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- Gornak! Run for your lives,
(gasps)
- Save me! Save me!
(gornak growls)
(screams)
- [Ramicus] Lorash, sweet of you to wait for me,
- Go on home to your meade, Ramicus,
This bounty is as good as mine,
- You're doing this for the bounty?
I thought you were about the booty,
- Sacrificial virgins need love, too,
And you know I'd never miss a chance
to poach in your territory,
What'll this job be? Five in a row for me?
- The bogwarf doesn't count,
You know how I feel about quicksand,
- Yes, And what will your excuse be this time?
Your horsie scared again?
- You leave horsie out of this,
- (laughs) Look on the bright side,
Look at all the gold I'm saving you,
Taverns and the brothels,
(metallic clank)
I know coin's a bit tight for you right now, Ramicus,
So when you come to, first round's on me,
- Fair enough,
Tell you what,
Let's find you a nice, safe tree,
a lot of low-lying branches,
and you can get-- (dull thud)
(Ramicus groans)
(horse whinnies)
- Hep!
(horse whinnies)
(heroic music)
(gornak growls, Idaria screams)
(screams)
- Let me out of here!
(screams)
- Not today, gornak!
(high-pitched whine)
(gornak growls)
See here, foul beast,
this blade will piece your heart
until the very last drop of blood has drained from it,
(gornak growls)
(whirling sound)
(horse screams)
(gornak roars)
(yells)
(metallic clanking and slicing)
(gornak screams)
Bye, old friend,
(squishing, squirting sounds)
- You are great,
- My reputation precedes me,
Now to claim my prize,
You deserve every last coin, my lord,
- I'll take that, as well,
- You've done it,
You saved my life,
You've saved my entire village,
How can I ever repay you?
- Let's start with this,
(both moan)
- Hey! Hello!
Lorash, come on, Cool it,
The last thing we need around here is a Dolvarnog attack,
- He's right,
We mustn't forget about the beast,
- My dear child, this man is nothing more than a peasant,
Don't believe his foolish folk tales and dragon stories,
There's no such thing as a Dolvar-
(fire roars) (girl screams)
No!
(Lorash yells)
(crunching, snapping)
(dramatic music)
(door squeaks, bangs into wall)
- My precious, surely,
- The ring, Is it ready?
- No need to hurry,
You've been traveling a long way,
Why don't you lie down
and let me give you a little brain tickle?
- Belveeda, please,
Your filthy advances will not work on me this time,
The ring, I need it,
- A healing stone with power such as this
does not come without its price,
I have traveled to the darkest caverns
of this earth to find--
(metallic clank)
You understand the dangers you invoke?
The moment you step through that door,
you begin a very dark path, my dear,
- I realize the gravity of my decisions,
And I accept their consequences honorably, fearing nothing,
- If a cruel dismemberment is what you'd really like,
why don't I just take you to my bedchamber?
- Enough, woman, The ring, now!
- Forgive me, Camilan,
I've grown so fond of you over the years,
and I hate to see you throw it all away
over something so futile,
- Come now, do not blame me for desiring me,
Many do,
Now a greater calling is mine,
Destiny awaits me,
No matter the risk, no matter the danger,
I must plunge forward, ring in hand,
through the darkness, and do what must be done,
Larec, my sweet, will you marry me?
- Yes, Camilan, yes!
A thousand times, yes,
- Then accept this ring as a token of my devotion to you,
- A genuine healing stone?
- A rare gem for the rarest of beauty,
- Where did you get such a ring?
- Never mind how I found it,
I found it, And I love you,
- Wait, What of the Dolvarnog?
- Fear not, my love,
We are safe under the canopy of night,
You are free to let your emotions flow,
As long as you are in my arms, you are safe,
- Not during the day, actually,
How can a creature have such hatred towards love?
- Do you speak of the Dolvarnog, or of my father?
- Does it matter?
Their wrath is equal,
- Come now, My father doesn't breathe fire,
- There is no need,
His words are just as painful,
- Larec, please,
- He'll never give consent,
- How could he protest such a face?
- It's not my face he protests,
- Elf or human, we were meant to be together,
I promise you, from this day forward,
we will be together, - [Larec] I know,
- I would slay a thousand dragons for you,
a hundred orcs, - [Larec] Okay,
- 4,000 pygmies - [Larec] Okay,
- It doesn't matter, a (speech muffled) ,,,
(shrill screams in background)
- You can close your eyes,
but your ears will hear their shrieks,
(flames roar)
16 lovers destroyed today,
Dolvarnog will sleep well tonight,
- While other weep,
- They must learn that, as long as love fills the air,
this wretched creature will rain down its destruction,
- You cannot blame the beast,
He only does as you command,
- And obey it does,
Imagine,
Soon we will rid the land of this crippling emotion,
- You cannot stop love, my lord,
- At least none will dare show it,
- How can you be so cruel?
- Love is cruel, my lady,
Why should I be any different towards love?
I won't rest until every soul suffers as I have,
- Surely this cannot bring you happiness,
- You are right, It only salves the wound
of my afflicted soul,
But you ,,,
you have the power to heal it,
End this madness,
Humble your heart, Accept my proposal,
- You know that that's impossible,
- Is this so horrible a fate that you will allow
the death toll to rise?
- My dear Tensley, you know that I cannot,
I cannot accept you,
- You told me that you love me,
- We were children,
- Children don't lie!
- (sighs) I'm sorry, my lord,
- Very well,
The Dolvarnog flies at dawn,
(chains jangle)
(crunches delicately)
- It's Elven bread,
Larec wanted you to try it,
- Why aren't you having any of this?
- I had some on my way over, so I'm quite full,
- Your friend made it herself?
- (sighs) She's not just my friend, mother, but yes,
- You'd think that an immortal race
would have enough time to develop better cuisine,
(laughs) I just don't understand these creatures,
- These creatures are going to be my wife,
Well, one of those creat- One of those ,,,
I'm engaged to Larec,
- Enough, Our bloodline isn't dirty enough?
You've gotta go muddy it up with an elf,
- They're such small creatures,
- I love her!
- Do you love her, or do you love the idea of her?
- Mother, please!
- I'm just trying to understand,
- You're trying to change my mind,
- You talk about changing minds?
That wood nymph has changed you so much
I don't recognize you anymore,
- You know what? You're right,
I have changed,
I grew up,
I'm an adult now, and I make my own choices,
And I choose Larec,
You will allow us to be wed,
- You're right, Your mother and I have talked this over,
And if it pleases you, you can marry tomorrow,
- Thank you, father,
- On the Syrian Plain, at high noon,
and we'll have the Dolvarnog
take care of the rest of it, (laughs)
- How can you blatantly disregard my feeling, Dad?
- How can you blatantly disregard
your responsibility to this family?
- [ Camilan] My responsibility? - Yes, your responsibility!
- Enough,
- We are the last of the Onsul clan,
If you marry that elf, our lineal rights are forfeit,
We'd lose our home and our properties
and everything this family has built
for the last 14 centuries,
- What good are lands and riches when your heart is dead?
- Son, you know the law,
I cannot give my consent until our name is secure,
My word is final on this,
- There's always Ramicus,
(soft, gentle music)
(snores)
- Fly, my dear Bee's Knees,
Deliver my message to one who can save us all,
Be strong, little one, and choose wisely,
Look not only for strength in body,
but also in mind and heart,
Now fly,
(wings whirr)
Please, choose wisely,
(growls)
(loud smack)
(laughs)
(growls)
(both growl and groan)
- Good one,
Let me give you an excuse for being that ugly,
(both exclaim and grunt)
Well, well, well,
Once again we see that the human race
is far superior to-- (crunching sound)
(yells)
(squeaks)
(laughs throatily)
What do I say about the crotch?
(Shokdor speaks foreign language)
This whole area is off limits, okay?
We can't all reproduce from a pod in the mud,
(Shokdor speaks in foreign language)
(groans) I said I don't see myself having kids,
not that I want to moot any possibility of it,
(groans)
Well that's a disqualification,
so you got to fetch the water,
(grunts questioningly)
Because we have a troll to tackle near Ismar tomorrow,
and I don't wanna run out again,
(speaks in foreign language)
Oh well, that's real mature,
(soft music)
- You sure we're going the right way?
I feel like we've been walking forever,
And I've already eaten all my figgies,
- Can't believe we're actually doing this,
There's no way he's ever gonna listen to me,
- I'm not tired or anything, but I think
horse needs a rest,
- Even if he did listen, and there's no way we're gonna
find someone that's gonna marry that selfish slob,
- I wish I had a brother,
I bet horse has a brother,
(horse exhales softly)
Is that it?
You think he has figgies?
- This is ridiculous, There's no use,
Let's go back,
I don't know what I was thinking,
- You were thinking about Larec,
Those beautiful eyes,
her perfect hair,
those perky little ears,
So close your eyes and reach up there
and grab those knockers before I do,
- I'll do it,
(three sharp raps)
- Besides, he's your brother,
What's the worst that can happen?
(door squeaks)
- Cranberry!
(Camilan grunts)
(laughs) What do we have here, huh?
Where did this one come from?
(Camilan exclaims) (Ramicus laughs)
You gonna join, or just watch?
- Yes,
- Look at this little stallion, Still a watcher, huh?
Hey, whoo, look at this, - [Camilan] Get off of me,
Ramicus, please,
- What's wrong with your voice?
- Nothing's wrong with it,
It's been a long time since I've seen you,
My voice is changed some,
- Hasn't been that long,
But I love what we're wearing right now,
This is, is that a mini skirt?
Look at those legs, they're so smooth!
Now, don't be rude, Present me to your boyfriend,
- He's not my boyf- - [Samton] I'm Samton,
But don't call me Sam,
- Okay, Sammy, (snorts in amusement)
Now, what are a couple of fancy lads like yourselves
doing so far away from Mommy and Daddy?
(plate slams loudly)
(flies buzz)
(Camilan sighs)
You always did like the little ones,
Makes a lot of sense, actually,
- I love this woman deeply,
- But that don't mean squat to dear old Papa Bear, does it?
- I'm afraid he's a racist,
- Oh, wait til he meet my roommate,
(door creaks open)
- Ork! (arrow whistles)
- Whoa, whoa, whoa! Easy, Bow Finger!
Hey, calm down, We're cool,
(Shokdor grunts questioningly)
Guys, this is Shokdor, Shokdor, this is the guys,
- Your roommate?
(arrow cracks) - Is he eating that arrow?
- Yeah, He's crazy, man,
Don't worry about him, He's just a little mad
that he's gotta go fetch more water now,
(speaks in foreign language)
Well, you didn't have to do
your cool guy arrow catching trick, now, did you?
(grunts in disgust)
Okay, we got a little off track,
Let me get this straight,
You wanna marry this little elf girl,
But Dad won't let you because he can't trust yours truly
to marry, which I can't say I blame him,
So you show up at my door for the first time
in Lord knows how long, flashing those tiny white teeth
and those deep blue eyes,
and, seriously, not enough clothing,
trying to convince me to find any old wench with a heartbeat
and enter into a monogamous and committed relationship
for the rest of my earthly existence?
- Yeah, that's; yes,
(fly buzzes)
- Gotta be patient,
Gotta wait til they rub those front legs together,
(slams loudly)
Ha, ha, ha, ha! What'd I tell you?
(Samton laughs weakly)
- Ramicus, what say you?
Will you secure the Onsul name?
- Yeah, that's not gonna happen,
- If you don't, I will lose Larec forever,
- I'm sorry, bro,
I'm not gonna endure an eternity of nagging
and micromanagement while you disappear
into the magical Neverwood Forest
with (speaks foreign language), whatever her name is,
Not my style, sorry,
- Well, what if you found true love?
- Ha! That's funny,
All right, first of all, true love doesn't exist,
Second of all, anybody who buys into that stupid notion
becomes a Dolvarnog's dinner,
And thirdly--
- It's Dolvarnoog, not Dolvarnog,
Sounds silly when you say it like that,
- What do I care?
- There's two dots over the "o,"
It makes an "oo" sound, like Dolvanoog,
- Oh, let me see, I need to write that down,
That's gonna be useful information someday,
Thank you so much,
Where was I? - [Samton] And third,
- Thirdly, thank you,
- Knowing his track record,
I'm sure he has some real daisies picked out for me,
- I happen to have some exquisite creatures lined up,
- Really? Like who?
(upbeat big band music)
- Well, no one set in stone at the moment,
But we'll find you one,
- I'm a bounty hunter,
And a busy one, at that,
(speaks foreign language)
Lorash is an idiot, a dead idiot,
A bit of a perk,
Now that he's gone, I'll be a lot more busy,
(dragonfly skitters)
Last thing I need around here is someone special ,,,
unless she has a price on her head,
- Let's go, Samton,
Told you this is a waste of our time,
(dragonfly whirrs)
- Dude! I almost had it!
Thing didn't even flinch,
(hissing sound)
- Greetings, My name is Ennogard,
prisoner of the powerful sorcerer Lord Tensley,
- He's my favorite wizard ever,
- [Ennogard] Once a just and goodly man,
he has now turned to the dark arts of necromancy,
- What's necromancy? - [Camilan] Shhh!
- He demands my hand in marriage,
and in my refusal, he has become enraged,
- He's lucky, She looks crazy,
- [ Camilan] Shhh! - The recent attacks
of the deadly Dolvernog have been in his bidding,
He seeks to rid the world of love,
If my messenger has chosen to show you this,
then you have been foreordained to liberate love
once and for all,
You are the warrior destined to end
the tyranny of Lord Tensley and the dreaded Dolvernog,
- I smell a bounty,
- Your task will not be easy,
Your life will be at great risk,
But I have faith in your success,
You must capture the beast alive,
hold him safely until sundown,
and await further instructions,
Hold nothing back,
as this feat requires the utmost degree of courage,
bravery, and selflessness,
- Show me the money, lady,
- As I am a woman of no means,
I cannot offer you a ransom for this deed,
- Okay, I've heard enough,
How do we shut this thing off?
- But, what I am willing to offer
is something that is of great worth,
- Okay, I'm listening,
- The castle of Easton and its surrounding lands,
from the Verbane Forest to the Anadron Sea,
- Now we're talking,
- And, above this,
worth much more than all my father's lands,
I offer to the victor in this quest
my heart, my soul, and my body
for time and for all eternity,
The fate of my soul and countless others
depends on your success,
Help me if you want to hold me,
You're my only hope,
- Let's load the dojo wagon, (Shokdor grunts in agreement)
Gonna need some pants,
(lively folk music)
- This here is my pride and joy,
One of the many benefits of having an ork for a roommate,
They're natural blacksmiths, so,
with Shokdor's metal skills and my general genius,
we figured out a way to get around
without the use of pesky, finicky horses,
- So then why the replica?
- Oh, I don't know,
Something to remind me of the old chestnut and gray,
- Well, this net's useless,
Won't the Dolvernog just burn right through it?
- That's metal,
- It's Mithrilian alloy, actually, so it's not too heavy,
It's not as strong as the pure stuff,
With enough work, you can cut it,
But dragon fire won't melt it,
- How did you find all that Mithril?
- Well, let's just say that sometimes
orks spend all their money on minotaur tenderloins
and orchid nectar,
so they got to find other ways to pay their rent,
Like melting down your father's
priceless burial armor, for example,
Yeah, we learned our lesson, huh?
(Shokdor grunts)
(lively folk music)
Now we're ready to hunt,
- Let's ride,
If we hurry, we can reach the village before dark,
(gasping, groaning)
- You've got to be kidding me!
- Is that an ork fart?
(speaks foreign language)
- That, my friends, is the smell of goblins in heat,
When the sun goes down, the goblins get down,
- But if we just get going, it'll probably pass,
- We're not going anywhere til morning,
- I told Larec I'd be there by nightfall,
- Hey, you wanna get tag teamed
by a gang of alpha goblins, be my guest,
I'm gonna sit that one out,
- Patience, dear Larec, (horse whinnies)
'Til morning,
Phooph!
- Oh look! I think I see them!
Ugh, never mind,
It's just a squirrel,
Just can't believe he's not back
when he said he would be,
- Ha, Get used to it, sweetheart,
- Do you think he's agreed?
I do hope they return home soon,
I should really like to meet him,
I wonder if he's nice,
I want to call him Rammy for short, you know, for Ramicus?
I bet he's handsome, just like Camilan,
But Camilan said he's hairy, but,
you know, hairy can be handsome,
What if it works out between you two?
We would be sisters, that would be so fun,
Do you like my ring?
Oh yeah, you made it, But it's just so pretty,
- Careful, darling,
You must soon make your vows,
Wouldn't want your tongue to catch fire,
I do hope Ramicus agrees,
- You're telling me,
(dragonfly flitters)
- Bee's Knees!
Have you good news?
(dragonfly squeaks) Shh, shh, shh! Quietly,
Now, show me the face of my beloved hero,
(dragonfly chitters)
(loud crash)
- I believe this is the face you speak of,
I've prepared a roast,
I hope you will join me,
I see your mastering spell is improved,
He was once my most trusted messenger,
- He had not obeyed by magic or force,
but by love ,,,
something you will never possess,
- You can forget about the roast!
(sighs)
- Oh, little Bee's Knees,
He may have destroyed your tiny body,
but what you have done will destroy him,
Goodbye, my friend,
Well done,
(Shokdor speaks foreign language)
- All I'm saying is, I was in the room, too,
So mathematically, I could be the chosen one,
- I don't know, Sambo, I mean,
I think you two would make a great couple,
- Thank you,
- I'm just not sure you fit the dragonslayer archetype,
Though, mathematically, you have 25 percent chance,
(Shokdor speaks foreign language)
- You're a Scrorpio, You're not compatible with anybody,
(Shokdor speaks foreign language)
How'd that work out for you, buddy?
(Shokdor speaks foreign language)
Sorry, ladies, but I think Princess Dragonfly
has somebody else in mind,
- Her name is Ennogard,
- Well, whatever her name is,
it's not coincidence that her pet fly
chose to visit my home,
(Shokdor speaks foreign langauge)
You pay rent, It's my home,
(Shokdor huffs)
It makes sense that it would choose the home
of a renowned professional bounty hunter
for such a daunting task,
- Well, what about me?
- What about you?
- Sure, I don't slay ferocious beasts for a living,
but I've killed a few,
- Pretty sure that bunny rabbits
don't classify as wild beasts, (Samton chuckles)
- I am skilled in the arts of warfare,
- Archery?
- Yes, archery, And swordplay,
among other discipline,
- You are handy with a tiny blade, I'll give you that,
I mean, the way you shave around the nipple,
it's mesmerizing, (Samton giggles)
- I am in peak physical condition,
My arm strength is exemplary,
and I can leg press six and a half barrels,
Come to think of it, it's quite possible
I'm the chosen hero to slay the Dolvenog
and win Ennogard's heart,
- Then can I have Larec?
- Yeah, um, how does your minature-sized fiancee
fit into the whole picture?
- I was speaking mathematically, of course,
I'm still madly in love with Larec,
- I know you are, buddy,
- I guess it could be possible that you're the chosen one,
- What can I say?
- I always knew the right face
would change your mind about marriage,
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Who said anything about marriage?
- Didn't you listen? That's the reward,
Her heart, soul and body,
- Well, I'm only interested in the latter,
Shokdor and Samton can divvy up the rest,
- I got dibs on the heart,
(Shokdor snarls) I called it,
- You don't deserve to be loved,
- Kinda hurts, Cami,
Not really,
- (laughs) Good one, Ramikins,
(Ramicus laughs)
- They're here! I see them!
They're back!
- And what of Ramicus?
- I can't tell, But they're not alone,
Oh!
I'm so excited,
- Larec, wait!
- Camilan! Camilan!
- Larec? Larec!
- Wait!
- I'm coming, my love!
(Dolvarnog growls and screeches)
- Samton, get up here,
- Thank you, Ramicus, I'm fine back here,
- I need you to drive,
- I can't drive,
- You're about to learn,
- I ,,,
Ramicus ,,,
(exclaims)
(grunts)
(wagon roars and screeches)
- Larec!
My love, I have so much to tell you,
- Where were you? I was so worried,
- Forgive me, I came as soon as I could,
- I forgive you, my sweet,
(Dolvarnog growls)
(Larec gasps)
(Dolvarnog screeches)
(Larec gasps)
(Dolvernog screeches)
- There's a sword on my seat,
- You know the drill,
(Larec groans)
(Dolvarnog screeches)
(sharp thud) (Dolvarnog screeches sharply)
(Shokdor growls)
(Shokdor splashes) (Dolvarnog growls)
(Samton and Ramicus exclaim)
- I said, hold her steady,
- I'm not good with fake horses,
(metallic grating sound) What was that?
- Pull the lever back,
Go straight,
(Dolvarnog roars)
That's it!
- Er, Ramicus, do something!
Ramicus!
(fire explodes with a roar)
- There goes the after party,
(Dolvarnog roars)
(wagon squeaks to a stop)
- (groans) Little heavy on the brake, huh?
- (sighs) I'm heavy,
Heavy on the break,
- Well done, Samton, (exhales sharply)
- I'm so sorry, my love,
When I saw your face, I forgot all danger, (gasps)
- Hush, now, We can't risk another attack,
(Dolvarnog roars)
- The healing ring, It will heal her, won't it?
- Not a wound such as this,
- Oh, then can you do it, please?
Tell me you can do it, - [Belveeda] It is grave,
but it can be healed,
- Oh, bless you, woman,
- But it will require an ingredient not easily attained,
- Anything you need I will acquire,
- Even if it costs your life? - [Camilan] Anything,
- The wound must be healed
by the instrument of its violence,
- The Dolvarnog's talon? - [Belveeda] Yes,
- How's that supposed to heal it? Doesn't make any sense,
- Sorcery is not an art of logic,
- Thank you,
- [Camilan] But it can be done?
- Yes, But you must hurry,
If I don't have the talon by the sunrise after tomorrow,
it will be too late,
- What does the sunrise have anything to do with this?
- Ramicus, please!
- There is no time to question,
only to act,
- I will avenge this cruelty,
And I will return to save your life,
- Be careful, my love,
The Dolvarnog shows no mercy,
- And neither shall I,
- (gasps) Take this ring,
- No, you need it,
- You need it more than I,
- I swear to you on our love,
I will return it to its rightful place,
Goodbye, my love, (Larec gasps)
Bye,
(horse nickers)
- Relax,
I'm coming with you,
- You'll only slow me down,
- Come on, You really can't do this without my help,
- This is no longer about you and your pride,
This time it's about me--
- And your bride?
- Very clever,
Does everything have to be a joke with you?
- Come on, I'm just being stupid,
- I don't have time for your stupidity,
Yah! - [Ramicus] Hey!
Hey, don't be a fool, brother!
- Camilan, wait! Wait! (dull thud)
- Your master is very brave, Samton,
(sighs) Always has been,
Very brave, and a little bit stupid,
(Ramicus sighs)
You probably knew that,
Camilan rode off alone,
Northward,
- He must travel west,
- He took off before I could tell him,
- He is in grave danger,
- [Larec] Ramicus? - [Ramicus] Yes, my lady,
- Come here, brother,
Your hands are like his,
But you're lonesome,
Ramicus, he needs your help,
He's brave, but it overshadows his judgment,
- I'm afraid he doesn't want my help,
- He loves you,
He can't say it,
I can see it in his eyes,
He needs you now more than ever,
Please,
- Now, my three courageous fools,
you embark upon a quest to fight an evil
more powerful than you have ever imagined,
All who have attempted this suicidal task
have met with death swift and merciless below,
- Okay, yeah, we got it,
Dangerous, thank you, uh--
- I'm not finished!
If you're to have any chance of success,
you must accept and use wisely the gifts
which I will bestow on each of you,
- Presents!
- Much more than mere presents, my boy,
Samton, your soul is loyal and true,
But your body lacks the training
to match its physical potential,
So I entrust you with this,
- [Samton] Cologne? - Hardly,
This vial contains the essence of the flying Sorin,
- There's not a lot in there,
- One drop is enough to give you physical strength
beyond your mortal composition,
Use it wisely,
- Shokdor,
As an ork, you have learned
to find your way in the darkness,
But with this luminate wand,
you will now know where to turn to walk in the light,
- Hah! Nice glowstick,
(speaks in foreign language)
- Hey, I'm sure it's the thought that counts,
- To think earlier today I longed
to cradle your head in my bosoms,
- [Ramicus] Excuse me? - Now, dear Ramicus,
Your insolence may prove destructive in the end,
But in spite of your mockery,
I will not stay my gift to you,
- Wow,
One of Camilan's many self-portraits,
Thank you,
Now, where's my real gift?
- That is all I have for you,
- What am I gonna do with this?
- When the time is right, you will know of its worth,
- Well, thanks a lot, Belvie,
I mean, we're all pretty pumped about our gifts,
The guys are,
I just feel really bad I didn't get you anything,
But if you'll excuse me, I have a kid brother to save,
(Shokdor grunts)
- Good journey,
(fire roars)
- Oh, what do we have here?
(Dolvarnog roars)
Cute love girl,
(chuckles) Oh, yeah,
Get to it,
Oh, you want some of that?
Yeah? Why don't you try that?
Yeah? Ha!
Tailwhip,
Tailwhip!
- Ramicus!
Fireball! Fireball!
(fireball roars)
Get up! Give up!
- There goes the after party,
- Impossible! (loud bang)
(crickets chirp)
(horse snorts)
- Come, horse,
For Larec,
(Dolvarnog roars softly)
- Do not be frightened, I'm nothing to fear,
I heard you whimpering,
(exclaims)
(coughs)
(Dolvarnog growls softly)
I'm only here to help,
(Dolvarnog rumbles softly)
Oh!
(Dolvarnog growls softly and huffs)
Patience, It will soon soothe, but you must wait,
Looks like you had quite the battle,
- Sammikins, you gotta shoot straight with me on something,
- Yeah, what?
- How long has Camilan been talking like that?
- What do you mean?
- You know, Uh, all up tight and snooty,
like he's got something up his rear?
You know, like, "Hey, Ramicus, where do we find berries?"
- No, it's more, it's more like, "Samton,
"run your fat legs over here,
"I've got work for you,"
- [Ramicus] Yeah, - I don't know,
Like, his whole life, I guess,
- No, Trust me, that is a new development,
- That is queer, come to think of it,
- Yeah, It's more than queer,
It's borderline creepy,
I don't even know how to broach the subject,
(speaks in foreign language)
Well, I wouldn't go that far,
(Shokdor huffs)
- I can tell it's a hot button for him,
Probably best not to mention it,
(horse whinnies and snorts)
(horse snorts sharply)
- What is it, horse?
What do you see?
(horse snorts and nickers)
(Camilan screams, horse whinnies shrilly)
- This is him,
Hide the wagon, (Shokdor grunts)
We go on foot from here,
- I hope it's not too late,
(Shodor grunts)
(goblins gibber, shriek and laugh)
(goblin growls)
(Camilan screams)
(Shokdor gasps)
- Yeah,
I heard it, too,
Where did it come from?
- Does this mean that-- - [Ramicus] No,
It's just his cloak,
Doesn't mean that he's ,,,
We better hurry,
(goblins growl)
- [Ramicus] Use that torch, Sam,
These guys hate fire, (orcs shriek)
Dibs on the queen!
(Ramicus exlaims)
(goblins shriek and growl)
- [Ramicus] Shokdor, get over here!
- Sorry, your highness,
You're not his type,
(goblin queen howls)
- They're really pissed now,
- Did you see that?
(roars)
(exlaims)
It went out!
Relight me,
- It's not enough,
- [Samtor] You gotta relight it,
They just go out,
- Nice,
- [Samtor] Where's Cam?
- Let's play,
(Ramicus shouts)
(Samtor exclaims)
(energetic rock music)
(sharp thud)
(Samtor shouts)
(blows thud, bones crack)
(gasps)
- There goes all my essence,
- You drank it all?
- It was delicious,
- Good, (Shokdor grunts)
It got a bit dicey there for a minute,
(Shokdor speaks in foreign language)
Yeah,
- Cam!
(Camilan groans softly)
Thank the god you're all right,
Don't ever do that to me again,
- Why did you follow me?
- Well, we didn't,
You know, me and the boys, we got frisky,
so we wanted to hit the forest,
see if we can find some sweet goblin love,
- I guess when we saw you, we got a little jealous,
- I didn't ask for your help,
- No, you didn't,
But your tiny little miniature sweetheart did,
So, how about a little gratitude here?
Know what? While you're collecting your thoughts,
why don't you pick up the rest of your dress
and come back to the dojo wagon with us,
As soon as Goblintown finds out,
they're gonna be pissed that we canceled their freak fest,
Also, I murdered their queen,
Now we have a rather long, southwesterly
if we wanna be anywhere near the Dolvarnog's lair,
- It's Dovanoog,
(Shokdor speaks foreign language)
- I don't care how hungry you are,
We're not stopping,
- I agree, We still have a ways to go
before we're out of the woodlands,
(echoing roar)
We're definitely not stopping here,
(Shokdar speaks foreign language)
- You know that little elf chick of yours?
- Her name is Larec,
- Yeah, Larec,
She's not bad, you know,
- Well, it's too bad she doesn't like
the hairy, non-committing type,
- No, man, It's not like I'd ever be into her,
You know, she just has really sharp features,
Which look good ,,,
on her,
- Well, I'm sorry you're so repulsed by her,
- Oh, come on, Cam,
He didn't mean it like that,
- Thank you,
- You're welcome,
- What did you mean?
- We had a little talk before we left,
I just think she's a good egg, that's all,
- What did you talk about?
- You, mostly,
- What did she say?
- I don't wanna bore you with details,
She said you were brave,
- She did?
(owl hoots)
(Samton exclaims)
(Shokdor growls)
- Sorry,
- He's not,
- See? You're not so terrible at night now, are you?
- [Tensley] Unacceptable!
(Ennogard gasps, Dolvarnog growls softly)
You showed mercy to that insufferable couple,
How could you let them live?
(Dolvarnog growls contritely)
I don't care who threw what at you, you're a dragon!
Kill the warrior and then kill the lovers,
It's no matter,
Just don't let it happen again,
But to be sure,
I'll have to realign your loyalties,
(Dolvarnog growls fearfully)
There now, be a good boy,
This dose is twice as powerful as the last,
You shouldn't have any more mishaps,
- No!
- Ennogard! It isn't safe here,
You must leave at once,
- Let him be, He's been harmed enough,
- Oh, no, You don't understand,
This is for his own good,
This will make it so nobody will be able to harm him,
I'm protecting him, like a good father,
- No, Uh, there must be something
that I can do to convince you otherwise,
- Why, good cousin, do not tease me so,
- Well, he is a powerful dragon and he is hurt,
He may not react well to such a dose,
Let him heal first,
- But I have it all ready to go,
- Save it, for when he's at full strength,
Thank you, Thank you,
- On second thought, perhaps I should ,,,
(Ennogard gasps)
- Well, you should go to bed,
You have a long day ahead,
- Yes, to bed, I must ,,,
Long day,
(groans)
- Thanks, I had to get that taste out of my mouth,
Oh, sorry about the bruises,
They're my fault, in a way,
Sleep well,
If all goes as hoped, this unknown warrior
will soon save us both,
(Dolvarnog grunts and growls softly)
- I think this is the Valley of Gell,
If I'm right, then we're not too far
from the Dolvarnog's lair,
- We should be safe to camp here,
(wagon screeches)
- Why are we stopping?
- (sighs) We need food and rest,
- But I've, I've still got plenty of elven bread,
Let's keep going and take the beast in its sleep,
- Relax, We don't know the exact location of the lair,
just the general area,
- I refuse to relax,
- This is not gonna be an easy task,
And we need to make a plan,
- That is the plan,
Stay on the road, eat the stinking elven bread,
and take the Dolvarnog tonight,
- Tonight we dine in Gell!
(fast rock music)
(loud crunching, slurping, chewing and growling)
(crickets chirp)
(Bread crunches softly)
- Gluttonous cretins,
Don't care about anything but themselves,
Can't believe it,
(soft, mysterious chanting)
(water splashes)
- No,
Can't be her,
Of course not, It's ,,,
just a bather,
Still, Can't be too sure,
You all right?
Hello?
- Camilan? Is that you?
Silly boy, Why are you hiding?
Come join me,
- My sweet love, I, I'm sorry,
I shouldn't be here, We're not yet wed, I ,,,
shouldn't see you this way,
- We're in love, Isn't that enough?
- We're saving ourselves for each other,
Aren't we?
(birds flutter)
You're kidding me,
- Time is running out,
I don't want to wait any longer,
- Oh, Oh, boy,
Oh dear,
- Bathe with me,
- Well, I guess a small dip wouldn't hurt, right?
(laughs weakly) Be in in a minute, my love,
Get my boot off,
(grunts)
- Horse doesn't like the bread, either,
- Where's Cami?
(ominous music)
- Oh, Oh dear, Wow,
You make it look so easy,
So, shall we proceed with the bath?
Larec?
Don't scare me,
You know I don't like being frightened,
- Bathe with me,
(creature shrieks)
- Camilan, we're in love,
Is this not enough?
- What happened to her?
- It's not your girlfriend,
Look at me! That's a water morphling,
They get inside your head and tempt you
with your truest desire,
- No, it was Larec, She was real,
- Whatever you thought you saw wasn't real,
- She was singing our song,
- Yeah, that's right,
Her talon wound magically healed itself
and she decided to celebrate
with a sexy late-night skinny dip,
300 tripeds away from home,
That sound more real?
- How could I have been so foolish?
- Listen, Happens to the best of us,
These things are masters of deception,
I knew a guy one time that was so deceived
by one of these things that he fell in love,
started a long-distance relationship with one,
For months, almost two years,
It was Shokdor, (Shokdor grunts)
Shokdor did it,
Come on, Let's get you warmed up,
- Hey, Cam, this one looks like your mom,
(morphling squeals)
- We may only get one shot at this,
Gonna make it count,
We need to stay focused,
We're not hunting ogres here,
- Why are you doing this?
- Have you seen Easton Castle?
Bit of an upgrade from my swamp cottage,
- That's the only reason?
Just to increase your wealth?
- Between me and you,
bounty hunting doesn't pay like it used to,
I really need this one,
- So it is all about the money, then,
- Yeah, It's what I do,
Being paid for what you're good at
is a fairly accepted practice around here,
- Yes, but don't you desire something more?
- [Ramicus] Like what? - Like love,
- Ha! No,
- How do you know if you don't even try?
- Love is a do or do not, There is no try,
- And what of Ennogard's promise?
- Oh, here we go,
- If we succeed, when we succeed,
you will have the chance at love with an amazing woman,
- You saw her compassion, and her beauty is unmatched,
if you're not counting elves, of course,
- I understand that love's important to you,
But it isn't for me,
I don't have room for it, there's no space in my life,
- That's just it, Love changes your life,
The moment it pricks your heart,
you'll bleed a deeper, richer red,
- Okay, That's ,,,
Let's not get ahead of ourselves here,
We still have to capture the most deadly beast
that I've ever seen,
We can get all mushy
and have a beautiful elven love circle once we're done,
But for now, we don't even have a plan,
- Spoken like a true dragon warrior,
Well, then, what do you suggest?
- Our only hope is, we ground it,
take away the sky,
- Trap it,
- We've got plenty of netting, but the problem is,
how do you get the drop on a giant,
airborne reptile that's got a real beef with love?
("Blue Danube" by Richard Strauss)
(Theme from "Titanic")
(growls)
- This isn't working,
- You're not selling it,
You gotta ,,,
really feel it,
(yells in foreign language)
- Please, for Larec,
- This is so stupid,
(Shokdor sneezes)
- Bless you,
(Theme from "Titanic")
Oh, you're probably allergic to this flower,
I'll get it,
Is that better?
Yeah, buddy, that's better,
(Dolvarnog roars)
(Samtor and Shokdor exclaim)
Don't ,,,
Don't hurt me, don't hurt me,
(shouts)
- That's it, Cam, Keep her spinning,
(howls in triumph)
- They did it,
- Die!
- (groans) Ramicus! What are you doing?
I was about to finish the job,
- The job was to capture it, That's it,
- That thing almost killed Larec,
I won't let it live,
- The message was clear,
Capture the beast,
wait til sundown for further instructions,
- Since when do you care about instructions?
Let's kill the thing!
- We'll follow Ennogard's request,
- Look who suddenly cares about Ennogard,
I don't have much time left,
I need that talon, Let me--
- We have til sunrise!
We're three hours from Belveeda's,
Ennogard will tell us what to do when she gets here,
Until then, we wait,
- Get out of my way,
- Your impatience has caused us a lot of trouble already,
I will not let you screw this up, too,
- Oh, I see, The pathetic, washed-up bounty hunter
will do anything for his prize,
even if it's at the risk of Larec's life,
- Get to the wagon,
- Yes, you're right, Excuse me,
I forgot the age-old grand eternal law of the universe,
Big brother Ramicus always gets his way,
Well, not today,
(Ramicus grunts)
(Dolvarnog screams)
- No!
Shokdor, get over here!
(Ramicus and Shokdor grunt and groan)
(Dolvarnog snarls)
(Dolvarnog screeches)
- You bastard! This is all your fault!
- My fault?
- If you would have let me kill the beast
when I had the chance--
- I told you to wait!
- We would've been heroes,
I would be on my way to see Larec with the talon,
But no, you had to be in charge,
You had to be in control,
Now Larec's going to die,
because of you,
- Come on, calm down, You don't know what you're saying,
- You calm down, you don't know what you're saying,
Whose side are you on, anyway?
- You're still not calm,
- I should've known,
The moment you laid eyes on him,
he was your new best little friend,
Some servant you turned out to be,
You can have him,
I don't want him anymore,
- You don't mean that,
(speaks in foreign language)
Shut up, you stupid orc!
Nobody asked you,
And why don't you learn to speak English
like the rest of us?
(speaks in foreign language)
- I understand you're upset right now,
You need to be rational,
- Rational?
The only thing that I love in this world is about to die,
and you want me to be rational,
- She's not dead yet,
You wounded it pretty badly,
We can follow the trail of blood back to its lair
and kill the Dolvarnog once and for all,
- It's Dolvarnoog,
You sound like an idiot when you say it wrong,
- I'm an idiot? You show up with a manservant,
the hairless body of a child,
and a ridiculous fake accent, and I'm the idiot?
- It's not fake,
- You know, at some point
you're gonna have to stop pretending to be a man,
and actually be one,
Maybe then you can earn the love of Larec,
because right now, you don't deserve her,
- I hate you,
- Camilan, wait,
(speaks in foreign language)
- I'm sorry, He didn't mean it,
All the same, I need you to look after him,
I won't be gone long,
(speaks in foreign language)
It doesn't matter whose fault it is,
All that matters is we fix it,
- When the fires died and the smoke faded away,
the people realized that the humble lord
was not a demon after all, but a great hero,
And his beauty-- - [Tensley] Slower, slow,
- Was shouted from the rooftops,
And people loved him,
for he was the most powerful sorcerer
in all the land, The end,
- Read it again, my dear Ennogard,
- But we read it twice already,
- Again!
(Ennogard sighs)
(Dolvarnog roars)
- Back a bit soon, aren't we?
- What have you done to yourself?
- Go to him,
- [Camilan] Ramicus, what are you doing?
I was about to finish the job,
- [Ramicus] The job was to capture it, That's it,
- That thing almost killed Larec,
I won't let it live,
- The message was clear,
Capture the beast, wait til sundown
for further instructions,
- Since when do you care about instructions?
Let's kill the thing!
- I'm following Ennogard's request,
- What happened?
He wasn't supposed to hurt you,
Something must have gone wrong,
My chosen warrior could not have been so careless,
(Dolvarnog growls)
I'm sorry, but you're just gonna have to let me help you,
The message was clear,
They were supposed to keep you safe
until I arrived and could warn them of--
- Me?
Why me?
It is clear from your trickery
that we should be warned of you,
To think I let you kiss these lips
with that forked tongue of yours,
- Please, you're hurting me,
- Not nearly as you hurt me, dear cousin,
That pain will soon be gone,
(Ennogard groans)
You're all I have left,
It seems now,
we are more alike than ever,
- Let him be, He doesn't deserve this,
- You betrayed him, as well,
Feigning love while hiring some idiot savage
to bring us down,
This, this will save him from the pain you caused,
Soon your hate of love will make you more powerful
than any beast on earth,
You'll have the strength to fly day and night,
Two by two, you will eliminate this emotional scourge
from our society once and for all,
- It'll never work,
The pain you cause will never heal your wounds,
- Perhaps,
But it'll probably make me feel a whole lot better,
- You don't have to do this!
- You leave me no choice,
- Even if I give myself to you?
- You lie,
- I swear,
By the love of those who have perished for its sake,
- And what of this chosen love warrior of yours?
- He failed me,
And in doing so, he has forfeited his calling,
- How am I to trust you?
- I promised myself
to whoever was able to end this tyranny,
And it seems that man is you,
- A promise is a promise,
- Even though you created all this evil in the first place,
- We can't all have good looks,
- And even though we're cousins,
- It is very common in some cul-
- Not here!
- All the same,
It is decided, We can wed tonight,
I'll go to prepare the altar, (Ennogard grunts)
Til then, my sweet,
(gasps)
- Thank goodness I found you,
- Why?
Your precious new master let you go?
- You're being ridiculous,
- Am I? - [Samton] Yes,
In all the years as your manservant,
when have I ever breached your trust?
- Well, the day you met Ramicus, I guess,
- Forget about Ramicus!
This is about you and me, Cam and Sam,
When have I ever let you down?
Who carried you in the pitch darkness
through the caverns of Ednar
because you sprained your ankle?
Who swam across Dead Horse Gorge
carrying your chain mail loincloth above water
because you didn't want it to get rusty?
Who used up every last drop of his essence
to save you from fathering the next goblin horde?
Who's willing to risk everything,
going to the ends of the earth
so that you can fulfill your dreams
and marry your true love?
- It's you,
It's you,
(sniffs) But it's all for nothing,
I failed her, Samton,
(sniffs) Larec will die in the morning,
and it's all my fault,
(fist thuds, Samton grunts)
- I can't take you whining anymore,
- You hit me, - [Samton] Yes,
And I'll hit you a thousand times again
if you don't stop crying,
What would Larec do if she heard you crying like this?
She'd probably kill herself,
We still have time
to go get the talon and save her life,
So get your crap together and let's go,
(Giant yells)
- Nonsense, You look fabulous,
(giant groans)
I'm sorry, my friend, but it's necessary,
I can't have you running off,
(sighs) Now, Listen here, Zaous,
You must be quiet during the ceremony,
But you mustn't fall asleep, understood?
- I no sleep, master,
I hungry!
(sparks zap, mouse squeaks)
( chews noisily)
- The witness is placed,
Ah! the good vicar has arrived,
How lovely of you to come at such short notice, good vicar,
- Nonsense, The pleasure is all mine,
- The altar is prepared, my love,
(Ennogard sighs)
- What are you writing, my dear?
- My vows, I'm preparing my own,
- Ah, Yes, good,
As have I,
Very well, Proceed,
(Shokdor speaks foreign language)
- You think he went off this way?
(Shokdor speaks foreign language)
- Okay, Yeah,
- You understood what he said?
- No, not a word,
- You look lovely,
It's a pity Uncle Easton isn't here today,
I think he would finally approve,
- Do not speak of my father, I beg of you,
- Forgive me, you are right,
Tonight, we focus on you and I only,
(Ennogard gulps)
My dear? Are you all right?
- I don't kno-, know that I am,
- Well, well, It's your wedding night,
It's natural if you're a bit nervous,
- (Ennogard retches and gags)
- [Ennogard] Oh!
- Isn't love wonderful?
(grunts)
(Shokdor speaks foreign language)
- Looks like somebody died,
- That's no funeral pyre,
The smoke's blue,
Someone's getting married,
- Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today
to consecrate the matrimony of two lovers,
destined to be together,
Two noble families bound together by blood
shall further be bound as the matrimonial ties
weave this family tapestry ever tighter,
We welcome with greatest delight
the powerful sorcerer, the handsome and
Lord Tensley,
- Thank you, good vicar,
- And we are pleased with the presence
of the ever lovely and exquisitely voluptuous
Lady Ennogard,
- Vicar, please! This is a wedding,
- Oh yes, of course, Forgive me,
Let us proceed with the matrimonial vows,
(Ennogard sighs)
- Is it finished?
- I've done all I can,
Now we must await the final ingredient,
- What do you see of their return?
- No, my dear, They've only just begun,
- How do you know?
- I can smell danger in the air,
A battle brews tonight,
- Are you sure it's not just the potion?
- Do not repel the remedy, my dear,
- Will they succeed?
- They must,
(grunts)
(Shokdor grunts)
- Who puts a wedding pyre in the middle of nowhere,
on the top of a cliff?
- I'm not sure,
I fear Ennogard has given up hope
and given in to Lord Tensley,
- I'm sure my hamstring is going to pop off of my leg,
- Pick up the pace, Samton,
We don't have much time,
- This I solemnly swear,
As long as you stay loyally by my side and never leave me,
and never speak ill of my deeds and never question me,
and always stay strictly obedient to every word I speak
as long as you shall live,
- Well spoken, Lord Tensley,
Your devotion is unparalleled,
- Thank you, Father,
- And it is now with great honor
that I pronounce you man and--
- Wait,
- What is it, my dear?
- I must read my vows, as well,
- Oh, of course, How silly of me,
- Please, my love,
Proceed,
(sighs)
- I, Ennogard of Tensley, having entered this world
on the 17th day of the 10th month
of the 527th year
since the reign of King Arfax,
having stemmed from the lineage of the Elders of the East,
born of goodly parents
and raised in the Order of the Covenant,
which, honestly, was not my first choice,
but my parents were incredibly devout ,,,
(grunts, exclaims)
- By the time I was 12,
I had already developed a deep affinity for pygmies,
I had an obsession that drew me into their world
and opened my mind to new and amazing possibilities,
It was this affection that opened my heart to love,
But, alas, I was young and Kendric was ,,,
small,
And as I grew taller, my love for him shrank
until he was just a distant memory,
forever tied to the smell of peppertonic leaves,
But leaves turn brown and rot,
leaving way for new growth and new experiences,
- Ennogard, please, In what way is this part of a vow?
- I did not interrupt your vows,
I believe you should owe me the same respect,
Thank you,
Love next crossed my path at the age of 17,
as my love stars aligned with Sir Farlath,
warrior, poet and centaur prince,
Whoo!
- We'll have to climb,
- How?
I mean, if there were a ladder, I could totally do it,
But, I mean, the sun's almost gone,
and I can't do anything in the darkness,
- We have to find another way,
- There is no other way,
unless you can fly,
- We have to figure it out,
(Shokdor speaks foreign language)
- Wow, Uh, thanks,
- It's Belveeda's crystal,
- Well, it's really cool and everything,
I just, I don't think I can climb with only one hand,
(Shokdor grunts)
Good thinking,
Let us pray,
(Shokdor speaks in foreign language)
- I think he wants you to get on his back,
(Shokdor grunts)
- It's over a hundred sectors high,
- I don't he can carry me,
- Fine, I'll go,
(Shokdor grunts and speaks foreign language)
Well, Ramicus is your brother, so you should ride him up,
- Do you think he has the strength?
- If anyone does, it's Shokdor,
- Shokdor, can you climb? (Shokdor grunts)
Let's climb,
- Good luck, brethren,
I'm gonna stick down here,
and set up a base camp of sorts,
(Shokdor grunts and groans)
(wolf howls)
- (stammers) Well hur- hurry if you can,
- Having experienced love in its many splendid forms,
receiving love from beings of every corner
of this great earth to its vast sea,
there is one hope that remains,
As I now sacrifice myself to the life of endless subjection,
I can accept my life-long sentence with you,
knowing that by doing so,
I will enable others to experience the bounteous joy
and happiness that comes from true
and unselfish love, (sighs)
I, Ennogard of Tensley,
vow to forever accept you as my husband,
as you vowed to forever concede your war
against love and all that show it,
- Finished? Great!
Moving right along,
- Ah, Marvelous,
Now, As you have both exchanged your vows
and are ready to be joined together as one,
if there is any in objection to this ordinance,
let them speak now or forever hold their peace,
- [Ramicus] I object!
(Ennogard gasps)
If no one else is going to,
- Impossible! (sparks crackle)
I told you not to do that part!
(sparks crackle, mirror crashes)
- (groans) Is that all you got?
- No, good fool, I have not yet begun
to show you the extent of my talents,
- Good, Because that last one was pretty weak,
- It is useless to waste expert magic on an amateur,
A simpleton must be dealt with simply,
Zaous! (Zaous growls)
Tear his arms off,
(Zaous yells)
- Big one,
(Zaous yells)
- What was that?
(Shokdor speaks foreign language)
- I was quite fond of him,
And now, young Ramicus,
you will die,
(spark crackles, rock crashes)
(sparks crackle and sizzle)
Nice deed, Ramicus,
But I'm afraid
Daddy's coming,
(high-pitched yell)
(both yell, sparks sizzle)
- We must hurry,
He's in trouble,
(Shokdor speaks foreign language)
- Sorry,
Just, uh, do your best,
(sparks sizzle)
- Stop moving!
(flames roar)
(gasps)
Let's settle this old school, shall we?
- Well, if you insist,
(neck cracks)
(knuckles crack)
I don't remember that from school,
(Ramicus groans as fists splat)
(Ramicus vocalizes)
- Ah, come on, come on!
(groans)
- Objection overruled,
I'm sorry about the wait,
(Ennogard gasps)
(groans)
(Ramicus groans)
(Ennogard gasps)
- Dammit!
(spear squishes, Ramicus gasps)
- Oh, my love!
- Your love is dead,
With him dies all love, as long as I shall live,
- No! oh!
(both gasp)
(Camilan pants)
- Well done, good hero,
I'll take it from here,
(grunts)
Sorry, sorry,
(both gasp)
Ramicus, I made it,
Ramicus?
Ramicus, get up! Get up!
Come on, we need to finish this,
Get up!
No, (sniffs) He can't be gone,
Wake up, Wake up, I need you,
I can't do this alone,
Please, please, (sobs quietly)
(sniffs) You love me,
I loved you, too, brother,
I loved you so much,
I didn't ever say, (sniffs)
but I loved you,
(sniffs)
(whispers under his breath)
The ring,
Come on,
(gasps)
Hold on, brother,
You're going to be okay,
Will you be all right? Speak,
- Dear cousin,
you betrayed me for the last time,
- Tensley, I beg you to show me mercy,
- I'm no longer capable of mercy,
- But we are of the same blood,
You cannot do this,
- Yeah? What about you?
You promised to marry me while you plotted my death,
- You forced me into a love I could not abide,
It was bound to fail,
Love between blood is an abomination,
- It is very common in some cultures!
- (gasps) I was merely following my heart,
Surely you cannot punish me for that,
- Oh, oh! Then you, too, must forgive me for following mine,
For my heart tells me to make everyone feel as cold,
empty and terrified as mine,
- This is not the answer,
- This is the only answer,
Whoa!
Come, my precious,
Daddy is going to make everything all right,
- Tensley! - [Tensley] Silence, woman!
This no longer concerns you,
(Dolvarnog snorts softly)
There's a good boy,
You have nothing to fear,
This will make us more powerful
than we can ever imagine,
- Please!
- We will be invincible,
Who needs love when you have such a pair?
The omnipotent sorcerer and his noble Dolvarnog,
- It's pronounced Dolvernoog,
And you sound stupid when you say it like that,
- Ramicus!
- Impossible, I killed you already,
- Yeah, you know, that's the funny thing about magic,
You never know what's gonna happen,
- No problem,
Actually, this is quite fitting,
You can join your pathetic love as the latest victim
of the new and very much improved love dragon,
- Yeah, we'll see about that, (hoots)
(arrow whistles)
- How are they catching these?
- That's the funny thing about magic,
You really don't know what's gonna happen,
(spark zaps and sizzles) - Brother!
(chuckles)
- Oh,
How cute,
The virgin and the warrior,
the little family reunion,
I'm afraid you're too late,
(Dolvarnog screeches)
(pants, laughs) It is beautiful,
Witness the beast in full power,
Thus begins the age of dragons,
a new breed no dragon hunter
or paladin can slay,
Now, my precious,
You shall obey my every command,
- Run away, You can still save yourself,
- I will not leave you,
- Pitiful creatures, taking refuge in love,
We'll see if love can save them now,
Hear me, my beauty!
Destroy once and for all the vile creature before you,
who has poisoned my heart and become an enemy of love,
Obey!
(gasps)
(growls, slurps)
- Now, let's finish the job,
- No! No, stop,
Release me,
(Ennogard gasps)
- No, no, wait!
- No, No, it's okay,
He's harmless,
- He just ate his master,
- He was only obeying Tensley's command,
- Er, maybe I heard wrong, but I'm pretty sure
he told him to eat you,
- He was commanded to destroy the creature
who poisoned his heart,
- The enemy of love,
(Dolvarnog growls softly)
Oh, good boy,
- But what about Larec?
He may look all nice and cuddly right now,
But she's about to die because of him,
- It wasn't his choice,
- What difference does it make?
Without that talon, she dies!
I'm not gonna sit here and do nothing,
- Camilan ,,,
- Thank you,
(gurgles softly)
- Looks like you have your talon,
Let's get you back to your little lady,
- We better hurry,
We only have a couple of hours til morning,
- Relax, You'll get there way before dawn,
Okay, He knows exactly where to take you,
All you have to do is hold on,
- Okay, Just tell him to take it easy,
Let's not break any records,
This is my first time on dragon back,
- Let's just hope it's not your last,
I'm kidding!
- Some things never change,
All right, wish me luck,
- Good luck, - [Ramicus] Good luck,
- See you soon, - [Ramicus] Wait,
- What now?
- I've been thinking about that funny accent of yours,
- Ramicus, please, It just was a stupid phase, It just--
- [Ramicus] I think it sounds really cool,
- Are you serious?
- See what I mean? It's so regal,
I think it's gonna catch on,
- It just feels right coming off the tongue, you know?
Thank you, brother,
- No, Thank you,
After all, you were my gift,
Speaking of gifts, you're gonna need this,
You're still planning to go through
that whole marriage thing?
- I most certainly will,
- Well, all the same,
Maybe it's best you don't invite me to the wedding,
I've been known to object,
Ha! (Dolvernog roars)
(Camilan shouts, then laughs)
- Well, you know, I'm glad that's over with,
- Yeah, You know, yeah,
That was pretty intense there, for a bit,
- Yeah, I mean, you're telling me,
(both chuckle awkwardly)
- [Ramicus] I think we should - I was gonna ask--
- Sorry, you go,
- No, No, you go, You go,
- [Ramicus] I think we would-- - It was just that--
- Well, About the whole rewards and everything,
I was just doing this for my brother,
So, you know, I'll take the castle
and the lands and everything,
But don't feel like you have to follow through
with the whole, you know ,,,,
endlessly devoting your soul to me,
and also your body, to me,
No, We could just be friends,
Maybe take it slow?
- Yeah, we could do that,
- I'm coming for you, Larec!
Go, go, go! (yells)
(laughs and yells)
- Camilan! You've done it,
- No, my dear, Not yet,
But now,
- Oh, I've missed you so much,
- Oh, my dear Larec,
I promise you, I will never leave your side,
Not in a million years, I will stay--
- I know, I know,
You've done it,
You've saved my life,
- No, my dear, We did it, And now ,,,
to put this where it belongs, forever,
(door squeaks, Dolvarnog roars softly)
- It's all right, He's harmless,
Ladies, I'd like you meet Noogie,
(chuckles)
(pants)
(triumphant music)
(crowd applauds and cheers)
- See you in a week!
(indistinct)
- Bye! (Larec gasps)
(Camilan yells and laughs)
- Wow,
- [Camilan] I'm married! (laughs)
- I'm really proud of you,
- Really?
- Yeah, You just witnessed your brother
commit his entire life and love to a woman,
and you didn't make a peep,
- [Ramicus] His funeral, - Watch it ,,,
or it might be yours,
(Ennogard chuckles)
- Hey guys, no fair,
Let's everybody kiss!
(laughs)
(dragonfly chitters)
- Wait!
(orc speaks in foreign language)
- [Ramicus] Not bad, brother,
I mean, for an orc,
(Shokdor grunts)
- Well, load up the dojo wagon,
(dramatic music)
- Bugger! (clapper snaps)
- These horses have a minds of their owns!
(laughs)
- If you're looking for some secret, hankies would do,
secret alpha goblins,
- [Voiceover] Shokdor's rather nice,
- [Shokdor] Yeah, dude,
- It's, like, "Nah, who cares?"
- Where's, where's my top hat? (both laugh)
- You're an idiot, (laughs)
(groans)
- No, man, It's not like I would ever be interested in her,
I mean, even if I was a creepy old guy,
and I had a spell book
to, uh, blind me,
um, of race differences and ,,,
cleanly features,
- [Voiceover] Just like father,
(laughs)
- Ha! Ha!
I hate wolves and arrows,
I can't stand the wolves,
Our asses are grasses if we stop here,
If we stop here, the wolves are gonna bite us,
We're stopping here? Grandma Sison got eaten by a wolf,
- We are dining in Gell tonight!
Everybody?
- [All] Tonight!
- I said tonight, and jinx, double jinx,
- I can't, She looks just like mom,
(laughs) Can I call her that?
(yells)
(laughing in background)
- Who rubs baby oil on you every morning
before he gets his own bath?
Who spots you when you're lifting your kegs in the air
to get stronger?
Who walks behind you in the forest,
singing your favorite tunes?
- [Voiceover] You,
- Who takes the blame when you pass gas?
Who gets drunk so that you can know what it feels like?
(snickers)
Who skinny dips with you
because you're too afraid to go alone?
- Who draws you dirty pictures to look at?
(snorting, laughter)
- [Voiceover] Okay, I'll see you guys,
- (huffs) Oh, one second,
Okay,
(both scream) Where'd you go?
(Larec gasps)
- [Voiceover] Doorman, (all laugh)
- [Voiceover] ♪ Yeah, yeah,
♪ Ooh, - [Voiceover] ♪ Ooh,
- [Voiceover] ♪ Oh, - [Voiceover] ♪ Oh, oh,
- [Voiceover] ♪ Oh, yeah,
♪ Dragon Warriors,
♪ Dragon Warriors
♪ Everywhere,
♪ Have you ever been a dragon warrior
♪ Out on the street? - [Voiceover] ♪ I have,
- [Voiceover] ♪ Looking for all your dragon stuff?
♪ Looking for a girl to meet?
♪ There's a friend out there
♪ For everyone,
♪ There's someone there
♪ For you and for me,
♪ Dragons on the street,
♪ Dragons in the air
♪ Watch out or else
♪ They'll come and get you,
♪ Doesn't matter where,
♪ If you're in love,
♪ If you need a hug,
♪ Those dragons are coming for you
♪ There's nothing you can do,
♪ Dragon Warriors,
♪ Dragon Warriors
♪ Dragon
♪ Warriors,