♪ T-H-E-T-A ♪
♪ Theta ♪
♪ Ooh, stop ♪
♪ There ain't no woman ♪
♪ Like a Theta woman ♪
Come on, now!
♪ Theta ♪
♪ There ain't nothing greater ♪
Theta! Theta!
♪ Theta girls are lovely, we're so fine Rah ♪
♪ And we came to rah ♪
Go on, number two!
♪ Theta ♪
♪ Eighth wonder of the world Is a Theta girl ♪
♪ He parted the sea ♪
♪ When he made me ♪
♪ Red, black, and gold ♪
♪ Deep down in my soul ♪
♪ Theta Chi Phi You already know ♪
Hmm,,,
♪ Sah! ♪
♪ Mmm, ska! ♪
♪ Ska! ♪
Alright, Zeta Rho Nu's up next,
Zeta Rho Nu, take to the stage,
Damn, girl! Looked like a sniper hit you,
-Oh, God, That was so embarrassing, -I'm a Theta now,
-I don't care what people think, -Exactly, You're a Theta now,
Start caring,
Jamilah! Oh! What's up, girl?
-Worlds mixing, head spinning, -I know, right?
Oh, Beth, this is,,, This is Aisha,
-Hi, -Hi,
And Cheryl, one of our neos,
Neo is short for "neophyte," It means she just crossed,
Ooh, crossed what?
Crossed the burning sands,
Oh! So, you're like a Theta for real now,
Like for real, for real, Mazel tov, neo, That show was--
Fine for exhibition, They've got to step it up for competition,
We will, Alright, look, I've got to say hi to somebody, OK?
What?
I do not choreograph all that dopeness so heifers can perform it mediocrely,
What's Theta's motto?
"Perfection over excellence, sister over self,"
-Exactly, - I get it,
But let a sister have her moment, Don't be a Theta-hater, OK?
My house would have been a murder scene
if our sorority tried to work together like that,
Yeah, well, Thetas, we don't F around with stepping,
No, you don't,
Stepping is like African dance meets hip-hop--
Three words,
Stomp the Yard,
You think I'd miss a movie with a bunch of shirtless black men
and Chris Brown getting shot?
How do you two know each other?
I was Beth's TA,
Ouch!
Or friend,
TAs don't bail you out of jail after a fake ID bust,
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I've got to go holler at a brother or two,
Bye!
Bye,
Damn, girl,
Your man cooks dinner for you, and you're going to Harvard Law together?
I need to get on your life track,
Dane got into Harvard early,
My application is in, I just need to get my parents' recommendation,
It's just a formality,
I'll definitely get in, I'm a legacy,
And, well,,,
I'm me,
Girl, bye,
♪ Oh, oh, Zeta Nu, oh, oh ♪
Yoo-hoo!
Is that the ebony to my ivory?
You know it is,
-Hey, -Ooh, what are you making?
Something special,
Why don't you let it simmer and give me what I'm really hungry for?
-Babe-- -Sexy, dirty, big--
Mom! Dad!
Hey,
Isn't this a great surprise?
Like Pearl Harbor,
So, who died? You guys only surprise me with bad news,
You did it with the last two dead relatives,
If I do say so myself, I put my whole entire foot up in this gumbo,
Dane, we love you like a rescue puppy,
You do realize that you're Mayflower white, right?
-Country-club-brochure white? - Yes,
I hate that I'm lumped in with my brutal, imperialist, plutocratic white brethren
who have committed every modern atrocity on a macro-systemic level,
We know, You're an African American Studies and Poli-Sci major,
All great prep for Harvard,
God, I can't wait,
Matching law degrees, We're gonna change the world,
Aw, Reminds me of when we were at Harvard,
We all wanted to change the world,
And it is a shame that the one of us that has the power to do it,,,
Here we go,
,,,is a sinewy, self-aggrandizing ham,
Yvonne had a little rivalry with a certain former first lady,
Mom, seriously,,,
Who has beef with Michelle Obama?
That heifer--
That heifer stole my internship,
If you were more driven,
you would understand just how devastating that is,
Who needs drive when I inherited your natural brilliance, Mom,
And thighs,
-Enough, -Take the good with the bad,
Oh, I deserve credit for not mentioning that,
She adorns the walls with paintings by mental patients,
Yvonne!
I'll tell that to the 12-year-olds from the community center who painted them,
Mother,
You--
I deserve credit, My grades are tight,
I was chapter president of our sorority,
I love it here at Westcott, I'm doing fine,
Harvard will not be possible with transcripts that are just "fine,"
I'm a legacy, Hello! That's like automatic admission,
Jamilah, we came here today to tell you
that we will not be giving you our legacy endorsement for Harvard,
We had an agreement,
If you earned a 4,0 GPA,
we would give you the letter of recommendation,
Dad!
Sorry, I have to live with her,
It's more important that you build your own legacy,
not inherit ours,
Sweetheart, we don't want to give you a fish,
We want to teach you to fish,
Speaking of fish, the halibut in this gumbo is on fleek!
What is fleek?
Bishop!
What's up, player?
You're a little jumpy this morning,
Just,,,
hadn't had my coffee yet, but,,,
Dean Berman?
You're a Harvard alum, right?
Yep, They gave me a great education and a husband,
Nick was a studly, closeted lacrosse star,
He'd sneak into my room, and with the passion of ten sailors--
Such a good story, It reminds me of when we talked about the boundaries,
Boundaries, Right, right,
You know what? Harvard is my top choice for law school,
I could actually really use an alumni recommendation,
Aren't your parents alums?
Um,,,
Yes, But "legacy" - that's just a fancy word for nepotism,
Home is where the Harvard is,
I just made that up,
Home is where the Harvard is,
♪ Oh, my, my ♪
♪ Look at it, girl ♪
♪ Just touch down ♪
♪ Add it to the show ♪
♪ I'm not phased Because we're in another city ♪
♪ But I swear to God,,, ♪
Hey, girl!
Jumpy Jam,
You know what calms me down?
Is there something?
Weed, Billie Holiday, Grand Theft Auto,,,
Oh, and tickling my man in the rowboat,
You know what I mean?
I have no idea what you mean,
What's wrong?
My dad and my bougie egg donor are in town,
-Oh, -Fricking killing me,
I need, like, all the drinks,
Well, SBB is having a party tonight,
I know you think white sororities are beer-soaked brothels
with less sisterhood than an honor stoning,
Yeah,
But if you're just trying to drown your sorrows,,,
come to my beer-soaked brothel,
♪ Shake my body ♪
Chug,
Is that a twerk pyramid?
Yes!
Nectar of the gods, ladies?
Yep!
Are you gonna get "white girl" wasted?
Hate this song!
Yes!
Yeah, Hey!
The next one's a neck shot, douche,
Amber, this is my girl, Jamilah,
Amber is the only one in SBB I've never wanted to choke out,
I don't let her choke out the girls, but sometimes we pee in their shampoo,
Yeah!
This is Libby,
And believe it or not, the whole southern belle thing is not an act,
Oh, Beth!
Libby, this is my friend Jamilah,
So nice to meet you, You all want to play?
Oh, no, I'm from Philly, We don't play with our drinks,
How precious!
I've been dying to go to those mooky, blue-collar towns, like Philly or Detroit,
Oh, my gosh, Have you ever been stabbed--
Oh, my God,
♪ My heart was so low ♪
Wait, you have black SBBs?
What?
♪ Love is a battlefield ♪
Oh, Saundra, that was amazing,
This is my girl, Jamilah, Jamilah, Saundra,
You killed it, sis,
We're not related,
♪ You're as cold as ice ♪
Somebody likes being the only chocolate in the candy dish,
Oh, my God!
And that, right there, is Danielle Harris,
She's like a skinny Kim Jong Ew,
The Zeta Lambda Pi social tomorrow may get awkward,
Amber called them all "Date-a-Bi" as some brothers know their way around a shlong,
I wanted to bite off her nipple and spit it at her!
Hi, Danielle,
This is my friend Jamilah,
And this is her first SBB party,
Then where is her goddamn beer?
Be a better hostess, Beth,
Oh, no, I don't really do beer,
Weird,
So, interested in rushing SBB?
Actually, I'm a Theta,
-Not heard of it, I'm sure it's great, -It's a black sorority,
OMG,
They are so mysterious!
Do they really beat you until you pass out
and brand you like cattle with a hot coat hanger?
I saw it on 20/20,
Maybe it was The View, Whatever! It was totally Babs,
Do you line up in bikinis and circle each other's cellulite with a marker?
Used to,
Ah, the good old days!
How come none of your sororities have houses?
Why don't you participate in Greek Week? Oh! We have a black girl in ours,
-Do you have a white girl? -Oh, my God,
-Are you the ones who do the screeching? -Danielle!
Beth, sweetie,
That ensemble:
five years and ten pounds ago, maybe,
That's a hard "maybe",
So, that beer, Do you have Heineken?
No, skip that, Do you have crack?
Jamilah?
I'm deactivating,
What?
You can just quit your sorority?
Black Greeks are like gangs,
You get out when you die,
Damn,
My point is,,,
weak people quit,
-I'm not weak, -Why are you quitting?
I have tried!
But all these girls care about is
blow-drying their hair, and getting skinny and getting wasted--
But there's sex,
That's true,
SBB has helped me get mad laid,
No! I mean there's sex happening right in front of me,
This is just like summer camp!
Oh, no!
Oh, no, no, no!
Bad Libby!
Oh, oh, oh, Hey, Libby!
-Get up, Libby! -Beth, please go away,
-You're making it awkward, and I like you, -Oh, my--
Stop it! I'm trying,,, to help you!
- Bishop! - God,
-This has got to stop, -Are you hung over?
No,
Well, wring out your liver, Bishop,
We have got a big problem,
There is a video online
of a Sigma Beta Beta member having sex on their lawn!
They're making porn on--
Get down, Libby!
They're making porn on my campus,
It's gone viral,
Poor choice of words,
If they can't get their shit together, I am pulling their charter!
Yeah,,,
Terrible,
Goodness!
Get down!
Am I supposed to say something else?
That you're gonna help fix this! You understand Greek culture,
Oh, no, I understand black Greek culture,
Look, you make this SBB mess go away,
and I'll guarantee you admission to Harvard,
-Nick and I will both endorse you, -Oh, OK,,,
We want to create a distraction,
make SBB look like positive contributors to the community,
Ooh,
Ooh, ooh, ooh! What if they did that steppy thing?
-Steppy thing? -You know,,,
That's Voguing,
Please stop, Please--
Don't you have a competition coming up? You have that charity step deal,
Yes, but I can't teach them,
-My black card would get revoked, -Do you want to go to Harvard or not?
Frigging amateurs, When I have sex outdoors, what I like to do is--
-Boundaries, boundaries! -Sorry,
Boundaries,
I cannot believe you're not stepping with us this year,
-I'm mad at you, You're killing me, OK? -I've been spending all my time on Theta,
-I have to focus on getting into Harvard, -Alright,
You are a dope choreographer, You don't need me,
You're right, You're right, I am seriously dope,
Thanks,
Hey, did you guys hear about that sorority that had sex on their lawn?
Oh, yeah! Somebody Tweeted, "S-B-B stands for Skanky Bougie Broads,"
It was me,
Of course it was!
Dean Berman is trying to rehabilitate their image,
get them to do something outstanding,
You mean get through a sentence without the word "like"?
I mean like having them step,
Wait, White people, stepping?
-I know, -That's the dumbest shit I've ever heard,
The dumbest, It's so stupid,
Stepping is a black Greek thing,
Uh-huh,
I will say, though, that we did get our letters and organizational structure
from white fraternities and sororities,
What's wrong with sharing one part of our culture with them?
Helping white Greeks jack our traditions
is a slap in the face to our founders,
- Hmm, -No, worse,
A slap in the face, then a headlock, and a weave yank,
And that isn't cute,
So, just to be clear, you're not on board?
Not even close,
Right,
Can you imagine, all those little Beckys trying to get the beat?
They're trying,,,
Girl, you're crazy,
Dean Berman,
Idiot,
Ladies, this probation is preposterous,
We are not going to take this lying down, like a pillow princess,
Our redemption begins at tonight's social with Zeta Pi,
-I still like "Date-a-Bi" better, -You would, fruit fly,
Be aggressively delightful tonight!
Have sunshine shooting out of your hooters,
You must all be sunshine hooter shooters,
Hello, Middle of a meeting,,,
Sorry, OK, you all remember Jamilah,
She works for Dean Berman in Student Affairs,
She wants to talk to us about our suspension,
Please, enlighten us,
So, I think I have a way to save your charter and get you reinstated,
You would compete in a charity step show,
It would show the Dean that you are capable of teamwork,
community service,
cultural awareness
and you would get great press,
That could be really fun! I'm an excellent country line dancer,
That surprises no one,
Thanks, but no thanks,
We're sorority girls, not showgirls,
Actually, you'd be legends -
the first white Greeks ever to step,
Uh,,,
We're not all white Greeks,
Right,
Thank you,
Stepping requires an extraordinary amount of discipline,
And to make it easier, mentally and physically,
we don't drink during the week,
Jesus Christ, Calm down,
I'm sorry, but Margarita Mondays at Borracho's - that's an SBB tradition,
Turnt Up Tuesdays at Fleck's? Hello?
And if you think we're missing Wine-down Wednesdays at Bedspins,
you can lick my--
I think we've heard enough,
SBBs, we're out,
No, no,
Beth,
The Dean is making an example of us,
SBB has become a beacon of powerful, sexy bitches
that every guy wants to be with
and every girl wants to lose 30 pounds and be like,
We are highly respected on Greek row, That's all that matters,
Hey, SBB, There's a ficus in the corner,
Start screwing,
Oh, where's Tyler? He's gonna get some!
- I thought Devin nailed her! - I think they both hit it!
SBB, STD!
Did you order food?
No, I just ate,
OK,
Ugh,
Nice digs,
Well, look who has their own slice of Wonder bread,
Pumpernickel,
Hmm,
Can I help you with something?
Step show, We're in,
Great,
SBB tomorrow, 9:00,
Can't wait,
Seriously, a Snuggie?
I'm sorry, Did I,,, Did I hear that right? You're teaching a white sorority to step?
Dean Berman is forcing me,
Look, there are better ways to impress Harvard than playing Debbie Allen,
Oh, well, thanks for having my back, just like you did with my parents,
They had a point, You don't aim high enough,
Your ancestors fought for your access to education,
-Honor their struggle, -Struggle?
You should honor my struggle not to slap you,
Snuggle me!
It is 9:17 p,m,, ladies,
You are late to an event taking place
literally a hundred feet from your bedroom,
Get your flat asses in gear!
Go, go, go!
My ass is perfectly shaped for my frame!
Line up in two rows,
Do we have to do this in the basement? It is really creepy down here,
Says the girl who does it in the bushes,
Stepping makes a lot of noise,
If we do this upstairs, your neighbors will burn this place to the ground,
Where's Amber?
Does she get a demerit, Drill Sargent?
You know, when I was president of my sorority,
I led by example,
Maybe if you tried that, your charter wouldn't be in danger,
Ooh!
OK, Now that we're all here,,,
What makes a great step team?
-Oh! Big-ass feet, -Jesus,
Clever,
-But no, -Oh,
-Unity, -Unity! I was going to guess that,
In order to create the beat, everyone has to be in sync,
Like our periods,
The audience spots mistakes and weak links immediately,
and then you are done,
You have to think of yourselves as limbs of the same body,
Sounds really corporate retreat-y,
Are we gonna do trust falls next?
Do not talk while I am talking,
I'll extend you the same courtesy,
It's like mutual respect,
OK?
OK, Let's back it up a little bit,
Let me see you guys dance,
We are here to step, That's different to dance,
You're right,
But I've got to see what I'm working with,
First five,
♪ Turn it up right now ♪
♪ Left foot, right foot Left foot, right foot ♪
♪ Left foot, right foot Get it on ♪
♪ Left foot, right foot Left foot, right foot ♪
♪ Left foot, right foot Put your hands up ♪
Waa!
♪ Hit it on them, hit it on them Hit it on them ♪
♪ Put your hands up ♪
♪ OK, people, let's get started I'm the turn up king ♪
♪ So I'm piping Every guy is like, "Aye" ♪
♪ If you can't dance,,, ♪
Um,,,
♪ It's OK Left foot, right foot ♪
♪ Come and swing my way ♪
♪ Memphis is my state But I'm always in the A ♪
♪ And when I do my dance Everybody's like "Ay"
♪ Swag surfing caught a wave And I ain't coming back down ♪
♪ Left foot, right foot Turn up right now ♪
OK! I've seen enough,
Alright, Today, we're gonna do some stepping,
I'm gonna teach you an eight-count,
Watch my hands, watch my feet, and really listen to the rhythm,
OK, Now, slow,,,
Now you try it,
Five, six, seven, eight,
Stomp, clap, slap,
Stomp, clap,
Bend your knees,
OK, just stop! This is so childish,
This is going to impress no one,
Danielle,,,
try the step alone,
My pleasure,
Oh, my God,
Is she crazy?
Something like that?
Let's call it a night, ladies,
Practice this on your own, Same time tomorrow,
Oh, my God,
I totally only drink things with "skinny" in the title,
Like my handy work?
I built this so you can grab a bottle from anywhere,
and the rest will redistribute without breaking,
Are you a,,, Are you a new pledge, or,,,?
Oh, hell, no,
You'd have to pay me, like, 12 Scrooge McDuck gold vaults to pledge SBB,
especially with Darth Hater as president,
Wow, Duck Tales and a Star Wars reference in one sentence,
What's your name, not pledge?
Jamilah,
That's Arabic for "beautiful" or "lovely,"
I'm a former Arabic Studies minor,
I wanted to open a ski resort in Afghanistan,
What could go wrong there?
Kevin,
So, you just hang out in sorority houses, Kevin?
It's pretty creepy,
"Darth Hater" is my sister,
Danielle?
Nipple, Ass! Bitch, Christ, Crack, Hooters, Spit it at her!
Danielle?
-Sorry, Her? -Yeah,
-So, you're adopted? -Yeah,
Sorry I'm late, Kev, Somebody ran practice late,
So, like 20 minutes,
My brother makes very bad decisions when it comes to relationships,
I like to counsel him
because I'm an amazing sister and an excellent leader,
I'll be right back,
-You-- -Easy, Easy,
-She touched your hair, -Yes, Sharpton, Sharpton!
We used to bathe together as kids,
She gets a pass,
Good luck with that,
Thanks for the drink,
Yep,
Well, I'm around if you need anything!
So, I realized you guys are missing
some of the basic cultural building blocks for stepping,
plus Danielle thinks this is childish,
And that gave me an idea,
This is Deja, This is Alani,
They're from 40th Street, where my sorority volunteers every week,
Why would you be doing community service if you didn't get a DUI?
The shade is real,
Ooh!
OK, Show them what you got, ladies,
♪ Miss Mary Mack, Mack, Mack ♪
♪ All dressed in black, black, black ♪
♪ With silver buttons, buttons, buttons ♪
♪ All down her back, back, back ♪
OK, fine, That was precious,
But everybody's played "Patty Cake" as a kid,
Oh, no, no, "Patty Cake" is Taylor Swift,
"Miss Mary Mack" is Beyoncé,
Partner up, Give it a shot,
♪ White, white girl ♪
♪ White girl ♪
Hello?
♪ White, white girl ♪
Come on, sis, Don't let the white girl out-rhythm you,
Excuse me, young lady, Is that how we speak to our elders?
-It is in my house, - Ooh, I like you,
-No, she's rude, -Hey! Hey, Saundra,
Ooh!
You should really take this more seriously,
You have so much potential, And you kind of have the most to gain,
You're learning something to connect to your people,
No, I'm just saying, your life is kind of all white everything,
-Being around black culture-- -I'm sorry,
Isn't your boyfriend white?
Much to his dismay, yes,
So, I can't be around white people,
but you can be all up under Iggy Bro-zalea?
Your hypocrisy bores me,
Hey! I feel you, I'm a suburban girl, too,
I'm just saying, you need that,
You need to worry about your own little life,
and let me live mine,
You are so thoughtful, Jamilah,
I've got you, girl, anytime, You are so smart and brilliant,
It's so nice to be around people who care, Anytime, girl, High five,
Beth, you were supposed to have our appeal letter drafted,
Get your shit together,
Libby, where are we at with our threat to freeze alumni donations?
Um,,,
Amber, you just sat down,
You cannot possibly be asleep!
Sorry! It's $20,
What is going on here? I am the only one trying to fix this,
You are all sitting on your tits!
If any more SBB business falls through the cracks,
I am pulling the plug on this entire step show,
Threats?
That's bold leadership,
Um, don't talk when I'm talking, and I'll do the same,
It's called, like, mutual respect,
Is that supposed to be me?
Moving on, we are completely behind on our community service
slash fund-raising slash SBB bonding night,
Speaking of which, if Her Majesty would cede me the floor, I have business,
Thank you, Beth and I have been doing some shopping for props and costumes,
All in, we're looking at three grand,
How much is in your special events account?
We don't have an account,
Every month, we make a video for Libby's daddy, asking him for money,
He wires it, and then we all go out for a fancy dinner,
Oh, and then we give the doggie bags to the homeless people,
That part was my idea,
So sweet,
Very smart,
-Really fulfilling, -Good idea,
That's your fund-raising?
-Community service and chapter bonding? -Yeah,
Ladies, trust me, Raising money yourselves is a lot more rewarding,
It can even be fun, like a karaoke night or something,
Oh!
I love to sing,
And I'll organize a real community service project,
No,,,
Guys, there is no better feeling than helping people who need it,
-It will be great, -Downer!
You are like a Sarah McLachlan animal commercial,
By the way, can we talk about our rehearsal space?
Stomping on concrete,,, Should I send you my chiropractor bills?
Yes, and it's killing our pedis,
-And our knees, -Uh-huh,
That's what's killing your knees?
You need to get that black widow out of your box, missy!
-Or else, what? - I'll get it out for you!
Ooh!
Hey!
I'll see what I can do about the rehearsal space,
In the meantime,
can you guys go five minutes without being dicks to each other?
We can try,
I'm so glad I stopped by,
Well, I'd like to spread the butter, so if anyone's got--
You better not,,,
I can't believe it's not butter that she bought,
♪ I don't mind you coming here ♪
♪ And wasting all my time ♪
♪ 'Cause when you're standing oh so near ♪
♪ I kind of lose my mind ♪
Is this a date?
-Because it kind of feels like a date, -Uh,,, no,
Dates require romance,
potential longevity, actual physical attraction,
♪ I guess you're just what I needed ♪
♪ Just what I needed ♪
Oh, God, no,
-Don't tell me you like The Cars, -Yes,
No, the late seventies is about Chaka Khan and Rick James,
P-Funk,
The Cars are so corny,
Ooh!
I didn't realize "corny" meant
"combining punk minimalism, classic rock showmanship and new wave synth,"
Hmm,
-I'm gonna learn so much from you, -Can I help you guys?
Three-quarter maple wood for a low platform
and the biggest wall mirrors you have,
-It's for step practice, -Actually, I've got this,
We just need plywood,
Right, If you want the wood to warp and break your girls' ankles,
He's right, ma'am,
A platform is safer, more stable and hollow,
so it will echo like a real stage,
My girl and I argue like this all the time,
-Yeah, - Ugh! I am not his girl,
-Thanks, bro, - Sorry,
I have a boyfriend, FYI,
Why isn't he here buying wood with you?
-He's not that good with his hands, -Oh, you know--
Don't you dare,
And I didn't mean "ugh,"
I guess you're not that gross,
- This is definitely a date, -No, it's not a date,
♪ Another day ♪
♪ Some people talk about you Like they know all about you ♪
♪ When you get down, they doubt you ♪
♪ And when you tip it on the scene, yeah They're talking about it ♪
♪ 'Cause they can't tip on the scene They just talk about it ♪
♪ T-t-t-talk about it ♪
♪ When you get elevated They love it or they hate it ♪
♪ You dance up on them haters ♪
♪ Keep getting funky on the scene While they're jumping round you ♪
♪ They're trying to take all your dreams But you can't allow it ♪
♪ 'Cause, baby Whether you're high or low ♪
♪ Whether you're high or low ♪
♪ You've got to tip on the tightrope,,, ♪
♪ Tip on the tightrope,,, ♪
♪ Whether you're high or low ♪
♪ Baby, whether you're high or low ♪
♪ You've got to tip on the tightrope ♪
♪ Now let me see you do the tightrope Tip, tip on it ♪
♪ And I'm still tipping on it ♪
♪ See, I'm not walking on it Or trying to run around it ♪
♪ This ain't no acrobatics You either follow or you lead, yeah ♪
♪ I'm talking about you Keep on blaming the machine, yeah ♪
♪ I'm talking about it T-t-t-talking about it ♪
♪ I can't complain about it I've got to keep my balance ♪
♪ And just keep dancing on it We're getting funky on the scene ♪
♪ Yeah, you know about it ♪
♪ Like a star on the screen,,, ♪
♪ Then, baby, whether I'm high or low,,, ♪
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten!
♪ Tip on the tightrope Baby, baby,,, ♪
Bitch! Are you kidding me?
Oh, my God,
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
Ladies!
Oh,,,
Apt metaphor,
What?
I just mean, the girls are getting better,
but if they can't work together, we're screwed,
Hey, girl,
Oh, hi,
I'm headed to the Pilates class that you prepaid for but keep missing,
Oh, yeah, I know, I've been so "incognegro" lately,
-I've just been running more, -Girl, I don't do running,
I mean, I will do side bends or sit-ups,
but I will not lose my butt,
Oh, hey, Betsy,
Hey,,, Beth,
Right,
Aren't you in SBB?
Yeah, Don't hold it against me,
So, how's the theft? Oh,,, I mean, cultural appropriation,,,
I mean, stepping, coming?
Well, I mean, it started pretty rough, because it's hard,
-You know? -Yeah,
But we have a pretty sick-ass coach, so,,,
You're not teaching them are you, Jam?
Girl, you're crazy,
Teaching?
Oh, we're,,, I'm busy, you know,
-OK, -Cardio, Harvard,,,
I mean, I'm surprised they find time to practice,
with all the tanning sessions and blow-drying--
Girl, when was the last time you left the house without your edges laid?
Cheryl? No, I didn't send for you,
-It's the wrong time,,, -We should run,
Because we don't want our FitBits judging us tonight,
Because we want to be more like,,, OK,
Ooh! Oh no, girl, You're mad sweaty, You know I don't do sweat,
-I glow, -I forgot,
-You're right, OK, girl, Bye! See you! -See you,
-You're about to get that shit again, -Bye!
I don't know what's going on with her, Out of control,
If my sorors find out I'm teaching you to step, it will get ugly,
like Love and Hip Hop reunion show ugly,
-I like Love and Hip Hop reunion shows, -I know,
What do you have, an exam on that comic book?
I didn't know you liked zombies,
Campus is all abuzz about these white girls stepping next week,
-Are they excited? -Depends on the skin tone,
Seems to be a direct correlation between pigmentation and indignation,
Great, So, my college legacy will be,,,
Auntie Tom, the sell-out house Negress,
Let's postpone your pity party,
OK, my sister tells me you guys are doing a karaoke fund-raiser?
-Yeah, -Karaoke's way more fun with a live band,
And I happen to play keyboard in--
So, your legacy will be,,,
the keyboard playing, Arabic studying, snowboarding handyman?
-Honey, you're a mess, -Or a Renaissance man,
I'll just,,, I'm gonna get back to work, so,,,
Let me take you out,
Like a date,
I'm not, you know,
a dinner-date kind of guy,
I'm more original with my game,
-Oh, really? -Yeah,
I just think it's probably too soon for a ski weekend in Afghanistan, so,,,
The whole playing-hard-to-get thing really works well for you,
You've got a lot of balls,
Nah,
Just two,
So corny,
Ugh, There you go,
That word again,
Look, make a list of everything that's not corny,
so I can be cooler in the future,
Oh, you've got it, What's your e-mail?
Uh, twobigballs@forreal,com,
-Twomicro,,, -Massive--
-,,,balls@inyourdreams,com, -Inreality,com,
OK, Got it,
♪ Ooh, baby, baby ♪
♪ Baby, baby ♪
♪ Salt and Pepa's here And we're in effect ♪
♪ Want you to push it, babe Cooling by day,,, ♪
♪ Let's go show the guys that we know ♪
♪ How to become,,, ♪
$2,100 at the door,
Jam, will you gay-marry me?
Yeah!
I need more songs,
- Behind the bar, -I crossed out the Prince songs,
Drunk assholes screeching Purple Rain is no way to honor his memory,
You missed my rendition of Bitch Betta Have My Money,
And calling it "epic" would be a gross understatement,
Up next, Jamilah!
Please report to the stage,
Jamilah,
Kill it, girl!
-Cute, - I've been called worse,
So, what will it be?
Shoop? Single Ladies?
Hmm? Well?
I thought was corny?
♪ I don't mind you coming here ♪
♪ And wasting all my time, time ♪
♪ 'Cause when you're standing oh so near ♪
♪ I kind of lose my mind, mind ♪
♪ It's not the perfume that you wear ♪
♪ It's not the ribbons in your hair ♪
♪ I don't mind you coming here ♪
♪ And wasting all my time ♪
♪ I guess, you're just what I needed ♪
♪ Just what I needed ♪
♪ I needed someone to feed ♪
♪ I guess, you're just what I needed ♪
♪ Just what I needed ♪
♪ I needed someone to bleed ♪
Hey, Quick second, Stay away from my brother,
He falls really hard and really fast, He just got out of a bad break-up,
He doesn't need some rebound chick heart-raping him,
I have a boyfriend, who's driven and successful--
Kevin is my best friend in the world,
And if you hurt him,
I will wear your ass like a leg warmer,
Great job up there!
Jammer! Come to Fleck's with us tonight,
It's Ladies' Night - epic buzz for minimal ducats!
Hmm,,,
Maybe, but I'm kind of stressed, Just want to chill, OK?
Hey, Jam, Sorors from Cornell are in town tonight - dying to see you,
Fleck's, at 11:00, Ladies night,
Oh,,,
Uh,,,
Come, for reals! SBBs are actually missing you!
Aw,
Not to nag, but this MIA routine is making girls feel some kind of way,
Beautiful brown boo! My plans fell through,
You down for some spoken word tonight?
Ew,
You know, I've been thinking about you,
All good thoughts, Well, mostly good thoughts,
Are you there?
Childproof your thoughts, buddy, I've got a boyfriend, remember?
What are you talking about?
I'll stop by on my way to Fleck's!
The sorors wanna bring the party to you!
Are we role-playing again? I'm coming over,
God!
What?
Grab me a cheeseburger pizza and some bacon-wrapped onion rings,
It's Faturday night!
Sorry, Bishop, That was for the hubby,
Do not judge my carb-loading,
Weird,
God!
OK, Hold that pose, Throw your hand sign up,
You've got to let people know the koala bear is your emblem,
This is an applause break and a chance for you guys to catch your breath,
Also, you'll stop becoming moving targets,
Get ready for projectiles: hot dogs, sodas,
any aerodynamic concession, really,
If they throw it, they better be ready to catch it,
-It doesn't matter, We are gonna kill it, - There's one more thing,
You guys need to get intense,
Gentlemen!
Greetings from the brothers of the rugged, the raucous,
and oh-so-ruthless Rho Lambda Chapter!
Rho Beta Mu fraternity, incorporated!
Rho, Beta, Beta, Beta Mu!
Jesus Christ,
Ladies, introduce yourselves!
-Amber, -SBB!
I'm from Texas, I'm actually--
- Shh, -Pitiful!
Man, you all need to spit with some fire,
Put some bass and gravel in your voice!
You all can say some whack-ass words all day,
but if you spit with some fire,
it will make people's ass hair stand up!
Hey,
Their ass!
Make their ass hair,,, stand up!
Serious,
Shut up!
Say "Hello Kitty,"
-Are you hitting on me? -I said, say "Hello Kitty!"
-Hello Kitty, -Louder!
Hello Kitty!
Not the back of your throat, from the bottom of your ass!
- Hello Kitty! -Louder!
Hello Kitty!
-Say "Honey Boo Boo!" -Honey Boo Boo,
Pull that Barbie out of your butt, sis!
Honey Boo Boo!
-Chicken! -Chicken!
-Tenders! -Tenders!
-Chicken tenders! -Chicken tenders!
I said, chicken tenders!
Calm down, white girl,
Say "Chef Boyardee,"
You've got to be kidding me,
Come on "Becky with the Good Hair!" Say it like you mean it!
Chef Boyardee, bitch!
Shit! Shit! Shit!
Shit, shit, shit!
Shit!
Yeah!
That's what I'm talking about!
Now, who are you?
SBB!
I can't hear you!
SBB!
Yo!
-Jam, What's up, Dane? -Hi,
-The white girls are stepping tonight, -No!
If they wanna sample the black experience, let them be slaves and step in chains,
and we'll knock 100 points off their credit score,
-See how they feel about that! - Aisha!
Yeah, I know, girl,
What are you doing? Come on!
They don't know, do they?
Lying to your own sorors,
Sad times,
Let's get through this, so I can go home and fling myself off the balcony,
Bishop!
God, you're gonna feel really bad when I have a heart attack,
Is that how you greet your boss? Dane Hagley, It's a pleasure, sir,
I've heard such great things,
I'm proud of you for marrying your life partner,
You're a brave soldier, in the war,,,
on intolerance,
So, The Daily Orange is coming, as well as some other local media,
-Hopefully, we'll get exposure, -Fingers crossed,
Between the community service and the step show, this might work,
If this doesn't work, we're screwed,
Sad times,
Sad times!
Alright, Westcott,
Alright,
Remind me again for whom I should be rooting?
-Root for whomever you want, -Oh,
Up next, we have one of the best step teams,
I do not think you are ready,
What's wrong?
Oh, oh, nothing, Nothing, It's just my nervous cry,
It makes for really awkward job interviews and first dates,
Damn, It doesn't take but a stiff breeze to get a white girl crying,
It's a serious condition!
Up next, it is our undefeated stepping champions,
It's the Biggie Smalls of stepping,
the lovely ladies of Theta Chi Phi!
♪ T-H-E-T-A, rah! ♪
♪ Let's go! ♪
♪ Thetas, alright ♪
♪ Thetas, alright Game time ♪
♪ Sta! ♪
♪ Ah! ♪
♪ Rah! ♪
♪ Rep one-six Hut, hut, hut, hut ♪
♪ Hut one, hut two, hut three, hut four ♪
♪ Theta's gonna come give you some more ♪
♪ Hut one, hut two, hut three, hut four ♪
♪ Theta's gonna come give you some more ♪
♪ Chi Phi ♪
♪ Get some ♪
♪ Hut one, hut two, hut three, hut four ♪
♪ Theta's gonna come give you some more ♪
♪ Theta girls are lovely We're so fine ♪
♪ Get some Theta Chi Phi will blow your mind ♪
♪ Get some ♪
♪ Ooh! ♪
♪ Sta! ♪
♪ Let's go ♪
♪ Huh, huh, ha, ha ♪
♪ Panthers ♪
♪ Fourth down ♪
♪ Ah, rah! ♪
♪ One-nine ♪
♪ Sixteen ♪
♪ Say one-nine ♪
♪ Sixteen ♪
♪ Say one-nine ♪
♪ Sixteen ♪
♪ Say one-nine ♪
♪ Sixteen ♪
Is the fire department here? Because they just set this stage on fire!
Let me hear you make some noise for those Thetas!
OK, Sigmas, do we want to be the girls who bombed?
Or do you want to be the girls that blew the roof off this bitch?
I wanna blow the roof off the bitch,
Yes, Libby,
We have a different flavor going on today,
#TheyAreWhiteAsShit,
That's racist, She's being racist,
Black people can't be racist to white people,
Oh, my God, Never say that again,
Systemic racism,
Where the shit is Amber?
She's on her way,
Get your hot sauce in your bag swag,
because shit's about to get real bland around here,
Alright,
-Put your hands together, -Line, now,
Give it up for Sigma Beta Beta!
Time for the rodeo!
Yee-haw, girl!
-Cowboys? That's cool, Yeah, -What's wrong?
If there's any Native Americans in the audience, they'd feel great about that,
It's not like it was a genocide or anything!
Let's go, white girls!
♪ SBB, we're repping ♪
♪ The purple and pink ♪
♪ Uh, ooh Uh, ooh ♪
♪ You are so bull-bullshit We are so Wimbledon ♪
♪ You are so bull-bullshit ♪
♪ S-B-B, S-B-B, step ♪
♪ Koala-ah-ah-ah ♪
♪ S-B-B, S-B-B, step ♪
♪ Koala-ah-ah-ah ♪
♪ S-B-B, S-B-B, step ♪
♪ Koala-ah-ah-ah ♪
♪ S-B-B, S-B-B, step ♪
♪ Koala-ah-ah-ah ♪
♪ SBBs, when we get on the floor ♪
♪ Everybody knows we put on a show ♪
♪ Sigma Beta Beta ♪
♪ Koala ♪
Corny!
Oh, she's late!
What?
We'll see,,, White-people time,
Thanks for joining us, Amber, Really appreciate it!
♪ S-B-B ♪
♪ Lean ♪
Oh, my God,
Your god can't help you now,
One, two, three, four,
♪ S-B-B ♪
Are you kidding me?
Girl, please!
Somebody stop them!
It's a great job, babe,
Congratulations,
Well, that was an experience,
Dean Berman,
I'd like to formally request sobriety tests for all those young ladies,
because there's no way they came out here and did that sober,
And then the girl fell at the end,
What did she trip on? Life?
Let's give it up for our sisters in Christ,
Sigma Beta We-Don't-Have-Rhythm-eta!
Iggy Azalea, come on down, Get your back out there,
At least it's for breast cancer,
Oh, my God,
Bishop!
SBB couldn't even nail their dance routine?
I'm pulling their charter,
-Dean Berman, wait-- -I can see the hashtags already,
#BlackSteppersMatter,
#SteppersSoWhite,
-We're lucky we didn't have a race riot, -You're overreacting, Shocker,
Please be patient, I promise I will show you what SBB is capable of,
It didn't work, It's over, Bishop,
Let's go, I am so not in the mood to socialize,
Wow, It's come to this, huh?
Cowering to avoid your own betrayal?
OK, you are being super judgy,
Sorry, "super judgy"?
Jesus, you're becoming one of them,
Don't forget you had a brain before these Beckys turned you,
Oh, what, you actually care about SBB?
Enough to help, yeah,
This is serious, You've abetted the latest cultural theft,
Well, get ready for white, WASP-y step shows to sweep the nation,
Blond ponytails swinging, stomping off beat,,,
What's up, brother? Catch you later, Good looks,
Now whitey can add stepping to the long list of things
we've stolen from black culture, including jazz, rock and roll,
those beaded vacation cornrows,
OK, that is on you, Slugworth,
We need to break up,
No, we don't need to break up, I got us tickets to the New Edition reunion tour,
Dane, you're never on my side,
I didn't see it before because you look great on paper,
You're smart, handsome, you don't have that weird white-boy smell,
White-boy smell?
It's like old leather couch and wet dog and hair gel and,,,
It doesn't matter,
I'm done being proof of how liberal you are,
That's what your Prius is for,
Beaded vacation cornrows?
Really?
Well, I guess we all know who's responsible for all this,
-Dean Berman? -Miss Libby,
Enough with the slut-shaming, What are you, a virgin?
Yes, I'm a Catholic,
-Stop fighting, -The white girls crashed and burned,
The ones who were there when the show started?
They did just fine,
It's a shame that I was the only one who took this seriously,
Are you kidding me?
Stop! Stop!
This is a shit show!
Right? We would have been fine if you had showed up on time--
No! I'm talking about your sorority!
Nobody respects you guys because you don't respect each other,
There is zero sisterhood here,
Danielle, why did you choose these girls at rush?
Why did you choose Amber?
Because I knew if we ever needed help dropping and-or popping it,
we'd have an instructor,
What about my face is giving you joke time?
She was a tough broad,
In a campus full of girly-girls,
I thought,,,
well, here is this badass chick who's wicked smart,
sees through bullshit, and plays by her own rules,
I respected that,
OK,
What about Saundra?
Saundra's,,,
unique,
And fashionable,
She had a bad experience with another sorority,
I knew their loss was our gain,
OK, This is great, And Libby?
-Her father's very wealthy, -Come on,
I don't know!
She's,,,
like an innocent little redneck,
That's not a compliment, That hurt,
No, no, I knew that other houses would try to turn her into a New Yorker,
She needed a place where she could let her confederate flag fly,
Uh-uh, No,
-Not literally, - Not at all,
And me?
I know saying nice things about me gives you the squirts,
but you're kind of on a roll,
You were an insurance policy,
I knew that,,,
if I ever had a bad day for the rest of my time during college,,,
that you'd be there to cheer me up,
Your positivity is as infectious as it is nauseating,
Thank you,
Eyelashes are gonna pop off,
Oh, my God, you guys,
There's real love here,
You've got to use it,
This doesn't have to be the end,
There's a way that you guys can prove to the Greeks
and the rest of the school -
hell, to yourselves -
that you are some badass, stepping-ass bitches,
That you are a real sorority and a force to be reckoned with,
How can we do that?
We donate $100,000 to the 40th Street Community Center,
It's Dean Berman's favorite charity,
All we have to do,,,
is win Steptacular,
It's the regional step show I told you about,
First prize is a hundred grand,
We didn't even place at a student step show,
-How are we gonna win at a regional one? -You choked because your teamwork sucked,
Trust me, if you get that back, if you build up the sisterhood,
I promise you have a real shot,
I say, hell yeah, I mean, all in favor?
Excuse me, I am the president, I will conduct the votes,
Look, we had a good run,
Let's just quit while we're ahead,
For the record, when this goes to shit, I told you so,
-Yeah, -Yeah,
I love you, You're the best,
Sometimes,,,
-Cheers, - She loves us,
Hey,
-Hi, -Leaving after one drink?
Are you sure you're an SBB?
I know, right?
Nah, I've got to go,
-But thanks, -Oh, OK,
Hey, Beth,
-Can I borrow your phone? -You bet,
Thanks, Good night,
Hey,
Want to chat?
When you bounce from foster home to foster home, a,,,
a sorority feels like a stable family,
I didn't tell the girls because I didn't want to be an SBB charity case,
Yeah, but stripping?
Why not just bartend at Fleck's like Beth?
I make a thousand dollars a night,
Are they hiring?
I'm sorry you've been going through all this,
What, you think white girls can't struggle?
The struggle is real,
Please tell me your stripper name,
Bob,
OK, this is a teamwork exercise,
Your arms will stay linked up, no matter what,
Your sisterhood is your bond, Do not let it break,
Not ready! I'm not ready! Oh, my God!
- Oh, Libby! -I'm sorry, I got so scared,
You need to look nasty,,,
Furious, Demonic, This is your haka,
This is your war cry,
- Guys! - That was aggressive,
Scare them broads off your island,
Because this,,, This is your island,
-Yeah! -Yeah!
SBB Island!
-SBB Island! -Come on!
Can I get an "ugly" on three?
-One, two, three, - Ugly!
Alright!
We're bonding here!
Get him! Get his nuts!
No, guys! No! No biting!
Word on the street is that you sent White Malcolm X packing,
Should I believe the streets?
-You can this time, - Perfect,
Because I have planned possibly the sickest date
in the history of courtship,
But it's time sensitive, so we should get going,
OK, I'll just go change,
No need, You won't be wearing that outfit for long,
Presumptuous,
-And dead wrong, -Not like that,
It's just,
the best date ever requires,,,
a little wardrobe change,
Well played, Harris,
Very original,
Yeah,
So,,,
What are your Theta girls gonna say now that you're out of the nerd closet?
This is not an image I plan on projecting to my Thetas,
You know, it's like there's this awesome chick inside you, right?
But then on the surface,
it's like work, success, motivation,,,
You wouldn't understand,
-You have white parents, -What is that--
Bougie black parents are tough, Perfect black girls did not read comic books,
I had to steal them from my guy friends,
I don't know,
It's like I got so good at doing exactly what I was supposed to do that,,,
it didn't really leave time to find a passion,
You could always be a zombie slayer,
Relax,
You'll figure it out,
It's that simple, huh?
It can be,
So, why are you single?
Uh,,,
Every girl I tried to date was crazy, flaky,
and in the last case,
a lesbian,
I feel her pain,
Me too,
So,,,
Actually,
I have a confession to make,
I am,,,
sane,
I'm dependable
and mostly,,,
heterosexual,
I'm from Kappa next door,
You shook our house,
We lost a row of totally irreplaceable shot glasses,
Hello? I was talking to you!
I think you're ready,
What?
Oh, my God, I need a shower now,
My boobs are sweaty,
Hey,
What's up, ladies?
Well, this is one lame surprise party,
Mom?
Soror Yvonne,
I am not calling you "Soror Yvonne,"
Did you violate the sanctity of our sisterhood?
Have you betrayed all of your black, Greek brothers and sisters?
Those are very abstract questions,
Oh, so you think this is funny?
Well, let me remind you,
Our organizations were founded to create community where there was none,
built upon sisterhood,
in a world that did not welcome us,
And over a hundred years,
we have stood the test of time,
This is your fault!
-My-- -Yes! You and Dad screwed me with Harvard,
This has nothing to do with family,
Well, I didn't start this conversation,
and I damn sure didn't send for you,
Sorry it's not going the way you planned, Soror Yvonne,
You do not deserve to wear our letters,
You lied to my face,
We don't get down with you anymore, so when you see us around,,,
keep walking,
-Aisha-- - I don't care,
Why don't you just run to the SBBs?
They're not your sorors, They're not your friends,
You're the help,
That's how those bitches look at you,
And that's how they will always look at you,
Actions have consequences, Jamilah,
Why don't you just step?
When you took this job,
I told you that even though you're still a student,
you represent this office,
Of course,
Then why am I seeing these?
Oh,,,
God, Oh,
I wasn't in the twerk pyramid,
-God, -What were you thinking?
-I know this looks really bad-- -I'm sorry, I have to fire you,
And Nick and I can't endorse you to Harvard,
Not now,
Yo, Jam, What do you think?
Jamilah?
What's wrong, honey?
I got fired,
What?
-What happened? -No!
Dean Berman found pictures of me partying here, with you guys,
and I'm an employee, so,,,
So we're gonna do something about this,
-Like what? -I don't know, Give me 40 seconds,
-I don't have these things chambered, -Wait, how did he get the pictures?
Aisha,
-What? -She did not!
SBB isn't the only sorority with internal drama,
Yeah, but you're not gonna beez out on us, right?
Um,,,
Listen, guys, I--
I only have one class left, and I can finish it online,
So,,,
So I'm gonna go back to Philly and figure out my next move,
-What? We're not done choreographing, -Steptacular is ten days away,
What are we supposed to do without our captain?
Danielle is your captain,
It will be fine, You guys know this stuff,
You don't have a job, Just stay with us until Steptacular,
-I really can't, -This is bullshit,
I don't have time for this, you guys!
I have spent every minute on SBB,
-Now, I have no job, my sorors hate me-- -And that's our fault?
My life was perfect before coaching SBB,
This is obviously the worst mistake I've made,
Wow,
You spout out this sisterhood shit, and then you bail when we need you?
What was in it for you?
So you and the Thetas could just laugh at a bunch of dumb white girls?
-Hello! We're not all white girls, -To get closer to my brother?
To boost your resume for Harvard?
Was,,,
Was it for Harvard?
Harvard?
Yeah, Jamilah wants to go to Harvard Law,
And Dean Berman is an alum,
And so, what?
You worked out a deal that if you tame some crazy white girls,
he'd put in a good word?
I figured everybody wins,
I get to go to law school, your charter is safe,
the community center gets money,
You know what?
You're an asshole,
And I am done with you,
You're a goddam phony,
Freshman year, I went to a Theta informational meeting,
My mother and my grandmother, they're both Thetas,
But you guys rejected me because I was too whitewashed,
I didn't realize,
It's fine,
I dodged a bullet,
SBB is not perfect,
But at least we judge on actions and not stereotypes,
We're better off without you,,,
sis,
Long-distance things don't work all the time,
Neither do airbags,
I just have to do what's best for me,
Only problem is just that
you have no idea what that is,
What the--
OK, You messed with the wrong bitch today!
What the hell is wrong with you?
I thought you were a crazy person, Obviously, I was right,
I sent the pictures to Dean Berman,
I thought you'd get into a little trouble and we could bail on Steptacular,
and I could get SBB back in order,
I was trying to protect Kevin!
I do not believe this shit! After everything I did for you?
In all fairness, you did it for yourself,
Actually, it was me, It was me! It was all me!
You are so pretty,
Please come back,
SBB needs you,
You may not actually be an SBB, but you're still one of our sisters,
I was your coach!
Your,,,
Your friend,
Not your sister, It doesn't work like that,
I thought Steptacular was a bad idea from the beginning, I admit it,
But the girls really want to do it,,,
together,
Please, stay,
Help us be better sisters,
You said it yourself: there's no better feeling than helping people who need it,
I,,,
am not,,,
the help!
I'm pretty sure I said, "Keep walking,"
yet here you are,
I came to say goodbye,
And to apologize,
I screwed up,
Just for fun, you know, come in, Come in,
I'd love to hear this, just for fun, How did you screw up?
-I lied to you, -Uh-huh,
And I bailed on SBB,
And,,,
I disappointed my parents,
You know what? Take that off the list, That doesn't bother me,
Do you even hear yourself? Those are all the same problem,
You're a user,
I am not a user,
You used SBB and Dean Berman to get into Harvard,
And to be honest, Jamilah,
I always thought you've been using Theta for years
to prove how black you are,
OK,
Yeah,
I did,
I joined a black sorority
because I wanted people to stop calling me "white girl" or "Oreo,"
I admit that was the wrong reason,
You have to understand, I,,,
I love Theta, I love my sorors,
You let them take stepping from us,
Aisha, white people said the same thing
about Tiger Woods and the Williams sisters,
We said the same thing about Eminem,
Races can't own things,
I give up,
Text from Beth,
So much for "Perfection over excellence,
sister over self,"
#WeakPeopleQuit,
I am in love with my Meat Genie,
You're going to love it even more,
Look what it can do now!
Giant, hefty man-sized sandwiches,
Golden, fluffy pancakes, quiches, and pot pies, too,
You've improved what was already perfect,
It gets better,
You aren't winning shit, sitting around like this,
Listen,
I don't have a job, or a man,
or a shot at law school,
But I'm here because I believe you guys can win,
So, either prove me wrong,
or get your asses in gear, because we have a step show in one week,
You never took off your workout clothes,
-Alright, alright, - Thank you,
Alright,
I know you missed me,
Hey,
Listen,
Theta missed out,
You'd have been a great soror,
But I'll settle for a friend,
Let's win, sis,
♪ Everything I do I do it with a passion ♪
♪ If I've got to be I'm gonna be a bad one ♪
♪ Crazy ♪
♪ Live for the challenge Only make me stronger ♪
♪ One more reason to turn up on them ♪
♪ I go, I go, I go, I go crazy ♪
♪ Crazy ♪
OK!
You guys look good, Let me see it one more time from the top,
No!
Goddamnit, We have been doing this all night!
Oh, I think I gave myself a hemorrhoid,
OK, fine, Take five,
Hey, can I talk to you for a second?
It's Kevin,
I haven't seen him this upset since they canceled Star Trek: Voyager,
Is he sad about me?
Or is he sad that his sister tried to sabotage his girlfriend?
-I said the "G" word, -Yeah, you did,
Do you think he'd talk to me?
Get out of here,
Yes, ma'am,
What,,,
♪ I don't mind you coming here ♪
♪ And wasting all my time ♪
♪ 'Cause when you're standing oh so near ♪
♪ I kind of lose my mind,,, ♪
Look, Kevin,
I've always been good at everything,
Very little in life has challenged me,
I had a clear image of my perfect guy, and it looked nothing like you,
-Why are your apologies so mean? -No! You don't look bad,
You look great,
beautiful,
tall and handsome,
and your teeth are so white,
Your skin is so smooth and soft,
like a baby, and it's hairless,
I have no idea how you do it,
And you're just like--
You're a goofball,
You play video games online with 12-year-olds,
-I'm about to ask you to leave because-- -Hey, I'm trying to be corny here,
I realize that Harvard is what my parents wanted,
Well, what do you want?
I don't know,
But I know I want you,
I know I want to give us another shot,
What do you say?
That I'm never gonna be a six-foot-four football-playing lawyer
who knows all the lyrics to old Tribe Called Quest songs,
And that's who you always wanted, so go,,,
Go find him and,,,
Hey,
Actually,,,
don't find that guy,
In fact,
Eff that guy,
He probably doesn't exist anyway,
I do,
♪ I guess, you're just what I needed Just what I needed ♪
♪ I needed someone to feed ♪
♪ I guess, you're just what I needed Just what I needed ♪
♪ I needed someone to bleed ♪
Welcome to the 25th annual Steptacular,
We're bringing fire all night!
Give it up for Zeta Rho Nu!
Give it up for Rho Beta Mu!
Sigma Delta Eta!
You all make some noise, They were on fire!
Yow! There it is! I approach it,
That is why they make it to the Steptacular every single year!
Yeah,
Alright,
Oh, my God,
There are ten times as many people here as there were last time,
Next group of ladies,
they've got brains,
beauty,
and talent!
You all give it up for the sexy ladies all the way from Westcott University,
You all make some noise for Theta Chi Phi!
Come on, you all,
Come on, you all! Come on!
♪ Hmm, sta! ♪
♪ One-six ♪
♪ Panthers, attack ♪
♪ Sta! ♪
Yes, ladies!
♪ We are the,,, ♪
♪ Thetas, Thetas, Thetas ♪
♪ Thetas ♪
♪ The soul-stepping Thetas, Thetas, Thetas, Thetas ♪
♪ When you see us, back it up Thetas, Thetas, Thetas, Thetas ♪
♪ Let it go Now you know we're in control ♪
♪ Thetas, Thetas, Thetas ♪
♪ So fine ♪
♪ I said, my sorors! ♪
♪ Yeah? ♪
♪ Let's show them how it's done Break it down ♪
♪ Ah, step ♪
♪ Booty drop, booty drop ♪
♪ Ah, step ♪
♪ Work it, girl ♪
♪ Ah, step ♪
♪ Hmm, sta! ♪
♪ Theta ♪
♪ Rah! ♪
I heard,,,
the SBBs came to step!
Oh, nah, nah, nah!
See what I heard
was that the SBBs got some soul!
Like what?
Well, let me tell you who's got some,,,
Tell them, girl!
That's me, yeah, Say that!
♪ Theta Chi Phi got,,, ♪
♪ Soul ♪
♪ Theta Chi Phi's got soul ♪
♪ Lock up! ♪
♪ Rah! ♪
♪ Hmm, sta!
♪ Thetas, are we done? Hell no ♪
♪ Let me see you work it, work it Let me see you ♪
♪ Theta ♪
♪ Sta! ♪
♪ Let me see you ♪
♪ Sta! ♪
The show is over! Oh, oh, my God,
You know,,,
- Good job, -Break a leg,
I'm gonna ahead and warn you all,
This next group is a little on the Caucasian side,
What if they hate us?
What if they boo us off like Showtime at the Apollo?
Oh, God, Is that clown guy with the long cane thingy here?
Are you guys feeling out of place,
like maybe they're judging you before you've expressed yourselves?
-Yeah, -Yes,
Tell me something,
How do you think they feel
when they're the only black person in a class or at the office?
-So, you're saying we're screwed? -You're in this position for ten minutes,
Are you gonna fall apart and drown in a pool of white-girl tears,
or are you gonna cowgirl the fuck up?
-Yeah, Cowgirl up! -Hell yeah,
-Thank you, -Let's do it,
Koala on three, One, two, three!
Koala!
I want you all to make some noise for the Sigma Beta Betas!
Come on, now, Come on, now,
♪ Sigma ♪
♪ One, eight, six, five ♪
-What's this? -No, just wait,
Alright, no,
No,
No, stop!
Ladies,,,
we didn't get our bodies bruised
and our feet bloody,,,
just for this shit!
We didn't come here to do no half-assed stepping!
♪ We came here to represent like this ♪
♪ Sigma Beta Beta Ah! ♪
♪ Who are we? ♪
♪ We're white girls ♪
♪ With a chocolate twist ♪
♪ But don't get it twisted ♪
♪ Ha! ♪
♪ We don't have to break it down ♪
♪ SBBs turn it up ♪
♪ You need to cut it ♪
Yes!
♪ Koala ♪
♪ One, eight, six, five ♪
♪ SBB ♪
♪ Slow it down now ♪
♪ You might be good ♪
♪ But you ain't us ♪
♪ We are the Sigma Beta Betas ♪
♪ And we can't be touched ♪
♪ I said ♪
♪ We can't be touched I said ♪
♪ We can't be touched ♪
♪ SBB ♪
♪ Step, SBB ♪
♪ Koala, ah, ah, ah ♪
♪ Step, SBB ♪
♪ Koala, ah, ah, ah ♪
♪ Step ♪
♪ What? ♪
♪ Get down, get down low ♪
♪ You know how that go ♪
♪ You gonna drop it to the floor ♪
♪ Get down, get down low ♪
♪ What's up? What's up? ♪
♪ Good game, cut throat ♪
♪ Shorty says that she love thugs, oh ♪
♪ She better say no names If she got cuffs on ♪
♪ Lately, I just do it for the fun of it Eyeliner so sharp that it will cut ♪
♪ If it's Henny Then of course I'll take a cup of it ♪
♪ Good luck getting me to give a damn ♪
♪ In, out and in out of state ♪
♪ I've been eating good Not been out of shape ♪
♪ But I've been out and sent out ♪
♪ Better get out the pen now To print out the pay ♪
♪ I'll be in out and in out And in out of planes ♪
♪ I don't trip out I trip out to get out of lane,,, ♪
♪ Koala, ah, ah, ah ♪
♪ Get back before I block her You're bad, I'm a bad,,, ♪
♪ Koala, ah, ah, ah ♪
Yeah! There it is, I told you,,,
OK, Sigma Beta Beta, leaving their footprint on this stage,
You never know what you're gonna get at the Steptacular!
I see some of you sisters in the crowd are a little salty,
You didn't expect that, did you?
Uh-huh, I see you over there,
"It was alright, It was alright, It wasn't all that,"
You guys slayed,
I am so proud of you,
White girl tears, It's contagious,
Our judges have made their decisions, All competitors to the stage,
And now, for the moment we all have been waiting for,,,
Let's get ready for the tears and the cheers,
In third place,
taking home $10,000,
all the way from Hampton University,
Sigma Delta Eta!
Come on, now!
Give it up for them,
This is yours, Come here,
Come here,
And in second place,
winning $25,000,,,
I want you to make some noise
for Heta Rho Nu!
Yeah!
And now, first-place winners, taking home $100,000!
That's a lot of money,
All the way from Westcott University,,,
Make some noise for the sexy sorority,
Put your hands together for your Steptacular champions of 2017,,,
Theta Chi Phi!
Come on, now,
Alright! Give them that thing,
You deserved it,
So, that's it,
No money, no donation,
no reinstatement,
I want a picture with your fine ass,
All day, baby,
Check this out, Me and the judges got a little creative with the scores,
You know what I'm saying?
We've got to keep stepping ours,
-Come on with the picture, -Wait, Wait, what?
You know how it is,
Can't give them second, You feel me?
Give me that, Excuse me,
Hello, hello! Excuse me!
Hold up,
This fool right here,
he just told me the judges changed a score,
so that SBB would lose and stepping would stay ours,
It's not right,
It's 2017,
According to the real scores,
SBB came in second place tonight,
And it's not right,
Listen, it is not right, We need to give them their just due,
Come on, Are you all gonna give it to them?
Whoa!
Really? Ooh! You all are really, really testing my nerves,
You know what?
Come on, Becky,
Uh, Britney, Oh, gosh, What's the child's name again?
- Beth! - Beth,
Beth, OK,
You all need to show some love to Beth and her sorors, Come on,
Some love,,,
Because we, Theta Chi Phi,
we're gonna do the right thing
and split our check with the real second-place team,
Sigma Beta Beta,
the real second-place step team,
OK, Alright, OK,
Under the tutelage of trailblazing senior, Jamilah Bishop,
SBB has made history
and managed to keep a community institution's doors open,
-That's my baby girl, -I know,
Hi, guys,
I can be strong-willed,
forceful,
intransigent,
All qualities that make me one of the best judges in Pennsylvania,
But they can also make me a difficult mother,
And I've learned, with the help of my therapist,,,
that I am jealous
that you are a freer spirit than I,
And I am working on accepting you unconditionally
because that is the way I love you,
If you do it one more time, Negro,,,
I know how to be civil,
unlike a certain physically fit White House princess,
You are literally the only person in the world
that does not love Michelle Obama,
But most importantly,
we're endorsing you to Harvard, baby girl,
I'm not going to Harvard,
What's next for you?
Get my drink on,
grab a couple guys, try out my new vibrator,
Boundaries! Hello!
Seriously, don't dodge the question, What's next?
You know, I've never said this,,,
I don't know,
Feels good,
Luckily, I can work at 40th Street until I figure it out,
You're a real rock star over there,
I've got to run, Nick just got back from The Pleasure Chest,
I heard you got shit canned,
And I let you get away,
Hmm,,,
Look, I know some people speechify about inclusion and equality and,,,
Uh-huh,
I do, Fine, I do, But,,,
I mean, you really walked the walk with SBB,
and I'm proud of you,
Look, I,,,
I should have never taken you for granted, Jamilah,
Dane, we're cool,
You're still my nigga,
That's,,,
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me,
As-Salaam-Alaikum,
Come on, Jam!
I feel like Robyn over there, Dancing on My Own,
Oh, I'm sorry,
OK, Hello?
Before you two get to second base,
girl, you feel like strolling?
You know I do,
Get her, boo,
You're a little freak,
Yeah,
I'm watching you,
♪ One-nine ♪
♪ Sixteen ♪
♪ One-nine ♪
♪ Sixteen ♪
♪ Automatic, supersonic, hypnotic ♪
♪ Funky fresh,,, ♪
♪ Mmm, sta! ♪
♪ Koala, ah, ah, ah ♪
♪ Mmm, sta! ♪
♪ Koala, ah, ah, ah ♪
♪ Mmm,,, ♪
♪ Koala, ah, ah, ah ♪