This film is brought to you by
the Los Angeles CineFest Film Festival
the Hollywood Screenings Film Festival
and the Oh Scares Awards
[music plays]
[burning, music plays]
I see you are ready,
Already,
[Laughing]
Let’s begin then,
Enjoy Franny Kruugerr
[Laughing]
[whoosh]
Welcome to prime time bitch,
Excuse my French, I'm Franny Kruugerr,
I'm the wife of your favorite character,
The character you've been waiting
forever to see again on a big screen,
I can't really say that my husband is busy nowadays,
Hey, big studios,
We can't just live for royalties in those old films you play over and over again on TV,
My husband needs a job,
He needs to kill some people,
Hello, Anyway,
I present to you scary stories,
Previously selected by the Los Angeles Cinefest Film Festival and the Oh scares Awards,
Hey, guys,
I can't see shit through this latex mask,
Can somebody read it please?
[whoosh]
[music plays]
A thing of a dreams,
Blind vacation,
A nightmare of a night,
Cakeboy,
A super surprise,
Fools, Gold,
Coffee with Friends,
[whoosh]
Now, you can watch and decide which story you like the most and one last word to the big studios,
Just send my husband that screenplay you've been working on for 20 years,
The draft is fine,
You can finish it while you start pre production,
He needs to be busy,
Enough with the price is right each day,
He needs to move from my mother's couch, damn it,
Ah,
Anyway, enjoy the screening everybody,
[Music Playing]
How was it last night?
It was nice,
[Laughing]
I won an award last night,
Big one,
You were there, by my side,
It's amazing,
I just thought that success would have me getting a raise or winning a lottery?
This is different,
So vivid,
What a word,
Wasn't specific, It was just this like ambiguous award,
You know how dreams are,
So,
How was that last night?
What?
You've taken sexuals five nights in a row,
Must be pretty good,
[Breath]
[Laughing]
I I I don't dream about you,
I thought you knew that,
Why would I know that?
I don't know,
I thought you were dreaming about somebody else when you took sexuals and I was okay with it,
[Breath]
I only dream about you,
I thought the whole point was so that we could be with other people and not have to worry about it,
Oh, then,
It's not me,
Who are you thinking about it? It's no one specific,
It's like some ambiguous person,
You know, like your awards thingy,
[Pushes back chair]
[Woman sighs]
[Opens metal cover]
[Music Playing]
[door opens]
[door closes]
Hey,
[Footsteps]
Figure out what you can do,
I think you should mix tonight,
[Music playing continuous]
You want me to induce a nightmare?
It's the only way to refresh dream content,
Clear this way, They can be a little intense,
I mean, that's what I heard but I just can't keep doing this,
Knowing that you're dreaming about someone else,
At least this way we have a chance at starting over,
John,
Come on, I think you owe me this,
I owe you?
I do a lot for you, We do a lot for each other,
I think you should do this for me,
Inducing a nightmare can completely mess with your mind, People have gotten hurt,
I'll just stop taking them for a while, I'll reset that way,
You might have an echo,
You've taken them so much,
It might not go away without mixing,
It's not going to be so bad,
I'm going to watch over you,
I'm not going to do it,
[Music playing continuous]
Okay,
Okay
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, I get it, It's okay,
Okay,
[Music Playing]
[whoosh]
[Pouring water]
[Wood creaking]
[Music playing]
How could you?
[Music playing continuous]
[Breath]
[Heavy breathing]
[Music playing]
[breathing]
[Breath]
[Music Playing]
[Woman struggles]
Hey,
it's okay, It's okay, Come on,
[Heavy breathing]
You are alright, It's okay,
[Stabbing sound]
[Music playing]
So,
how did it go?
You're such a fucking jerk, We're done,
[Music playing]
[Stabbing sound]
[Music Playing] [Sound Effect]
[Typing message on the phone] [Camera clicks]
Goodbye,
To vacation,
Va-cation,
[Music playing]
Let’s do it,
A DIY reliable way to find mental clarity,
Ready?
Yup,
Supplies,
Miller's glue dissolves after 4 days,
Seaworld blindfolds, knots that do not unknot,
[Laughing]
Directions, use of cellphones is prohibited,
Make plenty of food that is easily accessible,
Wear the blindfold for seven days,
Warning in case of an emergency apply water,
Results, a real mental vacation,
It coming,
Oh where did you go? Hey, give me your hand,
I am bored,
[Laughing]
Slide, [Birds chirping]
Where are you?
I was over here,
Where did you go? I was over here,
Another shot for being young,
[Music playing]
I'm feeling good, baby,
[Breath]
[Footsteps]
[Wood creaking]
Fuck, This isn't working,
Let's take them off,
[Wood creaking]
Shit,
[Tap running] Oh,
I can't, I can’t get it out, It has only been 4 days,
Ouch, Ouch, Ouch, Get off,
Argh, No, No, No, No,
Argh,
Ouch,
[Music playing]
[Lighting up stove]
[Water running]
[Phone vibrates]
Hello?
Hey, how are you?
Oh,
Jack and I just got in a few hours ago,
We are just trying to figure out something for dinner, We haven’t eaten since breakfast,
Well,
I was going to try this new pasta recipe
but now that I know that I'm only cooking for two,
What? No, No, I didn't mean it like that, I'm sorry,
Great, Well,
Give Jimmy my love and tell him to rest up,
No, he just went out to the store to get some stuff for dinner,
Will tell him you said that though,
No, stop apologizing,
We rent to the house for a whole week so just get up here when you can,
Hello?
[Number dialing sound]
[Ringing sound]
Hello, Hey, it's me,
Sorry, I just lost cell service,
No, it's probably nothing to worry about,
Uh my weather app says there's a snow storm coming
so probably just knocked out the signal,
[Call disconnects]
Hello?
[Call disconnects]
[Breath]
And I guess the landline too,
[Typing sound]
[Breath]
No WiFi,
It's going to be a long week,
[Glass shatters]
I am going to lose my mind,
Argh,
[Breath]
Oh,
[box opens]
[item drops]
No, not the lights too,
[Music Playing] Oh, thank God,
Oh Jesus Christ, [Laughing]
You almost gave me a heart attack,
It's not funny, Come on, it was a little funny,
Wait, what,
what happened to your hand? Are you okay? Oh,
just being a clutch like usual,
I dropped a glass and then sliced my hand while picking up the pieces,
It looks pretty bad, Are you sure you are alright? We could go to the hospital, I'm fine,
You sure?
I'm fine,
It's not as bad as it looks, It's not that deep, It's just this causes all I had,
Alright,
What you got going on over here though?
Yeah, Smells really good,
Yeah, you don't have to lie, I know you hate my cooking,
No one hates your cooking, Who told you? Did my brother say that?
No,
And speaking of which, have you heard from her? Shouldn't they be here by now?
Yeah,
I just got off the phone with Maggie, She said Jimmy's not feeling well so they're not going to make it,
Like at all?
I saw them,
They might make it here eventually, I didn't really have a chance to talk to them,
The phone line cut out because of the snow?
What snow?
It's not snowing?
No, it's just out there, I don't see any snow,
Uh I just assume because why else would I lose service?
Plus the landline and the WiFi went out too,
That's that's really odd, You know, I think I saw the router downstairs,
I can go try and at least get that back for you, Thank you,
Oh, hey, Jack, Yeah,
Just be careful, I will,
[Music playing]
Jack?
[Music playing]
Jack?
[Music playing]
No, [Loud beeping noise] [Music continues to play]
Jack?
[Music playing]
Jack, what are you doing?
[Music playing]
Did you get the internet fixed?
[Music playing]
[Woman grunts] [Music playing] Oh,
[Breath] [Music playing]
[Heavy breathing]
What do you want?
My boyfriend,
My boyfriend…No, he’s not,
[Music playing]
We have friends coming,
They'll be here any minute,
I heard your phone call,
No one's coming,
It's just me and you,
[Music playing]
The police,
I’ll call the police,
That's going to be kind of hard since I cut the phone line,
[Music playing]
Your face,
I haven't seen your faces, No,
You can just leave, I won't tell anyone,
Mia,
Come on,
Turn around,
Look at me,
I want to see that beautiful face of yours,
[Knocking on the glass] Come on,
[Music playing]
There we go,
Please don't hurt me,
Come on,
We both know it's far too late for that,
Mia?
I'm going to kill you,
[Knocking on the glass] Ouch,
[Music playing]
Mia,
[Music playing]
Mia,
Jack,
Please,
Jack,
Are you hurt?
No,
I'm coming,
[Music playing]
Hold on there, Hold on, Hurry,
I'm coming Jack,
[Music playing]
I am coming,
[Music playing]
Jack,
I'm here, Where are you?
Jack,
Mia,
Come out, Come out wherever you are,
What are you doing down there?
[Music continues playing] Run, [Woman grunts]
Mia,
Mia, come on,
Mia,
Mia, [Woman screams]
[Sound of pan hitting the skull] [Heavy breathing]
[Breath] [Woman crying]
Mia,
Wake up,
[Mia is startled]
[Music playing]
I am not mean yet, Not too mean?
Insult my shark one more time and I'll show you mean,
You like my shark?
There's a shark,
Kinda reminds me of a bottle-boased dolphin,
Where is it’s bloat hole?
I am sick and tired,,When I am done…
This is going to look like the
Sure, can I take this?
[TV show continues] [Knock on the door]
[Door open sound]
I don't think I ordered anything,
You didn't? Your neighbor did actually,
Uh do you know your neighbor?
Yeah, a little, Why?
Well, this needs to be delivered today and it needs to be refrigerated, Otherwise, I would just leave it here,
Well, what is it?
I honestly don't know, It just has the handling instructions with it,
Yeah, well, he's like some sort of food pastry scientist or something,
He's probably some rare French bullshit you know, like ultra perishable,
He's having special meats delivered all the time,
Yeah, that's cool, Uh so, I was just wondering if maybe you could hold on to it
and give it to him when he gets home, Just keep it in the fridge,
You know, that kind of thing,
Yeah, I guess,
Dude, thank you, I appreciate that,
Here, if you could just sign right there for me,
Isn't this against like your delivery policy or something?
Yes,
[Music playing]
Hey Pat,
I have your cake that was delivered today,
Come over anytime to grab it tonight,
I'll be up pretty late,
[Music playing]
[Chewing and drinking]
Pat didn't come for his cake today,
That's alright, I'll get it to him tomorrow,
[Snoring]
Pat,
Jesus, what the fuck?
Hi there, neighbor, How you doing?
What time is it? And what can’t I move?
Whoa, it's about 4 AM buddy and you can't move because I've restrained you to the bed,
Okay, question, Why?
I'll get to that in a minute but first,
how's the cake?
Dude, I'm sorry I eat a slice of your cake,
No, no, I'm serious,
I need to know how it tasted,
I need to know how my work was received,
If you made the cake,
why did you have it sent to your house instead of just bringing it home yourself?
I knew if I had it sent to you, you probably wouldn't eat it,
You're so paranoid about being poisoned
and you're bored so the thrill of eating someone else's cake
and having to deal with me tomorrow, drama, drama,
Give you something to do,
You're a goddamn psycho,
I needed to know that you would eat that cake and now,
Now,
you're a part of history,
The cake you ate is the bridge between man and dessert,
Oh, help me,
Dear god, help,
Shhhh,
Let me clue you in,
A few years ago,
I developed a taste for human flesh while on the Amazon,
Lately,
lately, I've been craving something sweet rather than savory
and nothing could be found to satisfy that sweet tooth and I've tried everything,
Chocolate marrow cake,
pork belly donuts,
black truffle,
and foil gras bread pudding, Hm?
Inspired, huh? And then, it dawned on me,
What be sweeter than the real thing,
Oh,
What in fuck's fuck is going on?
Don't you get it?
You're the cake man now,
Not much of a man so we're like cake boy,
Cake boy,
What in the actual fuck
[Laughing]
How the hell am I supposed to live like this?
You're not,
No, No,
No, No, No, No,
Oh my god, I can feel that, Ah,
Would you like a piece?
Pat, don't, don't take, don't eat that, Pat,
don't eat that, I'm your neighbor,
You're you're eating me Pat,
[Music playing]
Hey Dad, you want to bring air freshener? I'm going to destroy that bathroom later,
[Music playing]
If you guys wanted to swim, Frank said that there's towels in the bathroom,
Did anyone bring any drinks?
Any what?
Like water,
Hey, tomorrow we're driving for five hours to disposal and you want to stop halfway where?
I just wanted to stop by at the Oregon Organs,
They have the best shoe though,
Uh we just told your aunt's show that we'd get to her before 5 PM,
Honestly, if we don't have time, don't worry about it,
Are you sure?
No stress at all,
[Music playing]
Are we supposed to all sleep on this crap?
I call upside,
[Music playing]
[siren]
Where's my other bag?
Did you leave it in the car?
Do you think he knows?
No, I don't think so,
Yo, Hey, man, Happy early birthday, Thanks, Frank,
So, the nephew's still giving you that birthday party?
Um,
You know I'm not supposed to know right?
Oh well that's right, It was supposed to be a surprise wasn't it? Right,
But yeah I'm pretty sure,
Yeah my phone's dying, Does anyone have a charger?
What happened to yours?
I left mine in the car,
Do you have a charger?
I got one right here,
What is this?
Uh that's just a pic of dad with us,
I took it from,,, Cool, Do you have a charger?
Uh charger, Dude I left mine in the car,
Uh idiot, Do you have a charger?
I need a big one, Thank God, Does No one bring me a charger anymore?
Are the boys doing okay by the way?
Yeah,
Uh it's good, I thought it would be really rough actually with their dad dying
but I I guess they're really hanging in there,
I mean, man, especially with the police coming after him and everything,
You know, they're a tough bunch, They're really mature for their age,
Why don't you just shut up?
Why don't you just get your own charger?
No, ask me for it,
Out of three,
Okay, One, two, three, two, Idiot,
Thanks again for letting us stay in your guest house,
Oh, yeah, No problem at all, Hey, when you have time, come on up to the house,
Yeah, cool,
I will be up in 5 minutes, Is that cool?
Hello,
Still there,
bro? Ah shoot,
[Music playing]
[Door bell rings]
Oh, that was quick,
What the hell? Where's my charger?
Okay, I'm getting it,
Also get my phone, Yep,
Your light back too, Thank you, Yep,
Yo, Where are you going?
I'm just getting some stuff in the car,
Cool, Could you grab my charger while you are at it?
The key's right there at the table, Okay,
[Music Plays] Oh my God, What was that?
What's going on?
Oh my God, that's Frank,
Call the police, I got it, I got it,
Fuck my phone's dead,
Oh my God, Guys, you might have company,
[Music playing]
[Footsteps]
Turn off the lights,
[Music Playing]
[Music continues to play]
[Knock on the door]
[Music continues to play]
[Knock on the door]
We don’t have any money,
We called the police, They're on their way,
I don't want money,
What do you want?
To kill the boys,
[Music playing]
Why are you doing this?
[Music playing]
[Footsteps]
[Music playing]
How are you guys holding up?
Don't worry about it too much, We're going to get out of here,
All we have to do is think,
positive
[Music playing]
Hey boys, do me and yourselves a favor,
Take the cyanide pills,
It's quick and painless and less gruesome than shooting you in the head,
Let me know on the walkie talkie when you decide,
Can't we just make a run for it?
He has to fall asleep sometime, right?
Yeah, but how would we know when he falls asleep?
I can risk it, Alright,
Alright,
I got a plan,
I'm going to go up there and rush him
and when I see him, Stupid idea, He has a gun, He's going to shoot you,
You're right,
We'll think of something though,
Something will come up,
A stack,
Okay, Moment of truth,
Looks like your fragile phone,
Nice going, idiot,
Did you guys feel that?
What are you talking about?
Feels like air,
Woah,
[Music Playing]
[Sound of the wind chime]
[Music playing]
He’s got a gun,
Help me out, I can't, I'm stuck,
Good try,
You almost got away with it,
I am sorry guys,
I can’t let that happen,
[Music Playing]
Guys, the letter has dad's handwriting,
But dad's dead,
There is just one way to find out,
Dad,
Dad, is that you?
You figured it out,
What happened to your voice?
Broken windshield lodged into my throat,
I'm lucky I'm able to talk, I'm lucky to be alive and all,
Why do you want to kill us?
[Laughing]
Because boys,
you tried to kill me,
You tried to kill me,
So what did you guys do exactly?
Tamper with its brakes
Tamper with its brakes? Okay,
You know he deserved it, right? He was a murderer, He just never got caught,
So how do you guys feel about electrocuting him?
[Music Playing]
Man, I can really go for some sushi right now,
Maybe some Indian food,
How about Tafoo?
Are you sure he's not out there?
Yeah, sure,
So you sure that he never wears shoes?
Yeah, he's always careful when he can be?
So the main question is,
how are we going to get him down here?
Oh, just give him the locket, He'll come down for sure,
Hello,
Hey bro, are you there?
Remember that locket that you wanted when we were kids?
It's yours if you want it,
Mom used to say that
a locket is supposed to protect you from anything bad and evil,
I do want that locket,
So what's your story?
When I was in the hospital,
I paid the doctor a lot of money to make it look like I was dead,
Why?
So the police would stop looking for me,
I was trying to leave town
but the boys tried to get rid of me instead,
They were protecting themselves, No,
they tried to kill me just because they wanted to,
I don't believe that, What can I say?
It runs in the family,
Makes a father proud,
But to let them live after what they did to me,
I'm sorry,
I can't let that happen, Then you're going to have to kill me too,
Okay, fine,
Everyone's going to die in that guest house,
It's time for a super surprise,
Wait, what'd you say?
Time for a super surprise,
I always say that before I end someone's life,
[Music Playing]
[singer vocalizing]
Alright, now,
[Music Playing]
It is not working,
Try the other one,
What the hell? Why is it not working?
What the hell happened?
I don’t know, I plugged it in,
Shit,
Growing up,
I believed everything mom used to say,
I still believe till this very day,
I believe in the locket,
I believe it keeps you safe,
I believe it keeps everything that's bad away,
And he gave it to me,
You gave it to me, bro,
I want to thank you,
Cause now you guys have nothing to protect yourselves from me,
Oh, Shoot,
Get up, Get up, Get up, Get out now, Get out now,
Oh shoot, it’s everywhere,
Guys, bounce it, Now,
Where are you?
No more hiding
It’s time for a super surprise,
[Music playing]
Is he alive?
Check his pulse idiot,
No,
Please check if he's breathing,
I don't [Gunshot]
Check his pulse idiot,
[Sound Effect]
I'm going to taste better with some real food,
What are you going to eat?
You guys want tafoo?
Yeah? Okay, cool, Let me go places,
Guys, I don't feel so good,
Don't worry, the cyanide works pretty quick,
[Music playing]
A few weeks ago, I overheard you guys talking about me,
I heard someone say,
time for a super surprise,
I bet you guys are going to give me a birthday party but now,
I know you guys just wanted to kill me,
I'm sorry guys,
I can't let that happen,
[Music Playing]
[siren]
[music plays]
[Music Playing] [Water flowing]
[Footsteps]
[Music Playing]
[Loud thud]
Hell,
looks like I had a nasty fall,
I am the shadow with no name
I am the cold wind,
I extinguish man’s flame,
You know what, stranger? I thought I twisted my ankle but
I guess it's just a false alarm,
Come, Wesley Jenkins,
I shall shepherd you off this mortal goile and Gazoos,
Gazoos,
It's kind of like a harmonica,
You blow into it and a funny sound comes out the other end,
Kids absolutely love em,
Now, that's something I could invest in,
Invest? That's right, I'm rich now
and when you're rich,
you need to start making wise decisions if you want to keep it that way,
Material goods of a living no longer concern you, Material goods?
Well, of course, we buy some land, stranger if that's what you're getting at,
I don't rightly know where yet but once I figure that out, I reckon I'll build a big old house,
barn,
horses,
possibly six, I grow tired of this,
Your brand,
Enough,
My goodness, I can't believe I didn't see this before,
You are,
You are, Yes!
A thief,
What?
No, Trying to steal my gold, huh?
My patience grows thin,
Wow,
So you sell snake oil?
Is that it? I am the collector of souls,
Uh huh,
And you those souls,
$21, 000,
What?
Chunk of gold this big is easily worth 21 thousand dollars,
So I admire the smoking mirrors partner
but there's no way in hell you're getting my gold,
No way in hell,
Well
[Laughing]
Shit,
[thunder] [music playing]
[Music playing]
birds flying sound
[Door open sound]
[Footsteps] [Door closes]
[Music playing]
[Footsteps]
[Pouring water]
[Music playing]
Maybe you should try that on yourself,
You think so?
Why not?
Add a little flavor to your coffee,
Ever think I'm alive despite you?
It is a chore to be haunted by the living,
Look out that window,
Nobody is alive out there,
They're just moving automatically,
Well, the weather is nice at least,
You know what this world needs?
Applied eugenics,
birth control in the water supply,
rigorous psychological testing,
and auditing of finances before breeding is allowed,
Are we expecting more?
You never know who might show up,
Coffee's good today,
Do you remember when you were a little boy
and your father and I found you in the driveway pulling the wings off a dragonfly?
No,
I asked you how you would feel if somebody did that to you,
Do you remember what you said?
How old was I?
Eight or nine I think,
I don't remember,
You said it wouldn't matter because you'd be dead
and you wouldn't feel anything,
A sad and lonely boy,
I wanted to give you a hug
but you terrified me,
Had nightmares for years about you,
About me,
I thought for sure you'd kill us in our sleep,
Is it so bad?
What's so bad?
The rest of it,
I suppose not,
I guess nightmares do come true,
Sometimes,
This is really good coffee,
Would you like some more?
No, but I think I'd really like a cup of water, That'd be great,
Just stay hydrated,
[Pouring water]
How long do you plan on being here today?
Are you sick of me already?
No, on average, it takes three generations to be completely forgotten,
You know, your father and I tried,
We really did, It was your mother,
Your mother made it so hard,
You don't know the half of it,
We gave up,
Oh, We had to,
It was making life harder on you,
That's right,
You gave up,
Yeah, but you got your pound of flesh in the end now, didn't you?
Can we talk about something else?
When are you going to assume some responsibility for your own actions?
Did you read that article about the millionaire whose body was found at the bottom of a cliff?
I didn't,
And I'm sure you know something about it,
This guy was completely crippled
but he makes a comeback,
He decides he wants to dedicate his life to helping people,
So, he opens this gym and it is a brilliant success,
Then, last week,
they find him at the foot of a cliff,
Nobody has a clue what happened,
I always loved a good mystery,
You should have stayed in Albuquerque,
And miss having coffee with my stepson,
So dry,
[Phone rings] Sigh,
Hello,
That is not how we taught you to answer the phone,
You say hello, Smith Residence, Dennis speaking,
I am so dry,
[music playing] [water running]
What's up, bitches
Good morning, Nora,
Ladies don't speak like that,
Ladies don't do anal, Carla,
You smell like piss, I smell great,
Don't be rude,
She's a slut,
A slut?
Carla, I was a virgin until your son got in this, Oh, it's okay, Spare me, Really?
I was just pissed,
Technically, no,
Love, Carla, I was his first love,
You are and always will be, You know, I forgive you if I could,
This coffee looks like shit,
Can I make some more?
Go ahead,
That is disgusting,
I can't breathe, Can someone please open the door?
Sure,
Ladies and gentlemen,
above and below,
Beware our host,
He is a heartbreaker for sure,
Don't do that,
Nobody is listening, Dennis, No one even cares,
Just another rebel runaway,
No one even considers that you might be rotting away in a junkyard something
or a shallow grave in the desert or left on the floor like fucking garbage,
For fuck's sake, can't we have a normal cup of coffee for once?
I need some music,
There's always music in the air,
From a balcony to in Venice
to the auto body shop down the street,
You can feel it, So don't ruin it with your garbage,
Uh Dennis, do you even think of stepping the shit up?
I haven't moved it, Thank,
[Music playing]
What is this?
She's right, it's garbage,
It's not for zombies but it's okay,
[Music playing]
There,
Can we please enjoy our coffee in peace?
You know, the birds are my favorite part,
What birds?
The ones at 6 AM when the sun isn't quite up,
Mist is on the ground,
You're at the sound of a train off in the distance,
Beaks pecking against your fucking scones,
Yes, the music nobody hears but you,
[Music playing]
Dearness,
did another one follow you home?
I don't remember this one,
Hey,
why don't you come join us?
We have coffee and whiskey,
Water?
No? Okay,
So I'll make you some coffee,
Eustes, right? How have you been?
Coffee is really good,
Oh,
Young lady, I know this is a confusing time but you will behave yourself in this house,
Feel better now?
So, tell us about yourself,
How do you know my son?
Probably not the way I do,
Oh, shoot,
So are you from around here?
She is now,
Look, I know it can be really confusing at first
but you get used to it and we're actually not the worst company,
I'm fine with it,
You're fine with it?
It's just so dry,
[Phone rings]
Hello,
Maybe it was your conscience calling,
Your jokes are what I hated most about you,
They were never funny,
I know you too, Don't even get me started on you and you,
[Music playing]
[Phone rings]
[Growling]
I think I'll switch back to coffee,
I think that's a good idea,
It's really a good coffee, Dennis, Where'd you get it?
Uh down the street, this little hipster coffee shop,
Hipster,
Is that a new word?
I can't wait, Thanks, Carla,
It's okay,
I don't like their to-go cups,
The to-go cups?
I need some water, Yeah, it, the liner in them,
The Liner?
My mouth is so dry,
It's it's not wax like most paper cups, It's this weird plastic,
Hurry, It gives you cancer,
Do you know what cancer is?
It's a growth in your body and kills you,
Cancer is your own body rebelling against mortality
like any other cell with a life cycle, It lives it grows it dies,
but this cell,
this cell decides it doesn't want to die,
So what does it do?
It eats all of the other cells around it, Feeding, growing,
metastasizing,
and a relentless quest for life and basically refusing to die,
It’s kind of like you Dennis,
You're a fucking cancer,
[Phone rings]
[Growling]
[Man screams]
Elevens,
Coffee,
This is delicious,
I knew it was your favorite,
You seem to know a lot about me,
Sure he don't want some coffee?
God no,
I serve served that cheap shit every day,
I can't stand the smell,
You know, ice cream isn't a very nutritious breakfast,
I don't think nutrition matters much anymore,
[Phone rings]
[Phone broke]
I was about to go back to school,
I was only working at that coffee shop on break for extra cash and,
I know, I mean, astrophysics is a tough major,
Serving coffee was about as mindless of a job as I could do,
I thought you did it well, And I thought you were nice,
But you were going to leave,
What is that gotta do with anything?
Everyone always leaves,
It was was the only way that I could keep you,
I wasn't yours to keep,
[Music playing]
But you are now,
Would you dance with me?
I guess,
It was good once,
Sure of it,
Did it tell you about the Randy?
No,
It's 12,
Just come home from shopping with mama,
You know it's out the way for you,
I heard this terrible screams,
Hiding in the trees with all these morning birds,
It's this awful sound,
I looked around finding this rabbit hit by a car,
Didn't die, In the desert sands,
His intestines were out,
I mean it was pulling itself along, dragging, screaming,
In the radio static,
My mom gave me a pellet gun
and told me to take care of it, So,
I did but something has always bothered,
What?
Where do you think it was going?
I wish we could have just discussed the weather like normal people,
I'm sorry,
I know,
[Music playing, Singer vocalizing]
[burning flames]
Hey, guys, Do you need me or?
Nope, That's it for today,
Oh,
I thought you wanted me to say something at the end of the compilation
or in between shorts, I prepared some lines,
Nope, that's it, It's a wrap,
[Laughing]
Finally! I was dying in that mask,
Okay, see you next time,
[whoosh]
[stabbing] [music plays]
[singer vocalizing]
[music plays]
Aaaaa,
[music plays]
Please, no, no,
[music plays]
[siren]
[music plays] [singer vocalizing]
[thunder] [music plays]
[laughing]
[music plays]
[singer vocalizing]
[music plays]