- We routinely adjust our interpretation
of events and our scientific theories
to satisfy the dogmatic requirements of our beliefs,
Our beliefs set the boundaries
and define the limits of our science, they always have,
True skepticism is open mindedness,
the enemy of dogma, It's not about your body,
you're consciousness, that is what you are,
Your consciousness is already out of your body,
you don't, you don't need to get out of your body,
you just need to get into your consciousness,
What do the facts of your life,
the facts of your existence, and your results say
about the quality of your consciousness,
the effectiveness of your process,
or the size of your picture?
- So how is everything?
- As good as good can get, given the circumstance,
- Last time we talked a lot
about you wanting to escape,
- Yeah, it's like
a heaviness,
a pressure
from people, just the noise,
- How's the Zyprexa treating you?
- Okay,
- Any weight gain?
- Yeah, a little,
- You look the same to me,
- I win I guess,
- I've been meaning to ask you,
are you still smoking?
- Yeah,
- You know smoking's bad for you, right?
Let me ask you this, and you don't have to answer now,
what are you most afraid of in this moment?
- My mind going, I guess,
Forgetting who I am,
I just miss the time when this didn't define me,
or define my
fate, I guess,
- That can't be easy,
- Yeah, but,
You know, there are people suffering all over the place,
and people who have it a lot worse than I do, so,
- Do you often think about the pain of others?
- Yeah, I guess,
But having something in common with people
gives me some comfort,
You know, even if that thing is
suffering,
- Dead men,
There's mountains,
Europe has mountains,
Birds, and flowers,
We have military industrial complex,
so it all goes to bombs,
Lincoln,
- Hey, Harold,
How's it going?
- Oh, man, good to see you,
I'm really glad to have you here,
you came all this way for me, man?
- Yeah, not a problem,
- Thank you,
- You want a smoke, I got some,
- Yeah, yeah,
yeah,
Oh, yeah,
These are the ones I've been talking
to him about, man, I kept bringing it up
and, oh, hell, you know how they can be,
- Yeah, I know how they can be,
- Yeah, it's hard, man, it's hard,
It's, uh, nowadays, man, it's just,
it's just hard to tell, right?
- I saw you counting your change,
are you okay money wise?
- Yeah, yeah, no, I,
It's paying the bills, man, it's paying the bills,
You know, I'm fixing up the house,
I mean, my office, and,
well, shit, you know, it's a lot of work,
it's more shit than I can do, right?
- Yeah, yeah, oh, hey--
- What the fuck?
- They meant to tell you,
they sent me your Christmas bonus early,
- No, that's gonna be a problem, man,
that's not a good investment, no, no,
- Come on, you've earned it,
- Did they tell you that?
- Yeah,
- Yeah, they tell you this was tracked, man?
- What?
- Yeah, yeah, they gotta get their cut, man,
and you bring a fucking tracked bill,
no, no, it's okay, man,
Yeah, you take it, it's okay,
You had it before, man, it was no problem,
okay, I just can't take something like that, that's all,
- Okay, - Yeah,
- I'll keep it, - Yeah,
- Hey, what if, what if we just,
that way they can't find us,
- You're one of them,
You're one of them,
They're everywhere, man, there's no stopping them now,
It's over,
All my work,
For nothing,
- Ivan, hey man, you got this?
- Yeah, yeah, I got it,
- Super small, iced, leave room for cream,
- Mm, got it,
- Ivan?
- Holy shit, Emily?
Emily Fisher,
- How are you?
- Not bad, just, yeah, trying to keep from smoking,
which is hard, 'cause it's the only thing that gives me joy,
- Okay, well, I had no idea that you worked here,
I come here all the time,
- Oh, yeah, I work pretty late though, so,
During the daylight I'm trying to get my master's,
- Oh, yeah,
I guess undergrad just doesn't cut it like it used to,
- Exactly, well, Jesus, how about you?
- Well, I'm also no stranger to the darkness,
- That's perfect, that's perfect for you,
- I guess, thank you, no, I'm actually headed there now,
so I wanted to get something to help me keep my eyes open,
- Oh, yeah, don't let me hold you up,
- No, no, no, will you be here in like,
three minutes, and I'll catch you on my way out?
- Yeah, I'll be here,
- Okay,
- Hey,
so I'm off tomorrow, and,
I know we're both tired and old-ish,
would you maybe want to grab a drink sometime?
Not now, obviously, but at sometime soon?
- I, uh,
yeah,
yes,
Yes,
- Yeah,
- For sure,
- Alright, here,
This is my number,
How about you pick a place and a time
and text me, and I'll meet you there?
- Yeah, I can do that,
- Did I just ask you out?
- Yeah, it felt like it,
- Good,
- Your drink,
- Don't need it!
- Just go, just go, you got it,
Go,
Okay,
- Boo,
- Ah, hey,
- Hey, how's it going?
- Good, you?
- Pretty good,
- Hey, what can I get you to drink?
- Is that good?
- Uh, yeah, I'm into it,
- Can I have one of those, please?
- Sure,
- Thank you,
This place is great,
- Is it too loud?
- No, it's fine,
So,
Spill it,
- What?
- What have you been doing with your life?
What are you getting your master's in?
- It was physics before, but then I got into consciousness,
and I'm actually doing this study right now,
we're exploring out of body experiences,
- No kidding,
- Yeah, yeah, and I get to be one of the guinea pigs
that tries to have them,
- Dude, that's nuts,
- Yeah, right?
- Have you had one?
- It's, the other people in the study for sure have,
- We've had people in the hospital
that say that they've left their body during surgery,
- When they're unconscious?
- Yeah, about two years ago we had this woman who said
that she saw her husband standing over her
in the OR when she was under, and this was for,
like, I don't know, relatively minor thing,
like, she was fine, but her husband went
into cardiac arrest and died when he was sitting
in the waiting room, and he never entered the OR once,
and she said that she saw him standing there the whole time,
- That's incredible,
- I know,
- Well, what do you make of it all?
- I don't know,,,
coincidence?
Yeah, I'm the worst, I just, I don't know,
I feel like
people dream funny dreams when they're on anesthetic drugs,
I mean, maybe if they suddenly spoke a different language
or knew the cure for cancer, I'd be convinced
that their soul just somehow magically left their body,
- That's a pretty high bar to set for evidence,
- Yeah, but I feel like we set the bar pretty low
when we want something to be true,
- Yeah, I'll give you that,
So that must be tough, your job?
- Just physically, I mean, helping people is the best,
and if I ever actually, if I ever actually save a life,
I mean, that's why we do it, right?
Oops,
Are you okay?
- Yeah, sorry, I just get anxious in public spaces,
it's dumb,
Sorry, sorry, I hate that,
- Hey, it's okay, you're okay,
You know what?
We can just get out of here, I will not give a shit, okay?
- Okay,
- Hey, can we get the check, please?
- Yeah, sure, no problem,
- Thank you,
Seriously,
It's just me,
No one else,
You're okay,
- Okay,
- Here you are, no rush,
- Perfect timing,
- Wow, that actually helped a bit,
What are you, a hypnotist?
- Yeah, definitely,
Do you want to see my apartment?
- Wow, your place is nice,
You're a nurse in a hospital,
- Want some?
- Yeah, but I probably shouldn't,
- That's not the guy I remember,
- I get too paranoid these days,
Plus, I don't know it'll affect that research thing,
- It helps me sleep, takes my mind off shit,
- Until the fear starts to take hold,
I've come for your soul,
- Oh, shit,
- Come for your, oh, give it to me,
give me your skin,
Sorry,
- I have to tell you something,
and it's really bad, and
I feel awful, and you're probably gonna hate me,
- Jesus, what is it?
- I,
- Come on,
- I'm engaged,
Like, engaged engaged,
I know it wasn't fair for me not to say anything, but
I just saw you,
and I wanted you,
I wanted you for a long time,
and it just felt like my last chance,
And I just thought that if you knew, you wouldn't do this,
- I have no problem with it,
- Okay,
- I mean, you didn't promise me anything, right?
- Yeah, okay,
Are you sure?
Okay, God, it feels good to get it off my chest,
- Who is he?
- Oh, do you remember John Gardner?
What?
What is it?
- I didn't say anything,
- Fucking face, what?
- No, no, he's a good guy, we were, like,
roommates for a year,
- Fuck,
I'm so fucking stupid,
- Stop,
- No, I just hate myself so much right now,
- Look, I felt like if you were really happy with him,
you wouldn't have fucked me, let's be honest,
- Shut up,
It's, no, I just, I feel like I'm on this conveyor belt,
and the path is set, and I cannot stray,
even for a second if I wanted to,
- I heard this saying that a person who won't leave a room
because they don't know how, or because they're too afraid
to open the door, they're trapped, just the same,
whether or not the door is locked,
- I heard a saying once that people
who say sayings are fucking douche bags,
- Yeah, yeah, I set myself up for that one,
- Oh, I'm sorry, you know I'm joking, right?
- Yeah, no, I just won't ever give you advice again,
- Oh, I don't know,
John is fine, most of the time,
but he drinks a lot,
and he has cheated on me more than once,
- Well,
Now I like him less,
He's not gonna barge in here, is he?
- No, he's in Germany, or on his way back from Germany,
- Why Germany?
- 'Cause he's in the army,
- Fuck,
- Yeah,
- Fuck,
Oh, shit, what did we just do?
- I know,
You know what?
No, I feel like every chance he's had to fuck around,
he has, and every time I stood by him,
so he can either
forgive me, or
leave,
- I'd prefer if he never found out about this,
- Yeah,
No matter what happens, I'm really glad that we did this,
- Same,
Don't do that,
Hey,
- Hey,
How's it going?
- Good, great,
- It was nice seeing you the other day,
- Yeah, yeah, you too,
- Hey, listen, John wants to talk to you,
- Yeah?
- Hey, brother, long time no see,
- Hey, yeah, yeah, it's been awhile,
- How's everything?
Emily told me she ran into you,
- Yeah, yeah, that, that happened,
So you two are getting hitched, huh?
- Yeah, bet you never thought you'd see the day,
Just got back and got tons of planning to do,
I think today we're doing the cake tasting thing,
I don't know, but it's not all bad,
- Yeah, who doesn't like cake, so,
Emily told me you were in the army,
and I was like, how did I not hear about this?
- Yeah, man, we haven't spoken in forever,
Long enough for me to go to hell and back,
- When did you get back?
- Hey, man, you wanna come over for a drink tomorrow?
I'd love to swap war stories,
- Uh, yeah, that should work for me,
- Yeah?
- Yeah, yeah, that sounds good,
- We can text you the address,
Awesome, alright, I'll see you then, peace, brother,
- Yeah,
- Hey,
- What's up, dude?
- Get ready, I'm bringing it in close,
- Hey, John,
- Hey, how's it going?
- Good, good,
- Good seeing you man,
- You too,
- Come on in, let's do this,
You ate, right?
- Yeah, yeah, I'm good,
- Good, 'cause this is all we got,
- I'm gonna make such a mess,
- What's new with you?
Em says you're back in school,
- I told you, he's literally soul searching,
- Yeah, yeah, neuroscience, close enough,
- Yeah, she said you were a lab rat, what's that about?
- Um, yeah,
I'll just start from the beginning,
a few years back, I saw this talk at the university given
by this wizard looking dude--
- Like a Gandalf wizard?
- Exactly, total Gandalf, so the talk was
about consciousness and the idea
that reality is all an illusion,
and underneath it all is this consciousness system
that we're all a part of,
And according to him, with enough practice,
we can all access this system through advanced meditation,
so when you hear about out of body experiences
or astral projection, it's actually these people
just breaking the boundaries of the illusion,
- So it's bullshit,
- Maybe,
Or maybe it's hard to imagine the world is round
if you always thought it was flat,
- Fair,
- So, yeah, now I'm Gandalf's research buddy,
- I'm so curious to see what you find out,
I mean, this is not my area at all,
but based on my ridiculously limited background
in medical research, I'm qualified enough
to say that we know almost nothing
about how the brain works,
- No, right, exactly, and this is weird, too,
there's some evidence that observation
alone can affect things outside of our mind,
You've heard of the double slit experiment, right?
- I have,
No, I haven't,
- Ignore him,
- Please, educate,
- Okay, the double slit experiment is one
of the most replicated experiments in physics
because it is so fucking weird,
So you have these two slits, and behind that is a censor,
like a wall, and if you blast light through the slits,
a wave pattern is created on the sensor,
which makes sense, right,
because light is like a wave, right?
Okay, so later they figure out how
to fire photons, light particles,
one at a time through the slits,
and they still make a wave pattern,
- Okay,
- Okay, okay, so blast light, wave pattern,
blast individual photon particles, still a wave pattern,
It's weird because you'd think
that individual particles would arrive kind of randomly,
it wouldn't be able to create the wave pattern one particle
at a time, right, it just doesn't make sense,
- None of this shit makes any sense,
- Shut up,
- Okay, here's where it actually gets interesting,
To find out how individual particles
could make wave patterns, they set up these little detectors
to see the particles pass through the slits,
and the particles totally changed their behavior,
The pattern on the sensor just looked
like the particles shot straight through the slits
in a perfectly straight line, no more wave pattern,
They thought maybe the placement
of the detectors interfered with the particles somehow,
so they turned them off, but kept them in place,
and the particles made a wave pattern again,
Detectors on, double slit pattern,
detectors off, wave pattern,
So the behavior of the particles depended
on whether or not they were actually being observed,
- Spooky,
- Wha?
- I swear, every time I see you I learn something new
and awesome,
- So John, you're a military man now, huh?
How the hell did that happen?
- Yeah,
Sorry, yeah, it never used to be this hard to talk about,
- You don't have to,
- I will say this,
Being over there really shows you what we take for granted,
and I feel a lot of guilt about that,
- I get that,
- Seems like our days of being spoiled are numbered,
though, things aren't what they used to be,
I mean, there's a lot more shared poverty nowadays,
- Our system feeds on poverty, it needs it,
- Yeah, but on the other hand, I mean, this wine,
There's a heater in here and a refrigerator,
- And you got that beast of an internet porn collection,
so there's always that,
- Yes,
- Seriously, it's like a fucking terabyte,
- On that hard drive,
- I'm just saying, ugh,
- Why don't you just stream it like a normal person?
- What, I am storing up for the apocalypse,
Got my vintage VHS '90s porn classics,
- What, like Barbara's Bush?
- And Ghost Thrusters,
Cliff Banger,
Forrest Hump,
That's good shit,
Ivan, in a couple weeks I'm taking this hiking trip,
kind of a last hurrah before Em and I are trapped
in a boring marriage for the rest of our lives,
- John wants to go on a vision quest,
- I just want to set up a tent on the beach
and just feel the quiet,
- I keep telling him that even after we're married,
he can still go off on a lonely pilgrimage
to the middle of the woods, but he doesn't get
that I'm not a fucking prison guard, so,
- It's not the same, I just,
I could use a spiritual guide on my vision quest,
- Oh, wow, man, uh,
- Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to freak you out,
I know it's, we haven seen each other in forever,
and, I don't know, I'm digging the vibe here tonight,
- Um,
yeah,
- Yeah? - Yeah,
- Seriously?
- Yeah, yeah,
- I mean, it's short notice,
Gandalf's not gonna be pissed, is he?
- No, that's, no, it's fine,
I think that'll actually be a good place for me
to just unplug and practice all this voodoo shit,
- Yes, awesome, this is great,
Look, I'll tell you all about it after I pee,
I'll be right back,
- Rain around the Chicago area today
temperatures are holding at--
- Hey, Mom,
- Hey, where have you been hiding?
I haven't seen you for awhile,
- Yeah, there was no hiding,
I was just at a friend's place, having a drink,
- You have an appointment this morning, right?
- Yeah, I do,
- Are you still not taking your pills?
- I can't, I can't handle that stuff,
- I know you don't want to hear this,
but I think that's a bad idea, your doctor said
that the side effects might improve it if you just--
- No, Mom, I don't know how many ways I can tell you
that that stuff makes me want to kill myself,
Look, I'm honestly saying I'd rather be dead
than spend the rest of my life on that shit,
I'd rather be crazy, for that matter,
Look, it's not an easy situation, okay?
But that's just how it is,
- I just don't want to lose my son,
does that make me a crazy person?
- I know you don't, Mom, but you want your son
to like his life, right?
- Come here,
I do,
I do want you to be happy,
- Thank you,
Are you okay?
Seriously, are you okay?
- I'm gonna break it off with him,
I think,
- What happened?
- You know what happened,
What are you doing?
- You, you invited me over,
- No, you idiot, why are you going with him?
- Look, I know it's weird, I know how it looks,
it's fucking weird,
- Yeah, it is,
- I have some problems,
Some health problems,
and I think it's a really good idea if I go,
- What's wrong?
You're sick?
- It's just, it's,
it's just kind of hard to talk about, so,
I, sometimes it's,
can you do me a favor, could we wait
to talk about this when I get back?
I know it's a lot and it's kind
of fucked up for me to do, but,
But I hope you believe me, Emily,
when I say I like you a lot, 'cause I do,
and this trip isn't gonna change that,
and I hope someday you can understand why I'm going
and maybe forgive me for fucking you up in the process,
- So is this thing contagious?
- No,
- Oh, one bed, well,
at least it's big enough for both of us,
- I'll take the floor,
- Why, I need to cuddle and be warm with my baby,
- No, that's fine, - Gonna snuggle,
- John, John, it's fine, it's fine,
- Alright, no, I got the floor, I insist,
- No, no, no, no, you brought me out here, so,
- Alright, whatever,
This is great, man, thanks for coming out with me,
- Yeah, of course,
- You tired yet?
- Not really,
Look, I don't know where you got this idea from,
no, she's just, she found me, I,
I would never do that, Emily, no,
No, I didn't fuck her,
- Ivan,
- No,
- Ivan,
- Look, I agree, you're a good guy,
- Ivan,
- Yeah, yes?
- You're talking in your sleep,
- Really?
- Yeah, you just said you didn't fuck my fiance,
- I must have, um,
- You dreaming I was interrogating your or something?
- Yeah, yeah, I think so,
That really didn't just happen?
- No, I've been asleep for like, an hour and a half,
- Look, I'm sorry, I'm out of it,
I haven't drank that much in awhile,
- It's all good, man,
Dumbass,
- You've been to this spot before?
- Not this exact spot, but I've heard good things,
- Private beach?
- Not exactly, it's pretty far in,
most people don't hike all the way in,
- Awesome,
- Thank you very much,
What?
- What the fuck was that?
- What?
- That shit eating grin,
- Politeness?
- Right,
- Plus I'm not married yet,
What, Jiminy Cricket, what?
- It's just douchey, man, we used to make fun
of assholes that did shit like that,
- How long have you had a thing for Emily?
Just curious, no big deal,
- That's not what this is,
- Right, you're talking in your sleep,
this weird protection of her,
I get it, it's way fucking obvious,
- Look, I don't want there to be any bad blood,
there's nothing going on,
- Okay,
- Here, show me on this thing again where we're going?
- Alright,
So we're gonna, here we are,
follow this ridge down to this area here,
it's pretty steep, we won't exactly have to rappel
or anything, but it'll be hairy,
then we'll cut over here about two and a half hours,
and then we'll be at our home away from home
for the next two weeks,
- Anything out there that can kill us?
- Yeah, being stupid, falling off a cliff,
- What about, like, snakes, or?
- It's bear country, mountain lions,
but if you're loud enough on the trail,
they'll stay away,
The land, though, is owned by the government,
so if anyone asks, just play dumb,
- That would have been a lot easier
to do before you said anything,
- Sorry,
So if we keep heading west,
we should be in pretty good shape,
Worse comes to worse, my cellphone's mostly charged,
What do you think?
- Awesome,
I'm gonna pass out,
- I need a little more this way,
- Can't believe how many stars,
- And this is why the city sucks,
- Yeah, wish I knew more constellations,
You're an aliens guy, right?
I feel like I remember that,
We're not alone in the universe, according to Ivan,
- No,
No, I'd say we're the only planet
in the whole universe comprised
of over a billion galaxies that has life on it,
I mean, that's obvious, right?
Forget the fact that we've discovered
over 2,000 exoplanets,
30 of which are in the habitable zone
that we know of, so,
- Sorry I asked,
- I mean, it's ridiculous to think that we're alone,
- I don't know, I agree with that,
I guess, but I just, I don't know, what about the farmers,
talking about their cows getting probed, or,
- Jesus,
- Spacecraft crashing, and,
Do you think we've got ET locked up somewhere?
- Maybe, maybe life as we know it
travels through the universe on a comet,
or meteor, or spacecraft,
- Huh,
- Maybe life has always been around
in one form or another,
- The important question is,
has anybody ever fucked an alien?
- God, I hope so,
- Me too,
I bet they've got way more holes,
- Like a flute,
Wait, , under a flute,
they're all, those are all holes,
- It plays music,
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's exactly it,
- We're both thinking it,
- That's exactly what I was thinking,
- Oh, God,
- No, not, not right there,
Yeah, you hit it,
You hit it,
- That's the dumbest thing ever,
♪ Welcome to the jungle, baby ♪
♪ We got fun and games ♪
♪ Like Skee-ball and pop a shot ♪
♪ And pizza night is Thursday night ♪
♪ So why not stay and play ♪
♪ We got prices that will bring you ♪
♪ To your ♪
♪ Sha na na na na na na ♪
♪ Knees, knees ♪
- So dumb,
- Oh, man, if I never seen another billboard
or hear another commercial again, I'm all set,
- Amen,
- So what next?
- You see that big one?
Right by the dead tree?
- Yeah, I see it,
- Now,
You know, when I first came up with this idea,
I thought about coming by myself,
and then Em mentioned your name,
and I was like, fuck, yeah, Ivan, of course!
It's a tragedy that you and I haven't seen each other
in as long as it's been, so,
It's good to have you here,
- Thanks,
- And
being around people that you trust,
That's all there is,
- Yeah, yeah, for sure,
Why didn't you bring her along?
- Em and I are fine,
But
sometimes I think about all the years ahead of us,
just sitting in the same room,
watching each other lose our minds,
you know, the great collapse,
I think about cleaning up after our would be kids,
and all the shit that goes along with that, and,
It just feels like it could be so suffocating,
So I want to extend the chapter preceding,
- I doubt it'll be that bad,
- Yeah, you're probably right,
Hope you're right,
Ivan, hey,
Ivan,
Fuck,
You okay?
I'm coming in,
- It's not my fault,
- What's not your fault?
What's not your fault?
Hey, hey, hey, shh, shh, shh, shh,
Hey, it's okay,
- Sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
- We're all good,
- I'm sorry,
I'm sorry,
- Fuck,
It's all you,
- Thanks,
- Before we head in, you sure you don't want
to get a return ticket, get out of here?
I've got no problem doing that for you,
- No, it's fine,
I just feel terrible, I should have told you,
- It's cool, man, I just need
to know you're going to be okay,
- It's not usually like that,
That was different,
It must be the booze, or me being off my routine,
or something, it's fucking with me,
- What is it?
- Schizoaffective disorder, they think,
I get paranoid and sometimes hallucinate,
Yeah, that's how I looked when they first diagnosed me,
- What do they do, how do you fix it?
- I'm supposed to be on meds,
But the last time I took those longer than a week,
I couldn't stop dreaming up ways to kill myself,
- And if you don't take them?
- Then down the rabbit hole I go,
Alright, I think I'm gonna go do my meditation thing,
it helps calm the nerves,
- Hey, I don't want to mess with your mojo or whatever,
but do you mind teaching me how you do it?
- The goal is to remain present without a bombardment
of thoughts, just clear your mind,
- No thoughts, that should be easy for an idiot like me,
- It's a lot harder than it seems,
you're thinking without even realizing it,
Just close your eyes
and breathe in
and feel your weight sink into the sand,
You hear the waves in the distance?
- Yeah,
- Just focus on that, just focus on that sound
and that sound only,
If a thought enters your mind,
just let it float out to sea with the next wave
and the next one
and so on,
- My leg's asleep,
This is impossible,
It's impossible not to think,
Hey,
Hey!
I'm gonna head down the beach, take a look around,
Feel free to join me when you're done pretending,
Jesus, fuck, you scared the shit out of me, dude,
You've been gone for like, 10 hours,
The sun's going down, so we'll have to go to town tomorrow,
- Sorry, when I'm in, I'm in deep,
- Gross,
Hey, help me find some more shit to burn, huh?
- Sure,
- So I've been thinking,
And is that whole
scientist wizard
out of body study thing real?
- What?
Yeah, it's--
- They work with a lot
of Schizoaffective people, or?
- Yeah, I mean, it's just--
- Do they even know?
- Look, I get it, and you're right to be skeptical,
it's,
- I'm not judging at all, I'm just curious,
- It's mostly true,
- Which parts?
- The scientist guy's a real guy,
but I don't know him personally,
I follow his writings, but I'm not part of the study,
there is no study,
I just thought his teachings would be something
to help my situation,
- Are you in school, is that even true?
- Yeah, part time,
Look, what would you do?
I'm losing time, and I'm losing it,
- I just don't want to see a friend get hurt
studying the writings of some bullshit, new age guru,
- Too late,
And I don't think meditation is the leading cause
of death anywhere,
- It's not the meditation I'm worried about,
it's what you're not doing medically,
What is it you're trying to achieve, anyway?
- Just a little more time,
Just more time, as a clear-headed person
that's not a burden on anyone,
Hi,
- What the fuck?
Fuck,
- You alright?
- Yep,
Where'd you go off to?
- Oh, I'd, uh, I thought I'd go try meditating
on top of that hill over there,
- See anything interesting?
- Only in my mind,
What's up?
- I'm gonna head into town
and pick up some beverages and shit,
- Okay,
- You coming?
- Sure,
- What?
What are you talking about?
How?
Poker?
- No, I suck at it,
- Who gives a shit?
- I'm good,
- Come on, bitch,
Yeah, there you go,
- You should eat something,
- Not hungry, I haven't been hungry all fucking day,
So why can't you drink?
What's it do to your busted brain?
- I get confused,
- That little sip make you confused?
- Not right now, no,
- Come on, man, get confused,
Don't be such a pussy,
- So what are the stakes?
- Oh, fucking, perfect,
- What?
- You're a fucking liar,
I gotta go pee,
- Whoa,
Get up, get up,
you piece of shit,
Woo, it's a good idea,
ah,
Fuck,
My friend is missing, we've been camping on the beach,
and, uh,
I woke up this morning,
he was just gone, I'm afraid he might have drowned,
Yeah,
Yes, thank you,
Thank you,
- So when was the last time you saw your friend?
- Last night, he was there when I went to sleep,
- Did he make or receive any phone calls
or text messages before he disappeared
that you're aware of?
- I don't think so, no,
- Can I ask what happened?
- Yeah, night before last I slipped down this cliff,
and Ivan stopped my fall by stomping on this hand hard,
Lucky to be alive, really,
- I would say so, you fellas sure got the rough end
of it out there, didn't you?
Was there any indication
that he would want to leave the camp?
Did you have any arguments with Ivan,
any disagreements that caused him
to run off or head for home?
- I mean, we had a little disagreement,
I thought he was drinking a little too much,
but he eventually cooled off and we made our peace,
he thanked me, I thought it was okay,
can't imagine that would make him want to run off,
- How about you, did you have a lot to drink as well?
- A little later in the evening,
- On the beach?
- Yeah, on the beach,
- You know it's illegal to have alcoholic beverages
on protected property?
Okay,
So, bigger fish to fry,
what else can you tell me about Ivan Marshall?
- A couple days ago I found out he has
Schizoaffective disorder,
I don't think that would,
has anything to do with him disappearing, but, you know,
- And you found this out after you decided
to travel 2,000 miles away from home with him?
- We were college roommates,
we knew each other better back then,
He had what I would describe as like, a flare up
or an outburst or something, I woke up one morning
and he was having a paranoid episode,
He sort of snapped out of it
and that's when I got the story,
- Look, John, this doesn't sound good, to be blunt,
There's a lot of rough terrain out there,
and a lot of things can happen,
and they do happen, as you know,
Now, would it be too much trouble for you to stick
around town for a few days while we conduct a search?
- Not at all,
- Do you have any contact information
for his next of kin, or who that would be?
- He lived with his mom, I don't have her info,
but her name's Anna Marshall,
- Okay,
I'll make some calls and I'll get in touch
with her and let her know what's going on,
- Yes,
- John?
- Hi,
This is John,
- Yeah, John, this is detective Martinez,
- Yes, yeah, good to hear from you,
- Do you mind heading down
to the station in 30 minutes?
- Yeah, absolutely, everything okay?
- I'd rather chat in person if you don't mind,
just head to the station, we'll get it all sorted out,
- Okay,
- See you soon,
- Thank you,
- Unfortunately, I'm sorry to say
that we haven't found any trace of Ivan,
We did find a corpse up in the hills
about a quarter mile from your campsite,
but the level of decomposition suggests
that it couldn't possibly be our guy,
he was up there for at least a year, maybe more,
Apparent suicide, you just never know sometimes
what you'll find up there,
- That's insane,
- And other than some litter that we found
around the campsite, there were really no clues
that were helping us out,
I'd say the next thing for you to do is
to head back home, I know you have a life to get back to,
but we'll continue our search here,
and I will personally keep you up to date,
I'm really sorry, John, and at the risk of sounding cliche,
I want to let you know that we really are doing everything
that we can at our disposal,
- I appreciate it, thanks,
- You have my number, please call me
if you remember anything, I mean it,
- You got it,
- Have a safe trip, my friend,
- I'm home,
- You are,
- Em, I'm so sorry for every goddamned, dumb thing--
- I know, I know, John,
It's okay,
you're home now,
It's okay,
- I love you,
So
fucking
much,
- I love you, too,
- Hey, whoa, John, wake up,
Hey, John,
You're dreaming,
- What, Em?
- Yeah,
- Emily,
- It's okay,
- What, I can't, I don't want to go back,
- No, it's okay, you're just dreaming,
John?
Jesus,
- Ivan is his own man, I mean,
sometimes he would disappear for weeks,
weeks, and I wouldn't know where he was,
I didn't know if he was dead,
or off in some alley somewhere,
He just wanted to live,
and I always tried to protect him,
but I know how important it was for him to see things
and experience things, and he just never wanted
to slow down until the disease finally made him stop,
- Hey, giving it a try?
- Yeah, um, can we talk for a second?
Can we sit?
- Sure,
What's up?
- Um,
This is, it's going to be really hard for me to say,
I can't keep it in anymore,
No matter what I say, or however long it takes,
just let me get it all out,
- Okay,
I know you slept with Ivan,
I know you did it more than once,
and I know that you wanted to leave me for him,
- He told you,
- He didn't have to,
Look,
I need you to know
that I understand why you would,
why you did it, and I completely forgive you,
- God,
- It's okay, look, if we're gonna do this,
we just need to put it all on the table,
- I can't,
- What?
- I said I can't do this,
- Can't do what, which part?
- All of it, I can't marry you, I won't,
- I'm saying it doesn't matter, it's okay,
- No, it's not okay, I feel like
I know that you know, and
every time I look at you, it'll be this mirror,
reminding me of what I did, and then I'll think
of all the fucked up stuff that you did,
- You know I'm sorry for all of that,
how badly I feel for everything,
Please,
- It's not just that,
I haven't been happy for a long time now,
I don't, I don't want to be in a place
where we keep having to apologize
and forgive each other over and over again,
- But
that's marriage,
- Not, not to me, no,
- Goddammit,
Oh, what the fuck?
What did you do, why the hell did you do, please?
Please,
- I should have ended this a lot sooner,
- No,
- I was an idiot for dragging it out,
- No,
- It's over,
I just need to be by myself,
- Mm-mm,
Please don't do this, please don't,
please don't do this, look, you're not an idiot,
- You're right,
I'm weak, and that's why I couldn't end this sooner,
- Oh, fucking fuck,
- Hey,
- No, fuck you, fuck,
Em,
- No,
- Em,
I'm sorry, please,
- John,
- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you,
- Take whatever you need,
whatever is yours,
- You are a creator that uses and manipulates the evolution
of consciousness, and you are the result
of that same process, at both the non-physical
and the physical levels,
What is it they say, with great power comes great sex?
Money?
Whatever,
So what does all of this mean?
It means that you are the one in control,
you ultimately choose the path that's right for you,
and all of this will take time,
but your skillset will improve,
if that's the path you choose,