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- James, get ready,
We're going to church,
Come on, let's go,
Hey come on, I'm serious,
We're running late,
- Why?
Why are we going to church?
I hate church,
- I don't have time for a big debate, okay?
- You can't just spring this on me,
Why didn't you say something last night?
- I don't need a big debate about this, okay?
We're going to church,
It's just time to start going again,
- Look Dad, I have plans today,
You should have told me earlier,
- [Dad] It's time, it's time to start going again,
- Just 'cause Shari dumped you,
- [Dad] Not because Shari dumped me,
Dammit!
- Dad!
Dad, can I borrow your deodorant?
- You're not wearing that,
- It's all I have,
- Go get your khakis,
- They're too small,
- No, they're not,
I just got those at Christmas,
- Christmas two years ago,
- Okay,
- Dad!
They're too small,
(tense tones)
- Here,
("Praise God From Whom All Blessings Flow")
I'll see you after Sunday School,
- 'Kay,
- Hi, - Hey,
- Nice!
How you doing?
- I'm good,
(upbeat music)
- Van Exel shoots,
- Moreno Valley P,D,,
we got a call about a black male playing basketball,
- I am well within my rights as a tax paying American
to shoot some hoops,
- That's true,
However, from what I've seen,
you're not exactly meeting the standards
for a person of color playing Bball in Moreno Valley,
I'm gonna have to take ya in, buster,
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
- You have the right to remain silent,
- No, I choose to waive that, all in yo face,
(laughing)
- Oh gee,
All right, Abe,
- How was your summer in Fontana?
- Ah dude, it was great,
Like the best summer of my life,
- Wow, - My dad
is way cooler than my mom,
And like my brother, Michael,
I mean like we're brothers,
but like, like we bonded, you know?
How was yours?
- Well it was all right,
I just kinda played music, fucked around,
(laughing)
- Dude what is, what's up with those clothes man?
I'm not gonna even ask,
- Fuck dude,
My dad keeps trying to take me to church with him
so he can pick up some church ladies,
Summer sucked so hard man, you don't even know,
- Want some?
- Fuck yeah,
Abe style?
Looks good,
Are you gonna have one?
- I'm fine,
(cheering) - Um, um!
- I can't believe you told your friend
about the tennis balls,
- Heidi, I never said they were your tennis balls,
- [James] This show sucks,
- [Abe] Yeah, but the chicks are hot,
- You know I saw Carla today at church,
- She has a nice butt,
- Yeah, she's got a really nice body,
She was hanging out with Donna and Armando,
- What?
Those guy, man they're always hanging around her, man,
And have you like seen their faces
when she gives 'em those slow, long hugs?
It's clearly obvious she doesn't even like them,
- Are you sure, I mean they--
- I'm positive,
- But why is she always hanging around them?
- Girls like her don't like groupies,
They like guys who stand out,
Guys who can make 'em laugh,
We can't be background characters anymore, man,
- We're not background characters,
I mean, yeah, not everybody knows who we are,
but-- - Well if
we're not background characters
why is she hanging out with those fools and not us?
- I don't get it,
- You know my brother, Michael, right?
- Right?
- Guy's like the funniest guy you'll ever meet,
Three girlfriends,
Two of them he's already done it with,
The third, finger banged,
Trust me, I was there,
I was in the closet,
It was kinda hot, man,
- You were there?
- Freaking see him with a chick right there making out,
real quick, then like oh man that's pretty cool,
Next thing I know she starts taking off her shirt,
Like all slow and shit like a strip tease,
- Uh huh, did you see her?
- Duh I saw her, man,
She had some nice boobs,
Then like that vagina, it was an outie,
- An outie vagina?
How does that work?
- Yeah, - That's like good, right?
- Duh, it's good,
Yeah, that means she's experienced,
- Right,
- All I'm trying to say is, if you wanna get with Carla,
you gotta be more outgoing,
Our inside jokes gotta be outside jokes,
We gotta bring down the house this year, man,
All right,
- I got a couple sago palms,
And you know I did the interior design myself too,
- Wow,
- Men aren't supposed to wanna do that stuff
but I really enjoy that, (woman laughing)
This is my son, James,
- Hi James,
Nice to meet you,
He's handsome,
- Oh, I wonder where he gets it,
(laughing)
Get in the car, son,
So I would love to get a chance to spend time with you,
I don't know if I told you this,
but I spent years teaching in Thailand, for two years,
Yeah and I was teaching English
but I was using English to teach,
And I brought back a lot of that with me,
including the motif of my home is really very Asian,
I think you'd really like it, (hard rock music)
(laughing)
I'm sorry, he's really getting into rock music right now,
Hey bud, not at church,
- That's what she said,
- We should probably get going,
(metal music)
- Let me ask you about your signature amp series,
Specifically the black amp,
Sold exclusively at Guitar City,
- No,
'Cause it's not the kinda amp you talk about,
It's the kinda amp you gotta feel,
- Hey Dad, do you think we could go to Guitar City?
- [Dad] I don't think so,
- Why not?
- [Dad] I think you know why,
- Because I didn't sit with you in church?
Fine,
Forget it,
Is Jay Buhner still on a tear?
- Yeah, but unfortunately I traded him to Carl for Nomo,
- Well, you're probably better off,
I mean Jay Buhner's always getting injured,
- Yeah, I guess so,
I still have Lofton so you know,
my outfield's in pretty good shape,
- Yeah, he's really consistent,
- Let's just talk briefly about what happened at church,
I'm 49 years old,
A man at my age, it's hard to meet women,
And when you embarrass me the way you did at church,
these little things, they have a big impact,
- Okay,
- You know what, maybe sometime this week
we'll drive down to Guitar City,
- Can't we go now?
- I have a fantasy baseball meeting in 20 minutes,
But we'll go, later in the week,
- Cool,
(plaintive electric guitar strumming)
(gentle guitar music)
(music intensifies)
Oh fuck,
(school bell rings)
(rock music)
So new look, huh?
- Yeah,
Nice necklace,
- Yeah, I've always had this necklace,
- Yeah and it looks great on you, man,
- Yeah, I got it in Mammoth,
These are real shells,
- I know, it looks good on you, man,
Just chill out,
Man,
Dude, look at Mr, Durante, man,
School has just started and he's already being a dick,
- I bet he has a really funny penis,
- What?
- I bet he has a whole penis cleaning,
maintenance operation and is really regimented,
like a horse brush, hairy good,
- Hey!
It looks like we're having a lot of fun here,
Yes,
What was so funny?
- Oh we were totally talking about
a Saturday Night Live a skit,
- Yeah, - It was hilarious,
- Nice necklace,
- Thanks,
I got it in Mammoth,
They're real shells,
- That's great,
I'm sure you're well aware about our non jewelry policy
at the school,
Please lose the necklace,
And Andrew Dice Clay, lose the jacket,
- Whoa, Mr, Durante you can't say that man,
- No? - There's nothing
in the dress code that I can't wear this,
- Yeah, there's no writing on it
and it's got a collar,
- I have a collar, - He's perfectly fine
wearing that jacket, - Yes!
- Okay, fine,
James please, lose the necklace,
- Ah my god, he's such a dick,
- Yeah, I'm kinda glad he took my seashell necklace,
- Dude, why?
It looked good on you, man,
- Nah, it's stupid,
- No it didn't man, it looked good,
'Sup ladies?
(sighs)
♪ Uh uh, uh uh, uh uh ♪ ♪ No, no ♪
♪ Who fucked this nigga ♪ ♪ Yo no Neah nick ♪
♪ He got me fucked up ♪
♪ I ain't saying nothing ♪ ♪ So bitch your no Neah nick ♪
- Hey are we gonna go?
- Just shut up, man,
♪ Don't be in the places I've been ♪
- Hey, how much?
- What?
- I'm looking for a good time,
How much?
- Stupid,
This your car?
- Yeah man, I pay the insurance and everything,
I actually thought I had to get some work done up on it,
But I got it back from a smog check
and everything's A-okay,
- Yeah I's gonna buy my neighbor's Civic
but didn't really work out,
- I thought I saw your mom driving this car--
- No, no, it's my car now,
She uh-- - I see, like flowers
and some hat, - That's bullshit,
No, no, no, no,
I haven't cleaned it out yet,
I just got it back from the smog check,
- So how do you pay for all these smog checks
and you know oil changes and--
- I got a job,
I'm a male stripper,
- I'm also a male stripper,
- We do a stripper duo,
Salt and pepper,
- I uh-- - We shake it up,
- Yeah, - For each other?
- I'll go through a whole day just finding ones
random places,
Yesterday I found one in my sock, it was crazy,
Do you want a ride?
- No that's okay, my cousin is picking me up,
- You could just, you know, call your cousin,
tell him you got a ride and--
- I live kinda far,
- Gas prices are crazy now, - Oh I think he's here,
See you guys,
- Bye Carla,
- Dude, you're so crushing on her, so hard,
- (scoffs) Let's just go, all right?
- Actually I don't think I can take you anymore,
I'm trying to save gas, so,,,
- [James] Shut up!
(laughing)
♪ We boning, ya hear ♪
- Hey hey!
There he is,
Hey bud,
Game's already on, got some za, grab a slice,
Got you a cheese,
- It was really good, actually,
I'll eat anything, but I'm like you,
my favorite is just plain cheese,
Call me simple, but ya can't beat a cheese pizza,
Hmm, so who are we rooting for?
- Yeah, who are we rooting for, James?
- Angels,
- But Royce Clayton right now has the baggage juice
and I need him to knock in a couple of runs,
- Okay so wait, Clayton plays for Texas, right?
So if he scores, isn't that bad for the Angels?
- Right,
I'm still rooting for the Angels, but it's complicated,
I have two players in the game,
So I've got the batter from Texas,
but I have the pitcher from Anaheim,
So I want Royce Clayton to get a hit right now,
but then I want Tim Belcher to do well
against the rest of the lineup,
- So you don't cheer for the rest of the guys,
just two guys?
- [Dad] I cheer for everyone, to do well or to do badly,
- Okay I'm really confused,
- What are you confused about?
- He's talking about fantasy baseball,
- Yes!
- Well it seems like it would be confusing
to be rooting for individual players on different teams,
But I don't know, maybe it's just me,
I don't really understand baseball,
- No, I understand all of it and you're right,
it's a complete waste of time,
- So you also think it's weird
that men sit around fantasizing about baseball players,
- Yeah, I'm waiting for Sammy Soso to come make me pancakes,
That's my fantasy,
Hey can't ya come to my house and have a snowball fight
with my son, knock his tooth out?
- (laughs) What Dad?
- Okay, okay, shh,
Come on guys,
Come on now Belcher, strike him out, strike him out,
Here we go,
Here we go, come on, come on,
Oh god damn Belcher,
God dammit,
That's pretty much my whole week right there,
Down the fucking drain,
- [Announcer] Looks like we're taking a little break
as Terry Collins is coming out to have a little pow wow,
- I'm sorry guys,
Some more cheese?
- [Announcer] But don't wanna travel too far?
Look no further than Snow Valley Mountain Resort,
San Diego's closest ski resort with over 200,
So many options these days you can get dizzy
trying to choose just the right place
for each occasion,
Let Flavored Ice--
- So do you also play ball?
- No, - Yes you do!
Liar,
He was good too,
Played short stopped, just like Clayton,
- I used to play,
- Oh, why did you stop?
- It doesn't matter,
- Okay guys, here he is,
Two men on,
- All right I'm confused, so I'm just going
for the Angels, - Bring 'em home,
- Belcher's a veteran,
He's like 40,
Why'd you pick him anyway?
I'm pretty sure he's all washed up,
He's done,
- Well sometimes you learn something when you watch a game,
right son? - Yeah,
you're gonna learn something in just a sec,
- Okay,
All right,
- That was really good pizza though,
- Oh you're in trouble now, Dad,
- Fly ball, easy out,
Fly ball,
- Uh, uh,
Uh, oh!
- God dammit, (James laughs)
Damn Belcher,
- You know Dad, sometimes ya gotta learn to lose,
- James, go to your room, now!
- Why are you getting mad at me?
- I'm not mat at you at all,
I'm really glad you came and watched the game with us,
thank you,
But Laurel and I want some alone time now,
- [Announcer] Well when the ball hit high,
but not very far out toward right center,
- Fine,
(door slams)
(frenzied electric guitar strumming)
(plaintive electric guitar music)
- Last year we had reports
of water left running in the sinks,
tissue papers left crumpled on the floors,
and we even had someone or some persons
urinating on the toilet paper rolls,
If you throw your trash at the wastebasket
in a basketball manner, there's gonna be consequences
even if you make the shot,
- This is something we're not messing around with, guys,
This year I'm going to be bathroom patrol,
Checking in on you guys,
making sure there is no problems at all,
Okay?
Thank you,
But, hold on,
this is your school, right?
Yes, it is,
I know you guys can walk into the bathroom,
wash your hands with the right amount of soap,
then throw away the paper tissue right into the trash can
in the proper manner,
Come on guys, I believe in you,
I know you can do it,
I believe in you guys,
I know, you're awesome,
I believe in you guys,
You can do this,
(tentative clapping)
Abe, please come back to your seat,
- Yes, bathroom hygiene, not pissing on the toilet paper,
- Abraham Waylons come back to your seat right now,
- Yes, yes!
Bathroom,
Love hygiene,
- Glad for you,
Now come back to your seat and stay quiet,
- So at the beginning, Debujer and Debrogly
are hunting small game, stealing eggs,
just pretty much just trying to get by at this point,
Now what happens at the end of chapter seven?
Come on guys, you know this,
- What you got for us, girl?
- Debujer became obsessed with building the fortress,
- Why would he do such a thing?
Anyone else besides Carla know this?
(boys laughing)
- Shh,
- Yes, James,
- Okay, so I tried to read this,
But I just didn't get it,
I mean I couldn't relate to the characters,
They're just these two crazy guys
doing things for no reason,
I mean I'd like to, you know, see them have some goals,
Like why is he building the fort,
You know?
- Well, that is the point,
That is the point,
Why?
He leaves it to your interpretation,
He doesn't spell it out for you,
he doesn't lead you by the proverbial hand
down the literary lane,
Earth to Abe,
This is Ground Control,
What's your thoughts, man?
- Huh, oh!
About the book?
Debujer man, he is the man,
You know when he's trying to make that dance studio, man,
And then he was all like, yo man,
tribespeople you should totally dance with us,
And then they're all like we can't dance like you
'cause like they dance like,
all conservative like,
But then like Debrogly and Debujer had like their,
(kids laughing) - Oh my god!
- You know?
(feigns yelling)
You know?
There was clear dance conflict,
You know, there was tension,
They couldn't connect,
- Next time, read the assignment,
Do not roll and smoke it,
- You know what, I actually remember,
I was reading like five other books last night,
(laughs) I might've been mixing it up all together man,
- Read,
I'm telling ya, you're gonna love this book,
All of you will,
Just give it a chance, read,
(plaintive electric guitar music)
- So, I don't know, you guys like TV, something?
- Yeah, - Cool,
That's nice, sure,
- Excuse me, thanks, - Sure, no worries,
I'll tell you the one that I really like,
It's Robin Williams,
That guy's such a great, great actor,
So funny,
I just every time I see a movie with Robin Williams
it's like oh my god, just gonna have a great time,
Do you guys have seen much Robin Williams recently?
- No,
- My dad rented Birdcage like a month ago,
- You know what, bottom line,
I don't really enjoy everything that Robin Williams does,
Sometimes it could be even too raunchy,
I'll tell you one that I really, really enjoy:
That was Mrs, Doubtfire,
It was so funny,
That scene where he was changing into a woman
just facial expressions, because guys,
to be funny, everything,
absolutely everything depends on the facial expressions,
Something like, eh, oh,
Whatever right, that's it,
So guys, we are here at Baker's,
Everything's on me, - Thank you,
- Whatever you want, everything's on me, it's my pleasure,
However, I just wanna make sure that you guys
don't make any trouble for me this year,
- Mr, Durante, we have nothing against you personally,
All we're trying to do is just like get some laughs
and like have some fun,
- You know, it's like I see, I know,
That's all right,
- I'm gonna get something to drink,
- Sure, - I'll be back,
- James, you look like a very rational personal to me,
- Thank you, - Yeah,
what I'm trying to say here
is just because Abe is bringing these problems from home
all the way to school, you shouldn't let him
drag you down with him,
- These problems from home?
- I just saw his brother, Michael,
just saw him stealing lots and lots of CDs
from a warehouse in Fontana,
And he thought he was a real hotshot in school,
I look at him now,
He's a thief,
(Abe groans)
- That's good,
What's going on?
- This is exactly what I was talking about before,
Like this,
Look at this, just look at this,
The whole meal was on me,
I told you that I was inviting you to everything,
even ice creams,
So what do you order a water cup
and fill it up with Sprite?
That's totally dishonest,
- This is soda water, it's not even Sprite,
It's soda water,
- Soda water?
- Soda water,
- You can fool me, you can fool Baker's workers right here,
- I'm not trying to fool anyone,
- But there's someone here you will never be able to fool,
Do you know who he is?
- Who is it?
- That's God, - God, oh,
So it's God, - God knows that's Sprite,
- God knows it's not Sprite,
- It is Sprite,
That's exactly what I'm telling you,
- Were you there with me over at that machine?
- I know you too well for so long
to know that is actually Sprite,
- You barely know,
You know what, you gotta try it, huh?
- You want me to try it now? - Try it!
I don't care anymore,
- I am not gonna try it,
- Why, why won't you?
- Because I tell you I don't wanna try it,
- It's really good,
- I don't wanna try it,
- You want, - I don't,
Try it,
Guys, now you made all this mess,
- I wasn't the one who slapped the cup
outta my hand,
- I told you I didn't wanna try it,
You were pushing me, "Try it, try it, try it",
- You wanted to try it,
- No, no, no, - Not too long ago,
- This is what happened,
- You got soda water all of his quesadilla,
- You asked for everything that happened
at this table today,
However on the other hand, I'm coming back to my subject,
there are students who actually pay for their tuition
and they're looking forward to have
a huge and great spiritual and respectful environment,
- What?
- I am not gonna let you guys break that up for them,
Can you hear me?
Do you understand?
- It's, it was just soda water,
(sensual music) (Dad moaning)
- [Dad] Oh yeah, oh my gosh,
(moaning)
(wall thumping)
Oh no, oh no,
Yes, babe, oh, oh,
Ow, ow!
Oh,
Oh, oh, oh!
(electric guitar twanging)
- Hey,
- Hi, - How are you doing?
- I'm okay,
- What are you up to?
= Nothing, just practicing,
That sounded pretty good,
- Well it's just a couple random chords,
it wasn't really anything,
- You know I used to play in college,
- Really?
- Yeah, a little bit,
- Cool,
- Yeah,
It's been years,
- [James] Um hmm,
- Can I try?
- Okay,
- I'm not very good, so,
But since you're asking,
- Yeah, go ahead,
- Well, okay,
♪ Move it or lose it, it won't come back ♪
♪ On its own ♪
♪ Every time you want it, it's not there ♪
♪ Every time you need it, where did it go ♪
♪ And I don't know, and I don't know ♪
♪ And I don't know, I don't know where to go ♪
♪ Whoa whoa, two, four, five, six ♪
♪ One, two, move it or lose it ♪
♪ If it flies away on its own ♪
♪ If it flies away maybe not after long ♪
♪ It's gonna come back to you ♪
♪ Hold it in your hands ♪
♪ Hold it in your heart ♪
Wow, I forgot the rest of it,
- It's, it was good,
- Thank you,
That was a little rusty, but,
- Oh, no,
- What happened?
I thought maybe somebody had stolen Yoko Ono's purse,
- Hey, Mr, New Age music, I wouldn't talk,
- Did you play?
- I was playing earlier, yeah,
- Let me hear it,
- No, it's okay,
- What do you mean, that's okay?
No, it's not, play one,
- No, the acoustics in here aren't good at all,
- [Dad] Oh, they're not good at all,
Come on, play a song,
I thought that was a electric guitar,
- He's good, he's really good,
- Is he?
I don't see that,
Show me,
- Fine! - Thank you!
- Okay,
(gentle electric guitar music)
- Wow,
I loved it,
I loved the timbre of the guitar,
It's so evocative,
- Yeah, that's pretty good,
You know I understand what you're saying about the acoustics
and I think the playing was really good, I could tell that,
but I did hear that it was like,
there was something about it that was either like off
or flat or, not it was just bad, right?
But that's probably,
is it the speaker? - Randall!
- Yeah, it's the speakers,
- You know what, I think you should call that song
"Halfway There",
- I am not gonna kiss that Cheetos mouth,
- Gimme some nose,
- Stop, Be nice,
- I'll see you later, - I'm sure,
(laughs)
- Oh man,
(simple piano music)
(kids snickering)
- Good morning,
- [Students] Good morning,
- Barabas,
- Oh,
You guys are gonna have to do
a little bit better than that with me,
Good morning!
- We want Barabas! - Good morning,
- We choose Barabas the zealot,
(kids snickering)
- I'm gonna try one more time,
'Cause if I can't hear you, he can't hear you,
All right?
Good morning,
- [Students] Good morning,
- Barabas!
Can we get Kurt Rambis? - Please, shh please,
- Being in this area, I'll tell you,
reminds me of being a boy
because my family would always take us to Lake Yuccaippa,
But things are a little different now--
- Shh! - that I'm back in Yuccaippa
because my son, Nathan, my eldest,
is going through that change that I think we all know about,
becoming a what?
(kids snickering)
A teenager,
Right?
- Preach that, brother!
- Thank you,
Thank you, I like your exuberance over there,
- I know they're talking, - It's not these people,
It's you, - You be quiet people,
- Shut up!
- And we know what that's like because there are
a lot of teenagers I can see out here today,
I can see ya smirking this isn't cool,
(students laughing)
What am I doing here?
When do I get to go outside and play some video games,
Right?
Who's got the quarters?
I want one,
It's my turn to play Pac-Man,
Now I see that some of you are growing up in this room,
Some faster than others,
Some of them could use a shave,
Vice Principal Durante,
(students laughing)
Maybe we could take care of that,
- Preach,
Preach that brother,
- Thank you very much,
- It's beautiful man,
The sun is beautiful,
- Shh,
- I can see you've got a lot to say,
You're very excited about Christ today,
- Yeah, - So come on up here,
I'd like to actually ask ya to come on stage with me today,
- Whoo! (students applauding)
- The community supports you, all right,
Okay,
All right, you have a lotta stuff to say
and you've got a lot of energy,
And I think that's really great,
What's your name?
- My name's Abraham,
- Abraham, great name, great biblical name,
- I can tell a lot from watching you from over here
and I could see here's a guy
that can use a little attention, right?
- Yep, - Yeah,
So what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna help ya out,
- Oh okay, - I'm gonna give you
the microphone and I'm gonna let you
say whatever you wanna say,
So here you go,
- [Abe] Oh cool,
Thank you, - Please,
- Here, here, I'll tell you a joke,
I stole this from a comedian
when I went to Chuckfest,
What does Bill Clinton consider safe sex?
When Hillary's not in town, you know,
(laughing)
When Hillary's not in town, 'cause, you know she's crazy,
She crazy,
(laughs)
Hey, what's the difference between Bill Clinton
and government bonds?
At least government bonds mature,
(laughing)
(mutters)
- Okay, so that's the end of the joke, right?
- Yeah, - I just wanna
make a small point,
You noticed no one, what did they not do?
- They're laughing,
- Yeah, they didn't laugh, right?
So pay attention to that,
Pay attention to those silences,
- Okay, okay, here's a funny one,
Here's a funny one, - Have fun,
- You know I've been a comedian for some years now
and you know I've actually been seeing some new faces,
like you and you and you,
Hey, where do you come from, guy?
- I'm from Denver,
- Denver?
You have to be happily married
if you're married a Denver woman,
You know they're just like arcade games,
you know, it only takes two credits to get their pants off,
(laughing) - Okay, okay,
we're gonna take over here,
It looks like you've got
a buddy out there in the audience, right?
- No, no, no, - Nope,
- Okay, - He certainly does not,
- Well let's bring your buddy up here,
I insist,
Come on up here,
Why don't you sit, why don't you take a step down here
and you, the friend, come on up here,
- No thank you,
- I'm not gonna bite anybody,
Come on, we don't have all day,
All right, come on up, all right,
Now what's your name?
- James,
- James, okay,
James, James is trying to help out Abe,
'cause Abe's not doing so well onstage,
- I wouldn't say that, man,
- Okay, we all got all the jokes out of our system now?
All right,
Now I got a question for you guys,
Have you ever been to Denver, either of you?
(students laughing)
You've never been to Denver
and you don't know anything about Denver at all,
yet here ya are, the two of ya,
pouring water all over the great City of Denver,
Now maybe you can make a deal with me,
Before you make your next wisecrack about Denver,
go visit the place,
You think so, huh?
Uh oh, I'm feeling some negativity over here,
Do I have to, this one's thinking over here,
Do I have to?
(plaintive electric guitar music)
And this one over here's like I don't want to either,
I'd rather stay in my room and put on a big coat,
Yeah, that's what I'd rather do,
I don't wanna go to Lake Yuccaippa Fair,
Hey, leave 'em alone, leave 'em alone,
They're good kids,
- He's waiting for you guys,
- Okay, - Thank you,
- Hey, how are you guys?
I gotta tell ya something,
Sit down, sit down please,
That was great chapel,
Awesome to have you guys here,
Abe, button up your shirt,
So guys, you really love the spotlight,
Yes,
You guys have a great voice
and people seem to really enjoy it a lot with that energy,
And I want them to enjoy it again next week
when you are going to be performance,
main segment in chapel,
- Mr, Durante, you know we hate chapel,
That's not fair,
- No, no, no, no, no, please,
Boys, just don't, don't,
No, no, this is not a punishment,
This is actually an opportunity for you guys
to harness this great energy that you have in both of you,
- This is cruel and unusual,
- No, this is usual and this is fair,
And this is my school, so you're going to do what I said,
- Whatever, we'll do it,
- What?
- Trust me,
- Hold on,
You guys are not going to do anything crazy up there,
No more jokes about the Lewinsky scandal--
- It's not hurting anyone,
- Well it actually does,
It hurts me,
And you are not gonna cause any trouble,
Because if you do,
there's gonna be serious, serious repercussions,
(triumphant video game music)
- Whoa, who is that?
Is that Sanders?
- Yep, - Oh man, he's quick,
- Yep,
Touchdown,
- That was a nice run,
- Hey, you gotta pick your play,
- Oh yeah,
So, what do you think of Laurel?
- What do you mean?
- Well I mean I know I can't make you like her,
but do you like her?
- I mean,
- Whoa, whoa, whoa,
What, did I just fumble the kick off?
- Yep, - How does an all-star
fumble the kick off?
Oh well,
Anyway, you were saying about Laurel,
- Right,
You guys hadn't really been dating that long,
It's not that I don't like her,
but, but, but I don't mind her either,
- I can accept that,
But I just want you to know
that I would like it if you liked, oh fuck!
- Interception! - Jesus Christ!
(laughing)
Hey, can you do me a favor?
Could you let me return one kick off
so that maybe I could have a chance at running the offense?
- Okay,
(video game players grunting)
Hey Dad? - Yeah,
- If I didn't like her, would you dump her?
- I don't know, that's a tough one,
No, I would,
Because you're more important to me,
And you know what, sometimes it isn't easy
to be a single father, but oh!
Booyah!
10 yard loss in his face,
Oh man that had to hurt,
Ouch!
That's hard for me to watch,
That guy ate his lunch,
- Relax, it was just the first down,
- All right, but now you're on the five yard line, son,
You better punt,
- No, I got this,
- Okay, - All right,
Spin,
- Fuck, - Yes, yes,
Go, go, go, go, go! - No, no, no, no, no,
- Touchdown! - Fuck no!
(laughing)
- Can you believe that?
95 yard run,
- This game's total bullshit,
I have a team of all-stars
and not one of these guys can stop Barry Sanders?
This game is fucking bullshit,
(phone rings)
I'm gonna get the phone,
(video game players grunting)
(plaintive electric guitar music)
- All right man, we gotta figure something out for chapel
so we don't make asses of ourselves,
(tentative drumming)
Hey!
I'm trying to tune,
Just fucking stop,
Try and play along with this, okay?
(electric guitar music)
Why'd you stop?
- Dude, I'm not gonna play
some stupid, generic white people music,
Stupid, - What's your idea?
- You know I have like a few, you know,
but they're still marinating in the brain,
- No, no, you're telling me not to worry about it
so go ahead, tell me your big idea,
- Okay, I'm still trying to figure out the logistics
but you know we have like all these fucking,
like smoke machines and shit
and like we have this bad ass intro
where this guy's just doing the moonwalk,
And he's playing the keyboard guitar
and we have this freaking cool--
- Okay, how do you expect us to do that?
There's only two of us, - And then there's
this freaking cool drum intro,
- That sucked,
- Fuck you,
Better than your stupid white song,
- We can't possibly pull off your idea,
- We can totally pull off my idea, man,
My cousin has a smoke machine,
- All right, I'm gonna go get some cactus cooler,
Do you want anything?
- Do you have some Perrier soda water?
- Here, take the phone,
And your drink,
- Where'd your dad go?
- Oh he's got a date,
- Wait, your dad has a girlfriend?
- No, it's just some lady from church
he's been with for a couple weeks,
I don't think it's anything serious,
- They're hooking up,
Shoulda just said that,
- Yeah I guess,
- Hey man, your dad's a player,
I mean hey, I can understand the relationship thing,
it's pretty hard,
But that doesn't mean I don't like hooking up with girls,
Actually over the summer I hooked up with this Mexican girl,
like when I was at my dad's house,
We weren't going out or anything,
but we hooked up a buncha times,
- Wait, like, what you made out or something?
- (scoffs) That and more,
I mean we were making out and then you know,
outta nowhere boom,
I had to use protection,
- Outta nowhere?
- Outta somewhere, whatever man,
- Oh dude, I got a surprise for you,
Boop,
Carla's number,
- You have Carla's number?
- Yep, Carla's number,
Wanna call her?
- [Carla] Hello?
- This is Principal Vista Christian, Ernesto Durante,
- [Carla] Who is this?
- There's been several reports from male faculty members
that you are wearing a low cut tank top,
- This is not Mr, Durante,
Who the hell is this?
- No, this is Mr, Durante's little brother,
Carlo Durante,
- [Carla] Is this Abe?
You're so stupid,
- 'Sup Carla, it's James,
- [Carla] Hey James,
What are you guys doing tonight?
- Ah nothing,
- We're just trying to gather information on what to do,
I mean there's a buncha things in L,A,
we thought of going to but we don't really know
if we're gonna make the drive or not,
- [Carla] Well, I'm going to kick back,
You guys can come if you want,
- Yeah totally,
I mean we have other kick backs to go to--
- But I mean we might see you at that one, I mean--
- Kick back, you know, where is it again?
- Yeah where?
- [Carla] I don't really know, but like,
do you know where that Papa John's is
by the Stater Brothers?
It's like right behind there,
- Oh yeah, thanks,
We'll be sure to check it out, you know, see ya,
- [Carla] Okay, see ya,
- Bye Carla, - Bye,
(upbeat music)
- That was funny, right?
(laughing)
- Man, I wish they had Peppermint Schnapps man,
that's my drink,
You know we had it
at my dad's Fourth of July party last year,
I got so drunk, it was awesome,
Oh you want some?
- No, I'm good,
- What's your drink, man?
- I prefer scotch on the rocks with a twist of citrus zest,
Come on, I don't have a drink,
- Everyone has a drink, man,
What about this, some of this is like totally,
like right there,
- I don't, I think--
(Abe yells)
Oh my god!
Michael, you asshole,
- What's up, bro?
What are you doing, bro?
Give it to me, bro,
Give it to me,
(laughing)
Hey,
Oh man this dude is so funny,
Once we tried to give this dude some cough syrup
when he was sick,
But we peed in it instead,
He drank it all up,
He was like, "I feel better",
- No, I had a stomach ache after that,
- Oh it's all good, bro,
Yo, who's the Fairley brother over here?
- Oh that's James,
This is my half brother, Michael,
- Hey,
(babbles)
(laughing)
- [Michael] Yeah man,
- Dude, why the hell are you here, man?
- Man, just living the dream,
Trying to be like you,
(James laughs)
Hey, show him how you drink,
This guy is a mean machine,
He will take you down,
Come on, let's do a shot,
Show him,
(jazzy music)
Yeah,
All right, men are from Mars and women are from Venus,
But I'm from Saturn, that's why I got a big penis,
Down the hatch,
(groans)
You're an animal,
Oh wait, wait, wait, wait,
Meet my friend Clarissa,
- Hey, - This is my baby bro,
- Yeah we're just getting a drink here, you know?
You want a drink, man?
- (laughs) Man watch out,
this dude will drink you under the table,
- [James] Yeah?
- Hey, ladies first,
(yells)
I'm sor-- (drink splashes)
Oh baby,
Aw damn, damn, damn,
It's all right guys,
Plenty other girls to get laid by,
Hey ladies, guy's hung like a horse,
All right come on, let's drink,
- All right, - Ready?
(groans)
Oh,
And that's your one nothing,
Look at you,
One time this mother fucker threw up
all over my friend's bar mitzvah, it was great,
- Excuse me,
I need to just, I'm gonna,
- [Michael] Fuck him, let's go find Ray,
- Well if you go to RCC
I'd really recommend you'd take summer school,
It's gonna take you at least three years to transfer,
They're gonna put you in remedial English,
remedial math because you know
Vista Christian's academics are so bad,
They don't prepare you for shit,
I don't even know if they're WASC accredited,
- Yeah I probably won't be ready,
- Well don't worry about it,
You still got a couple years,
You'll be fine,
- Yeah, I mean you'll have plenty of time
to familiarize yourself with the resources,
- How's it going man?
You need anything or?
- No, no, I's just agreeing,
It's not gonna be that bad,
- I see you're making some new friends in there,
- Yeah, Abe's brother is a character, huh?
- You could say that,
Earlier I saw him try to tape cans of beer to his head,
(guys chuckling)
- Yeah he was trying to make a beer helmet,
But the tape wouldn't stick to the beer cans or his head,
- Anyways, well college is awesome,
You're gonna love it,
Like the teachers at RCC are so good, like really good,
- Okay,
- Anyway, well I'm kinda fucking hungry,
I'ma go to Papa John's, you wanna come?
- No, that's okay,
Papa John's is nasty,
- I freaking love Papa John's,
But I'll give you my number though,
Just call me when you need anything,
any tips, any advice or you just wanna like,
talk and stuff,
Cool,
- Okay, - Just call me,
- Sure, - Take care,
- Oh good,
He's just talking to me
about going to Riverside Community College
for like 40 minutes,
At first I was like okay, but then I was like
why are you still talking to me about this?
- Oh man that's so sad,
Are you friends with him?
- No, not really,
He was just my sister's class,
- Yeah, that guy is so sorry,
- Yeah,
Are you okay?
Are you drunk?
- Oh no, no I think I just, little jet lagged,
I caught the red eye from Denver,
And whew, yeah,
- Okay,
- Do you, do you drink?
- No, not really,
I had a jello shot earlier that was really good,
Didn't taste like liquor at all,
I don't really drink beer,
Just wine sometimes,
- Wine, fancy,
I can't see too well,
Is that Salma Hayek over there?
- What's that from?
- Nothing,
- Well whatever,
I like Salma Hayek,
So are you ever just like real?
- Yeah I'm real,
Do you think I'm fake?
- No, I mean I don't think you're fake,
I hate fake people,
But are you ever just like serious?
- Yeah, I'm serious,
- Like when?
- Like right now,
- Okay yeah, but like sometimes you,
and no offense or anything, but you and Abe
are just like always trying to get attention,
- What?
- Sorry, I said no offense,
- Well why are you so serious all the time?
- I'm not all the time,
But like, I wanna get good grades
to go to a good college,
And then I work like 20 hours at McDonald's,
so I can't afford to not be serious,
- Don't you ever have fun?
- Honestly, work and school are fun for me,
'Cause like I hate being at home,
There's always people there between my parents,
my brother and my sisters and then my grandma and my uncle,
so work and school are like a way for me to escape,
- I think I can relate,
I hate being home too,
I mean I'm usually just stuck in my room
playing my guitar,
- You play guitar?
- Yeah,
- Cool,
Do you know any songs?
- I know a couple, yeah,
But mostly I just, I write my own songs,
- What kinda music?
- Well I don't really like labels,
You know?
Mostly I just play rock,
- I wish I could play an instrument,
That's really cool,
- Yeah, thanks,
You should learn,
It's really therapeutic,
Abe and I are actually gonna try and start our own band,
- Okay,
- What?
- Well Abe is such a poser,
- What?
- Well I mean I don't wanna put him that way
but it's like sometimes you guys just need to chill out,
- Why?
- Because your jokes aren't really that funny,
- Like what?
- Like chapel,
Pastor Mitchell totally embarrassed you and Abe,
I felt bad for you guys,
And like in Mr, Gordon's class, always interrupting class,
Like stop wasting teachers' time,
It's mostly Abe, not you,
You have a pretty cool personality,
- Thanks,
(soft rock music)
Man, I am drunk,
- Yeah,
I'm kinda buzzed,
James!
No,
- I thought you said I was cool,
- But I was obviously
trying to make up for all the bad stuff I said,
(scoffs)
(sighs)
- Hey, who put all this copper in my mouth?
- [Guy] That's just not funny,
That is literally not funny,
- But why?
Come on,
(laughing) Come on, that's hilarious,
- [Guy] I'll tell you who put all that copper in your mouth,
- Oh come on, that's only at my night job people,
Come on,
- Hey,
I'm gonna head out,
See at home, all right?
- [Abe] Wait up,
- [Guy] Hey aren't you gonna go follow your boyfriend
so that you can?
- Get over it,
- Who put all that copper in this mouth?
- Oh man, copper in, who put the copper in my mouth, man?
That's like my best stuff,
People just don't know good comedy anymore,
I'm keeping that though,
I'm putting that in the back pocket,
- Yeah, maybe you can bring it out next week in chapel,
You can just talk about copper for 20 minutes,
- Ah dude, that would be tight,
- Or you could do another Clinton scandal routine,
- Dude that was supposed to be ironic,
Man I was like a guy doing a bad standup comedy act,
- Right,
You gotta admit though, that was,
we bombed pretty bad,
I mean that was painful,
Pastor Mitchell was ripping on you,
- Dude, I just made that up on the spot,
(sighs)
- Man, it's tough with girls,
- Dude all you just need to be is like confident, man,
- Okay Montell Jordan,
You, you've been with a group of girls
and your dad's neighbor,
- True, but you know my dad's neighbor, the Mexican girl,
we haven't really made contact yet,
You know I mean I know she's interested
and I'm really interested--
- So you haven't been with your neighbor at all?
- Not yet,
- Ya said ya did it with her,
- No I didn't, I didn't say that, man,
- Yeah ya did, ya said it today,
- Okay what I think you mighta heard that I said
is that I wanted to do it with her,
If it happens, it happens, man,
- You're so full of shit,
- Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you man?
You know ever since you
and you think you can just get with Carla, man,
it's been a (growls),
- You don't know what you're talking about,
- I do know what I'm fucking talking about, man,
Let me spell it out to you,
You can't get with fucking Carla
cause you're too fucking white,
You're freaking chubby and you dress like a moron,
- Really? - Yes,
Look, your stupid hair,
You go to a party with that stupid haircut,
- My stupid haircut?
Yeah?
I'm so frustrated I gotta move my hands up by my head,
Yeah, yeah, who put all this copper in my mouth?
- You know I'm fucking tired of you, I'm done,
Just leave me the fuck alone,
(upbeat music)
(laughing)
Oh that's really funny, bro,
And then like there I was all dancing,
- [Guy] How's it going?
- It's good,
- Hey Laurel, - What's going on?
- Are you all right?
- Yeah, I'm good, I'm good,
How are you?
Gosh, look at you,
you're all sweaty,
Wow,
- Where are you going?
- I'm going home,
- Okay,
- I really enjoyed getting to know you,
- Bye,
- Hey buddy,
- What happened with Laurel?
- Oh you know,
Sometimes it's just not as easy for women,
Sometimes it's too easy, but,
Women are from Mars, men from Venus,
We're different,
But the good news is, second place,
both American National League
and although it's coming down to the wire,
and it could end up that I end up the spoiler--
- Dad, who gives a fuck about fantasy baseball?
Maybe if you weren't so obsessed with it
you wouldn't get dumped so much,
Maybe Mom wouldn't have left,
- Do you remember that your mom is an addict
who took stuff outta the house and sold it?
- And Laurel was an addict too?
- Don't, don't,
- They just get tired of your temper tantrums
and your selfishness,
- I'm selfish?
A single dad taking care of one son by himself,
- You are the most selfish person know!
- I don't think you'd be able to come up with one incident,
or one situation where I have been selfish towards you,
Name it, name one, come up with one,
- We were at Sizzler,
- Okay, Sizzler,
- And you had a new girlfriend, Melissa,
- When?
- I don't remember when, - Yeah the details are foggy,
- But, you decided to order family style,
- No, I didn't, - so we could all share,
- Yes you did, - Okay,
- And your girlfriend decided that her chicken alfredo
was disgusting, like I knew she would,
- Okay James, James, - And you got
the prime rib, - Sizzler,
is a buffet restaurant,
- And I was gonna have the chicken wings,
- Listen to me, we don't order off the menu there,
- And she ended up eating
more than her share of the chicken wings,
And you finish all the prime rib
so I was left with nothing,
- There's a problem with your story, James,
The problem is it's a buffet restaurant,
And we never order off the menu,
No one even hands us a menu there,
I know the maitre d', - Obviously then
you ate all - They do not even
bring me menus, - Of the prime ribs,
You ate all of the prime ribs, - When I walk in there
I have said to them,
don't bring me menus, - And I didn't get
- 'cause my fucking kid - to eat anything,
- will eat whatever the fuck he wants,
- I want my chicken wings,
- Why don't you put
everything I bought you in the hall, okay?
Just place everything in the hall that I've bought you
and see what's left in your room,
You'll be naked, alone and afraid,
- [James] Fuck you!
- I can't hear you,
- The whole time Debujer has been building this fort,
he's had to deal with starvation, sexual crisis,
and even the villagers are harassing him at this point,
(boys laughing)
Hey, quiet down back there, would ya?
Come on,
Hey,
The one thing about Debujer all this time
he's a man that lives on his instinct,
And it's served him well,
Even though at times it will take him
to the craziest of places,
He continues to rely on it, to trust it,
It always leads him to a good place,
He's always on top,
Go,
- Okay, I still I don't understand what brings about
the transformation of Debujer,
- That's the point,
The epiphany is never dramatized in the book,
- Epiphany?
- The moment when you realize that
there's a point and a purpose to everything
that we weren't aware of before,
That's beautiful,
- Okay man, this book like really sucks,
I mean seriously, like are we ever gonna use this in life?
Does it really even matter?
- Okay, look,
Let me break it down for you one time
and put in a language that you can understand,
('80s hip hop beat)
♪ Wandering Wolf Island with Debrogely in tow ♪
♪ Debujer's lost in the only woods he don't know ♪
♪ Was it a bad idea to make the king a foe ♪
♪ Sorry for the spoiler alert, I think so ♪
♪ Sometimes the law just ain't fair ♪
♪ You try to say boo, but they just don't care ♪
♪ You gotta do what Debujer does ♪
♪ Trust your instinct, just because because ♪
♪ And when you hear the bass drop out ♪
♪ That's when you know we're gonna turn it up right now ♪
♪ Writin', writin' the Wolf Letter ♪
♪ Writin', writin' ♪
♪ Writin' the Wolf Letter ♪
♪ Writin', writin' ♪
(students laughing)
- [Girl] Oh my god,
- Ah, dammit,
(students all chattering)
Hey you shut up,
Shut up!
You know what, I'm not doing this for my health, people,
As a matter of fact, go away,
Class dismissed,
- [Guy] I like your song,
(slow rock music)
(students chattering)
- Hey,
- Oh,
Hey,
(laughing)
What happened, man?
Wanna go get something to eat?
I'm really hungry,
- Oh yeah, totally,
I just, I gotta get my backpack,
I left it in Mr, Gordon's class,
- Okay,
I'm not going in there,
I'll meet you at the benches,
- Okay,
(laughing)
- We ain't going crazy, man,
- See you, - Crazy,
- Hey Mr, Gordon,
Could I?
- Yeah,
- I hate when that happens to my tapes too,
- Yeah, yeah,
I hate when it happens too,
There's something in my eye,
(rock music)
- It's, it's getting better,
- Can we play something else?
- (sighs) No, okay,
I'm writing lyrics and you know, I'd sing 'em,
but I just don't have 'em memorized,
- Dude, I've ready the lyrics, man,
They're not even funny,
- They're not supposed to be funny,
- Then what are they supposed to be, then?
- It's about authority
and how when people get into positions of power
they get so power hungry that they get fucked up
and they treat people like pawns for their own agendas,
But it's really subtle,
So Mr, Durante won't even get it,
- That's not funny,
Can we play something else,
- The concept is funny,
Look man, people don't even think we're funny,
- Yes they do,
- No they don't,
- Then screw them,
You know, all I want is just like
is to believe, man,
You know and that's why we follow our instincts,
That's what makes us funny, man,
We follow our instincts,
(laughing)
♪ Just because, because ♪
♪ Just, just because ♪
(laughing)
♪ Wolf Letter ♪
♪ Wolf Letter yeah ♪
♪ Oh I've been writin' a Wolf Letter yeah ♪
- Hey buddy,
- [James] Hey,
- My team won,
- Good for you,
- Yeah, 600 bucks,
- Is that for me?
- No, that's for me,
(tentative electric guitar strumming)
(sighs)
- So how'd you pull that off, Dad?
- I was about to dump Belcher,
I mean I was this close to trading his ass,
And on the last day of the season
he pitches a one hitter,
I only won by three points,
If Belcher gives up two more hits I lose to Carl,
But he came through big,
You know he's a veteran, so he's not a one hitter kinda guy,
You know he's a showman through and through,
but, I stood by Tim Belcher when no one else would,
And now, I'm proud,
I'm proud,
I'm proud of him as a veteran
and I'm proud of men in general for being men,
Baseball's like that you know,
people step up at the right time
and they end up being the hero,
- I'm actually, I've got a song
that I'm working on for chapel,
- That's great, - Yeah,
Do you wanna hear it?
- I'd love to hear it,
I'm gonna go down and meet Josh right now
because he's got this angle about,
he thinks that the people you put on your team
are everybody that walks,
So he's filmed every walk that happened this past season
and we're gonna watch,
But I think that's great and I'm psyched for you,
that's awesome,
- Alright, - Cool,
- All right guys,
I got a couple of kids from this school
who asked me, "Mr, Durante,
"we'd love to do something for the chapel,"
And I told them, I mean I love positivism
but you gotta be realistic too,
Hey guys, you're more than welcome to be here in chapel
but you know it's really hard,
It's really hard trying to surprise you,
to entertain you,
So let's all wake up to the sounds of Cuba Gooding Senior,
(slow rock music)
- Good morning Denver
♪ Whoo hoo ♪
♪ Wandering Wolf Island with Debrogely in tow ♪
♪ Debujer's lost in the only woods he don't know ♪
♪ Was it a bad idea to become the king's foe ♪
♪ Sorry for the spoiler alert, but I'd say so ♪
♪ So you gotta do what Debujer does ♪
♪ Follow your instincts, just because because ♪
♪ Just, just because, because ♪
♪ And when you hear the bass drop out ♪
♪ That's how you're gonna know ♪
♪ We're 'bout to rock it right out ♪
♪ Island of Wolf Letter ♪
♪ Wolf Letter Island, Island ♪
♪ I've been writing the Wolf Letter Island ♪
♪ Oh Wolf Letter, Wolf Letter Island ♪
♪ Oh I've been writing the Wolf Letter ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Whoo ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Island ♪
♪ Wolf Letter Island, I've been writing ♪
♪ The Wolf Letter Island ♪
♪ Wolf Letter Island ♪
♪ I've been writing the Wolf ♪
(hesitant applauding)
- [Student] Whoo!
Yeah!
- Yeah!
(slow rock music)
(students chattering)
- [James] Hey,
- Hi,
- 'Sup?
- Hi,
- So what'd ya think?
- I liked it,
- Really, you liked it?
- Yeah,
I mean it's not my style of music,
but I can tell you guys have a lot of passion,
But Mr, Gordon was having the time of his life,
Like that was pretty cool,
- Mr, Gordon's a pretty good musician,
- Yeah, he's pretty bad ass,
- He was really easy to work with and stuff too, so,
We're glad we could do that for him,
- Yeah, that was pretty sweet,
- Thanks,
- Yeah, no problem,
I'll see ya later,
- Yeah, later,
- 'Sup?
- Guys, we need to talk about this performance,
It was,
(laughing)
- Man, that brought me back to the days
of playing the clubs back in Cincinnati,
What you saw tonight was just like at tip of the iceberg,
These guys, these brothers can play,
What'd you think, Mr, Durante?
- What do I think?
- Yeah,
What do you think?
- Well you know, what do you want me to think?
I mean I,,,
- Come on, Mr, Durante, - It was, yeah,
I know,
- [Mr, Gordon] Spill,
- Actually, you know what,
yeah they were good,
You guys, I'm really proud of you,
Really good,
Do you know what I like the most?
The part where the bass goes,
(muttering)
That was really a good riff,
- You guys just be sure to remember all of us little people
When you get your Grammys,
- That's right,
- Fine job, fellas,
- [James] You too, Mr, Gordon,
- Thanks Mr, Gordon,
- We'll see ya, - See ya,
- Bye Gordon,
Guys, I really need to talk to you for a minute, okay?
But move on, okay,
(school bell rings)
(sighs)
It's really hard being Vice Principal,
Really hard,
Let me tell you that I really hate being the bad cop,
coming down on you guys every single week,
Contrary to some of the beliefs,
I really don't enjoy it,
I'd really like to sit back, just like Mr, Gordon does,
be the kind of teacher that everybody likes,
And then leaving work at 2:15 to go to my house
to be with my wife and with my kids,
That would be great,
Now, do I have a wife?
No,
Have I tried to have a wife?
Sure, once in a while
I go to one of these Christian single groups,
Of course you can only imagine
what kind of crazy people you find in those places,
I mean I'm over there and I think come on,
you gotta be kidding me,
This is a date,
We're supposed to be dating,
Why are you telling me about SeaWorld,
I don't care about SeaWorld,
I don't, just don't need that information,
I honestly,
I don't need that data,
So as I said, good work in chapel today,
But honestly, I don't think we are gonna have you guys
back on stage again,
Okay?
- Okay, - Okay,
- Oh Abe, please lose the hat,
That's not dress code,
(upbeat music)
(laughing)
- Man, remember when we were playing in chapel
and Mr, Gordon was getting all into it
and he's like,
- Oh the head boppy thingy?
- [James] Yeah,
- Oh, and how you were doing it, like that move,
Like (growls) doing the guitar,
Something guitar man,
Do!
- Yeah, that whole performance was pretty funny,
I just, I don't think a lotta people got it,
- Sure they got it,
I mean not a lotta people laughed,
but you know, they still thought it was funny,
- Yeah,
I mean I don't really think Carla got it,
but there's no denying that shit was funny,
So I mean, I feel pretty good about it,
- Thank, thank (growls) it's what I've been talking about
the whole time,
Oh!
- You're done!
You're done,
Congrats,
- At least I made it in,
- Well we can still pretend,
We can still pretend,
- Yes, yeah,
What do you call that?
- That went in,
- That one's totally not in,
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