[gun fires]
[uptempo music]
[gun fires]
- It's a tense situation here with riot police
as hundreds of protestors are gathered here
for the annual meeting of the world's wealthiest,
They're focused on a perceived urgency by the attendees,
The body count rises as a bloody turf war rages on,
[gun fires]
- You going already, Bianca?
- Yeah, I got a job, okay?
So I don't want to be late,
- Hey, I got a job too, you know,
Come on,
- Where are we goin'?
- Well, I thought we'd go for breakfast, for starters,
- I'm not talking about that, okay?
I'm talking about us,
Where are we goin'?
Neither of us is married and all we do
is hook up in these roach motels,
- Well, what do you want to do have sex in my bedroom
in my mother's house?
That a girl,
- Goodbye, Sonny,
Take care,
- I thought you said you liked the bad boy,
- Fuck your mother,
- Red light,
I didn't say green light,
You go out that door, Bianca,
and it's over,
- I know,
♪ And I get up in the morning
♪ And I'll be over you
- [Man] I'm starving,
- [Waitress] Your extra-rare pork steak, sir,
- [Man] Thank you, gorgeous,
- And nothing for you, as requested,
- [Sonny] Thank you, doll,
- What, you're not eating again?
- Ah, I'm not hungry,
♪ Got on my favorite dress
♪ And my best shoes
- Let's just sip to this fine wine,
- The Boxing Times welcomes you to our main event,
In this corner, the unbeatable black stallion himself,
Nick!
[people cheering]
In this corner, the unstoppable, the deadly, Spider,
[people cheering]
You know the rules,
There are no rules,
This is a fight to the finish!
[punches thudding]
- Whatever,
Pig and people DNA, 98% the same,
Who cares?
Not bad,
- Since you're in such a jovial mood,
Evvy was called in for questioning by the FBI again,
Today,
♪ Kiss me like you mean it
- Evvy's had our backs forever,
♪ Before the night is through
[people cheering]
Thank you,
[uptempo music]
- Whoa,
- Excuse me,
Excuse me,
Hey, hey, excuse me,
- [Woman] Yeah?
- What if I come over to your house
and I start scootin' around on your freshly mopped floor?
What would you do?
- [Woman] Kick your ass,
- All okay in there, Ms, Hancock?
- No different than last week
except for wasting my time again,
[sighs]
- We had a cat when I was a kid,
- That's nice,
- Every time we took him to the vet,
he'd poop in the carrier,
It smelled worse than any Zagnut
that he ever laid in his litter box,
- Zagnut?
- Yeah, you remember,
The candy bar,
They look like little turds rolled in crushed peanuts,
- This is a real conversation?
- Do you mind if I call you Evelyn?
- Evvy works,
Just like all the other times you asked,
- You know what the vet told us?
He told us that scared shit smells worse than normal shit,
- You think you got my guts rumblin'?
I'm sweatin',
You're smelling garlic, Magnum PU,
I eat three raw cloves a day for my Lymes disease,
It sweats out,
Tsss,
- Well, you smell like a fat Italian who shit his pants,
- Good, 'cause you look like one,
- Tell me something,
You recognize these two?
- Yeah,
Michael and his brother Fredo,
Fredo broke his heart,
- Just because you sleep with a bunch of mob bosses
doesn't make you smart,
I know women like you,
You'll eventually tell me what I want,
- I know guys like you,
I've seen 'em end up in barrels of acid
with accidental gunshots to the back of their heads,
The fact that I'm sittin' here telling you this
shows how smart I've been,
- It's not them that I want,
- Oh,
You got a funny way of asking a girl out, Agent Bean,
[laughing]
- Ma,
I want Ma,
And your little pretty boys here are on her payroll,
Ma's the biggest drug dealer in Big City,
We're casting a net and I want her in it,
- You might want to try harpoons,
- We know that they're cooking something up,
Something big,
You cooperate and your little boy toys here,
they qualify for our catch and release program,
[burping]
Jesus Christ,
- Oh, excuse me, please,
[groans]
Where's your bathroom?
I gotta take a scared shit,
[laughs]
[laughing]
- Let me help you, sweetie,
Oh,
[laughing]
- [Woman] Look at this,
Sure sign of a nigga out of work,
Got his hands in his pockets,
Must've been fired,
- [Man] He didn't get fired, Ma,
- How's my baby?
I'm home,
- Don't you baby me, nigga,
You see any subliminal messages in this one?
- A series of frames has been inserted,
Triad boss, Barry Ling, transmits a secret message
to the mayor of Big City saying he wants
to increase their monthly bribe,
- Yeah, and there's something else, Mama,
The frame with the big burger in the wrapper
also has a hidden frame,
Mayor Brown transmits a secret message
back to Barry Ling,
[laughs]
- Look at Robert,
He's so handsome,
Should go to Hollywood,
You got the brains, you got the body,
Your daddy would've been proud,
If the stupid bastard hadn't have
blown himself up in the lab,
- What about me?
- Girl, when are you gonna start wearing a bra?
- At least my tits don't hang all the way down to my knees,
- You are a bitch!
Since you're so smart,
what do you think of those guys of mine?
- You mean Sonny and Archie?
- Yeah,
Tell me, handsome,
- I like Archie,
Don't care for Sonny,
- What do you think, girl?
- They can't be trusted,
They're sloppy,
[people cheering]
- All right,
Now, some business,
What about them blue brewers?
I heard their blue shit could smack you ass
in about 10 seconds,
Any thoughts how we can get them to work for Ma?
- I assume the chinks,
- Asians, Archie,
They're Asians,
- Who gives a shit?
I don't think it's gonna be easy,
Ma don't like the chinks and Ma calls them chinks,
- Ma calls her own husband the N word,
- What, are we 10?
Say the word,
- It ain't right,
- She puts an A on the end of it,
If you put a A on the end of it, it's not racist,
I mean, they call each other that,
- Where'd you learn that, in English class?
- You got a hangup about saying a word,
You remember what we do, right?
[gun fires]
- Mother fucker, cock-sucking son of a bitch,
Dick-licking fucker,
[gun fires]
What are we doing, Arch?
Huh?
Shaking down small business owners for protection money,
Contract whackings,
Seriously?
- Hey, have your come to Jesus moment
another time, will you?
- And I've been thinking,
Ma's been meaning to knock us down,
- Hmm?
Ma respects us,
We should be more worried about Barry,
And here's another question for you, Mr, Multi-Cultural,
How's a chink with the first name Barry
get a name like Barry, huh?
How does anything in Chinese translate to fucking Barry?
How many good deals have we made for Ma, huh?
You're being too sensitive,
You really think so?
[uptempo music]
- Welcome to happiness, boys,
- [Sonny] Thank you, doll,
We're looking for some friends,
- Aren't we all?
Follow me, boys,
- [Both] 66 times?
[knocking on door]
- [Man] Quit knocking!
[man speaking foreign language]
- [Man] What's he sayin', man?
[man speaking foreign language]
[knocking on door]
- [Man] Look, man,
They're knocking on the door,
They can't understand that, man,
- [Archie] Hey!
Incoming mail!
- [Man] Who is it?
- [Archie] Yeast inspectors,
Ma sent us,
- [Man] They're knocking,
Is this your people, man?
[man speaking foreign language]
- [Man] Yeah, what he said,
Stop knocking on the damn door,
- Almost there,
- Some speakeasy you got here,
- [speaking foreign language],
What, your boss is afraid
that we're gonna sell to the Chinese?
- She ain't as big as she looks,
- First, we need to figure out whether you got a license
to produce all this exciting shit,
Then, we're gonna need some free samples,
- [laughs] Let me tell you something,
We already told the Chinese that we're doing this on our own
because, I mean, check it out,
We got a good thing here,
So, sorry to waste your time,
- Yeah, man,
'Cause if this comet hits,
the survivors are gonna need what we got,
Our shit's gonna be worth more than gold,
More than food,
Man, the planet's gonna be hurtin'
and what we got will make 'em feel real good,
Man, we're gonna be emperors, you know?
People gonna give us anything,
Anything,
Oh, beer and bitches, man,
They're gonna be bringing us beer and bitches for our stuff,
The entire world,
It'll be like Mad Max, but with beer and bitches,
You know what I'm sayin'?
Like, beer and bitches, man,
Beer and bitches,
- [speaking foreign language],
You done?
- Look, man,
Nostradamus predicted this, man,
I saw it on the historical channel,
Should watch TV sometime,
Read a book,
- That's some dream you've got, my friend,
We don't really have a comet insurance policy,
but you and my associate here share similar concerns,
- Everything in this town follows strict rules,
You should know that,
My dear friend is gonna get some insurance policies
out of his bag and you're gonna sign 'em,
Okay?
- Yeah, no problem,
Let me just get the pen,
- Make it quick,
- Beer and bitches, man,
I'm telling you,
- And you can just tell your fat Ma
that we're not interested,
- Okay, okay,
Just don't shoot,
- Just relax,
- Now,
- This guy has a problem with his neck?
[gun firing]
- Bet you didn't see that coming, huh?
What the hell is wrong with you, huh?
What, did you leave your gun at home?
What's in your bag?
- Where'd you get the gadget?
- I gotta guy,
- What guy?
- A gadget guy,
- What gadget guy?
You don't have a gadget guy,
- Let's just get the blue shit and get out of here,
- Uh, what are we gonna do with Breaking Dead here?
[grunts]
[uptempo music]
- Two years of this and that's all we've got?
I could cry,
Evvy has been in the bed of every crime family
in the country,
She knows exactly what we need to know
and you spend your time busting these two clowns,
- These two clowns are gonna get us Ma,
and her whole family, and Barry Ling,
- All right,
Do whatever you need to get her to turn them over,
- What does that mean?
- Tell her she gets your shit above your liver,
- What does that mean?
- You figure it out,
Tell her you got a mommy complex,
- I don't,
- Tell her you love older women,
Take her to bed,
[scoffs]
Whatever,
- Couldn't I just waterboard her instead?
- Ollie, get over here and bring your boys,
Thanks,
- Uncle Ollie is coming?
- That's right, Robert,
Don't make fun of the stupid way he talks,
- Hi, Ma,
Willy let us in,
- Hey, Ma,
You look great,
Get some new skin cream?
- Yeah, you look fantastic,
- What happened?
I heard you messed up those guys I was thinking of hiring,
- Ray pulled a gun, Ma,
There was nothing we could do,
But we brought you the recipes and samples,
- [Archie] Here you go,
- [Ma] Look at this blue shit,
- [Archie] For you, Ma,
- What am I supposed to do with this, huh?
What, am I gonna boil it up in the kitchen?
Who am I, Rachel fucking Ray?
You're lucky my kids like you,
- Uh, I don't like Sonny,
- Nothing personal,
But Roxy, she don't like no white dick,
It ain't got no flavor,
- Good shit, huh?
- You ain't kiddin',
Willy, can I ask you a question?
- You just did, Sonny,
- Fair enough,
Does it ever bother you that Ma calls you the, uh,
- Calls me what?
- Yeah, what?
- You know, the N word,
- She puts an A at the end,
- See?
- Come on,
- Hey, Willy,
All the money you two got,
she's got you driving around in this junker?
I mean, you live here,
You guys could live in a mansion if you wanted to,
- Ma like to keep a low profile,
- Makes sense,
- Yeah,
You know, these break down,
You need a reliable car,
- Yeah, well this one's been leaking oil lately,
Me, I don't care,
Throw a few quarts in it to keep from getting a new car,
- Got a point,
- This doesn't make good for a getaway car,
I can tell you that,
- Get away from what?
- After they deal with those clients,
we'll need to ensure that they send
Sonny and Archie on a retreat,
They've been hanging around the family long enough,
- Say no more,
[groans]
- Smoke 'em,
- Your Honor, they're here,
- Oh, it's about time,
Please, take your seats,
All right, we will not be using the Big City police
to escort this convoy,
Walter, I need you to keep the press busy with comet talk,
You know, telling the people what the city is doing
to keep the people calm,
Scientists telling the people to stay calm
and keep shopping,
What's wrong?
- They keep calling me Indian,
- Excuse me?
- Rucci and Andy keep calling me Indian,
They're trying to make it my nickname,
- You're white, Walter,
Did you eat a lot of curry for lunch or something?
I don't get it,
- No,
Like American Indian,
- Native American?
- Whatever,
- What's going on?
- We're not doing anything, ma'am,
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
You are, too,
All day,
And leave Marie alone,
- Gentlemen, we have a serious public relations situation
that requires maturity on all three of you
to do the job that you're hired to do,
So, can we put this aside and get to the business at hand?
- Yes, ma'am,
- Thank you,
All right,
I want to have a press conference
at three o'clock this afternoon,
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
They're doing it,
They're doing it again,
Look,
- What?
What is going on?
- We're not doing anything, ma'am,
Walter's just on edge,
- They're doing that Indian thing,
- Permission to speak freely, ma'am?
- I don't drink, but I should,
Go ahead,
- There's been a lot of tension on our floor,
You know Maria from Human Resources?
Sweet, pretty girl, hair lip,
- She doesn't have a hair lip,
It's a bicycling scar,
- They've been dating,
I personally think they make a very nice couple,
- We're calling them Malter,
- Malter?
- It's their celebrity name,
Maria and Walter,
Malter,
- That's just stupid,
- So is Waria,
Just saying,
- I know what you guys are doing and it's not true,
- Go on,
- So we think that Maria has a crush on,
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
- [Rucci] Walter, Walter,
I'm not trying to steal your girlfriend, okay?
- Because you can't,
- Walter,
- Because you can't,
She's not flirting with you,
- Walt, Walt,
I'm not trying to steal your girlfriend,
- Good,
- [Rucci] I'm not,
- Good,
Good,
- Fine,
He's not,
All right,
- But I could if I wanted to,
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
- Welcome, guys,
Table for everybody?
- Back off, whatever you are,
- Easy Genghis Khan,
I don't speak Korean,
[tense music]
- The Goodfellas were here,
The chemists are gone,
Recipes, too,
- Time for us to settle up with these dogs,
Gather everything you can and head back,
We're gonna discuss things with them differently,
[upbeat music]
- Seems this blue shit is really worth some dough, huh?
Ma wasn't too pissed,
- Yeah, her kids don't like us,
Borrowed time, Arch,
- Fuck 'em,
[cellphone rings]
Hey, Mom,
How you feeling today?
- I hope I didn't interrupt you
in the middle of your insurance business,
- That's okay, Mom,
Is Ms, Lusconi there with you, too?
- Aunt Rose, you chucklehead,
She's your Aunt Rose,
- Hi, Archie,
Is my son with you?
- He's driving, Aunt Rose,
Hold on,
- Hey, Ma,
- Hi, honey,
It would be nice to have lunch or something with my son,
Or I'm gonna have to throw myself down the stairs
like the priest's mother in the Exorcist
to get your attention,
- Come on, Ma, [laughs]
- There are some fabulous young ladies here in our school,
- True,
They're sweet, and they're beautiful, and very educated,
And they've got themselves together,
You could bounce a quarter off their asses,
[laughing]
- Hey, hey, hey,
Why don't you stop teaching bad ballet in a strip mall
and go feed the ducks in the park or something?
- Why would I feed dicks in the park?
- Ducks in the park, Ma,
Ducks,
- Oh,
Oh, listen,
You both are gonna like these girls,
You need wives, they're looking,
and you are too old to be in the insurance business,
- Stop using business in quotes when you talk about it,
- I use italics,
- Okay, Mom,
We gotta go,
- I'm willing to try,
- You remember the two they tried
hooking us up with before, right?
- Yeah, I do, unfortunately,
- Hey, I still got PTSD from that date,
The way they were dancing around in those tutus
they looked like those purple hippos from Fantasia,
- I'm thinking marriage ain't such a bad idea,
- Yeah?
Keep thinking,
- Hey, pops,
Just sign the insurance form,
- You're gonna need some protection,
Trust us,
- Look, can I ask you guys something?
Do you think there really were dinosaurs?
- Excuse me?
- I mean, the last comet to hit here took 'em out like that,
- What time is it?
- I'll never die,
- What the hell are you talking about?
- I have to tell you something,
Sometimes my wife,
Oh, she can be such a pain in the ass,
- This guy's all over the place,
- Maybe we just let him go,
- It's too bad about your wife, old man,
Would be a shame if someone burned down your record store,
- Don't worry about it, okay?
- Why?
- Don't be talkin' stupid on a Friday,
- Is it Friday?
- No, it's Monday,
- Oh,
- Yeah, um,
Mm-hmm,
Hey, I just gotta go take a leak
and I'll come back and sign,
- Hey, make it fast,
This shit's bad for the circulation,
That's a big asshole right there,
- [Sonny] Oh, oh,
Look at this,
- I don't want to see that,
- Look at this,
It looks like Nick the boxer,
Look at that,
I can't believe it,
[birds chirping]
Look at this fucking guy,
- This thing's harder than I thought,
I'll tell you what,
When he wakes up, he signs or he's getting Mr, Dingy,
[laughs]
[uptempo music]
It's good to feed the dicks,
I think we should listen to my ma about those girls,
Couldn't hurt to meet,
- Yeah, but do we have to, you know, dance?
[grunts]
You all right, Ev?
- Yeah,
- Don't you ever walk?
Hey, that dick just took my bun,
- Yeah, well sorry I'm late,
But you could've picked a closer place, huh?
- What did the feds say?
- Okay,
So this Agent Bean, they want Ma, they want Barry Ling,
They ain't sayin' that,
but they got somethin' else up their sleeve,
They think you'll lead 'em to her,
They think you're sloppy,
- You feeling all right, Ev?
- Oh, Jesus gold-plated Christ,
It's garlic, okay?
Hey, look, look,
You guys are gettin' sloppy,
A public park ain't the best place to meet,
You know better,
Yeah,
So, uh,
I got some news from my sources,
- What sources?
You always have these sources,
- The dicks,
Who cares?
When have I ever been wrong, huh?
Huh?
- She's got a point,
- Yeah, thank you,
So, a number of the richest people are moving their stuff
out of the city because of this comet,
- What kind of stuff?
- Ah, art, cash, jewels,
- Who knows about this?
I didn't see this on TV,
- Oh, yeah you did,
You just can't remember,
- What are you talking about, Ev?
If that was on the news,
the whole country would be freaking out,
- Oh, no, no,
There's this whole underground communication thing goin' on
between the fat cats at City Hall and Barry Ling,
- The chink?
What's he got goin'?
- Oh, quite a bit,
And Ma wants in and I think these feds want in, too,
- I never heard about this underground communication,
- Subliminal messages embedded
in TV commercials with Mayor Brown,
Yeah,
They've been doin' it for a year now,
Ma's kids, they figured it out,
Hey, so Ma is planning on that comet passing us,
then hitting that convoy before Ling-Ling does,
- There'd be an armored escort,
- Hey, rich and smart don't always go together, you know?
Yeah,
These rich cats, they don't want anyone knowing,
They think they're clever,
No security,
- All that money, no escorts,
Come on,
- No, but listen,
They don't want anyone to know,
Cops talk too, you know?
- Barry's ruthless,
He'll kill 'em and take their loot
just so they don't claim insurance,
- That's a lot of cash, Arch,
That would give us a leg up on that winery,
If Ev is right, it's free money,
- Can you give us the convoy route?
Can't exactly ask Ma,
- Well, let me find out more first,
They want you two, that's for sure,
So listen, Sloppy Joes,
If you ever get a text from me with hugs and kisses,
or gay emojis dancing, you know it's a setup, huh?
Yeah,
Yeah, I'm winking at ya,
Get it?
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Whoa, yeah,
- [Archie] Hey, you fell on a dick,
- [Evelyn] Uh, wouldn't be the first time,
[soft orchestral music]
- Would the two of you go out there
and show those girls some grace?
Ballet, it's grace,
Grace,
- It's gay, Aunt Rose,
- What did you say?
- It's gay,
Ow!
What?
- You don't call my dancers gay homosexuals,
- No, like gay stupid,
Ow!
[laughing]
- What are you laughing at?
You mean stupid, then say stupid,
- Sorry, Aunt Rose,
Now I know where you get it from,
- You got slapped,
[laughing]
- Oh, mamma mia,
[people mumbling]
It was good, though,
It was good,
- Thank you,
- Lovely,
- Well, we wouldn't be against going out with,
- Sonny and Archie,
Sonny pointed us out,
- Oh, well,
He's always been a little excitable,
[laughing]
- A little?
- [Sonny] Thanks, Ma,
- Oh, you're welcome, son,
You two behave yourselves,
- We will,
I love you, Ma,
Bye, Aunt Rosie,
- Ladies, I gotta apologize,
- Oh, look,
You seem like really nice guys,
[door opens]
- Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
What's the rush?
What you got in the bag, huh?
Give me that,
What is that?
- A gift,
- A gift, huh?
For who?
- My grandma,
- Your grandma, huh?
Your grandma likes to party, huh?
What else you got in here?
Ooh, porno mag,
Carton of cigarettes,
Your grandma's a badass, huh?
- Damn, you kid!
I'm gonna get you this time!
- Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
Calm the fuck down,
- Thank you for stopping this thief who stole from my store,
- Did he?
All right,
Well, how about I pay for it?
- Yes, of course, sir,
- Is this enough, hmm?
- Yes,
- Keep the change,
- Thank you, sir,
- Now get out of here,
Come here, kid,
Stay in school, stop stealing,
and don't be a stereotype like us, all right?
One more thing,
Open the bag,
Try not to spend it all in one place, okay?
Get the fuck out of here,
- Our numbers,
Give us a ring,
- You know, Arch,
I really like that blonde,
- Yeah, we all saw that,
- Very funny,
- Bocci balls,
- What?
- Forgot about Breaking Dead in the trunk,
- Oh, man,
Holy shit,
- Jesus,
It smells like Satan's asshole,
- How the hell did we forget these guys?
[gasping]
Getting sloppy, Arch,
Getting real sloppy,
Ugh, man,
[dogs barking]
God,
These dogs are gonna wake somebody up,
- Shut the fuck up!
- [Man] Fuck your mother!
- Take it easy, will ya?
What are you doing?
What the fuck are you doing?
Come on, Arch,
- Two miles,
We just walked two miles,
- All right,
Let me get you some water,
- Why did you guys do that?
- Because of those damn cheap cars we buy,
The damn water pump blew,
- Well, Mama,
You know what they say,
- No, Roxy,
What do they say?
- [Willy] Here you go,
- You get what you pay for,
[Willy laughs]
- Roxy, fuck you!
Take this, baby,
What do you got for your ma, Robert?
Tell me you got something on the convoy,
- Give 'em a chance, baby,
- Don't you baby me, nigga,
- During the frames with the cruise liner,
in the subliminal message you could see the Hollywood actor
as he stands in front of the screen
pointing with the plastic stick
toward the comet heading toward Earth,
- And just when one of the tourists
on the ship is thrown into the water,
a hidden message appears in flashing red letters,
Alert, alert,
At the same time,
the comet is shown crashing into the ocean,
- Who's this being addressed to?
- Well, it's basically for the elite,
- We already know that,
Are they saying the planet's getting whacked for real?
They know something?
- I don't think so,
That's what they're believing,
but the scientists are saying it's not gonna hit us,
- When?
[tense music]
- Agent Bean, you are so gussied up today,
Special reason?
- No,
No, just a formal interrogation,
You're still doing the garlic thing I smell,
- Three cloves daily,
- Ugh,
Evvy, stop,
I need a quick answer from you,
Do you communicate with Sonny Lusconi
or Archibald Bocci on any social networks?
- Aw, come on,
You call me down here again for this,
You couldn't ask me on the phone?
I know what harassment is,
You subpoena me and force a deposition or you got nothin',
Yeah, that's what I thought,
- Oh, I'm really sorry about that,
Oh, what do we have here, huh?
Ah!
[laughs]
All right, listen up,
You tell me what I need to hear and I make this go away,
You see, I can be a nice guy, too,
[tense music]
What are you doing?
- I want you, Agent Bean,
Yes, you're gettin' it,
Yeah,
You feel it too, don't you?
- [Bean] No, I smell,
- Yes, the sexy talk,
Oh, yeah,
I want a good guy for a change,
Come on, let's do it on your desk,
Yeah,
- [Bean] You smell like Euro person's barf,
- I'll tell you everything,
I can't keep my mouth shut during sex,
- Stop or I will have you arrested,
- Yeah,
Get the cuffs ready, Daddy,
[yells]
[groaning]
Oh, my teeth!
My teeth!
You broke my teeth!
- [Archie] What happened?
Come on, come on, come on,
We gotta get you out of here,
- My god,
Who, in there?
In there?
[laughing]
- You're all right,
You're gonna be all right,
- All right, get her in,
Get her in,
- Get her out of here!
- [Sonny] Oh, yeah?
Oh, yeah,
Okay,
All right,
Okay,
Hi,
Hello, yeah,
Okay,
Come on!
- Why are we doing this?
- I think this is the place, Arch,
- A hundred bucks each gets us a nice escort,
Easy and done, huh?
- Come on,
- Day dates aren't good,
No one does day dates,
Hey, this won't be good,
- Just be cool, okay?
Give it a chance,
We might be courting our future wives here,
- Quick hair and makeup check,
- Okay,
- Perfect,
- Hi,
Welcome,
Wow, you guys clean up nice,
- Well, thank you very much,
- Hi, Archie,
Oh, Sonny,
Hi,
- Hi,
Hey, whose birthday?
You ladies having a party?
[laughing]
- Hi,
It's my daughter's ninth birthday,
Your mother said you were family guys,
- Oh,
- And after we saw how you handled that boy with that stuff,
we thought, let's try a first date here,
- Pretty original, huh?
- Yeah, - Yeah,
- Will you come help me grab some lids,
- Yes,
- Ooh,
Looks like we ain't gettin' laid,
- Well, no,
There's too many coats on the bed,
- [Woman] Would you like to have some punch?
- Could one of you help Jennifer
with the cake and the clown?
- Yeah, sure,
I'll help with the cake and how about Arch,
you go help her with the clown,
- Clown,
- Yeah,
- [Archie] Yeah, sure,
- Go ahead, buddy,
- What's he need?
- I'll show you,
- Yeah, go enjoy,
- Just fucking open,
Just fucking open!
Piece of shit,
Just fucking pop,
- You look like a homeless joke,
- Listen, asshole,
I don't need,
- What's in this, huh?
More clowns?
- You are a wiseguy, [subdued pop]
Fuck,
- What was that?
Some kind of special effect?
- It pops,
It scares the little bastards when I get my shit out,
- Ain't gonna scare no one,
- Oh, no,
I know,
It's supposed to pop confetti, but it didn't,
You know, fuck 'em,
They don't get the pop, all right?
- Hey, hey, hey, hey,
What do you mean they don't get the pop?
- They don't get the pop,
- Hey kids want a pop, they get the fucking pop,
- No, man,
I do this all the time,
- Wait here,
- I don't want to wait,
- Don't you freaking move,
- Hopefully it didn't lock again,
Ah, it locked again!
Hurry up back!
- This is what snaps, right?
- Yeah,
Yeah, you put the flash powder in there,
and you open it up, and it pops with confetti,
What's that?
- These kids deserve a real show, all right?
None of that sissy flash powder,
- I don't know,
- You need some balls,
- I need a lot more than that,
I just wanna get this done,
- What, you got someplace to be?
- Anyplace but here,
I hate kids,
- God, you are a lousy clown, you know that?
- Hey, everybody,
Who wants to have some party time?
Huh?
Who wants to have some fun?
What?
- Where's your makeup?
- I don't wear makeup, kid,
I'm hungover,
I can't use a mirror when I'm hungover, all right?
Wait a second,
What's that in your ear hole?
Let me see,
A shiny new quarter,
- You suck!
- You know what's better than a shiny quarter?
I gotta go in my pants to get it,
- Ew,
- But it's coupons!
Huh?
You get two-for-one milk,
- [Kid] Where's the cake?
The clown sucks!
- Whoa, come on,
- [Kids] Cake, cake, clown sucks!
Cake, cake, cake!
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
Hey, Mom,
A little help, Mom,
Please,
- [Kids] Cake, cake, clown sucks!
Cake, cake, cake, clown sucks!
- All right, okay,
Okay,
I'm gonna open up my magical suitcase,
On the count of three,
There are things in here that truly amaze,
Are you ready?
One,
two,
three, [explosion booms]
[kids screaming]
Holy, fucking shit!
Jesus Christ!
Help me!
Holy mother of God!
My god!
Oh, my god!
Oh, shit!
My fucking fingers!
[yelling]
Oh, my god!
[upbeat music]
[laughing]
[tense music]
- Who starts first?
- This the Triad or a boy band?
Do any of youse speak English?
- I speak English,
Do you?
- Who's Mr, and Mrs, Smith?
- Insurance,
- Seriously?
- Why don't we discuss the important elements
of this collaboration,
- Okay,
Let's give that a try,
- My uncle is not a patient man,
- Gentleman, as the owner of this facility,
this doesn't have to be a hostile discussion,
If we could all agree to just,
- I'm not interested in sharing anything with Ma,
However, in the spirit of cooperation,
we could look into some kind of equal,
[laughing]
- Did he say equal?
Equal, you say,
- He says,
- I say,
- Say,
- We agree that you take the factory lines
of the green and red grass,
As well as the pills,
But leave the blue powder for us,
- How about Ma takes the blue powder
and you and your little Chinese leprechaun over there,
you take the rest of that crap?
- How about we cut the bullshit?
- Sure,
- Sure?
- Listen, sister,
- Sister?
- Say,
- Our two families, if you will, aren't going to mesh,
We're doing this dance, but you and I,
we both knew coming into this how it was going to end up,
[guns firing]
- I was a boxer, Chinaman,
[gun firing]
[yells]
- Duck, honey,
- Duck hunting?
- I just saved your life,
How many times have we been in a shootout?
- Shit, that's 12 or so,
Why?
- I think it's about time for a pie fight,
- What are you talking about?
- [Woman] Big creamy pies in people's faces,
Just like the Stooges,
- Say,
- Why are there pies in a shootout?
- I don't know,
I just thought it was funny,
- Let Ollie handle the rough stuff if it gets to that,
Where is that idiot anyway?
- Listen to me,
I don't want to get into any mess,
The goal is to find out what they know about the convoy,
- Okay, okay,
You know me,
[guns firing]
- Hey, guys,
Give us a hand,
- Don't shoot, don't shoot!
- Hey, get down!
- See, even the chinks know how to use American muscle,
[horn honks]
- That was the kid's toy grenade, you idiot!
- Can't even check your kids!
- What the hell are you doing?
Who is this guy?
What the?
[mouthing tune]
- [Sonny] Get the fuck out of here!
- You know, we were set up along with those chinks,
- Asians,
- There's no way that fat broad is getting one over on us,
- You wanna whack Ma?
- No, we don't kill her,
We hurt her,
- Like the clown?
- That was an accident,
No,
We hit her like a comet,
Straight up her ass,
- You got a plan?
- Oh, I got a plan,
- So let's try this again, okay?
No bullshit,
- Okay,
Look, I'm really sorry that it came to this,
but the new teeth, they look good,
Look, the fact that you're cooperating with us,
I think, makes it better for everyone,
- Yes,
Yes,
- We want Ma and your little buddies,
Siegfried and Roy, work for Ma,
We want them to get her,
You help us get them,
Catch and release,
- How's that legal?
- Trust me,
- Trust you?
Oh, like planting drugs,
- It's all water under the bridge now, Evvy,
Look, we're turning a new page here today,
You came to me,
That's trust, right?
- Sure,
- So now text 'em,
- Text 'em?
Text 'em?
- Text them that you want to meet them at the Boxing Times,
- Texting,
Meet me, Evvy, at Boxing Times,
- [Bean] You don't have to talk while you type,
- Wink, slash, smiley face,
- Evvy's teeth really got messed up,
I hope she doesn't overdose on pain killers,
- Yeah,
Me, too,
I'm worried about her,
- [Sonny] Yeah,
Me, too,
- It's her and she's speaking code,
A gay emoji!
And she never uses Evelyn,
- Could be a trap,
- Nah, she wouldn't let that happen,
[cellphone rings]
Bonjourno, Ma,
- [Ma On Phone] Get your asses over here!
There's shit going on,
- On our way,
- Could be another trap, Archie,
- She wouldn't whack us at her own place,
She still needs us for something,
- [Sonny] You think so?
- Not only do the chinks have Ollie,
the bastards took out all my best people,
- We'll help in any way we can to find Ollie,
Won't we, Sonny?
- Absolutely,
- Yeah, yeah?
Well, you two assholes are the last guys I got,
And I want to fill you in on something,
It's a big deal,
You can retire on it,
- You want to retire us, Ma?
- What does that mean?
What the hell does that mean?
- I don't know,
So what's this deal anyway?
- I want to get a jump on Ling,
And then, I want to send him a retirement package,
You in?
- In what?
- We got this car man,
- [Roxy] Oh, my god,
Oh, my god, Ma!
Ma!
- This is the conspiracy of the century, Ma,
It's all confirmed,
Judging by the subliminal messages,
a number of vans and trucks with priceless objects
will make their way from four points of origin,
The entire convoy will have no security,
And the cargo will be stored underground
at a depth of 666 meters,
Barry Ling is tipped off by Mayor Brown,
He gets a 40% cut of the haul,
- Over my fat ass!
- Tell him, Mama,
- Shut up!
We lost good guys to that rice-eating prick,
And now all I got are you two,
Can you pull it off?
- Pull off what?
- The heist!
Jacking the convoy,
What else, dumbass?
These rich dicks have been saving their fortunes
just in case life on this planet is destroyed,
They're hedging their bets and we are gonna wipe them out,
You in?
- [Both] Yeah,
[grunting]
- Sonny, don't laugh,
Come on,
- These springs aren't what they used to be,
[laughing]
Oh, yeah?
Keep on laughing!
When I get up I'm gonna sit on your face!
Somebody, do something!
Call a tow truck!
[laughing]
[yelling]
[gong crashes]
- So, Ma has laid my nephew up in the hospital
and thinks she can move on my convoy,
Well, we have thinned that cow's herd,
Let her roll after the convoy herself,
All of my friends are betting on the convoy,
[muffled scream]
Ah,
Know this,
Always bet on yourself unless you're a shit-for-brains wop,
Something you have plenty of time to think about,
But now, I have other business to attend to,
My wealthy friends need to see
I'm in the lifeboat with them,
- NASA and the White House took to the airwaves
and the internet last night to assure the world
that Earth will be spared form the approaching comet,
- Oh, what happened to the hand, man?
- Gone,
- Oh,
What can I get ya?
- Uh, just give me a plain egg bagel and a large coffee,
One at a time,
- You mean the Egg McBagel?
- An egg bagel, plain,
- An Egg McBagel,
- What is this, fucking McDonald's?
Just give me an egg bagel,
- The Egg McBagel,
- What else you got with egg?
Just give me an egg bagel, all right?
I'm on a lot of pain meds,
- An Egg McBagel,
- Oh, you're not fucking McDonald's, all right?
They can Mc anything they want!
You can't!
They got the McRib, the McChicken, the McMcMuffin!
They can do it, you can't!
- One Egg McBagel!
- Now you're putting cheese on it, asshole!
- Toilet's clogged up,
- Oh, shit,
- I've been looking for you,
[laughs] How's the hand?
[laughs]
By the way, I feel a little bad about that,
That's why I came here, to make it up to you,
Offer you a job,
- Oh, really?
- Yeah,
- What do you got, an Eyes Wide Shut party
with people who dig one-handed clowns?
- One day of work and you can retire,
Or buy a bionic hand that shoots seltzer water, whatever,
Or both,
I don't give a shit,
You'll never have to work again,
- Tell this asshole he sells bagels, not McBagels,
- This guy?
- Yeah,
- He's a client of mine,
Hey, change it to bagel with cheese
or I kick the McShit out of you, huh?
- Hey, yo!
Yo!
You're that guy,
The boxer from the restaurant from the other night,
- Yeah, that's me,
- You need a job?
- This is my day job,
I beat the shit out of people at night,
- What, are you an actor?
- What kind of job?
Like meeting up with guys like you in back lots like this?
- Come on,
Nothing like that,
One afternoon's work you can retire from both your jobs,
Day and night,
[sighs]
- All right, I'm listening,
- Do you think we can borrow a few wires from the studio?
- We got her,
- [laughs] It's official?
- Yeah, we pull this off, we live like kings
and no one's gonna be the wiser,
I mean, there is so much loot in those trucks,
no one's gonna miss a million or two,
- You grab a little something for our troubles,
nab Ma and Ling, and we come out heroes, baby,
- When Evvy comes through and those two idiots deliver Ma,
Ma knows the convoy routes and Ling's plans,
Then, and only then, will Operation Garlic & Gunpowder
be a win-win,
- [laughs] And we let Ma do all the heavy lifting,
- Are you sure you can trust Evvy?
- Yeah, I think so,
Yeah,
- You slept with her?
- What?
No,
- How do you know you can trust her?
- Well, because I,
- You did, didn't you?
- No, I didn't,
- You did,
- No, I didn't,
- Hey, you can tell me,
Come on,
I mean, it's part of the job,
There's no shame in it,
- It would be like fucking a bowl of soup,
No,
No, I didn't, okay?
No,
Knock it off,
- [Woman] Come on, hit!
Hit!
- What's she doing here?
- Oh, yeah,
Glad you could make it,
[spits]
I know this place is safe,
But the only way I could get in
was a promise to be her sparring partner,
Oh, yeah,
- She's gonna hear, Evvy,
- Ah, she can't hear nothing,
Oh, no,
Are you kidding me?
She's in fight mode,
Look at this bitch,
Yeah, take a nap,
Take a nap, Rhonda,
[grunting]
The convoy will be passing through Edgin Gulch at 11 a,m,
You let me know your hit spot,
but the best place for the ambush is Dotter's Corners,
They can block the streets from either side
and they'll be hemmed in,
Come on!
[grunts]
- Evvy really goes out of her way for us, Arch,
- Okay,
All right,
So, Ma'll be there?
- Yeah,
- Like this!
[grunting]
- Ah, that's my tooth, bitch!
- You wanted it!
All right, meet you there?
- Yeah, we'll meet you there,
- [Evelyn] Take it,
Take a Xanax, would ya?
- With Ma,
[grunts]
[uptempo music]
- Welcome to Big City Bagels,
What can I get ya?
- Let me get the egg bagel,
- You mean the Egg McBagel,
- We all set?
- Who are you talking to, me or the clown?
- I have a name,
- Both of ya,
- [Both] Yeah, yeah,
All set,
- What took you so long, Uber dicks?
Whoa, nice,
Hey, Cagney and Lacey,
We gotta be at Dotter's Corners by 11,
Step on it!
Oh, dick,
- Willy, you drive,
Robert, you navigate,
And Roxy, finish your breakfast,
Get the fuck off me, Roxy!
[Ma grunts]
Start the car!
And where's my fucking sweater?
- [Willy] I think you're sitting on it, baby,
- [Man On Radio] Will the comet hit us?
Scientists and politicians are still debating,
Regardless, the world is holding its breath,
- Even if it hits, we will piss on the world's ashes,
[grunting]
- It doesn't work,
- How far does that tele thing say, Robert?
- About 60 miles and change,
- They better have lined up a damn good crew for this,
Archie, he said he got the best,
Ha, we'll see,
- 20 minutes tops to get it
just like we rehearsed, all right?
The chinks,
- Oh, chinks?
- The Chinese,
- Yeah, I get it, I get it, but, uh,
What, are you gonna use racial slurs behind my back, too?
- No,
And if I did, I'd put an A at the end of it,
Do think you're a total fag though,
- Wait, you guys rehearsed?
[laughing]
- Mind if we stop?
I gotta take a piss,
What?
I got a small bladder,
- [Sonny] The chances of this working
the way we threw this together, very slim,
- [Archie] All we need is 10 minutes, one truck,
and we'll be sitting on that vineyard,
- We got a clown and a porn star as wingmen,
We ain't getting out of this one,
We're either going to jail for a very long time
or we're gonna be joining our clients out there,
- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
We ain't ending up out there,
You hear me?
Our pops died in the same bus crash,
We went to kindergarten, middle school, high school,
We'll die together,
At least not like this,
And besides, we got Evvy,
She's like a sister,
Okay, okay,
Like a second mom,
Point is, we didn't do all this to have
that be our graveyard and reeds be our headstones,
We're getting out of this,
We're gonna be set for life,
- [Sonny] Good speech, Arch,
Real good,
- [Archie] All you gotta do is keep talking
and show him your briefcase,
- [Clown] Talk, briefcase,
But where are the girls?
- [Archie] They'll be here,
- All right, let me ask you,
What if someone comes down the road either way?
- This is a public road,
- Don't worry about it,
We know these roads,
- How's that?
- Hey, we do business up here,
- What kind of business is done up this way?
- Did you just put our business in quotes?
- Yeah,
- Cook,
[tense music]
- Ladies, you look great in those porn dresses,
- You didn't tell us it was a bit of a walk up to you,
- [Archie] Sorry,
- Ladies, I'd like to thank you for doing this for us,
- Ah, you're just lucky we like you boys,
- This is where we wait?
- Well, they'll be here,
- For your sake, I hope so,
- Oh, you got a smart watch?
- So what?
- Well, get you laid a lot?
Yeah, that's what I thought,
- No means no,
- This'll be better than a pie fight,
- Oh,
Is it the boys?
- [Bean] It's Ma,
Holy shit, there she is,
- So let's get her,
- What for?
She hasn't done anything yet,
I don't see your idiot buddies in there with her,
Unless maybe they're in the trunk,
[laughing]
- What's the difference?
You got her,
There she is,
- You know better than that,
- What do you mean?
- How many mob hoods do you know flaunt themselves
in front of the cops, huh?
We need probable cause,
It's crime 101, stupid,
- Oh, blow me,
- Those aren't our assholes,
- I told you Sonny and Archie would mess this up, Mama,
I told you,
- The convoy!
Step on the pedal!
- [Evvy] [grunting] You want a garlic fart?
- We're losing 'em,
- I've got the pedal to the floor, baby,
- Don't you pedal me, nigga,
Catch up!
- Oh, my back teeth were floating,
Here they come, girls!
Get ready!
[engine sputtering]
- What is it?
What's wrong with the car?
What is happening right now?
- I think it's dead, baby,
- So are we,
What's the problem?
- Well, the oil light come on about a half hour ago,
- The oil light?
Was the car leaking oil?
- Yeah, about a quart a day or so,
- And when did you notice the car was leaking oil?
- About six days ago,
- And how many quarts of oil does the car take?
- [Willy] Five,
- Nigga, do the math!
Oil!
- Robert,
Robert, why don't you get out there and try to hitchhike?
- What?
Why do I have to?
- When was the last time you saw a black man
try to hitch a ride and get one, hmm?
- [Brunette] Wait, wait, wait,
Just gotta get it,
[tense music]
I got it, I got it, I got it,
- What's going on?
- I was wondering?
Do you guys think you could
give us a lift to Dotter's Corner?
- [Brunette] I'm sorry,
Let me just,,,
I know,
I can get it, I can get it,
Let me just,
- Don't rip it!
[grunting]
- Okay, okay,
Just calm down,
Hold on, I'm trying to figure this out,
I got it, I got it,
Relax,
It's okay, we can do this,
- [Jennifer] No, you're pulling it too hard,
- How do you know which one it is?
- Just pick one,
They're all loaded,
At least that's what Evvy said,
- And remember, no killing,
I promised the girls,
- What'll you do, use harsh language?
- You, bitch,
What are you doing?
You're gonna rip it,
Stop,
Just stop doing that,
You gonna ruin everything,
Wait, wait,
You're gonna rip it,
My dress is caught in the door,
- [Brunette] Oh, my gosh,
I am so sorry, honey,
Okay, I got it,
- No,
What do you mean you got it?
No, stop,
You're gonna rip it,
- [Brunette] I got it,
- No, look,
You're really gonna rip it,
You're ripping it!
[screams]
What is wrong with you?
- Now there's something you don't see every day,
- [Jennifer] Oh, you think this is funny?
[screams]
- We're on,
- How do you like that, huh?
Yeah, what?
You don't like it, do ya?
- It is on,
- Really?
- Yes!
[grunting]
- Let go of me!
What are you?
[screams]
[grunts]
- [Jennifer] That one really hurt,
- Oh, ladies!
- Oh, you hit my tit,
- I may be a clown, but I'm a Christian,
- Get out of here!
- No, no, no, no,
There's a lot of nipple showing,
- You better get out of here!
You better,
- Ow!
Look, I implore you,
- Get him out of here,
Get out of here!
Go!
Come on, bitch,
- Just shut the fuck up, Roxy,
- Car trouble?
- No, I'm enjoying the view,
Yeah, I have car trouble,
- You gonna tiptoe around?
Is that what you're gonna do?
Gonna distract me?
- [Brunette] Yeah,
- And then what?
And then what?
[grunting]
- Someone stinks,
- What's so important?
- I ain't got time to explain,
You, get us ahead of those cars
and I'll make money drop out your asshole,
Step on it!
- Arch, they're coming,
- [Archie On Radio] Who?
- The Chinese,
- [Archie On Radio] Who?
- Ling's guys,
The chinks, okay?
The chinks,
- What are we gonna do?
[gasps]
- You,
It's on now,
- [Jennifer] Pick it up with your teeth,
- What the hell is this?
- You know, it's the damndest thing, [laughs]
- I will handle this from here,
- What are you two talking about?
[gun firing]
[girl screams]
- Holy shit!
- What's in the suitcase, clown?
- More clowns,
- You're funny,
You're a funny clown,
- Yeah, I try,
- The girls, what's their story?
- Would you believe they were fighting over me?
All right, all right,
- Give me this suitcase,
For your sake, you better hope
there are more clowns in here,
- Oh, yeah, yeah,
There's a lot of clowns in there,
Lots of clowns,
[explosion booms]
[tense music]
- Lock it,
- Federal agents!
- Drop your guns, dick nuts!
- Feds?
Those assholes are feds?
[yelling]
[gun fires]
[guns firing]
- [Clown] There,
Almost there,
There it is, dresses on,
- Thank you,
- All right, go,
All right,
Don't go until I get back if you can help it, all right?
- Okay,
- [Clown] All right,
[guns firing]
- Easy, big boy,
Okay, up against the truck,
Let's go,
Yeah,
- Who does your hair Wang Chung, huh?
[guns firing]
This guy speaks Italian,
[man speaking Italian]
- That's Italian,
- Yeah, I don't understand that,
You don't look like an Italian guy,
- There's Asian-Italians,
- Asian-Italians?
- Yeah,
- I didn't know that, - Yeah,
- No, no,
Don't talk,
- Well, you know they invented the noodle,
- Holy shit,
Look at all of it,
Shh,
Oh, my god,
I can't even count this high,
Shh,
I've seen procedurals,
We gotta do this quick,
- No, I think we're gonna go,
- I should get your dress,
- I don't even know where the fucking keyhole is,
[grunting]
- Now get these back to the car,
- [Clown] Okay,
- Go, go!
- If I ca-caw, it means I'm down,
- Ca-caw!
- Come on, seriously?
[guns firing]
- [Man] Ha!
[laughing]
[gun fires]
- Hey, this has gotta pay better than porn, huh?
- Get ready for the money shot,
- Here I come,
[yelling]
- I got you, Evvy!
I got you!
- Son of a!
You set me up, you son of a bitch!
- No!
[gun fires]
- I can't do this,
This was such a terrible idea,
Your idea,
- My idea?
- Sonny!
Sonny!
No, Sonny,
You can't leave me,
Sonny,
- What happened?
- I don't know,
He's all fucked up,
- What?
- He's all fucked up,
- He's all fucked up!
[tense music]
- You still planning on arresting us after all this?
- I've had a change of heart,
- You know what's in these trucks, right?
- Yeah,
[guns firing]
- I'm thinking we get paid for all this trouble,
- That's good thinking,
That's really good thinking,
- Okay, okay,
You get these bags to the car, all right?
- [Clown] Okay,
- [Roxy] I can't hear anything!
- Well, I can hear you!
Shut the fuck up, Roxy!
- The bullet grazed his neck!
He's gonna be okay!
- Good,
- Door!
Door!
- Sonny, don't die on me!
Sonny!
- Oh, my god,
Are you okay?
- That's it,
- Where are you going?
[gun firing]
[Roxy screams]
[gun fires]
- [laughs] Fellas, come on,
We just saved your asses,
- Open,
- Looks like you gentlemen got quite the haul there,
Congrats,
- You think we've got room for Barry Ling in our car?
- Of course,
In the ashtray,
[both laugh]
- Hey, hey,
Could we please go, Uber dicks?
- Left you a bag or two just in case you didn't bring one,
It's been real,
[uptempo music]
- How long we got after we call this in?
- Why don't we get Ling in cuffs first?
- What about Ma?
- She ain't goin' nowhere,
- What the hell happened?
- Robert, help me!
Help your Ma!
Get over here!
Get the fuck over here!
They're assholes, Robert!
Help Ma!
Help your Ma!
[both laughing]
You see, the problem is Willy don't know nothing
about internal combustion engines, but I do,
And I know you need oil to run a car, nigga,
- Operation Garlic & Gunpowder was originally conceived by,
well, by myself in a very quiet moment when I was sleeping,
And Agent Bean assisted me during the very loose hours
when his liver was hurting,
- Jackpot!
Meet your love goddess, baby,
- Ah!
Oh, shit!
Don't call my grandma!
Please, don't call my grandma!
- Yeah,
Oh, you bitch!
You are just a whore!
- [Man] Here, grab this,
- Yeah, yeah, that's yours,
Take it back to prison,
- My fucking tits are in my mouth,
How the fuck am I supposed to talk?
- Be nice,
- [Willy] Your tit's in everybody's mouth,
[laughing]
- I can't even take a decent dump,
- Stop clowning around,
- Oh, you mother fucker,
- Get out of here!
- [Clown] Mother fuckers!
[yelling]
- I always wanted to say that,
[laughing]
- [Evelyn] Damn it, I can't even pinch a loaf in here!
- No nose,
- You don't have a nose?
- I do have a nose, but I don't have it on,
- Jackpot!
I have to do that,
I lost my whip,
- [Man] Cut!
- They said cut,
They said cut,
- I want gas money from everybody,
[laughs]
- I'll give you some gas,
- No, I don't want gas from you,
- Can I ask you a question?
- You just did, Sonny,
[laughing]
- You're kind of cute, actually,
- [Evelyn] I am cute,
Deal with it,
- All right,
- [Evelyn] Look at this cute outfit,
- Drop those little shorts and I will deal with it,
- What?
- We were wondering when you guys were gonna show up,
- There's cheese on your dick!
- [Man] Back to one, back to one, back to one,
Redo that, please,
- [Man] I almost ripped off my microphone,
[subdued music]
[barks]