Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday my Rumi
Happy birthday to you
Time for your birthday gift,
These are pure Italian leather shoes,
Your father wore them at our wedding,
I'll trip in these,
All the guys in our colony wanted these shoes,
and all the girls wanted to be with the guy who wore them,
Your father had great taste,
That's why he married me and not that Freni
who used to fall all over him,
It's not working,
If you don't use it, it won't work!
You like it?
Yes, I do,
Good,
Every time you wear your father's things,
I feel like my Rusi is still with me,
The moment Rumi was born, 19 years ago,
his fate was decided,
He was going to become just like me, his father, a baker,
and look after Cafe Rustom,
Cafe Rustom,
Once full of glory, now it is a crumbling,
old relic,
Diana believed that when Rumi would start running it,
its old reputation would be restored,
My poor Diana!
She had no clue that on that fateful night of our colony's local pageant,
everything would change,
What happens to a Parsi with a hard-on when he walks into a wall?
He breaks his nose!
Fuckers, at least clap! How rude are you!
Now with the same enthusiasm, please keep clapping
because I am now going to call upon stage our top ten finalists,
Remember, two of these fantastically fabulous youngsters
will be crowned as Miss Firozsha Baag and Mr, Firozsha Baag 2017!
Hey! Hey! Hey!
Let me see some hands in the air,
We are your entertainment for tonight,
Come on!
Sing it!
All the uncles and the aunties
Listen to me closely, please
You have one life to live
Make sure you never miss out
Before you kick the bucket
Just do as you wish
Eat whatever you want
And drink like a fish
I think it is about time
To live it up a little
Your smile makes me happy
Like smooth butter on warm bread
I think it is about time
To live it up, a little
Your smile makes me happy
Like smooth butter on warm bread
All right, guys, calm down,
Because that moment of reckoning is here,
I am going to invite our judges on stage,
Mr, Khambata, who is the chairman of the Firozsha Baag Colony
and, Mrs, Screwala, the secretary of the Firozsha Baag colony,
to grace the stage and give us the results,
Ladies and gentlemen!
The winner of Ms, Firozsha Baag 2017 is
Persis Mistry!
And Mr, Firozsha Baag 2017,,,
Hey, Diana, it's your son!
Rumi Irani!
Have fun! Stay happy!
Mamma!
Have fun! Stay happy!
Hey, Diana, Congrats, sweetheart,
-Your Rumi is so handsome, -He is,
Send him to Bollywood, Just like our very own Boman Irani,
Mrs, Billimoria, come here, I'll tell you something,
This silly comment by Mrs, Billimoria
struck a strange chord in my Rumi’s head and became his new obsession,
It was not funny,
It's been four years,
In his sudra, he started to dream
of becoming a Hindi film hero,
Poor Diana had no clue her beloved son was building castles in the air,
Madam, four Bun Maskas to go,
Diana was waiting for Rumi to finish his graduation and take over the cafe,
Hassan, four Bun Maska, To go,
But Rumi had other plans,
Rumi baba, Four bun maskas, To go,
I think it's about time
To live it up, a little
Your smile makes me happy
Like smooth butter on warm bread
So what is method acting?
Stanislavsky said that it's crucial to understand the character,
But in order to do that, you have to understand yourself,
At the acting academy, Rumi fell in love,
But not just with acting, Rumi met the apple of his eye,
The real butter to his bread,
Mallika Chopra,
-Johny, Johny, -Yes, mama,
Feeling horny?
No, mama,
Telling lies?
No, mama,
Open your pants,
Aah! Aah! Aah!
Your bill, sir,
Hey, clean the table!
Woah!
Hi, Miss Firozsha Baag!
Hi, Mr, Firozsha Baag!
Why are you dressed like Gandhi?
Today is the final test for my acting course,
Biographical plays,
How cool,
By the way, what did customers say
when they saw Gandhi at the counter?
They thought this guy is crazy,
Anyway, what will you have?
Actually, I came to meet Diana aunty,
I'm making a book about Irani Cafes, So, I wanted her help,
Oh nice!
But where is your Diana anyway,,,
Rumi!
What are you doing?
Waiting for you, what else?
I told you, don't be late! My exam is at 3 PM,
Exam, it seems,,,
Rumi Irani, MBBS,
Member of Bumbling Buffoons Society,
Shit!
Your antics are driving me insane!
-Last week you were the Monkey God, -We were putting on a folk show,
Looked more like a freak show,
When will you stop this nonsense, Rumi?
You know what Dr, Shetty said?
That I have early onset of arthritis!
I'll have to do a partial knee replacement,
That means a month of bed rest!
I told him
I could only undergo the operation
when my Rumi is ready to sit at the cafe,
Mamma, I'm already late,
-Today is the final test, right? -Yes,
Fom Monday, you'll be at the counter, and I'll be in my yoga class,
Hail Cruella!
Can I go now, please? Love you, See you,
I think my illness is something else,
Actually, I have son-thritis,
I should get my son replaced,
Hello! Welcome to yet another episode of Siddharth Says,
So friends, our topic for today is Dreams,
Dreams! What are dreams?
Dreams aren't what you see at night,
Dreams are the thoughts that keep you up all night,
And dreams only come true for those who believe in themselves
and in their dreams,
So, say it with me, "Yes, I can do it!"
Yes, I can do it,
Yes! I can do it!
Yes, I can do it! I can do it!
I can't do it,
I'm so stressed I'm forgetting all my lines,
You're the most experienced actor from our batch,
This is what happens before every important performance,
I feel I will be exposed, People will know
that I’m just a fake who doesn’t know anything,
Why you being so negative, baby?
Okay, give me one minute, Come,
Come,
If you want to achieve something,
-What's this? -,,,I have a mantra for you,
Close your eyes and visualize!
Imagine you've achieved what you really want,
This is men’s deodorant,
Feel it, Believe it,
Manifest it!
Never thought I'd win the Best Actor award,
What a night this has been!
Thank you so much jury for this award,
Say it, Say it,
What happened?
Rumi,,,
If accomplishing your dreams was this easy,
Rahul Gandhi would be prime minister today,
Don't you know the Law of the Universe?
Baby, the universe always gives us signs,
Tonight, we will win the Best Actor award,
-It's a sign, -Exactly,
It's a sign we are late, Let's go!
Gandhi,
all the rioting and violence has ended,
When will you break your fast?
Not until every ounce of hatred in the people’s hearts
has been wiped clean,
Not until
every Hindu and Muslim,,, has their hearts brimming with brotherhood,
Until then, my fast will go on,,,
and on,,,
and on,
Come on, Rumi,
We can see the effort you’ve put in,
What do you think, sir?
It's too much effort, actually,
BANSI'S ACTING ACADEMY RUMI SHAH
Rumi,
Come, come,
-Yeah? -Thank you so much, sir,
Most welcome, All the best,
Boman sir, meet Rumi, my friend,
-Hi, Rumi, -He's an Irani, just like you,
Really?
-Will you take a photo with him? -Of course, Come,
Sir, he wants to be just like you,
Why be like me?
Be yourself, man!
Please stop giving hickies, baby! I live with my mama,
Then live with me?
Live-in?
Yes, so?
Parsi boys don't live with anyone except their mama,
All right then, Rumi, It's your life,
-But we like each other-- -Love,
Love each other,
Rumi,,,
I'm pointing to the moon, and you're looking at my finger,
Rumi, we both want to be actors,
We both want to be successful,
We are both outsiders,
-I'm from Ludhiana-- -I'm from downtown,
Rumi, as far as Bollywood is concerned, downtown is even farther than Ludhiana,
Our life is right here, In the suburbs,
All the casting happens in suburban coffee shops, just like this!
-Will you meet my mamma? -What?
-I mean-- -Wait,
I want us to live together, not get married,
Yeah, I know, but when mamma realises
that there's someone here to take care of me,
-then she will-- -Wait a second,
Why should I take care of you? I'm not your mamma,
I-- I-- I know, I meant we will take care of each other,
If you were in my place,
wouldn't you've want your parents to approve?
Rumi,
My parents have never approved of anything I have ever done,
When they found out I wanted to be an actor,
they got me married,
For three years, I put on a bad performance of being a good wife,
But in the end, I left that life behind and came here,
Since then, they've never spoken to me once,
But you know what?
Now the only person who gets to approve anything in my life
is me,
That fucker Taneja,
he came by again, saying, "Give us this cafe,
We'll pay you 50 million for it,"
He has the audacity to say he’ll turn Cafe Rustom into Grinder’s Cafe,
I told him
my Rumi will never let that happen!
Rumi, once you take over, get the place renovated,
-I want to become an actor, -It's in a bad shape,
And you'll have to update the menu,
We'll bring back your father's signature dishes,
Actually, your father was also quite a "dish,"
Mamma, I want to become an actor!
Rumi, don't fry my brains,
You promised you'd start working at the Cafe when your course is over,
Why don't you get it? I am going to be famous,
I can't become a baker!
Baker it seems!
Your father was one!
As was your grandfather!
But I'm meant for bigger things in life!
And I can only accomplish it when,,,
When what?
When I move out,
Move out, where?
Out of this house, Out of this colony, Out of this bubble!
Who came up with this stupid idea? That non-Parsi girlfriend of yours?
Mallika, How many times have I told you her name?
And I know she is not Parsi, but I love her, mamma,
You had sex with her a few times, and now you're in love?
-No, Mamma-- -Rumi, listen to me carefully,
You have Rustom's genes,
Don't waste them!
Just because I've Rustom's genes,
I don’t have to wear his jeans!
Mamma, please! Stop trying to turn me into him!
It's suffocating,
Go to hell then!
Oh God, what did I do? What was my mistake?
First, my husband passed away in my youth,
And now, my son turned out to be an idiot,
After I die, don't even come to the funeral,
Okay?
Mamma, don't cry now,
Now don't do this drama of loving your mamma, please!
She's not that bad,
-At least meet Mallika once? -Over my dead body!
Give her a chance at least,
Boo!
Dad! Not now, I'm stressed,
What happened, my darling? Tell me,
I'll give you solutions that are 'out of this world',
Don't you have any GFFs?
Ghostly Friends Forever? Go mess with them,
Tell me! What is it? I am dying to know,
Everything is going wrong, Dad,
Mamma, Cafe, Acting, Mallika,
"Bournvita?"
Good idea,
I want to live in the suburbs,
With Malika,
I want to be an actor,
Why doesn't mamma get it?
Child,
she will never get it,
First, Malika doesn't belong to the Parsi community,
On top of that, she's divorced,
More likelihood of Kim Jong liking Trump, than Diana liking her,
That’s why I think I should get them to meet,
When she sees how awesome Mallika is, my problem will be solved,
You think this will work?
I can make it work, By channelling the laws of attraction,
Everyday, I will visualize
their first meeting going smoothly,
They are hugging each other, Holding hands,
Hugging,,, holding hands,,,
This kid has lost it,
Laugh! What else can you do anyway?
Thanks, Dad,
For dying so young,
Thanks so much for ruining my life, Thanks so much for that rotten cafe,
Thanks for this relic of a bike!
Thanks for this fuck-all legacy
and this life of misery, Fuck my life!
Who is he?
He’s crazy!
Yells to himself daily,
My father-in-law Soli Irani imported these chairs from Poland,
When they'd break, we wouldn't replace them,
We'd tape them and reuse them,
This is our legacy, after all,
Sit,
Will you have some tea?
Hassan, one cup of tea for the little lady!
Right away!
-Don't add too much sugar! -Okay, madam!
I know most of the Irani cafe owners,
When I was your age,
every corner had an Irani cafe,
But over time,
people sold off their property and left,
The young generation doesn't want to sit at the shop,
What to do!
Now only some 20 of us are left,
We even have a group on Whatsapp, I'll send you all their numbers,
Wow aunty! Thank you so much!
Mamma,
Look who's come to see you,
Hello, Aunty, How are you?
Why did you bring her here?
Mamma, speak in Hindi or English? So that everyone can understand,
First, he will give up his mother tongue then he will give up his mother only,
Mamma's sense of humour! Come, come, sit,
I told you, Mamma is so funny,
Mamma, Mallika, Mallika, my dearest mamma,
Nice meeting you, aunty,
Rumi was saying that you have knee pain?
How are you feeling now?
-Shall I come back later? -No, sit, Why are you leaving?
You are not the uninvited one here,
Did I ask you for tea? Take it back!
I know seeing me here must've caught you off-guard,
I came by because I wanted to explain to you that
-I really like Rumi and-- -Love,
Yes, Love,
Aunty, please don't worry,
We'll live together with love and joy,
Live together?
I know that anyone in your place
would be uncomfortable knowing that your son was going to
-live in with someone, -Live-in?
That too with a divorcee,
Divorcee?
Rumi hasn't told you?
I thought maybe once you'd met,,,
-After that I mean-- -Oh, mother of God! Someone stop me!
Or I will hang myself!
Rumi, I've never felt more insulted in life,
Before you involve me in your stupid schemes again,
give it a good thought, You are just so,,,
Insensitive!
Has your brain turned to mush?
Rumi, she left her parents,
her husband, her hometown,
One day, she will leave you too!
You mark my words! She will,,,
,,,ruin your life!
Even when you're 50,
she'll treat you like you're a five-year-old!
Rumi, she will kill your dreams, Wait and watch!
Look, Rumi,
I know that
at this point in your life, your hormones are wreaking havoc in your body!
But please,
don't let that girl take advantage of you,
Look, Rumi, I don't want anything from you,
I just want to help you,
You're exactly where I was 5 years ago,
To live life on one's own terms is not wrong,
You have the right to chase your dreams,
I've sent your photos to casting directors,
They'll call you to audition,
Audition? Tomorrow?
Yes, of course,
I know your office's address, I'll be there, Thank you,
I'm making one thing clear to you,
If you want to spend your life being a loafer in the film business,
I will not give you a single penny,
Yo! What's up, sad sack?
If you go to that audition, it will really hurt your mamma, okay?
And if I don't, it will really hurt me, okay?
Look at this, Your shirt, My 13th birthday gift!
This belt, my 16th birthday gift,
This biker jacket and your beat-up motorbike,18th birthday gift,
Clearly, gratitude is dead,
-I'm surprised I didn't get your boxers! -Wouldn't fit, Too big for you,
Look at me, Dad!
I’m a walking museum of yours! I have no identity,
You don't have a social security number?
Not funny, Dad!
This audition is like that moment after Steve Jobs discovered Apple,
Newton discovered the apple,
He discovered gravity!
My son, gravity is a myth,
The earth sucks!
I am dead sure,
Can you please stop with your dead man jokes?
I'm being serious, it's now or never,
I have to Carpe Diem!
How can you Carpe Diem without any money?
-Isn't this an antique? -No, Rumi!
I'll get 20-25,000 bucks for it,
That's my favorite watch,
I'm sorry, Dad,
I have no option,
The time to live in the past has gone, Now it's my time,
I may be down on the street But I'm staring at the stars
Shining in the sky
I may be down on the street But I'm dreaming of the day
I'll be flying high
I may be down on the street
Gotta rock this
I got this
Gotta rock this I got this
-Hi, I'm Rumi-- -Sit, we will call you,
Yeah, okay,
Hey, guys, the scene goes like this:
a wife and her lover are making out,
and her husband comes back home,
The husband shouts, but the lover remains unshaken,
He turns around and answers,
Got it? So, guys, the role is of the lover,
Okay?
Learn the lines well, Remember to keep it real, No cliches, okay?
So, think hard,
Focus, Basically, surprise me,
Huh?
Alright? All the best, See you inside, okay?
-Who's next? -Rumi Irani!
PUSH
May I come in?
I'm sure you're hurt now, Arjun,
but real pain is what I felt
when you tricked Divya into marrying you,
Divya is your wife, for sure,
But she still loves me,
She may wear a ring on her finger for you, but it is I who lives in her heart,
Yes, Arjun, yes!
I am her one true love,
Why are you naked?
If I’m caught by girlfriend’s husband with all my clothes on,
how is it red-handed?
The script says they are caught red-handed,
I'm a method actor,
Sorry, sir,
-Hi, baby, -Hi,
I'm making Salli Keema,
I know you're off carbs, but you'll try some, right?
Sure, just a bite,
Okay,
Rumi!
Mamma!
Mamma, you'll get wet, Come upstairs,
There’s salli keema,
If you can cook here, why not in your own cafe?
Come upstairs, Let's sit and talk,
I doubt this dump has an elevator, How will I climb stairs?
-Want me to carry you? -Better idea, Just come home with me,
-Stop joking around, mamma, -Am I joking or are you?
You left your lovely home in downtown to come stay in this matchbox!
This place stinks of rotten fish,
Come on, Rumi! Enough of this tantrum!
Mamma, now I'll come home only when I make it in the movies,
Stop, please? Let's go home,
Mamma, please!
I'm sorry,
Promise me,
Twice a week you will come meet your mamma,
-Okay? -I promise, mamma,
Mamma, please don't! Let it be,
Keep it, You will need it,
At least you haven't forgotten to wear this sudra,
How much you love to trouble your mamma!
Poor chap,
You've become so thin,
Don't eat too much vegetarian food,
Don't forget to have your brandy and milk every night,
My mother brought me up and took care of the cafe by herself,
It's amazing!
Yes, it is,
She is amazing,
And I am such a bad son!
Don't be silly!
There's no need to feel guilt,
One day, when you're a star,
aunty will feel the proudest,
Hello,
Yes,
What! What are you saying?
Tomorrow, yes?
Okay, Yes, Thank you,
Rumi! Guess what?
I got the part!
Wow!
Oh, my God!
Rumi,
I can't believe it!
It's a lead role!
It's so overwhelming,
I haven't got any call yet,
Rumi,
Baby, please don't be sad,
Focus on your craft,
Do plays, Do more workshops,
Nobody lands a role on the first audition,
I've been slumming it for two years and now I've got a break,
You know what?
I'm not sad,
I'm an ant,
An ant?
Like an ant, I'll keep trying to climb that wall,
I will never give up,
You've heard the call of your dreams
Now hear nobody else But your inner voice,,,
I can live without a job, but never without a conscience!
You've awakened
The problems are big But don't you worry
Your dreams are bigger And will take you places
So get set for glory And win it on your terms
Believe me, I love you more than I love trignometry,
I may be down on the street, But I am staring at the stars
Shining in the sky
I may be down on the street
But I'm dreaming of the day I'll be flying
High,,,
This piece of land you stand on, I am its king,
You have it in you Whatever you want, go and get it
Gotta rock this, I got this
No excuses, Got to go all the way
Your passion, Your fire will fulfill your destiny
You got to beat every obstacle And keep at it
A bit of courage and some luck Will do the trick
Don't fear this long road to victory Don't stop come hell or fury
You'll run over the difficulties And reach your destination
That's it
Even if today is a day of defeat You'll win in the end
I may be down on the street But I'm staring at the stars
My songs will break the shackles of my poverty and set me free!
I may be down on the street
But I'm dreaming of the day I'll be flying
High
I may be down on the street
But I'm staring at the stars Shining in the sky
I may be down on the street
I don’t want to study engineering,
When will Dad understand that I want to be a musician!
-I feel suffocated in this college, -Cut, Thank you! Very good,
Hey, but,,,
We have your number, We'll call you, Hardik,
-Yes, -Let me finish,
We've got what we wanted, Go!
You haven't seen my performance, How can you judge?
But we have, I'm asking nicely, Your audition is done,
-Leave, -This is so unfair!
You'll cast some superstar's son,
You're making a fool out of us! This isn't an audition, it's a scam,
They don't let the actors perform,
You have no decency or respect or professionalism!
Who made you a casting director?
-You'll teach me my job? -Do you know your job?
Listen fucker, you go learn how to act before you lecture me!
If I were you, I’d run home, You’re wasting your time,
You are just not good enough! Get out!
-Fuck you, man, -Fuck you too!
"I asked the time-keepers for four days,,
I asked the time-keepers for four days,
two days were spent wishing and the other two waiting,"
Wow!
But now Mallika's wait is over,
After two years of struggle, this poem finally doesn't apply to her,
-Cheers to Mallika! -Cheers!
Who's Zafar? Was he a part of your theatre days?
You're funny, brother!
-Sahir said something about failure, -What?
"For stories that can't be brought to a satisfying end,
for stories that can't be brought to a satisfying end,
better to leave them beautifully incomplete,"
Hi,
We haven't met properly,
-I'm Feroz, -Rumi,
Are you an actor?
Yeah,
Aren't you and Mallika dating?
-How do you know Mallika? -Last year, I made a short film,
It went to about 12-13 festivals,
Mallika was in it, She's a ridiculously good actor,
You are the director of "Dariya Mein Katra"?
Writer-director,
It was quite a cool film,
I thought, after watching that, someone will agree to finance my feature,
But, nothing has changed,
I have a script and a producer, I just need a financer,
Do you have your lead?
In order to sign a lead actor, I need funds,
I mean,,,
It's a small film,
but it has a big heart, You know what I mean?
I have reached a point where I’m like,
as long as they give me the money, they can be my lead actor,
Are you serious?
Why?
Do you have someone in mind?
Maybe, Depends,
It's an adaptation of Romeo and Juliet,
There are two families, a native and an immigrant family,
Raman Yadav and Jigya Joshi,
It's set in Mumbai, You'll have to learn native accent a bit,
You'll have this really raw look,
Macho physique and stubble,
I swear to you, Mr, Rumi,,,
whoever lands this role of Romeo,
will be the nation's heartthrob in the opening weekend!
-What do you say, Feroz? -You’re right,
Every time Romeo and Juliet has been adapted,
it's always been a hit,
Qayamat Se Qayamat Tak Ek Duuje Ke Liye, Sairat,
And it's an author-backed role, And the author isn't just any guy,
It's Shakespeare!
Feroz, have you shown him the reference poster yet?
Oh, yeah,
Here, bro,
It'll be something like this,
Still rough,
He'll look great on a bike,
With Mallika, They'll look great together,
-I agree, -We should get--
Wait a minute,
Mallika will be my opposite?
Oh! Yeah,
I promised, when I make a feature, she'll be in it,
We need 50 million,
We want to make an honest film, None of that Bollywood crap,
So?
What do you say?
I am on, I am so on, buddy!
Congratulations, Feroz! We've finally found our Romeo!
Fabulous,
GRINDER'S CAFE
You want to sell the cafe? Have you lost your mind?
Didn't you leave everything to chase your dreams?
I left things, I didn't sell them away, There's a difference,
Swami Vivekanand once said,
"Awake, arise, stop not until the goal is reached,"
Hey! Vivekanand Swami did not sell his father's cafe,
Why are you talking like my mamma?
This is my one real shot at fulfilling my dream,
Once I'm a star, I can open Cafe Rustom franchises across town,
Don’t get ahead of yourself! You’re talking like Don Quixote!
I don't know who that is,
I just know this much,
this movie is not just a movie, it's an investment,
Into my future,
my mamma's future, our future,
-Our future? -Yeah, You're the heroine, after all,
-Me? -I thought Feroz promised you the role,
People make such promises all the time,
No, but he really means it, He made it clear to Mr, Rizvi as well,
Really?
Once the film is out, Mallika,
I'll go show that asshole Abhishek who is not good enough,
It's been my dream since I was a child, to hold this Black Lady in my arms,
Today, that dream has come true,
I'd like to thank my lady love
and my co-star,
Mallika Chopra,
Mamma,
How did you know it was me?
I just knew
it was you,
Your bloody bike is too damn loud!
Why you are so filmy, you donkey!
I am sorry, mamma,
You were right,
I really am a donkey!
I finally understand my mistakes,
So? You're going to join the cafe?
Mamma,
From today, I am no longer Rumi Irani,
I am Rumi Rustom Irani,
This cafe is now my responsibility,
My darling son!
When your great grandfather left Iran to come to India,
all he had was his wife,
and his recipes,
He started this cafe in 1920,
Then, when he handed it over to your grandfather Soli,,,
,,,and his wife Sooni,
my mother-in-law, who was also a great cook,
she would always say
to her non-Parsi friends,
"This cafe is my body,
The food here is part of our soul,
So come inside us,"
Oh, god!
Her Hindi was even worse than mine!
It was just a bakery to begin with,
Tea with Bun Maska,
That too was your grandfather’s family’s recipe from Iran,
Then,
when Rustom took over, he added more dishes to the menu,
Prawn Patia, Sali Boti, Aleti Paleti, Falooda,
People used to come from all over to eat your father’s delicacies,
But his Bun Maska,,,
it would leave people licking their fingers,
But after he died,
it was very difficult to manage everything,
If I would cook here all the time,
who would take you to school?
All the time, shuffling from here to there
and there to here!
My hands never did have that magic,
That's why I decided to stop the special dishes,
I knew,,,
that one day
you will revive those special dishes,
You know, when you were a baby,
your father would look at your fingers and say,
"He has some kind of magic in them,
One day, he will become a world famous baker,"
This is it! The Rustom Bun Maska!
No selfie!
Tasty,
Mr, Alif, how is the bun maska?
It's almost as if Rustom is back in the kitchen now,
-Is your name Diana Irani, Ma'am? -Diana Rustom Irani!
Don't walk much for two hours, rest as much as you can,
Keep your leg straight, okay,
Didn’t I tell you about my grandmother? She had both her knees replaced,
It took six weeks, but now she's fine!
Aunty will be fine too, Don't worry,
I just hope I find a buyer for this cafe soon,
Then everything will be set,
You're the one who keeps saying, "Be positive,"
Things will fall in place by the time I'm back from the shoot,
-Bye, -Bye,
Rustom cafe?
-The one in Ballard Estate? -Yes,
I went there six months ago with a keen buyer,
Lots of money,
There was a Parsi woman,
-Is she your mother? -Yes, that's my mother,
She's quite handful,
And the way she curses! She flipped me off,
that cafe on Horniman Circle, Shereen?
Sorry, that's just the way she is,
You know,
that cafe on Horniman Circle, Shereen?
I brokered the deal there, 70 mill,
Now, there's a pizza chain there,
You mean, 70 million?
I think we could get up to 80 mill for your cafe,
Do something, Mr, Taneja, I really do want to sell,
Is the property in your name?
-I think it's in mamma's name, -Then how will you sell it?
-No,,, It,,, -Do you have the power of attorney?
Power of attorney? It,,,
-The papers,,, -Don't you know what that is?
Go home and Google this,
And send me screenshots of the property papers,
I'll then make sure they're in order,
-Of course, Yes, -Okay?
-You want tea? -No, thank you,
Okay then,
You'll actually sell the cafe?
Yes,
Because it is a matter of life and "death,"
Rumi, this is serious!
So am I, Dad,
This isn't just a cafe, Rumi, It's an,,, It's an emotion,
These days, everyone thinks too much emotion is cheesy,
The world has changed,
People want to sit at Grinder's Cafe and have a mochaccino,
Who cares about a beat-up old Irani cafe?
This "beat-up old Irani cafe" is our legacy,
To hell with legacy, Dad! Be practical,
Mamma is aging and I don't want to run it,
It's just too much trouble,
Diana will never sign over the power of attorney to you,
Fine,,,
I'll forge her signature!
What are you saying, you rascal!
-What are you saying? -Relax, Dad,
I'm her son, Mamma isn't going to send me to jail for selling my cafe,
Next year, Cafe Rustom would have been open for a century?
Yes,
I never realized,
Why the name Rustom?
My great grandfather was called Rustom,
The founder of the cafe,
Oh, And your father was named after him?
No, my father was named after the cafe!
Come, I'll show you the bakery,
What's his name?
Hassan,
Where is he from?
Hassan, where are you from?
Unnao,
-A village between Kanpur and Lucknow, -Since when have you been working here?
Last month, I completed 30 years of service,
Do you like it here?
What can I say?
For me, this isn't just a cafe, This is home,
I reached Bombay on 4 June 1989, without a ticket,
When I got off the train at VT Station, I was so scared,
What was I going to do in a big city? How would I eat?
And to make things worse, the rain, The city was flooded,
It was my good fortune that I ran into Mr, Rustom,
Mr, Rustom fed me, and then he asked,
If I'd work in the cafe, I agreed right away,
Then he put his hands on my shoulder and said,
"Hassan, if you work hard, you will always have a place here,"
Now, after many years, I'm enjoying my job,
Why is that?
Because Rumi has been coming in these days,
When I look at him, I see his father, It's a good feeling,
I'll show you the bakery,
-Why do you record these stories? -I run BPP,
Bombay Parsi Party?
No, Bombay People Project,
It's a blog,
This universe is not made up of atoms, Rumi,
It's made up of stories,
I am a story, You are a story,
This cabbie is a story,
That tea seller is a story too, Mumbai is a story,
And the 20 million people living in this city, they are all stories,
I'm just trying to capture a few,
But why?
What's so special about stories?
What makes us human, Rumi?
It is our ability to tell stories,
Stories connect people,
You know, you realise that other people have the same fears as you,
the same dreams as you,
Stories build empathy, Rumi,
I guess this is my Ikigai,
-Which guy? -Ikigai,
It's a Japanese concept,
It means reason for being,
Like what acting is to me,
Well, was,
Whenever you were acting,
did it give you joy?
Yes,
But are you a good actor?
Of course!
I have a diploma certificate from Bansi's Acting School,
Really?
Show me something?
Okay,
If you want something with all your heart,
the universe conspires to make it happen for you,
Very good,
I hope you remember, the doctor has said full bed rest,
No movement,
But how was business last week?
Mamma,
Fruits have been washed, Here's your water,
I'm off to the cafe, Call if you need anything,
Don't walk around, You're on bed rest,
Rumi, You're stupid, and you're an idiot,
But you're the best son in the world,
I'll go?
What's up?
Mehta Aunty,
My name is Mrs, Anita Mehta,
I run Shubh matrimonial marriage bureau,
"When two hearts meet, it's quite a treat",
That's our tagline,
Cafe Rustom has been very lucky for me,
I have a 100% track record over here,
Every couple that I've matched here has gotten married,
Wow!
Lady luck shines on you when you have tea at Rustom Café,
Drink up!
My name is Vilasrao Kirloskar,
I work in the Consumer Complaints department of the Railways,
All day, I hear passengers complain,
Then when I get home,
my wife and mother always have a squabble going on,
After work, before catching the fast train home,
I take half an hour to come here and drink some Irani tea,
It's the blissful part of my day,
My name is Alif Mohammad Shaikh,
This is my wife, Asma,
Our connection to Rustom Cafe goes back to our childhood,
The bun maska here is special,
Just ask your aunty, it's her favourite story,
Come on, say it,
I was 16 years old, and he was 17,
When we both bunked school
for the first time this is where he brought me,
And, as we kept sharing bun maskas between us,
we decided to share the rest of our lives,
This cafe is so special for so many people,
I had no freaking clue,
Stories, Rumi,
Stories are magical,
What's your story?
That day, for the first time, I felt like I was special,
All the aunties were cheering,
I realised that I didn't want this feeling for a day, I wanted it forever,
That's why I wanted to become a star,
These conversations of ours, may they never end
Tell me what's in your heart
And I shall tell you what's in mine
We don't know how to define This connection
We don't know why we feel This affection
Our paths have merged magically
Now that I've found a friend in you,,,
-I didn't ask for one, -From the chef,
We don't know why we feel This affection
Our paths have merged magically
Now that in you I've found a friend
This feels new, this feels real
All we know it feels special
You know I wanna hang with you I wanna hang with you
This feels new, this feels real
All we know it feels special You know I wanna hang with you
This was in Goa, Cute, right?
-Why do you love her? -Because,,,
She's,,, gorgeous, talented,
And our DP has 520 likes,
What about you?
-Are you dating someone? -Nope,
Liar,
I was, Cyrus,
That tall fellow from B Block?
Yeah,
We broke up, so,,,
-Why? -Just! Let it be,
Persis
-Hello, Rumi? -Yes,
-I'm at Sethna Hospital, -What?
Hello, Hos,,, Hospital,
You okay?
Can you come here? It's an emergency,
Of course, Are you alright?
-Just hurry up, please, -Yes, I'm coming,
Are you okay?
Mr, Alif is in critical condition,
-Who is Alif? -Alif Shaikh, Rumi,
-The old uncle who visits your cafe, -Okay, So?
-His wife wants to talk to you, -Wait a minute,
Is this why you woke me up?
Rumi, just come with me,
I'm never answering your calls again!
How is Mr, Alif?
Both his kidneys have failed, The doctors say there is no hope,
He told me he has no regret now that his end is near,
He’s had a long and happy life,
He just has one final wish,
What?
He wants to split a bun maska from Cafe Rustom with me, one last time,
Just like we did on our first date,
We have to do this for him, Rumi,
Like, right now?
Stop, Stop,,,
What?
Follow me,
What? Where?
Follow me,
Persis!
Wait for me!
Why are we staring at this tree at 5 in the morning?
My brother Homi and I,,,
we used to play hide and seek in this garden,
All around this tree,
I don't know how to climb trees,
So, he would always climb up and hide there,
I'd never be able to find him,
Bloody cheater!
But one day, he went and hid in such a way,,,
that I could never find him again,
Hey,
What happened?
That day,
he was late for college,
He even skipped breakfast,
Early morning trains, you know,
super crowded,
9:17 Bandra Fast,
Couldn't get inside,
Kept dangling,
Fell on the tracks,
We donated this bench in his memory,
Can I tell you something? I've never told anyone,
Sure,
Whenever I,,,
feel really confused or,,,
when I am too happy or too sad,
I talk to Homi,
You must think I'm a psycho,
But I can really see him,
talk to him, even fight with him,
What the hell!
-It's okay if you don't believe me, -No, I do,
Because even I can sometimes see my father,
What?
I swear,
See you, bye,
Rumi, you want to go get a drink?
-Yeah, -Saturday night?
Yeah, Sure,
-Cool then, -Okay then, See you,
Listen,,,
that day, you asked me why I broke up with Cyrus?
It's okay if you don't want to talk,
No, I do, Last year,
Cyrus, I, and our whole gang, we went to Goa for New Year's,
My girl gang was all like, "Come on, Persis,
Just do it now, you're already 19,"
-There was too much beer pressure, -Beer pressure?
You know, the pressure you feel after glugging a lot of beers,
-Okay, -Maybe I don't like him enough,
So, he felt rejected and we broke up,
Now you're like, "She's such a prude," I'm not, okay?
It's just that I always thought
I'll only lose my virginity to a boy I really like,
So what I'm trying to say is,,,
For two years, I didn't meet anyone I wanted to do it with,
Until I met you,
Yuck!
Look! I feel like you get me! No boy has gotten me like this!
Are you getting it?
Rumi, dammit! Say something!
Beer,,, pressure,
-Huh? -I think I need to pee,
-I think you should check your uric acid, -Dad!
You Casanova! You stud!
Stuck between both girls in a dead heat?
-Dad, please! Not now! -Then when?
You're thinking about having sex with Persis, aren't you?
What are you saying, Dad!
Don't lie! I am your father, son!
I've had a lot of sex in my time, That's how you were born,
Hey, did you give it a good shake?
Dad, I am a straight guy,
Of course,
Straight like a doughnut! Just admit it!
You're thinking about Persis, right?
-Yes, -So what is the problem?
I have a girlfriend, Dad,
If I sleep with Persis, it will be cheating,
Problem solved! Just go tell Persis that,
I can't,
It'll break her heart,
You little prick!
You didn't have a problem breaking your mamma's heart,
Come on, admit it, You're tempted!
What rubbish!
Yeah, Okay, fine, I am tempted,
Besides, if I sleep with her only once,
then that's not cheating, right?
You are a master manipulator, You're manipulating yourself!
Everybody does it,
You won't get it,
So?
Look, you and I are good friends,
Fine, I get it,
So, we can do it only once,
Sorry?
I mean,,,
We can only do it once, Or everything will get complicated,
But where?
-How about-- -Done,
My heart is beating fast,
Mine too,
What are you looking at?
Your fingers,
Your hands,
They're your father's hands,
Your grandfather's hands,
They came to India from Iran, bearing a secret,
The secret of making the best Parsi food ever,
You have a special gift, Rumi,
One more month, then you'll start running again,
-All good? Okay? -Okay,
I'm waiting outside,
Hello, Mr, Taneja?
Really? What are they offering?
Seventy million?
Yeah, done, Set up a meeting as soon as you can,
Yes, I'll bring the papers,
Please just text me the time for the meeting,
-Rumi, -Yeah,
See you tomorrow, Bye,
Yes, mamma, Coming,
Done?
Yes,
Careful,
Thanks,
You need something?
Make me a cup of tea,
Okay, Getting,
Taneja:Meeting with Grinder's Cafe at 3, Don't forget the property papers,
Why are you talking to Taneja?
Mamma,,,
-Actually-- -Swear on me and tell me the truth!
Are you planning on selling the cafe?
Tell me!
Yes, mamma,
Why?
I need 50 million to make my film,
It's my only dream,
Is this why you came back?
Not for your mamma?
Not even for your Dad?
You sneaky fucker!
Just get lost from here! I will never sell Rustom Cafe,
Understood?
Never!
Why are you doing this to me?
-Why are you doing this to me? -Please, just stop it!
Stop trying to control me,
This is my life!
I have every right to live it on my terms,
To hell with Cafe Rustom, To hell with its legacy!
What kind of a legacy is bun maska?
It isn't the Mughal empire! Nobody will care if it's gone,
Sign the power of attorney! Please,
Until I'm alive, I will never sign this!
I can't wait that long! I am sorry!
Rumi,
I have just one request,
Let my Rusi's cafe keep running
until the day it gets sold,
Please,
Yeah,
Rumi brother, Grinder's Cafe will make the full payment within a month,
Please read the terms of the deal carefully,
And this is your draft, There's the one million advance,
-Congratulations! -Mr, Ajay, congratulations!
-Thank you, -Thank you,
Ajay, let's finalize the deal by the fifth of next month?
-Next month, -Yeah,
Here you go, sir,
Congratulation, bro!
Thanks,
As soon as you bring in the rest of the money,
we can start the shoot,
Until then, Feroz will conduct acting workshops with you,
-Rumi, -Yeah,
The character of Raman is from Bihar,
-We'll need a dialect coach for you, -Yeah,
And I am from Delhi,
So I pay special attention to Talaffuz,
Yes,
Tallaffuz, Do you follow?
Of course,
Talaffuz means table, right?
No, Talaffuz means pronunciation,
Of course,
I am so happy!
I'm also happy you are back,
I was talking about the cafe, It’s finally getting sold,
You've chased your dreams But they come at a cost
When they're within reach, The price feels too high
You yearn to soar But a fear resides in your heart
What is this?
Why?
I can explain,
I-- I had to,
Here you are at the crossroads, Which path will you take?
This time, I'm going to celebrate Holi with you
and colour you red!
Good for the first time, Needs to be more confident,
Ready?
-Let's go, -Let's go, Okay,
-Come, mamma, -I'm fine,
Will you abandon your nest and fly away Or clip your wings and stay?
You're selling the cafe? Why?
Rumi is the one who wants to sell it, Ask him,
Mitjawaan
When we met, I never thought I’d end up falling in love with you,
No, Cut, cut!
What are you doing? You don't just have to memorize the lines,
They have meaning,
If the meaning doesn't show, what's the point?
Thank you all for giving me the award,
This is a dream come true for me,
You smile and pretend Like you know what you want
I’m feeling more homeless
than I did the first time
I moved to this city,
I'm 50 years old now, Who is going to hire me?
Where will I go?
Can I hold onto this?
This is my last bill, I want to cherish it,
Is uncle at home? Tell uncle, Raman is here,
Cut! Rumi, what are you doing? We've been rehearsing for so long!
You have to think of the body language, Feel it, Just watch!
Is uncle at home?
Tell uncle, Raman is here to see him, You know what I mean? Swag!
Attitude! Just look at the poster, Come on, be that character,
Can we do it again, please?
-Sorry, -Don't be sorry, Just do it right,
Here you are, at the crossroads
Will you abandon your nest and fly away? Or clip your wings and stay?
You got what you wanted,
What's the problem?
Dad, why is it always
that everything looks better when it's a fantasy?
But reality sucks,
This isn't a fantasy, This is your dream,
That's the thing,
I fought the whole world to accomplish my dreams,
Mamma, Persis, You,
All the customers, I disappointed you all, Even Feroz,
And now that the dream is about to come true,
why am I not feeling happy?
I am confused!
When you are going through confusion, keep going,
Mallika calling
Big day, Rumi,
I know,
You sound upset,
No, I am fine,
It's natural to feel this way,
The day I was leaving my home,
I felt just like this,
Don't you miss your family?
I do,
But I don't regret my decision,
But are you happy?
-What? -Are you happy, Mallika?
I will be,
What time is the meeting with Grinder's Cafe?
In an hour,
Okay, Call me as soon as it's over,
Best of luck,
What time is the doctor's appointment? Shall we go at 5 o'clock?
Hi,
It's the first copy of my coffee table book,
I wanted to gift it to Diana,
Thanks,
Persis,
I wanted to tell you why I'm selling the cafe,
Do I look like I care?
MRS, ANITA MEHTA
MR, ALIF MOHAMMED & MRS, ASMA SHAIKH
HASSAN
Why are you sitting here alone in the dark, Rumi?
Hello,
Both parties, check carefully,
I don't want confusion at the registration office,
Rumi, there are two workers outside pulling down your cafe board
and putting up the Grinder's Cafe board,
Okay,
-Company formalities, you know, -Yeah,
Good, Yeah,
Thank you,
What are you going to do with the chairs and tables?
We’ll dispose of them,
We'll tear down the place and build again,
Why did you do that, Mr, Rumi?
Those papers?
I don't want to sell my cafe,
Are you serious?
This isn't a cafe, this is my legacy,
You can't do this! You've been paid an advance,
They will sue you!
If you didn't want to sell, why waste our time?
Do you think we're jobless here?
These Parsis are all mad!
Don't worry,
We will take you to court, Mr, Rumi,
Hassan!
Tell Rumi, his friend is here,
And bring her a cup of tea,
Have a seat,
But you'd harp on and on about-- that this was your dream,
You'd hold that bottle and practice your speech,
There's a difference between dreams and delusions,
Delusions?
Why does nobody tell us that,,, not every dream comes true,
I wanted to be an actor,
But, actually, I never was one,
Don't talk like a loser,
Who-- Who are you? This not the Rumi I know!
This is the real me,
That night when I made bun maska for Mr, Alif,
there was a smile on his face,
The joy I felt seeing the smiles on their faces,
I never felt that while acting,
This is my gift,
My Ikigai,
Your what?
Ikigai,
It's a Japanese concept,
If the thing you like doing, the thing you're good at,
that can help you earn a living,
that helps you give society what they need,
When they are all one,
that's your ikigai,
My bun maska is my ikigai,
And what about that one million you took from Grinder's Cafe and gave to Mr, Rizvi?
Mamma saved my ass,
At first, she was hysterical,
"You little fucker, you've cost me a fortune,"
But then she returned all the money to Taneja and,,,
now with what I make at the cafe, I’ll pay her back,
What about us, Rumi?
Mallika,
-I really like you and-- -Love,
You love me, Right?
With you,
I felt like I was always getting ready for some party,
But with Persis,,,
I feel like I'm at home,
In a sudra,
You're breaking up with me?
I am sorry,
Just get lost! Go to hell,
You're very talented, Mallika,
One day, you'll be a big star,
I'll watch you and feel proud,
Trust me,
Chasing the stars, I strayed so far
Far from where my dreams were waiting
I lost my mind trying to find
Not caring what my heart was saying
I regret all that I put you through
I had to do what I had to do
Before I found my way back home
Hassan, is the Prawn Patia ready for table four?
Ready,
Mitjawaan
I regret all that I put you through
Rumi!
Look who wants to meet you,
My son,
Hey, Superstar!
-Hi, Rumi, -Hi,
I want to tell you, man,
Even since I was a kid, the bun maska has tasted the same, Thank you,
Legendary!
-Not joking, -Thank you so much, Sir,
Can I take a selfie for my followers?
Yes, of course,
You take it,
Smile now!
MR, FIROZSHA BAAG
-It won’t fit me, mamma, -Try it,
Wish I could go Go back in time
And undo the things that hurt you
I was unwise to pay the price
But now I'll make it all up to you
And I think you understand it too
That I had to do what I had to do
For I found my way back home
Back to you
Time to quit worrying
There's no point being scared
Take what you think is yours
Nobody can stand in your way
Your heart may be broken
Your bubble may have burst
But don't drop your shoulders
These troubles aren't real
I think it is about time
To live it up a little
Let your smile be like
Smooth butter on warm bread
I think it is about time
To live it up a little
Let your smile be like
Smooth butter on warm bread
Have fun! Stay happy!