رسانه اینترنتی مای موویز MyMoviz جامعترین سایت فیلم و سریال
First time we hung out, what did I think of you?
Yeah,
When was that, was that the night that,,,
Come on, you're kidding,
Remember I brought Willow over to that apartment,,,
you and Matt had in the East Village?
Yes, of course, I remember,
Let's see, I thought that you were really hot,,,
but also that you may murder me in my sleep one day,
Shut up,
You want one tea bag or two?
That's it? You just,,, you thought I was hot?
Yeah, I mean, I had never seen you naked before,
That was a great night,
I fucking miss New York,
When we were there, you missed L,A,
Okay, I remember looking at you that night,,,
and thinking you weren't like anyone I'd ever met before,
I thought that you were very special,
Do you want honey?
One tea bag and yeah, honey,
Aren't you gonna ask me what I thought?
Oh, yeah, sure,
Never mind,
Okay, here's your tea,
You really need to get rid of this couch,
I can't do that, I'm sorry, I like it too much,
Well, it's old and it's disgusting,,,
and even Goodwill would reject it at this point,
So, I think it's time for you to take it upon yourself,,,
To just do whatever you want me to, at all times of the day?
Please,
Look at you,
- Wait, stop, stop! - What?
- I think my Nuva Ring fell out, - What?
Now I don't feel like it's in there,
You can feel that?
What does it look like?
Like a glow bracelet,
It's not in the hat,
Is that it?
You know what's on HBOGo?
What?
The Stephen Hawking movie,
We were just like,,, fucking, You want to watch that?
I don't feel good,
- Wait, I just,,, - Please?
I can't go from almost fucking to Hawking, I just can't,
You can,
Only 'cause you're sick,
Shit, what time is it?
Matty's out front, I told him he could ride with us to Malibu,
We really need to find him a girlfriend,
How about your cousin?
Willa? She'd eat him up like a praying mantis,
Hi, are you at mine?
Hey, I made it! Let me in,
I slept at Owen's actually, sorry!
But I left you a key under the flower pot,
We're leaving soon, so just meet us in Malibu,
Oh, uh,,,
- Oh, sorry, child lock, - Thank you,
Hold on, hold on, Here you go,
- What was it too many? - Yeah,
- It's good, - Well, now,
Gotta get you some sun before Willa gets here, you know?
You look like Tilda Swinton,
- Do you want some? - No, I don't,
- I don't like it, - It's so good,
It's gross, everyone puts their hands in there,
- But it's the good stuff, - No, it's not,
It's all in your teeth,
So when is your hot cousin get here?
Okay, no, she literally just moved here,
Do not pull a Matt on her, it will not end well for you,
- She's hot, - She is hot,
And she's coming, right?
Yeah, she's in an Uber, you happy?
- Hallie, what's up? - Oh, hi,
Glad you guys made it, would you like a beer?
Yeah, thanks,
I'd love one, thanks,
Honestly, I gotta fucking pee so bad,,,
Wanna bet you break the seal before I do?
If you win, I'll convince Hallie to talk you up with Willa,
If I win,,, you have to give me your Bang Bros password,
- Deal, - Done,
You are one lucky fuck, you know that?
- What? - I'm just saying you're free,
You're free! I wish I was,
You wish you were free? All right, fucking Ted Nugent,,,
well, you wanna know what I do with my freedom?
Last night, I ate an entire rotisserie chicken,,,
and diarrhea'd like 12 times,
I only had three hours sleep, 'cause I had such bad diarrhea,
- Uh-huh, uh-huh, - Hi,
- I love you, - What was that?
- What? - What were you guys doing?
- Don't be crazy, - Why, you think he's photogenic?
Oh, fuck, this, I lose,
Honestly, you embarrass me in front of my friends,
He's not like doing anything, stop being crazy and have fun,
Oh my God! Oh my God!
Oh my God! I'm so sorry, Willa,
Wait, how do you know my name?
Oh, we've met,,, several times,
I'm Owen's best friend, Matt,
Oh, yeah, shit, sorry,
I'm just really bad with names and faces,
- So, like, people? - I guess,
Now we really know each other,
- Hi, - Hi, babe,
Look at us, just "meeting up," So casual,
Stop, stop,
♪ Bright lights feel alright ♪
♪ I'm gonna see her again tonight ♪
♪ But then I see you and I wanna go ♪
♪ Where the beach is warm ♪
♪ And I won't get stung And I won't get stormed by ♪
♪ Memories of you ♪
♪ Baby is this how you feel ♪
♪ I wanna know wanna know Is this how you feel ♪
♪ I wanna know wanna know Is this how you feel baby ♪
♪ Is this how you feel Is this how you feel baby ♪
Hey, hey,,, why are you acting so weird?
I'm fine, Maybe let's just go home soon,
You don't wanna watch the fireworks,,,
- with your new boyfriend? - This is a way-better spot,
The walk is gonna be worth it,
You're insane, I mean, are you serious?
You're actually insane,
I don't feel great and I wanna go,,,
and I want you to wanna go, too,
It's the Fourth of July!
Can't we just celebrate the Declaration of Independence,,,
without you having a manic fucking episode?
I also think I left a candle burning,,,
and it's haunted me all afternoon,
That's never happened, that never happened,
- Happened once, - That happened once in your life!
I can't focus on anything else!
Okay, also lower your voice, okay, everybody can hear us!
Nobody can hear us, nobody cares!
Everybody's outside watching the fucking fireworks display,,,
which, by the way, I would like to be doing right now,
People can hear us and it's embarrassing for both of us,
Stop pretending you care about something,,,
just so you can be mad about it,
I'm not! You know what, why don't you learn,,,
how to apologize without having a whole comeback?
We fight at every fucking party,
I honestly feel like I'm like 14, this is too exciting,
Just me? Okay, cool,
I like those ones,
- The all-glittery ones? - Yeah,
You wanna watch It's Complicated?
I'll fall asleep to whatever you want,
- Hey, - What?
Hey,
Okay, so how do we know each other?
Oh, well, Owen, Hallie, and I went to school in New York,,,
so I guess probably when you came to visit sometime maybe?
Okay, I vaguely remember that,
Yeah, you guys came over to me and Owen's place,,,
in the East Village after some party, and you and I hung out,,,
and drank Brooklyn Lager while it snowed,,,
and watched the sun came up,
I mean, yeah, I think that was it,
I don't even remember, it was a long time ago,
No, yes, wait!
That was the first night,,,
that Hallie and Owen hooked up, right?
- Yeah, right! - Yeah!
Wait, where are they, anyway?
Oh, Owen texted me, they had to leave,
Yeah, I should probably get going soon, too,
I just remembered, I left my car at Owen's,
Do you think maybe I could get a ride?
Yeah, I don't have a car, I'm just Ubering for right now,
Oh, well, you want me to get us one back to the mainland?
I mean, I'm on the way to Hallie's, you can drop me,
Okay, um, but split it with me,,,
because I'm sure it's fucking expensive,
No, stop, don't be silly,
Are you sure?
Yeah, honestly, my treat,
You know what time I think it is?
What?
How about this, huh? A little bit of swivel hips?
You like my, uh, get down for you, mama, like that?
Gonna get nice and deep for you tonight, baby,
There you go, nice and deep, good angles,
Stop!
You're insane,
You gotta have the rythym, you know?
You don't have a lot of rythym,
I think you're done, you're done,
I didn't shower,,, should I?
Yeah,
Aw fuck, they're increasing the rent to this place in September,
I'm not gonna be able to afford this,
I'm probably gonna have to move?
Ugh, I'm sorry, that's awful,
Between the rent for this place, my student loans, my Propecia,,,
I can't,
Well, one way you could keep living here,,,
is if I moved in officially,
I mean, I know we haven't talked about it in a while,,,
and I know it's not your favorite subject,,,
but let's just move in together,
I mean, I love Clara, but I'm too old for a roommate,,,
I'm over here all the time, anyway,
It just kind of makes sense, you know?
What?
- Holy shit, - Oh, my god,
Hey,,, after you,
Thanks,
- Oh, - Oh,
Okay,
- Happy Fourth! - Hey!
Nice car,
I can't believe you actually grew up in LA,
I feel like nobody does,
Yeah, me and Owen both did,
What about you? What'd you move out here for?
Well, I've been living in New York since school,,,
but I'm actually going to grad school in September,
Comp Lit, USC,
Wow, I'm impressed,
I've read maybe four whole books in my entire life,,,
and I wouldn't know how to compare them,
I wouldn't admit that,
Oh, this is me,,, thanks,
Whoa, you live here?
Yeah, this is my spot,
Well, good night,
Yeah, night, It was nice to see you again,
Um, hey, let me get your number real quick,
Yeah, sure,
Sorry,
♪ I feel it yeah yeah I feel it ♪
Purple devil, I use that one a lot,
♪ I feel it in my body I feel it ♪
♪ I feel it in the bed I feel it ♪
♪ I feel it on the mouth I feel it ♪
♪ I feel it in the air in the air ♪
Here you go, after you,
Whoa, do you have roommates?
This is my parents' place, actually,
They're out of town, at the moment,
Ooh, got the house to ourselves,
Okay, you have to take off those flip-flops,
Holy shit, are those rocket ship sheets?
Hey, look, some girls think it's adorable, what can I say?
And your books are color-coded?
Okay, look, I was in a dark place after college,
Stop looking at my room, please?
How do your parents let you live like this? It's inhumane,
Honestly, I want to get a bigger bed, but it just feels,,,
kind of symbolic at this point, you know,
Like I'm saying, "Guys, I'm here to stay! I'm never moving out!"
You know, the twin bed kind of keeps that dream alive,
Maybe don't feel like you have to talk all the time,
Right, Gotcha,
Do you like these guys? DJDS?
Ah, sorry, the mesh is kind of chafing on these,
Hey, I don't think we should have sex, is that okay?
Just, I just,,, not until we know each other,
I just don't like to have sex when I first meet somebody,
Ah, that's,,, honestly, I'm just happy to be here,
But like,,, should we have sex? We shouldn't have sex right?
I mean, I wouldn't not have sex with you right now,
But I'm also not in any hurry, so,,,
Maybe we should just have sex and get it over with,
I don't have a condom,
- It's cool, I have an IUD, - Okay,
All right,
I'm sorry about my twin bed,
I mean, I feel like a pedophile,
- What? - It's fine, just fuck me,
Okay,
You want me to go get a towel?
Sure,
The Uber back from Malibu cost, no joke, $137,
Wait, wait, wait, how quickly did you cum?
Dude,
Just tell me how quick was it?
It was like 45 seconds,
Oh, that's actually longer than I would have guessed,
I apologized, and we watched Shark Tank,
Oh, my god, you guys are fucking vile, you know that?
Maggie, I met an amazing girl!
Yeah, you sound like Jimmy Stewart,,,
the way you're talking about her,
He legit just hooked up with this girl,,,
and he's talking about how much he loves her,
You're,,, it's less than 24 hours ago and you're talking,,,
about how she's your quote-unquote future wife,
- You fucking psycho, - Aw,,,
- You poor psycho, - You think I just met her?
She and I had this unbelievable Before Sunrise-level night,,,
five years ago, we just finally reconnected,
No, you didn't, no, you didn't,,,
because she has no recollection of that night ever happening,
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Owen, you shouldn't talk, this guy,,,
plagiarized Dashboard Confessional lyrics,,,
and said you wrote them about me, so,,,
All right, well, number one, I had a very big crush on you,
- Huge, - Number two, it was ninth grade,
Number three, the Dashboard lyrics articulated something,,,
that 14-year-old me wasn't able to articulate at the time,
Honestly, I haven't liked anyone this much since,,,
I dunno, since Rachel Flegelman!
Flegelman, the girl, who every time you guys did coke,,,
would lick your butthole,
- Yeah, - Jesus!
Hey, butthole licking is part of the human experience!
I don't want to hear more about that,
Are you out of your minds right now?
Maggie, how are you, what's going on?
- Oh, my god, I'm so good, - You look great,
- I can't believe you're pregnant, - Thanks,,, thanks, man,,,
literally, two seconds pregnant,
How are you, how's your lady, Hallie?
She's good, she's really good,
I mean, she asked me to move in the other night,,,
and I didn't know what to say,,,
and that was obviously not a good reaction on my part,
Buddy, that's a bad sign,
I don't know, it feels like we're on auto pilot,,,
or something, you know what I mean?
It's like when you say a word over and over and over again,,,
and it starts to lose its meaning,
That's where it feels like we're at,
Listen, you're scared, that's okay,
It's not love unless you're scared,
Yeah, Jakob, hey, it's Willa,
No, I was just calling to see if we're going to that thing,
Oh, um, yeah, yeah, we'll hang out soon,
Bye,
♪ It's that Target commercial kind of voice ♪
♪ It's kind of Huggies it's more Dove ♪
♪ It gets you in the mood for love ♪
I mean, I'm sorry, he's in love with you,
But you know it's cute that he's calling,
He's like taking charge,
Yeah, but it's just so weird when you're texting,,,
and then they just call,
Hey, Matt, what's up?
I'm so sorry I'm late, I couldn't find parking anywhere,
I literally ended up parking at a fire hydrant,
Nice, you got a car!
Are you sure you don't want to find a better spot?
No, it's fine, I do it all the time,
Sorry, Hold on, I'm so rude, one sec,
Okay, I swear I'm done, sorry,
Don't worry about it, is everything okay?
Yeah, no, have you seen this OJ show, I'm obsessed,
Wait, the eight-hour doc or the Cuba Gooding Jr, one?
- The doc, - How fucking good is it?
- No, it's amazing, - I know, right?
Uh, what do you want to drink?
Uh, vodka water, like a vodka soda, but with water,
Wow, got it, kind of intense,
Um, yeah, could I get a vodka water, please?
And a uh,,, whatever's just the lightest beer you have,
Thank you,
Should I call you a nice person?
And I'm not a nice person?
I don't think so,
This is how the conversation went last time,
Not at all, it says you're a raging pussy,
Yeah,
This is fun, right?
I shouldn't be dating somebody, since I'm literally afraid,,,
to check my ATM balance, but,,,
What?!
What?
Well, I mean, like,,, are you guys actually dating?
Pfft, yeah! I mean,,, yeah, Definitely,
Does she know that?
Dude, fuck you, man,
Because usually when you're dating somebody,,,
that's like a mutual, consentual decision,
It's not like a made up thing in somebody's head, you know?
Just saying, early days, you know?
I don't know, I think breakfast is serious,
I mean, I wouldn't say that we're dating,
So what are you doing?
You know, hanging out,
- What? - Yikes,
If I heard a guy I liked be like, "Yeah, we're hanging out,"
I would literally be like,,, kill me right there,
Well, we're lucky you're not single,
I don't want to be single, I mean, like I do, but I don't,
And I don't,,, that's not about me,
We are lucky you are not single,
They'd like hold your hand or touch you,,,
and you'd be like, "We're dating!"
I feel like when you meet someone,,,
you know if you're gonna love them or not,
What, you went straight into "We're married,"?
- Yeah, - Of course, you did,
I literally,,,
I assumed we were together from like the night we had sex,
I don't know, his idea of when we started dating,,,
from my idea, it's not like months or days different,,,
we're talking like gaps in years that he thought,,,
we weren't together that we were fully together,
I'm like, if we're not together, what else are you doing?
We're together every night, so,,,
Jesus, you guys are fucked,
I feel, I want to say, I could be drunk,
Shot, shot, shot!
Oh my god,,, holy shit, I got in!
You got into where?
Oh, the,,, a photograph of mine got into this group show,,,
that's going to be in a month,
Oh my god, that's so cool, Congrats,
Yeah, I sent it in like,,,
Keep talking, I'm just getting a little sip of water,
You want? I'm listening,
No, I'm good,
Never mind,
You know, I think I'm done editing the bar mitzvah,,,
video, so I can finally get that fucking check,
The parents loved it, though,
They still have to show it to the bar mitzvah boy,,,
before we picture lock, but I think that's just a formality,
- Good morning, - Uh-uh,,,
You know, last week I read an article that women in prison,,,
are more violent than men when it's that time of the month,,,
they'll literally just start beating each other up,,,
and sometimes they even murder each other,,,
because of their fucking periods,
When did we say about fast talking in the morning?
We don't like it,
- Okay, that's enough, - What?
You're like grinding your boner all over me?
That's not because of you, that's not a sex boner,
That's just a night-morning boner,
Oh, thank you so much for clarifying,
And, uh, she still hasn't responded,
Stop, look, see, the whites with the colors?
Like it really matters,
The text is out there, it's fine,
I mean, she doesn't even respond to me,,,
sometimes for like a day, so,,,
I'm sorry, I'm being insane, you're right,
Thanks, Hallie, I'll keep you updated,
Bye,
Argh,,,
Are you actually still working on that bar mitzvah video,
Yeah, the guy's paying me to reopen the edit,,,
because his son had more notes,
Kid thinks he's the next frickin' Kuprick,
Do you want to watch the next cut with me in a little?
Not really,
I honestly think it was better yesterday,,,
but what the fuck do I know, I'm just the editor, right?
So, that's it, we're just done talking about it?
Can we just,,, can we just watch?
Look, I don't want to watch this for the tenth time,
No, really, I have,,, he needs it by tomorrow,
I want to talk,
So you just flat out don't want to live with me,
I mean I'm sorry, but I just think it's a little weird,,,
that you're not even considering it,
Of course, I've considered it, just,,,
Oh, thank you so much,
I'm sorry you don't want to move in,,,
but thank you for considering,
Holy crap,
You're gonna just hang onto the one thing that I've said,,,
because that's what people do when they want to fight,
So you just want to,,,
I-I-I want to solve this,
- Oh, you're such an asshole! - Okay? I really do,
Don't you think if we moved in, we would never move out?
Don't you want to have things to build towards or,,, or things,,,
to look forward to or maybe there are things we're missing,,,
out on or things that we want to try like before we,,,
Argh!
Look, I love you, you know I love you,
Right now I'm just, I'm not ready to settle down,
- I'm just not, - I'm not talking about,,,
settling down, I'm talking about living together,
Look,,, I love you, I love you too,
I just, I,,, yeah, I don't want to force it, I guess,
Exactly, I don't want to force it either,
Okay, but what are you saying when you say that?
Because it sounds like you're saying you want,,,
to have like a break or something,
Okay, things haven't felt right, You know that,,,
Yeah, I know how things haven't felt,
- Things haven't felt right, - I know!
Okay, so you know!
Right, so then, I don't want to move in together,
I just,,, I'm sorry, I don't,
And what if I hadn't said anything, huh?
We'd just be laying in bed watching your stupid,,,
fucking bar mitzvah video for the 20th time?
We were in a fight and now you're breaking up with me,,,
and it's like we fight all the time,
Please don't say that,
Please don't say break-up, that's not what this is,
This is just me needing time, I just need time,
Some time of not being together,
Will you stay over?
You want to be alone, then be alone,
- Oh, of fucking course! - Shit!
- Hal, what are you doing here? - I live here, asshole!
Hal, you all right?
Get the fuck out of here!
We should go, she sounds pretty upset,
She means you,
Oh, right, uh, she wants me to go, fuck,
Go!
Hal?
Rachel Flegelman, a blast from the past,
Maybe we shouldn't tell Matt about this,
Matt who?
Never mind,
Hey, do you want to um, get brunch?
Um,,,
Hallie, do a shot with me,
Gross, that's from Clare's birthday like two years ago in,
Plus, it's 3:00 PM,
Yeah, exactly, it's 3:00 PM and you're staring at the trees,,,
Like you're in a Cymbalta commercial,
Willa, I am on a break with the guy who I thought I was going,,,
to marry, please just give me some motherfucking time,
Okay, I'm sorry,
Look, I just want to make you happy,
What will make you happy?
There's my girl,
Thank you,
Can we look at pictures of sushi on Yelp?
Yeah, come here,
- Dude, are you wearing a bandana? - Sure am!
I got a membership at Gold's, did a couple of circuits,,,
before I got here, come on in,
Wait, you're eating already? I thought we were getting lunch,
Bro, I waited an hour and a half yesterday for this bad boy,
Don't want it to go to waste,
You lost a couple of -penos there,
Pass me the ranch, right in your side compartment right there?
Besides, who do I have to be skinny for you,,,
you know what I mean?
Let's talk about the facts, okay?
The little one would never let me keep my sauces in the car,,,
but now I have them for easy access whenever I want,
Look, I love you and, and I know you and Hallie just broke up,,,
but this is not good, all right, you're gonna fall into a hole,
You said you wanted freedom, you should really use it right,
All right, you're doing a whole lot of talking about me,
What about Willa? What's going on with you guys?
You haven't talked about her,,,
the whole minute you've been in the car, I'm amazed,
It's, it's good,
It's actually, yeah, it's actually really good,
She, um, she and I had the "How many people have you,,,
"slept with?" conversation the other day,
Which usually fucking sucks, but it turns out we're both at nine,
And she just turned to me in bed and said,,,
"I love that we're each other's tens,"
- What,,, stop, - Really?
- What? What? - Nine, nine?
- Yes, - Come on,
Who do you think she is, ten people total?
Yeah, like maybe ten people last fucking Christmas,,,
over the holiday break,
Shut the fuck up,
Okay, pal, let me tell you something, pal, all right?
Willa's like a fucking goddess, she's like a sex goddess,
The girl is like top three most beautiful women,,,
I've ever seen in real life,
Why are we still in park?
Let me ask, wait, wait, let me just ask you a question first,
Did you give the number and then she agreed with you?
Or did she give the number first?
You gave the number and she agreed with you,
Breaks my heart that I'm right all the time,
It smells really weird in here,
That's the smell of freedom, my friend,
So I was going to say, what are you up to today?
I have a surprise for us, I'll bring the vodka water,
Or is it weird if I don't acknowledge,,,
the Owen and Hallie situation?
Yo, you sound straight up like a murderer,,,
when you overthink this much,
Stop, There, can you just please write it for me?
You know what, it's fine,
Oh, she's typing, that's good, right?
Or is it bad that she hasn't waited?
I don't know what the rules are anymore,
Okay, we know the typing bubble's gone now,
- This is your face when you cry, - How do you know?
Fuck you, stop, stop,
So you're really not gonna tell me,
Nope,,, you'll see,
Oh, here he is,
What do you mean, here he is, Are we doing a drug deal?
Just trust me, all right? What?
Oh, we're getting into his car, okay,
Hey, hey, what's up, guys? I'm Adam,
So would you mind explaining to Willa what we're doing here,,,
because she has no idea,
Well, Willa, we're gonna go on the OJ tour,
- What? - The OJ Simpson Murder Tour,
It's vodka-water,
Let's do it,
All right, we're gonna just jump straight into the tour here,
Across the street is Paul Revere Middle School,
Now this is where OJ Simpson and Nicole's daughter,,,
had a dance recital on the night of June 12th, 1994,
You remember from the court case, OJ was found not guilty,,,
of the murders, for the purposes of our tour,,,
we're just gonna say that he did it,
Where the fuck is my assistant? Hallie?!
Oh, Dexter's girlfriend quit,
Who wears a size zero around here?
- Hallie does, - Get her in a dress!
Dexter,
This is Hallie, my assistant, she's replacing your girlfriend,
Hi, Oh,,,
Nice to meet you,,, Dexter,
I know,
- Shall we? - Yeah!
- Yeah, okay, - Okay,
But I honestly prefered it to season one, actually,
What about the scenes you do in space, how do you shoot that?
I mean, obviously you're not in space, duh,
But do they have you like flying up in the air or something or,,,
This may be a little forward, but do you have a boyfriend?
Don't you have a girlfriend?
We're, uh, we're kind of in a rough patch if I'm being honest,
How do you mean?
I mean, I love Owen, his name's Owen and I love him,
I just, I don't know, things are so weird right now,
We might be moving in together though, which I think,,,
I think could help,
I think we just need some newness, you know?
Okay, guys, they're ready for you,
Okay, act like you have a secret,
No, like,,, like you have a secret,
♪ There was nothing I could do Nothing I could do ♪
- Hi, - Hi,
I'm Owen,
I'm just waiting for my boyfriend,
Okay,
That's phenomenal, cheers,
Thank you,
I mean, it's just one photo and it is a big group show,,,
but who knows, maybe it'll sell,
I'm actually a bit of an amateur photographer myself,
- Oh what, like your Instagram? - Yeah,
It's crazy, like with all the fans of the show,
Oh, I was kidding,
Okay, I can take a picture of anything I see, right?
Mm-hm,
As soon as I post it like 100 likes,,,
500 likes, 1,000,,, guys like everything,
- Um, can I click refresh? - Yeah, do it,
- Crazy, - Holy shit, it's this guy,
Hey, look, don't worry about it,
I deal with this kind of thing all the time,
He probably wants a picture or something,
Just let me do the talking, What's up, man?
Wow, okay,
You know, she made me watch your stupid little show,,,
and I actually liked it,
I didn't want to, but I did, but not anymore,
You just lost a viewer in me, buddy boy, okay,
I will no longer be using,,,
Hallie's mother's HBOGo password,
Good luck with Season 4,
That the boyfriend you mentioned,
Yeah,
Sorry, man, can I give you a dollar for a cigarette?
You can just have one,
Thanks,
I'm sorry, can I get a lighter too?
Can't believe she brought him here, our fucking spot,
- Excuse me, - Hm?
Now we're on this whole true crime kick,
Did you know the movie theater I work at is like fully haunted?
- Wait, what? - Mm-hm,
In the 90's, the owner was murdered by a hit man,,,
who was hired by the projectionist, his lover?
Because he thought he was in the will,
Unreal,
How do people still think that they can be,,,
the beneficiary of a murder victim's shit,,,
have them killed and that they won't be busted by the cops,,,
- within one second, - I know, right?
Wait, who is it?
She says, "Almost back with the actor,
"Sorry for the short notice,"
Can you respond, "all good"?
Sure, what's your passcode?
One, two, three, four,
Wow, crack security system you got there?
I have nothing to hide,
Also, so should we leave?
Oh! I didn't realize you guys were here!
Hi,
Oh, looks like we got a full house over here,
Oh, hi guys,
Hey, we're just about to bounce,
- Are you doing Cat Cow? - Just one sec, I'm almost there,
- Oh, yeah, - Okay,
- Are you ready? - Oh, yeah,
I was just very intimately associated,,,
with whatever's happening there,
Oh, man, I wish I could stay the night,
Bye,
- Hi, - Hi,
I'm sorry, Were we too loud?
No, no, you're all good,
I mean yeah, but no, you actually have a second to talk?
Yeah, sure, what's going on?
Um, okay, I know this is so weird and out of the blue,,,
but um, Thad asked me to move in with him,
Australia Thad?
Yeah, he's like moving here to be with me,
Oh my god, Clara, congrats,
It's so annoying, isn't it? I mean the worst?
Oh my god, no, no, I'm happy for you,
I heard you sh-banging,
Hand me that little box in the compartment, will you, pal?
Sorry,
Hold the wheel, will you?
How far you goin'?
I think it's cute you made me a mix tape,
It's like we're in eighth grade,
Are you making fun of me?
Yeah,
- I put that DJ Diaz song on here, - Hm?
For our first night,
Oh, our dry-humping song,
Okay, well, they're actually playing pretty soon,
I could be down,
Dope, well, I should head out,
- I have to be,,, - No!
- I got some stuff to do, - No, you don't,
Wait, no, this is not going to work,
- You're breaking up with me? - Shut up, sink sex,
This is not gonna work, either,
Nothing's good enough for you,
♪ Under the covers I gave myself to you ♪
Clara left some crystals,
Wait, so your old landlord shipped over all this stuff,
He must've really liked you,
Yeah, he had a crush on me, so he kept them for awhile,
Yo, what's up?
What up, biatch? You stick your finger,,,
in Willa's butt last night or what?
I'm sorry, Yo, dude, come on,
Bro, do you believe this shit?
Do I believe what shit?
Is Hallie fucking Persky, she is, isn't she?
Son of a fucking bitch,
Honestly, I could tell at the 4th of July party,
That guy has been trying to fuck her for so long, Holy shit,
First that stupid ass from the spacecraft show,,,
- and now this fool? - Bro, what are you talking about?
Bro, I can see it on their Instagrams,,,
they're commenting back and forth like dumb shit,
Like "dope sunset",
Dude, why are you so charged up?
Honestly his name should be a verb, to Persky,
Sample sentence, "Hey, I just heard they broke up,,,
"so I'm going to Persky the shit out of her!"
Yo, you need to relax, bro,
Relaxed? I feel like I'm going to fucking stroke out,
I feel like Liotta at the end of Goodfellas,,,
seeing fucking helicopters,
Alright, I'm sorry,
Look, I'm with Willa right now, so I can't really talk,
Okay, whatever Hallie's up to, it's fine,
I'm on a record breaking fuck streak of my own right now,
So listen, mysterious and busy, my man, you feel me,,,
or she'll break your little heart in half,
Thank god, you guys are here, This is so embarrassing,
Nobody is here,
Hal, what are you talking about? They're totally people here,
- Yeah, - Yeah, but nobody that I invited,
I mean it's literally you guys and my boss,,,
- that showed up for me, - Fuck everyone else,
Brandon Saknov texted me being like, daddy can't find his keys,
And then fucking Shareen texted me being like,,,
Baby Girl, I'm stuck with this guy, I love you,
I would literally do anything to be there,
It's like, really? Would you?
I mean my next show's just gonna be screen grabs of those,,,
text messages called reasons why my friends bailed on my opening,
- We'll come to that one, - Yep,
Hallie, I want you to meet Lindsay,
Lindsay lives in the house we shot Dexter in,
Stop,
And Lindsay, this is Hallie, my assistant,
That house is beautiful,
Thank you so much for letting us use it,
I wish it was mine, I'm just housesitting for my godmother,,,
I didn't even tell her you guys used it,
So, Lindsay, this is Hallie's photograph,
It's the best one here as far as I'm concerned,
Oh my god, thank you so much for saying that,
I just wish my love life was going as well as my work life,
I'm sorry, I don't know why I said that,
I think I've just had way too much wine,
No, there's no such thing as too much wine,
In fact, maybe we should get you some more,
Yes, please,
Her ring,
Fucking kidding me,
Let's go swimming,
Come on,
Ready?
Seriously,
Oh, wait, my pants,
- Oh, sorry, I'll go in the back, - Sorry,
Two of you, one of me,
I think he's dropping you off first anyways,
I'm Eugene by the way,
- Willa, - Hi, pleasure,
Um, can we maybe not tell Owen about what just happened?
- Oh, he'd totally lose his shit, - Yeah,
Who's Owen?
I can't wait to be neighbors,
I'm just gonna be the guy in the back yard blasting,,,
Dashboard Confessional,
You are never living that down, you're a fucking plagerizer,
Well, you have to admit I was at least convincing at it,
I would, you know, cross stuff out,,,
so it would seem like I'd make mistakes as it went on,
Buddy, they reminded me of the Zodiac letters,
I mean, I knew the whole time, I've told you this, it's sweet,
You're comparing me to the Zodiac killer,,,
but you're letting me live in your back house,
Very mixed signals,
So that's you, that back house right there,
- Hey babe, - Hey baby,
- Here's coffee, - Nice, thank you,
- Mm-hm, - Oh, hey, man, Ash,
Hey, Owen,
Yeah, oh, this is our new tenant, Oh my god,
Oh yeah, right, nice to meet you, brother,
Nice to meet you,
You got a good one,
Yeah,
- Morning, sunshine, - Yeah, good morning,
I can't believe you grew up in this fuck palace,
Yeah,
So what's the deal with your parents?
Uh, they,,, they do visual effects together,,,
and my mom's a VFX producer and my dad's a VFX supervisor,
They worked together, that's cute,
Yeah, they're like perfect,
And they're doing this new Marvel movie in Atlanta,
Well, when are they back? I really want to meet them,
Sorry,
Wait, have you ever introduced them to a girl before?
What, no, no,,,
I just thought maybe it was like a little soon, but, but no,
If, if, if you want to meet them, then I'd love that,
I mean, yeah, they're back in like a month,
Oh, perfect, just in time for the wedding,
Yeah, I never introduced them to a girlfriend before,
- I'm sorry, did I just ruin it? - No,
I know, we haven't had that conversation yet,
No, no, no, it's all good,
Oh, how could I forget?
This is for you,
A mix CD,
You already gave me one, Do you remember? Are you okay?
No, this is an extension of that one,
Yeah, I made a playlist of like 40 something songs,,,
and this everything I can fit on the first one,,,
because you can only do like 20 or 21 on a CD,
Big Willa Style, mix number two,
- This time it's personal, - Personal, yeah,
Whoa,
So, uh, want to get some breakfast?
Um, I'm actually not hungry,
Oh, okay,
Well, I mean we could do like a,,, do a bagel run,,,
we could get like a dozen or something bagels,
That's a lot of bagels,
Oh shit, I just remembered my laundry,
Oh, word, we can,,, we can go grab it,
No, it'll get moldy and wrinkly,
Um, I'm just going to run and grab it,
I-I will call you later,
Oh cool, I gotta go help Owen move in, so that's perfect,
Fuck,
Hallie, want to get some food? I'm fucking starving,
Also, apparently Owen has a new place,
Clara's here just come home,
- Hi, Willa! - Okay,
Okay, are you guys ready?
Can't believe we're gonna hear a song that you actually wrote,
♪ Sweet Virginia has to wait ♪
♪ Got a lovesick heart on fire ♪
♪ All her friends know she's on a wire ♪
♪ Sweet sweet ♪
♪ Makes her say the strangest things ♪
♪ She told Marie that she was in love ♪
♪ Fell into the arms of Hadra's smile ♪
♪ At the break of a cracking dawn ♪
♪ On the Westside high ♪
♪ So Virginia stays at home ♪
♪ Doing all the simple household things ♪
♪ Picking up the phone and letting it ring ♪
♪ And she plays in lover's eye ♪
♪ Sweet ♪
So nice being back here,
Honestly, Thad won't even let me smoke in the house,
It's really annoying,
Thank you so much,
Willa, what are you doing? Are you texting Jacob?
I thought you said you were done with him,
Leave me alone, let me live,
Forget about Jakob, okay? He's a dick,
- He spells his name like Jacob, - That is true,
Just make it work with Matt,
I mean, I know he's weird, but he's a good guy,,,
and you're being stupid, okay,
I mean, you have someone that wants to spend time with you,
Okay, I am,,, I'm alone, like I am,,, I'm so fucking alone,,,
to be honest, I just cannot hear you go on and on and on,,,
any more about how Matt texted me too much,
Matt just wants to eat bagels with me,
Like I'm too fragile right now, okay,
Owen never wanted to just eat bagels with me,
Favorite Selfie face,
The classic, the pout,
The classic pout from this angle,
Who's this dude? I don't trust this guy,
- These one's are super cute, - Okay, we're done,
Can I plug my phone in?
Yeah, sure,
Ooh, actually, I have an idea,
Okay, um, okay, can I do a magic trick for you?
- Are you gonna think I'm weird? - Okay,
Okay, wait, was that a yes?
You're just gonna think I'm weird?
Yes,
Let me,,, I gotta get warmed up, let me see, um,,,
Okay, pick a card, Don't show me, though,
I'm actually really nervous,
- Yeah? You got it? - Okay,
Okay, let's hope my powers are on point today,,,
because sometimes I'm a little off,
Put it back, right there,
- Okay,,, take a look at it, - Mm-hm,
- Don't show me, okay, - No?
- You remember it, - I remember,
Because if you forget it, it does kind of make the magic,
- Okay, - All right,
- Do you want me to shuffle? - Mm-hm,
Yeah? Wow, you are very suspicious,
I thought you were more trusting of me,
I don't see,,, okay, here we go,
I'm going to try and find your card out of all these,
But I'm going to try to find it using my mouth,
Okay, and double check, there's nothing in my mouth?
- Okay, - We good? Okay, here we go,
Well, there is, there's teeth and the tongue,,,
but if you miss that then you'll miss anything,
Okay,
- No, it's not my card, - What?
- It's not my card, - Oh, my god, what?
Fuck,
Are you okay?
I'm so sorry, this has never happened to me before,
- Oh, my god, - Oh, my god, I feel so ill,
- What the fuck? - Wait, my eyes are watering,
- Was that it? - What the,,, how did you do that?
You're such a nerd,
Thank you, I actually take that as a compliment,
Oh, my god,
- Mm, - Mm,
- Is there no clasp? - Just untie it,
Did you go to the beach today?
No,
Then why are you wearing a bathing suit?
Because I didn't have any clean bras,
I thought you just did your laundry,
Isn't that why you left the other day, to get your laundry?
Why don't you just tell me stuff?
Sorry,
Just,,, just tell me, okay,
That I don't want to hang out or whatever,
I don't want to hang out with you sometimes, you know?
That's not true, you always want to hang out with me,
- Hey, - Stop,
Next time I'll tell you I don't want to see your face anymore,
I'll say, "Hey, go fuck yourself,
"You're bothering me and you're being an idiot,"
Good, right? That's what I want to hear,
Hey, stop acting like a pussy right now,
Hup,
- I got it, - Oh, thanks,
Sure,
Um, what are you doing tonight?
I think Ash has got a work drinks thing,
He's freaking out about fatherhood or something,
This is when he sneaks off to have a glass of chardonnay,,,
which I know means slam back three martinis in ten minutes,
Hey, I thought you guys were great,
Ah, it's not as good as it looks,
All right, I will see you later, Okay, I got it,
- Are you sure? - Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Who is that?
Just my old friend, new landlord,
So what? You're like jogging now?
Yup,
Sorry, I'll be ready in a sec,
I can't believe you guys hooked up,
Stop, How's,,, how's everything with Matt?
Honestly, I don't know,
What do you mean, you don't know?
Come on, I meaning Lindsay at 6:00,
Aw, my little lesbian,
Okay,
Oh dude, you gotta stop liking,,,
you and Hallie's facebook photos,
You know when you do that, it shows up on everybody's feed,
Right?
You know, she came here today, showed up completely,,,
randomly out of nowhere,
What is that, what is that move?
It's a power move,
Yeah, I, uh, I might've given Willa the address,
It was you?
Yeah, I'm sorry, she asked and I was,,,
And you gave it to her, Who's side are you on?
I'm sorry, man, she gets what she wants,
You can't do that,
You can't give out a man's address like that,
No, I feel like will and I are kind of hitting a wall,
Fuck romantic fulfillment,
I'm seriously busy, man,
I've just,,, I've told you over and over and over,
Mysterious and busy,
It should be your mantra, you're way too available,
- I know, - For once in your life, don't be,
No, it's just called being nice,
It's not being nice, it's being available,
Being nice is like opening doors for people and,,,
and showing up to places on time,
Being too available is when you see the little text bubble,,,
show up the second after you finished writing the text,
like you can't do that,
- I know, - Mysterious and busy,
Real life example, today, I go on a nice run,
I come back, Hallie's waiting for me,,,
wearing my favorite dress and I'm like, hello,
We started making out,
We come in here and I eat her pussy,,,
- exactly where you're sitting, - Oh lovely, thank you,
And that was it, that was the entire interaction,
Because I'm serious and busy,
- You mind giving me another pour? - Sure, bro,
Nope, you failed the test,
The serious and busy test, you failed it, Failed it,
I literally put it right here so I have access to it,,,
so I could just reach and pour,
- Would you like some? - No, I'm fine, thank you,
- I'm busy, - Good,
That was test number two, That one you passed,
- Hey, - Hey,
So should we just go to the show or,,,
I don't know, I thought we could hang out for a sec,
You know, I think DJ Diaz goes on at 9:00, so,,,
Oh yeah, don't want to be late for the show,
All right,
I'm sorry, I'm an idiot, I'm sure they'll start late,
Oh, you're serious,
I was literally just trying to fuck you,
Hey,
What's going on?
- Well, hey, - Hey,
Are you guys,,,
We're catching up?
Cool, cool, got it,
Why do you always reek of deli meat?
See what I'm dealing with here?
I can't believe you bought a shirt,
Yeah, it's pretty dope,
Is it weird if I get a Caeser salad?
Yeah,
- Oh, my god, - Holy shit, girl,
Come here, Oh, my god, oh, my god, we gotta get that drink,
Yeah, I mean, no worries, I've been busy,
So good to see you,
- Hey man, Jakob, - Hey, Matt, nice to meet you man,
- Nice to meet you, Nice merge, - Thanks,
Well, I'm gonna head out, I was just here to see the opener,
Good to meet you, Good to see you,
- Nice to see you, - Nice to meet you,
You want a drink?
Hypothetically, if we were to get back together,,,
it would be better because I've, I've grown,
Okay, well let me tell you something,
If you think you jut break things off between us,,,
so you can go on like a rumspringa or something,,,
and then come back and be like, oh I've grown,
You are in for a rude fucking awakening, Owen,
Hallie, that's not how I meant it!
And besides, I'm kind of seeing someone,
Okay, like, like in a real way?
Yeah, like in a real way,
This girl, so,,,
- You're dating a girl? - Mm-hm,
I didn't know that was of interest to you,
- Okay, you can answer the phone, - It's fine, it's not,
Something might be wrong,
Was it going on when you came over and I went down on you?
Was what going on? Yeah, the girl, yeah,
I can't believe you're dating a girl,,,
and you're just telling me now, this is insane,
Mom, you're fucking killing me!
Anyways, I've been doing a lot of thinking,,,
and at first, I was so fucking mad at you, I was,
I was thinking like, how did I waste the first half of my,,,
twenties with this guy who I'm not going to marry?
Right,
But then I realized, you know, that these, these last five,,,
- years have been the opposite,,, - Three,
It's been three years,
,,,have been the opposite of a waste and that even if we,,,
hurt each other, it's,,, it's fine,
It's all part of how we're gonna become the people,,,
we're gonna be, so I'm at peace,
I fucked up,
Okay, I shouldn't have said that I wanted a break,
I was naive enough to think that it could be a break,,,
and not a break up,
Owen, just answer the phone,
Yes, mother,
I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't know,
I don't know what channel TCM is,
I can't talk, I'm with Hallie right now,
No, actually, I don't know, I really don't know,
- She's dating a girl, - Owen!
I know, I know, you're right,
Okay, I gotta go, I'll talk to you later, Bye, I love you,
Do you just tell your mom I'm a lesbian?
Why would you tell your mom that?
It's fine, I also just want to say this non sequitur,,,
but I, I did slightly resent the fact,,,
that you neglected to tell me,,,
that you were using my likeness in your photo gallery,
Are you fucking serious?
Yeah, I'm serious,
I mean, the photo may as well have been a picture,,,
of a pile of dog shit for all you care,
Maybe we should,,,
Maybe the problem is that we kept in touch,,,
and that we slept together or that we're obviously going,,,
at completely different speeds,,,
so maybe let's just not talk for a while,
Okay, You know, I just want to point out,,,
that I never put any pressure on you,
I mean, yes, I wanted to move in together out of practicality,
I wasn't secretly plotting a wedding,
That was all you projecting,
So what's that Jakob guy's deal?
Just some guy I know from New York,
I saw your texts with him,
What are you talking about?
I know I shouldn't have, but,,,
I looked on your phone a while back,
Wait, you hacked into my phone?
It was a moment of weakness, I'm sorry,
It was so long ago, things with Jakob,
It was like May,
Also it didn't even mean anything, so who cares?
Whatever's been happening between us,,,
whatever it's called, it's a big deal to me, all right,
Maybe I'm crazy, Maybe, Maybe it shouldn't be, but it is,
It's a big deal to me,
Yeah, and it's a big deal to me, too,
I don't think it is, but that's fine,
Obviously you find yourself in these situations,,,
more often than I do and you're a lot better at it than I am,
I had a thing with this girl a while back,
She went abroad, and,,, the whole time I thought that maybe,,,
I'd have another shot when she came back, but then I found,,,
out she dated like four other guys that year,
To me, she was the one that got away, but to her I was a blip,
I was just some guy she fucked,
And I'm not mad at you, you don't owe me anything, but,,,
I don't know, I just think maybe we shouldn't do this anymore,
Wait, what?
No, what are you saying?
Can I still sleep over?
I feel like you're a whole section of my story,,,
and I'm like a footnote in yours,
I promise you're not a footnote,
I promise you're at least a chapter,
I'm so happy that you were the one to break it off,,,
with Willa and not the other way around,
I thought she could've fucking prison shanked you,,,
and you would have stayed with her?
Honestly, I wish we were better at communicating, you know,
It's like you can never be inside someone else's head,,,
and I guess you wouldn't want to be,
Not unless you're a fucking Taro card reader,
I mean, she's got to communicate with you, too, you know?
Here's what it is, She's like, she's like a cat,,,
who keeps asking you to pet it and then you do,,,
and she just slips out of your hands and runs away,
I think you need to work on your analogies, sweetheart,
- Oops,,, shit! - Go under,
No, no, no, no, don't go any further,
Easy, Cheers,
I get it, Matt's too nice for you,
I mean, it's not the cliche of "I like assholes",
I like nice guys,
It's just that the nice guys turn out to be pretty needy,,,
and then you realize, oh, he's being a pussy,
I think I'm just being an asshole,
You lost me,
When would we get a chance to do this if you were with Hallie,,,
and I was with Willa?
Yeah, I'm glad we broke up with our fucking beautiful,,,
significant others so we can hang out with each other,,,
and strap Tecates to our hands,
I'm having the time of my life!
That's what's sad,,,
you really are having the time of your life,
Honestly, I can't believe Hallie's dating a girl,
I don't know, I think they were just hooking up,
- What, really? - Yeah,
She just told me they were dating,
Like she just,,, when I just saw her,,,
she was like, "we're dating, You should know,"
And she was like, well, I'm dating her,
Is she trying to fuck with me, what is she doing?
To be fair, you, you, you broke up with her,
You're right,
Jesus, am I the needy one in the Jakob situation?
Am I his Matt?
Enough Jakob, you only like him because he didn't text you back,
I mean technically I moved out here to go to grad school,
Obviously in the back of my mind, part of it,,,
was that Jakob would be out here,
Hm,
Am I felicity?
Willa, we're all felicity,
Look, fuck Jakob, okay?
I've said it before, but Jakob's a dick,,,
and that is my philosophy,
Your philosophy is that Jakob's a dick,
No, my philosophy is that if someone is not being nice,,,
to you, then you fucking drop them,
I don't want to get back together and then just spend,,,
the rest of the time resenting each other all over again,
You know?
I don't think you ever find someone,,,
you don't resent and that's part of it,
Just find the person who you want to resent, you know,
Hey, Matt,
I don't know, I think you're overthinking it, It's easy,,,
to forget how hard it can be just to connect with someone,
Yeah,
It's like when you pass a parking space,,,
because you want one close to the restaurant,,,
and then you circle the block and you come back and it's gone,
Okay,
Honestly, really in a lifetime,,,
how many people do you truly connect with?
Matt, Owen is not a parking space,
Just, can you go talk to him, please?
- Want to go for a swim? - No!
Hi,
Hello?
I'm outside, you don't have a bell,
I'll be right there,
You, uh, you, you want something to drink?
Uh, like what? Like tap water or something?
Well, actually went shopping,,,
and I have um, San Pellegrino?
San Pellegrino?
What are you like a gondolier now?
Please,
Can I actually have a sip? I forgot, that's my last one,
That's good,
So I, I'm just basically, I just wanted to say again,,,
that I'm, I'm sorry for being so selfish and um,,,
I feel like everybody creates their own narrative,,,
in their head and for whatever reason I felt like I was,,,
somebody who needed to explore things,,,
and the more lonely I got, the more I realized that,,,
was something I didn't actually feel but convinced myself,,,
that I needed to feel it, and maybe that's the same thing,
I don't even know the difference anymore,
Owen, I didn't come here for some big apology,
I just came here to talk,
Will you move in with me?
Sorry, what?
Move in with you where, here?
Why don't we, for once, let the fact that something,,,
is a bad idea, stop us from doing it,
No, it doesn't have to be here, It could be anywhere,
We can get our own place together,
- You're kidding, - It's just transitional,
Look, look, I know, I know I ruined everything, I know that,
I know I'm an asshole, I know that I'm an idiot,
I'm really, really ready now,
I'm truly like I'm ready, I promise,
I thought you said this place is just transitional,
Look, I, I cleaned out half my closet for you,
You moved your four shirts like over on a fucking rail,
Well, for some people, that's significant,
I cleaned the bathroom, I bought flowers and I put them,,,
in this vase and I swiffered the fucking floor for you and,,,
I've never made a copy of a key in my entire life,,,
and I made a copy of a key for you, So please, Hallie,,,
please, will you move in with me?
No,
I'm sorry, I just,,,
I don't think we could ever go back,
You're seriously not gonna say anything about the new couch?
Yeah, it was the first thing I noticed,
I know it was the first thing you noticed and you,,,
didn't fucking say anything, you're so annoying,
You're so fucking annoying,
This is outdoor furniture, this is not a couch,
- It's a day bed, it's a fucking,,, - It's a day bed,
Is it not a couch? Is it not something you sit on?
Doesn't that make it a couch?
Oh, fucking rough, man,
Oh, god,
I hate you,
I hate you, too,
- Hi! - Hi,
What's up? Come on in,
I'm so glad you guys could come,
Yeah, we were just at some lame party,,,
when you texted us, so here we are,
- Hey, I'm Matt, - Willa,
- Awesome, nice to meet you, - Nice to meet you,
- Born and raised, - Yeah that's what my friend said,
Yeah, I mean, that's why I came here, because I just wanted,,,
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