- Hi, I'm Ben, this is me,
I was born in Iran, and no, we don't ride camels,
This is my hometown Tehran,
I moved to the US when I was 12,
I basically grew up here
and this was my metal phase,
This is Kate,
She's my wife,
I met her in college and stole her from this douche,
This is my father
and this was his hippie phase,
- Thank you,
- This is Tucker Jefferson,
He's my father-in-law,
He pretty much hates me,
Wow, he's looking old,
The last seven years haven't been kind to him
and that kind of just makes me smile,
This is Saul Richmond,
He's a lobbyist,
You know, political slime,
And this is President Biden,
Nightmare in Chief,
- Mr, President,
Of course, you're busy,
I'm calling to tell you that I'm supposed
to see him shortly at this party,
- Very intriguing, he's doing great work, but um,
I can't be his support,
- Mister,
So you're an old show boy that wound up
out in San Diego, huh?
Out on the coast?
- Yeah, yeah, I couldn't make that up,
- Ah, gentlemen,
Allow me to introduce you to Mr, Tucker Jefferson,
he's from the great state of California,
This is Saul Richmond,
Dr, Jefferson here is a man who could truly cause
a storm in the Senate with his years
of political experience,
And this guy, you know what he can do,
- Pleasure to meet you,
- Likewise, sir,
- Mr, Tucker Jefferson, where do you
see yourself in 10 years?
- In the oval office,
- Doing what, serving coffee?
- No, no, being served,
And my inauguration speech is already written,
- Hmm, hmm, what did I tell ya?
- I like your spirit there,
Some vigor, I like it,
Hey, to the oval office,
- I have a happy life,
I'm a math teacher,
Everything was going right
but we were just missing one thing,
a child of our own,
Wow,
I can't believe it, the Chinese are exporting babies now?
- Ko, Ko, Ko, they are Korean,
- Wait, what?
Okay, I'm sorry,
I just could never tell the difference
between them,
- Look at me,
I am Korean,
That is Chinese,
- Okay,
What about him?
- He has Japanese flag on his backpack,
- Okay?
- He is Japanese,
- What?
Hey kid,
Mr, Roboto,
- What?
I'm Kazakh, bro,
- Kate and I have been trying for two years now,
every single night,
I'm not complaining, it's fun,
I mean, it's a lot of fun,
Those little fuckers,
- What the fuck?!
- Oh, you went to that stupid clinic again?
Honey, I thought we agreed that we hate kids?
Look at the neighbors, their kids running around
dropping hazardous balls all over the neighborhood,
We could sue them,
- Nice try,
- We have options,
Jin-Ho showed me the photos today,
All younger than one year old,
Baby what, we take three months
from the time we choose one and then another three months
for the kid to come from Korea,
Total of six months,
- Six months?
- Yeah, isn't that great?
- Great, why is that great?
- Well,
If we would um, listen to some Marvin Gaye tonight,
the song wouldn't be done for another nine months,
But if we order a Korean baby,
we don't have to play Marvin Gaye and it's only six months,
- Six months is a long time,
You remember the last time we played Marvin Gaye?
That song is still playing,
- Honey, don't haggle over six and nine months,
Jin-Ho said that we would get used to the woo,
wait woo, what do you mean Marvin is still playing?
- I said exactly what you think I said,
- You're,
- Yup,
In six months, your baby will be kicking
the shit out of me from the inside
if he's anything like you!
- Wait, stop!
You don't jump up and down, okay?
- I'm gonna give you a bit of advice, Ben,
Never say next,
'Cause soon as you say next,
you'll be thinking well why not three?
And why not four?
And then five,
And then six,
Huh?
How can you not?
But I'll tell you, once you get
a half a dozen box of donuts,
they control you,
You have to deal with all of their problems
and you are fucked!
- Language, sweetie!
- See?
- God, it can't be that bad,
This is Chuck,
He's kind of our neighbor,
Well, he parks his apartment in front of our house,
He lives with Ingrid, his girlfriend,
And she works late nights, if you know what I mean,
But now she has a baby on the way,
- Ooh,
- What is it, doctor?
- Mmm, ah,
We got to abort the baby,
- What?
- Oh yeah,
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah,
I mean, there's really, I mean, yeah,
- I'm sorry, what do you mean
I can't do this, I can't breathe, I can't
- Okay, you know, okay, could you stop?
Please, listen, there is something we can,
are your fathers, both of you,
are your fathers still alive?
- Yes,
- Okay,
We can take the bone marrow from both grandfathers,
use it to repair the tissue of the damaged fetus,
Haha, very risky,
But probably the only thing we can do to save the baby,
So, can both your fathers come in for testing?
- No,
- Now, the idea is to structure your campaign
so that it very closely mimics the rise
of Donald Trump,
That was quite a success,
And with us, we can guarantee you the support
of President Biden,
- That's good,
But I mean that would be a good model to pursue,
Did I ever tell you about the time
the President grabbed me by the crotch?
Right in the cajones,
- Actually, let me show you something else here,
What we have is Welly the Welfare Bear,
And right next to him, Libby the Liberal Sloth,
Now these are both excellent examples
of potential viral marketing,
But the first thing we need to do in all of this
is to get you a wife,
Nothing sells a president like a wife and family,
We of course need to hire a social media director,
- Man old man, do I have a treat for you,
- Hector, we are right in the middle of something
at this moment,
- Gimme smiles, we are now live on Facebook and Instagram,
Hello followers!
- And what is this?
- Today I'm a matchmaker,
- Oh no, no, we are not there yet,
I was just beginning to get into the aspect
of family and, - Shh,
First!
- Hector, that's my girlfriend,
- It's business and she was cheap,
Next!
That one's my favorite, she's so tight!
Next!
- Well hello, Mr, Jefferson,
- Hello, what's your name?
- No talking to or feeding the models,
- I like this guy,
- He's very um, very special,
That's all,
We're good here, thank you Hector,
- Let me get this right,
His job is to go out and find me a,
a wife to escort to the multiple events?
- No, not exactly,
He's actually our social media director
but it's more complicated than that,
He's my ex wife's sister's best friend,
- Okay, okay,
- Yeah,
- Social media director?
- Yeah, he,
No, no, no, no, no,
No, no, no, I know what you're thinking,
Absolutely not,
A political campaign is totally different,
- Gerald, we live in unorthodox political times,
Get him on the team,
- Sir, are you sure?
- Yes,
- Hamid,
Please, let's just, let's focus
and get back to the question, okay?
Because I'm sure, like myself that the viewers
would think that you are deflecting,
- Very well,
Back to your questions,
It takes me back to a game from my childhood,
- You can just answer a simple yes or no,
Do you think the US and Muslim countries
are natural enemies?
- Are you afraid of this?
- No,
And that is very rude and so inappropriate
for this interview,
- How about this?
- No,
- This?
- No, don't, what are you doing?
- This?
- Hamid,
Hamid, stop,
- Hamid,
- Hamid, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry,
How can I conduct this interview
if you simply cannot stay on topic?
- You see?
You were afraid,
You said you were not afraid,
- 'Cause when people are scared, they invest money,
They spend money on weapons, on food,
On,
on anything else,
You see?
There are no mortal enemies,
There are only manufactured enemies
that serve for specific purpose,
- How's it doing, darling?
- No, not working,
- This all right?
- No, no,
- Could you, uh, could you help?
- Yeah, I'll be right there, honey?
- Great,
- How about that, does that work good?
- It's wet a little over here,
- Ah!
Ben, what in the world?
- Ingrid, sorry,
- Ah
- I'm sorry but I was just trying to return the ball,
- Don't worry about her,
She's got a head of stone,
- Okay sweety, not the croutons bowl,
Let's grab the burgers,
A little distracted there, aren't ya?
So who were you calling?
- No one,
- No one, really?
I have fire in my hand,
- I was trying to get through to my dad,
- Oh,
- Katie,
- Dad!
- Hi, sweety,
What a surprise,
Come on, I just,
I just try to get myself together here,
- Oh,
- We can probably both use one of this,
- Ah, yeah,
- I really did miss you,
You might even remember that
you still have a dad,
- You know, maybe now is not the best time,
- No, no, no, no, don't be silly, don't be silly,
So what brings you?
Oh, I know,
You heard about my new campaign, didn't you?
Are you proud or what?
Yes, all we need now is President Biden's endorsement
and we're golden, yeah,
One of the reasons for his success was his taste in fashion,
Now I know that isn't everything of course,
but it is an aspect of success,
- Sure,
- We're trying to follow his model,
And because we are, things are definitely happening,
So, what brings you to see your old dad?
- Well, dad,
Ben and I need your help, dad,
It's been seven years now, and,
- Seven years?
Seven years?
- Yeah, seven years?
- So an Iranian's been banging my daughter for seven years?
What fun, hey, cheers,
- Oh, yeah, no, it's okay, I can't,
Look, I don't know how to say this, but,
The last seven years have been fruitful,
- Well, Katie, that sounds kind of dirty,
What do you mean?
- Oh, okay what I mean is I would like to be the first
to call you Mister,
- Hmm, Mister Senator?
Maybe Mr, Future President?
- Oh, no, no no,
Give me a shot,
Mister Grandfather,
Oh, grandfather, yeah,
- Congratulations,
Mmm, mmm, mm,
We need his bone marrow,
Please, you have to make him understand,
You have to make him understand,
- What does mean?
- Ah,
It means tell him in a way
that he will understand,
- Ah, oh,
- You eat this apple, okay?
- Okay,
- I don't know what to do,
She says my father won't come to the US,
- What, why?
It isn't a political trip,
Doesn't he love his family?
- Kate, I have something I have to tell you,
I may have told my dad that your father
runs a hamburger cart for a living,
- Oh no, you can't be serious,
- I had to avoid the politics thing,
He'd have a breakdown, You should have heard what he said
when I told him I was marrying an American,
- Yeah well you should have seen my father today,
What, what?
You want me to request a visa for Ben's family?
Trust you?
What, you think I'm nuts?
Anyway, he finally came around when he found out
it was for the baby,
Speaking of which, did you get
your family's passport numbers?
- Ah, my auntie's gonna send them
but she hasn't sent them yet,
She has to convince my father first,
- Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much
for flying with us,
On our final approach, please make sure
your seat backs and trays are in their upright
and locked positions,
We should be on the ground shortly,
- Welcome to America,
- Kiss my ass,
- Sweet kid, next,
Hi, how are you?
- Very good, thank you,
- Great,
So could you do me a favor
and put all four fingers right there for me?
Bring them closer together, perfect,
Oh, good,
And sir, can I get you to put your four fingers,
does he speak English?
Great, thank you so much,
Okay, that's good,
So uh, what, um,
what brings you to America?
- It was my humane duty to come to this
espionage nest despite my political beliefs,
- I'm not sure I heard you right,
Would you care to explain yourself?
- It's all written there in the paper
in front of you,
It's for an innocent baby who needs my bone marrow,
He's an American citizen, so,
You should be thanking me,
And you're welcome,
- You're right,
That's exactly what that says,
Okay,
Well, on that, thank you very much
and welcome to America,
- Thank you, thank you,
- Next,
Hi, how are you?
- America travelogue,
America from Hamid Chikhamvari's perspective,
What is going on behind these towers and high-rises?
American people's taxes are spent on what?
My son lives in a big gorgeous house
but it's American and I don't trust America,
- She looks too American, son,
- Hey Kate,
This is my father,
Papa, Kate John,
- Hello, father,
We are so happy to have you,
Are these all your luggages?
Come on,
- Me too,
- I hope you brought your swim trunks
'cause we have a swimming pool,
- I've never been kissed by an American woman,
- Oh you know, this is the only American woman
that can kiss you,
- More than a few words,
- Benjamin, Benjamin, spy!
- What, where?
Hey Chuck, how are you?
This is my father,
- Oh, you're the spy,
Well, let me be the first to welcome you
to the United States of America,
- Thank you, thank you,
- Americans are aware here,
They jump out of everywhere,
- My sister wants to know if Benjamin has bothered you
all this time,
- Ben is very good to me,
I love him,
And thank you for the compliment,
- So you are Ben now?
You change your name?
Hmm,
Unfortunately, Benjamin and us are very different
in our beliefs,
He hasn't taken after me at all,
That's why I must ask to make sure
he doesn't beat you, surely,
- Beat me?
Oh no, no,
He is a very loving husband,
- If you hate America so much,
why did you send me here to study?
Why are you so afraid of everyone finding out
that your son is in America?
- I wanted you to get your degree and return
just like I did,
I came here when I was 18,
I studied for five years then I returned to Iran
where there was a revolution so I could help my people,
- You were a hippy for God's sake,
- Shh, I told you to never say that again,
That is fake news,
- Fake news?
Fake news?
I saw the photos,
And besides, who am I shushing for?
Look, we're literally alone here,
- I grew my hair when I was young,
It was in fashion those days,
Having long hair doesn't mean you're a hippy,
- Come on, baba,
You went to a Grateful Dead concert
and you took mushrooms,
- Whatever I did, I didn't grow up roots
or get married,
God bless your mother,
- Well,
You can't control love,
You just fall into it,
- You fell in love with an American
just to disagree with me,
- Baba, everything isn't about you,
I fell in love with Kate,
I love Kate,
And I'd love her even if she were a monkey,
- How about your job?
- Well, I teach math at the University,
- You make good money?
- I have a lot of bills, but I thank God,
- Your expenses will double when you become a father,
You know that?
You have a plan?
No you don't,
Okay,
Do you need anything?
- Give me your car key,
- My car?
I can take you wherever you wanna go,
- Nah, I wanna see the world by myself,
- Do you even know how to drive here?
- Do not question your father's abilities,
Give me the key,
- Okay, they're downstairs,
I know exactly what he's thinking,
There are cameras everywhere,
Oh, a spy,
I can't believe these girls with their hair
flowing right in front of me,
have they no morals?
Is that a prostitute?
He's so predictable,
- You my friend, look like you could use one of these,
- Actually, I'll have a water
in a bottle please with the cap closed,
- Are you sure?
It's happy hour,
- I'll stick with the water,
- Serve yourself,
Water's over there,
- Okay,
So no reporter, no official to ask me
what the hell are you doing in this damn bar, clock,
Only me and my God,
Oh God!
How lovely it feels to be so light,
Hey brother,
Do you know how it works?
I kind of forgotten a bit,
- Don't have this back where you come from?
- Ah,
- You an Arab?
- No!
- Pakistani, Muslim?
- Iran, and this is none of your business,
- You say Iran?
I was an Iraq vet you know, you're welcome,
- Iran,
Iraq is here and Iran is here,
it's a neighboring, and I have nothing to thank you for,
- Oh, I said that yeah,
So yeah, oof, that place is a real hell,
Yeah, I was there,
Boom, boom!
Name's Joe, pleasure,
What's your name?
- Hamid,
- Did you say Habibi?
Hami, Hadi, Hamini?
- Hamid,
- Hamid, Hamid, right, right, right,
Look at this guy, man,
- Ah!
- Saddam,
Yeah I pulled him out of the hole,
- Where are you in the photo?
- Right there, that's my foot,
Can't you see the resemblance?
- Hahah, this is photoshopped,
- What, no!
No, it's real,
Why would I lie about my foot?
Look,
IED, roadside,
You know where Iraq is, right?
- You just thought I was Iraqi,
- Oh right, yes, yes,
So you know it then,
Let me just tell you, man,
Ah shit, it's gone, it's gone,
- Listen to me,
You fought Saddam,
We fought Saddam for eight fucking years,
I was in the war,
I was on the front line,
I was shot in the war,
And let me show you something, my friend,
You see this coin?
- Dude,
Here, let me show you, check this out, huh?
Look at that,
- Oh, no,
Oh my god,
I'm gonna puke, no, no, no,
- See, why, man?
What for, huh?
Baghdad, Kurkukaita, what for, man, huh?
What for, huh?
Yeah I think I'm gonna puke too, shit,
Shit!
Where are we?
Shock and awe!
Dah, sorry,
Sorry,
- You know what,
my friend, I think you need this water more than I,
- Later, Muhammad,
- Father, Daddy?
I know we've had problems understanding each other,
But the one thing I can't deny is that he loves me,
And I love him too,
After all, he's my father,
Look how cute he sleeps,
- What, what?!
Was I speaking in my sleep?
Was I snoring?
- Baba, you seem very tired,
- No, I'm not tired,
Your father-in-law has come?
No!
- Baba?
- More to the middle,
- Uh huh,
I have something very important I have to tell you
about Kate's father,
- Down, what, is it too bad?
- Well, um, he's a really simple man,
He only knows about burgers,
- Up, up, you need to find the spot,
- He doesn't talk politics at all,
You know, in fact, he hates politics,
- Why are you telling me all this?
- Because, that's all you talk about, is politics,
- Says who?
I am not a kid,
He's a human being, right?
Another ignorant American citizen
who doesn't have the slightest idea
in what country the tax he pays is making troubles,
He's not a lobbyist or Senator
so I won't punch his face,
- Baba, I'm saying, stop it, goddamit,
I mean this is what I'm telling you not to say, okay?
And, I told him that you work in a pistachio grove,
- What?
We sold the pistachio groves
like some 10 years ago!
- You had a pistachio grove?
Like for real?
- Yeah,
- Okay,
But what I'm telling you is no politics tonight, okay?
- Okay,
- Kate,
- Dad,
- What a cute little house,
- Oh, yeah, thanks,
Yeah, you're finally visiting us, huh?
- Thanks to this little baby,
Not me,
- Right, of course,
Oh hey, um,
There's just something I need to tell you,
- Yes, Kate?
- Listen, it is not a big deal,
but I sort of told Ben's family that you own
a little hamburger cart,
- A hamburger cart?
Well I guess if owning seven percent
of McDonald's shares makes it a small hamburger cart
so be it,
- Great,
- And that's okay, let's go,
- All right,
Oh, also,
They hate politics,
That's why I didn't tell them that you're running
for the senate, so if we could just
maybe avoid politics at all costs today,
- Katie, just calm down, okay?
Now let's go meet and greet
the Iranian pistachio farmer, shall we?
- Great,
Just don't get into politics,
- Kate, what is the problem?
Why do you keep repeating yourself?
I get it, okay?
This is a night off and I will not talk any politics,
- Great,
Let's do this,
- Let's,
- All right,
Okay, after you,
- Thank you,
- Uh huh,
Game time, all right,
- Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm,
This dish,
It's incredible!
I love Iranian food,
- Yeah?
Have you ever tried traditional Iranian dishes?
- Um yes,
Matter of fact, I was in Iran twice
during the time of the shock,
- Dad, isn't this spicy for you?
- No, no, it's great, it's fantastic, Kate,
- So you have been twice to Iran, how interesting,
For business or on holiday?
- Surprise!
We have twins,
- Twins?
- That's right,
- Really?
- Two of them,
- Oh my god you have twins?
- Uh huh,
- Hamid, you are going to have two grandchildren!
- And your expenses will triple now,
- Hey, Katie, why didn't you tell us before?
I mean this is beautiful,
- Yes, dad, it is,
Very beautiful,
- Yeah,
- So far so good,
Looks like this may just work out,
They seem to be getting along,
In fact it looks like they may become friends, yes!
- Indeed,
I read that when a couple conceives late,
having twins becomes very probable,
- Yeah?
- Not with the hand,
Go get some tongs,
- You could have burned your fingers,
- I'm gonna go get the tongs,
I'll be right back,
- You know, I smoked one of these in Turkey,
It was really good,
- Let me tell you something,
The tobacco is special,
Would you like to try some?
- Ah, no, I better not,
I got this,
I have this pain in the back of my chest,
I know it's weird but it might be my heart,
I don't know,
- Ah, it's not the heart,
- No?
- You sit at a desk a lot,
- Yeah,
- Let me show you something,
Stand up,
Come here,
I know traditional medicine, turn around,
Turn around,
- Why?
- I'll show you, I'll show you,
- What are you doing?
- Wait, wait a minute,
You'll feel better,
No I insist, I insist,
- This is weird,
- No, no, you will see, you will see,
- Wow, jeez,
Whoah,
- Now tell me how do you feel?
- Kind of good,
- Great!
You see?
- Yes,
- It has nothing to do with the heart, young man,
- You're right,
I've never had a man do that to me before,
Jeez, I hope there was nobody looking,
You know,
- What?
- Well, I don't know, you know this is,
not that I
you're not gay, are you?
- Who's gay?
Of course not,
Gay,
- I didn't think so,
Of course not,
But you know, not that I'm against,
Equality is a part of my platform for Congress,
- What Congress?
There's Congress now for hamburger sellers?
- You know, the American Congress,
I plan to go there,
- Go where?
You opening a cart there?
- No,
You know, the American Congress for god's sakes,
It's, you've heard of American Senators?
- Oh shit,
Never mind, I spoke too soon,
- Uh, what are you doing here, who's watching them?
- I'm looking for something to grab the charcoals with,
- Okay, but never mind that, just go,
- Where's Auntie?
- She's upstairs napping,
- What are we gonna do about the twins issue?
- Well, I couldn't think of anything else to distract them,
- Warheads, Mr, Hiroshima Nagasaki!
- Let me tell you something,
Iran is the cause of all the chaos in the middle east,
You are the axis of evil,
- You are the, great tech!
- We're gonna choke you with sanctions!
- He didn't mean that, he's fine,
I just had one request dad, that's all,
- They're nuts,
So these two just met each other?
Wow,
- Why all these interference in the world?
Why all these invasions and plots?
Just to control the oil and weapons market?
America is vast, it's a continent,
Plant wheat,
Do agriculture and farming and God will grant you anything,
- Okay,
Okay, that ,
that's it man, that's brilliant,
You a writer or something?
Ah, what's your name?
Nah, never mind,
Just gonna forget it anyway,
Hamid, I got it,
You know, when I,
when I slit my wrists,
I was laying in the bathtub and I saw,
I saw this bright light and I saw it
getting brighter and brighter and brighter,
- Oh,
You Americans are sick,
You take a selfie even in a bloody bathtub?
- Betsy,
Betsy was in that bright light too, man,
She kept saying to me, Joe,
Joe, you gotta,
you gotta get clean,
America's gotta get clean,
You know, darkness is coming
and you gotta be the janitor,
You gotta get your message out to,
- Ah, I lost my wife too,
But please, please leave me alone,
I haven't had a great night either,
I'm not in good mood for such things, please,
- Fine, fine, I'm just, you know,
it's all right with me,
I just got PTSD and severe memory loss,
It's whatever man,
Everything's fine with me, hunky dory,
So, pfft,
What have you seen in this great big beautiful
city of angels of ours, huh?
- I have seen some places,
- Okay, I'm gonna show you a place tomorrow,
you're gonna love it,
It's great for people watching,
- I'm sorry, I can't tomorrow,
I have a test,
- Really?
You're getting your GED?
- No, no, no, it's a hospital test,
- Shit, you're dying?
- I wish,
- Yeah, I hear you,
I feel you, man,
Which hospital?
- Mercy,
- Mercy, okay, I'll come and get you after the hospital,
- No, but you know,
- See you tomorrow, my man,
Haha!
Chachachachacha!
- Why do they need a needle that big?
- I'm afraid it's nothing but a CIA plot,
They plan to eliminate me with bioterrorism,
They just give you a shot and it's over,
Shame on you,
You don't even trust your own son?
- He's naive,
He doesn't know such things,
He's facing a scamming system,
It's nothing but CIA,
They eliminate anybody in the world
who's against them,
- Okey dokey,
You're gonna have to leave the room,
- Yes,
- Thank you,
You, I need you to get naked, throw that on,
bend over and turn around,
- What?
- I mean,
- Hi,
It's all signed, here you go,
- Hey, honey,
- When's your dad coming?
- Oh, I told him to come in an hour
so they don't have to face each other,
- You know, I don't think this could go on like this,
I think you got to talk to my dad,
- What, why me?
- Because, you're so pregnant,
He can't get mad at a pregnant lady, right?
- Fine, you're right,
- Say it,
- No,
- Come on,
Please, just this one,
- Ugh, fine,
Ben, you are always right,
You are the essence of rightness,
No one in the history of the world
has ever been as right as you, Happy?
- Mhmm,
I love you, come on,
- All righty, looks good,
- Hi,
Sorry, do you mind if I just,
- What?
Yeah, come on in, have fun,
- Oh, uh,
Hamid?
- Oh hey, Kate,
- Hi,
How you doing?
- Oh, never better,
- Oh good, great,
- Marvelous,
- Wonderful, this'll
take a second,
Um, look I just wanted to say sorry about last night,
Perhaps we should have told you everything sooner,
- That's fine, as long as the twins are good,
- Yeah, um, about that,
I'm sorry I lied,
We're not having twins,
- What?
- One baby, singular,
I'm so sorry,
I just wanted to keep you guys from talking about politics,
Look, you only met my dad once,
And he really is a very kind man,
- We are enemies in politics, Kate,
- But we're a family now,
We can talk and,
be kind to each other,
- We'll be family when my ass heals,
I'm sorry,
- Right, no, of course,
I'll just leave you to it,
Good talk,
- Very good talk,
Very good talk,
- An annual metro girl,
- Yes, yes, that's him!
My god,
Oh my god,
How did he ever enter the country?
What was the FBI thinking?
- They weren't hard on him because of your
official letter of invitation, yours,
Chikhamvari is one of the most notorious
anti-Americans in Iran,
He's been involved in numerous anti-American protests,
He's against the joint comprehensive plan of action,
Hell, he's even been rumored
to be in touch with Ahmadinejad,
- Oh, I'm ruined!
- That will destroy your career in Congress,
that's for sure,
- Hey, let me tell you something, This is a conspiracy,
It's a definite political setup,
No, no, my adversaries intentionally did this,
let him into the country
to blame me and eliminate me,
- I'm bored,
- Nothing that I can do to change that,
What are you gonna do?
- What am I gonna do,
a fucking reporter could be looking at this
at any moment,
You know how the media is,
We gotta keep it down low,
- That's why you gotta do something now,
- All right, I'll get in front of it,
- We've got to get him out of the country,
- Okay great,
- Minimal amount of fuss, all right,
And we don't want anybody knowing about this,
Especially Saul,
- Jesus,
- Americans just took my bone marrow,
Oh, it hurts a lot,
In the back and in the ass,
And now I am meeting with a veteran Joe,
We'll see,
Over and out,
Hey!
Great!
- Come on, you're late,
Let's go,
You are so lucky you've met me, my man,
I know this town like the back of my hand,
- What the fuck is this?
- Hah, that's nothing, man,
- This is a bomb!
- No it's not,
You know what, buddy, Habib,
in this country, we say the word bomb quietly,
People don't shout it,
Specially people who look like you,
All right, do you feel me?
But just sit back, relax,
Enjoy the breeze!
¶ Love has grown this bumpy room ¶
¶ But we still got room to fly ¶
- I don't trust this Joe, I don't know,
Something is so fishy about him,
Over and out,
- Check it out,
Twin towers, man, whoosh, brr!
- Thank you,
- I gotta show you something,
You are gonna love this shit, man,
This is a scene to remember of all scenes,
Remember this?
First plane, comes around the side
of the tower there, right, poof!
Right, then the second one,
- Wow,
I have a question,
Is it true that this was all just an American plot
to invade the middle east?
I mean what do you Americans think?
- Yeah, right?
Definitely,
Dammit you're right,
I saw it, I saw it on the internet, man,
- But, but, but,
- Fire doesn't burn through steel, my man,
- Exactly,
But why would the government harm its own people?
- You can tell me,
- You are American, you tell me,
- They're not gonna tell me shit, man,
But I got a way to make them, one day,
- It makes sense,
They don't let the media publish such things,
- The engineering part
of the operation was mind-blowing, man,
It's a masterpiece,
They made it seem so real,
- But this is painful,
- Why do you say that, man?
- Because there were some innocent people after all,
Like the Afghans,
I mean there's no difference,
Terror is bad,
- Okay, okay,
I'm gonna,
- What?
- I'm gonna tell you something, man,
- Uh huh,
- I got a plan to make it all real,
I got a plan to make people see,
Watch this,
- What?
- You're gonna love this,
You seen this movie?
Look at that,
I wanna do that same thing right here in Los Angeles,
- No, Joe, this is not good,
This is, no, no, no!
I mean look, I have fought with America all my life,
But this is different,
This is killing the people,
People are innocent,
I agree with you, the American government is guilty,
But why do you even have all these videos
on your phone?
- What the fuck do you think you are, huh?
I thought you would understand,
You don't understand shit, huh, who are you, huh?
What do you want from us, huh?
You, why do you think people are innocent huh?
They are all to blame,
They, they, they, they, they, they,
They pay tax,
they worship the president,
They encourage me to go to war
and risk my life for what huh?
Who the hell do you think you are?
What do you want from us huh?
Maybe I should blow your fucking head off
right here now, huh?
- Wait, Joe, my friend,
You are acting crazy,
- Crazy, yeah,
Yeah I'm crazy,
Yeah, they, we are all crazy,
I thought you'd understand,
I trusted you man, you stupid jerk,
Ah, dack,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry,
sorry, come on,
You stupid jerk, let's go,
I wanna show you this beautiful city,
Come on,
Let's go,
- Hey, Prince of Persia,
They ain't home,
You okay?
- Hide me please,
There is a mad man after me,
- Well, welcome to America,
Come on, come on,
I'll meet you in the back,
Coffee?
Anything you'd like?
Oh, how about some of this?
- No thank you, I don't do those things,
- Well, it's your loss,
Yeah, you keep coughing huh,
You keep coughing, you keep feeling,
Ooh!
Did you see that?
Did you see that there?
- Why is this funny?
- Why?
Because he got kicked in the balls by his kid,
And he's not supposed to do that,
Over here, I don't know,
- Um, Hamid?
Excuse me, Hamid,
- Oh, oh, oh,
- Hi, I'm so sorry, we weren't home,
- Come come, sit down,
- Do you mind?
If we talk? - Sit down,
- Great,
- Of course not,
- Okay,
My father called,
He apologized for his behavior last night,
- Are you kidding?
He really did that?
- Yes, yeah,
I mean he wanted me to apologize on his behalf,
- Well, this is the right things to do,
See, if America apologizes for its behavior,
we would establish good relations, don't doubt it,
But let me tell you something,
My behavior wasn't right either,
Actually, I haven't seen an American politician closely,
I panicked,
- Well, I will tell him you said that,
- No!
I mean, not yet,
- Okay, um,
Look, how about we have another family dinner?
I hope everyone enjoys this gourmet dinner,
- It looks great, honey, - - It looks great,
- Whatever has happened that brought us together is done,
And there's nothing that any one of us can do
to change that now,
So I highly suggest that we focus on a common happiness
which is the twins,
- One baby,
- One baby?
What about the twins?
- I say that there must be a time when a new baby
is going to be born,
He must be born with peace of mind
and to be assured, no matter in what country
he opens his eyes, he must find happiness,
And this is our firstborn!
- Dad, why don't you take Hamid to the beach?
- No beaches, no,
- It's okay, we can do something different,
I have something in mind, it's a historical venue
and I think you'll get a kick out of it,
I think you'll like it,
- As they say, maybe the second time was the charm,
But you won't believe what happens next,
- Well thank you, TJ, I really appreciate you
taking me out of the house today,
- Ah, no problem,
I thought you'd enjoy this, a bit different,
- Another spy,
- Ah, that's Hector,
Don't worry about him,
He's our photographer, our campaign clown,
He thinks he's Peter Pan,
- Okay, okay,
What a beautiful ship,
How sad it was used for war,
- Yeah, I agree,
- We have many reasons not to trust America,
- That works both ways, my friend,
- If every time, every time we extended our hand
for friendship, either you smack it or you trick us,
- Hamid, please, let's not start another political argument,
I mean if we're gonna be friends,
I mean we're family now, right?
No matter how we feel about things, okay?
So let's not give in to those things that
create animosities, you know?
Who benefits from that?
- Okay,
Good question,
- That is a good question, answer it,
- I know the answer,
I need to know your opinion,
- I don't have an opinion,
- I think you do,
I think you do, stop kidding,
You know very well who benefits from our animosity,
What?
Is that Joe?
- Who's that?
- That guy,
Hey, Joe,
Joe!
Is he following me?
- That's a pretty creepy looking guy,
How do you know him?
- I met him,
I mean he is a strange character,
I met him when I was exploring the city,
He's, he's kind of crazy,
He has this fantasy of blowing up a bomb
in a crowded area in Los Angeles,
What?
TJ, he's a crazy guy,
he's a very dangerous guy,
Is he going to do it?
Joe!
Joe, he has a bomb!
Wait!
- Gerald, Gerald, Gerald,
there's a bomb!
Call 911, the police!
- Hey, where you going?
- We've got a possible bomb threat
assume there by the harbor,
I'm heading there now,
- Come on,
Gotta get your message out,
- Joe, Joe, wait!
Wait!
- We have two subjects
entering the top deck of the battleship,
They possibly have a bomb on them,
Proceed with caution,
- No, no!
Joe, in this ship, these are innocent people!
- You don't understand!
I am trying, trying to save the world!
- Hamid!
Are you okay?
- I'm good, don't worry,
- This is the police,
You're surrounded,
- You ruined everything!
- I saved you!
I saved your people!
- Who would have thought,
my dad, an American hero,
Don't worry, he's sure gonna let everyone know,
- Enjoy your life as a great American patriot!
- Fuck you!
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!
- It was my humane duty to do this,
Maybe who knows, maybe it was God's will
that I take this trip and come to save the lives
of these innocent people,
- That's right,
And my family has and always will protect
the innocent, and I am very very proud of my brother,
- I am a political activist,
And people in Iran know me as anti-Imperialist,
I am a true--
- And he is my guest,
And I am Tucker, Tucker Jefferson,
- And I am Tucker Jefferson's security consultant, Gerald,
- Out, detective, out,
- This is Vincent Van Hinden with WCPZ news,
back to you Greg,
- Hey,
Hello?
Huh?
Kate?
- I like this,
Look at that, huh?
That looks actually pretty good,
I'm happy so far,
I bet he is,
- Dr, Valentino, to the OR please,
Dr, Valentino, to the OR please,
- This can be nothing but stress,
We don't need it now,
- Yeah, you got that right,
- What are you thinking about, TJ?
- Ah, I was just thinking about
what a great thing you did out there today,
It was very impressive,
And I'm glad you're part of the family,
- Thank you,
- Excuse me,
What, is it too bad?
- Benjamin says that Kate's situation is not normal,
- What do you mean not normal?
- Because the doctor says it's 50-50,
Hamid, I'm sorry,
- My darling, 50-50 is better chance that we ever have,
It'll be okay,
Leave it in God's hands,
Don't worry,
- An anonymous source has drawn our attention
to an interesting point,
This is a photo from 1980
when Iranian students stormed
the American embassy in Tehran,
In this photo is non other
than Mr, Hamid Chikhamvari
with clenched fists of anger,
How he got a visa and came to the US is being investigated,
But it seems he entered American soil
with the official support and invitation
of Mr, Tucker Jefferson,
I just interviewed Mr, Chikhamvari recently,
Hear his puzzling interview next,
- There are no mortal enemies,
There are only manufactured enemies
that serve for specific purpose,
- Iran and the US,
two enemies, former friends, lobbying
media attacks at each other almost every day,
When will it stop? Do you think it will ever end?
- Saul?
- Are you watching the fucking television?
What have you done, Tucker Jefferson?
- I can explain,
- Oh you can explain, huh?
What a mess, you're never gonna get
the evangelical vote this way,
You're gonna be reduced to a bit player!
Come on, it's too controversial,
- Please, Saul, I can't talk right now,
I will explain later,
- You don't have time,
You don't have time for me?!
Son of a bitch,
- It's a mind game,
I'm gonna torture him and then I'm gonna kill him,
I very consciously want to,
- Mr, President, please calm down, all right?
I'm still not even sure,
- What does that mean?
Do you understand, can you articulate why you can't?
- It's gonna be fine,
You gotta trust me, all right?
- We're not having this conversation,
- Please, you have to understand this,
Mr, President?
- Fucking crazy motherfucker!
You ruined me!
- What is the matter?
I thought we were family,
- Who paid you to come here and destroy me?
- What's wrong with you?
Calm down, brother,
- Oh no, don't call me brother,
Don't call me brother,
Where were you 40 years ago?
- You mean January 40 years ago,
or 40 years ago now?
I don't even remember what I had for breakfast!
- You,
- Eggs and turkey bacon!
- What?
- I remember what I had for breakfast,
- You were one of the students
that occupied the American embassy in Tehran in 1980!
- Oh that?
- Yeah, that!
You know, you're the one that's a spy,
You were hired to come here
and drag me through the mud,
Yeah,
- I've come here for bone marrow,
you stupid old man,
I saved your people when you did absolutely nothing,
- I don't believe you!
- This is just crazy talk!
- That's enough!
My wife is dying,
Is there nothing sacred for you two?
¶ Will the train pass me by ¶
- Stable?
How does it look?
- Good,
- That look good to you?
Good to me,
¶ Behind the silver ¶
- Check those levels for me please,
- Doctor,
- Oh god, the mom is dropping,
Call the Tac team right now,
Open up the IV's right now, we need more,
¶ I can't stay here no more ¶
- Hey, it's me, Hamid,
I'm going to take over now
because my son, God bless him,
is so dramatic,
He's nothing like me,
You don't have to thank me, but you're welcome again,
Nothing is permanent in this world,
Not even our troubles,
It doesn't really matter your race, religion,
or national origin,
We're all humans,
And love is human,
- You doing your homework, sweetie?
- Yeah,
- I brought your favorite juice,
- Thank you,
- Let me know if you need anything,
- Here's my interview with Tucker Jefferson
from this morning,
- I think the American people want to know the truth
of what's happening in the world,
- If you can sum up the truth
in one word for us, Mr, President, what would it be?
- That's a tough one, Christina,
But the policy of American government
is focused on family values,
And I hope that when a child is born,
no matter where in the world,
when he opens his eyes he has peace of mind,
and his goal is to find happiness,
I believe everybody in the world wants that,
- Thank you so much for joining me this morning,
Mr, President,
- Thank you everybody,
- In line with the policy of focusing on nation and family,
President Tucker Jefferson announced his imminent
travel to Iran,
After freeing Iran's assets and lifting sanctions,
President Tucker Jefferson took big steps
to reconcile with Iran,
And this trip can be the beginning of a new era
in relations with Iran
and generally throughout the middle east,
With a policy that was welcomed tremendously
by the American and Iranian nation,
¶ Will the train pass me by ¶
¶ As I wander in the night ¶
¶ Behind the silver line ¶
¶ Of our memories ¶
¶ And it's time to just admit it ¶
¶ Ooh ¶
¶ I can't stay here no more ¶
¶ No more ¶
¶ 'Cause there's nothing holding me down here now ¶
¶ We faded into the clouds ¶
¶ If the train passes me by ¶
¶ At least they'll know that I tried ¶
¶ Every time that I hear it ¶
¶ Ooh ¶
¶ Through the mountain ¶
¶ I'm not so crazy ¶
¶ It's my dream coming ¶
¶ That's my calling ¶
¶ Now I know where I'm going ¶
¶ I'm gonna shed this old skin ¶
¶ My heart is opening ¶
¶ To a new, a new beginning ¶