Liberty, this is control, Requesting lunar orbit status,
Control, this is Liberty, Touch down in T-minus 20 and counting,
Approaching Terminator Line,
Roger that, Be advised radio stat on contact,
Roger that, 7/10 plus VGX, landing window is optimal,
Landing vector approved, Initiate 3rd phase,
Begin descend prep, Liberty
Approaching landing coordinates Delta, VGC 7-3-11
Looking good, Landing vector optimum, Touch down in T-minus 12
11, 10, 9,,,
8, 7, 6,,,
5, 4, 3,,,
2, 1,
- And now let's, uh, drop the banners, - Oh, for God's,,, Must we?
- The Eagle has landed, baby! Ha-ha! - Please, keep that fool off the main frequency,
One small step for the man, that's one small step for the man, that's one small step,,,
That's,,,
One small step for the man,,, one small,,,
That's one small step for man, one giant,,,
Aargghh!! Oh, shit!
"Neil Armstrong, look out!" Another quote for the ages,
Man shut your face and help me up!
- Easy now, come on, Come on! - Okay, I got this,,,
- Go! - No-no-no-no-no, stay, stay!
Okay, and,,, and,,, got it,
- Try not to get hurt, huh? - Okay,
Thanks, man,
Hey! What am I supposed to do now?
Why don't you go and set that flag up over there by the rocks,,, whatever,
- We go live in 15 minutes, - Oh!
Okay, No problem, I can do that,
There you are, flag-getty flag, and,,,
and,,, Oh, oh, God, these pants are tight!
Okay,
This one,,, in here,,,
Okay,
NO!!
Oh, God!
No!
What the,,, fuck!
Mission Control I can confirm vast quantities of Helium-3,
- The readings are even stronger this way, - What? You're breaking up,,,
Please be advised, you may be nearing a radio shadow,,,
Adjust communica,,, freq,,,
- No fucking way! - ,,,One,,,
Hey Sand, what you doin' with that thing hopping around over there?
Look, I thought you were supposed to be taking some photos of me?
- Washington, have you got a visual on,,, - What was that, Houston?
- Hey Washington, it's Helium-3, - What?
It's a Helium-3 mine, Get over here! Hey, there's something over here you need to see,
No, Sanders! SANDERS!!
San,,, Ohh!
Oh, God!
Houston! Houston! Son-of-a-bitch, I need to get the hell out of here!!
I must be trippin',,,
Sieg Heil, Moon Youth Unterführerin Renate Richter!
Heil Hitler!
Boys and girls, please sit down,
Dieter, don't you know where to put your behind?
Miss Richter, it's the 65th birthday of the Moon Führer so we should say
"Heil Kortzfleisch"!
You're such an exemplary boy,
Today, we'll start with the most unpatriotic language,
It's the language we need to know when we return to those,,,
who need our help,
In English, now,
Where are we from?
- Siegfried, - The Earth,
Yes, more specifically?
- Gertruda? - Germany!
And when did we leave?
- Brunhilda, - 1945,
- And where did we go? - The Dark Side of the Moon,
Brilliant,
So,,,
- Who is this? - Capitalists!
- And this! - Bolsheviks,
- And all the rest? - Untermenchen!
And, meine Lieblinge,,,
what do we say when we return to Earth?
And those poor, starving children,,,
those uneducated, unloved,,,
unclothed rebels,,,
as they put us, the Master Race,
When we step off our ship,,,
bearing our love,,,
our wisdom, our kindness,,,
Again, meine Lieblinge, what do we say?
We come in peace!
Attention! The National Anthem,
- Heil Hitler! - Hitler,,,
What is that, Mr, Adler?
A spy from the Earth,
I captured him myself, He seems to be the leader of the shock troops,
Mr, Adler, is this,,, is this a joke?
I'll be damned, shit!
What the hell are you?
Brother, man you better recognize?
What, last name Washington, first name James?
I mean, anybody? Anybody?
What, don't you watch the news? Agh!
What do you mean, "What the hell am I?" Man, what the hell are you?
I mean, look at you, man
looking like a Mardi Gras parade reject,
Who you supposed to be anyway? Ah, Prince Harry?
Ow!
Mr, Adler? Mr, Adler!
You speak English, What did he say?
Hey, what does a brother have to do to get a drink around here?
I'm like Serengeti-dry within this beast!
The Great Dictator by Charlie Chaplin,
It is one of the world famous short films,
which illustrates, in just ten minutes, his wish that one day, the entire world would be held
in the Great Führer's wise and gentle hands,
- Any questions? - I have a question,,,
My sweetheart,
Mr, Adler!
In my classroom we adhere to a strictly formal manner of addressing one another,
To what do we owe the honor of this visit?
Mr, Nachrichtenübermittlungsoberführer Adler?
We captured an earthling, Your expertise is required,
- What's up today in the canteen? - I heard, Sauerkraut,
- Again! - Hey!
- Please say that's not true, - Hey!
- Three times a week we eat Führer Sauerkraut? - Sauerkraut, right?
No-no-no, no, no, I love me some Sauerkraut!
Yeah,,,
Yeah,,, and, um,,, kindergarten!
Man, LOVE kindergarten, I mean, mastered in it, actually,
And-and-and,,, Volkswagen! Huh? Fahrvergnügen! Hey!
German words, right? You know, this is it,
Where I come from, we speak German, too, You know what I'm saying,,,
Oh! Damn, you will be sorry you did that, white boy!
Capture him!
No! Capture him!
Don't shoot!
- The fugitive is a male negro - Oh, shit!
unarmed, but possibly angry,
What does he look like?
Where does he come from?
What is he wearing?
How do I look?
Like they say in English,,,
You are a knockout!
How do I get out of here?
Thanks lady, Have a nice day,
No, Mr, Untermensch, That is the,,, airlock, NO!!
You,,, you might want to,,, cover up a bit,
All good?
Klaus! Don't shoot,
- We need him for tests,,, - No, no, no, I wouldn't do that if I was you,
Listen to me, listen to me!
I know a lot of important people! They're very important people,
Look, I even know the President of the United States of America,
Now, now, if you kill me, then that's just a really fucked up situation,
You know the President of the United States of the Americas?
- Take him to Dr, Richter's laboratory, - By your command!
Thanks homie, I'll talk to you later, baby,
Question, what is this apparatus?
Look, man, how would I know? I'm just a model,
- A model what? Citizen? - No, man, a model model,
Damn, what's wrong with you two? You blind or something? Shit,
I'm pretty,
Are you part of the shock troops before the invasion?
Invasion? Man, you all must be tripping,
WHAT IS YOUR MISSION?!!
Look, dude, I just follow the paycheck, you know what I'm saying?
- What is this device? - Oh, that's my kick-ass cellphone,,,
- ,,,and a computer, - What? Umph!
That is not a computer,
This is a computer,
No, man! 'Das',,, ancient history, homie,
Dumb negro,
He talks nonsense,
It might be a dialect,
Probable reason is the skin colour,
Right,
His brain structure is different from us Aryans,
Let's open up his skull and measure the brain,
No, I need to know why he's here,
You have 24 hours, Doctor,
Otherwise I have to rely on an ancient, infallible method,
Pain,
Ridiculous,
Ein Homo terrestris,
Yeah, yeah I'm with you, bones,
I mean, Nietzsche over there's got a attitude problem,
That boy's got a stick so far up his ass he doesn't know
whether or not to shit or turn left, You know what I'm sayin'?
Oh,
That thang got a cell phone, doc? Doc?
Oh, shit,
Man, would you look at this mad scientist doin' all that shit?
Look at him, Well, that boy is in a hurry,
Like Mickey Mouse on crack,
Boy, you don't stop, do you?
Okay, Mini-Mengele, Look man, I don't like the look of this!
You are not comin' here with that, are you?
Don't try to play dumb with me,
It was your bad idea to send those idiots to the Moon,
- Talk about disaster, - Um, not to be the contrarian, Madam President
but I'm pretty sure it was your idea,
It was my great idea had they succeeded, now it's your stupid idea, Got it?
I didn't hire you for your stupid ideas, I hired you because of your Midas touch,
And now my approval ratings are in the toilet and the election is just weeks away,
You dropped the ball, Vivian, You!
Now, I need a miracle, Get me a miracle!
Actually how was sending those two astronauts to the Moon
supposed to get me re-elected? Exactly?
We haven't been to the Moon for 50 years, One of them was black,
- Thought it would look good, - Look good how?
Like I said, one of them was black,
Just think of the opportunity we wasted years ago with that errand boy, Powell? Alan Powell?
- Colin Powell, - That was close,
- And where are you going? - The UN, to do my job,
And what am I supposed to do?
You look so weary, Madam President,
All right, okay,
Here I come, you bitches! You bitchy BITCHES!!
- Mr, Adler! - Klaus, please,
- May I? - Of course,
I've come to discuss our legal union,
- Is that a marriage proposal? - There's no need for marriage,
I received confirmation from the Department of Racial Purity,
Our genetic match is 97%,
Oh, how romantic,
Science demands us to unite physically,
It's our destiny to produce perfect offspring for the people,
And,,, what about my scientific research?
One day, Renate,,,
All this will be ours,
But first, I must conquer the Earth,
Wolfgang, the old fart, stands in my way,
In the way of final victory,
The two of us will take on an enormous responsibility,
Your place, Renate, is by my side,
I feel honoured,
Renate,
Let us march together,
Let me nestle in your eagle's nest,
♪ The flag on high! Eyes tightly closed! ♪
Mr, Adler,,,
Klaus,,,
Here,
This is what you should research,
I made a dog-ear on page 65,
Thank you,
National Socialist manual for sexual intercourse
GÖTTERDÄMMERUNG CONSTRUCTION SITE Gentlemen! The Warship "Götterdämmerung",
Our miracle weapon that has been
under development for 40 years,
The dream of our,,, legendary Führer,
But, unfortunately, only a dream, until now,
Please, Doctor,
Watch this!
This tiny device, gentlemen
has over a thousand times more computing power than our biggest computers together,
I engineered this cable to connect this machine with our main computer,
I call this Universal Systematic Binding,
USB for short,
This will lift it into the air,
At last, gentlemen, the "Götterdämmerung" will fly!
- Yes, - Yes,
Yes,
You saw it!
You saw it with your own eyes!
Please, my Führer, let me return to the Earth,
Let me get more of these devices,
No one has ever returned from such flight,
I will return,
We don't have a choice if we want to execute the Earth invasion,
Are you willing to work with the Führer
stand behind the Wehrmacht,
in the name of the fatherland!
Thank you, Thought my ears were gonna bleed,
You're welcome,
May I,,, ask what your name is?
Washington, James Washington,
- What's yours? - Renate Richter,
It is a pleasure to meet you, Washington,
James Washington,
- I'm Earthologist, - I'm sorry, a,,, a what?
An expert on the planet Earth,
Great, Never heard that line of work before,
Oh, it is very important,
Oh, I am sure it is,
Tell me something, Miss um,,, Earthologist,,,
you ever been to Earth?
No,
But we have sent some Reichsflugscheiben,
Spacecraft,
It is a very dangerous mission,
Nobody has ever returned,
How do you survive in that squatter?
In that,,,? Oh, oh, you askin' me what my job is,
Well,,, I'm a model,
A model of what exactly?
Why do you people keep asking me that question? Look,,,
I am a model, Okay, sister?
I smile, I show my sixpack, people take pictures of me, Period,
- Why would they take pictures of you? - Because I'm HOT, damn it!
I mean, what, you think I'm hot, right?
Right?
I have no idea what your temperature is,
What's wrong with your skin?
Come on now, please, I mean, you have met a brother before, right?
- No, I'm the only child, - No, no-no-no, I didn't mean like that, I meant,,,
a black man,
No,,, and this continues to confuse me, because,,,
you are much blacker than when I first encountered you,
Okay girl, look, Either I'm black or you're blind,
Look, what is going to happen to me?
I mean, what's with this-this-this-this guy that keeps sticking needles in me?
- And what about that other angry dude? - My father's sticking needles into you?
That freaking scientist guy? That's your dad?
And what about, you know,,, RRRRR!
Mr, Nachrichtenübermittlungsoberführer Adler?
- I'm sorry, what? - Klaus Adler,
He's going to be,,, the next Führer,
And my husband,
What, did you lose a bet or something?
I mean,,, Hey,,, look,,, lucky you,
Well, actually, lucky him,
I shouldn't even be here,
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Now, you can not leave me tied up like this,
- Please do me a favor, - What?
- Play a Nazi, - Well, if I don't?
- They will eliminate you, - Oh, great,
No!
Hey, look,,,
Is there a different radio station?!
Looks good,
This will solve our little problem,
I'm coming,
Looks very good!
And now we just,,,
Why don't you take me with you?
Don't worry, darling,
After I've completed my mission, I'll come and get you,
That's not what I mean, I study the Earth!
I know everything about it, You need me,
You sweet little thing, where do you get all those crazy ideas?
From,,, from books, mostly,
Sometimes from films,
I shall return as a hero,
- Heil Hitler! - Heil Kortzfleisch!
- Won't you ever learn? - But of course, my Führer,
We have one more ace up our sleeve,
Show him what we have,
Voila, gentlemen!
Doctor,
Watch closely, gentlemen,
Heil!
Stand up, you fool,
Sieg Heil!
With the prisoner now being one of us, we will go down to Earth,
He will help us to find more telephone computers,
We return, and get the Götterdämmerung flying,
Oberführer Adler, I hope you've discussed my return to the Earth,
- This is the order, yes, - The Reich trusts you,
Thank you, Doctor,
- Take care of your daughter for me, - Yes,
Sieg Heil!
See you in Valhalla,
- You smell that? - No, We don't have time to waste,
Take me to that President of yours,
What? The President?
Come on man, I thought you want me to take you to the Mac store or something,
You said that you would know the President of these United States of the Americas,
Right, of course,
That President,
May I meet this President too?
Renate! What are you doing here?
Hey! Miss Richter! Welcome to my planet,
This is not the place for the mother of the children of the future Führer,
And definitely not the place for a woman,
My place is by my man,
- Get the hell outta my property, - You better get outta here,
Run for it!
Stop the vehicle,
Change of plans,
We walk,
Sounds good, my man,
Ah! A small bus,
Wait-wait, Wait-wait-wait-wait, You don't,,,
Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa,,, Now hold on there, Boss man
That may not be the sharpest move, Look, look, I'll tell you what,
Let me go talk to those guys, all right? They know me, you know, I'm one of them,
Are you with me?
Yeah, now, now you're talking, All right,,,
Now,,,
Oh, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Wassup? Huh?
- Doesn't he know? - No, He'll be thrilled,
We got a little mix-up in here, huh? Seriously man, you don't know how good it is to see you all, man,
- Looks like little Africa part in this piece,,, - Thank you,
Come on, people, you all know me, huh? I know you do!
- Washington! - I mean,,,
That,,,
That ain't one of y'all's, is it? Because I,,, Um, look, man, you ain't got to bring this shit out,
Man, this all good, Look, I'm a peace-loving brother, man,,, fuck it, man! Go! Go!
Are you all right?
Do I fucking look all right to you, miss crazy fucking Nazi?
Ah,,, I mean,,, I mean what the hell just happened?
You know,,, Okay, I may not be wearin' the right colors, but I mean,,, Geez!
A-and then they started calling me white-y!
I mean, why in the fuck would they be calling me white-y?
Oh, no mother-F'in' WAY!!
No, no, no!
Oh,,,
What did you sick sons-of-bitches do to me?
- I should've told you - What? That I look like a fucking polar bear?
I don't,,,
You know what? You two really, REALLY know, how to fuck up a guy's Christmas!
Quiet, YOU FOOL!! Now what is wrong with you!
We made you Aryan, you are one of us now,
- You should be thanking us - Thanking you?
What I should have done is let those brothers come here with their size 15s
and put their foot so far up your ass that you can taste their toe nails for 2 fucking weeks,
Klaus!
Bring me to your leader
James,,, Washington,
Yeah,,, yeah, You got it!
NO!!
I am telling you once again,,,
One moment we receive confirmation
that the ship has landed successfully on the Moon
then next, all communication stopped,
- As though it'd simply vanished, - Or you're hiding something from us?
Yeah, we are hiding something on the dark side of the Moon,
I still find it very difficult to believe that the entire purpose of the mission
was to promote your President's re-election,
Well believe what you like, we had mere senators
spend hundreds of millions on campaigns to get elected to dog-shit-posts,
But Mr, Secretary, the expenses involved this time only make sense
if there was a military purpose,
Okay, lets get this clear,
The United States has no military activity on the Moon,
What about natural resources activity?
We know how the US sometimes mixes them two up,
Is there any chance that you are looking for Helium 3 up there?
Helium,,, 3,,, What,,,? You just made that up didn't you?
That's so silly,
I assume these are just preliminary ideas?
Sir,,, we have a very small delivery window,
- Sir? - Yes, sir,
Ma'am, and,,, this is all,
Anyone who is not the head of a department,,, should leave
You IDIOTS!
You morons! That's an insult to morons,
What is this SHIT?!
I have a meeting with the President of the United FUCKING States of America
tomorrow fucking morning,
not the President of fucking Zambia!
Not the President of the fucking Janitor's Union!
But the President of the fucking country
in which we just happen to all live above the fucking third world!
You pieces of hellacious SHIT!!
What am I suppose to tell her?
That my employees,,, are not intelligent enough
to be fucking morons?
That's beautiful,
I am stepping out to buy a knife,
And when I step back in, I expect to hear something,,,
that is going to get me more happy
than a G-spot orgasm,
Or I will stab you all to death,
with my new knife,
I'm not kidding,
Hey, what the fuck? Excuse me,
Get your fuckin' hands off me, you mother,,,
Get your hands off me,
- You can believe it, is she your boss? - Just be quiet,
Yeah, she's the big cheese,
- And she knows the President? - Oh yeah, yeah, They're real tight,
- No! - God!
Get me out of here, you motherfucker!
You don't fuck with everyone,,,
- I'll send you,,, - Oh, come on,
You fuckin' animal, Do you know who I am? Huh? Do you?
You just kidnapped the wrong woman, The wrong fucking woman,
Oh, yeah, I hope your having a good time, I'm gonna kick your fuckin' ass!
Excellent,
My turn,
I am Commander Klaus Adler of the 4th Reich, We are based on the Moon,
I'm told you know the President of these United States of the Americas,
You will take us to that President, because,,,
- I have a very special present for him, - Him?
Well, he'll loved that, He just loves presents,
As soon as my mission is accomplished,
The Nazi invading forces will be called in under my directions
and we will end the good times for the bad people,
And just how do you propose to do that?
- We'll simply eliminate them, - What?
- Sorry, that is not what we are told, - Renate, I don't think that you,,,
Yeah, Why not?
Why don't you tell this fraulein why we're here,
Just like you keep telling your pupils, hmm?
I would love to do that,
You see,,,
the National Socialist Party is the people's party, nothing more,
We wish to return to Earth with our message of peace and unity,
love through virtue
and kindness, for example,
We are healthy, in mind and body,
Our spirits are brave and true,
And we achieve because we are strong, and disciplined in our cause,
There's simply no belief that can match ours,
Because peace and unity is the gift we bring to all mankind,
- What you and all earthlings need to know is that,,, - Yeah, yeah, I get it, Hedwig,
This is good,
This is gonna work,
You, I need,
And you,,,
I want,
All right, let's go meet the President,
Madam President,,,
Here is the miracle you asked for,
- Who is this man? - He will lead the campaign troops,
Renate, please,,,
This is very simple,
The world is sick,,,
but we are the doctors,
The world is anemic, and we are the vitamin,
The world is weary, but we are the strength,
We are here to make the world healthy once again,
With hard work,,,
with honesty, with clarity, with decency,
We are the product of loving mothers and brave fathers,
We are the embodiment of love and bravery,
We are the gift of both God and science,
We are the answer to the question,
We are the promise delivered to all mankind,
For that we raise our hand, to one nation,
We step to the beat of one drum,
- We march to the beat of one heart, - ,,,painted as this, so all the citizens,,,
got roof of this world,
We are the people who carry the children on our shoulders,
In the same way that our fathers carried us and their fathers carried them,
We are the one people, united and strong,
We are the one people with certainty, Moral certainty,
We are invincible and we have no fear,
Because the truth,,, makes us,,, ONES!!
Only one day is left,
only one day,,,
we are leaving the others,
we're going away,
Today we all steal, animals we are,
possession is lost,
Our souls are from the wild
and wings to reach the sky,
Let the sun fall into the ocean,
let the Earth erupt in flames,
It is enough to have the strength and knowledge
to raise our Dream Machines into the sky,
Let them sleep who do not know,
The last day is here, The very last,
And we leave at dawn,
My Führer,
It's time,
The traitor Adler will get a surprise,
To universe, to the stars we go,
Sending machines up to the sky,
And leave behind those who don't know of the final day,
We leave in sleep those who don't know,
We are driven by the B-machine,
breaking at dawn on B-machine,
Wild B-machine,,, that never stops,
♪ Machines we are sending to the skies, ♪
♪ Above us all, ♪
♪ And leave behind those who do not know of the final day, ♪
♪ We leave in sleep those who do not know and we leave at dawn, ♪
♪ We're driven by the B-machine that never stops,,, ♪
Hey! The Moon Nazis are coming, What's wrong with you people, can't you see?
Look, I've been there, I'm telling you,
They got this whole Moon base, they got this whole like space thing goin' on,
and they comin' to take over,
Oh, you never listen to this, right? Listen now, cuz they comin, they comin',
They comin' to get us all, Why ain't you guys listenin' to me?
- Washington! - I mean,,,
Renate,
Washington, James Washington,
- I'm so glad to see you alive, - Is that you?
Yeah!
Look, I got one, This the bitch that made me,,,
- ,,,white as a fuckin' snowflake, - Let me go,
Come on people, HELP ME!! Uh!
Help me!
I saved your life!
So, you are a formerly dead, black model,,,
who's now suddenly a living white hobo,,,
after spending a weekend on the Moon, Is that correct?
- Yes, that's correct, - Huh, So I was listening,
And, ah,,, you, are Neil Armstrong after the sex change operation, Is that correct?
No, that is not correct, You were not listening at all,
My name is Richter, Renate Richter,
And I tried to save this man's life and I think he's stupid, childish and ungrateful,
Okay, Ask Miss Moon-Nazi here, was I, or was I not, on the Dark Side of the Moon,
Okay, So his question for you is: was he, or was he not, on the Dark side of the Moon?
Yes, Mr, Washington, James Washington was on the Dark Side of the Moon,
There, What did I tell you?
I'm black, but now I'm white, I went to the Dark Side of the Moon, but now I'm back,
And the Nazis,,, are coming to kill us all,
And you guys are going to be so sorry that you didn't listened to me!
Mr, Washington James, Why are you so upset and so angry?
- Get lost, - But I do not understand,
I mean, we made you white,
We taught you the National Socialist message about peace and unity,
You people have robbed me of everything,
My-my race, my identity, my career,
And I'm beginning to think my flippin' mind too, I mean just everything,
Do you know this?
Yes,
Wunderbar, Come on,
Come on in, I will explain it to you, Then you will understand,
You are one strange broad, I will give you that,
Oh, you know you're buyin' popcorn, right?
Man, that was bullshit,
It was,,,
- It was so long, - Yeah, They coulda edited it down a bit,
He was mocking the Führer,
I'm getting a sense there's a lot about Nazis you don't know,
But I am a Nazi,
Oh, yeah, yeah, I know, I mean,,, but you're not like,,,
Well, I mean, you're not like,,, well, like them, A bunch of stupid bullies,
No, I'm sure, they're good boys,
And loyal to the Reich, and their mothers,
Look, they are wearing the symbol of love,
- The swastika? - Yeah,
Never heard it called that before,
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, No, no, No, no, no, no, You just,,,
Good evening, boys,
What we got here, blond hair, blue eyes and nice rack,
Even Hitler would get a hard-on,
Look, I got this, Look, guys, we don't want any trouble, all right,
- We're just gonna hit the road, all right, - Why don't you hit the road, hobo,
Look, I got the funniest story to tell you, all right, You're not gonna believe this,,
Stop that, that is enough,
Oh, God!
Boom!
Damn, Renate,
Is that what you teach in Eartology classes?
Earthologie,,,
I'm not an Earthologist,
I don't know anything about Earth,
I have to talk to Klaus,
Yeah,,, That's what I thought,
Hey Renate, wait up!
What she needs is a good war,
A war always make the President popular,
Well, I might be able to help her out there,
How do you mean?
One word from me, and the invasion from the Moon begins,
- You never break character do you? - No,
I can never be broken,
- You smell so good, - The time has come,
I show you my plans,
Come back here,
Look, look, I've mapped out some things,
Oh, big fella, All work and no play?
Now listen, do you think if I asphyxiate the President,,,
will the troops stand align with us?
Because,,,
that's when I will order the Moon invasion,
It will be choirless bloodshed,
Elimin,,, eliminating the Moon Führer, of course,
Klaus,,, Adler,,,
Heil Hitler!
The name's not Hitler!
Um,,, so, Klaus, is the clown joining us?
What, did you all buy tickets?
Okay, so, do you want to introduce me to your friends,
Get your hooks off me you crystal noob piece-of-shit,
Ow! Aah!
I can make this worth your while, Just please, let me go,
- Do it, Moon Corporal, - Don't shoot!
And you want to eliminate the Moon Führer,
Do you know the penalty for high treason?
The Siegfried fleet flagship Tannhauser speaking,
We have reached the orbit and are ready to launch the Valkyries,
Warship Heinrich ready for attack,
Warship Biterolf ready to attack,
The fleet is ready, my Führer,
Excellent,
Tell them to wait for my return,
We shall then begin the Meteorblitzkrieg,
We'll wipe all these sub-humans,,,
off the Earth map,
KLAUS!!
I need to tell you that I have nothing to do with you or your plans,
You Nazi piece-of-shit,
Oh, well,
A blessing in disguise,
Now I can kill all the enemies of the Reich in one stroke,
Farewell, puppet Führer,
He fell for the old "one last blow job" offer,
God, Nazis are stupid,
I commend you on your marksmanship,
Shame, She was such a nice girl, Just have to kill her later,
So, it was real?
- All this time, - Never doubt a Nazi, schone Frau,
Farwell, fashionista,
I have a planet to conquer!
I'll just,,,
grab this,
Bye,
Good luck with the rest of your life,
Un,,, be,,, fuckin,,, lievable,
They develop like ordinary women, But look,,,
No hair here, nor here,
Like little girls,
And when they do have hair, it looks like,,,
The moustache of our great Führer,
The pictures kind of turn me on,
Sieg Heil!
Mr, Adler,
Where's the Führer?
The Führer is dead, Long live the new Führer,
That's me, in case you're wondering,
- Sieg Heil! - This way,
"Heil Hitler",
From now on, of course, it's "Heil Adler",
Time,,, is the sin,
I'll see you in Valhalla,
At 5:45, we'll start firing back,
Every bomb
will be retaliated,
The Meteorblitzkrieg shall begin!
Moments ago, New York has come under attack,
Witnesses claim to have seen hundreds of UFO's appearing suddenly over the city and opening fire,
Billy get that, Get that, Are you getting that?
Kelly, the craft is at least 60 feet across,
I'm seeing what appears to be weapons of some-kind dangling down from the bottom,
Oh, my God, It's opening fire, it's opening fire, I'm getting the hell out of here,
We have little information but here's what we know at this time, The attack,,,
- Okay, you see, the thing is, that Klaus is a,,, - I know it was your doing,
- It's wonderful, - It's wonderful?
It's brilliant, I'm a wartime President now,
All Presidents who start a war in their first term, always get re-elected,
I thought I was gonna have to bomb Australia or something,
But no, you bring me real,,,
- Who are these guys anyway? - Nazis,
- From the Moon, - Real live Nazis?
Holy shit, this just keeps getting better and better,
You're a miracle worker, babe,
Ah, they're the only guys we ever actually managed to beat in a fair fight,
I'm just like Franklin D, Roosevelt, only you know I'm not a spastic,
I knew you'd be excited,
So, if you're our Roosevelt, then who's your um,,, General Patton, or, you know, MacArthur?
Mr, Secretary of Defense,
- Do you have any thoughts on this? - Send her,
- Me? - Hey, you're the miracle worker,
Apparently, you dodge bullets, too,
- I wouldn't know,, - What to wear? Huh!
You'll think of something, You always do,
- Madam President,,, - Huh?
Ready to face the music?
It's SPACE NAZI's!!
Take us upstate, We need to go back to the Moon,
No! Whoa, whoa,,, We? No, no, no, See, "we" rhymes with "me", and I ain't goin',
You don't get it, They have the Götterdämmerung on the Moon,
I could give a good damn what they have, I'm not going back to that place, No way!
You want to look like that for the rest of your life?
Oh, great, Now this is my fault,
- Let me in,,, - I'm no hero, James,
I need you,
Oh, my God!
Do you know how to drive this thing?
Well, can't be any different than playing "Wing Commander",
Lets try,,,
All right,
I swear we do not have nothing on the Moon!
- Japan? - It is not ours,
- China? - It is not us,
It's bloody well not ours,
- I confess - Yes, North Korea? Confess to what?
The spaceships are ours,
Our beloved leader designed and build them himself,
- What is so funny? - All right, North Korea, Sit down,
- So it was you, India, I knew that, - No, no, no, no, no, That is a sign of peace,
This is the sign of peace,
- This is the sign of peace, - Just cut it out, you morons,
These thugs are Nazis, And I mean the real,,, McCoy,
They've been hidin' out on the moon just waiting to pounce,
Now my question is, what do ya'll plan to do about it?
Cuz we just happen to have a little something up our own sleeve,
and I'm sure, they'll be thankful for it,
May I present to you with the Mars exploration ship, the USS George W, Bush,
Good work, take it to Officer Tyler please,
Trajectory, what's our status on the orbit window?
Commander on deck,
The hostile fleet have launched a full scale aerial attack against the United States,
These Zeppelins appear to be carriers and they are operating fully within the thermosphere,
Each of them carry approximately 200 enemy vessels and are extremely,,,
Hell hath no fury, Heil Adler,
All right kiddies,,, Let's get this show on the road,
Vivian, you look great, How is it going up there?
Madam President, I couldn't be better,
I am packing dozens of mega tons of nuclear warheads
which I am going to carefully place up Klaus's kraut ass,
- Just as soon I get him in my sights, - Carry on, Kick butt,
Let 'em see what that baby can do,
That's right,
While you were whinnying about climate change and human rights and Whales' dicks,
this is what we were doing,
May I present to you the tomorrow's exploration ship,
the USS George W, Bush,
Mars exploration?
But you have armed it,
We have the right to bear arms, and besides Mars is a red planet,
Working at optimum capacity, Ammo consumption within tolerance,
We're coming under extremely heavy fire, We're gonna need the reinforcements, right now,
What the hell is the meaning of this?
Good day mates, This is Australian ship, Dundee 01, Ready to kick ass,
Spitfire reporting in,
Hang in there W, Canada joining your battle,
This is a direct violation of this nations' space treaty that you all signed,
every single one of you,
MIR join in za battle,
Wow!
Bravo,
That is suppose to be destroyed,
This is an outrage, You're all liars, just like my ex ex-husband,
- Calm down lady, calm down, - Don't you lady me, Pinko,
Okay, who didn't arm their spaceships?
Oh, great, great, That's just great,
- You all gave me your word, - But you broke yours,
We always break ours, that's just what we do,
Okay fine, Fine, fine, fine, fine,
Let's just beat the shit out of these pricks and uh, talk about the details later,
Heroes of the First Fleet,
continue your attack to the last man,,,
and remember, you're fighting for the Reich!
Where the hell they all come from?
Prepare an appropriate uniform for the Führer,
The Fatherland is calling its children!
This device will complete the biggest war machine of all times,
The Götterdämmerung will fly!
Heil Adler!
This is beautiful,
- Where the hell are we goin'? - To the Götterdämmerung,
I think Klaus will be there,
- Yeah! - Yeah!
Woo!
What did you think of that, Heil Adler?
All right, what about this Moon business?
What do you say we head on over and slap them around a bit,
Klaus baby, I coming to get ya',
ATTEN-TION!!
HEIL ADLER!!
Heil!
As you were,
Well?
The Earth fleet will be within firing range in 20 minutes, my Führer,
- Are your troops ready? - We're waiting for Dr, Richter,
- What the hell is this place? - This is the Götterdämmerung,
"It will liberate the Earth!"
Actually,,,
It's the biggest war machine ever created by man,
This is the bridge, That's where I'm going,
I need to find your father, so,,,
- where you think he at? - I think you will find him over there,
Try to sneak in, and please paralyze the engines,
- or otherwise the Earth is destroyed, - Note to self, paralyze engines, Got it,
- Okay, - Oh, No-no-no-no-no,
- What? - You be careful,
- I mean, you know, um,,, - What?
- Because, well, you like me, - Right,,,
Oh, come on, a little, I mean,,,
You like me,
We have a visual on the Nazi fortress, Commander,
Obvious and overstated as usual, Klaus,
Woo!
COME ON!!
Automated targeting reports hit percentage above 100,
so we're consistently achieving double kills,
BOOM, BITCHES!!
All right everyone, let's get those nukes in action,
I'm declaring this fortress a free-fire-zone,
But Commander, there are woman and children down there,
The United States of America does not negotiate with terrorists,
- Prime warheads on secondary armament, - Roger that,
Prepare all available ordinance,,,
- for ground bombardment, - Fire the fucking nukes!
Nukes away,
Job well done,
Move!
Who dares to disturb me? Who dares to disturb me!
- Dr, Richter! - Oh!
How much time do you need?
It will fly, my Führer,
The Götterdämmerung will fly to the final victory,
Cut the crap, How long?
I would say three months, give or take a little,
I give you three minutes,
He cut me off, It's not that easy, Russia wasn't conquered in a day,,,
Hey quack!
Remember me?
The Moon spook you turned into a snowflake,
Start the Helium-3 engines,
Now!
Start the engines,
Oh shit, it's alive,
He sure must have the smallest dick in the Universe,
Load the cannons,
Time,,,
to fuck back,
Everyone, take positions around this fat phallus
and wait for my command to open fire,
- Offensive run confirmed, - Let her rip,
Shit!
- Are the cannons ready to fire? - Yes, my Führer,
But the Earth is below the horizon, on the other side of the Moon,
We can't shoot,
It was a full moon yesterday,
Let's make a brand new horizon,
Fire at will,
We just get,,,
fucked!
Reactivate the systems, Weapons Unter-Offizier,
Aah!
Damn it!
We shall see,,,
The projectiles of the Götterdämmerung consist of metallic hydrogen,
whose aggregate state is reached only under extreme pressure,
- It's destructive power has never been tested, - NATIONAL ANTHEM: for motivation break glass
The effects could be unexpected,
The rocket shells,,,
There's no song moment now!
It's a false alarm!
Are you all imbeciles?
Go and see what's going on!
ON THE DOUBLE!!
Renate,,,
I won't let you do it,
What will you do, hmm?
Shoot me?
Good girl,,,
Renate Richter, almost my bride,
You destroyed something beautiful, something wonderful,
A future world full of Aryan children,
OUR ARYAN CHILDREN!!
But you betrayed me, and you shall,,, you shall pay for that,
Your beauty for Odin's table,,,
Klaus! Wait! Let me say something,
Well?
I'm a bit busy,
I've always respected you,
As Führer, and as a man,
I've even loved you,
I belong to you,
To you,
Nah!
Cute little speech,
But it's too late, my dear, Goodbye,
I understand,
I hail you,
My Klaus,
Sieg Heil, my Führer!
- Washington, do you hear me? Washington, - Renate, Well, is that you?
- You need to shut down the engines, - I'm working on it,
Holy crap,
Congratulations,
High five,
Well, that was disappointing,
Do you think he suffered?
Even just a little?
Vivian, I knew you could do it,
You're foxy and salacious, all the way, Congratulations,
- What's Helium-3? - Helium,
Did you say Helium-3?
Yes, there like 15 to 20 giant towers that appear to be full of the stuff,
- Uh,,, That's ours, - It is? Why?
Helium-3 will make the U,S, independent of all energy needs
- for the next thousand years, - Oh!
Yes, it's ours!
No, no-no-no-no, Hear me out, Hear me out,
The Moon is American soil, Moon flag, star and stripes,
Who beat the Moon Nazis?
We did,
Well, yeah, yeah, all right, you helped out here and there,
but ultimately it's just like World War II,,,
and who won that?
We did,
- YOU LIE!! - You don't believe me?
Watch the movies, Movies don't lie,
Not the shoes, Jesus!
Vivian, this is the Secretary of Defense,
- Defend and hold that Helium-3 at all costs, - But against who?
AGAINST EVERYBODY!!
Please don't, never again, never again!
Please stop,
What was the Earth like?
Different,
When can we fly there?
Soon, Soon,,,
But how?
In peace,
Unfortunately that's the story of revenge,
It's messy,
Never really works out the way you want it to,
I feel lonely,
This is love of God, The eternal love of God into our hearts,
or we will burn,,,
burn in hell, burning in eternal damnation,
Renate!
Washington,
- You are alive, - Oh, I know that,
Shh-shh-shh, It's okay, It's okay, Shh,,,
It's,,, It's okay,
And you are the way you're meant to be,
Are you aware that you are kissing a black man?
I guess you have a lot of work cut out for you,
The End