- Chapter one,,, - Oh, really? You're gonna lead with that?
- With the black and the white and everything? - Too much?
Why are you avoiding the question?
I'm not avoiding the question,
I told you before; I like his films, and he's extremely prolific,
I just find him to be a tad inauthentic and way too derivative of his influences,
Yeah, I don't know - you know,,, I,,, I,,,
I sometimes think you don't like certain things just because other people do,
No, I just don't agree with the amount of importance people place on winning awards,
Yeah, but awards are important,
Yes, insomuch as winning them can help get your next project funded,
but you cannot judge art, There are no bests, only favorites,
I'm pretty sure some works of art are better than others,
Hey, let me ask you something: If you knew you could make any film you wanted to,,,
anything you wanted to make, what would you write?
I don't know, maybe something about the troubling times we live in,
- Which troubles specifically? - Christ, take your pick,,,
I mean, you got cops are shooting unarmed black men at an alarming rate;
you can't go to a movie theater without worrying some psycho's going to shoot the place up;
government's out of control; education is pathetically low;
women are still fighting for equal pay;
you got whole families that are starving in the most food-wasting nation on the planet;
and you got an income gap that makes the Grand Canyon look like a divot,
Yes, all very important subjects which I would sadly do no justice;
but I'm talking about something you could shoot with very little money,
- Oh, okay,,, like your films? - Yes,
Okay, so something along the lines of this?
If that's what you found interesting,
I don't think I'd lead with this,
I mean, empty shots of Manhattan
with the random dialogue floating over them is just not exactly riveting,
I'm not asking you how you would start the film,
I'm asking you what it would be about overall, You know, in a nutshell?
Why don't you just tell me what you're working on?
I'll tell you if I think it's interesting,
Okay, so far, all I know is it's gonna be two guys walking around New York City,
talking about their core belief on life, love, etc, cut between two women,
the main guy's girlfriend and her best friend, discussing what's on their minds,
So another movie about you?
Yeah, no,,, sort of,,, I mean, not about me, but
things I'm going through or have gone through,
Mmm, who's playing you this time?
In order to save the most money, I figure I gotta play myself,
Okay, Then can I play me?
But, you're not an actor,
What acting? You said two guys walk around the city talking to each other,
We do that all the time, How hard could that be?
Yeah, okay, we'll play ourselves,
Wait, wait, wait,,, don't you think that's going to be confusing to the audience?
Why would it be confusing?
Because, we would be in the beginning as ourselves,
discussing how you're going to make a film
about these other guys who we would also be playing,
What are you talking about?
I,,, I wouldn't put us in the film as ourselves and as characters,
That would be absurd,
I thought that's what you were going for,
I'm not Buñuel,,, Although, that is an interesting concept:
a guy tells his friend about a film he's planning on making,
but that discussion is actually the beginning of the film and leads into the fictional story,
in which two of those characters are actually played by these same two guys,
- But how would that work? - I don't know,
Have you thought of a title?
Yeah, I've come up with some ideas but I haven't settled on one just yet,
How about, TheNarcissists?
Yeah,,, how 'bout I get someone else to play you?
Whatever you're planning on titling it is just fine,,,
Yeah, well, the title doesn't exactly matter if I can't write it first,
- You have writer's block? - It's more like, what's the purpose of making anything
in this meaningless world block?
Oh Christ, Oliver, I'm not in the mood for an existential discussion right now,
Well, it's a tad unavoidable
being as that I'm in the midst of an existential crisis,
Yeah, but you're always in the midst of an existential crisis,
It's like your single most defining characteristic,
Yeah, because life is totally meaningless and terrible,
and we're all gonna die one day,
And,,, and don't get me started on where goose down comes from,
Listen, I know what you're trying to do, and believe me, you're much saner,
you're much happier, with Cassi, so you need to fight for her,
She cheated on me,
Big deal, she made out with an ex-boyfriend a few times,
Yeah, and they almost had sex!
But, they didn't, And almost sex isn't sex,
And, would it be that big a deal if they had fucked?
Oh, well, when you put it to me that way, yeah -
I mean, tell me the truth, were you really that surprised when she confessed?
What are you implying?
It's just that, you've broken up, what, twice in the five years you've been together?
It's not exactly like you had the perfect relationship,
Oh, oh, oh,,, so,,, so now you're saying that I'm somehow responsible
for Cassi's cheating on me,
Six months ago you told me that you guys were barely having sex,
That she wanted to but you weren't feeling it, or some shit,
No, That,,, that - that's the natural ebb and flow of passion
in long term relationships,
Yeah, well, some people need to make love to their partner
in order to feel actually loved,
- Since when did you become Dr, Ruth? - Hey, I observe,
I see what's going on in the world, I just don't want any part of it,
And, I'm just pointing out that you do still love Cassi,
and you need to do what you can to work things out with her, That's all,
That's why we're apart, I'm figuring it all out,
Yeah, well, don't take too long,
I can't, ha,,, Have you not been listening to me?! I can't take too long,
We have to figure out whether or not we're gonna renew the lease,
because neither one of us can afford the apartment on our own,
- Forget the lease, - Max, this is New York,
- You're right, Take care of the lease, - That's what we're doing,
You know, my Uncle Maurice, he had a homosexual relationship for four years,
just so he could have stabilized rent,,,
Okay, okay, alright,,, now look,
Let me just finish telling you about the story I've been working on, alright?
Yeah,
So Cassi's been staying at her sister's house on the Upper West Side,
When we first see her, she's walking up the street to meet her best friend, Letty,,,
Oh, thank God! Let me have a drag,,, please,
You're not worried she'll see?
A week ago I would have said yes without hesitation,
- But,,,? - Just give me the cigarette,
- Oh, wow,,, That bad, huh? - Yeah,,,
But believe me it is not the couch,
I didn't think it was the couch,
The couch is nicer than anything Oliver and I have in our apartment,
My sister, on the other hand,,,
Same old Erin,
It's as if,,, It's as if it's not enough for her to be doing amazing,
things have to be miserable for me in order for her to truly enjoy her own success,
Okay, well, my offer still stands, so,,,
Thank you, I love you, but it's just easier this way,
And, besides, if I moved in with you now,
my mother would be convinced I were a lesbian,
Yeah, but, she knows you're not, so,,,
Yeah, but she's not so sure about you,
Really? You never told me that,
I've never been this tired,
Well, did she tell you why?
Is it the way, I don't know,,, is the way I dress or how I talk?
Is it my haircut or something? Like, what,,,
Nah, I think it has more to do with the fact that we are now thirty
and you still remain autonomous,
I'm not a country,
I thought it sounded better than "perpetually single,"
Yeah, well that's a choice, because relationships are bullshit and don't work,
I mean, hello,
Okay, believe me, the irony is not wasted on me,,,
but, I mean, I'm just,,, That's my mom,
Anyway, at this point, I wish I were a lesbian, just to freak her out,
So, Debbie's being Debbie,
No, Debbie's being El Diablo,
Still better than my mom, El No Show,
And, she's so down on Oliver, like it's as if she's in the relationship with him,
Didn't I tell you from the beginning that I thought she was way too keen on him?
Yeah, well now it's the opposite,
It's the same thing, You can't hate someone you don't truly love,
Don't be ridiculous, That would mean that every Jew really loves Hitler,
- Okay, let me rephrase that,,, - Yeah,,,
There's a certain kind of frustration and anger
that comes only with those whom you truly love,
And the worst part is, I haven't told her that this is all my own doing,
so her anger at Oliver instantly becomes my guilt,
Yeah, well, forget about how your mom feels,
you have to figure out what you want to do,
- Can't you do it? - Believe me, you don't want me doing it,
I'm seriously stuck,
Okay, let's just,,, let's,,, let's figure out where we're gonna eat
and start walking in that direction,
Well, I was thinking we could walk down to the Crosby, or somewhere else in SoHo?
Ugh, no, babe,,, I'm not walking eighty blocks just to eat lunch,
Let's just, let's just stay nearby,
It's so nice out, it'll be beautiful down there,
Yeah, but it's nice here too,
Let's just, okay, let's just go to Whole Foods and sit in the park,
No, no, no,,, I'm sick of staying above 58th, My creativity is waning,
Wow, you're having hipster withdrawal,
I live in Brooklyn Heights, not Bushwick,
Let's just,,, let's just go Upper East,
No, Letty, I am not,,, I don't want to be surrounded by spoiled, snobby housewives,
No, you'd rather be around spoiled, snobby college kids and nameless models,
But, if we go Upper East, by the time we're done, I'll already be home,
Oh, gee, thanks,
You know what I mean,
Letty, please, can we just walk a bit and eat downtown?
I really need a change of scenery,
Fine, but let's just, let's walk to the seventy-second station
and take the subway from there, Otherwise I will be over-walked by the time we get downtown,
Awe, your precious feet,
Oh, fuck you!
There she is!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,,, - Hit,,, hit that,
What are you doing, man? You can't just smoke that shit anywhere,
Dude, it's not nineteen-ninety anymore, Everybody smokes pot,
Everybody doesn't smoke pot,
Everybody does smoke pot!
And this is an electronic atomizer, so you can't smell what I'm smoking,
Trust me, people just assume it's tobacco,
Okay, look, look, look, look, look,,,
Nobody assumes it's tobacco and you look like you're sucking on a plastic dick,
So you're gay bashing now? You, of all people?
What? No, I'm not gay bashing,
And, what do you mean, me "of all people?"
No, no, I'm just,,, you know, I'm merely pointing out,
that with your history of sexual experimentation,
you might not want to use fellatio as an insult, That's all,
Okay, look, note taken, But please, Max, just put the fucking pipe away,
Okay, look,,, I'm gonna assume this is all stress related to Cassi, okay?
I'm not take any offense, and look, putting the fucking pipe away right now,
- Thank you,,, - But, I just want to go on record,
saying that if you took a few puffs of that,
it's gonna fix all of your problems,
You know that I quit smoking because it gave me panic attacks,
You had one lousy attack four years ago,
If you just try smoking a little bit, it probably wouldn't happen again,
Let me ask you something: why did you want to hang out with me today?
Because, you seemed really down last night, okay?
And I just want to make sure you're all right,
I mean, is that alright?
Is it okay that I want to be here for my best friend in his time of need, huh?
My buddy, my paisan,,,
My prairie home companion,
Okay, All right, yes,
It's just, you know,,, sometimes you're a little strange,
- Oh, I'm strange? - Yeah,,,
Well, listen: uh, you know, I'm not the one picking a fight with his best friend
because he decided to be nice, hang out with you,
walk around the city, talk about your troubles, forget your problems,,,
I think that's a little odd,
You're right, I'm sorry, I don't mean to attack you, It's just,
I'm freaking out lately, you know,,, I, I,,, I apologize,,,
Thank you,
But I really do think if you took a few puffs,,,
I'm not even responding to that,
- It's,,, I don't know what to say to you anymore, - Come on, dude,
- It's ridiculous, - I'm just saying, bro, it's medicinal,
Okay, come on, Smokey, Let's go,
Weirdo,
So, I had an epiphany recently,
Oh, please, not another insight about my relationship,
It's not about you guys, but it does relate to human beings as a whole,
Alright, just spit it out so we can move on,
Okay, I was watching the news and thinking about human beings
and how we have behaved since the beginning of civilized time,
And basically, it seems to me, that we haven't changed at all,
The only things that have truly evolved are technologies and medicines,
Just machinery and health,
But, if you think about, I don't know, any slice of time,
any hundred to five hundred year period over the past
five thousand years, the general patterns would be the same:
war over here; someone trying to dominate the world over there;
famine on this side; power struggles over there
and, most people just going along with whatever the times have to offer,
It's almost as if it's human nature to be this way, as if it's in our DNAs,
Yes, it,,, most people can be shoved into one category or another;
that's what makes us so predictable,
Exactly, Which lead me to thinking about you and Oliver,,,
And, there it is,
And, while he has definitely stepped it up,
been supportive, committed, and loyal,
ultimately, he's never stayed in a relationship this long,
So, my problems, the things I've done to him, to us,
are actually manifestation of my own intuitions
that he would ultimately fail the relationship?
Sort of,,, More like, hurt him before he hurts you,
I mean, I'm not saying you don't have to own your own fuck ups,
but at least you can understand them and stop beating yourself up,
I am what I am,
Exactly,
So, I just have to blame him?
You know what I mean,
I do, but I think it's inaccurate,
Oh, another thing I was thinking of was statistics,
Christ!
Well, you know how people say, "I quit drinking
because I didn't want to end up a statistic?"
Yeah,,,?
Well, they're still a statistic,
They're just on the positive side of the spectrum,
You can't have a negative without a positive,
I never thought about it that way,
Yeah,,, talk to Oliver,
We're seeing each other tomorrow to discuss the lease
and whether or not to renew, or break up,
Well, good, at least you can put your anxieties to bed,
And, move on to second guessing,
Okay, Cass, I know I say a lot of stupid shit and we fuck around a lot,
but I'm worried about you,
I know, Thank you, I love you,
But this just needs time, And, unfortunately, I don't have any,
Whatever happened to Sarah?
No idea, I stopped talking to her five years ago, when I moved in with Cassi,
Yeah, yeah, I know, but why?
Because, I told you, Cassi doesn't trust any women that I've been with,,,
And, actually, a few that I haven't been,
So, what you're really saying is, she doesn't trust you,
No, you see, you just don't get relationships,
What's to get? You meet an individual,
you fall in love with them because they are uniquely different than you,
then do your best to change them into a variation of yourself
until you resent each other and you're fucking miserable,
So maybe you do get relationships,
Anyway, I wasn't asking why you didn't remain friends with Sarah
after getting together with Cassi,
I was wondering why you originally stopped talking with her?
And I thought, also, that she cheated on you,
No, no, see, not physically,
Or, she wouldn't admit to it, but, you know, other stuff,
- Uh-huh,,, - You see,
This is becoming your pattern,
Okay, I don't want to talk about it,
Oh, come on dude, you really gotta learn to compartmentalize,
Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, says the guy whose strongest personality trait
is most aligned with that of a sociopath's,,,
Well, if you want to be accurate,
it's more closely aligned with that of a psychotic's, but,,,
- Oh, apologies,,, - I think I'm gonna try to fuck that barista,
And, I take that apology back,
No, no, I'm serious man, She's something else,
- Who, Janie? - Is that her name?
- The woman who just served us? - Yeah,
Yes, Janie,
Really? I thought it was Pamela,
It's not, And, please, don't hook up with Janie,
You know I can't promise you that,
God, please don't, Look,,, she knows we're friends, okay? She sees me every morning,
So what?
So, you're gonna screw things up and I'm gonna have to find a new coffee shop
just like I had to find a new taco stand last year,
I did you a fucking favor, dude, Those tacos were garbage!
And, besides, there's like, uh, thirty-five coffee shops
in a twelve-block radius of your apartment,
Seven of which alone are Starbucks,
Okay, look, look, look, look, Let me just put it to you this way, alright?
They know me there, alright? I like it,
- Uh-huh, - They give me free coffees,
and I like it, and it's comfortable, okay?
- So,,, so what, that makes Jenny off limits? - Oh my God, it's Janie!
Dude, it could be fucking Marsha for all I care,,, I don't care, she's fucking hot!
Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,,,
That's right, see, Why do you feel the need to put your dick in every pretty girl you meet?
Dude, it's not just pretty girls, I don't discriminate,,,
I go after whoever turns me on - whoever turns me on,,,
You remember that, uh, big girl Samara with the funny face and the fat rolls?
- Yeah, yeah, fat Samara, - Fat Samara,,,
I used to take Vaseline, put it on her back fat and fold it around my,,,
Okay! Alright,
I get the point, alright? Now just, please, stay away from Janine,
Okay,
I see,
What? See what?
Oh-kay, You know your futile attempt to dissuade me now made complete fucking sense,
You got a crush on Janet,
Oh my god, it's Janie!
Not Janet, not Janine, not Jenny,,,
Janie!
You're like in love with this chick, bro,
Oh, my fucking,,, would you just - you're fucking doing this to make me crazy, It's, I,,,
- I'm,,, I,,, Fuck! - Why can't you just be honest?
- No more! - Just be honest!
- No more,,, - Hey, I'll stay away,
I had computer sex with Zane yesterday,
What? Letty, come on, I thought you said he had a girlfriend,
What? It's not cheating,
What are you mean? Of course it's cheating, He had sex with another person,
Cybersex, There's a difference,
I don't think his girlfriend would see it that way,
Well, lucky for me I don't give a shit about his girlfriend,
Not cool,
But, regardless, why are you even communicating at all with that asshole?
You mean, that sexy asshole?
He's a jerk!
Yeah, with a big dick!
Why does it always come down to penis size with you?
Because that's what I like,
I mean, you prefer soft cuddles and wooing whispers, and I like a big cock,
And, I'm not talking about a generally large penis, His dick is anaconda huge,
In fact, once when we were stoned and fucking around,
he pretended his dick was a boa constrictor
and wrapped it clear around the cat's neck,
Oh, my god!
Yeah, It was funny until the cat got scared and dug its claws into the shaft,
You know, you don't know how much blood is flowing through one of those things
until you see ten little puncture wounds pulsating to the beat of a man's heart,
Letty!
What? It's really, really, really big,
Okay, I get it, I get it,
And, I might add, it's just cybersex, I mean, Oliver masturbates to porn,
And, that bothers me for a whole slew of other reasons,
but this is totally different and you know it,
Why, because I'm a real person?
No, because he knows you, And, because he's your fucking ex!
And, because it's just wrong,
Wha,,, why does,,, why does,,, why is it wrong? Why does it have to be an issue of morality?
Well, if it's not wrong, then why doesn't he tell his girlfriend?
Because she'd freak out and be insecure,
Yeah, and she'd leave him and hate you,
Well, I don't give a shit if she'd hate me, and I don't think she'd leave,
Well, you should give a shit, And you told me that it wasn't even technically a relationship
when you were together, that you were free to date other people,
Yeah, that I was free to date other people, not Zane,
And, Zane was okay with that?
Why would I have ever told him that?
Oh, how could I have forgotten? You have that don't ask don't tell policy,
I might add that if you had the same policy,
you and Oliver wouldn't be in this pickle you're in,
Okay, first of all, I didn't fuck Charlie, we only shared a few innocent kisses,
Cass, if you're going to lie, don't do it to me,
I'm not lying,
You told me Charlie fingered you,
Even by my standards that's a tad more intimate than a few innocent kisses,
Okay, can you please,,, Don't remind me,
I have nothing but shame and remorse for my actions those evenings,
Well, that's why you're in a pickle,
Well, if the only reason I wasn't in a pickle
was because I was sleeping with whoever I wanted to,
behind my partners back, then I'd be in a whole other pickle,
And, Oliver didn't find out because I told him, he found out because he found evidence,
And, more importantly, I don't want to be in a relationship
with someone I don't wholly want to be in a relationship with,
Okay then, you don't want to be with Oliver?
That's not what I'm saying, You're twisting my words,
I'm talking about your actions,
- Yes, I fucked up! - More than once,
Yes, okay, so I'm not perfect, We know this,
But, you're too hard on yourself,
And, you're too easy,
Said the girl in a pickle,
You,,, you can't go through life not taking responsibility for your actions,
especially when they hurt someone,
I don't care, I don't really give a shit about what people think, I mean,
I just do whatever I want, and I don't give a shit about consequences,
Okay, well, that's the crux of your issues,
And I promise you, if Zane's girlfriend knew, she would leave him,
Yeah, that's why he doesn't tell her,
You've gotta stop this,
It's fucking Zane and some twat he met on Tinder,
Yeah, well you don't know this twat, and she probably didn't know you were together
when she met him, and she could be a very nice person,
Then I'd be doing her a favor,
Letty, do you understand how backwards that thinking is?
I mean,,,
Okay, not that I should be lecturing anyone on relationships,
I'm aware of the hypocrisy,
It's always easy to see other people's problems, It's what informs us to work on ourselves,
We are but mirrors to one another's flaws,
Did Guru Dan tell you that?
No, I quit that class a month ago,
Wait, you never told me that,
Yeah, I saw Guru Dan feeling some twenty-one-year old's perfect tits
while repositioning her,
What a pervert,
I'd agree, but I think just deep down I was jealous he never did that to me,
- Letty, - What? It's true,
Well that explains the cybersex,
Yeah? So what explains the fingering?
Okay, can we,,,
Can we just walk on?
Never trust anyone who quotes the Bible,
Like a politician?
No, never trust a politician, period, But never trust anyone:
teachers, advisers, your parents,
anyone who quotes anything even biblical in nature,
New Testament or Old?
Any testament, any sect,,, it doesn't even matter what religion,
You're better off taking advice from someone who quotes AliceinWonderland
or "Hop On Pop,"
Is this what went wrong with Marie?
Why do you feel the need to go over every one of my failed relationships
each time I'm struggling in my current one?
I'm just trying to see where it all goes wrong with my friend,
It doesn't all go wrong,
Relationships are tricky, In the case of Marie,
it did have to do with religious differences,
So she didn't want to be with an atheist?
It was more because of the kid,
What kid? You guys talked about having kids?
I must have told you I accidentally got her pregnant,
No, you didn't,
Yeah, well, it led to us discussing how this child would be raised
and I made it abundantly clear,
no kid of mine would ever be brainwashed with religious jargon,
and especially not that of the gospel variety,
Oooff, she took offense to this?
To say the least,
So what happened, she miscarried?
No, she had an abortion,
Wait, didn't we just established the fact she was Christian?
Max, don't be so naive,
I mean, you know religious people today are like bakers making cookies:
If they don't like an ingredient they just take it out,
You must have been freaking out,
Yeah, well, sadly, I had been through that before,
You got someone else pregnant?
Three other people,
- Three others people? So, four total? - Yeah,
I was really young, stupid and naive, and irresponsible in my early twenties,
I thought I got a chick pregnant once, Turns out she was just constipated,
had to take a huge shit, But, for like two days, I was freaking the fuck out!
Look, her turd ended up being so massive, we actually named it,
Listen, I don't want to hear about your girlfriend's shit, Okay?
- So, what, do you want to have a kid? - I,,, I mean,,,
It is something that Cassi and I have discussed, but, we gotta see what comes of us first,
But, do you really want one?
I don't know, most of the time,
I mean, I have to have someone to leave my stuff to,
- Your stuff? - My money, or whatever I have,
Fuck, Listen, Oliver, I'm fucked up, okay? I admit it,
Okay, I got very dark thoughts about life, love, sexuality, I'm a masochist, a misogynist,
I'm a flender, I'm pretty much the last person to take real advice from,
and to tell you the truth, I think kids are fucking disgusting,
But trust me when I tell you that to have a child
just to have someone to leave your shit to who isn't a stranger
- is gonna be severely damaging this child, - No,
You're not, look,,, I don't just wanna have a kid to leave my stuff to,
I'm looking for meaning in my life, you know, a reason to wake up every day,
And, besides, Cassi wants to have a child eventually,
That's fucked up,
No, that's the reason people have kids;
to give their otherwise sad little lives meaning and purpose,
I mean, do you think if anybody took five minutes to think about the future ramifications
that their child will one day have to deal with, anybody would ever procreate?
I mean, is this your argument for having a kid or for not having one?
Okay, look, uh,
What I'm saying is that having a child seems to change people's perspectives on lives,
And, maybe it's about time that I changed mine, That's all, you know?
Okay,
- Anyway,,, - Alright,
I told you I had an abortion once, yeah?
It was the worst, Not the physical pain, just the emotional pain;
and, the disappointing stares from my grandparents,
I can't even imagine,
Yeah,
Oh! Did I tell you I was uptown and I saw April Menlow's name on a building?
Wait, she's already donating buildings?
Yeah, It's as if she thinks it'll bring her parents back,
I'm pretty sure people do that for their children's sake,
not to bring back their deceased parents,
No, Uh-uh, They do it because they're self-important pricks,
You can't call everyone who donates a building a prick,
A lot of them are honored posthumously
and, for the most part, they're very important buildings,
Yeah, well, I'd be too embarrassed to have my name on one,
Wait, that would be embarrassing? Out of all the things you've done in public,
having your name on a building would be embarrassing?
Yeah I mean, I definitely don't give a shit about leaving a legacy behind,
I mean, you're here and then you're gone,
and no amount of buildings with your name on it makes you immortal,
I never realized you gave the subject so much thought,
Yeah, well, I think about lots of shit,
Hey, did I ever tell you that in high school I was voted
least likely to become President?
Okay, a bit of a non-sequitur, but I'll bite,
Why did your school even have that option available?
I don't know, It's better than what Joey Federini was voted:
Most likely to suffer from premature erectile dysfunction,
What the hell was wrong with your school yearbook?
It wasn't the official school yearbook, it was an off campus, underground weekly
that usually concentrated its efforts on destroying the carefully guarded reputations
of mean teachers who also happened to be closeted alcoholics or homosexuals,
I thought it was hilarious back then, but now I'm not so sure,
Two different teachers resigned after one particularly harsh issue,
One of them sued the school and the other tried to kill himself,
Jesus! What was in it?
Just your run of the mill, semi-warranted, immature assaults on their character,
And, a bunch of pictures of teachers with the word "cunt" written on their foreheads,
Still, that doesn't sound like suicide bait,
Oh, no, the teacher who tried to kill himself, Mr, Dobbs,
- was caught in his car during school hours, masturbating, - Oh!
What a creep!
I don't know,
It just,,, it just made me feel sad for him, and lonely,,,
Anyways, that was the first year I fucked my English teacher,
And it just keeps on unraveling itself,
I celebrated eight years sober on Monday,
Letty! That's amazing! Why didn't you lead with that?
Oh, you know how I feel about it,
Ugh! You should be proud of yourself,
No, trust me, I'm beyond grateful to be sober, I just feel like,,, I don't know,
I just feel like an addict celebrating getting sober would be like
if an arsonist celebrating escaping from a burning building that he set on fire,
No way, It's really awesome! Lunch is on me today,
No, please, let me buy,
It reminds me that I only have money because I'm not strung out,
Then I'm buying you dessert later,
Wow, well you know my weakness,
Really, desserts? I thought it was large phalluses,
Oh, well, what I wouldn't do for a large, chocolate cock right now!
I have only myself to blame for that,
They're so tasty! And the balls are made from Cadbury cream eggs,
Okay, now you're just showing off,
- But, do they really taste like that? - Uh-huh,
You ever try to last when jerking off to some really good shit,
as if it's a real person in the room and you're trying to impress them?
No, When I masturbate, I just want the end result,
Oh, you gotta practice your edging, bro,
- My what? - Your edging, It's like, trying to control your pop,
Okay, I can control my pop just fine, thank you,
Uh-huh, Forget it, man, you wouldn't understand, It's a Tantric thing,
Oh, what,,, you're suddenly some kind of Kama Sutra, sex master?
Did you see the girl I was talking to last night?
Are we still talking about the same thing?
Now just stop trying to beholden me to your oppressive, linear values,
Okay, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about anymore,
Just answer the question: did you see the girl I was talking to last night? Yes or no?
I did see the girl, She sat with us for forty-five minutes,
And what did you think?
I don't know, I didn't talk to her, She was pretty,
- That's it? - Are you trying to get me to ask you what happened?
- What do you mean what happened? - Oh, my god,
Yes, I walked her home, No, I didn't fuck her,
But I did make out with her, and believe me, I'm gonna fuck her soon,
Oh, great, Sounds good,
You know what?
Being in a relationship for the past five years
has made you forget what it's like out there for the rest of us,
No, I'm just not interested in every single one of your exploits,
Don't be a snob, I'm your best friend
and I'm just telling you about a beautiful woman
that I'm going to put my erect penis into one day,
Oh, well, we all have to have goals,
Yeah, well you judge now, but if you and Cassi do break up, you're gonna see what it's like,
Yeah, You know, can we talk about something a tad more serious?
Like what? Those tiny little indie films you love so much?
- With the no budgets and no names? - Yeah,
I like them because they're the purest films in cinema today,
Don't you think that's just like a slight exaggeration?
No, no, I think as soon as too much of somebody else's money gets involved,
or too many names, out goes the pure vision of the director,
And, I think it's imperative that any filmmaker
tries to expunge as many outside opinions as possible,
Yeah, along with the audience,
Yeah, Don't get me started on filmmakers who make films with an audience's concerns in mind,
You know, some people do make films with the hopes
that someone other than themselves are going to see it eventually,
Okay, you know what? Let's not talk about films,
What about people you've seen? Have you ran into anybody lately,
had any interesting conversations?
I pretty much only talk to you, women I'm sleeping with, and women I'm trying to sleep with,
Okay, my bad,,, Uh, what about books you've read recently?
I told you, uh, I quit reading books years ago,
I thought that was a joke,
Why would I joke about that?
Why would you stop reading books?
Uh, I think I,,, you know,,, I thought I read, pretty much everything I cared to read
that would have been made available during the lives of my favorite authors,
and I'm just not interested in contemporary authors,
Yeah, another whackadoo theory by Max the Great! I mean, this is absurd!
Do you,,, There's tons of,,, brilliant, contemporary authors out there today,
- Yeah? - Yeah,
- Well, I don't give a fuck! - Oh my god, it's like you're allergic to culture,
No, I just don't waste time with all that bullshit,
Oh, no, no, no, that's right,,, playing Grand Theft Auto is far more important,
No, I don't think either's more important, but, GTA is certainly more entertaining,
It's rotting your brain,
Listen, Oliver,,, look, I've been smoking pot every day since I was eleven years old,
Okay? I enjoy drinking, Xanax, a little Xbox, and a little butthole play, okay?
I'm not exactly concerned about my brain,
And don't you should be focusing a little bit more on your problems with Cassi
than worrying about my lifestyle choices?
Holy shit, bro, I have never seen you speechless,
Okay, you know what? Fuck you! Again,
Yeah, you do have, like, a little something in there,
Are you serious?
Yeah, I don't know,,, looks like spinach, or,,, what did you have for breakfast?
What do I do?
Take the spit and, like, swish it through your two front teeth,
- Yeah, like that, - Is it gone?
- Yeah, You're good, - Okay,
- Ah, gross, - It wasn't bad,
- Cass,,, - If I saw it before I would have said something,
That's so embarrassing,
It's fine,
Yeah,,, talking to people, and you're like, hey! This big green thing,
You're beautiful no matter what's in your teeth,
Oh, well, thank you, I appreciate that,
I think,,, I like the female power thing, I like, like, the,,,
the female-centric stories now, You know,
Yeah,
I mean, I agree, but,,,
- I don't know, - But what?
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know,
To be honest, I fell asleep for like twenty minutes,
Oh my god, you do that every time,
- No, I don't, do I,,, - Yes you do!
Every time I go see a movie with you,,,
You fall asleep,
And there's always, like,,, inevitably there's always, like, popcorn,,,
- Right, - That has spilled all over you because you drop it,
Maybe I just need to do, lot's of,,, Popcorn makes me so gassy,
Yeah, I know,
Do you ever prolong your orgasm when masturbating?
Why do you have to ask me stuff like that? You know it embarrasses me,
Yeah, that's why I ask you, It's so fun to watch you squirm,
So much,
What?
It's "so much fun," or "such fun," but not "so fun,"
Oh, don't do that, It's really frustrating,
My grandfather used to correct me all the time,
Holy shit! Did I just accidentally stumble upon the one thing
that makes Letty squeamish in public?
Okay, back to you and Oliver,
If you want my uncut advice,
I think you should pack it in, call it a day and move on,
This isn't an auto loan I'm considering, this is my life,
Stay single, focus on your career while you're still young enough,
My career isn't the problem,
No, your daydreaming is,
In what way?
In the way that it's exactly what drove you to go get finger-popped by an old flame,
when things got tough with Oliver,
- Really? Finger popped? - Yeah,
And, had you been single, that wouldn't have been an issue,
I don't like being single,
No, you don't like being alone,
- There's a difference, - You're wrong, I enjoy my alone time,
when I'm in a relationship,
It's nice knowing that it's temporary,
Everything is temporary, My arm is temporary,
Okay,
There's nothing more isolating
than sleeping next to a person you feel estranged from,
I never said I felt estranged,
Okay, disconnected,
Disconnections come and go, It's about communication,
But you always say that Oliver wants space,
That has to more to do with my own fear and insecurity that he wants to leave me,
Not my annoyance with the fact that he needs solitude in order to do his work,
Hmm, I prefer what I have,
I see someone I want to be with and I'm with them, As simple as that,
No, except, you're never actually with them,
Which is why, no matter who you choose,
you will never actually experience true intimacy,
What I do is the definition of intimate,
No, what you do is the definition of uninhibited,
promiscuous even, but not intimacy,
- I disagree,,, - In fact, one could,
one could argue that it's the antithesis of intimacy,
I disagree,
I think the only thing that matters is in the moment,
and in the moment of sexual collision,
the only thing that exists is me and the person I'm with,
and that moment is the most intimate moment possible,
If anything, couples hide behind the delusion of safety,
thinking that equates to intimacy and meaning, when really it's just a smokescreen
from having to look at yourselves honestly and clearly,
Wow, you're really fucked up,
Agree to disagree,
Letty, please, talk to a professional about that theory,
You talk to a professional,
I do, Twice a week,
And, look where it's gotten you,
I'm here because relationships are imperfect and because I fucked up,
So why be in it?
Because, they're also some of the most beautiful expressions of love,
and with some work, and a lot of faith,
you can experience something better than any drug
or momentary, sexual encounter has to offer,
Okay, then you know what you wanna do,
I wish it were that easy,
Well, why isn't it?
I don't know, Can we just, keep walking in silence, please?
What do you think it is about younger women make 'em so attractive?
Can we not do this right now, Max?
What, are you too mature to answer that?
No, I'm just not obsessed with sex the way you are,
Every man is a obsessed with sex; some just don't admit it,
Oh, yeah,,, well, you have no problem there,
Fuck no! I own that shit! I know what I like and I say it to the fucking world,
You know, admission doesn't always equal honesty,
No, but it does equal intimacy,
No, not when the truth of the admission is being used as a smokescreen,
You're really not going to discuss why younger women are so hot, are you?
Okay, what's to discuss? They have softer, smoother skin,
they aren't worried about careers or portfolios,
they not hung up on marriage and children,
they have a naive innocence and their skin smells like fresh, blossoming flowers,
I mean, what do you wanna hear?
Wow!
I just wanted to discuss why men, in general, find younger women attractive,
and, but you, you've really given this a lot of thought,
You're a real fucking sicko,
Okay, you know what? Go fuck yourself,
Come on! Eh,,,
I'm joking! I'm just kidding!
I agree, they smell like flowers!
I would never date a younger guy,
Don't be so turned off,
I just don't see the appeal,
The appeal is that they are young, hard-bodied studs
ready to fuck on a moment's notice, and more than once in an evening,
Why do you have to be so crass?
Why do you have to be such a prude?
I'm not a prude,
I just don't want to hear the crude details about the prepubescent boys you screw,
They're not prepubescent,
they just shave themselves clean; it's a generational thing,
I thought Millenials are into having hair down there,
I can't stand being hairy, I think I'll always have a bald,,,
Okay, Okay,,, I get it,
I can't remember, have you ever tasted pussy?
Okay, now you're just trying to be shocking; and, please don't use that word,
No, I'm sincerely wondering,
No! I haven't, Not interested,
I used to fuck around with my cousin, Rita, when we were in our early teens,
And, I only mention this because, I tasted so much sweeter back then;
and I think it's the same for men's semen too,
Can we please talk about anything else?
Do you think your mom has ever shaved her vagina?
Cass, I'm joking!
I think the biggest reason I don't like being in relationships
is because you also have to date that person's family,
Yeah, I mean, it can be tricky,
Especially when for no reason grounded in reality,
they suddenly decide they don't like you,
But when you have lost as many people in your family as I have, it can also be a nice thing,
I guess,
I mean, I just never even liked playing at other kids' houses when I was a kid,
because suddenly you gotta abide by someone else's rules,
Yeah, well, you don't have to play exactly by their rules, you just have to be mindful of them,
Nah, I hate rules,
Everybody hates rules,
Not everyone,
You know, I think my ideal woman would be an eighteen-year-old orphan
who just lost her entire family and inherited a billion dollars,
Does Oliver ever get frustrated
with how inundated the world is with amateur filmmakers these days?
You've heard his rants, It's beyond frustrating,
Yeah, well, I think it's brave of him that he's still making a go of it,
It must be unnerving knowing that everyone with a cell phone or YouTube account
thinks of themselves as an auteur,
He just doesn't know what else he would do,
I mean, this is what he's wanted since he was a kid,
He's very passionate about it, It's all he knows,
And, I truly feel like the cream rises to the top, so it's just a matter of time for him,
He's lucky to have had your support all this time,
I mean, no offense, but I too would have to be with somebody financially endowed,
Wait, you know Oliver has his own money and you have plenty of your own,
Yeah, but I wouldn't want to have to take care of them,
It would make me too resentful,
Plus, I would never date anyone who was broke or in debt,
Yeah, I feel like that's pretty hard to find nowadays,
but you definitely don't want to marry somebody who's in debt,
But money isn't everything,
Yeah, I just think we're at the age now
where financial security factors into love,
It's not just needing to be with somebody at all costs, like it feels when you're twenty-one,
I would have to know that if necessary, this person could take care of me financially,
Well, maybe when you're actually ready to be in a relationship,
you could be Donald Trump's fifth wife?
Fuck no! I'd rather have Ivanka shit in my mouth
than touch his old, disgusting, drooping, ginger balls,
Gross! Letty, come on,
I'll bet his pubic hair curls over his dick like he fancies that dead squirrel on his head,
I actually have no comment,
Did I ever tell you that I lost my virginity to my step-sister?
At least a hundred times,
Well, did I mention that after our parents separated, we tried dating for real?
No, I'd have remembered that,
I don't know why I only attract crazy girls,
Yeah, because I told you: calm attracts calm and crazy attracts crazy,
Yeah, well I'd change my energy, but crazy loves to fuck!
Anyway, I never felt that weird, because, you know, we weren't related,
and, I think outsiders viewed it differently
'cause we did grow up together since we were, like, ten,
Yeah, I'm pretty sure anyone who is not on parole for a lewd and lascivious sex act,
views all your proclivities differently, sexual or otherwise,
Actually, I ran into her a few years ago, and believe it or not, she apologized to me
for having had sex with her at such a young age,
The only reason she was even sexually aware to begin with
is because she was molested by a family member about a year before our parents had met,
- That's terrible, - Yeah, I felt awful for her, It's horrible,
You know, I was molested when I was a kid,
You never told me you were molested,
Yeah, well, I try not to refer to it that way
out of respect for those who were more seriously affected,
Well, who did it? Was it a baby sitter? Was she hot at least?
No, it was a family friend, and it wasn't a she,
- You were molested by a guy? - Sort of,
- What do you mean sort of? - Look, I was twelve, he was fifteen,
According to my shrink, that's a clear molestation,
- Yeah, but,,,? - I didn't think so because I initiated it,
Ah, dude, you were definitely molested, That guy should have known better,
I suppose,
Dude, you sound like one of those kidnap victims with Stockholm syndrome,
No, I'm just saying,,,
Look, I know what you're saying, okay? I got it, I know what you're saying,
And you were definitely molested, That guy should have known better,
Yeah? Well, it happened,
Fuck, So did your parents find out?
I told my mom but I begged her not to tell my dad,
I was terrified he would run down the street and literally kill the guy,
So,,, It's like so sick to me how we feel the need to protect those who harm us?
Yeah, you know, the worst part is,
is that two weeks later I tried to doing the same
thing to this foreign kid I went to school with, and he freaked out,
and I stopped before anything happened,,, I ran home crying,
And, I didn't know this then, of course, but looking back, hindsight what it is,
obviously that was an attempt for me to take my power back,
Yeah, well, it must have definitely affected you more than you thought,
- Okay, can we talk about something else? - Yeah, Fine,
I think you should, uh, write something other than those little talkie-talks,
Like, maybe, maybe a horror film, or something,
I write slice of life stuff,
Yeah, you write about yourself,
I write about what I am going through, What's wrong with that?
There's nothing wrong with that, but you, bro,
you're going on and on about a film you're thinking about writing,
that essentially centers around your current life situation,
instead of focusing on what you could be doing about that situation in reality,
So, it's self-indulgent, it's narcissistic,
uh, you're setting yourself up for failure, and, you know,
worst part is you're not even aware of it,
Well let's not forget about the impending sense of doom I feel on a daily basis?
Ah well, so what? You're also depressive,
But, we've always known that, you know?
Okay, you know what? How's about a little silence for a change?
Perfect,
I think you should take some time, reflect on what we just discussed,
really absorb it, you know?
- Yeah, I'd like to absorb you in the East River, - Hmm,,,
I feel like I'm not as intelligent or as mentally equipped as my parents were
at my age to make significant decisions,
I'm sure your parents felt the same way when they were your age,
I promise you they didn't,
By the time they were my age they were married,
working professionals, who owned a house and had two kids,
Yeah? And, how'd that turn out for them?
Point taken, But, divorce aside,
I'm talking about their individual, mental capabilities to retain knowledge
and handle life-changing decisions,
Yeah, well, they were post-war children, they had to grow up faster,
And, I might add, it's because of our parents' successes
that our generation has been afforded a way of life that lends itself,
or rather, actually imposes self-reflection, and delays our emotional growth,
In other words, it's our parents' fault that our generation is stupid?
No, it's not a question of intelligence, It's a question of motivation, a lack of drive,
stemming from the overbearing sense of being too good for anything,
which is, in fact, their fault,
So, in other words,
because our parents made us feel like we're center of the universe,
it backfired and turned us into spoiled, entitled brats,
No, that would be Millennials,
We're just late bloomers, And it's not a question of our,,, our mental capabilities,
I don't know,
I truly feel like will never be as smart as my parents were,
Yeah, well, I disagree,
What am I gonna do, Letty? There's so much pressure to make the right choice,
Well maybe the fact that it's a hard choice speaks louder than you think?
But relationships are hard,
Yeah, but choosing to be in one shouldn't be, Even with tons of work to be done,
Well, unfortunately, I don't think it can be broken down that simply,
Everything can be reduced to basic human impulses,
Well, my impulse says to stay with Oliver
and work on what we have invested in over the last five years,
- Yeah, but to what end? - Hopefully to no end,
Yeah, but that doesn't justify making a poor decision
when you have all of the information ahead of time,
What's that supposed to mean?
It means that blindfolding yourself is not the same as being blind,
Cass, what are we doing?
We're going to get food,
No, I know, but what are we doing right now? Why are we together?
Why are we wandering around the city
when you should be sitting with Oliver and talking to him about all of this?
I told you, Oliver and I needed space to gain perspective,
Okay, but you've been apart for over two weeks, That hasn't been enough?
If you're sick of talking about this, just say so,
Cass, that is so unfair, I've been there for you every step of the way,
I've sat up with you, cried with you, laughed with you,
listened to everything you've had to say,,,
But,,,?
But you don't seem to want to be in action,
You just want to talk, and not even about what's important,
And, when you are in action, it always seems counter-productive to improving your dilemma,
Meaning?
Meaning, you say you want to work on your relationship,
but instead you go on a date with an ex-boyfriend,
It wasn't a date,
Yeah, well, whatever it was, it wasn't kosher,
How can you judge me?
A, what your implying is really fucked up,
and B, I'm not judging you, I'm your best friend; I love you, I'm just,,,
I'm trying to open your fucking eyes,
Maybe I don't want to see,
Yeah, that's my point!
So why even bother struggling with this shit? Just fucking end it,
Why are you getting so worked up?
Because, I'm sick of hearing about problems
you're not willing to work toward a solution on, Especially when it comes to relationships,
which I don't even believe in, and it's always I who has to convince you to stay,
Okay, relax, I'm sorry,
No, it's really frustrating, Cassi,
I know, I said I'm sorry,
Yeah, well you won't work on it, so your apology doesn't mean shit,
Okay, I'll change, I hear you,
And, knock this shit off with Charlie, Stop talking him to,,,
stop talking to him altogether,
All right, I said I'll change,
Now, can you just stop talking for a minute? I need to think,
Yeah, that's my point: stop thinking, go to Oliver, Talk to him about all of this,
I don't know what I've been doing,
Self-preserving,
Thank you, Letty,
I love you,
I love you too, Now, go, Go, go, go, I'll be fine,
- Okay, - I love you,
I'm gonna go to Brooklyn,
- Okay, - I'll text you later,
Love you,
So why haven't you been talking to your therapist about all this Cassi stuff?
What are you talking about?! Of course I talk to her about this,
I don't know, it just seems like you haven't given it much thought,
Are you kidding me? If anything, I've given it too much thought,
- So then where's the action? - It's complicated,
there's a lot of pressure to make the right move,
Yeah, but is there a right move?
Obviously there's a right move,
Otherwise there wouldn't be so much pressure,
Yeah, but what if that pressure could just be removed?
How do you mean?
I don't know, Maybe, you guys agree to stay together and you don't renew the lease,
but, you know, maybe find someplace else to stay,
- No, no, Definitely not in the cards, - Why not?
Because, that's not how it works when you're in a relationship
and living together with someone for five years,
- Yeah, but who's rules are these? I mean, why? - That's just how it is,
- Yeah, but who says? I mean, why does it have to be? - Be,,, uh,,, oh my god!
- Are you trying to fuck with my patience? - No,
No, I think you are, I think you think if you get under my skin
it's gonna cause me to make a move in one direction or another,
but, I'm telling you, Max, it's not helpful and I really wish you'd stop it,
Dude, I'm just trying to get you to focus on your problems
and solve shit out with Cassi, That's all,
How are you trying to get me to focus? You haven't said anything even remotely helpful,
Yeah, well, that's my style,
- What? - Yeah, you know,
I get your attention that's concentrated on something else, okay?
And if the subject you're fretting upon is strong enough, okay,
it's gonna pull will pull you back and make it undeniably imperative to deal with,
Right, right, But how do you explain what comes out of your mouth the rest of the time?
You know what, man? Fuck this shit,
I don't need to be hanging out with friends who are ungrateful,
Come on,,, you know I'm joking,
Yeah, but I'm not joking, I'm not joking, man,
Listen, let me make a blunt observation, okay?
- Please? - Yeah, yeah, fine,
- Listen, I've known you a long time, known you a long time, - Yes,
And, I've never known you to be happy,
What? No, that's not true, I'm always generally happy,
Generally happy, yes, but specifically happy, no,
That,,, no, that doesn't sound right,
Okay,,, why,,, why you here with me?
What are you talking about? We said we're gonna hang out,
- Yes, I know, but why? - To get lunch,
Okay, you're just not getting it, okay?
You're on the verge of making the greatest decision of your life or a the worst one,
and you are not giving it the respect and attention it deserves,
No, that's not true,
It is,,, it is true! Then what are you even hanging out with me for? Huh?
Go be with Cassi, go talk this shit through with her,
I can't, We have a no communication rule until after five in effect,
So break the fucking rule, man! Or go fi,,, go find her, go to her sister's
and go talk this shit out with her,
Okay,
You're right, you're right, I'm gonna go,,,
I'll go find Cassi, I'll go to her sister's, and uh,,,
I'll talk this out with her, I,,, I don't know,,, But we haven't ate lunch,
It's just,,, Don't worry about lunch, man, Just go,
- You sure? - Yeah, Just go,
- You sure? - Yeah, Go be with her,
Okay, Okay, thank you,
- You're welcome, man, I love you, - I love you too, dude,
I love you, Um,,,
Uh,,,
- That way, - Yes, I'm gonna,,, Okay, I'll call you later,
- Yeah, call me later, - Thank you,
I love you, dude, - I love you too, I,,,
Take care,,,
- So, that's it? - That's everything,
I don't understand,
- What don't you understand? - How that could be it,
That's all there is to tell,
But nothing happened,
A lot happened,
So, what, do they renew the lease, they stay together, do they call it quits?
What do you think?
I think the film is incomplete,
I told you, it's a slice of life story,
So, that means you don't finish it? You're a lazy writer,
That was the finish,
So, what,,, what about the audience? How are they supposed to take it?
What about the audience?
How they supposed to take it? Nothing was resolved,
I don't know, I think a lot was resolved,
- So they stay together? - It's whatever you think,
What I think is no one is going to watch this, okay?
What I think is, is you're never going to find an audience if you keep writing this type of stuff,
And furthermore, I think you should focus on other genres
and stop writing this drivel immediately,
Oh, you do?
Yeah, I think it's gonna be better for everybody involved,
And, don't even get me started on what the critics are probably going to say,
You don't think they'll like it?
If they simply don't like it, you're gonna be getting away with murder,
Okay, that's a little extreme,
Oliver,,, Oliver,,, please,,, Just, do not make this film,
- What? - Okay, just,,, just, promise me,,,
If I have any influence over you, whatsoever, please do not make this film,
Okay, Relax, I,,, I promise,,,
I won't make this fi,,,
Wanna shift?
- You're okay with that? - Okay,,,
- Two second adjustment,,, - Move?
- Can you shift to that one? - Yup,
Still rolling,
- This one? - Are you bored?
Yeah, just a little to the side, Yeah,,, thanks,
First person that broke my heart, which is somebody I won't name,,,
Uh,,, was the first person I was ever engaged to,,,
I was definitely in love with him,
And, man, I went psychotic,,,
Like, I probably would have checked myself into a mental institution if I knew better,
I still regret my freak-outs, They were really bad,
Yeah, I think, because of that, it brought a lot of fear for me, absolutely, because,,,
nobody wants to be brokenhearted, it sucks,
It's the worst pain ever,
I opened my heart one time, so big, that, I gave all my heart away,
and it just got completely destroyed,
I don't think I've ever recovered, to be honest with you,
and, so, I think I go through my life a little bit reserved
and I don't know if I'm ever gonna be able to open it up all the way,
'cause I don't know what,,,
I don't want that pain to ever happen again, to be honest with you,
it's just too much for me to bear,
Uh, so,,, I kind of approach things a little bit gentler now,
and, with a little bit of caution and pause, and,,,
maybe I'll meet the right one, one day, and it'll like,
it'll happen again,,, but I don't trust it,,,
it doesn't ever work out for anybody that I know,
I'd never seen it really work out, really for anybody, so,,,
why bother,,, you know? Save a little bit for myself, That's the way I think,
Why don't you think you,,, you've had relationships that have lasted?
I don't know, I think I just didn't have a good upbringing, maybe,
I mean, I feel like my grandparents were too old to teach me anything,
and I was too young to really want to learn anything,
and they just,,, they just grew up in a different generation, so,,,
Maybe that's what's scaring me with relationships? I'm not sure,
I do think Oliver is a good long-term partner,
He's needed some,,,
Coaching every now and then, but it's been pretty worth it,
We've had our,,, we've definitely had our ups and downs,
but, I mean, we've stayed together for five years, so I think,,,
I think we can do it,
I know this can last, but do I wanna just ride the wave of being in the relationship?
So are we in this because we're fearful of being alone?
Are we in this just because of the security blanket the other person gives the other person?
That sense of,,, of, uh, longevity, and umm,,,
such, or are we in this because it's fulfilling,
and we're growing, and umm, you know, uh,,,
and,,, and it's enjoyable, and it's what we want
and, and I think a lot of it does come down to fear,
I think, you know a lot of times you stay in a relationship out of fear, and,,,
What do I think about Oliver and Cassi?
I think it's a good thing,,, I really do, I think it's a good thing, because, Oliver's a mess,
you know, he's a mess in general, but when he's with her,
for some reason I've seen him stabilize,,, I've seen him get, like, really grounded,
he gets productive, he gets creative,,,
And, uh,,, for whatever reason, whatever universe they're floating in together
without judgment, I think it's a good thing for him,
So I'd like for him to get,,, I'd like for him to stay together, I really would,
I think it's a good thing,
Do you like Cassi?
Do I like Cassi?
Hmm,,,
Yeah, I do, I think she's a good person, I think she's a good person,
she's struggling like the rest of us,
We're all trying to make our way through the world, and do the best we can, you know? But,,,
yeah, in general, I think she's a good person, she's a sweetheart, I like her a lot,
I do, I think Oliver's a decent guy, He's,,,
I think they're both not perfect, in any way, and,,,
I think they both talk a lot and complain a whole bunch, and they're super similar
but all in all, they really do love each other, and,
they can be pretty cute together sometimes,
Could I see myself spending the rest of my life with Oliver?
Yes,
And also, no, Um,,,
It's a very weird time in our relationship,
And it's hard for me to articulate why,,,
it,,, it's gotten to the point that it's gotten to, but,,,
I hope,,, I hope that he is,
Uh, my mom, uh, was uh, a terrible alcoholic when she was younger,
and she'd been sober many, many years prior to her, uh, passing away, but um,,,
she used to say to me when I'd say, "How do you stay sober twenty-five years?"
And she would say, uh, "You know, you just don't drink,"
And, umm, I feel like that's basically how it is with relationships,
So, can a relationship last for twenty-five years? Absolutely,
Just don't get divorced, Is it fulfilling? Is it,,,
you know, helping you grow as a person? Uh,
not only in that relationship, but on this planet,
and amongst your peers and your family, and,,, so, I don't know, so,,, umm,
that's kind of a,,, a hard question to answer, just,,,
I mean the obvious answer is yes, relationships can last,
Um,,, Do you want it to?
I don't know,
You know, right now, I like
what I have with Cassi, and um,,,
That's the problem with relationships,
is it gets stale at a point, but, that's up to you guys to work on,
You know, it's like, you both have to do something to make it exciting,
Whether that's travel by yourselves, watch porn,
add somebody in with you, I don't know, whatever works for you, I guess,
Whatever floats your boat, But, try it, if you want to be with somebody for a long time,
Absolutely,
- So,,, - Communication too, That's huge,
I don't know that staying in a relationship is,,,
guaranteeing that you're having deeper meaning in your life, or relationship,
But the more I'm learning about relationships, I'm learning that cheating is actual,,,
it's kind of a contract, and I think it's different with every,,, every relationship,
To me, in my mind, cheating is when I'm taking my sexual energy, and my emotional energy,
and taking it outside the relationship in any form, to be honest with you,
and that means flirting, to a certain extent,
you know, I know inside when I'm across the line, like, would this,,,
if this was seen by my significant other, would she, like, would this hurt her?
And if I could think that and,,, and say yes to that, I think that's cheating,
I really do, I think most women would agree,
I'm not most women, but that's what I think,
The point you know, and you consider what you're doing is cheating, is, I think,
the second you get that "uh-oh" feeling
and that's usually, like, that feeling in your gut,
and I feel like that's usually,,, even the second you text or call someone else,
Or if someone else is even serving as, like,
an emotional support for you that your boyfriend isn't, but it's
another male, You know,,, I think,,,
I think I got involved with my ex-boyfriend, Charlie, because,,,
I was looking for a way out of my relationship with Oliver in a way,
We've been having the same conversations over and over and over again
for the past five years, and some things just haven't changed and,,,
One of which, being the passion,
And, Charlie and I just have always had a more passionate relationship
if I compared the two, that's what really stood out, is, we just,,,
the sex was great, So,,,
and Oliver and I haven't been sleeping together, so,,,
You know, that's a whole other thing and that's interesting to me too,
like, why stay in a relationship after you know somebody is,,, cheated or something,
I,,, You know what? Because,,, what else is out there?
You got,,, you got, uh,,, a whole new set up and all that stuff
and also it's an opportunity to work on your trust and growth and such,
And it's not so easy, just throwing people away, you know?
It's uh,,, uh,,,
And,,, umm,,, you know, we've lived together for five years, so, um,,,
I don't know, I don't know, uh,,, where we're going exactly,
but I do know I am not done with it yet,
That's the thing, As much as I don't want relationships,
and they scare the shit out of me, I'd still like to grow old with somebody,
How do you do that? I don't know,
Obviously everyone wants to feel love, But the older I get, I feel like,,,
the financial security is way,,, is,,, not way more important,
but it's definitely something to consider, you know?
If I'm like, popping out kids, and I can't work for a little bit,
the other person has to be able to support me
at least us, while we're,,, while I'm, you know,,,
while it's like, attached to my tit,
So, um,,,
I don't know, Ugh,
I guess, love,
Love, yeah,
Uh,,, Am I staying in this out of convenience or fear?
Hopefully, those are not the only two options,
I don't think, ultimately I'm staying in it out of fear, uh,,,
I just think it's something I'm not quite ready to let go of, if that's the way it's gonna go,
Umm,,, and,,, and I do think, just, we deserve, uh,,,
You know,,, to give it a chance, to, uh,
see what's next,
All,,, although, it is, um, scary to think that we'd resign this, you know, lease and,,,
and then, uh, have a terrible fight in a,,, a week, or a month, and
then we're locked into this,,, you know, living together and not wanting to, Um,,,
Which we've kind of been in that place before and I slept on the couch
but that's neither here nor there, but it's,,, it's just,,, it's not fun,
uh, being in a tight quarter with somebody you're going through a rough time with, Um,,,
Do,,, do I think I wanna have kids ever?
No, No,
It's like, I don't wanna pass on whatever fucked up thing I might have
to any potential offspring I have,
I don't think I could take care of 'em the right way, I think I'd be a fucked up father,
I know how to love, and I love kids, but I'd rather do it from a distance,
I don't even wanna bring it in to the mix,
I don't want to subject a kid to any of my bullshit,
I just don't,
I think Oliver would be a really great dad,
I just don't think he thinks he would be a great dad,
And that's the sad part because,,, I mean, we've talked about having kids, and,,,
I think the thought of him having to be responsible for a human life
freaks him out a little bit, And,,,
he's definitely had his share of pregnancy scares, with other people,
So, he's considered it, but,,,
Do I think Cassi and I want the same thing? Um,,,
Well, we want different things out of our, you know, like,
personal lives, it seems sometimes but, uh,,, but,,,
but in a relationship, I think we want the same thing,
I think we're both looking for a significant other who wants
to make the other laugh, and, you know, enjoy interesting conversations and films,
and, at times,
she gets a little bored
and then I get complacent,
and then we forget and lose touch with what we actually want, and,
uh, it's hard to see that we want the same thing, but,,,
I think, ultimately, um, we do, And, I think that the fact that we're even
trying to figure this out so hard, whether or not we should stay together
is proof that we do pretty much want the same thing, it's just,,,
Yeah, I don't know, I,,, that's not such an,,,
I'm,,, I'm not sure I can answer that question, So,,,
No, no, you know what? I don't,
I don't, I think I am some days and I think I'm not other days,
you know, like, maybe two days ago
I was,,, I was a raging narcissist,
I didn't give a fuck about people in my life,
I didn't give a fuck about my family, I didn't even give a fuck about,,,
people that I care about,
But, you know, the fact that I even feel anything,,,
the fact that I give a fuck about any of it, makes me feel like, no, I'm not a narcissist,
'cause I care, I ca,,, I care,,,
So, no, I'm not a narcissist,
Fuck, man,
To me a narcissist is someone whose entire universe
and life and every waking thought kinda revolves around them,
I honestly don't think I am a narcissist, uh, straightforward,
I think we all have narcissistic qualities, uh, especially nowadays
with the advent of, like, um, social medias, and,,, and, like, you know,
All,,, all of the,,, I mean, the selfie alone is like, a pure, uh,
kind of, you know, extension of narcissism, I feel,
Um, I have times when I think,
uh, I don't give a shit what happens to, you know, A, B, and C,
I've gotta get this thing done for me,
because this is my dream and this is what I'm doing
and fuck you if you're not on board and,,,
You know, those kind of things, um,,,
But it's a tricky question because, I think,,,
and that's one of the things that I was trying to do in making this film
was,,, I want people to think about those things,
I want people to think about where,
uh, they've been more selfish, or less selfish, and,,,
and how do you relate to what these characters are going through?
I think Oliver is a narcissist to a certain degree,
but I think we're all narcissists in some way,
I mean, you have to be in order to survive, right?
That's,,, you know,,,
narcissism is kind of what keeps us alive, in a way,
I don't think he's a hundred percent one, but,,,
I think,,, that,,,
he's definitely,,,
He needs to grow up a little bit,
I'm, uh, Oliver, and I'm the writer, director of the film,
I made this film, because,,, Well, I mean, as a writer,
and a filmmaker, you know, I'm always looking for my next, um,
story to tell, of course, and,,, and always working out a new narrative,
and something that interests me, You know, I really wanted to explore subjects, uh,
and, um, themes that were, um,,,
accurate and current to what my, uh peer groups and friends actually discuss,
things that we would talk about, things that we do talk about,
Hopefully entertaining, to a degree,
Hopefully interesting, Might spark some conversation to anybody who watches it,
afterwards, to uh, maybe debate some subjects, or whatnot,
I mean, I guess I'm the same as the person that I wrote about in this film,
Was that the question? Am I the same as the person I wrote about?
I think, yes, I am the character,
I think, maybe I exemplify some flaws, or,
uh, exaggerated some characteristics of certain characters, but,,,
This is the first film where I named the character the same name,
uh, that I have, Oliver, so,,, I've never done that before,
Usually, I, you know, choose some name that I've,,, You know, and not only that,
I named the other characters the same, I really think I was trying to capture, uh, um,
something real,
Who are the other people? Well, okay, so, uh,,,
They are my confidants, uh, my
you know, pool of friends who ground me,
Um, people who make me feel safe and secure, who I bounce my ideas off of
who challenge me on my belief systems, and,,, and, uh, the ways I think, and, uh,,,
you know, kind of hold me up to be, umm, to a higher standard,
to be the best version of Oliver that I can be,
What is your goal with the project?
Oh, back to the film,
Well, as a filmmaker, your,,, The goal is to make the film and to make the next film, so,
The film goal for this is to just get it done, get it out there, find its audience,
and hopefully, uh, find the people or person
who likes it enough to wanna help me make my next film,
because the goal is to, you know, always be making another film,
There's a lot of reasons to make it for very little money,
Um, we made this one for next to nothing, and the,,, the point with that was,
A, total control, B, go anywhere you want, shoot anything you want,,,
We have almost no, you know, no crew, no overhead, we keep it very, um,,,
stripped down to the bone,
And, uh, that allows for a, great artistic freedom, and um,
I think nowadays, um, quantity equals quality,
Not in the sense that if you do more it's automatically better,
but in the sense that more is better, in this day and age,
It helps you get seen more,
uh, people like to see that you've done more, um, and,,,
and, I do think, though, that it is true, that the more you do, the better you get,
So if you're,,, if you have no talent, and you're never gonna be great,
even your, you know, whatever's your best, is gonna improve by doing more,
Because you'll be quicker at it, even if it's quicker at being bad,
and more efficient at being bad, or whatever it is that you're doing poorly, you know,
you'll be able to do it better,
Um, and if you do have talent, and you have some sort of growth going on,
then it,,, more will help you improve there,
So it's not,,,
It,,, it's,,, but what I'm not saying is, just by having more, you're better,
but, in this day and age, in this environment that we,,, that we, uh,,,
uh, are,,, are in, in this atmosphere of filmmaking, I do believe that, uh,
more is better, and to have more to show,,,
And, I also believe that work begets work,
and I don't like to sit around and wait, so, some films I make for more money,
and then other films I make for no money
because I just, have to make the next one, but, um,,,
That's really why we made this one, for no money,
uh,,, or not no money, but very little money, and, uh,,,
it,,, again, it really allows us to, or myself to express,
wholeheartedly, um, what I want to express, um,,,
Yeah, Uh, also, you know, it's,,,
This film was,,, was fun because, uh, it,,, it, the,,, New York plays,
you know, not just as big a character as the characters in the film, it often plays bigger,
You know, uh,
There was a lot of New York in this, and that was very exciting to me, and uh,,,
You can't just do that with,,, with a bigger budget,
and where you're, um, beholden to investors and such, so,,, Um,,,
Uh, again, it's freedom,,, really it's freedom,
And to continue working, uh,,,
uh, so that maybe my work will help me get more work, so,,, yeah,,,
Anyway, umm, are we done? Can,,,
Can I go? I kind of have to,
I got a thing with a guy and uh,,, doodle,,,
Alright, Thank you,
Cut,