-Hey, everybody, Happy Thanksgiving, -ALL: Shh,
What, are we keeping Thanksgiving a secret this year?
No, we're playing this game I learned at work,
You have to name all the states in six minutes,
What? That's, like, insanely easy,
No, it's harder than it sounds, You always forget at least one,
Or in some cases, 14,
It's a stupid game and I wasn't playing against other people,
so technically, I didn't lose,
You forgot 14 states?
Nobody cares about the Dakotas,
[WATCH BEEPS]
Oh, okay, time's up,
All right, I got 48,
Oh, that's not bad, Pheebs?
Oh, I got tired of naming states, so I decided to list the types of celery,
And I have one, regular celery,
Okay, so Rachel's got 48 and Phoebe has the lead in
vegetables, Joey?
Say hello to the new champ of Chandler's dumb states game,
-Wow, how many you got? -Fifty-six,
Hey, how is New England not a state?
Huh? They have a sports team,
Does South Oregon have a sports team?
There you go,
How come we have one extra place setting?
-Because you invited your assistant, -Oh, right, sorry, Tag's not coming,
His girlfriend came into town, so he's spending Thanksgiving with her,
Oh, why didn't you tell me?
I made him his own individual sweet potato stuffed pumpkin,
Oh, well, I was going to, but then I figured, you know
your food is so delicious and perfect
you can never have too many of those pumpkin things,
You'd think I wouldn't enjoy that because it is so fake, ha, ha, but I still do,
Regular celery,
Oh, I already have that,
Done, with time to spare,
-Ooh, this may be a new world's record, -You know, I hate to lecture you guys,
but it's kind of disgraceful that a group of well-educated adults,
and Joey, can't name all the states,
You ever see a map or one of those round colorful things called a globe?
Uh, Magellan? You got 46 states,
-What? That's impossible, -JOEY: Forty-six,
Well, who's well-educated now, Mr, I-Forgot-Ten-States?
I'm out of oven space, I'm gonna go turn on Joey's,
Please, watch him, Do not let Joey eat any of the food,
I am only one man,
[WATCH BEEPS]
-Okay, time is up, -Give me another minute,
Ross, if you don't know them by now, you will never know them, okay?
That is the beauty of this game, It makes you want to kill yourself,
This is crazy, I can do this,
All right, uh, I bet I can get all 50, uh, before dinner,
Okay, but if you can't, no dinner,
You're on,
All right, don't look at my list, because
there's a lot on there that you don't have,
Hey, did you guys know your oven doesn't work?
But the drawer full of takeout menus is okay, right?
-Ross, I'm gonna use yours, okay? -Shh,
Chandler, give me a hand,
Sure, Joey, do not let Ross look at any maps or the globe in your apartment,
Don't worry, Chandler, It's not a globe of the United States,
Hey, you guys, I'm gonna go out and take a walk,
Phoebe, why is your bag moving?
-Oh, it's not, -Seriously, it's moving,
-What the hell's in there? -It's just my knitting, That's all,
Yes, I knit this,
I'm very good,
Ross' apartment is nice, Why don't we hang out here more often?
I don't know, Maybe because it smells weird,
It's like old pumpkins or something,
-That's my pie, -Which smells delicious,
-Uh-oh, Uh-oh, -What?
We left Joey alone with the food,
Yep, yep, I knew it,
There he is feeding stuffing to a dog,
[PHONE RINGS]
Hi, Geller-Bing residence, How can I help?
Phoebe, why is there a dog in our apartment?
I'm sorry, who's this?
Phoebe, there's a dog sitting on my couch,
Tell her I'm allergic, and I will sue,
-No, there's no dog here, -There is,
He's black and white and shaggy,
He's sitting next to Rachel and licking Rachel's hand,
Oh, my God, Where are you?
I'll be right there,
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
They're here already? How are they doing this?
Hi, Tag, What are you doing here?
I, uh, wanted to see if your offer to
spend Thanksgiving with you was still good,
Well, sure, Come in,
Well, what happened to your girlfriend?
We, uh, kind of broke up this morning,
-Oh, I'm sorry, -Yeah, so she went back to Ohio,
Ohio, thank you,
Huh, Where's the dog?
What dog? There's no dog here,
Yeah, that dog left,
Phoebe,
Phoebe, open up,
PHOEBE: There's no dog in here,
[DOG BARKS]
Phoebe, we can hear the dog barking,
PHOEBE: No, that's just me coughing,
[PHOEBE COUGHS]
[DOG BARKS]
Oh, good, There you are,
Listen, um, I have a dog in my room,
What is it doing here?
I'm watching it for friends who went out of town,
Wait,
Hello, my name is Klunkers,
May I please stay with you nice people?
Oh, I wish he could stay here, but Chandler's allergic,
Extremely allergic, okay?
If I am anywhere near a dog for more than five minutes
my throat will just close up,
That's odd, because this dog's been living here for the past three days,
[HOARSE] Really?
If the dog has been here that long,
and you haven't had a reaction, maybe you're not allergic to this dog,
Well, it still has to go, right?
MONICA, PHOEBE: Why?
-Okay, it's, um… -Don't do it,
-Don't do what? -I have to,
Okay? It's time,
Okay, I hate dogs,
ROSS & RACHEL: What? PHOEBE: That's crazy, Why?
Told you,
They are needy
they are jumpy, and you can't tell what they are thinking,
and that scares me a little bit,
You're right, They are scary, Aah!
She just ate a treat out of my hand!
Wait a minute, Do you not like all dogs? I mean, not even puppies?
Is there a puppy here?
-You don't like puppies? -Okay, you are new,
Look, Chandler, I told you, Never tell anyone about this dog thing,
It's like Ross not liking ice cream,
-You don't like ice cream? -It's too cold,
Okay, it's just that dogs make me a little uncomfortable,
Hurts my teeth,
I don't wanna say this, I don't want you guys to hate me,
but, uh, I don't think I can be around that dog anymore, okay?
So either the dog goes or I go, Huh,
Oh, my God,
How can I not get this?
I'm a college professor, I got 1450 on my SATs,
Twelve fifty,
Damn, I forgot you were here,
All right, We're gonna take Klunkers to Ross',
We'll be back in a minute,
Oh, wait, before you go, can I ask a question?
Um, when a guy breaks up with his girlfriend
what is an appropriate amount of time to wait before you make a move?
Oh, I'd say about a month,
-Really? I'd say three to four, -Half-hour,
Interesting,
When it's your assistant, I would say never,
All right, Rach, the big question is, does he like you?
Right? Because if he doesn't like you, this is all a moo point,
Huh, A "moo" point?
Yeah, It's like a cow's opinion,
It just doesn't matter,
It's "moo,"
Have I been living with him for too long, or did that all just make sense?
Please don't listen to Joey, Okay? Would you look at him?
He's obviously depressed, He's away from his family,
He's spending Thanksgiving with strangers,
What he needs right now is for you to be his friend,
Oh, you're right, I'm sorry, Thank you,
-Okay, that's what I'm going to do, -Fine, take their advice,
No one ever listens to me,
When the package is this pretty, no one cares what's inside,
-Hey, -Hey,
How you holding up?
-Not bad, -Yeah?
-I'm sorry about your girlfriend, -Thanks,
-Were you guys together a long time? -A year, on and off,
I thought we'd end up together, I don't anymore,
-Now that she broke up with you, -Yeah,
-Hmm, -It's weird,
I always used to assume that I would meet someone and fall in love and be happy,
That all that was just a given, Well, lately, it's like, what if it's not?
Do you ever have that feeling?
No,
Yeah,
All the time, Constantly, It's terrifying,
But, you know, then I figure it has to work out,
Why?
Because it has to,
-You have all the answers, don't you? -Yeah, I know, I do, I really do,
-Hey, thanks for talking to me, -Come on, what are bosses for?
Hug it out,
All right, he likes you back,
Huh? Told you you should go for it,
What?
Street noise drown any of that out?
No? All right, I'll see you later, Ha, ha, Okay,
What did Joey say? I like you back?
Uh, yeah… You know, well, see, he…
Joey knows that I'm very insecure about my back,
And… And you were hugging me,
so obviously you are not repulsed by it, Yeah, [CHUCKLES]
Wait a minute, that doesn't make any sense,
No?
[SIGHS]
All right, here's the truth, [CLEARS THROAT]
Joey said what he said because, um
I'm attracted to you,
-Wow, -Yeah, I admit it,
I have a crush on you, And, uh, I know that's crazy because we work together,
and nothing could ever happen,
And the last thing I wanted to do was freak you out,
or make you feel uncomfortable,
Which is why it would be really great if you said something right about now,
Oh, my God, Those guys are stealing my car,
-What? -Right there, That's my car,
[GLASS BREAKS]
-Hey! -Okay, that's gonna take a minute,
Do you have anything else you wanna get off your chest?
I can't believe this,
Wait, we still have time to talk, and they're not even in the car yet,
Oh, look, there they go, Okay,
Okay, Phoebe, We should probably go back now,
Please, don't leave me, I'll be lonely,
Stop it, Stop,
-Okay, let's go, We can be strong, -Yeah, okay,
[DOG WHINES]
Oh, my God, did you hear that? She said "Monica,"
Oh, I can't leave her,
If you want, we could sneak the dog back in and Chandler wouldn't even know,
That's not gonna work,
I had that dog there for three days and Chandler had no idea,
He's not so smart,
Hey, I didn't know either,
Yeah, but you kind of knew that something was going on, didn't you?
Yeah, I knew, [CHUCKLES]
Where's Chandler?
-Here I am, -Wash your hands,
How did you know?
Hey, what's she doing back here?
Relax, Ross, She's not made of ice cream,
Hey, look, Phoebe, I, uh, laid out the states geographically,
No, no, we don't have time for this,
We have to keep Chandler away from my room,
Yeah, but, look what I…
See, this is exactly what we do not have time for,
-Where's Monica? -Uh, in Phoebe's room, You can't go in,
Why not?
[DOG WHINING]
Monica's crying,
She's very upset about this whole Klunkers thing,
-Well, I should go in there, -No, no,
No, she doesn't want to see you right now,
-Why not? -Because you sent away the dog,
-That's ridiculous, -Oh, is it? Is it?
Look, when Monica and I were kids, we had a dog named Rover,
And, um, one day, my dad decides he doesn't like dogs,
So Monica and her friend…Phyllis
take away the dog, and that was the last time we ever saw him,
Don't you see? This is just like that
only with a few details changed,
Okay, I'm in my sweatpants,
Bring on the food,
-What's the matter? -Monica's all upset
because I sent Klunkers away,
So? Bring the dog back, You're a hero,
Yeah, I could be a hero, I could do that, I could… I could do…
What if it… What if it attacks me?
Chandler, it's like a big gerbil,
And that doesn't scare you?
[DOOR OPENS THEN CLOSES]
Ross, you need some help?
From you?
[CHUCKLES]
Yes, please,
[JOEY CLEARS THROAT]
First of all, Utah?
Dude, you can't just make stuff up,
I hate America,
When I finish this game, I swear I am moving,
-Hey, Tag still talking to the police? -Yeah,
Ugh, damn it, Why did I open my mouth?
"I have a crush on you, I'm attracted to you,"
I know that I freaked him out,
If you said it like that, you probably did, yeah,
Hey, is Chandler here?
Uh, no, no, he went for a walk,
Okay, well, you cannot tell him, but look who's back,
[BARKS]
-Hi, -Oh, no, no, no, no, no,
He went over to Ross' to bring the dog back here,
Oh, no, the dog's not going to be there,
You think?
Hi, honey,
Please, please, please, don't be mad at me,
-What? Why would… -Shh, Wait and see,
Maybe we will, maybe we won't,
Okay, I went over to Ross' apartment to bring back Klunkers, you know, for you,
and [CLEARS THROAT] I left the door open, and she must've gotten out,
And I looked everywhere, all over the apartment, including the roof,
Which, FYI, Ross, one of your neighbors, growing weed,
I couldn't find him,
and I am so, so, so sorry,
But I do know where we can all go ease the pain,
We have good news, Look who's back,
Hi,
Klunkers, Oh, my God,
That's right, She came back all by herself,
It's a Thanksgiving miracle,
It is so good to see you,
Yeah, she came all the way back from Ross' building,
Oh, the things she must've seen,
Then she climbed up the fire escape,
and she tapped on the window with her teeny little paw,
and we ran to let her in,
I went too far, didn't I?
When should I have stopped?
Okay, maybe this is so hard because there aren't 50 states,
Let me tell you something, I have 49 states,
Now, there are no more,
Now, I think I should be able to eat something,
It's up to you,
[SQUEALS]
-Oh, hi, How are you doing? -I'm okay,
I gotta go down to the police station and look at mug shots,
-Thanks for having me over, you guys, -Tag, you're going? Uh…
We didn't, uh, get a chance to talk,
So where did you say you're from again?
-Colorado, -Ah, what good are you?
Look, um, I think we should talk about what happened on the terrace,
-Okay, -Uh…
I never should've said what I said,
You know what? It just doesn't matter how I feel,
We work together, so nothing could really ever happen between us,
What I would love is just to go to work on Monday and never talk about this again,
Okay? Big day, Monday, Lots to do,
[CHUCKLES]
So we okay?
Um, I'm not,
-Oh, God, I knew it, I freaked you out, -No, you didn't,
The only thing that freaked me out was you saying
that nothing could happen between us,
-Really? -Yeah,
So please don't fire me for doing this,
Okay, well, that's one less thing we have to do on Monday,
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Delaware,
[SOBS]
Delaware,
-All right, -I want my turkey now,
You got it,
You got Nevada twice,
-I know, -Yeah,