I think I want to find him,
Your son?
His grandfather convinced me to give him up
so that we could stay in polite society,
It's kind of convenient to blame a dead man
for all of this,
I know I made a mistake too, The difference is,
I was a kid,
Why would my father keep this?
Maybe he cared more than you think,
This is pain, This is not getting to hold him,
- Brooke? - There's no match, Rita,
He doesn't want to know me,
Are you okay?
Oh shit,
Oh shit!
Hi! Is everything okay?
- Where are they? - Where are what?
Your bottles, Don't make me start opening cabinets,
I don't know what bottles you're talking about,
Okay, suit yourself,
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
You were drunk off your ass last night,
I could hear it in your voice when you called me,
I didn't call you, What are you talking about?
"There's no match,
"He doesn't wanna know me,
It was like a big neon fuck-you from my DNA,"
Any of that ring a bell?
I didn't just hear the booze,
I heard your pain,
Synced & corrected by -robtor- www,addic7ed,com
_
I,,,
had a hard night,
I got some bad news,
Yeah,
And you really want me to believe
this is the first time you handled it this way?
Rita, can we just sit down and talk
without all of the drama?
No, No, we can't, We've done enough of that,
Where are the bottles?
There's one under the oven,
This is the cheap stuff, I know this ain't all,
This is silly,
This is the good stuff,
Happy now?
Now, get me the empties,
Now, line 'em up,
You line 'em up,
I'm sick of being chastised like a child,
You're not a child, and I am not your parent,
But it's my job to show you your choices,
Fine,
Five,
- In a week? - Five is nothing,
You remember how wild it can get, don't you?
- You don't have to get defensive, - I'm not defensive,
I am not trying to make you feel bad, I swear to God,
I don't do you any favors by sugarcoating any of this,
Answer me this, Why did you have to lie?
Addicts lie,
I know I don't have to teach you about that,
Yeah, but why did you have to lie to me?
Haven't we been through enough? Do you not trust me?
Because of that face,
That disappointed look,
I'm worried, not disappointed,
But if you want me to say I'm disappointed so you can feel
more comfortable feeling sorry for yourself,
that's not gonna happen,
Nothing about this is comfortable for me,
I have a splitting fucking headache,
and you're not helping,
So,
when did it start?
Again?
- Around when my father died, - Hm-mm,
And did Adam have anything to do with this?
Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mmm,
Don't blame him, I'm a grown-ass woman,
Why couldn't you call me when you had your head on straight?
My head hasn't been on straight for a while now,
Besides, I knew
whatever you were gonna say wouldn't change my mind,
I've talked you down before,
Yeah, well, this isn't before,
How are you treating patients like this?
I would never compromise my work,
No, I'm not saying that, It's just if it were me,,,
I know how to hold my patients' pain,
I show up for them,
They come in here, into this house,
carrying their fear and despair
and anxiety because they have nowhere else to turn,
I am here for them,
And who holds your pain?
Where do you leave your despair?
At the bottom of one of these bottles?
I just wanna forget it all sometimes!
It's not that complicated to understand,
Sometimes, I want to silence that voice
that makes me feel small,
You know, could I do
some positive self-talk, some CBT, some meditation? Sure,
But sometimes, an Old Fashioned,,,
or four,
just gets me there a little bit faster,
So, when did you decide you wanted this?
To drink again?
I told you when it started,
But what was the moment you decided?
There's the moment you do it,
but before that,
there's the moment you decide to do it,
And you feel great
because it's not hanging over you anymore,
No more "ifs," You have a plan,
So when did you make yours?
After my father's funeral,
We had my father's friends back to his house and they,,,
made all this food and,,,
were telling all these stories, stories I didn't know,
I didn't know
that my father liked British baking shows,
I came back to this house, and it was empty,
So quiet you could hear a hummingbird in Van Nuys,
and I just,,,
I lost it,
Cried myself to sleep on the couch,
didn't even take off my shoes,
When I woke up, it was the middle of the night,
I just thought,,,
fuck it,
There'll be consequences, but not tomorrow,
I went back to sleep,
and I dreamt about what my first drink would be,
I knew somethin' was up with you,
From the moment I walked in here two weeks ago,
Then why didn't you say something right then?
Oh, I know where you're going with that,
You are not gonna blame me for your slips,
your relapses, That manipulative guilt shit?
Don't work on me,
I invented that shit!
But you could've been here for me though,
Could've supported me
- when things were bad, - No,
Wait, are you really saying,,,
that I'm not here for you?
That I don't support you?
I know you're here for me, but,,,
You've been gone,
And I know you have your own shit going on, I,,,
I didn't wanna be a burden to you,
You're not a burden to me,
No, I'm serious, Never,
I don't do things I don't wanna do,
If I'm here, it's because I wanna be here,
Well then, I'm out of excuses,
So then,,,
what do you wanna do about all this?
Honestly, I wanna go back to bed,
You can sleep later,
Do you want to stop drinking?
I don't know what I need right now,
I didn't ask you if you need to,
I can see you need to,
But this ain't gonna work unless you want to,
Yes,
Okay,
- Get your shoes on, - Wh,,, For what?
- We're finding a meeting, - Where?
I'll figure it out, I can call Shannon, I could even call Elise,
Okay, but I, um,,,
- But what? - I'm-I'm-I'm,,,
- I'm not dressed to go out, - So we don't have to go out,
I could call enough people so we could have a meeting right here,
How about this?
There is a 6:00 meeting tonight,
- I will go to that, - Sure you will,
Who you think you're talkin' to?
- I know all the tricks, - I will go to the meeting,
- I just can't go right now, - Why not?
Because I have patient notes to do for tomorrow!
Oh, Today's Saturday,
- You got patients on Sunday? - I meant Monday,
Okay,
6:00 meeting it is,
Thank you,
But I'm going with you,
So you go and do your notes or whatever,
- I'll wait in the den till then, - You,,,
- You're gonna sit in my den all day? - Hm-mm,
That's not necessary,
Hm, Oh,
I don't think you understand what's about to happen,
I only work eight hours a day,
five days a week,
The rest of the time, I'm free to be all up in your face,
I will call your phone until it explodes,
I will stalk your life, I'll sit outside your house,
Hell, I might even move in here,
- This is a nice-ass house, - You don't need to do all that,
Then fight for yourself,
You're a grown-ass woman, right? That's what grown-ass women do,
Alright,
Call Shannon,
Good girl,
Wait, Rita?
- What? - Rita,
- Don't call her, Not yet, - Why not?
Shit, Brooke, no,
Give me,,, Just give me a second to think!
This is not something to think about,
The work is hard, but the decision to do it
- is easy, - Maybe for you it is,
You just told me a minute ago you wanted to stop,
I don't know! Maybe I said that because,,,
I don't know, I didn't want you to walk out on me,
I just have a lot of thoughts swirling around right now,,,
Brooke! I love you,
But you trying to outrun these thoughts is how we got here,
I love you, too,
I'm just not cut out for this right now!
I know you are,
- Just lean on me, Good! - You're pushing me!
- Somebody has to push you! - I just know what that meeting
is gonna be like, and I don't want to,,, go!
I don't wanna start over and
take inventory and make amends,
But that's the work,
Well, maybe I don't wanna do the work anymore,
So,,,
what, you're just,,,
done?
With the program?
- With your recovery? On all of it? - And what if I am done?
What are you gonna do? Are you gonna walk out? Abandon me?
- Don't go there, - Well, I mean,
if you're gonna have all these conditions
around our friendship, go ahead,
Conditions?
Try boundaries, You're the one
always preaching about boundaries,
Honestly, boundaries are getting a little bit tedious for me, too,
So, what, it's back to Good Time Brooke?
- Silk City Brooke? - I don't know,
There's a reason we remind ourselves how we used to be,
Not just the good times, What came after,
The car crashes,
waking up in strangers' apartments,
swimming in a fog,
You really wanna invite all of that back into your life?
It's different this time,
It's never different,
You know better than to say that,
Why invite me over here every week
when you knew you were drinking the whole time?
- I didn't wanna admit,,, - Why even pretend
you wanted a sponsor at all?
- What am I even doing here? - Please!
Rita, I just,,,
I wanted to have my friend,
Not,,,
Okay,
I know what I'm supposed to do if my sponsee has a relapse,
I'm supposed to ask clarifying questions
about their desire for sobriety,
I'm supposed to offer a meeting, with love,
I'm supposed to remind them of the steps
and offer guidance
to help them rework it, And if they reject that help,
I'm supposed to detach,
But when I,,,
walked in here today and saw you,
I didn't give a fuck about any of that,
All I saw was my friend, hurting,
But I am pissed at you,
And I am pissed at myself,
- Why? - Because I am not supposed to be
this invested in you staying sober!
I'm supposed to know better than to try and save you,
That's what I'm saying,
You don't have to think about that anymore,
We can see each other without all of,,,
that hanging in the air,
You're asking me to do somethin' I don't know how to do,
Which is what?
Sit back and watch you disintegrate,
Who the fuck wants a front row seat to that?
If every bad choice is
- the end of the world,,, - No!
And you threaten to walk out if you
- disapprove of,,, - You are not about to make me
- into your father, - But you're the same,
You only accept me if I do what you want me to do,
That's the liquor talking,
Not you,
You know what we mean to each other,
And it's more than just meetings and steps,
It's dinners
and day trips,
Your kids' graduations, your divorce,
Ten years,
I'm just asking you not to give up on our friendship
just because I'm deciding to go another way right now,
And who's to say that I won't go to a meeting next week?
Yeah, Who's to say?
What do you want from me?
Do you want some guarantee?
Some schedule of when I'll be done?
Oh no, I know nothing is guaranteed,
But,,,
it doesn't stop us from making commitments
to each other, People do it every day,
And you made a commitment to me,
You're acting as if this is something I meant to do to you,
I'm more worried for what you're doing to yourself,
I should've told you about the drinking,
I am sorry I lied,
But please,
don't give up on me, Rita,
When I said I wasn't going anywhere, I meant it,
We're a team,
You've gotten me through some dark shit,
You've been a rock to me,
I need you just as much as you need me,
It is not your job
to keep me sober,
What if I'm tempted too?
I would never make you risk that,
I would never do that to you,
I know that,
I know that up here, but in here?
It's a different story,
So where do we go from here?
I don't know,
Couldn't we just,,,
be here together right now?
Hm?
Can we just go outside and talk?
Not as two alcoholics,
but as Brooke and Rita?
Hm?
Can we start there?
Okay,
We could start there,
The sinkhole that opened up when my dad died,
I'll throw anything at it to fill it,
I see the pain you're in,
I'm scared,
Me too,
Mostly because you're not scared enough,
I need you, Rita,
Then why did you do it?
Why did you invite me over here?