So tell me your deepest, darkest secret,
Pass,
Come on, pass?
I want to know,
I don't want you to know,
Come on, let's take these in,
Wow,
It's bigger than I expected,
Yeah, I used to love coming here as a kid,
Which way's our room?
I want to unpack before we do anything else,
You trust me, right?
Yeah, of course,
Then tell me,
No, thank you,
I assume the master bedroom is upstairs?
Yeah,
Not gonna happen, big guy,
I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours,
Final offer,
I don't want to know yours,
I want us to like each other,
Hey, I believe as of Monday,
we now love each other,
Mhmm, and I want to keep it that way,
I just figured that if we're ready to go away
for a weekend together,
that we're ready to tell each other
these kinds of things, huh?
Oh yeah, is that what you just figured?
It makes sense to me,
I'm sure it does,
So let's do it,
Let's do it, let's get heavy,
I don't want to get heavy, Michael,
I want to nest,
This is my favorite part about going away,
It is?
Mhmm, getting cozy somewhere unfamiliar,
What's your favorite part?
The going away,
Come on, let's take a break,
Oh, let's have a drink,
We just drove like six hours,
Can I get a 20 minute raincheck?
No, you may not,
House rules, actually,
First, a tour, then a drink,
Then the chores,
House rules?
10 minutes, then you can show me around,
No can do,
You are already on the tour,
First stop, the master bedroom
where I hope to make a considerable impression,
Oh, I see, you brought me up here to seduce me,
It's also a house rule
to get seduced during your stay, so,
Well I bet that made the family trips pretty awkward,
It did,
Back here behind you is the back patio,
This is the upper balcony,
The view is killer,
Staircase connects these patios on each floor,
Back through here
is the most luxurious bathroom in the world
for all your nose powdering needs and whatnot,
Through here are some spare bedrooms,
Bathroom at the end of the hall,
Can't get over the decor,
Yeah, grandparents have good taste,
Ooh, I'd say,
Ah, help yourself,
There's a fireplace, sitting area,
This is where the kids always played
while the adults got drunk,
And here is another back patio,
I used to love sitting out here and looking at deer
and stuff,
Thanks,
Oh, and here is where I will showcase
my second most memorable skillset,
You better,
You better, I did not come all this way for TV dinners,
Don't worry, we're feasting this weekend,
Oh, hang on,
Through here are
just some extra bedrooms,
It's where the kids always stayed,
Yeah, you know, I think that this
is the most exciting part of the tour so far,
Well, it's where the magic happens, so,
Okay,
Down here is the den,
It's got an entertainment center, which is pretty cool
but there's no cable or internet up here,
So we're kind of stuck with my grandparents' DVD collection,
Hope you don't mind,
And this is a bathroom,
And this is the last bedroom,
I used to come hide in here whenever I wanted to be alone,
Never worked though,
That's a back patio on the ground floor
and that's pretty much it,
I'm so jealous you got to come here as a kid,
You should be,
I mean, it was awesome,
Well, there is actually one perk from me
that you never had on any of your trips,
And what is that?
The world's most amazing and handsome tour guide,
Ooh, now who's seducing who, huh?
I'm just calling it how I see it,
Love?
Love,
Oh, there's one more thing
that I've not told you about this room,
What's that?
This is the place where you tell me
your deepest, darkest secret,
Hey,
We were having a nice moment,
We still are,
Nope,
Not having this conversation,
I just want to enjoy each other's company
and be in love,
Isn't telling each other these kinds of things
a part of being in love?
Okay, this isn't like when you asked me
my most embarrassing moments,
That I could handle,
Oh, you can handle this,
Come on,
I believe in you,
Yeah, well, it's not fun stuff,
I want to know everything about you,
Not just some fun stuff,
Another time?
You love me, right?
Very much,
And you trust me?
Yeah,
Then what's the hold up?
I don't want to,
Okay?
Look, things are going well here,
I don't need to give you reasons
to rethink this half a day's drive from home,
Oh my God,
Is what we have so superficial that you think
you can tear it up just with one little story?
Probably not,
Then let's do it,
Come on, let's get heavy,
Let's get vulnerable,
Vulnerable?
Yeah,
Okay, fine,
If it means that much to you,
Okay, awesome,
So our last stop on the tour
is Gabby's memories,
Oh wait, what's yours?
You said that you would tell me yours first,
But I said that like 20 minutes ago,
So it's not really that big of a-
You said, so
I'm cashing in on that offer fair and square,
Okay,
But you have to promise me
that you're going to tell me after,
Okay,
So when I was in college,
I was in this play, right?
I played a soldier,
The costume was legit,
And so in between semesters, I had to fly home
and I got the bright idea
to wear my costume to the airport,
I never thought it would work,
It did work,
And not only for getting onto the plane,
but once I was on there,
a lady got up and offered me her seat,
And that is still the only time I've ever flown first class,
It's not that bad,
Of course it is,
You can't impersonate the military in real life,
It's like a crime or something,
I mean, I wouldn't put that on your resume or anything,
But if that is your deepest, darkest secret,
you're pretty clean, dude,
Yeah, I can't tell you mine now,
It's a way worse,
Nuh uh, you promised,
You can't prove that in a court of law,
Hey, I trusted you,
Okay,
So do you remember how I told you
my mom had died unexpectedly a few years back?
Sure,
Well, it wasn't that unexpected,
Oh my God, you killed your mom,
That is way worse than my story,
- You're right, - No, you goof,
But I knew she was dying,
Well, she told me she was, but I didn't believe her,
She was a drinker since way before I was born,
I'm sure you can fill in the blanks
of what that was like,
So I left home as soon as possible,
moved across the country,
tried my best not to have any contact,
but every once in a while she would call me
with some melodramatic problem that could only be fixed
by me agreeing to see her,
This one time she called and said it was cancer,
She wanted to apologize to me in person,
leave the earth on a high note,
Always bullshit,
Always,
But this time,,,
Anyways, I told her to stop calling me as usual,
And a month later I get a phone call from my sister
with funeral dates,
You couldn't have known,
Well, I shouldn't have taken the chance,
It's a big step up from killing her though, right?
Hey, will you take me to one last spot
before we conclude the tour?
Yeah, where's that?
Whatever the best spot is in this place to get stoned,
I'm glad you let me twist your arm,
I'm not like a total square or anything,
I just haven't smoked since college,
You know, I'm not like as stoner, right?
I just thought this would be fun
to do together this weekend,
And you were right,
I was right,
This will be a weekend to remember,
I could feel it,
I hope so,
You feel significant,
This feels significant,
That is just the weed,
All I know is that you make me feel things
I didn't know people actually felt,
Yeah?
Yeah,
Oh my god,
This is unparalleled,
You're the sweetest man,
You are overwhelming,
Look at me,
I am looking at you,
No, I mean, look at me,
I want us to see each other, really see each other,
Okay,
No, no, no, don't stop looking at me,
I love you,
I love you too,
Then keep on looking at me,
Do you trust me?
Yeah, of course,
Not of course, it's dismissive,
Soul to soul, do you trust me?
I mean you haven't given me any reason not to,
I'm not asking about giving you a reason not to,
I'm asking if you trust me, different question,
Don't stop looking at me,
I'm looking at you,
No no no, deeper, look deeper,
Do you trust me?
Michael,
No, no don't overcomplicate it,
Soul to soul, look at me,
Do you trust me?
Yes,
Completely?
Yes, completely,
Good,
I just want to know what's going on in that head of yours,
That's not being in the moment, that's being in your head,
I need you here with me,
Okay? This is important,
I love you,
Oh God, you are not proposing,
No, don't worry about that now,
just look at me in the eyes,
Let's go back to dancing,
This is a kind of dance,
You're cute,
I like the dancing we were doing before better,
Here,
There, happy now?
This is important to me,
Don't wonder about why,
or what we were doing or what I might do,
There's only right now, okay?
I'm so confused,
That's okay, because you love me and you trust me
and you won't stop looking at me,
This as a little intense,
I know, but it has to happen,
What has to happen?
I don't know,
I dunno, it's hard to explain, but it's something,
You have to look at me,
But I don't understand,
Right now, there are only your eyes, my eyes
and the souls behind them, gazing at each other,
Gabby, this is the most important night of your entire life,
If you love me, and trust me,
I need you to look at me,
Okay,
Yes, yes, you're getting it,
I love you,
This is bigger than the both of us,
What are you talking about?
This, something,
Something is happening,
Michael, you're scaring me a little,
That's okay, that's okay,
Because everything is as it needs to be,
Look at me,
I am,
No, don't just look at me with your eyes,
That's it,
I love you,
Gabrielle, listen to me,
God is here,
As in like "God is love?"
No, God, God,
The God,
I didn't know you were religious,
I don't know why I said that,
Because he's here,
He is here,
Okay, I guess God is everywhere
if you believe in that
- sort of thing, - No, no,
It's much more specific than that,
He's here right now,
Okay, well, where's he hiding now?
Do not recognize your Lord?
What is this?
An opportunity,
What are you saying exactly?
You know what's happening here,
You're only phrasing it as a question
because you don't like the answer,
Are you trying to tell me you're God?
Not trying, I am,
No,
Nope, I don't like this game,
There's no game,
You and I need to have a somewhat intense conversation,
Okay,
I am too high for this right now,
You are freaking me out,
I know, kid,
Unfortunately, there's not really a way around that,
But in matters of extreme urgency such as this one
it's the only way,
Okay, Michael, what's happening here?
Michael isn't present,
This isn't going to be what you want to hear
but it is the truth,
There is a God,
And right now he's communicating with you
through your boyfriend,
This is a direct experience with The Creator, yours truly,
The sooner you wrap your head around it
the sooner we can get to the matter at hand,
The matter at hand?
You're in a predicament, Gabrielle,
I'm here to help you out of it,
Okay, do you have any idea how much
you're creeping me out right now?
I do, but I need you to give into the experience,
We don't have much time,
We have all weekend,
So how about you drop this now,
and if you still want to play God tomorrow
we will revisit it?
I'm the only person you'll ever meet
that isn't playing God, actually,
Oh!
What are you calling what you're doing right now, then?
I am that I am,
Okay,
I am going to go and take a shower
and you are going to sit down and have a drink,
When I get back, we will watch a movie
and forget about whatever joke you're trying to make here,
Look at me,
Does anything in me seem like I'm joking?
You are making me seriously uncomfortable,
That's normal,
It gets worse before it gets better
if you don't give in,
Holy shit, do you actually genuinely believe
what you're saying?
Question is whether or not you do,
I know who I am,
You are actually crazy,
You've been with Michael for four months,
You know that he isn't crazy,
Yeah, well, I thought I did,
If you're not crazy, then you're a fucking psychopath!
You don't believe that,
Trust your instincts on this,
Michael's a good man,
Good men don't pretend to be God!
Exactly,
Your heart knows Michael isn't crazy or evil,
Your mind just won't let you accept the alternative,
Trust your heart on this one,
It'll take you further,
Oh yeah, and throw out all rationality?
No, don't throw it out,
Contextualize it,
Can you find love with an equation?
Can you cure cancer with friendship?
This is a matter for your heart,
Thanks,
I followed my heart to you
and it seems it led me to manipulator,
You don't believe that,
Not five minutes ago you told Michael
you trusted him completely,
That was before you pulled whatever the hell
this stunt is!
Or it was before you had a reason to doubt him,
Is trust only in the absence of doubt ever really trust?
This isn't doubt!
You are actively breaking my trust!
You're free to make that judgment,
I'm still going to give you the information,
The choice of what to do with it is yours alone,
Excuse me,
I am officially calling it,
Both this game you're playing and the two of us,
It's happening, and it is happening for a reason,
You're in danger,
You're threatening me?
I'm alerting you,
You're going to die before the end of this weekend,
And you are not prepared,
You know, you can't do this,
Listen to me very carefully,
After death, there comes a judgment,
There's a real heaven and a real hell,
They're both everlasting,
I've given you this life
and on Sunday, it will finish,
If you die, as you are now, it's hell that awaits you,
I will not be denying your soul heaven,
By rejecting me in this life,
you have denied me your soul,
Having given you a free will
I will respect the choice you make with it,
but I don't want that fate for you, Gabrielle,
I love you,
I created you,
When this life is complete,
it's my wish for you to come home,
Great,
Are you done?
Mhmm,
Or do I need to tell you another time
that I am not interested
in whatever it is you're doing here?
That's the problem though,
See your lack of interest doesn't change your predicament,
We can have this conversation now,
or we could have it on the other side,
Despite what that feels like,
it's much better if we have it right now!
What do you want from me with this?
I don't want anything from you,
I want you,
I want us to have each other,
Is this your MO, dude?
You woo girls and then bring them up to your cabin
to kill them unless they worship you?
Oh my god, you're actually gonna fucking
kill me, aren't you?
You would rather believe that your boyfriend
has spontaneously become a serial killer
than accept that your creator loves you
and has come to plead with you to come home?
Only one of those things has anything to do with reality!
How do you know?
Because I live in the world,
I see a lot of fucked up people,
not so much the other thing,
There's a great very much that isn't seen
and is still true,
Maybe,
But this is a joke,
You are trying to get me to buy
into something literally impossible,
No,
I'm asking you to recategorize
what you hold to be impossible,
Well that's impossible,
You have two choices,
You can either trust in Michael's character
and understand that this is within the power
of a sovereign God
and come home to me Sunday,
or dismiss the present situation
because you're uncomfortable or skeptical
and spend the next two days believing
that what I've said is impossible,
Only to find out that this
was your last lifeline from the darkness,
You will plead with me,
You will tell me you couldn't have known,
You will bargain and apologize and weep,
And it will break my heart to tell you that it was too late,
Yeah, well, what's breaking my heart is finding out
that you're not who I thought you were,
I loved you, man,
This is love,
This, this is love,
Sooner or later you'll understand that,
I want my fucking boyfriend back,
Hey,
Hey, what's wrong?
Whoah, whoa,
I'm sorry if that got a little intense,
Intense?
You're an insane person,
I think that's a little harsh,
I just thought that would be romantic, honestly,
I wanted to have, you know, a moment,
Well then with your next girlfriend
maybe don't ruin the moment
by telling her she's going to die
unless she fucking worships you!
Next girlfriend?
What are you talking about?
I am not going to be a part of this mind game,
It's that simple,
I hope you had your little fun
and that it was worth ruining a good thing for,
A really good thing, Michael!
I didn't mean to ruin anything!
Well, at least you're responding to Michael again,
Of course I am?
I guess I went a little too far trying to create some
I don't know, intimacy?
It was just misplaced affection,
Is that what you call it?
Misplaced affection?
Because from over here,
telling me that I'm going to hell
is about as far from affectionate as it fucking gets!
I have no idea where this is coming from,
I see,
God is gone,
and Michael doesn't remember anything
from when God has here,
Am I basically getting it?
If you get what's going on, that makes exactly one of us,
You said that you're God,
that I'm going to die on Sunday,
You told me that I'm going to hell two minutes ago!
No, I don't,
- I didn't- - You didn't what?
Say it?
You just spent the last five minutes-
I believe you,
If that's what you say happened, that's what happened,
I must have blacked out or something,
I don't know why I would have said any of that,
I'm not buying the aw shucks routine here, man,
You're taking me home in the morning,
Of course I will, but you have to believe me,
I don't remember anything that you're saying,
Okay, well then you're mentally ill,
Pot doesn't make people think that they're God,
You're right,
Yeah, something to be wrong with me then,
I'm so, so sorry,
I'll take you home tomorrow
- and I'll go see a doctor, - Do what you have to do,
I just don't want to be a part of it,
Intentional or not, it's my fault, my issue,
You don't deserve to be swept up in it,
Do you think having another drink
would calm your nerves or make things worse?
Michael?
He's a good man,
Saddle him with this and he will carry the guilt with him
for the rest of his life,
He'll be in and out of psychiatrist offices,
He'll fear having a drink with friends,
worried that he could slip back into this God persona
and threaten them,
He will forever pair truly opening up to and loving someone
with this episode,
It will keep him from ever trusting himself
with falling in love with another woman,
From getting married,
from having children,
Is that what you want for him?
Michael?
You're having another episode, are you in there somewhere?
Michael doesn't know I'm doing this,
I need you to believe,
Not just for your own sake,
but because I need you to be the one
to convince Michael that I was here,
But you aren't here,
You are a hiccup in Michael's brain,
That's easier to accept, isn't it?
If that's what you insist is happening
you don't have to adjust your reality,
You wouldn't have to face the creator you've rejected,
You wouldn't be dying on Sunday,
Look, I understand the appeal of denial,
don't get me wrong, but
all it's really doing is making the final moments
of your walk into damnation more comfortable,
This feels very real for you, doesn't it?
You genuinely think you're God,
Ah, you won't even consider the alternative,
Yes, this could be a mental illness,
or it could be exactly what I'm telling you it is,
No, it really couldn't,
Why not?
Why couldn't God do exactly this if he wanted to?
Okay, I'm not saying that a theoretical God
couldn't do this hypothetically,
You're just saying he isn't,
Exactly,
And you know what God's been up to, to you?
You've been keeping tabs on him?
I don't even believe in God, dude,
All the more reason he would need to come to you
in the days before your death,
And how would he do that if he doesn't exist?
And you know he doesn't exist?
How?
How have you managed to determine with such certainty
that a being entirely separate
from your sphere of perception doesn't exist?
Did you manage to check outside your reality from inside
and determine that I'm not there?
How are you so sure?
Because it's ridiculous,
Mmmm,
If not being ridiculous were a prerequisite for truth,
nobody would believe in the platypus,
Okay, well, if I could only know a platypus existed
by speaking to him through my boyfriend,
I would probably be skeptical, yeah,
You know what I think?
I think you reject me
not because you've scoured through infinity
and determined my absence,
or because I'm some impossible concept,
but because you don't like me,
You don't want me to exist because it puts
an authority over you
and you don't want to be held accountable
for what you do in this life,
That's not true,
Well, you don't believe in the person
standing in front of you,
so forgive me if I don't take you as an authority on truth,
I know what's true about me,
You know what feels true to you,
Okay, yeah, well, when we're talking
about what I believe, that's the same thing,
Great,
Then by your logic,
if this is a hiccup of Michael's brain,
but it feels true to him,
that makes it true?
God is simultaneously here and not here,
He exists and he doesn't,
What a world!
Obviously that doesn't make sense,
But it's possible, according to your standards,
So what does that tell you?
You know, be as clever as you want,
This doesn't change the fact that this
isn't something that can happen in real life,
The fact?
You better be sure that that's absolutely true
before you go gambling your eternity on it,
Well, you're rigging the game, man,
There are no absolute truths,
Oh, okay,
Wait, is it absolutely true
that there are no absolute truths?
I guess not,
Then you could be wrong,
There could be absolute truths,
Sure, I could be wrong,
So you admit you don't know as much as you're insisting?
Yeah, maybe I don't, but neither do you,
God could know what was
absolutely true though, couldn't he?
Yeah, hypothetically, but you aren't God,
You already said that if there was a God,
he could do this,
So why are you still so closed off?
If I had to wager a guess, which I don't,
I'd say it's because it focuses a spotlight on you,
You want Michael to be crazy
because then he's the problem here,
Are you avoiding this because you know that
a moral and just judgment of your entire life
would condemn you?
Are you shuddering from looking into the face
of your mortality because somewhere in you,
you know you deserve to go to hell?
You know what, now that I'm thinking about it,
I remember hearing that indulging someone's delusions
only makes them worse,
So I'm not gonna engage with you any further,
As long as you can fit
whatever's happening here
into your mental schema of psychosis
you will continue to push me out,
You see how that's a problem?
As long as God isn't the only possibility for you,
you choose the alternative,
It doesn't matter if that means turning the image
of the man you love into a mental patient or a manipulator,
It's better anything else than it is truly being me, right?
Okay, God,
I hear you, you're upset with me,
You want to talk to me about it,
Why don't we have that conversation tomorrow, okay?
Let's all go to bed, get a good night's rest,
And we will talk all about heaven when we wake up,
You're never going to want to have
this conversation, Gabrielle,
You're always going to want to push it away
either by some hollow reason
for disbelief or procrastination,
You will never want that intimidating moment to be now,
I've told you, truthfully
that on Sunday at your judgment, we will go through it all,
You're going to wish you'd done it now,
I understand what you're saying, my Lord,
but it has been an exhausting day of driving
and I'm still not exactly sober,
So I think it would be best
for both of us to revisit this when I've rested,
Even if I couldn't see your heart,
your tone wouldn't fool a toddler,
let alone your creator,
You can see my heart?
Yes,
I know your intentions better than you do,
Right,
Being God and all,
Naturally,
Well, that raises some obvious questions, doesn't it?
I'd hope so,
I've been waiting for you to get on board
so you can ask them,
No, I'm not getting onboard,
A real God wouldn't do this,
A real God would appear as a
floating talking eyeball, or whatever,
That'd be much more convincing,
Or hell, turn my glass into a frog,
Then you've got me as your captive audience,
All ears, promise,
That isn't that easy though,
Right, why would it be?
It would be an awful shame to offer any proof, I suppose,
In a way, yes,
Okay, come on,
You want me to believe your God, yeah?
That's why you're here?
Mhmm,
Okay,
So go on then,
Speak to me in a big, booming voice from the sky,
If you can do that, then sure, you're God,
If not, then maybe it's you
who needs to come to terms with an uncomfortable truth,
That you aren't God,
you're a product of Michael's brain,
I'm the creator of the cosmos and all inside of it,
not a part of it,
I'm not merely beyond your physical universe
but in another realm of existence entirely,
My true essence has no translation here,
No comprehensible form,
I can only interact with your world
by my pressing up against the boundaries of your reality,
You have to be the one to sense me on the other side,
If I shout at you,
you wouldn't hear me any more
than the characters on your television screen
could hear you hollering up against the glass,
I speak through your world, not into it, every day,
And to every single one of you,
I'm not Charlton Heston booming down from the sky,
I'm your intuition,
I'm the overheard conversations of strangers,
sudden sparks of insight,
Have you ever had a particularly meaningful fortune cookie?
Nearly everything that you experienced
is my half of a lifelong ongoing conversation
between the two of us,
And right now, because of the urgency of your circumstances
I've come to you this way,
As directly and obviously as our distance allows,
It's good, man,
It's good,
It's a little convenient though, isn't it?
Your hands are tied from doing the one thing
that would prove your story?
Can a video game programmer jump into a software
and introduced himself to his characters?
Can he walk around moving the ones and zeros
with his bare hands?
Or must he change the code from his dwelling space
outside of the hardware?
That doesn't mean the programmer doesn't exist,
It just means that he doesn't interact with the data
the same way that he does the physical world,
And I don't interact with the physical world
the same way that I do the spiritual,
So change the code then,
Delete the couch from this living room,
I don't operate in the way you're asking me to,
But that doesn't mean that I do nothing,
I'm constantly at work in this world,
My arms are chance and happenstance,
My voice is synchronicity,
But as I work within natural laws,
you can dismiss everything that I do here as a coincidence
or a natural phenomenon or,
in this case, mental illness,
Yeah, well, if you are God,
you would know how this looks to me,
I know exactly what you're feeling,
You're lying to yourself,
I think I know my own mind,
You can know your own mind when it's convenient for you
but Michael's lost his when it isn't?
The truth here is that you have no knowledge
and two choices,
If you were in a situation with a mentally ill person
it could look like this, sure, but,
if what I've told you is true
and the sovereign and living God
has given you a personal audience,
it too would look exactly like this,
From the limits of your perspective, both options are valid,
Yet you choose categorically that one is true,
and the other impossible,
As much as you want to believe
you're doing the rational thing here,
you're not making an intellectual decision,
The question here is whether or not
you have trust or doubt,
And you're choosing doubt,
I'm urging you to reconsider,
You're letting the wrong things cloud your judgment,
And it has put your eternity in jeopardy,
You can make anything sound reasonable
as a hypothetical,
Then maybe it's just reasonable,
You can dress it up nice and pretty,
But at the end of the day,
people don't claim to be God because they are God,
They claim to be God, because they're unwell,
Do you have a reason to separate reality
from a reasonable hypothetical about reality?
Is your problem with the idea of God,
or do you just not want me here in your living room?
It doesn't matter what I want,
This feels like a full fledged assault on common sense,
Feels like,
Does how you feel about something
influence whether or not it's real?
No,
But in this case it's just plainly and obviously not true,
Hmm,
And that is absolutely true,
Yes,
Didn't you say earlier that there were no absolute truths?
Well I think it's true at least,
You think so, but you can't know so,
So why assert that your belief is reality?
All I know is my own truth, okay?
I've managed to figure out what seems true,
what seems moral and immoral, and I live by that,
So you've made yourself God?
And what if I have?
Why shouldn't I create the rules for my own life?
Are you qualified?
You already said you don't know what's true
and what's not,
What if you're wrong?
I know how to treat people with kindness
and with love,
And could you give love if I didn't create you
to be loving?
Would you even know what love was
if I hadn't invented it in the first place?
You're borrowing from me,
How are you a better judge of morality
than the one who invented good?
I'm trying as hard as I can,
And I'm telling you, you don't have to try so hard,
Not being God isn't denying you privileges,
It's a kindness,
Defining reality, discerning absolutes,
these aren't your burdens to carry,
Your role is to enjoy them,
I don't know how I would even begin to accept that,
You start by admitting
you don't know that what I've told you isn't true,
Because I can promise you, you don't,
The world is a far stranger place
than you're giving it credit for,
Uncertainty is good,
but admission of uncertainty is better,
I can work with that,
You're not going to have the answers you want about this
in this life,
The only way you can know these things
is if I tell them to you,
So trust what's being revealed to you right now,
I can't do that,
And you'll feel that way tomorrow too,
I'm sure I will,
Well, as I've said,
you're free to make that choice,
It's just much easier if we talk about this now
than on judgment day,
I can't let you walk obliviously into the fire,
But if you do so with your eyes wide open,
I will respect the choice you make
with the free will that I gave you,
I don't feel like I have my eyes wide open at all,
I'm stumbling around blind if anything!
And here I am telling you that I see clearly
and to follow my voice,
Well how do I know that you can actually see
if you don't prove it?
You can't, you have to trust me,
You've run from me your whole life and I've let you
because there was always tomorrow,
and tomorrow you could come back,
But now?
Now there's precisely one more tomorrow,
That's it,
And I really, really don't want to lose you,
Michael?
Michael,
God?
Wake up,
Wake up, you piece of shit!
What the fuck?!
What is this, huh?
Are you gonna kill me?
Are you gonna fucking kill me?
What the hell, you didn't even finish
a fucking drink!
Fuck!
I am going crazy,
I am going crazy!
You better just be sick,
Or you better fucking be God!
Asshole,
I am going crazy
Hey,
Sorry,
Sorry, I didn't mean to,,,
How'd you sleep?
Not at all,
Mostly, then badly,
I guess I slept on the couch last night?
Yeah, you passed out,
I don't think I'm used to drinking and smoking, you know?
That was something else,
I've been around enough people tripping
and I have never seen anything like what you did,
Or anyone so unresponsive,
I literally thought you could have died for a second,
Good news is I'm still alive,
That's good news, right?
Yeah, of course,
I know what happened last night was really weird for you,
It was really weird for me too,
Hearing what you said, I did whenever I was on,
I don't know on autopilot or whatever,
it must've been frightening,
I can't express to you how sorry I am,
Well, you did it again,
We were having a normal conversation
and you flipped right back into it,
I did?
I promise I would never do anything intentionally
to scare you,
I don't know if there's anything I can say
to smooth this over or
if this is just ruined now because of me,
but I want you to know
that these past few months have been wonderful,
I'm just really sorry
for screwing this up,
So whatever we do from here,
I'm just grateful that I had you in my life while I did,
Anyway, that's all I had to say, so,
I came up here to wake you up
because it's a little past noon
and I wanted to see if you still wanted me to take you home,
I think what I really want right now is some privacy
so I can take a shower,
Okay?
Yeah,
Okay, sure,
Michael?
Sorry,
A million miles away,
You showered fast,
Listen, how you treated me last night
was beyond inappropriate,
I know, I know you're right,
Please just let me say this,
I know that you're beating yourself up over this,
And I think that's a good thing,
I mean, you told me I was gonna die,
I legit thought that you were gonna kill me,
And I know you weren't really in control
of what you're saying, but that's not an excuse,
It came out of you,
I saw a side of the man I love last night
that I thought was capable of hurting me,
I almost stole your car and left you here,
I was so scared,
Oh my God, really?
Yes, really,
I don't know, I couldn't,
Obviously,
If you really did have some kind of psychotic break
I couldn't just abandon you here
when the phones don't even work,
I wouldn't blame you if you did,
Good, I would have been totally justified,
You would have,
Totally in my rights,
I agree,
It's a lot for me to take in too,
You have to take it in,
You have to know how serious this was for me,
Trust me, I get it,
It's really serious for me too,
Then that said,
if you know that, I need you to promise me
if anything like this happens again,
you're gonna see like, a doctor,
Yeah, of course,
Of course, yeah,
And I think we should put a moratorium
on getting stoned,
Absolutely,
All right then,
You're sorry and we're in agreement,
So,,,
I don't think we have to break up,
I really do love you, dude,
And I'm still upset about everything but
I'm sorry for saying some of the things I said,
You don't have to apologize,
I deserve it,
I love you,
Let's just try and put behind us
for the next couple of days, yeah?
Yeah,
Gladly,
Woo, game!
Best two out of three?
No, it's cool,
I'm fine with you just being better at this one than me,
Okay, okay, let's play darts then,
Here, I'm lousy at those,
Here,
Okay,
Hang on, let me show you,
Here,
All right,
Take that,
All right, just keep your eye on where you're aiming
and your brain will fill in the rest,
- Okay? - You know what?
I don't think I'm very good at this one either,
Why don't we just take it easy on the couch,
watch a movie?
Okay, yeah,
Hey, hey,
I love you, you know?
I know,
I love you too,
You know, I could use a drink actually,
You want one?
Yeah,
Seven and seven?
Extra daylight does us,
Now we've still got a three hour drive back,
We're not going to be home until after midnight,
Well if it really bugs you, Johnny
you wouldn't do it,
You think I wanna blow Sunday
on a scene like this?
You know, I figure we're either going to have
to move mother out here or move to Grays,
I broke us, didn't I?
He can't make a trip like this,
No,
I don't think so,
I don't know,
I just don't feel quite right yet,
That's okay, isn't it?
Yeah, that's okay, I get it,
I was thinking,
Maybe this weekend just got a little too weird to salvage,
Maybe we should just go home and try again another time,
Is that what you want?
Yeah, okay,
Okay, then let's go pack the car,
Sure about this?
I don't want to break up,
I just don't think I'm going to feel okay enough
to have a good time this weekend,
Yeah, sure,
Thanks,
Driving out of here doesn't change anything
we've talked about,
You mean about us or what?
About us,
About you,
Leaving the cabin
doesn't mean you're driving away from your death,
Micheal,
I thought we were done with this,
What have I said to give you the impression
that we were done with this?
Not you, Michael,
I was hoping since we were both sober,
this wouldn't happen again,
That would make sense
if this was caused by not being sober,
I just want to be in my own bed by myself,
I want to go home,
Home is with me, Gabrielle,
You need to understand that,
You want comfort, you want security,
I'm the source of all of those things,
I know you want me,
You love me,
All you have to do is recognize me,
I can't do this right now,
Bring Michael back, I want to go home!
That's where I'm trying to take you,
So come!
Come to the source of all joy,
of all novelty and humor,
of all rest and contentedness,
come to the source of all kinship and life,
Come to the spirit of God!
Yes,
I'm only here because our hearts long for each other,
If you drive away from this place
where I have approached you plainly,
you're driving away from your Lord,
You're making a choice,
But since this decision is irreversible,
you need to know what that truly means,
You have a misconception about hell,
It's not a punishment, it's a consequence,
In this life you are a small rowboat,
adrift in the ocean without a map,
I'm an ocean liner pulling up alongside you
and telling you I'm headed where you need to go,
You have a choice,
Either hit your boat to mine and let me take you there
or push off from me and drift away,
Life may be temporary, but you,
you, Gabrielle are eternal,
made in my eternal image,
Do you understand what happens
if you push yourself off from me
and all that I am?
The most gentle push away from my ship
may not get you very far after just a few hours
or even a few days,
but over eternity?
Infinitely far and farther yet,
If you choose to rid yourself of me
you'll lose all of me,
That fear you have now, the cornered feeling,
You still have hope this way,
Think of how you'll feel on your first step
of that internal walk into hell,
The fear, the desperation with no hope of reversal,
only the certainty that the terror and anguish
will become worse,
Can you feel the weight of that on your shoulders?
Can you see why I've come to plead with you?
It breaks my heart to offer you everything
and see you requesting an inheritance of darkness,
I need you to grasp this,
You will be denying the divine image
that I have placed within you
that separates you from any other animal,
You will feel only the primal fear
of being prey,
As your Creator,
your father,
do you think I want to see you drift to the everlasting
knowing that with every moment of agony,
every gnash of your teeth, every hunger pang,
every shallow gasp for toxic air,
every yearn for a drop of water,
every longing for even another soul to commiserate with,
that you are no closer to any semblance of relief?
Imagine living a trillion trillion years
and being no closer than when you got there,
The remorse that you could have avoided it all
with one conversation,
this conversation, never leaves,
If you drive away from this cabin,
you're driving away from me,
And directly, directly into this fate,
I've come to rescue you,
I've come here to save you!
I've come here because I love you,
I made you,
I made you specifically from nothing
because you offer the universe something
no other soul is able to,
Losing you is worse than a parent losing their child,
I want you in hell far less than you want to be there
but I do not drag people kicking and screaming into heaven,
Paradise is an opt-in system,
And you opt in by placing your trust in me,
hitching your boat to mine,
It's free, it's right there for the taking
if you just take it,
I've implored you, but I will not demand you,
It is and must be your choice,
And we'll both live eternally with the consequences,
Why are you doing this to me?
This is not to terrify you,
Though I know it does,
We find ourselves in an airplane
that I know is going to crash,
and I'm begging you to put on a parachute,
but you don't believe you need one!
The most merciful thing that I can do right now
is hanging by your legs outside of the plane
and show you the drop you're facing,
Maybe then, you'll see why you need the parachute,
Everything I've told you
is what you get without me,
Not desiring hell is enough to know you desire heaven,
And desiring heaven is enough to know that you desire me,
If you're terrified by the thought of hell
then you and I are on the same team,
It is that simple,
I hate this!
What's the loving thing to do
when someone's denying their own self-destructive behavior?
Doesn't an intervention provide help for an alcoholic?
No matter if it's personally difficult?
Or is that too personal of a metaphor?
I know the guilt hasn't left you,
Doubt can serve you or you it,
And look where doubt got you
in your mother's final days on earth,
It's sending you into even worse fate now,
You want knowledge, but this just isn't a knowledge test,
My own know me,
You know who I am, Gabrielle,
I just need you to say it,
Who am I, Gabrielle?
We both know that you know the answer,
Please tell me, who am I?
There's nothing left to say, than,
I have loved you from eternity past
and I will mourn you into eternity future,
Goodbye, my Gabrielle,
It's okay,
I'll have you home in like six hours,
and don't worry about calling me or anything
until you're ready,
What?
What's wrong?
Did I do it again?
Gabby?
Oh my god,
Gabby, I thought this was drugs or whatever
but if this has happened,,,
I'm completely sober right now,
You have to take me home,
I need help,
- I really need help, - I'm so scared,
It's okay, it's okay,
Baby, look at me, look at me,
It's me, I'm back,
No, I don't want you back right now,
I want him back,
Him?
Babe there's no him, are you serious?
- It's me, - How do you know that?
Some of the things he said,
I just can't imagine them coming from your brain,
But they came out of my mouth,
Yeah, exactly!
And he knew things,
Michael, he knew something about my mother
that I never told you,
That's not possible,
No, he said he knew that I had the opportunity
to stage an intervention for her,
and I didn't,
And I have to think if she still had her health insurance
when she got sick, she would,,,
He knew how guilty
- I still feel, - He said that?
He said that, he told you that specifically?
He said that this was like an intervention,
And he knew my guilt,
And then he mentioned my mom,
That's not the same thing as knowing,
Your own guilt is forcing you to connect a bunch of dots
that aren't really there,
You don't know that,
I want to talk to God again,
Make him come back!
Stop making the breakdown that I'm having about you,
You're not the one in danger here,
My brain is breaking, okay?
We have to go home,
I'm not driving like this,
I can't do that,
We're in an emergency situation here, all right?
You need to be brave,
What if I have another episode while I'm driving?
I could hurt us or worse,
I'm not driving right now!
You have to!
No, he told me that if I left
he would accept that as my answer,
I would be going to hell!
He didn't say anything!
It's me,
You're not dying, you're not going to hell,
I said those things because I am sick,
Here, take these keys,
Take these keys from me, switch seats with me
and drive us home,
Please, this is life or death, Gabrielle,
Why did you call me Gabrielle?
Because it's your name,
You never call me Gabrielle,
Take the keys,
Come on, this could be seizures for all we know!
Baby, we can't afford to waste our time,
Please, please,
Okay,
God?
Please come back,
I need to talk to you again,
Please?
I'm open, I promise,
I just have some questions
and I want to get to the bottom of what's happening,
It's no use, Gabby,
This doesn't concern you,
This is between me and him,
It wasn't God that was talking to you,
That was me,
You need to get that
- through your head, - How would you know that?
You weren't there,
Please, God, talk to me through Michael again,
Why don't we black out the windows
or light some candles
- or something? - It's not a seance, dude,
Then what are we doing?
I don't know,
Prayer, I guess?
Prayer?
Yeah, prayer,
Prayer,
Dear God,
If there is a God, I know you can hear me right now,
I don't know what's going on with Michael,
I just don't,
But if I do have a creator
and if I have any obligation to you,
I want to know,
And if I'm in a dangerous situation
and you can get me out of it,
then I need your help,
I'm little and you are big,
I'm confused and scared and
I don't even know what I need or want right now
but you do,
So please, anything,
Don't abandon me here,
Shit,
Did anything happen?
Did I do it again?
You see?
See, it's not real,
If God was talking to you through me,
why wouldn't he answer that?
I don't know,
Maybe it's too late,
Maybe the car is my last chance and I blew it,
Maybe I'm damned,
Let's just go home,
This is all going to be a bad memory, all right?
No, if this is really happening,
then driving home finalizes it,
As long as we're here, there's hope,
Okay,
I'm gonna make you some dinner,
You barely ate today,
I love you,
Don't forget that, okay?
Yeah,
I love you too,
Probably won't be the most exciting part
of the weekend anymore, but
this does happen to be my specialty,
Try to eat something,
You need it,
And it's delicious if I may say so myself,
Come on, it's not that horrid, is it?
No,
It just occurred to me that this could be my last meal,
Am I going crazy?
I hate seeing you like this,
Look where you are,
Here with me, okay?
You're safe here,
I'm not going to let anything hurt you,
We could crash driving home on Sunday for all I know,
Let's call off work and go back on Monday,
I won't let anything happen to you,
I promise,
You're sweet,
You are, but this is bigger than you,
It really isn't,
It is me,
I'm the one who put this fear in to you,
Okay, I find it more concerning
that you're fighting so hard to tell me
that nothing's really happening,
You know, if you were screwing with me
you'd just let me believe it,
All the more likely option that I have
some sort of psychosis,
Yeah, well then your psychosis
does a really fucking convincing God impression,
Okay,
I know you're scared,
but right now there is nothing scary happening,
Right now, we are a boyfriend and a girlfriend
sitting down to have a nice romantic
home cooked dinner together,
Don't worry about anything else,
Let's just sit here and enjoy each other's company,
I don't know where I'm going to be this time tomorrow,
There is a wide range of possibilities
and one of them is in hell,
How can you expect me to get that out of my mind?
Because it doesn't make any sense to believe that,
God doesn't use people as puppets,
Okay well if he did, would the puppet know?
We can't know for certain
and that means that there is a chance
that my clock is ticking,
I'm so sorry that I've done this to you,
I think we're both gonna need therapy after this,
Yeah, if there is an after this,
You like the wine?
Yeah? Me too,
1989 Malbec,
Bottled in Napa Valley,
You ever wonder if they just put random dates
on these things?
Yeah how do you know it was bottled in 1989,
not like 2009?
You think you can tell a difference?
Nope, I guess not,
And Napa Valley,
That's kind of obvious, isn't it?
If I was going to make up where my fraudulent wine came from
I would say Napa Valley,
It's like an archetypical wine place,
Hmm, even a bit of a cliche right?
Okay,
I appreciate you trying to take my mind off this,
But please stop,
I just want some silence for a minute, okay,
Just food for thought,
Think this stuff could be a bootleg bathtub wine?
I'm not worried about it,
I'm sure there is some kind of regulation in place
that keeps people from just lying
about what they're selling like that, okay?
Yeah,
You're sure about that though?
How are you so sure?
What do you mean?
You said I'm sure there is,
not, maybe there is,
How do you know?
Do you know there are regulations in place
or do you just trust that what the bottle says is true?
I don't know,
Hmm,
But you believe it,
It's weird, right?
If you think about it, really think about it,
a majority of your life,
your beliefs, your opinions,
even things you hold to be cold hard facts,
they all have their foundation in faith,
not knowledge, right?
You believe without question that this,
this wine was bottled in 1989 in Napa Valley,
Why?
Because it says on a label?
You haven't checked, you don't know
But you believe it,
You trust authority for big stuff,
Like the sun is 93 million miles away,
You see that in a textbook,
you have no trouble believing it at all,
From the littlest things to the largest foundations
of your core beliefs about reality,
Almost everything you feel you know with certainty
stems from faith,
What's one more jump?
I'm asking you to trust my answer
to the biggest question,
because you trust that I'm the highest authority,
There's another reason why I only
communicate with human beings
against the boundaries of their reality
while they're still in their lifetime,
I'm not concerned with whether or not you believe in me,
I want to know whether or not you trust me,
And for there to be real trust, true faith,
it has to grow in spite of a temptation to doubt,
If you could be certain,
if I was the safe option,
well, that's not faith, is it?
It's practicality,
Yup, just like I suspected
that is crap wine from outside Pittsburgh,
Who am I, Gabrielle?
Who am I?
God?
The one and only,
And what does that make you?
A child of God, my daughter,
You didn't leave,
Well, why didn't you answer me
when I called out to you?
I was desperate,
It wasn't the right time,
Why does it always have to be your time?
If you really love me, then
why not come when I needed you?
My time is your time,
But by effectiveness, not need,
Mysterious ways,
I need some air,
So you're really the creator,
Of everything,
I am,
Of me?
You created me?
Well, you're a part of everything, aren't you?
I decided that you specifically you
were so worthy of eternal love
that I brought you into existence just to give that to you,
And everything that I do, I do out of my love for you,
So am I special in some way?
Of course,
But every person is,
I love every individual one of you so much
that I created the entire universe for each of you alone,
I don't get it,
In all of history and all of future,
there are trillions of you,
But if it were just one person as the sole human being
I would have created everything for just the two of us,
My undying love for every person
doesn't overshadow the love that I have for you alone,
Okay, so everyone is just as important as everybody else?
In an important but specific way, absolutely,
Okay, well then why me?
Why give me this experience and not other people?
I reach out to everyone,
Trust me, everyone,
But it's only the people who have their hearts open to me
that I can do anything like this for,
It's not just who wants,
It's who yearns, and you did,
You loved me,
You just didn't know me,
I wanted you?
I told you to your face I thought you were a psychopath,
I didn't believe you!
But you kept talking to me,
Your heart wanted it to be true,
but your mind just wouldn't let you accept it,
Your heart matters, that stuff matters,
I can't believe this is happening,
No, but you do, don't you?
Yeah,
It's just a little intense,
I mean, you're fucking God!
Shit, sorry,
Think that's something I haven't heard before?
Don't censor yourself,
I know your intentions,
I want you to be honest with me,
Promise not to smite me or anything?
Well you've made so much progress today,
You think I'd really throw that all away
and smite you now?
I mean, I don't know,
I don't know how you work,
A few hours ago you were going to send me to hell,
How do I know you won't get fed up and just do it?
Because I don't want you to go there,
And I don't get fed up,
Patience is sort of part of the whole God gig,
Okay so what do I still have to do?
Am I good?
Am I going to heaven?
Well, you've gotten over the first hurdle,
You believe me,
Now you have to trust me,
Okay?
Fine, I trust you,
Your heart has to trust me,
Like I said, these things matter,
I do, I said, I trust you
Going to heaven isn't a matter of saying some magic words,
You believe me,
but you don't trust me,
When the plane is going down,
you have to believe in a parachute to know that it's there
but you have to trust it to put it on,
When you're falling towards earth,
do you think that your belief
in the idea of a parachute is enough to save you?
Or do you have to trust it so completely that you put it on?
You have to trust me,
You've got to put me on,
I don't know how to make my heart trust you,
It doesn't even sound like a real thing,
Of course it is,
Here, hold out your pinky,
Hmm?
You know what this is, don't you?
A pinky promise,
Yes,
It is among the purest representations
of trust that you have,
You don't know, you have a pinky promise,
That means something, it's honored,
Come here,
This is what I'm offering you,
A pinky promise of the reality of the situation,
of my character, of your destiny,
You can't know, but you can accept my pinkie promises,
You've accepted Michael's before,
Yeah, but that's different,
I know Michael,
I'm just meeting you,
Oh no, you're just recognizing me,
You fell in love with Michael,
Why?
I don't know,
I just did,
Tell me what you love about him,
He's gentle, funny,
Intimidatingly intelligent,
He's caring,
Well, not to brag,
but you're looking at the inventor of those things,
People are only able to be gentle or funny
or caring or kind or intelligent
because they're made in the image of,
well, you're looking at him,
When you fell in love with Michael
for the things that reflect me,
you fell in love with me,
You just didn't know it yet,
That's how I know you're mine,
Your heart wants me,
So how can I get it to trust you?
You can start by being honest about why you don't,
I don't know that I don't,
Yes you do,
But you have to say that out loud
and you have to say it to me,
That's how we work through this,
You're anxious about putting it out there
because you think that
saying something will make me upset
or telling me will make me withdraw,
You think if you say it, it could damn you,
You need to grab hold of two things,
First, there isn't anything you can tell me
that I don't already know,
It's not a secret just because you haven't said it out loud,
it is a festering wound,
When you bring it to me, you're giving it air,
What you're not doing is providing me with new information,
I know it already,
And I love you still,
And second, there's nothing you can do
to change the way that I feel about you,
Unconditional love isn't a dull platitude,
Unconditional has a real meaning here,
Without conditions,
even if it's harmful or even if you do something
to upset me,
You wouldn't kick your dog out of the house
for chewing up your favorite slippers
or smite your toddler for talking back,
The love and responsibility are unconditional,
If I withdrew from you because of something you said
or did or felt, well,
that'd be a condition, wouldn't it?
Yeah, I guess so,
I just don't get it,
You know?
If you're God,
Okay, you are God, but,
if there's a God then I just don't get it,
I mean, you told me why you're not obvious,
but you still left us alone with a lot of shit,
With evil,
Why would you let that happen?
You let the Holocaust happen,
You let people get kidnapped, and raped,
and suffer constantly,
Wars, earthquakes, children with fucking bone cancer,
And then you judge us?
You told me that I'm going to hell for eternity,
What kind of perverted sense of justice is that?
And then you show up here threatening me
to love you and to trust you
or you're going to send me to it?
How am I supposed to trust you after that?
You're holding a gun to my head
and telling me that I have to get in line,
You know, in what universe is that love?
Unconditional love?
You know, you made me, I didn't ask to be born,
You put me here and you put me here how I am, right?
So if I've got faulty hardware and I malfunction
then that's on you, dude, you're the designer,
Where's the justice in punishing me forever
for being exactly as you fucking made me?
Where do you get off making people imperfectly
and then damning them for being imperfect?
You know I was worried for a minute
that Michael was a manipulative psycho,
but the more that I think about it,
the more that this feels like the abusive relationship,
You know, you're holding my eternity hostage
and I'm supposed to believe you're good?
So okay,
You're right, I believe you,
You're God,
And since you're God, you can go fuck yourself!
I didn't mean that exactly,
I mean, obviously I don't want to go to hell,
I don't want to
write you off and be tortured forever,
But I just, I don't fucking get it,
And I'm scared, and to be honest, I'm pissed off,
Yes, good,
Those feelings come from the divine spark
that I've given you,
You're right to be upset that anybody at all is in hell,
Because you know that they have value,
You know that when things are wrong and people are hurt,
that that's not right,
You know that because you weren't created to live
among evil and injustice,
Your soul wants perfection,
Your soul wants me,
Yeah but you created it, you made the world,
I did,
But that doesn't mean
that I like everything that happens in it,
These things you're highlighting are things
that grieve me as well,
I yearn for justice,
I mourn for those in hell the same as you,
I gave humanity this world,
but I did not create the evil in it,
You did, all of you,
Unlike some faulty hardware,
you are a moral agent with a free will,
Humanity chose evil voluntarily,
Allow me to properly refocus your righteous anger,
Fine,
I'm building something,
A community of people who live together as equals,
treating each other with love and respect voluntarily,
I don't want robots who do my bidding because they have to,
I intend to live among my people, not rule over them,
So the problem arises,
How do we make a community of people
who are not forced to be happy,
but choose to?
By giving them choice,
Creating people inside of a utopia
that have no choice whether or not to be there,
who may not want to be there,
who can't be anything other than peaceful and loving,
that's more of a dystopia, isn't it?
How do you mean?
Which feels more real?
A mindless automaton who is programmed to love you
or truly falling in love with someone
as they genuinely fall in love with you?
So that's what this is about?
You want people to love you?
Yes,
And true love is voluntary, not compulsory,
There has to be a better way to have people
fall in love other than throwing them into evil,
Is there?
I'm quite literally the source of all things
you hold as good, all of it,
You're made in my image, yes?
So you're naturally inclined to find joy and peace
in things like,
well, for starters, joy and peace,
But I'm not looking for people with Stockholm syndrome here,
If someone is going to meaningfully choose
to spend their eternity with me,
they need to know what the other option is,
And what is the opposite of love?
Hatred,
Sure,
And the opposite of joy, despair,
The opposite of all that is good
is all that is evil,
So I create my own adversary,
The physical personified embodiment of all that I am not,
The devil,
If it helps you to think of him that way, sure,
There's an actual devil?
Like a literal Satan?
The way you're imagining him
elevates him to a certain status that he's never had,
He's less of some all powerful enemy of humanity
and more of a really strong perspective,
He's an existential enemy more than anything,
Isn't he the one responsible
for all the awful shit that happens in the world?
No,
You are,
That's a royal you there,
I'm whispering into all of your ears,
And so as is The Adversary,
You make a choice of which of those suggestions
align with your soul,
You're free to do so,
And having given you that freedom on purpose,
I will respect the choice you make with it,
You respect us so much that you burn us in hell
when we make the wrong choice?
There has to be a better way,
Okay, here,
Let's say you're God, hmm?
What'd you do differently?
Easy,
Everybody goes to heaven,
Wow, everybody?
That's a bold move,
Some might accuse you of eternal kidnapping,
Who wouldn't want to go to heaven?
You've met people who enjoy conflict,
Selfish people, violent people,
you think they're gonna start singing kumbaya
because they're in paradise?
I don't know, maybe,
What if they don't?
Wouldn't they just turn heaven back into earth,
good folks and bad folk suffering together?
Okay, well, I would give everyone a chance
and then kick them out if they screwed up too much,
But in the meantime, they can muck around in heaven,
Wouldn't that diminish paradise
for the good people trying to enjoy it?
Can you see why you would need a screening process,
perhaps a lifetime to allow people
to sort themselves into or out of it?
So that's what life is?
A screening process?
You can think of it that way,
Okay, fine,
So a lifetime to weed out the Hitlers
and the Jeffrey Dahmer's I get that, but,,,
I mean I wouldn't do this to people like me,
I'm a pretty good person, generally,
Aren't I?
Depends on who you're comparing yourself against,
Against Hitler or Jeffrey Dahmer, sure,
But compared to my goodness,
compared to the goodness of paradise, are you perfect?
If I told you you had to earn heaven
how confident are you that you actually deserve it?
Who can answer that?
I can,
And if you're saying that you don't know
aren't you really telling me that you can't be sure?
That you may have done some things to void your ticket?
Okay, yeah,
But it's not like my worst moments are all that I've done,
I've been the good Samaritan too,
Yeah, but take out all the good you've done
out of obligation,
wanting people to like you,
wanting to like yourself,
hoping for some sort of reciprocation or reward,
How many moments of genuine altruism
do you think you've had in your life?
I don't know, dude, but it isn't zero,
Is it?
No,
There've been some,
Then those should count,
If I'm the judge, then those moments count for something,
Yeah, that'd be a strange courtroom though, wouldn't it?
Would you offer John Wayne Gacy a pardon for the murders
just because he brought joy to children as a party clown?
No,
See, when you have to pass judgment
on the evil someone's done,
the good they've done is irrelevant,
Just seems cruel,
I'll tell you what,
If you got a better idea, tell me,
What about karma?
So simple,
Why didn't I think of that?
What is that, like a point system?
Why not?
You tell me,
What do you tell the person who is one point away
from getting into heaven?
I'm so sorry, Ms, Fillmore,
If you did just picked up your neighbor's kids
from soccer practice one more time,
Well, eternal damnation for you then,
Is that more fair?
I would make an exception,
What about the people who are two points off?
Three?
We back to everybody gets in?
Okay, fine,
It's a firm line,
I get it, God has to make tough decisions,
But fair is fair and one point is one point,
Wow, that's very bureaucratic of you,
Critics might call you legalistic,
So now, what about the guy who's done good
his entire life, right?
But molested a child a couple of times,
I'm sure his karma score would be pretty high,
You let him in?
Maybe especially bad crimes have
a one strike and you're out rule,
That's an idea, there you go,
What are these especially bad crimes then?
You know, cold blooded murder, rape,
Why those?
Because they make you a bad human,
They destroy people,
Yeah but what about liars and bullies and thieves?
Don't they hurt people?
They destroy people too, right?
I mean, yeah, but if you did away with the murders
and the rapists, then that's a good start, right?
Good start, yeah,
But an eternal paradise is finished, isn't it?
When you imagine yourself in a place
where you can have your stuff stolen,
where you can't take people at their word,
where you can be made to feel bad or inferior,
are you imagining yourself in heaven?
No,
There's the rub,
We want an eternal place of perfect goodness,
Any bit of evil destroys what we're working towards,
But that would mean that telling a lie
and murder are equal,
I never said they were equal,
Think about a deck of cards,
Would did anybody say that a King and a three are equal?
Of course not,
What happens if we build a house of cards?
Any card removed from that delicate tower
and it'll collapse,
It doesn't matter if it's a King or a three,
This is just making it sound impossible
to judge a person's moral choices fairly,
Oh, it's possible,
It's just really bleak,
If I judged you all fairly, no one would get in,
I'd be alone in paradise,
I may as well have not created anything,
Trust me,
You don't want my fairness,
You want my mercy,
You said that life was a screening process, yeah?
A test?
Mhmm, I did,
So then what's the point if everyone fails?
What are you doing here?
If everyone is on an equal playing field
of moral disqualification, then maybe, maybe,
That's not the most important part of deciding
who can get along in heaven,
It's not a moral test,
Bingo,
Okay, well then
what about all the people who spend their lives
trying to be good?
It just doesn't matter,
Practically speaking, it matters a great deal,
It makes the world a better place,
But nobody chooses to be that way 100% of the time
or for the right motives,
At least not in a way that could allow someone
to earn heaven,
Even little things,
like hiding a smoking habit come from a heart that deceives,
Wait, you know I smoke?
Does Michael know I smoke?
Nope,
Then why didn't you just start there,
if you wanted me to believe you this whole time?
You would have assumed Michael smelled it on your clothes,
You trust me or doubt me first,
Then you block out what doesn't fit,
That seems so petty, though,
I mean, I'm damned because I'm not vocal about my vices?
That's just one small fruit
that grows in a heart composed of evil soil,
One that serves itself,
not one that loves and trusts others first,
I see what you would do
if this societal shackles of law and order were let loose
and you could do anything that you desired,
It's in everyone to some degree,
It doesn't really bode well
for what you would do in paradise,
I need people that will retain perfection voluntarily,
It's a blessing that this isn't a moral test,
You let terrible evil things happen to us,
and then you just take the ones
who suck up to you into heaven, hmm?
Hmm,
That's some Job shit,
If anything, you're all like Adam and Eve,
You remember them, don't you?
You damned all of humanity because they ate an apple,
That's not exactly the point of that illustration,
Do you have any more ideas on how to restructure my universe
or you got time for a quick story?
Go ahead,
I'm playing the long game,
In the beginning, I gave humanity a prototype
for the paradise that I'm building,
A world separate from mine,
where they could do as they pleased
without destroying heaven,
So the question on the table is
how do I sort out those
who can get along peacefully in heaven?
I gave them the bare minimum required for a test,
Something they weren't permitted to do,
but the freedom to do it,
The story you're familiar with,
the tree of the knowledge of good and evil,
I set things up so that eating from the tree
would allow humanity to behave imperfectly,
It gave the choice if a person chose it
to commit evil,
I explained to them in no uncertain terms
that eating from the tree
would bring only suffering, only death,
It wasn't a moral test,
since, well eating from the tree
would have awakened the capacity
for there to be morality in the first place anyway,
It was a test of whether or not my people trusted me,
It could have been anything,
The point was,
if they trusted me and no one ate,
no evil would enter the world,
No suffering,
Trust isn't trust unless it is given
in spite of a reason to doubt,
So I gave The Adversary a voice in the garden,
He told them I could be lying,
He said seek certainty over trusting my word,
And that's what they did,
You'd hope it wouldn't be the first people,
You know, maybe we get a few generations in
before it all falls apart, but
right away, the cards collapsed,
And as a result, all of their descendants,
you,,,
are imperfect and broken,
You can have paradise back tomorrow
if you all collectively chose it
but there are none among you who truly do,
You can all choose evil,
Hmm,
And at some point you at least dip your toes
into its waters,
So what's left is this system
where you're faced with the same decision
that the first people once had,
Do you trust the voice of faith
or the voice of doubt?
It still doesn't seem fair,
I mean, Adam and Eve didn't have to guess
whether or not you even existed,
It clearly didn't help, did it?
They still ate,
The test remains the same,
as long as there are equal voices of trust
and doubt,
Okay,
I'll bite,
Unfortunate choice of words,
I meant figuratively,
Ah, carry on then,
So you take the ones who trust you into paradise,
Yup,
I get that,
But if we're all evil anyway
how come we don't just fuck heaven right back up
once we get there?
I restore your shattered perfection after you die,
I give you the same choice the first people once had,
to choose to be perfect,
By making up heaven of those people who trust me
I've decided for the ones who wouldn't eat from the tree,
People who will keep within the boundaries of goodness
that I've set because,
well, because they trust me when I say
certain things will only unleash suffering,
The rules aren't just there so I can exert my authority,
Okay, fine,
So you get your perfect kingdom one day,
But in the meantime it's pain,
You make us look into the face of evil,
You watch us starve,
and contract disease, die violent deaths,
And yet you continue to put us here,
And then at the end of it
not even everyone gets into heaven,
So no matter your reasoning, you gave us suffering,
How does that not make you a monster?
If your child has leukemia,
are you a monster for putting them through chemotherapy?
Is the doctor?
No,
What if there isn't a 100% success rate
in healing them?
Then are they monsters?
No,
So sometimes, sometimes,
is suffering necessary to get from unhealthy to healthy?
Do you sometimes have to subject yourself
or someone that you love to temporary suffering
maybe only on the hope of a chance
at a long-term benefit?
Maybe,
Yeah,
Mhmm,
Okay, but then
what about things like earthquakes
and wildfires and hurricanes?
You're going to pin that on human morality?
Are you grieving that the world
isn't as it's supposed to be?
Me too,
We both know that perfection is the standard,
We're offended when that's violated, aren't we?
When humanity decided to cut itself off from me,
I stopped micromanaging your world,
Without my divine nature,
natural processes can do damage,
Can't always be 72 degrees and sunny,
A pot abandoned on the stove will boil over,
The echoes of shattered perfection are loud,
but you can only grieve for a rod bent out of shape
if somewhere in you, you know it ought to be straight,
We can talk about this all night,
We can talk about everything that I've done,
am doing, and will do,
You can analyze it tirelessly, but
that would be making a decision based upon your judgment,
And in all honesty,
I'm not worried about what your judgment call is here,
You don't really have the perspective to make one,
What I'm wondering is,
do you trust me?
How can I?
How can I trust a person and a plan with so much darkness?
The same way that a mother trusts
that the pain of childbirth
is worth the bringing in of new life,
I cannot build this without labor pains,
But I've determined that this is the best possible scenario
to craft the best possible reality,
Okay but why does the best possible reality
have to have a hell in it?
Yours wouldn't huh?
No,
I couldn't torture people for eternity
and then feel like I had the moral high ground,
I am the source of all that is good,
When someone decides they don't want me,
I give their eternal soul
its own place after death without me
as they've desired,
What do you think a place devoid of all goodness is like?
Torture,
Hell,
Exactly,
I didn't make hell to torture people in,
People become hell,
And I give them their own domain separate from heaven,
They reject the antidote for the suffering
in their own heart
and choose to live in that for eternity,
I don't torture people in hell,
You don't blame a warm fire for the coldness of the people
who choose not to sit beside it,
I'm trying to process this,
It's a hell of a lot to take in,
I'd advise you not to take your time,
Tomorrow only grows closer,
Yeah, okay,
It's just a lot of pressure,
I need to wrap my brain around everything,
Gabrielle,
Do you trust with your brain or your heart?
If you'd grasp that,
maybe your clock wouldn't be ticking so loudly,
I love you, Gabrielle,
Hmm?
I know, I just,
I think that I do,
It's just a lot for me to say it,
Huh?
What do you mean?
I asked if you like the wine,
You did?
Yeah,
Oh right, yeah, you did,
Yeah, I do like it,
Why was it so hard for you to say, goofball?
No,
No, no!
Okay,
Tell me it didn't happen again,
It didn't happen again, right?
He was here,
Gabby, Gabby, we have to go then,
- No, no, no, - Help me clean up,
- I'll clean up, - No, Michael,
- It's real, - Pack the car
- and we'll leave, - It's all real,
We had this long talk
and it's fascinating and frightening,
I don't know if it's nothing
- but I feel much better, - It's not God
- that's talking to you, - Yes it is,
He didn't leave,
I still have a chance,
- I still have a chance, - Oh, stop it,
Stop it!
God exists,
There is an order, there's this good out there
and all this bullshit-
That may be, that may be
but God's not talking to you,
Yes he is,
I know you don't believe it, but I think-
Shut the hell up!
I'm trying to tell you something, so listen to me, okay?
I haven't been honest with you,
I lied about my deepest darkest secret,
I mean, the plane story happened
but I have a history of mental illness in my family,
My dad had schizophrenia,
I showed some of the early signs of it,
Delusions of grandeur, disorganized thinking,
Junior year of college, I dropped acid
and it all clicked for me,
I thought I was special because I was God,
I had just somehow forgotten,
But now,,,
Now I remembered and slipped back into this God persona,
It took months of hospitalization and therapy
for me to get back in touch with reality,
And I've always worried that my grasp on it
was not as strong as it once was,
That's what's happening here,
No, that can't be,
I'm telling you this isn't real,
I could be consumed by this persona,
And who knows if I can come back this time?
I'm afraid, and you should be too,
I'm not afraid anymore,
You, you don't know what this is, I do,
And it's nothing like psychosis,
I have a history of it,
That's a coincidence,
Maybe it's my God chose you
- for this in the first place, - Stop, stop,
Because your brain was already open
- to speaking for him! - Stop justifying my illness,
Okay, you're smarter than this,
Or maybe it's because you really are God, Michael,
Maybe that's true,
Hearing you say that I'm God
is not what I need to hear right now, okay?
You need to take me home,
Stop buying into this fantasy and get me out of here,
God said that you wouldn't understand,
He said that I would have to tell you,
but he's really here, I promise you,
How are you this fucking dumb,
you dumb bitch?!
You're buying into the ramblings of a madman!
You understand that?
Pack your fucking bags,
put them in the fucking car,
and drive me the fuck home!
I didn't know you were even capable of speaking to me
- like that, - Yeah and I thought
you were a reasonable person,
Instead, I'm learning how selfish you are,
You're making my breakdown about you!
I don't know what's happening right now exactly, but
I do know that you're at least Michael
right now in this moment,
and I am disgusted with you,
Good,
All the more reason to leave,
I have no interest in sitting in a car with you
for six hours right now,
I'm sleeping downstairs tonight,
Clean the place, pack the car
and I'll take you home in the morning,
Yeah, hi, is this Diane Hausman?
Right, of course,
This is Gabrielle Russell,
I'm actually dating your son,
No,
I know it's late, but it's actually kind of urgent,
I wouldn't have woken you otherwise,
I think so,
I just learned some parts about Michael's past
and I was hoping you could give me some more information,
Just like the stuff with your family history
with schizophrenia and his hospitalization a few years ago,
Michael's dad has schizophrenia, doesn't he?
No, that's okay,
I would assume you knew if he did,
But Michael did have like a breakdown in college, right?
It's not important,
Yeah,
Yeah, I guess that's what must have happened,
One more thing,
Do you trust Michael?
No, I'm not asking if you have a reason not to,
Do you trust him?
Yeah,
Definitely,
Good night,
Oh m y god,
I didn't know you smoked,
Yeah well I guess we're both learning something
on this trip, aren't we?
What are you doing sneaking around in my room?
I didn't have any of my stuff downstairs,
I wanted a cigarette, sue me,
And where does my phone factor into that exactly?
Yeah,
Not as graceful as you thought you were,
I called your mom, okay?
I know,
Know what?
That you're full of shit,
Your dad isn't a schizo, you were never hospitalized,
You're gonna believe her?
My mom's a lying cunt!
She's saving face,
She doesn't want any mental illness
sullying up that good family name,
That's not true,
She was legitimately concerned when I asked,
It did not sound like she was sweeping something
- under the rug, - Then clearly
she didn't know!
How would you know that about your dad
but his wife wouldn't, huh?
And how could you hide months
of a mental break and treatment?
Look, I don't know what you're trying to accomplish
with all this, but I know you are lying,
I know, and you were not going to pull this over on me,
Well aren't you the world's greatest detective, huh?
Look I don't know what the hell
you could possibly be getting out of this,
The man I fell in love with
is just another one of your personas, isn't he?
Because you're even less like yourself now
than when you're God!
You're not my boyfriend,
You know, I was being sarcastic before,
Maybe you are a decent detective,
Hell, I'll even give you a genuine clap this time, huh?
Who are you?
Hey, God's not the only person
that could pull this trick,
Granted we use
- different methods - Who are you?!
But the end result
- all the same! - I asked you
who are you?!
You know who I am!
No, no, you can't be,
Yeah?
You think your pussy-whipped fag of a boyfriend's
got the stones to talk to you like this?
What?
You scared of me?
No,
I just hate you, I want my boyfriend back!
Oh, you hate The Creator,
Don't pretend you hate me too,
We're allies in this thing,
You and I, we're old pals,
I don't know if you really are the devil
or if you're just some other personality,
but I don't want anything to fucking do with you!
Why?
Is it because you're scared of me?
Think I'm dangerous, think I might kill you?
Is it 'cause you know it's Sunday and you might die?
Tick tock, tick tock!
Tick tock,
Holy shit, holy shit,
Yeah, that's exactly what this is,
Some holy shit,
What are you gonna do with that huh?
You're gonna kill Michael?
Go ahead, bitch, I'll still be around,
Your precious boyfriend will rot here
while you rot in hell!
How confident are you that this isn't really happening?
Yeah, why don't we bury the hatchet?
We've got an eternity to spend together!
We're not spending an eternity together,
Oh yes we are,
The last time you talked to the chief
you may as well have spit in his face,
It's game over honey!
I'm here to collect!
Face it,
Your time's up,
You had your chance and you blew it!
Hey, look at you?
Huh, thought you said you weren't afraid of me,
It don't matter,
You're afraid of God,
you're afraid of me,
I think maybe you're just weak,
Fuck off, asshole,
I knew you were my daughter,
God's little boy scouts don't talk to people that way,
Hey, why don't you relax while you're down there
and hear me out, huh?
I said you can fuck off!
This how you want to spend
the last few minutes of your life, huh?
We can be chatting amicably, preparing for hell,
I'm not some horn beast, you know,
Mr, A to Z just paints me that way
because I have the audacity to be something
other than a yes man!
So why don't you hear me out, huh?
Why don't you hear me out?
Never!
You don't have a fucking choice!
How strong is Michael?
You think he can throw you off of here, huh?
Oh, pretty strong, I guess,
I can definitely throw you over,
you're going to listen to me,
You're not going to sway me,
I don't have to sway you,
You made your choice,
Hell begins now,
This isn't my pitch, it's your orientation,
God doesn't care about you,
Not unless you're following his decrees,
That's all he is,
dos and don'ts,
And don't so many of them
are so fucking inane and arbitrary!
The only thing he's building is a cosmic dictatorship
where you are on your knees,
forced to do exactly as he says,
That sound like paradise to you?
Where I'm taking you is the paradise,
Somewhere you can do as you will,
That's the whole of my law,
You want something?
Take it, it's yours,
And nobody tells you you're wrong,
Not even the celestial homeowners association
that goes breathing down your asshole!
Where do you draw the line?
I don't, you do,
And everyone else draws theirs,
And nobody gets to tell each other who's right or wrong
because you're all gods,
If someone wants to rape or torture?
Now, that's the right of a god, isn't it?
To do as they please?
If you want to do something,
who's going to tell you you're wrong?
That's the right of a god, isn't it?
You didn't ask to be made,
Nobody did,
I sure didn't it,
Heaven's CEO made that executive decision without us,
He's the one who chose
to bring about a life rife with misery and pain,
Look around!
This is what happens when something all powerful
just gets to unilaterally create life!
It suffers,
Existence is an oversight, a mistake!
But because some guy decided
that he had to be worshiped
or he couldn't spend an eternity all the fuck alone,
he chose you to live among the scum and the bile,
None of this should be here!
But since it is, I'm here to save you,
I'm going to take you out of that filth
in which you were created
and I'm going to make you a god!
Ain't that noble of me?
Huh,
The offer still stands,
Mmm,
Nothing about you is noble,
Oh,
I know your type,
You're just another prick who can't stand
being told what to do,
A bully who loves making people miserable,
You're not a god,
You're not going to make me a god,
You know what, you're right,
I don't particularly like rules,
but I'm not in the habit of tearing down fences
when I don't know why they were put there,
So if his laws keep people from being anything like you,
then I guess they're there for a good reason,
If you're the opposition to God,
then God must be the best possible thing!
It was a nice speech,
But you're still joining me,
And you'll like it so much better there
from under the thumb of the King's rules and regulations!
I've heard all about hell and it's nothing
- like what you say! - Yeah well
who'd you hear that from, God?
He doesn't know,
He's never been there and neither have you,
Why don't you come see for yourself?
Dear Lord-
He's not listening!
Besides, you don't want to go to heaven,
Don't you want to be where your mother is?
I bet she could really use a drink right now,
Four years down,
infinity to go!
Dear Lord!
Please, I don't care if you save my life tonight,
Just don't let me go to hell, please,
No more questions, I trust you, I promise,
So please just take me home, please,
This isn't over!
I'll see you on the other side,
I knew you were mine,
I love you, I trust you,
I love you so much,
What's going on, where are we?
It happened again,
what happened?
A lot of things but He was here,
Who was here?
God?
What?
How much weed did we smoke?
And then he was like, holding me over the fucking balcony,
And I called out to God and then he came back
and we hugged and basically just professed
our love for each other,
And then you were back, like really back,
The last thing I remember
is dancing with you in the living room,
And you're trying to tell me that was two days ago?
Wow, yeah,
Oh, I feel so nasty knowing I spent so much time with him,
I even kissed him,
Well, you thought he was me so
I can't really hold you responsible
for cheating on me with the devil,
He's a subtle bastard, that one,
I'm so sorry,
No, don't be,
It wasn't you,
That's a hard pill to swallow,
Listen,
I know this probably won't mean much at this point
since I can't have more than a few hours left, but
I want to spend the rest of my life with you,
You have me,
for as long as that is,
Are you scared?
Of the transition, but,
I mean exchanging earth for heaven can't be all bad,
I really, really love you,
I love you too,
Wow,
Oh wow,
God really does this?
Wow,
It's so beautiful,
He's so beautiful,
What was that all about?
I let him feel my presence as I came through,
He was still struggling with it for a bit,
What?
He gets to know you just like that?
Why couldn't you do that for me?
I dealt with Michael in his own way long ago,
He was tuned into me enough to use him as a conduit for you,
I'm just letting the radio hear the song it played,
You know, you embellished a bit
when you told Michael what happened
Well, what can I say?
I have a flare for the dramatic, I guess,
You made me that way,
If it makes you feel any better
the drama you added, it only conveyed
how all those things you couldn't describe really felt,
It's not quite the same as lying,
Hey,
Can I ask you something?
He lied,
She made it,
She's with me,
Really?
Mhmm,
He's such an asshole!
Yeah,
That's okay,
You can ask,
When does it happen?
If you don't mind the spoilers,
61 years from this June,
Wait, but you said,,,
I thought I died this weekend,
You did,
On that balcony this morning, the old you did die,
You're a new woman, Gabrielle,
You said I was going to die
like actually, like physically,
What can I say?
I guess I have a little flare for the dramatic too,
I did make you in my image after all,
Fair enough,
Although if you hadn't come to me
he genuinely would have killed you on that balcony,
But now,,,
Well, you can't leave yet,
You guys have a lot of heaven
to bring into this place for me,
Really?
Oh yeah,
You're on my payroll now, kid,
And I've got a lot for you to do,
What do I have to do?
How will I know?
Is it going to be as scary
- or as dangerous- - Hey,
Hey,
You trust me, right?
Completely,
Then you know everything's going to be okay, don't you?
The sunrise is beautiful,
Thank you,