But what you were talking about with girls,
I think I found my Ella May,
- Look, we don't have a lot of time left,
so we're gonna have to do a crash course, all right?
Two things I'ma give you,
- And lastly, about you random motherfuckers
who are definitely gonna lose,
It looks like Gerald Edges has finally decided
to come on through and play,
- Uncle Ben,
Did you just climb out of your rice box?
Man, I want all these beautiful people
to watch me whoop your ass,
And there ain't gon' be no sympathy here Papa Bones,
Although, I would like to formally thank you
for the invention of peanut butter,
That shit is good as fuck,
Especially with jelly, goddam,
George Washingtonlooking ass,
- Lemme tell you what,
- What?
- Get on up, so we can get down,
- Oh man, What was that from the 50s?
Goddam, get on up so we can get down,
There were no cars when you was born, sir,
- All right, all right, all right,
About to play some dominoes,
And no sore losers up in here,
Y'all got it?
Let's keep it cute, Compton,
Let's get it,
I'm about to tear your ass up,
- Come on with the big six again,
Is this sponsored by ARP?
- Got you right there,
Come on,
What you got?
- Nickel,
- Alfred Lord Tennyson,
- What the fuck that is,
How does that feel, Gerald?
Painful?
Do you got your arthritis acting up?
- Oh, a dumb ass mistake from Gerald Edges,
He must be getting old
or is it that dementia kicking in?
- What's wrong pops?
Come on man,
Ah, that's right,
Circle of life Mufasa, the old clearing out for the young,
Your time is up,
Go get this ass whooping boy,
- Yeah, legendary Tenspeed,
Yeah, I heard about your motherfucking ass,
Guess what?
- What's that?
- I ain't scared of your bitch ass,
My momma told me all about you,
You ain't nothing but a motherfucking crack head,
- All this time I've been fucking your mama nigga
it's the first time she telling you about me bitch?
And it should have been your daddy that told you about me
motherfucker,
And just don't disrespect me
with an unlit cigarette
and you taught me to cocaine?
What the fuck crack head cocaine do many things,
I do cocaine motherfucker,
I do the finest shit in the Peruvian,
Come on, I defeat everything I do,
And next time I fuck your mama,
I'ma tell her to keep your ass in the house,
- 10,
- 15,
- First of all, I didn't hear shit you said,
Is your mustache too big?
And I will suck your bitch ass but you ain't gonna feel it,
- Oh you're a genius, huh?
You real slick with your motherfucking mouth,
Let me tell you something
you little irrelevant motherfucker,
20,
It ain't never too late for an abortion,
So you should shut your goddam mouth,
You see what I'm saying?
- What?
- Dominoes, that's what motherfucker,
- I'm about to tear your ass up,
- 46, 46 trombones in the big parade,
- It looks like I spoke too soon,
Gerald is racking up points,
- The fuck he is,
- Very white,
- The fu,,,
- Two four, three five,
- Hey,
- Sorry, I have Tourette's,
Tickle that teat,
- Security, security,
- Oysters,
- Some kind of commotion going on in the crowd,
We're gonna have the monitors take a look,
- 25 big booty bitches bouncing,
Shocker, shocker, doing the pink, what a stink,
- Dominoes,
- Stop,
- Tell your grandmamma I said hey,
She'll remember me,
- And a huge come from behind victory from Gerald Edges,
Congratulations,
You must start taking your fish oil halfway through
I see that,
Ooh, Camilla Ines is looking surprisingly shaky out there,
- You know, I've been meaning to ask you this all game,
Aside from the fact that you are dressed
like Cleo from "Set It Off,"
how does it work when you're in the bathroom?
Like are you standing up?
Are you sitting down?
Are you on there backwards?
What are you doing?
- Well, I'll be standing only when
it's in your momma's mouth,
- Nasty,
- You should make sure you hold onto her
before you lose her,
Call her and shit,
All right?
- What?
Are you good?
Are you okay?
Are you having a mental breakdown right now?
Are you suffering from identity crisis?
You wanna write your feelings in your diary?
Huh?
Go ahead, you got time,
You can have a whole lot of time,
I'm just be over here, spanking that ass,
Who the hell invited Mr, old town road to this tournament?
See, this is gentrification at its finest,
I'm telling you,
- Miguel, right?
- Vandersloot, right?
- Good to see you,
- You too, man,
You build that wall yet?
- Working on it,
Let it rip,
- Boom,
There you go, Willie Nelson,
Come on, let me see what you on there,
- Well, it's anything like last time,
You know exactly how this goes,
- Mmh okay, that means I'm gonna leave out of here a winner
and you get to go back to your cousins,
That's exactly what that means,
Boom, there we go,
- Okay,
- 15, put a lasso around your ass for that one, huh?
- Hey, well, sorry to disappoint you 'cause,
domino bitch,
That's right,
Oh, you're gonna cry now, aren't you?
Look, I know it hurts,
Willie Nelson looking motherfucker,
Come on, get out of here,
to the hell out of here
Get yo ass up out the damn chair,
That's right,
- Seems like it's officially national douche bag day
as Fredrico wins his first game, advancing on,
Camilla still struggling,
- You know, I hope you learn from this,
I truly, truly hope you learn from this
and find out what happened when you fuck
with the superior sex,
Look at this goddam shirt,
I look like a African pill,
- Kick his cheat ass,
- I have, I learned that having a dick means,
if you try hard enough, you can always go fuck yourself,
Dominoes,
Get the fuck out of here Bernie Mac,
- Man, wait a minute,
Where did this even come from?
Somebody check her,
- Lets swing the action onto table two,
Look like big Slam is coming for blood on them bones,
- You remember that bitch you wasted at the park blood?
- Bitchuation? What the hell is a bitchuation?
Oh, you talking about the situation
when you beat the black off old dude
for hitting you with a basketball
and I might have ran away?
Kinda, yeah, I know what you're talking about,
Yeah, word on the street is bloody got knocked out,
and he ain't wake up yet,
- He taken a nap?
- He had to be in the hospital,
In the boma, blood,
- You mean a coma?
I mean a boma?
- Police are looking everywhere for the nigga that did it,
- I wonder who did it,
They checking for witnesses too,
- Hold up, witnesses?
- You bee anything Balvin?
- Did I see anything?
- I mean, did I bee anything?
Hell no, I ain't bee anything,
Do it look like I can bee any damn thing right now?
- If I find out somebody's snitching a bump
on their gums about me,
Well, I ain't got to worry about,
you know what I'm saying?
'Cause you got my back, right?
- Technically you got a big ass back,
So I got partial of it,
- I'm just saying if I find a nigga snitching on me
in my proximity again, I'ma changed man blood,
but on the set, I'll kill blood,
- Hold on,
You said you're gonna kill him?
- Absolutely nigga, I don't fuck with witnesses,
- Did you hear that?
My phone going off,
Hold on real quick,
Hey ma, you said what?
You in the hospital?
What the doctor say?
Your heart?
All right, all right, all right, all right,
I'll be there in a minute,
That's auntie?
That's mom's man,
The doctor says she got seven minutes to live,
so I gotta go,
- Oh that's auntie man, that's family,
fuck this tournament, man, I'm going too, blood,
- No, no, no, no, no,
You stay here, all right?
Take care of the cash and I'ma take care of mom's,
all right?
We in this together,
- Word, all right, blood,
I'ma say a prayer for her, blood,
- Big slam didn't even have to lay one bone
to win this round,
His opponent took off
like somebody told him to split the check,
- Who next?
I do this,
- Oh you do this, huh?
Get some intels on your motherfucking ass,
- What a showdown y'all,
This is crazy,
And that's it for round one folks
But y'all know what that means,
- Soowoop,
- It's the best part of the whole damn show,
We grabbing,
Now save me a plate,
- It's all the info I need,
- Hey, how are you Dominic?
Oh, look at this,
It's gorgeous,
Guys, got something to eat there?
Yeah, enjoy yourselves, thanks for coming out,
Hey, big slams,
Leave a little for the rest of us,
Oh, sorry,
Thanks for coming out here,
Hey,
Oh gosh, this is great,
- Something ain't right,
- Okay?
- Now Gerald with that little white kid,
- That wippy kid?
- Yes, the little chunky one,
The one who fails to do sit ups,
- What's up?
- That one,
That motherfucker is up to something,
- What, what is it?
- Ain't no way a white kid hang out with a black man
if they're not being kidnapping,
Ain't no ransom involved if you don't hang out
with a little white kid,
That's what I told ya I'll to get to my fault,
I'm going undercover and tryna find out what's wrong,
Did you get the mics?
- We got it, we got it,
- I got you, I got it right here, look,
- Bitch, do we look like we're doing
a motherfucking concert?
What you gonna do?
Well we put the mic on, go with it,
I'm a go around,
And when I go,,,
Bitch, have you ever heard of
- Yeah,
- Me too, bitch,
She don't catch a case,
- So, our fish was pretty great, right?
- Yeah, sushi gives me gas,
I'll regret it later, as will your mother,
Our marriage will be tested tonight,
- Papa, come on, please,
Leaving without me now?
- This has gone far enough, Camilla,
You need to stop now,
You need to quit the tournament
before you do even more damage to this family,
No, no,
You're making a laughing stock of all of us,
- I'm not, - Yes,
- Look, I know we have our difference,
But how can you treat me like this?
I'm still your daughter,
- You're working with the area motherfuckers?
- I just wanted a Fresco,
- My fault homie,
Old habits die hard you know what I'm saying, blood?
You can't run up on me like that from the back,
You know where I'm from you get shanked homie,
- Cool,
- I like you, Gerald,
I liked your motherfucking old ass,
And the way you slapped them bones,
you damn motherfucker,
Dude you slapped the fuck out them bones,
- And the next batch is gonna come to us,
So why don't you just go on ahead
and drown yourself and all that upcoming hand,
- You know what, Gerald,
let me tell you something, man,
I like you,
If a old motherfucker did a lot for me,
and you made a way for a young fighter player
motherfucker like myself to do what I do,
I'm telling you something, that little fat white boy,
he's a little chucky motherfucker
you're running around with playing up Mr, Rogers with,
That motherfucker is up to something,
- And up to nothing,
That's my son's new stepson, all right?
- Yeah,
- Him and his mom have been living this white privilege life
living off their hard work,
Fuck you doing?
- I'm just checking man,
Just say what you gotta say,
- But he's a little fat roly polis son of a gun,
I got arrested of their life, you know?
But they just left them on me,
I don't know what he does,
I don't know where he goes to school,
I don't even know his last name,
- You know, How the fuck white people will come
to hood just yelling,
Six, four,
Everybody know six four on domino,
That's some bullshit, Gerald,
So goddam bullshit, Gerald,
- So why don't you just forget about this little
Cheddar Bay biscuits eating boy
and focus on the one who's gonna fuck your life up
better than a NyQuil
- I like that, Gerald,
I like that,
There you go,
That's some bullshit like daddy,
Take this guy down, fuck that bullshit,
- Sup Slams?
You look like they revoke you bro,
Competition here is tough as hell man,
- And I need that, my girl dumped me,
- Well that sucks,
What happened?
What do you do?
- I ain't do nothing,
- Do you try talking to her?
- I tried talking to her but
she ain't trying to hear that shit,
Now she's scared of me all of a sudden,
- I feel you, man,
How long have you two been together?
- About two and a half hours,
I know it ain't a long time, but it was real, you know?
- If it isn't popping fresh, you get your shit together?
Oh, you gonna try to fool me like you did,
when y'all was yelling out all that slick shit,
- How can I help you Mr, Speed?
- Actually is me who wanna help you to see
there's a rumor going around
that your little chunky ass is more
than the cocktail spectator,
Some say you're the greatest ever did this shit,
- I don't know what you're talking about,
- I don't know what to talk about,
Yeah, and you and Gerald trying to fool me,
running around here like y'all best of kins
and this little interracial family shit,
But I'ma tell you something you don't know
little chunky fella,
Guess what?
Gerald don't even like your ass,
You don't believe me?
Listen to this,
- That's my son's new stepson, they just left him on me,
I don't know what he does,
I don't know where he goes to school,
I don't even know his last name,
- See, you goddam step kid,
He been using your ass
and he been using me too,
You don't even like it?
He don't give a fuck about you,
Listen to this little fat boy,
- But he is a little fat growing son of a gun ,
- Yeah kid, go on crying,
- What's going on?
What's wrong with you?
Game's about to start in a minute,
Hey, where the hell are you going?
- Home, I'm ordering an Uber,
Maybe look it up,
- What?
We're about to win the whole damn thing kid,
- I don't wanna play anymore
and I definitely don't wanna be related
to you anymore either,
- What the hell just happened?
- We're back bitch,
And it's time for some lip smacking, bone slapping fellas,
Is y'all ready?
- All right everybody, take your seats,
We're about to start the final round of WDC,
Come on DJ Dominoes hit it with the beat!
Guys we got some investors in the house,
Big up to the bankers in the back,
You know what's great about bankers?
They always have money,
Y'all watch busy bagels,
- Is this organic chorizo or,,,
- Oh yeah,
- No, I'm good,
- I'm not feeling too well, it's my angina,
- I'm gonna take a minute,
- It's a vibe,
- Vibes,
- Mm, - With a Z,
Great,
- That guy's got a knife,
- Anybody seen Andy?
Andy?
Hell is that boy?
Goddam,
Andy?
- All right, I'ma need ya all shut the hell up
and let me orchestrate,
'Cause this here is the big one,
We've got Ines vs Ines,
for control of the familia
and it's pretty clear from over here
where the fans loyalty lies,
- Well, well what's going on Luda Chris?
You ready to go down
I mean, I would think you'd be used
,
I swear this isn't even fun anymore,
Hey, hey you promised me a fight not a massacre,
- Thea, she's got five,
Is that seriously the best you got?
Oh sweetheart you're frazzled,
What's that smell?
Did you get your period?
- Oh okay no, no, no it must be your hair braided
too tight,
Either way I think you worked out
on me beating you bloody
Thank God for the red table,
- This is starting to look pretty bad for the one
and only Dominica,
- Oh, you're gonna cry, right?
No don't do it right here,
- Fuck this bullshit,
If I'm going down, I'll be sure to bite your dick off
when I'm there,
- Thea,
But I'm your nephew,
- Bro get your wife, who are you smiling at?
- Camilla
- You boys may think dominoes is machismo game huh!
The thing you boys forget about dominoes
is that the bones might be hard and loud and cold
but the only thing anyone actually gives a fuck
about out of those little periods
laying enough together on every side,
motherfucker,
- What the fuck?
You gotta be,,,
Come on, man,
- Got the holy spirit here,
Got the holy spirit, something magical's happening here,
- Fuck that, Camilla Ines just dominated your ass,
And the party don't stop
as two of our heaviest hitters go
- I got that activated
- Man, come on man,
- What about this?
- No, you gotta go home, bro,
- You've got to like that,
- Tenspeed, what did you do to that boy?
- When the fuck you start giving a fuck about
a motherfucker you don't give a fuck about motherfucker?
- Who's a motherfucker?
- You are a motherfucker,
- Oh, so little squirty you wanna fight dirty, huh?
Why don't we just cut the games and throw down clown?
- 1974 style a box, I don't give a fuck,
Put them up,
I'll knock your old ass out,
- I'm about to knock the wrinkles out of your grandma,
- Swing bitch, that's right,
Die right now motherfucker,
You deserve it, you deserve to die,
- It's my heart,
- Fuck your heart, nigga,
- My Angina,
- Fuck your aunt vagina and the rest of them bitches,
- You cool O,G?
- It's like your grandmamma is sitting on my chest,
- Fuck your chest,
Die, why are you still standing up?
- It's the big one Ella May,
- God, why are you still taking so goddam long
the devil wouldn't have been
- I'm coming,
- Don't you come over here
- Mr, Edges,
- Fuck this nigga,
- We should get you to the hospital,
- No, no, no, no, - Fucker,
- I just need to get the blood pumping again,
I ain't quitting,
- Okay, let me get you a chair, okay?
- Let him die,
- You okay?
Well everything seems normal
but you have to take it easy,
No more fighting, Promise?
- Promise,
You promise to do something for me?
- But that is the saddest I've ever seen,
We're in front of white people in bow ties,
Can't take y'all niggas nowhere,
- The footage is great,
I mean, twists and turns, drama around every corner,
This is gonna be good, real good, you know?
But I'm a hustler,
I get it done,
What's up buddy?
Though I'd pray for you,
Come on man, come to my office, you know,
Prayer changes,
- Okay,
- And I realize, you know, you're on my property,
I haven't prayed for you,
- Okay,
- Put your hand on the Bible,
Now look motherfucker, it's 4:00 PM,
The bank is closed,
Now, somebody about to lose some motherfucking fingers
if I don't get my cash,
- Okay, listen,
I can't, I tried, I don't have the money,
Don't please, wait, wait, wait,
I don't even have the prize money yet,
I'm hoping that this film blows up, you know,
That's why I invited the investors down
but I am 20 grand in the hole myself,
- Oh, for real? - Yeah,
- That's some shit,
- I'm desperate, I'll do anything,
just give me a few more hours, please,
- So you want me to give a few more hours?
Well, you, my friend are in luck
because the Lord has anointed me to get my certification
to be a same day lender,
- Oh, that's convenient,
- So you can sign right there
and I can loan you money for the next 45 minutes,
- Okay,
- Isn't it beautiful? - Yeah,
God is good,
- Where's my money?
- Oh, white Jesus,
- That's your credit,
That's right, that's the savior,
He saved your ass today,
- All right,
It's gonna be good,
It's gonna be real good,
Look, wink, wink,
I want to have your big homies know
that the first time you caught a case at nine years old,
you got caught stealing some goddam twinkies,
You was a motherfucking twinky gangster,
Nigga with the cream filling,
Then give me 15 while you sitting there thinking,
- Who the fuck told you that shit?
- Your grandmother,
She's a sweet lady,
- Grandma always talking shit,
Running her fucking mouth,
Hating ass bitch,
- Still in that halfway house?
- So tell me, when did you get out?
- I spend 175 days in the hole,
Nothing but darkness and the sound of my own heartbeat,
blood sweeping through my veins, homie,
Hey shit you can do that can break me,
I been through everything, blood,
- Give me that 20,
You like that, huh?
Congratulations on your new relationship,
- How the fuck you know about Sherry?
- Sherry?
EBP?
- What the fuck is EBP, blood?
- Nigga, that's everybody person,
And don't even get mad,
I fucked twice,
The pussy barely decent, you shouldn't be getting that mad,
- Uh Oh!
I can't hear what they're saying
but it looks like Tenspeed found his opening,
- Fuck you, nigga,
- Oh, you wanna fuck me now?
Prison must have really clean the best of you,
Listen nigga, get off your feelings,
Calm down,
Everybody's neighborhood say good things about her,
Here, see, hold on, look at that pretty smile,
ain't she gorgeous?
- What the fuck is this?
- That was her in church with her grandma,
- She sending you pictures, nigga?
- That was just at church,
Ain't that smile pretty?
Oh, this one you might like,
Don't that smile look pretty?
With my dick in her mouth?
- Oh shit, slam is about to lose it y'all,
Everybody get down,
This negro finna blow,
- Everybody hit the deck,
Hello?
- Hey Andy, it's Namita,
Yeah?
- Hey, I don't know where you are right now
but can I talk to you real quick?
Yeah, sure,
I'm outside on the steps,
- Okay, cool, I'll be right there,
There you are,
Everyone's worried about you,
- I really doubt that,
- Oh Andy, of course they're worried about you,
You've become quite the talk around here,
- Damn!
A tragic loss for one of the best to bang the bone,
- Everybody get the fuck down,
- Anybody wanna try some shit I'll put your ass down
just like him,
- Damn, I need a better agent,
- Oh, hell no cuz, - Fuck this shit,
- Hey, get your big ass over there,
Hurry up,
Yeah, nigga, make a move and I promise I started bursting,
- Yeah, all right,
- Put your hands in the air fat wink wink,
Do some,
- Get your tiny ass on the ground,
- Please, I have several adult rescue cats,
- Hand cuff yourself,
- Everybody is scared except me,
I ain't scared of shit,
- Hurry the fuck up,
- Ah, I'm trying,
- Yeah, that figures,
Sad, lonely white kid that nobody loves,
I'm sure they're all laughing,
- You know I'm different too,
When I first came here, it was hard for me to fit in,
People judge me by my outside,
But you know, you can't judge a book by its cover,
You just can't always see through
the rough exterior sometimes,
- My parents don't even care about me,
They're too busy focusing on their own lives
and Cabo or whatever,
- I'm sure that's not true, not really,
Like your granddad, they may be distracted sometimes,
but people tend to come around when the dust settles,
- You think so?
- I do, family's for life after all,
- Move it here,
Fill the fucking bag
Fuck you're looking at,
Trick or treat mother fucker,
- I think you might be the first real friend I've ever had,
- Well, I doubt that, but I am definitely your friend now,
So what do you say we get back in there--
- Namita, can I ask you a question?
Do you have a boyfriend?
And what's reverse cow girl?
Is it like a time-traveling lady cowboy?
- I'm going to time travel
and pretend that last three seconds never happened,
Right now, we need to get back to check on your grandad,
He had an accident trying to defend your honor
against Tenspeed,
- Where is he?
Is he okay?
Tenspeed better not have hurt him,
- Let's go,
- Anybody else got something to say?
And who the fuck is you?
Get the fuck in here,
Huh?
And get the fuck over there,
you hear the fuck I'm saying?
There's a fucking gun, man, put that shit down,
- Grab the fucking hook,
- You're ruining everything,
- Okay, yeah, pass the bag around
- My blood pressure is too much,
- Motherfucker,
- Bitch get the fuck off,
- What's wrong with you?
Tenspeed, bitch,
- Oh hell yeah,
- Where y'all going, the motherfucker's dead?
what's wrong with you?
- No, no, no, no, no, stay,
Everybody stay in here,
Not in my house, they're not gonna stop my dreams,
Look, what just happened was a horrible experience,
And I'm sure it's gonna cost me thousands more
in medication, therapy,
which I absolutely do not have,
But just stop for a second and think about it, okay?
Listen, some of you paid a perfectly reasonable,
but not minuscule price to be in this tournament,
And some of you spent your hard-earned money
to come out here and see the world's best dominoes players
go for the grand prize,
$10,000, $10,000
that has still not been claimed,
I have it right here,
Now, are you seriously willing to walk away
from what we've started?
What we're part of?
History,
Just because a couple of trick ass gangsters choose
to disrupt our championship?
Fuck those guys,
Now, who are the winners in this place?
Huh?
Is it us or is it them?
'Cause I went on a search all through South Los Angeles,
terrifying journey to find the best of the best,
And those are the winners that stand before you today,
And for one of you,
the title, the respect, the glory
is still yours for the taking,
As long as you don't let those losers win,
we just keep fighting for our dreams,
Now, who's with me?
I mean, come on,
Yeah, yeah,
It's party time, let's get this started,
LAPD,
- Hello officer,
There's just been an armed robbery,
All right,
- How quickly can you be here?
What's your location?
- We're in Compton,
Oh, I don't think
we can make it out there, - There's white people here,
Oh, in that case,
we'll be there in two minutes,
- Okay, great, thank you,
- Papa we should get you to the hospital,
- Oh, no, no, no, no, no,
I'm fine,
Are you okay?
I don't know what I would have done,
If they'd hurt you,
- I'm fine Papa,
Listen,
Dominoes was never about pretending
to be something I'm not,
It's actually the only time
I've been able to be who I really am,
But maybe this is a sign that maybe this is not for me,
- No, no, no, no, no, no stop Camilla,
Listen,
I was wrong too, - No,
are strong,
You have got more balls than that punk cousin of yours,
You can be whoever you wanna be,
You're still my baby girl,
- Papa, that's all I ever wanted,
- I gotta say, Walter, what we've seen here today has been-
- Real, right?
Quite the experience,
- Yeah a bit too real for my blood,
but, hey, thank you for an unforgettable ride,
- So unreal,
- I guess suddenly will start their work then,
- What work, sir?
- Well, you guys as producers must know
that the real in reality television
isn't really what it seems,
That security guard you think he's a real security guard?
Actor!
- What?
- Oh, hell yeah, - No, no way,
- Genius,
- No, no,
- Those dudes that came in, actors,
Wardrobe, acting, all of it guys, come on,
Why are you gonna do one cheap promo piece,
when you can get hours of ad sponsored footage
for a reality television show?
- I see it,
- You see it?
- I mean it's it's yeah, it's-
- What about this one right here?
- Yeah, actor, - No,
- So real, - Yeah?
- You don't know man I almost shit my pants I was crowning,
- Oh yeah? - Prairie dogging it,
- Oh yeah, me too, - Am so thankful,
- Me too I was into it,
- Yeah, - Yeah,
- I mean that speech you felt wow,
- I felt it, - Well, now I'm in it,
Like now we are in,
- You're in it?
- We are in, - Yeah, yeah,
Do you guys want some of the Forty?
- Yeah, what is that? - What is that?
- Mr, Edges, I heard you're sick, are you okay?
- You just took down a crazy ass bitch with a gun
and you worried about me?
Only white folks,
- Well, yeah, I saw you forgot this at home,
So I grabbed them just in case,
They are for your heart, right?
- Yeah,
But ain't nothing wrong with my heart boy,
This is nothing this little pills can take care of,
I ain't got it no more,
I've been weak out there,
I was faking just to buy time
and now I realized that,
ain't no more time in this game for me,
Time for some new blood,
You're the one that got us here,
You the man now Andy,
I want you to go over there, take my place,
I want you to show the world what we got,
- Me against Tenspeed?
- Against the world starting with Tenspeed,
- He's gonna roll over and crush me though,
- He ain't crushing you boy,
You smarter than all these people,
You've proven it to me now prove it to yourself,
You're ready,
All right? - Okay,
- Now I want you to go on over there,
when you sit down, I want you to represent us,
- Okay,
- Him for me,
- It's been a wild night tonight guys,
but let's get back into it,
We have a last minute change for our championship round,
We got Gerald Pablo Bones,
he's passing his seat seat onto his grandson, Andy Edges,
Get him youngster,
Go on,
- And this is it,
Andy Edges is growing up fast
as he sits in for his ailing grandad,
Is good versus evil,
Purity and innocence, versus a heart
of the blackest midnight,
- Hey, bitch, what you doing that old racist shit for?
Fuck you calling midnight bitch?
- Hey fuck you Tenspeed,
I hope a Lego falling your skate boots,
how about that?
Now let's fucking domino,
- Andy, Andy, Andy, Andy, Andy, Andy, Andy, Andy,
- What the fuck adorable shit?
- Let's go, shake em,
niggas fully activated
watch me activate it
- Hit six,
- Bam!
15 like that,
You know one thing going on about dominoes?
It ain't about no goddamn app
It's not about that shit,
It's mental,
This is all about psychology,
and to win the mental game,
you gotta know people Andy,
You gotta know their strengths,
you gotta know their weaknesses,
but most of all,
you gotta know what makes them
buckle, under pressure,
See, you don't know people,
Just a loser,
You just a little chunky, obese little boy
in Tenspeed house,
Now,
you're all alone,
- Tenspeed officially revealing he was raised by wolves,
is going in on Andy, damn, mind, body and soul,
Can we please contact child protective services
on the line?
- Give me 10,
Like to count Andy?
Give me 25,
Think about everything you're doing,
Yeah,
In the hood when you fuck up,
some time you got to get out
other times you gotta go to the ball yard,
- Oh Tenspeed with the blocks as Andy keeps the digging,
But goddamn, I know he is a human skid mark,
but the nigga can show domino,
- Another one,
Oh, try again
and again,
- Look Andy Edges, digging his own grave,
Don't follow the light Andy,
don't follow the light,
You better call on Jesus,
Don't follow the light,
- Shut the fuck up, can't you see he is trying
to concentrate?
- Oh, ungrateful ass nigga,
- You don't win at bones unless you get in the folks head,
the game is all mental,
- That's 10 bitch,
- Mr, Tenspeed Sir,
- That's me there, that's my grandson,
- Wow, Andy Edges noting the comeback is essential,
- 15 Sir,
- Looking not so little man, go,
- You think we having fun?
- Get in Andy,
- Winning ain't fun until it is won,
Won is fun,
- He's moments away from taking it home,
- That's 10 looks like five to go,
- Oh, looks like it's all over for Tenspeed,
There is a God,
Is he heading for the boneyard?
- Fucking brilliant,
You only need five to go, jeez,
But not that jeez, domino!
Little mother fucker, you can't beat me,
Talking about the mind, psychology,
- Go on over there you goddamn loser, that's the game,
- Damn, what kind of bullshit is that?
- Well, I guess that means Tenspeed wins, yippee,
Now let me take my ass and get a drink,
- And the winner is Tenspeed,
- Focus on the money, let's focus on the money,
- Oh, oh, oh,
- Yeah, focus on the honey lady there,
And I wanna give a big shout out
to drugs,
Because they try to make you think drugs
ain't good for you,
they're lying to you man,
Some of the greatest ever did, it was on drugs,
I wanna thank Nino Brown from New Jack city,
I wanna thank Rollo for a good time,
Johnny Cash, 'cause like he said, I did it my way,
You are my first interracial friendship and without you,
I mean shit it still be the same
but I'm really emotional at this point,
Only the world know that I deserve this,
- The American dream ladies and gentlemen, you saw it here,
The World Dominoes Championship,
- Keep your head up,
It's not you,
Your grandfather ain't shit, never been shit,
I been kicking his ass his whole life,
And guess what?
If I'm number one, that make you number two,
And guess I got something for you,
You keep that little chunky
- You done good,
- I'm proud of you anyway,
- But I didn't get your ring,
- No, no, no,
I'm proud of you because in spite of all this trash talk
you stood up to a bully
and earned everyone's respect, especially mine,
You stood firm when someone was trying
to put fear in you,
That's the very first thing every black man learns
in this society,
So maybe you coming around,
grandson,
Look Andy, he can have it,
I'm good,
- Mr, Tenspeed wanted me to have this,
- What?
Boy don't be taking that from that guy?
Could be anything,
- What's in there?
Is this Ella May's ring?
- Yeah, I don't give a damn about no ring no more son,
I got you,
- Thanks granddad,
- Hey, I still got her panties though nigga,
- And where are you going?
- You know what?
You were clearly a pimp at some point, am I correct?
- But now I'm pimping for the Lord
and don't nobody take the Lord's money,
'Cause that's my money,
You understand what I'm saying?
Now where the fuck is my money at?
- Good news, good news,
I got an advance on the reality show and
- Hey man, that's bad, - Yeah
That's bad, Sam,
- Thank you, Lord,
- Thank you, Jesus,
Now about that inches,
- Oh yeah,
- Yeah,
- White Jesus?
- Oh white Jesus, Holy Lord white Jesus,
- All right, we're good now,
- No, no, no, like the paperwork you signed
this is,,,
- Interest, - The collateral, white Jesus,
- Okay, well what could the interest be on a 45 minute?
- Let's see, 45, 58%,
- What?
- See, see, see,
You know what your problem is, Walter?
You shouldn't sign shit under duress, right?
- Ah shit,
- Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit,
Now I got to cut the shit out of you?
- No,
- Yeah, I gotta cut you, I gotta cut it,
- You don't have to cut me,
- I have to because you know why?
- Why?
- People think I'm old school, see?
They think I preach out the Old Testament,
Old Testament preaching, dude,
I'm more like a New Testament,
Oh shit, I'm ordained, I'm an ordained Minister,
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
I'm anointed,
- How many fathers smite him?
- I don't believe in the effectiveness of your
punishment blood,
- Come on come on big guy, Come on big guy,
- Save me God,
We've got enough of that for today,
- You get the fuck out of here man,
- That was really good,
Proud of you fool,
- Matthew 21:12 He who lies can
- You said it,
- Don't say it,
So what you like to Netflix and bill too?
- No, what if I'm matinee girl?
- Matinee, I likes that, that's old school,
You my type of woman, Bamilla,
All right, Camilla,
- Yes,
- You hungry, you want something to eat?
Let's get a fat burger?
- Big Slams, I wanna make you the head of the WDC security,
What do you say?
- The fuck?
- Get the fuck out of my face man, before I pack you out,
- Okay,
All right,
We did it,
And I survived with all my fingers,
You know what Namita,
I could not have done this without you,
Why don't we make this permanent?
I'm gonna make you vice president of WDC,
- That's right,
You're the new vice president,
You know how real is that?
- I don't know what to say,
- Good,
Because I got a lot of thoughts going through my head
and I don't want you to stop the train,
We're going worldwide,
You hear me?
London, Paris, Africa, Afghanistan, Kazakhstan,
Forget it, all the stans,
And we're going wherever you're from,
- Cool,
- You want some help there?
- Yeah, thanks,
- All right, It's gonna be good,
It's a wrap y'all, it's a wrap,
- That's it y'all, It's a wrap, we're done,
Y'all gonna get on out here,
But guess what?
I got one more tune to take us all home,
Young Bugatti, run it up,
You lost, bitch,
- 15, - Domino motherfucker,
- Domino,
- What's up y'all?
This is my family y'all, no cap,
We're back at it in Compton, California
for the World Domino Championship Deluxe,
It's on,
We got new jerseys from the swap meet,
This is my family y'all,
No Cap,
You'll see the best Dominoes players in the world,
Win that big money,
We got international players,
All the way from China town and Fullerton,
We got some Rastafari from the Bahamas
coming with that sweet ganja,
Come on down to the Word Dominoes Championship
in Compton, California,
It's gonna be to be pumped and we'll see you next time,
Yeah,
- We're out
- Fridah, are you really out?
- Boy, you got a new look,
- Yeah granddad, this is my Compton swag,
- Compton swag, get on here boy,
- Let's ride,
Beefing with that fool,
- Think about this look, what is that?
In God's will is the holy jeans,
You know I even draw characters,
You so fugly, you see this crack head one day,
he had talent, I was like, "Man , what you doing?"
He was like "Man, I'm over here making these balloons,"
And he was making these sexy balloons and I said,
"Why don't you come on down here to the church work center
and be an entrepreneur?"
So now we've got the erotic balloons,
- Brownie is so fuck delicious, you know what I'm saying,
I thinking of starting my own brownie business,
you know what I'm saying, with Joe Jackson,
Joe Jackson,
Oh yeah,
Smack 'em brownies,
You know what I'm talking about?
Oh, yeah, that's what we go'n do?
Joe Jackson brownies,
I can't even play dominoes
but I don't really even know exactly what happened,
I got to put the urge to run a 58,
58 miles, man I thought the tournament was over,
which is crazy,
'Cause I'm ready to go,
I'm ready to rock,
I've never lost since I was three,
So I just got a lot of energy right now,
That's the only one to stand to stay apart,
Anybody wanna build it,
Build a house,
So you didn't play?
- Nah, I didn't get to play,
Right now, I feel like if you put dominoes in front of me,
I could build an origami out of dominoes,
You ain't never seen that shit like that,
Thirsty on parts?
- You don't just sit down and just cordially play dominoes,
What a motherfucker,
Hey, nice hands,
Great, shut the fuck up,
Bitch, domino,
20 motherfucker,
Shut up, get in the bone yard, nigga,
- Domino motherfucker,
- Walter,
West side,
This is my son,
- I hate you,
- It's all love down here
at the World Dominoes Championship,
- Where did everybody go?
Hey, my cuffs,
Boss!
Somebody help me,
Boss!
- Y'all still here?
Ain't nothing else to learn,
Y'all need to get a damn life
but I can't teach you that shit,
Unless you sign up for my other master class,
How to stop being a little bitch,
Order now,
Especially you,
Or you can buy my sequel, "Secrets Of Dominology,
Straight Out Of Compton, China,"
for just $999,99 cents,
Coming soon,
Be there or I swear I'ma find you,
Peace and love,
You dig?