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Oh,
[chuckles]
Hi, Patrick,
[sighs] Here you go,
There you go,
Oh,
You're going to do great things,
Ha, Yes, you are,
[Santa] Ho, ho, ho,
[chuckles]
This is the one,
Yes,
Yes, you are,
[festive music]
[suspenseful music]
[Joe] Tell me now, Patrick,
How long have you been here?
So I came over here about a year ago,
I worked on one of those posh cruise liners,
We did the Transatlantic for about two and a half years
between here and England,
Um, I worked in the kitchen, but to be honest,
I kind of got tired of the sailing life,
So I got off and lost in The Big Apple,
-[chuckles] -I got a job at a Mexican restaurant,
bar backed at a couple of nightclubs, paid under the table,
It was quite nice,
So, you have no papers then?
Uh, no, uh, I don't, no,
-Where are you from? -From Derry,
-Derry? -Mm-hmm,
Oh, family?
I don't have a family, no,
I was raised in an orphanage,
Left when I was 18,
Fred, where's my juice?!
[woman] I got it, Fred,
[sighs]
[woman] Here you are,
I'll be honest with you now, Pat,
I've not heard a sadder story than that in many a year,
Well,,, we look after our own, hmm?
I could use someone to wash the glasses
and maybe tidy up around here,
Could you handle that?
Absolutely, sir,
I'd really appreciate that, Mr, O'Brian,
[chuckles] You can call me Joe,
-Thank you, Joe, -[Joe chuckling] Can you start now?
-Yes, right away, yeah, -Right,
-It's a pleasure, -Get started, get started,
Absolutely, thank you so much,
Fred, come and show young Patrick here the ropes,
[Irish themed jolly music]
Yeah,
[guests laughing]
Fred!
you will do exactly what I tell you to
or you will have a problem,
Now I do not have problems, do you understand?
I have solutions,
Now get out of here and do what I tell you!
-You all right? -Yeah, thanks,
-7,50, -Keep the change,
Thanks,
And I have to tell you, boys, we had a very good month,
Another month or two like this,
and we're going to treat ourselves to a little raise,
[laughs]
-Where are you going now? -Well, I was thinking maybe we'd take care
of that little situation over in Brooklyn first,
Well, off you go, boys,
-Enjoy your work, -Thank you, boss,
-[laughs] -[light music]
Does that remind you of your family, Pat?
You know, I've never met my family,
We didn't have Christmas in the orphanage, It was a poor parish,
[woman] I didn't know,
-That's rough, -Yeah,
Kind of miss home, you know?
Of course you do, Of course you do,
¶ Oh, Danny boy, the pipes The pipes are calling ¶
¶ From glen to glen ¶
¶ And down the mountain side ¶
¶ The summer's gone ¶
¶ And all the roses falling ¶
¶ 'Tis you, 'tis you must go ¶
¶ And I must bide ¶
¶ But come ye back When summer's ¶
¶ In the meadow ¶
¶ Or when the valley's ¶
¶ Hushed and white With snow ¶
¶ 'Tis I'll be here ¶
¶ in sunshine or in shadow ¶
¶ And I will sleep in peace ¶
¶ Until you come ¶
¶ To me ¶
[applauding]
Clap!
[everyone applauding]
Thank you,
[whistles]
Patrick, could I have a little word with you?
Yeah, sure,
Be right there,
Right, right, right, right,
[sighs]
Pat, will you do a favor for me?
Yeah, whatever you need, Joe,
You've been like a father figure these past few months, Joe,
Saint Joe, Patron Saint of Fathers,
-Oh, [laughs] -That's you, Joe,
I wouldn't go that far, I'm no Saint,
No, seriously, Joe, I don't know where I would be
these past few months without your work,
So, thank you,
Okay, good,
[light dramatic music]
I want you to take these suitcases a couple of blocks up
the road to the train station and give them to Shaun,
But no opening the suitcases,
no peeping inside, you understand?
Can you do that for me?
[laughs] As soon as you've done that,
I'm going to give you 10,000 clams,
That's, uh, that's a lot of money for a few blocks, Joe,
It is, it is indeed,
[laughs]
Let me explain, let me explain to you,
Do you know what the hardest thing in business is, son?
The hardest thing in business, Pat,
is to find people that you can trust and I trust you,
I trust you,
Now, trust is a valuable commodity,
a commodity that I am prepared to pay for,
Well, uh, when do you want me to leave?
Now, tonight, this very moment,
Shaun's waiting for you,
But what about, where's Fred?
Who's going to close the bar?
I'll close the bar,
Where is Fred?
Fred?
Don't you worry yourself about Fred,
Fred was untrustworthy,
So, Fred, I had to let him go,
Come on, quick, quick, quick,
Ah, very good, very good,
Oh, and now, a couple of things, couple of things,
First of all, you do not dote,
you do not stop and talk to anyone,
And in the incredibly remote chance
that something goes wrong, you take those bags
and you run like hell to the station, you understand?
You run like hell,
Off you go, quick,
Sooner there, sooner back, sooner paid,
Oh, and put your jacket on,
It's cold outside,
[sirens wailing]
[dogs barking]
It's just a few blocks,
[sighs]
No big deal, right?
It's just a few blocks,
-Let's go, Pat, It's just a few blocks, -[Joe laughing]
And don't worry if the cops grab him,
he's so pathetically grateful to me for looking after him,
that he'll go to prison for 20 years
-without opening his mouth, -[muffled talking]
There's a perfectly reasonable explanation
as to why I shouldn't look inside,
It's obviously something important,
like insurance policies or,,,
a secret recipe for craft beer,
[dramatic music]
Deed to the pub,
-[gasping] -[suspenseful music]
-[Joe laughing] -Yeah, and the lovely thing is this,
if we do have to off him, guess what?
He has no relatives,
So nobody is going to come and look for him,
And here's the icing on the cake,
He's also illegal,
There is no paper trail to suggest
he ever came into the country,
-When you think about it, -[guy] Hey, watch it!
The boy is practically a ghost already,
[chuckling]
What's the next bus leaving right now?
[change rattling]
Bus 46 is pulling out, heading out west,
[Patrick] Yeah, that's fine, Ticket, please,
[dramatic music]
[Irish themed upbeat music]
[bus driver] Last stop, Santa Fe, everybody off,
Please check around your own seats,
Don't leave any belongings behind,
[upbeat music]
[crowd whistling]
[man hollering]
[muffled talking]
[door creaking]
[Spanish themed acoustic guitar music]
Hello?
[fire crackling]
Welcome to Ortegas,
I'm Mrs, Ortega,
Need a room?
Yeah, well, um, that depends, Mrs, Ortega,
How much?
Well, I'm having a special for 49,99
and that is breakfast included,
I'll show you, follow me,
You like?
Uh, yes,
Uh, very much,
Can I have it for one night?
[sighs] Only one night?
Of course, why not,
Yeah, my name is Pat by the way,
Pat Keeley,
Oh, please join me for lunch, Señor Keeley,
I made too much,
I'm used to cooking for two,
-So please? -Oh,
-You look hungry, -I'm starving,
-I just, -[laughs]
Thanks very much, Mrs, O,
-Oh, -It's very kind of you,
I hate to eat alone,
Ever since my husband died, if I don't have company
to eat with, I just don't eat,
You saved me from self-imposed starvation, you see?
-[Mexican themed upbeat music] -[coughing]
The chili,
Oh, I should have known,
Oh, the chili,
Oh, ah,
[coughing]
-What is that? -Tequila,
Margarita, don't you like it?
-I wasn't expecting that, -Well, okay,
Have some sopapilla with honey and that will cut the heat,
[sighs]
Thanks, Mrs, O,
-There, -[sighs]
Now see, that's better,
[sighs]
Are you here on holidays?
No, Yes,,, maybe?
Well, I think I, I think I'm going to go lie down for a nap,
It's been a long, long journey,
[groaning]
God,
I'm pretty sure the woman just tried to poison me,
[gentle acoustic guitar music]
-[dogs howling] -[owls hooting]
[owl hooting]
[groaning]
-[dog barking] -[coins clanking]
[phone beeping]
-[phone ringing] -[Joe] Yes?
-Joe? -Pat!
[dramatic music]
Where the hell are you?
Where the devil are you?!
Ah, Joe, so, um, I started doing what you asked
in delivering the cases, but, um,
but these guys started following me, Joe,
and then the police were coming straight at me,
So, I had to take a quick detour,
Do you still have the suitcases with you?!
I do, I, I, I have the cases,
Um, and I haven't looked in them like you said,
No, you listen to me, get those suitcases back here,
I will bury you with my own bare hands!
Where the hell are ya?!
Joe, I'm in New-- I'm going to have to call you back, Joe,
[light dramatic music]
Okay,
505,
[light suspenseful music]
[clears throat]
Fred is no longer with us,
Fred was untrustworthy,
Lord,,,,
please don't let that be Freddie in there,
[suspenseful music]
-[uplifting music] -That's not Fred!
That's not Fred!
Oh, sweet Lord on high,
Thank you for making the contents
of these here cases not Fred,
[Irish themed upbeat music]
[sighs]
One million,
300,000,
And two dollars,
Two dollars,
[laughs] Oh, my,
Mrs, Ortega, Mrs, Ortega,
Make me some mashed potatoes and steak, yeah?
And some of those little pastry pillows with the honey?
But we don't have no steak,
We only have lamb chops,
-Wonderful, -[chuckles]
-Lamb chops for two, -Mm-hmm,
Won't you join me, Señora Ortega?
-Ooh, -It's on me,
-[gasping] -And now, missus,
let's forget about the tequila, yeah?
-Oh, -Your finest bottle of champagne,
-Actually, make it two, Señora, -Oh,
-And then, Señora, -Uh huh?
I think I'm going to be staying here for a while,
-Hmm, -I like it here very much,
-I like that, too, -Very much indeed,
Hmm, a little nap did a whole
wide world of good, Señor Keeley,
[chuckling] Mrs,, I'll tell you what, just goes to show you,
when the world seems at an end,
shut your eyes, open them again,
-[snaps fingers] -Hmm,
-And everything seems anew, -Mm-hmm,
-Oh, and, uh, -Uh huh?
Hold the green chilies, will you?
-Please, madam? -Ah,
-This is excellent, -Yes, you like it?
Yes, I do, I like it,
["I Wish You A Merry Christmas"]
[muffled talking]
-No, -With nobody to cook with,
[chuckling]
[muffled talking]
-Merry Christmas, -Merry Christmas,
[Mrs, Ortega] And Happy New Year,
Right, gentlemen,
I know where last month's drop is,
Santa Fe, New Mexico,
We're going to Mexico?
No, New Mexico, That's a state,
Mexico's a country, two different places,
-Yeah, boss? -Go there,
Bring back the money, but leave the kid there,
Leave him there?
What do you mean, boss?
He could squeal,
When I say leave him there, I mean get rid of him,
How do you want us to do this, boss?
You know I really do not care,
Humanely, No, no, no, strike that, strike that,
He's giving me personal grief,
So, as inhumanely as ticks your fancy,
but just make sure that it is done right,
Now these are your plane tickets to Albuquerque,
You take the train from Albuquerque to Santa Fe,
Right?
-[light music] -[birds chirping]
[sniffing]
Good Lord,
Well, 10,000 dollars, technically is mine,
I mean, I'm going to get it back to Joe at some point,
Eventually,
Consider it an advance,
-[soft music] -Morning, Mrs, O,
Uh, Señora, tell me this, Where would a young man on the town get some nice threads?
-Huh? -Oh, clothe,
At the mall, That's the best place,
Many shops,
I can drive you,
Well, that'd be great, yeah, Thanks very much, Señora,
Perfect,
-[upbeat music] -[muffled talking]
[Irish themed upbeat music]
Woo,
[laughs]
I like it,
That'll do,
[phone beeping]
I'll just clear up this entire thing with Joe,
Get the money back to him,
He'll understand,
[phone ringing]
Yes?
Oh, it's you, is it?
No, you shut up and listen to me,
You thick Mick, do you seriously think
you can steal from me, eh?
Nobody does that, nobody!
Now it may please you to know that two associates of mine
left last night to track you down,
You see, I happen to know where exactly you are,
Don't ask me how,
You are in Santa Fe, New Mexico,
So believe me, it's not going to be the police that gets here
or the immigration authorities, it will be me,
And don't even think about going to the police
because I have tentacles that can reach into any
jail cell anywhere in the world,
So, I just wanted to say this to you, Merry Christmas,
and do enjoy the last few hours of your life!
[phone line cuts off]
[dramatic music]
-Oh, -[groaning]
-I'm so sorry, Miss, Let me help you, -Help, you want to help me?
Help me find a Santa Claus,
We just lost ours and look at that line of kids,
Flaky actors, I hired that guy six months ago,
and he just doesn't even show? [sighs]
-He's coming, -Where's Santa?
[sighs] It's like-- wait a minute,
You'd do just fine,
Oh, no, no, no, miss, I've got to go--
-No, no, no, You're perfect, -No, I can't,
Everything okay here, Emily?
I was just explaining to our new Santa Claus here where
he can change into a suit,
-Right, Santa? -Yeah,
-That's right, officer,
Okay, come on,
What am I doing?
[suspenseful music]
Wait, this is brilliant,
I can hide in plain sight,
[phone buzzing]
Yes, sir,
Yes, sir, Agent Martinez is right here with me,
Yes, we were briefed this afternoon,
We know who we're looking for,
We can be in Santa Fe in one hour,
We're on our way now,
Sir?
[sighs]
Okay, just put this,
[Emily] Ooh,
[groans] Make it kind of-- yeah, that's good,
-Well, -Wiretap confirmation,
We have two of O'Brian's gang members
making their way up to Santa Fe now,
O'Brian with 'em?
Nope, for now, it's just Jim Kelly and Sebastian Shew,
-Oh, -We also do have video
surveillance footage of a white male, six feet tall,
dark hair, leaving out of O'Brian's
carrying two black briefcases,
You're not a psycho or anything, are you?
You don't look like a psycho,
I'm Emily, by the way,
Yes, I gathered that you are Emily,
-I'm Pat, Pat Keeley, -[children cheering]
And, uh, no, I'm not a psycho,
Yeah, I kind of figured you weren't,
-Pleased to meet you, Pat, -Nice to meet you,
Ah, you look perfect,
We'll take care of your paperwork later today,
That way, if you work out, we can get you paid,
Okay,
[children talking over each other]
All right,
Whatever you do, don't show fear, or they'll tear you apart,
Nice accent, by the way, It's a charming touch,
[light music]
Blood-thirsty maniac little children
or be killed by what's probably a gangster and his thugs,
skinned alive by the sharks,
-Ha, -[Emily] Here we go,
[Patrick] And what would you like for Christmas, little girl?
-Okay, -[woman] Smile,
[camera clicking]
["Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy" by Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky]
Yes,
Yeah,
This is going really well, Emily,
[Emily] Next, okay,
[Patrick] Thanks,
[Emily] Thank you so much,
All right, Tell Santa what you want for Christmas?
Have a good think, now, think long and hard,
And I want an airplane,
One that flies, and a speedboat, and a yacht,
A yacht isn't the same thing as a speedboat, you know,
[speaking gibberish]
[Patrick] Really, nice!
[speaking gibberish]
And a candy factory and an elephant,
A real elephant, not one of those stuffed toys,
A real live elephant,
[speaking gibberish]
Then it don't work, it don't work,
Merry Christmas, little buddy,
What do you want from Santa this year?
Oh,
He can have fire,
-He has fire? -Yeah,
That's an interesting choice of present,
-Yeah, -Mm-hmm,
Uh, [clears throat], I can't make any promises,
I don't really know,
You don't know?
Hey, are you listening to me?
Santa, I think you should be writing this down,
My dad's a lawyer, you know? If I don't get what I want,
he's going to sue the pants off you, fat man,
-[groaning] -Merry Christmas!
[camera clicking]
-[child crying] -Hello,
What do you want for Christmas?
[child crying]
¶ Up on the housetop Reindeer paws ¶
¶ Out jumps good Old Santa Claus ¶
¶ Down through the chimney With lots of toys ¶
¶ All for the little Girls and boys ¶
¶ Ho, ho, ho, who wouldn't go ¶
¶ Up on the housetop Click, click, click ¶
¶ Down through the chimney With old Saint Nick ¶
[Patrick] Well, done, Merry Christmas,
¶ Look in the stocking Little Bill ¶
¶ All you see What a glorious fill ¶
¶ Here is a hammer And lots of tacks ¶
¶ A whistle and a ball And a whip that cracks ¶
¶ Ho, ho, ho, who wouldn't go ¶
¶ Up on the housetop Click, click, click ¶
¶ Down through the chimney With old Saint Nick ¶
[cheering]
-Yay, -Go, Santa!
Well done! Give me a hug,
Merry Christmas, son,
-Merry Christmas, Santa, -Bye,
Merry Christmas,
Oh, wow, wow, wow,
You were surprisingly great, like,
way better than that other actor I hired,
Are you up for it again tomorrow?
And, for say, the next couple of weeks
up until Christmas Eve? Will we see you tomorrow?
Please, please, please,
-Sure, why not, -Oh, thank you,
-Let me get your paperwork to fill out, okay? -Uh, actually, Emily,
Is it, is it, um, is it okay if I take it home?
Sorry, I'm just really tired, It's been a long day,
Sure, no problem, Just make sure you bring it back with you tomorrow, okay?
-I will, -I can't get you paid without it, don't forget,
-I won't, -Okay,
-Thank you, Emily, -Thank you for today,
-Thanks, Officer Ryan, -[Emily sighs]
Wow, wow,
-Right? -He was so good,
[chuckles]
-Surprised me, -Yeah,
[people talking over each other]
[door clanking]
-Ah! -Ah!
It's okay, Mrs, O, It's me, Pat,
Oh, you gave me a fright,
Sneaking up on me like that,
And what with the disguise?
Or are you just that taken with the Christmas spirit?
Well,
I kind of got a job today unexpectedly,
The mall manager asked me to be their Santa Claus,
-[gasping] -I know, it's just,
they couldn't find one and they were tight on time,
So, I ended up being their Santa,
Yeah, I mean, I actually worked pretty late
so I just walked home,
It's not that far, Señora,
Well, we can't be without a Santa this close to Christmas,
-That is true, -That will be a disaster,
My friend, Officer Ryan, he works at the mall too,
you know, for the holidays, for extra cash,
I need to bring him some of my green chili,
It's his favorite,
Yes, fantastic stuff that green chili,
[Mrs, Ortega chuckles]
I'll take him some on Christmas Eve,
I know he's working that night,
Hmm, that will cheer him,
[chuckles nervously] I ran into that good officer today,
-Oh, yeah? -Yeah, he's memorable, that one,
-Hmm, -You know, ma'am, I have actually
a couple of things to do in my room, So, I'll just catch you later,
Would you like something to eat?
Uh, no thanks, ma'am, It's okay, thank you, thanks,
Okay, well, I'm going to retire myself,
-It's been a long day, -Okay,
[light suspenseful music]
[thudding]
Well, hey, where is he? He could be anywhere,
Yeah, not too many places to hide in this town,
It's the size of a postage stamp,
Well, that's-- yeah, if he's still even here,
Oh, he's here, the boss just texted a little a while ago,
Said that kid called from a 505 area code again,
that rat's here somewhere I can feel it,
Well, I mean, let's go to where the action is,
maybe he's trying to lose himself in a crowd,
Well, there's some lights down there,
that must be the center of this village
or whatever they call it,
Maybe there's a restaurant, I'm starving,
[Jim] Hold your horses, we'll eat later,
-[Seb] I could eat a horse, -You're sick,
[Seb] Well, I think I ate one once,
[triumphant music]
[sighs]
[festive music]
[muffled talking]
[camera clicks]
All right, you're off to a Merry Christmas, darling, yeah?
-Have a good one, -Thank you,
-Bye, now, -Bye now,
See you,
You need a little break?
Yeah, okay,
[sighs]
Santa will be back in 15 minutes, kids,
-Okay? -[kids groaning]
Come on, let's go get you some hot chocolate,
I know Santa will be right back,
He just, he needs a little break,
¶ Oh, what fun it is To ride in a one horse-- ¶
[Emily] Here you go, here's your hot chocolate,
Thank you, that's very kind of you,
You are really very great with them,
I am so happy you agreed to do this,
I mean, we were in a real pinch,
Emily, I'm actually loving this,
-Yeah? -I'm having a great time,
-Yeah, -I'm really glad,
-Yes, -Oh, do you have
your employee paperwork filled out?
Uh, no, I don't, no,
Oh, Pat, I need your tax form completed so I can pay you,
No, [stuttering], you don't need to pay me,
I'm happy to volunteer, honestly,
-I really am, -I can't let you do that,
I mean, I practically kidnapped you against your will
to do this in the first place,
Emily, look at it as a friend helping a friend, yeah?
Christmas gift, Me helping the damsel in distress,
That is really, very generous of you,
I mean, we're taking up so much of your time,
Look, please, can I at least take you to dinner?
Um, yeah,
Sure, why not?
-Yeah? -Yeah,
Yeah, great, Uh, we can have dinner tomorrow night,
It's Sunday and we close early,
Uh, meet me at the plaza, let's say six o'clock?
-Sounds good, -Okay,
[Emily] Hmm,
Should we go?
-Yes, yes, goin' now, -Yeah,
[Emily] Just go to the kids,
-Beard, -Oh, yeah,
-Yup, see you out there, -[light music]
-[muffled talking] -[sighs]
[Patrick] What am I going to do now?
Can't go out with Emily wearing the Santa suit,
What if someone recognizes me?
[soft music]
[Patrick] Mrs, Ortega, I'm back,
Oh, Mrs, Ortega,
I'm sorry, Señor Pat,
I normally don't do this,
But this time of the year,,,
I'm so lonely,
[sniffling]
It reminds me, [crying]
[somber music]
¶ Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ra ¶
¶ Too-ra-loo-ra-li ¶
¶ Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-Ra ¶
¶ Hush now, don't you cry ¶
¶ Over in Killarney ¶
¶ Many years ago ¶
¶ My mother sang This song to me ¶
¶ In tones so sweet and low ¶
¶ Just a simple little ditty ¶
¶ In her good old Irish way ¶
¶ And I'd give the world If she could sing ¶
¶ That song to me this day ¶
¶ Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ra ¶
¶ Too-ra-loo-ra-li ¶
¶ Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ra ¶
¶ It's an Irish lullaby ¶
[gentle music]
[light dramatic music]
[soft music]
Hola, my son,
What brings you in at this hour?
Saw in a movie once that, um,
devilish beings can't go to church,
It's a sanctuary,
So I suppose I'm here for that, a sanctuary,
Santa Fe in English means holy faith,
So I think it's unlikely you'll find any monsters
in such a holy city,
Tell me, are you a man of faith, my son?
I was raised in a church, Father,
But I haven't been here in years,
It's okay,
You're here now,
Oh, [chuckles],
I'm Padre Esteban, by the way,
Pat,
You seem troubled, Pat,
You want to talk about it?
I'm a good listener,
It's part of the job,
-[light music] -Well,,, [sighs]
I've gotten myself into a real pickle, Father,
That's my fault,
I did something I knew it was wrong,
but I agreed to do it anyway,
And now I'm in trouble,
Real trouble,
Then why did you do it?
Because,,,
this man, he was the closest thing
I've ever known to a father,
Actually cared about me, for me, wanted the best for me,
I thought he was a good guy,
I just feel like a fool,
People will disappoint, but you must remember, Pat,
Equally, people will not disappoint,
In fact, they will surprise you with their kindness
and the willingness to help you,
And you, you shouldn't feel like a fool,
It sounds to me you did this act, whatever it is,
out of love and that never makes you a fool,
But I am a fool, Father,
[chuckles]
All you have to do for help,,,
is ask,
After all, this is the city of holy faith,
So have faith, Pat, hmm?
What about you, Father?
I mean, if you're the one always doing
all the listening, who listens to you?
[chuckles] No one's ever asked me that,
-[laughs] -[sighs] Go on, Father,
Try me, go on, who listens to you?
What's going on?
Okay,
Here goes young Pat, hmm,
Our parishioners have not been able to donate very much
at all this year for the toy drive,
We try to put on a big Christmas celebration
for the less fortunate children in town,
[Patrick] Mm,
[sighs] Especially those who do not have families,
but this year, hmm, I don't know what we're going to do,
-You seem troubled, Father? -I am,
They so look forward to this all year,
For some of them, it's all they have to look forward to,
And I confess,,, [chuckling]
,,,it gives me joy to do this for them,
My heart aches for them all, but when I see the happiness
on their faces then I know it helps,
So, what will you do?
Pray and I believe
God will provide,
After all, Father, it's a city of holy faith now, isn't it?
-[light music] -[chuckles]
Thank you, my son,
[Jim] Now that's what I call a church,
Look at that, [chuckles]
-Come on, let's go in, -Hey, wait, wait, wait,
-Let's go get a churro, -What's a churro?
I don't know, but, you know, it's going to be sweet, it's going to be great,
-No, no, Come on, -And I'm starving, Come on,
Come on, man,
[suspenseful music]
Hey, how are ya?
-Two churros please? -One churro, I don't--
-Come on, man, -I don't want one,
[Seb] You haven't eaten in like, three hours,
That's crazy,
Here you go,
Oh, it's warm, this is excellent,
-It's like a donut, but-- -Yeah,
[Seb] You know like, um, cinnamon--
-Come on, -Churros,
You don't want a bite?
[trashcan thudding]
Hey, Let's see if we can lift some prints off these at the lab,
Yeah, these knuckleheads are around here somewhere,
¶ Jingle bells, jingle bells ¶
¶ Jingle all the way ¶
¶ Oh, what fun it is to ride In a one-horse open sleigh, oh ¶
¶ Jingle bells, jingle bells Jingle all the way ¶
¶ Oh, what fun it is to ride In a one-horse open sleigh ¶
¶ Dashing through the snow On a one-horse open sleigh ¶
¶ Over the fields we go Laughing all the way ¶
¶ Bells on bob-tails ring Making spirits bright ¶
¶ What fun it is To laugh and sing ¶
¶ A sleighing song tonight, Oh ¶
¶ jingle bells, jingle bells Jingle all the way ¶
¶ Oh, what fun it is to ride In a one-horse open sleigh, oh ¶
¶ Jingle bells, jingle bells Jingle all the way ¶
¶ Oh, what fun it is to ride In a one-horse open sleigh ¶
[cheering]
-I actually love it, -Merry Christmas, kids,
Merry Christmas,
Well done, Merry Christmas,
[chiming]
[Emily] So, yeah, my folks on the mall,
I'm in charge of marketing and PR of special events,
you know, stuff like that,
I've been doing it now for about two years,
Well, since I graduated college anyways,
-Wow, college, -Yeah,
-Very fancy, -Thank you, [chuckles]
I didn't go to college actually, I mean, I didn't like school,
I wasn't very good at math,
I hated history, um, the less I learned religion, the better,
[Emily laughing]
[Emily] Well, there must have been something in school you liked,
Singing,
-Huh, -I like singing,
I grew up singing in the church choir, made me feel useful,
Hmm, well, I'm sure that made your parents very proud,
Yeah,
I, uh, don't have parents,
So in my country, in Northern Ireland,
we had a thing called The Troubles, and my dad died
in a war-type activity,
My mom was pregnant with me at that time so she gave me up,
So,,, [sighs]
,,,yeah, that's what I've been told anyway,
There you have it,
Well, I am sure your parents would be very proud of you,
-Thank you, -Yeah,
Hey, I know what you need,
[Patrick] Hmm,
-Hot cider, -I like cider,
-You do? -I do,
Okay, I'll be right back with two cups, don't move,
-I will not, -Okay,
You will find me right here,
Freezing cold,
Really cold,
[light music]
I can't keep this charade up much longer,
Please help me,
-I'm running out of ideas, -[chiming]
I love this time of year, don't you?
Didn't used to,
Really?
What changed?
-I became Santa this year, -[chuckles]
You let me know if I can help out, kiddo,
You're such a charming guy, You've been in town such a short time
and you already have friends,
Yeah, it's pretty magical around, isn't it?
Hmm, yes, so you didn't finish earlier,
What brought you from New York to Santa Fe?
Well, I went searching for new opportunity,
and who was it that said go west, young man?
[laughing]
[Spanish themed guitar music]
Thank you,
[foot stomping]
[Joe] You're a dead man,
I happen to know where exactly you are,
Can we switch places?
-Oh, uh, -It's just that it's
not very gentlemanly of me to not block you from the air,
[stuttering], the draft from the front door, the draft,
Oh, it's okay, I don't really feel a draft,
Oh, no, there's definitely a draft, absolutely,
-Oh, okay, -Yeah, yeah,
Oh, it's really, very thoughtful of you,
It's me, thoughtful Pat,
[blows out]
It's very chilly in here, isn't it?
-I can't, -[clears throat]
Do you mind if I wear this?
[light jolly music]
Oh, do you want me to get your coat from the hostess?
No, no, no, No, it's fine, it's fine,
Your body heat actually leaves from your head,
so it's amazing how comfortable a hat can make you feel, yeah,
Marvelous feat of engineering really,
Okay, whatever you say,
I, uh, I'm actually going to go to the toilet, Emily,
I've got cider all over my hands, it's really sticky,
Yeah, I'll order you a drink while you're gone,
you really seem like you could use one,
-Right, thanks, -Yeah,
[sighs]
Okay,
Jackass,
[toilet flushing]
[Seb] Oh, I feel like something crawled
-inside and died-- -Yeah, well you shouldn't have put all that
extra pepper sauce on your chili,
[Seb] Oh, it's like I ate battery acid,
Yeah, let me remind you, you're the one who said you
just had to eat something again,
You should've listened to me, you should've had what I had,
[Seb] Oh, a yak burger?
That's right,
You know what you're problem is, my friend?
If you're going to eat the way you eat,
you got to expand your horizons,
You got to, you got to educate your palate,
you got to eat more international cuisine,
you should've had the yak burger,
[Seb] But where yak's from?
Well, they're from, uh--
-Where? -Over there,
-Over where? -Ah! Why does it matter where they're from?
Just finish your business, will you? We got to get out there and find this kid,
-Come on, -Good evening, sir,
So glad I ran into you,
Excuse me, do I know you, pal?
Oh, I know you,
Listen, I need a little help,
I have a bet with a friend out there about
the lyrics to a Christmas carol,
Help me out, will you?
I came in here to stall for time,
I just, I can't think of the words,
-Yeah, I'm sorry, I don't know any Christmas songs, -[toilet flushing]
Oh, come on, Everyone knows Christmas songs,
-We don't know any Christmas songs, -What's wrong with you, Jimmy?
come on, we got to get out there,
Sorry, excuse me,
Have you seen this guy?
-Okay, -Oh, [chuckles]
Look at that,
Matches my beguiling chapeau,
[chuckles]
Yes,
Indeed, I have seen the young lad,
-Where? -Where?
Well, you help me, I help you,
All right, all right,
What song do you need to know?
12 Days of Christmas,
-Oh, that's a good one, -12 Days of Christmas, Yeah,
I know it but I don't-- do you know it?
No,
Well, sláinte,
-Cheers, -Oh, yeah, cheers, [chuckles]
[glasses clinking]
¶ On the first day of Christmas My true love gave to me ¶
¶ A partridge in a pear tree ¶
-POC, -POC?
-Piece of cake, -[laughs]
So, aside from your willingness to daunting cheerfully
colored head gear, why are you such a good Santa Claus?
No, no, I mean it,
Have you done this before?
No, no, no, no, no,
I have never done this, Emily,
Um, to be completely honest with you,
when you put me on that chair the first day,
I was pretty terrified,
It's not, "Gave",
-[Seb] What? -It's, "Sent", it's, "My true love sent to me",
-Is it? -Uh-hmm,
-Are you sure? -Sent, gave,
What's the difference? Come on, what's next,
-Come on, come on, -Okay, uh, [humming]
¶ The second day of Christmas My true love gave to ¶
-¶ Sent ¶ -Ah-hah!
¶ Sent to me two turtle shells ¶
It's not shells, you bonehead,
-Even I know that, -What else does a turtle have to give?
I never experienced the Santa as a child,
We didn't have a mall that he'd come to,
I didn't have a chimney that he could come down so,
whenever he didn't come, I just sort of gave up hope,
It's turtle doves, you idiot,
Even I know that, turtle doves,
What's a turtle dove?
Is that a turtle that flies?
That would be something, all right,
-[laughing] -Is it a dove with a shell?
But when you put that first that kid on my lap,
I had this overwhelming sense of, "I will
not let these children down",
I can't do it,
You certainly have not disappointed, Pat,
[chuckles]
Oh, Emily, if I can give these kids happiness and hope
that the Christmas spirit still exists, it's still there,
Then it's worth it, And to be honest, they inspire me,
It's a, it's a bird, it's not a turtle, it's a bird,
It's a type of bird, it's a dove,
-Are you sure? -It doesn't have a shell,
it has wings, it's a bird,
Are you sure?
You know where we are? New Mexico,
Government labs, they do special things here, experiments,
I've read about it online,
They take a mouse head and they put it on a fish,
I got one word for you,
-Cabbit, -Cabbit?
Half cat, half rabbit,
-[laughs] I read that too, -See?
So, em, what about you?
What inspires you, miss?
Ah,,,
travel magazines,
-Really? -Yeah,
[laughs] This is getting complicated, guys,
Is there any way that you can just
write all this down for me?
Yeah,
I've never been anywhere except for away to college,
Heck, I've never been out of the county,
¶ Five golden rings ¶
You know, I really,
I really want to travel and see the world someday,
¶ And a partridge In a pear tree ¶
Good, good, good, good, we got it, Here you go, my little friend,
He's gone,
[chuckles]
That'll make that two idiots in a public johnny,
Well, it's two turtle doves, you know,
[suspenseful music]
And where would you go first?
[Emily] Ireland, I think,
-No, -Yeah,
-You're joking me, -No, I'm not joking,
[chuckles] Why Ireland?
The people there seem very nice,
Yeah, yeah, I like the Irish,
[soft guitar music]
[Patrick] I'm back, Mrs, O,
Hey,
Mr, Pat, I'm glad that you're back,
The most exciting thing happened,
-Yeah? -The FBI came
with badges and everything,
Whatever for, Mrs, O?
Well, they say they traced a phone call
from here to a known criminal,
Isn't that exciting?
Don't you think so?
-Yeah, -Something about a big money laundering ring,
I, I, I don't really know what that means,
but I know it's real bad,
Uh, listen, I'm actually, uh, I'm going to hit the hay, yeah?
I'll see you tomorrow,
Oh, goodnight,
[festive music]
[Patrick] What would you like for Christmas, Maggie?
A baby dolly with curly hair,
Is that all you'll be wanting though?
Sure,
I love you, Santa,
[Patrick] Santa loves you too, Maggie,
You leave out some milk and cookies now, okay?
Merry Christmas, yeah?
I'll see you next year,
Bye,
[sniffles]
-Take a seat, -Hello, little boy,
What's your name?
Vincente, you can call me Vin,
Oh, Merry Christmas, Vin,
And what would you be wanting from Santa?
A mom or a fire truck, [chuckles]
Fire truck, I mean, I totally get--
Sometimes a man just needs a fire truck,
Never know when it'll come in handy,
But the mom, why the mom?
I live in a group home,
There aren't any fosters right now,
[light music]
I tell you what, Vin, will you do me a favor, yeah?
-[Vincente] Mm-hmm, -Can you go back here tomorrow?
But tomorrow's Christmas Eve,
Won't you be busy?
Yes, Vin, I'll be very busy,
so you better make sure you come back tomorrow, okay?
I will, Santa,
All right, Merry Christmas, Vin,
You too,
Hey, Emily, we're going to close shop early tonight,
We have a few things to do,
-[joyful music] -That's a beautiful fire truck,
Okay, well,
[Patrick] Catch it, overhead,
-[grunts] -Okay,
Pretty good,
They really love these,
[man chuckles]
[soft festive music]
["Deck the Halls" by Nat King Cole]
¶ Deck the halls With boughs of holly ¶
¶ Fa la la la la, la la la la ¶
¶ 'Tis the season to be jolly ¶
¶ Fa la la la la, la la la la ¶
¶ Don we now our gay apparel ¶
¶ Fa la la la la, la la la la ¶
¶ Troll the ancient Yuletide carol ¶
¶ Fa la la la la, la la la la ¶
¶ See the blazing Yule before us ¶
¶ Fa la la la la, la la la la ¶
¶ Strike the harp And join the chorus ¶
¶ Fa la la la la, la la la la ¶
¶ Follow me in merry measure ¶
-¶ Fa la la la la, la la la la ¶ -Excuse me,
-Is that green chili? -It is,
Green chili is my favorite,
¶ La la la la ¶
Green chili is my favorite too,
-Mm-hmm, -And I make the best,
We have a lot in common,
¶ La la la la ¶
¶ Follow me in merry measure ¶
¶ Fa la la la la, la la la la ¶
I am Mrs, Ortega,
I'm Vincente,
Do you know what we call red
and green chili together, don't you?
Christmas,
Yes, that's right,
¶ Fa la la la la, la la la la ¶
¶ Heedless of The Wind and weather ¶
¶ Fa la la la la, la la la la ¶
-[Patrick] Bravo! -[crowd cheering]
How is it that we were never friends before?
I don't know,
Oh,
Well, we are now,
We're running into dead-ends here,
The closest we got to anything was
that little fellow in the men's room,
[sighs]
He's in here somewhere, I can feel it,
[Patrick] There you are, go on, Vin, Open it,
Oh, man, thank you, Santa,
-Oh, you're so welcome, -Thank you, I love it,
Excuse me, ma'am,
Excuse me, have you seen this guy around?
No, I don't think so,
Are you sure? Have a look there,
-No, I'm sure, -Yeah, ah,
What's all the hubbub about over here? Ain't it a little late in the game for these kids
to be giving Santa Claus their wish list? I mean, it's Christmas Eve
for crying out loud,
That doesn't matter,
That's the singing Santa,
-The kids just love him, -Singing Santa?
Uh-huh, I've taken my boys three times to see him now,
You know, he is actually giving them presents?
He is, is he?
And he is so cute,
I mean, he has the cutest little accent,
I don't know where they found this guy,
Accent, he's got an accent,
This cute little accent wouldn't happen
to be an Irish brogue, would it?
-Yes, -Yeah,
-I guess so, -Okay,
-Thank you very much, ma'am, -I couldn't quite place it
before, but, [chuckles]
[light dramatic music]
-Pat Keeley! -[suspenseful music]
[chuckles]
[music intensifies]
[screaming]
[Seb] My eye!
[Patrick] Bye, kids, Santa's got to go,
Sorry, it's Christmas Eve,
I'll get you, you double-crossing little twerp,
[Seb] My eyes, my eyes,
I'm blinded, I'm blinded,
[Seb groaning]
-I can't see, -He's going around,
He's going around, come on, Seb,
-[Seb groaning] -Hey, that's my hat!
[Seb groans] I can't see,
-[panting] -[dramatic music]
[jolly music]
[suspenseful music]
Vincente, where are you going?
[muffled talking]
[suspenseful music]
-[car door slamming] -[upbeat music]
-[joyful music] -[muffled talking]
[bell chiming]
-Hey! -Hey, wait!
Who do you think you are, get, get, get, get, get!
-Put it down now, -That's our money,
Put it down, you're a thief,
You're a thief, leave the money!
[suspenseful festive music]
Now that's something you don't see every day,
Well, it's Christmas Eve,
Santa's got a job to get done,
[chuckling]
Good one,
[bell dinging]
All right, hurry, let's go,
[church bell tolling]
[light dramatic music]
[upbeat instrumental music]
Look, Santa's belly!
What?
Okay, this way,
[solemn instrumental music]
¶ O, holy night ¶
¶ The stars are Brightly shining ¶
¶ It is the night of our Dear Savior's birth ¶
¶ Long lay the world ¶
¶ In sin and error pining ¶
¶ Till he appeared ¶
¶ And the soul felt its worth ¶
¶ A thrill of hope ¶
¶ The weary world rejoices ¶
¶ For yonder breaks ¶
¶ A new and glorious morn ¶
¶ Fall on your knees ¶
¶ Oh, hear ¶
¶ The angel voices ¶
¶ Oh, night ¶
¶ Divine ¶
¶ Oh, night When Christ was born ¶
¶ Oh, night ¶
¶ Divine ¶
-¶ Oh, night-- ¶ -Hey, look there go our perps,
¶ Oh, night ¶
¶ Divine ¶
Are you ready for midnight mass, Father?
[light music]
Santa, Santa, is that you?
-[gasping] -[dramatic music]
-Is that my green chili? -I don't know,
Man, it makes me really upset
when people mess with my green chili,
-[grunting] -Come on,
[dramatic festive music]
[Emily] Pat, what is going on?
Get in, get in, get in, get in, get in,
Start, start, start, start, start,
Please start,
Do you even know what you're doing?
[Patrick] Absolutely not,
[firetruck engine rumbling]
Yeah,
-[screaming] -[yelling]
You thought you can get away, you rat,
-Go away, -Come on!
Go away,
-[screaming] -Hey!
[light music]
[Vincente] Hmm,
[joyful music]
[sirens wailing]
[Martinez] Hey, that, that's Jim Kelly hanging
off the side there,
Stop this truck!
-Stop it! -[screaming]
-Where's that money? -[muffled yelling]
-Where's the money? -[Patrick groaning]
You thought you could get away from me, didn't you?
[Agent on speaker] This is the FBI, Pull over immediately,
Did you hear that?
Pat, that was the FBI,
What is going on?
Emily, I'm so, so sorry,
[panting] I started working for this fella
who's partly a criminal and--
[dramatic music]
-Pat? -[Pat screaming]
I, I could have helped,
Officer Ryan, he could have helped,
[triumphant music]
[screaming]
[Jim groaning]
[thudding]
-[sirens wailing] -Stay down,
[Joseph] Help, over here,
Jim Kelly, on your feet,
-[groans] -Who are you?
-FBI, -Ah, Jesus,
-The FBI, we lost them, -[light music]
Aha, Joseph,
-What's happening? -[engine sputtering]
-Wait, wait, it's-- -I don't know,
-Why'd it stop? -Oh, no,
[Emily] What's wrong?
Well, that's anticlimactic,
What sort of fire truck goes out of gas?
It's an emergency vehicle,
What happens if we had an emergency,
Like, like, like, like right now for example?
Well, gosh, Pat, I mean, [scoffs], this is actually the old display truck
the firefighters use to collect toys for charity,
You know, just for Christmas,
Didn't it look a little old-fashioned to you?
Of course, it looked old-fashioned, Emily,
Everything in Santa Fe is old fashioned, all right?
Calm down, Pat, we can figure this out,
What's to figure out, Emily?
When I'll get deported?
I mean, 'cause, you know what? It's not if, it's when,
Oh, actually, I know when,
When I finish my jail sentence in an American prison,
And do you know what?
Joe has like these big long tentacles,
And he's like octopus that like, go through to the jail cell,
He's like this big Irish octopus,
I don't know, He told me so himself,
-[thudding] -Stupid door,
-[Pat screaming] -[Emily yelps]
[reindeer slobbering]
The top of my head all wet and warm, I'm bleeding,
-It's blood, -[man] It's not blood,
It's reindeer slobber,
Dunder, stop eating his hair,
It's not good for you,
I'm sorry about this,
Every now and again he nips at my beard
when he's real hungry,
Dunder?
[man] Well, for you native English speakers,
It's Donner,
Dunder means thunder in Dutch,
[reindeer belching]
See what I mean?
[Santa chuckles]
[chimes]
[light music]
Sir, this is, uh, this is great and all,
but I have the authorities chasing me,
Please, it wouldn't be Christmas if I didn't have
a few run-ins with the police,
I go down strangers' chimneys for a living,
Sometimes it's hard for adults to believe,
They forget,
-Hi, Emily, -Hi,
I don't understand this,
Isn't it obvious, I'm Santa Claus,
You can call me Santa,
-Santa? -Santa Claus?
So if this is real, why are you here?
It's Christmas Eve,
It's real, all right?
Wait a second, I know you,
I've been with you all your life, Pat,
I knew you were special the day you were born,
One of my elves, Alowishus, he alerted me to your unusual
sense of caring, your special gifts,
Look, Pat, I want to offer you a job,
Well, an apprenticeship, really,
An apprenticeship?
-For what? -I'll be 1,750 years old next year,
And my knees just aren't what they used to be,
I could use a little help,
I can't think of anyone I'd rather have on my team,
And Emily provided the most excellent
training ground for you,
Thank you, Emily,
[Emily giggles]
You're welcome,
But why now?
If you haven't hadn't had gone through what you did,
you wouldn't have the same understanding
of the children you do now,
Now, if you choose to come work with me,
you'll live with me up in the North Pole,
Let me be your family,
Let us be your family,
Go, Pat, Go with Santa,
What do you say?
-Yes, yes, I'd love to, -[uplifting music]
[chuckles] I'm so glad, Pat,
Now, we better get going,
[both chuckling]
Just, can I, can I have a minute, Santa?
Yeah,
[sighs]
Thank you, Emily,
You did this for me,
I always knew you'd be my guardian angel,
[chuckles]
It's been grand,
Yeah,
[sighs]
Good luck,
[sniffling]
It has been grand, hasn't it?
[chuckles]
Yeah,
[sighing]
Merry Christmas, Pat,
[Santa] Come on, Pat!
We have work to do,
-[chiming] -[Santa chuckling]
You'll see each other again, sooner than you think,
-Bye, -Bye,
[light music]
Yeah, on Dasher!
On Dancer, on Donner!
-[laughing] -Oh, you know the rest!
Come on, everybody, Let's go, yeah!
[both laughing]
[Santa] Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho,
[festive music]
¶ Deck the halls With boughs of holly ¶
¶ Fa la la la la, la la la la ¶
¶ 'Tis the season to be jolly ¶
¶ Fa la la la la, la la la la ¶
¶ Don we now our gay apparel ¶
¶ Fa la la la la, la la la la ¶
¶ Troll the ancient Yuletide carol ¶
¶ Fa la la la la, la la la la ¶
¶ See the blazing-- ¶
¶ Fa la la la la, la la la la ¶
¶ Strike the harp And join the chorus ¶
¶ Fa la la la la, la la la la ¶
¶ Follow me in merry measure ¶
¶ Fa la la la la, la la la la ¶
¶ While I tell of Yuletide treasure ¶
¶ Fa la la la la, la la la la ¶
¶ Fast away The old year passes ¶
¶ Fa la la la la, la la la la ¶
¶ Hail the new Ye lads and lasses ¶
¶ Fa la la la la, la la la la ¶
["Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy" by Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky]
[Joe groans]
Who did that? Who did that?!
[Joe] I hate Christmas,
[book thudding]
[light festive music]
¶ Over in Killarney ¶
¶ Many years ago ¶
¶ My mother sang This song to me ¶
¶ In tones so sweet and low ¶
¶ Just a simple little ditty ¶
¶ In her good old Irish way ¶
¶ And I'd give the world If she could sing ¶
¶ That song to me this day ¶
¶ Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ra ¶
¶ Too-ra-loo-ra-Li ¶
¶ Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ra ¶
¶ It's an Irish lullaby ¶