"THERE ARE NO WEEDS AND NO WORTHLESS MEN,
THERE ARE ONLY BAD FARMERS," VICTOR HUGO
NETFLIX PRESENTS
BAD SEEDS
Thief!
Thief! Help!
-Don't move! -Stop that thief!
Shit,
What the fuck?
THAT WILL TEACH YOU TO HELP OTHERS, ASSHOLE!
Stop sulking,
-I'm not, -Yes, you are,
I do it for them,
Sure!
If they didn't get a note, what would they tell their friends?
"I got robbed by an old woman,"
I'm not old!
Thanks to your note, it's me they're going to blame,
I'll wallop you,
I'd never hit an old woman,
Who says I'm old?
My eyes,
-Your name, -Monique?
Yeah, Monique, Like you're surprised,
Just be old,
I'm not old, I'm experienced, OK?
In a queue, people let you go first,
They offer you a seat on the metro, You're old,
I don't want to brag, but men do come on to me,
Come on to you?
You never know where "have a seat" may lead you,
It leads to "have a seat," Period,
Not at all, Men court me all the time,
-You said "court"? -Yes,
Proves you're old,
Look, it's not my fault you're a total oaf,
You pick up, but real men court,
One question,
On the street, do they think you're a girl,,,
my mother,
or the old lady from Titanic?
Silly!
I adore you, It's OK to be old,
Can you finish? I have to go,
-Where? -Courting,
OK, great, OK,
Screw Jay-Z, OK? I've known her for ten years,
No way,
Forget that,
She's here?
She canceled,
Disappointed?
-You bet, -You like her?
I love her,
-Yeah? -Yes,
If you're discreet about it,
give me your number and I'll introduce you next time,
-Really? -If you like,
-That's so kind, -Be discreet,
Promise,
-What's your name? -Wael,
-And what's hers? - Sarah,
-Sarah what? -No idea,
And on your phone?
Sarah "Terminal,"
She's sick? Shame on you!
No, like airport terminal,
So you will call her?
That's your three questions,
Can't you call just one back?
Can we go?
-No, -Hello, Need a hand?
-It's OK, -I don't mind,
Give me a break, OK!
Youngsters!
Helping or courting?
Stop it,
Ah, I see one,
An old man on his own,
Full cart, Let's go,
OK,
Monique?
Do I know you?
-It's me, Victor, -Victor?
Victor, But,,,
-Victor! -Incredible!
How long has it been? Thirty years?
What are you doing here?
Amazing!
-But-- -Your bag,
-What? -He stole it,
I never liked it anyway,
So what's new?
He can't,,,
-Outrageous! -No, really!
-Not so tight! -Shut up!
That hurts!
What's this?
We don't do it regularly,
The thing is it's,,,
It's more like,,,
a hobby than a professional activity,
Monique, you're no thief,
Shit,
Quiet, Wael!
Don't tell him my name!
You didn't steal, you helped people,
It's for this fool!
I keep him out of jail,
Sorry about his arm, but he picked the wrong day to steal your bag,
Why do you say that?
No reason,
Tell me, Maybe we can help,
Are you a youth worker?
No, so you can't help me,
I founded a youth club,
A small thing I run alone,
The guy I hired had an accident,
No replacement?
I need to interview, but who will mind the kids?
Try Wael,
-Are you kidding? -Not at all,
See it as compensation for us trying to rob you,
Talk about help!
He'll steal the kids' bags!
You've changed, Victor,
Is he qualified?
No,
But he's full of surprises,
Monique,,,
A magician is full of surprises, but he can't help me,
He's smart, They'll love him,
It's not about that, Being nice isn't a trade,
I need someone qualified,
He is,
You won't find anyone else now,
Please, Victor,
Help us,
Alright,
Wael!
Wonderful news! He'll take you on for the kids!
-Monique! -His idea?
It wasn't mine,
Just for one day,
Hold on,
No charges, and you're hiring me?
It's unpaid,
Right, I have a business trip tomorrow,,,
You want him to press charges?
But I can cancel,
Everything's turned out for the best,
Thank you, Victor,
No, thank you,
A new youth worker and a new secretary,
-Secretary? -Exactly,
Anyway,,,
See you tomorrow, Seven sharp,
But,,, Victor, you don't have a secretary!
I do now,
-Ah, karma, -Shut up,
-Seriously? -I told you, Too much makeup,
It's my secretary look,
I wouldn't say secretary,
-What? -You heard me,
No, Explain,
I'm embarrassed to look you in the eye,
I'm the problem? Look at your stupid outfit!
At least I don't scream STD,
You're one to talk, Mr, Wannabe,
-Sorry? -Yes!
-Me a wannabe? -You're corny,
-I'm corny? -Yes!
-No way, -No one dresses like that!
You're wearing a zoo,
-I fit with the times, -Give me a break!
Just go and get changed! You're both ridiculous,
-See? You're ridiculous, -And you, too,
He was looking at you,
Oh, yeah? And he can keep looking,
Unbelievable,
Your day center's empty,
It's not a day center,
-It's a place for troubled kids, -What?
Twelve kids regularly expelled from school,
We offer a vacation course, It's their last chance,
-Twelve of them? -Only six turned up,
You mind them until I find a replacement,
-That's it? -Yes,
One thing, The first day is compulsory,
To make them come,
Just the first day though,
The youth worker has to inspire them to come back,
You've got to make sure they come back tomorrow,
OK, I'll try,
No, don't try, Make sure,
No kids tomorrow, I press charges,
How did they get expelled?
Talking, fighting, insolence, absence, weapons,,, It all depends,
Absence?
So they miss school because they missed school?
You did hear him say weapons, right?
They're waiting for you,
It's like jail,
Just an old science lab,
Wael, one last thing,
If they behave badly,
remember a problem child is a child with problems,
Hey, boy!
Please?
Give me something,
Hi,
Hello,
I spoke to you, I said "Hello,"
Usually people reply,
That's what we call socialization,
Do you speak Spanish?
OK, I understand,
You can't hear me,
So you do understand,
You're ignoring me?
-Morning, -Good morning,
Give me two minutes and we'll start the interviews,
I won't be long,
There are a lot of them,
That's great,
Your friend might be free as of tonight,
It's voluntary, You didn't know?
-No, -Well, it's unpaid,
OK,
Yeah, red chair?
No, I'm not a teacher or a youth worker,
Say that again,
Not funny,
Out,
Go on, go!
Get out, OK,
That's unacceptable,
Go on, this is over for you,
Yeah go on, play it cool,
No one's impressed,
I'll take him to Victor,
Who is that maniac?
-Where did he come from? -He's nuts,
What did he say?
Moron,
-What? -No one's there,
Yeah, but what did he say to get chucked out?
-I think that-- -Screw that!
It's to get us to talk, We said we wouldn't,
Silence sucks,
It does my head in,
-Ten past eight and I've had it, -No willpower,
We stand united, OK,
-We fight back, -Nadia, chill,
-It's just one day, -It's a matter of principle!
They make us come, so we protest,
-Protest? We're not speaking, -Right, A silent protest,
-What? -Nothing, We're protesting,
There, That's done,
So I was saying, I'm not a youth worker, I'm not a supervisor,
I'm only here for today,
The guy who was due couldn't make it,
Because he died,
This morning,
You don't want to know how?
OK,
And so Victor is looking for a replacement
and it's hard because he doesn't want some loser,
So he's doing his best,,, Yes?
No losers, so why am I here?
-He got him, -What?
Think you're funny? Yeah? 1,000 push-ups,
Now, Go on,
Right, since I'm only here for a day, let's get on with it,
Who hates math and geography?
I'll teach you real stuff to use in real life,
Brush your teeth, Very important,
Back in the day, slaves with good teeth were kept alive,
So, brush your teeth,
Especially you,
You never know,
They may get you again, Don't give them the chance,
Don't believe what you see in porn,
Real plumbers have much less fun,
-You gay? -Huh?
Change your t-shirt if you're not,
You're giving off the wrong signals, It's hard to tell,
Beware of adults who eat cookies, Particularly gingerbread men,
They're pedophiles,
Women love motorbikes,
Take a helmet on your date to impress her,
Or him, We're cool,
Get cremated, so you can fight the zombies,
Questions?
I'm all for giving them a second chance, but,,,
a kid who stabs his art teacher 13 times?
That guy's here?
He needs the most help,
You win,
You don't want to talk, fine,
One more story, then I'll go,
Not just any story,
It's about a police investigation,
And not just any police investigation,
The case of the Napoléon Street Ripper,
1726,
Paris,,, The Latin Quarter,
The Simonois mansion,
It's cold,
It's raining,
The neighbor opens the door and finds,,,
Madame de Simonois
lying in a pool of blood,
Who killed her?
No idea?
I'll tell you,
The murderer,,,
Excuse me,
Hello?
I can't talk right now,
Who did it?
The maid,
Let people into your home and they betray you,
It's not the cook, so it's the maid,
Bullshit,
And her husband?
They're the guilty ones 90% of the time,
She's straight out of CSI!
My sister's a lawyer, that's all,
She tells me stuff,
Jimmy, we can't understand,
The husband and maid were too far away,
They weren't,
-He was dancing with her, -The coachman,
The coachman, yeah!
The maid was there,
Fabrice, tell them,
The coachman's armed,
I know this kind of crazy shit,
-That's crap! What are you talking about? -Fabrice, tell them,,,
-Bullshit, -That's all crap!
Whatever--
Sorry,
Where were we?
I was telling you a story, Shit, what was it?
Never mind, Break?
-No! -Tell us, please!
If I tell you, will you talk?
-Yeah? -OK,
So who was it?
-Don't know, I made it up, -Fuck!
-We got had, -We fell for it!
-I knew it, -You forced me,
Too many candidates, We'll have to have lunch later,
What's going on?
-No idea, -Did you see them?
No,
Is he doing OK?
He's resourceful, Trust him,
Come on, tell us,
-Please, -I showed you,
-Come on, Wael, -Please!
He can't do it, He doesn't know how,
Wael, Wael, Wael!
OK, OK, Quickly then,
Think of a tool and a color,
Got it,
Red hammer?
Me, A blue spanner,
What a surprise!
No red hammer for you,
-I think differently, -That must be it,
Most people think, "hammer, red," So you already know what they're thinking,
-Now guess stuff about us, -Meaning?
Personal stuff, Go round the group,
But you'll be too wary now,
Go on, Don't worry,
I think,,,
that Fabrice is an only child,
That's in my file,
Yes, and in your glass,
You only poured yourself a drink, selfish,
What about me? How many brothers and sisters?
Karim, I'm not the authorities, I've no idea!
I can only tell you the stuff I've noticed while we're together,
Shana, you admire Nadia,
You always look at her for approval when you speak,
Our turn, I think you're 30,
Bullshit, Forty,
No, Thirty-five,
At 30, you look and dress young, And 40, you dress and look old,
You look old, but you dress young,
Thirty-five,
And you're single,
Why is that?
No jewelry, no bracelets, Girls give their boyfriends that stuff,
Must be hard to be 35 and not married,
So? My sister's the same,
-Big surprise, -What?
It's her decision,
Yeah, sure,
Her career comes first,
Yeah, but Wael doesn't have a career,
What's his excuse?
I don't have a career?
You're here,
So you've got no style, no girl, and no career,
It's sad,
A pleasure to have lunch with you guys,
You always helped troubled kids?
No, it's new,
They're not troubled,
They just need more attention,
-I wasn't being mean, -I know, That would be unlike you,
It was tough getting this project approved,
Why?
I'm afraid many people think bad students cost too much,
-Right, Same for prisoners, -Yes,
They think there's no point in helping others,
Not married?
I was,
But she decided I lacked ambition,
I don't agree,
Anyhow,,,
It's strange seeing you dressed like that,
-Compared to earlier? -No, compared to your old life,
Tell me what happened,
-And you, Shana? -Same as Fabrice,
Talking, absences, and fooling around,
But not sexually,
Not funny,
-Nadia? -I'm smarter than most,
-Students? -Humans,
It's true, She's got an IQ of 140,
Is that a lot?
More than your whole family,
Jimmy, stop talking, We don't understand,
Karim, get him a pen, Maybe some of the words are similar,
But he doesn't know how to write,
-What do you mean? -What? Most gypsies can't,
-Don't say gypsies, it's travelers, -Exactly, They're travelers, not writers,
Yeah, and so since he travels a lot, not a lot of school, get it?
Hey! Who are you?
-Avoiding us? -Shut your mouth!
It's been three days now!
Those are just my things,
What's he doing here?
He's just a street kid,
He's blind, don't worry,
You'll have the money tomorrow,
Take what I have,
Leave us alone!
Kill her, too, No witnesses,
Next time you try to play blind,
remove your watch,
Be on time,
Follow the rules,
We'll house you, feed you, and educate you,
We ask just one thing in return,
Do your best,
Is that OK?
-Sister, -Sir,
Young man,
He doesn't speak French, He's a street kid,
Oh, yes? He seems happy to be here,
Go and wash now,
If he can't talk, then he can't write!
He understands everything,
-He laughs when you guys do, -He doesn't understand,
Jimmy, why won't you talk?
Me talk, Kids laugh,
He can talk,
Not well, but he can,
-Bird, -Yeah!
Great, Jimmy!
It's a cockatoo, but OK,
Show me,
That's an easy one,
Fish,
-Excellent! -It's a shark, guys,
Mushroom?
-Ace! -He's on fire,
It's not, it's a jellyfish! Why a mushroom when they're all animals?
They're mushrooms,
-Come on, seriously, -Mushroom,
-Are you OK? -Yeah, fine,
-Yes, OK, -It looks like a mushroom,
-Wael, isn't it time to go? -Seriously?
Yes, so it is, Bye then,
-See you tomorrow, -What are you talking about?
Coming back tomorrow?
See, it was cool today, but,,,
But it's just the first day that's compulsory,
I don't think I'm coming back tomorrow,
Why not?
I want to be at home,
No, come back, It's important,,,
This stuff I'm teaching you,,,
-Yeah, but,,, -Punishment,,,
Karim, you're coming back?
I've got stuff to do,
Shana?
Same here,
Ludo?
-Fabrice, I won't even ask, -Well, now I definitely won't be back,
Yeah, right, Jimmy, you're coming back, right?
Yeah, you're coming back?
You all should, This is important,
And what about Victor?
He's been working hard all day to try and find the right person for you guys,
And Victor hasn't got all that much time,
He's dying,
He hasn't got much time left,
He's very ill,
You're not coming?
Seriously, come back,
What does it matter to you?
I'll be in the shit, Victor will press,,,
Press me as to why I didn't convince any of you to come back,
It might,,,
OK, how much?
What?
I'll pay you,
Ten euros each and you come back,
-OK? -No, hold on a second,
Come here,,,
If he's offering ten euros, he can afford a lot more,
-Yeah, -OK,
-You know I can hear, -Don't listen to him,
Trust me, I can handle this,
-OK, -Go on,
The problem is ten euros isn't enough,
-We want 1,000, -Ten,
OK, ten,
-You suck, -He's too good,
What if we take the ten and we don't come back?
You won't get the next 10 tomorrow,
-You'll pay us every day? -Have you given me a choice?
No, we haven't, But tomorrow it won't be ten euros, It will be 1,000,
-Shut up, -No way, you shut up too,
Hang on, Will you be here tomorrow?
No, I won't be,
I'll stop by at the end of the day, If you're here, you get your money,
OK,
-Deal? -Yes,
Happy?
Right, get lost,
-Thanks, -Sure,
Thanks,
-Thank you, See you tomorrow, -Now you speak in full sentences,
It's a miracle!
-Thanks, Wael, -Yeah, yeah, See you,
-Good idea, -Yeah,
Thanks,
By the way, the others asked me
to take theirs for them and give it to them,
What others?
The guys from this morning,
The one who did the push-ups, the one you sent out--
Get out, Go,
Now,
Make it snappy,
What do you mean?
Your disgusting lyrics,
Pop music's gentler, more beautiful,
-It is gentler, -Thanks,
-You should try it though, -No, the words are so weird,,,
You OK, Ludo?
Yeah,
You know him?
He's my youth worker,
Why don't you go over there?
See you,
I thought there were loads,
Yeah, but some of them backed out and the others weren't right for the job,
I know, I don't understand it either,
Don't worry, we'll find someone tomorrow,
I hope so,
You can do one more day, right?
-So it's first come, first served, -No, I want someone good, of course,
But,,,
-It means I have to go back, -So?
-It's a pain, -You didn't enjoy yourself?
No, I had a good day,
They're funny, They're lively,
Apart from Ludo,
Something's not right there,
He's suffering but,,,
he doesn't give anything away,
Sounds familiar,
What's his problem?
No idea,
-So ask him, -He won't tell me,
You could try anyway,
Sound familiar?
What?
No, nothing,
They guessed I was single,
I like them more and more,
Did you also tell them you've got every girl in France's number
but you never call any of them?
Forget it,
Just one, Just ask one of them out to dinner,
How do I pick? I can't remember who's who,
-Give it here, I'll pick one, -No, stop, Let me be,
In the olden days, parents helped choose their daughter-in-law,
"The olden days?"
-Did you really say that? -Shut it, I'm not old,
Debatable,,,
There, That's where it hurts,
It's my tendons,
I did too much running around when I was young,
You didn't have much choice,
Those T, rexes run fast,
T, rexes!
What the,,,?
He goes to the job center, they ask him if he's got an appointment
and he says, with that really strong accent of his,
"Yes, I've got a phone interview at 9 a,m,"
That guy,,,
His mom wanted to get him a job at the bakery for the summer,
She was like, "Are you looking to fire extra staff?"
She meant "hire," right?
-Morning, Victor, -Hi, kids,
Did she really say "fire"?
She's like that,
What? Us Arabs? We've invented tons of stuff,
Like what? Benefits? No wait, that was you guys,
Math, moron,
And loads of other stuff, What about you?
The Kama Sutra, Yeah, take that!
His folks must like doing it in weird positions,
Look at him!
Bastard,
-Hi, -Why are you here?
I thought there was a replacement,
They haven't found one yet, so I'm back again,
What are we going to do?
-I don't know, It's really early, -It's not,
What about a little nap?
-No, -Nah, this isn't kindergarten,
You're such a weirdo,
Why would we have a nap when we just woke up?
Maybe "nap" was the wrong word, I should have said,,,
meditation,
-No way, -We just woke up,
Does he think this is an old people's home?
We don't do that stuff, weirdo,
No way we're going to sleep,
OK, OK, no meditation, Fine, That's enough shouting, please,
Let's play a game instead,
Get into teams of two,
If we're going in alphabetical order, I'm first!
Nah, alphabetical order sucks,
-I disagree, -Don't make me,
OK, not alphabetical order,
We'll do it in order of who's least likely to go to prison,
-What? -What?
That's discriminatory,
Group one, Nadia and Shana,
Group two, Fabrice and Jimmy,
Group three, Ludo and Karim,
Not going to sit together?
Guys, I was joking, You're not going to prison,
That's not it, It's just that Karim and Ludo can't be together,
Why not?
Their love is forbidden and so we mustn't tempt them,
No, it's because they don't speak,
Why not?
Because Ludo lives south and Karim lives north,
-So? -They're at war,
Didn't you know?
But why?
Honestly, no one can remember,
The older guys kept attacking each other,
then the younger ones copied,
Then they kept it up, even when they got older,
So then the younger ones copied them,
-And then they-- -Thank you, Fabrice,
I think I see how it works,
But you two care about that stuff?
Yeah, they do, That's why they're here, They fight all the time,
And you don't talk to each other at all,
If he talks to me, I'll smash his face in again,
Go on then, do it,
Listen good, I'm going to fuck you up,
Asshole!
Stop! Stop it!
Ludo! Sit down, man,
-Just sit, -You guys are a nightmare,
-See, told you they were in love, -Shut it,
"I'll fuck you up, I'm gonna do you,"
Sounds like love to me,
I'm Joseph, What's your name?
-Do you speak French? -No,
What's your name?
Wael,
You're Christian then,
No,
-Muslim? -Yes,
I'm Christian,
Muslims killed my family,
Christians and Jews killed mine,
I can teach you French if you want,
Having said that, heroin isn't Victor's biggest problem--
it's gambling,
It's been three--
-Bye, -Bye,
It's been three months in a row that he's told me he can't pay me,
He gambles my salary,
OK,,,
-Monique! -Let's make that four months,
Yes?
Could you tell the next person to wait five minutes?
I need to take a break,
-Have you been through all the files? -Yes, Master,
Don't call me that,
What? I'm not your slave?
I do all your filing and you don't even pay me,
You tried to rob me,
Hardly, It was just a bit of shopping,
And only the cheap stuff,
Own brand everything! It's pathetic!
I'm doing my best, Monique, Money's tight,
Have you ever tried those cookies you buy?
No, the kids eat them,
Monique, we're on a tight budget,
It's not about money, it's about attitude,
They need the best so they can be the best,
You think I want to fight for you?
No, because you treat me like a secretary,
-But you are my secretary, -No, Victor,
I'm a human being,
You don't give me any real responsibilities,
so it's hard to give this partnership everything I've got,
What partnership?
I just want you to file my paperwork!
I want, I want, I want! Stop with this alpha-male attitude,
Know what I want?
A review,
And I don't mean a salary review, tight-ass,
No, I'm talking about a promotion,
What are you talking about?
There are only two of us, Monique,
I want to be on the recruitment team with you,
I want to interview people,
-You know you've got too much work! -Yes, there is a lot to do,
But what do you know about interviewing?
Well, I've got one thing you'll never have,
Female intuition,
Admit it,
Admit that, at least,
I can spot a crook a mile off,
I'm sorry, Monique, I can't allow it,
Fine, Don't worry about it,
I'll get back to picking cotton, Thank you, Mr, Victor, sir,
Oh, come on, stop that,
Please may I leave now, Oh Great One?
Monique!
OK, fine,
Let's divide up the interviews,
OK,
You must be wondering why we're here,
OK,
We're here to work on something very important, Communication,
My dad say communication important,
Exactly, Your dad is right,
Communication is the most important thing on Earth,
It's not the smartest people who win, it's the most resourceful ones,
We know how to communicate,
Yes, with your friends, But with everyone else?
-Suspended for? -Being rude,
Being rude, And why were you rude?
-She started it, -No, stop there,
There's your problem, She wasn't the one who was rude,
-It's a communication problem, -What do you mean?
What you think, what you want to say, what you say,
what the other person hears, and what they understand,
five chances for miscommunication,
You invented that?
Yeah,
-You sure? It sounds familiar-- -I came up with it,
So the idea is to spend the day here, but we need to eat at lunchtime
so we need to find the money to buy something to eat,
And how are we going to do that?
Observe, analyze,
then act,
And no one attacks anyone,
Got it? Let the best man win,
Woman,
-So how was your weekend? -Excuse me?
-Mademoiselle, hello? -Sorry, not now,
Sorry, you were saying?
-What's the point? -Excuse me?
Sorry, we're busy,
-So you think that will help,,, -Shit,
Excuse me, How's it going?
-Hi, -What's your name?
Linda,
-You live round here? -Not far,
Right, Got five euros?
Tramp,
What about two?
-Paris-Versailles? -Yes, she races,
I'll have to really think about it,
Hello,
What's the most popular game right now?
Uncharted, but I'm almost out,
It's crazy, it makes me so mad,,,
Always the same,
Seriously?
You see a girl in trouble crying next to you and you walk off?
Yeah, go ahead, look elsewhere! Whatever you do, don't look at me!
Hi there,
Hey, we're both Arabs,
Get out of here! Go on, move!
Thank you,
Hello,
They've even got their kids working now!
I'm standing in for my dad, he's not well,
If I no sell everything, we thrown out,
Excuse me, Madame,,,
Are you OK?
Listen, it's not your fault, What does your bag look like?
It's black, And brand new!
-My folks are going to kill me, -What's important is you're not hurt,
Yeah,
-Judo! -What?
My brother's judo money was in the bag!
How much is judo?
Thirty,
I've only got 20,
It's 20!
It's 30 including the kimono, 20 without,
Here you go then,
-Serious? -Yeah,
Here,
Thanks,
-OK then, Bye, -Bye,,,
Sure?
Sure,
Are you really that tight?
If I had a girlfriend as radiant as this lovely lady,
she'd get flowers every day,
Easy when you're the one selling them,
I wouldn't buy that,
-It's got loads of bugs, -How do you know?
I helped design it,
Go on, ask me anything,
Where's the Lost City in Uncharted 3?
In the Rub Al-Khali Desert,
Claudia Black,
We got 96% on GameRankings,
Artificial Intelligence,
Up to ten in teams of five
but only in multiplayer mode,
It's true, She knows everything,
Will there be a new version?
-You want it before everyone else? -Yes!
OK, I think the winner's obvious, Nadia!
I'm the best!
-Don't be jealous, congratulate her, -Who's the best here?
You're amazing,
We can also congratulate our two warriors
on their massive failure,
A total of zero euros!
That's what happens when you stop thinking and start fighting instead,
You're lucky, I'm teaching you real life here,
Because I'm all about the details, I don't miss a trick,
I see everything, and I'm fast,
Where's Jimmy?
-Huh? -Jimmy,,,
-Jimmy? -Jimmy,,,
This way,
Go Jimmy!
Amazing!
How good is he?
You eat here every day?
I normally eat in my office,
How sad,
More so than stealing people's shopping?
Monique, I don't know what happened, but your friend,,,
I don't think he's a good example for the kids,
I'm sure you two would get on,
You've got a lot in common,
Who, me and Ludo?
Please don't compare us,
Seriously guys, what's this about?
Don't worry, he knows,
Yeah, but I don't, Explain it to me,
They put my little brother in hospital,
-That was me? -Mates of yours, right?
-Was I there personally? -You saying you wouldn't have hit him?
Come on, tell me the truth, Show some balls,
Well, yeah, I'd have hit him,
-See? -Only natural,
You guys gassed Mathieu in front of the bus,
So? He came into our territory,
-What's your problem? -City Hall isn't your turf!
City Hall's ours, Come on then, Get up!
-Think you're funny, do you? -What you gonna do, asshole?
Guys, I've got a question,
This north and south business,,,
-It's all social housing, right? -So what?
So your parents didn't choose to live there,
It's where they were allocated,
So either of you could have ended up on the other's turf,
or on the same turf and been on the same side,
Fight if you want to, I don't care,
But you're essentially fighting for the sake of a letterbox,
We don't even have a letterbox,
Leila, you start please,
"A long time ago, our country was called Gaul
and the people who lived there were called Gauls,"
Very good,
Wael, now you,
"The Gauls,,, like,,, to go hunting,
They catch,,,
wild boars and wolves,"
Well done,
-Bashir, your turn, -"It isn't,,,"
-They're not my cousins, -No?
Course they're not his cousins!
So this time it really is the last day,
-I had a really good time, -Us too, Wael,
-Yeah, we hope it'll be you tomorrow, -Yeah, or we'll protest again,
No, no more of your protests,
Well, look after yourselves and,,,
You can go,
You never give up, I don't believe it!
Get lost now,
Thanks, Wael,
-Thanks! -Yeah, whatever,
Bye!
Fucking hell,
You're a hard guy to find,
-Stop, you're hurting me! -Think I've got time to run after you?
You're the only one causing me problems!
-Stop dodging me, got it? -Yeah,
-Got it? -Yeah,
How much did you make?
Haven't sold anything, I'm at school all day,
Don't give me that, you little twat, It's the holidays,
It's compulsory!
What about evenings?
Do you sleep here?
Do you?
-No, -Well then,
When you get home, you work, Got it?
Yeah,
Tomorrow you'd better have something for me,
I don't want to do it anymore,
I don't want to,
Oh, yeah?
OK,
Let's stop,
Is that what you want?
Yeah? OK,
You stop dealing for me and I'll stop running after you,
I'll ring social services,
Single mom with no job and four kids?
-They'll be interested, -No! Don't, Frank!
They'll separate you all, of course, No one's going to take all four of you,
Please don't say anything,
Here, this is all I have,
What's this? You did work after all?
No, the guy in charge, he gives us ten euros a day,
What for?
I don't know, Nothing, To make sure we come,
Get out of here,
-Don't you have anything else? -I'll get something nicer tomorrow,
Amen!
OK, so I've got two potentials and they can both start tomorrow,
I haven't got any,
Not one?
Monique, what do you mean?
Oh, no, you didn't,,,
Wael is the best you're going to get,
You can't do this to me,
Talk with the kids and then you can decide,
He's a criminal, Monique! And so are you!
That boy has been through a lot!
OK, he's getting his revenge, but he's got a good heart,
And I pray every day
that he'll find something he likes and stop all this nonsense,
But yes, I'd rather be a criminal and watch him than let him get put away!
Talk to the kids,
So you're sure?
Yes, 100%,
Good, that's great,
Who is it?
It's a girl, She's got a lot of experience,
Good,
So she's got experience, has she?
Oh, yes,
She's been working with kids her whole life,
So it's not all just routine to her?
I mean, it's good to have a fresh perspective,
not to be immune to it all,
No, don't you worry,
No, she seems perfect, She's punctual, energetic, firm,,,
Who cares about being firm?
-That's not what,,, -No, it's just,,,
Nothing,
-What? -No, nothing,
-Tell me, -No, I,,,
-I'm probably wrong, -Tell me,
I,,,
Maybe I'm wrong, but when,,,,
When I said goodbye to her, she smelt,,,
a little bit of alcohol,
-Are you joking? -Just a little bit,
Either she smelt of alcohol or she didn't,
I'm sorry, but no, you can't hire her,
I won't give her the kids,
No way,
That would be dangerous,
I'll come tomorrow and stay for the week,
And if you want to hire her after that, you can,
but she can work when she's sober,
-Are you crazy? -Sure?
Not like I have a choice,
Don't think I'm happy about it, though,
I'll talk to Victor then,
Talking of Victor, do you think,,,?
What?
-What? -I don't know!
No, but,,,
-What? -You're blushing,
-I'm not, -Yes, you are,
-I just want to ask you-- -Go ahead,
-Go ahead and what? -Come on, Go ahead,
I know you, don't forget,
Victor's a good guy,
It will be good for you not to be alone anymore,
How do you know he's on his own?
Aren't we all?
Who's good at animal cries?
-Not me, -I am,
-Which animal? -Cat,
Make a cat sound then,
Don't forget the tongue, You too,
You need to eat,
I'll leave the soup here,
Eat if you're hungry,
Not asleep yet?
Been awake all this time?
Time to sleep now,
You too,
-Hey, Ludo, -What?
We're not pals, OK, but,,,
If I see you in a fight,,,
I wouldn't hit you, OK?
Why not?
-Hi, -Yes! Hey!
-All good? -Yeah,
-We were worried you weren't coming, -Yeah, right,
-Let's go, -Where?
Aren't we going into town like yesterday?
Karim,
Ludo,
-Karim, -You serious?
Fuck's sake,,,
Last one,,,
-Karim, -Fuck, come on,
You really piss me off,
I love you, Jack,
Don't say that, Rose, You're going to live,
I'm so cold,
-I love you, Nadia, -Rose,
Yeah, Rose, Listen, we're going to make it,
-You'll die an old woman, -My body's gone numb,
Right now, promise me you're going to live,
-Never give up, -I will never give up,
I want to grow old with you,
I want to bear your children,
You know I love you,
And I will never,,,
Come on, that's enough of this shit!
But it was so good!
It was crap, I'm not a girl!
No, you're not a girl,
-You're playing a part, -No way, I'm not doing it,
-Hello, -Aren't you supposed to be in court?
Yes, I'm on my way, You left your keys at home,
No, I've got my keys, They're Yasmina's,
My mistake,
-OK, bye, -Bye, see you later,
That's Nadia's sister?
Sarah?
-You're Nadia's sister? -Yeah,
-Incredible! -Yeah,
Thanks for not blowing my cover in there with the kids,
Your cover?
You know, that I know Beyoncé and I work in showbiz,
I saw you at the airport when you first spotted me,
and when I saw you again, I knew you must have run to catch up with me,
just so you could talk to me,
-So, forget showbiz, -Wait, Why did you give me your number?
I don't know, I was curious,
And resourceful guys are cute,
And then my sister mentioned a certain weird Wael, so I thought I'd check,
-I'm sorry, -Don't be,
Hang on a sec, I can make it up to you,
OK, I know, Let me do something that I've never done before,
-Have dinner with me, -You've never asked a girl out?
-No, never, -Listen, I've got to go,
Hang on, wait, OK, I can think of something better,
Dinner at mine with the kids' parents on Friday,
I'd really like you to come,
Not interested,
What about Nadia's future?
I'll text you the address!
What?
When you say "sister"
it's because she's like a sister to you?
No, she is my sister,
But,,,
-Have you got the same parents? -Of course,
-Both of them? -Yes,
No one got remarried, or,,,?
No,
No foster family?
No,
No one was adopted?
No, no, and no again!
Show us a photo of your parents,
What's your problem, weirdo?
Come on, just tell her,
You don't look anything like each other,
Don't tell her, though, because then she'll get all jealous,
But do you like it?
Yeah, I mean, to begin with, it's good money,
But it's getting riskier now,
Two of my mates got caught,
What if you rat him out?
He's a cop, Who's going to believe me?
That's fucked up,
,,,let it go, eeny, meeny, miny--
Hi, kids, Hi, Wael, Can I borrow them for moment?
Right now?
I'm pairing them up for oral class,
And by that I mean speaking English, Fabrice,
And so, what have you learned over the last few days?
-Jimmy's learned to read and write, -And how's that going?
And do you like him?
-Yeah, -Sure,
And you come back every day because,,,
We want to go back to school,
Yeah,
We want,,,
We think our punishment was justified,
and we'd like to continue our studies in a calm and serious manner,
Do you want him to stay until the end of the course?
Yes,
-I could replace-- -No!
OK, thanks, kids,
-You can go back in, -Thanks,
I'LL SEND THE ADDRESS LATER
I'M STUCK IN THE STUDIO WITH RIHANNA
WHO'S THIS?
WAEL,,,
NO, WHO IS RIHANNA?
-Don't mention the money, otherwise,,, -It's not even us,
Yeah, but Victor will get in trouble,
and I like Victor,
-So blow him then, -What did you say?
-It's just an expression, -No, say it again,
Come on, he's kidding,
Well, it's not funny,
-The ground, -The ground,
Joseph!
Come here,
And what do I do?
Try something,
The guy's got moves!
We should organize a gig,
It's a big step, Wael, Are you sure?
It feels right,
I don't know what to say to her,
You'll work it out,
I'm not good at talking to people,
You'll learn,
And who's going to teach me?
LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE
She's going to feel very lonely,
Yes, I've made some bread to take over to her,
This is good,
Good idea,
Daddy,
It's my fault I can't find them, Don't buy me new ones,
What on earth do you mean?
I don't deserve a new pair,
We all make mistakes,
-That's true, -He's right,
I don't think I deserve new glasses,
Poor little girl,
Yes, I know,
But I'm here,
But what happens when you're gone?
I'll take you with me,
I'll never leave without you,
Shana, I've been thinking of you,
I baked you some bread,
Thanks,
I think,
You know, if you lose your glasses one day,,,
you mustn't blame yourself,
You mustn't think,,,
that you should have kept them on or that you don't deserve a new pair,
But I don't wear glasses,
Because actually,,,
you're the victim,
You're not to blame,
Everyone loses their glasses,
Wael, I don't wear glasses,
Don't think that it's your fault,
That would be silly,
Everyone makes mistakes,
OK,
And,,,
if anything like that happens to you, you can talk to me,
You can trust me,
You need to know that I'll never leave without you,
I'll take you with me,
What do you mean, "without me"?
Are you going to kidnap and hold me to ransom?
Is it because I'm Jewish?
-What are you talking about? -No, what are you talking about?
I saw how you reacted to Fabrice's joke yesterday,
Yeah, well, it wasn't funny, that's all,
If there's something going on, you need to talk to someone,
No, don't worry, Nothing's happened, It's just I don't like that kind of joke,
Sure?
Yeah,
Good, I must have misunderstood,
It's just it happened to someone I know, so I was a bit,,,
No, don't worry, I'm OK,
But you know someone who's not?
Who's that?
It's Ludo's youth worker, I think,
-Wael, can I go find the others? -Sure, go ahead,
-Thanks, -Thank you,
Hi,
-Hi, -You're Ludo's youth worker, right?
Did he tell you that?
No, he's not big on talking,
-Yeah, -So are you?
-Yeah, -Is he like this at home, too?
I can't talk about it,
I'm not being nosy, It's just because I work with him, too,
So,,,
I can't talk about it,
Do you want to see him? I can let you in,
-No, don't worry, -I don't mind, I can give you the code,
You the guy who pays them to come back?
Right, OK,
So he told you, Doesn't look very pro,
If you can keep a secret, it's not real money,
What?
It's just to get them to come back every day,
No, how is it not real money?
Forged notes,
They look pretty real to me,
No, I can't pay out 60 euros a day to a group of kids,
What are you saying?
I know a guy who sells 10-euro notes for 1 euro,
20 euros for 2,50 euros, 50 for 5, and so on,
We pay him a tenth of their value, Get it?
OK, have you got 10 euros on you?
Seriously?
It would be great if this could stay between us,
It's not a gift,
I want to know about Ludo, so I can help him, OK?
-No problem, -My name's Wael,
-Nice to meet you, Wael, -Great,
Don't tell the kids, OK?
-Don't worry, -Or they won't come back,
-Talk soon? -Definitely,
I can't read that, What does it say?
-Where? -There,
It says, "Ham and eggs",
No, it doesn't,
Yeah, it does, "AM N X", "Ham and eggs",
When you need to ask quickly,
"Quick, AM N X,"
Right,
Did you know that direct and indirect objects
don't follow the same rules?
Look here,,,
-What are you doing, Fabrice? -Sorry, I slipped,
Wael! Victor needs to get this furniture changed,
It's dangerous, man!
-Are you OK? -Yeah, fine, but,,,
OK, so you were saying,,,
Why can't I write it like that?
Because you want ham and eggs, not confused looks,
Ludo, don't do that again,
Use the tape to stay within the area,
Then take the beige blusher,,,
What are you doing?
What's that?
No, nothing, I'm,,,
-Coming for lunch? -No, sorry, we can't,
Victor's got a meeting and I,,, I have filing to do,
Monique, are you ready?
We mustn't be late, I've booked the best table,
For the meeting at City Hall,
-City Hall? -If they start without us,,,
WARRIORS
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
BABYSITTING,,,
THINGS ARE HARD FOR BRAD AND ANGELINA SINCE THEIR DIVORCE,
SO I'M LOOKING AFTER THEIR KIDS FOR THEM
Wael, can I talk to you about something real quick?
Sure,
Can we talk a bit more about communication and all that stuff?
See, I've got this friend, and some people don't like her
because she's smarter than they are,
So, she gets mad,
It's not her fault, it's just that everyone else is a moron,
People can be real morons,
Who is she?
Someone at school,
And what's her name?
Her name's Inès,
Where does she live?
She lives in Créteil,
Créteil, right,
And what does she do in Créteil?
She's a dentist,
You've got a school friend who's a dentist?
I mean, she's not really a dentist,
No kidding,
Can I ask you to listen for two minutes?
So we've helped Jimmy with his communication problems,
Now it's Nadia's turn,
I don't have communication problems,
List Nadia's qualities for me,
Smart,
-Remembers everything, -Fantastic,
See? No communication problems,
And now, her faults,
-She never lets anything go, -She's a show-off,
It's not that I don't let things go, it's just when I'm right, I'm right,
You'd be the same,
Nadia, what do you see?
A duck,
-OK, Everyone else? -Duck,
-Everyone sees a duck? -I do, too,
-Who sees something else? -I do,
I see a rabbit,
A rabbit?
Yeah, look, it's a rabbit,
-Yeah, it's a rabbit, -Look again,
-Definitely a duck, -Ludo, what about you?
A rabbit,
See your duck's beak?
Those are his ears,
-Exactly, -Oh, yeah, I see,
So it's a duck-rabbit,
No, it's not a duck-rabbit,
Some people see a duck, others see a rabbit,
We see different things, but who's right, Nadia?
It's about interpretation, not facts,
That's beautiful, Did you just make it up?
Not right this minute,
I made it up,,,
roughly a week, ten days ago,
Sure it's not Nietzsche?
Well, if there are guys out there copying me,,,
Ten days is a long time,
What does it mean exactly?
It means we can disagree, but still both be right,
Exactly, Right, time to go,
Already?
Come and rob me blind then,
Thanks for everything, Wael,
-Thanks, Wael, -Bye, Jimmy,
-See you tomorrow, Wael, -Bye, Shana,
Thanks,
Fabrice, are you coming?
It was a long time ago,,,
He never tried again,
I try not to think about it,
but I can't help it,
It was just me,
He didn't touch my sisters,
Sometimes,,,
when I was little, he,,,
It will wreck my family if I say anything,
-No, -They'll hate me,
No one will hate you,
I don't want to press charges,
Talk with,,,
someone you can trust,
My mom?
What if she doesn't believe me?
She will,
What if she doesn't do anything?
Then I will,
Your friend,,,
The one it happened to,
Did he talk to someone?
Joseph?
SHANA SHE BELIEVED ME
What are you doing? Hurry, the makeup guy's coming!
-Seriously? -What?
Monique, I'm way too hot,
Concentrate on the footwork, We need to win,
Why?
I thought we'd given up conning people,
This is different, We're not robbing anyone!
Save your applause until later, Next up, couple number 21!
Ladies and gentlemen, let's give it up for our winners,
couple number 21,
Monique and Fernand!
Fernand? What kind of name is that?
-I won't be-- -Smile,
Thank you,
Any post for me?
Yes, here, From the education authorities,
A bill,
Another bill,
Local council,
-The FEA, -What's that?
French Enterprise Agency,
Never heard of it, Let me see,
And I think this last one is personal,
"We are very honored to congratulate you on the swift promotion of your employees,
"Indeed, the ascent of your former secretary to,,,
the very top of your business
has led us to name you as our Business of the Month,
and we would therefore like to offer you
a week's holiday in Réunion for two people,"
These are real tickets!
That's wonderful,
I'm so pleased for you,
This is unbelievable!
Do you know who you're going to take?
Of course,
I'll give her a ring now,
Did you call for me?
Come in,
We're having a meeting,
What?
We meet every Friday to discuss how the week went,
So, Wael,
My dear Wael,
I don't know how you did it, but well done,
Full attendance all week! I take my hat off to you,
The hardest part is giving them a reason to keep coming back,
Thank you,
How do you feel about the kids? Because, well, they love you!
It's a great experience,
I didn't think I would enjoy it, but I do,
Well, you should make a career out of it,
You'd have no trouble getting qualified,
-Really? -Really,
But no nicking shopping carts,
If you can't change, tell me right now,
Think about it,
What else?
Do you like the cookies?
Delicious,
Yeah, really good, Honestly, Victor, I'm touched you--
See! You can't even tell the difference!
Not another word about own-brand cookies!
Right, I've got work to do,
And you, Think it over,
Hey!
Wael,
-All good? -Yeah,
Here's the little guy's file,
For you,
Everything's in there, School, health, home life,
-Wow, you don't kid around, -Isn't it what you wanted?
Yeah, but I wasn't expecting,,,
I got a cop friend to check you out,
What?
-I don't get it, -Yes, you do,
We're not going to be youth workers forever,
I need you to get me an introduction with your supplier,
That can't happen,
Frankly, you want to stay away, It won't lead anywhere good,
It's OK, I get it, It's your thing, Keep it to yourself,
But you did tell me
that each note cost a tenth of its value,
Let me past, please,
So if you give him 40,000 euros,,,
he'll give you 400,000 fake ones,
Right?
I'll give you 50 grand of the 400,000,
Your commission,
-50,000 euros, -Yes, And that's just for starters,
You and I are going to make megabucks,
When can you get it?
-I have to go, -I don't think you heard me,
Fifty thousand euros,
How long's she been looking after you?
And all you do is screw up,
Wael,
You ought to return the favor, right?
-Come on, -Just once,
-Just once, OK? -Fine,
-When? -How do I know this isn't a trap?
That your cop friend won't be joining us,
You watch too many movies,
There's no mic, the notes aren't tagged, This is straight up,
OK?
Remember, you were the one who told me, I didn't ask you for anything,
Unbelievable,
I don't know,
Really, if I get ten numbers a day,
I was bound to run into one of them,
Yes, but it's crazy that she's Nadia's sister,
Yes, Small world,
Or God is great,
God is great,
You may not believe anymore,
but look at His signs,
Victor, the kids, and now Sarah,
You think they're signs, I call them coincidences,
You know I always wanted to have a child but I couldn't,
I know,
So I left everything behind and found God,
He was the one who sent me there,
I always thought it was,,,
to help all those poor kids,
But it was to find my child,
You know,
you can run, but you'll always wind up where you're supposed to be,
Yeah,
So when He shows us the way, it's a shame not to follow,
Why are you telling me this?
What's in your bag?
-Good evening, -Good evening,
-All good? -Yes, and you?
Yeah, I'm,,,
glad you came,
Hey!
You're here, too, Nadia,
-Well, this is about her, -Yeah,
What's all this?
No, that's nothing,
It's for tonight's meeting,
I thought it was more original,
Fifteen of us eating off two plates?
Precisely,
The kids have one plate and the adults get the other,
To encourage,,,
team spirit,
Bit weird, right?
It's inventive,
Weird that they're all late, right?
Aren't you worried at all?
Yeah, aren't you worried?
Actually, I think they may not have received my group text,
I texted,,,
everyone,
And your sister's the only one I saw in person, so I invited her--
That must be it,
Good job I came then,
Otherwise it would have been just you two!
That would have been awkward for you both,
Quite, Thank you, Nadia,
Thanks for coming,
So cute! You made chicken-shaped napkins!
No, those are swans,
No, you make swans like this,
That's a swan,
I hate her,
So, yeah, He lisped for a month, but he didn't make fun of my name again,
Wael's a lovely name,
-Really? -Yeah,
I would call my son that,
-Seriously? -Yeah,
I couldn't call my daughter Sarah,
Why not?
It's the same name as her mother,
-What? -You're crazy,
So, what do you really do?
Lawyers,,,
-You never let anything go, -Come on, tell me,
I get by,
OK, no more lies,
So?
So,,,
I run a few scams,
That's it?
You don't want to hear more?
I've read your file,
I just wanted to see if you'd lie,
And why did you become a lawyer?
Thanks to a pretty special teacher,
She got me into law and I've never wanted to stop,
Sometimes people inspire you without you even noticing,
I don't know,
Thanks for your help,
I know Joseph was your friend,
God is watching over him now,
He should have watched over him here,
The Lord didn't do those horrible things to him,
No, but He did nothing to stop them,
Like He did nothing for my family,
He wants me to be alone and unhappy,
You won't be alone or unhappy,
You'll grow up and have lots of friends,
And a wife and a family,
People will love you,
I won't let them, It hurts when they go,
Look at me,
Look at me carefully,
I will,,,
I will love you all your life,
Every day,
Whatever happens,
I promise you,
So? Was it worth my night away?
You tell me,
What do you mean?
-You stayed with Victor, right? -Let's not talk about it,
He took me out to dinner, bought me flowers,
gave up his bed for me, and slept on the sofa,
Then he made breakfast,
Sounds awful,
That's not it,
I don't want people thinking I got promoted because he's sweet on me,
Promoted?
You know I was made HR Manager within two days, right?
Next, I'll be Assistant Director,
People will talk,
I don't say this enough, Monique, but,,,
everything you've done for me,,,
I remember everything,
Are you off to war or something?
I hope not,
-Do you get the irony of this? -Of what?
I might be old, but you're the one in a wheelchair,
You're not that old,
-How did you have time to do all this? -What do you mean?
Well, you called me like 20 times a day,
-You wish I hadn't gone, -Of course I don't,
I promise, if Sarah hadn't insisted then I would have stayed,
-You know that, right? -I know, I know,
This is the best one,
Just for you,
Did he really shout?
"I'm the king of the world!"
Finished, Shana?
Shana, you've been at it for ten minutes,
Can you pass me the ribbon, please?
Surprise!
-How's it going? -Good,
-You OK? -Hi,
-Hi, Wael, -Got the crap beaten out of you?
It was a close match,
Liar!
Seriously, Head-butted him in the knee,
Got him in the elbow, Believe me, he must be in pain,
Good to see you, Wael,
King of the world,
-No, -What?
I know nothing,
-Couldn't keep quiet? -What's going on?
Nothing,
Wael,
this is from the kids,
Here, I wrote it,
"From all of uz, Thank you for wot you dun for uz,"
Yeah, you can tell Jimmy wrote it!
Thank you,
THE LITTLE BOOK OF QUOTES
It's full of people who stole your quotes,
I've got something for you too,
APPLICATION FORM
Are you serious?
THAT WILL TEACH YOU TO HELP OTHERS, ASSHOLE!
Subtitle translation by Tilly O'Neill