( music playing )
- ( faint pop ) - Man: Come on!
- Man #2: Out! - ( crowd cheering )
Chris Evert: And here we go,
Aaron Williams, one point away from ending
this outrageous seven-day match,
Jim Lampley: On this, his 67th match point,
He can end it all with one serve,
- ( grunts ) - John McEnroe: Oh,
Lampley: A weak 30-mph serve into the net,
McEnroe: Seven days of play really taking its toll
on everyone here,
Lampley: Please end it,
( grunts )
Fuck, no,
McEnroe: Jesus, Oh, this is killing me,
The Williams-Poole match,
It wasn't even a match, It was--
it was something else,
It was two men
stuck in eternal flames,
- Referee: Deuce, - Yeah, I know it's deuce,
We all know it's deuce, man,
It was,,,
seven days in hell,
Narrator: It was the most spectacular match
in tennis history,
But to fully understand how these two men got here,
we must first know where they came from,
( babbling )
( rock music plays )
Aaron Williams, thank you for sitting down with us,
- My pleasure, - You're known
- as the "bad boy" of tennis, - No, You know what?
- Fuck this and fuck you, - ( tone beeps )
Evert: Aaron Williams does not play "country club" tennis
because he's from the streets,
I mean, literally,
He was left on a street by his mother
and then was adopted by Richard Williams,
father of Serena and Venus,
Well, with Aaron it was a reverse "Blind Side,"
You know, a rich white family gets a black kid
and makes him play football, Well, we flipped it,
My dad, he took a white kid and made him play tennis,
Narrator: Like his sisters,
Aaron quickly rose to the top of the game,
But the number-one ranking eluded him,
His personal life, however,
has shined bright since his arrival to fame,
Serena Williams: We could go months without talking to him,
He'd hang around a lot in Vegas,
spending a lot of time with Rod Stewart and some magician,
Well, it was me, Aaron Williams
and Rod Stewart going out every night for about 10 years,
crushing pussy and making money,
Narrator: Aaron's chance
to become the top-ranked player in the world
finally came at the '96 Wimbledon finals,
Lampley: What happened at Wimbledon '96
completely changed the trajectory of Aaron Williams' life,
Evert: Will he do it? At 25 years old
finally win Wimbledon and grab
that number-one ranking he so desires?
Lampley: Can he do it?
Can he beat the Belgian, Jens Goossens?
( grunts )
- Lampley: Ace, - Evert: Three points away now,
Lampley: Here comes the guitar,
Evert: He is gunning for that title,
Court announcer: 30-love,
Lampley: Another ace, Are you kidding me?
148 miles per hour,
Evert: He's like, on another planet right now,
- ( grunts ) - ( cheering )
After those three aces, there wasn't one person
who didn't think that a four-bagger was coming,
And with it, a new tennis champion,
Narrator: But what came next was something quite different,
Evert: Here we go, Championship point,
Lampley: It appears he just whispered to himself,
"This is how we do it,"
The hit Montell Jordan song
that Aaron sung backup vocals on this year,
- Evert: Oh! - Lampley: Oh, jeez,
This is not good,
Evert: We just hope he's all right,
You knew right away he was dead,
Lampley: My Lord, I've never seen anything like this,
McEnroe: It was one of the great tragedies of all time
and, technically, it wasn't the impact that killed him,
But the impact gave him
a heart attack and that killed him,
So if you ask me, did Aaron kill him?
I'd say kinda,
The silver lining to that man's death
is that Aaron had set a-- a new speed record
for a serve,
Lampley: If the pressure of winning Wimbledon wasn't enough,
now he's got a dead body on his hands,
McEnroe: Aaron probably should have forfeited after killing a guy,
But he didn't because he's an asshole,
Lampley: Second serve now, after killing a man,
- ( man yells ) - ( crowd gasps )
Lampley: Not a good sign for Williams,
( ball pops )
( crowd cheering )
Narrator: Aaron lost, but remarkably,
killing a man and losing his greatest shot at Wimbledon
and the number-one ranking
still wasn't as low as he would sink that day,
Duke of Kent: Let us start with a moment of silence
for Chauncey,,, Kensington,
who gave his life for the game of tennis,
( applause )
Duke: And now let's hear it for the runner-up,
Aaron Williams,
( scattered applause )
Thanks,
Man, sorry I couldn't win today,
- I thought I was gonna, but,,, - ( man yells )
Aaron: I didn't murder him, He had a heart attack,
( crowd jeering )
Great, Well, you know what? I hate all of you too,
I hate this stupid-ass country,
The food's terrible, There's no hot chicks,
I've seen maybe two, max,
and they were, like, "sixes" at best,
Even then, they'd be way lower
if you put them in an L,A, or Miami
- or even a San Francisco! - Duke: This is an outrage--
- Get out of my fucking way! - ( screams )
He pushed the duke,
You don't shove a member of the royal family
unless your brain is made of toddings,
( laughs ) Sorry for my language,
Narrator: It was the push heard round the world,
( screaming )
( screaming repeats )
( screaming distorted )
The Duke of Kent has been pushed,
( speaking Armenian )
( speaking Korean )
- ( crowd booing ) - ( microphone thumps )
Later, tennis,
Serena: I mean, no one actually thought
he was saying goodbye to tennis for good
because that's a crazy thing to say when retiring,
"Later, tennis"?
Narrator: After this dramatic exit,
he vanished, And it seemed
that would be the last anyone would hear from Aaron Williams,
No one could know that he would return to compete
in the longest and arguably greatest game in tennis history,
( Aaron grunts ) Fuck, no!
Narrator: His competitor in the match
was Charles Poole,
( music plays )
Narrator: When you're a child prodigy,
the cameras start filming early,
British narrator: His name is Charles Lloyd Poole,
and at three years of age,
he's only got the entire tennis world talking,
You've got to be the best, Charles, The best,
Mummy won't love you if you're second best,
British narrator: He's clearly one to watch,
Caspian Wint: If you like tennis,
you will certainly like my next guest,
It is the wunderkind,
Charles Lloyd Poole,
( audience applauds )
Welcome to "Good Sport,"
The rooftops of London
have been a-flutter
with talk that you may be turning pro
before turning 16,
Indubitably,
It would make you the youngest pro in history,
Oh, yeah, indubitably,
McEnroe: It was pretty obvious someone had taught this kid
the word, "indubitably,"
thinking that mixed with his English accent,
it'd make him sound smart,
Charles was by far
the thickest person I ever met,
It was like talking to a child with brain damage,
His mother wanted him to turn pro so badly
that she found a shortcut for schooling,
She sent him to a vocation school
that taught him to be a bloody lorry driver,
I must say, you are looking extremely fit,
Would you mind
lifting-- lifting your shirt so--
so we can inspect the abdominal muscles?
Oh, yeah, indubitably,
It was also obvious the host of "Good Sport"
was interested in him sexually,
( gulps, moans )
I'm not entirely sure that camera
got that,
Crackerjack,
Well, Caspian Wint could be
a bit of a rapscallion,
That guy was a creep, Nobody liked him,
Why do you smell like fire?
Because I rage inside,
like a furnace,
( stammers ) And d-do you have a g--
a girlfriend?
No, but I did have one once,
He was always really sweet and properly fit,
And I know he really did love me,
But, you know, my modeling career was just pff-ff!
♪ Feels good to be a model-- ♪
Besides, even if I had wanted more,
there was just no getting past his mum,
She was an iron fortress around him,
Are you scared of your mother?
No, No, of course not, I-- I love my mum,
I'm not scared of her, I'm not scared of my mum at all,
Wint: Charles,,,
is your mother using you
for her own
dashed dreams?
Oh yeah, definitely,
He's joking,
( Wint, mother laughing )
Louisa Poole: I always liked that Caspian Wint,
He and Charles
always seemed to have a very special connection,
Narrator: Two years after walking off the court,
Aaron Williams finally resurfaced--
in Sweden, of all places--
to become the top of his game once again
at a new endeavor,
( speaking Swedish )
( laughing )
( program music plays )
( TV announcer speaking Swedish )
( speaking Swedish )
( speaking mock Swedish )
Uh, hmm? Yeah?
Yeah,
( program music plays )
( announcer speaking Swedish ) "Den Swedish Hit Show,"
( speaking Swedish )
( chuckles ) No,,,
( crowd cheering )
Lampley: Here comes the guitar,
Announcer: I don't think there's anyone in the world
who doesn't want to have sex with Aaron Williams,
Narrator: With the success of his underwear line
and clearly not missing tennis at all,
it seemed Aaron had landed back on his feet,
but beneath him was again, black ice,
( speaking Swedish )
Narrator: Aaron was hit with thousands of malpractice lawsuits,
A Swedish judge ordered him to pay $12 million
in class action fines or face a decade in Swedish jail,
The Swedish courtroom sketches were just magnificent,
They looked like a wonderful Disney film,
Narrator: Those remarkable sketches were inspired by this man,
Jan Erik Eckland,
a major fan of Disney films
and a prominent Swedish courtroom artist in the late 1950s,
Every courtroom artist coming up after 1955
will tell you they got in the game
because of Jan Erik Eckland,
Before Jan Erik Eckland,
Swedish courtroom sketches looked like any other courtroom sketch,
Jan Erik said, "I want to do something different,
I want to do something fun,"
He comes along and turns the dull settings
into fantastical worlds
complete with anthropomorphic animals
and magical beings,
Narrator: Jan Erik inspired
courtroom artists all over the world
and began a renaissance of courtroom sketching,
And there are certain perks
that come with being at the forefront of your industry,
Jan Erik is driving fancy cars,
sleeping with gorgeous women, He owns a biplane,
This guy was on top of the world,
Narrator: The only thing left for Jan Erik Eckland
wasn't on Earth,
So he built this rocket ship,
He said, "I'm gonna find a new planet with better food
and prettier women and crazier drugs,"
Narrator: The rocket blew up on launch,
So Aaron owed $12 million to the Swedish government
and his inability to come up with the funds
led him into a pit of despair,
AKA, PCP,
( yelling in Swedish )
- Boogie, boogie, boogie, - ( groaning )
Nobody wants to end up in prison,
- ( gate clangs ) - But if you do end up in prison,
Swedish prison's the way to go,
It's a lot like living in a very modern home
with mid-century finishes,
Narrator: And once again, people assumed that was the last
they would ever hear of Aaron Williams,
So, Charles, you're now number two in the world,
You're favored to win Wimbledon,
which would make you number one, How do you do it?
Yeah, well, when I'm playing I serve the ball
and the man opposite me on the other side of the court,
he plays it back to me,
Now, then I try to hit to a place in the court
that he's not standing in anymore,
And if he manages to reach that and play it back,
if it lands short, I run forward
and then I try and get it to another place in the court
that he's not standing anymore,
And sometimes it goes outside of these lines
on the side of the court, And if that happens,
the ump, he shouts, "Out!"
And that's-- that's very bad if that happens to me,
But if it happens to the other player, I really like that,
I understand how the game of tennis is played,
I guess I meant, what's your overall strategy?
Yeah, yeah, Indubitably, yeah,
Okay, You know, Charles,
you-- you can't help but compare your career
to that of Aaron Williams,
And I think it's fair to say there's been a debate
about who's the better player,
Would you say it's you?
Yeah,
( echoes ) Yeah, Yeah,,,
Narrator: That sheepish comment unexpectedly
made it halfway around the world,,,
to an all-male orgy,
( music playing )
( speaking Swedish )
Soledad O'Brien: Would you say it's you?
Yeah,
( speaking Swedish )
( water pattering )
Narrator: And with a seemingly innocuous statement
that should have gone unnoticed,,,
- Yeah, - Charles awoke a sleeping dragon,
( speaking Swedish )
( squawking )
Narrator: Despite the escaped convict,
Charles' fate to be world number one seemed predetermined,
But would it come at the following Grand Slam,
on his home court at Wimbledon?
An Englishman hadn't won Wimbledon since Fred Perry in 1937,
so there was tremendous pressure on Charles to bring the trophy home,
I mean, can you imagine?
Yeah, thank you so much,
Yeah,
Yeah, goodbye, ma'am,
- That was the Queen, - Interviewer: What did she want?
She wanted me to win,
Narrator: With the weight of an entire nation on his back,
Charles stepped up his training to a diabolical level,
♪ Bend me, shake me, rock me, roll me ♪
♪ I'm in overdrive, I'm in overdrive ♪
♪ Hate me, break me, you can't fake me ♪
♪ I'm in overdrive, ♪
Winning the seven matches necessary to bring the trophy home to England
seemed nothing more than protocol,
Until an unexpected guest showed up,
No one expected Aaron to come back to tennis,
I mean, he got that awful tattoo,
Narrator: No one pictured Aaron Williams back on a tennis court
until a young PR man
at the All England Club had an idea,
The All England Club is allowed to admit players through a wild card,
So I proposed we let Aaron play for the press it would bring,
I did not like the proposal one bit,
( distorted screaming )
The duke was furious upon hearing the name,
but cooler heads prevailed when I assured him
Aaron would lose badly after not playing for years,
Not to mention we would have him lose to an Englishman
who was certain to humiliate him,
( laughs )
Narrator: That Englishman was obviously
Charles Lloyd Poole,
Every tennis fan had been dying for these two to play,
It was a guaranteed, epic match,
Not to mention all the trim it would bring,
( applause continues )
The second they entered the stadium,
all the girls would just soak their socks,
Interviewer: Jesus,
Lampley: Just moments ago,
the first to walk onto Centre Court
and prepare to open play for this fortnight at Wimbledon--
oh, my God,
He appears to be wearing some kind of sleeveless,
denim button-down,
McEnroe: Pros are sponsored and given clothes,
Here's the problem, though,
No one wanted to give Aaron an endorsement
until Jordache decided to get in the game,
The spirit of Jordache is one of experimentation,
If I dig that shit,
I think the customer's gonna dig that shit,
That white denim has to go down
as the all-time worst tennis outfit,
I liked his hair and he looked good in the jeans,
End of story,
Look, in the first rounds of any tournament,
you have top-seeded guys playing low-ranked guys
and there's rarely a surprise,
( ball pops )
- ( grunts ) - ( applause )
McEnroe: And the start of the Williams-Poole match
seemed to be going accordingly,
( crowd groans, cheers )
The guy was 30, He hadn't played in years,
Pickard: It looks like he's never played tennis before,
McEnroe: The guy's just dying out there,
- ( distorted groan ) - He looked like an old, faded drug addict,
Which is what he was,
Narrator: Charles effortlessly destroyed Aaron
in the first set in an unprecedented 21 minutes,
It was on course to be over soon,
- But the weather had other plans, - ( thunder rumbling )
Look! It's raining, We have to stop,
- We have to stop, It's raining, - ( crowd groaning )
Lampley: We'll have to continue this match tomorrow,
If you want to catch the end, be sure to tune in on time
because it won't last long,
He played so bad,
Jordache pulled its sponsorship, Thank God,
We lost a lot of money with that endorsement,
and I lost my job,
But I sell pianos now, I fucking love it,
Narrator: The scoreboard said it all,
And the battle would conclude the following day,
Or so we thought,
What happened the second day was nothing short of a miracle,
( grunts )
- ( crowd cheering ) - Lampley: Another winner from Aaron,
- Yeah! - Lampley: This guy has been totally reborn,
Serena: It's like riding a bike,
It just clicked for him on that second day,
Aaron: I couldn't see, Was it in? Did it go in?
- Yeah, - My point?
- Yeah, yeah, it went in, Your point, - Okay, cool,
And that confidence gave him a huge burst of energy,
Lampley: It looks like Aaron's having some fun
with the line judge out there,
Narrator: But others suspected that burst of energy
was from something much more illicit than confidence,
It was pretty obvious
that he had hidden cocaine in his water bottles,,,
- ( sniffs ) - and in his rackets,,,
( sniffs )
- and in his coke necklace, - ( snorting )
And even on the lines of the court,
( snorting )
Copperfield: Seems crazy now, but you gotta remember
this is before cocaine was illegal,
Interviewer: Cocaine was always illegal,
Really?
Oh, we knew he was on cocaine,
It's just that in England it's very rude to point things out,
Narrator: Whatever the reason for Aaron's
sudden energy and inspiration,,,
Lampley: It appears there's a bit of blood
on his wristband from his nose,
Narrator: It led to arguably the greatest tennis of his life,
The match was expected to end quickly,
But Aaron's rally extended the game,
leaving it tied at two sets each,
It would be the first match in tennis history
to go three days,
When I got in, there was a message from the Queen,
( phone beeps )
( woman speaking )
( beeps )
Interviewer: Wow, the Queen of England really wants you to win,
How are you dealing with the pressure?
Will you excuse me just-- just for one second?
You're experiencing something
that is the optimum in tennis,
Narrator: The following day began at the crack of dawn,
And the play was again remarkable,
( crowd gasping )
Lampley: What? Come on!
McEnroe: How'd he get to that?
Lampley: Unbelievable, Are you kidding me?
This is like nothing I've ever seen,
McEnroe: Spectacular!
Absolutely spectacular!
( crowd cheering )
Lampley: Oh, my God!
- McEnroe: What? Come on! - ( cheering continues )
Lampley: I'm gonna go ahead and call that
the greatest point in tennis history,
Pudding: In the fifth set of Wimbledon, there's no tie break,
so you play until one man wins by two games,
be it 8-6, or 9-7,
or 10-8-- or 11-9, for example,
They could theoretically play forever, which is scary
for somebody like me who doesn't much like watching tennis,
Narrator: The match stretched on for eight hours that day,
but neither side was able to claim victory,
( phone beeps )
On day four, Aaron came out completely depleted,
Oh, Jesus Christ, easy,
McEnroe: His legs were like Jell-O,
just two little pudding pops,
Evert: He's collapsed like a baby deer,
No fight in his eyes,
- Out, - Narrator: But just when it seemed
Aaron was on his last breath,
he was granted a gift from the gods,
Evert: Charles up a break, one point away
- from finally ending this, - ( woman squeals )
Lampley: And now this match has it all,
- Evert: Ladies and gentlemen, we've got a streaker, - ( crowd cheering )
Looks like security has her now,
Lampley: Seems Aaron wants to take care of the situation himself,
He's holding his hand out to calm the streaker,
Evert: He's made eye contact with her,
Whoa, whoa, what's going on down there?
Lampley: Whatever he said to her was quite the line, Chris,
What's he doing to her?
Lampley: It appears that Aaron is now
copulating with the random streaker,
Is no one gonna stop this?
Pudding: You'd think that a player would be disqualified
for having sex on the court for over four hours,
but really, there's no rule in the book about it,
So what could we do, but watch?
( cheering, applause )
Pickard: He went down on her for a solid hour at least,
the whole time high-fiving her,
It was like nothing I'd ever seen,
and I'm no stranger to adult films,
Woman: Whoo! That's what I'm talking about,
Court announcer: Quiet on the court, please,
Narrator: For Aaron, the streaker was a life preserver
in a sea of grass and he clung to her for dear life
- until he could no longer hang on, - ( crowd cheering )
Evert: Are they clapping because they're happy it's over
or are they proud of his work?
Lampley: Hard to say, but it looks like
we might actually get back to tennis,
( man yelling ) Whoo!
Evert: Spoke too soon,
We've got another streaker, This one's a dude,
( Lampley laughing ) It appears Aaron is not as happy to see this guy,
Oh, wait,
It looks like he's gonna bone him too,
( crowd cheering )
- ( both panting ) - Lampley: They are having sex,
Well, if you need to stall, this is definitely one way to do it,
- ( both moaning ) - They're letting out a harmonized moan now,
These guys are really in sync,
He-- he came so hard, it made a divot in the court,
- Evert: Looks like they've finished up, - ( crowd cheering )
( female streaker squeals )
Evert: The female streaker has returned for more,
We've got three bodies, two of them naked,
Oh, I think I know how this is gonna pan out,
Lampley: And now Aaron is kissing the female streaker,
And now, the male streaker,
And now he's making the two streakers kiss,
Narrator: The lovemaking lasted until nightfall
and Aaron survived another day,
( camera shutters clicking )
Good morning, Before I get started, I just want to say
I'm not going to apologize for the incidents in yesterday's match,
What happens between two or three people
on the Wimbledon courts is between them,
And it's natural and it's beautiful,
That out of the way, as many of you know,
I've spent years searching for the true identity of my birth father,
I'm an orphan, Adopted,
And,,,
I'm happy to announce that today I have found him,
His name is England's own,,,
Engelbert Humperdinck,
And I'd like to hereby announce
that my performance in this match
will be dedicated to my native home
of Great Britain,
England's true son has returned!
Whoo!
See you on the court,
Look, we all know this, tennis is a head game,
And it was a great move to get in Charles' head,
I mean, the guy's whole identity
was based on being the only British star in the sport,
And suddenly, Aaron had taken that from him,
( grunts )
Court announcer: Game, Williams,
Go, Britain!
He's a phony,
Lampley: The crowd loves him,
I'm the one who's English, Me,
- ( crowd booing ) - Lampley: Seems everyone's turned on Charles,
Pudding: By this point the English had bloody had it with Charles
and they truly believed Aaron was a Humperdinck,
A brother-in-arms,
Narrator: But the abuse directed at Charles
didn't end with the angry spectators,
When he got back to his hotel,
he was greeted by a much more intimidating audience,
( phone ringing )
( female voice slurring )
( Charles speaking )
( Mrs, Poole speaking )
( Charles speaking )
( Mrs, Poole speaking )
( dial tone hums )
( cheering )
I'm British, eh!
- ( truck horn honking ) - ( crashes )
- ( crowd screams ) - Woman: Oh, my God!
( program music playing )
Aaron Williams,,,
has been hit,, by a twuck,
Did something happen to Aaron Williams?
- Man: He was hit by a truck, - He was hit by a truck?
Oh, no,
You have two men competing in a high-stakes match,
One of those men gets hit by a truck,
The other man,,,
is a licensed big-rig truck driver,
- ( camera shutter clicks ) - ( truck horn blares )
But somehow no one thinks to accuse
the guy who's a truck driver,
I'm indubitably concerned about Aaron,
It'd be a great shame if he couldn't play again,
and I advanced and my mum and everyone liked me again,
No comment,
( program music playing )
Against the advice of his doctors,
and anyone with eyeballs--
Aaron Williams checked himself out of his hospital this afternoon
to continue his ludicrous,
now six-day match against Poole,
This is not something to miss,
( crowd cheering )
Evert: Aaron's right-handed
and his right arm is completely shattered,
So it's like, okay, you want to keep playing,
but with what arm?
It appears Williams is now going to attempt
to continue this match with his left hand,
Lampley: I mean, this is just an exercise in stupidity now,
Evert: There's no way this works,
( grunts )
Evert: A left-handed ace? Are you kidding me?
Lampley: This guy can do anything,
( crowd cheering )
Pickard: At this point, sports psychologists
explained it was entirely mental,
No man would ever break the other's serve because, A--
he didn't believe he could, and, B-- he didn't want to,
They had both made a deal with themselves
that this is how they would spend the rest of their lives,
And they were okay with that, And so was I,
Narrator: But in the 196th game of play,
it seemed Charles was ready to break that pattern,
Up for the first time at triple match break point,
Charles had three opportunities
to put an end to the nightmare,
What happened in '98, '97,
I would call the greatest travesty in sports history,
Lampley: Please end it, Please end it,
( grunts )
- ( crowd gasping ) - McEnroe: What the--?
What's going on? It's David Copperfield!
- Evert: Oh, my God! - At that point, you'd just seen it all,
Aaron was in no way responsible,
It was simply a trick gone wrong,
I was supposed to appear on top of the Statue of Liberty,
But sometimes these things just--
well, they just happen,
Pudding: Charles couldn't concentrate after that,
Playing at Wimbledon is hard enough
then add on top of that all the pressure
and fear that a magician might appear on your shoulders at any time,
Narrator: Whatever it was that happened,
it now seemed the match would never reach a conclusion,
- Court announcer: 30-15, - Narrator: Until,,,
( horn blares )
( camera shutters clicking )
- Reporter: Aaron, how are you feeling? - I feel great,
I popped my shoulder back into place
"Lethal Weapon" style, so, good to go there,
And Charles didn't try and hit me with his truck last night,
- ( reporters hooting ) - So that always helps,
Reporter: Charles, what are your thoughts on the sex tape?
What sex tape?
Ooh, you hadn't heard about that?
What sex tape?
Reporter: The one with Aaron and Lily,
- Lily: Is it recording? - Aaron: Yeah, it's on,
It's going,
One doesn't expect this type of thing to be released to the public,
It was,,, rather embarrassing,
Not so much for me, but more for Aaron,
I empathize, I've been there, you know?
I am so disappointed that surfaced
today of all days, you know?
I don't want to distract from the match,
- ( yelling ) - Whoa, whoa, Hey!
It was his biggest secret,
( distorted groan )
He started balding around 13,
Evert: If you're gonna wear a wig,
why would you wear that wig?
( distorted groaning )
If you are gonna wear a wig, that's the one to wear,
- Don't touch my hair, bro! - Don't touch my bloody girl, mate!
- You're dead, bro, - You're dead, mate, You're dead, mate,
- Charles: Ugh! Get off of me, man! - Get off of me, man,
- Get off of me, dude, bro, - I'll see you on the court, mate, dude,
- Get off! - Get off, Get off!
( ball popping )
- ( grunts ) - ( cheering, applause )
Lampley: Would you look at this?
For the first time since 1977,
the Queen is back at Wimbledon,
( applause continues )
( crowd gasps )
( cheering, applause )
You have taken everything from me,
but you will not take this match!
I'm taking your virginity next,
Lampley: This is more of a street brawl than a Sunday at Wimbledon,
Narrator: Finally the tension rose to a boiling point
and the lid was knocked off the pot,
- ( groans ) - Yeah! Come on, motherfucker!
Williams: Bring it,
Whoo!
What did you just do?
What'd I do? I didn't do anything,
I honestly didn't notice anything,
but Charles clearly saw something,
To me, a very clear,
very well done "pussy-eating" sign,
Serena: It did seem unintentional, but knowing my brother,
I'd guess it was very intentional,
Well, if Charles had actually watched the provoking tape,
he probably wouldn't have cared at all,
Pickard: The one-two punch of the sex tape with his girl
and whatever gesture he made,
it was more than Charles could take,
- You want to fight me? - I will rip you in half if you want to go,
McEnroe: This shouldn't be happening at Wimbledon,
- Let's go, - I'll rip you in half, mate,
Lampley: This is not what you want to see,
I will rip you in half,
Queen: No,
- Let them fight, - ( crowd cheering )
( music plays through sequence )
( both yelling )
( crowd cheering )
And that was how it ended,
They killed each other,
( violin music playing )
Serena: They lived to play each other,
They died playing each other,
You know, it only seemed right
that they be buried together
in the same coffin,
( music continues )
I've seen too many dead bodies on the tennis court,
Mrs, Poole's voice: I would have spent more time with him,
but he was obsessed with tennis,
( music continues )
Pudding: They were two of England's greatest sons,
Except for Aaron Williams, who was not English,
Aaron may have died,
but his spirit lives on in all of us,
That was perhaps his greatest trick,
Actually, somebody should say that at my funeral,
That's the perfect thing to say about me,
I really did love them both,
Charles was so dim,
And Aaron was so bad at getting erect,
( music continues )
It would have been incredibly tragic
if these were football players or basketball players,
But it was tennis players, Who cares?
♪ Every day that goes by ♪
♪ The tears that I cry for,,,♪
Do you have any-- any role models?
Oh, yes,
I really look up to Aaron Williams,
He's my favorite tennis player,
and person of all time,
You are a fascinating creature,
O'Brien: Charles Lloyd Poole,
Do you genuinely hate him?
No, no, I don't hate him,
I mean, I respect the shit out of that kid,
It seemed like I hate him,
sure, but hate, love,
I mean, those are just
two flip sides of the same quesadilla, amiga,
The great quesadilla in the sky,
Yeah,
If I die, that should be the last shot, of my dock,
( music playing )
I don't know what the word "strategy" means, Bryant Gumbel,
I'm not Bryant Gumbel, I'm Soledad O'Brien,
I'm at the wrong show,
Putting a tennis player in denim
was the first in a series of bad choices
that I made as president of Jordache,
I sponsored a bunch of Mexican guys who do cockfights,
I started a JonBenét Ramsey line of denim,
after she died,
- Lily: How's it going? - It's good,
Like 25%,
Wint: I would presume
that there's only one way to grip a wacket,
Oh, no, there's loads of ways to grip a racket,
- Do tell, - You can hold it like this
when you want to make
a big shot over the head,
What if it's a very dirty handle?
( slurping )
Last month you crashed your Lamborghini Countach
into your Viper, What happened?
What's the PC way to say I got fucked up with two Puerto Ricans?
There really isn't one,
I got fucked up with two Puerto Ricans, ( laughs )
- Bro, bro, - Mate, mate,
Both: Mate!
Pudding: I actually heard that they dropped the coffin into the sewer,
A friend of mine didn't believe it,
I did believe it, I thought that sounds about right,
Interviewer: How are you dealing with the pressure?
Just got to get a sip of water,
Interviewer: What's wrong with this kid?
It was seven days in hell,
Interviewer: Why are you looking at the lens?
'Cause I think that would make a good title,
"Seven Days In Hell,"