Humans,,,
They struggle,
Every day,
They struggle,
Why?
Oh! Ah!
What is the point?
What they carry inside,,,
hurts so much?
What do they do with the hurt?
How do they heal?
I'll pay whatever it takes, I,,, I just want him get better,
Has he been near any old dairy or,,,
expired rice?
Um,,,
Maybe, He likes to eat,
Although lately not so much, He's,,,
he kind of wasting away,
Have you been regulating his Aura,,, in any way?
Uh,,, No, I don't really know anything about that,
Um,,, I'm really just here because, well,
Claire swears by you, and,,, I really trust her,
She's,,, one of my best friends,
What I'm going to ask you to do now may seem strange at first,,,
but I need you to trust me,
I need you to trust me as much as you trust Claire,
Okay,
Carl!
Now, I want you to cradle Carl in your lap,
Shouldn't he be in Dave's lap?
I promise it'll make sense soon,
Just imagine I'm Claire, asking you to do this,
Now just close your eyes,
And feel Carl's energy,
Inside you,
Okay,
- I'm sorry, I just,,, I don't know if I'm doing,,, - Remember,
I'm Claire,
- Close your eyes, - Okay,
And open up,
As wide as you can,
Boop,
Hey, Could I call Claire about something?
- Actually,,, just take a second, - Claire is Carl,
And Carl is Claire,
- Right, - Now close your eyes,
and picture all the love inside Carl passing through your body,
And joining with your love,
And going over toward Dave,
Did it work?
It didn't work,
How are you feeling?
Uh, I feel fine, I'm just worried about Dave,
It should have worked as long as everyone involved was,,,
Could it maybe be something with Carl?
I'm afraid not, Carl is very consistent,
How are you feeling?
- I'm, I'm fine, but,,, - You sure?
Yeah,
Nothing,,,
bothering you?
Okay,
I'm at the end of my rope,
Now we're getting somewhere,
What is your area of expertise?
I'm a thing scholar,
Isn't that a bit of a dormant field?
It's actually reemerging,
I'm writing on the hierarchies of the end scene
in objects, both material and sub-material,
Go on,
How matter can both own and not own itself,
creating both dissidents and pleasures and
traditional post-industrial philosophy,
Has that already been covered?
I'm writing about it from the perspective of personhood,
Whose definition of personhood do you use?
Neither Hobbes' nor Locke's,
I'm intrigued,
When Ahab lost the whale, contingencies of self overcame
his notion of the marine,
and this type of ocularity blurred the membrane
between thing and object,
Object could become thing and thing object,
Locke thought of personhood is finite,
I'm suggesting, it is neither end or beginning,
but rather,,, the north,
Ahab's compass was only a metaphor for
a variation of metempsychosis indistinguishable from
pen, ink, flesh,,, sand,
If you look at it askew,
it is like Caruso's lost shoe,
I'm not fully authorized to do this,
but I'd like to offer you a position
on our faculty starting immediately,
Ad infinitum sic rectum,
I'll go get the paperwork for you to sign,
What is she talking about?
I don't know what she's talking about!
I'm such a,,, I'm such a sham!
I'm such a sham!
I am so stupid!
Okay, if you just sign here, here and here,
- Is everything all right? - Certainly,
Well, I'll see you tomorrow,
Uh, one more thing,
You can never leave, Just FYI,
Well, I think I can confidently offer you this job,
Really?
You seem,,, surprised,
I just didn't think I did that well on the interview,
If you want my honest opinion,
You did about as well as anyone's ever done,,, in that interview,
- It's good to hear, - You basically knocked it out of the park,
I could really use a job,
If jobs were footballs,,,
- you just threw a touchdown, - Thanks,
If getting a job were the same as winning a presidential election,
This day was Super Tuesday, and you just won everything,
but Vermont, you know what I mean?
- Sort of, - If you were Schindler, and this job was a list,,,
Uh,,,
I got the job?
No, No,
You didn't,
- Okay, - No,
But there is an internship available,
- Really? - Yes,
What's it for?
It's writing the newsletter
for the White Male Supremacy Booster Club,
Uh,,,
Yeah,,,
That's not really my thing,
It is a paid internship,
and you'd be in charge of the recycling program,
Could I just do the recycling part?
No, No,
I just don't like the part where the pale people are
better than the,,, brown people,
Let me explain something to you,
The whole thing is rigged,
You know, the whole thing's unfair,
What is?
The whole thing,
You mean like the government or,,,
There are five people in charge of everything, I'm one of the five,
You guys are interns, so,,, five people up here,
then all interns,
That's you,
- All right, - But this is a paid internship,
So that's a little bit better,
I know it's really effed up,
How are the benefits here?
Really good and there's like,
unlimited snacks in the workroom,
Oh, God,
It's,,, it's a gilded cage scenario,
I've never been on one of those before,
They're very difficult morally,
Well, this David Duke spread on page six,
if we pin it up right,
we'll cut him off at the waist,
But if we go full landscape
across both pages, we can fit his dick and his balls,
Got to go landscape, I guess,
Recycling is,,, important?
Do you ever think, like,,,
why?
Why is it got to be like this?
That'll be 8,32,
Hello,
I'm Guru Dan,
There's nothing more difficult than change,
I'm going to help you change,
Change,,,
starts,,,
by,,,
My name is Bartleby Dumont,
And I am a wandering storyteller who has wandered over to your village
just as you would have done so many years ago,
Today I'm going to tickle your ear
with the story from ancient medieval time called "The Wooing of Owlnor,"
Does anybody know it?
No?
No one,
It was quite popular in its day,
And I tell it in the original Middle English,
so that you can hear the texture of the language,
Perhaps you recall my Tuesday night readings of the "12 Windows of Bar?"
In the original Gaelic tongue,
You look familiar,
Were you there?
No,
Ah, well, a blank canvas
and some rested ears to hear mine word poems,
Now, I will be telling the unabridged version of "The Wooing of Owlnor,"
So if anybody needs to take a bathroom break,
I will be taking a brief pause
at the midpoint of this classic tale
for that purpose, Yes, ma'am?
- How long is it? - Eight and a half to nine hours depending on my tempo,
- Should we wait for you? - Don't wait for me,
Very well, my lady,
And you did remind me to grab my little helper,
Its name is Tick-Tock,
For obvious reasons,
Vitamins of veal in the very vivacious violent vineyard,
- Yes? - Is that the story?
No, it's just a warm-up,
It,,, It doesn't make sense,
Right, No, it's just an old trick of the trade
to help with the clarity and diction of my voice,
The story is about to begin,
I,,, I don't understand,
Story will begin now,
When Zephyrus blurn her thartly slippers,,,
and son larfed vaiter and murn in thine deep swarth,,,
they frarked and frarred against wintry scar,
Alark, a churnel full of boonies,
Behold,
There spied the larvely Owlnor,
And he begunth to woo,
Owlnor?
Hey,
Um,,,
Can I help you with something?
Do you need help?
Have you been in some sort of accident?
Are you disoriented?
Um,,,
Have you lost someone recently?
Someone close to you?
Are you lonely?
Okay,
Well,,, Why don't you come on in?
You should eat something,
Maybe you could stay here for a while,
Till you get back on your feet,
Would you like that?
Do you want to lie down for a bit?
There there,
I want to get off!
I don't like this!
Humans,
They struggle so,,,
endlessly,
Like the turning of the Earth,
As the Earth turns,,,
do we move?
Do we change?
Are we moving without knowing it?
Or are we repeating our patterns?
Again,
And again,
I'm so glad you're able to get off work today,
Yeah, it's good to have some time off,
There's something that I've been wanting to talk to you about,
Okay, um,,,
I love talking about stuff,
I was just thinking I wish we had more time
to talk about stuff,
and I would love it if we did,,,
,,,have more time,
And,,,
That's a relief to hear that,
So, um,,,
- What's up? - What would you think about moving in together?
I mean, we love each other,
So what's stopping us?
Honey?
Good morning, sweetheart,
I have got your favorite eggs,
and your favorite scone from Clarndorvers,
- Thank you, it's very thoughtful, - That's, um, that's coffee,
And it's got the cream already included,
- It's just the way I like it, - Yeah,
So,,, So I was thinking that, you know,
maybe we could just start talking about the possibility of, uh,,,
You know, maybe,,,
Maybe you retiring your wild oats and we,,,
start a family,
I mean, we're not getting any younger, right?
You will become something new,
Something no one has ever seen,
You will transform, and all the old worries will fall away,
You will become your full-self,
I now pronounce you husband and wife,
I told you so,
Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew,
Bang, Bang!
Phew,
Pepperoni!
Door's open,
Come on in,
Mm, Smells good,
Oh,
Give me, give me,
Yeah,
I tipped you with my remote,
It's all connected, All of it!
Me, The TV,
My computer, You, The phone,
Join us,
Mm,
Hey,
Can I come inside?
Tea upsets my stomach,
Do you have any juice?
Sure,
Do you like juice?
Me too,
Hmm,
Would you guys like sandwiches?
Crust,
Right?
Do you like sandwiches?
Do you like crust?
A wandering storyteller once told me a tale,
It was very long and I did not like it,
It involved a woman whose beauty was to die for,
I think today I have found that woman,
The boring story teller,
He gave me something,
♪ If I could reach the top to show you ♪
♪ Just how much that I have inside ♪
♪ But I'm down here waiting at the bottom ♪
♪ And that's what I've got to hide ♪
♪ Because there's no way a girl like you ♪
♪ Would be with a man like me ♪
♪ No, there is no way a girl like you ♪
♪ Would be with a man like me ♪
♪ So I'll pretend I'm on top ♪
♪ Until I get you ♪
♪ I'll pretend I'm on top ♪
♪ And you'll see ♪
♪ I'll pretend I'm on top ♪
♪ Until I get ♪
♪ You ♪
♪ And then maybe you'll be able ♪
♪ To bear ♪
♪ To see ♪
♪ The real bottom ♪
♪ Of ♪
♪ Me ♪
Oh, God,
It's so hard,
- It's getting worse, - I can't bear,
- I can't do anything, - I'm such a worthless piece of crap,
I stole an old lady's purse,
I killed a cop,
It is accomplished,
Ah!
You're not living up to your potential,
Everything is very, very bad, and getting worse,
Time is running out for us and our children,
No signs of letting up here or anywhere,
This is Gene Larpington with TBC News Five,
The world will be ending shortly,
Listen, Chazz,
I want you to know that all of my life people have looked down on me,
because of the color of my skin,
But you have never done that,
Because you are the only non-racist I have ever met,
And I am going to be your black friend,
Would you like to play basketball with me?
But I'm not good at basketball,
I'll help you,
Really?
Yes,
But first I'm going to teach you a special handshake
that only black people know,
You will?
Yes, And it goes like this,
Chazz, baby,
Couplehood enforcing the capitalist paradigm,
Sentimentality,
My PhD,
God,
I can not ejaculate,
I am committed to hopelessness
Breaking news, Another thing just happened,
We told you it was coming, And now it's actually here,
We told you and you did not listen,
And now it's officially too late,
Ah!
I,,,
am a sham,
He's a total genius,
Are you sure?
Absolutely,
I would lay that kind of minute just to be able to touch that fire,
Be like sleeping with Vincent van Gogh,
Really?
Oh, my God,
He is a genius,
Oh, really?
Garushta says, if we sit in our sorrow,,,
,,,we will become sorrow,
Think about that,
If we sit in our sorrow,,,
we become sorrow,
If we sit,,, in our sorrow,,,
we become,,,
sorrow,
Really, Think about that,
Sometimes joy feels very hard to come by,
We must find joy in the small things,
I've got these freeloaders in my house,
And they're really sweet and I don't want to hurt their feelings,
But I kind of want my house back,
What's the point?
I guess I just want to know,
If it's okay to cause suffering to take out my home,
I don't know,
Um, my friend Claire was adamant that you were the one to help me,
I paid Claire $100 per referral,
No,
There's a guru in Glen Falls,
I can give you the number for,
I bet this food is going to suck,
I bet that guy has bad BO,
I was wrong,
Nice outfit!
♪ If I could reach the top to show you ♪
♪ Just how much that I have inside ♪
♪ But I'm down here waiting at the bottom ♪
♪ And that's what I've got to hide ♪
♪ I'm back on top that's the gift you gave me ♪
♪ I'm back on top somehow ♪
♪ I'm back on top and the song will lift me ♪
♪ The bottom is so far below me now ♪
♪ I'm back on top with the gift you gave me ♪
♪ You're wrapped up in a bow ♪
♪ Life is good ♪
♪ That's the message I'm singing ♪
♪ The sun looks down with a smile ♪
♪ Life is good ♪
♪ And it's worth living ♪
♪ I'm going to put my bottom away for a while ♪
And then he came up behind me
and took my purse,
And could you point to that person please?
Let the record show that she has pointed out the defendant,
And this was the purse that he stole?
Yes,
And what did he do next?
When I tried to get it back from him, he started hitting me with it,
- Objection! - On what grounds?
She is stating facts that she witnessed herself,
Your Honor, back home, we had a saying,
a rooster in a henhouse will get you some eggs,
Now if those eggs come out scrambled,
you could complain to the good Lord, and try to put them back in the hen,
Or you could serve them up with some hoppin' john,
I think I know what I'd do,
Sustained,
Really?
- Counselor, - No further questions,
Ms, Sludge,
Are you in the habit of making a mockery of the US justice system?
Or should I say, when did making a mockery of the justice system
become regular habit?
I,,,
- I,,, - What's that?
What's that?
I,,, I don't make a mockery of the US justice system,
Well, sounds like you're not sure,
I,,, I just don't, I don't understand,
I think every Beatrice and Joe here understands,
Why it's just this simple as sweet tea on a summer day? Don't you think?
Go pretty good with some of momma's buttermilk biscuits, don't it?
I guess,
- I do like Southern food, - No further questions,
We've reached a verdict,
objection,
I'll allow it,
Can they do that?
We, the people,,,
found Beatrice Sledge guilty,
- But I'm not on trial! - Bailiff,
Take her away,
No, no, no, I don't,,, You don't understand,
I mean, he stole my purse, I was the victim,
I'm the victim!
I'm the victim of a purse theft!
I am an innocent person! No!
No! I'm innocent!
What,,, Help me!
I'm an innocent person,
Last meal,
What's this? I ordered osso buco,
Scrambled eggs, hoppin' john, sweet tea and momma's buttermilk biscuits,
Mm, mm,
Mother effers,
T, O,
M,
Tom,
T, Try,
O,
On target,
M,
Maximum result,
Don't you have anything to say to your old moms?
Moms?
Hey,
Sir?
There's no reason you should know this, but you're actually interviewing
for Ms, Pott's position,
She, um,,,
She passed away recently and,,,
She was my mother,
Oh, I'm,,,
very sorry to hear that,
Yeah, It was a terrible loss, It, um,,
Dust to dust,
Ashes to ashes,
Tell me about yourself,
Okay, Uh, My name is Jane, It's,,,
J,
A,
N,
E,
Got it,
So,,,
Who is,,,
Anne?
Uh, who?
Jane, Jane, Who is Jane?
Okay, Well, I'm from upstate, I, uh,,,
enjoy outdoor sports,
I first got interested in nanotech research when I was doing a program,
During high school,
Hello,
Ms, Potts, could you please bring us some decaf coffee?
Oh, I,,, I thought Mrs, Potts has passed away,
Excuse me, I'm sorry, I, uh,,,
had a brain fart,
Hello,
Ms, Pennyweather,
Can you please bring us some decaf coffee?
Is this a nanotech research position?
We thought we would get smarter people if we advertised it that way,
Is,,, Is nanotech research involved?
It could be, Yeah,
Did,,,
Mrs, Potts do any,,,
Not specifically, no,
So are you,,,
looking for a,,,
a secretary?
Yes, I am,
But what about Mrs, Pennyweather?
Mrs, Pennyweather is not working out,
And this is Mrs, Pennyweather,
- Here you go, dear, - Thank you,
- Oh! - Oh,
I'm,,, It's,,,
Just a small stain, and I'm very sorry,
- It's okay, - No, I'm very,,,
- You know, it's just,,, - It's okay,
,,,going to take me just one minute,
- Oh, no, - I think you're just,,,
- No, I'm just,,, - ,,,spreading some more,
- I'm just spreading it, - Yeah, you are,
Spreading it,
It's alright, it's alright, that's, that's enough,
That's enough, No, No, No, no, no,
No, that's enough,
We're all done, We're all done,
Is there anything else I can help you with?
You can get me Mrs, Potts out of her grave,
What was that?
I said, you can get me Mrs, Potts out of her grave,
So things will be like before,
That'll be all, Mrs, Pennyweather,
Is this a, uh,,,
a permanent position?
Who's to say?
Ah!
Oh, Not ready,
Ah!
Three, Four,
One, Two, Three, Four,
Ms, Pennyweather,
No, I'm sorry, Those going Conference Room A, Conference Room A, please,
What?
No, no, dear, Those are for Conference Room B,
I did it,
The world is absurd,
I have lost all my humor,
But I must continue,
It is my world,
And I want freedom,
Let's go,
Humans,
They hurt, and heal,
Hurt, And heal,
Take care of my suffering ones,
Take care of the tender hearted,
Help each other,
Through the storm,
It is not all darkness,
And you're not alone,
Reach towards the light,